All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.Animated.S01E10.Retro Grade.eng

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

- That'll be $5.75.
- Ha. Keep the change.

- This is a five.
- Yeah, you'll have to forgive Hank.

- He failed math... four times.
- I thought it was three.

See? Sad.

Holy crap!
Look at the size of that spider.

That's not a spider.

It's just paint
peeling off the ceiling.

Beside the paint peel.

Holy crap!
That is a big one.

God, this place is a dump.
No offence, Phil.

Have you ever thought of renovating?

I just finished! Blew the
budget on the new sign.

Christmas was nine months ago.

Only three months
until the drink special.

It's just so depressing in here.

You should host
an event or something

to distract
from how sad this hovel is.

- You have a very thick skin.
- What do you mean by that?

Phil's had events here before.

- Are these trained rats?
- Nope. And they're off!

Your chicken looks sick.
Are you feeding her?

There's a dish
of food right over...

Where'd all the food go?

The best event was the last one.

- Whoever gets the most rats wins!
- Ahh! Rats!

Maybe you could host an event
that is non-rat related.

Anything's possible.

♪ You think there's not
a lot going on ♪

♪ Look closer, baby ♪

♪ You're so wrong ♪

1x10 - Retro Grade

So, Phil agreed to host
an event at the bar,

- if anyone is interested.
- Sure.

- Why not?
- Go for it.

- Can I get some crackers?
- "Go for it"? Oh, no, no, no.

If you think I'm gonna
take the lead on this,

do all the work, and beat
myself up when it all falls apart

you've got another thing coming.

The only thing I'd like to
see coming are some crackers.

So don't take the lead.

Why does anyone
have to lead anyway?

- We can form a committee.
- Yeah. We'll all just agree on stuff.

Pfft. Ha!
Yeah, right.

Good luck with that!

Do what you want,
but count me out.

- All right.
- Sure.

- Whatever.
- Crackers!

So maybe this "committee"
should decide

what kind of event
you're gonna have?

- Maybe a theme party?
- Sounds good.

Theme party it is.

You have to pick a theme
for the theme party.

How about retro night?

- Nailed it!
- Retro party it is.

"Retro" is anything that's
happened up until a minute ago.

Be specific.
Like, you know,

maybe someone
suggests a '70s theme...

- '70s theme!
- '70s it is! This committee stuff is easy.

Easier than opening
these stupid crackers.

Did you know
the average human brain

- weighs three pounds?
- Yes. Also, did you know

it's a myth that we can
only use 10% of our brain?

- We actually use all of it.
- Oh, if we use all of it,

then the part of Hank's brain
responble for math

- must be missing.
- Hilarious. For your information,

people learn and develop
at different times.

I may not have been smart
in school, but now...

my lobes have cortexed
and are set for prime learning.

You couldn't cortex your way
out of a wet paper bag.

I wish we had a math test right
here, right now! I'd prove it!

Okay. I can get an exam
from the school

and we can solve this argument
and entertain me at the same time.

Be careful what you wish for, buddy...

Wanda's setting up a math test.

Yeah, and we'll see
which one of you is better.

W-Which of us?
Whoa.

- Whoa, he's the one who failed.
- Well, you weren't exactly

"A Beautiful Mind"
in high school either.

As I recall, Hank got 49%,
you got 50.

Yeah, but that 1% is the
reason why I'm a businessman,

and Hank here
works with his hands.

And why his shoes
are on the wrong feet.

They're the only feet I have, genius.

This'll be sad
and fun at the same time.

- How was the soup, Oscar?
- Fix your crackers!

It's like solvin' a damn
Chinese thumb puzzle.

Yeah!
I'll get right on that.

I have a meeting at the
cracker company later today.

Well, I guess the only thing
left to do

is go home and dig out
the old hockey jersey.

- Why?
- For the '70s party!

You know my go-to costume
for everything is Gordie Howe.

Why don't you go as someone else?

- People love my Gordie Howe!
- I wouldn't say "love."

Move it, baldie!
Claws off my cannoli!

Everyone knows
you have to fight

for position at the dessert table.

That doesn't justify what you did
to those people in the corners.

Gordie owns the corners!

This is exciting!

There are so many costume
choices for the party...

Bernie and Shirley,
The Smothers Brothers...

I was gonna suggest Bert
and Ernie, but... overdone.

Why are your costume
ideas always duos?

- Well, we're partners.
- Yeah, but maybe, this once,

- we'd keep our options open.
- Okay.

Well, now there are
so many options,

I don't know where to start.

Eyes on your papers!

- Wanda, have you heard any...
- Shh, Lacey!

- We're in the middle of exams!
- Not even gonna ask.

I was wondering,
has anyone sent you an e-vite

- or anything for the theme party?
- Nope. All I heard

is that it had something
to do with 1970.

That's the year the Beatles broke up,
so I assume that's the theme.

Kind of mean-spirited,
but what the hell.

This event is already a disaster.

No communication,
totally disorganized.

But you know what?
Not my problem.

Let someone else deal
with the mess, right?

Ms. Dollard? Hank is
using his fingers to count.

- Am not!
- If you worms don't straighten up,

I'll have you kneeling
in a corner through lunch.

Yes, Mrs. Dollard.

Hmm. Tempted to ask...
Still not going to.

Hey, Emma.
We're looking for costume ideas.

Mind if we go through
some stuff in your garage?

Sure. You're not
the first ones to ask.

It's amazing how your whole
garage is organized by decade.

Organization is what
separates us from the hoarders.

The '70s shelf is over there.

- Who is that?
- Doesn't look familiar.

A-ha!
There it is!

Oscar?
What the hell are you doing?

I took your advice and
changed my costume idea.

I'm Bart Reynolds.

- Who?
- Bart Reynolds.

The actor from that movie, uh,
"Snooky and the Banjo."

Wow... not even close.

Just had to find my old cowboy
hat to complete the costume.

Anyway, I'm gonna go
make a sandwich.

Ladies.

- That's a... different look.
- Different and kinda sexy.

I'm gonna just go with "different."

So I tried to think
of individual costumes,

but my mind kept going
back to duos... music duos.

Simon and Garfunkel,
Hall and Oates.

Peter, Paul, and Mary
came to mind,

but then I thought,
"Duh, that's the '60s."

Then I came up with the
perfect costume. We go...

as Eminem!
He's an individual, but also a candy.

So... do you want to be Slim
Chocolate or Shady Peanut?

- Eminem wasn't around in the '70s.
- But M&Ms were.

Why are you being so difficult?

Is it because I keep eating
your granola

- and blaming it on mice?
- What?

Nothing.
Don't change the subject.

I'm being "difficult"

because I'm tired of us
being lumped together.

We work together.
We go to the bar together.

Every time there's a costume
thing, we go as a duo.

Not true.
Last year, I went as an eagle

and you were...
some kind of bug.

We were "the birds and the bees!"

This year, I want to go alone.
Maybe as Wonder Woman.

So what'll I be?
Invisible jet?

You're not getting it!

I am doing my own thing.
Separate from you.

And stop eating my granola!

- Eating lunch, are you?
- Nothing gets past you.

Well, look at that.

Your hockey jersey
was in the load I washed.

Maybe you should
wear this to the party.

Nope. As much as
I respect Mr. Hockey,

I'm liking my new thing.

But i-i-is Burt Reynolds
really representative of the '70s?

He was in a disco movie
called Boogie Nights.

If that's not the '70s,
I don't know what is.

Do you need to wear that
fake moustache all day?

Yep. I got the spirit gum
and the metal glue mixed up.

Now you have a noodle stuck in it.

10-4... foxy mama.

I want you both to know that
you're a huge disappointment to me.

- What'd you get?
- You first.

- I got 50.
- I got 51. Boom!

Once again, the superior
mind reigns superiorally.

Ah, don't take it too hard, pal.

Just accept the fact
that I'm smarter.

Oh, I accept it.
I also accept the fact that...

I passed!
Whoo!

- I'm not a failure anymore!
- Well, let's not go nuts.

Outta the way, world!
Egghead comin' through!

Hey, Karen, is there anything I
can do to help with the theme party?

Yeah, you could... um.

Hey, Oscar. What needs to
be done for the theme party?

How should I know?
Ask the committee.

- We are the committee.
- Isn't there a list of things to do?

Maybe we should just suck it up
and ask Lacey for help.

And have her lord that over us
for God knows how long?

- Not a chance.
- Got any better ideas?

Yeah.
Grab a pen and some paper.

Uh, like I was saying, we
should do everything by committee.

It's a piece of cake.

Really? Do you have
someone doing decorations?

- I'm sure we'll get to that.
- Right.

What about door prizes?
And selling tickets?

- You getting all this down?
- Get her to rant slower.

Do you have an emcee,
by the way? Or music?

A safe-driving program?

Hey, Emma.
You look like you've been pole-axed.

- Everything okay?
- I'm trying to come to terms

with how physically
attracted I am to Oscar.

Whoa! I was hoping
you just couldn't find

the ramen noodles or something.

Ever since he changed his hair
and put on that lip-duster,

I've had a powerful urge
to do things to him

that you only see on cable TV.

- After 10 p.m.
- You're married. Just go for it.

I can't. We have this
comfortable understanding

of what we expect from
each other in our marriage.

If I act on these thoughts,

it could destroy
our delicate balance.

Just what the hell
are you thinking?

- Well...
- Emma...!

That's... tricky.

That's disturbing.

Okay, how big's your bed?

- Morning.
- Morning. What's in the box?

Not that I need to know.
You're your own individual.

Some costume stuff.
I also brought you some granola.

Sorry I got all snotty yesterday.

- Sometimes I need my space.
- I get it.

I was just hoping that one day

we'd win a "best duo"
costume prize or something.

Maybe one day.
In the meantime,

I have an idea that might
make us both happy.

You're not wearing that, are you?

What's wrong with the Flying Nun?

She was good, kind-hearted...
celibate.

I was reading up on
this Burt Reynolds fella.

Apparently he posed in the
bare nude for some magazine.

Didn't even wear socks.

At least he should've

covered the business
parts with his hat.

- Oopsy!
- Heaven help me.

- Why're you looking at me like that?
- I'm done looking.

Oh! Well, wait... Ahh!

Whoa-ho-ho... Emma!

Hello, Officer Frank Poncherello
from the '70s TV show CHiPs.

Nailed it.

And hello to you...
Florence Henderson.

I'm Hutch!
From Starsky and Hutch.

We both went as cops,
but from different shows.

So we're a duo, but
different duos. Cool, huh?

Davis, uh, can I talk
to you for a second?

Looks like everything got organized.

Yep, Lacey's rants
were angry and specific.

- Where is she, anyway?
- I don't know.

Who are you?
Mascot guy from Monopoly?

- He's not from the '70s.
- Then I must not be him,

thereby cleverly side-stepping
any legal ramifications.

And what's with the, uh,
baby in the vase?

Oh. The first test tube baby
was born in 1978.

- I'm famous!
- You the mother?

Maybe I'm the doctor,
you sexist jerk.

But no lab coat or anything?

Maybe I'm the mother,
you feminist jerk.

Einstein?
Oh, for the love of...

What?
I passed my math exam.

I can dress as a genius.

We're all on the same
playing field now, Brent.

Same playing field?!
If we were on a plane,

I'd be in first class,
drinking champagne,

and you two would be in the
last seat of business class,

one thin polyester curtain
away from screaming babies

- and two-year-old pretzels.
- Yeah, but I'd have the window seat.

You know, I might be
smarter at other things.

We could find out.

I ran off a couple other exams
while I was at the school.

Oh, please.
Like I'm not smarter than Einstein...

Uh. Wait.
That didn't sound right.

- What's the test?
- History.

History.
It's just yesterday's gossip.

Challenge accepted.

- Hank beat you.
- Woo-hoo!

Dammit.
Einstein's good at history?

I thought he was
a space and lasers guy.

...and suddenly she flew
across the room at me

- like some kind of, uh...
- Flying nun?

Don't get me wrong,
i-it was nice,

but it was confusing,
since today isn't Tuesday.

That's the night we usually
wiggle and giggle.

Okay. Uh...
I'm just guessing here,

but I think that Emma was
aroused by your costume.

Or in that moment, lack there of.

- She may have a thing for the Bandit.
- You think so?

I mean, I guess you would know,
being dressed like a woman and all.

I'm not a woman, I'm Hutch.
From Starsky and Hutch.

Oh. I thought you were
one of Charlie's Angels

from, uh... what's that show?

Lacey, what are you doing... cleaning?

- Aren't you coming to the party?
- The party's actually happening?

Yes, why do you think we're dressed

as a motorcycle cop and a nun?

I assumed the oven cleaner
was making me hallucinate.

- It does that sometimes.
- Get your costume. Let's go.

I can't! I never thought
you guys would pull this off,

so I didn't put together a costume.

Oh, brother. You need
to get over yourself.

This town organized things
long before you got here.

Ugh, you're right.
I'm sorry.

But I still don't
have anything to wear.

I have a costume for you.
Let's go!

This is the best night of my life.

We're still tied.

I won the first test,
and you won the second.

So we take one more test.

Why not? I'm bored!
The baby's in the bath.

Why don't we settle
this another way?

- Hey, how about we armwrestle?
- We should do a footrace.

Nope. It has
to be a brain test,

something you're both
lousy at, like geography.

How do you know
we're lousy at geography?

- What's the capital of Michigan?
- The lake or the state?

Oh! It's Wolverine.

This'll be a tight race.

Ah, I'll write you up some questions
and give you each 15 minutes

to look at some maps
on your phones or whatever.

- Agreed!
- This is all your fault.

Do you realize
what'll happen if Hank wins?

The world we live in
will no longer make sense.

Well... maybe if you get Phil
to make me another drink,

Momma will slide you
some test answers.

Cheating makes losers of us all.

But me less than Hank, so, Phil,
another baby bath over here.

- This isn't Wonder Woman.
- I never said it was.

If you two will excuse me,
I have a cowboy to tend to.

Decorations, food...

decade-appropriate music...

A-ha!
You forgot go-go dancers.

Mavis and Helen volunteered,
but we politely declined.

Oh. Guess you guys
didn't need me after all.

Gimme a drink, Phil.
Actually, make it a double.

Make it two doubles.

Two double-doubles!

Hello, Mr. Reynolds.
Or should I say "Bandit"?

Don't you "Bandit" me!

All that time we're
making sexy-sexy,

you're thinking about
some movie star?

I'm sorry.
I couldn't help myself.

But even though I was
thinking of someone else,

- it was still you that I was with.
- I don't care about me.

What's wrong with Gordie Howe?

So you're not upset that I fantasized.

You're upset because of
who I fantasized about?

Damn right!
Six-time Art Ross Trophy winner.

Most consecutive 20-goal seasons.
He's Mr. Hockey!

Whew. Um...

This is one of those
life-changing moments.

Hank, I hope you're
not disappointed

- when you find out...
- Hank won.

- What the hell?
- I won?!

I won!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

I'm smarter than Brent!
I'm a business-class window!

- Aah... tough break, kid.
- But how the hell...?

Didn't you...
I'm very confused.

I'm not staying here
when my wife would rather

sleep with Burt Reynolds
than Gordie Howe!

Now I'm confused and grossed out.

Woo!

'Gratulations on your party, Phil.

It's obvious no one needs my help.

So from now on,
I'm just gonna sit it and zip it.

Look...
everything we did tonight

came from a list
we made from your rants.

So... So you're saying I actually

- planned this whole thing?
- I didn't say that.

- But that's what you're saying.
- I didn't say that.

But that's what you're saying!
Am I talking loud?

Hell of a night, huh?

Must be a real knock in the 'nads
to find out your dad's a perv

and you're stupider
than a stupid guy.

- But you gave me the answers.
- And... you still lost.

Ouch.
That's gotta sting.

It's too much to process.

You're gonna need
to cover my shifts at work

- till I sort this out.
- Who's gonna cover my shift?

- You.
- You want me to do double shifts?

I can't trust myself to run the
station if I'm dumber than Hank...

a guy who thinks
it's called "Valentimes Day."

Okay, relax.
I gave you the wrong answers

to the geography test
so you'd lose to Hank.

What? Why...
Why would you do that?

Because! You were being an ass
about how much smarter you were,

and I wanted
to take you down a peg.

But if it means me having to work
double shifts, then screw that!

So the Prime Meridian
isn't a Transformer?

- It's the equator.
- Why don't they just say that, then?

Can I have your attention, everyone?

We're going to start by...

Oh! And apparently Lacey
wants to say a few words.

Uh, I just wanted
to congratulate the committee

for doin' sush a good job
with all the party preparations...

even though I wasn't involved.

But... come on, huh?
Who're we kidding? Right?

There is a reason I'm
dress-up as Wonner Woman

or whoever I am, right?
You know, everybody has a gif...

All right, who told Lacey?

I can't believe you gave me fake
answers so Hank could beat me,

if I may reiterate what
we were saying moments ago.

Not only did I have
to give you the wrong answers,

I also had to bump up
Hank's marks

in order for him to win...
by a lot.

Yeah, well, that does
make me feel better.

Still... look at him out there.

I've never seen him this happy.

Hey, you guys hear
I'm smarter than Brent?

He's really smuggin' it up.

Better go out there
and bust his balloon.

As much as I'd like to,

I-I can't bring myself
to take this from him.

I heard Hank beat you in the test.

No. Wanda gave him extra marks.
He actually lost... horribly.

Really? Ha!
Hey, Hank! Guess what?

I thought you said you
couldn't take this from him.

Yeah, I said I couldn't. I have no
problems with someone else doing it.

I have a few announcements
to make. First of all,

just a reminder
that there's only 85 days left

until the Christmas Drink special.

Also, the winner of the prize
for best costume is...

Won! Who dressed as
seven-time gold medal winner

- Mark Spitz.
- Anyone have a sweater I can borrow?

And the prize
for best duo costume goes to...

Davis and Oscar
as Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson!

I won!

Uh, wait...
I'm not Loni. I'm Hutch.

Shut up. You won!

I did, didn't I?
I won!

Anyway, thank
you all for coming out.

Oh, and can someone please
give Lacey a ride home?

I love you too...
I swear...

I just wanted
to say again how sorry I am.

Gordie Howe was a good hockey
player and a stand-up guy.

Darn tootin'!

I think I have a way
to make it up to you.

Emma! I'm a big fan of Gordie,
but I'm not that big a fan.

Well, to be honest,
I'm a little relieved to hear that.

Oh, whoa!
Whoa, whoa.

It, uh, doesn't mean
you have to take it off.

Uh, just turn out the lights
and come to bed.

We'll pretend it's Tuesday.

I like the sound of that.

Watch the elbows.

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ The same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just... don't know ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Full of nothing but space ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's my happy place ♪

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