All language subtitles for American Housewife s05e03_English

♪

How long will Franklin
be staying with us?

His mom is supposed to
be back in two weeks

from her pilgrimage
to the pyramids,

unless, of course,
the aliens do show up

and bring her
to their home planet.

Say what you will
about cults.

They take
some very nice trips.

Mm.

A matador and a bull.

That'’s amazing!

Toro, toro!

10 more minutes,
then bed.

Okay.

Franklin, can'’t the matador
and the bull

just be friends?

Aw, now,
is that so hard?

Yes!

How are you
doing that?!

It'’s simple.
Like this. Try it.

We all have our gifts.

This one isn'’t yours,
buddy.

♪

Living here takes
some getting used to.

For starters -- and you know
what I'’m about to say --

no helipad.
No helipad.

And I don'’t even know
how I get up in the mornings

without my
live-in barista.

I want to say
his name is...

Latte?

But now that I think about it,
that can'’t be right.

And yet you soldier on,
you brave, brave boy.

Hey,
where are you going?

It'’s Tuesday.
It'’s "Below Deck" night.

We need to put on our boat shoes
and captain'’s hats.

I won'’t be able to watch.

I have to work with Trevor
on our Gyftee app.

That'’s the third night
this week.

You two are getting
quite close.

We'’ll just watch
when I get back.

Maybe.

If I'’m still awake.
[ Sighs ]

If, God forbid,
something happens to me tonight,

I hope you'’re proud
of the way you'’ve behaved.

[ Singsong voice ]
Trouble in paradise!

The honeymoon phase
might be over.

[ Door slams ]

Mnh.

[ Scribbling ]

Ha, ha.

Today
was the last time

that I bring your student ID
to you at school.

You'’re in college now.
Act like it.

Fine-ah.

And stop saying
"fine-ah."

You'’re 19.
It'’s "fine."

Whatever-ah!

Ugh.

♪

Adult children should not rely
on their parents like this.

What did the kids do
in the old days?

Well, in Colonial times,
I'’d be long dead from war,

and you'’d be wasting away
from scarlet fever.

Lucky bastards.

We were born
in the wrong time.

--Captions by VITAC--

♪

This tiny little tube
is $400?

It'’s an exfoliant
with diamond dust.

Want to try a dab?

That came out faster
than I thought.

Woke me up when you came in
late last night.

Yeah, because I tripped
over your shoes,

which, by the way,

I'’ve asked you not to leave
in the middle of the floor.

Relax.

Oh, don'’t tell me
to relax.

You know that'’s
a trigger word for me.

[ Sighs ]

Promise me
we'’ll never be like them.

Anna-Kat:
Let us through!

Make way
for the young!

My glands
feel swollen.

Mine too.

Nuh-unh!

You two are faking it

because you want to stay home
and play in your tent.

Next time,
put some effort in.

Throw a can of mushroom soup
on the floor

and say you barfed.

Amateur hour
over here.
Hmm.

Go get ready.

[ Door opens ]

[ Chuckles ]
Good morning.

Please tell me that you drove
here to brush your teeth.

No. I slept over.

Taylor said
you'’d be cool with it.

Do I looklike
I'’m cool with it, Greg?

No, you look like
every time I ask you

to watch that Ottoman Empire
documentary.

You said to act
like I'’m in college.

In college, people have
their boyfriends sleep over.

I don'’t see the problem.

You let Oliver have
hisboyfriend sleep over.

Cooper is not
my boyfriend!

Well, you don'’t have to
say it like that.

Taylor, Trip is not allowed
to sleep over. Ever!

And you are not allowed
to go at it under this roof.

Mom!It'’s disrespectful!

Have you ever had
any idea

your dad and I were doing it
in this house?

No.

Because we keep it
from you.

Do you think I like
the whale song setting

on your dad'’s noise machine
cranked at full volume?

Ew!

Well, now you'’ve officially
ruined the ocean for me.

Let'’s go, Cooper.

Fine, but only
because Iwant to.

Yes,
we all get it.

You make
your own decisions.

I go to great lengths
to hide these things from you,

and I expect you
to do the same.

Do it in a car,
under the bleachers,

in the end zone
with Skylar Edwards

the night after
his game-winning touchdown.

Who'’s Skylar Edwards?

She got caught up
in her highlight reel,

but you get the point.

Trip can never
sleep over again.

If it makes you
feel better, Mr. A,

last night, we were mostly
doing other stuff.

I don'’t think
that makes him feel any better.

♪

I didn'’t know they were
doing itdoing it!

[ Sighs ]

I thought maybe
they were at third base.

In Florida,
that isthird base!

Then what'’s a home run?

It'’s when you
lean forward --

Forget it!
I don'’t want to know!

This changes
our whole relationship.

She'’s still
our little girl.

I mean Trip!

He was my guy,
but he broke the bro code.

Bros before hos!

You are talking
about your daughter!

Oh, God! My baby!

Mom. School.

Daddy'’s pure,
little princess.
Ohh!

I got to take the kids
to school.

Thanks for handling
Taylor and Trip.

Wait, what?

Uh, bye, Dad.

B--

[ Door opens, closes ]

Hmm.

Trip, can I speak to you
for a minute?

Sure.

Mr. A, I actually wanted
to talk to you, too.

I felt like there was
some weirdness this morning.

Are we cool?

Cool.

Cool, cool...cool.

Let me think about that.

You look sleepy, Mr. A.

No, I'’m being menacing
while polishing a gun.

Well, shouldn'’t you
be looking at the gun
when you polish it

so you don'’t miss a spot?

No, you don'’t get it.
I'’m threatening you.

Okay, it'’s starting to feel like
you'’re not cool with this.

Mr. A, I want you to know
that I love Taylor,

and I respect her a lot.

And I would never do
a Florida home run with her
or anything like that.

Why does everyone know what
a Florida home run is but me?

It'’s when
you lean forward --

I don'’t want to know.

Get out!

♪

Ugh. When are you coming home
from Hawaii?

Having Second Breakfast with you
like this is ridiculous.

No one buys
that we'’re sharing waffles.

Why didn'’t you just call me
from your house?

Taylor is there.

When will it be okay for her
to have sex in your home?

Never.

Not when I'’m alive
or dead.

I'’ll haunt her horny ass.

Katie, my parents were
very strict on stuff like that

when I was growing up,
okay?

They once caught me
listening

to Luther Vandross
in my room

and grounded me
for six months.

That'’s what
I'’m talking about!

I pushed back by boinking
in their bed,

their favorite spot
on the couch,

where they made sandwiches
on the counter.

If you don'’t relax,

Taylor will revenge-bang
on everything you love.

Wait.

So I'’mthe one
being unreasonable?

You either grow with your kids
or you grow apart.

Me? I'’m gonna grow apart
from them.

Otherwise, they'’re showing up
on the holidays

with all their own children
messing up my stuff,

constantly asking, "Which
channel is Disney Junior?"

I don'’t know.
I don'’t know!

I want to grow together.

I want Taylor coming home
with her kids for the holidays.

Either be okay with Taylor
and --

Is Trip over 18?
Yeah.

And her super hot boyfriend
doing it in the house,

or pretend to be okay
with it,

because the horse is out
of the equestrian center.

The saying is,
"The horse is out of the barn."

Not in Westport.
Rich people say it my way.

Wait, I'’m not done
with that.

[ Muffled ]
Now you are.

I'’m going on break!

Who the hell
do you think you are?

The owner'’s son.

My parents got fed up
with my "laziness"

and "entitlement"

and revoked
my trust fund

and are forcing me
to wait on a bunch of losers.

Not you, though.

You'’re awesome.

So, what you'’re saying is
that I can'’t get you fired?

No.

I even tried myself.

Yesterday,
I wore short shorts.

Nothing.

Katie, turn me around.

I want to talk
to this d-bag.

Wow, this is weird.

I'’m not used to the girls
that I watch on the Internet

talking back to me.

Hey, I look down on waiters,
okay?

They don'’t look down on me.

So, you...Yeah. Alright.

If you could tip me in cash,
that would be better for me.

Thank you.

[ Cellphone vibrates,
ringtone plays ]

Ugh!

Hello?

Yes,
this is she.

Huh.

I'’ll be right there.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

[ Sighs ]

...so hard, you'’ll never be
able to ride a bicycle again!

I have to go get Anna-Kat
and Franklin

from the nurse'’s office
at school.

Apparently,
they weren'’t lying

when they said that
they were sick this morning.

Okay, well, before you do,
throw me at that waiter'’s head.

Y-You know what?
Balls. His balls.

♪

Greg,
we'’ve got big problems.

Can I put down my brief--No, you cannot.

I took the kids
to the doctor today.

Anna-Kat and Franklin
both have mono!

The kissing disease?

We are running a brothel.

♪

[ Sighs ] I can'’t believe
they'’re kissing.

This is all your fault!How is it myfault?

You thought it was okay

to let them sleep
in the same room together.

They'’re not babies
anymore.

You hear
Franklin'’s voice?

I know. It'’s like, "Are you
asking me for a juice box

or trying to sell me
Allstate Insurance?"

You know what it is?

Taylor and Trip
are setting a bad example.

We have to keep them apart.

Oh, great idea, Greg!

You don'’t want our daughter
to come home for Thanksgiving.

Of course I do!

Well, if we want
an adult relationship with her,

we have to get onboard
and treat her like an adult.

Where is this coming from?

That'’s what Doris said.

Taylor is getting older,

and we have to
get onboard,

or we'’re gonna
push her away.

So, we'’re okay with them
getting freaky in the house?

No,
I'’m not okay with it!

My instinct is to collect
all six Infinity Stones

and Thanos-snap Trip
out of existence.

That'’syour plan?

It'’s the highest-grossing film
of all time, Greg!

But unfortunately,
if we don'’t get onboard,

we'’re not gonna see
our grandchildren.

And we'’re good with Anna-Kat
and Franklin kissing?

Are you crazy?
Of course not!

I can'’t keep track!

Who can?!

As soon as you get
the hang of your kids

and figure out
how they work,

they change on you

like a caterpillar
turning into a damn butterfly.

You hate butterflies?I hate anything
that changes, Greg.

♪

Hi, guys.

Can I have
my door back?

Of course.

We realized
that you are adults,

and if you'’re
going to do...

Adult activities.Mm-hmm.

Like taxes?

That'’s not
what he means.

We'’re okay with it.

Under our roof.

Did you hear
what I just said?

Yeah, yeah,
I'’m just waiting for the part

where you turn it,
yell, "Psych!"

and then take away
my phone.

What'’s the catch?

No catch.

You were right.

You'’re in college now.

And in college, people do have
their boyfriends sleep over.

Uh-huh.

I'’m serious.

So, you and me
are okay again, Mr. A?

Yes.

If someone is gonna pleasure
with my daughter,

it would be my pleasure
if it was you.

Go get her, pal.

Have at it.
[ Chuckles ]

If you would like to leave
and never come back,

I understand.

♪

My turn.

[ Groans ]

Can I have my door back?

You are lucky
that we'’re leaving the walls!

Hey!

I don'’t understand.

Why can'’t we be
together?

Is it because of
my sleep kicking?

I don'’t do that
anymore.

I have Anna-Kat tie my legs down
with bungee cords.

Sure,
it'’s a fire hazard,

but the real danger is
not getting your eight hours.

No.

It'’s because
of the kissing.

What kissing?

Come on, guys.

Mono is a disease
that'’s passed along by kissing.

You are starting
to mature.

And...

Greg?

Oh. Um...

Your body'’s changing,
and, uh...

Katie?

And you start to grow...

Stop!

Stop this right now!

We haven'’t been
kissing.

What is wrong
with you two?

[ Voice cracking ]
We are children.

If anything,
we passed it

by sharing that metal straw
that Dad made us use.

Now, if you two
are done embarrassing us,

and yourselves,

we are going
back up to my room

to contemplate the youth
that you tried to steal from us.

I expected this sort of thing
from her,but you?

Good God, man!

♪

[ Sighs ]

Alright.

Here we go.

"Below Deck."

[ TV turns on ]

Why does it say
"Watch again"?

Did you watch this
without me?

Yes. I did.

I can'’t put my life on pause
because of you.

[ Scoffs ]
It'’s a show.

You can literally pause it.
There'’s a button.

You'’ve been out with Trevor
almost every night this week.

Hey.
[ Hat thuds ]

The time I'’m spending
with Trevor is work

so I can get accepted
to Harvard

and you can donate a building
and buy your way in.

I'’m doing this for us!

Yeah, well,
it doesn'’t feel like it!

You'’re acting crazy.

You know
that'’s mytrigger word.

♪

[ Door slams ]

What'’s with those two?

Oliver better not
blow it.

It'’d be good for that kid
to marry some money.

What'’s this?

To prove to you
that there'’s no catch

and that we are supportive
of your adult decisions,

here'’s everything
that the two of you need

for a romantic night
in your own room.

Bon Jovi.

I don'’t have anything
to play this on.

Oh, there'’s no CD.

Just take a look at the cover
for a while,

and you'’re good to go.

The same with this VHS
of "Three Men and a Baby."

Even Guttenberg
was bringing the heat.

And a jasmine-scented
candle

because we know how much Trip
likes "Aladdin."

I really do.

Okay, we get it.
Thanks.

Hmm.
What does this do?

[ Click ][ Whales squealing]

Those are North Atlantic
right whales.

They'’ll go forever.

No pressure, bud.[ Click ]

I think I liked it better

when you were
pointing your gun at me.

Hmm.

♪

What'’s happening?

Are we even thinking
about this?

No, we'’re not thinking.

We'’re panicking.

For God'’s sakes,
we made them a sex basket.

Are we doing
the right thing?

I have no idea.

I don'’t even
recognize myself.

It'’s very unnatural for me
to be this supportive.

♪

What do you think
they'’re doing up there?

Two 19-year-olds
and a basket of sin.

What do you think
they'’re doing?

But it'’s all good.

We'’ve got
an adult daughter,

and we'’re rolling
with the punches.

And when she has
her own family,

we'’re going to see her
for Thanksgiving.

Look at me.

I'’m a butterfly.

We'’re adapting.
Totally.

Although I feel like
I'’m disappointing

all those people who wrote
in my yearbook, "Never change."

[ Chuckles ]

You can'’t get double mono,
can you?

No.

I think "mono"
means one.
Right there.

That kind of thinking is why
you'’re in the classroom

with the
metal scissors now.

[ Chuckles ]

What are you doing?

You never eat
your crusts.

I always take them.

Well, tonight,
I'’m giving them to someone

who understands loyalty.

Luthor!

[ Luthor whines ]

Well, let'’s see
how good Luthor is

at giving you a final
outfit approval before school.

Maybe we didn'’t
think this through.

Maybe we moved in together
too fast.

Maybe we did.

Before you say
you'’re going home to Mother,

the two of you,
sit down.

[ Sighs ]

What'’s going on
with you guys?

I don'’t know.
Ask him.

Should you ask me, or should you
ask your new friend Trevor?

Trevor and I
just work together.

All you do is work!

You come home exhausted
and have nothing left for me.

[ Whispers ]

[ Chuckles ]

What did you say?

Nothing.

You said something about
getting us a basket?

It'’s not important.

You guys
are roommates now.

And your relationship
is going through a change.

You can either grow together
or grow apart.

I'’d like to
grow together.

Me too.

Do you want to
join our business?

Yeah?
Yeah.

What'’s Trevor gonna say?

He'’ll hate it,
but who cares?

Welcome aboard.

[ Whispering ]
Whale sounds.

[ Chuckles ]

Whale sounds?

I know
what you'’re doing.

Very funny.
Real mature.

Did you know
that President Garfield

was ripped apart
by an assassin'’s bullet

but lived 79 days
to tell the story?

[ Sighs ] I keep a list of
conversation topics in my pocket

in case our well
starts to run dry.

I thought for sure
a president clinging on to life

would be a grand slam.

Sorry.
I'’m just thinking.

If my parents thought
we were kissing,

should we be?

Are we old enough?

I don'’t know.

Maybe we are.

Sometimes I order
off the adult menu.

I do love
a Niçoise salad.
[ Chuckles ]

Is the tent still
in your dad'’s office?

It is.

Then what are we still
doing here?

♪

You feeling any better?

Yeah,
the Tums are kicking in.

I shouldn'’t have had that second
package of edible panties.

Mm.

"My Dearest Friend: Letters
of Abigail and John Adams"?

Must be from my dad.

Ugh!
He marked a page.

[ Clears throat ]

"Miss Adorable,
by the same token

that the Bearer hereof sat up
with you last night,

I hereby order you
to give as many kisses

and as many hours
of your company after 9:00

as he shall please to demand
and charge them to my account."

He should have given us
something in English.

Yeah.

We don'’t need
any of this stuff.

What do you think
we'’re supposed to do with this?

[ Chuckles ]
It'’s an Easter egg.

It used to be
an Easter basket.

Oh! Well, that explains
the little pink bunny.

Oh, God.

[ Thud ]

♪

You know, just because
we'’re getting older

doesn'’t mean we can'’t
hold on to our innocence

a little bit longer.

Yeah, I'’m not ready
to give up the kids'’ menu.

I like my place mat
to come with crayons.

Not to mention
the word puzzles.

They save you from
that awkward pre-meal chitchat.

True.

♪

We are permitting
Taylor and Trip

to hook up
under our roof.

What'’s next for us?

Making Oliver martinis?

Letting Anna-Kat visit
her pen pal in prison?

Mm.

Hi!

There'’s my adult daughter
that I'’m treating like an adult.

You guys want
a smoothie?

Or you could have it
for breakfast

because I'’m sure
Trip is sleeping over again,

which we'’re happy about
'’cause we'’re chill...

[ Chuckles ]
...man.

No, Trip is never
sleeping over again.

This is all too weird.

The basket'’s weird.

You guys are weird.

You being cool with it
ruined everything.

Yeah, we'’re gonna take
your earlier advice

and just go
somewhere else.

The bathroom at the Stop-N-Shop
on the Post Road

has a big stall
with a handicap rail.

Huh.

For the record,
we'’re being supportive,

so you have to come home
for Thanksgiving.

I don'’t know what that means,
but fine.

Did you hear that?[ Door opens, closes ]

A single-syllable "fine."

That'’s all I wanted.

I thought we were doing
the wrong thing

right up until the end.Yeah, me too.

Parenting --
sometimes surprising,

always terrible.
Hmm.

Sorry. These panties
are crazy addictive.

♪

Any requests?

Do a chick
hatching from an egg.

[ Laughter ]

No more softballs.

Bring it on.

Uh, Godzilla.

Knitting a sweater.

[ Laughter ]

Amazing!

Come on, people.
Give me a challenge.

Do my Aunt Edna.

Trip, he doesn'’t know
your Aunt Edna.

Unbelievable!

You got her mole
and everything!

Franklin: [ High-pitched voice ]
Trip, you'’re so handsome.

[ Laughter ]This is too much.

I got to go.
Now. Move.

♪