All language subtitles for Bless the Harts s02e00 Live Table Read At Home With Fox.eng

Hi, everyone, and welcome
to the "Bless the Harts"

live virtual table read.

Special thanks to our amazing
cast members and guest

cast who are joining us today.

We are going to be--

Yes, with snaps.

We are going to be reading a
brand-new, never-before-seen

episode from season 2 of "Bless
the Harts," which returns

to Fox on Sundays this fall.

All right, so
without further ado,

we'd like to introduce
our amazing cast,

starting with Kristen
Wiig as Jenny Hart.

Maya Rudolph as Betty and Norma.

Ike Barinholtz as Wayne.

Jillian Bell as Violet.

Ken Jeong as Doug.

Dave Herman as Peter.

Jeremy Rowley Mayor
Webb and the snakehead.

Chris Miller as the host, Vonnie
Ray, and the bait shop owner.

And Phil Lord will be
reading stage directions.

That's my favorite character.

So welcome, everyone.

Let's get started.

Phil, you're ready?

Or is your whistle wet?

Yeah, let me just
get-- let me just

gargle some Pepsi really fast.

Let's do a vocal
warmup. la la la, la la

la la la la la la la la la la.

La la la la la la la la la.

There we go.

Are we ready for the cold open?

Interior, Jenny
and Betty's house.

Jenny Wayne and Violet are
watching a reality show on TV.

On screen, a host addresses
an amped up studio audience as

text flies across the screen.

Hang onto your guac
because it's time for--

"America's Funniest
People Getting Out of a Booth

in a Mexican Restaurant!"

A video appears behind the host.

A family is sitting
in a horseshoe booth.

A kid indicates he
wants to get out.

Uh-oh, looks like
Junior has to go

to the little senor's room.

The video goes full
frame as everyone starts

scooching to let the kid out.

We zoom in a little to
highlight the kid's struggle.

We hear sticky
vinyl sound effects.

This vinyl booth is sticky.

Why did I wear shorts?

Woo!

The audience howls as these
people struggle to get out.

We're back on the Harts.

Ooh, my tights are stinging
just looking at that.

Just then, Betty enters,
wearing an ornate silk

robe and a face full of makeup.

She melodramatically
crosses in front of the TV

to get a glass of wine.

She looks dramatically

into each of their eyes.

This, this is how I
want to remember y'all.

Gram, are you OK?

Violet, I want you to have this.

Betty hands her an envelope.

Violet opens it.

200 AC/DC dollars from
the Money Talks tour.

Since Brexit, they're
worth more than the pound.

Thanks?

Betty glides over to Wayne
and cups his face in her hands

for a little too long.

Wayne, take care of my Jenny.

And just know that I was hard
on you because I care about you.

She slaps him.

Thanks?

What the heck is going on?

This is extra even for Gram.

Oh!

Oh, no.

A few years ago
that stupid psychic

she goes to told her what
day she was going to die.

Vi, will you hand
me that calendar?

Violet fetches the calendar.

And we see today's date is
circled with a big X. We see

the word's, "getting out
of here, dead by midnight,"

and a poorly drawn
skull and crossbones.

Yeah, it's today all right.

Oh, so she seriously
thinks she's going to die

by the stroke of midnight?

Amazing.

Betty crosses again.

Oh, lord.

She turns and stares out
the window dramatically.

Do we give her a
hug or something?

No, she's fine.

She's not going to die.

She'll outlive all of us.

Betty glides
over to Jenny and gestures

melodramatically.

And Jenny, my precious angel.

Oh god, it's still going.

I can only imagine
how hard it was

for you to have such a
strong and captivating

woman as your mother.

But soon, you'll be
free from the pressure

of living in my shadow.

Good lord.

Ahem.

Anything else you want to say
before I go to be with Jesus?

Fine.

Mother, you were never,
ever a burden, great Mom,

and every day was a gift.

Thank you, baby, for
telling me the truth.

Betty takes one last
overly sad look at everyone

and disappears tearfully
into her bedroom.

Fare thee well,
mon Ferrero Rochers.

Then she closes
the door to her room,

and they go back to the TV.

Betty slides out of
her robe, revealing

her cat suit underneath.

She grabs some fake roses and
lies down, crossing her arms

like she's in a coffin.

It's 11:59 PM.

How do you like your
blue-eyed girl, Mr. Death?

Jesus, I am coming your way.

In the living room, Jenny counts

down on her cellphone clock.

In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Oh, what the hell?

Betty bursts through the door.

I'm still alive?

I've been bamboozled.

That's the end of our cold open.

And we go into act 1.

We are in Jenny and Betty's
house in the kitchen.

Jenny and Violet are
eating breakfast.

Wayne enters carrying
a rod and tackle box.

He wears a fishing vest and cap.

Oh, you fishing with your
ding-dong friends today?

Hey, those ding-dong
friends are my friends.

And getting them to go
fishing was not easy.

Their idea of what's fun is
pretty different than mine.

Cut to Bigsby's in the aisles.

This is a flashback.

Wayne is stocking a shelf
with boxes of light bulbs.

Doug grabs a bulb from
a box on the shelf.

Hey, homes, five bucks says
you won't eat this light bulb.

Oh, you're wrong.

Peter sprays the light bulb
and puts it into his mouth.

And Bigsby's on a different
day, a different flashback--

Wayne is looking up at Peter
and Doug standing on the roof.

Guys, do not jump
into the garden center.

You will break your ankles.

We already broke our ankles.

You can't rebreak an ankle.

Go to another
flashback at Bigsby's.

Wayne is in the
insulation aisle.

He looks over and sees Peter
and Doug wrapped in insulation.

Insulation sumo!

They run at each other.

You guys, that fiberglass is
gonna make you itchy as hell.

Sounds like you're
itching for a sumo tackle.

And they run at
him, as we go back

to Jenny and Betty's house.

Luckily they rolled into
a bunch of aloe plants,

so their skin was fine.

Their credo is
basically, what doesn't

kill me makes me funner.

Betty enters in her robe.

Her hair and makeup are a mess.

Well, like
Jesus once said, I'm back.

Betty, I'm so glad
you're still with us.

Don't rub it in, Wayne.

Wayne exits.

Gram, so you you know,
I was going to pretend you

were a ghost when you came out.

But Mom wouldn't let me.

Well, thank you, baby.

Ugh, stupid psychic.

I sunk good money
into this death.

I put a casket on layaway.

I had a mold of my bust to be
sent to the original members

of Whitesnake.

And let's not forget the
Betty Hart Memorial Garden.

They look out
the window to see a bench,

a granite memorial
stone with Betty's face

laser-etched onto it
and a bunch of glass

suncatchers hanging
from the tree.

Also, there are wreaths, an
angel statue, a white cross,

some rock memorabilia.

It looks like an overdone
roadside memorial.

Gram, wow.

How did I not see that?

I gotta go outside more.

Yeah, who could have predicted
former interior decorator

turned psychic Vonnie Ray
Power would've ripped you off?

Well, technically,
he ripped you off.

I used your bank card.

Seriously?

Oh, you are such a pain
in my butt all the time.

We are going down
there right now

and getting out my money back.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Do you think Vonnie Ray
knows we're on our way?

No!

We're in the bait shop.

Wayne, Peter, and Doug enter.

I can't believe you're
making us go fishing, homes.

And I can't believe you
wouldn't let me "Cape Fear"

it on the way over here.

I'm not letting you strap
yourself under my truck, Doug.

Whoa!

What the hell is this?

Wayne sees a poster on the wall

of a scary looking fish.

It looks like a cross between
a snake and a barracuda.

The caption reads, "if
caught, do not release."

Ruth, a large marge who is
working the counter, chimes in.

That there is either
god's biggest mistake

or the devil's masterpiece.

She spins around in
her chair to face them.

It's called a snakehead.

And it's been
gobbling up everything

inside every waterway
on the East Coast.

And now, it's here
in Greenpoint.

She stands up.

Yeah?

So what?

We got a new fish.

What's the big deal, brah?

This is no ordinary firsh.

Ruth dramatically stabs
the photo of the snakehead

with a pocket knife.

Then Ruth takes out her
notebook and shows a picture

of the snakehead on land.

It can breathe on land
for hours at a time.

We see a shot
of a snakehead underwater,

seeing a baited fishing hook.

It grabs the line and hooks
it to the boat's propeller.

The fisherman gets
pulled into the water.

It's as smart as a
dumb-ass five-year-old child.

We see a scientist
scrape the side of a snakehead.

He puts the toxin
onto his tongue.

And we see his eyes dilate.

And it secretes a neurotoxin
that's more powerful than LSD.

Oh, hell, yeah.

I gotta catch that fish, homes.

Jeez.

Where'd it come from?

They say Asia.

But if you ask me, they
are not of this world.

Ruth pulls out a notebook.

It shows a drawing of a
snakehead coming out of a UFO.

They're killing all
the fish, and they're

coming after us next, boys.

The bait shop owner enters.

Ruth, don't scare the customers.

But seriously, though, if you
y'all catch a snakehead, do

not put it back in the water.

Put it on ice and call
the snakehead tip line.

Ruth pulls out an air horn

and blows it directly
into her mouth.

Whoa!

The boys stare, wide-eyed.

Did you just huff an air horn?

Ever since my run-in with
the snakehead, it's the only

thing keeps me sane.

She inhales
another hit of the air horn.

Wayne is startled.

We're in the psychic shop.

The psychic shop is a folksy,
craftsman-style house.

We see a neon sign
that says "Vonnie

Ray Power, Psychic Reader."

The Hart ladies
pull up and climb

out of the car, all on fire.

We have $100 to spend.

God, you didn't even sniff.

Betty bangs on the door.

It's locked.

The sign says, "be
back in 15 minutes."

Let me in, you
Dollar Store sorcerer.

I cannot wait for the spiritual

shaman to confirm what
I've always known,

that I am a witch.

Violet, honey,
you are not a witch.

I have BWE, Big Witch Energy.

No, look, we're just
going to get my money back

and get out before he sucks her
back into some new hocus-pocus.

Even if I have to jimmy his
lock with my debit card,

break in, and steal it
from his sock drawer.

Wow, you sound like Gram.

Uh, Violet, I am
nothing like your Gram.

We look at Betty who has jimmied

the lock with a debit card.

I jimmied it.

In.

Betty, Jenny, and Violet
storm into the psychic's parlor.

It looks like Stevie Nicks'
room in the video for "Gypsy."

Where are you?

Come on out, Nostra-dumbass!

Hello?

Hello?

Vonnie, a heavyset
man with a large white Johnny

Cash pompadour,
enters riding a jazzy

with fringe all along the bottom
that semi-hides the wheels.

Sorry.

I was just in the
little wizard's room.

Betty Jean Hart, as
I live and breathe.

More like as I live and breathe.

You told me my death
day was yesterday.

And here I am, still alive.

That is a refund situation.

We are not leaving until
you give us our money back.

Vonnie's eyes narrow.

He most def doesn't want
to give their money back.

He stands up out of his
scooter unceremoniously.

Oh.

Oh, I see what's going on here.

Betty, you thought I was talking
about your physical death.

Oh, no, what I was talking about
was your metaphorical death.

Here we go.

We're close on Betty
as she takes this in.

Of course.

How could I have ever
doubted you, Vonnie?

OK, you're still
giving our money back.

On Vonnie, he jolts and gets
a possessed look in his eyes.

Oh no!

Hold on a second.

I'm sensing a dark energy.

Yes, I knew it.

Here it comes.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

But Vonnie turns dramatically
and looks Jenny up and down.

No.

It's coming from her.

What?

Betty, I don't know
how to tell you this,

but your daughter is cursed.

Going back a long way.

It's in her blood.

Oh, OK.

So I ask for our money back,
and suddenly, I'm cursed.

OK, watch this.

How much to lift this convenient
curse you just discovered?

Well, I'm afraid this curse
runs so dark and so deep,

no amount of money can lift it.

No!

Not my daughter!

I can't be all right
around all this darkness.

This reading was free.

Now, just take the
book and get out.

He pushes them out.

At least tell me my real
death date, or better yet, hers.

When am I going to
bury my daughter?

We're outside the psychic shop.

You saw what just
happened, right?

He made us think we saved
$100, when all we did

was keep the $100
he already had.

But Jenny, you're cursed.

Oh, come on.

I'm not cursed.

That's ridiculous.

Just then, a crow poops

directly onto Jenny's head.

Everyone looks at her.

Jenny tries to play it off.

Oh. No, no, no, no.

Hang on.

See, a bird bathrooming on
you is considered good luck.

Two more birds
swoop in and poop on her.

What does it mean when
two more birds poop on you?

It means your triple lucky.

So nothing's wrong.

She steps in
dog poop then in gum.

You just stepped
in dog doo, then gum.

I know what I stepped in.

Jenny angrily scrapes
her shoe on the sidewalk.

Uh, Mom?

Jenny looks down to see
that smeared poo and gum

and left a mark on
the sidewalk that

looks vaguely like a pentagram.

It's still there.

She scrapes again, which changes

the scuff to look like a skull.

And now the scuff
looks like a 666.

Let's just get in the car.

We're outside at the lake.

The boys are in a motorboat.

Doug and Peter are fidgety.

See?

Isn't this nice?

Nobody's eating glass
or non-food items.

Let's just take a minute and
enjoy the sounds of nature.

Boring.

Oh, boring.

Doug casts willy-nilly
and immediately

hooks Peter's eyelid.

Ah!

You-- you hooked my eyelid.

I did?

They high five, and it
tugs their eyelids even more.

You got my eyelid, too, homes.

They high five, and it
tugs their eyelids more.

Oh, Wayne.

Get a picture of this.

OK, you know what?

Maybe we should just
pull the boat in and--

Behind them, something

crawls into the boat unseen.

And then just go
home and go to sleep.

Wayne turns and reaches

for the motor, his hand landing
right next to the snakehead.

This is crazy.

That fish looks just
like the snake--

oh my god!

Wayne--

Wayne flails and
falls into the water,

pulling Doug and Peter with them
by the hooks in their eyelids.

And we end act 1.

We open act 2 at the lake
shore a little bit later.

We're close on the
horrifying snakehead.

It looks menacing.

We pull back to reveal
it sits in a cooler.

Slowly, a person's
tongue enters the frame.

We pull back to
reveal Doug and Peter

leaning in, trying to
lick the snakehead,

while Wayne holds them back.

Let go, homes.

Let me lick that LSD fish.

Yeah, you heard
what that lady said.

This fish is full of drugs.

Oh, no.

She said that it's slime
is a dangerous neurotoxin.

That is why I want to lick it.

Nobody's messing with this fish.

I got a hard enough time
getting it in the cooler

without touching it.

Wayne puts the lid on the
cooler and puts a rock on top.

OK, Wayne, you're right.

We shouldn't lick it.

We should fast track that buzz
by putting it in our rears.

You know, booty chug
that thing, dude.

Oh, hell, yeah.

Let's keester that fish.

No!

No licking.

No keestering.

We're going to follow
the instructions

and call the snakehead tip line.

Wayne dials.

Peter snatches the
phone from him.

Hello?

Snakehead tip line?

All right, this
is Wayne Edwards.

I have the snakehead.

And if y'all don't pay us
$20,000, I'm gonna set it free.

What-- what the hell?

What are you doing?

They struggle.

Peter covers the phone receiver.

It's the most wanted fish
in North Carolina, man.

People would pay us good money
to not release this hostage.

It's a reverse ransom.

Terrible idea.

Now, give me that phone!

Struggling for
the phone, the rock

gets knocked off the cooler.

The snakehead!

They all look
just in time to see

the snakehead wriggling
across the ground

and into the underbrush.

Dang.

That thing really
can survive on land.

I hate to be the
I told you so guy,

but this whole thing
could have been avoided

if that fish was in my rear.

Wayne narrows his eyes.

Yep, looks like
this fishing trip

just changed to a hunting trip.

We are inside Jenny
and Betty's house.

In the kitchen, Jenny is
cleaning the bird poop out of

her hair in the kitchen sink.

Violet enters, wearing khaki
pants and a beige shirt.

Violet, what are you wearing?

You heard what Vonnie said.

I'm not a witch.

I'm just a total boring normal.

I might as well just go ahead
and embrace my lame destiny.

Meanwhile, in a
minute, you'll probably

have snakes crawling out of
your ear holes and stuff.

Violet, I am not cursed.

Curses are not real.

Jenny storms out
and stubs her toe.

Ow!

Who moved this table?

Just then, Norma knocks on
the window, startling Jenny.

Hi, Jenny.

You got a little
surprise in mail.

OK.

Now, would a cursed person
get a nice little surprise

in the mail?

I don't think so.

Norma hands Jenny an envelope
through the open window.

You got jury duty.

I thought you said
it was a surprise.

Well, you seem surprised.

Norma leaves.

Violet gives her a look.

When you're dancing
with the devil,

could you put in
a bad word for me?

See if you can get
some "Carrie" powers.

There is no curse, OK?

I'm just-- I'm having a bad day.

Bad things happen to one
person over and over again all

the time.

It's called life.

And when you're an adult--

Mom.

--life just starts to
feel like one big curse.

An orange glow starts
to flicker on Violet's face.

But look, you have
to power through.

Mom, your bed's on fire.

Jenny turns and sees her
bed on fire through the door.

We see the fire
reflected in her eyes.

Oh my god!

I'm cursed!

We're outside.

We're in the woods.

Wayne, Peter, and Doug
hike and look for the fish.

Why'd you have to use my phone?

Now, they're going to trace
the call and come after us.

Come on, Wayne.

Holding this fish for
ransom is going to be way

more fun than regular fishing.

Doing ransom is not fun.

Look, homeses.

They see the snakehead
slithering across the trail.

Oh, let's grab it!

Wayne tries to sneak
up on the fish, holding a net.

Easy, easy now.

And gotcha!

Wayne swipes at the fish.

It scoots out of the way and
then jumps towards his face.

He instinctively grabs it,
spreading the snakehead slime

all over his hands.

We zoom in on Wayne's
enlarging pupils

as we go into a hallucination.

Wayne looks down at the
snakehead, who suddenly

has huge sympathetic eyes.

Please, Wayne.

I need your help.

I cannot get back
to my companions.

No, blockteetapolakatatee 7.

So is this a real
live ET situation?

No.

ET is my species' mortal enemy.

Everyone thinks they're so cute.

But they're actually a
planet of cereal fondlers.

They fondle our nips
and, , Wayne.

The things they do to us, Wayne.

The inappropriate
jokes, commenting

on the size of our mucus sacks.

We always have to say,
hey, our eyes are up here.

Those light-up fingers?

Oh, they put them everywhere.

Everywhere, Wayne!

Hold on.

Hold on.

You're talking about the cute
little dude in the blossom

hat that eats Reese's Pieces.

What's cute on your planet
is aggressive..

What are you doing here?

We need a new world.

And yours looks delicious.

Pretty standard sci-fi stuff.

Wait.

So you mean--

Ding, ding, wittle
wittle human dinner.

No!

No!

Wayne.

You OK in there?

The snakehead wriggles
free from Wayne's grip

and disappears into
the underbrush.

Oh, he got away, homes.

They notice Wayne,
who was sitting upright

and now looking deadly serious.

Wayne, are you all right?

Fellas wanted to go fishing?

Well, not really, but OK.

Well, we're going fishing.

Wayne grabs mud, rubs it
under his eyes like war paint.

Oops.

Do think there was
any on my hands?

Wayne's eyes dilate
again, and he passes out.

We're in Jenny and Betty's
house, in Jenny's room.

Betty runs in to
see Jenny and Violet

finishing the fire cleanup.

Well, what in the hell?

This is it, the
beginning of the end.

I mean, who even knows if I'm
going to wake up tomorrow?

None of this would've
happened if you

hadn't roped me into your phony
baloney, psychic BS, Mother.

Says the woman who
thinks she's cursed.

What else could it be?

A row of sick crows
diarrhea-ed on me.

And I tried to play
it off at the time.

But that bird poo was
very warm, which is gross.

Then I broke my toe.

And the cracked cherry on top
was that I also got jury duty.

Wait.

Jury duty?

Yeah, that's the one
you want to focus on?

Gram, bed of fire.

I don't know if
this helps or hurts.

But I think that jury
duty thing might be on me.

We're in a flashback
in the mayor's office.

Betty is waving a jury
summons in Mayor Webb's face.

How is it that I've gotten
jury duty twice in three years

and my daughter hasn't
had to do it once?

Oh, is that so?

Well, I'll be sure
to let them know.

We're back to the scene.

Why would you say that to him?

Jenny stands up and bangs
her knee on the coffee table.

Ow!

That is the fifth time
that has happened today.

And again, y'all, I don't
know if this helps or hurts.

But I think I caused your broken
toe and probably that knee

thing that just happened.

How?

Well, to counteract the curse,
I've Fung Shooeyed the house

and moved all the furniture
over just an inch and a half.

Betty indicates
to the furniture.

And then, we're in the psychic
shop in another flashback.

We see them walking
into the shop as before,

focusing on Betty.

Oh, and that bird poop--

we might have another
help/hurts here.

I may have spit my gum out
and dropped a bunch of prunes,

Jolly Ranchers, and
other purse items

onto the sidewalk outside
the psychic Vonnie's house.

We're back to scene.

Why did you have all of that?

Because she's insane.

It doesn't matter, OK?

So a few of those
cursed things were you.

But there's no way you caused
my bed to catch on fire.

No way, Jose.

That one was all curse.

I was wrong.

Curses aren't fun.

They're horrifying.

At that moment, a bright
light shines in Violet's eyes.

Ah!

What the heck is that?

We are in the backyard.

Moments later, Jenny,
Betty, and Violet

see the sun hitting the glass
suncatcher in Betty's memorial.

An angle on the suncatcher
as the Sun lines up behind it

like an eclipse.

It refocuses this light
into a laser beam that's

burned a brown arc on
the side of the house

and is now going into
Jenny's bedroom window.

Gram, I don't know
if this helps or hurts.

But it looks like your
crystal dreamcatcher

is an death ray.

Oh, great.

I know what that means.

I'm the albatross
around your neck.

I'm the one who's been
ruining your life.

I'm the curse.

Awkward pause.

Jenny, this is the
part where you say

I've never been a
burden, I'm a great mom,

and every day's a gift.

No.

I'm starting to realize
that all the bad things

that have happened to me all
these years are because of you.

You're the curse.

You're the dog poop
and gum on my shoe.

Betty can't believe it.

She's shocked and pained.

As we cut to the woods,
Wayne leads Doug and Peter

through the woods.

They now all have mud
war paint and camo.

All right, soldiers.

Stay frosty.

I've been in its head.

I know how it thinks.

Man, this is so
not boring, homie.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't step there.

Wayne kneels down to show

them he has set up a trip wire.

He plucks it, jingling
car keys tied to the line.

Trip wire.

Nothing's getting in or out
of here without us knowing it.

Snakehead
point of view above them.

The snakehead watches via
heat vision a la "Predator."

We hear it's heavy breathing
as it scans the scene below.

The boys hear rustling.

Shh!

Hear that?

It's in the trees.

It's a fish.

There's no way it's in the-- ah!

The fish drops out of the
trees and onto Doug's face.

Don't let him
lay his eggs in you!

Wayne whacks Doug in the
face with a tackle box.

And slime splatters onto Peter.

The snakehead wriggles
away, taking the car keys

and fishing line along with it.

It took the car keys.

Looks like our
fishing trip that got

turned into a hunting trip
just turned to a camping trip.

That's the end of act 2.

And we start act 3 in the woods.

A little bit later, Peter
and Doug huddle, shivering,

while Wayne makes a
noose-like contraption

with his fishing rod.

So-- c-c-cold.

And so thirsty.

Doug chugs some water.

Wayne sees Doug guzzling
and gets an idea.

He grabs a water bottle
out of Doug's hand

and pours it into a bucket.

Yeah, you're thirsty.

But I bet I know
who's thirstier.

Wayne takes the bucket and
his contraption and steps

onto a dead tree trunk that's
fallen across a small ravine.

We pull back to
a super wide shot

as he calls out
into the wilderness.

Snakehead!

I know you can't
breathe on land forever.

I'm guessing you could really
use a little H2O right now.

All you gotta do
is come and get it.

Rustling.

It's the snakehead.

Peter and Doug watch in awe.

The snakehead wriggles onto
the other side of the log

across from Wayne.

Wayne sloshes the
water in the bucket,

and the snakehead
tentatively slithers closer.

That's it.

Gotcha!

Wayne slams the bucket down
on the fish, and the log snaps.

Wayne and the snakehead
disappear into the ravine.

Wayne!

A shocked silence as they
peer out over the ravine.

Oh, man.

He even died cool.

There's a tense beat.

And then suddenly,
Wayne pops up,

triumphantly holding up
the snakehead trapped

in his contraption.

Snakehead, it's time
for you for phone home.

We are in Jenny
and Betty's house.

A little bit later,
Betty is dramatically

whipping clothes
and random items

into various wine-themed totes.

Gram, please stop packing.

You are not moving out.

Violet, you heard your mother.

I am a curse on this family.

I nearly died on my dead day.

Mother, you are
being ridiculous.

Use my rolling suitcase.

You can fit more crap in there.

Mom, why are you
encouraging her?

Because she is
a pain in my butt.

She always has been.

She always will be.

Look, we drive each
other crazy, so maybe we

just need a little break.

Or a big one.

Gram, don't you think it's
a little melodramatic to storm

out of the house that you own?

Violet, hush, and
stay out of this.

Don't you yell at my grandbaby.

Mother, would you shut up?

--is all I got left.

Look, OK, we drive
each other crazy.

Violet looks back and
forth between Jenny and Betty

pointing at each
other and arguing.

Their voices fade
out until all Vi sees

is how similar they look.

Violet sees Vonnie's
book, then glances out

the window at Betty's memorial.

Mom, Gram, stop.

I'm getting a vision.

I know how to solve this.

We are outside at the
lake, in the parking lot.

The boys stand proudly
holding the snakehead

in a makeshift cage.

A car pulls up.

Mayor Webb steps out.

Mayor Webb, did
the snakehead tip

line tell you about our call.

Tell me?

Ha!

I am the snakehead tip line.

I'm also the anonymous
illegal dumping tip

line and the suicide hotline.

But they are the same number.

So whenever I answer
the phone, I just say,

don't throw it all away.

It works for both.

Well, anyway, I
have your 20 grand.

Mayor Webb holds up a briefcase.

Forget about the money.

We gottta destroy this fish
and call the Marines, the Coast

Guard, and the men
in blacks because I

got word there's more coming.

More coming?

Suddenly, we hear of rustling.

Dozens and dozens of snakehead
eyes appear in the foliage.

Snakeheads crawl
out and encircle

Webb, Wayne, and the guys.

We're sur-- we're surrounded.

The snakeheads close in.

The guys brace themselves.

This is it.

Suddenly, their
snakeheads starts singing.

Oh, the sea is neat.

But land is grand.

Who needs the water
when you got sand?

The snakeheads dance and sing
in a Busby Berkeley routine,

with top hats and canes.

No thanks, kids.

We got the thrills of land.

Under water is just all right.

So we became a double threat.

Just got more..

Fellas!

Fellas!

We're in the woods.

At a low angle, a concerned
Mayor Webb looks down.

Are you OK?

Reveal Wayne, Peter, and Doug

on the ground, covered in slime,
looking up at Webb and Ruth.

Classic snakehead hallucination.

Oh, the fish!

The fish!

Where is he! Did you get him?

No!

You did.

Wayne looks down
to see his hands have

a death grip on the snake head.

Ruth puts gloves on and
grabs the snakehead.

You're a hero, Wayne.

You passed out, but
you never let go.

What's going to happen
to the fish, homes?

Well, we'll return him to Asia,

where we can start a
new life with his family

in his natural habitat.

Ruth yanks the fish
out of Wayne's hands,

tosses it up in the
air, and shoots it.

She huffs her air horn.

Wayne jumps, startled by it.

We are inside Jenny and
Betty's house in the hallway.

Violet leads Jenny and
Betty to an attic ladder.

Violet, what is all this?

The ceremony works
better if we're

closer to the Moon or whatever.

We climb the ladder.

We're in the attic.

Jenny and Betty
and Violet all sit

around a circle of lit candles.

Violet looks through the books
she got from Vonnie's store.

A seance.

It's the only way.

Spirits of the alternate realm,
we summon thee and ask of you

this one simple favor.

Do not lift this curse.

Well, wait!

Well, well-- what?

Look, all daughters are
driven crazy by their moms.

And all mothers are
driven crazy trying

to protect their daughters.

Oh, so I'm not a curse on Jenny?

Oh, no.

You definitely are.

And Mom is a curse to me.

I mean, I've already
inherited her stubbornness,

just like she inherited
your gullibility.

And you are totally
turning into Gram.

But that's OK.

Our quirks are annoying,
but they shape who we are

and connect us to each other.

This lands with
Betty, who softens.

The important thing
here is no matter what,

we love each other to death.

So curse, do your worst.

So I have said,
so let it be done.

She spits into her
hand and holds it out.

So I have said.

So let it be done.

Jenny spits.

Violet hesitates,
kind of grossed out.

Great.

So I guess we're done here?

Violet, spit in your hand now.

Violet reluctantly spits
into her hand and holds it out.

So I have said,
so let it be done.

The Hart women have spoken.

Woo!

They all hug for a beat.

It's very sweet until
Betty knocks over a candle

and sets Jenny's shirt on fire.

Mother, watch it!

In Jenny's panic, she knocks
Violet into a giant spider web.

Betty smiles as she
watches them flail around.

Mom!

A spider web, ew!

How did I get so blessed?

We end act 3 and go to a tag.

We are in Wayne's
backyard at night.

The Harts, plus Peter and
Doug, sit around a fire.

Well, the good news is, even
though I was exposed to just

a boatload of toxic fish
slime, the paramedics said

my brain should be back to no--

be back to--

The paramedics said my brain
should be back to no time

in normal.

Speaking of danger,
you fellas want

to douse your pants in lighter
fluid and jump over this fire?

Wayne turns to see Peter and
Doug are leaning on each other,

asleep.

It's very cute.

Finally tuckered them out.

So what did girls get
into this weekend?

Oh, just some-- a lot
of cult stuff, you know,

small family-based exorcism.

Violet holds her normal
clothes near the bonfire.

Republic of Banana,
I send thee to hell.

She tosses them in.

They make a lame
puff of beige smoke.

These are boring.

We're on Betty and Jenny.

Jenny, I'm sorry I
caused you so much trouble

and will continue to
do so till I'm dead.

It's OK.

Besides, I get to turn around
and do it all to Violet.

So feel sorry for her.

So I am cursed.

Yes!

We all are, honey.

We all are.

The three of them
a hug as we tilt

up to reveal a
shooting star that

stops and then keeps going.

Is it a UFO?

Who cares?

And that's the end
of our episode, guys.

That was really fun.

Fantastic.

That was so fun.

Thank you, everyone, for coming.

Thank you so much
for doing this.

Thank you guys for doing this.

That was so funny, you guys.

What a great cast
and writing staff,

what a really, really
funny episode--

by far the most
emotional fish slime

episode I've ever been part of.

Yes.

And it's so good to see all
you guys, too, and gals.

Thank you so, so much.

Thank you, guys.

It's helping my soul
to see everyone's faces.

Yeah.

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