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00:00:16,027 --> 00:00:21,027
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
M_I_SForEver
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Good afternoon,
my darling sons of bitches!
3
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,849
Let me introduce myself.
4
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:29,817
My name is Brandon
5
00:02:29,851 --> 00:02:31,552
and I'll be trying to
entertain you
6
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,888
over the next hour.
7
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,223
You've probably
never heard of me
8
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:38,726
that wouldn't be a surprise
because I'm nobody.
9
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,897
They say time flies
when you're having fun
10
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,198
so this would
seem like forever
11
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,466
because my jokes suck.
12
00:02:47,669 --> 00:02:49,403
But please stay until the end
13
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,405
we have so much to talk about
14
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:52,874
and I have a surprise for you.
15
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:58,211
Let me tell you a story
about how I came to be here.
16
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,282
Once upon a time I was married
to a beautiful woman
17
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:04,284
named Phillipa.
18
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,821
She was everything you
could hope for in a woman
19
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,656
she was adorable
20
00:03:08,690 --> 00:03:10,525
everybody loved her.
21
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,694
All our friends
however wondered
22
00:03:12,727 --> 00:03:14,896
what is she doing
with an jerk like me?
23
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:18,465
And they were right.
24
00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:22,737
I was a shy, boring guy
obsessed with my work
25
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:26,273
stuck in my ways, who never
had anything interesting to say.
26
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,644
Are there any
accountants out there?
27
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:34,649
We really are the most boring
mother fuckers you know.
28
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,720
Did you hear the story about the
woman that went to the doctor
29
00:03:38,753 --> 00:03:39,721
for a check-up?
30
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:44,391
The doctor told her she only had
six months left to live.
31
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,327
She's crying, she's desperate,
32
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,965
she said: Doctor there must be
something I could do.
33
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,601
"Sure," said the doctor,
"You could marry an accountant."
34
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,570
"What?
35
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,304
Would it make me live longer?"
36
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,773
"No," said the doctor
37
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,508
"But he will make your last
six months here
38
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,275
seem like an eternity."
39
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:10,417
So one day Phillipa woke
up and thought to herself,
40
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:11,719
They're right.
41
00:04:11,753 --> 00:04:14,321
I am beautiful and adorable
42
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,924
and I do shine like a
star on a cloudless night.
43
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,459
What am I doing with this jerk?
44
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:23,430
So she dropped me
like a hot tamale
45
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:25,666
and this tamale fell far.
46
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:28,603
I'd never been with another
woman besides Phillipa
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00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,337
and when she left me,
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00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:33,440
I was alone, and hopeless.
49
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,577
And then one day
50
00:04:36,611 --> 00:04:40,313
I found a flyer on the
ground that said, "Stand up!"
51
00:04:41,616 --> 00:04:43,618
And here I stand.
52
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:46,020
Don't I kill as a comedian?
53
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,455
Are you having a good time?
54
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,761
Let me tell you a story
about George C. Parker.
55
00:04:53,795 --> 00:04:54,829
Have you heard of him?
56
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,633
He was a legendary
con man in New York City.
57
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,869
Who could sell
anything to anyone.
58
00:05:01,903 --> 00:05:04,005
The turn of the 20th century
59
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,874
he became infamous for selling
rich tourists
60
00:05:06,908 --> 00:05:08,743
the Brooklyn bridge.
61
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,913
They say he even sold one
Russian billionaire
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00:05:11,946 --> 00:05:13,380
the Statue of Liberty.
63
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:19,020
Well right now I feel like
George C. fucking Parker,
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00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,557
so listen very carefully
65
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:27,394
because I have tremendous,
fabulous,
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00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:31,398
wonderful stories to sell you.
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00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:38,566
How was that?
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00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,703
Is that like too
much gurgling or?
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00:06:44,005 --> 00:06:45,506
Uh no, no, no.
70
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,073
It was fine.
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00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:55,650
Oh hey any chance I could
get my SAG card after this?
72
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,218
Yeah, and I'll be getting
my acceptance letter
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00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,986
to the Director's Guild
any day now.
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00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,125
Hey look on the bright side.
75
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,661
You get to work with the
world-famous Father Lance.
76
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,461
You'll be saved from the forces
of darkness in front
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00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,664
of millions of viewers!
78
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,135
Where do you want
the rest of these cables?
79
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:16,537
They're fine where they are just
make sure you're wired up
80
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,973
and don't, forget to mic up
our starlet here.
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00:07:27,949 --> 00:07:29,449
Do you want me to moan more?
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00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,920
I can, like no problem.
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00:07:32,954 --> 00:07:34,487
You're doing fine, Hailey.
84
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:35,656
Okay.
85
00:07:35,690 --> 00:07:37,258
It's Heather, but...
86
00:07:45,099 --> 00:07:47,535
I think keep it classy, okay?
87
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,503
Let's go to a club.
88
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:52,006
And I will only
go if I have table service.
89
00:07:53,074 --> 00:07:55,076
Hey, freshy get ready.
90
00:07:55,109 --> 00:07:56,610
We're hitting Lambda in 30.
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00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,512
You guys go without me.
92
00:07:58,546 --> 00:07:59,647
I'll meet you there.
93
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,215
You're gonna miss pre-game!
94
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,216
Children.
95
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,186
What is she even watching?
96
00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:06,520
Some weird shit.
97
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:07,487
Drink up!
98
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,202
What reality garbage
are you watching now?
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00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,787
"The Cleansing Hour".
100
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,415
You've never heard of
"Father Lance"?!
101
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,000
Every week, an incredible
deliverance!
102
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,879
Is that what they call
special effects these days?
103
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:25,464
Here.
104
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,799
You're gonna like this.
105
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,176
I like "The Mindy Project".
106
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,638
Don't you want to witness
divine intervention?
107
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,960
Bryce.
108
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,194
Want me to take it away?
109
00:08:47,228 --> 00:08:49,130
But Dad, "The Cleansing Hour"
is almost on.
110
00:08:49,163 --> 00:08:50,297
First you finish your dinner.
111
00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:52,600
Vegetables too Come on.
112
00:09:01,042 --> 00:09:02,309
God damn it, Lance.
113
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,183
Somebody call for an exorcist?
114
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,153
Well hey sugar.
115
00:09:12,186 --> 00:09:14,021
Where the hell you been,
man? We're live in four.
116
00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:15,089
I was
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00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:16,690
counseling?
118
00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:17,792
Is that fucking lipstick?
119
00:09:19,894 --> 00:09:21,996
Well you know they
can't resist a man in uniform.
120
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,931
Tell me again why I put up
with your shit.
121
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,966
I'll give you five million
reasons and climbing.
122
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,069
Yeah, and if one of those
reasons happens to snap a pic
123
00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:30,671
of of Father Lance with his hand
down some IHOP waitress's skirt
124
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:31,205
we're done!
125
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,139
It's over!
126
00:09:32,173 --> 00:09:33,607
Drew that's offensive.
127
00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:35,142
I'm a Denny's man.
128
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:36,744
What?
129
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:37,378
Would you watch it?
130
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:38,913
That's our lifeline!
131
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,915
What is your deal today?
132
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,883
I think he's just trying to say
you should show more respect
133
00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:43,818
for technology.
134
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:47,922
Who the fuck's that guy?
135
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,190
Braden.
136
00:09:50,124 --> 00:09:51,258
Sound.
137
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,194
What happened to Chris?
138
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:56,297
He's under the weather.
Asked me to fill in.
139
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,666
Okay well just don't
get your boom in my shot.
140
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,301
And make sure you
sign an NDA form.
141
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:01,702
Wow!
142
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:02,970
Forgive me, Lord.
143
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,839
I have sinned it's been
90 seconds
144
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,040
I haven't introduced myself.
145
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:06,907
I'm Lance.
146
00:10:06,941 --> 00:10:07,641
Heather.
147
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:09,643
Oh.
148
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,378
Uh, nice to meet you!
149
00:10:11,412 --> 00:10:12,880
Yeah, well, Heather
it's a beautiful name.
150
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,115
He's gonna shove these up
your nose.
151
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,818
I'm gonna place these in your
nose, they'll dissolve
152
00:10:17,852 --> 00:10:19,820
after five minutes instant
nosebleed.
153
00:10:19,854 --> 00:10:20,754
Drew will direct you.
154
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,257
Thank you.
155
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,658
I'm just gonna move your hair
a second
156
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,392
and put this in your ear.
157
00:10:25,426 --> 00:10:26,360
Okay.
158
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:31,799
Ooh!
159
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:32,867
Sorry!
160
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,101
That's always the most
awkward part.
161
00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:35,002
No problem.
162
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,341
This looks legit!
163
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,142
Where'd it come from?
164
00:10:41,175 --> 00:10:42,810
Found it at a garage sale.
165
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,045
30 seconds take
your mark, Padre.
166
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,714
All right, guys!
167
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,083
Let's make it a quick one I got
a date with destiny tonight.
168
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,217
Probably not her real name.
169
00:10:50,251 --> 00:10:51,452
Ah, Jesus!
170
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,420
Drew don't take the
Lord's name in vain.
171
00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:54,955
Okay, teen seconds.
You ready, Heather?
172
00:10:57,992 --> 00:10:59,160
Okay in three
173
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,061
two
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00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:01,795
one.
175
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,270
I cast you out in
the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ!
176
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,208
You are at
the mercy of the Creator!
177
00:11:24,285 --> 00:11:26,453
Welcome to "The Cleansing Hour".
178
00:11:26,487 --> 00:11:29,223
I am Father Lance, your guide
through these troubling times.
179
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,393
Tonight,
we bring you Sabrina.
180
00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:36,230
An innocent soul,
tortured
181
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,932
by the only family
she'd ever known.
182
00:11:38,633 --> 00:11:41,769
Molested by her father,
beaten by her mother
183
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,405
Sabrina sought escape from her
unimaginable pain,
184
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,907
in the form of drugs, alcohol
185
00:11:46,941 --> 00:11:49,877
and ultimately, prostitution.
186
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,313
'Cause he's rich Well,
not just 'cause he's rich!
187
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,785
Well anyway,
so it's Josh or Kyle.
188
00:11:57,818 --> 00:12:00,120
The enemy of
God exploited her frailty,
189
00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:03,090
and took control of her body,
but tonight
190
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:06,427
by the grace of God with
my help and your prayers.
191
00:12:07,061 --> 00:12:10,231
Sabrina will be
rid of this evil!
192
00:12:12,366 --> 00:12:13,467
Okay, that's great, Heather!
193
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,436
Keep your head down,
whatever they can't see
194
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:16,370
will terrify them.
195
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:21,408
In nomine Patris et Filium
et Spiritum Sanctum.
196
00:12:23,077 --> 00:12:24,546
All right, great
Heather, now try and bite him.
197
00:12:27,582 --> 00:12:31,018
Sabrina is exhibiting incredible
strength and aggression.
198
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,187
This could be a stage four
possession.
199
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:38,025
I command you, unclean spirit
200
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,828
by the mysteries of
the incarnation,
201
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,463
hatched in the resurrection
202
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:45,165
and the ascension of
our Lord Jesus Christ
203
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,801
that you tell me your name
and obey me to the letter!
204
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,870
Speak your name, demon!
205
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,507
Okay, Heather
206
00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:55,809
your demon name is
207
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,144
Slubgob.
208
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,213
Repeat: Slubgob.
209
00:13:02,517 --> 00:13:03,817
Your name, demon.
210
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:05,520
Speak!
211
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,959
Damn, Heather, very nice!
212
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:15,563
Tell me your name, in the
name of our Lord, Jesus Christ!
213
00:13:22,136 --> 00:13:24,539
We are Thoth.
214
00:13:24,572 --> 00:13:27,441
Collector of fractured souls!
215
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:31,011
Soon we'll be
thousands in number.
216
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:34,014
Limitless in strength!
217
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:41,121
Just go with it, she said
her name was Thoth.
218
00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:43,023
Uh, Heather I appreciate your
enthusiasm,
219
00:13:43,057 --> 00:13:44,224
but please stick to the script.
220
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,930
Our Father, who art in heaven.
221
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,533
Hallowed be thy name,
thy kingdom come.
222
00:13:51,566 --> 00:13:53,100
What on Earth are
you two watching?
223
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,588
Are you seeing this?
224
00:14:01,342 --> 00:14:02,009
Thoth.
225
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:06,347
Abhor and slime of Hell,
servant of Satan.
226
00:14:07,381 --> 00:14:09,950
See the cross
of the Lord Jesus
227
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,285
and submit
228
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,521
to the authority
of the Almighty!
229
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:15,557
Fight Sabrina!
230
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,124
Fight!
231
00:14:17,592 --> 00:14:18,359
Do not give in!
232
00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:19,159
Fight!
233
00:14:30,505 --> 00:14:31,606
That wasn't me.
234
00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:35,510
Must've slipped.
235
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,546
Fuck you, deceiver!
236
00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:41,549
Fuck you for all of the masses!
237
00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:44,552
You will take the world
and the bounty it provides.
238
00:14:44,586 --> 00:14:47,421
You're nothing but a pawn
in the eyes of the Great One!
239
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,222
Silence!
240
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,424
Silence, demon!
241
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,595
I cast you out in the name of
our Lord, Jesus Christ!
242
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:55,663
Be gone and depart from Sabrina,
243
00:14:55,697 --> 00:14:58,132
who is but an innocent
creature of God!
244
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,102
For it is He who commands you.
245
00:15:02,136 --> 00:15:04,371
He who flung
you from the heights of Heaven
246
00:15:04,405 --> 00:15:06,340
to the depths of Hell!
247
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,207
What the fuck?
248
00:15:11,445 --> 00:15:12,179
Is that you?
249
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,588
Hearken therefore
and tremble in fear.
250
00:15:22,156 --> 00:15:25,727
For you are at the mercy
of the creator of all things!
251
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,630
Submit and depart from us!
252
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,106
Holy shit!
253
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:40,508
Heather?
254
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,383
We've got a problem,
something's wrong Heather?
255
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,050
Heather!
256
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:51,753
I don't think she's acting!
257
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,054
I got to end transmission!
258
00:15:54,589 --> 00:15:56,123
Don't you dare!
259
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,024
Look at the numbers!
260
00:15:57,792 --> 00:15:59,293
Help me, Father Lance!
261
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,562
Please!
262
00:16:01,696 --> 00:16:03,096
We've got to fix this!
263
00:16:04,599 --> 00:16:06,467
Don't break the fourth one!
264
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,368
13 million people are gonna
watch this girl die.
265
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,436
Who do you think
they're gonna blame?
266
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:11,506
Help me, Father Lance.
267
00:16:13,808 --> 00:16:15,075
Give me the book!
268
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,211
I'm the exorcist, right?
269
00:16:19,781 --> 00:16:20,582
Read it out loud.
270
00:16:20,615 --> 00:16:21,381
Yeah.
271
00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:24,184
Help me, Father Lance!
272
00:16:40,835 --> 00:16:41,636
Repel
273
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,242
Repel, O Lord the devil's power.
274
00:16:50,612 --> 00:16:52,479
Break asunder his
snares and traps
275
00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:57,451
Put the unholy
tempter to flight
276
00:16:59,754 --> 00:17:01,656
I cast you out, demon!
277
00:17:02,657 --> 00:17:04,692
Be gone, be gone, be gone!
278
00:17:04,726 --> 00:17:07,729
Depart from us in the name of
Jesus Christ!
279
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,031
Be gone!
280
00:17:28,883 --> 00:17:29,851
Sabrina?
281
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,221
Are you with us?
282
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:46,734
Sabrina?
283
00:17:48,703 --> 00:17:50,203
Sabrina, are you with us?
284
00:17:58,546 --> 00:18:00,180
S-Sabrina?
285
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,783
Sabrina, are you...
286
00:18:01,816 --> 00:18:03,317
are you with us?
287
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,260
Are you with us?
288
00:18:20,702 --> 00:18:22,469
Get her off me!
289
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:28,643
Drew!
290
00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:29,844
Help!
291
00:18:29,877 --> 00:18:30,745
I'll get her legs!
292
00:18:30,778 --> 00:18:31,546
I'll get her legs!
293
00:18:32,614 --> 00:18:33,615
What the fuck?
294
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:36,350
Got her legs!
295
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:37,085
I got her legs!
296
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:38,251
What the fuck?
297
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:06,179
What happened?
298
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:08,448
Did I do a good job?
299
00:19:10,985 --> 00:19:12,219
You did good, Heather.
300
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,622
You did good.
301
00:19:14,656 --> 00:19:15,590
I did it.
302
00:19:16,691 --> 00:19:17,825
I fucking did it!
303
00:19:36,744 --> 00:19:38,378
We have to take
a selfie before we go!
304
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,473
Bitch!
305
00:20:06,507 --> 00:20:07,608
I am not.
306
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,291
So God created man in his image.
307
00:20:24,792 --> 00:20:25,927
And then
308
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:26,894
he created women.
309
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,764
And he said unto them
310
00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:32,934
fruitful and multiply
311
00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:34,902
and populate the Earth
312
00:20:34,936 --> 00:20:35,870
and subdue it.
313
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:38,906
And so we did.
314
00:20:38,940 --> 00:20:40,842
We fucked like rabbits.
315
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,543
Populated the planet.
316
00:20:42,577 --> 00:20:43,778
And fucked it all up!
317
00:20:46,714 --> 00:20:48,816
Out of the mouths of babes
318
00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:49,751
and The Bible.
319
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:52,352
Words hurt huh?
320
00:20:54,622 --> 00:20:56,824
Man's words hurt even more,
because they're filled
321
00:20:56,858 --> 00:21:00,360
with nothing more than lies
and bad intentions.
322
00:21:02,830 --> 00:21:06,834
Why don't you just give up, and
let the demon into your body?
323
00:21:09,971 --> 00:21:11,338
And you, demon!
324
00:21:12,573 --> 00:21:13,674
Why do you hesitate
to enter this woman?
325
00:21:14,675 --> 00:21:16,309
She's not as bad as the others.
326
00:21:17,845 --> 00:21:21,448
Jesus, being an
exorcist is really tough!
327
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,584
I mean a real nightmare.
328
00:21:24,685 --> 00:21:26,453
We used to have to
convince the demon
329
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:27,487
out of the body.
330
00:21:28,523 --> 00:21:30,625
But now we are so fucked up
331
00:21:30,658 --> 00:21:32,359
they're too scared
to possess us!
332
00:21:33,861 --> 00:21:35,763
Of course,
it's all God's fault.
333
00:21:35,797 --> 00:21:36,731
He's a workaholic.
334
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:38,666
I mean
335
00:21:38,699 --> 00:21:42,036
he could've been like everyone
else and worked Monday to Friday
336
00:21:42,069 --> 00:21:44,705
but no, he's an
overachieving asshole
337
00:21:44,739 --> 00:21:46,741
who wanted to
work six days a week
338
00:21:46,774 --> 00:21:48,375
and only rest on Sundays.
339
00:21:49,777 --> 00:21:52,412
We could've been so cool
but he was in such a rush now.
340
00:21:53,147 --> 00:21:55,016
He made us human.
341
00:21:55,049 --> 00:21:57,618
There are many
others like him
342
00:21:57,652 --> 00:22:00,054
that take things
too seriously.
343
00:22:00,087 --> 00:22:01,923
Work more than they need to
344
00:22:01,956 --> 00:22:03,356
slaves to their job.
345
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:06,694
These workaholics are the
ones you have to watch
346
00:22:07,829 --> 00:22:10,097
especially the evil ones.
347
00:23:31,112 --> 00:23:32,513
That was fucking creepy.
348
00:24:07,982 --> 00:24:08,816
Hello?
349
00:24:11,686 --> 00:24:12,553
Hello?
350
00:24:27,034 --> 00:24:27,902
Hello
351
00:24:42,183 --> 00:24:43,551
Hello, Mia
352
00:24:43,584 --> 00:24:44,618
Dave?
353
00:24:44,652 --> 00:24:45,786
Sorry, my fucking Bluetooth.
354
00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:47,121
What are you doing?
355
00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:49,724
Well I'm talking to you
on the phone and driving over
356
00:24:49,757 --> 00:24:50,925
to your place.
357
00:24:50,958 --> 00:24:52,827
You know you're late by the way.
358
00:24:52,860 --> 00:24:54,996
Yeah well,
I might have had to make a stop.
359
00:24:55,029 --> 00:24:56,564
What for?
360
00:24:56,597 --> 00:24:58,232
I got you something.
361
00:24:58,265 --> 00:25:00,201
Last time I got a gift from
you, it was football tickets.
362
00:25:00,234 --> 00:25:01,702
Yeah,
and those were really good seats.
363
00:25:01,736 --> 00:25:02,903
You know I don't watch football.
364
00:25:02,937 --> 00:25:04,238
What?
365
00:25:04,271 --> 00:25:05,106
What do you mean you don't watch
football, since when?
366
00:25:05,139 --> 00:25:05,973
That was a fun day.
367
00:25:06,007 --> 00:25:07,608
I got us on the kiss cam.
368
00:25:07,641 --> 00:25:09,143
We had beers, I got you those
fucking nachos you wanted.
369
00:25:10,244 --> 00:25:11,946
Being romantic
is not your thing.
370
00:25:12,747 --> 00:25:13,714
Okay, I'll be there soon.
371
00:26:06,634 --> 00:26:08,169
Come on, come on, don't hit me.
372
00:26:08,202 --> 00:26:09,336
What the fuck is wrong with you?
373
00:26:09,370 --> 00:26:10,638
Are you on fucking steroids
or what?
374
00:26:10,671 --> 00:26:11,939
Oh my gosh!
375
00:26:11,972 --> 00:26:13,774
That is what you
get for being an idiot.
376
00:26:13,808 --> 00:26:15,876
Oh my gosh,
you're so adorable
377
00:26:15,910 --> 00:26:16,977
when you're upset.
378
00:26:17,011 --> 00:26:18,379
What if I had a knife
in my hand?
379
00:26:18,412 --> 00:26:19,880
What if you had a knife
in your hand?
380
00:26:19,914 --> 00:26:21,248
I don't know, what would happen?
381
00:26:21,282 --> 00:26:23,350
Maybe you'd stab me
382
00:26:23,384 --> 00:26:25,386
cut me right here, and I'd get
blood all over you.
383
00:26:25,419 --> 00:26:26,620
You'd get all wet.
384
00:26:28,189 --> 00:26:29,290
I got you a bear.
385
00:26:29,323 --> 00:26:31,092
You are so creepy.
386
00:26:31,125 --> 00:26:31,792
His name is Bill.
387
00:26:32,293 --> 00:26:32,960
Bill?
388
00:26:32,993 --> 00:26:34,061
Mhm.
389
00:26:34,095 --> 00:26:35,696
Bill is not a cute
name for a bear.
390
00:26:35,729 --> 00:26:36,897
I think it's a cute
name for a bear.
391
00:26:37,498 --> 00:26:38,699
And I got you flowers.
392
00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:40,801
Does that make up for it?
393
00:26:40,835 --> 00:26:42,136
Am I romantic enough for you?
394
00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:43,704
Yeah?
395
00:26:44,638 --> 00:26:46,107
I like how my shirt
looks on you by the way.
396
00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:46,774
Really?
397
00:26:46,807 --> 00:26:47,675
It's pretty hot.
398
00:26:47,708 --> 00:26:48,876
Yeah?
399
00:26:48,909 --> 00:26:50,344
But I am going to
need it back right now.
400
00:26:50,911 --> 00:26:52,213
I need you to take it off.
401
00:26:52,246 --> 00:26:53,180
Oh!
402
00:26:53,214 --> 00:26:54,215
Should I just take it off?
403
00:26:54,248 --> 00:26:54,949
Like right now, yeah.
404
00:26:56,016 --> 00:26:57,051
Yeah, just like right now.
405
00:26:57,818 --> 00:26:58,819
Yeah, like right now.
406
00:26:58,853 --> 00:26:59,787
That's good,
that's a good start.
407
00:27:00,721 --> 00:27:02,189
A couple more buttons
408
00:28:56,003 --> 00:28:57,438
911,
where is your emergency?
409
00:28:57,471 --> 00:28:58,540
Oh my God, please!
410
00:28:58,573 --> 00:28:59,974
Help me, he's coming after me.
411
00:29:07,181 --> 00:29:08,282
What do you want?
412
00:40:56,157 --> 00:40:57,892
Sorry,
413
00:40:57,925 --> 00:40:59,459
I haven't had breakfast.
414
00:41:00,061 --> 00:41:01,128
Anyway,
415
00:41:02,697 --> 00:41:05,566
back to the
story of Phillipa.
416
00:41:05,599 --> 00:41:07,768
I always wanted
to be a father.
417
00:41:09,103 --> 00:41:10,905
I wanted children
418
00:41:10,938 --> 00:41:12,239
with all my heart.
419
00:41:13,975 --> 00:41:16,777
But Phillipa didn't.
420
00:41:18,079 --> 00:41:20,614
She was perfect
421
00:41:20,648 --> 00:41:23,517
being pregnant
would ruin her figure.
422
00:41:24,452 --> 00:41:27,254
And she would probably
lose followers on Instagram.
423
00:41:28,089 --> 00:41:30,057
After we divorced
424
00:41:30,091 --> 00:41:32,727
Phillipa quickly moved on
425
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,563
and started dating
some other asshole.
426
00:41:35,596 --> 00:41:37,598
Who was even
more boring than me.
427
00:41:39,633 --> 00:41:41,202
A year later
428
00:41:41,235 --> 00:41:42,603
she fell pregnant.
429
00:41:44,138 --> 00:41:46,173
So what the hell happened there?
430
00:41:48,809 --> 00:41:51,045
Perhaps Phillipa thought
she would get more
431
00:41:51,078 --> 00:41:53,247
likes and comments
432
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:54,815
if she was holding a puppy.
433
00:41:55,516 --> 00:41:58,319
She always liked
to do it doggy style.
434
00:41:58,352 --> 00:42:00,988
She probably thought she
was gonna have puppies.
435
00:42:02,023 --> 00:42:04,558
I loved her dearly
436
00:42:04,592 --> 00:42:06,560
but she was too shallow.
437
00:42:06,594 --> 00:42:09,030
Too
438
00:42:09,063 --> 00:42:11,565
dependant on her appearance.
439
00:42:11,599 --> 00:42:13,734
I mean, you can't blame her.
440
00:42:13,768 --> 00:42:15,636
Who isn't these days?
441
00:42:15,669 --> 00:42:17,238
A culture based
442
00:42:17,271 --> 00:42:19,540
on appearances and hypocrisy.
443
00:42:20,307 --> 00:42:21,976
That's what this is!
444
00:42:22,877 --> 00:42:24,245
Perhaps
445
00:42:24,278 --> 00:42:25,679
that's why I'm here.
446
00:42:27,648 --> 00:42:28,983
Because
447
00:42:29,016 --> 00:42:30,684
I wasn't true to myself.
448
00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:33,921
But No more!
449
00:42:35,623 --> 00:42:38,325
Now it's a time to change.
450
00:42:39,393 --> 00:42:40,961
Now
451
00:42:40,995 --> 00:42:42,329
it's time to be free.
452
00:42:56,368 --> 00:42:58,495
It's nice we can choose
the clothes together.
453
00:42:59,204 --> 00:43:00,706
We're so lucky
454
00:43:00,747 --> 00:43:02,875
not everybody can do that.
455
00:43:02,916 --> 00:43:05,669
It'll be big on you,
but I'd like you to wear
456
00:43:05,711 --> 00:43:06,962
my father's suit.
457
00:43:07,004 --> 00:43:08,046
What do you think?
458
00:43:10,507 --> 00:43:11,341
I don't care.
459
00:43:11,383 --> 00:43:12,176
I'll wear whatever.
460
00:43:12,217 --> 00:43:15,012
No, you must look smart.
461
00:43:15,053 --> 00:43:16,847
It's an important day for me.
462
00:43:16,889 --> 00:43:19,933
Lots of people are coming,
you must look perfect.
463
00:43:19,975 --> 00:43:22,686
Then just choose
my clothes for me.
464
00:43:22,728 --> 00:43:23,896
I'm not in the mood.
465
00:43:23,937 --> 00:43:24,730
Shoes?
466
00:43:26,190 --> 00:43:29,526
The brown ones are nicer, right?
467
00:43:29,568 --> 00:43:32,112
Those ones rub
and give me sores.
468
00:43:32,988 --> 00:43:34,865
I prefer the black ones.
469
00:43:34,907 --> 00:43:35,616
These ones.
470
00:43:35,657 --> 00:43:37,951
They're newer.
471
00:43:37,993 --> 00:43:41,288
They're newer because
I never wear them.
472
00:43:41,330 --> 00:43:42,206
They rub.
473
00:43:42,247 --> 00:43:44,625
Then put some plasters on.
474
00:43:44,666 --> 00:43:47,211
Why ask me which shoes I want
if you're going
475
00:43:47,252 --> 00:43:48,712
to choose them yourself?
476
00:43:48,754 --> 00:43:50,422
Which tie?
477
00:43:50,464 --> 00:43:51,715
I like these two.
478
00:43:52,758 --> 00:43:54,843
I don't like wearing a tie.
479
00:43:54,885 --> 00:43:57,095
I never wear a tie.
480
00:43:57,137 --> 00:43:58,096
It's not my style.
481
00:43:58,805 --> 00:43:59,640
Style!
482
00:44:00,599 --> 00:44:02,184
Style What's your style?
483
00:44:03,352 --> 00:44:04,978
You look like a rustic.
484
00:44:05,020 --> 00:44:07,898
I am a rustic and I like
the way I look, okay?
485
00:44:09,775 --> 00:44:12,027
Shave that beard off.
486
00:44:12,069 --> 00:44:14,071
You're not going
with that great beard.
487
00:44:14,112 --> 00:44:16,990
You're not touching
my great beard.
488
00:44:17,032 --> 00:44:19,535
I was practically
born with a beard.
489
00:44:19,576 --> 00:44:21,954
You met me with this beard.
490
00:44:21,995 --> 00:44:25,457
That beard is
going and that's that.
491
00:44:25,499 --> 00:44:28,710
Don't you dare
I mean it, okay?
492
00:44:33,799 --> 00:44:34,758
Darling.
493
00:44:39,388 --> 00:44:40,264
That beard.
494
00:44:41,974 --> 00:44:43,433
That beard it's disgusting.
495
00:44:45,018 --> 00:44:45,936
It doesn't suit you.
496
00:44:47,145 --> 00:44:48,188
It never has.
497
00:44:50,274 --> 00:44:52,568
These clothes
that we're choosing
498
00:44:52,609 --> 00:44:54,862
you'll be wearing for eternity.
499
00:44:54,903 --> 00:44:56,196
We don't have much time
500
00:44:56,238 --> 00:45:00,534
so make an effort and
help me with all of this.
501
00:45:01,618 --> 00:45:03,203
You're the star.
502
00:45:03,245 --> 00:45:04,496
Lots of people are coming
503
00:45:04,538 --> 00:45:07,416
to see you one last
time at your wake.
504
00:45:07,457 --> 00:45:10,919
So I want you to look
handsome and radiant.
505
00:45:10,961 --> 00:45:12,713
They'll think that I've dressed
you badly because
506
00:45:12,754 --> 00:45:14,631
you're a simple villager.
507
00:45:14,673 --> 00:45:18,010
But that's what I am.
508
00:45:18,051 --> 00:45:20,888
That's how I want
people to remember me.
509
00:45:20,929 --> 00:45:22,890
With my shirts
510
00:45:22,931 --> 00:45:24,641
with tracksuit bottoms
511
00:45:25,350 --> 00:45:26,852
and, above all
512
00:45:26,894 --> 00:45:27,811
with my beard.
513
00:45:29,354 --> 00:45:31,023
Don't touch my beard, okay?
514
00:45:32,107 --> 00:45:34,651
I have to get the flowers
515
00:45:34,693 --> 00:45:37,237
the coffin and
call the last guests.
516
00:45:37,279 --> 00:45:39,406
The burial is in three days.
517
00:45:40,490 --> 00:45:42,117
So don't be selfish.
518
00:45:42,159 --> 00:45:43,744
Cooperate a little, please.
519
00:45:43,785 --> 00:45:45,245
Darling
520
00:45:45,287 --> 00:45:48,332
why don't you just wait until
I die and you can do it
521
00:45:48,373 --> 00:45:49,583
as you like.
522
00:45:49,625 --> 00:45:53,921
Darling, I don't like
to remind you but
523
00:45:53,962 --> 00:45:56,298
the doctor said you have
less than 48 hours left.
524
00:45:57,132 --> 00:45:58,258
What if he's wrong?
525
00:46:00,260 --> 00:46:01,470
He won't be wrong.
526
00:46:34,503 --> 00:46:36,213
He looks so smart.
527
00:46:36,255 --> 00:46:38,215
Are the clothes his?
528
00:46:38,257 --> 00:46:40,509
Or are they from the funeral
home?
529
00:46:40,551 --> 00:46:42,928
It's my father's suit.
530
00:46:42,970 --> 00:46:45,639
We chose it together
for the occasion.
531
00:46:46,431 --> 00:46:49,101
Rest assured, dear.
532
00:46:49,142 --> 00:46:51,937
He's more handsome
dead than he was alive.
533
00:46:51,979 --> 00:46:55,482
A little too much make-up
though, don't you think?
534
00:46:55,524 --> 00:46:58,652
If not he'd be white and
would give us the chills
535
00:46:58,694 --> 00:47:01,697
but I think it's a
complete waste of time.
536
00:47:01,738 --> 00:47:03,824
He'll start to rot
in a few hours.
537
00:47:03,866 --> 00:47:06,034
He looks better without a beard.
538
00:47:06,076 --> 00:47:07,536
He looks younger.
539
00:47:07,578 --> 00:47:09,371
He's unrecognizable
without it.
540
00:47:09,413 --> 00:47:10,706
He looks gay.
541
00:47:10,747 --> 00:47:13,500
I always told him to shave.
542
00:47:13,542 --> 00:47:16,128
Without that beard,
he's so handsome.
543
00:47:16,170 --> 00:47:17,838
He looks like a fairy.
544
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:18,881
Why did you shave him?
545
00:47:21,091 --> 00:47:22,426
It was one of his last requests.
546
00:47:25,846 --> 00:47:29,183
If you don't mind, could
you join the others?
547
00:47:29,224 --> 00:47:30,893
I'd like to be alone with him.
548
00:47:59,087 --> 00:48:00,682
Darling!
549
00:48:05,761 --> 00:48:07,137
What the hell are
you doing alive?
550
00:48:07,930 --> 00:48:08,805
I don't know.
551
00:48:09,515 --> 00:48:11,183
I just woke up.
552
00:48:11,225 --> 00:48:12,726
My God, what a shock.
553
00:48:12,768 --> 00:48:13,936
How can this be?
554
00:48:13,977 --> 00:48:17,022
The doctor confirmed your death
a few hours ago.
555
00:48:17,064 --> 00:48:19,358
He confirmed it badly then.
556
00:48:19,399 --> 00:48:21,026
Because, as you can see,
557
00:48:21,068 --> 00:48:22,277
I'm alive.
558
00:48:22,319 --> 00:48:25,322
I feel absolutely fine.
559
00:48:25,364 --> 00:48:27,032
We're burying you in an hour.
560
00:48:29,076 --> 00:48:31,453
Your friends are here,
it's all ready.
561
00:48:31,495 --> 00:48:33,914
Even people who don't like
you came.
562
00:48:35,624 --> 00:48:38,418
We'll cancel it that's that.
563
00:48:39,711 --> 00:48:43,590
I'll go out right now
and explain it all.
564
00:48:43,632 --> 00:48:44,883
Are you crazy?
565
00:48:44,925 --> 00:48:47,052
It's been a lot of trouble.
566
00:48:47,094 --> 00:48:48,262
There are hundreds of people.
567
00:48:48,303 --> 00:48:50,597
There are high expectations.
568
00:48:50,639 --> 00:48:51,807
That many people came?
569
00:48:52,891 --> 00:48:53,892
It's a success.
570
00:48:55,269 --> 00:48:57,062
I've always been a popular guy.
571
00:48:58,772 --> 00:49:01,692
They'll be happy I'm alive.
572
00:49:01,733 --> 00:49:03,068
Darling
573
00:49:03,110 --> 00:49:04,778
I'm your wife and I love you
574
00:49:05,737 --> 00:49:07,573
but it's too late now.
575
00:49:07,614 --> 00:49:08,866
We're used to the idea now.
576
00:49:10,158 --> 00:49:11,451
What do you mean?
577
00:49:11,493 --> 00:49:13,787
We can't lose face.
578
00:49:13,829 --> 00:49:14,872
We'd look stupid.
579
00:49:14,913 --> 00:49:16,874
I'd be a laughing stock.
580
00:49:19,293 --> 00:49:20,752
There's a lot at stake.
581
00:49:21,837 --> 00:49:22,504
What do you mean?
582
00:49:22,546 --> 00:49:24,631
You have to die.
583
00:49:24,673 --> 00:49:26,842
You can't just
resurrect like this.
584
00:49:26,884 --> 00:49:28,218
Are you serious?
585
00:49:28,260 --> 00:49:29,261
Of course.
586
00:49:31,555 --> 00:49:34,641
Shit You can't do this to me.
587
00:49:34,683 --> 00:49:36,476
Juan, don't talk back to me.
588
00:49:36,518 --> 00:49:38,020
Your mother is here.
589
00:49:38,061 --> 00:49:40,480
My parents are on their way.
590
00:49:40,522 --> 00:49:43,150
When they arrive, they
want you dead and buried.
591
00:49:43,192 --> 00:49:44,568
We can't let them down.
592
00:49:44,610 --> 00:49:46,737
I don't want to die yet.
593
00:49:47,187 --> 00:49:49,239
I'm not ready.
594
00:49:50,782 --> 00:49:51,366
Darling.
595
00:49:52,910 --> 00:49:53,827
Do you love me?
596
00:49:54,494 --> 00:49:55,454
Yes.
597
00:49:55,495 --> 00:49:57,331
Well, if you really love me
598
00:49:57,372 --> 00:49:58,040
die.
599
00:50:00,709 --> 00:50:02,169
You want me to kill myself?
600
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:09,718
My little boy.
601
00:50:12,513 --> 00:50:13,889
My little boy's gone.
602
00:50:15,849 --> 00:50:19,186
Faustina, don't fuss over
him you'll crease his suit.
603
00:50:21,605 --> 00:50:22,356
Goodness me.
604
00:50:23,607 --> 00:50:25,692
He's so handsome
without his beard.
605
00:50:26,610 --> 00:50:28,529
You shaved my beard in the end.
606
00:50:28,570 --> 00:50:30,822
What are you doing alive?
607
00:50:30,864 --> 00:50:32,741
I don't know but
I've woken up.
608
00:50:32,783 --> 00:50:34,409
See?
609
00:50:34,451 --> 00:50:36,036
Fresh as a daisy.
610
00:50:36,078 --> 00:50:37,204
It's a miracle!
611
00:50:37,246 --> 00:50:38,673
Yes.
612
00:50:38,747 --> 00:50:40,999
Of course, I said that to her:
613
00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:44,920
"It's a miracle", but
614
00:50:44,962 --> 00:50:48,507
now I want to go outside and
give everybody the good news.
615
00:50:48,549 --> 00:50:50,175
But she won't let me.
616
00:50:50,217 --> 00:50:52,678
She says I have to die.
617
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,346
He wants to cancel the funeral.
618
00:50:54,388 --> 00:50:57,391
He says he doesn't want
to be buried until he's dead.
619
00:50:57,432 --> 00:50:58,809
Cancel the funeral?
620
00:51:00,060 --> 00:51:01,895
Are you crazy?
621
00:51:01,937 --> 00:51:04,273
Do you know the
amount of people here?
622
00:51:05,315 --> 00:51:07,609
It's the funeral of the year.
623
00:51:08,527 --> 00:51:10,070
It cannot be canceled.
624
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:12,447
But, Mum?
625
00:51:12,489 --> 00:51:14,741
Don't "mum" me.
626
00:51:14,783 --> 00:51:16,410
You'll be buried
today and that's that.
627
00:51:17,828 --> 00:51:20,956
We can't lose face
with everybody.
628
00:51:20,998 --> 00:51:23,959
But I don't want to die, Mum.
629
00:51:24,001 --> 00:51:25,085
Son,
630
00:51:25,127 --> 00:51:26,295
don't be selfish.
631
00:51:26,336 --> 00:51:28,839
You have less than one hour
632
00:51:28,881 --> 00:51:29,882
to die.
633
00:51:30,757 --> 00:51:32,050
What rotten luck.
634
00:51:35,012 --> 00:51:36,388
How am I supposed to do it?
635
00:51:38,056 --> 00:51:40,267
I don't know.
636
00:51:40,309 --> 00:51:43,228
I don't know Hold your breath
like when you have the hiccups.
637
00:51:44,688 --> 00:51:45,522
Hiccups?
638
00:52:07,878 --> 00:52:08,712
I can't.
639
00:52:09,338 --> 00:52:09,838
I can't.
640
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:10,964
I'm suffocating.
641
00:52:11,006 --> 00:52:11,924
Darling, that's the idea.
642
00:52:13,300 --> 00:52:14,092
I don't like it.
643
00:52:16,011 --> 00:52:17,721
Think of another way.
I don't like this one.
644
00:52:18,972 --> 00:52:19,806
Don't cry.
645
00:52:19,848 --> 00:52:21,850
Cooperate a little, son!
646
00:52:23,852 --> 00:52:26,522
If you want me to die
then think of something else.
647
00:52:28,106 --> 00:52:29,775
Why don't you cut your veins?
648
00:52:46,041 --> 00:52:47,292
How's it going, darling?
649
00:52:51,171 --> 00:52:53,006
I feel a little dizzy
650
00:52:53,966 --> 00:52:55,759
but that's about it.
651
00:52:55,801 --> 00:52:58,929
The funeral workers are coming
in 30 minutes,
652
00:52:58,971 --> 00:53:00,764
they can't find him like this!
653
00:53:01,557 --> 00:53:03,559
Marisa, darling?
654
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:06,186
Go to the kitchen, get
the carving knife and stab me
655
00:53:06,228 --> 00:53:07,604
as many times as it takes.
656
00:53:08,313 --> 00:53:09,106
Me?
657
00:53:09,147 --> 00:53:10,148
Stab you?
658
00:53:10,190 --> 00:53:13,318
How can he be so macabre?
659
00:53:45,184 --> 00:53:45,976
I can't take anymore.
660
00:53:47,060 --> 00:53:48,020
Come on.
661
00:53:49,146 --> 00:53:50,022
Harder.
662
00:53:51,023 --> 00:53:52,024
You won't die.
663
00:53:54,026 --> 00:53:55,485
Don't you feel anything?
664
00:53:55,527 --> 00:53:56,486
My dear
665
00:53:58,030 --> 00:54:00,574
my stomach hurts, but
666
00:54:00,616 --> 00:54:02,326
I think I'm just nervous.
667
00:54:03,410 --> 00:54:04,077
Damn it, Juanito.
668
00:54:04,119 --> 00:54:04,912
Just die!
669
00:54:07,706 --> 00:54:08,832
How's it going?
670
00:54:08,874 --> 00:54:09,583
Mum!
671
00:54:09,625 --> 00:54:10,876
We're running out of time.
672
00:54:10,918 --> 00:54:12,002
People are impatient.
673
00:54:14,963 --> 00:54:17,174
This bastard
doesn't want to die.
674
00:54:17,216 --> 00:54:18,091
I'll help.
675
00:54:18,133 --> 00:54:19,718
I found this in the kitchen.
676
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:20,928
Mum?
677
00:54:20,969 --> 00:54:22,221
What are you going to do?
678
00:54:24,515 --> 00:54:26,475
You keep stabbing him.
679
00:54:26,517 --> 00:54:29,061
I'm going to whisk his stomach.
680
00:54:35,442 --> 00:54:37,361
It's disgusting!
681
00:54:37,402 --> 00:54:39,279
Life is disgusting
682
00:54:41,657 --> 00:54:42,908
death more so.
683
00:54:45,619 --> 00:54:46,745
What beautiful words, Mum.
684
00:55:05,264 --> 00:55:07,057
Why are you smoking?
685
00:55:07,933 --> 00:55:08,934
Smoking kills.
686
00:55:10,769 --> 00:55:12,563
It'll take hours for
him to bleed out.
687
00:55:14,189 --> 00:55:15,190
It's not working.
688
00:55:17,025 --> 00:55:20,028
But the blood
is perfectly fluffy.
689
00:55:20,070 --> 00:55:20,821
Fantastic.
690
00:55:26,869 --> 00:55:27,786
Look at it all.
691
00:55:31,540 --> 00:55:34,710
I didn't want to let anyone
down and now it's a disaster.
692
00:55:39,173 --> 00:55:40,799
I gave my life
preparing this funeral
693
00:55:42,176 --> 00:55:43,945
for nothing.
694
00:55:50,475 --> 00:55:51,894
Who will clean all this blood?
695
00:55:52,153 --> 00:55:54,730
What will we say?
696
00:55:54,771 --> 00:55:55,939
What will they think of us?
697
00:55:56,773 --> 00:55:57,774
Look!
698
00:55:57,816 --> 00:55:59,193
Look at our dresses
699
00:55:59,234 --> 00:56:00,777
and what we've
done to your son.
700
00:56:02,487 --> 00:56:04,031
What do we look like?
701
00:56:04,072 --> 00:56:05,407
You look like what you are:
702
00:56:06,825 --> 00:56:07,576
Two fucking psychopaths.
703
00:56:12,539 --> 00:56:13,957
How dare you insult your mother.
704
00:56:15,876 --> 00:56:17,336
Who does he think he is?
705
00:56:18,170 --> 00:56:19,463
Some manners!
706
00:56:23,175 --> 00:56:24,009
He's not moving.
707
00:56:25,385 --> 00:56:25,928
What?
708
00:56:27,179 --> 00:56:28,180
He's not moving
709
00:56:33,727 --> 00:56:34,603
or breathing.
710
00:56:35,771 --> 00:56:37,147
Are you sure?
711
00:56:37,189 --> 00:56:38,148
Yes
712
00:56:38,190 --> 00:56:39,316
yes.
713
00:56:39,358 --> 00:56:40,609
I think you killed him.
714
00:56:42,569 --> 00:56:44,446
I killed
715
00:56:44,488 --> 00:56:45,906
my son?
716
00:56:45,948 --> 00:56:47,115
Yes, Faustina.
717
00:56:47,157 --> 00:56:48,116
You killed him!
718
00:56:48,158 --> 00:56:48,742
You killed him!
719
00:56:48,784 --> 00:56:49,368
No.
720
00:56:49,409 --> 00:56:51,662
I can't have done.
721
00:56:51,703 --> 00:56:54,540
Not my son, no.
722
00:56:54,581 --> 00:56:56,542
But Faustina, isn't
this what we wanted?
723
00:56:58,210 --> 00:57:00,921
The worst thing that
can happen to a mother
724
00:57:00,963 --> 00:57:02,422
is to lose her child!
725
00:57:08,011 --> 00:57:09,847
But, at least
726
00:57:09,888 --> 00:57:12,224
we don't have to
cancel the ceremony.
727
00:57:27,281 --> 00:57:28,073
I think I scared them.
728
00:57:30,492 --> 00:57:32,995
They didn't recognize
me without my beard.
729
00:57:33,036 --> 00:57:34,162
What do we do now?
730
00:57:52,472 --> 00:57:53,765
Why can't I die?
731
00:57:54,683 --> 00:57:56,685
Why can't I die?!
732
00:59:24,314 --> 00:59:25,983
Dr Gonzalez,
please go to surgery.
733
00:59:49,056 --> 00:59:52,293
And this low pressure system,
is going to slide in
734
00:59:52,326 --> 00:59:53,994
and bring with it.
735
00:59:58,182 --> 01:00:00,017
Now what? you fucking gringo.
736
01:00:00,058 --> 01:00:01,435
I have my green card!
737
01:00:05,206 --> 01:00:07,208
US Border protection:
How can I help you?
738
01:00:08,984 --> 01:00:09,943
Well yeah.
739
01:00:09,985 --> 01:00:12,029
You can help me,
give me my job back.
740
01:00:14,823 --> 01:00:16,074
What the fuck did you do?
741
01:00:16,116 --> 01:00:17,117
What the fuck did you do?
742
01:00:17,159 --> 01:00:18,577
You destroyed my car,
fucking gringo!
743
01:00:18,752 --> 01:00:20,221
Thanks for your collaboration,
744
01:00:20,254 --> 01:00:22,790
and remember:
Don't come back again!
745
01:00:26,418 --> 01:00:29,004
And the gringo wants
to charge us for the wall.
746
01:00:29,046 --> 01:00:31,298
Tell him no,
fucking racist gringo!
747
01:00:31,340 --> 01:00:32,424
We won't pay you shit!
748
01:00:34,235 --> 01:00:35,936
Wait a minute please.
749
01:00:49,274 --> 01:00:50,484
Mr. Trump
750
01:00:50,526 --> 01:00:53,153
look, we are
honest people and
751
01:00:53,195 --> 01:00:54,530
we only want to ask you to...
752
01:01:35,988 --> 01:01:37,698
Who changed my case?
753
01:01:37,739 --> 01:01:39,533
Who did you steal this from?
754
01:01:39,575 --> 01:01:41,827
Well, it was there
755
01:01:45,163 --> 01:01:46,999
Play the guitar!
756
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,459
Sing something, but in
English, or he won't understand.
757
01:02:03,390 --> 01:02:05,392
Come here Mr. diplomat.
758
01:02:05,434 --> 01:02:07,644
It's up to you to demand him
759
01:02:07,686 --> 01:02:08,645
put it on!
760
01:02:09,605 --> 01:02:11,231
If you don't
761
01:02:11,273 --> 01:02:14,610
he'll step over our people
and destroy our culture.
762
01:02:18,614 --> 01:02:20,115
Go, hurry up!
763
01:02:25,996 --> 01:02:27,998
Now, who could save us?
764
01:02:37,508 --> 01:02:38,383
Hey what's that?
765
01:02:38,425 --> 01:02:39,885
It's a miracle!
766
01:02:41,303 --> 01:02:43,096
It's quetzalcoatl.
767
01:02:43,138 --> 01:02:44,723
Is it the hail Mary?
768
01:02:46,725 --> 01:02:48,143
It is the hail Mary!
769
01:03:07,579 --> 01:03:09,706
Hell yeah motherfucker!
770
01:04:34,576 --> 01:04:35,577
Well, believe it or not
we are already halfway
771
01:04:37,177 --> 01:04:38,312
through the show.
772
01:04:39,279 --> 01:04:41,315
Wasn't as bad as you thought.
773
01:04:41,348 --> 01:04:42,650
Well, perhaps it was
774
01:04:42,684 --> 01:04:44,485
but you have to defend
yourself, don't you?
775
01:04:45,653 --> 01:04:47,488
A wise man once said
776
01:04:48,355 --> 01:04:50,391
that our decisions
get us into trouble
777
01:04:51,492 --> 01:04:52,926
but our pride
that keeps us there.
778
01:04:54,696 --> 01:04:57,464
Sometimes we make
decisions to please people
779
01:04:57,498 --> 01:04:58,465
or annoy them.
780
01:04:59,967 --> 01:05:01,301
Like I did with my father
781
01:05:02,369 --> 01:05:04,639
I decided to study
accountancy
782
01:05:04,672 --> 01:05:06,039
just to piss him off.
783
01:05:06,741 --> 01:05:08,442
My dad was a rock singer
784
01:05:08,475 --> 01:05:11,378
but not one of those that
would sell a million records
785
01:05:11,412 --> 01:05:13,447
or that you would see on TV.
786
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,517
He was the type of guy that
would hop from bar to bar
787
01:05:15,550 --> 01:05:17,017
working for tips.
788
01:05:18,252 --> 01:05:19,153
He was happy
789
01:05:19,987 --> 01:05:21,155
a free soul.
790
01:05:22,356 --> 01:05:24,559
But he never gave
my mother or I a dime.
791
01:05:25,693 --> 01:05:27,562
He said money was
the root of all evil.
792
01:05:29,764 --> 01:05:31,733
I was 19 when I enrolled to
study the thing
793
01:05:31,766 --> 01:05:34,067
he would hate the most:
accounting.
794
01:05:35,169 --> 01:05:36,470
I would count money
795
01:05:36,503 --> 01:05:38,071
touch money
796
01:05:38,105 --> 01:05:39,239
smell money.
797
01:05:41,442 --> 01:05:43,444
And become the
complete opposite
798
01:05:43,477 --> 01:05:44,546
of what he was:
799
01:05:45,279 --> 01:05:46,246
an artist.
800
01:05:48,616 --> 01:05:51,018
Deep down I hated
my choice too
801
01:05:51,051 --> 01:05:53,588
but the fact that it depressed
and disappointed my father
802
01:05:53,621 --> 01:05:55,690
was reason enough
for it to be worthwhile.
803
01:05:56,624 --> 01:05:59,326
And that's how I ended up
working in a career that I hate
804
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:01,563
and now my father is dead.
805
01:06:03,030 --> 01:06:04,164
I hadn't accounted on that.
806
01:06:05,199 --> 01:06:09,503
Never do anything for anyone
else for any reason whatsoever!
807
01:06:09,537 --> 01:06:10,404
Never!
808
01:06:12,306 --> 01:06:13,575
You just do you!
809
01:17:48,435 --> 01:17:51,872
When I die, I wanna go
peacefully like my grandad.
810
01:17:52,507 --> 01:17:54,375
Not screaming like
his passengers.
811
01:17:57,311 --> 01:17:59,480
John says to Jack:
812
01:17:59,514 --> 01:18:02,383
You know since yesterday
my uncle rests in peace.
813
01:18:03,284 --> 01:18:04,752
Jack says:
814
01:18:04,785 --> 01:18:06,120
Oh sorry.
815
01:18:06,153 --> 01:18:08,489
I didn't know your uncle died.
816
01:18:08,523 --> 01:18:10,791
He didn't, it was
my aunt who died.
817
01:18:15,763 --> 01:18:17,398
Two guys meet in heaven
818
01:18:17,431 --> 01:18:19,033
one says to the other:
819
01:18:19,066 --> 01:18:20,734
How did you go?
820
01:18:20,768 --> 01:18:22,369
I froze to death,
said the other
821
01:18:22,403 --> 01:18:23,737
and you?
822
01:18:23,771 --> 01:18:25,039
I died of laughter
823
01:18:25,973 --> 01:18:27,074
Laughter?
824
01:18:27,107 --> 01:18:28,342
What do you mean?
825
01:18:28,375 --> 01:18:31,111
Well, I thought my wife
was having an affair
826
01:18:31,145 --> 01:18:32,479
so I left for work
827
01:18:32,514 --> 01:18:35,115
and then returned an
hour later to catch them
828
01:18:35,149 --> 01:18:37,519
I searched the whole
house for them
829
01:18:37,552 --> 01:18:39,753
and when I
realized my mistake
830
01:18:39,787 --> 01:18:43,357
I started laughing and
gave myself a heart-attack!
831
01:18:43,390 --> 01:18:44,758
You idiot!
832
01:18:44,792 --> 01:18:46,460
Says the other guy.
833
01:18:46,493 --> 01:18:49,763
If you looked in the freezer
you could have saved us both!
834
01:18:54,235 --> 01:18:54,935
Get it?
835
01:18:56,070 --> 01:18:57,972
The lover was
hiding in the freezer!
836
01:18:58,607 --> 01:19:00,508
The other guy was a cuckold!
837
01:19:01,342 --> 01:19:02,943
Just like you!
838
01:19:02,977 --> 01:19:04,144
Why did you say that?
839
01:19:04,178 --> 01:19:06,413
Because you are a cuckold
840
01:19:06,447 --> 01:19:07,848
I'm not a cuckold!
841
01:19:07,881 --> 01:19:10,251
Yes, you're holding
my cock right now.
842
01:19:12,086 --> 01:19:13,454
No I'm not.
843
01:19:13,487 --> 01:19:14,855
Anyway,
844
01:19:14,888 --> 01:19:16,457
I don't know why
I'm arguing with you.
845
01:19:16,490 --> 01:19:19,326
I don't know why you've
got your hand up my ass.
846
01:19:21,028 --> 01:19:23,864
Stop it. You know nothing.
You know nothing about Phillipa.
847
01:19:23,897 --> 01:19:24,798
She loves me.
848
01:19:25,499 --> 01:19:26,934
No, you're right.
849
01:19:26,967 --> 01:19:27,935
Of course I don't.
850
01:19:29,136 --> 01:19:31,105
But you remind
me of this guy Dan.
851
01:19:32,239 --> 01:19:34,208
Dan was playing in the casino.
852
01:19:34,241 --> 01:19:36,143
His friend rushes in and says:
853
01:19:36,176 --> 01:19:37,978
Quick, Dan!
854
01:19:38,012 --> 01:19:41,315
Your wife is sleeping with
someone else in the car park.
855
01:19:41,348 --> 01:19:42,883
Dan runs out
856
01:19:42,916 --> 01:19:44,852
comes back ten minutes later.
857
01:19:45,386 --> 01:19:46,820
You idiot!
858
01:19:46,854 --> 01:19:48,255
You scared me!
859
01:19:48,289 --> 01:19:49,890
It wasn't someone else.
860
01:19:49,923 --> 01:19:52,326
It was the same
guy as always.
861
01:19:54,895 --> 01:19:55,896
Cut it out.
862
01:19:55,929 --> 01:19:59,166
Phillipa says: Honey, can
you buy me a cell phone?
863
01:19:59,734 --> 01:20:01,435
What about the other one?
864
01:20:01,468 --> 01:20:03,103
The other one will
get me a tablet.
865
01:20:06,006 --> 01:20:08,309
Hey Brandon.
866
01:20:08,342 --> 01:20:10,377
You know how
Phillipa's nickname
867
01:20:10,411 --> 01:20:11,945
is Phil.
868
01:20:11,979 --> 01:20:14,982
Well when she gets a
runny nose from too much sex
869
01:20:15,015 --> 01:20:17,484
the guys all call her Phul!
870
01:20:20,054 --> 01:20:21,288
Hey!
871
01:20:21,322 --> 01:20:23,257
You know what else
they call your wife?
872
01:20:23,290 --> 01:20:25,326
American Flag!
873
01:20:25,359 --> 01:20:27,928
Cause she even gets
planted on the Moon!
874
01:21:48,108 --> 01:21:49,109
Mission control?
875
01:21:52,079 --> 01:21:53,147
Do you read me?
876
01:21:55,517 --> 01:21:56,483
Mission control!
877
01:21:57,251 --> 01:21:57,951
Do you read me?
878
01:21:57,985 --> 01:21:58,620
Over!
879
01:22:06,226 --> 01:22:10,130
Mission Control, this
is SEV Omega T26.
880
01:22:10,765 --> 01:22:12,065
I need help!
881
01:22:13,601 --> 01:22:14,702
Please answer!
882
01:22:21,208 --> 01:22:25,112
Mission Control this
is SEV Omega T26.
883
01:22:26,346 --> 01:22:28,683
Please answer!
884
01:22:55,175 --> 01:22:58,445
This is SEV Omega T26.
885
01:22:59,413 --> 01:23:00,414
I need help!
886
01:23:04,151 --> 01:23:05,152
Mayday!
887
01:23:09,824 --> 01:23:11,693
Mission Control, please.
888
01:23:11,726 --> 01:23:13,060
Please answer someone!
889
01:23:13,093 --> 01:23:14,662
Please!
890
01:23:14,696 --> 01:23:17,599
Please, just...
891
01:23:41,823 --> 01:23:46,159
Oh I Wonder what you are.
892
01:23:48,596 --> 01:23:53,100
Up above the world so High.
893
01:23:56,236 --> 01:24:00,274
Like a diamond in the sky.
894
01:26:07,735 --> 01:26:08,468
Hello?
895
01:26:10,337 --> 01:26:12,172
Is anybody there?
896
01:26:16,243 --> 01:26:19,514
Mayday! This is SEV Omega T26
897
01:31:08,169 --> 01:31:10,738
Houston, Tranquility Base here.
898
01:31:10,771 --> 01:31:12,606
The Eagle has landed.
899
01:31:39,867 --> 01:31:41,669
Okay, Houston,
we've had a problem here.
900
01:31:42,636 --> 01:31:43,404
This is Houston.
901
01:31:43,437 --> 01:31:44,504
Say again, please.
902
01:31:44,538 --> 01:31:46,207
Uh,
Houston, we've had a problem.
903
01:31:58,252 --> 01:32:00,187
Needless to say,
they have useful application
904
01:32:00,221 --> 01:32:02,957
in a lot of situations.
905
01:32:02,990 --> 01:32:05,059
But when it comes to your skin,
906
01:32:05,092 --> 01:32:07,194
chemicals are
a definitely no-no.
907
01:32:07,228 --> 01:32:09,764
So also bio
food bio beauty products.
908
01:32:09,797 --> 01:32:10,831
Why am I not surprised?
909
01:32:12,833 --> 01:32:15,269
Ok, people listening
to us are probably dying to know more.
910
01:32:15,302 --> 01:32:17,638
So, stop the agony and give me
the cure.
911
01:32:17,671 --> 01:32:21,208
Well,
biological are quiet trendy today.
912
01:32:21,242 --> 01:32:23,878
The beauty and now the help is
we have started to get
913
01:32:23,911 --> 01:32:25,980
on the bandwagon, saying that
914
01:32:26,013 --> 01:32:29,150
"If people put bio
into their bodies.
915
01:32:29,183 --> 01:32:31,986
Why not put bio
onto their bodies too?"
916
01:32:32,019 --> 01:32:33,687
It's just really stuff.
917
01:32:33,721 --> 01:32:36,090
Yeah,
it's fascinating and also
918
01:32:36,123 --> 01:32:37,758
and now you have authenticity
right here.
919
01:32:37,792 --> 01:32:39,794
Quiet a lot of it is natural
and vital ingredients
920
01:32:39,827 --> 01:32:42,730
and lotions-our listeners
can go out and buy it
921
01:32:42,763 --> 01:32:44,065
at any natural food store.
922
01:32:44,098 --> 01:32:45,032
Am I right?
923
01:32:45,066 --> 01:32:47,568
Yes. Yes, yes, you're right.
924
01:35:59,059 --> 01:36:01,295
Help me!
925
01:39:30,738 --> 01:39:32,674
Come on.
926
01:40:00,367 --> 01:40:01,803
Hello.
927
01:40:01,836 --> 01:40:03,170
Hey sheriff.
928
01:45:54,689 --> 01:45:59,689
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