Original subtitles

HAPPY "TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK" DAY, JAKERS!

HA HA HA!

OH, JUST THINK: FATHER AND SON, SIDE BY SIDE,

SWEATING FOR THEIR DAILY BACON.

UM, WHAT'S THIS?

WELL, ON THE VERY FIRST T.Y.C.W. DAY,

WHEN CAVE MAN TOOK CAVE BOY TO HUNT BRONTOSAURS,

HE FURNISHED HIM WITH A CRUDE SPEAR.

AND THUS I FURNISH THEE

WITH A TOOL THEE CAN USE

IN THE WILDS OF WEALTH MANAGEMENT.

HA HA HA!

GO AHEAD, OPEN IT.

A CALCULATOR?

IT'S A COMPOUND INTEREST CALCULATOR. OH, YEAH!

A FINANCIAL PLANNER'S WEAPON OF MASS DEDUCTION!

HA HA HA! A LITTLE PLAY ON--

SAY, YOU SEEM A LITTLE DOWN IN THE DUMPY.

WHAT'S WRONG, JAKE MICHIGAN?

NOTHING, IT'S JUST...

TRIXIE GETS TO SPEND THE DAY

FLYING JETFIGHTERS WITH HER DAD.

Girl: WHOO-HOO!

Jake: SPUD'S CHILLING WITH HIS MOM

AT THE RESTAURANT.

Woman: 5 MINUTES TO DOORS OPEN, ARTHUR.

Boy: NO WORRIES, MOM.

THE TABLES ARE SET, THE CANDLES ARE LIT,

AND THE PIZZA TIME PLAYERS ARE DISINFECTED.

Jake: EVEN BRAD'S HAVING FUN.

BRADSTER AND DADSTER ON THE BEAT.

I DARE ANY PERPS TO PERPETRATE.

SO YOU LIKE BEING A LAWMAN, EH, BRAD?

OOH! OOH! CAN I DO THE "WHOOP-WHOOP" AGAIN?

HA HA HA!

MAKE HER SING, SON.

Jake: NO OFFENSE, BUT COMPARED WITH ALL THAT,

PUNCHING NUMBERS IS KIND OF DULL.

HA HA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

WE'LL HAVE A HECK OF A TIME!

AND IN THIS FAMILY,

WHEN WE WORK HARD, WE PLAY HARD!

THAT'S RIGHT, FIRST THING TOMORROW

I'M TAKING YOU TO BUILD SANDCASTLES ON ROCKAWAY BEACH.

OH, YOU ALWAYS LOVE THAT.

YEAH, WHEN I WAS 8.

YOUR GRANDPA LONG TOOK ME THERE WHEN I WAS A NIPPER,

I'VE TAKEN YOU FOR YEARS, AND SOMEDAY,

YOU'LL GO THERE WITH YOUR BOY-CHILD.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.

HIGH TIDE'S A-COMING, JAKE-AROONI JUNIOR!

BETTER PADDLE YOUR SADDLE

BACK TO THE OLD DADDLE.

OH, MAN!

¶ HE'S COOL, HE'S HOT, LIKE A FROZEN SUN ¶

¶ HE'S YOUNG AND FAST, HE'S THE CHOSEN ONE ¶

¶ PEOPLE, WE'RE NOT BRAGGIN' ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HE'S GONNA STOP HIS ENEMIES WITH HIS DRAGON POWERS ¶

¶ DRAGON TEETH, DRAGON TAIL ¶

¶ BURNIN' DRAGON FIRE ¶

¶ A REAL LIVE WIRE ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON! ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON! ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON! ¶

¶ HIS SKILLS ARE GETTING FASTER, WITH GRANDPA MASTER ¶

¶ HIS DESTINY WILL WALK UP STREETS ¶

¶ IT'S SHOWTIME, BABY, FOR THE LEGACY ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON! ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON! ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON! ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON! ¶

¶ YAHOO ¶

Man with accent: HEY, NEW YORK CITY!

HOME OF LADY LIBERTY

AND BASEBALL PLAYERS WITH STRIPY PANTS

AND CHICAGO-STYLE PIZZA!

IF I CAN MAKE IT HERE,

I WILL MAKE IT EVERYWHERE!

[SPEAKING WITH ACCENT] ENOUGH, YOU MULE!

DO NOT FORGET OUR PURPOSE HERE.

ONLY THE BLOOD OF THE AMERICAN DRAGON--

[COUGHS]

--CAN SUSTAIN US.

Second Man with accent: YOU WILL EXCUSE MY BROTHERS, MAMA.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY LOVE THE NYC.

PLEASE, GUIDE US TO THE BEAST.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

I SEE THE DRAGON'S TRUE FORM.

HE IS HUMAN...MASCULINE... WITH SHARP, POINTY HAIR.

WE...WE FIND HIM AT THIS ADDRESS:

182 SHORN EAGLE.

DRIVE.

SLEEP WELL, MY QUEEN. WHEN YOU WAKE,

YOU WILL DRINK

FROM THE DRAGON.

AHH!

TIME TO GET THE OLD BLOOD PUMPING.

NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE CARDIO BEFORE WORK

TO START THE TICKER TALKING!

["WALKING ON SUNSHINE" PLAYING]

DAD? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S CALLED "JU-JAZZU"!

LETHAL GROUND-FIGHTING MOVES

SET TO UP-TEMPO JAZZ STANDARDS.

I'LL SHOW YOU.

WIDOW-MAKER PUNCH!

MONKEY STEALS THE PEACHES!

LOTUS THROAT STRIKE!

BUCK-AND-WING, BUCK-AND-WING.

AND...JAZZ HANDS!

YOU TRY IT.

AW, SOMEONE'S GOING TO SEE ME.

GOTTA GET OUT OF SIGHT!

Second Man with accent: WE HAVE FOUND HIM, BROTHERS.

THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

Father: SOMEDAY, BOY, ALL THIS CAN BE YOURS.

WELL, THIS, ANYWAY.

NOTHING FANCY, JUST A FEW ACCOUTERMENTS

TO BRIGHTEN UP MY CORNER OF THE WORLD.

BOBBLE-HEAD KITTEN.

ZEN GARDEN.

HULA GIRL.

RUDE NOISEMAKER.

[FARTING NOISES]

OH, JAKE! OH! WHEW!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY? WOW!

Man: JONATHAN!

OH, IT'S THE HEAD CHEESE, MR. LOCKJELLY!

YOU SEEM TO HAVE MISSED MY MEMO, JONATHAN,

SO I'LL READ IT TO YOU.

"'TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK' DAY MUST NOT INTERFERE

"WITH THE DAILY DOINGS OF THIS COMPANY.

"ALL OFFSPRING WILL REPORT TO THE COPY ROOM IMMEDIATELY,

WHERE THEY WILL BE PUT TO WORK COLLATING DOCUMENTS."

WHOA, HOLD UP! I'VE GOT TO MAKE COPIES?

IF IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DAUGHTER,

IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

WELL, HOW ABOUT IT, JAKERS?

YOU WILLING TO DO YOUR PART FOR THE FIRM?

[SIGHS]

TRADING PAPER CUTS WITH LOCKJELLY JUNIOR?

CAN THIS DAY GET ANY--

HEY! MARNEE LOCKJELLY.

UH, JAKE. JAKE LONG.

SO, WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH?

HMM. YOU COULD START BY CUTTING THESE OUT.

THEY'RE FLYERS FOR MY PARTY TONIGHT.

PARTY?

OH, MY DAD'S KIND OF A DWEEB,

BUT HE'S FAIR.

HE SAID IF I PUT UP WITH HIM TODAY,

THE HOUSE IS MINE TONIGHT.

HAH! I THINK MY DAD'S GOT YOURS BEAT

IN THE DWEEB DEPARTMENT.

YAR, MATEY!

'TIS I, SPREADSHEET BEARD!

YUP, YOU WIN.

Lockjelly: JONATHAN!

SOME HIGH-LEVEL EXECUTIVES

FROM A MAJOR COSMETICS FIRM JUST WALKED IN,

AND FOR SOME REASON, THEY'RE...

WELL, THEY'RE ASKING FOR YOU.

COME ON, JAKE.

I WANT YOU TO SEE THE OLD MAN IN ACTION.

AROUND HERE, THEY CALL ME "KING CONFERENCE,

EIGHTH WONDER OF THE ALL-PURPOSE ROOM."

UH...UGH...

UGH...

OH!

CAN I TAKE YOUR COATS, GENTLEMEN?

OR YOUR...UMBRELLAS?

NO, THANK YOU, MR. LONG.

WE ARE QUITE COMFORTABLE.

WELL, PERHAPS YOU'D CARE FOR A HOT BEVERAGE

FROM OUR BROUHAHA 4000 ESPRESSO MACHINE?

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

CAN I PULL YOU BOYS A SHOT?

ACTUALLY, WE WERE HOPING

TO MEET WITH YOU PRIVATELY, MR. LONG.

PERHAPS WE COULD STEP OUT... FOR A BITE?

WELL, IT'S A TAD EARLY FOR LUNCH,

DON'T YOU THINK?

COME ON, DAD.

A CHANGE OF SCENERY IS ALWAYS GOOD,

ESPECIALLY IF THE SCENERY'S THIS OFFICE.

WHO LIKES ITALIAN?

Spud: WELCOME TO FAMILIO FESTEVEDRO'S,

WHERE WE'LL NEVER LET YOU FROWN.

WOULD YOU SIGNORES LIKE A SEAT ON THE TERRAZZO?

SURE! THAT SOUNDS WON--

NO!

AHEM. MY PARTNERS AND I

ARE SENSITIVE TO THE LIGHT.

WE MUST INSIST ON A BOOTH INDOORS,

AWAY FROM ANY WINDOWS.

RIGHT THIS WAY, SIR.

HEY, JAKE,

ISN'T "TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK" DAY

THE FUNNEST HOLIDAY EVER?

WELL, I MEAN, BESIDES THE PERISTALEGIC EQUINOX

COMMONLY KNOWN AS "SCHMINGUS-DINGUS"?

OH, WELL--

Woman: ARTHUR!

I HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED

THAT A VERY IMPORTANT V.I.P. IS ON HIS WAY HERE.

WHO'S THAT, MA?

ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANT FOODIE

IN THE 5 BURROUGHS, JUDGE GLAMIS CUTLER!

HE WRITES FOR THE "BUGLE."

A 5-STAR REVIEW IN "FOOD COURT"

COULD TRIPLE OUR BUSINESS!

COPY THAT, MAMINSKI!

I'LL BE ON THIS DUDE

THE MINUTE HE WALKS THROUGH THAT...

...DOOR.

ARTHUR, QUICK! SHOW HIM A TABLE!

WELCOME TO FAMILIO FESTEVEDRO'S, YOUR LORDSHIP.

IN HONOR OF "TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK" DAY,

I BROUGHT MY SON LEONARD

TO HELP ME REVIEW YOUR ESTABLISHMENT.

LENNY'S CELEBRATING A BIRTHDAY.

AREN'T YOU, LENNY?

IF HE'S HAPPY, I'M HAPPY.

HEY, OLD CHAP, YOU LIKE PIZZA PIE?

[GULPS]

WELL, YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, FELLAS.

I'VE GOT TO VISIT THE LITTLE FINANCIAL PLANNERS ROOM.

YEAH, ME TOO.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, KID.

THESE GUYS HAVE CARROT-RED HAIR,

NO REFLECTION, AND HATE THE SUN?

OOH!

ALL RIGHT, I'VE GOT AN IDEA WHO YOUR LATKES ARE,

BUT I COULD BE WRONG.

I HOPE I AM.

NOPE, I'M RIGHT!

THEY'RE STRIGOI!

OH, CURSE MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE!

STRIGOI? NEVER HEARD OF THEM.

Fu: WELL, THEY'RE KIND OF LIKE VAMPIRES,

EXCEPT VAMPIRES FEED ON HUMAN BLOOD,

AND STRIGOI FEED ON... WELL...YOURS.

[GASPS]

THEIR MOTHER, QUEEN LILIANA, HAS PSYCHIC VISIONS

THAT PINPOINT THE DRAGON'S LOCATIONS.

THEY TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD,

DRINKING DRAGON BLOOD TO KEEP THEMSELVES ALIVE.

WHEN THEY'VE HAD THEIR FILL,

THEY CAN WALK FREELY IN THE DAYLIGHT.

WHEN THEY'RE RUNNING LOW,

IT MIGHT AS WELL BE 200 DEGREES IN THE SHADE.

SO THIS WHOLE COSMETICS COMPANY THING

IS JUST A SCAM TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF ME?

Father: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO, JAKERS?

AAH!

OH, JUST FU...FOOT... MY FOOT DOCTOR.

SO YOU SAY A TOPICAL CREAM SHOULD STOP THE ITCHING?

OH! YIPES!

WELL, DON'T BE LONG.

OUR GUESTS ARE FAMISHED.

SO I HEARD.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, FU?

I CAN'T DRAGON UP AROUND DAD.

YOU GOTTA THINK, KID. IS THERE ANY WAY OF GETTING HIM

AWAY FROM THOSE BLOODSUCKERS?

I DON'T KNOW, SOME KIND OF DISTRACTION?

[SIREN]

HUH?

HUH?

OH!

Spud: ¶ WE HEARD THAT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY ¶

¶ IT'S BIRTHDAY TIME FOR YOU ¶

¶ AND SINCE IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY ¶

¶ WE'LL SING A SONG FOR YOU ¶

Fu: JAKE! WHAT'S ALL THAT RACKET?

OUR DISTRACTION.

[APPLAUSE]

[GASP]

ALONE AT LAST.

DRAG--

HURRY! THE DRAGON IS GETTING AWAY!

UH...SAY WHAT?

YO, FU!

THEY'RE AFTER THE AMERICAN DRAGON, ALL RIGHT

Spud: ¶ WE WISH YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY ¶

¶ WE HOPE YOU STAY AWHILE ¶

¶ AND ALL THAT WE REQUIRE ¶

¶ IS JUST A LITTLE SMILE ¶

BUT THEY THINK IT'S DAD!

Both: OH, MAN!

[CHEERING]

DAD! WATCH OUT!

AAH! SUNLIGHT!

SUNLIGHT!

QUICKLY, BROTHERS. RETREAT!

Lockjelly: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY JUST LEFT?

Father: WELL, UPSIDE IS, WE SAVED THE COMPANY

A WHOPPER OF A LUNCH TAB.

TRUST ME, THOSE FELLAS WERE EYEING THE VEAL SCALOPPINI.

PLUS, THEY RESCHEDULED FOR LATER TONIGHT.

SAID SOMETHING ABOUT MEETING JUST AFTER SUNSET.

I GUESS THEY'RE STILL ON TRANSYLVANIA TIME.

FINISHED. THAT'S 200.

ACTUALLY, 199. THAT'S YOURS.

SO, HMM, WILL I SEE YOU THERE TONIGHT?

SURE. I'D LOVE--

WAIT. I CAN'T.

I GOT TO SAVE MY DAD.

UH, I MEAN, I HAVE TO SAVE SOME TIME FOR MY DAD.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH FATHER-SON BONDING

FOR ONE DAY?

I'VE DONE ENOUGH FOR A LIFETIME.

THE WHOLE DAY, MY DAD'S BEEN SAYING,

"WHEN YOU GROW UP, JAKEROO,

YOU'LL BE JUST LIKE ME."

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HIM?

UH, JAKE?

PLUS, MY NAME'S JAKE, NOT JAKE-O-LANTERN,

NOT PHILLY CHEESEJAKE,

NOT THE JUNIOR SENATOR FROM THE GREAT STATE OF JAKANSAS.

UH, JAKE?

WHAT'S WRONG? DAD.

SORRY, I WAS-- I WAS JUST--

HEY, HEY, THAT'S OK, JAKER,

UH, UH, JACOB.

HECK, I--I USED TO THINK MY OLD MAN WAS A SQUARE, TOO.

I SUPPOSE DISSING YOUR DAD'S A PART OF BEING A TEENAGER.

OH, JEEPS, LOOK AT THE TIME. I--I GOTTA VAMOOSE.

OHH.

HEY, CHECK IT OUT, LEONARD. I'M A BONELESS CHICKEN!

[CLUCKING]

CHECK, PLEASE. NO! WAIT!

HEY, DO YOU LIKE PARLOR TRICKS, LEONARD?

SPUD THE SPUDNIFICENT

WILL NOW REMOVE THIS TABLECLOTH

WITHOUT DISTURBING YOUR DINNERWARE.

HEH. SIMPLE PHYSICS, REALLY,

OBJECTS AT REST TEND TO STAY AT REST.

AND A ONE, AND A TWO, AND A 3!

[CRASH]

I HATE PHYSICS.

WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH.

NO, NO, NO, DON'T GO!

AHH, LOOK, LEONARD, I'M MONKEY BOY.

[CHATTERING]

I COULD JUST SCREAM.

Trixie: WAAA-HOO!

TRIXIE? HONEY?

I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THE FLIGHT SIMULATOR,

BUT IT'S TIME TO LET THE CADETS TAKE A TURN.

UGH. TELL 'EM TO KEEP THEIR JUMPSUITS ON.

THE STRIGOI ARE EXPERT DRAGON SLAYERS, KID.

THEY ADVISE THEIR COMPADRES ALL OVER THE GLOBE.

YEAH? WELL, THESE PUNKS NEVER MET THE AMDRAG.

OH, YEAH? WELL, TELL THAT TO THE FRANDRAG,

THE CANDRAG, AND THE AZERBAIJANDRAG.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE SENDING YOU IN

WITH A SECRET WEAPON-- SOLAR SAND.

IT'S THE LATEST IN INSTANT SUNSHINE.

JUST BLOW A LITTLE FIRE ON THESE BEAUTIES.

ONCE THEY'VE REACHED THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE, BOOM!

THOSE PASTY PUNKS WILL GET THE SUNTAN OF THEIR LIVES.

BUT USE CAUTION, YOUNG DRAGON.

YOUR FATHER MUST NOT SEE YOUR MAGIC.

I GOT IT COVERED, G.

WHILE I'M FIGHTING VAMPIRES,

DAD'LL BE FIGHTING THE LAW.

DRIVING WITH A BUSTED TAILLIGHT?

THAT'S A MOVING VIOLATION.

WELL, WELL.

GUESS THAT ANONYMOUS TIP WAS SOLID.

HEH HEH. LOCAL PLATES

AND AN "I HEART A.M. RADIO" BUMPER STICKER.

[SIREN WAILING]

Brad on bullhorn: PULL IT OVER, LONGHAIR.

OH, FIDDLE-FADDLE!

[SIREN WAILING]

[DING] [SNORING]

[LILIANA GASPING FOR AIR]

Strigoi: SOON, MY QUEEN,

YOU WILL BE RESTORED TO YOUR FORMER VIGOR,

NOURISHED BY THE SWEET NECTAR OF DRAGON BLOOD.

Jake: YEAH, ABOUT THAT?

THE ONLY NOURISHMENT YOU'RE GETTING FROM ME

IS A KNUCKLE SANDWICH WITH A SIDE OF SMACK AND CHEESE.

THE DRAGON!

[ALL GROWLING]

WOW. THIS IS WAY TOO EASY.

YOU KNOW, FOR BIG-SHOT DRAGON EXTERMINATORS,

YOUR GAME'S KINDA WEAK.

UHH! OHH!

TIME TO WRAP THIS UP WITH MY SECRET WEAPON.

FUNNY, THAT'S JUST WHAT I WAS THINKING.

SPHINX HAIR.

IN OUR NATIVE TONGUE,

IT IS KNOWN AS TALISMAN KILL DRAGONOSA.

AVAILABLE COMMERCIALLY AS DRAGON-BE-GONE.

[GRUNTING]

CAN YOU FEEL YOUR POWER FADING,

YOUR VITALITY LEAKING OUT?

IN SECONDS, YOU'LL BE HELPLESS,

LIFELESS, LIKE A FLUFFY, LITTLE...

[CRASH] DRAGON.

PLEASE, RADU, MAY I FINISH HIM?

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

BE MY GUEST.

YAII!

UHH.

WHAT WAS THAT? A FLYING CHANDE-KICK.

WHAT? HE DID IT TO ME.

JAKE? JAKE. WHO HURT YOU?

STAY HERE, SON.

NO! DAD!

HI-YAH! YAH! YAH!

BACK SO SOON?

I SUPPOSE YOU THINK THAT SPHINX HAIR IS USELESS

AGAINST YOUR HUMAN FORM.

[CHUCKLES] A COMMON MISTAKE.

YOU...YOU HURT MY JAKE. NOBODY DOES THAT.

YOU NAMED YOUR DRAGON SELF JAKE?

DON'T LET HIM TEASE YOU.

I NAMED MY FANGS LEFTY AND BITEY.

DAD. NO.

UHH. [ALL GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

[PUNCHING, GROANING]

HUH?

[KARATE SHOUTS]

DAD?

DRAGON, UP. DRAGON, UP!

[GRUNTING]

Jake's Father: [KARATE SHOUTS]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

SPHINX HAIR HAS NO EFFECT.

EEEYAAH!

WAAAYAH!

WA-CHA! HA! BUCK AND WING, BUCK AND WING, WOOYAAH!

WHY'D YOU STEAL THE PEACHES? WAAAH!

EEE! JAZZ HANDS!

D'OH--YAAH!

DAD. [GRUNTING]

[BLOWS]

[SNORING]

AWAKE, MY QUEEN.

WE HAVE DELIVERED THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

LET THE FEAST BEGIN!

[GRUNTING]

[SNARLS] WHAT? WHO--WHO IS THIS?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MAMA? THIS IS THE DRAGON.

YOU NINNIES!

THE DRAGON I SAW WAS SMALL,

BOYISH, GREEN HAIR.

YO, DON'T FORGET ROCK STAR HANDSOME.

THERE HE IS. THAT IS THE DRAGON!

GET HIM!

OH, COFFEE'S READY.

WHAT BETTER WAY TO GREET THE DAWN?

All: OHH!

WHEW.

THIS ELIXIR SHOULD RESTORE YOUR FATHER TO FULL HEALTH.

HEY, GRAMPS, UH.

SHOULDN'T WE WIPE HIS MEMORY WHILE WE'RE AT IT?

NO NEED. WHEN HE WAKES,

YOUR FATHER WILL ONLY RECALL

A STRANGE MEETING WITH AGGRESSIVE OUT-OF-TOWN CLIENTS.

YEAH, BUT, SEE, I SAID SOME STUFF TO DAD

I KIND OF WANT TO ERASE.

I SAID I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM.

JAKE, DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CHOSEN

AS THE AMERICAN DRAGON?

IT IS TRUE YOUR DRAGON POWERS

COME FROM YOUR MOTHER,

BUT THE DRAGON COUNCIL CONSIDERS BOTH PARENTS.

YOUR HUMAN FATHER MAY BE A BIT, WELL, ODD, UH,

BUT HE IS ALSO COURAGEOUS, KIND, AND HONEST,

AN EXAMPLE FOR YOU TO FOLLOW.

DAD? TIME TO WAKE UP.

[PASSING GAS] [LAUGHS]

SOMEONE'S BEEN HITTING THE 3-BEAN SALAD. [LAUGHS]

OH! HEY, THERE, JAKERENO!

I MEAN, JAKE.

[YAWNS] SO, WHAT WERE YOU DOING HERE TONIGHT?

ARE YOU KIDDING? I COULDN'T RESIST

SEEING KING CONFERENCE IN ACTION.

[CELL PHONE RINGING] ONE SEC, DAD. YO.

HEY, JAKE.

HI, MARNEE. YOU MISSED MY PARTY TONIGHT.

YEAH. ABOUT THAT, I--

I DON'T WANT AN APOLOGY, JUST A RAIN CHECK.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW?

I'M REALLY SORRY, MARNEE,

BUT I'VE KIND OF GOT OTHER PLANS.

YEAH, YOU TOO. LATER.

WELL, DAD, WE BETTER REST UP FOR TOMORROW.

WE GOT A BIG DAY AT ROCKAWAY BEACH.

INCOMING!

OK, WHAT'S THE DAMAGE?

HERE WE GO, UH, FOOD COURT.

FAMILIO FESTEVEDRO'S GETS...2 1/2 STARS.

OH, I KNEW IT.

AW, MOM, I'M SORRY I LET YOU DOWN.

OH! NONSENSE, ARTHUR.

YOUR EFFORT WAS WORTH ALL THE STARS IN THE SKY.

OH, WHO CARES ABOUT SOME PROFESSIONAL FACE-STUFFER

AND HIS SILLY COLUMN?

UH, MOM? I THINK THE JUDGE'S SCALE IS 3 STARS.

WHAT? GIMME THAT.

2 1/2 OUT OF 3? THAT'S--THAT'S LIKE AN "A-"!

CHECK IT OUT. [READING] FAMILIO FESTEVEDRO'S IS A TREASURE.

WE WERE TRULY CHARMED BY OUR HIGH-ENERGY WAITER-- THAT'S ME.

MY SON LEONARD WAS RECOVERING FROM A ROOT CANAL

AND DUE TO A HIGH DOSE OF MUSCLE RELAXANT,

COULDN'T SMILE OR EAT SOLID FOODS,

BUT WHEN WE GOT HOME, HE EXCLAIMED...

PAPA, THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

[HUMMING]

[WHISTLES]

HUH?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[BLOWS]

OH. COFFEE'S READY.

WHAT BETTER WAY TO GREET THE DAWN?

All: OHH! Man: HA HA HA HA

HEY! HOW COME I NEVER GET TO DO THE CLEVER EXIT LINE?

I'D BE GREAT. WATCH.

STING FOR YOUR SUPPER, KRYLOCK?

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL MAKING A SPLASH.

HEY, HUNTSMAN, YOU JUST

GOT SUCKED INTO A VORTEX.

AH, YOU DEEP IN THE HEART OF VORTEX?

IT'S AU REVOIRTEX? I GOT NOTHING.