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1
00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:12,720
* 2:00 a.m. ham, 2:00 a.m. ham *
2
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:16,682
* everything rhymes
with "2:00 a.m. ham." *
3
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:17,783
Mmm. Mm?
4
00:00:18,824 --> 00:00:20,201
So many lies.
5
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,062
What else was he hiding from the world?
6
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,855
How could the deception go so deep?
7
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,931
Can we ever trust anyone?
8
00:00:28,055 --> 00:00:29,055
My daughter's roaming
9
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:31,571
the house in the middle of
the night looking terrified.
10
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,156
I should probably go talk to...
11
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,075
* 2:00 a.m. ham. *
12
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,919
You look like you didn't sleep a wink.
13
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,797
Looks can be deceiving.
Nothing is as it seems.
14
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,715
The world is a dark place.
15
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,182
Oh, Lisa seems really frazzled.
16
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,268
Did the climate change again?
17
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,602
I don't know. Probably.
18
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,398
Oh.
19
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,486
She's been like that for hours.
20
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,280
What is she doing under there?
21
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:17,701
Hmm. Something so troubling
she doesn't want us to find out.
22
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:20,537
As her friends, we should respect that.
23
00:01:22,376 --> 00:01:25,000
The confession was coerced.
24
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,918
Honey, what are you listening to?
25
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,838
Uh, you know,
just some gentle ASMR noises
26
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,090
to soothe me to sleep.
27
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,718
You know, like...
28
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,428
and...
29
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,179
and...
30
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,181
Oh, that stuff doesn't work...
31
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,520
Good night.
32
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,064
Music in a minor key?
33
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:51,142
You've been listening
to true crime podcasts?
34
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:55,280
Hoda Kotb said on The Today Show
those are really disturbing.
35
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,073
- Hoda.
- Mom, I can handle it.
36
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,618
There's no swear words, just killing.
37
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,703
How many of these have you listened to?
38
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,247
I don't know. Just two or three a day.
39
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,207
And then maybe a couple
more to take the edge off.
40
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:09,586
And then one in the morning
just to get normal.
41
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,213
Wha... I'm not addicted, I swear.
42
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,383
I just need to know
who killed everybody!
43
00:02:16,058 --> 00:02:19,262
- Oh.
- I just need to know. I just...
44
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:24,434
Aw, she's all murdered out.
45
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,061
These titles.
46
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:29,189
It's like they're trying
to intrigue people.
47
00:02:31,312 --> 00:02:35,570
Oh. I better listen to one and make
sure Lisa's not too traumatized.
48
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,322
Whatever. I'm hitting the hay.
49
00:02:51,644 --> 00:02:52,712
Okay, I'm on episode eight
50
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,255
of Killing her softly.
51
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,132
We need to talk about Angela's landlord.
52
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,552
Why did he allow her to
pay for a year up front?
53
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,805
What did Sergei know?
54
00:03:02,621 --> 00:03:04,599
We have much to discuss.
55
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,393
Okay, pause.
56
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,395
It's like the police intentionally
57
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,563
screwed up the investigation.
58
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,816
Right? Drops of blood you can explain,
59
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,944
- but drops of brain?
- I know.
60
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,862
Okay, play.
61
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,990
Okay, pause. They totally
ignored the text messages
62
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,619
- from the coroner's mistress.
- Okay, play. Play.
63
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,871
- Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Oh. Oh.
64
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,541
- Mm-mm. Oh, yeah.
- Hmm. Hmm.
65
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:35,213
How could a woman with
four PhDs be so dumb?
66
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,881
So dumb.
67
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,592
I've never seen two people
agree with each other so much.
68
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,428
I disagree. Come on, you two.
69
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,138
We're supposed to visit Grampa today.
70
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,598
- Homie, we can't go.
- Our favorite podcast
71
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,727
is recording a live episode,
and we have tickets.
72
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,563
If we gasp loud enough,
we might hear ourselves.
73
00:03:54,071 --> 00:03:56,067
Save it for the show, Mom.
74
00:03:56,119 --> 00:03:57,319
_
75
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,695
Now, remember, Bart,
76
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,364
Grampa's life is very lonely and boring.
77
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,701
So make sure to look at
your watch every few seconds
78
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,494
so he knows you want to leave.
79
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,163
Here, take some of these.
80
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:13,460
Why is my dad's weird old tie
hanging on his doorknob?
81
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:21,050
- Oh! Oh! Ooh, ooh!
- Ugh!
82
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,387
You idiots! Don't you know the code?
83
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,348
If the BOLO's a-hanging,
the dentures be clanging.
84
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,518
This is my new girlfriend,
Vivienne Saint Charmaine.
85
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:35,148
Abe-y, you didn't tell me your
brothers were coming to visit.
86
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,234
- Oh, well. Oh, my.
- Aw, shucks.
87
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:41,696
Say, you look familiar.
Did you used to be younger?
88
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,574
Vivienne was a big-time TV star.
89
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,286
She was on all the hit shows,
and I was a huge fan.
90
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,121
A little magazine.
91
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,124
But you probably know me best
as the scheming yet conniving
92
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:57,587
Olympic diver Darcy
Covington on Falcon Landing.
93
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,580
Ma'am, if you're a big shot has-been,
94
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,008
why are you dating a
small-town never-was?
95
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,427
All my life, I dated unwrinkled men
96
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,221
who told short, concise stories.
97
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:09,349
But Abe here showed me
what I've been missing.
98
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,843
He's so sweet he should come
with an insulin pump.
99
00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:15,355
Well, thanks for stopping by,
but we've got two bingo games,
100
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:18,149
a couple's colonoscopy...
101
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:23,988
...and then we're off to
a romantic dinner cruise.
102
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,408
- Dude.
- Bro.
103
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:30,286
- Seriously.
- I know.
104
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,164
_
105
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:39,462
From This American Crime
and KBBL Springfield,
106
00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,840
it's Interminable,
107
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:46,886
one grisly story told
week after week after week
108
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,555
after week.
109
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,307
Hello. I'm Tabitha Shingle.
110
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,353
She's even more dry in person.
111
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,105
Some people look at a neck and think,
112
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,065
"what a great place for a scarf,"
113
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,277
and others think,
"I'd like to choke that."
114
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,030
for Jackson Reeb of Lansing,
Michigan, it was the latter.
115
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,745
_
116
00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:17,300
Hey, hey, hey.
Easy on the hurricane hold.
117
00:06:17,427 --> 00:06:20,386
We're just doing a story
on the podcast craze.
118
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:21,971
Podcast?
119
00:06:22,056 --> 00:06:23,764
Flash-in-the-pan wannabe journalism.
120
00:06:23,892 --> 00:06:25,892
Mark my words, Jerry, nobody cares.
121
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,227
Now to open this door.
122
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:35,109
Our podcast has gotten
over 20 million downloads
123
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:38,487
and is being adapted
into a streaming series
124
00:06:38,573 --> 00:06:43,618
starring Alexander
Skarsgard on Amazon prime.
125
00:06:47,081 --> 00:06:49,624
Ugh. Stupid podcasts.
126
00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:51,334
Thank god I have my family.
127
00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:53,920
Now to open this door.
128
00:07:00,050 --> 00:07:01,219
Oh.
129
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,433
This is Kent Brockman, Yesterday's News.
130
00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:11,896
And in the end, the donkey
turned out to be a horse.
131
00:07:12,653 --> 00:07:13,658
You're only watching this
132
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,234
because somebody left the TV
on in a doctor's waiting room.
133
00:07:16,319 --> 00:07:18,569
W-wait, w-wait a second.
We have breaking news!
134
00:07:18,696 --> 00:07:20,571
There's been a murder on the high seas.
135
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,156
A local woman is presumed dead
136
00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:24,242
after going overboard on a cruise ship.
137
00:07:24,369 --> 00:07:26,827
A woman disappears from a cruise.
138
00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:28,496
I wonder who did it.
139
00:07:28,623 --> 00:07:30,373
Could it be...
140
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,417
The husband or boyfriend? Mm-hmm.
141
00:07:33,544 --> 00:07:35,795
That's the lady Grampa was kissing.
142
00:07:35,796 --> 00:07:36,796
_
143
00:07:37,131 --> 00:07:39,715
Grampa's the husband or boyfriend?
144
00:07:39,801 --> 00:07:42,134
Authorities say the missing
woman is retired starlet
145
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,053
Vivienne Saint Charmaine.
146
00:07:44,138 --> 00:07:46,305
Her boyfriend or husband,
Abraham Simpson,
147
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:48,349
has been detained for questioning.
148
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,767
Grampa? A killer?
149
00:07:49,894 --> 00:07:51,394
He doesn't have that
kind of follow-through.
150
00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:55,022
Did Abe Simpson do it?
No one can say for sure.
151
00:07:55,149 --> 00:07:59,277
But this story has the makings
of a hit crime podcast.
152
00:07:59,404 --> 00:08:04,824
Join me as I take a fair and
unbiased look on Guilty Grampa.
153
00:08:06,035 --> 00:08:07,618
This has been Kent Brockman,
154
00:08:07,745 --> 00:08:09,954
bailing on TV news forever.
155
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,248
This is horrible. What are we gonna do?
156
00:08:12,417 --> 00:08:15,501
I've already subscribed.
157
00:08:18,701 --> 00:08:20,299
_
158
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,134
A romantic sunset cruise,
the perfect setting
159
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:25,136
for new love between a
fading Hollywood actress
160
00:08:25,263 --> 00:08:27,388
and a fully faded old man.
161
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:31,517
But only one of them would
return to port alive.
162
00:08:32,936 --> 00:08:35,980
I'm Kent Brockman,
and this is Guilty Grampa.
163
00:08:36,107 --> 00:08:37,982
Guilty Grampa is sponsored
164
00:08:38,109 --> 00:08:40,693
by shampoo shuttle,
seasonal-flavored shampoos
165
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,029
drone-delivered direct to your shower.
166
00:08:43,114 --> 00:08:45,031
Showbiz princess
Vivienne Saint Charmaine
167
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,116
had finally met her prince,
168
00:08:47,201 --> 00:08:49,285
local census resistor Abe Simpson.
169
00:08:49,412 --> 00:08:51,620
Together they boarded a
romantic seniors cruise
170
00:08:51,789 --> 00:08:53,372
across Springfield harbor.
171
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,207
It was 2:33 p.m.,
172
00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:56,917
and the passengers
were finishing dinner.
173
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,919
Suddenly, there were
the sounds of a commotion,
174
00:08:59,047 --> 00:09:01,839
a scream and then a splash.
175
00:09:01,966 --> 00:09:03,507
Vivienne was gone,
176
00:09:03,593 --> 00:09:06,177
but did the truth go overboard with her?
177
00:09:06,304 --> 00:09:08,905
I have with me a woman
who was on that fatal cruise,
178
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,473
disgraced docent Agnes Skinner.
179
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,475
Uh, tell me about that night.
180
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:16,604
I was at the buffet when I heard
a woman scream, "Abe, don't!"
181
00:09:16,731 --> 00:09:18,481
then a splash.
182
00:09:18,608 --> 00:09:20,107
What did you do next?
183
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,650
I saw they were refilling
the shrimp tower,
184
00:09:21,736 --> 00:09:23,861
so I had to get over
there and touch them all.
185
00:09:23,988 --> 00:09:25,363
"Abe, don't."
186
00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:28,657
Whatever could Vivienne
have meant by that?
187
00:09:28,743 --> 00:09:30,868
Naturally, the police
questioned Abe Simpson.
188
00:09:30,995 --> 00:09:34,413
His only defense? "I don't remember."
189
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:38,400
The old man would not confess. Rude.
190
00:09:38,527 --> 00:09:39,902
So we swabbed his hands
191
00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:42,654
to see if they tested
positive for pushing.
192
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:46,033
It came back as "no such test."
193
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,786
The only thing we could
do was let him go.
194
00:09:50,706 --> 00:09:52,956
So maybe the old saying is true.
195
00:09:53,042 --> 00:09:56,001
To catch a murderer,
you have to set them free
196
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,669
to murder again.
197
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:00,005
This has been Guilty Grampa.
198
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:02,007
Ah, that podcast sucks butts.
199
00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:03,884
Grampa's not some monster.
200
00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,683
Am I inside?
201
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:15,270
Vivienne and I went on the cruise,
had dinner,
202
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:18,273
drinks, dancing, drinks.
203
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,526
The rest is kind of a blur.
204
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,778
And the next thing I know,
the cops are telling me
205
00:10:22,905 --> 00:10:26,114
- I'm a person of interest.
- That's ridiculous.
206
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,035
You've never been a person
of interest... not for one second.
207
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,245
I don't remember nothing.
208
00:10:31,372 --> 00:10:33,038
But I would never hurt Vivienne.
209
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:37,793
She was my last chance at love,
and now she's gone forever.
210
00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:41,964
Whoop. Got to take a zizz.
211
00:10:42,925 --> 00:10:44,299
Okay, quick, he's in the bathroom,
212
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,385
so we only have an hour to talk.
213
00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:47,719
Now, on the count of three,
214
00:10:47,805 --> 00:10:50,180
say if you think he's guilty or not.
215
00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:52,057
One, two, three.
216
00:10:52,142 --> 00:10:53,934
- Not guilty!
- If I'm being honest, I think he's capable
217
00:10:54,019 --> 00:10:56,311
of anything, up to and including murder.
218
00:10:57,356 --> 00:11:00,107
You're talking about your own father.
219
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:05,153
Grampa's a good man,
220
00:11:05,281 --> 00:11:07,990
and everyone in this town knows that.
221
00:11:11,287 --> 00:11:13,120
You're protecting a killer!
222
00:11:14,264 --> 00:11:15,539
Murderer!
223
00:11:16,573 --> 00:11:19,585
Grampa boat-pushed my
favorite sexy TV lady.
224
00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:22,546
I had a poster where she
was on top of a Trans Am
225
00:11:22,673 --> 00:11:24,715
and it said, "finely-tuned machine."
226
00:11:24,842 --> 00:11:27,467
It referred to both her and the car!
227
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:32,639
Crime podcasts should
be about exposing truth,
228
00:11:32,766 --> 00:11:36,018
not irresponsible speculation.
229
00:11:36,186 --> 00:11:38,562
If only Kent knew Grampa like we do,
230
00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:42,649
he would call that
show Not Guilty Grampa,
231
00:11:42,776 --> 00:11:45,736
which I bet would get
even more listeners.
232
00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:49,239
Hey! We got an ender.
233
00:11:49,366 --> 00:11:50,490
Ender!
234
00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:51,957
Ender!
235
00:11:52,452 --> 00:11:54,290
_
236
00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:56,141
_
237
00:11:57,541 --> 00:12:00,250
Homer, tell me about the Abe
Simpson you knew and loved.
238
00:12:00,377 --> 00:12:01,835
I mean, I knew him.
239
00:12:01,962 --> 00:12:03,921
Was he abusive?
240
00:12:04,453 --> 00:12:05,522
Oh, sure.
241
00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,257
I mean, he was a quiet loner,
242
00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:10,093
but he could be abusive
when he wanted to be.
243
00:12:10,179 --> 00:12:11,637
Really?
244
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:14,181
And your mother...
how did she deal with all this?
245
00:12:14,308 --> 00:12:16,224
You know, I'm not really sure.
246
00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:18,268
She disappeared when I was quite young.
247
00:12:18,395 --> 00:12:21,355
Another woman in his life vanished.
248
00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:23,523
Stick some foghorns under
that and put it up stat.
249
00:12:23,692 --> 00:12:25,984
Uh, wait, that may have sounded bad.
250
00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:28,028
You're not gonna podcast that, are you?
251
00:12:28,155 --> 00:12:29,863
You're not gonna podcast that, are you?
252
00:12:29,990 --> 00:12:31,698
- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.
253
00:12:33,077 --> 00:12:34,534
Imagine the worst person in the world.
254
00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:37,454
Now imagine his father. That's Abe.
255
00:12:37,581 --> 00:12:39,790
His roommates kept turning up dead.
256
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:43,835
90-year-old people don't
just suddenly stop breathing.
257
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:45,087
Come on.
258
00:12:45,172 --> 00:12:46,672
He murdered me once.
259
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:49,758
That's why my family doesn't visit.
260
00:12:49,843 --> 00:12:51,885
My grandfather is not only a great man,
261
00:12:52,054 --> 00:12:53,929
he's a World War Two hero.
262
00:12:54,014 --> 00:12:55,681
They used to call him
"Johnny Flamethrower."
263
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:59,017
He said the fires would
tell him who to burn.
264
00:13:02,398 --> 00:13:05,190
So I say to Ira Glass, "'NPR'?
What does that stand for?
265
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:06,900
'No Possible Revenue'?"
266
00:13:10,072 --> 00:13:12,072
Hey, Kent. I'm Yeardley Smith.
267
00:13:12,199 --> 00:13:14,950
Your voice sounds familiar.
Where do I know you from?
268
00:13:15,077 --> 00:13:17,828
From my true crime
podcast Small-Town Dicks,
269
00:13:17,913 --> 00:13:18,954
and nowhere else.
270
00:13:19,123 --> 00:13:20,664
Can I give you a word of advice?
271
00:13:20,791 --> 00:13:22,916
I'd be a fool not to say,
"make it quick."
272
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:26,044
As much as it's fun to
report on murder and mayhem,
273
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:29,881
these podcasts are accusing
real people of serious crimes.
274
00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:33,176
Without solid proof, we can ruin lives.
275
00:13:33,303 --> 00:13:35,220
You're right. We do rule the universe.
276
00:13:35,389 --> 00:13:36,555
Can I ask you a question?
277
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,849
- Of course.
- Who's doing your merch?
278
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,727
Because I'm only netting two
dollars a hat and 50 cents a mug
279
00:13:41,895 --> 00:13:44,104
and I'm getting completely
screwed on onesies.
280
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,324
Today's podcast has a killer bombshell
281
00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:58,577
about the killer of the bombshell.
282
00:13:58,662 --> 00:14:01,788
Grampa's motive for murder? Money.
283
00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:03,623
You see, Vivienne Saint Charmaine
284
00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:06,043
had a million-dollar
life insurance policy.
285
00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:08,837
Ooh, and the beneficiary
was her new boyfriend,
286
00:14:08,964 --> 00:14:10,839
Abraham J. Simpson.
287
00:14:11,086 --> 00:14:12,424
The moment she drowned,
288
00:14:12,593 --> 00:14:15,260
Guilty Grampa was swimming in cash.
289
00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:17,345
Motive enough for you?
290
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:21,183
He did it for money.
291
00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,644
No. No, no, no.
292
00:14:24,772 --> 00:14:27,939
I don't care what it looks like.
I know Abe.
293
00:14:28,025 --> 00:14:30,400
He would never do something so horrible.
294
00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:32,652
I did something so horrible.
295
00:14:32,821 --> 00:14:35,822
I finally listened to
that dad-gum podcast...
296
00:14:37,451 --> 00:14:39,868
...and it convinced me I'm a killer.
297
00:14:39,953 --> 00:14:41,286
Lock me up.
298
00:14:41,455 --> 00:14:44,164
You're under arrest for
spoiling the ending!
299
00:14:44,291 --> 00:14:46,833
I was only on episode two.
300
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,503
Oh, and for murder. Yeah.
301
00:14:53,821 --> 00:14:55,843
Abraham Simpson, as you have pled guilty
302
00:14:55,907 --> 00:14:57,878
to the murder of
Vivienne Saint Charmaine,
303
00:14:57,890 --> 00:14:59,554
I'm giving you life in prison.
304
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,807
And I'm giving your podcast five stars
305
00:15:01,892 --> 00:15:03,016
but no comment.
306
00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:04,851
Who has the time?
307
00:15:04,978 --> 00:15:06,895
_
308
00:15:09,525 --> 00:15:11,066
Why did you confess, Dad?
309
00:15:11,151 --> 00:15:13,193
A majority of the family
believes you're innocent.
310
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,655
But what that Kent Brockman said
about me was so darn convincing.
311
00:15:16,824 --> 00:15:20,033
I began to suspect myself
around episode four.
312
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,660
Then by episode six,
313
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:24,287
it seemed like it was that
hot-tempered deckhand.
314
00:15:24,414 --> 00:15:27,707
But by episode nine, I knew I'd done it,
315
00:15:27,835 --> 00:15:32,921
just as sure as shampoo shuttle
is the future of hair care.
316
00:15:37,052 --> 00:15:38,426
We can't give up hope.
317
00:15:38,554 --> 00:15:40,762
I know Grampa's situation looks bad,
318
00:15:40,889 --> 00:15:44,391
with the insurance money,
what Mrs. Skinner heard, but...
319
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,727
And the confession didn't help,
either, but-but...
320
00:15:47,855 --> 00:15:48,954
Take it, mom.
321
00:15:49,022 --> 00:15:50,397
But-but-but...
322
00:15:50,566 --> 00:15:53,525
Oh, my God. I'm not sure I have a "but."
323
00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:56,236
I'm not sure I have a "but," either.
324
00:15:56,321 --> 00:15:58,572
I think Grampa might have done it.
325
00:15:58,699 --> 00:16:02,117
He might have. He totally might have.
326
00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:04,661
Oh, no.
327
00:16:04,788 --> 00:16:06,538
With all our true crime training,
328
00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:08,623
how could we have missed this?
329
00:16:08,792 --> 00:16:10,792
We've become the people
that we hate most:
330
00:16:10,919 --> 00:16:15,297
the family members too deluded
to see the obvious truth.
331
00:16:15,424 --> 00:16:17,048
Uh, for the record,
I was willing to believe
332
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,926
he was the murderer back
when there was no evidence.
333
00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:21,464
Just saying.
334
00:16:21,972 --> 00:16:23,263
Come back later.
335
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:25,390
Were in the middle of
a terrible reckoning.
336
00:16:25,559 --> 00:16:27,467
I have shocking medical news
337
00:16:27,561 --> 00:16:30,371
that will blow your
father's case wide open.
338
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,314
Is there somewhere public we can talk?
339
00:16:32,399 --> 00:16:33,607
I don't know.
340
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,449
Welcome, listeners around the
world and our proud astronauts
341
00:16:42,576 --> 00:16:45,035
downloading in the darkness of space.
342
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:49,372
Tonight we both wrap up and drag
out the story of Guilty Grampa.
343
00:16:49,499 --> 00:16:51,875
You'll get a chance to
hear from the hottest stars
344
00:16:52,002 --> 00:16:53,418
of this heinous crime.
345
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:56,162
We love you, someone else's tragedy!
346
00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:59,082
And I'm thrilled to
announce the Guilty Grampa
347
00:16:59,117 --> 00:17:01,176
streaming series, starring the Skarsgard
348
00:17:01,261 --> 00:17:05,246
that started it all, Stellan.
349
00:17:05,332 --> 00:17:07,081
I only have a deal memo.
350
00:17:07,208 --> 00:17:09,334
I haven't signed the final paperwork.
351
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,919
Kent, there's something
you've got to know.
352
00:17:12,047 --> 00:17:14,213
Something everyone's got to know.
353
00:17:14,341 --> 00:17:16,174
On the day of Vivienne's disappearance,
354
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:18,926
she and Abe went in for
a couple's colonoscopy.
355
00:17:19,054 --> 00:17:21,804
They each swallowed a tiny intestopod,
356
00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:23,681
which records internal data
357
00:17:23,808 --> 00:17:26,893
and broadcasts a precise
GPS signal for 24 hours.
358
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:28,936
You can see here.
359
00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:33,316
Once Vivienne fell off the boat,
she moved directly to shore.
360
00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,819
She didn't sink. She swam.
361
00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:38,821
Vivienne's signal then traveled south
362
00:17:38,990 --> 00:17:41,866
to a resort in Zihuatanejo, Mexico,
363
00:17:41,951 --> 00:17:45,078
where the guacamole is made table-side.
364
00:17:45,205 --> 00:17:47,955
Vivienne is alive. She faked her death.
365
00:17:48,124 --> 00:17:50,917
Which means Grampa didn't kill anyone.
366
00:17:51,002 --> 00:17:54,337
But your podcast
convinced him that he did.
367
00:17:54,422 --> 00:17:55,880
I wanted to say that part.
368
00:17:55,965 --> 00:17:58,424
Well, that's, uh,
that's all very interesting,
369
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,636
but it doesn't really fit
with the title of my podcast,
370
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,346
to say nothing of the merch.
371
00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:08,309
Guilty Grampa!
Guilty Grampa!
372
00:18:09,771 --> 00:18:12,522
You sent me to jail.
373
00:18:12,649 --> 00:18:14,482
You're no journalist.
374
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:19,404
You made us a murderer. Wah!
375
00:18:20,313 --> 00:18:21,906
I have a confession to make.
376
00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:24,826
Guilty Grampa is not guilty.
377
00:18:26,955 --> 00:18:28,496
Oh, we all wish he did it.
378
00:18:28,623 --> 00:18:30,790
Everyone here loves DNA swabs,
379
00:18:30,959 --> 00:18:33,793
cell phone pings and spatter analysis,
380
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,212
that fantasy that the
bad guys will be caught
381
00:18:36,339 --> 00:18:38,506
and the police will save the day.
382
00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:41,426
Geez. That's a lot to put on a guy.
383
00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:44,554
From now on, I will report
with judicious restraint,
384
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,931
leaving behind sensational revelations
385
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:50,768
in favor of painstakingly
accumulated uncertainties.
386
00:18:52,147 --> 00:18:54,230
And I know you will
all come along with me
387
00:18:54,357 --> 00:18:56,399
on this slow, measured ride.
388
00:18:58,319 --> 00:19:01,070
And with that out-of-touch statement,
389
00:19:01,197 --> 00:19:04,490
Kent Brockman bid a big fat farewell
390
00:19:04,659 --> 00:19:07,702
to his relevancy.
391
00:19:09,289 --> 00:19:11,122
_
392
00:19:11,249 --> 00:19:14,250
Come on, Dad, cheer up.
You're an innocent man.
393
00:19:14,377 --> 00:19:17,336
Or so you'd have us believe.
394
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:20,715
I thought Vivienne loved me,
but she played me for a sap.
395
00:19:21,718 --> 00:19:23,885
Why'd you set me up, baby?
396
00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:25,428
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
397
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:28,890
I never believed she
liked you for one second.
398
00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:30,558
Well, I did.
399
00:19:30,685 --> 00:19:33,853
I thought she was gonna be
the last love of my life.
400
00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:45,656
Hi, Abe.
401
00:19:45,825 --> 00:19:47,700
What the...
402
00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:50,661
Vivienne. Why'd you set me up?
403
00:19:51,414 --> 00:19:52,747
We set you up.
404
00:19:52,832 --> 00:19:54,123
You weren't supposed to confess.
405
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,501
You were supposed to meet me in Mexico
406
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:57,835
with the insurance money.
407
00:19:57,962 --> 00:20:00,421
- That was the plan.
- What plan?
408
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,089
The plan where I faked my death
409
00:20:02,217 --> 00:20:04,801
and waited for you to meet me in Mexico
410
00:20:04,928 --> 00:20:06,385
with the insurance money.
411
00:20:06,513 --> 00:20:09,764
That's why I yelled, "Abe, don't...
forget the plan,"
412
00:20:09,849 --> 00:20:12,558
- as I was diving off the boat.
- What boat?
413
00:20:12,685 --> 00:20:15,853
I love you, you senile old sex machine.
414
00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:18,523
Oh, what do we do now
that we're on the run?
415
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,566
We live out the rest of our days
416
00:20:20,693 --> 00:20:23,402
in a place where no one
will ever notice us.
417
00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:36,374
I'm putting the space heater on ten.
418
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,334
Ooh, Abe.
419
00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:40,586
Oh, you naughty boy.
31060
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