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1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,327
Across the Room.
2
00:00:03,733 --> 00:00:05,333
"I saw you across the room
3
00:00:05,367 --> 00:00:07,467
"You smile
and my heart runs a mile
4
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:09,870
"Hey, pretty girl
let's go out together
5
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:10,970
"Go out together
6
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,070
"The first two weeks will rock
7
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,600
"We'll laugh and frolic
8
00:00:14,633 --> 00:00:16,973
"You'll bake me a pie
You're so sweet I could die
9
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,970
"Hey, pretty girl, pretty girl
10
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,830
"You're going to break
my heart, I can tell
11
00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:23,497
"I know how this ends
12
00:00:23,533 --> 00:00:27,173
"Go to hell, pretty girl
Go to hell, hell, hell!"
13
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,300
Hell, I mean, I'm still
ironing out the lyrics,
14
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,273
-but what do you think?
-(SIGHING)
15
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:34,130
-I really don't want to go on
this stupid school trip.
-What are you talking about?
16
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:35,797
A few days out on a farm
sounds like fun.
17
00:00:35,833 --> 00:00:39,273
Last year they went
to Legoland. Why couldn't
we go to Legoland?
18
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,100
Or Oslo, the cleanest
city in Europe?
19
00:00:41,133 --> 00:00:43,573
Clean? You're going
to a farm. There'll be
loads of fresh air.
20
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,530
-I have hay fever.
-All right, then. Fresh milk.
21
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,567
-Lactose.
-You're lactose intolerant.
22
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,230
Um, fresh eggs, then.
23
00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:51,027
I'm keeping an eye on my
cholesterol.
24
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:54,167
And there'll be
ticks everywhere.
I could get Lyme disease!
25
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,470
It's better than
lemon disease.
26
00:00:57,900 --> 00:01:01,270
I bet Murray Thomas
is going to sit next to
me on the bus.
27
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:03,500
He's always blowing his nose
into the same handkerchief.
28
00:01:03,533 --> 00:01:05,303
Please, you've got
to get me out of this.
29
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:06,933
-You're my favourite uncle.
-Nice try.
30
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:09,397
Look, once I got invited to
a party and I turned it down.
31
00:01:09,433 --> 00:01:12,403
I said, "No I'm not going to
your party", and I stayed in
and played Xbox instead.
32
00:01:12,433 --> 00:01:15,833
And do you know what?
I found out later that that
party turned into an orgy.
33
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,497
-What's that?
-It doesn't matter.
34
00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:20,503
Point is this trip
will be good for you.
35
00:01:20,533 --> 00:01:23,433
But if you need someone
to talk to, you can
always phone me.
36
00:01:23,467 --> 00:01:25,297
And you'll answer
no matter what?
37
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,570
No matter what.
38
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:31,200
Unless you reverse
the charges and then, no way.
39
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,100
Wow, Kelly Talbot
just friended me.
40
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,773
I had my first
spliff with her.
41
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,900
Oh, my God,
her baby is so ugly
and she looks really old.
42
00:01:44,933 --> 00:01:47,633
I love Facebook.
43
00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:50,297
-I don't look this old, do I?
-(MOBILE CHIMES)
44
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:53,633
-Who's that?
-Oh, it's Shelly.
45
00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:56,727
-She keeps texting me.
-Ooh, is it getting serious?
46
00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:59,197
-Are you going to have ugly
babies together?
-No!
47
00:01:59,233 --> 00:02:01,673
She's just a fling while me
and Gwen are on a break.
48
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,100
I think she wants
a lot more, though.
49
00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:04,703
She left her toothbrush
in my bathroom.
50
00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:06,533
That's like the uranium
of grooming appliances.
51
00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:08,097
Shit, Andy, you have
to be honest with her.
52
00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:10,403
-You can't just
string her along.
-(MOBILE RINGING)
53
00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:12,397
(MOBILE BEEPS)
54
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,073
What were you saying
about stringing people along?
55
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,297
That's my sponsor, Agnes.
56
00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:17,303
She's very sweet.
She's just not very cool.
57
00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:19,933
(GASPS) But there's this woman
in my group, Suzy.
58
00:02:19,967 --> 00:02:22,327
Oh, she was a wild child
in the '60s.
59
00:02:22,367 --> 00:02:25,867
She slept with Hendrix,
Jagger, all of Zeppelin.
60
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,330
I want her to be my sponsor.
61
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,427
She'll be like my fucked up
fairy godmother.
62
00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:33,267
Oh, by the way.
I gave your number
to Roly's teacher, Melodie.
63
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,930
She wanted it for some
music day project.
64
00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:37,127
Cool.
65
00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:38,797
Don't even think
about sleeping with her.
66
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:41,703
Oh, even if I say you look
younger than Kelly Talbot?
67
00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:44,803
-Not even then.
-Fine, I'm a rubbish
liar, anyway.
68
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,070
Ow.
69
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,397
This is a lovely idea, Sam.
70
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:50,903
Oh, I'm glad
you think so, Agnes.
71
00:02:50,933 --> 00:02:53,333
I love a bit of art therapy.
72
00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:57,627
I was thinking that you
must be getting tired of me.
73
00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:59,067
No, not at all.
74
00:02:59,067 --> 00:03:02,427
You know,
I never had children,
75
00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:04,527
but I've come to see you
as a daughter.
76
00:03:05,733 --> 00:03:09,073
Daughters move out,
though, don't they,
77
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:13,070
when they go to university
or run off with their
maths teacher?
78
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,467
Are you breaking up with me?
79
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:17,230
I just think maybe we should
see other people for a bit.
80
00:03:17,267 --> 00:03:20,567
Yeah, it might be good for us.
(CHUCKLES)
81
00:03:26,833 --> 00:03:29,173
(MOBILE VIBRATING)
82
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,400
-Yeah?
-SAM: I did it!
83
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:32,633
I broke up with my sponsor.
Did you talk to Shelly?
84
00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,397
Yeah.
85
00:03:34,433 --> 00:03:36,673
-Yeah, all done.
-Oh, I'm so proud of us.
86
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:41,100
We're like real grown-ups,
taking life by the horns.
Horning it up.
87
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,273
SHELLY: Andy?
88
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,400
Who's that? What's all done?
89
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:49,233
"All done" as in
a pizza delivery order.
90
00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:51,167
I've just ordered a pizza.
91
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,070
A breakfast pizza
with sausage and mushrooms
92
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,497
and beans on it,
stuff like that.
93
00:03:57,533 --> 00:03:59,833
-Should probably go
and pick it up, actually.
-Don't they deliver?
94
00:03:59,867 --> 00:04:03,127
Yeah, but I'm trying to save
the planet from
95
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:06,227
all the scooter fumes.
96
00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:08,697
-Aren't you driving?
-Yes,
97
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:10,603
but I'm driving very slowly.
98
00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:14,327
(MOBILE RINGING)
99
00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:16,327
-I really can't talk
right now!
-Oh, sorry.
100
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:19,167
-Oh! Melodie?
-Hi, Andy, um...
101
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,270
I'm not interrupting
an important recording
session, am I?
102
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:23,070
No, no. I was just
stepping out.
103
00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:24,327
(CHUCKLING) Drummers, eh?
104
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,097
Aren't you going on that
school trip with Errol?
105
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:29,073
Oh, God, no, I get a couple
of days to spoil myself.
106
00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:31,127
I hear you, porn
and ice cream.
107
00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:32,667
(CHUCKLING)
108
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,130
So, I wanted to ask about
a music project.
109
00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:38,397
Do you have time to meet?
110
00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:41,067
Sure, how about right now?
111
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:42,367
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
112
00:04:51,367 --> 00:04:53,797
Okay, so you want me to
produce a song for your class?
113
00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:56,803
I can do that.
I'll be like the Rick Rubin
to their Beastie Boys.
114
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:58,103
How much does it pay?
115
00:04:58,133 --> 00:04:59,873
Oh, uh, there's no
money involved.
116
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:03,100
Just goodwill and biscuits,
Mr Rubin.
117
00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:05,473
-Oh, I love giving back.
-Mmm-hmm.
118
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,370
-Not the biscuits, though.
I'll be keeping those.
-(LAUGHING)
119
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,270
So, what sort of sound
are you looking for?
120
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,830
I don't know. Um...
121
00:05:11,867 --> 00:05:14,067
-The Beatles?
-Ugh, the Beatles.
122
00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:17,067
They're a bit like
the Labrador puppies
of pop music, aren't they?
123
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,667
You should introduce them
to something different,
124
00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,870
like something that'll blow
their tiny little minds.
125
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:24,700
You should listen
to some of the music
in my record collection.
126
00:05:24,733 --> 00:05:26,233
I don't have a record player.
127
00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:29,067
You can listen round mine.
128
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:30,870
I mean, it's not like
a date or anything.
129
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,430
Yeah, that would be great.
130
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:37,127
-How's about tomorrow?
-Perfect. It's a date.
131
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,597
(MOBILE CHIMES)
132
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:43,600
Holy shit!
133
00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:44,773
(DOOR OPENS)
134
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,300
-You've gotta go.
-What?
135
00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:47,973
You gotta go.
Sam's on her way over.
136
00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:50,567
She's just had a really
bad haircut, she needs
a shoulder to cry on.
137
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,670
Said she looks like the
Elephant Woman.
138
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,730
-Where's the pizza?
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
139
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,300
Right, you're gonna
need to climb out.
140
00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:01,073
Sam'll be devastated
if you see her like this.
141
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:03,227
Please, for me?
142
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,500
(DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING)
143
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:07,800
(SIGHS)
144
00:06:09,867 --> 00:06:11,797
Tell her she owes me for this.
Okay?
145
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,370
Casper dumped me!
146
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:21,933
I'm so sorry to disturb you.
147
00:06:21,967 --> 00:06:25,397
I would have gone to
my dad's but you know
how overprotective he is.
148
00:06:25,433 --> 00:06:27,073
Casper said he needed space.
149
00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:29,897
-What does that mean?
-It probably just means
he's cheating on you.
150
00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:32,133
(CRYING)
151
00:06:35,867 --> 00:06:37,497
Wait!
152
00:06:37,533 --> 00:06:39,503
You know this does not
mean that we're getting
back together, right?
153
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,703
Yeah.
154
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,603
No, absolutely. No, we're not.
155
00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:45,427
I need a piss.
156
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,100
(MOBILE RINGING)
157
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,230
-What?
-You'll never guess
what I just found out.
158
00:06:57,267 --> 00:06:58,767
I don't know.
Babies aren't made in clouds?
159
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,070
They only have communal
showers where we're going.
Like prison!
160
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:03,427
I bet Legoland have
proper showers.
161
00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:05,227
You'll be fine.
As long as you
don't drop the soap.
162
00:07:05,267 --> 00:07:06,427
Wait!
That's not the worst part.
163
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,167
Murray Thomas
wants to share bunks!
164
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,570
I can't do this.
Please, if you pick me up,
165
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,170
I'll work on some
new songs with you.
166
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,470
No deal, I'm busy.
I've just got back with Gwen.
167
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,730
When did you break up
with Shelly?
168
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:17,627
Um, soon.
169
00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:19,667
You can't have two
girlfriends at the same time!
170
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:20,600
Are you the girlfriend police?
171
00:07:20,633 --> 00:07:22,073
I can have as many
girlfriends as I want.
172
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:23,800
If you juggle too many balls,
you'll drop one.
173
00:07:23,833 --> 00:07:25,773
What do you know about
balls dropping?
174
00:07:29,267 --> 00:07:31,967
Why have you got
two toothbrushes?
175
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,067
-Are you seeing somebody?
-(SCOFFS)
176
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,430
No, one of them's
for my top set
177
00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:40,667
and the other one's
for my bottoms.
Is that weird?
178
00:07:44,467 --> 00:07:47,567
Suzy, I've been watching
you in meetings.
179
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,600
Oh, that's so creepy.
180
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:54,967
Suzy, I think you are...
I think you're a cool chick.
181
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:56,827
Oh, my God, it's so cheesy.
182
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:59,897
Suzy, you're the shit,
I'm the shit,
let's shit together?
183
00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,567
(DOORBELL RINGS)
184
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,900
What a fucking mess.
185
00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:07,233
-It took me 20 minutes
to find a parking space.
-I'm so sorry.
186
00:08:07,267 --> 00:08:09,227
What are you sorry for?
It's not your fault,
sweetheart.
187
00:08:09,267 --> 00:08:10,897
Oh, sorry. Ah! Oh...
188
00:08:10,933 --> 00:08:12,173
Can I get you a drink?
189
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,830
Coffee, the stronger
the better.
190
00:08:13,867 --> 00:08:17,627
Ah, I only have decaf.
I'm trying to quit caffeine.
191
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:20,227
-Why?
-It's addictive.
192
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,467
(SIGHS) Water's fine, darling.
193
00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:26,070
-Is that your boy?
-Mmm.
194
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,570
Looks a bit like Mick.
195
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:28,800
Mick? Oh, Jagger?
196
00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:32,703
(CHUCKLING) Yeah, he's pretty
rock 'n' roll, my Errol.
197
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:35,373
He's in a band.
Do you have any children?
198
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,730
A daughter. She's a singer.
199
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,727
Oh, sometimes I wish
I had a daughter.
200
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:41,767
Don't get me wrong, I love
my Errol, but it would be nice
201
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,770
to have someone
to swap clothes with
and talk about boys.
202
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,070
He might be into that.
203
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:55,197
Can I just say
you are an inspiration...
204
00:08:55,233 --> 00:08:56,903
I don't want to be
your sponsor.
205
00:08:56,933 --> 00:08:58,533
-What?
-I know how this goes.
206
00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:01,167
I used to be you, young
and addicted to recovery.
207
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,230
You think I'm gonna be
your new best friend
and we're gonna
208
00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:04,467
get our nails done together.
209
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,400
Look, I'm very flattered,
really, I am.
210
00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,173
But I don't have the energy
for all that neediness.
211
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,270
I won't be needy, I swear.
I swear I won't be.
212
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,100
You're being needy right now.
213
00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:16,203
Yeah, well, how about
this, then? Huh?
214
00:09:17,733 --> 00:09:19,603
Rock 'n' roll.
215
00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:21,703
(LAUGHING)
216
00:09:21,733 --> 00:09:23,103
You're adorable.
217
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,903
(GROANING)
218
00:09:24,933 --> 00:09:28,633
We're probably going
to need a safe word
before we try that again.
219
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,300
I'm pregnant.
220
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:34,303
That is an excellent
safe word.
221
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:38,333
-No, I'm serious.
I'm pregnant.
-What, from just now?
222
00:09:38,367 --> 00:09:41,067
No, from Casper.
223
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,767
Oh, okay.
224
00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:51,373
I'll raise it like my own,
I swear.
225
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:56,370
Andy, we're not back together.
This was just meaningless sex.
226
00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:59,127
Yeah, I know.
227
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:01,327
That's my favourite
kind of sex.
228
00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:04,503
Are you about to cry?
229
00:10:04,533 --> 00:10:06,473
Why do you always have
to be so wounded?
230
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,370
You're like a walking
Adele song.
231
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,930
(DOORBELL RINGS)
232
00:10:09,967 --> 00:10:12,227
Shit, shit, shit!
That's probably my dad.
233
00:10:12,267 --> 00:10:13,497
What's he doing here?
234
00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:15,133
I told him if I ever went
missing to come looking
235
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:16,597
at your place in case
you kidnapped me.
236
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:18,633
You thought I'd kidnap you?
Why would you say that?
237
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:21,167
You texted me saying,
"If I can't have you,
I'm going to kidnap you."
238
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,130
I was joking! I put
a smiley face on it.
239
00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:24,627
You've got to answer it!
Go now!
240
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,500
(DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING)
241
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,730
She rejected me!
242
00:10:37,267 --> 00:10:39,127
She said I was needy. Me?
243
00:10:39,167 --> 00:10:41,827
If a baby is the most needy
and a dead person the least,
what would I be?
244
00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:44,597
I don't know. A dead baby.
Look, you have to go.
Gwen's here.
245
00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:47,503
-You didn't waste any time.
-What can I say?
Casper's out, I'm in.
246
00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:48,633
Everything's perfect.
247
00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:51,227
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-Shit, that's Gwen's dad.
248
00:10:51,267 --> 00:10:52,897
Tell him I'm away and that
you're looking after my cat.
249
00:10:52,933 --> 00:10:54,103
-What cat?
-I don't know. Chairman Meow.
250
00:10:54,133 --> 00:10:55,333
Do I have to think
of everything?
251
00:10:56,733 --> 00:11:01,073
-Hi, Sam.
-Hi. Shelly.
252
00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:02,567
Shell?
What are you doing here?
253
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,300
My kids' birthday gig
got cancelled. Lice outbreak.
254
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,503
-What are you two up to?
-Oh, Andy was just
255
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:11,933
lending me a DVD,
second series of Breaking Bad.
256
00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:13,567
-That's in the bedroom.
I'll go get it.
-No!
257
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,130
I farted in there
258
00:11:16,167 --> 00:11:19,227
and it still stinks.
259
00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:25,133
-It's your dad. He's doing
a sweep of the flat.
-Shit!
260
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:29,167
Your haircut's not that bad.
261
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,600
Gwen, look.
When can I see you again?
262
00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:34,333
I mean, for meaningless sex,
or whatever?
263
00:11:34,367 --> 00:11:36,527
I don't know, Andy,
I'll call you.
264
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,870
(MOBILE RINGING)
265
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,370
Master juggler speaking.
266
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:43,570
ERROL: We've only
been here an hour
267
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,530
and they've made us
watch a cow give birth.
268
00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:47,797
If that's what it's like,
I owe Mum an apology.
269
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:49,573
No wonder she's always
in a bad mood.
270
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,130
And now Murray Thomas
is asking if I'll be
his best friend.
271
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:53,567
How do I turn him down nicely?
272
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,570
-Andy!
-I know what you're thinking.
273
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,270
What? That I should cut your
balls off and flush them
down the toilet?
274
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,470
She's a sweet girl, Andy.
If you don't tell her, I will.
275
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:00,670
No. No!
276
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:02,767
Hello?
277
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,300
Whose is this?
278
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:07,733
-It's, um...
-It's, uh, mine.
279
00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:11,427
My back was killing
so I just whipped
that baby off.
280
00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:15,227
Boobs, huh? More trouble than
they're worth, am I right?
281
00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:16,867
My boobs are killing
me right now.
282
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:18,870
Okay, I better be off.
283
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:22,170
-Don't you want your bra back?
-Oh, God, I'm always
leaving those. (CHUCKLES)
284
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,070
-Thank you.
-Tell her.
285
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:27,070
Your sister's a bit weird.
286
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,770
(SHOUTING ON TELEVISION)
287
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:35,200
Films are a lot like life,
really, aren't they?
288
00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:39,433
There's a beginning,
a middle and then an end.
289
00:12:41,067 --> 00:12:45,067
This, Toy Story, Die Hard,
290
00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:47,797
the first three,
not the last two.
They were shit.
291
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:52,773
Everything ends eventually,
even if the sex is really,
really good.
292
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:57,370
Sex? In Toy Story?
293
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,700
(MOBILE RINGING)
294
00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:05,073
-Hello?
-ERROL: Have you ever touched
a pig, Andy?
295
00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:07,867
They made us catch pigs.
296
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:10,100
Their skin, it's so human.
297
00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:12,903
Fleshy. Pink. The trotters...
298
00:13:12,933 --> 00:13:15,573
Like tiny deformed hands.
299
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,530
One of them snorfed me.
I think I have swine flu.
300
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:19,927
-What number are you
calling from?
-They took my phone.
301
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,597
I'm in the farm
manager's office.
302
00:13:21,633 --> 00:13:24,073
I couldn't sleep.
Murray Thomas
was having night terrors.
303
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,700
Please, I swear.
If you pick me up,
304
00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:28,603
I will iron your clothes
for a year,
305
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,533
even the underwear,
whatever it takes.
306
00:13:30,567 --> 00:13:32,397
Will you break up with
Shelly for me?
307
00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:33,773
(DOG BARKS)
308
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:34,800
Shit.
309
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,633
Coward!
310
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:41,797
Hello, Sam. I just wanted
to say congrats on Suzy
being your new sponsor.
311
00:13:42,567 --> 00:13:43,967
I can see the appeal.
312
00:13:44,067 --> 00:13:46,927
She is very cool
and her vagina's a shrine
to rock 'n' roll,
313
00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:49,297
so no hard feelings.
314
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,300
Is it true?
315
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,233
About me and Janis?
Yeah, but it was
just the one night.
316
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:57,567
No, about you being
my sponsor?
317
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,300
-If I say yes, do you swear
you won't hug me?
-I swear.
318
00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:02,203
-Yes.
-(SHRIEKS)
319
00:14:03,433 --> 00:14:04,533
See? Not a hug.
320
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,467
(MOBILE RINGING)
321
00:14:12,833 --> 00:14:14,703
Morning, sunshine.
322
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:17,833
You really should lock
your windows. You never know
who might crawl in.
323
00:14:17,867 --> 00:14:21,327
-Where's...
-Your little lady friend?
I think she's in the shower.
324
00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:24,067
Sorry if my hands are cold.
325
00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:26,597
Why are you sorry? (GRUNTS)
326
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:30,103
-(GROANING)
-Gwen told me about
your little rekindling.
327
00:14:30,133 --> 00:14:33,073
Little?
She said it was average plus.
328
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:36,427
See, my little Gwenny,
she tells me everything.
329
00:14:36,467 --> 00:14:39,127
Looks like you forgot
to tell her something, though.
330
00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:41,667
She's just a friend!
331
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:42,900
In crotchless panties?
332
00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:44,803
Those are for ventilation.
333
00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:46,633
(GROANING)
334
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:51,530
I used to be like you,
sticking my dick
in every hole.
335
00:14:51,567 --> 00:14:53,327
Enough booze, I would
have put it in a Hoover.
336
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:57,067
Problem is it doesn't have
the answers and it's reckless.
337
00:14:57,067 --> 00:15:01,127
My dick's not the one that got
knocked up by Casper
the Emo Ghost.
338
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,327
Oh! Looks like she
doesn't tell you everything.
339
00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,127
-I don't believe you.
-If I'm lying,
340
00:15:05,167 --> 00:15:07,067
I'll let you come back
and finish the job off.
341
00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:09,667
I'll even let you
have my Hoover.
342
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:17,430
I'd go and see a doctor
if I was you.
I think I felt a lump.
343
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:23,197
I'm so late. I'm supposed
to be singing at this
lesbian wedding in an hour.
344
00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:26,173
It's freezing.
Why's the window open?
345
00:15:28,733 --> 00:15:30,573
Are you all right?
You look pale.
346
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,230
I think I felt a lump.
347
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:33,967
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-Sam,
348
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:37,867
I'm getting a little bit
tired of all of these
surprise visits.
349
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,570
Sorry, I know I'm early.
350
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,400
I was going to wait
in the car, but I had
a grande macchiato
351
00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:45,433
and I'm bursting.
Can I please use your loo?
352
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:47,867
Oh, God, you forgot about
our meeting, didn't you?
353
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:51,430
No, toilet is right there.
Oh, God. Thank you. Thank you.
354
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:55,067
Let's get you to this
lesbian wedding.
Who's on the phone?
355
00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:56,867
It's your nephew.
He seems really upset.
356
00:15:56,900 --> 00:16:00,370
He said he had something
really important to tell me.
357
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,270
Wait, Andy, I need to get my
hair clip from the bathroom.
358
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,230
No, you don't. Your hair
looks amazing down.
359
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,397
That's sweet, but I really
should get it.
360
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:07,903
(TOILET FLUSHES)
361
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,173
Who's in there?
362
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,600
-Sam.
-Hairdresser's again.
363
00:16:11,633 --> 00:16:13,933
No, custody case.
The full waterworks.
364
00:16:13,967 --> 00:16:17,897
Aw, poor thing.
Okay, well, give her
a hug from me, yeah?
365
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,733
Yeah, I will.
366
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:21,497
Ah.
367
00:16:21,533 --> 00:16:25,303
That's better.
Who were you talking to?
368
00:16:26,633 --> 00:16:28,173
Myself.
369
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,730
Oh. I thought I heard
a woman's voice.
370
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:36,367
Yes, I am very in touch
with my feminine side.
371
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,930
That explains the hair clip.
372
00:16:38,967 --> 00:16:42,127
Do you mind if I borrow it?
I left mine at home.
373
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,227
No, sure, knock yourself out.
374
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,800
I think you're
going to love this.
375
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:51,833
Oh, The Adicts, sounds lovely.
376
00:16:51,867 --> 00:16:54,397
Um, I'm not sure it's quite
right for the children though.
377
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:56,703
You're kidding.
The kids are going
to love this.
378
00:16:56,733 --> 00:16:59,573
I was getting stoned listening
to this when I was 13.
379
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,670
You started smoking pot
when you were 13?
380
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:04,400
No, 11. Speaking of which,
do you want to get mashed up?
381
00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:06,073
It's gonna make this music
sound even better.
382
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,767
Oh, um...
383
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:12,100
I really, uh... No. Thank you.
384
00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:13,833
I've made you feel
uncomfortable, haven't I?
385
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,627
No, I'm comfortable.
386
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:21,067
This sofa's very soft
and, um, you know, I've got
my rape whistle with me.
387
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:25,130
(CHUCKLES) I'm kidding.
Honestly, forget it.
It's fine.
388
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,200
I've done it again.
I'm always doing this.
389
00:17:30,233 --> 00:17:31,973
Things are going well,
I'm being...
390
00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:33,327
I was being
interesting, right?
391
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:37,127
-Very, it was like a TED Talk.
-Yeah.
392
00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:39,467
-Then I go and ruin it all.
-No.
393
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:46,070
Look, if you want to hit up
your bong,
you go for it.
394
00:17:46,067 --> 00:17:47,727
I might even have a puff.
395
00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:52,573
(POPPY FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
396
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,630
So, have you really got
a rape whistle?
397
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:31,967
Yeah.
398
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,897
I mean, don't take
it personally.
399
00:18:33,933 --> 00:18:35,873
I bring it to my
knitting circle.
400
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,070
I've heard them
bitches be crazy.
401
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,830
(LAUGHING)
402
00:18:41,867 --> 00:18:46,397
You know, the class did
an essay on three people
they admired.
403
00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:49,773
-Uh-huh.
-And Errol picked
404
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,600
Alexander Fleming
for penicillin.
405
00:18:51,633 --> 00:18:55,503
-Yeah.
-Edward Jenner for
the smallpox vaccine,
406
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:57,833
and you.
407
00:18:57,867 --> 00:19:00,067
-Me?
-Mmm-hmm.
408
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:03,327
-What did I do?
-You're a good person.
409
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,530
You're a good teacher.
410
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,573
(MOBILE RINGING)
411
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,370
Oh, it's Errol.
412
00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:19,873
Okay. This better be
a real emergency.
413
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:22,700
I'm talking broken leg
or alien abduction minimum.
414
00:19:22,733 --> 00:19:27,773
Do you know what a cloaca is?
It's the hole chickens poop
and lay eggs out of.
415
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,070
They use it for everything.
Everything. Even coitus.
416
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:33,870
-Coitus?
-It's another word for...
417
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:36,630
I know what coitus is.
I thought you had your
phone confiscated.
418
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:39,067
Murray Thomas stole
it back for me.
We're best friends now.
419
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:42,067
-I thought you hated that guy.
-He's pretty hilarious
once you get to know him.
420
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:44,097
He mooned a goat earlier
and it chased him.
421
00:19:44,133 --> 00:19:45,933
Plus, he offered to buy me
a subscription
422
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:47,767
to New Scientist magazine.
423
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:51,130
-That's worth 35 pounds.
-You cheap slut.
424
00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:53,067
Yeah, so, I don't need you
to pick me up any more.
425
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:57,197
Perfect. Then you go to bed,
'cause I've got to go
and make sweet coitus
426
00:19:57,233 --> 00:20:00,173
and, if I'm lucky, she'll let
me play with her cloaca.
427
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,900
* Melodie, girl
look what you did
428
00:20:23,933 --> 00:20:28,033
* You're on the teaching staff
and you're great with kids
429
00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:31,467
* You're caring
and you're sensitive
430
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:36,170
* But you just don't
turn me on like Shelly
431
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,130
* Shelly, girl
you're irresistible
432
00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:43,427
* You're talented
and you rock my world
433
00:20:43,467 --> 00:20:47,197
* You're just like me
except you are a girl
434
00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:51,673
* But you've got no
self-esteem like Gwen does
435
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:55,270
* Gwen, Gwen
You're in my head
436
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:59,130
* I remember
every word you said
437
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:03,227
* And the time
you chained me to my bed
438
00:21:03,267 --> 00:21:07,297
* I just can't choose between
439
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:10,573
* I don't know
how I'll carry on
440
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:14,330
* You're all perfect
except for one thing wrong
441
00:21:14,367 --> 00:21:18,527
* If I could only
roll you into one
442
00:21:18,567 --> 00:21:22,727
* I guess I'll have to
fuck you all
443
00:21:22,767 --> 00:21:26,397
* I love you each
despite your flaws
444
00:21:26,433 --> 00:21:30,073
* I'll be the man
you each adore
445
00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:33,970
* It's the only way
it can work for sure
446
00:21:34,067 --> 00:21:37,227
* There's enough of me
to spread round
447
00:21:37,267 --> 00:21:41,527
* And round and round
448
00:21:52,933 --> 00:21:54,873
(CHUCKLING)
449
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:56,500
That's really good.
450
00:21:56,533 --> 00:21:59,703
It's my ex. I'm going
to use it as an ashtray.
451
00:21:59,733 --> 00:22:02,673
That way I can smash every
fag end into his face.
452
00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:04,200
Cool.
453
00:22:04,233 --> 00:22:07,233
I remember after I got
separated, I went through
the wedding album
454
00:22:07,267 --> 00:22:09,467
and cut Ben's crotch
out of every photo.
455
00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:12,800
They're all in
an envelope now.
Hundreds of tiny crotches.
456
00:22:12,833 --> 00:22:14,433
It was oddly soothing.
457
00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:16,297
Oh, God, I wish I were
your age again.
458
00:22:16,333 --> 00:22:19,473
Thirty-five? Why?
My boobs are starting to drop.
459
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,070
I don't care about
boobs dropping.
460
00:22:22,067 --> 00:22:24,527
I want to be your age
so I can relapse again.
461
00:22:24,567 --> 00:22:26,367
-Huh?
-You're young in drug years.
462
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,230
You can relapse at least
three more times.
463
00:22:28,267 --> 00:22:31,327
Some of my best highs were
after I fell off the wagon.
464
00:22:31,367 --> 00:22:33,267
I got pregnant
during a relapse.
465
00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:36,930
You've got some great
times ahead of you.
466
00:22:36,967 --> 00:22:40,497
You know, I'm really
glad Agnes talked me into
being your sponsor.
467
00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:43,703
-She did?
-Said there was something
special about you.
468
00:22:43,733 --> 00:22:46,073
I'm beginning to see that now.
469
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,400
(DOORBELL RINGS)
470
00:22:50,433 --> 00:22:51,673
(MOBILE CHIMES)
471
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,470
Shit!
472
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:58,770
It's my landlord.
I'm not allowed girls over.
473
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,570
-What? Why?
-He's in love with me.
It's a weird jealousy thing.
474
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,200
Quick, come with me!
475
00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:07,300
What's that banging?
476
00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:09,603
(WHISPERS) It's the wind.
Global warming.
477
00:23:11,067 --> 00:23:12,367
Hide in the bathroom?
478
00:23:15,967 --> 00:23:17,327
Did you tell Dad
I was knocked up?
479
00:23:17,367 --> 00:23:19,827
Me? (SCOFFING) Maybe, yeah.
480
00:23:19,867 --> 00:23:22,627
-Andy!
-I had no choice. He literally
had me by the balls.
481
00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:24,067
(DOORBELL RINGS)
482
00:23:24,067 --> 00:23:25,167
Are you going to get that?
483
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,600
It's probably just my sister.
484
00:23:26,633 --> 00:23:29,503
You can't leave her
out there, can you?
485
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,703
All right.
I'll get rid of her.
Don't move.
486
00:23:34,267 --> 00:23:37,697
Surprise delivery for Mr King!
487
00:23:37,733 --> 00:23:40,073
-Come over here and open it.
-Oh, sorry, Shell,
I can't right now.
488
00:23:40,100 --> 00:23:41,570
I think I'm coming down
with something.
489
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,130
-We should get you
to bed then.
-No!
490
00:23:43,167 --> 00:23:46,767
I don't want to get you sick.
I think it's swine flu.
491
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,770
So, uh, you should
probably go.
492
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,330
(DOORBELL RINGS)
493
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,330
You going to get that?
494
00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:58,497
She's insane! I know why
Joplin and Hendrix OD'd now.
495
00:23:58,533 --> 00:24:00,833
It was from hanging out
with her! You have to help me
get rid of her.
496
00:24:00,867 --> 00:24:02,797
-Who?
-My sponsor.
She's parking her car now.
497
00:24:02,833 --> 00:24:05,303
I told her that you were
a musician and she insisted
on meeting you.
498
00:24:05,333 --> 00:24:07,203
Better get your will ready,
'cause you'll be dead
in an hour.
499
00:24:07,233 --> 00:24:09,803
-Hi, Sam.
-Oh, hi, Shelly. Hi.
500
00:24:09,833 --> 00:24:12,633
Oh, there's nothing
like the smell of
a musician's apartment.
501
00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:15,197
Oh, you must be the rock star.
And you must be
one of his groupies.
502
00:24:15,233 --> 00:24:17,503
I'm his girlfriend, actually.
And you are?
503
00:24:17,533 --> 00:24:19,073
I'm Suzy, Sam's sponsor.
504
00:24:19,067 --> 00:24:21,667
Oops! Was that meant
to be a secret?
505
00:24:21,700 --> 00:24:24,570
-Yeah.
-Oh, well. So much for
being anonymous.
506
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:29,270
-What is going on?
-Ah, Gwen?
What are you doing here?
507
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:30,930
Shit, you're
second toothbrush.
508
00:24:30,967 --> 00:24:33,827
Is it safe to come out now?
509
00:24:33,867 --> 00:24:37,127
-Jesus Christ!
-Oh, hi... Everyone.
510
00:24:37,167 --> 00:24:39,867
-I can explain this.
-You're cheating on me?
511
00:24:39,900 --> 00:24:41,470
Cheating is such an ugly word.
512
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:44,930
-We didn't sleep together.
-But we did. But I'm his ex...
513
00:24:44,967 --> 00:24:46,767
You musicians
are all the same.
514
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,700
Can I just reiterate that
we didn't sleep together?
515
00:24:49,733 --> 00:24:51,173
That bra wasn't yours, was it?
516
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,930
No, that was mine.
Can I have it back, please?
517
00:24:53,967 --> 00:24:57,467
You've been covering up
for your brother's infidelity?
That is so co-dependent.
518
00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,770
-Is that my hair clip?
-Well, you're the worst
sponsor ever.
519
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,070
We didn't sleep together.
520
00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:03,897
Who encourages
a drug addict to relapse?
521
00:25:03,933 --> 00:25:07,073
Ladies, ladies,
please, calm down.
522
00:25:07,067 --> 00:25:09,197
ALL: Shut up!
523
00:25:09,233 --> 00:25:12,473
-Can I have my hair clip back?
-Yeah, I'm so, so sorry.
524
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,130
You're such a prick, Andy.
525
00:25:18,733 --> 00:25:20,473
-I'll see you in group?
-Yeah.
526
00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:25,330
Maybe we should
just forget about
the music project for now.
527
00:25:25,367 --> 00:25:27,067
Melodie, please,
wait, don't go.
528
00:25:27,100 --> 00:25:29,300
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
529
00:25:29,967 --> 00:25:31,497
(LAUGHING)
530
00:25:31,533 --> 00:25:33,433
I like her.
531
00:25:33,467 --> 00:25:36,327
Can I have my bra
back now, please?
532
00:25:40,967 --> 00:25:42,667
Thank you.
533
00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:44,300
(DOOR CLOSES)
534
00:25:45,767 --> 00:25:47,397
What? It was my size.
535
00:25:51,433 --> 00:25:55,203
Oh! I'm never answering
my door again.
536
00:25:55,233 --> 00:25:56,633
That's all you learned
from today?
537
00:25:56,667 --> 00:25:58,627
How about, "You can't have
your cake and eat it too"?
538
00:25:58,667 --> 00:26:02,067
But if I bake the cake,
why can't I have a slice?
539
00:26:02,100 --> 00:26:04,430
Yeah, but you tried
to eat three cakes.
540
00:26:04,467 --> 00:26:06,067
I think I've got
a cake problem.
541
00:26:06,067 --> 00:26:07,627
Okay, I've got to go.
542
00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:10,767
I've got to get on my knees
and hope poor, sweet Agnes
will take me back.
543
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:14,330
-You all right?
-Yeah, it's not like
I'm going to kill myself.
544
00:26:15,233 --> 00:26:16,633
Bye.
545
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,470
(MOBILE VIBRATING)
546
00:26:32,733 --> 00:26:34,233
Stop calling me.
547
00:26:34,267 --> 00:26:36,527
I don't want to hear
any more rubbish stories
548
00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:38,897
about you on a farm
in the middle of nowhere.
549
00:26:38,933 --> 00:26:41,233
Good, because I'm at
East Croydon Station.
550
00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:46,230
I lied.
551
00:26:46,267 --> 00:26:49,497
I knew it. You don't think
I'm average plus.
552
00:26:49,533 --> 00:26:52,503
No. I'm not pregnant.
553
00:26:52,533 --> 00:26:55,533
I just said that because
I got a kick out of making
you feel bad.
554
00:26:55,567 --> 00:26:58,667
I'm not sorry, though.
What you did was
disgusting and pathetic.
555
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,870
I know.
I'm going to work on it.
556
00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:04,300
Okay, well... Anyway, I'm glad
I got that off my chest.
557
00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:08,230
Stop staring at my chest.
558
00:27:08,267 --> 00:27:11,627
Casper called.
He apologised for everything.
559
00:27:11,667 --> 00:27:13,067
We're getting back together.
560
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:14,630
Great.
561
00:27:14,667 --> 00:27:16,827
And there's just
one more thing.
562
00:27:16,867 --> 00:27:19,127
Okay, but don't
hit me too hard.
563
00:27:19,167 --> 00:27:20,627
"Geronimo".
564
00:27:21,933 --> 00:27:24,273
-What?
-That's the safe word.
565
00:27:30,467 --> 00:27:35,427
Seriously, you're
going to pass up on
goodbye forever sex?
566
00:27:35,467 --> 00:27:39,697
It's just... There's someone
waiting for me.
567
00:27:39,733 --> 00:27:41,773
Who's more important than sex?
568
00:27:42,900 --> 00:27:44,470
(HORN BEEPING)
569
00:27:46,633 --> 00:27:49,133
-You are in such deep shit.
-Don't worry.
570
00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:52,197
The class went on
a day hike while I stayed
in bed faking sick.
571
00:27:52,233 --> 00:27:53,703
They won't know
I'm gone for ages.
572
00:27:53,733 --> 00:27:55,203
Nicely done. What happened?
573
00:27:55,233 --> 00:27:58,073
I thought you were having
a great old time with
your new best friend.
574
00:27:58,100 --> 00:27:59,330
Murray Thomas dumped me.
575
00:27:59,367 --> 00:28:01,327
He said New Scientist
was too expensive
576
00:28:01,367 --> 00:28:04,067
and then Colin Peters
agreed to be his best friend
for a Kinder Egg.
577
00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:07,070
Mmm. Relationships suck.
578
00:28:07,100 --> 00:28:10,500
We seem to have a few
hours to kill before
you're a wanted man.
579
00:28:10,533 --> 00:28:12,573
What do you say
we swing by Legoland?
580
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,370
Yeah, I'd like that.
581
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:18,070
Oh, by the way,
your phone bum-dialled me
while I was waiting.
582
00:28:18,067 --> 00:28:19,727
-Really? What did you hear?
-Nothing.
583
00:28:20,867 --> 00:28:22,427
Geronimo!
45523
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