Original subtitles

[ROARING]

[HORNS HONKING]

SMASH CARS. GO BIG FUN.

HA HA HA.

WOWEE, WOW, WOW, WOW.

CAN YOU BELIEVE PIXIE LOHAN HAD THE NERVE

TO CRASH KATIE NOLMES' BABY SHOWER?

WHA HA HA HA.

I'LL TELL YOU, MAGIC WEEK MAGAZINE

GETS ALL THE INSIDE DIRT.

SO, YOU NERVOUS ABOUT BEING THE NEXT COVER STORY?

NERVOUS?

YOU JOKIN'?

IT'S ABOUT TIME

THE AM-DRAG GOT THE PRESS HE DESERVES.

[HORNS HONKING]

RAMPAGING HOBGOBLINS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE THIS MISSION ON MANO Y HOBGOBLANO.

WE BETTER CALL THE OLD MAN FOR BACKUP.

FU, THEY DON'T DO COVER STORIES ON DUDES WHO NEED BACKUP.

OOH!

AAH! AAH!

NO AUTOGRAPHS, BOYS.

YOU CAN BUY THE MAGAZINE

FROM THE NEWSSTAND LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

WHOA!

WHOA!

[GRUNTS]

DUDE, WATCH THE FACE.

I GOT A PHOTO SHOOT ON MONDAY.

PRETTY FACE GO BYE-BYE.

HA HA HA!

AAH!

GRAMPS, WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

YO, G!

YO, "H" IS MORE LIKE IT.

HALEY?

[GIGGLES]

¶ HE'S COOL, HE'S HOT LIKE A FROZEN SUN ¶

¶ HE'S YOUNG AND FAST, HE'S THE CHOSEN ONE ¶

¶ PEOPLE, WE'RE NOT BRAGGIN' ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HE'S GONNA STOP HIS ENEMIES ¶

¶ WITH HIS DRAGON POWER ¶

¶ DRAGON TEETH, DRAGON TAIL, BURNIN' DRAGON FIRE ¶

¶ A REAL LIVE WIRE ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HIS SKILLS ARE GETTIN' FASTER ¶

¶ WITH GRANDPA, THE MASTER ¶

¶ HIS DESTINY WILL WALK UP SHEETS ¶

¶ IT'S SHOWTIME, BABY, FOR THE LEGACY ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ I'M THE MAGICAL PROTECTOR FROM THE N.Y.C. ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON... ¶

[GROWLING]

HALEY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HALEY, PREPARE TO FIGHT.

REMEMBER, LET YOUR INSTINCTS GUIDE YOU.

HUH? WHO IS THAT?

[SCREAMS]

USE WHAT YOU KNOW. ROUND OFF.

HUH! HUH!

AAH!

BALANCE BEAM.

HUH! HA! YAH!

AAH!

I DID IT.

MY FIRST DRAGON BATTLE, AND I DID GREAT.

HOW DO I DO IT?

[GRUNTS]

JAKE, DO YOU NEED HELP?

HELP? AS IF.

OK, WHO ARE YOU?

I AM THE KOREAN DRAGON,

BUT YOU KNOW ME... AS SAN PARK.

WHOA, WHAT?

SAN?

BUT YOU'RE MY HOME EC TEACHER.

SAM SPARK, MAGIC WEEK MAGAZINE.

I THOUGHT I'D GRAB SOME HO-HUM CANDIDS,

BUT CHA-CHING,

MY EDITOR'S GOING TO LOVE HOW CANDID THESE ARE.

HMM?

OH, THE PRESS.

MY NAME'S HALEY, SPELLED H-A-L-E--

YEAH, KID. GREAT. YOU'RE IN MY SHOT.

OK, HOLD UP.

I'M STANDING HERE IN MY UNDERWEAR,

IN FRONT OF A REPORTER,

MY LITTLE SISTER, AND MY HOME EC TEACHER?

THIS CAN'T BE REAL.

OH, I GET IT.

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE STRESS DREAMS.

I'M TOTALLY DREAMING.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU REALIZE

YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DREAM,

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO.

WAS SUP, SUNSHINE?

¶ OH, COME ON, Y'ALL, RAISE THE ROOF ¶

¶ SHAKE WHAT YA DADDY GAVE YA ¶

¶ SHAKE IT LIKE IT JUST MIGHT SAVE YA ¶

¶ CAN I GET A WHOOP WHOOP? ¶

NO?

¶ WELL, WHAT ABOUT A HEY, HO ¶

HA. THIS ISN'T A DREAM, IS IT?

ALREADY YOU TAKE HER INTO BATTLE?

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

IF HALEY IS TO BE JAKE'S BACKUP,

SHE NEEDS TO BE PREPARED.

IT'S OK, GRANDPA.

I KNOW HOW JAKE ALWAYS COMPLAINS

ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO BE THE AMERICAN DRAGON,

BUT IT SEEMED PRETTY EASY TO ME.

SAN, SINCE YOU APPEAR TO BE RUSTY ON TRAINING BASICS,

JAKE AND I WILL JOIN YOU FOR A REFRESHER COURSE,

STARTING TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

UH, GRAMPS,

CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?

WHY IS HALEY BEING TRAINED WHEN SHE'S ONLY 8 YEARS OLD?

HALEY BECAME AWARE OF HER DRAGON POWERS AT A YOUNGER AGE.

SO, SHE MUST BE TRAINED AT A YOUNGER AGE.

BUT WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?

KID, HALEY'S YOUR ACHILLES HEAL.

SO, WE WERE SORTA WAITIN' FOR THE RIGHT TIME.

WE KNEW ONCE YOU FOUND OUT,

YOU'D BE LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER ALL THE TIME,

WAITING FOR HER TO SHOW YOU UP.

HALEY?

SHOW THIS UP?

YEAH, RIGHT.

AH!

[APPLAUSE]

[BAD PIANO PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

[GOOD PIANO PLAYING]

[CHEERING]

AH! BREAKFAST IN BED?

HOW THOUGHTFUL.

OK, SHE'S MY ACHILLES HEAL.

SO, DOES SHE HAVE TO START TRAINING THIS WEEK?

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER, BUT I GOT PRESS YO.

JAKE, I ALLOWED THIS PHOTO SHOOT

BECAUSE I REMEMBER FONDLY MY OWN YEARS AS A MAGICAL PIN-UP BOY.

AND BECAUSE YOU PROMISED

IT WOULD NOT INTERFERE WITH YOUR WORK AS THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

OK, IT WON'T.

AT LEAST TONIGHT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[THUNDER]

OK, IT JUST DID.

MARTY?

OH, YOU OLD DOG YOU.

UH, HELLO.

LITTLE FREAKED OUT HERE.

JAKE, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY OLD BUDDY,

MARTY, THE GRIM REAPER.

HA, PROBABLY THE BEST PRACTICAL JOKER THIS SIDE OF HADES.

PULL MY FINGER, GO ON.

[CRACK]

AAH! HA HA!

DIDN'T EXPECT THAT, DID YA?

[LAUGHING, COUGHING]

THIS GUY SLAYS ME.

YEAH, SPEAKING OF THAT, FU,

I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT I'M NOT HERE ON A SOCIAL VISIT.

[THUNDER]

HUH? BUT MARTY, THERE'S SO MUCH I HAVEN'T SEEN.

THE GREAT BARRIER REEF,

THE GRAND CANAL OF VENICE,

THE SO-SO TACO SHACK OF OPINIAC.

KIDDING, KIDDING.

OH, MARTY.

HOO HOO! DON'T DO THAT,

'CAUSE IT'S GETTING A LITTLE HOT IN HERE, AND...

OH, BOY.

ANYWHO, I'M RENOVATING MY CONDO IN TRIBECA,

MIND IF I CRASH HERE FOR A FEW DAYS?

AND KID, MY FINGER?

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT SAN.

SHE TRIED TO GET ME TO PUT ALFALFA SPROUTS

IN A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.

NO ONE PUSHES SPROUTS LIKE THAT

WITHOUT A SECRET TO HIDE.

IT'S NOT SAN I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

THEN, WHAT ARE YOU TRIPPIN' ABOUT?

BEING THE AMERICAN DRAGON'S ALWAYS BEEN MY THING,

AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD HAS ALWAYS BEEN HALEY'S THING,

SO WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO GET ALL OVERACHIEVER

ON THE ONE THING I'M GOOD AT?

JAKE, CAN YOU REALLY PICTURE

LITTLE MISS THANG DOIN' DRAGON TRAINING?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

HALEY'S GOING TO CATCH A WHIFF

OF THE DRAG-TRAIN AND BE ALL,

"SORRY, I DON'T THINK SO."

YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE FIRST TIME

SHE GETS YELLED AT BY HER DRAGON MASTER.

BEFORE WE START, HALEY...

HUGS.

WHAAAT?

GRAMPS, HALEY'S GOING TO HAVE TO DO

THE SAME EXERCISES I DO, RIGHT?

YES, YES.

ALTHOUGH, TEACHER SAN WILL BE FREE

TO INTERPRET THEM IN ANY WAY SHE SEEMS FIT.

UH, SAN?

WE WILL BEGIN WITH A TRUST EXERCISE.

BELOW IS THE PUSS OF 1,000 WITCHES' BOILS,

BUT OF COURSE, I WILL CATCH YOU.

[GIGGLING]

THAT WAS FUN.

LET'S DO IT AGAIN.

WHATEVER BRINGS YOU JOY, LITTLE BUTTERFLY.

JUST REMEMBER, I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU.

UH! AH! AH!

AH! AH! MY TONGUE!

RUINED, FOREVER!

AH, THE LESSON, OF COURSE, IS TO TRUST NO ONE.

AH, AH, AH.

BIG SMILE FOR THE CAMERA.

NEXT, STRENGTH TRAINING.

THIS IS TO REMIND US

THAT WE HOLD UP THE MAGICAL COMMUNITY THAT LIVES AROUND US.

PHYSICAL STRENGTH FADES AS THE TWILIGHT GROWS LONGER,

BUT INNER STRENGTH WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.

AH! AH!

THAT'S HER STRENGTH EXERCISE?

HA, THIS IS NOTHING.

COME ON, GRAMPS, GIVE ME ALL THE TESTS YOU GOT.

[RUMBLING] HUH?

HERE I COME!

AH!

AH!

[GROANS]

AHH.

OH!

HEY, JAKE, COULD YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GIANT'S MOUTH?

PERFECT.

FINALLY, IT IS IMPORTANT

THAT WE ENGAGE IN CHARITY WORK FOR MAGICAL CREATURES.

OH, BERTHA, WHERE YOU BEEN RIDIN' THE TROUGH, GIRL?

STOP AND STOMP.

YUM.

[BELCH]

DON'T BE SILLY.

OF COURSE THE PIXIE BOYS LIKE YOU.

YOU'VE GOT A WINNING PERSONALITY.

OK, LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT A ROTTEN TOOTH.

THIS IS GONNA HURT A LITTLE.

SAM, YOU WANNA GET A PICTURE--

THAT'S IT. SAM!

WORK THE CAMERA. OWN IT.

HOW ABOUT A PROFILE SHOT?

PERFECT!

YOO-HOO, MARTY?

[CLICK]

HUH?

[CHUCKLES]

GOTCHA! HUH?

WHOA! SORRY ABOUT THAT.

SAUSAGE ROLL. LOOKS GOOD ON THE MENU, BUT DON'T DO IT.

PLEASE, THE OLD WHOOPIE CUSHION GAG?

FU, YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH THE MASTER.

HEY, KID.

SAM, NEED A HERO SHOT?

WANT MY GOOD SIDE OR MY GOOD SIDE?

UH, NO, KID.

UH, LISTEN, I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS.

I SENT MY PICTURES BACK TO MY EDITORS, AND THEY LOVED THEM.

REALLY?

YEAH, THING IS,

WHAT THEY LOVED, IS HALEY.

SO, SHE'S GOING TO BE ON THE COVER.

WITH ME?

INSTEAD OF YOU, BUT THEY LOVE IT.

THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT?

HALEY, INSTEAD OF ME?

THAT'S--THE GREATEST.

SO, WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?

A LITTLE ACTION?

A LITTLE NIGHT-IN-THE-LIFE- OF-A-DRAGON STUFF?

AN OGRE HAS STOLEN THE ANCIENT GOLDEN PENDANT

OF THE LEPRECHAUN CLAN.

WITHOUT ITS SWIFT RETURN,

THE LEPRECHAUNS WILL DECLARE WAR ON THE OGRES.

YEAH, WE'RE GOING WITH A CUTE ANGLE FOR HALEY'S SPREAD,

SO IF WE COULD SKIP THE OGRES AND WARS

AND FOCUS ON SOMETHING LIKE,

HALEY SAVING A GNOME STUCK IN A TREE,

THAT'D BE GREAT.

WHAT?

THIS IS IMPORTANT DRAGON WORK,

NOT SOME TEENYBOPPER PHOTO OPPORTUNITY.

JAKE, YOU WILL TAKE YOUR SISTER ON THIS PATROL.

WHY DOES SHE NEED ME?

SHE'S THE COVER GIRL.

JAKE, YOUR SISTER IS NOT READY TO GO ALONE.

SHE IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

WAS THERE SOMETHING SPECIFIC

ABOUT JAKE THAT YOUR EDITORS DIDN'T LIKE?

I ASK BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES,

BUT SINCE I DON'T MAKE ANY, I TRY TO LEARN FROM JAKE'S.

[GROWLS]

YOUR MISTAKE WAS PICKING HALEY.

WATCH AND LEARN HOW THE REAL AM-DRAG DOES BUSINESS.

DRAGON UP.

HEY, SAM, WHAT MAKES THE BEST PHOTO OP?

YOUR OPTIONS ARE...

"A"--A SLIPPITY SLAPDOWN SHAKE,

"B"-- A BOX OF KUNG-FU, BONE CRACKIN'-LACKIN' CRACKERS,

"C"-- A BLAST OF HOT-TAMALE, HOT BREATH HOT SAUCE,

OR "D"-- ALL OF THE ABOVE, BABY.

HUH?

WHOA!

AH!

AAH!

AAH!

WHOOOAAA!

WHOA!

JAKE, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,

BUT I'M GONNA TRY SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT, K?

DRAGON UP!

HELLO, MR. OGRE.

MY, THAT IS THE HANDSOMEST PENDANT I'VE EVER SEEN,

AND YOU WEAR IT SO WELL.

DON'T MAKE ME LOOK FAT IN BACK?

OH, NO.

WOULD YOU MIND IF I GOT A CLOSER LOOK?

OH.

THANK YOU.

THAT NECKLACE IS MINE, MINE, MINE!

¶ I GOT IT ¶

DID YOU WANT A PICTURE OF THAT?

YOU BETCHA, LITTLE LADY.

THAT'S IT, JUST LIKE THAT.

OH, PERFECT.

HALEY, YOU ARE A STAR.

SEE YA, KID.

OFF TO YOGA.

HUH? WHO'S THE MAN?

SAY WHAT?

DOG, MAN-DOG?

AW, THAT JUST DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT.

HEY, WHAT THE...

OK, THAT'S IT.

I'M GOING DOWN TO HA HA'S MAGICAL PRANK SHOP,

AND I'M GONNA FIND A PRANK THAT'LL GET MARTY ONCE AND FOR ALL.

MAGICAL PRANK SHOP.

UH, WHY ARE WE HERE EXACTLY?

BECAUSE HALEY STOLE MY SPOT ON THE COVER OF MAGIC WEEK.

IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE PAYBACK.

HEY, LOOK AT THOSE TEETH.

HUH?

[SCREAMING]

ANYWAY, YOU SURE YOU WANNA PRANK HALEY?

TOTALLY.

JUST ONE TEENSY, HARMLESS PRANK

TO MAKE UP FOR YEARS OF HER MAKING A FOOL OUT OF ME.

OOH, THIS HAS POSSIBILITIES.

FU, I DON'T MEAN TO BUST YOUR BUBBLE OR ANYTHING,

BUT MARTY IS THE GRIM REAPER.

YEAH, BUT HE HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN.

THAT GUY HAD ONE DEAD END JOB AFTER ANOTHER.

[BEEP] [BEEP]

[BEEPING]

THEN HE LANDED THE GIG AS DEATH,

NEVER BEEN HAPPIER,

BUT HE HAD TO TAP OUT THE GUY WHO WAS GRIM REAPER BEFORE HIM.

OH. YEAH. THIS IS GOING TO DO THE TRICK.

HO HO HO HO!

AAH! GET AWAY.

OW! MY TUCKUS.

"ONE PINCH OF DRAGON GIGGLES,

"AND DRAGONS LOSE CONTROL OF THEIR POWERS.

LIVENS UP ANY DRAGON PARTY."

OR PHOTO SHOOT.

ALMOST DONE, HALEY. JUST A SMIDGE MORE OF POWDER,

AND YOU'LL BE CAMERA READY.

PERFECT.

[GRUNTING]

OOH, THOSE LIGHTS WILL REALLY DRY YOUR SKIN OUT.

BETTER HYDRATE.

HUH?

THANKS, JAKE,

FOR NOT BEING THREATENED

BY MY NATURAL DRAGON ABILITIES.

OK, HALEY, ONE MORE MINUTE TILL CAMERA.

ARE YOU SURE YOU STILL WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS?

REMEMBER, LITTLE MISTER, SHE IS YOUR LITTLE SISTER.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

HALEY, THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO--

THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU, TOO.

YOU FIRST.

WELL, I TOLD MY PEOPLE TO ASK THEIR PEOPLE

IF THEY COULD PUT YOU IN THE ARTICLE, TOO,

AND THEY SAID YES.

LOOK, THEY SENT ME A MOCK-UP.

SO, WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME?

BOTTOM'S UP.

READY, HALEY?

BUT OF COURSE.

LET ME SEE YOUR BEST DRAGON FACE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

[GIGGLING]

YEAH, I WAS THINKING MORE OF A MOUTH FIRE THING.

OK, I'LL JUST...

NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

HUH?

[LAUGHING]

WHOA!

HELP!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME.

[LAUGHING]

[GROWLING]

AAH! OGRE LOOSE! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

[GROWLING]

HOBGOBLINS MAKE PAIN.

DRAGON PAIN.

TIME TO HOBNOB WITH THE HOBGOBS.

DRAGON UP.

GET READY FOR YOUR CLOSE-UP, HOBBY.

HALEY, YOU DOIN' OK OVER THERE?

AAH! JAKE, I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF.

HOLD ON, HALEY!

AAH!

HUH?

HALEY!

JAKE!

HELP!

WHY WEREN'T YOU WATCHING AFTER YOUR SISTER?

DON'T BE TOO HARD ON HIM, LAO SHI, THIS ISN'T HIS FAULT.

ACTUALLY, IT IS.

JAKE, THERE IS NO TIME TO WASTE.

YOU MUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.

I GAVE HALEY A POWDER

THAT MADE HER LOSE CONTROL OF HER POWERS.

WE GOT TO GO SAVE HER.

SAN AND I WILL GO.

YOU HAVE DONE ENOUGH.

STAY HERE.

FU, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME FIND HER.

UH, WHAT PART OF "STAY HERE" DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? HUH?

THE PART WHERE I LEAVE HALEY OUT THERE

IN THE HANDS OF THOSE HOBGOBLINS!

FU, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. I HAVE TO FIX IT.

[BOOM]

SHEESH, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK YOU GUYS

TO REPLACE THE TP EVERY ONCE IN A BLOOD RED MOON?

UH, I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT MARTY CAN HELP US.

MARTY?

YEAH, HE KNOWS THE LOCATION OF ANY SOUL IN--

IN MORTAL DANGER, RIGHT?

YEAH, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GONNA GET THE CALL,

JUST PROFESSIONAL COURTESY, SO TO SPEAK.

I HEARD ABOUT YOUR SISTER 20 MINUTES AGO.

THIS'LL TELL YOU WHERE SHE IS.

I HOPE YOU GET TO HER BEFORE I DO. GOOD LUCK.

THANKS, BUDDY.

AH!

[THUNDER]

WHAT? IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE OR--

[THUNDER]

ALL RIGHT. PRANK DELIVERED.

NOW, HAND OVER THE MONEY.

UM, FU?

[LAUGHING]

TIME FOR TO HURT HER.

I HOPE YOU FIGHT BETTER THAN YOU CONJUGATE SENTENCES, HOB...ROB.

OH, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK OF SOMETHING SNAPPY

TO SAY WHEN I'M ABOUT TO BE SLAIN?

YOU HOBGOBLINS REALLY ARE DUMB AS BRICKS.

HA! YAH!

WHOA!

I GOTCHA, HALEY.

BREAK DRAGON.

BREAK IT NOW.

DRAGONS.

PLURAL.

COME ON, SIS, LET'S SHOW 'EM WHAT WE CAN DO.

BUT I CAN'T.

SURE YOU CAN.

TAKE MY TAIL.

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

AAH! YAH!

WHOA!

EXPRESS TO PAINESVILLE, PULLING INTO THE STATION.

THAT'S THE HIT THAT KEEPS ON HITTIN'.

YOU GOT SKILLS, GIRL.

THANKS, JAKE.

YOU'RE A GOOD TEACHER.

NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING WE CAN AGREE ON.

YOU PUT YOUR SISTER IN HARM'S WAY.

I JUST WANTED HER TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO--

I HAVE NO EXCUSE.

HALEY SHOULDN'T JUST BE TAKING MY COVER,

SHE SHOULD BE TAKING MY JOB.

I DON'T DESERVE TO BE THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

I GUESS IT'S JUST ONE MORE THING SHE'S BETTER AT THAN ME.

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT.

WHAT?

THAT POWDER YOU GAVE ME

WORE OFF IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES,

BUT I STILL COULDN'T CONTROL MY POWERS.

I WAS JUST SO SCARED, I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I LEARNED.

BUT YOU'RE THE PERFECT DRAGON.

NO ONE CAN BE PERFECT AT EVERYTHING.

NOT EVEN ME.

JAKE'S JUST A BETTER DRAGON THAN I AM.

I'M AFRAID HALEY IS STILL TOO YOUNG,

TOO INEXPERIENCED FOR THE KIND OF DANGER THE AMERICAN DRAGON MUST FACE,

AND YOU, YOUNG ONE,

ARE A VERY GIFTED DRAGON

WHO I WOULD NEVER REPLACE WITH ANYONE.

THANKS, G.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CANNOT BE PUNISHED.

YEAH, SO, ABOUT THE GIFTED DRAGON PART?

UGH! UGH! UCK!

GRAMPS, WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET THE PUSS OF 1,000 WITCHES' BOILS?

HOW IS YOUR DRAGON TONGUE CLEANING AND TALKING AT THE SAME TIME?

YUCK!

BALTHASAR, YOU ARE A TRUE PRANK ARTIST.

I DO WHAT I LOVE, AND I LOVE WHAT I DO.

NOW, WHERE'S THE CASH?

FOR THE ZINE.

HUH?

SWEET.

BEEFCAKE CITY, HERE I COME.

AND NO ONE WILL EVER HAVE TO ASK YOU

IF YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS.

HUH? OH, MAN.

OK, YOU ALREADY SAW ONE OF MARTY'S DEAD END JOBS,

HERE'S A FEW MORE YOU DIDN'T SEE.

THERE WAS MARTY, THE CRUISE DIRECTOR.

MARTY, THE FITNESS INSTRUCTOR,

AND MY OWN PERSONAL FAVORITE, MARTY, THE CHORUS BOY.

WHO SAYS THE UNDEAD DON'T GOT RHYTHM?