Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

- IN ONE MINUTE, I'LL BRING YOU BACK.

- 3, 2... - WAIT. WE'RE GOOD.

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

AND WE'RE BACK WITH THE ONE AND ONLY ASHLEY BOYD,

FASHION WRITER FOR THE LOS ANGELES POST.

[cheers and applause]

NOW THE MAKEOVER'S COMPLETE... - YES.

- AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT OF TRUTH,

BUT FIRST, LET'S TAKE A LOOK

AT WHAT ASHLEY HAD TO WORK WITH.

OKAY. - THERE'S KIM BEFORE.

- ASHLEY. - MM-HMM.

- IT'S MAGIC TIME.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH, TARYN.

LADIES, I'D LIKE TO PRESENT TO YOU

THE NEW KIM.

[cheers and applause]

- OH, MY GOSH. WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

WHO ARE YOU? YOU ARE HOT, HOT, HOT.

- I KNOW. I CAN FEEL THE HEAT.

LADIES, CAN YOU FEEL THE HEAT?

[applause]

KIM HAS SUCH WONDERFULLY BRIGHT EYES.

I HAD ERIC T. LOWE GO IN

AND DO SOME HIGHLIGHTS IN HER BANGS,

AND NOW THEY ARE POSITIVELY ON FIRE.

- BEAUTIFUL. AND, UH, WHO ARE WE WEARING?

- OH, IT HAD TO BE JEFFREY BEAUMAN.

IT'S SOPHISTICATED, IT'S SASSY,

AND IT DEFINITELY SAYS, "LOOK OUT, HERE I COME."

- OH, WELL, I SAY, "FABU, ASHLEY BOYD."

WE KNOW WHO EVERYONE IN THE COUNTRY

WILL BE TALKING ABOUT TOMORROW.

[upbeat music]

♪

[phone ringing]

- ASHLEY, YOU'RE WANTED UPSTAIRS.

- OH, NO. WHAT DID I DO?

[bell dings]

- GOOD LUCK.

- I'M SO SORRY, MRS. FRIEDLANDER,

IF YOU WEREN'T HAPPY WITH MY TARYNAPPEARANCE.

YOU KNOW HOW I WANT THINGS TO BE PERFECT,

AND I PLANNED FOR THIS FOR WEEKS.

WAS IT THAT I DIDN'T MENTION THE POSTENOUGH?

- STOP. I WATCHED THE SHOW AND YOU DID A FABULOUS JOB.

- THANK YOU, MRS. FRIEDLANDER.

IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING AS WELL.

I MEAN, I WAS TRULY HONORED.

- DON'T GET TOO HONORED.

I AM PLANNING A NEW SUPPLEMENT FOR THE POST

WHICH I'M CALLING "FIRST LOOK,"

A SUPPLEMENT FOR WHICH I INTEND TO NAME YOU EDITOR.

- OH, MY GOD, I WANT THAT SO BADLY!

EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

I ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS--

BEING FIRST VOICE OF WEST COAST FASHION,

MAKING THE WORLD A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING MY DREAM COME TRUE.

- IF-- - THERE'S AN "IF"?

- IF YOU CAN COMPLETE THE FIRST COVER STORY

AND A SERIES OF ARTICLES WITH IT.

- THAT'S THE "IF"?

I WOULD NEVER TURN DOWN A COVER STORY.

- I'LL HOLD YOU TO THAT.

FOR THIS PIECE, I NEED FOR YOU TO DO ANOTHER MAKEOVER.

A REPORTER HERE NEEDS A FULL TRANSFORMATION.

- WHO IS SHE? - NOT SHE, HE.

A MALE MAKEOVER.

HE'S WRITTEN A BOOK THAT THE LOS ANGELES POSTORGANIZATION

IS PUBLISHING SOON,

AND I WANT YOUR MAKEOVER AND THE FIRST LOOK COVERS

TO BE PART OF A WHOLE PUBLICITY PUSH.

YOUR SERIES IS OUR OPPORTUNITY TO INTRODUCE HIM

TO A FEMALE AUDIENCE.

HE'S A BIT OF A MESS. A REAL GUY'S GUY.

HE NEVER REALLY GREW UP,

WHICH WORKS ON OUR SPORTS PAGES

BUT REALLY WON'T PLAY IN PERSON OR ON NATIONAL TV.

- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT--

- YOU'LL NEED TO ADJUST HIS LOOK, HIS PERSONALITY--

- WAIT A SECOND.

- MAKE HIM READY FOR THE BOOK TOUR.

- PLEASE, NO.

- YOUR NEW MAKEOVER SUBJECT WILL BE...

[overlapping chatter]

- YEAH! - OUR OWN PETE CAMDEN.

THAT GUY.

- LAZY. NO HELP. BUT LOOK, COME ON.

I'M GONNA MAKE THAT RECYCLE BIN. TEN BUCKS. WHO'S IN?

- OH, YOU'RE ON. - 10 BUCKS. - OH!

- I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU.

- HEY, CHEERLEADERS WELCOME. DO ME A FAVOR, PLEASE.

CLEAR THE COURT. LET'S GO, LET'S GO. THANK YOU.

- YOU WANT ME TO MAKE-OVER PETE CAMDEN?

- [mimics] "I'D NEVER TURN DOWN A COVER STORY."

- AH!

- CAMDEN! - PARKER, COME ON.

FAN INTERFERENCE. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

- NAN, GOOD TO SEE YOU VISITING THE TRENCHES.

ALL RIGHT, YOU DINGBATS, YOU GOT WORK TO DO.

- AH, PARKER, I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT HERE AT THE POST,

WE CAN'T AFFORD TO TAKE OUR EYE OFF THE PRIZE,

WHICH OF COURSE IS DELIVERING THE BEST COVERAGE

OF NEWS, ENTERTAINMENT, AND SPORTS IN THESE UNITED STATES.

I PROMISE, GUYS, THIS WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

BALL. THANKS.

[recycle bin clanks]

OH, YEAH, TEN BUCKS, TEN BUCKS, TEN BUCKS, ALL OF YOU.

EXPECT TO SEE IT ON MY DESK BY THE END OF THE DAY.

[groans]

- PETE CAMDEN DOESN'T NEED A MAKEOVER.

HE NEEDS A COMPLETE TEARDOWN.

- HIS SPORTS COVERAGE HAS MORE READERS

THAN THE REST OF THE PAPER COMBINED.

YOU CAN'T BEGIN TO IMAGINE

HOW MUCH THE POST HAS RIDING ON HIS BOOK.

NOW GO, TALK TO HIM.

- OH.

PETE, UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

- HEY, BEAUTIFUL.

YOU SEE THAT SHOT THAT I JUST MADE?

THERE ARE ONLY TWO OTHER GUYS IN THE WHOLE WORLD

THAT CAN MAKE THAT SHOT.

- REALLY? AND WHO IS THE OTHER?

- WHO CARES? AIN'T GOT ME.

- I GOT YOU IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR.

I CAN'T DO THIS.

- [laughs]

[knock on door]

- DOOR'S OPEN, CHRISTOPHER. COME ON IN.

[door opens]

- OKAY, I'M HERE. SO WHAT'S THE BIG NEWS?

- MRS. FRIEDLANDER IS GIVING ME A SHOT

TO BECOME EDITOR OF "FIRST LOOK."

MY FIRST COVER STORY-- A MALE MAKEOVER.

- CONGRATS! YOU'RE NOT MAKING ME OVER, I HOPE?

- NO. A SPORTSWRITER. HE'S A REAL MAN-CHILD.

YOU ARE PERFECT. - AS ARE YOU.

- HERE YOU GO. NON-FAT, HALF-CAF,

SUGAR-FREE EXTRA FOAM LATTE, JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT.

- I'M AFRAID IT'S GOING TO HAVE TO BE TO GO.

I JUST HAVE A MINUTE. - MMM.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN

AND TALK ABOUT THIS.

I NEED A CRASH COURSE IN NAVIGATING THE MALE EGO.

- OH, I CAN'T STAY.

I'M IN STUDIO TO BREAK IN FOR AN UPDATE.

WE HAVE TEAM COVERAGE FOR STORM VIEW.

- OH, NO.

I'M SUPPOSED TO VISIT MANDY AT HER PHOTO SHOOT.

WELL, I CAN'T GO OUT THERE LIKE THIS.

I'M WEARING SILK.

- OOH, WE CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL WITH SILK.

HMM. WELL, SORRY, BABE.

I GOTTA GO. LOVE YOU. [kiss]

- [kiss] LOVE YOU MORE.

- OKAY, NOW, ARCH YOUR BACK, MANDY, DEAR.

OH, THAT'S IT. FANTASTIC.

- [groans] SORRY I'M LATE.

[groans] THE RAIN!

- OR, AS THE REST OF THE COUNTRY CALLS IT, DRIZZLE.

SO, ASH, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?

THE LINGERIE OR THE CHAMPAGNE?

- THE LAMP. - ENOUGH CROSS-TALK.

MANDY, YOU'RE TOO ACCESSIBLE.

UM, SCOWL FOR ME, SWEETIE.

OH, THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.

- I HAVE A CRAZY NEW ASSIGNMENT

THAT I NEED YOUR HELP WITH.

I'M MAKING OVER PETE CAMDEN.

- PETE CAMDEN, THE SPORTS COLUMNIST?

- I THINK I MAY BE IN OVER MY HEAD ON THIS ONE.

- I'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO RUN FROM A CHALLENGE.

HEY, EVER SINCE WE FIRST MET IN FAT CAMP--

- YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT.

- FIRST MET IN SUMMER CAMP,

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN UP FOR A CHALLENGE.

- YES, BUT YOU CAN'T CHANGE GUYS

THAT DON'T WANT TO BE CHANGED,

AND I HAVE A FEELING THAT PETE LIKES HIMSELF

JUST THE WAY HE IS, GOD KNOWS WHY.

- WELL, DON'T BE SO SURE PETE LIKES THE WAY HE IS.

I MEAN, EVERY MAN WANTS TO BE CHANGED.

WE JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT.

IT'S PART OF THE MALE MYSTIQUE.

YOU KNOW, WE PLAY THE ROLE OF THIS SELF-SATISFIED STUD.

DEEP DOWN, WE'D LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO HAVE SOME WOMAN

COME AROUND AND MAKE US MORE APPEALING.

- REALLY? - OH, ABSOLUTELY.

SELF-ESTEEM GOES THROUGH THE ROOF.

YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT.

- SO VINCENT, YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA,

ME PUTTING UP WITH ALL OF PETE'S NONSENSE

SO THAT I CAN MAKE HIM A BETTER PERSON?

- THINK OF IT THIS WAY.

YOU'RE TAKING MERCY ON HIS POOR SOUL, RIGHT?

[overlapping chatter]

- [groans]

HI, PETE, I THINK IT'S TIME THAT WE OFFICIALLY MET.

I'M ASHLEY BOYD.

I'M A FASHION REPORTER AT THE POST.

- YEAH, WE'VE MET BEFORE, ACTUALLY.

OR ALMOST, ANYWAY.

I SAT DOWN NEXT TO YOU AT A STAFF MEETING ONE TIME,

AND YOU GOT UP, TOOK YOUR STUFF,

AND MOVED TWO SEATS DOWN.

IT WAS A REALLY CLASSY MOVE. THANKS. MADE ME FEEL GOOD.

- LET'S LET BYGONES BE BYGONES, SHALL WE?

- SMITTY, A CHILI-BURGER, HEAVY ON THE CHILI,

EXTRA CHILI ON THE SIDE, JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT.

AW, THANK YOU.

- MA'AM. - OH, NO.

NOTHING FOR ME, THANKS.

I SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY APPETITE.

- YOU REALLY SHOULD TRY THEM. OH!

- UH... [clears throat]

I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU TO WORK WITH ME.

- REALLY?

WHAT CAN A SPORTSWRITER DO FOR THE LADY SECTION?

- ACTUALLY, IT'S WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU.

- NO, NO, NO.

SEE, IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU.

- [gasps] - OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT.

OH, HOLD ON, COME HERE. NO, NO, I GOT IT.

- OH, NO. OH! OH!

- NO, I GOT IT. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'VE GOT BEER.

IT'S ALL GOOD. IT'S LIKE A MAN'S SELTZER.

- PLEASE. OH, MY GOSH. - TAKING IT RIGHT OUT OF THERE.

I WAS TRYING TO HELP. I'M SORRY.

IT'S NOT THAT BAD. - YEAH, IT'S FINE. I'M GOOD.

IT'S--IT'S-- IT'S GONNA BE FINE.

WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO IS CALLED A MAKEOVER.

- PASS.

- IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE TO HELP YOU

FOR YOUR UPCOMING BOOK TOUR. - I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.

- YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT THERE SELLING A BOOK, OKAY?

IN TODAY'S MARKET, WHAT THAT MEANS IS,

YOU'RE ALSO GONNA BE SELLING YOURSELF.

THERE'S SOMETHING IN IT FOR YOU AS WELL.

- REALLY? - OH, YEAH.

WOMEN LOVE A GUY WHO LOOKS GOOD.

- THE THING IS,

WOMEN ALREADY LIKE ME THE WAY I AM.

I GET PLENTY OF DATES.

- ALL RIGHT. COME ON, PETE.

GIVE IT A TRY.

IT'LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE, I PROMISE.

AND ANYWAYS, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

- THAT WAS SUCH A NICE THING TO SAY.

THANKS A LOT. REALLY SWEET OF YOU.

- I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

- OKAY, I'LL BE HONEST.

I'M NOT PERFECT LIKE YOU. I GOT THAT.

BUT I HAVE SOMETHING THAT'S WORKING RIGHT NOW, OKAY?

NOBODY WILL SAY THAT I'M NOT ONE OF THE GUYS.

IN FACT, I'M KING OF THEM, AND THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME.

SO IF I LET YOU COME IN HERE

AND START MESSING AROUND WITH THAT

AND IT DOESN'T WORK,

WELL, THEN, THERE'S NO TURNING BACK,

AND I AM JUST A CERTIFIED LOSER.

SO, NO THANK YOU.

HEY, SMITTY. - YO.

- SUSIE STYLE, SHE'S GOT THE CHECK, OKAY?

- YOU GOT IT, PETE.

- OKAY, SO WHY ME?

- WELL, LOOK, THEY JUST WANT YOU TO CUT YOUR HAIR,

WASH YOUR CLOTHES, SOMETHING SOMETHING.

- CUT ME A BREAK HERE, OKAY?

I DESERVE A LITTLE RESPECT. I'M THE FRANCHISE.

PEOPLE BUY THIS PAPER JUST TO READ MY COLUMN.

- THAT'S BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T MET YOU.

- YEAH, WELL, I'VE GOT THE BOOK COMING OUT,

I'VE GOT THE WHOLE PUBLICITY TOUR SET UP, SO--

- EXACTLY.

YOU SEE, YOUR BOOK TOUR WILL UNSELL BOOKS.

NOW, DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND

THAT THEY WON'T CANCEL THAT BOOK TOUR

IF YOU DON'T DO IT.

NAN CAN BE VERY PERSUASIVE. - OH, OKAY.

THE WHOLE "WHO SIGNS YOUR PAYCHECK" THING AGAIN?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

- [sighs]

- SO, I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE IN.

- I THINK I'M GOING TO HURL. - WHY?

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T RUIN MY OUTFIT ENOUGH ALREADY TODAY?

BE AT VINCENT VERDIN'S PHOTO STUDIO FIRST THING TOMORROW

FOR THE BEFORE PHOTOS.

- [sighs]

- SO TODAY WE TAKE HIS BEFORE PICTURES,

AND THEN I CLEAN HIM UP AND WE TAKE HIS AFTER PICTURES,

AND POOF, I'M AN EDITOR.

OH, I JUST WISH THAT MY ENTIRE PROFESSIONAL FUTURE

WASN'T RESTING ON SOMEBODY LIKE PETE CAMDEN.

- DID I TELL YOU I THINK I GOT THAT INTERVIEW

FOR THE WEEKEND ANCHOR JOB?

- [gasps]

CHRISTOPHER, THAT'S PERFECT!

OH, THIS IS JUST LIKE WE FANTASIZED ABOUT

ON OUR FIRST DATE.

I'LL BE A FASHION EDITOR AND YOU'LL BE A NEWS ANCHOR.

THE ONLY THING LEFT IS THE STORYBOOK WEDDING,

THE TWO ADORABLE CHILDREN, AND THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

- IT FEELS GREAT TO HAVE OUR WHOLE LIFE MAPPED OUT.

WE'RE RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.

- [laughs] - WHOA! I GOTTA GO.

- BUT I WANTED TO TALK. - WE JUST DID.

- OH.

- HEY, YOU VINCENT? I'M PETE.

I'M HERE FOR MY, UH, BEFORE PHOTOS.

- BEFORE, INDEED.

UH, LET'S LEAVE THE LAUNDRY OUTSIDE THE BUILDING.

- LAUNDRY? NO, NO, NO.

THEY ASKED ME TO BRING THREE CHANGES OF CLOTHES,

SO I GOT 'EM.

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH THEM.

- HAVE THEM CARBON-DATED.

NOW THAT'S AN OUTFIT I WOULDN'T HAVE GUESSED YOU FOR,

ALTHOUGH IT SHOWS MORE COURAGE

THAN IT DOES GOOD SENSE, DOESN'T IT?

- YEAH, THAT ONE'S ASHLEY'S.

- TELL ME THE REST OF HER IS NOT IN THE TRUCK OF YOUR CAR.

- OH, I WISH. NO, SHE'S JUST RUNNING LATE.

- I KNOW GUYS WHO WOULD KILL

FOR A MAKEOVER FROM ASHLEY BOYD.

- YEAH, BUT ANYBODY WHO KNOWS WHO SHE IS DOESN'T NEED ONE.

- YEAH, WELL, EXCEPT ONE.

- COME ON, MAN, I DON'T NEED THAT MUCH WORK.

- THE CAMERA NEVER LIES.

- WHAT A MESS.

- WHAT A SLOB.

both: PERFECT.

- "'FIXING PETE' BY ASHLEY BOYD.

"THE ASSIGNMENT WAS CLEAR.

"IN EVERY MAN, THERE IS A LITTLE BOY.

"AND LIKE EVERY LITTLE BOY,

"PETE CAMDEN NEEDED AN ADULT TO HELP HIM GROW UP.

I HAD MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME..."

- SKEETER. AH...

- ALL RIGHT, DON'T GET TOO COMFORTABLE.

BOB GAZARIAN CALLED IN SICK.

I WANT YOU TO COVER COLLEGE BASKETBALL.

- COLLEGE. WOMEN'S BASKETBALL? NO.

I DON'T DO WOMEN'S SPORTS. I'M THE MAN.

- JUST AS A REMINDER,

I'LL BE AT YOUR PLACE TOMORROW MORNING AT 10:00

TO GO THROUGH YOUR WARDROBE.

YOU MUST HAVE SOME CLOTHES THAT WE COULD USE.

JUST IN CASE, DON'T FORGET. - YES, DEAR.

- AND DON'T GO ONLINE FOR THE RESULTS.

I NEED YOU TO DO POST-GAME INTERVIEWS WITH THE GIRLS.

DON'T FORGET. - YES, DEAR.

[overlapping chatter]

- AND I KNEW WHEN LINDA BLOCKED THREE SHOTS IN A ROW,

THE MOMENTUM WAS GOING OUR WAY.

- [groans]

- YOU GOT A QUESTION?

- YES, I DO.

MISS TAYLOR, GREAT JOB OUT THERE TODAY.

AGAINST OTHER GIRLS, GREAT JOB.

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- WELL, LET'S BE HONEST FOR A SECOND.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS REAL BASKETBALL.

ANY GUY COULD BEAT ANY GIRL.

BUT MY QUESTION IS, UH, WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL?

- OH, I'M GONNA GET YOU BANNED FROM THIS CAMPUS

FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!

- THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[knocks]

HELLO. WELCOME TO THE MAN CAVE.

I HAD A DECORATOR BUT, OF COURSE, I WORKED WITH HIM.

SO COME ON IN. DON'T BE SHY. ENTER, ENTER.

WIPE YOUR FEET, PLEASE.

- YEAH, ON THE WAY OUT.

- I MEANT ON THE WAY IN.

- [laughs]

ALL THAT'S MISSING IS THE MUSHROOM CLOUD.

NO, DEFINITELY NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

- UH-UH-UH-UH, ABSOLUTELY NOT IS RIGHT.

THAT'S MY LUCKY JACKET. PUT THAT BACK.

- NOTHING IN HERE IS A LUCKY ANYTHING, OKAY?

I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE ANY CLOTHES

THAT DON'T HAVE TEAM LOGOS?

- HELLO. - NO.

I'M ASSUMING YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SUITS.

- HA! YOU'RE WRONG.

LET'S GO. OUT OF THE CLOSET.

- WITH PLEASURE.

[laughs]

WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT YOUR PROM TUX?

- EXACTLY.

SEE, I TOLD YOU, I HAD A DATE ONCE.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE.

OR ANYTHING CLEAN, FOR THAT MATTER.

- OH, WHAT A SHAME.

I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO CANCEL THIS MAKEOVER.

- NO, WHAT IT MEANS IS, WE HAVE TO GET YOU NEW CLOTHES.

[sighs]

[doorbell rings]

JUST WARNING YOU, HE CAN BE A LITTLE COARSE

AND A LITTLE RUDE.

- OH, I'M SURE IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT BAD.

- HEY, THINK FAST. - OH!

YOU'RE LATE. - UH, YEAH.

BUT AT LEAST I SHOWED UP, DIDN'T I?

WOW, CHECK THIS PLACE OUT. UNBELIEVABLE.

AND WHO'S BACHELORETTE NUMBER TWO?

- HER NAME IS MANDY,

AND SHE'S GOING TO BE OUR FASHION CONSULTANT.

- OH, I'M LOVING THAT. MANDY, WOW. SO PRETTY.

UH, YOU COULD BE A MODEL. - I AM A MODEL.

- MAYBE I'VE SEEN YOU. WHAT MONTH WERE YOU?

- TOLD YOU.

HERE, PUT THESE ON AND SHUT UP.

- NICE.

[upbeat music]

♪

- ♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUP-ER-STAR ♪

♪

♪ BURNING BRIGHT IN THE SKY ♪

♪ GONNA SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE ♪

♪ BURNING BRIGHT IN THE SKY ♪

♪ GONNA SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE ♪

♪ BURNING BRIGHT IN THE SKY ♪

♪ GONNA SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE ♪

♪ BURNING BRIGHT IN THE SKY ♪

♪ GONNA SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE ♪

- ♪ I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

♪ I KNOW WHO YOU ARE ♪

♪ I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

♪ I KNOW WHO YOU ARE ♪

♪ I WANT TO SEE THE GUY FROM BEVERLY HILLS ♪

♪ I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? ♪

♪ BABY, BABY, YOU'RE A SUPERSTAR ♪

- WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WELL, I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT I THINK THIS COULD WORK.

[doorbell rings]

- ERIC T. LOWE, RIGHT ON TIME.

LISTEN, THIS IS THE BEST HAIRSTYLIST IN BEVERLY HILLS.

- THE BEST.

- WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BARBER?

- I'M GUESSING HE DRINKS.

- HE CUTS MODELS, HE CUTS MOVIE STARS.

- WELL, I'M FEELING THE NEED TO CUT ONE RIGHT NOW.

- SIT.

[exhales]

- ASHLEY!

- HI! MWAH! MWAH!

- YOU LOOK DELICIOUS. - THANK YOU.

- MANDY. MWAH!

ERIC T. LOWE WILL NOT TOUCH THIS MAN.

- LOOK, I KNOW THAT YOU'RE USED TO HAVING

SOMETHING TO WORK WITH.

- ERIC T. LOWE CREATES LOOKS FOR SUPERMODELS,

NOT SPORTSWRITERS.

- I'M RIGHT HERE.

- YES, I SEE.

ERIC T. LOWE, STYLIST.

NOT A MAGICIAN.

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

PETE L. CAMDEN IS A MAN,

NOT A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE.

- GRANTED, HE'S NOT YOUR TYPICAL CUSTOMER.

HOWEVER, THIS MAKEOVER WILL BE A COVER STORY.

- COVER STORY, YOU SAY? - YES.

- WELL, THEN, ERIC T. LOWE SAYS, ABRACADABRA!

[pop music]

♪

- ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO-OOH ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOOO ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOOO ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

- O-- - M--

- G.

- O-M-G.

[laughter]

- "STEP ONE COMPLETE.

"THERE'S AN OLD SAYING THAT THE CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN.

"IT SHOULD BE AMENDED TO ADD

THAT A GOOD HAIRCUT DOESN'T HURT EITHER."

[knock on door]

SHOW NO MERCY.

HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?

IT'S SO-- - LIVED IN.

YOU LOOK CRAZY IN THOSE THINGS.

[upbeat music]

♪

- YOU NEVER GOT RID OF THE CLOTHES WE GOT RID OF?

OH, THIS IS--UH-UH.

MM-MM. NO.

- ♪ OH, YEAH

- OH!

THIS IS DISGUSTING. OH, HEY, NOW.

♪

- ♪ GOTTA GET THAT MONEY

♪ OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH ♪

♪ SOMETIMES I CAN'T BELIEVE ♪

♪ YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO ♪

♪

♪ THERE ARE THINGS I CANNOT SAY ♪

- ALL RIGHT.

- ♪ OH, YEAH

- WHAT ELSE?

YOU NEED NEW WINDOW TREATMENTS, NEW WALL HANGINGS.

AND, I'M SORRY, BUT THE COUCH HAS GOT TO GO.

IT STILL LOOKS TERRIBLE.

- OKAY, WELL, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW

THAT EVERY NICK, SCRATCH, AND SCUFF ON THIS COUCH

IS A TESTAMENT TO THE FACT THAT I HAVE FUN IN MY LIFE.

[spraying]

- ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN?

- WELL, I'M JUST SAYING,

IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S ALL ABOUT PERFECT WITH YOU.

- WELL, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

YOU CAN HAVE FUN IN THE PURSUIT OF PERFECTION.

- OH, THAT SOUNDS FUN.

- FOR EXAMPLE...

THERE. I HAD FUN.

- WOW. THIS IS HOW YOU WANT IT TO BE, HUH?

OH, I'M TELLING YOU, DO NOT CHALLENGE ME.

- OOH.

[sprays]

- OOH!

[spraying] - [gasping] - OH!

- WHAT DID YOU GET ON YOUR SHIRT?

- OH!

- [laughing]

- OH!

- [laughs]

[squeals]

[both laughing]

- [groans]

- "'FIXING PETE.'

"IT WAS FINALLY TIME FOR THE MAN-CHILD

"TO CLEAN HIS ROOM.

"IT TOOK A HAZ-MAT TEAM TO DO IT,

"BUT WE GOT THE JOB DONE.

"A FEW WELL-CHOSEN PIECES WOULD TURN THIS FRAT HOUSE

INTO A HOME."

[upbeat music]

♪

[laughs]

♪

- ♪ I CAN'T SAY YEAH, SAY YEAH ♪

♪ IF I'M ON A DATE

♪ ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO IS SEE YOU ♪

♪ BREAK THROUGH ONE HIT

♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M WAITING FOR ♪

♪ I'M GOIN' 'ROUND AND 'ROUND ♪

♪ SITTIN' HERE, JUST WATCHING THE WORLD ♪

♪ ROLL BY

♪ AND IF BY CHANCE THE RADIO ♪

♪ STARTS PLAYING OUR FAVORITE SONG ♪

♪ HEY, I WISH YOU WERE

♪ WISH YOU WERE

♪ I WISH YOU WERE, I WISH YOU WERE ♪

♪ WISH YOU WERE AROUND HERE ♪

♪ HEY, I WISH YOU WERE

♪ WISH YOU WERE

♪ I WISH YOU WERE, I WISH YOU WERE ♪

♪ WISH YOU WERE AROUND HERE ♪

- WOW, I THINK IT LOOKS GOOD.

- GIVE US A SMILE.

- [laughs]

AND...

IT'S MY WAY OF CELEBRATING.

- WOW.

- [laughs]

- THANK YOU. THAT'S VERY SWEET.

HEY, WHY DON'T WE GO OUT AND CELEBRATE FOR REAL?

- UM, SURE, I HAVE TIME FOR A DRINK,

BUT I'M MEETING SOMEBODY FOR DINNER.

- OKAY.

[man whistles]

IT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE I ALWAYS THOUGHT

THAT THAT FUZZY STUFF ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR

WAS CARPETING.

- FUNNY NOW. THAT WAS DISGUSTING.

AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY THE "LIVED-IN" DEFENSE.

DA-DA-DA-DA-DA. - EXCUSE ME?

- I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET YOUR SUIT DIRTY.

- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I PROMISE I WON'T EVER EAT ANYTHING AGAIN.

- THAT'LL WORK.

- YOU WANT TO DANCE?

- OKAY, SURE.

[piano music]

♪

[laughs]

- WHAT?

- YOU SUCK AT THIS.

- YEAH.

I DIDN'T REALLY EXPECT YOU WERE GONNA SAY YES.

- OH, I SEE. ALL RIGHT.

WELL, LET ME DRIVE, THEN.

THIS ONE GOES HERE. THIS ONE GOES THERE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE GOT IT. - ALL RIGHT. THANKS, COACH.

YEAH, I THINK I GET THE KNACK OF THIS, UH, DANCING.

- I GUESS I SHOULDN'T EXPECT TOO MUCH DANCING

OUT OF A JOCK LIKE YOU.

- AW, COME ON, I'M NOT A REAL JOCK ANYMORE.

- NO? - NO.

I WAS AN ATHLETE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE,

BUT, UH, IT'S REALLY ALL JUST POSTURING THESE DAYS.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU GO PRO?

- I MEAN, IT'S NOT THAT EASY.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE BEST OF THE BEST,

AND I WASN'T THAT GOOD.

- WAS THAT DISAPPOINTING?

- NO. I MEAN, I ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE.

AND, AS A SPORTSWRITER,

I GET TO HANG ON TO WHO I'VE ALWAYS BEEN.

IT WORKED OUT.

MORE THAN WORKED OUT. I LOVE MY JOB.

SERIOUSLY, I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING.

- I HEAR, AS A SPORTSWRITER, YOU ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST.

- OH? - YES.

YOU, UH, KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK?

- YES, THAT'S HOW YOU SAY IT. THANK YOU.

I KNOW YOU DON'T READ MY COLUMN.

THAT'S OKAY. I DON'T READ YOURS EITHER.

BUT I WILL. I'LL START READING IT EVERY DAY.

- REALLY? - SURE.

- NO, IT'S TRUE, I REALLY DON'T KNOW THAT MUCH,

UM, WELL, ANYTHING ABOUT SPORTS, BUT I CAN LEARN.

AND I'LL START READING YOUR COLUMN.

- ALL RIGHT. YOU SHOULD READ MY BOOK, THOUGH.

UM, IT'S DIFFERENT FROM MY COLUMN,

'CAUSE I DON'T ACTUALLY JUST REPORT ON THINGS.

I ACTUALLY, UH, REALLY EXPRESS MY OPINIONS.

AND I KIND OF LOOK AT BASEBALL AS A THING OF BEAUTY.

YOU KNOW, JUST FINDING AND CREATING THOSE PERFECT MOMENTS.

- HMM. WELL, I WRITE ABOUT BEAUTY AS WELL.

MAYBE WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT.

- [laughs] THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

- YOU KNOW, GOING INTO THIS, I HAVE TO ADMIT, I WAS--

- OH, SORRY. - ANYWAY, I GOTTA GO.

SORRY I'M LATE.

I TRIED TO CALL YOU. IS YOUR CELL OFF?

- OH, I DON'T KNOW.

CHRISTOPHER, PETE CAMDEN.

PETE, THIS IS CHRISTOPHER HERNANDEZ, MY BOYFRIEND.

- BOYFRIEND, RIGHT. THE, UH, THE TV REPORTER.

- GUILTY. AND YOU'RE THE HUMAN GUINEA PIG.

- GUILTY.

- SO WHEN DO YOU START THE MAKEOVER?

- UM, I REALLY--I HAD A GREAT TIME WITH YOU TODAY.

I'LL SEE YOU BACK IN THE OFFICE.

OH, EXCUSE ME. YEAH.

'CAUSE I THINK, UH, WE'RE GONNA NEED TO

PRACTICE A LITTLE MORE, YOU KNOW?

- MAYBE WE COULD, UH, TRY THAT LOOK ON YOU.

OH! [laughs]

- I HAVE TO BE ON CAMERA LATER.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

- I WAS JUST MESSING AROUND.

I, UM, I'M SORRY.

[phone ringing]

- HELLO.

- HEY, MARTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- HEY, PETE, NOTHING.

I'M JUST, UH, WAITING ON A FARE.

- WELL, I WAS THINKING ABOUT GOING TO GRAB A DRINK.

YOU WANT TO COME?

- THAT IS MUSIC TO MY EARS, MY FRIEND.

[phone beeps]

[overlapping chatter]

SMITTY!

- MARTY.

- WHERE'S PETE?

- RIGHT THERE.

- [gasps]

SHE RUINED YOU.

- IS IT THAT BAD?

- THAT BAD? IT'S WORSE.

[sniffs] WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

- OH, THAT'S NOT A SMELL.

THAT'S, UH, THAT'S THE ABSENCE OF SMELL.

- I DON'T LIKE IT. I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL.

WHEW!

- HEY, WHAT'S UP?

- I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, HUH?

PETE, THEY WERE LOOKING AT YOU.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW? - BECAUSE THEY WERE SMILING.

SO EVIDENTLY, THEY WEREN'T LOOKING AT ME.

ERGO, THEY WERE LOOKING AT YOU.

COME WITH ME. COME ON.

COME HERE. COME HERE, MEAN BOY.

COME HERE FOR A SECOND. COME HERE, DO ME A FAVOR.

YOU STAND RIGHT HERE, OKAY? - WHY?

- JUST PLEASE, STAND THERE, OKAY?

[overlapping chatter]

- HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

[cheering]

- CHICK MAGNET.

YOU ARE A CHICK-FREAKIN'-MAGNET.

- OKAY, BUT IF I'M A CHICK MAGNET,

WHAT ARE WE DOING, STANDING HERE BY OURSELVES?

- RIGHT NOW, WE'VE GOT TO STRATEGIZE.

[women chatting]

WHERE ARE THEY GOING? WHERE'S EVERYONE GOING?

WHERE ARE THEY GOING?

- I GUESS TO THAT CLUB OVER THERE.

- HEY. - LET'S DO THIS THING, HUH?

- YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA FIT IN THERE?

- IF NOT NOW, WHEN?

YOU MAY NEVER LOOK THIS GOOD AGAIN.

[overlapping chatter]

[music playing]

♪

- WOW, MAN, THIS IS WHERE ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE HANG OUT.

- YEAH, I HATE TO SAY IT,

BUT EVEN THE MEN ARE GIVING ME GOOSEBUMPS.

- [clears throat] LISTEN, WITH YOUR NEW LOOKS,

THIS IS GONNA BE LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL.

- ALL RIGHT.

- NOW, UH, START WORKING THE HANDSOME THING

SO I CAN SCRAPE UP SOME OF YOUR CASTOFFS.

[overlapping chatter]

- HI, I'M NAOMI.

- HEY. - HEY, NAOMI.

WOW. JEEZ, YOU'RE HOT.

REALLY. I MEAN, YOU'RE, WHAT, LIKE AN 8?

- UH-HUH.

- YEAH, BUT I BET IF WE PUT YOU IN THE RIGHT LIGHT,

YOU COULD PROBABLY BE, LIKE, AN 8 1/2, 8.6, YOU KNOW?

- WOW, SO YOU CAN DRESS 'EM UP BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE 'EM OUT.

- OKAY. NO CHEMISTRY HERE, BOY, SERIOUSLY.

UH, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

[hard slap]

[overlapping chatter]

THAT'S RUDE.

- YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET THEM GET AWAY?

- I JUST GOT SLAPPED, MARTY.

I THINK SHE WAS RIGHT, TOO.

- NO. SHE SAID HELLO FIRST.

- SHE DIDN'T SAY HELLO TO ME.

SHE SAID HELLO TO THE CLOTHES AND THE HAIRCUT, YOU KNOW?

- AND THE ABSENCE OF SMELL.

- I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

SERIOUSLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S EXPECTED OF ME.

I MEAN, BEFORE THEY'D COME UP AND THEY'D SEE A FRAT GUY,

AND THAT'S WHAT THEY GOT, YOU KNOW?

BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BE THIS NEW GUY.

- WOW. YOU'RE BEING KIND OF HARD ON YOURSELF.

- NO. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER AGREED TO THIS.

I HAD A GOOD THING GOING.

SERIOUSLY, NOW, LOOK AT ME.

I JUST--I FEEL SILLY AND PATHETIC.

THIS WHOLE MAKEOVER THING, IT'S NOT WORKING.

- NO, NO, IT IS WORKING. IT'S JUST INCOMPLETE.

- YEAH? HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?

- YOUR HEIGHTENED SENSE OF SELF-AWARENESS

SHOWS EMOTIONAL GROWTH.

- WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?

- A FORTUNE COOKIE.

LOOK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, OKAY?

YOU'RE JUST MISSING SOME OF THE PIECES STILL.

- MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.

OR CONFUCIUS WAS.

- CONFUCIUS.

- THANKS, CHANTAL.

I AM CHRISTOPHER HERNANDEZ.

I'M OUTSIDE WHERE WE ARE CAUTIOUSLY AWAITING THE RAIN.

NOW IF YOU HAVE AN UMBRELLA AT HOME...

- OH, YOU NEVER TOLD ME.

I GUESS YOU SURVIVED THE APARTMENT CLEANING?

- OH, YEAH. IT WAS FUN.

- FUN? - WELL, WE GOT IT ALL CLEANED.

- AND NOBODY KILLED EACH OTHER?

- NO. PETE WAS GREAT. WE EVEN HAD A NICE TIME.

- WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ASHLEY?

- I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.

WE WENT OUT FOR DRINKS AFTER,

AND WHEN HE'S NOT BEING ONE OF THE BOYS,

HE'S KIND OF A CHARMER.

OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

THE COLOR OF THE SPORT COAT WE PICKED OUT? PERFECT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW GOOD HE LOOKED THAT NIGHT.

I MEAN, HE LOOKED GOOD, THAT'S HOW GOOD HE LOOKED.

- YEAH, BUT BENEATH THE SURFACE, HE'S STILL A PIG.

- NO, BENEATH THE SURFACE, HE'S A REALLY GOOD GUY.

- [sighs]

[sniffs]

- OKAY, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

THANKS, CHRISTOPHER. TALK TO YOU LATER.

GREAT. BYE.

[phone beeps]

HI.

- APPLE FOR THE TEACHER. - THANK YOU, PETE.

SO FAR, YOU'RE MY FAVORITE STUDENT.

- SO YOU AND CHRISTOPHER, UM, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK.

UM, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE, LIKE, THIS PERFECT WOMAN.

SO I, UH, WAS JUST WONDERING HOW

CHRISTOPHER WON YOU OVER?

- WE'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

WE HAVE THE SAME TASTES AND THE SAME INTERESTS.

AND, WELL, WE BOTH LIKE THINGS A CERTAIN WAY.

WE'RE PRACTICALLY THE SAME PERSON.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPARE YOURSELF TO CHRISTOPHER.

YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN KIND OF PERFECT.

- YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT.

- WHAT? YOU KNOW I'M KIND OF A PERFECTIONIST.

- YOU SAY "KIND OF A PERFECTIONIST,"

I SAY, "KIND OF CRAZY."

- WHAT CAN I SAY? I LIKE THINGS PERFECT.

I WAS MY PARENTS' ONLY CHILD,

AND I GUESS I GREW UP TRYING TO PLEASE THEM.

I SPENT HALF MY CHILDHOOD TRYING TO MAKE SURE

EVERYTHING WAS JUST RIGHT, YOU KNOW?

- YEAH, SEE, I SPENT MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD

JUST RUNNING AROUND ON THE PLAYGROUND

TILL MY MOM GOT HOARSE CALLING ME IN FOR DINNER.

- WOW. YEAH. NO PLAYGROUNDS FOR ME.

I NEVER WANTED TO GET DIRTY.

- COME ON, YOU MUST HAVE WANTED TO AT SOME POINT, RIGHT?

I MEAN, ALL KIDS DO. THEY HAVE TO.

- WELL, SOMETIMES I WOULD WATCH THE KIDS

PLAYING IN THE SCHOOLYARD AND--ANYHOW, UH,

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, NOT ME, SO LET'S GET STARTED.

I INVITED A FRIEND OVER TO PORTRAY YOUR DATE.

- SO WE MEET AGAIN, MR. CAMDEN.

- [laughs]

ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIND OUT

WHERE THIS PROJECT HAS GONE SOUTH.

WE'RE GONNA START WITH A LITTLE BIT OF ROLE PLAYING.

- OOH.

- MANDY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE A LADY FRIEND

WHO'S JUST RETURNED FROM THE SALON.

- OKAY.

[inhales]

[exhales]

I'VE BEEN STUDYING AT THE SANTA MONICA PLAYHOUSE.

- OH, CONGRATULATIONS. - WONDERFUL. UPSTAGE.

THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT, PETE.

I WANT YOU TO NOTICE AND COMPLIMENT HER.

ARE YOU READY? ACTION.

- A WOMAN COMING FROM THE SALON. OKAY, GO.

- MANDY, WOW. WHAT A GREAT HAIRCUT.

- VERY GOOD.

OKAY, NOW SAY SOMETHING ELSE NICE.

UH, COMPLIMENT HER OUTFIT OR SOMETHING.

- OKAY, EASY ENOUGH. I CAN DO THAT.

MANDY, WHAT A LOVELY OUTFIT YOU'RE WEARING.

- THANK YOU.

IT'S A ONE-OF-A-KIND LESTER SHANE.

I DID HIS FIRST RUNWAY SHOW IN NEW YORK,

THEN HE WASN'T SURE IF HE WAS GONNA BE

AS BIG IN THE U.S. AS HE IS IN EUROPE.

- OKAY. HANG ON A SECOND. TIME OUT.

SERIOUSLY, LIKE, GUYS DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS STUFF.

NOT AT ALL.

- PETE, IF YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO CARE

ABOUT YOUR SIDE OF THE CONVERSATION,

BEGIN BY CARING ABOUT THEIRS.

- OKAY, BUT WHAT IF I REALLY DON'T CARE?

- WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE THAT YOU'RE REALLY INTERESTED IN,

YOU WILL CARE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY,

BUT IT'LL JUST COME NATURALLY.

LIKE--LIKE IT HAS BEEN WITH YOU AND ME

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.

- YEAH, BUT I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT SOMEONE SPECIAL.

YOU'RE JUST--YOU'RE YOU, YOU KNOW? AND IT--

I'M SORRY.

OKAY, LOOK, THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.

RIGHT NOW, I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU RIGHT.

- PETE.

[door closes]

COME ON, PETE, JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE.

- ASHLEY, I GAVE IT A CHANCE

AND THEN ANOTHER CHANCE,

AND I'M STILL BATTING ZERO.

- I KNOW, BUT IT'S SIMPLE.

THE KEY TO A TRULY MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION

IS JUST LISTENING.

- OKAY, I'M LISTENING.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY, ALL RIGHT?

IF YOU START WITH SOMETHING YOU KNOW,

THEN IF THE GIRL'S INTERESTED,

YOU'LL KNOW RIGHT AWAY

WHETHER YOU GUYS HAVE A CONNECTION OR NOT, ALL RIGHT?

SO YOU BE THE BOY AND I'LL BE THE GIRL.

- OKAY, NOW, HOLD ON.

A BOY. - [laughs]

- I'VE BEEN STUDYING AT THE PLAYHOUSE IN SANTA MONICA.

- NICE. - SORRY. UH, GO AHEAD.

- HI, I'M ASHLEY.

- HI, UH, I'M A BOY NAMED PETE.

SO, HOW 'BOUT THOSE LAKERS?

- I LOVE THE LAKERS.

YEAH, I THINK THIS, UH, COULD BE THEIR YEAR

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, BABE RUTH HAS, UH, BEEN HITTING WELL

AND, UM, THEY, UH, THEY BROUGHT UP THAT, UM,

JOE NAMATH.

- OH, YEAH. BROADWAY JOE.

SURE. WE HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT HE'S MADE OF YET.

- I LOVE TO WATCH HIM THROW THE PUCK, UH,

BUT I DON'T GET TO GAMES AS OFTEN AS I'D LIKE TO.

- NO, CLEARLY YOU DON'T.

YOU KNOW, HONESTLY, I THINK YOU WOULD LOVE, UH,

FOOT--BASEBALL, UH, KAYAKING, LAWN DARTS,

WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT OVER THERE.

UM, THE DODGERS HAVE GOT A HOME GAME ON THURSDAY,

AND I'M GONNA BE COVERING IT,

SO I'LL BE SITTING IN THE PRESS BOX.

IF YOU WANT TO COME,

THAT'D BE A GREAT WAY TO WATCH THE GAME.

- COOL. YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

- NICE. OKAY, I'LL PICK YOU UP.

SAY, LIKE, 1:00? - IT'S A DATE.

SEE?

- WHAT'S THAT? WHAT--

- YOU DID IT.

YOU TALKED AND I LISTENED,

AND THEN I TALKED AND YOU LISTENED,

AND IT BECAME AN ADULT CONVERSATION.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU EVEN CHARMED ME INTO GOING OUT WITH YOU.

- I DID, DIDN'T I?

WOW. WELL DONE, PETE. UM, THAT'S GREAT.

AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THURSDAY. IT'S GONNA BE REALLY FUN.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- THE GAME, THE PRESS BOX, THE--

- OH, THURSDAY NHT,

JEAN LaCAZE IS ACTUALLY PREMIERING HIS FALL COLLECTION.

IT'S GONNA BE, LIKE, THE BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR,

AND I'M INTERVIEWING HIM BEFORE THE SHOW.

- YEAH, YEAH, NO, NO, I WAS JUST JOKING AROUND.

I WAS STILL ROLE-PLAYING, YOU KNOW.

- I'M SORRY. THURSDAY'S KIND OF IMPORTANT.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME?

YEAH, I COULD EVEN TAKE YOU BACKSTAGE

AND WE COULD USE IT SORT OF AS LIKE A ROAD TEST, YOU KNOW?

THERE WILL BE TONS OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN THERE.

IT'S PERFECT.

- UH, YOU'RE NOT BRINGING SENOR HERNANDEZ?

- [laughs] UH, NO, HE CAN'T MAKE IT.

THEY'RE STILL ON STORM VIEW.

IT'S ALL HANDS ON DECK.

- OKAY, WELL, I'LL, UH,

I'LL COME BY AFTER THE GAME, THEN.

IT IS A DATE. - PERFECT.

OOH.

[overlapping chatter]

- "'FIXING PETE.'

"I CAN ADMIT NOW THAT I HAD MY DOUBTS

"GOING INTO THIS, BUT NOW I CAN ALSO ADMIT

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW FAR WE CAN GO."

[electronica]

♪

[overlapping chatter]

ISN'T THIS SO GREAT?

- I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY GET IT.

LIKE, WHAT IS THIS STUFF?

- IT'S NEW FASHION. IT'S FUN, THOUGH, RIGHT?

- IT'S FUNNY. - OH, COME ON.

WHY ARE THEIR CLOTHES ANY MORE RIDICULOUS

THAN WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?

STYLE'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK.

IT'S ABOUT THE WAY YOU FEEL.

- OKAY, BUT THEY DO LOOK RIDICULOUS.

- OF COURSE. IT'S HAUTE COUTURE.

I MEAN, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OUTLANDISH.

EVEN IF YOU WOULDN'T ACTUALLY WEAR SOME OF THESE OUTFITS,

THEY'RE JUST MEANT TO INSPIRE YOU

AND MAKE YOU BREAK OUT.

- YEAH, OKAY.

SO WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING FUN WITH THIS, HUH?

- YES.

- OKAY. I CAN DO THAT. HOO-HAH.

- OH. OH, GOD. - THERE YOU GO.

LOOK HOW FUN THIS IS. YOU LIKE?

- MM, YEAH. IT'S A GOOD LOOK ON YOU.

- DID YOU SEE THAT ONE?

YOU WOULD LOOK GREAT IN THAT ONE.

- YOU THINK? - FOR SURE.

I MEAN, BETTER THAN HER, ANYWAY,

AND SHE LOOKS REALLY GOOD.

- ALL RIGHT. - COME ON.

- LET'S GIVE IT A GO.

I THINK I CAN DO THIS ONE ALL ON MY OWN.

- OH, FABULOUS. BRAVO, BRAVO.

- GIVE ME THIS. GO GET US A DRINK.

- OKAY. THAT'LL HELP.

- [laughs]

[overlapping chatter]

HMM.

I DO BELIEVE THERE'S A WOMAN WHO'S GOT YOU IN HER SIGHTS.

- REALLY? WHERE? - MM-MM-MM. COOL IT, COOL IT.

REDHEAD AT THE BAR.

- OKAY.

PARIS, KIM, GREAT TO SEE YOU.

THANKS FOR COMING.

THAT REDHEAD? - MM-HMM.

- YOU KIDDING ME?

OH, MAN, UM, ALL RIGHT, I GUESS, UH,

I'D REALLY LIKE TO MAKE HER ACQUAINTANCE

WITH YOUR PLEASURE.

- SO GET GOING. - [exhales]

- REMEMBER, THE KEY TO HAVING

A TRULY MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION IS...

both: LISTENING.

- SO, UH, HOW ABOUT THOSE LAKERS?

- EXCUSE ME?

- SORRY, THAT WORKED ONCE.

UM, MY NAME'S PETE CAMDEN.

I'M A SPORTSWRITER FOR THE POST.

- WOW, THIS IS REALLY OFF YOUR BEAT THEN, ISN'T IT?

- YEAH, IT REALLY IS.

UM, YOU KNOW, BUT WE ALL WEAR CLOTHES, DON'T WE?

WE ALL PUT 'EM ON, WE ALL TAKE 'EM OFF.

NOT THAT I'M SUGGESTING YOU TAKE YOURS OFF,

OR THAT YOU DON'T.

I JUST...

UH...

YOU KNOW, BUT I--

I HAVEN'T EVEN REALLY NOTICED

WHAT A BODY YOU HAVE 'CAUSE OF YOUR GREAT EARS

FOR, YOU KNOW, FOR PUTTING YOUR EARRINGS IN.

UM, AND THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, THOSE EARRINGS.

I REALLY LIKE THEM. THEY'RE BIG.

OH, GOSH.

YOU KNOW, YOU--YOU SURE CAN DANCE.

I MEAN, I WAS-- I WAS WATCHING YOU,

AND IT'S GREAT.

SHOE? - SHOE?

- YEAH, LOOK AT YOUR SHOES. THEY'RE LOVELY.

THEY'RE BLACK AND THEY'VE GOT THOSE ZIPPERS.

THEY'RE REALLY NICE. - KENNETH COLE.

- NO, IT'S PETE. CAMDEN. - [laughs]

- BUT THAT'S OKAY. I CAN'T REMEMBER A NAME EITHER.

WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?

I-I CAN GET YOU A DRINK.

- CYNTHIA. CHAMPAGNE WOULD BE LOVELY.

- GREAT. UH, YOU FIRST.

HEY, BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

ARE YOU GOING?

- THANKS. YEAH. IT'S 2:00 A.M.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU AND CYNTHIA.

- OH, NO, SHE HAD TO-- SHE HAD TO LEAVE.

SHE'S GOT AN EARLY MORNING.

- THE, UH, EARLY MORNING EXCUSE, HUH?

YEAH, I'VE USED THAT ONE MYSELF.

- UH, NO, I THINK, UH, I THINK THIS WAS FOR REAL.

I GOT HER NUMBER. - THAT'S GREAT.

WOW, PETE! GRADUATING AT THE TOP OF YOUR CLASS.

- YEAH, WELL, IT'S THANKS TO YOUR TEACHING.

[both laugh]

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I GUESS WE'RE BOTH GOING THEN.

LET'S GO.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

- UM, MY CAR IS IN THE LOT ACROSS THE STREET.

- YEAH?

- I'M WAITING FOR THE RAIN TO STOP,

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET WET.

- WHY? YOU'RE JUST GOING HOME.

- YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT MY CLOTHES?

- COME ON, GO CRAZY. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

- NO. - IT WILL INSPIRE YOU.

IT WILL HELP YOU BREAK OUT. - OH! OKAY.

ONE...

both: TWO, THREE.

- [laughs]

- [squeals]

- WHOO!

AH!

- COME ON, LET'S GO! COME ON!

[squeals]

- FEELS SO GOOD!

- AAH! - COME ON.

- OH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- COME HERE.

- AAH!

- AH.

[pop music]

♪

[both laughing]

- OH. - OOH.

- THAT WAS FUN. - AH, SEE? I TOLD YOU.

A LITTLE WATER NEVER CAN HURT ANYBODY.

- NO, I MEAN THE WHOLE NIGHT.

IT WAS GREAT. [laughs]

[kiss]

[sighs]

WELL, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- YEAH. TOMORROW IT IS.

- THANKS.

- ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE YOU BACK TO YOUR CAR NOW.

[engine starts]

[clears throat]

- HI, PETE.

- AH, YOU CLEAN UP PRETTY GOOD.

- THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.

I HOPE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING LAST NIGHT.

I KNOW I DID.

- YEAH. I'M, UH, I'M GETTING THERE.

- [laughs]

- HEY, I BROUGHT YOU A COPY OF MY BOOK.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

- OH.

- I THINK, UH, BEING OUT LAST NIGHT

MADE ME UNDERSTAND THAT--

BYE. - BYE.

- SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- WHAT'S THIS?

- IT'S A NEWSPAPER, PARKER.

BUT BY TOMORROW MORNING, I'LL BET IT'LL BE LINING

THE FLOOR OF SOMEONE'S BIRDCAGE.

- WELL, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR COLUMN.

"SURE, THERE WAS ANOTHER LOSS,

"BUT THE NIGHT WASN'T WITHOUT ITS SUCCESSES.

"THE TEAM'S NEW UNIFORM"-- [laughs]--

"A PLAYFUL MELANGE OF TANGERINE"--TANGERINE--

"AND DUSKY DAWN IS A BOLD STATEMENT

THAT WE HOPE REFLECTS A BOLD NEW ATTITUDE IN THE CLUBHOUSE."

"DUSKY DAWN"? - IT'S A COLOR.

IT'S SORT OF HALFWAY IN BETWEEN NEW MOON AND GARDEN STONE.

YOUR CREDENZA IS DUSKY DAWN. - OH, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU STAY A SLOB.

[overlapping chatter]

[music playing]

♪

- HEY.

- UH, THIS PLACE? REALLY? YOU?

- I AM TRYING TO LET MYSELF GO.

- YEAH, BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?

- OH, I ALREADY ORDERED FOR US.

I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY

THAT THE CHILI-BURGERS HERE ARE THE BEST IN L.A.

- TWO CHILI-BURGERS DELUXE, LADIES.

BON APPETIT.

- IN BASKETS?

- [clears throat]

BABY STEPS.

- MMM, YOU'RE RIGHT. NOT BAD.

WHAT ARE YOU READING? - I HAVEN'T STARTED IT YET.

IT'S PETE'S BOOK. HE GAVE IT TO ME.

OH, HE WROTE...

- WHAT'S THE MATTER? - OH, NOTHING.

UH...

- THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU.

- HI.

- JANICE. - THANK YOU.

- JANICE, QUICK QUESTION FOR YOU.

- OKAY. - THANKS.

- SO WITH ALL THIS TALK ABOUT YOU AS THE PLAYOFF MVP,

I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW IT IS

THAT YOU MANAGED TO STAY DOWN-TO-EARTH ENOUGH

TO BE THE KIND OF TEAM PLAYER YOU WERE TODAY.

- WELL, IT'S THE TEAM THAT MAKES THE MVP, YOU KNOW?

NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

HEY, WAIT, I KNOW YOU.

- I DON'T THINK SO. - YEAH, YEAH.

YOU'RE THE GUY I HAD BANNED FOR LIFE.

- OKAY, SO I HAVE A NEW LIFE

AND A NEW CREDO, I PROMISE.

AN ATHLETE IS AN ATHLETE

NO MATTER WHICH LOCKER ROOM THEY CHANGE IN.

- OH, REALLY?

THEN I GUESS YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM

WITH A LITTLE ONE-ON-ONE, HMM?

- BRING IT ON, BABY.

- SEE WHO'S FOOLIN' WHO.

[overlapping chatter and cheering]

[upbeat music]

♪

- [groans]

- THAT IDIOT'S GONNA KILL HIS OWN REPUTATION.

[overlapping chatter]

PETE, PETE, PETE. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?

- BRAVO.

[applause]

- GOOD JOB.

- [laughs]

[applause]

- WELL, BUT THEN AGAIN, WHAT THE HECK DO I KNOW?

[applause]

- YAY! HE LOOKS WONDERFUL.

- IT'S AMAZING.

- YES.

- HEY, LOOK, IT'S YOUR FRIEND THE FROG PRINCE

AND HE'S GOT HIMSELF A-- WOW!

- ASHLEY, WOW. I--YOU--

- I DIDN'T KNOW.

- HOW ARE YOU, GUY?

- GOOD, GUY.

UM, ASHLEY, CHRIS, THIS IS CYNTHIA.

CYNTHIA, ASHLEY BOYD AND CHRISTOPHER HERNANDEZ.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

I THINK I SAW YOU AT THE LaCAZE SHOW?

- I REMEMBER.

SHALL WE?

- WHY? WHERE ARE YOU RUNNING?

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ANGELS

TRADING THEIR STAR OUTFIELDER, HUH?

- YOU KNOW, CHRISTOPHER, UM, I PROMISED CYNTHIA

THERE WOULD BE NO SPORTS TALK TONIGHT, SO...

- WOW. WHAT DOES THAT LEAVE YOU WITH?

[laughs]

- I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE DATING.

- WELL, WE-- - OH.

- YEAH.

- IT, UH, STARTED WITH A CUTE LATE NIGHT PHONE CALL.

PETE REALLY KNOWS HOW TO, UH, TALK TO SOMEONE SPECIAL.

AND HE'S SUCH A GOOD LISTENER.

- REALLY?

- PETE SAYS THAT THE KEY

TO A TRULY MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION IS LISTENING.

- YES, WELL, IT WAS REALLY NICE MEETING YOU

AND I WILL SEE YOU AT THE OFFICE.

LET'S GO. - OH.

- OKAY.

- SO HERE'S MY GREAT NEWS.

I WAS GOING TO WAIT UNTIL DESSERT,

BUT I CAN'T HOLD BACK ANY LONGER.

REMEMBER THAT WEEKEND ANCHOR JOB I TOLD YOU ABOUT?

- MM-HMM.

- WELL, I'M ON THE SHORT LIST FOR IT.

AND HERE'S THE BEST PART.

IT'S IN NEW YORK.

NEW YORK!

I GOT THE CALL THAT I NEED TO FLY OUT IN THE MORNING

TO MAKE SURE THAT THE CHEMISTRY'S THERE

BETWEEN ME AND PENNY TAKAMURA.

IT'S PROBABLY JUST A FORMALITY.

- THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S REALLY GREAT.

BUT, UM, NEW YORK?

YOU DIDN'T--YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT IT WAS IN NEW YORK.

- WELL, I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THE SURPRISE.

I'M SEEING YOU AND ME

IN A PENTHOUSE ON CENTRAL PARK,

JUST LIKE WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

- HMM.

YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE IN NEW YORK.

- WELL, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE IN NEW YORK WITH YOU.

- YES, BUT I HAVE A JOB HERE.

A CAREER.

I MEAN, I CAN'T JUST PICK UP AND GO.

- I KNOW, BUT THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR US.

IT'S PERFECT.

- [chuckles]

YES.

JUST LIKE WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

- THAT'S THE ATTITUDE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, WILL YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND?

- HELLO AGAIN.

- HI.

- PARDON ME, SIR.

- SO...

CYNTHIA SEEMS NICE.

- SHE IS.

I'M DOING ALL RIGHT.

COURSE, IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, COACH.

- NAH, YOU HAD IT IN YOU ALL ALONG.

IT WAS JUST HIDDEN.

- EVERYTHING'S OKAY WITH CHRISTOPHER?

- CHRISTOPHER'S PERFECT.

YEP, EVERYBODY LOVES CHRISTOPHER.

- EXCUSE ME, SIR.

- SO, UM... CYNTHIA SEEMS NICE.

- OH, CYNTHIA, YEAH, UM...

- SORRY.

- YEAH.

SHE SEEMS NICE.

OH, MAN.

I HAVE TO GO BACK TO CHRISTOPHER.

- YEAH, I GUESS I HAVE TO GO BACK TO...

- CYNTHIA.

- YES. - YEAH.

- CYNTHIA. THANKS.

- THIS ISN'T RIGHT, RIGHT?

- RIGHT.

IT'S NOT RIGHT.

YOU HAVE CHRISTOPHER.

- RIGHT.

AND YOU ARE THE NEW YOU,

AND YOU SHOULD GO ON THE ROAD WITH THAT, RIGHT?

- RIGHT.

YEAH.

- COURSE IF I BECOME A NETWORK CORRESPONDENT,

I HOPE IT'S PARIS OR ROME AND NOT THE UKRAINE.

I MEAN, SURE, I'M A DEDICATED JOURNALIST AND ALL,

BUT THERE ARE LIMITS.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU DON'T LOOK WELL.

- YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ACTUALLY FEELING THAT GREAT.

I THINK I'M GONNA GO HOME.

- I UNDERSTAND.

IT'S ALL THE EXCITEMENT OF MY NEWS.

HERE, LET ME GET THE CHECK.

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

UM, REALLY, STAY.

I'LL BE FINE.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW, OKAY?

[engine starts]

- WHAT GREAT GLASSES.

- YEAH, THANKS. THEY'RE NICE, RIGHT?

ASHLEY PICKED THOSE OUT.

- TO ASHLEY...

SINCE YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT HER FOR THE LAST HOUR ANYWAY.

- OKAY.

OKAY, FORGET ABOUT ASHLEY.

WHEN I LOOK IN YOUR EYES

AND HOLD YOUR HAND,

THE WHOLE WORLD FADES AWAY.

- THAT'S-- THAT'S REALLY NICE.

- YEAH, ASHLEY SAID THAT IT'S NICE TO--

- OKAY, I'M DONE.

- OKAY, I'M SORRY.

UH, I'M REALLY SORRY.

- PETE, YOU'RE A VERY CHARMING MAN,

AND I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU

WHEN YOU FINALLY GET OVER YOUR EX.

- MY EX? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- ASHLEY.

- OH. NO, NO, NO.

ASHLEY'S NOT MY EX.

I MEAN, ASHLEY AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS.

- WELL, THEN MAYBE THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

woman on TV: OH, REGINALD,

WHY CAN'T I FIND THE WORDS

TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?

WHY CAN'T YOU SEE IT--

[changes channel]

man: I KNOW YOU AND I ARE FROM DIFFERENT PLANETS,

BUT LOVE IS ONE TRUE INTERGALACTIC LANGUAGE.

[changes channels]

woman: JIM, I CAN'T GO TO DODGE WITH YOU.

- OH!

woman: THE TRUTH IS I'M REALLY IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER--

male announcer: IT'S A TIE BALLGAME.

TONIGHT'S BROADCAST IS BROUGHT TO YOU

BY THE LOS ANGELES POST,

THE BEST SPORTS COVERAGE IN TOWN.

- READY FOR LUNCH?

- SURE.

- LOVE THE SHADES.

WORK THOSE ACCESSORIES.

OH, MY GOSH, ASH,

WHAT'S WRONG?

- [sighs]

IT'S BAD.

- CHRISTOPHER BROKE UP WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T NEED THAT LOSER.

THAT PERFECT LOSER.

- NO, IT'S NOT CHRISTOPHER.

- YOU'RE SICK.

I KNEW IT.

I KNEW THAT YOU LOOKED TERRIBLE.

IT'S CANCER, ISN'T IT?

YOU POOR, BRAVE SOUL.

YOU HAVE CANCER.

- NO.

NO, IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT.

IT'S WORSE.

I THINK I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH PETE CAMDEN.

- THAT IS WORSE.

I MEAN, CANCER AT LEAST WE CAN TREAT.

BUT...

LOVE?

I GUESS IF HE'S THE ONE, THEN HE'S THE ONE.

- IT'S JUST WITH CHRISTOPHER AND ME,

EVERYBODY ALWAYS SAID THAT WE LOOKED PERFECT TOGETHER.

I DON'T KNOW, IT ALWAYS FELT

LIKE SOMETHING WAS MISSING.

- SO WHAT WAS MISSING?

- EVERYTHING THAT THE EYE CAN'T SEE.

- WHAT CAN I SAY?

LOVE IS LOVE.

- BUT HE'S NOT INTERESTED.

- NOT INTERESTED?

NOT YET, YOU MEAN.

COMPARED TO ALL THE OTHER THINGS YOU'VE CHANGED ABOUT HIM,

THIS ONE'S A GIMME.

- YEAH, BUT CHRISTOPHER... AND CYNTHIA.

HE'S DATING SOME GIRL NAMED CYNTHIA,

AND I THINK HE REALLY LIKES HER.

OH! THE WHOLE THING WILL JUST GET TOO MESSY.

- THEN GET MESSY.

GET MESSY, GIRL.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.

- OF COURSE, I AM.

- [laughing]

- A FULL HOUR WITH WRITER PETE CAMDEN

ON TODAY'S TARYN. DON'T MISS IT.

AND LATER WE WILL TELL YOU

HOW TO STRETCH YOUR DOLLAR FARTHER...

- HEY, PETE.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE A BEST-SELLING AUTHOR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

- [sighs]

I'M FINE.

- WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR DOG JUST DIED.

- IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED?

- NO.

I DON'T HAVE A DOG.

- SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH MY TEACHER.

- YOU'RE NOT IN SCHOOL.

- MY CHARM SCHOOL TEACHER.

- DOES THE GIRL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL?

- NO, SHE DOESN'T.

AND, UH, I CAN'T TELL HER,

'CAUSE SHE'S GOT SOMEBODY.

IT'S A TV NEWS GUY NAMED CHRISTOPHER.

- CHRISTOPHER.

HERNANDEZ?

HEY, YOU TALKING ABOUT ASHLEY BOYD?

- YOU KNOW, PETEY,

YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY CHOPPED LIVER.

- YEAH.

YEAH, THERE'S A LOT OF GIRLS

OUT THERE, THAT'S FOR SURE.

AND I'VE TRIED GOING OUT WITH THEM.

BUT, UH, THERE'S ONLY ONE GIRL FOR ME.

THERE'S ONLY ONE ASHLEY.

- THEN GO GET ASHLEY.

- [sighs]

[TV show theme music playing in background]

[stage manager giving orders]

ASHLEY, I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU.

NO, UM...

[cheers and applause]

- HEY! ALL RIGHT!

WE'RE GONNA START THE SHOW IN JUST A MINUTE,

BUT TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

MY GUEST IS THE AUTHOR OF THE PERFECT PAST TIME,

NONE OTHER THAN STAR SPORTSWRITER PETE CAMDEN.

[cheers and applause] HUH?

AND MY AUDIENCES HAVE THEIR CAKE AND EAT IT, TOO.

WE'RE CALLED TARYN LIVE,

BUT WE'RE ONLY LIVE ON THE EAST COAST.

SO THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TIME TO GO HOME

AND WATCH YOURSELVES ON TV!

[cheers and applause]

- YOU KNOW, ASHLEY, IN THESE PAST FEW WEEKS,

I HAVE REALIZED THAT MY SEARCH

FOR MEANING IN MY LIFE HAS COME TO AN END,

BECAUSE I HAVE FOUND THE PERSON WHO COMPLETES ME.

[sighs]

[groans]

[cheers and applause]

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WELL, YOU READY?

LET'S MAKE A TV SHOW.

[cheers and applause]

- ASHLEY, I'VE FINALLY REACHED THE END ZONE

IN MY QUEST FOR LOVE.

THE END ZONE?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

PETE, YOU SOUND RIDICULOUS. OH!

- PETE!

I AM SORRY I'M SO LATE.

THE TRAFFIC WAS STOPPED.

- OKAY, ASHLEY,

THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU.

OKAY. NOW THAT WE'RE FRIENDS...

COMPLETE FRIENDS...

- I KNOW, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU, TOO.

- NO, HOLD ON, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS, SO...

- LET ME GO FIRST. - YOU FIRST.

both: OKAY, YOU FIRST.

- [laughs] - OKAY, LOOK,

NOW THAT WE'VE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH TIME--

- YOU'RE ON. - WAIT!

I'M SORRY, MY HEAD IS JUST SPINNING RIGHT NOW.

I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU--

- YOU NEED TO TELL HIM LATER.

- WE'RE LIVE IN FIVE, FOUR... - [groans]

- THREE, TWO...

- EVERYBODY, LET'S WELCOME PETE CAMDEN!

- AH!

[cheers and applause]

- I'M SO PLEASED YOU CAME BY TO SEE ME.

- YEAH, THANKS A LOT, TARYN,

AND THANK YOU ALL.

APPRECIATE IT.

- OKAY, SO YOU KNOW I'M KIND OF A GIRLY GIRL.

[laughter]

SO I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT A BOOK ABOUT BASEBALL,

BUT YOU PULLED ME IN.

THE PERFECT PAST TIMEIS HOT.

- WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

YEAH, I TRIED TO WRITE IT FOR EVEN NON-SPORTS FANS, SO...

- YEAH. WELL, AND EVERYONE IN OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE TODAY

IS GOING HOME WITH A FREE COPY.

- WHOO!

- SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT,

EVEN THOUGH THE GAME IS A COMPETITION...

[cell phone vibrating]

EVERYONE ON THE FIELD IS STILL PLAYING FOR THE SAME TEAM.

- YEAH, THAT'S A GREAT WAY OF PUTTING IT, TARYN.

- CHRISTOPHER, CAN I CALL YOU RIGHT BACK?

- I GOT THE JOB!

YOU'RE TALKING TO THE NEW WEEKEND ANCHOR

AT WMET TV 3.

- THAT'S REALLY GREAT, CHRISTOPHER.

- HA! I KNOW!

- WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT BASEBALL.

I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOU

AND YOUR LIFE.

IS THERE ANYONE SPECIAL WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

GIVE US THE SCOOP.

IS THERE ANYONE YOU HAVE YOUR EYE ON?

- UM, WE'VE BEEN SPENDING A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER LATELY,

AND IT'S SOMEONE THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN TO KNOW

IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY PUBLISHER

THINKING THAT I NEEDED A LITTLE SPRUCING UP.

- OKAY. [laughter]

- CYNTHIA.

- NO, STILL ME.

COME OUT TO NEW YORK WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

I KNOW THE TIMING'S BAD, BUT LET'S JUST DO IT.

- RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH. - UM...

NO, UM, ACTUALLY, CHRISTOPHER,

THE TIMING IS PERFECT.

- GREAT! I'LL CALL YOU FROM MY HOTEL.

- WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

- I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM,

AND NOBODY WILL HELP ME.

LOOK, I GOTTA GO.

- I MEAN, WHEN WE FIRST MET,

UH, I COULD BARELY EVEN TALK TO HER,

BUT SHE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

IN WAYS THAT I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE.

[door closes]

BUT IT'S NOT WHAT SHE'S DONE FOR ME

THAT MAKES ME LOVE HER.

IT'S, UH... IT'S WHO SHE IS.

- AWW!

- TARYN, CYNTHIA AND I ARE GREAT FRIENDS,

BUT THAT'S NOT WHO I'M IN LOVE WITH.

- JUST SAY HER NAME ALREADY.

[laughter]

- OKAY, WELL, YOU, UH...

YOU ALL KNOW HER.

UM, ASHLEY BOYD.

[cheers and applause]

- I DON'T MIND PACKING UP YOUR APARTMENT FOR THE MOVERS,

BUT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LEAVE SO SUDDENLY?

- BECAUSE I'M SO HAPPY!

- YOU ARE?

- YES. I LOVE CHRISTOPHER.

WE'RE GONNA LIVE IN A PENTHOUSE ON CENTRAL PARK,

AND HE'S GONNA BE A REALLY GOOD LISTENER.

WHICH IS THE KEY

TO A TRULY MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION, BY THE WAY.

- ASH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I'M FINE.

PETE PROFESSED HIS LOVE TO CYNTHIA ON TARYNTODAY.

I LOST HIM.

AND I HATE CHILI.

UNH!

STUPID JACKET.

- WELL, IT WAS GONNA GET WRINKLED ON THE TRIP ANYWAY.

- I HAVE TO GO BY THE OFFICE,

AND THEN I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT.

DUMB...HANGER!

[bag zips]

PROMISE YOU'LL VISIT ME.

I HAVE TO GO.

- THAT'S ALL THE TIME THAT WE HAVE FOR TODAY.

THANKS, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU.

AND YOU, GO GET BUSY.

[laughs]

[cheers and applause]

- ASHLEY, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

I MEANT EVERY--

HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN ASHLEY?

- UH, SHE GOT A CALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW

AND TOOK OFF.

- I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

- YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT,

YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY IN,

YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

HEY! LOOK AT THIS!

MICHAEL JORDAN IS COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT AGAIN.

WOW! LEBRON IS QUITTING TO BECOME AN ARUGULA FARMER!

WHOA.

DIDN'T SEE THAT COMIN'.

AND KOBE IS RELEASING A CD OF POLKA HITS.

DUDE,

SAY SOMETHIN'.

- USE A COASTER.

- [sighs]

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

- THE PROBLEM?

THE PROBLEM IS I'M IN LOVE WITH A GIRL

I CAN'T HAVE.

- YOU REALLY DO LOVE HER, HUH?

- YEAH.

- WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL HER.

- AND SAY WHAT?

SHE'S ALREADY GOT CHRISTOPHER HERNANDEZ.

HE'S PERFECT.

- COME ON, MAN, SO ARE YOU.

JUST CALL HER.

- [sighs]

COME ON. WHAT'S THE POINT?

SHE LEFT THE STUDIO,

EVEN AFTER I PROCLAIMED MY LOVE

FROM COAST TO COAST, SO...

LOOK, CLEARLY, SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME, SO.

- YOU GOTTA GIVE IT A SHOT.

I SHOULD HAVE PUSHED YOU

WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED TALKING NICE ABOUT HER,

BUT I DIDN'T.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

OKAY, MAYBE I DIDN'T WANT TO MEDDLE.

MAYBE I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE MY CHICK MAGNET PARTNER.

MAYBE MY EYES WERE CLOUDED

BY A TOUCH OF A JEALOUS BROMANCE.

I DON'T KNOW.

- OKAY, GIVE ME--

JUST GIVE ME THAT THING, WILL YA?

[sighs]

- SIT RIGHT HERE.

[phone dialing] WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?

[line ringing]

[rings]

[TV playing]

- HELLO.

- HI.

IS ASHLEY THERE?

- PETE? IT'S MANDY.

- OH, HEY, MANDY.

UM, YEAH, I WANT TO TALK TO ASHLEY.

YOU KNOW, I NEED TO TALK TO ASHLEY.

- WELL, I'M SURE THAT SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU, TOO,

WHETHER OR NOT SHE'LL ADMIT IT.

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, SHE'S ALREADY ON HER WAY TO NEW YORK.

- NEW YORK?

- I HEARD ALL ABOUT YOU

AND THAT COW CYNTHIA AND ALL.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- ON THE TARYNSHOW,

YOU SAID YOU HAVE SOMEONE SPECIAL.

- YEAH, I DID,

BUT NOT CYNTHIA.

I SAID ASHLEY WAS THAT SPECIAL PERSON.

YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE SHOW?

- HOW COULD I? IT'S JUST COMING ON RIGHT NOW.

OH, NO.

THAT MEANS ASHLEY HASN'T WATCHED--

UM, AND SHE'S ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT.

YOU HAVE TO STOP HER! CALL HER CELL!

- OKAY, I GOT IT. THANKS.

[phone beeps]

[line ringing]

[cell phone ringing]

[rings]

- WELL, I GUESS THAT DIDN'T WORK.

- OKAY, HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT FLIGHT SHE'S ON?

- NO. I, UM...

OH! UM, SHE SAID SHE HAD TO STOP BY THE OFFICE FIRST.

GO! GO, GO, GO, GO!

- OKAY, THANKS.

LOOK, IF I RUSH, I CAN CATCH HER AT THE POST.

- LISTEN, IF YOU GOTTA HURRY,

LEAVE IT TO A PROFESSIONAL.

I'M GONNA DRIVE, OKAY?

- ALL RIGHT.

[horn honks]

- COME ON!

WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?

[horns honking]

I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU.

- WHY AREN'T WE MOVING?

- 'CAUSE IT'S RAINING, AND IT'S LOS ANGELES.

WHAT ARE YOU, NEW HERE?

- I DON'T GET IT.

IT STARTS TO RAIN,

AND SUDDENLY PEOPLE CAN'T DRIVE?

IT'S GONNA TAKE US THREE HOURS

TO GO THE FIVE MILES TO THE OFFICE.

- BUT WHY LEAVE US NOW?

AND SO SUDDENLY.

- I'M SORRY, MRS. FRIEDLANDER,

BUT WE'RE MOVING TO NEW YORK.

CHRISTOPHER GOT THE JOB.

- OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

WONDERFUL FOR HIM.

TERRIBLE FOR US.

YOU EVEN TOLD ME,

YOUR BIGGEST DREAM WAS TO BECOME THE FIRST VOICE

OF WEST COAST GLAMOUR.

"FIRST LOOK" IS YOURS.

- I'M SORRY.

I'LL EMAIL YOU THE FINAL ARTICLE FROM NEW YORK, OKAY?

- YOU MUST REALLY BE IN LOVE.

- I AM.

THAT'S WHY I'M LEAVING.

THANK YOU...

FOR EVERYTHING.

- YOU'RE MOST WELCOME.

- IF YOU HAD TOLD ME TWO WEEKS AGO

THAT I'D BE SITTING HERE RIGHT NOW

TELLING YOU THAT ASHLEY BOYD

WAS MY SOUL MATE,

I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU WERE CRAZY.

YOU KNOW, ONE DAY, WE WERE STANDING ON THE STREET,

AND SHE PRETENDED THAT SHE KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT SPORTS,

AND, I SWEAR, I FELT LIKE

I COULD HAVE MARRIED HER RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT.

[rain falling]

[horns blaring]

[honks horn]

- LET'S GO, PEOPLE!

IT'S CALLED RAIN AND IT'S MADE OUT OF WATER!

GET OVER IT! [horn honks]

I FEAR MY APPEAL TO LOGIC

HAS FALLEN UPON DEAF EARS.

- BUT SHE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

IN WAYS THAT I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE.

GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!

I...I MEAN, THAT'S IT.

GAME'S OVER.

THE FAT LADY SUNG.

- "SANG."

- NO, IT'S "SUNG."

- I'M SORRY, AMIGO.

MARTY GIORDANO,

PROFESSIONAL CAB DRIVER, HAS FAILED YOU.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS GAME ISN'T OVER.

WE ARE JUST ABOUT TO START OVERTIME.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

- I'M MAKIN' A RUN FOR IT.

- NO! YOU CAN'T GO OUT THERE!

NOT IN...WEATHER.

- IT'S RAIN, MARTY.

[horns blaring]

- HE'S GONNA GET WET.

- YOU KNOW, AND SHE IS BACKSTAGE RIGHT NOW.

AND AS SOON AS THIS SHOW IS OVER,

I AM GONNA GO BACK THERE... - [blows nose, sniffles]

- AND I'M GONNA ASK HER TO MARRY ME.

I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THIS CHOICE.

I MEAN, MY HEART JUST MADE THIS CHOICE FOR ME.

IT JUST FEELS ABSOLUTELY LIKE IT WAS MEANT TO BE.

- THAT'S BECAUSE IT W MEANT TO BE.

- WHOA! WHOA, WHOA!

[panting]

- SO, MARK AND OWEN...

Pete on TV: YEAH, IT'S CORNY,

BUT IT'S, UH...IT'S TRUE.

- [whispers] NO, NO, NO, NO.

[audio from TV continues indistinctly]

- ...BUT SHE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

IN WAYS THAT I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE.

BUT IT'S NOT WHAT SHE'S DONE FOR ME THAT MAKES ME LOVE HER.

IT'S, UH...

IT'S WHO SHE IS.

[applause]

- [deep breath]

[Pete continues speaking on TV]

Pete: [clearly] ASHLEY.

ASHLEY, I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO.

I WANT YOU TO STAY HERE

WITH ME.

I'VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY ABOUT ANYBODY BEFORE.

I MEAN, ALL KINDS OF WOMEN ARE FINALLY NOTICING ME.

- [laughs, sniffles]

- I COULD LIVE THE LIFE THAT MOST GUYS DREAM ABOUT.

ALL I DREAM ABOUT IS YOU.

- WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW

AND CYNTHIA?

- NO, NO. YOU LEFT THE STUDIO BEFORE I HAD A CHANCE TO...

Pete on TV: YOU ALL KNOW HER.

I LOVE ASHLEY BOYD.

YEAH.

I LOVE ASHLEY BOYD.

[applause]

I LOVE YOU, ASHLEY BOYD.

I'VE SAID IT. I'LL SAY IT AGAIN.

I LOVE ASHLEY BOYD. - I LOVE YOU, ASHLEY.

I LOVE YOU.

- AND I LOVE YOU, PETE CAMDEN.

[laughs]

[gasps] WHA--

- ASHLEY...

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

- [sniffles, laughs]

THIS IS SO NOT HOW I PLANNED MY MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TO BE.

YES.

- AWW! [applause]

[cheers and applause]

- THAT A WAY, PETE!

- THE TRANSFORMATION WAS COMPLETE,

BUT IN A WAY I NEVER WOULD HAVE PREDICTED.

HE WAS FIXED,

BUT SO WAS I.

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