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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:07,580 NASTY ALBERT 2 00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,940 - Evening, Mr Lechat. - Thanks, gentlemen. 3 00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:33,460 Hello, Mr Lechat! 4 00:01:33,620 --> 00:01:35,060 Hello, kids. 5 00:02:06,740 --> 00:02:10,100 Dad! Dad! This is it. I've found it! 6 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:13,100 - What, honey? - The limited edition Vespa. 7 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,300 Mum said that if I got selected for the audition, 8 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,180 I could find a cheap one: I've found it! 9 00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:21,740 And it's so flashy. You must see it. 10 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,420 4,000 euros. Cheap, eh? 11 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,300 See you soon, Mses. Pinsec. 12 00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:30,700 Regards to your dear sister. 13 00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:37,260 There, Mrs Lechat. That comes to 530 euros. 14 00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:38,540 Thank you, Juliette. 15 00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:40,180 It's perfect. 16 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:43,100 Thank you. I didn't charge for the moustache. 17 00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:47,100 I'm sorry, Mrs Lechat: there's a problem with your card. 18 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,060 Impossible! It's a Gold Card. 19 00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,460 I got this summons. What's it for? 20 00:02:51,740 --> 00:02:53,900 Meet my colleague, Mrs Guézy. 21 00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:54,860 Hello, ma'am. 22 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:56,580 Mrs Guézy is from TRACFIN: 23 00:02:56,780 --> 00:03:00,020 she investigates illicit financial circuits. 24 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,900 Cayman Islands' account, eh? 25 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:05,100 What? I've never had a bank account abroad! 26 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:07,620 Cayman Islands? Where's that, then? 27 00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:10,180 It's a tax haven in the Caribbean. 28 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,180 You know the Caribbean. 29 00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:14,460 You holiday in Saint Barthélemy. 30 00:03:14,740 --> 00:03:17,900 Sure. It's a mistake. Must be another Patrick Lechat. 31 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,100 It's not me. 32 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:21,980 You blatantly tried to launder money. 33 00:03:22,140 --> 00:03:23,540 1 million euros. 34 00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:26,300 But, fortunately, you were reported. 35 00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:27,420 By whom? 36 00:03:28,340 --> 00:03:31,820 With us, phone calls are always anonymous, Mr Lechat. 37 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,620 1 million euros? Where would I find that much money? 38 00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:37,500 Money you hid from the tax office. 39 00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:40,260 Never. I've always declared everything. 40 00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:41,620 We'll soon see. 41 00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,300 I get laughed at for... 42 00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:44,620 What? "See" what? 43 00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:46,620 It's an outrageous mistake! 44 00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,700 - If it is one. - What d'you mean? 45 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,140 Of course it is! Don't you doubt it! 46 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,740 Tell your brother I play golf, 47 00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,980 I don't rob banks! - Eddy! 48 00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,900 "23 October". Out-of-date. 49 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:03,060 For an outrageous conspiracy, what are the consequences? 50 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,260 We'll have to pay the fine. We have no choice. 51 00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:09,700 Until we sort this thing out. It'll take a while. 52 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:12,540 - We'll have to be careful. - "Careful"? 53 00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:14,340 The mortgage on your home. 54 00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:16,900 Write "I agree" and sign it. 55 00:04:17,780 --> 00:04:18,740 Fine. 56 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,780 Next, your pharmacy. 57 00:04:21,940 --> 00:04:25,020 OK. Now this, to close your savings accounts. 58 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:26,340 I'm not amused. 59 00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:28,780 I must ask you for your credit cards. 60 00:04:31,780 --> 00:04:35,060 They're all on it! Naomi, Steph, Prince. Everyone! 61 00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:37,020 Look, it's Lord Cooke. 62 00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:39,300 Of course, it's Cooke Channel. 63 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:42,740 - It's the show in London. - Now we're broke... 64 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,060 Goodbye dreams... 65 00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:46,300 He won't come to dinner now. 66 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,140 After all my efforts. 67 00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:51,180 Translated into 35 languages. Mr Kermarec... 68 00:04:51,340 --> 00:04:52,860 It's about Paddy's dad! 69 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,620 He gave few interviews... 70 00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:56,060 Mr Lechat. 71 00:04:58,220 --> 00:05:00,220 Terribly sorry. One moment... 72 00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:06,460 I've added a point to the Co-Owners' Meeting agenda: 73 00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:09,620 the height of the lawns should be the same 74 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,340 in every garden here. 75 00:05:11,620 --> 00:05:12,620 - Agreed? - Yes. 76 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:14,420 Decadence of the Future 77 00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:18,180 voiced the concerns of a whole generation. 78 00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:21,220 Paddy's father is dead. Goodness! 79 00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:24,220 A few photos of him, notably in New York, 80 00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:26,140 when he won the Pulitzer, 81 00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:29,980 the most prestigious American award for literature. 82 00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:33,020 I've just heard wonderful news. 83 00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:34,700 - Your dad's dead. - Dad? 84 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,900 - Yes. - Why's that so funny? 85 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,900 You always said you hated him, 86 00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:40,340 that he was selfish, 87 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,300 an old bastard who left you and your mum. 88 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,500 Well, he's dead. Kaput! Finito! 89 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,700 - Let him go to hell! - How? 90 00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:49,460 I don't know. Old age? 91 00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:51,900 Let's have a glass of champagne. 92 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,860 Well, that's rather sad. 93 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,940 No, no! Wait! That's not all. 94 00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:58,140 He sold millions of books. 95 00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:01,020 The guy was loaded. He was a billionaire! 96 00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:03,220 - Yes, honey. - And who's his heir? 97 00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:05,220 You are, my darling! 98 00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:09,020 Yes, that's true. I'm his only son. 99 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:11,060 I didn't know him but I'm his. 100 00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:12,340 Let's move! 101 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:16,300 Kermarec: I remember the name of your father's lawyer. 102 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,940 - Kermarec, yes. E, C... - What? 103 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:20,900 I think it's a Breton name. 104 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:24,180 - Sounds like a biscuit brand. - Go and see him. 105 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,780 Yes, I will. 106 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,060 When did you last hear from your father? 107 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:33,740 What're you getting at? He didn't have any money? 108 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:35,900 That isn't the problem... 109 00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:37,660 In his will, 110 00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:40,300 he appointed another heir. 111 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,340 What? What? 112 00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:45,620 - Is this a joke? - I understand. 113 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:46,780 Of course! 114 00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:49,300 You can't disinherit your kids here. 115 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,340 - It's illegal. - Correct. 116 00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:55,420 - So, what's the problem? - Many years ago, 117 00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:59,500 your father gained citizenship of a country where you can... 118 00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:01,860 Which country? 119 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:03,500 - Ireland. - Hang on! 120 00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:06,660 Who's this heir, then? 121 00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:11,020 - Excuse me. Mr Kermarec. - Excuse me. 122 00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,220 - Yes. - Please excuse me. 123 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,060 Who's this heir? 124 00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:37,940 Mr Albert Moulinot. Rouffignac, 24200. 125 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:38,940 The Dordogne. 126 00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:41,220 No way: up and down like that?! 127 00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:43,500 One day I'm broke, next I'm an heir? 128 00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:44,660 No way. 129 00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:47,940 There's something fishy going on. 130 00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:50,860 Listen, Mr Lechat, go and find this man, 131 00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:52,660 explain the situation: 132 00:07:52,860 --> 00:07:54,900 if he has any Christian charity, 133 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,220 of course he'll share the inheritance with you 134 00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:01,060 like St Martin shared his cloak with a beggar. 135 00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:04,500 I know, I know... I thought that too, Marie-Ange. 136 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:07,580 Unfortunately, miracles don't exist. 137 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:10,900 You must fight and not let it get you down! 138 00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:13,180 You won't succeed if you don't try. 139 00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:15,340 True enough. 140 00:08:16,780 --> 00:08:18,180 - Do it. - True enough. 141 00:08:19,940 --> 00:08:21,340 Well, Paddy-baby? 142 00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:23,940 How was it? How much do we get? An estimate? 143 00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:27,060 Inheritances don't come that quickly. 144 00:08:27,220 --> 00:08:29,500 There are procedures, paperwork. 145 00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:30,780 What's the music? 146 00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:34,460 "The music"? I'm throwing a party to celebrate. 147 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:37,660 I'm in mourning! A party shows pretty bad taste. 148 00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:40,940 Ah? OK. What time will you be home? 149 00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,340 - I won't. - Really? Why? 150 00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:46,500 Because... because... 151 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,380 - I'm going to a seminar. - "A seminar"? 152 00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,460 At a nutritionist's in Lyon. 153 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,220 Evening, gentlemen. 154 00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:07,940 - Forgive me. - What'll it be? 155 00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,820 Nothing. Thank you. 156 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:14,180 - What're you drinking? - Er... Same as this gentleman. 157 00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:15,940 I'm after Mr Moulinot. 158 00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:17,220 Don't know him. 159 00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:21,740 He must live around here: I wrote down the address. 160 00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:24,780 "Mr Albert Moulinot, Convicts' Lane." 161 00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:25,940 - Albert? - Yes. 162 00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,060 Should of said so! 163 00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:29,660 Out the village, right, Dead Man's Pond. 164 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,940 - You can't miss it. - OK. Thank you. 165 00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,340 Wait, I'll just pay you. Thanks. 166 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:37,780 - Out the village and right? - Right. 167 00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:39,980 - Right and... - Straight on. 168 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:42,540 Ah! Flies, eh?* 169 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:46,220 He'll not be disappointed. 170 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:49,060 He'll be eating a mushroom omelette! 171 00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:51,220 A "run-for-it" omelette! 172 00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:12,940 Blast! No way! Bloody place... 173 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:24,180 Ah! Buggeration! What is that? 174 00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,460 "This is my place. No hunters, 175 00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:38,900 "campers or idiots." 176 00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:39,900 Ah, OK... 177 00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:13,020 Hellooo! 178 00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:37,780 Where's he gone? 179 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:01,900 Has Mr Snoopy woken up? 180 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:06,100 What was he doing prowling around my place? 181 00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,740 - Was he spying on me? - No! 182 00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:10,620 Ah, look! 183 00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:12,020 Here's Mrs Snout! 184 00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:14,220 No! 185 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:18,060 Mrs Snout really likes your nuts! 186 00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:22,620 Come on! I'm only joking! 187 00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:24,820 Clear off! Out! 188 00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:28,060 Let's have a look. 189 00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:31,020 What a load of shite. 190 00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:33,900 What else is there? D'you mind? 191 00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:39,180 Useless bits of paper. We'll chuck that. 192 00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:40,620 That's useless too. 193 00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:44,540 Ah, this is more interesting: money. Look at this. 194 00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:47,220 Look at these filthy notes. 195 00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:48,940 Know what we do with dosh? 196 00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:52,220 Look. Look. I'll give you fucking money! 197 00:12:54,820 --> 00:12:58,060 Yes, yes... one minute, please! 198 00:12:58,660 --> 00:13:00,620 What does this say, then? 199 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,060 What... I don't get it. 200 00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:06,460 Lechat? 201 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,780 - Talk. - Sure. I'm from Paris. 202 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,340 I came here to see Mr Albert Moulinot 203 00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:19,500 and had a car accident 204 00:13:19,660 --> 00:13:21,180 because of that storm. 205 00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:24,220 Spare me the details of your miserable existence. 206 00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:27,340 I asked if Lechat was your name. 207 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,340 P. Lechat. 208 00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,820 The son of Jo Lechat, the writer. 209 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:33,380 - Liar. - It's the truth! 210 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:36,500 - The truth?! - I'm not lying, I swear! 211 00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:37,740 I swear it. 212 00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:40,620 I decided to come when I heard he'd died. 213 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:41,740 What? 214 00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:44,820 - What did you say? - Yes. 215 00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:46,820 - Jo's dead? - Yes. 216 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,260 - I found out 2 days ago. - Jo's dead! 217 00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:51,260 - Jo's dead? - Yes. 218 00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:54,780 - My brother's dead? - "Brother"? 219 00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:59,220 My brother's dead! 220 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,820 Good Lord! Why? 221 00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:03,500 My brother! 222 00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:05,940 My brother... 223 00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:13,660 - Don't leave me here! - Jo's dead! 224 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:22,700 Mr Moulinot? 225 00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:25,500 Moulinot! 226 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,220 Oh, leave that alone! 227 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:35,340 Mr Moulinot... 228 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,940 No. Wait. Mr Moulinot... 229 00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:40,620 Don't do something you might regret. 230 00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:41,780 No, no, no! 231 00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,940 Hop it! Buzz off! 232 00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,220 Nutcase. 233 00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:56,620 Mr Moulinot. 234 00:14:56,860 --> 00:14:59,500 Your animal won't give me my mobile back. 235 00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:02,620 Mr Snout, sod off! 236 00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:04,140 - Thanks. - OK! 237 00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:06,620 Oh, no. It's chewed up. Mr Moulinot... 238 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:07,620 What now? 239 00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:09,060 Can I use your phone? 240 00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:11,380 I don't have a phone. 241 00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:14,340 I need to make a call because, as I said, 242 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:15,940 I had car trouble. 243 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:18,340 I'm not a mechanic either. 244 00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:22,940 You don't understand. I'm not asking you to mend... 245 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,420 "You don't understand"? What don't I understand? 246 00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:28,780 - Nothing. I'll manage. - Good! 247 00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:30,140 Ah, you don't say! 248 00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:32,820 - And it's puked on it. - You don't say. 249 00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:36,540 Earlier, I seem to remember 250 00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:39,220 that you called Jo your brother. 251 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,940 I'm Jo's half-brother. 252 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:47,540 But your name isn't Lechat. 253 00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:52,060 Moulinot was... 254 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:55,500 It was my mother's maiden name. 255 00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:59,780 That's incredible! I didn't know I had an uncle. 256 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,420 - Half-uncle... - OK, half-uncle, even. 257 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:06,340 - That's incredible! - Clearly, you like that word. 258 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,340 So, who gave you my address? 259 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:10,860 A friend of Jo's. 260 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:15,620 Listen, Jo, wherever you are, up yours! 261 00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:17,220 Excuse me? 262 00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:19,660 "Up yours." Jo liked to say that 263 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:22,060 when we had a drank together. 264 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,780 - Can I help you? - That's OK. Hey! 265 00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:30,380 You look OK. Yep, you're fine. 266 00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:31,820 Sure you're fine. 267 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,380 What's it doing? What's it doing? 268 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,380 What's it done to my cashmere sweater? 269 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,340 Filthy thing... 270 00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:01,700 Mr Moulinot? 271 00:17:03,860 --> 00:17:04,660 Mr Moulinot? 272 00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:07,660 Mr Moulinot? 273 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:10,940 Mr Moulinot? 274 00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,020 Decadence of the Future 275 00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:21,060 Mr Moulinot? 276 00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:27,820 I see my father left you his manuscripts. 277 00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:30,500 Originals: that means money... 278 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:34,780 Memories, I mean. 279 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,940 You're lucky. 280 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,780 My little hens have laid plenty today. 281 00:17:39,980 --> 00:17:42,780 Enough eggs for an omelette for 2. 282 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:46,740 - Living on an island is great. - Hello, henny-penny.. 283 00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,100 - It's so peaceful... - Yes. 284 00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:51,020 And so green. 285 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,300 The air smells good. 286 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:55,260 Well done, hens, good work. 287 00:17:55,420 --> 00:17:57,500 You have a great life. Eh? 288 00:17:58,220 --> 00:17:59,860 Oh, piss off. 289 00:18:00,940 --> 00:18:02,100 What's this here? 290 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,860 Whoa, it's... 291 00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:06,100 It's... 292 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,940 It'll be an exceptional harvest this year. 293 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:11,740 Wait a minute. It's marijuana! 294 00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:15,020 You could get into trouble. Growing drugs... 295 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,020 is forbidden. 296 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:16,980 By whom? 297 00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:20,780 Who has the right to decide what's good or bad for me? 298 00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:22,500 Well... no one. 299 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,540 And I, fuck the rule-makers. 300 00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:28,740 They dislike folks smoking it pure! 301 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,260 Ah? "Pure". 302 00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:33,940 No need to buy their cancerous tobacco 303 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:35,980 that they tax to the hilt. 304 00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:38,220 D'you live like this all year? 305 00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:40,660 How do you mean? 306 00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,860 - You don't work? - Certainly not. 307 00:18:43,060 --> 00:18:46,820 Work degrades the free man. 308 00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:49,820 You need a bit of money to live, though. 309 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,460 I'm for the abolition of money. 310 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,060 What about heating, electricity? 311 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,460 I'm hooked up to that power line. 312 00:18:58,060 --> 00:18:59,220 I don't get bills. 313 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:02,220 And in winter, wine keeps me warm. So there! 314 00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:03,180 Summer too. 315 00:19:04,420 --> 00:19:06,460 You never use money? 316 00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:08,380 That's impossible. 317 00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,460 - You have a great life. - Can't complain. 318 00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:14,580 Interesting. 319 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,220 Of course it's "interesting"? What's interesting? 320 00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:22,460 Total freedom versus money. A bit of deprivation... 321 00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,220 Real values. 322 00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:27,700 Yes. The love of animals, the... 323 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:32,260 I'm light years away. I'm too caught up in the system. 324 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,380 I envy you, you know: 325 00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:38,180 being able to live on nothing is true luxury. 326 00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:45,700 Try that. 327 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:47,940 I suck, but I don't swallow. 328 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,740 Right. "I don't swallow"? 329 00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:52,580 - Poor arse! - Poor? 330 00:19:53,140 --> 00:19:54,100 Oh yes. 331 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,220 Well I never! 332 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,740 Are you sure your mushrooms are edible? 333 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:09,100 I'm a pharmacist, you know. 334 00:20:09,260 --> 00:20:12,020 The red one with white spots on top: 335 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:13,740 isn't that fly agaric? 336 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,420 Don't have it, then! All the more for me! 337 00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:18,500 I'm sure you're careful. 338 00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:19,700 You seem sure. 339 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,500 - Don't worry. - Sure. 340 00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,820 What a guy! 341 00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:27,100 Run-for-it 342 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:33,820 It's ready! 343 00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:35,580 Dinner time! 344 00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:36,660 Thank you. 345 00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:39,700 Listen, Albert... 346 00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:42,660 I prefer "Mr Moulinot". Right, then. 347 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:45,540 - Eat up before it gets cold. - Of course. 348 00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:48,540 It looks good. Right, then... 349 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:51,100 Last night, I wanted to talk to you. 350 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:54,420 Perhaps you didn't notice, because you were... 351 00:20:55,860 --> 00:20:57,980 - What? - A little tipsy. 352 00:20:59,220 --> 00:21:00,620 Well, yes. 353 00:21:00,820 --> 00:21:03,300 Even when I drink a lot, 354 00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:04,940 I remember everything. 355 00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:07,460 So, don't say any old rubbish. 356 00:21:08,540 --> 00:21:09,900 I'd be drinking water 357 00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:13,700 if I forgot the great moments when I'm pissed. Really! 358 00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:16,300 You fell asleep and I... 359 00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:20,260 You know, when someone dies, 360 00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:22,620 someone inherits. 361 00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:23,740 Ah! 362 00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:27,300 So that's why you're here. 363 00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:31,860 - For bloody money! - No. Not at all! 364 00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:33,140 Let me explain. 365 00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:35,780 I hate lies, I'm not a liar. 366 00:21:35,940 --> 00:21:39,540 There was a little omission 367 00:21:40,060 --> 00:21:42,620 in the wording of Jo's will. 368 00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:44,180 Dad's will. 369 00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:45,540 "Dad." 370 00:21:45,700 --> 00:21:48,180 So, there was... what's it called? 371 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,020 - A mistake? - Absolutely. 372 00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:54,580 Jo...Dad...left you everything. 373 00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:00,380 I don't get it. Every penny he earned? 374 00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:01,740 - None to you? - No. 375 00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:03,020 Nothing at all? 376 00:22:04,060 --> 00:22:07,380 He was so ill at the end. He must've lost his marbles. 377 00:22:07,540 --> 00:22:08,940 Especially his memory: 378 00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:11,260 he must've forgotten he had a son, 379 00:22:11,420 --> 00:22:12,860 a relative, family. 380 00:22:13,060 --> 00:22:17,340 Family is what you create for yourself. 381 00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:21,060 My family is Mr Snout and my little hens. 382 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:26,260 Yes, of course. But I think it would be natural, 383 00:22:26,420 --> 00:22:28,820 in fact, logical, 384 00:22:30,340 --> 00:22:34,980 that we split it fifty-fifty, meet each other halfway. 385 00:22:35,140 --> 00:22:36,300 Share. 386 00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:41,980 "Share"? I'm not sharing. I'm sharing nothing. 387 00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:46,340 No way am I sharing. Read my lips! 388 00:22:46,540 --> 00:22:49,180 I'll neverrr share! 389 00:22:55,700 --> 00:22:59,780 You can have it all. Everything. I don't want a thing! 390 00:22:59,980 --> 00:23:01,820 This isn't a joke, Mr Moulinot. 391 00:23:02,020 --> 00:23:04,780 - You'll give me all of it? - Everything! 392 00:23:04,980 --> 00:23:07,900 I have everything I need. I want for nothing. 393 00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:09,980 Money's a stinky, hard drug! 394 00:23:10,340 --> 00:23:12,340 - Don't you agree? - True enough. 395 00:23:12,580 --> 00:23:15,820 My wife and I have taken on some big loans. 396 00:23:16,060 --> 00:23:18,060 - We're a bit... - You're married? 397 00:23:18,260 --> 00:23:21,060 You clearly like to compromise with yourself. 398 00:23:21,260 --> 00:23:23,620 I bet you have children too. 399 00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:27,140 Yes. Chelsea, my 14-year-old daughter. 400 00:23:29,460 --> 00:23:32,660 With all due respect, we need to call the lawyer. 401 00:23:34,260 --> 00:23:35,660 - What? - It's burning! 402 00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:38,580 Just my luck: I bet I ate a bad mushroom, 403 00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:40,460 the red and white one! 404 00:23:40,660 --> 00:23:44,340 Ah yes. It may be that. But calm down. 405 00:23:44,540 --> 00:23:47,740 Dying just as I'm going to give you Jo's money 406 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:48,860 is very stupid. 407 00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:50,540 I'm going to die! 408 00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:52,860 If it's the 'shrooms, you've had it. 409 00:23:53,020 --> 00:23:54,420 Where's your loo? 410 00:23:54,580 --> 00:23:55,860 Where's your loo? 411 00:23:56,060 --> 00:23:58,260 Which newspaper d'you want? Figaro? 412 00:23:58,460 --> 00:24:00,660 I don't want to read, I want the loo! 413 00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:04,020 I don't keep them for reading. 414 00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:05,020 Here. 415 00:24:06,180 --> 00:24:08,380 The shed on the right. On the right. 416 00:24:09,420 --> 00:24:11,420 - D'you want Le Monde too? - No! 417 00:24:11,620 --> 00:24:13,740 OK. Be polite, won't you? 418 00:24:13,940 --> 00:24:16,020 Just say: "I don't need Le Monde." 419 00:24:20,620 --> 00:24:22,820 Oh no... no way! 420 00:24:39,100 --> 00:24:40,660 Should've taken Le Monde too. 421 00:24:50,620 --> 00:24:53,900 - No! Mind the puddles! - I don't do it on purpose. 422 00:24:54,140 --> 00:24:57,260 How did you find out who the heir was? 423 00:24:57,820 --> 00:25:00,580 He's my uncle. It's quite normal. 424 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:02,460 What? 425 00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:05,420 Yes, he's here. He's, er... 426 00:25:06,740 --> 00:25:07,540 Mr Moulinot. 427 00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:12,780 - The lawyer wants a word. - Why? You told him. 428 00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:15,260 Yes. But he wants a word with you. 429 00:25:15,420 --> 00:25:19,260 Here. 430 00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:22,540 You hold it the other way around. That's it. 431 00:25:22,660 --> 00:25:24,260 Yes, that's me. 432 00:25:25,180 --> 00:25:26,340 It was a shock. 433 00:25:26,540 --> 00:25:28,060 Say you'll give it to me. 434 00:25:28,300 --> 00:25:30,860 I'm giving it to Patrick. Like he says. 435 00:25:31,580 --> 00:25:32,620 Ah yes. 436 00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:35,740 - Can we do it another way? - What? 437 00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:38,140 - No? That's a pain. - What? 438 00:25:38,300 --> 00:25:39,900 What's going on? 439 00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:41,860 Wasn't on purpose. 440 00:25:42,580 --> 00:25:44,260 - Are you sure? - Oh no... 441 00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,980 Can't we do it another way... Yes? 442 00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:50,020 OK. See you then. Yes. 443 00:25:51,780 --> 00:25:54,060 No! That's terrible! 444 00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:57,260 No. That was my mouth. Don't go over the top! 445 00:25:57,420 --> 00:25:59,060 Open the door! Deary me! 446 00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:01,380 - What a fuss! - Terrible! 447 00:26:01,860 --> 00:26:03,460 What did the lawyer say? 448 00:26:03,660 --> 00:26:05,740 I must sign an inheritance waiver 449 00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:07,260 in his office. 450 00:26:07,420 --> 00:26:10,300 In Paris? Why? Can't he send it? 451 00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:15,820 No! He said I had to sign it in front of him 452 00:26:16,260 --> 00:26:17,980 for it to be valid. 453 00:26:18,140 --> 00:26:21,740 - Tomorrow morning. - We're going to Paris together? 454 00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:22,780 Oh no... 455 00:26:23,260 --> 00:26:24,980 What? Well, yes! 456 00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:27,140 - Do you want my dosh? - Yes. 457 00:26:27,340 --> 00:26:28,700 It seems to upset you. 458 00:26:28,900 --> 00:26:30,540 - No. - Yes, it's obvious! 459 00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:32,540 It's how you say it! 460 00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:34,980 - Didn't I do what you want? - Yes. 461 00:26:35,340 --> 00:26:37,260 - Are you happy? - Totally. 462 00:26:37,460 --> 00:26:41,460 OK. I'll get a few things from home and we'll get going. 463 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:56,060 We can't drive this slowly all the way. 464 00:26:57,460 --> 00:26:59,460 No more than 25 mph, I said! 465 00:27:00,860 --> 00:27:01,860 Move it! 466 00:27:02,100 --> 00:27:04,060 I will, gents. Don't worry. 467 00:27:04,260 --> 00:27:07,180 I have to speed up: we're going too slowly. 468 00:27:07,380 --> 00:27:09,580 - They'll fine me. - The bastards! 469 00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:12,580 - They've got a law on that too? - Yep. 470 00:27:12,780 --> 00:27:14,780 We must obey the law. 471 00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:16,820 Yes, clearly you have to... 472 00:27:17,020 --> 00:27:20,180 Like a corporal, a soldier. 473 00:27:20,380 --> 00:27:23,700 Well, I won't obey! I'm not that flexible! So there! 474 00:27:24,220 --> 00:27:25,820 We'll take the motorway. 475 00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:29,060 I don't like motorways. They don't have bars! 476 00:27:29,260 --> 00:27:31,700 - It'll save us time. - No! 477 00:27:32,180 --> 00:27:35,260 - We stay on small roads. - We've a long trip ahead. 478 00:27:35,420 --> 00:27:37,140 We have plenty of time. 479 00:27:38,100 --> 00:27:40,420 I love the countryside, joints... 480 00:27:40,620 --> 00:27:44,260 Have a little nap: you won't even know we're driving. 481 00:27:44,460 --> 00:27:45,340 Bullshit! 482 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:48,820 What a shame having a car that... Forget it. 483 00:27:52,620 --> 00:27:55,740 - Where's my Perrier? - Got the key. This way. 484 00:27:57,060 --> 00:28:00,180 Any trouble with your uncle, you come and get him. 485 00:28:00,380 --> 00:28:03,540 Don't worry. He's rough-and-ready, but... 486 00:28:03,740 --> 00:28:06,580 Ah, seriously! Ah, dammit! 487 00:28:07,620 --> 00:28:09,540 - How long's he here? - A night. 488 00:28:12,740 --> 00:28:14,540 Just 24 hours. 489 00:28:19,140 --> 00:28:19,900 Hello? 490 00:28:20,100 --> 00:28:22,460 Mr Martinez? Yes, it's Mrs Lechat. 491 00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:25,260 Paddy! 492 00:28:25,460 --> 00:28:28,300 A nutter at the gate claims to be your uncle. 493 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,500 He's my nephew! Is this guy thick or what? 494 00:28:31,700 --> 00:28:34,340 Let him in? OK. Good night, Mrs Lechat. 495 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:35,460 OK! Let's go! 496 00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:37,580 - Who is he? - A family friend. 497 00:28:37,740 --> 00:28:39,460 What "family friend"?! 498 00:28:39,660 --> 00:28:40,740 Patrick! 499 00:28:42,140 --> 00:28:43,340 Patrick! 500 00:28:43,740 --> 00:28:45,140 Patrick! 501 00:28:46,460 --> 00:28:49,380 What the fuck're they doing? Is no one home? 502 00:28:49,580 --> 00:28:51,180 No, Mr Moulinot. It's here. 503 00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:53,260 No, no, OK, OK, OK... 504 00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:55,700 - I say! - Careful. 505 00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:58,460 The neighbour's flowers. This way. Shh. 506 00:28:58,660 --> 00:29:01,140 - Patrick! - OK! I heard you. 507 00:29:01,340 --> 00:29:03,460 - Wasn't on purpose. - Yes, I know. 508 00:29:03,620 --> 00:29:04,420 This way. 509 00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:08,180 The head man at the hotel wrote down your address. 510 00:29:08,340 --> 00:29:11,940 The taxi driver showed me the way. 511 00:29:12,140 --> 00:29:15,140 You'd better pay: he's holding Mr Snout hostage. 512 00:29:15,380 --> 00:29:18,660 Ah! It smells good in there! 513 00:29:20,020 --> 00:29:21,500 That way to the nosh? 514 00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:24,620 - Let's go! - What d'you want? 515 00:29:24,780 --> 00:29:27,020 Well, I'd like... 516 00:29:27,260 --> 00:29:30,300 a wee drink, because I'm thirsty, of course! 517 00:29:30,460 --> 00:29:33,500 Oh! Lookee! That bottle! Aye! 518 00:29:33,660 --> 00:29:35,340 It looks lively, oo-argh! 519 00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:37,580 Why're you using that silly accent? 520 00:29:37,780 --> 00:29:40,100 "Silly"? I be a man o' the land. 521 00:29:40,260 --> 00:29:42,300 I be a country lad, me. 522 00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:44,460 Open it, son. 523 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:47,700 A grand cru: drink in moderation. 524 00:29:48,580 --> 00:29:51,020 My treasure, will you introduce us? 525 00:29:51,220 --> 00:29:52,780 - Who is he? - My uncle. 526 00:29:53,340 --> 00:29:55,540 - She's your lady? - Yes. 527 00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:58,780 Well, since you're my half-niece, 528 00:29:58,940 --> 00:29:59,780 gimme a kiss! 529 00:29:59,980 --> 00:30:02,660 Oh! I love you! 530 00:30:02,820 --> 00:30:04,260 Oh yes, I love you. 531 00:30:04,460 --> 00:30:08,180 Ah! That's the taxi driver. He wants his filthy money. 532 00:30:08,380 --> 00:30:10,380 - Hear it? - Here. I'll go. 533 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:14,580 See how gentle I was with your wife? 534 00:30:14,740 --> 00:30:17,500 I saw. What would "not gentle" be? 535 00:30:19,260 --> 00:30:23,020 You're my half-nephew's little girl, right? 536 00:30:23,260 --> 00:30:25,300 - "Sell-Cheese". - No. Chelsea. 537 00:30:25,540 --> 00:30:28,100 - "Sell-Cheese". - Chelsea! 538 00:30:28,300 --> 00:30:29,380 - Chelsea. - OK. 539 00:30:29,580 --> 00:30:30,900 I'll never get it. 540 00:30:31,460 --> 00:30:33,420 And I'm your Uncle Albert. 541 00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:38,380 - This is Mr Snout! - What is that? 542 00:30:39,780 --> 00:30:41,620 It's a wild animal! 543 00:30:41,860 --> 00:30:44,220 I've got Mr Thingy's box. It's empty. 544 00:30:44,420 --> 00:30:46,260 She hadn't heard of me, Paddy. 545 00:30:46,460 --> 00:30:47,900 You're being familiar! 546 00:30:48,100 --> 00:30:51,140 Now that we're en famille, we'll drop the ceremonial. 547 00:30:51,340 --> 00:30:54,700 - Call me Bertie! - OK. 548 00:30:54,940 --> 00:30:56,620 - I'll call you Paddy. - OK. 549 00:30:56,820 --> 00:30:58,780 Tell me! Tell me you love me! 550 00:30:58,980 --> 00:31:01,460 Yes, OK. Why did you leave the hotel? 551 00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:04,260 - Well... "Bertie"! - "Bertie" what? 552 00:31:04,460 --> 00:31:07,300 - "Why did you leave, 'Bertie'"! - OK! Bertie. 553 00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:09,140 What happened? 554 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:11,660 Sorry... I'm depressed. 555 00:31:11,860 --> 00:31:13,940 - Really depressed. - Blast. 556 00:31:14,140 --> 00:31:16,900 I'm always like this when I'm far from home. 557 00:31:17,100 --> 00:31:19,220 - When I leave town... - OK, OK. 558 00:31:19,420 --> 00:31:21,540 - The blues. - OK. I'll put you... 559 00:31:21,740 --> 00:31:23,740 in the guest room, Bertie. 560 00:31:23,940 --> 00:31:27,780 - Yes, be nice. Don't leave me. - No. I won't leave you. 561 00:31:27,980 --> 00:31:29,780 Don't you worry about that. 562 00:31:29,940 --> 00:31:31,100 This way... 563 00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:33,740 - Where is he? Mr Moulinot? - Yes! 564 00:31:33,940 --> 00:31:37,020 - What you doing with that? - There's no fence 565 00:31:37,220 --> 00:31:38,620 outside! 566 00:31:38,820 --> 00:31:41,220 - You want your moped in here? - Yes. 567 00:31:41,420 --> 00:31:42,900 It won't get nicked. 568 00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:44,780 - Easy! - Mind the paintwork. 569 00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:48,100 - Yes, but mind the vehicle. - Yes, I am! 570 00:31:48,300 --> 00:31:50,300 - It's awful! - Oh, bugger this. 571 00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:52,500 Sorry. I'm depressed. 572 00:31:52,660 --> 00:31:55,100 I'm depressed... 573 00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:56,740 Here's your room... 574 00:31:56,900 --> 00:31:58,420 The bathroom's there. 575 00:31:58,660 --> 00:32:00,940 - I'll put the moped there. - Really? 576 00:32:04,620 --> 00:32:07,100 Oh no! Not him! That's the limit! 577 00:32:07,580 --> 00:32:09,060 Not in the sheets... 578 00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:12,100 There. Now it won't be in the way. 579 00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:15,620 - In the bathtub? - Have you eaten? I haven't! 580 00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:19,060 It's 1:00 am. Personally... I... 581 00:32:19,260 --> 00:32:21,700 Time for a little snack, though, eh? 582 00:32:21,900 --> 00:32:24,140 - Well? - Yes. OK, well... 583 00:32:24,340 --> 00:32:27,100 You'll find everything you want in the fridge. 584 00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:29,820 - I'll leave you to it... Bertie. - OK. 585 00:32:30,020 --> 00:32:33,820 Hey, who painted that thing? You? 586 00:32:34,620 --> 00:32:36,340 I wanted to be an artist. 587 00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:38,260 Ah? Really? 588 00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:40,620 - I painted with my fingers. - Yes. 589 00:32:40,860 --> 00:32:44,780 Maybe you should try it with mittens or your toes? 590 00:32:46,020 --> 00:32:47,420 Yes. Good night. 591 00:32:47,620 --> 00:32:49,260 - One thing. - What now? 592 00:32:49,460 --> 00:32:53,300 I'm really glad I'm here with you, with my family. 593 00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:55,820 - I really am. - Yes. 594 00:32:56,020 --> 00:32:58,540 Well, so am I... So are we. 595 00:32:58,740 --> 00:32:59,620 - OK. - OK. 596 00:32:59,820 --> 00:33:01,940 - See you tomorrow. - OK. Tomorrow. 597 00:33:02,140 --> 00:33:04,780 - See you tomorrow, Paddy. - Yes, OK. 598 00:33:07,740 --> 00:33:09,420 - See you, then. - OK. 599 00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:21,860 OK. He'll get a slice of our inheritance. 600 00:33:22,060 --> 00:33:24,260 - No, he's not. - So why's he here? 601 00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:26,620 I just told you: he's family. 602 00:33:26,820 --> 00:33:28,660 He must be at the will opening. 603 00:33:28,820 --> 00:33:30,140 I don't believe it. 604 00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:31,740 He's nothing like you. 605 00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:34,260 You sure that bumpkin's your uncle? 606 00:33:34,460 --> 00:33:37,780 Half-uncle. There can be leeway physically. 607 00:33:38,020 --> 00:33:41,220 I can't help but find it strange: 608 00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:44,460 an uncle, half-uncle, whom you've never heard of 609 00:33:44,620 --> 00:33:46,460 appears from nowhere 610 00:33:46,620 --> 00:33:47,860 when your dad dies. 611 00:33:48,020 --> 00:33:49,620 I never spoke to my dad. 612 00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:51,820 How would I know he had a brother? 613 00:33:52,020 --> 00:33:54,140 Nor is he a typical bumpkin: 614 00:33:54,340 --> 00:33:56,220 he sounds like Dad's books. 615 00:33:56,380 --> 00:33:58,420 OK, OK. So he's read them. 616 00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:00,740 He's a literate bumpkin, then! 617 00:34:00,900 --> 00:34:03,380 There's something weird about this. 618 00:34:17,060 --> 00:34:19,340 Mum! Mum, Mum! 619 00:34:19,500 --> 00:34:21,340 Chelsea, what's wrong? 620 00:34:21,540 --> 00:34:23,860 Look at the kitchen! It's the Bronx! 621 00:34:24,420 --> 00:34:27,580 Mr Moulinot, it's 9:00 am. Time to get up. 622 00:34:27,740 --> 00:34:29,180 The lawyer's waiting. 623 00:34:29,740 --> 00:34:30,780 Mr Moulinot. 624 00:34:32,460 --> 00:34:34,940 Where is he? Moulinot? 625 00:34:35,140 --> 00:34:37,620 - They're wrecked. Ghastly! - Where is he? 626 00:34:37,820 --> 00:34:41,180 - It's not that bad... - You're not the cleaner! 627 00:34:41,340 --> 00:34:43,180 He hadn't had any dinner. 628 00:34:43,380 --> 00:34:46,540 - Everything's trashed! - Have you seen him? 629 00:34:46,740 --> 00:34:48,900 He did it on purpose! 630 00:34:49,060 --> 00:34:50,140 Where is he? 631 00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:52,300 I can't believe it! 632 00:34:54,380 --> 00:34:55,660 Mr Lechevalier here. 633 00:34:56,580 --> 00:34:58,820 Thank you for telling us. 634 00:34:59,020 --> 00:35:00,020 Mr Moulinot? 635 00:35:01,660 --> 00:35:03,300 Moulinot? Oh my gosh... 636 00:35:05,980 --> 00:35:07,220 What is he doing? 637 00:35:09,620 --> 00:35:10,660 Albert! 638 00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:12,820 Albert! 639 00:35:13,020 --> 00:35:15,060 What're you doing? Who are you? 640 00:35:15,260 --> 00:35:18,580 And who are you to ask me who I am? 641 00:35:19,140 --> 00:35:20,820 We're the security here. 642 00:35:21,300 --> 00:35:23,580 What? What's wrong, Sheriff? 643 00:35:23,780 --> 00:35:25,540 Ain't I allowed in your town? 644 00:35:25,700 --> 00:35:27,380 Right, come with us! 645 00:35:29,620 --> 00:35:33,740 Stop! Stop, stop! No! 646 00:35:33,940 --> 00:35:35,300 - It's nothing. - D'you know him? 647 00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:38,580 Absolutely. Albert, be sensible! 648 00:35:38,780 --> 00:35:40,900 He's a friend. I'll sort it out. 649 00:35:41,060 --> 00:35:42,100 Albert! 650 00:35:42,980 --> 00:35:46,380 Here, thank you. Something for the inconvenience. 651 00:35:46,540 --> 00:35:47,340 Albert! 652 00:35:48,140 --> 00:35:50,740 You have your own police? 653 00:35:50,900 --> 00:35:53,260 You're petrified of everything, eh? 654 00:35:53,460 --> 00:35:55,380 A minor luxury. We feel safer. 655 00:35:55,620 --> 00:35:59,620 Oh yeah? You're a bunch of scaredy-cats! 656 00:35:59,820 --> 00:36:03,780 Let's go. Put the moped away. The lawyer's waiting. 657 00:36:04,020 --> 00:36:08,060 - That's him, Pat's uncle. - Oh, my God! It's "Basic Man"! 658 00:36:09,420 --> 00:36:11,660 25 mph! Maximum! 659 00:36:11,900 --> 00:36:14,060 Why's he in the back? Is he a retard? 660 00:36:14,220 --> 00:36:15,540 Yes, a cow poke. 661 00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:17,060 Mr Lechat... 662 00:36:17,380 --> 00:36:20,140 Mr Kermarec had to go to Quimper. 663 00:36:20,340 --> 00:36:21,740 We had an appointment. 664 00:36:21,940 --> 00:36:25,060 I know. Mr Kermarec waited as long as he could. 665 00:36:26,300 --> 00:36:28,140 - His grandma died. - Awful. 666 00:36:28,340 --> 00:36:30,820 - Yes. He loved her very much. - Eh? 667 00:36:31,020 --> 00:36:32,660 - His grandma. - Great. 668 00:36:32,900 --> 00:36:34,220 - Back when? - 3 days. 669 00:36:34,460 --> 00:36:37,260 No way... I don't believe it! Blast! 670 00:36:37,860 --> 00:36:40,380 - Blast! Blast! - Problem? 671 00:36:40,540 --> 00:36:41,540 A big one. 672 00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:44,980 Yes. We drove at 2 mph, the lawyer didn't wait. 673 00:36:45,140 --> 00:36:46,620 We'll come back. 674 00:36:46,780 --> 00:36:49,460 There's no hurry. Oh well... 675 00:36:49,620 --> 00:36:52,260 Come on. Come on, come on! 676 00:36:52,860 --> 00:36:55,820 I can't go back to the hotel: I'm depressed. 677 00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:56,780 Yes, well... 678 00:36:56,940 --> 00:36:59,340 Plus your wife is very attractive. 679 00:37:00,460 --> 00:37:03,980 What's he doing? No way! 680 00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:07,060 It's a car... What a disaster! 681 00:37:07,220 --> 00:37:08,500 Stop that! 682 00:37:09,300 --> 00:37:11,820 He's with you till the lawyer gets back? 683 00:37:11,980 --> 00:37:13,500 Yes. That's why... 684 00:37:13,700 --> 00:37:16,020 I'm asking you to run things here. 685 00:37:16,180 --> 00:37:19,060 What a nice man he is. 686 00:37:19,220 --> 00:37:21,340 What d'you mean? 687 00:37:21,500 --> 00:37:22,980 To give you his money. 688 00:37:23,180 --> 00:37:25,700 Generosity opens the gates to Heaven. 689 00:37:25,900 --> 00:37:28,100 Quit saying those lousy proverbs! 690 00:37:28,300 --> 00:37:29,980 Ah! What are you doing? 691 00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:34,300 Ah, that, that... That is... 692 00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:35,740 71 kg. 693 00:37:36,180 --> 00:37:39,660 71 kg, very good. But just be careful. 694 00:37:39,820 --> 00:37:40,860 About what? 695 00:37:41,060 --> 00:37:44,060 Marie-Ange means everyone should be prudent 696 00:37:44,220 --> 00:37:45,380 an avoid bad habits. 697 00:37:45,580 --> 00:37:48,580 I'm not everyone and I don't want to be prudent! 698 00:37:48,780 --> 00:37:50,020 - Let's go. - Right. 699 00:37:50,180 --> 00:37:53,340 I avoid people who are prudent! 700 00:37:53,500 --> 00:37:54,540 Let's go. 701 00:37:54,780 --> 00:37:56,860 You're being very difficult, 702 00:37:57,060 --> 00:37:59,580 but I'm sure you're very nice deep-down. 703 00:37:59,780 --> 00:38:03,220 - Oh dear! How awful! - Wise words, Marie-Ange. 704 00:38:03,420 --> 00:38:05,820 Certainly not! Being nasty is such fun! 705 00:38:06,020 --> 00:38:08,340 - Sure. - Do that up properly now. 706 00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:09,780 Yes. Thank you. 707 00:38:09,940 --> 00:38:11,060 Give that here. 708 00:38:12,180 --> 00:38:14,700 You know, I read Decadence of the Future. 709 00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:17,260 Albert sounds like your dad's book. 710 00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:19,500 He's read it, that's all. 711 00:38:19,660 --> 00:38:21,580 OK, but even then... 712 00:38:21,820 --> 00:38:24,540 What's your wife called? 713 00:38:24,740 --> 00:38:28,380 Monique. Well, she likes to be called Barbara. 714 00:38:28,540 --> 00:38:30,740 It was her opera stage name. 715 00:38:30,860 --> 00:38:31,860 Really? 716 00:38:32,100 --> 00:38:35,300 Your Barbara doesn't have very big tits. 717 00:38:35,460 --> 00:38:37,060 I like 'em big and firm. 718 00:38:37,260 --> 00:38:40,660 My prozzies in Périgueux have big tits. 719 00:38:41,220 --> 00:38:44,300 And your brother-in-law, Eddy: is he a loafer? 720 00:38:44,460 --> 00:38:46,900 Ah no. Not at all. 721 00:38:47,020 --> 00:38:48,940 Barbara found him a job. 722 00:38:49,140 --> 00:38:52,260 He's a pet groomer, goes to people's houses. 723 00:38:52,460 --> 00:38:53,580 - Really? - Yes. 724 00:38:53,820 --> 00:38:56,380 - A pooch barber. - Yes. 725 00:38:56,580 --> 00:38:59,100 Hear that, Mr Snout? 726 00:38:59,260 --> 00:39:00,420 Pooch barber! 727 00:39:00,940 --> 00:39:02,820 When're we eating? 728 00:39:03,580 --> 00:39:04,580 Oh, hell... 729 00:39:04,740 --> 00:39:06,940 It's so hot. I'm sweating. 730 00:39:07,100 --> 00:39:08,860 Well, what d'you expect? 731 00:39:09,060 --> 00:39:11,700 Luckily, we've got plonk. Otherwise... 732 00:39:12,260 --> 00:39:15,100 Have a swim if you like. It'll cool you down. 733 00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:19,380 - You want to kill me? - Not at all. 734 00:39:19,580 --> 00:39:22,260 You said you were hot. There's a pool, 735 00:39:22,420 --> 00:39:24,460 so why don't you take a dip? 736 00:39:24,620 --> 00:39:27,300 Oh right. No, I'm not bathing in that. 737 00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:29,460 It's full of toxic chemicals. 738 00:39:29,660 --> 00:39:31,540 Plus, I can't swim. 739 00:39:31,740 --> 00:39:34,860 I'll repeat my question: what time are we eating? 740 00:39:35,700 --> 00:39:38,580 There's no set time. Just help yourself. 741 00:39:38,740 --> 00:39:40,180 Ah, OK. 742 00:39:43,260 --> 00:39:45,860 There's nothing to eat in your larder! 743 00:39:46,060 --> 00:39:49,580 - Barbara'son Karl's diet. - Oh yes? Karl Marx? 744 00:39:49,740 --> 00:39:50,940 Lagerfeld. 745 00:39:51,700 --> 00:39:54,540 Although I have a well-nourished soul, 746 00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:56,300 I also need to eat food. 747 00:39:56,460 --> 00:39:58,380 Yes, of course. Absolutely. 748 00:39:59,580 --> 00:40:02,700 - How could it have come to this? - What's up? 749 00:40:02,900 --> 00:40:06,140 All of this, it's awful. It's all so ugly. 750 00:40:06,620 --> 00:40:09,580 There are some well-stocked shops inside. 751 00:40:11,340 --> 00:40:14,300 These people living in shops are like moles: 752 00:40:14,460 --> 00:40:16,460 they don't notice each other. 753 00:40:16,660 --> 00:40:18,900 Maybe. But you can get anything here. 754 00:40:19,060 --> 00:40:22,180 - You coming? - It's hideous! Hideous! 755 00:40:22,980 --> 00:40:25,860 Are these folk pushing the trolleys 756 00:40:26,060 --> 00:40:28,380 or are the trolleys pulling them? 757 00:40:29,300 --> 00:40:30,860 Call that food? 758 00:40:31,060 --> 00:40:33,860 It's just products in cardboard or plastic. 759 00:40:34,020 --> 00:40:35,020 Come on. 760 00:40:35,180 --> 00:40:36,580 When you have guests 761 00:40:36,780 --> 00:40:38,620 you don't make them eat that? 762 00:40:38,740 --> 00:40:39,660 Course not. 763 00:40:39,860 --> 00:40:43,020 Well, I'm your guest, aren't I, Paddy? 764 00:40:43,180 --> 00:40:45,460 Of course, Albert. Of course. 765 00:40:45,660 --> 00:40:46,660 Of course... 766 00:40:46,860 --> 00:40:49,380 - Don't make me eat that. - I won't. 767 00:40:50,060 --> 00:40:52,300 I've put the Bergerac wine in here. 768 00:40:52,500 --> 00:40:55,380 The Châteaux Angélus are in here. I'll wrap this. 769 00:40:55,580 --> 00:40:58,300 No! I'm keeping it. D'you have a corkscrew? 770 00:40:58,940 --> 00:41:00,900 That's 523 euros,Mr Lechat. 771 00:41:01,700 --> 00:41:03,860 523? One second. 772 00:41:04,340 --> 00:41:08,020 523... What did you add? It's costing me a fortune. 773 00:41:08,220 --> 00:41:12,180 Oh dear! I'm giving him all my inheritance 774 00:41:12,420 --> 00:41:15,380 and he's being miserly. Can you believe it? 775 00:41:16,260 --> 00:41:17,020 Let's go. 776 00:41:17,220 --> 00:41:21,020 Have you run out of dosh? Are you skint? 777 00:41:21,180 --> 00:41:23,860 It's because of your tax fraud. 778 00:41:24,060 --> 00:41:26,620 - I'll be back to pay in a flash. - Sure! 779 00:41:27,340 --> 00:41:28,140 Cheapskate! 780 00:41:30,540 --> 00:41:31,460 Hey, thingy! 781 00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:33,180 No. No! 782 00:41:36,700 --> 00:41:38,180 Pat? 783 00:41:38,420 --> 00:41:40,980 - Pat, my treasure? - Yes, I'm here. 784 00:41:41,180 --> 00:41:43,140 - Honey? - You went shopping?! 785 00:41:43,340 --> 00:41:47,020 Yes. The Cookes finally accepted my dinner invitation. 786 00:41:47,220 --> 00:41:48,740 - Oh no! - Don't worry. 787 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:51,300 There's a tiny bill from Dalloyau. 788 00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:52,260 Hi, Paddy. 789 00:41:52,460 --> 00:41:56,020 - Paddy-baby, the lawyer: how much? - Why the rush? 790 00:41:56,220 --> 00:41:58,300 If there's money, we'll celebrate. 791 00:41:58,500 --> 00:42:00,900 - "If"? - Heritage is not sure? 792 00:42:01,060 --> 00:42:04,460 It is. The lawyer had to go somewhere. He'll be back. 793 00:42:04,660 --> 00:42:05,820 When? 794 00:42:06,380 --> 00:42:09,420 - End of the week. - So, Albert's still here? 795 00:42:09,580 --> 00:42:11,180 Oh, listen... 796 00:42:11,420 --> 00:42:13,620 For 3 days. It's not that long. 797 00:42:15,180 --> 00:42:16,020 Is that him? 798 00:42:17,820 --> 00:42:18,620 Go easy! 799 00:42:18,820 --> 00:42:20,620 Dirty creature! 800 00:42:22,700 --> 00:42:25,140 Clear off! Clear off! 801 00:42:25,340 --> 00:42:26,820 What a savage! 802 00:42:27,900 --> 00:42:30,180 He's not making dinner for the Cookes? 803 00:42:30,380 --> 00:42:34,060 He's decided to make dinner, so that's that! Period! 804 00:42:34,740 --> 00:42:36,340 Move it! 805 00:42:36,860 --> 00:42:39,340 You're wrong to doubt his cooking. 806 00:42:39,460 --> 00:42:41,140 He cooked for me at his. 807 00:42:41,300 --> 00:42:42,900 Apart from the mushrooms, 808 00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:44,260 it was very good. 809 00:42:44,420 --> 00:42:45,820 Think of your daughter: 810 00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:47,580 this is to ask Lord Cooke 811 00:42:47,740 --> 00:42:49,580 if she can sing on his show! 812 00:42:49,740 --> 00:42:52,340 Top People means dollars and glory! 813 00:42:52,540 --> 00:42:54,820 Maybe we can have a say in this! 814 00:42:54,980 --> 00:42:56,060 Absolutely not! 815 00:42:56,300 --> 00:42:58,060 - You'll ruin it! - I won't. 816 00:43:08,020 --> 00:43:10,700 People tell me you have a great show. 817 00:43:10,860 --> 00:43:13,140 It's nice to have you here. 818 00:43:15,340 --> 00:43:17,180 Here I come! 819 00:43:17,380 --> 00:43:19,860 Dinner time, my friends! 820 00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:22,180 - This is Albert. - Hello there. 821 00:43:22,340 --> 00:43:23,740 Excuse me, love! 822 00:43:24,380 --> 00:43:26,180 - Get out the way! - OK! 823 00:43:26,340 --> 00:43:28,260 Good evening. So... 824 00:43:31,740 --> 00:43:33,180 What do we say? 825 00:43:33,420 --> 00:43:34,420 Bravo! 826 00:43:34,620 --> 00:43:37,140 - Bravo to the chef! - It's very French. 827 00:43:37,340 --> 00:43:38,460 What is it? 828 00:43:38,660 --> 00:43:41,340 Good earthy, regional cuisine. 829 00:43:41,500 --> 00:43:42,420 That's right! 830 00:43:43,460 --> 00:43:45,020 Typically French. 831 00:43:45,180 --> 00:43:45,980 Excuse me. 832 00:43:46,140 --> 00:43:47,500 Cheese, poultry... 833 00:43:49,100 --> 00:43:51,700 - It's the embryos from Alien! - Chelsea! 834 00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:53,700 Nouvelle cuisine is has-been. 835 00:43:54,820 --> 00:43:55,780 Take a seat. 836 00:43:55,900 --> 00:43:57,340 I serve you, Denise? 837 00:43:57,940 --> 00:44:00,340 - Sit down! - Your plate, please. 838 00:44:00,580 --> 00:44:01,780 Help yourself, love. 839 00:44:02,060 --> 00:44:04,900 It's a new slow food. Very authentic. 840 00:44:05,140 --> 00:44:06,980 Yes. Back-to-earth style. 841 00:44:07,140 --> 00:44:08,340 It's very trendy. 842 00:44:08,580 --> 00:44:10,460 Back-to-nature, no doubt. 843 00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:17,780 Cheers.Cheers! Up yours. 844 00:44:20,500 --> 00:44:22,300 - Who's this guy? - My uncle. 845 00:44:23,460 --> 00:44:25,340 Well, half, half-uncle. 846 00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:28,140 Yes. But uncle still. 847 00:44:28,820 --> 00:44:30,180 - Thanks. - Family. 848 00:44:30,340 --> 00:44:31,620 No fuss, guys. 849 00:44:32,100 --> 00:44:34,060 - What? - Don't be fussy. 850 00:44:35,380 --> 00:44:36,900 - He's so French. - Yes. 851 00:44:41,100 --> 00:44:43,860 You have it good. It's nice here. 852 00:44:44,060 --> 00:44:46,060 Yes. Barbara decorated the house. 853 00:44:46,260 --> 00:44:48,020 Yes. I went for Phil Spark. 854 00:44:48,220 --> 00:44:50,580 I love the urban, neo-colonial look... 855 00:44:50,740 --> 00:44:51,900 Not that. 856 00:44:52,100 --> 00:44:55,780 I meant: you want for nothing. You have all you need. 857 00:44:56,260 --> 00:44:57,780 - Like me. - Meaning? 858 00:44:57,900 --> 00:44:59,740 I have all I need. 859 00:44:59,900 --> 00:45:01,700 You have all you need. 860 00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:04,460 - We want for nothing. - He's gonna ruin it. 861 00:45:04,620 --> 00:45:08,340 Why d'you want to talk about that? 862 00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:12,660 Have you seen the manouches the other side of the gate? 863 00:45:12,900 --> 00:45:15,740 We call them "travellers". 864 00:45:15,900 --> 00:45:17,580 Gypsies... 865 00:45:17,780 --> 00:45:20,580 - They settle here and there. - Good singers. 866 00:45:20,820 --> 00:45:24,300 - We have them as well. - Everybody has them. 867 00:45:24,460 --> 00:45:26,500 Those gypsies look... 868 00:45:27,340 --> 00:45:29,460 - They look very poor. - Yes. 869 00:45:29,660 --> 00:45:32,060 I regularly give them money. 870 00:45:32,220 --> 00:45:34,660 Eh? You always say the world's a jungle 871 00:45:34,900 --> 00:45:36,500 where the weak perish. 872 00:45:37,100 --> 00:45:39,060 - You said that? - Admit it. 873 00:45:39,220 --> 00:45:40,300 What's with you? 874 00:45:40,540 --> 00:45:43,180 When you do a kind deed, you don't announce it. 875 00:45:43,420 --> 00:45:46,220 - Affirmative. - You have to be discreet. 876 00:45:46,380 --> 00:45:48,220 Can I suggest something? 877 00:45:48,420 --> 00:45:52,180 We could all give to the gypsies without anyone knowing. 878 00:45:53,220 --> 00:45:54,060 Why not? 879 00:45:56,380 --> 00:45:58,620 - He's a funny man. - Very eccentric. 880 00:45:59,020 --> 00:46:00,500 Colourful. 881 00:46:00,780 --> 00:46:02,780 Cheers. Clink glasses, guys. 882 00:46:02,940 --> 00:46:04,620 Would you care for wine? 883 00:46:04,780 --> 00:46:07,340 Clearly, they're very reserved. 884 00:46:07,500 --> 00:46:08,620 Cheers! 885 00:46:14,180 --> 00:46:14,940 Easy, honey! 886 00:46:15,140 --> 00:46:16,900 You said he wasn't an heir. 887 00:46:17,060 --> 00:46:18,620 He went on about money! 888 00:46:18,820 --> 00:46:21,900 With his innuendos, moralising... 889 00:46:22,100 --> 00:46:24,100 - What's he meant to say? - Stop. 890 00:46:24,300 --> 00:46:26,580 I'm not into this "earthy" stuff! 891 00:46:26,740 --> 00:46:28,100 No one said you were. 892 00:46:28,340 --> 00:46:30,940 This "Grandpa the cook" thing is weird! 893 00:46:31,140 --> 00:46:33,340 - More than weird! - It's not... 894 00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:35,220 You're exaggerating. 895 00:46:37,060 --> 00:46:39,500 It was just a "no-fuss" dinner. 896 00:46:40,740 --> 00:46:41,940 This won't be easy. 897 00:46:44,180 --> 00:46:46,180 He won't make things easy. 898 00:46:59,020 --> 00:47:00,340 Mr Snout! 899 00:47:02,980 --> 00:47:05,580 Mr Snout... What's he up to now? 900 00:47:05,780 --> 00:47:07,180 Mr Snout! 901 00:47:08,820 --> 00:47:09,940 Mr Snout! 902 00:47:10,900 --> 00:47:12,060 Mr Snout! 903 00:47:14,220 --> 00:47:15,180 Mr Snout! 904 00:47:25,500 --> 00:47:29,500 Well, well, Ma'am. Oh yes, Ma'am... 905 00:47:37,340 --> 00:47:39,940 What's wrong? What's happened? 906 00:47:40,940 --> 00:47:41,780 Oh, blast. 907 00:47:43,140 --> 00:47:45,780 - I'm hurt. - That's it! I've had enough! 908 00:47:45,980 --> 00:47:47,740 - Enough! - What happened? 909 00:47:47,900 --> 00:47:48,940 I was in the bath 910 00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:51,460 and I caught him eyeing me up 911 00:47:51,620 --> 00:47:53,900 like some lecherous hippie! 912 00:47:54,100 --> 00:47:57,220 He must've wanted something from the bathroom, 913 00:47:57,340 --> 00:47:58,380 he wasn't ogling. 914 00:47:58,540 --> 00:48:01,020 What? He never washes! 915 00:48:01,220 --> 00:48:03,340 All part of his "earthy" philosophy. 916 00:48:03,540 --> 00:48:05,740 He reeks of hen coops and cheese! 917 00:48:05,940 --> 00:48:08,940 I'll clarify things with him: that hurt! 918 00:48:09,100 --> 00:48:10,060 Here I go. 919 00:48:18,380 --> 00:48:20,540 Idiotic society. 920 00:48:24,100 --> 00:48:25,940 - You alright? - I'm bored. 921 00:48:26,620 --> 00:48:29,220 Pardon? Sorry, I didn't hear you. 922 00:48:29,660 --> 00:48:31,620 I'm bored. 923 00:48:32,180 --> 00:48:33,780 I've had... well... 924 00:48:33,980 --> 00:48:36,220 No. We'll find a solution. 925 00:48:36,980 --> 00:48:40,060 - What? - I don't know. Whatever you like. 926 00:48:40,220 --> 00:48:42,740 I'm bored. I don't want to stay here. 927 00:48:42,980 --> 00:48:45,460 - We'll find something... - Eh? 928 00:48:45,620 --> 00:48:47,260 What would you like to do? 929 00:48:47,500 --> 00:48:49,540 We're going to get whacked! 930 00:48:49,820 --> 00:48:52,900 - Watch out! - Why doesn't your wife like me? 931 00:48:53,620 --> 00:48:54,740 She does! 932 00:48:54,900 --> 00:48:57,220 What have I done wrong? 933 00:48:57,380 --> 00:49:00,940 Barbara has a strong personality, but she adores you. 934 00:49:01,980 --> 00:49:04,100 - How old is she? - 39. 935 00:49:04,860 --> 00:49:08,660 "39"? Has she jammed the meter? 936 00:49:08,860 --> 00:49:10,620 "Jammed the meter"? 937 00:49:10,780 --> 00:49:11,940 Why d'you say that? 938 00:49:12,140 --> 00:49:15,060 Because your father never took care of you, 939 00:49:15,340 --> 00:49:16,940 so I feel duty-bound. 940 00:49:17,820 --> 00:49:18,900 You fucker! 941 00:49:19,100 --> 00:49:21,620 Look at him! His head's upside down! 942 00:49:22,500 --> 00:49:23,340 Let's do it. 943 00:49:23,500 --> 00:49:25,780 No! I get dizzy on a stool! 944 00:49:25,940 --> 00:49:27,780 You'll never get me on that. 945 00:49:33,700 --> 00:49:36,380 That ride turned my stomach. I can't eat. 946 00:49:36,580 --> 00:49:38,780 "Can't eat"? Here, have an oyster. 947 00:49:38,940 --> 00:49:40,660 No way! Plus... 948 00:49:40,860 --> 00:49:43,940 Knowing my luck, I'll probably get a bad one. 949 00:49:44,100 --> 00:49:46,500 Remember the mushroom omelette... 950 00:49:46,700 --> 00:49:48,220 Yes. That's true. 951 00:49:48,420 --> 00:49:50,940 - Yes, that mushroom. - It's not funny. 952 00:49:51,100 --> 00:49:52,940 I could've been seriously ill. 953 00:49:53,140 --> 00:49:54,820 - Huh! - Mushrooms are bad. 954 00:49:54,980 --> 00:49:57,340 Albert's not evil. 955 00:49:57,500 --> 00:49:59,660 Come on, eat your oyster, Paddy. 956 00:49:59,820 --> 00:50:02,220 - No. - Yes. Go on, eat it. 957 00:50:02,380 --> 00:50:04,260 - One little oyster! - Just one. 958 00:50:04,420 --> 00:50:05,340 At last! 959 00:50:05,540 --> 00:50:09,940 No! Not with a fork. With your knife, like this. 960 00:50:10,100 --> 00:50:11,820 Then swallow it. Swallow! 961 00:50:12,740 --> 00:50:14,340 It's still moving. See? 962 00:50:14,540 --> 00:50:15,620 - Yes. - Eat it. 963 00:50:16,300 --> 00:50:19,340 - Indulge yourself while you... - That's the word. 964 00:50:19,500 --> 00:50:21,620 Let's have another drink! 965 00:50:21,820 --> 00:50:24,780 I won't have enough money to pay. 966 00:50:24,980 --> 00:50:27,220 - I have enough money. - I'm short. 967 00:50:27,420 --> 00:50:30,060 I know. I hear you. I can cover it. 968 00:50:30,260 --> 00:50:33,540 - Hey, my friend, same again, please. - Same again? 969 00:50:33,700 --> 00:50:34,660 Yes. 970 00:50:34,820 --> 00:50:37,100 We'd like to see the boss. 971 00:50:37,300 --> 00:50:40,540 - Is there a problem? - There may be. 972 00:50:40,780 --> 00:50:42,260 There may be a problem. 973 00:50:42,900 --> 00:50:44,380 - What problem? - Relax. 974 00:50:44,620 --> 00:50:46,780 Let me sort things out. 975 00:50:46,980 --> 00:50:48,700 - But... - One has to try. 976 00:50:48,900 --> 00:50:51,500 Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Anything's possible. 977 00:50:51,660 --> 00:50:53,140 Never say never. 978 00:50:53,380 --> 00:50:55,860 What now? We opened early for you. 979 00:50:56,060 --> 00:50:57,260 Thank you, but... 980 00:50:57,500 --> 00:50:59,500 You've never seen ones like this. 981 00:51:00,100 --> 00:51:00,940 Look. 982 00:51:01,100 --> 00:51:02,660 They're beauties, eh? 983 00:51:03,660 --> 00:51:07,420 Mr Snout's family are great truffle hunters. 984 00:51:07,580 --> 00:51:09,380 Sniff that. Sniff it! 985 00:51:10,340 --> 00:51:11,140 That's it. 986 00:51:11,380 --> 00:51:13,060 - They smell good. - Yep. 987 00:51:13,260 --> 00:51:15,580 - Worth a lot of dosh. - I dunno. 988 00:51:15,820 --> 00:51:19,060 They are. Let's make a trade. Forget the bill, eh? 989 00:51:19,260 --> 00:51:22,340 This is a trade! OK? Now, let's have a drink. 990 00:51:22,540 --> 00:51:26,980 Clink glasses! There we go! Drinks are on me! 991 00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:30,420 Life's easy with you. It is. 992 00:51:34,420 --> 00:51:37,060 I dunno how you can find your way home: 993 00:51:37,220 --> 00:51:40,140 these houses are all the same. 994 00:51:40,300 --> 00:51:41,260 Deary me... 995 00:51:41,420 --> 00:51:44,100 Your place has been cloned. 996 00:51:44,260 --> 00:51:45,260 There we go. 997 00:51:46,580 --> 00:51:49,100 Deary me... Oh! Not him again! 998 00:51:56,940 --> 00:51:57,940 Yuck 999 00:52:33,300 --> 00:52:34,860 What're you doing? 1000 00:52:35,060 --> 00:52:37,780 I'm not allowed to smoke in the house. 1001 00:52:37,940 --> 00:52:40,300 You can sit on a sunbed by the pool. 1002 00:52:40,660 --> 00:52:42,700 I loathe that kind of furniture. 1003 00:52:43,740 --> 00:52:46,220 You always criticise everything. 1004 00:52:46,740 --> 00:52:47,740 Yep. 1005 00:52:50,260 --> 00:52:51,260 Are you crying? 1006 00:52:52,700 --> 00:52:55,100 Yes, you are. I can see a little tear. 1007 00:52:55,300 --> 00:52:59,220 I can see it. Well, your boyfriend's an idiot. 1008 00:52:59,740 --> 00:53:01,100 I'm right, eh? 1009 00:53:01,540 --> 00:53:02,380 Aren't I? 1010 00:53:03,220 --> 00:53:04,380 Nope, not at all. 1011 00:53:06,420 --> 00:53:10,020 The fun thing about a secret is revealing it. 1012 00:53:10,220 --> 00:53:11,700 There is no secret. 1013 00:53:12,460 --> 00:53:14,380 I met someone very important 1014 00:53:14,540 --> 00:53:15,820 and it went badly. 1015 00:53:16,020 --> 00:53:17,020 Oh yeah? 1016 00:53:18,020 --> 00:53:20,820 Who was this "important" person? 1017 00:53:22,420 --> 00:53:24,380 A TV producer who auditioned me 1018 00:53:24,580 --> 00:53:26,540 for the show Star on a Weekend. 1019 00:53:26,700 --> 00:53:28,020 It's my mum... 1020 00:53:28,220 --> 00:53:30,980 She so wants me to be a singer! 1021 00:53:31,180 --> 00:53:34,300 - What for? - To be on TV. 1022 00:53:34,460 --> 00:53:35,460 To get known. 1023 00:53:35,700 --> 00:53:38,940 That's interesting, being inside an image box, 1024 00:53:39,100 --> 00:53:40,660 a piece of furniture. 1025 00:53:40,860 --> 00:53:43,820 But it's so exciting: singing, being famous! 1026 00:53:43,940 --> 00:53:45,020 Famous? 1027 00:53:45,260 --> 00:53:47,940 When you're famous, people recognise you. 1028 00:53:48,140 --> 00:53:51,260 - What? Neighbours, shopkeepers? - Everyone. 1029 00:53:51,420 --> 00:53:52,940 Forget about you... 1030 00:53:53,140 --> 00:53:56,580 wouldn't you rather see someone who's a bit different? 1031 00:54:00,100 --> 00:54:02,860 Dad! Dad! Dad! 1032 00:54:03,020 --> 00:54:05,580 Dad, look what he's doing outside! 1033 00:54:05,780 --> 00:54:07,940 - What's he doing? - Look. Quick! 1034 00:54:09,700 --> 00:54:12,380 - On the guards' car. - You like that, eh? 1035 00:54:12,540 --> 00:54:14,700 At least he can do what he wants. 1036 00:54:14,900 --> 00:54:16,820 - Do I restrict you? - I wish! 1037 00:54:16,980 --> 00:54:19,380 You couldn't care less about me. 1038 00:54:19,580 --> 00:54:21,980 Don't complain. I didn't have a dad. 1039 00:54:22,140 --> 00:54:23,100 Lucky bugger! 1040 00:54:23,900 --> 00:54:24,980 Lovely girl. 1041 00:54:25,180 --> 00:54:28,580 Lovely girl. So gentle. Great, great, great... 1042 00:54:36,260 --> 00:54:37,460 Dickhead! 1043 00:54:39,660 --> 00:54:40,860 Wasn't on purpose. 1044 00:54:42,580 --> 00:54:44,740 - Bailiff's letter. - Are they coming? 1045 00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:46,460 No. I'll sort it out. 1046 00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:49,580 Is Cro-Magnon Man staying? He'll pounce on me. 1047 00:54:49,780 --> 00:54:51,580 He won't. He likes big tits. 1048 00:54:52,300 --> 00:54:54,380 Get to know him a bit. 1049 00:54:54,580 --> 00:54:56,580 Talk to him: it'll change things. 1050 00:54:56,740 --> 00:54:58,100 Call him Albert. 1051 00:54:58,260 --> 00:55:00,380 He'll like feeling included. 1052 00:55:00,580 --> 00:55:02,660 He'll ask me to wash his clothes. 1053 00:55:02,860 --> 00:55:05,380 Big underpants in my machine! No thanks! 1054 00:55:05,540 --> 00:55:07,140 Why "big underpants"? 1055 00:55:07,340 --> 00:55:10,420 Mrs Gratin, I've left your monthly pay 1056 00:55:10,660 --> 00:55:12,940 on the kitchen table. - No rush. 1057 00:55:13,100 --> 00:55:13,900 I know. 1058 00:55:14,140 --> 00:55:16,380 But, what's done is done. 1059 00:55:16,540 --> 00:55:18,180 I've got work to do! 1060 00:55:20,380 --> 00:55:21,380 My goodness! 1061 00:55:21,540 --> 00:55:23,540 Chemist 1062 00:55:26,700 --> 00:55:29,380 Hello, Marie-Ange. Give me some Molzac. 1063 00:55:29,540 --> 00:55:31,420 Not without a prescription. 1064 00:55:31,620 --> 00:55:34,260 Marie-Ange, I need an antidepressant now! 1065 00:55:34,420 --> 00:55:36,820 That's how I am, that's how it is! 1066 00:55:37,020 --> 00:55:39,860 Haven't you heard? Our house is living hell. 1067 00:55:40,060 --> 00:55:42,820 A maniac has taken control. I've had enough! 1068 00:55:42,980 --> 00:55:44,620 You need to keep quiet: 1069 00:55:44,860 --> 00:55:47,820 you don't want him to change his mind. 1070 00:55:47,980 --> 00:55:50,100 What? What do you mean? 1071 00:55:50,500 --> 00:55:52,580 - Mr Lechat hasn't told you? - No. 1072 00:55:52,740 --> 00:55:54,660 Tell me. What is it? 1073 00:55:54,860 --> 00:55:58,100 I thought married couples told each other everything. 1074 00:55:58,300 --> 00:56:00,420 If he decided not to tell you, 1075 00:56:00,620 --> 00:56:03,300 I'm not going to... 1076 00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:06,740 OK. You know he's an expert of the unsaid. 1077 00:56:06,940 --> 00:56:09,820 Tell me what it's about. What's going on? 1078 00:56:10,380 --> 00:56:13,700 Mr Lechat's father disinherited him completely. 1079 00:56:13,900 --> 00:56:16,300 But Albert said he'd give him everything. 1080 00:56:16,500 --> 00:56:18,020 Oh dear! I said nothing! 1081 00:56:18,220 --> 00:56:20,900 The wise achieve everything in silence. 1082 00:56:25,540 --> 00:56:27,540 No way! That's 3 times! 1083 00:56:27,660 --> 00:56:29,740 I'm cursed! 1084 00:56:29,940 --> 00:56:31,860 Relax. You're a man of virtue. 1085 00:56:32,020 --> 00:56:33,340 Things'll work out. 1086 00:56:33,540 --> 00:56:35,420 You could help me out... 1087 00:56:35,620 --> 00:56:37,780 I can't. You know me well enough. 1088 00:56:37,980 --> 00:56:40,060 Even if I could, I couldn't. 1089 00:56:40,260 --> 00:56:41,540 Oh no! No way. 1090 00:56:41,780 --> 00:56:44,420 Here's to you two, Homo erectus. 1091 00:56:47,860 --> 00:56:49,060 Who is it? 1092 00:56:49,300 --> 00:56:51,780 May I come in? It's Mrs Lechat. 1093 00:56:51,980 --> 00:56:53,140 Affirmative. 1094 00:56:55,420 --> 00:56:57,980 I don't want to disturb you, Mr Moulinot. 1095 00:56:58,180 --> 00:57:02,260 Now and again, I have to give the moped a wee boost 1096 00:57:02,380 --> 00:57:03,900 because it seizes up. 1097 00:57:04,500 --> 00:57:05,340 Right. 1098 00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:08,020 Is it just us 2 here? 1099 00:57:08,460 --> 00:57:11,340 Yes. Paddy left early. Didn't you hear him? 1100 00:57:11,540 --> 00:57:14,420 So, I thought we could use this time 1101 00:57:14,620 --> 00:57:16,980 to get to know each other, chat... 1102 00:57:17,700 --> 00:57:18,900 I'm all ears. 1103 00:57:20,780 --> 00:57:23,340 Clearly, we're not from the same world, 1104 00:57:23,540 --> 00:57:26,500 but I won't hold that against you 1105 00:57:26,660 --> 00:57:28,620 and in fact, in fact, 1106 00:57:28,820 --> 00:57:32,140 your originality has changed us a little... 1107 00:57:32,300 --> 00:57:34,260 in a rewarding way. 1108 00:57:35,340 --> 00:57:39,980 And I wanted to ask you for something. 1109 00:57:40,900 --> 00:57:42,100 Not money! 1110 00:57:42,260 --> 00:57:44,580 No. No, no... I'm joking. 1111 00:57:46,140 --> 00:57:48,900 No, no, no. OK, listen, here goes: 1112 00:57:49,940 --> 00:57:53,340 we're in the same family, so I could call you Albert 1113 00:57:53,500 --> 00:57:57,620 and you could call me Barbara. 1114 00:57:58,700 --> 00:58:02,460 I'd rather call you by your real name: Monique. 1115 00:58:03,580 --> 00:58:06,020 No. Listen, don't worry, forget it. 1116 00:58:06,220 --> 00:58:09,220 - Is that a problem? - No. Keep things as they are. 1117 00:58:09,420 --> 00:58:11,700 Forget it. Let's not complicate... 1118 00:58:11,860 --> 00:58:14,260 - OK. It's your choice. - OK. 1119 00:58:14,420 --> 00:58:15,580 I'll be off, then. 1120 00:58:15,820 --> 00:58:18,020 Already? We only just started. 1121 00:58:18,260 --> 00:58:20,220 Four times! Can you believe it? 1122 00:58:20,380 --> 00:58:22,100 The bailiffs are after me. 1123 00:58:22,300 --> 00:58:23,540 Aim for my foot. 1124 00:58:23,740 --> 00:58:26,060 See? It's OK when you aim at my foot. 1125 00:58:26,220 --> 00:58:27,420 Maybe a good sign. 1126 00:58:27,660 --> 00:58:30,820 Paddy never said? We're having a tough time. 1127 00:58:31,020 --> 00:58:33,740 OK! You could pawn your jewellery! 1128 00:58:33,940 --> 00:58:36,980 - Pawn it! - That's my engagement ring. 1129 00:58:37,140 --> 00:58:38,460 Oh dear... 1130 00:58:39,300 --> 00:58:40,900 Is that our chat over? 1131 00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:43,100 Yes. What's the point? 1132 00:58:43,300 --> 00:58:46,860 Oh, all that's left is what we say or do, 1133 00:58:47,020 --> 00:58:48,860 not what we think. 1134 00:58:49,020 --> 00:58:50,700 I heard you sing. 1135 00:58:51,820 --> 00:58:53,380 You sing well, Monique. 1136 00:58:53,580 --> 00:58:56,660 - Really, you sing very well. - Really? 1137 00:58:56,820 --> 00:58:58,500 Will you sing for me? 1138 00:58:59,860 --> 00:59:02,300 - Yes. But what? - Monique... 1139 00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:05,620 - I'll get my instrument. - OK. 1140 00:59:08,020 --> 00:59:11,580 - What, though? - Just listen, Monique. 1141 00:59:15,220 --> 00:59:16,180 Barbara? 1142 00:59:48,940 --> 00:59:51,660 - What's going on? - He peed on me! 1143 00:59:51,860 --> 00:59:54,220 My Roberto Cavalli négligé is ruined! 1144 00:59:54,380 --> 00:59:56,220 Pure acid on pure silk! 1145 00:59:56,420 --> 00:59:59,420 No! That's enough now! No and no again! 1146 00:59:59,620 --> 01:00:02,020 Listen here... This is too much! 1147 01:00:02,220 --> 01:00:04,260 I mean, where will it end? 1148 01:00:04,420 --> 01:00:05,580 Barbara! 1149 01:00:05,740 --> 01:00:07,540 I didn't do it on purpose. 1150 01:00:09,060 --> 01:00:10,380 Wasn't on purpose. 1151 01:00:11,780 --> 01:00:14,180 Albert's mean. He won't give us a thing. 1152 01:00:14,380 --> 01:00:16,420 Several times I asked him: 1153 01:00:16,580 --> 01:00:18,300 "Will you sign the waiver?" 1154 01:00:18,460 --> 01:00:20,580 He got cross because I insisted. 1155 01:00:20,740 --> 01:00:22,860 He swore he would, on Jo's life. 1156 01:00:23,020 --> 01:00:24,420 That's easy, he's dead! 1157 01:00:25,140 --> 01:00:26,820 He wants money abolished. 1158 01:00:27,020 --> 01:00:27,860 What? 1159 01:00:28,060 --> 01:00:30,780 Money is freedom. Nothing beats money! 1160 01:00:30,940 --> 01:00:32,980 He lives by barter, honey! 1161 01:00:33,180 --> 01:00:36,100 He doesn't want anything to do with money. 1162 01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:39,340 "I'll trade my underpants for a frying pan"! 1163 01:00:39,540 --> 01:00:42,220 He hates money because he's never had any. 1164 01:00:42,420 --> 01:00:45,100 Know what he's thinking? Nice Ferraris... 1165 01:00:45,300 --> 01:00:48,340 Everyone who wins the Lottery buys a Ferrari. 1166 01:00:48,540 --> 01:00:50,900 What d'you want, honey? 1167 01:00:51,100 --> 01:00:54,100 Want him to go home without signing the waiver? 1168 01:00:54,300 --> 01:00:56,100 Of course not, poor Paddy. 1169 01:00:56,300 --> 01:00:59,020 The bailiffs are going to clean us out. 1170 01:00:59,220 --> 01:01:02,060 Excuse the expression, but we're up shi... 1171 01:01:02,220 --> 01:01:03,540 You understand. 1172 01:01:03,740 --> 01:01:06,980 He must have a dream! A yacht, private jet, harem, 1173 01:01:07,140 --> 01:01:08,900 a round-the-world trip. 1174 01:01:09,100 --> 01:01:11,860 I want everything, but he must have one wish! 1175 01:01:12,060 --> 01:01:14,940 He doesn't! Don't you get it? 1176 01:01:15,100 --> 01:01:16,660 He doesn't even have TV! 1177 01:01:16,860 --> 01:01:19,420 - No TV? - No. Not even a TV! 1178 01:01:19,620 --> 01:01:23,100 - No TV... - Yes, it's amazing. Astounding. 1179 01:01:23,260 --> 01:01:25,220 He's almost mystical. 1180 01:01:26,260 --> 01:01:27,060 What's up? 1181 01:01:27,260 --> 01:01:29,100 I'll sleep with my daughter. 1182 01:01:29,260 --> 01:01:30,060 Darling... 1183 01:01:30,260 --> 01:01:33,460 Why ever did you tell him I was called Monique? 1184 01:01:39,300 --> 01:01:41,540 Well... Well, I liked Monique. 1185 01:01:56,140 --> 01:01:57,580 What is that? 1186 01:01:57,860 --> 01:02:00,860 - What are you barbecuing? - Nothing, nothing. 1187 01:02:01,060 --> 01:02:04,700 Those nice gypsies gave me some sardines. 1188 01:02:07,300 --> 01:02:09,700 Wait! You'll block the skimmers! 1189 01:02:09,900 --> 01:02:12,220 - Ah yes... - What a disaster! 1190 01:02:12,460 --> 01:02:15,420 I used the manuscript to light the fire. 1191 01:02:15,540 --> 01:02:17,740 Some of it has blown away. 1192 01:02:17,940 --> 01:02:20,300 The writer's dead: no need for it. 1193 01:02:21,260 --> 01:02:24,740 It was unfinished, so we don't care about it. 1194 01:02:29,140 --> 01:02:31,300 It's mad what crosses one's mind: 1195 01:02:31,460 --> 01:02:32,620 for a moment, 1196 01:02:33,540 --> 01:02:35,700 I thought you were a writer. 1197 01:02:35,860 --> 01:02:38,500 That you wrote for Dad. 1198 01:02:38,700 --> 01:02:40,420 What? I laid Jo's eggs, 1199 01:02:40,620 --> 01:02:43,260 and he just strutted about like a cockerel? 1200 01:02:43,460 --> 01:02:45,860 You're right, it doesn't make sense. 1201 01:02:46,820 --> 01:02:49,420 - No. - I feel a bit of a fool. 1202 01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:52,700 That doesn't make you any less of a fool. 1203 01:02:52,900 --> 01:02:55,860 Ask yourself this: why did Jo... 1204 01:02:56,860 --> 01:02:58,460 leave me all his money? 1205 01:02:58,700 --> 01:03:00,700 - That is the question. - Yes. 1206 01:03:00,900 --> 01:03:02,620 - You know, I... - Oh no! 1207 01:03:02,820 --> 01:03:06,180 I've enjoyed myself. I'm not fussy. 1208 01:03:06,900 --> 01:03:09,340 But believe me, don't worry. 1209 01:03:10,420 --> 01:03:12,860 Even if I am the writer, 1210 01:03:13,020 --> 01:03:15,580 I'll still leave you all the filthy dosh. 1211 01:03:15,780 --> 01:03:17,260 - Don't want that. - No. 1212 01:03:17,460 --> 01:03:18,740 - Washing-up. - No! 1213 01:03:18,940 --> 01:03:20,460 Did he tell you that? 1214 01:03:20,660 --> 01:03:22,780 His last brainwave? Why wake me up? 1215 01:03:22,940 --> 01:03:23,900 Poor Paddy... 1216 01:03:24,100 --> 01:03:26,460 - He had the manuscripts at home. - Shh. 1217 01:03:26,660 --> 01:03:28,780 Skip it! He copied them. 1218 01:03:28,940 --> 01:03:30,780 You're just hallucinating. 1219 01:03:30,980 --> 01:03:33,140 You're on a slippery slope. Shh! 1220 01:03:35,380 --> 01:03:37,140 Copying that would take ages. 1221 01:03:44,500 --> 01:03:46,980 My dear residents, please. 1222 01:03:48,620 --> 01:03:50,500 Like myself, you must have... 1223 01:03:50,700 --> 01:03:53,140 read the future residents' files. 1224 01:03:53,300 --> 01:03:57,060 As for me, I won't keep any secrets. I'll be voting for... 1225 01:03:57,220 --> 01:03:58,460 the Javels. 1226 01:03:58,660 --> 01:04:01,460 A young married couple, 2 children, no pets, 1227 01:04:01,660 --> 01:04:05,140 perfectly in line with our residence's specifications. 1228 01:04:06,180 --> 01:04:08,460 The other candidates aren't married, 1229 01:04:08,620 --> 01:04:10,380 so I eliminated them. 1230 01:04:10,620 --> 01:04:14,660 As for our long-term guests, I propose that we register them. 1231 01:04:14,860 --> 01:04:16,460 What is that noise? 1232 01:04:17,580 --> 01:04:19,340 What is that? 1233 01:04:19,580 --> 01:04:20,740 Gypsies? 1234 01:04:21,780 --> 01:04:23,060 Don't worry. 1235 01:04:23,700 --> 01:04:26,460 We'll sit over there You can go now. 1236 01:04:26,620 --> 01:04:28,380 Don't worry about us. 1237 01:04:30,100 --> 01:04:31,100 Come on! 1238 01:04:35,260 --> 01:04:38,500 I knew it! He can't help hamming it up! 1239 01:04:38,700 --> 01:04:40,220 Selfish man! Do something! 1240 01:04:40,420 --> 01:04:42,980 I'll be back. Excuse me.I'll be back. 1241 01:04:43,180 --> 01:04:46,180 Yes. Sorry. Excuse me.I'll be back. 1242 01:04:46,340 --> 01:04:47,580 Sorry, Lechevalier. 1243 01:04:48,500 --> 01:04:49,460 I'll be back! 1244 01:04:53,100 --> 01:04:56,140 What's going on? Who are these people? 1245 01:04:56,340 --> 01:04:58,620 - Friends. Don't be scared. - No. 1246 01:04:58,780 --> 01:04:59,900 It's nothing. 1247 01:05:00,100 --> 01:05:02,860 - What are they here for? - Music. 1248 01:05:03,100 --> 01:05:05,300 We've nothing against travellers... 1249 01:05:05,460 --> 01:05:06,620 But why come here? 1250 01:05:06,860 --> 01:05:09,380 It's fine! They're distant cousins. 1251 01:05:09,580 --> 01:05:12,300 "Distant cousins", too easy! Enough! 1252 01:05:12,500 --> 01:05:15,300 Send your bumpkin uncle back to Redneck City! 1253 01:05:15,500 --> 01:05:19,380 - Surprise! It's a surprise. - It's OK. It's a false alert. 1254 01:05:25,180 --> 01:05:26,860 Why're you so indulgent? 1255 01:05:27,060 --> 01:05:29,580 He's good! He has good energy! 1256 01:05:32,180 --> 01:05:34,660 Wait. We still need to talk 1257 01:05:34,860 --> 01:05:38,940 about the electric fence around the residence! 1258 01:05:39,140 --> 01:05:41,780 Either we have the more traditional 220V 1259 01:05:41,980 --> 01:05:44,180 or 380V: more of a deterrent. 1260 01:05:45,260 --> 01:05:48,220 This proves that we lack security personnel. 1261 01:05:48,420 --> 01:05:50,700 The co-op charges will increase. Agreed? 1262 01:05:50,940 --> 01:05:52,660 - Yes! - I agree! 1263 01:05:52,860 --> 01:05:53,900 Why the fuss? 1264 01:05:54,100 --> 01:05:56,620 He can frequent gypsies. He's free. 1265 01:05:56,820 --> 01:05:58,540 Why not do what you want? 1266 01:05:58,740 --> 01:06:01,620 Look, can't you see, he's provoking us? 1267 01:06:01,820 --> 01:06:03,580 He's nastiness personified! 1268 01:06:03,740 --> 01:06:05,660 You've lost your judgement! 1269 01:06:05,860 --> 01:06:07,900 Must we always be sensible? 1270 01:06:08,060 --> 01:06:10,140 Who says we should be sensible? 1271 01:06:10,340 --> 01:06:12,820 Don't you get sick of being sensible? 1272 01:06:13,020 --> 01:06:14,740 The gypsies were so cool! 1273 01:06:14,900 --> 01:06:16,620 Did Basic Man bite him? 1274 01:06:16,820 --> 01:06:19,260 "Basic Man" is way above all of us. 1275 01:06:19,460 --> 01:06:23,100 - Have you been drinking?! - No. Ah! What a good idea! 1276 01:06:23,300 --> 01:06:25,660 "Good idea," as Pooch Boy would say! 1277 01:06:25,860 --> 01:06:29,020 This is so unlike you, Paddy! What's up, Paddy? 1278 01:06:29,220 --> 01:06:32,860 - Stop calling me that silly name! - Calm down! 1279 01:06:33,020 --> 01:06:34,460 I'm Patrick. Patrick! 1280 01:06:34,620 --> 01:06:37,220 And you're Monique! Mo-nique! 1281 01:06:37,420 --> 01:06:40,540 Patrick and Monique! Pat and Momo! There! 1282 01:06:43,340 --> 01:06:44,500 What's a measure? 1283 01:06:44,660 --> 01:06:45,660 That? No. 1284 01:06:46,420 --> 01:06:48,140 This? No, more like this. 1285 01:06:48,300 --> 01:06:50,300 There! A decent measure! 1286 01:06:52,460 --> 01:06:53,260 Oh my God! 1287 01:06:53,460 --> 01:06:55,420 Shove your God up your arse! 1288 01:06:55,580 --> 01:06:57,140 He upset me, sweetie. 1289 01:07:00,900 --> 01:07:02,180 Paddy... Patrick! 1290 01:07:09,180 --> 01:07:11,260 Awesome! He's totally flipped. 1291 01:07:11,500 --> 01:07:14,940 Where's the ball-ee? There's the ball-ees. 1292 01:07:15,140 --> 01:07:17,740 Here's the ball-ee... 1293 01:07:17,940 --> 01:07:19,900 The ball-ee's coming home! 1294 01:07:22,580 --> 01:07:25,380 Mr Kermarec, Mr Moulinot's on the phone. 1295 01:07:26,900 --> 01:07:28,260 Kermarec here. 1296 01:07:41,740 --> 01:07:43,620 - Scaredy-cats! - He's crazy! 1297 01:07:53,620 --> 01:07:54,620 Wahey! 1298 01:07:55,820 --> 01:07:57,140 The place is empty! 1299 01:07:57,340 --> 01:07:59,900 First floor on the right: bathroom! 1300 01:08:01,700 --> 01:08:04,820 Let's go to town and wet our whistles, eh? 1301 01:08:10,140 --> 01:08:12,460 If he won't comply, we call the cops. 1302 01:08:12,620 --> 01:08:14,460 Hey, hey, hey! 1303 01:08:14,700 --> 01:08:16,660 No more braking. Floor it! 1304 01:08:16,860 --> 01:08:20,340 I can't: there's a barrier. Imagine the fuss! 1305 01:08:20,540 --> 01:08:22,460 What're you doing? 1306 01:08:23,180 --> 01:08:25,500 - No! - Smash the barrier! 1307 01:08:30,340 --> 01:08:31,660 Good, eh? 1308 01:08:31,860 --> 01:08:34,220 Raising my voice was such fun! 1309 01:08:48,540 --> 01:08:52,340 I haven't a penny left. Snout gobbled everything up. Look. 1310 01:08:52,500 --> 01:08:54,660 I've nothing left. Nothing. 1311 01:08:54,860 --> 01:08:57,460 Don't worry. I know where we can find some. 1312 01:08:57,700 --> 01:09:00,660 Pharmacist. Bit like being a grocer, eh? 1313 01:09:00,820 --> 01:09:02,620 Yeah, if you like. There! 1314 01:09:02,780 --> 01:09:04,860 Where does she keep the keys? 1315 01:09:05,060 --> 01:09:08,020 No more opening, closing hours: sounds good? 1316 01:09:08,180 --> 01:09:09,620 A life of freedom? 1317 01:09:09,820 --> 01:09:13,460 - A life like Jo's! - I have a family, you know. 1318 01:09:13,620 --> 01:09:15,780 Your life's a sterile nightmare. 1319 01:09:15,940 --> 01:09:17,260 Change your beliefs! 1320 01:09:17,460 --> 01:09:20,260 I did this to my own drugstore! 1321 01:09:20,460 --> 01:09:23,100 Don't think like everybody else. 1322 01:09:23,260 --> 01:09:24,380 I'm aghast! 1323 01:09:24,580 --> 01:09:27,580 The important thing is you, not other people. 1324 01:09:27,780 --> 01:09:29,540 Yes, me. Let's get going. 1325 01:09:29,780 --> 01:09:33,060 - No, no! Stop! Not him! - We just want a drink. 1326 01:09:33,260 --> 01:09:36,340 He'll pee in the corridor like he did 3 days ago. 1327 01:09:36,540 --> 01:09:37,940 - Did he? - Yes. 1328 01:09:38,420 --> 01:09:40,580 Hang on, you're smoking... 1329 01:09:40,780 --> 01:09:42,980 - Oh! No lectures. - No lectures. 1330 01:09:43,180 --> 01:09:46,340 As a choirboy you secretly drank communion wine. 1331 01:09:46,540 --> 01:09:47,420 Risk-free. 1332 01:09:47,580 --> 01:09:48,380 What's that? 1333 01:09:48,580 --> 01:09:51,020 Reinforced glass for private houses. 1334 01:09:51,180 --> 01:09:53,540 Oh yeah? For scaredy-cats? 1335 01:09:53,740 --> 01:09:56,300 You can't stay. You must leave. 1336 01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:59,180 Even if I could, I couldn't. 1337 01:10:01,740 --> 01:10:03,660 What an ugly place this is. 1338 01:10:03,860 --> 01:10:05,460 It's ugly and it stinks. 1339 01:10:05,660 --> 01:10:09,300 Yes. Tell Pat that you don't like this place! 1340 01:10:10,020 --> 01:10:10,900 Reinforced? 1341 01:10:11,140 --> 01:10:13,900 The best bars are the ones you're in 1342 01:10:14,060 --> 01:10:15,540 when you're in them. 1343 01:10:16,140 --> 01:10:17,260 No! 1344 01:10:19,300 --> 01:10:20,580 Bingo! 1345 01:10:29,340 --> 01:10:30,180 Yes? 1346 01:10:32,340 --> 01:10:34,420 May I come in, Mr Lechat? 1347 01:10:35,380 --> 01:10:36,860 Of course. Of course. 1348 01:10:37,740 --> 01:10:40,460 Excuse me, we went to bed very late. 1349 01:10:40,660 --> 01:10:43,260 And I'm not used to... Well, I mean... 1350 01:10:43,460 --> 01:10:46,380 I didn't expect to see you. I'll tell Albert. 1351 01:10:46,540 --> 01:10:48,580 Mr Moulinot is no longer here. 1352 01:10:48,780 --> 01:10:51,740 I dropped him at the station. He's gone home. 1353 01:10:52,940 --> 01:10:56,420 On the train? Hang on, I don't understand. 1354 01:10:56,620 --> 01:10:59,380 Wasn't he meant to be here to sign his waiver? 1355 01:10:59,580 --> 01:11:02,780 Don't worry. Everything's in order. He's signed. 1356 01:11:02,980 --> 01:11:06,220 - You seem surprised. - Because of the inheritance. 1357 01:11:08,780 --> 01:11:11,020 You're holding it, Mr Lechat. 1358 01:11:11,220 --> 01:11:13,300 Your father's accounts are empty 1359 01:11:13,500 --> 01:11:16,500 and his royalties blocked to recover gaming debts. 1360 01:11:17,500 --> 01:11:20,260 Why is my name on this page? 1361 01:11:20,460 --> 01:11:23,420 I'll see you again when we sign the contracts 1362 01:11:23,580 --> 01:11:24,700 at the publisher's. 1363 01:11:24,860 --> 01:11:26,700 Happy reading, Mr Lechat. 1364 01:11:31,180 --> 01:11:32,420 Scumbag! 1365 01:11:35,660 --> 01:11:37,500 Right then... 1366 01:11:37,660 --> 01:11:39,300 Piece of shit! 1367 01:11:40,340 --> 01:11:42,500 Mr Turleux, court bailiff. 1368 01:11:42,700 --> 01:11:43,900 - Mr Lechat? - Yes. 1369 01:11:48,580 --> 01:11:51,340 I'm delegated to deal with disturbances! 1370 01:11:51,540 --> 01:11:53,220 - You're not welcome! - OK. 1371 01:11:53,380 --> 01:11:54,180 Not welcome! 1372 01:11:54,380 --> 01:11:58,140 No, don't wee on nice Mr Lechat's car! 1373 01:12:02,780 --> 01:12:05,460 - Good Lord, Lechat! - Stuff being nice! 1374 01:12:10,740 --> 01:12:11,820 Albert! 1375 01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:17,340 - Albert! - Don't shout like that! 1376 01:12:17,540 --> 01:12:19,140 You're scaring the fish. 1377 01:12:21,300 --> 01:12:23,420 You're an absolute scumbag! 1378 01:12:23,620 --> 01:12:27,060 You wanted the inheritance: well, you got it. 1379 01:12:27,260 --> 01:12:29,940 I'll never act as your writer. Never! 1380 01:12:30,140 --> 01:12:32,500 If you refuse, you know what'll happen. 1381 01:12:32,740 --> 01:12:35,060 I've ruined you, but I can do worse. 1382 01:12:35,740 --> 01:12:38,180 What? The Cayman Islands was you? 1383 01:12:39,020 --> 01:12:42,180 I didn't want you to refuse my proposal. 1384 01:12:42,380 --> 01:12:44,700 You have no choice but to accept. 1385 01:12:44,900 --> 01:12:47,060 - And accept my pact. - Bastard. 1386 01:12:47,540 --> 01:12:49,700 You'll replace Jo Lechat. 1387 01:12:49,900 --> 01:12:52,300 It seems that talent is hereditary. 1388 01:12:52,500 --> 01:12:53,300 Scumbag. 1389 01:12:53,500 --> 01:12:56,700 - I want my work to live on. - Think you're a genius? 1390 01:12:56,940 --> 01:13:00,380 I never said that. Others have written it. 1391 01:13:03,020 --> 01:13:06,780 You're crazy. You're crazy. Why're you doing that? 1392 01:13:06,980 --> 01:13:08,500 "Jettison what's useless"! 1393 01:13:09,180 --> 01:13:11,740 It's too late. The publisher has a copy. 1394 01:13:11,940 --> 01:13:14,060 You won't escape your destiny, 1395 01:13:14,220 --> 01:13:15,620 a destiny I conceived. 1396 01:13:18,940 --> 01:13:21,220 I can be nasty too. 1397 01:13:24,940 --> 01:13:25,940 Albert? 1398 01:13:27,180 --> 01:13:28,100 Albert? 1399 01:13:30,140 --> 01:13:31,100 Albert? 1400 01:13:32,220 --> 01:13:33,780 Wait. Albert. 1401 01:13:35,420 --> 01:13:37,220 Albert. Albert? 1402 01:13:39,300 --> 01:13:41,300 Albert! Albert! 1403 01:13:44,900 --> 01:13:46,420 Albert. Albert... 1404 01:13:51,580 --> 01:13:52,660 Albert. 1405 01:13:53,860 --> 01:13:55,740 Albert. Albert. 1406 01:13:57,300 --> 01:13:59,100 Good God, I've killed him. 1407 01:14:00,660 --> 01:14:04,180 Wake up. God! This can't be real. Wake up! 1408 01:14:04,420 --> 01:14:06,260 - Wake up! - Stop... 1409 01:14:07,500 --> 01:14:09,020 Stop, you're tickling me! 1410 01:14:09,900 --> 01:14:11,220 You took the piss. 1411 01:14:11,460 --> 01:14:14,020 No. I realised that you care about me, 1412 01:14:14,220 --> 01:14:17,020 perhaps because I'm your only heritage. 1413 01:14:21,500 --> 01:14:23,420 When Jo read my first writing, 1414 01:14:23,620 --> 01:14:26,300 he was desperate to send it to publishers. 1415 01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:28,620 I wanted to write, but not be... 1416 01:14:28,780 --> 01:14:31,260 on display like veal in a butcher's. 1417 01:14:31,900 --> 01:14:35,020 I suggested that Jo sign my books instead of me. 1418 01:14:35,220 --> 01:14:37,740 It was a veritable blood pact. 1419 01:14:38,020 --> 01:14:39,660 Mother didn't even know? 1420 01:14:40,100 --> 01:14:42,020 Solange wouldn't've let me go. 1421 01:14:43,980 --> 01:14:44,980 So, you... 1422 01:14:46,180 --> 01:14:47,020 and Mother? 1423 01:14:47,220 --> 01:14:49,220 She married Jo. 1424 01:14:49,700 --> 01:14:51,740 The man who signed the books. 1425 01:14:52,460 --> 01:14:54,020 Six months on, you're born. 1426 01:14:55,100 --> 01:14:57,940 Jo realised you weren't his son, 1427 01:14:58,860 --> 01:15:00,300 he left your mother, 1428 01:15:01,140 --> 01:15:03,900 refused to raise you and returned to gambling. 1429 01:15:04,100 --> 01:15:06,940 I went travelling all over and then what? 1430 01:15:07,140 --> 01:15:11,820 I chose the Dordogne to help me forget Solange. That's all. 1431 01:15:18,100 --> 01:15:21,620 Your mother wanted you to bear a famous writer's name 1432 01:15:22,660 --> 01:15:25,340 rather than Moulinot. 1433 01:15:25,460 --> 01:15:26,900 And preferred... 1434 01:15:28,140 --> 01:15:31,180 to end her days in Palm Beach 1435 01:15:31,340 --> 01:15:32,980 rather than Berck-Plage. 1436 01:15:39,300 --> 01:15:40,340 My son. 1437 01:15:44,780 --> 01:15:48,260 Patrick Lechat - YUCK 1438 01:15:48,620 --> 01:15:49,860 One must be a genius 1439 01:15:50,060 --> 01:15:52,100 to write a book. 1440 01:15:52,260 --> 01:15:55,460 But today's real talent is marketing: 1441 01:15:55,660 --> 01:15:57,020 the ability to sell. 1442 01:15:57,220 --> 01:15:59,860 It's the same for films, music... 1443 01:16:00,020 --> 01:16:01,180 Media relations. 1444 01:16:01,380 --> 01:16:02,740 Come! Dad's on TV. 1445 01:16:03,500 --> 01:16:05,740 Hurry, he's on Poivre. It's started. 1446 01:16:05,900 --> 01:16:06,860 Stand there. 1447 01:16:07,100 --> 01:16:11,460 Within a few weeks, Yuck or A Society of Paper Tissues 1448 01:16:11,660 --> 01:16:13,740 has become a bestseller. 1449 01:16:13,940 --> 01:16:17,340 Just like your father. You're a worthy successor. 1450 01:16:17,500 --> 01:16:20,740 - You're a best-selling author. - Yes, that's true. 1451 01:16:21,940 --> 01:16:24,020 But I'm not taking any royalties. 1452 01:16:24,220 --> 01:16:27,180 If not you, then who is receiving them? 1453 01:16:27,380 --> 01:16:30,740 A nonprofit association I set up: Friends of the Truffle. 1454 01:16:32,140 --> 01:16:34,460 - Some guy! - No! He's special! 1455 01:16:34,620 --> 01:16:36,140 Are you joking? 1456 01:16:36,340 --> 01:16:38,460 "Truffle"? What, mushrooms? 1457 01:16:38,740 --> 01:16:41,180 Yes. And not even hallucinogenic ones! 1458 01:16:41,460 --> 01:16:45,620 I deserve no credit. In truth, as concerns the book, Yuck, 1459 01:16:45,780 --> 01:16:46,820 I didn't write it. 1460 01:16:47,020 --> 01:16:50,020 The man who shuns spite and greed 1461 01:16:50,180 --> 01:16:51,380 is holy indeed. 1462 01:16:51,580 --> 01:16:53,060 My dad's so cool! 1463 01:16:53,220 --> 01:16:54,460 A ghost-writer? 1464 01:16:54,700 --> 01:16:58,060 Nope. The real author of this book 1465 01:16:58,260 --> 01:16:59,900 has spent his life hiding. 1466 01:17:00,100 --> 01:17:04,260 In fact, Jo Lechat, that other best-selling author, 1467 01:17:04,460 --> 01:17:06,060 was just a signature too. 1468 01:17:06,220 --> 01:17:09,180 I'm here to pay tribute to a true writer 1469 01:17:09,380 --> 01:17:12,180 who's spent 50 years not signing his books. 1470 01:17:12,380 --> 01:17:14,260 - Not you or your father. - No. 1471 01:17:14,460 --> 01:17:17,620 Millions have been captivated by his work, 1472 01:17:17,860 --> 01:17:20,980 some of it vitriolic. But he's never signed it. 1473 01:17:21,180 --> 01:17:23,100 - Who is he? - I can't tell you 1474 01:17:23,300 --> 01:17:26,060 because he has given me a new lease of life 1475 01:17:26,220 --> 01:17:29,140 and I will not kill him by revealing who he is. 1476 01:17:31,100 --> 01:17:34,740 Thank you for inviting me on to let me say this. 1477 01:17:34,940 --> 01:17:38,580 Mrs Lechat, what shall we do about the bill? 1478 01:17:48,060 --> 01:17:49,620 What would you do here? 1479 01:17:50,540 --> 01:17:52,620 There are no golf courses here. 1480 01:17:52,820 --> 01:17:55,060 I've never really been into golf. 1481 01:17:55,300 --> 01:17:57,340 I want to get back into painting. 1482 01:17:57,540 --> 01:17:59,180 With mittens? 1483 01:18:01,940 --> 01:18:04,340 You want people to think you're nasty. 1484 01:18:04,540 --> 01:18:07,500 But if you really were nasty, truly... 1485 01:18:07,660 --> 01:18:10,340 Unh-unh... That's enough. Ow! Bugger! 1486 01:18:10,580 --> 01:18:13,420 - Sorry... - That burned me, you know! 1487 01:18:13,620 --> 01:18:16,540 Forgive me, son. I didn't do it on purpose. 1488 01:18:16,700 --> 01:18:18,740 I know it wasn't on purpose! 1489 01:18:18,900 --> 01:18:19,860 Ah no? 1490 01:18:20,060 --> 01:18:23,060 No, no, no... No, I didn't do it on purpose. 1491 01:18:25,100 --> 01:18:28,580 - You did it on purpose. - No, I didn't. 1492 01:18:29,940 --> 01:18:32,620 - You did it on purpose? - No. I didn't... 1493 01:18:32,820 --> 01:18:36,260 - I didn't do it on purpose. - You did do it on purpose! 1494 01:18:36,460 --> 01:18:39,260 How can I tell you? I'm not gonna sing it! 1495 01:18:39,420 --> 01:18:41,980 You did it on purpose! 103664

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