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All language subtitles for American High School[2009]DvDrip-LW

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,657 Man imitating James Brown: Ummmm-ah! 2 00:00:02,702 --> 00:00:04,397 I say ummmm-ahh! 3 00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,928 Good afternoon, Pussycats! 4 00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:09,874 I say good afternoon, Pussycats! 5 00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:12,434 I am here to introduce... Ha ha... 6 00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:15,141 ...my best friend and your captain... 7 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,911 Jonny Awesome! 8 00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:19,885 Thank you, Matt. 9 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,522 What the fuck is up, American High School? 10 00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,526 Yes! 11 00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:34,323 #Ain't this the last time # 12 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,165 #I can feel like you # 13 00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:41,165 #Well, you go from town to town # 14 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,437 #And everybody knows who you are... # 15 00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,740 Boy: Yes! Whoo! Awesome. 16 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,748 #Mmm, how do you do? # 17 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,840 #How do you do? # 18 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,908 All right, guys. Ahem. 19 00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:55,717 Unfortunately, we have to put a pause to the fun for a moment... 20 00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:59,919 ...and bring up... You know her as the boring and the bland... 21 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,551 ...and the ordinary... 22 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:04,893 ...and incredibly unhook-up-able-with... Al... 23 00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:06,796 - Er... - Unhookupable? 24 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,233 Yeah, she's... Okay, let's bring up Gwen Adams. 25 00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,964 Get up here! 26 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,495 Man, is she ordinary? 27 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,508 Soaky Gwen. 28 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,976 I'm just kidding. Get up here. 29 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,741 She's a good fuck too, by the way. Ha ha! 30 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,372 There you go. 31 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,575 Thank you. 32 00:01:23,616 --> 00:01:25,743 I would... 33 00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,412 - This must be really difficult for you. - ...Like... 34 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:30,321 - Wow. You're definitely... - Boy: You suck! 35 00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:31,584 ...unpopular. 36 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,751 Boy: He's a dick! 37 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:37,593 I mean, if this was MySpace, Tom wouldn't even be your friend. 38 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,793 Boy #2: Fucking whore and slut! 39 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,462 Oh yes, sir! 40 00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:47,098 Ha ha ha ha! Awesome. Whoo! 41 00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,641 That's me, and it's pretty safe to say... 42 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,908 ...that I am incredibly unpopular. 43 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,437 But it's not my fault, though. 44 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,643 There are plenty of contributing loser factors. 45 00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:02,348 For starters, instead of having a cool dad who lets my girlfriends sleep over... 46 00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,686 ...my dad just tries to sleep with them. 47 00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,158 He used to be an actor. He made a ton of money... 48 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,627 ...on the hit '80s TV show, "Coast Watch" 49 00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:11,061 ...and a lot of Japanese action flicks. 50 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:16,263 It'd be nice to have a strong older brother to look up to. 51 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,327 Maybe this'll kill me. 52 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,534 Too bad I don't. 53 00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:24,236 Don't even ask where my mom is. 54 00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:27,269 Having the coolest boyfriend in school is usually a bonus. 55 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,440 Yeah, not when you marry him. 56 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,948 We'll get to that later. 57 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,888 Girl singing: #What we did right... # 58 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:39,084 My husband's an exhibitionist... 59 00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,355 ...and made it his mission to have sex with me... 60 00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,021 ...at every landmark in school. 61 00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:45,656 We've never been caught. 62 00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,064 Lastly, this... 63 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,228 ...is Hilary Weiss! 64 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:53,330 Hilary is a devil with a vagina. 65 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:54,670 Hey, Holden. 66 00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:58,006 She wanted Holden but he wanted me, so I married him. 67 00:02:58,044 --> 00:02:59,534 I want you to take me to dinner. 68 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,412 Gwen: She's been trying to steal my boyfriend since the third grade. 69 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:05,576 We hate each other, but I got the man. 70 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:10,419 I'm running for prom queen... 71 00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:12,151 ...to beat out Hilary. 72 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,559 Not like I really care about that kind of stuff obviously. 73 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:18,063 But I want to be the one personally responsible... 74 00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:21,089 ...for bringing down Satan. 75 00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,829 Ugh! 76 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:27,098 Oh, and I'm 10 days late on my period. 77 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,703 Ahh, late for school. Gotta go. 78 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,260 #Everyone is always on the go... # 79 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,321 Boy: Check this out... 80 00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,798 Gwen: Jonny and Matt. 81 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,994 I uploaded a video of myself onto YouTube... 82 00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:59,129 ...shirtless and flexing. Mad views already, bro. 83 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,400 - Mad views? - Mad views. 84 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,998 - Nice. - We're awesome. 85 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,030 So awesome! 86 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,704 Gwen: They hold the world record in awesomeness... 87 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,770 ...whatever that means. 88 00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,578 - Awesome. You got a lighter? - No. 89 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,984 Gwen: Oh, here comes Dixie, Hilary and Trixie. 90 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,716 Together they've slept with the entire school... 91 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:17,950 ...twice. 92 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,754 You're a chauvinist pig! 93 00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:26,054 Hey, Holden. 94 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,431 How about you and I have a little dance party... 95 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,993 Gwen: God, she's such an idiot! 96 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,301 If there was an award for fewest brain cells... 97 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,170 ...she'd be undefeated. 98 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,040 Oh! 99 00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:42,377 - Cat fight! - Awesome. 100 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:45,873 "Ooh, I'm gonna save the day. I'm gonna pull her away. " 101 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:48,216 - Bye, Holden. - Bye, little scaredy cat. 102 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:50,347 Walk away, walk away. 103 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,381 What the fuck is wrong with those two? 104 00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:54,620 Who the fuck gets married in high school? 105 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,459 It's all right. We like to watch you leave. 106 00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,567 California... 107 00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:11,509 ...you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. 108 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,746 Gwen: This is our history teacher, Mr. Seuss. 109 00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,511 Rumor has it his �ber hot wife is cheating on him. 110 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:20,041 She's our art teacher and vice principal. 111 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:21,485 You can see from her photos... 112 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,819 ...she's extremely qualified. 113 00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:26,086 California... 114 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:29,185 ...where certain parts of Anaheim worship a giant rat. 115 00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:31,560 - Kip Dick. - This means you should swim naked. 116 00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:35,055 Kip Dick, out! Harass. Be gone. 117 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,069 Seuss, I'm just here to learn like everybody else... 118 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:40,038 Yeah, but what you're trying to teach her, her dad doesn't want her to learn. 119 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,438 Move it. 120 00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:45,205 Fine fine. You know, your class is boring anyway. 121 00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,370 Well, thank you. 122 00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:49,108 But you know, this is only for students who have graduated this century. 123 00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,776 Okay. Quietly... 124 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,912 ...as we continue our exciting adventures in California history... 125 00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,422 Ooh! My dad works in porn; 126 00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:01,120 ...he works in the state of California 'cause he's awesome! 127 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,185 What the fuck? 128 00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:06,027 Did you get high? 129 00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,431 - Totally, dude. - Seuss, Seuss. 130 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,637 Oh, what the... Oh! 131 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:14,071 And that'll be enough for California history. 132 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,904 Make sure you've all read chapter 14... 133 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,809 ...one through six, due... what the heck... Tomorrow. 134 00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:24,148 Yo yo yo! This is your principal. 135 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:26,811 I need all my seniors down to the gymnasium. 136 00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:30,949 I repeat, I need all my seniors down to the gymnasium. 137 00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:34,925 Ooh, Principal Mann. 138 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,826 Ooh, yeah! 139 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,924 That was another amazing announcement. 140 00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,595 Oh, you were fabulous, sir. 141 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,433 To the gymnasium. 142 00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,268 Yo. 143 00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:18,293 Dad, what are you doing here? 144 00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:21,773 Just hanging out with my bros, being totally awesome. 145 00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:22,866 Yeah. 146 00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:25,673 By the way, your dad has awesome cologne. 147 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,178 Totally awesome. 148 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,613 It's Essence of Apple. 149 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:32,140 Well, I'm gonna skedaddle. 150 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,676 - Mr. D. - Mr. D. 151 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,187 Call me Kip! 152 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,780 All right, Kip. 153 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,291 Nice. Who's the cutie? 154 00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:44,796 I don't even know. 155 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,799 - Awesome. - My name's Katie. 156 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,358 Shh. It doesn't matter. 157 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,994 Why don't you guys swing by the house later? 158 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,403 We'll throw around the pigskin, crack a few beers. 159 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,771 - Honey, bring some of your friends. - You're cute. 160 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,834 I know. I know. 161 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,438 Hey. Hey, shithead. 162 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,574 How come we never threw around the pigskin, huh? 163 00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:07,177 That's 'cause I'm ashamed of you. 164 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,552 What the fuck, Dad? 165 00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:12,554 I told you never to call me that. 166 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,287 You never loved me. 167 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,160 Oh my God. Could you be more of a pussy? 168 00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:19,596 Now you're supposed to be a Dick. Start acting like one. 169 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:21,827 Look at yourself. I mean, come on... 170 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,496 Do some push-ups, get a girlfriend, get a life. 171 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,004 No more jerking off. 172 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,598 Yeah, well maybe if I had a Dick teaching me how to be a Dick... 173 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,871 I wouldn't be such a pussy, all right? 174 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,468 Talk to the hand. Talk to the hand. 175 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,707 - Real mature. Real mature. - Talk to the hand. 176 00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,510 - Fuck you, Dad! - Hey... 177 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,847 - Cheesy-looking motherfucker. - The balls... 178 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:43,353 You know, Jonny's still single and available. 179 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,189 Dad, I'm married. 180 00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:52,094 Yeah, well, it's never too late for an upgrade. 181 00:08:56,802 --> 00:09:00,260 Girl: Quiet. Quiet! 182 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,900 Boy: It is with pride to introduce to you... 183 00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:05,240 ...the cornerstone of this school... 184 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:08,805 Assistant Principal Becky Apple. 185 00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:13,945 Boy: Look at those! 186 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,477 As seniors on the fast track to graduation... 187 00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:18,387 ...a ritual is often performed. 188 00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:21,723 I am of course talking about prom. 189 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:22,819 Man: I love you! 190 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:26,730 Prom is the be-all, end-all of your time here. 191 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:30,634 On that note, I'd like to hand you over to the prom chair, Hilary Weiss. 192 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:34,071 Man: Whoo! 193 00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:37,200 Totally. I want to bite your ass! 194 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,337 Thank you, Miss Apple. Thank you, students. 195 00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:42,279 - Boy: Fucking suck! - Without your hard work... 196 00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:45,375 ...and dedication, our prom would not be possible. 197 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,012 You guys are so awesome! 198 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:51,023 - Boy: Cocksucker! - Boy #2: Your pussy stinks! 199 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,548 And on a more serious note... 200 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,255 ...when prom comes, all of you need to vote for me... 201 00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,557 Hilary Weiss. 202 00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:01,260 I mean, I'm the prettiest girl in school, so it's a no-brainer. 203 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,495 Where'd you go? 204 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,629 Holden: We hit the jackpot, Gwen... the principal's desk. 205 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:09,004 - You, me, now. It's unlocked. - What? 206 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:12,169 Come on, this'll leave our last mark on campus. 207 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:14,509 Ow. 208 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,812 Plus, I want to let all the boys know... 209 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:20,318 - That I'm a freak in the sheets. - Boy: Whoo! 210 00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:30,457 I can't believe I'm really here. 211 00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,487 Come here. 212 00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:17,033 Holden: Are we almost done? 213 00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,874 Holden: I can't do this. 214 00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:23,040 Oh God. Oh God. 215 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:27,314 Oh my God. Oh fuck. 216 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,048 - So last year... - Thank you. Thank you. 217 00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:30,953 Thank you. That was very nice. 218 00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,424 - Thanks! - Holden: Oh, fuck! Oh my God! 219 00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:39,557 Oh, Gwen. Oh, Gwen. 220 00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,532 Oh my God, Gwen. 221 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,296 What's going on here? 222 00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:45,667 I think they were having sex. 223 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,071 Yes, Alice, that's a rhetorical question. 224 00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,598 - But, sir... - How could you not lock my door? 225 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,508 I ain't cleaning this shit up. 226 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,013 Oh, you'll clean it up, Grandpa. And you'll like it! 227 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,914 Do you two understand this is mahogany wood from Bangladesh? 228 00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,918 Where are you going? 229 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,613 Sit down! 230 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,851 Big deal... we banged on Principal Mann's desk. 231 00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:15,356 Look, I'm... I'm sorry. 232 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,198 I really am, but... 233 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,931 Gwen: Don't touch me. 234 00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:22,031 Alice, where's my popcorn? 235 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:30,705 Oh, sir, that's my breast. 236 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,547 I know. 237 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,827 I'm Zoey... 238 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:48,733 ...the new girl. I just transferred from Cancun. 239 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,531 I enjoy long walks on the beach... 240 00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:53,129 I'm a Pisces and I'm perfect. 241 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,469 Oh. 242 00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,607 You do realize the school year's almost over with. 243 00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:01,875 I heard about your internship program... 244 00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:04,280 ...for young hot blondes with impressionable minds. 245 00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:07,649 I had to try it out. You know, see if I fit in. 246 00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:10,678 Um, the position's already been filled. 247 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,214 - We'll see about that. - Mm-hmm. 248 00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,858 #I don't care just what you're made of... # 249 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,888 You know we have class, Principal Mann. 250 00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:22,992 Oh, I think that can wait. 251 00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:25,629 Ah, Miss Hilary Weiss. 252 00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:28,037 Ahh! 253 00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:31,236 #I don't want to be embarrassed # 254 00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,973 #I don't want to notice you... # 255 00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:37,107 Change of plans: you can go to class... 256 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,208 ...and I'll talk to your pretty little girlfriend. 257 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,549 Wait... what was she whispering to you about? 258 00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,316 Now move! 259 00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:46,586 You can't punish her during prom-queen campaign. That's undemocratic. 260 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,185 #Run to you # 261 00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:52,561 #I want to run to you... # 262 00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,066 Looks like you're failing Seuss's class. 263 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:58,399 If you don't get an A on the final, you won't graduate. 264 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,335 That was done perfectly, sir. 265 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:06,867 Of course, Alice. Now I want that desk clean by tomorrow morning... 266 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:09,904 ...so clean that I can eat off of it... 267 00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,816 ...if I choose to. Let's go, Zoey. 268 00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:25,290 How am I ever gonna show my face at school again? 269 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,799 I'm the school slut. 270 00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,393 That spot was reserved for Hilary. 271 00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:35,604 We have never been caught... never. 272 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:40,170 And we've pulled off some really risky missions: 273 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,703 ...here at Mr. Seuss's classroom; 274 00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,739 ...here at the 50-yd line of the football field; 275 00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:48,275 ...and not to mention the bleacher sex! 276 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,379 Bleacher sex! 277 00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:53,357 That is still the single-most uncomfortable spot... 278 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,383 ...to ever get it on. 279 00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:58,555 I still have splinters from that. 280 00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:01,998 Lunch is almost over. 281 00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:04,400 Please please please... 282 00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,495 ...don't make me go back to that hell. 283 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:13,168 Boy: Gwen Adams, report to the nurse's office for a pregnancy test. 284 00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,543 That is all. 285 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,346 Gwen: Oh God, what if I'm pregnant? 286 00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:22,547 Again. 287 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,451 Excuse me. Do you have a pass? 288 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:32,121 Oh, boy. 289 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,592 First patient of the day. 290 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,606 Hi. 291 00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,772 - Welcome to my office. - Hi. 292 00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:52,181 I just need to pick up a pregnancy test. 293 00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:55,744 Okay, I think we... we should get to know each other... 294 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,689 ...since you're in my office and I don't even know your name. 295 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,157 I'm Nurse Doogie. 296 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:03,286 I'm Gwen. Can I just have a pregnancy test really fast? 297 00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,762 You're Gwen. 298 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,822 I heard about you... You had some sex, didn't you? 299 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:09,425 Was it good? It was great for me. 300 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:13,928 I, uh, heard it while I was in the bathroom over the speaker and... 301 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,702 Can we not talk about that, please? 302 00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:18,005 - No no, I... - Stop. Please don't touch me. 303 00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,204 Uh, put this robe on. 304 00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,940 Let's get started with the exam. 305 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,676 - What? - Put this on. 306 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:27,152 Can you just get me the little strip that I pee on? 307 00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:30,917 Uh, I don't have anything for you to pee on except for... 308 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,856 ...well, me, if you're into that. 309 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:35,917 I could lay under a glass table if that's what you want to do. 310 00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,826 - I love it. - What? 311 00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:40,525 Ooh. Um, okay. 312 00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,262 Uh, um, I'm gonna examine you now. 313 00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:46,135 You should... You should get on the table right here. 314 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,368 - I'm on the table. - Oh, yeah. 315 00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,866 - I'm gonna miss my class. - I'll write you a note. 316 00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:55,607 I love him! 317 00:16:55,647 --> 00:17:00,209 I don't know. It's like I just try so hard. 318 00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,978 I just give so much, you know? 319 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,651 And I'm just afraid he'll get mad. 320 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,159 Have you even talked to him about it? 321 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:09,524 I can't! 322 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:12,724 He gets frustrated and he walks away. 323 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,562 I mean, I want to make him happy... 324 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,397 ...but he doesn't care. 325 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:19,199 I didn't want to do the principal's-office thing. 326 00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:20,728 I did it for him. 327 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,707 Do you want to do the nurse's-office thing? 328 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:24,971 - What? - Nothing. 329 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,807 Um... 330 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,745 I- I-I think you're really nice, Gwen. 331 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,715 - And I want to help you. - Thank... 332 00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,842 I don't want you to get kicked out of school. 333 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,581 So... So I did something for you: 334 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,680 I- I-I peed in a cup for you. 335 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,521 And that way you won't get expelled for being pregnant. 336 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,323 - Thank you! - I'm pretty sure you're not pregnant. 337 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:47,196 You're the best friend I have. 338 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:50,596 So that's why you should use three fingers instead of two. 339 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:55,834 Gwen. Class, what have we learned from her actions today? 340 00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:00,702 To be more discreet when you're acting like a whore. 341 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,647 - Who are you? - I'm Zoey, the new girl. 342 00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,479 I just transferred from Cancun. 343 00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:08,884 I enjoy long walks on the beach, I'm a Pisces... 344 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,411 ...and I'm perfect. 345 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:11,787 I don't like you. 346 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,987 That's probably because you see me as competition. 347 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,689 I'm hot, I know. 348 00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:23,434 Talk back to me again and you'll have your next period through your mouth. 349 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:27,064 - Leave me... - Think about that. 350 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,232 Bitch. 351 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,401 Go on and paint. Make it erotic. 352 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,469 Excuse me, Miss Apple? Can I get some inspiration? 353 00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,183 Paint it. 354 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,421 Well, this is disturbing. 355 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,452 - I didn't even do anything yet. - That's what's disturbing. 356 00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:53,431 What? You think you can start whenever you want to? 357 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,296 - No, I just... - You think you're better than me? 358 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,928 Gwen: Abso-fucking-lutely. 359 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,835 No, I wouldn't say... 360 00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:02,768 What? 361 00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:10,109 What are you looking at? 362 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,014 You're looking at the new girl. 363 00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,950 Yeah, she's new. 364 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:20,790 She's hot too. I'm gonna fuck her. 365 00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:26,559 Holden, you gotta get it together. 366 00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,122 You can't let her talk to you like that. 367 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,294 - Yeah, but have you seen the new girl? - Yeah, I've seen her. 368 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,667 I always kinda thought you were gay, though. 369 00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:34,729 This class is great... 370 00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:37,469 - I love Mrs. Apple so much. - ...Just great. 371 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,807 She looked at me when I was painting... 372 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,312 ...and said I did a good job. 373 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,507 Wow, that is really good, Holden. 374 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:45,312 You know, I'm not gonna lie. You've got... 375 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,841 ...negative and positive space, continuity... 376 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,979 ...rhythm, symmetry. 377 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,580 - Who the fuck are you? - It's great. 378 00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:53,488 Yeah, who the fuck are you? 379 00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,856 Pff! Whatever. 380 00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,327 I used to bang a chick that owned an art gallery. 381 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:58,522 Holden: Yeah, that's gay. 382 00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:01,032 That... if I'm gay, then that's fucking gay. 383 00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:02,761 - Are those real? - Pick it up. 384 00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:04,928 - Oh, God. Oh, crap. - Pick up the pencil. 385 00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:07,666 Oh, she's picking it up. Oh my God. 386 00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:13,334 You know something? 387 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,973 - I don't even know him anymore. - That's really good, though. 388 00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,745 Like, I am serious; I am jealous of his artistic ability. 389 00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,047 Come on. 390 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,857 Miss Apple? 391 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,257 Um, I just wanted to thank you... 392 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,921 ...for the best class I've ever taken. 393 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,488 I mean, the way you convey art... 394 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,763 ...and what it feels like and... 395 00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,236 - Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. - ...is supposed to be, it's amazing. 396 00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:40,670 - There you go. - And I just wanna... 397 00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,435 ...wish I would've showed up more often. 398 00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:45,034 - Get along. - Thank you for the head, Becky. 399 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,739 - Miss Apple. - Miss Apple. Miss Apple. 400 00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,804 Bye. 401 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,873 Man, that guy's a yapper. 402 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,111 - Go. - Third wheel. 403 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:54,584 Go! 404 00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:55,848 I love you. 405 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,953 I'm sorry, I... I guess... 406 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:03,655 ...it was a big mistake and... 407 00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:04,923 Look, I'm... 408 00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,127 Ahh. 409 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,465 Tough break, baby. 410 00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:13,596 What did you say to Principal Mann today? 411 00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:16,233 Just two little magic words: 412 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,005 "b" and "j. " 413 00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:22,704 - Oh. - How does he taste, girl? 414 00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:23,840 Mmm. 415 00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:25,747 But you still like me, right? 416 00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,342 - No. - Say it. 417 00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:30,014 - Say it. - Say you love us. 418 00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:31,613 I'm in love with Gwen. 419 00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:35,525 - Holden, tell me you want me. - I'm married. 420 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,154 Uhh! Tell me you want me. 421 00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:40,221 You're a fucking whore. 422 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:43,098 You guys are all fucking stupid. 423 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,433 You know you love us. 424 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,528 - Bye. - Bye. 425 00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:48,004 - Toodles. - Fuck! 426 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,598 What the fuck is your problem? 427 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,939 You can be a real bitch sometimes, you know that? 428 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,309 Oh, come on, you're not gonna leave me. You're just gonna leave me here? 429 00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:57,782 - Really? Why am I such a bitch, huh? - What the fuck am I supposed to do? 430 00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,841 For starters, you can keep your fucking shirt on! 431 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,285 You want me to walk? I don't even know how to take the fucking bus. 432 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,414 - Why don't you go do Hilary? - What the fuck? 433 00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:12,192 What the fuck? 434 00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:14,664 - Hey there, gorgeous. - Hey. 435 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,600 You want a ride? 436 00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,900 - Um... - Get in. 437 00:22:19,938 --> 00:22:22,065 Yeah, please. 438 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,876 Just take me anywhere but here, please. 439 00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,846 You got it. 440 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,848 - Thank you. - No problem. 441 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:46,357 Problem? 442 00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:50,668 Just a little bit. 443 00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:55,470 So you want to take me to dinner? 444 00:22:55,507 --> 00:22:57,498 I can't go with you. 445 00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:00,272 Please. 446 00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:05,208 Please. 447 00:23:09,287 --> 00:23:13,781 #So long, we never say goodbye # 448 00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:17,352 #Your love I want to live and die # 449 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:21,423 #So long we never say goodbye # 450 00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:24,993 #Your love I want to live and die # 451 00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:29,200 #So long we never say goodbye # 452 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,506 #Your love I want to live and die # 453 00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:37,538 #So long we never say goodbye # 454 00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:43,077 #I want to live and die # 455 00:23:43,121 --> 00:23:45,589 #in LA. # 456 00:23:49,327 --> 00:23:52,194 I got ice. I got the dental floss and... 457 00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:54,528 G- Gwen? What are you doing here? 458 00:23:54,566 --> 00:23:56,966 - I assume you're staying in tonight? - Hold on. 459 00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,526 I gotta go. 460 00:23:58,570 --> 00:24:00,868 No, I'm waiting for my MySpace date... 461 00:24:00,906 --> 00:24:02,669 ...which I thought was you. 462 00:24:02,707 --> 00:24:06,666 You're, uh... You're not "Miss Tish," are you? 463 00:24:06,711 --> 00:24:09,179 - No. - Well, good. 464 00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:11,705 I mean, if I wanted a discreet relationship with my daughter... 465 00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:13,274 I'd just ask. 466 00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,878 Can I just stay? 467 00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:18,287 Uh, I said no. 468 00:24:18,323 --> 00:24:19,756 Oh, I gotta take that. 469 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,986 - Bubbles? Yeah, did you get the lube? - Dad? 470 00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:23,688 Are you... Dad, it's only gonna take... 471 00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:29,901 Sometimes I feel like you like me, but then sometimes I don't know. 472 00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:31,800 And Jenny... You know, that big thick girl from third period... 473 00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:34,806 ...you know, she wore that little black dress today but she didn't look little... 474 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:38,332 ...anyway, she told me that you really sometimes stare at me in class. 475 00:24:38,376 --> 00:24:39,638 And I feel you sometimes... 476 00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:41,942 ...you know how they say you can feel when someone's staring at you? 477 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,607 And I kinda sometimes feel like you're staring at me... 478 00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:46,242 ...but then I don't really know. And I don't know, I just really like you... 479 00:24:46,284 --> 00:24:49,151 - And I want you to like me back... - Here! Take it. 480 00:24:49,187 --> 00:24:51,883 Hi. How's the new job? 481 00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:55,381 - What did you say? - You're spitting in my food. 482 00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:58,419 How many girls do you have anyway? 483 00:24:58,463 --> 00:25:00,624 Ya! I like the other one. 484 00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:04,123 This girl here... she's a floozy. 485 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,659 - Bye. - Bye. 486 00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:06,898 Bye. 487 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:08,064 - No! - Go ahead. 488 00:25:08,106 --> 00:25:09,266 Okay. 489 00:25:09,307 --> 00:25:11,639 'Kay. Bye. 490 00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:14,338 So anyways, I am so hungry. 491 00:25:14,379 --> 00:25:16,176 I'm so glad you took me to get something to eat... 492 00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:18,648 ...because that way we can really get to know each other better. 493 00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:21,311 And, you know, talk. 494 00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:25,686 Are you gonna eat that? Mmm. 495 00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:31,428 Today I went to the mall and my daddy took me on this little shopping spree... 496 00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:34,489 ...and I told him, "Daddy, I just don't... I just want a little shopping spree. " 497 00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,024 He almost bought me the whole mall. But that's my daddy. 498 00:25:37,068 --> 00:25:39,628 He loves me and he always wants to spoil me. 499 00:25:39,671 --> 00:25:42,401 Guess what? This summer, he's gonna take me to Brazil. 500 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,409 And I'm really excited to go to Brazil because... 501 00:25:45,443 --> 00:25:47,638 ...all those Spanish classes that we took. 502 00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:49,772 You remember when we took Spanish class with Mr. Alvarez? 503 00:25:49,814 --> 00:25:52,180 Woman: And I was thinking maybe we could, probably we could... 504 00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:56,710 Excuse me. Do you have something to say? 505 00:25:56,755 --> 00:25:59,815 Actually, they speak Portuguese in Brazil. 506 00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:03,123 Um, sweetie, I think I should know what they speak. 507 00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:05,527 They speak Spanish in Brazil. 508 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:08,897 You must have had to sleep with your geography teacher to pass. 509 00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:11,402 Oh, yeah? Maybe you could help me... 510 00:26:11,436 --> 00:26:13,097 ...nasty little girl. 511 00:26:13,138 --> 00:26:15,572 Woman: Real mature. 512 00:26:15,607 --> 00:26:18,371 Who do you think you are? 513 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,776 I can't take this. Hold on, I want one more bite. 514 00:26:20,812 --> 00:26:24,005 Let's go. 515 00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:27,143 Adioso! 516 00:26:27,185 --> 00:26:28,584 Come on. 517 00:26:29,688 --> 00:26:32,452 Woman: Oh, yes, you big bad boy. 518 00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,981 - Say something to me in Oriental. - Give it to me harder. 519 00:26:35,026 --> 00:26:36,516 Mmm, I said Oriental. 520 00:26:36,561 --> 00:26:38,654 Yes, I don't know Oriental. 521 00:26:38,697 --> 00:26:41,894 Well, just pretend, can you? 522 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,959 You're an Asian prostitute. You're an Asian prostitute. 523 00:26:45,003 --> 00:26:47,130 Yes, I am. 524 00:26:47,172 --> 00:26:49,299 I'm gonna get my happy ending, aren't I, baby? 525 00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:51,434 - Yes, you are. - Oh, shit. 526 00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:53,171 This is a nice house, Kip. 527 00:26:53,211 --> 00:26:55,645 I really like your cheekbones. Right here. 528 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,648 Well, I just want you guys to feel at home here. 529 00:26:57,682 --> 00:26:59,309 Mi casa es tu casa. 530 00:26:59,351 --> 00:27:00,909 Yo tambiano. 531 00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:04,012 Kip, I want to be just like you when I grow up, bro. 532 00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:06,285 - You want to go upstairs? - Show us the way, dude. 533 00:27:06,324 --> 00:27:07,586 - Show us the way. - Pornos. 534 00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:09,218 - Nice. - Lots of porn; 535 00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:12,252 ...learn the techniques. I'm serious, you really have to watch. 536 00:27:14,699 --> 00:27:17,259 God, I gotta get a better security system. 537 00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:19,930 Oh, wow! This place just got a whole lot more whack. 538 00:27:19,971 --> 00:27:22,633 I thought you guys were watching the back door, and not hers. 539 00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:25,199 - Hey, Gwen. Good to see you. - Let's talk. 540 00:27:25,243 --> 00:27:28,406 Come on. I don't want to fight anymore. All right? Let's have a little talk. 541 00:27:28,446 --> 00:27:30,346 Now look, we don't need to fight. 542 00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,179 - Now what do you need? - Nothing. 543 00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:34,048 - Money? - No. 544 00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:37,851 Of course. How about drugs? 545 00:27:37,889 --> 00:27:40,289 No, Dad. 546 00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:41,849 Are you pregnant? 547 00:27:41,893 --> 00:27:43,258 Gwen: Yes, Dad! 548 00:27:43,294 --> 00:27:45,387 I'm so pregnant right now, it's not even funny. 549 00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:46,795 - No! - I didn't think so... 550 00:27:46,831 --> 00:27:49,163 'cause your husband's gay! Ho! 551 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,328 Like a homosexual! 552 00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:54,497 - Okay. You done? - Now what's wrong, honey? 553 00:27:54,539 --> 00:27:55,631 - Let's talk. - Nothing... 554 00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:57,608 No, we can talk. Now's a good time to talk. 555 00:27:57,642 --> 00:27:59,576 I'm gonna go to my room. Okay? 556 00:27:59,611 --> 00:28:01,135 Stop! 557 00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:02,544 I don't think so. 558 00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:05,606 - Share your feelings. - Yeah, share your feelings. 559 00:28:05,650 --> 00:28:08,084 You know, for... whoa. That was... Can you just... 560 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,417 ...like, when me and him are... 561 00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:12,320 I don't know if you realized this, but there was two men talking... 562 00:28:12,357 --> 00:28:13,881 ...and you just kind of butted in there. 563 00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:15,722 It's not your fault, but just learn. 564 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:17,489 Yeah. 565 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,157 - Hey, what the fuck? - Look what I found. 566 00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:22,758 Buzz, who is that? 567 00:28:22,801 --> 00:28:25,827 What? I'm getting laid. I thought that's what you wanted from me. 568 00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:28,896 Yeah, well, you know, I recognize her, all right? 569 00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:30,601 That's a... that's a prostitute. 570 00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:34,738 This is my girlfriend, all right? I might be paying her, but shit. 571 00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:37,771 You're not spending my money for some skanky two-bit ho. 572 00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:40,649 Hey, listen, I can't make you happy, okay? 573 00:28:40,685 --> 00:28:42,585 You want me to fuck; you don't want me to fuck. 574 00:28:42,620 --> 00:28:44,884 - What's it gonna be? - With all the girls here... 575 00:28:44,923 --> 00:28:46,390 ...you've got to pick a prostitute? 576 00:28:46,424 --> 00:28:48,415 Hey, they don't have any experience like she's got. 577 00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:49,859 - That's right. - She knows what to do with her... 578 00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:51,725 - Yeah, she teaches me things... - I please this man. 579 00:28:51,763 --> 00:28:53,253 ...I don't even need to know, buddy. 580 00:28:53,298 --> 00:28:56,324 - Okay, she can stay. - Guys: Awesome! 581 00:28:56,367 --> 00:28:58,392 You know what? I think I want some dick in me. 582 00:28:58,436 --> 00:29:01,769 Yes. I want to put Mr. Dickie in... 583 00:29:01,806 --> 00:29:03,671 See, it's all one big happy family, honey. 584 00:29:03,708 --> 00:29:06,268 - Right. I'm going to my room. - Just... 585 00:29:06,311 --> 00:29:08,245 - Wait... wait a second. - I'm going to my room! 586 00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:10,873 - Honey? - I'm still holding out for Mrs. Apple! 587 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:13,475 I show up to art class for the first time whole semester... 588 00:29:13,518 --> 00:29:15,213 Mrs. Apple gets naked. 589 00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:18,017 I would have showed up every day if somebody would've told me that. 590 00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:21,514 Miss Apple is the most phenomenal-looking... 591 00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:23,493 ...teacher I've ever seen. 592 00:29:23,528 --> 00:29:25,962 She makes me never want to cut again. 593 00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:30,457 Yeah, well, I'm afraid I've been tapping that lately, fellows. 594 00:29:30,502 --> 00:29:32,163 Awesome! 595 00:29:32,203 --> 00:29:34,398 - Whoo! Wait a sec... - No. 596 00:29:34,439 --> 00:29:36,737 - That's not awesome. - That's not awesome, man. 597 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:39,767 That's the most unawesome thing I've ever heard of actually. 598 00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:42,575 Wait. You're not gonna let one bad Apple come between... 599 00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:44,241 ...a bunch of great guys. 600 00:29:44,282 --> 00:29:46,512 Thank you for the drinks. Thank you for the funny puns. 601 00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:48,109 I'm go... I'm going home. 602 00:29:48,153 --> 00:29:50,144 Say it's not true, Kip. Take it back. 603 00:29:50,188 --> 00:29:51,815 I'm sorry. I'm going home. 604 00:29:51,856 --> 00:29:54,450 Hey, Matt! Matt. Jonny? 605 00:29:54,492 --> 00:29:56,687 Wait. Wait now... 606 00:29:56,728 --> 00:29:58,593 Matt: I love her and you... 607 00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,393 Jonny? 608 00:30:01,399 --> 00:30:04,061 Eh, he'll walk it off. Don't worry. 609 00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:07,828 Kip'll make it better. So... 610 00:30:08,973 --> 00:30:11,134 Oh hi, girl. 611 00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:13,770 So let's get the party going, huh? 612 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,746 Okay, group kiss. Group kiss. 613 00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:17,543 'Kay! 614 00:30:19,717 --> 00:30:22,811 - Jonny! - Why are you girls still dressed? 615 00:30:32,630 --> 00:30:34,188 I enjoyed that. 616 00:30:34,232 --> 00:30:35,529 I'm glad. 617 00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:37,432 So let's go inside and make a baby. 618 00:30:37,468 --> 00:30:39,368 I'm not gonna have sex with you. 619 00:30:39,404 --> 00:30:41,804 Gwen's gone. I'm here. 620 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,900 Let's look at the facts: we're the most popular kids in school. 621 00:30:44,943 --> 00:30:46,672 Let's make a baby. 622 00:30:46,711 --> 00:30:49,339 It's just me and you... 623 00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:53,373 ...and endless nights of making babies. 624 00:30:53,418 --> 00:30:55,818 Fuck. I think you're a really great girl... 625 00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:58,823 ...and I had so much fun tonight. I... 626 00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,621 I haven't done anything like this in a long time. 627 00:31:01,659 --> 00:31:04,685 You know, people... People think being married is so great... 628 00:31:04,729 --> 00:31:07,095 ...but it's really not... 629 00:31:07,131 --> 00:31:09,258 ...especially at such a young age. 630 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:11,564 Like, you think you have everything. 631 00:31:11,603 --> 00:31:13,571 You know you want to like me. 632 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,334 She'll understand. 633 00:31:16,474 --> 00:31:18,135 Ow. 634 00:31:18,176 --> 00:31:20,770 God, why are you making this so difficult? 635 00:31:20,812 --> 00:31:22,507 I'll see you tomorrow. 636 00:31:23,514 --> 00:31:26,244 #Let it come true # 637 00:31:26,284 --> 00:31:28,752 #Come true # 638 00:31:28,786 --> 00:31:31,186 #Let it come true... # 639 00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:32,883 Purple. 640 00:31:32,924 --> 00:31:34,983 What does purple mean? 641 00:31:35,026 --> 00:31:37,517 Shhhh... 642 00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:40,258 Okay, we'll disregard this one. 643 00:31:40,298 --> 00:31:42,357 Okay, last one. 644 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,267 Come on, negative negative negative... 645 00:31:45,303 --> 00:31:47,533 Aww! 646 00:31:51,509 --> 00:31:54,307 Ew, that's so gross. 647 00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:58,210 Come on. 648 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,112 Eww. 649 00:32:04,155 --> 00:32:06,988 Ooh! Another negative. Yeah! 650 00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:09,789 So that makes three positive... 651 00:32:09,827 --> 00:32:11,351 ...three negative... 652 00:32:11,396 --> 00:32:14,593 ...and three inconclusive. 653 00:32:14,632 --> 00:32:17,931 I thought these things were supposed to be, like, 98% accurate. 654 00:32:31,249 --> 00:32:34,810 People, please! Let's maintain some order here. 655 00:32:34,852 --> 00:32:38,583 Order? I will not have my daughter exposed to this indecency. 656 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:41,251 Man: For this, the senior trip is canceled! 657 00:32:41,292 --> 00:32:43,817 Yeah, we must police these sexual deviants! 658 00:32:43,861 --> 00:32:45,328 He can't do his job! 659 00:32:45,363 --> 00:32:47,024 We need a new principal! 660 00:32:47,065 --> 00:32:48,498 All: Yeah! Yes! 661 00:32:48,533 --> 00:32:49,659 - Get out! - You're outrageous! 662 00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:51,191 - Outrageous! - Outrageous! 663 00:32:51,235 --> 00:32:52,395 - Out! - Despicable. 664 00:32:52,437 --> 00:32:54,166 - Get out of here. - Unacceptable! 665 00:32:54,205 --> 00:32:55,536 - We don't want you here anymore. - Out! 666 00:32:55,573 --> 00:32:57,871 We don't need sexual perverts like yourself. 667 00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:03,970 Mann: Attention, maggots. Due to the lewd and unusual "fornification" 668 00:33:04,015 --> 00:33:06,643 ...of that cunt... Er, I mean Gwen... 669 00:33:06,684 --> 00:33:08,652 ...your senior trip will be canceled... 670 00:33:08,686 --> 00:33:10,654 ...and I will also be standing down as principal... 671 00:33:10,688 --> 00:33:13,213 ...leaving Tits Mc... I mean, Miss Apple... 672 00:33:13,257 --> 00:33:14,747 ...as acting principal. 673 00:33:14,792 --> 00:33:17,693 I will be available via video chat for comments. 674 00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:20,924 Mr. Mann. 675 00:33:20,965 --> 00:33:22,159 Principal Mann. 676 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,896 - I am acting as principal now. - I'm the principal! 677 00:33:24,936 --> 00:33:26,995 - I'm acting as principal now. - I'm the principal. 678 00:33:27,038 --> 00:33:29,472 - I'm acting as principal now. - I am the principal. 679 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:34,341 - I'm acting as principal now. - I'm the principal. 680 00:33:42,553 --> 00:33:44,418 What a bitch. 681 00:33:44,455 --> 00:33:46,650 Yeah... A bitch. 682 00:33:53,664 --> 00:33:56,258 Oh, girls, look who's crying. 683 00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:57,289 Oooh! 684 00:33:57,335 --> 00:33:59,701 - Little girl wanna cry? - Get away from me. 685 00:33:59,737 --> 00:34:01,261 - You're pathetic! - Ow. 686 00:34:01,305 --> 00:34:03,773 You know, I'm so happy... 687 00:34:03,808 --> 00:34:05,901 ...that I get to be the first one to tell you this... 688 00:34:05,943 --> 00:34:09,709 ...but Holden's going with me to prom. 689 00:34:09,747 --> 00:34:11,339 Did I stutter? 690 00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:13,976 I said your husband, Holden Adams... 691 00:34:14,018 --> 00:34:18,182 - is going with me, Hilary Weiss. - Yeah. 692 00:34:18,222 --> 00:34:19,780 Congratulations. 693 00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:21,291 Thanks. You know... 694 00:34:21,325 --> 00:34:24,351 ...it's been my dream and this day has finally come. 695 00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:26,556 But guess who's gonna be prom queen? 696 00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:28,929 It's gonna be me. 697 00:34:31,302 --> 00:34:33,463 Ladies and gentlemen, it is Tuesday. 698 00:34:33,504 --> 00:34:35,699 Take one, pass it back. Do not kill yourselves... 699 00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:37,571 ...until after you've failed. 700 00:34:37,608 --> 00:34:39,735 Boy: Guys, remember what Coach said: 701 00:34:39,777 --> 00:34:41,108 "No pass, no play. " 702 00:34:41,145 --> 00:34:43,045 Let's get a break for good luck. Ready? 703 00:34:50,188 --> 00:34:52,918 - Hey. - Don't "hey" me. 704 00:34:52,957 --> 00:34:54,822 What are you mad about now? 705 00:34:54,859 --> 00:34:56,759 Hilary, prom... Hello. 706 00:34:56,794 --> 00:34:58,989 - You know? - She told me. 707 00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:02,625 - Um, I'm not really sure about it. - Why would you consider it? 708 00:35:02,667 --> 00:35:05,864 Why wouldn't you come home with me? 709 00:35:05,903 --> 00:35:07,632 Look, I'm sorry. 710 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,310 But guess who's gonna be prom queen? 711 00:35:18,349 --> 00:35:20,146 It's gonna be me! 712 00:35:20,184 --> 00:35:23,210 It's gonna be me... Be me... 713 00:35:25,556 --> 00:35:29,219 Let's make a baby... Be me... 714 00:35:29,260 --> 00:35:32,229 ...ha ha ha... Be me... 715 00:35:34,398 --> 00:35:37,196 #I've been waiting for the right time # 716 00:35:37,235 --> 00:35:40,068 #So the lights can open my eyes # 717 00:35:40,104 --> 00:35:43,005 #Wonderin' if I'll ever change # 718 00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,735 #Or if I'll stay the same # 719 00:35:44,775 --> 00:35:48,074 #I'm not afraid of what I'm doing to myself... # 720 00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:06,155 Yo... 721 00:36:06,197 --> 00:36:08,791 What, did your fucking puppy dog die? 722 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:11,063 How bad did you do? 723 00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:13,832 Check out mine. 724 00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:17,307 All you did was draw a picture of a naked woman. 725 00:36:17,341 --> 00:36:19,138 Duh! 726 00:36:20,444 --> 00:36:22,969 Have fun in Lameville. 727 00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,039 Why did he slap me? 728 00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:30,616 I'm sorry. 729 00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:45,335 I didn't write anything. 730 00:36:45,369 --> 00:36:47,997 Oh. Then you fail. Goodbye. 731 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:49,802 - What? - You fail. 732 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,400 That's how it works: you don't do nothing, you get nothing. 733 00:36:52,443 --> 00:36:55,503 - No. - Don't cry. 734 00:36:55,546 --> 00:36:57,343 - I don't like to see crying. - Theodore. 735 00:36:57,381 --> 00:36:58,370 Yeah, babe? 736 00:36:58,416 --> 00:37:00,350 There's something I've been meaning to tell you. 737 00:37:00,384 --> 00:37:02,215 - What's that, pumpkin? - These are divorce papers. 738 00:37:02,253 --> 00:37:04,721 We're getting a divorce. Here. 739 00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:07,553 T- T-t-this is ludicrous, Becky... Ludicrous. 740 00:37:07,592 --> 00:37:09,787 We're happily married. 741 00:37:09,827 --> 00:37:11,317 Well... 742 00:37:11,362 --> 00:37:14,160 ...let me figure out a way to force you into it... 743 00:37:14,198 --> 00:37:16,359 ...and I'll get back to you. 744 00:37:50,668 --> 00:37:56,766 #Oh, no... # 745 00:38:05,216 --> 00:38:06,877 Whooo! 746 00:38:19,597 --> 00:38:23,260 #I heard you cry... # 747 00:38:28,606 --> 00:38:30,403 Gwen? 748 00:38:31,475 --> 00:38:33,136 Gwen? 749 00:38:35,546 --> 00:38:37,946 Gwen: This is the little girls' room. 750 00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:49,721 Hey, it's me. 751 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,820 I'm not feeling too good. 752 00:38:52,863 --> 00:38:54,524 Yeah? 753 00:38:56,534 --> 00:38:58,024 I love you. 754 00:38:58,069 --> 00:39:01,368 If I was going to college, um... 755 00:39:01,405 --> 00:39:03,168 I'd want to go single. 756 00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:08,278 Gwen... 757 00:39:08,312 --> 00:39:11,008 ...you're saying some pretty hard things to me right now. 758 00:39:13,484 --> 00:39:16,282 I want to take a break. 759 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,448 We're married! We're married, remember? 760 00:39:20,958 --> 00:39:23,188 - We have a cool life together... - Come on. 761 00:39:24,995 --> 00:39:26,929 I'm sorry. 762 00:39:29,967 --> 00:39:32,800 I think we need to get a divorce. 763 00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:36,830 #The sky turns gray # 764 00:39:37,842 --> 00:39:40,777 #As we drive away # 765 00:39:42,079 --> 00:39:45,913 #And we still # 766 00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:51,911 #Break and then fall away # 767 00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:55,892 #When the sea... # 768 00:39:55,926 --> 00:39:58,690 Hello, child. 769 00:39:58,729 --> 00:40:00,856 You look lovely tonight. 770 00:40:03,834 --> 00:40:05,927 Don't walk away from me. 771 00:40:05,970 --> 00:40:07,437 I didn't move. 772 00:40:07,471 --> 00:40:08,995 I know. 773 00:40:10,341 --> 00:40:13,401 I can see you better than you can see yourself. 774 00:40:18,916 --> 00:40:21,111 I'll bring you some baby oil. 775 00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:25,311 Oh, my seed... 776 00:40:25,356 --> 00:40:28,382 ...your aura looks pained... 777 00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:32,960 ...but I can bring a smile to your tortured soul. 778 00:40:33,964 --> 00:40:36,899 I have a surprise for you. 779 00:40:36,934 --> 00:40:39,835 Come, let me show you the way. 780 00:40:43,874 --> 00:40:46,240 Get a drink. 781 00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:47,904 I'm only 18. 782 00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:51,273 So Jell-O shot? 783 00:40:51,315 --> 00:40:52,782 No! 784 00:40:52,817 --> 00:40:55,115 Show me the surprise. 785 00:40:55,152 --> 00:40:57,518 Oh, want your surprise? 786 00:40:57,555 --> 00:40:59,955 Okay. 787 00:40:59,990 --> 00:41:02,925 Okay, I realize that... 788 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,190 ...well, I haven't been the best father. 789 00:41:06,831 --> 00:41:09,459 I've had this epiphany. 790 00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:12,867 I finally... finally see the light. 791 00:41:12,903 --> 00:41:16,703 And when you see this surprise, I think you will understand. 792 00:41:16,740 --> 00:41:19,368 Close your eyes, sweetheart. 793 00:41:19,410 --> 00:41:21,571 Stay right there. Okay? 794 00:41:23,948 --> 00:41:26,178 Okay, open them. 795 00:41:26,217 --> 00:41:28,151 - Surprise! - Surprise! 796 00:41:28,185 --> 00:41:30,346 We're getting married. 797 00:41:35,125 --> 00:41:36,956 That's not a pony. 798 00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,985 Yeah, but I'm gonna ride it like a racehorse. 799 00:41:39,029 --> 00:41:40,826 Yes! 800 00:41:40,865 --> 00:41:43,493 Oh my God, you guys are adorable. 801 00:41:43,534 --> 00:41:47,527 Oh, let me join this beautiful circle you guys have going on here. 802 00:41:47,571 --> 00:41:48,936 Please do. 803 00:41:48,973 --> 00:41:51,168 - We're missing you, man. - Gwen? 804 00:41:51,208 --> 00:41:55,269 Come here. I am so so glad we talked today. 805 00:41:55,312 --> 00:41:58,076 I mean, you have so many things going through your head... 806 00:41:58,115 --> 00:42:00,015 ...and I've been really worried about you. 807 00:42:00,050 --> 00:42:01,039 - Oh. - Really? 808 00:42:01,085 --> 00:42:03,576 Just lay your head down. And I love the family... 809 00:42:03,621 --> 00:42:05,646 ...and that's the biggest thing, man. 810 00:42:05,689 --> 00:42:08,954 God. What if me and Gwen got married too? 811 00:42:10,127 --> 00:42:13,062 - We could be like a big family. - That would be awesome. 812 00:42:13,097 --> 00:42:15,691 It would be amazing. You are adorable, by the way. 813 00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:16,961 - I... - Thank you! 814 00:42:17,001 --> 00:42:19,060 - That's so hot that you just did that. - Son-in-law. 815 00:42:19,103 --> 00:42:21,867 I think about you a lot... all the time, actually. 816 00:42:21,906 --> 00:42:25,034 Look, we could get together, take it slow... 817 00:42:25,075 --> 00:42:27,009 ...and maybe I could learn to love you and shit. 818 00:42:27,044 --> 00:42:29,535 I don't know. Just maybe we should give it a try. 819 00:42:29,580 --> 00:42:32,105 I think it's the best thing possible for you. 820 00:42:32,149 --> 00:42:34,379 'Cause it's all about family, right? 821 00:42:34,418 --> 00:42:35,885 - It is. - Yes! 822 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,478 - Absolutely. - Absolutely. 823 00:42:37,521 --> 00:42:39,386 God, you are just something else. 824 00:42:39,423 --> 00:42:41,220 - Oh, so are you! - Thank you. 825 00:42:41,258 --> 00:42:43,351 We should let the girls talk... 826 00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:44,952 - We should. - ...Get to know each other. 827 00:42:44,995 --> 00:42:47,520 Let's go do some drugs... 828 00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:48,657 Dad! 829 00:42:48,699 --> 00:42:51,998 Oh, son! Let's do it. 830 00:42:52,036 --> 00:42:54,436 Okay? This is gonna be great. You're gonna love it. 831 00:42:54,471 --> 00:42:55,768 - I'll miss you! - I promise. 832 00:42:55,806 --> 00:42:57,239 Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. 833 00:42:57,274 --> 00:42:59,367 I'm gonna get you some drinks because you look pretty rough right now. 834 00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,900 - Okay? - Oh, baby baby... 835 00:43:00,945 --> 00:43:03,345 All right. And you... I'm gonna think about you later. 836 00:43:03,380 --> 00:43:05,177 You're just... You little vixen you. 837 00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:06,682 You're the best. 838 00:43:06,717 --> 00:43:08,480 You are the best. Ow! 839 00:43:11,722 --> 00:43:13,383 I don't think so. 840 00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:15,415 You answer to me, bitch. 841 00:43:15,459 --> 00:43:17,359 You like me like that? 842 00:43:17,394 --> 00:43:20,557 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Harder harder. Oh. 843 00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:23,431 You are great. Yes. 844 00:43:23,467 --> 00:43:27,028 - Come on, boy. - It's like fucking a meat cave. 845 00:43:27,071 --> 00:43:29,266 Harder, baby. Harder. 846 00:43:29,306 --> 00:43:31,331 - Yes, there you go. - Oh, shit. 847 00:43:31,375 --> 00:43:33,343 By the way, I'm pregnant. 848 00:43:35,145 --> 00:43:37,306 Fuck it, it's not my kid. Mmm! Mmm! 849 00:43:40,217 --> 00:43:42,310 Hello? 850 00:43:46,090 --> 00:43:48,354 If I stomp my foot and snap my fingers... 851 00:43:48,392 --> 00:43:50,622 ...it means come with! Hello? 852 00:43:50,661 --> 00:43:53,721 Jonny, I am not a lamp post... I am a girl. Okay? 853 00:43:53,764 --> 00:43:56,096 Well, I don't care if you're a fucking desk. 854 00:43:56,133 --> 00:43:59,296 All right? If I snap my fingers, that specifically means... 855 00:43:59,336 --> 00:44:02,100 ...come with me, because I am the man and I'm awesome. 856 00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:04,300 Snap fingers, come with... let's go. 857 00:44:04,341 --> 00:44:07,071 I am sick of your... "Oh, I'm Jonny Awesome. 858 00:44:07,111 --> 00:44:09,102 I'm so sweet! I wear tank tops and work out... 859 00:44:09,146 --> 00:44:10,909 ...and get a pedicure every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. " 860 00:44:10,948 --> 00:44:13,246 I hope you go prematurely bald! Ha! 861 00:44:15,886 --> 00:44:19,151 That Rogaine is not mine! 862 00:44:19,189 --> 00:44:21,680 Oh, fine then! 863 00:44:21,725 --> 00:44:24,250 Go! 864 00:44:24,294 --> 00:44:26,262 Just leave. 865 00:44:26,296 --> 00:44:29,993 Go! Go! 866 00:44:30,034 --> 00:44:33,629 Stupid, lying, stupid! 867 00:44:38,008 --> 00:44:42,206 Messed up again and stupid. 868 00:44:42,246 --> 00:44:45,044 Oh, God! 869 00:44:45,082 --> 00:44:47,277 Ahhh, no! 870 00:44:50,020 --> 00:44:52,989 You guys are still here. 871 00:44:54,291 --> 00:44:56,452 Gwen: What an idiot. 872 00:44:56,493 --> 00:44:59,462 - I'm gonna go. - Bye. 873 00:45:12,676 --> 00:45:15,042 So let's recap: 874 00:45:15,079 --> 00:45:17,104 I'm the youngest divorcee in history; 875 00:45:17,147 --> 00:45:18,842 I'm failing history class; 876 00:45:18,882 --> 00:45:21,874 I'm an unpopular whore who ruined the senior trip... 877 00:45:21,919 --> 00:45:24,046 ...and got Principal Mann fired; 878 00:45:24,088 --> 00:45:27,285 I might be pregnant; some chick from my school just became my mom; 879 00:45:27,324 --> 00:45:30,555 ...and my ex is taking the anti-Christ to prom. 880 00:45:33,697 --> 00:45:36,165 Don't think you're gonna see my vajayjay. 881 00:45:41,038 --> 00:45:43,529 Should I hang myself? 882 00:45:45,342 --> 00:45:47,037 "Definitely yes. " 883 00:45:48,045 --> 00:45:50,536 You had to add the "definitely. " 884 00:45:52,549 --> 00:45:56,178 Kip: Yeah, things just aren't the same since my loser daughter showed up... 885 00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:58,916 ...marital problem. I don't even know why people get married. 886 00:45:58,956 --> 00:46:00,514 I mean, my God. 887 00:46:00,557 --> 00:46:02,115 I mean, what do you need to get married for? 888 00:46:02,159 --> 00:46:03,854 It's all about fornication. 889 00:46:03,894 --> 00:46:05,794 Who needs a piece of paper for that? 890 00:46:05,829 --> 00:46:08,798 I gotta get out of the house, Apple. You gotta help me out here. 891 00:46:08,832 --> 00:46:11,995 Meet me tomorrow in the dumpsters. 892 00:46:12,035 --> 00:46:14,230 Let's get trashy. 893 00:46:14,271 --> 00:46:16,762 Thanks, Dad. 894 00:46:16,807 --> 00:46:18,968 I think I actually have a plan. 895 00:46:23,814 --> 00:46:26,044 Principal Mann? 896 00:46:26,083 --> 00:46:28,608 - Who are you? - It's me, Gwen Adams. 897 00:46:28,652 --> 00:46:30,950 What do you want? 898 00:46:30,988 --> 00:46:33,422 I think I can help you get your school back... 899 00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,118 ...if you'll help me graduate. 900 00:46:37,027 --> 00:46:38,551 What's your plan? 901 00:46:38,595 --> 00:46:41,257 Meet me by the dumpsters tomorrow. 902 00:46:41,298 --> 00:46:43,732 And bring Mr. Seuss. 903 00:46:43,767 --> 00:46:47,294 Me and Seuss will meet you by the dumpsters tomorrow. 904 00:46:54,011 --> 00:46:56,741 Kip: Who's your friend? 905 00:46:56,780 --> 00:46:58,145 Tiffany. 906 00:46:58,182 --> 00:47:01,208 Well, I have one rule: 907 00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:02,878 ...no fat chicks. 908 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,751 Are you not convinced yet? 909 00:47:04,788 --> 00:47:07,188 Maybe they're looking for something. 910 00:47:07,224 --> 00:47:09,658 Oh, I love it when you're trashy! Ha ha! 911 00:47:09,693 --> 00:47:12,321 Yeah, he's looking for something: her vajayjay. 912 00:47:12,362 --> 00:47:15,331 Your name may be Apple but I want to see those melons. 913 00:47:15,365 --> 00:47:18,766 This is the perfect opportunity to get some dirt on her. 914 00:47:18,802 --> 00:47:22,169 You'll get your life back and I'm gonna reclaim my school. 915 00:47:22,206 --> 00:47:23,730 This is what we're gonna do: 916 00:47:23,774 --> 00:47:26,436 We're gonna tape them and once we have the evidence... 917 00:47:26,476 --> 00:47:28,341 ...we're gonna watch them squirm like worms. 918 00:47:28,378 --> 00:47:29,777 I still love her. 919 00:47:29,813 --> 00:47:32,043 - Mmmmm! - Yeah. 920 00:47:32,082 --> 00:47:34,550 I gotta get a better screening process for my teachers. 921 00:47:37,454 --> 00:47:40,651 Come to Papa! Oh, baby! 922 00:47:45,762 --> 00:47:48,253 Please explode and kill me. 923 00:47:51,101 --> 00:47:53,626 I don't like coffee; she likes coffee. 924 00:47:53,670 --> 00:47:55,797 She likes a lot of other things. 925 00:47:58,909 --> 00:48:01,935 - Hey, Mr. Seuss. - Hey, Candi. 926 00:48:01,979 --> 00:48:03,571 I need you to sign these for me. 927 00:48:03,614 --> 00:48:05,605 Sure sure. What am I signing? 928 00:48:05,649 --> 00:48:08,049 Well, they're divorce papers from Miss Apple. 929 00:48:09,052 --> 00:48:11,680 She doesn't even have the guts to divorce me in person? 930 00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:13,917 - She sends her little pet fembot! - I'm a teacher. 931 00:48:13,957 --> 00:48:17,120 We had a love story right out of Shakespeare. 932 00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,926 You tell her that I will not give her a divorce. 933 00:48:20,964 --> 00:48:23,899 10 minutes after I'm dead, we're gonna have a honeymoon in hell. 934 00:48:23,934 --> 00:48:26,300 Right. Of course. 935 00:48:26,336 --> 00:48:28,031 - I'll be back. - Okay. 936 00:48:28,071 --> 00:48:30,972 You have a great day. It was so good seeing you. Bye. 937 00:48:31,008 --> 00:48:32,669 See ya. 938 00:48:34,511 --> 00:48:37,947 Seuss, Seuss, why the long face, buddy? 939 00:48:37,981 --> 00:48:40,472 - You're not even faculty! - Look. Look. 940 00:48:40,517 --> 00:48:42,747 I have a little gift from your soon-to-be-ex wife. 941 00:48:42,786 --> 00:48:45,118 - Oh, I can guess what this is! - Ha ha ha ha! 942 00:48:46,490 --> 00:48:48,549 Hey, we wash our vegetables in there. 943 00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:51,857 You know, I also don't appreciate your little parking-lot performance... 944 00:48:51,895 --> 00:48:53,920 - A few minutes ago. - Oh, you saw that? 945 00:48:53,964 --> 00:48:57,058 Everybody saw that. My principal saw that. I'm not gonna get tenure. 946 00:48:57,100 --> 00:48:59,660 Did your wife use to be a gymnast? I mean, she's flexible. 947 00:48:59,703 --> 00:49:02,228 You don't even go here. You know... 948 00:49:02,272 --> 00:49:04,832 Seuss, Seuss, Seuss, Seuss, this is a good thing. 949 00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:07,207 Do you know what? It's man's nature to be free. 950 00:49:07,244 --> 00:49:10,680 You're now set free. The whole horizon is out there for you. 951 00:49:10,714 --> 00:49:14,206 Making love to my wife on a pile of trash! 952 00:49:14,251 --> 00:49:16,014 Aren't women impossible? 953 00:49:16,053 --> 00:49:18,988 Don't worry, buddy. You're gonna feel better. I promise you. 954 00:49:19,022 --> 00:49:22,116 Hang in there. Now if you want to keep talking... 955 00:49:22,159 --> 00:49:25,026 ...you can find me. Just follow the essence... 956 00:49:25,062 --> 00:49:27,394 - I'll find you. I'll find you. - ...Of your wife's vagina. 957 00:49:27,431 --> 00:49:32,027 Put your severed head on... 958 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,413 Hilary: And I decided we are having a bikini prom! 959 00:49:46,450 --> 00:49:47,781 All right. Whoo! 960 00:49:48,885 --> 00:49:51,820 - Are you ready? - Yeah. Let's do it. 961 00:49:51,855 --> 00:49:53,117 Okay. 962 00:49:53,156 --> 00:49:56,751 Get your dad's cell phone and text Miss Apple. Here is her number. 963 00:49:58,328 --> 00:50:00,523 - Consider it done. - And Gwen? 964 00:50:00,564 --> 00:50:02,327 This better work. 965 00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:10,065 Dad? 966 00:50:10,107 --> 00:50:11,938 - Dad? - Wait your turn. 967 00:50:11,975 --> 00:50:13,567 - Dad! - Okay. 968 00:50:13,610 --> 00:50:15,601 - Gwen? What do you want? - Girl: Ew. 969 00:50:15,645 --> 00:50:17,340 I just need to borrow the phone. 970 00:50:17,381 --> 00:50:21,283 Oh. What, are you calling the courthouse for divorce papers? 971 00:50:21,318 --> 00:50:23,718 - No. - Then I don't think I can help you. 972 00:50:23,754 --> 00:50:25,153 - Dad, it's... - Girl: Bye bye. 973 00:50:25,188 --> 00:50:28,351 Look, if you need it that bad, it's in my pants. I kinda got my hands full. 974 00:50:28,392 --> 00:50:30,860 Jonny: ... Coach. Thank you so much. 975 00:50:35,732 --> 00:50:37,996 Jonny: Coach, everybody! Yeah! Whoo! 976 00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:40,833 - He's sexy. Isn't he sexy? - Matt: He is. 977 00:50:40,871 --> 00:50:43,237 Jonny: Man, I would fuck... Okay. So anyway... 978 00:50:43,273 --> 00:50:46,333 ...let's move the... Oh, Kip Dick! 979 00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:47,934 - Kip Dick! Whoo! - Kip Dick! 980 00:50:47,978 --> 00:50:50,640 Yo, Awesome, you are the man! 981 00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,478 No, Kip, you the man. 982 00:50:53,517 --> 00:50:56,145 I tell you, Awesome, you ever thought about being my son? 983 00:50:56,186 --> 00:50:59,087 - You should marry my daughter. - Does she give oral yet? 984 00:50:59,122 --> 00:51:01,215 I do. 985 00:51:01,258 --> 00:51:03,419 Hey, let's give it up again for Kip Dick! 986 00:51:03,460 --> 00:51:05,291 Awesome! 987 00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:11,667 Gwen: By setting up Miss Apple, I was killing three birds with one stone: 988 00:51:11,701 --> 00:51:13,862 ...helping Mann get his job back... 989 00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:16,498 ...getting a little retribution for Seuss... 990 00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:18,303 ...not to mention teaching my dad a lesson. 991 00:51:18,341 --> 00:51:20,241 This was supposed to be done hours ago. 992 00:51:20,277 --> 00:51:22,370 Goddamn Alice. 993 00:51:22,412 --> 00:51:24,972 Last time I was in a boys' locker room... 994 00:51:25,015 --> 00:51:27,984 - Oh, yeah, the gang-bang. - We remember. 995 00:51:28,018 --> 00:51:29,508 You guys, we gotta hurry. 996 00:51:29,553 --> 00:51:32,716 Great plan, Mann... nowhere to hide. 997 00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:34,348 Shh! 998 00:51:34,391 --> 00:51:36,120 Everyone hide! 999 00:51:36,159 --> 00:51:38,354 Hey, I bet they're doing it right now. 1000 00:51:38,395 --> 00:51:40,625 - Thank you. - That means they're gonna have sex. 1001 00:51:40,664 --> 00:51:42,256 Hide! 1002 00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:55,877 Whoo! Oh! 1003 00:52:07,424 --> 00:52:09,392 Apple? 1004 00:52:14,764 --> 00:52:17,699 I got what you want. 1005 00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:28,971 Ah, there you are. 1006 00:52:31,781 --> 00:52:33,578 Come to Papa. 1007 00:52:36,953 --> 00:52:40,081 You make me feel like a princess. 1008 00:52:40,123 --> 00:52:42,990 Well, good. Note to princess: 1009 00:52:43,026 --> 00:52:44,721 ...lose the skirt. 1010 00:52:46,463 --> 00:52:49,728 I had no idea you were into these smelly jockstraps... 1011 00:52:49,766 --> 00:52:52,530 ...but whatever works for you, baby. 1012 00:52:52,569 --> 00:52:54,799 Yeah. 1013 00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:57,705 Oh, baby. 1014 00:52:57,741 --> 00:53:01,939 You've been a bad girl. You've been a bad girl! 1015 00:53:06,883 --> 00:53:09,351 Miss Apple: Ooh, yes, spank me. 1016 00:53:09,386 --> 00:53:11,183 - Ooh! - Pull my hair! 1017 00:53:11,221 --> 00:53:13,553 - Yeah! - Oh! 1018 00:53:13,590 --> 00:53:16,650 I'm gonna ride you into the sunset, baby. Whooo! 1019 00:53:16,693 --> 00:53:20,459 Oh oh, yes! Oh, yes! Ooh! 1020 00:53:20,497 --> 00:53:22,727 Oh yeah, oh yeah! 1021 00:53:22,766 --> 00:53:25,701 Oh, pull my hair. Spank my ass! 1022 00:53:25,735 --> 00:53:27,965 Yes. Oh, yes. 1023 00:53:28,004 --> 00:53:30,871 Kip: You gotta spank me too, baby. Ooh, I love that. 1024 00:53:30,907 --> 00:53:33,569 I love that. Spank me again. 1025 00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:35,805 Oh, yes yes yes yes yes! 1026 00:53:35,845 --> 00:53:40,009 Oh, yeah, baby! Whooo-aaaaah! 1027 00:53:42,118 --> 00:53:44,916 Candi: Kip, you were supposed to meet my parents today! 1028 00:53:44,955 --> 00:53:47,287 Hey, what are you... Oh! 1029 00:53:47,324 --> 00:53:48,916 Oh, bag shot! Oh! 1030 00:53:48,959 --> 00:53:50,893 God, oh, Jeez! 1031 00:53:50,927 --> 00:53:53,953 God, someone's pussy smells. Get off me! 1032 00:53:53,997 --> 00:53:56,397 God! God! 1033 00:53:56,433 --> 00:53:58,333 - Jesus. - Kip... 1034 00:53:58,368 --> 00:54:00,962 I asked you if there was anyone else and you said no. 1035 00:54:01,004 --> 00:54:04,371 I don't like it when men lie to me. 1036 00:54:04,407 --> 00:54:08,036 Well, honey... 1037 00:54:08,078 --> 00:54:10,410 ...are we cool now? 1038 00:54:11,448 --> 00:54:13,313 Yeah, we're cool. 1039 00:54:13,350 --> 00:54:15,614 Franklin's gonna buy Candi and I dinner tonight... 1040 00:54:15,652 --> 00:54:18,212 ...while we talk about what a dick you are. 1041 00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:22,282 And after that, we're gonna have hot lesbian sex in my hot tub. 1042 00:54:27,497 --> 00:54:30,261 - Can I watch? - I don't think so, Kip. We're done. 1043 00:54:30,300 --> 00:54:32,131 But I love Candi and Apples. 1044 00:54:32,168 --> 00:54:34,762 Wait, I got a KD Lang CD. I'll drive. 1045 00:54:34,804 --> 00:54:37,398 Halt. Hey, Gwen, how you doin'? 1046 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,806 Awesome. Listen, you know... 1047 00:54:39,843 --> 00:54:42,403 ...with everything that's going on... you know... 1048 00:54:42,445 --> 00:54:44,675 - Your man's out mingling with... - Husband. 1049 00:54:44,714 --> 00:54:47,581 ...every other... whatever. Point of the matter is... 1050 00:54:47,617 --> 00:54:49,915 I got to thinking and I thought, you know... 1051 00:54:49,953 --> 00:54:52,353 - Maybe me and you should go. - Where? 1052 00:54:52,389 --> 00:54:54,084 Prom. 1053 00:54:54,124 --> 00:54:56,718 - Ha! Duh! - You're asking me to prom? 1054 00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:59,490 We could. Yeah. 1055 00:54:59,529 --> 00:55:03,192 - No. - Uh, no? Ha! That's my answer to you. 1056 00:55:03,233 --> 00:55:06,964 'Cause I'm not gonna go to prom with you. You're pretty horrible. 1057 00:55:07,003 --> 00:55:09,631 Mann: Attention, munchkin turds... 1058 00:55:09,673 --> 00:55:12,767 Miss Apple has a few recorded words for you... 1059 00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:18,873 Yes, spank me! Pull my hair. 1060 00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:22,345 Mann: Now with that being said... 1061 00:55:22,385 --> 00:55:25,320 Miss Apple, I'm really gonna miss you. 1062 00:55:25,355 --> 00:55:28,051 Principal Mann? 1063 00:55:28,091 --> 00:55:30,719 Hold on, Alice. Go ahead, Gwenn. 1064 00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:33,729 - We make a great team. - Thanks, Gwen. 1065 00:55:33,763 --> 00:55:35,822 I couldn't have got the school back without you. 1066 00:55:35,865 --> 00:55:37,799 Aww! 1067 00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:40,325 Looks like we won't be seeing you next year. 1068 00:55:40,370 --> 00:55:41,928 Thank God. 1069 00:55:50,447 --> 00:55:52,142 First I need a date... 1070 00:55:52,182 --> 00:55:56,448 ...but there's only two viable options: Jonny or Matt. 1071 00:55:57,654 --> 00:55:59,713 Jonny... 1072 00:55:59,756 --> 00:56:00,916 Matt. 1073 00:56:00,957 --> 00:56:02,447 Ech! 1074 00:56:03,460 --> 00:56:06,293 Jonny, Matt. 1075 00:56:06,329 --> 00:56:08,024 Jonny. 1076 00:56:09,265 --> 00:56:11,324 Matt. 1077 00:56:12,335 --> 00:56:14,030 Jonny, Matt. 1078 00:56:14,070 --> 00:56:16,197 Jonny, Matt... Matt, Jonny. 1079 00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,400 Jonny, Matt. Matt Matt Matt. 1080 00:56:18,441 --> 00:56:20,671 Jonny, Matt. 1081 00:56:20,710 --> 00:56:23,645 Jonny, Jonny... Jonny, Jonny. 1082 00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:25,545 Jonny. 1083 00:56:28,385 --> 00:56:29,943 Hey, Jonny. 1084 00:56:29,986 --> 00:56:32,546 Imitating Chinese voice: How are you? You still cry? 1085 00:56:32,589 --> 00:56:34,887 I'm not crying. 1086 00:56:34,924 --> 00:56:37,916 Oh, you wanna go prom with Jonny? 1087 00:56:37,961 --> 00:56:40,191 - You want... - Yeah, let's do prom. 1088 00:56:40,230 --> 00:56:42,061 He give you fruity wooty... 1089 00:56:42,098 --> 00:56:44,965 ...which is Chinese for "fuck your brain out"! 1090 00:56:49,105 --> 00:56:51,573 And now I need the perfect outfit. 1091 00:56:54,944 --> 00:56:57,811 #Whoa-oh whoa-oh # 1092 00:56:58,815 --> 00:57:01,010 #Whoa-oh whoa-oh # 1093 00:57:01,050 --> 00:57:03,382 #Another Friday night, I'm waiting by the phone # 1094 00:57:03,420 --> 00:57:05,911 #You're hanging with your friends... # 1095 00:57:05,955 --> 00:57:07,286 No? 1096 00:57:07,323 --> 00:57:08,950 #I'm better off alone # 1097 00:57:08,992 --> 00:57:12,758 #Yeah, we had plans tonight, they must have slipped your mind # 1098 00:57:12,796 --> 00:57:15,356 #And you think I'd go... # 1099 00:57:15,398 --> 00:57:17,958 I wonder where Holden is. 1100 00:57:18,001 --> 00:57:20,231 Nope. Over it! 1101 00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:23,637 #But boy, I've been feeling this way # 1102 00:57:23,673 --> 00:57:27,473 #So long, you should have seen me # 1103 00:57:27,510 --> 00:57:30,172 #Climb on # 1104 00:57:30,213 --> 00:57:33,979 #It's all your fault, I'm running out of reasons # 1105 00:57:34,017 --> 00:57:39,011 #I'm not leaving, I'm already gone # 1106 00:57:39,055 --> 00:57:43,116 #So long # 1107 00:57:45,361 --> 00:57:47,522 #Whoa-oh whoa-oh # 1108 00:57:47,564 --> 00:57:51,523 #By tomorrow night, I'll be having fun # 1109 00:57:51,568 --> 00:57:55,095 #'Cause I got lots of friends who never liked you none # 1110 00:57:55,138 --> 00:57:59,234 #Don't try to call me now, I know your talk is cheap # 1111 00:57:59,275 --> 00:58:03,211 #And all I have to say is leave a message at the beep # 1112 00:58:03,246 --> 00:58:07,307 #If I were you, I wouldn't wait or bleed # 1113 00:58:07,350 --> 00:58:09,841 #'Cause boy, you're gonna have to wait # 1114 00:58:09,886 --> 00:58:12,719 #So long # 1115 00:58:12,755 --> 00:58:16,486 #You should have seen me climb on # 1116 00:58:16,526 --> 00:58:20,360 #It's all your fault, I'm running out of reasons # 1117 00:58:20,396 --> 00:58:24,958 #I'm not leaving, I'm already gone # 1118 00:58:25,001 --> 00:58:28,437 #So goodbye, good luck to you # 1119 00:58:28,471 --> 00:58:32,271 #You can't hurt me anymore! I'm so far over you # 1120 00:58:32,308 --> 00:58:37,177 #Already out the door... # 1121 00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:42,879 So Hilary might have a larger booty... 1122 00:58:42,919 --> 00:58:45,183 ...but I have brains. 1123 00:59:06,809 --> 00:59:09,175 - Oh, yeah! - It's me! 1124 00:59:10,780 --> 00:59:14,614 - I'm so excited! It's prom! It's prom! - Whooo! 1125 00:59:14,651 --> 00:59:16,676 Goin' to prom! 1126 00:59:16,719 --> 00:59:18,118 Yeah! 1127 00:59:18,154 --> 00:59:20,145 Aren't you gonna close the door? 1128 00:59:20,189 --> 00:59:21,554 Oh. 1129 00:59:33,036 --> 00:59:35,266 You're welcome. 1130 00:59:35,305 --> 00:59:37,796 I'm just messing with you. 1131 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,468 You look... Good. 1132 00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:44,776 What's with the Sith Lord thing? Whoo, it's Gwen Adams! 1133 00:59:44,814 --> 00:59:46,543 I'm just kidding. Wanna make out? 1134 00:59:46,583 --> 00:59:49,643 Not yet. Let's wait. What's with the cheetah bra? 1135 00:59:49,686 --> 00:59:51,847 Raar! I just want to bite into those breasts. 1136 00:59:51,888 --> 00:59:55,517 Aren't you excited? Prom! 1137 00:59:55,558 --> 00:59:57,788 - Is that my boy Jonny? - Kip Dick! 1138 00:59:57,827 --> 01:00:00,955 Love the vest. My God, you look hot. 1139 01:00:00,997 --> 01:00:03,864 - Ooh, big night tonight. - Yeah! 1140 01:00:03,900 --> 01:00:07,131 - Ha! - Errrr! 1141 01:00:07,170 --> 01:00:10,662 Yoink. Mr. Dick! 1142 01:00:10,707 --> 01:00:12,504 Whoo! What's up, man? 1143 01:00:12,542 --> 01:00:14,407 Let's do it. 1144 01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:16,344 Come on. 1145 01:00:16,379 --> 01:00:19,212 - Yes! - Wait, don't forget me. 1146 01:00:19,248 --> 01:00:22,445 Yeah. Prom rules! 1147 01:00:22,485 --> 01:00:25,613 Whoo! Well, come on, honey. We gotta get there. 1148 01:00:25,655 --> 01:00:28,351 - Get inside. - Gonna be awesome. 1149 01:00:28,391 --> 01:00:30,689 Ah, yes! 1150 01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:32,388 - Whoo-hoo! - Yeah. 1151 01:00:32,428 --> 01:00:34,896 You know, if you need a little road head, I won't be in the way. 1152 01:00:35,932 --> 01:00:39,095 Come on, baby. Prom night. 1153 01:00:41,104 --> 01:00:42,901 Hey! 1154 01:00:42,939 --> 01:00:44,930 What the fuck? 1155 01:00:44,974 --> 01:00:47,841 Fuckin' cocksuckers. I wanted to go to prom. 1156 01:00:58,221 --> 01:01:02,920 #Everyone is always on the go # 1157 01:01:02,959 --> 01:01:06,759 #Gotta get to school or my mom will know # 1158 01:01:07,997 --> 01:01:11,057 #Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class# 1159 01:01:12,769 --> 01:01:15,636 #If I don't get there in time, she's gonna kick my ass # 1160 01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:20,403 #Yeah, it's a good social program # 1161 01:01:20,443 --> 01:01:22,502 #Where all the kids can go uptown # 1162 01:01:22,545 --> 01:01:25,013 #Yeah, it's a new way to know that # 1163 01:01:25,048 --> 01:01:27,482 #Everything's okay # 1164 01:01:27,517 --> 01:01:30,816 #Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class# 1165 01:01:32,388 --> 01:01:35,221 #If I don't get there on time, she's gonna kick my ass # 1166 01:01:36,693 --> 01:01:39,685 #Yeah, it's a good social program # 1167 01:01:39,729 --> 01:01:41,890 #Where all the kids can go uptown # 1168 01:01:41,931 --> 01:01:44,297 #Yeah, it's a new way to know that # 1169 01:01:44,333 --> 01:01:47,029 #Everything's okay # 1170 01:01:47,070 --> 01:01:49,436 #Ooh, it doesn't get much better # 1171 01:01:49,472 --> 01:01:51,872 #Never thought I'd ever play the fool # 1172 01:01:51,908 --> 01:01:56,743 #Everything I need's in my American high school # 1173 01:01:56,779 --> 01:01:59,145 #Oh, Lord, it doesn't get much better # 1174 01:01:59,182 --> 01:02:01,616 #Never thought I'd ever play the fool # 1175 01:02:01,651 --> 01:02:03,551 #Everything I need... # 1176 01:02:03,586 --> 01:02:05,451 Hell of a party, huh? 1177 01:02:05,488 --> 01:02:07,581 Doogie, what are you doing here? 1178 01:02:07,623 --> 01:02:09,488 Me? I'm on call. 1179 01:02:09,525 --> 01:02:12,494 Any of the girls drink too much, I'm gonna give them a breathalyzer. 1180 01:02:12,528 --> 01:02:15,292 I brought something for them to blow on. 1181 01:02:15,331 --> 01:02:17,424 Listen, I see kids like you all the time... 1182 01:02:17,467 --> 01:02:19,458 ...you don't know if you're coming or going. 1183 01:02:19,502 --> 01:02:22,494 I know I haven't come in a long time. I just went... I'd gone. 1184 01:02:22,538 --> 01:02:24,529 But you don't know if you're coming or going. 1185 01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:26,940 You need to have more confidence. You need to, you know... 1186 01:02:26,976 --> 01:02:29,035 - I know. - ...Take a risk, you know? 1187 01:02:29,078 --> 01:02:31,205 Whoa, wait a minute. 1188 01:02:31,247 --> 01:02:34,614 I see your guy dancing with another girl. 1189 01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:37,619 Yeah, you know why he's with that lady blonde? 1190 01:02:37,653 --> 01:02:39,450 - Why? - I'll tell you why. 1191 01:02:39,489 --> 01:02:41,548 There's a lot of reasons. 1192 01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:43,650 One of them come to mind: she's fuckable... 1193 01:02:43,693 --> 01:02:46,662 ...and you're sitting here with a guy with a mustache... 1194 01:02:46,696 --> 01:02:48,960 ...and a two-inch penis. 1195 01:02:48,998 --> 01:02:50,829 - Oh! - I know. 1196 01:02:50,867 --> 01:02:53,734 Lower. 1197 01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,101 Yeah. 1198 01:02:55,138 --> 01:02:58,733 You need to go after what you want. 1199 01:02:58,775 --> 01:03:00,265 Thanks. 1200 01:03:00,309 --> 01:03:03,278 Listen, I'm not picking sides, okay? 1201 01:03:03,312 --> 01:03:05,473 There are no sides, okay? 1202 01:03:05,515 --> 01:03:08,075 There's one thing that controls relationships. 1203 01:03:08,117 --> 01:03:09,277 What's that? 1204 01:03:09,318 --> 01:03:12,048 The penis. Yeah. 1205 01:03:12,088 --> 01:03:15,649 Let me ask you this: What does a guy with a 12-inch penis eat for breakfast? 1206 01:03:15,691 --> 01:03:17,056 I don't know. What do they eat? 1207 01:03:17,093 --> 01:03:19,357 Let's see, this morning I had waffles... 1208 01:03:19,395 --> 01:03:21,363 ...uh, some jelly on some toast. 1209 01:03:21,397 --> 01:03:23,092 But listen, you need to move forward. 1210 01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:25,657 - You've got to stop looking backward. - I know. 1211 01:03:25,701 --> 01:03:27,669 You need more confidence. 1212 01:03:27,703 --> 01:03:29,500 I know you have it. 1213 01:03:29,539 --> 01:03:31,769 - Okay? - Thanks, Doogie. 1214 01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:33,070 You're welcome. 1215 01:03:34,677 --> 01:03:36,645 Gwen: Doogie's the best, isn't he? 1216 01:03:36,679 --> 01:03:38,840 - You want to fuck or not? - What? 1217 01:03:38,881 --> 01:03:40,576 God! 1218 01:03:40,616 --> 01:03:42,948 #They got me thinking naughty # 1219 01:03:42,985 --> 01:03:47,820 #And I want to put my hands on that booty... Booty # 1220 01:03:47,857 --> 01:03:49,950 #Not trying to offend you # 1221 01:03:49,992 --> 01:03:52,517 #But I want to get up in you # 1222 01:03:52,562 --> 01:03:55,998 #I can't hold it back, you're so sexy... # 1223 01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:57,727 Good evening, boys and girls! 1224 01:03:57,767 --> 01:04:00,201 All: Good evening, Mr. Mann. 1225 01:04:00,236 --> 01:04:02,227 Thank you. It's been a good night. 1226 01:04:02,271 --> 01:04:04,739 Man, you rock! 1227 01:04:04,774 --> 01:04:08,107 Right back at ya, sweet pea. 1228 01:04:08,144 --> 01:04:11,443 All right, this is the main part of our ceremony. 1229 01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:14,813 It's the climax of the prom. 1230 01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:18,252 And that means it's queen time! 1231 01:04:22,959 --> 01:04:25,621 So let's have those ladies move to the front right now. 1232 01:04:36,505 --> 01:04:38,632 With that being said... 1233 01:04:38,674 --> 01:04:41,006 ...our prom queen is... 1234 01:04:44,780 --> 01:04:46,543 Gwen Adams! 1235 01:04:46,582 --> 01:04:48,447 Thattagirl! 1236 01:04:48,484 --> 01:04:51,146 Let's give it up for Gwen Adams. 1237 01:04:51,187 --> 01:04:53,451 Gwen: Oh, I almost feel bad. 1238 01:04:53,489 --> 01:04:55,150 Yeah, right! 1239 01:04:55,191 --> 01:04:57,386 At this point, you probably think I cheated the system, huh? 1240 01:04:57,426 --> 01:05:00,224 I mean, I didn't even campaign that hard. 1241 01:05:00,263 --> 01:05:02,163 But you're wrong: I won fair and square. 1242 01:05:02,198 --> 01:05:03,961 Well, almost. 1243 01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:04,989 Don't judge me. 1244 01:05:05,034 --> 01:05:07,002 You would have done the same thing. 1245 01:05:19,348 --> 01:05:21,509 I'm proud of you, kiddo. 1246 01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:26,688 All right, with that being said... 1247 01:05:26,722 --> 01:05:28,349 ...it's time for our prom king! 1248 01:05:28,391 --> 01:05:31,485 What you mean, "prom king"? 1249 01:05:31,527 --> 01:05:34,758 Oh, come on, man. Every prom has a prom king... 1250 01:05:34,797 --> 01:05:38,426 - And a queen. - You suck! 1251 01:05:38,467 --> 01:05:41,436 All right, I can't help that you guys spend all your time and money... 1252 01:05:41,470 --> 01:05:43,370 ...votin' on the hos. 1253 01:05:43,406 --> 01:05:46,534 So with that, I'm gonna invoke executive decision. 1254 01:05:46,575 --> 01:05:49,567 Varsity champion, our captain... 1255 01:05:49,612 --> 01:05:51,773 Jonny Awesome! 1256 01:05:56,085 --> 01:05:58,451 Awesome! Ahh! 1257 01:06:02,525 --> 01:06:04,755 Fifth year in a row, baby. What! 1258 01:06:04,794 --> 01:06:07,354 Whoo! Ha ha! Whoo! 1259 01:06:09,198 --> 01:06:10,790 Whoo! 1260 01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:18,164 Wow. Ha ha! This is totally unexpected. 1261 01:06:18,207 --> 01:06:21,301 - Totally unexpected. - I mean, I didn't even expect it. 1262 01:06:21,344 --> 01:06:23,778 - Didn't expect it. - I mean, it's a total shocker. 1263 01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:25,906 - It's a shocker... Capital S. - Matty? 1264 01:06:25,948 --> 01:06:29,111 Uh, first I would first and foremost... 1265 01:06:29,151 --> 01:06:30,948 - Like to thank... - Bitches. 1266 01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:33,751 ...all the bitches. Secondly, I'd like to thank... 1267 01:06:33,789 --> 01:06:35,984 - Hos. - ...All the hos. 1268 01:06:36,025 --> 01:06:38,687 - Thirdly, I just want to thank... - Bitches and hos. 1269 01:06:38,728 --> 01:06:41,754 ...all the bitches and the hos. 1270 01:06:41,797 --> 01:06:44,493 - You're a ho. - She knows she's a ho. 1271 01:06:44,533 --> 01:06:47,001 And I don't know why I'm talking like a reverend... 1272 01:06:47,036 --> 01:06:48,663 ...but I want to preach to you! 1273 01:06:48,704 --> 01:06:52,037 Who's gonna pledge $100? Who's gonna pledge $100? 1274 01:06:52,074 --> 01:06:54,338 #Because we're awesome! # 1275 01:06:54,377 --> 01:06:57,244 - Ho! - That's... That's how I sing. 1276 01:06:58,514 --> 01:07:01,449 Uh, Gwen? Ahem... 1277 01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:07,112 Ha ha. 1278 01:07:07,156 --> 01:07:10,853 Uh, now me and your queen of the prom... 1279 01:07:10,893 --> 01:07:13,054 - Shall dance, shall we? - Matt: Shall we dance? 1280 01:07:13,095 --> 01:07:15,757 Yeah, I think we're supposed to. 1281 01:07:15,798 --> 01:07:16,958 Awesome. 1282 01:07:18,567 --> 01:07:21,400 Mann: Let me get your attention. Let me get your attention! 1283 01:07:21,437 --> 01:07:25,339 Allow me to introduce to you Principal Mann's personal friend... 1284 01:07:25,374 --> 01:07:29,970 ...international recording artist Trini L�pez! 1285 01:07:30,012 --> 01:07:31,741 "La Bamba!" 1286 01:08:00,309 --> 01:08:02,504 You too. 1287 01:08:02,545 --> 01:08:04,672 You too. You too. 1288 01:08:05,681 --> 01:08:08,980 I'm sorry, my lips are really tired. Maybe next time. 1289 01:08:11,153 --> 01:08:13,485 Come here. 1290 01:08:13,522 --> 01:08:15,490 Jonny shouldn't treat you like that. 1291 01:08:16,892 --> 01:08:19,019 Uh-oh! 1292 01:08:20,029 --> 01:08:22,429 I got it, I got it. 1293 01:08:22,465 --> 01:08:23,932 I got it. 1294 01:08:23,966 --> 01:08:26,196 I got it, I got it. 1295 01:08:26,235 --> 01:08:28,465 I always have a problem getting it up. 1296 01:08:28,504 --> 01:08:30,699 Okay. How you doin', Holden? 1297 01:08:30,739 --> 01:08:32,400 I'm good, buddy. How you doin', Doogie? 1298 01:08:32,441 --> 01:08:35,001 Me? I'm stoned. 1299 01:08:35,044 --> 01:08:37,239 Hey, you want my advice? 1300 01:08:37,279 --> 01:08:40,146 - Not really. - You don't want my advice? 1301 01:08:40,182 --> 01:08:42,548 I know you're not gonna take it. You better list... Listen to me. 1302 01:08:42,585 --> 01:08:44,314 Listen to me. That hurts, doesn't it? 1303 01:08:44,353 --> 01:08:46,878 No, it doesn't hurt. I lost sensation in my left nipple... 1304 01:08:46,922 --> 01:08:49,049 - Is there a problem here? - Damn. 1305 01:08:49,091 --> 01:08:50,991 - Huh? Is there a problem here? - Yeah... 1306 01:08:51,026 --> 01:08:53,051 - Adams? - No, I'm good. 1307 01:08:53,095 --> 01:08:54,619 - He's my bitch. - What? 1308 01:08:54,663 --> 01:08:57,291 Sounds like you come from a loving family there, Holden. 1309 01:08:57,333 --> 01:08:59,324 - It's amazing, Doogie. - Wow. 1310 01:08:59,368 --> 01:09:00,926 - Doogie? - Yeah. 1311 01:09:00,970 --> 01:09:03,803 Look at Gwen. You've been examining her, right? 1312 01:09:03,839 --> 01:09:06,171 I'm gonna be real with you for a second. 1313 01:09:06,208 --> 01:09:09,700 I want to lick her up and down and bite her ass like a meatball. 1314 01:09:09,745 --> 01:09:11,576 Oh. 1315 01:09:14,049 --> 01:09:17,177 - You know... - Yeah? 1316 01:09:17,219 --> 01:09:19,619 ...I'm telling you, fucking teenagers. 1317 01:09:20,923 --> 01:09:23,153 - Isn't it best? - It is good. 1318 01:09:23,192 --> 01:09:25,683 Hey, Brian. 1319 01:09:25,728 --> 01:09:27,491 - Hi. - Mind if I sit down? 1320 01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:30,294 - Hello. - Yeah, I voted for "bush. " 1321 01:09:31,867 --> 01:09:35,359 Hello, lovely. 1322 01:09:54,490 --> 01:09:57,425 Awesome people don't do drugs, you know what I mean? 1323 01:09:57,459 --> 01:10:00,587 Gwen, what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? 1324 01:10:00,629 --> 01:10:04,224 - What the fuck are you doing? - Bro, my sash. 1325 01:10:04,266 --> 01:10:06,291 - Ow! - Listen. 1326 01:10:06,335 --> 01:10:08,803 - Seriously, ow. - Listen! Listen! Listen to me! 1327 01:10:08,837 --> 01:10:10,930 - You are so high-strung. - Stop! No! Why are you so good-looking? 1328 01:10:10,973 --> 01:10:13,840 I'm sick of it. You're so awesome and you're so good-looking and I'm not. 1329 01:10:13,876 --> 01:10:15,901 I'm not good-looking and I'm not awesome! 1330 01:10:15,945 --> 01:10:17,913 - I know, baby. I know. - I'm not. I'm not. 1331 01:10:17,947 --> 01:10:20,177 I know, I know. Come here. Let it out. 1332 01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:21,740 - Just come on, let it out. - I'm not! 1333 01:10:21,784 --> 01:10:25,345 I'm not and look! 1334 01:10:25,387 --> 01:10:27,446 - Ow! You always hit me. - Sorry, dude. 1335 01:10:27,489 --> 01:10:29,423 - Oh, ow! Ow! - Ow! Ow! 1336 01:10:29,458 --> 01:10:31,926 - Ow ow! - Now you're really hitting me. 1337 01:10:31,961 --> 01:10:33,895 - Ow! - You're really hitting me. 1338 01:10:33,929 --> 01:10:35,897 - My crown! - Oh! 1339 01:10:35,931 --> 01:10:40,630 I will fuck you in the ass so fucking hard, you have no fucking idea. 1340 01:10:44,139 --> 01:10:45,697 I'm just kidding. I wouldn't hurt you. 1341 01:10:45,741 --> 01:10:47,470 - Yeah. Yeah. Awkward. - Never again. 1342 01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:49,443 - I'm gonna leave now. - Yeah. 1343 01:10:49,478 --> 01:10:52,174 Whew! Wow. 1344 01:10:53,182 --> 01:10:55,480 I mean, he's not bad looking, but... 1345 01:10:55,517 --> 01:10:57,451 Hey. 1346 01:10:57,486 --> 01:11:00,046 - What? - No pussy for you. 1347 01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:03,490 I will uppercut your face, random bearded guy! 1348 01:11:03,525 --> 01:11:06,619 That's right. I'll do a fucking ollie all over this skate park... 1349 01:11:06,662 --> 01:11:10,792 ...with your fucking dick-ass Miyagi ass! 1350 01:11:10,833 --> 01:11:12,664 Yeah! 1351 01:11:12,701 --> 01:11:15,067 - Get away from me! - Stop! Stop. 1352 01:11:15,104 --> 01:11:19,006 Stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1353 01:11:19,041 --> 01:11:20,702 I love you. I love you, Gwen. 1354 01:11:20,743 --> 01:11:22,210 - Really? When is that? - Yeah. 1355 01:11:22,244 --> 01:11:24,678 When you're dancing with Hilary or when you're fucking her? 1356 01:11:24,713 --> 01:11:26,647 She's nothing! She's nothing! 1357 01:11:26,682 --> 01:11:28,513 Don't ruin my night. 1358 01:11:29,918 --> 01:11:32,079 She's nothing! 1359 01:11:32,121 --> 01:11:36,581 #I gotta tell you that I never ever felt this way... # 1360 01:11:36,625 --> 01:11:38,525 Ooh! There you are! 1361 01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:40,551 You have ruined everything. 1362 01:11:40,596 --> 01:11:42,757 This is my prom, okay? 1363 01:11:42,798 --> 01:11:44,527 You see that band over there? That's mine. 1364 01:11:44,566 --> 01:11:46,591 This whole entire prom is mine. 1365 01:11:46,635 --> 01:11:49,160 Everybody here is for me, okay? 1366 01:11:49,204 --> 01:11:50,831 And you are ruining it! 1367 01:11:50,873 --> 01:11:53,865 Listen, the only reason that you are even here... 1368 01:11:53,909 --> 01:11:56,571 ...that you are even in this place is because of me... 1369 01:11:56,612 --> 01:11:58,239 ...is because I want to be prom queen! 1370 01:11:58,280 --> 01:12:00,976 And it's not because of me, it's all me! Don't you get it? 1371 01:12:01,016 --> 01:12:03,644 It's all about me and me... 1372 01:12:04,953 --> 01:12:06,887 Fuck you, slut! 1373 01:12:06,922 --> 01:12:08,412 Oh my God. 1374 01:12:08,457 --> 01:12:10,857 Did you see that? She just got hit in the face. 1375 01:12:10,893 --> 01:12:12,053 Of course I saw it. 1376 01:12:12,094 --> 01:12:14,619 - You just got hit in your face. - Oh my God. 1377 01:12:14,663 --> 01:12:17,655 I'm gonna throw my peanuts at you 'cause you're stupid. 1378 01:12:19,835 --> 01:12:23,236 - Let's go kick a puppy. - Oh, is there a puppy here? 1379 01:12:33,382 --> 01:12:36,112 That's it... Just mess with it a little. 1380 01:12:40,723 --> 01:12:42,953 I haven't seen your dad in a minute. 1381 01:12:42,991 --> 01:12:44,652 He's with Zoey. 1382 01:12:44,693 --> 01:12:48,094 Oh! He's probably banging her right now. 1383 01:12:48,130 --> 01:12:50,155 Awesome! 1384 01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:53,191 Why do you always say "awesome"? I mean, we get it. 1385 01:12:53,235 --> 01:12:55,863 Yeah, you're so awesome. You wear the hat. 1386 01:12:55,904 --> 01:12:57,394 "Ooh, awesome! 1387 01:12:57,439 --> 01:12:58,770 Awesomeness, man!" 1388 01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:01,105 You're a bitch. Yeah. 1389 01:13:01,143 --> 01:13:03,134 No wonder Holden divorced you. 1390 01:13:03,178 --> 01:13:06,670 Suck a dick for crying out loud. Suck my dick, okay? 1391 01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:08,205 You're sucking my dick, trust me... 1392 01:13:08,250 --> 01:13:10,650 ...all of a sudden the frown is upside down. 1393 01:13:10,686 --> 01:13:14,053 You be all like, "Thank you, Jonny. Thank you for that cock. " 1394 01:13:14,089 --> 01:13:17,058 And I'll be like, "No problem. You want some more cock?" 1395 01:13:17,092 --> 01:13:18,787 And then you'll be like, "Yes, please. " 1396 01:13:18,827 --> 01:13:21,421 And I'll be like, "No problem. Got plenty of cock here. " 1397 01:13:21,463 --> 01:13:23,328 And it'll be great! 1398 01:13:23,365 --> 01:13:25,458 And you'll be like... 1399 01:13:25,501 --> 01:13:27,526 ...on account of my great girth. 1400 01:13:27,569 --> 01:13:28,695 - Yeah! - Wow. 1401 01:13:28,737 --> 01:13:31,570 See, look. Yeah. You're opening up already. 1402 01:13:31,607 --> 01:13:34,872 Look, you're going through a divorce... 1403 01:13:34,910 --> 01:13:37,105 ...which, by the way, sucks! 1404 01:13:37,146 --> 01:13:40,240 I mean, you graduate high school like, "Hey, I'm divorced already... 1405 01:13:40,282 --> 01:13:41,943 ...and I'm boring on top of that. " 1406 01:13:41,984 --> 01:13:43,884 Nobody wants to eat that cake. 1407 01:13:43,919 --> 01:13:46,285 The point is, you're having fun now; 1408 01:13:46,321 --> 01:13:48,687 ...it's prom night; you got a crown tonight, right? 1409 01:13:48,724 --> 01:13:50,885 - We both got crowns. - Yeah. 1410 01:13:50,926 --> 01:13:52,689 - Now come on. - I did. 1411 01:13:52,728 --> 01:13:55,822 Let's have some fun. What do you say? 1412 01:13:55,864 --> 01:13:57,456 Okay. 1413 01:14:07,309 --> 01:14:09,903 Awesome! 1414 01:14:09,945 --> 01:14:11,276 Ow. 1415 01:14:11,313 --> 01:14:13,611 - What! - What? 1416 01:14:13,649 --> 01:14:16,743 You were, like, practically asking for it. What are you doing? 1417 01:14:16,785 --> 01:14:19,549 Where... why are you leaving? Don't leave. 1418 01:14:19,588 --> 01:14:21,419 Oh... Ho! 1419 01:14:21,457 --> 01:14:23,789 Ha! Yeah, leave. 1420 01:14:23,826 --> 01:14:25,726 Ha. Ha. 1421 01:14:27,763 --> 01:14:30,254 I'm so stupid! 1422 01:14:30,299 --> 01:14:33,427 Oh, no! 1423 01:14:35,504 --> 01:14:38,473 #You're feeling kinda sad # 1424 01:14:38,507 --> 01:14:40,737 #You've been a little bad # 1425 01:14:40,776 --> 01:14:44,337 #To the girl who was just in your car # 1426 01:14:46,515 --> 01:14:48,608 #And now she's gone away # 1427 01:14:48,650 --> 01:14:51,778 - # And never gonna stay... # - What are you doing? 1428 01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:53,754 Get it together, man. 1429 01:14:53,789 --> 01:14:55,916 I'm cheering you up. I'm making fun of this situation. 1430 01:14:55,958 --> 01:14:58,222 Look at you: you're a disgrace. 1431 01:14:58,260 --> 01:15:01,161 Hey, look at me, look at me, look at me. 1432 01:15:01,196 --> 01:15:03,528 - Can't! - What is your name? Huh? 1433 01:15:03,565 --> 01:15:06,261 What is your name? J- J-J-J... 1434 01:15:06,301 --> 01:15:08,201 J... What's your name? 1435 01:15:08,237 --> 01:15:10,262 - Jonny. - Jonny. That's right. That's right. 1436 01:15:26,188 --> 01:15:28,816 Students, parents and faculty... 1437 01:15:28,857 --> 01:15:32,190 ...welcome to the commencement ceremonies for American High School. 1438 01:15:32,227 --> 01:15:34,491 Principal Mann wanted to be here today... 1439 01:15:34,530 --> 01:15:37,260 ...but something very important came up at the last minute. 1440 01:15:37,299 --> 01:15:40,598 So now I ask you to stand up and receive your diplomas. 1441 01:15:40,636 --> 01:15:44,231 Gwen: So I actually made it to graduation without bailing out. 1442 01:15:44,273 --> 01:15:46,241 Doogie was right: 1443 01:15:46,275 --> 01:15:48,266 ...all I needed was a little confidence. 1444 01:15:48,310 --> 01:15:51,905 I may not have aced Seuss's class, but I sure did learn a lot... 1445 01:15:51,947 --> 01:15:56,145 ...about who I am and what I want in life. 1446 01:15:56,184 --> 01:15:58,379 Seuss: I enjoyed your brave struggle against alcoholism. 1447 01:15:58,420 --> 01:16:01,321 Jonny? Jonny, I say. 1448 01:16:01,356 --> 01:16:04,154 - Wha' is it, Matt? - Well, wha' it is is... 1449 01:16:04,192 --> 01:16:07,457 ...prom was so much fun, I think it's the littl' things that matter. 1450 01:16:07,496 --> 01:16:10,260 And the littl' things like her not makin' prom queen... 1451 01:16:10,299 --> 01:16:12,529 ...were very very excitin' and fun to me. 1452 01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:16,265 I think that the fact that I won the crown durin' prom... 1453 01:16:16,305 --> 01:16:19,502 - is totally fantabulous. - Shut up! 1454 01:16:19,541 --> 01:16:23,739 I must've drunk me about seven aluminum cans of Guinness. 1455 01:16:23,779 --> 01:16:26,009 I don' know what you're sayin', but all I heard was... 1456 01:16:26,048 --> 01:16:27,982 - Prom was awesome, I got a crown... - Shut up! 1457 01:16:28,016 --> 01:16:30,985 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the graduating class... 1458 01:16:31,019 --> 01:16:33,078 ...of American High School! 1459 01:17:25,507 --> 01:17:28,772 Well, I'm glad it's finally over. 1460 01:17:28,810 --> 01:17:31,973 Closure can be a beautiful thing. 1461 01:17:32,014 --> 01:17:34,812 I really don't think graduation's that important. 1462 01:17:34,850 --> 01:17:38,650 I was talking about the divorce papers. 1463 01:17:40,155 --> 01:17:42,817 Hey. Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. 1464 01:17:42,858 --> 01:17:44,917 You gave it your best shot, right? 1465 01:17:45,927 --> 01:17:48,259 You know what I don't understand, though? 1466 01:17:49,297 --> 01:17:51,561 I mean, people look at me... 1467 01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:54,228 ...they seem to forget that I'm a dad too. 1468 01:17:54,269 --> 01:17:58,501 I mean, all I ever wanted was for my little girl to be happy. 1469 01:17:58,540 --> 01:18:01,100 You know what? She nearly had me convinced... 1470 01:18:01,143 --> 01:18:02,735 ...that you were the one. 1471 01:18:02,778 --> 01:18:04,405 Gwen: And even more surprisingly... 1472 01:18:04,446 --> 01:18:06,880 ...my dad stuck up for me for once. 1473 01:18:06,915 --> 01:18:08,906 He may have actually turned over a new leaf. 1474 01:18:08,950 --> 01:18:12,852 To be honest, I never thought she'd sign the papers. 1475 01:18:12,888 --> 01:18:16,346 Are you really gonna marry this guy? 1476 01:18:16,391 --> 01:18:19,485 Are you serious? This is a very rich man. 1477 01:18:22,030 --> 01:18:24,692 Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. 1478 01:18:24,733 --> 01:18:27,031 Who says life is fair, huh? 1479 01:18:28,036 --> 01:18:30,561 I'm gonna go munch me some Candi. 1480 01:18:32,774 --> 01:18:34,605 I want a little pussy. I mean, why not? 1481 01:18:34,643 --> 01:18:37,407 I got a dick; I could stick it in, have a good time. 1482 01:18:37,446 --> 01:18:38,913 Fuck! 1483 01:18:40,949 --> 01:18:44,282 What kind of a classless whore would fuck TeePee? 1484 01:18:44,319 --> 01:18:46,913 One that I'm in love with? Yeah, perfect. 1485 01:18:48,557 --> 01:18:50,548 Maybe this'll kill me. 1486 01:18:53,795 --> 01:18:56,559 Hilary, Hilary, Hilary. 1487 01:18:56,598 --> 01:18:58,122 - Hey, bitch. - Whoo hoo. 1488 01:18:58,166 --> 01:19:00,600 - Hey, loser. - Couldn't help but notice... 1489 01:19:00,635 --> 01:19:04,503 ...a lack of something up here... a lot of space. 1490 01:19:04,539 --> 01:19:08,066 Lack of brains. I think you wish you were awesome. 1491 01:19:08,110 --> 01:19:10,169 Gwen: After Hilary lost prom queen... 1492 01:19:10,212 --> 01:19:12,271 ...things kind of started falling apart for her. 1493 01:19:12,314 --> 01:19:15,181 I guess she finally learned an age-old lesson: 1494 01:19:15,217 --> 01:19:16,809 quit being such a whore! 1495 01:19:21,790 --> 01:19:24,452 We are so not friends anymore. 1496 01:19:24,493 --> 01:19:26,324 I've always hated you. 1497 01:19:26,361 --> 01:19:27,623 - Always. - Bitch. 1498 01:19:27,662 --> 01:19:30,062 I wouldn't bang you with TeePee's dick. 1499 01:19:30,098 --> 01:19:32,157 Yeah, bitch. 1500 01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:33,224 - Bitch. - Bitch. 1501 01:19:33,268 --> 01:19:35,566 And you got a fat ass, whore. 1502 01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:38,164 - And big arms. - Yeah, I said it: whore! 1503 01:19:38,206 --> 01:19:40,766 - Huge! - Three times: whore. 1504 01:19:40,809 --> 01:19:44,267 Hey, I don't want to interrupt the pity party over here... 1505 01:19:44,312 --> 01:19:46,507 ...but... You know, I'm no math major or anything... 1506 01:19:46,548 --> 01:19:49,278 ...but there's one of me, two of you. What do you say we add each other up... 1507 01:19:49,317 --> 01:19:51,547 - And have a foursome? - Can't wait! 1508 01:19:51,586 --> 01:19:53,884 - I love it! - Later, bitches. 1509 01:19:53,922 --> 01:19:56,117 - I am awesome! - Bye. 1510 01:19:56,158 --> 01:19:59,218 You know, now that you're not hanging out with old hair extensions... 1511 01:19:59,261 --> 01:20:01,354 I thought maybe we could... 1512 01:20:01,396 --> 01:20:03,330 - Just the two of us. - Okay. 1513 01:20:03,365 --> 01:20:04,923 - Yeah. - All three? 1514 01:20:04,966 --> 01:20:06,991 Wh-what? No. What the fuck? 1515 01:20:08,003 --> 01:20:11,495 Don't tell anybody about this, TeePee, but I'm desperate. 1516 01:20:14,276 --> 01:20:15,868 Ooh, a gummy worm. 1517 01:20:15,911 --> 01:20:18,641 That teeth thing creeped me out. 1518 01:20:21,049 --> 01:20:23,540 I put 'em in! 1519 01:20:23,585 --> 01:20:25,849 So that's me: school-conquering... 1520 01:20:25,887 --> 01:20:27,684 ...man-eating, Satan-slaying... 1521 01:20:27,722 --> 01:20:29,781 ...independent me. 1522 01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:32,988 And this time, I'm in charge. 1523 01:20:33,028 --> 01:20:35,121 Oh, and I almost forgot... 1524 01:20:35,163 --> 01:20:36,755 I'm not pregnant! 1525 01:20:36,898 --> 01:20:40,231 Sometimes life really blows. But it's up to you to sit back... 1526 01:20:40,302 --> 01:20:42,827 ...relax, and enjoy the blowjob. 1527 01:20:46,441 --> 01:20:48,636 So after graduation... 1528 01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,702 Hilary started her own mentors' program... 1529 01:20:50,745 --> 01:20:53,578 ...to teach young girls the importance of confidence... 1530 01:20:53,615 --> 01:20:55,776 ...and aim. 1531 01:20:55,817 --> 01:20:59,275 It was very successful. 1532 01:21:03,124 --> 01:21:07,857 It would have it that Jonny, Matt and Holden started a boy band. 1533 01:21:07,896 --> 01:21:10,262 Three guesses what their name was. 1534 01:21:10,298 --> 01:21:12,926 Shocking, I know. More shocking... 1535 01:21:12,968 --> 01:21:15,459 ...is that their record actually hit top 10. 1536 01:21:15,503 --> 01:21:17,403 Worst records ever! 1537 01:21:17,439 --> 01:21:19,134 Candi cleaned up Kip's act... 1538 01:21:19,174 --> 01:21:22,371 ...and the two of them opened up a rape-help clinic for young women. 1539 01:21:22,410 --> 01:21:24,344 They're both very happy. 1540 01:21:26,514 --> 01:21:30,541 Principal Mann and Miss Apple ended up reconciling their differences... 1541 01:21:30,585 --> 01:21:33,611 ...and found love... with one another. 1542 01:21:35,156 --> 01:21:38,683 Don't feel bad for Mr. Seuss, though. The PTA declared him principal. 1543 01:21:40,695 --> 01:21:42,822 And as for me, who knows what's next? 1544 01:21:42,864 --> 01:21:46,391 That's kind of the great part. The world is my non-conflict diamond... 1545 01:21:46,434 --> 01:21:49,926 ...or oyster or whatever. And if Hilary taught me anything... 1546 01:21:49,971 --> 01:21:52,531 ...it's to go after what I want with everything in me. 1547 01:21:52,574 --> 01:21:56,271 And as I recently discovered, that happens to be a lot. 1548 01:21:56,311 --> 01:21:58,245 #One, two # 1549 01:21:58,280 --> 01:22:02,614 #Now it's true, you gotta go go, get out on your own # 1550 01:22:02,651 --> 01:22:05,814 #You gotta be free, I can do it alone # 1551 01:22:05,854 --> 01:22:09,346 #You know I owe it all to you # 1552 01:22:09,391 --> 01:22:12,224 #One, two, now we're through # 1553 01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:15,320 #Well, I fought off my demons # 1554 01:22:15,363 --> 01:22:18,423 #I've saved the world 1,000 times # 1555 01:22:18,466 --> 01:22:20,866 #I'm so sick of screaming # 1556 01:22:20,902 --> 01:22:24,497 #That I'm weak in the knees # 1557 01:22:24,539 --> 01:22:27,997 #Now I know what you're thinking # 1558 01:22:28,043 --> 01:22:30,944 #But you should know that I don't care # 1559 01:22:30,979 --> 01:22:33,539 #I'm so moving on # 1560 01:22:33,581 --> 01:22:38,109 #'Cause you'll never be pleased # 1561 01:22:38,153 --> 01:22:41,350 #Now I can turn my head off # 1562 01:22:41,389 --> 01:22:44,847 #Relax, put down my hair # 1563 01:22:44,893 --> 01:22:47,691 #I can do it in one shot # 1564 01:22:47,729 --> 01:22:51,426 #I can make you disappear # 1565 01:22:51,466 --> 01:22:54,799 #You gotta go, go get out on your own # 1566 01:22:54,836 --> 01:22:57,896 #You gotta be free, I can do it alone # 1567 01:22:57,939 --> 01:23:01,466 #You know I owe it all to you # 1568 01:23:01,509 --> 01:23:04,069 #One, two, now we're through # 1569 01:23:04,112 --> 01:23:07,479 #You gotta go, go get out on your own # 1570 01:23:07,515 --> 01:23:10,575 #You gotta be free, I can do it alone # 1571 01:23:10,618 --> 01:23:14,054 #You know I owe it all to you # 1572 01:23:14,089 --> 01:23:17,058 #One, two, now we're through # 1573 01:24:07,842 --> 01:24:10,538 #go, go get out on your own # 1574 01:24:10,578 --> 01:24:13,547 #You gotta be free, I can do it alone # 1575 01:24:13,581 --> 01:24:16,948 #You know I owe it all to you # 1576 01:24:16,985 --> 01:24:19,977 #One, two, now we're through # 1577 01:24:20,021 --> 01:24:23,218 #You gotta go, baby, go get out on your own # 1578 01:24:23,258 --> 01:24:26,227 #You gotta be free, I can do it alone # 1579 01:24:26,261 --> 01:24:29,697 #You know I owe it all to you # 1580 01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:32,700 #One, two, now we're through # 1581 01:24:32,734 --> 01:24:35,794 #You gotta go, go get out on your own # 1582 01:24:35,837 --> 01:24:38,965 #You gotta be free, I can do it alone # 1583 01:24:39,007 --> 01:24:42,465 #You know I owe it all to you # 1584 01:24:42,510 --> 01:24:45,274 #One, two, now we're through # 1585 01:24:45,313 --> 01:24:48,441 #You gotta go, baby, go get out on your own # 1586 01:24:48,483 --> 01:24:51,475 #You gotta be free, I can do it alone # 1587 01:24:51,519 --> 01:24:55,011 #You know I owe it all to you # 1588 01:24:55,056 --> 01:24:58,116 #One, two, now we're through. # 1589 01:25:28,890 --> 01:25:32,621 #Everyone is always on the go # 1590 01:25:33,628 --> 01:25:38,088 #Gotta get to school or my mom will know # 1591 01:25:38,133 --> 01:25:41,193 #Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class # 1592 01:25:42,904 --> 01:25:45,771 #If I don't get there in time, she's gonna kick my ass # 1593 01:25:47,375 --> 01:25:50,003 #Yeah, it's a good social program # 1594 01:25:50,044 --> 01:25:52,308 #Where all the kids can go uptown # 1595 01:25:52,347 --> 01:25:54,815 #Yeah, it's a new way to know that # 1596 01:25:54,849 --> 01:25:57,283 #Everything's okay # 1597 01:25:57,318 --> 01:26:00,617 #Barely made the bus, you know I'm late to class # 1598 01:26:02,190 --> 01:26:05,023 #If I don't get there on time, she's gonna kick my ass # 1599 01:26:06,494 --> 01:26:09,486 #Yeah, it's a good social program # 1600 01:26:09,531 --> 01:26:11,692 #Where all the kids can go uptown # 1601 01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:14,099 #Yeah, it's a new way to know that # 1602 01:26:14,135 --> 01:26:16,831 #Everything's okay # 1603 01:26:16,871 --> 01:26:19,237 #Ooh, it doesn't get much better # 1604 01:26:19,274 --> 01:26:21,674 #Never thought I'd ever play the fool # 1605 01:26:21,709 --> 01:26:22,767 #Everything I need... # 118947