Original subtitles

♪

[brakes squeak]

[shuts off engine] [birds chirping]

[whoosh]

[blink blink]

� Alan, this species of cartoon has been extinct since 1998.

I mean, these haven't been seen on TV

since the golden era of animation, and�� and��

[creak] What?

[conk]

[soft bellow]

ALL: La!

� It's... it's the Warner Brothers.

� And the Warner Sister!

� [chuckling] That's�� Yeah. Tha�� Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

� He�� He did it. Th�th�th�th�th�that crazy

son of a gun actually did it.

� Clean vectored outlines, [wolf whistle]

widescreen format... [xylophone sound]

� These don't look like reruns! [honk]

SPIELBERG: Uh, well, uh, they're not. [chuckle]

I reanimated them.

� We are gonna make a fortune with this show.

[whip, alarm bells] � How zany are they?

� Oh, uh, to the max.

[splat] O�of course.

And then there's, uh, Pinky and the Brain.

� P�� Pinky and the Brain?

You said you're bringing back Pinky and the Brain?

SPIELBERG: Mm�hmm. � Say it again.

� We're bringing back Pinky and the Brain.

� [gasp] Put your head between your knees.

ALL: Boingy! Boingy! Boingy! Boingy!

� Where are they going? � Home.

Welcome to Animaniacs.

� Wake up!

♪ theme song playing ♪

� ♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax ♪

♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

� ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪ � ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

♪ Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught ♪

♪ But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ! ♪

♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe ♪

♪ A brand new cast who tested well in focus group research ♪

♪ Gender balance, pronoun neutral ♪

♪ And ethnically diverse ♪

♪ The trolls will say we're so passé, but we did meta first ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

♪ You should see our new contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks ♪

♪ We're animan�ey, totally insane�y ♪

� ♪ Have no shame�y ♪

ALL: ♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

♪

[whoosh]

� Alright, guys. There's a lot of pressure on our first lines.

They gotta funny, they gotta be irreverent, and most of all,

they gotta be carefully crafted.

� But you just wasted yours on...

[imitating] "Alright, guys. There's a lot of pressure on our first lines."

� And you just wasted yours on...

[imitating] "But you just wasted yours on,

'Alright, guys. There's a lot of pressure on our first lines.'"

� To be�� YAKKO: Wait, don't!

Make sure it's good first. � Yeah. It's all on you, Dot.

[inhale] [squeak]

� Maybe something reminiscent of the first season?

� But modern to show that we're not your dad's Animaniacs.

� But, not so modern that you'll alienate the dads

because they're a key part of our demographic.

[inhale] Don't overthink it.

[growl, yell]

� 22 years later, and I'm still a knockout.

[heavenly music] [gasp]

[wind blowing]

[squeaking, popping]

ALL: Whoa!

� I can't believe it's been 22 years!

♪

[birds squawking] [glistening sound]

[laughing]

[shutter snap]

[gasp]

[smack] [Wilhelm scream]

[hitting] [yelling]

[bang] [scream]

[laughing]

[$6 Million Man sound effect]

Our home sweet home!

[thunk]

[grunt]

[banging] [straining]

♪

[clanging]

[woozy sound] � Oh, right!

It's a pull, not a push.

[faint] [creak]

It's just how I remember!

� Well... almost.

♪

[lasers humming]

� My sandwich!

♪ triumphant music ♪

[fly buzzing]

Just where I left it.

♪

[tiptoeing]

BOTH: Ooh!

[jet sound]

[flames crackling]

Ah!

[crunch, squish]

[both gasp]

[splat]

[both sigh]

22 years and five second rule! [chomp]

[chopping lasers]

[alarm blaring]

� Why did you trip the alarm after that elaborate laser dance?

� What lasers? That was my sandwich dance.

[gulp]

ALARM: Initiating Warners capture sequence.

� We're caught! � We're doomed!

� This is the shortest�lived reboot ever!

[screaming]

� What dummy thought that would work?

♪

ALL: Helllloooo Ralph!

[splat, plate shattering]

� Aww.

I've missed those beautiful yellow eyes.

� G�� � Uhb�bup�bup!

We're doing this thing where we don't waste our first lines.

� Make sure it's funny!

� And something that really captures the intricacies of your character,

for old and new fans alike.

� Duh... ALL: Perfect!

[Ralph grumbling, growling]

♪

� Gotcha!

[whirring]

� What is that thing?

� Why, it's a... uh...

um, clone!

No, uh, uh, phone.

Uh, no, a drone! That's it. It's a drone.

Hey! [straining]

That's it! You're taking me to the boss' office!

� Katie!

Is today a micro�dose day?

Ah, macro�dose. Right.

♪

[smash] [laugh]

� I got 'em, I got 'em!

� A female CEO?

Any interest in mentoring a young, future CEO?

� No. I'm a firm believer in pulling up the ladder behind me.

[smash] Ralph, what are these things!?

� Yeah, Ralphie. What are we?

� Answer the woman!

� Duh...

These are the Warner brothers.

[drone buzzing]

� And the�� CEO: Warner Sister. Yes, I know.

It's all right here.

[beep]

� What's that?

� Oh, that's right.

You're from the '90s.

This is a tablet.

It contains the sum of all human knowledge.

� All human knowledge in one easy to swallow tablet?

Don't mind if I do.

[splash, swallow] [glass shatters]

[belch]

� Hey! I'm the eating�stuff guy!

[zapping] [vocalizing]

♪

[beeping]

[jabbering]

[dizzy groaning]

� Quantum mechanics,

quinoa wraps,

Queen Bey!

We've missed so much...

But now...

I know everything! ♪ triumphant music ♪

[birds cooing]

About the last 22 years.

� Tell us! Oh, tell us!

� Ugh. Please do this somewhere else.

� But then you'll miss the song!

[zip] [shatter]

♪

� You see...

♪ Taxis are Ubers, the stars are YouTubers ♪

♪ Neil Tyson gave Pluto the axe ♪

♪ Cell phones got smarter, the oceans got hotter ♪

♪ The global economy collapsed ♪

♪ We get internet deals on our hyphenate meals ♪

♪ Like cage�free, vegan�paleo sausage ♪

♪ We don't leave our homes thanks to Amazon drones ♪

♪ They track what we do through our watches ♪

ALL: ♪ What's going on? Will we be okay? ♪

♪ Has it all gone mad since we went away? ♪

♪ Oh, update us, please, and put as at ease ♪

♪ 'Cause we've run out of jokes ♪

♪ About the '90s! ♪

♪ sax solo ♪

YAKKO: ♪ Al Gore lost bad 'cause of one hanging chad ♪

♪ Dubya hunted for WMDs ♪

♪ Obama brought hope, so Clinton thought, "Dope! ♪

♪ 2016 should be a real breeze" ♪

� So, Hillary finally broke that glass ceiling?

� No, but it certainly does feel like it's raining shards of glass all around us.

♪ The country's cut into two ♪

♪ The red and the blue, Facebook's a toxic waste dump ♪

♪ The Fox Friends are doting, the Russians are voting ♪

♪ And now there's a President Trump... ♪

At least, we think there's still a President Trump.

You see, the writers are writing this in 2018.

� How is that possible? The people rely on Animaniacs

for outrageous and relevant content.

� Well, how can we finish catching up

when we don't know what happened in the last two years?

� I don't know, wild guesses? � Sounds good to me!

YAKKO: ♪ We have chips in our brains, we no longer feel pain ♪

♪ There are worsening climate disasters ♪

♪ Now we live underground, and we can't make a sound ♪

♪ Lest we anger our polar bear masters ♪

WAKKO: They've come south for revenge!

DOT: ♪ We breed birds without arms on our factory farms ♪

♪ And we live in aluminum bunkers ♪

♪ We sent humans to Mars, all the food comes in bars ♪

♪ And the top�rated show is called Clunkers! ♪

� It's about a talking police car!

� Who's also a time machine!

� Wow! Here comes the star, Clunko!

� I travel through time, solving crime! [truck horn]

[smash] [laughter]

ALL: ♪ That's what's going on in the world today ♪

♪ It's as crazy now as when we went away ♪

♪ Our ratings depend on knowing the trends... ♪

♪ We're all caught up ♪

♪ That's how this song ends! ♪

[thunder clapping]

♪ Pinky and the Brain theme song playing ♪

� Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?

BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder clap]

♪

� ♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

[slam]

♪

♪

[typing] [TV static]

[studio audience laughter]

[laughing]

� I'm your host, Fred Bagel, but my friends call me Freddie,

and my ex�wife doesn't call me at all. [laughter]

Now, for the week's best clips.

[bite, gulp, crystallizing] [audience gasps]

[whining, laughter] Oh, brother. Hot dog with brain freeze.

[laughing]

♪

� Pinky, I'd be worried this drivel is turning your mind soft,

but you can't mash what is already mush. � Narf!

� Precisely. Turn that off!

� Oh, just one more minute, Brain, please?

America's Stupidest Pets is my favorite show!

[door bell]

[whip]

[audience gasps]

[audience laughter]

[laughing]

♪

[audience laughter]

� What is so funny?

� [laughing] These silly animals!

I can't get enough!

[sigh] I wish I could carry the television around with me

so I could watch it all the time. [laughing]

[audience laughter]

[Pinky laughing] � That's it!

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

� I think so, Brain,

but if I clone myself,

how will I know which one to shoot when I turn evil?

� No, Pinky.

It's all so clear to me now! To take over the world,

we must give the people what they truly want!

� Okay, Brain. I'll do it,

but only if it's tasteful and makes sense for my character.

� Silence, Pinky! My work begins!

♪

AUTOMATED VOICE: If you'd like to make a call...

[phone ringing, dial�up sound, beep]

� At last, Pinky,

my humble invention has finally come to fruition!

Behold! The age... of the internet!

[apps beeping] PINKY: That's nice, Brain.

I've spent the last 22 years undergoing rigorous psychotherapy,

and realized that our codependent relationship

isn't based on a shared desire to conquer the world,

but rather my enabling of your systematic emotional and physical abuse.

� Quiet, you nincompoop!

� Righto! [laugh] I deserve that!

� The internet is the most powerful

information sharing tool ever devised!

And do you know what most humans use it for?

� I do, but I don't think I can say it.

� Surprisingly no, Pinky. Watch closely.

[quacking] You see, humans are obsessed with cute, silly animals.

They can't look away.

[woman screaming]

Once they upload these adorable videos to the internet...

[beeping]

people around the world marvel at them.

♪

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[launching] With their undivided attention,

they are the perfect unsuspecting pawns

for my master plan.

I will become the internet's cutest

and silliest animal!

Once I have the gaze of the world upon my endearing photograph,

I will activate this polarized subliminal filter,

and everyone will be under my control!

♪ hypnotic music ♪

� [robotic]: I'll do anything you tell me, Brain.

� Genius, is it not?

And all by manipulating the alpha waves of the human brain.

� There's a human you!?

[grunt, groan]

♪

BRAIN: Prepare yourself, Pinky.

Your heart is about to be warmed.

[rattling]

� Aw, it's baby Brain!

� Are you ready?

� Ready! And... action!

� Laugh now, for I am an adult mouse

costumed as a baby. � And cut!

BRAIN: John�Jacob, Jingleheimer, Schmidt��

Ah. Mind Control.

[scrolling, beep]

♪

And now, we just sit back and relax

as the adoration pours in.

� Can do! [smack]

♪

[whirring]

[pop]

♪ happy sting ♪

♪ disappointed sting ♪

[audience laughter]

� Hey, I'm Seth Meyers,

and the reason this face is allowed on TV is

no one's watching anyway! [laughter]

And speaking of things that people pretend to watch but don't,

opera.

Please welcome the latest internet sensation, Opera Cat!

[cheering]

[sings opera]

[applause]

[laugh]

With a blonde wig like that,

you could be President. [rimshot]

You'll get it. I'll wait.

[silence]

[laughing]

� What does this animal have that I don't?

This mind control filter is never going to work

if nobody sees it! [grunt]

Whoa! Pinky!

Do something!

Andes! Alps! Adirondacks! No!

Not the Himalayas! Ah! [smack]

[screaming]

[post sound] Another plan foiled.

[sigh] Come, Pinky.

We must prepare for tomo�� � No, Brain, look!

� Not the Himalayas! Not the Himalayas!

Pinky! What have you done?

[popping]

� Brain, I think it's working!

[ding, whirring]

� [robotic]: Can we bring this up?

[smacking] � Not the Himalayas! Not the Himalayas!

� I want that mouse on my show,

before one of the Jimmy's gets him.

[screech]

ALL [robotic]: L�O�L.

� L�O�L.

� Must obey. What Brain say.

Must obey...

� Egad, Brain!

� We've done it! We've really done it!

♪

� Still to come, celebrity trainers share their secrets

on getting back to your birth weight for summer.

But first, the Brain!

� The internet sensation has conquered our hearts,

and, seemingly, the world!

FEMALE CO�HOST: This comes just days after the US government

agreed to add his lovable face to Mount Rushmore.

[crowd cheering] All hail the Brain!

� Yes! Praise him. BRAIN: Incredible, Pinky.

After 20 years of careful planning,

I've finally taken over the world!

Now, behold.

The coup de grace of my coup d'etat.

� Crab paté on your crudité? [laugh]

� No, Pinky.

The act that will forever cement my status

as popular internet meme slash dictator

for life! I am going to��

� Uh, hi, excuse me. You're Himalayas Mouse, right?

� Of course. It is I, the Brain.

� Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, I remember that meme. Classic.

Listen, Mr. Meyers appreciates you coming by,

but unfortunately, we've had to bump you.

� Bump me? For who?

� Oh, okay, so his name is Business Pig. You know,

the pig who made the New York Swines' Top Boars Under Four.

I'm sorry. Do you even read the New York Swines?

[click]

[squealing] [buzzer]

[audience laughing]

� Hey, I know that pig!

I just shared a video of him this morning!

� Pinky, you puerile pustule,

you used my mind control filter!

[whirring] � I like the swirls.

I think it's fun!

� [robotic]: Business Pig. Business Pig.

Business Pig.

PINKY: Whoa!

Brain? [Brain yelling]

[smack] [notification sound]

Oh! That's a great photo! So lifelike!

� Ring ring. [click]

� Hello, Brain's phone.

� May I speak with the imbecile who ruined my plan?

� That's me!

[Pinky grunts]

� Come, Pinky! Let us prepare for tomorrow night.

� What are we going to do tomorrow night?

� The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

� ♪ They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪

[whirring]

[cooler bubbling]

[whirring]

� Whoa! Star Trek is back?

� Uh, yeah!

� It's one of them reboots.

� It's a cost�effective way to reintroduce IP

to a whole new generation.

� Or the "next generation,"

if I "make it so."

� [laugh] Set phasers to killing it!

� Looks like they're rebooting lots of shows.

[gasp] Charmed came back!

WAKKO: And the X�Files!

YAKKO: Hey! Even Full House!

� They just bring back old shows now?

� I bet I could sing a bitingly satirical song about it.

� Didn't we just do that right before Pinky and the Brain?

� Uh uh uh!

We're also part of the age of reboots, sis.

We gotta do it again. [squeaking]

[scream]

[wind blowing]

� ♪ They ran out of ideas ♪

♪ For fresh new shows ♪

♪ So Hollywood did ♪

♪ The only thing it knows ♪

♪ Murphy Brown, Melrose Place ♪

♪ Gilmore Girls, Lost In Space ♪

♪ That's So Raven's what they're cravin' ♪

� ♪ I know that's a show worth savin'! ♪

� ♪ I vote X�Files for a comeback ♪

� ♪ Duchovny's still a real snack ♪

� ♪ Would the Golden Girls be darker ♪

ALL: ♪ If we resurrect Bea Arthur? ♪

♪

♪ Reboot it, renew it ♪

♪ Reshoot it, redo it, and reuse it ♪

♪ Retool it, abuse it, just do it ♪

♪ If you wanna make some easy cash ♪

♪ Just recycle and rehash ♪

� ♪ Repeat it, reinstate it ♪

♪ Reheat it, recreate it,

♪ There's no need to feel frustrated ♪

♪ Simply just regurgitate it ♪

ALL: ♪ For a guaranteed ratings smash ♪

♪ Dig it up out of the trash ♪

♪ Come on, just reboot it! ♪

♪

� ♪ Will and Grace and Dynasty ♪

♪ Sweet 16 on MTV ♪

� ♪ Blue's Clues, Twin Peaks , and Fargo ♪

♪ Go Catch Carmen San Di�ago ♪

� ♪ Just relax and take the flak ♪

♪ If people want it, bring it back! ♪

♪ Looney Tunes, Queer Eye, and DuckTales ♪

♪ Just reboot it 'cause it sells! ♪

� ♪ Take something foreign, then translate it ♪

♪ Shamelessly appropriate it ♪

♪ Even if the old fans hate it ♪

ALL: ♪ Get the script rights cleared! ♪

� ♪ You've done sequels, try for prequels ♪

� ♪ Think of all the streams that equals utilizing these techniques will ♪

BOTH: ♪ Make your shows revered ♪

♪ Shows revered! ♪

ALL: ♪ Reboot it, renew it ♪

♪ Reshoot it, redo it, and reuse it ♪

♪ Retool it, abuse it, just do it! ♪

♪ If you wanna make some easy cash, just recycle and rehash ♪

♪ Repeat it, reinstate it ♪

♪ Reheat it, recreate it! ♪

♪ There's no need to feel frustrated, simply just regurgitate it ♪

♪ For a guaranteed ratings smash ♪

♪ Dig it up out of the trash ♪

♪ Come on, just reboot it! ♪

♪

� Hello. I'm Yakko Warner,

and all joking aside, reboots are symptomatic

of a fundamental lack of originality in Hollywood.

A creativity crisis fueled by

terrified executives clinging to the past like...

rats to the debris of a sinking ship.

� Yeah. Have you no shame?

HULU EXECUTIVE: Here's your check for the Animaniacs reboot, you sellouts!

[smash]

� Yeah, but when we sellout,

we know we're selling out, so it's cool.

♪