Original subtitles

MY NAME IS JAKE LONG, AND I'M THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

ONLY, THIS IS THE WEEK I WASN'T.

IT'S KIND OF A LONG STORY.

HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN.

GUYS, I'M OVER THE TARGET.

TRIXIE, YOU COPY?

DEFINITELY. YOU READY TO ROCK 'N' ROLL, SPUD?

[THEME PLAYING] ¶ HE'S COOL, HE'S HOT, LIKE THE FROZEN-- ¶

Trixie: SPUD! [MUSIC STOPS]

OH. SORRY.

OK, I'VE TAPPED INTO THE 32nd STREET TRAFFIC SIGNAL,

WHICH WILL BE TURNING RED RIGHT ABOUT...

NOW.

HUH?

[TAPS KEY]

[TAPPING KEY]

[CHUCKLES]

HEY, LOOK, GUYS. I'M MAKING THE COWBOY DO A HOEDOWN.

Jake and Trixie: SPUD!

RIGHT. MORE FOCUS.

NICE WORK.

YOU GUYS SURE YOU'RE DOWN?

THIS MISSION COULD GET DANGEROUS.

BOY, PUH-LEASE.

ME AND SPUD WILL USE THESE HOOKS TO RAPPEL DOWN--

OHH! OHH!

WHUHH!

Both: UHH-AAH!

IT'S OFFICIAL. I'VE BECOME SPUD.

COME ON. IF WE'RE GONNA INTERCEPT THIS STUFF,

IT'S NOW OR NEVER.

WHOA. THEY'RE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN A SCHOOL OF MERMAIDS.

MORE VALUABLE THAN LEPRECHAUN GOLD.

Jake: AND THEY'RE OURS.

All: SNEAK PEEK AT THE NEW YEARBOOKS!

¶ HE'S COOL, HE'S HOT LIKE A FROZEN SUN ¶

¶ HE'S YOUNG AND FAST, HE'S THE CHOSEN ONE ¶

¶ PEOPLE, WE'RE NOT BRAGGIN' ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HE'S GONNA STOP HIS ENEMIES ¶

¶ WITH HIS DRAGON POWER ¶

¶ DRAGON TEETH, DRAGON TAIL, BURNIN' DRAGON FIRE ¶

¶ A REAL LIVE WIRE ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ HIS SKILLS ARE GETTIN' FASTER ¶

¶ WITH GRANDPA, THE MASTER ¶

¶ HIS DESTINY WILL WALK UP STREETS ¶

¶ IT'S SHOWTIME, BABY, FOR THE LEGACY ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

Jake: ¶ I'M A DRAGON ¶

¶ I'M NOT BRAGGIN', IT'S MY DESTINY ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ I'M THE MAGICAL PROTECTOR FROM THE N.Y.C. ¶

¶ YA HEARD? ¶ ¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

YAH-HAH-HOO!

[GONG]

Trixie: ONLY 4 MORE DAYS 'TIL GRADUATION,

AND, BOY, WE ARE GOIN' OUT IN STYLE.

TOTALLY. THANKS TO JAKE'S DRAGONOSITY,

WE GOT OUR YEARBOOKS 7 WHOLE HOURS BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE.

OH, ADVANCE YEARBOOK COPY, HOW I LOVE YOUR LOOK,

YOUR TOUCH, YOUR SMELL. [SNIFFS]

OK, EWW, NOT YOUR SMELL.

UNH! UNH! STUPID YEARBOOK.

WHAT'S UP, BABY JAKIE?

YOU GUYS NOTICE ANYTHING ODD

AS YOU WERE FLIPPING THROUGH OUR MIDDLE SCHOOL MEMORIES?

ODD AS IN MRS. MERKER'S MUSTACHE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN

MYSTERIOUSLY AIRBRUSHED OUT?

ODD AS IN THERE WERE NO MEMORIES OF ME.

I'M NOWHERE IN HERE.

SO WHY WEREN'T YOU AROUND?

I MEAN, WHERE WERE YOU ON CLASS PICTURE DAY?

YEAH, AND CLASS DITCH DAY?

AND THE EIGHTH GRADE MIDNIGHT MASQUERADE?

LET'S SEE. SAVING THE CITY FROM THE HUNTSMAN,

SAVING THE CITY FROM A GANG OF HOBGOBLINS,

AND SAVING THE CITY FROM AN EVIL WIZARD WITH BAD SLEEPING HABITS.

[SIGHS] GUYS, MIDDLE SCHOOL'S OVER IN 4 DAYS,

AND THANKS TO DRAGON BUSINESS, I'VE TOTALLY MISSED OUT.

CHIN UP, BRO. COME ON.

THINGS HAVE MELLOWED ON THE MAGICAL FRONT, RIGHT?

I MEAN, AS LONG AS THEY STAY THAT WAY,

YOU'LL STILL BE ABLE TO PARTAKE OF

THE YEARBOOK SIGNINGS, THE KARAOKE EVENT...

CAROLINE'S AND CARMINE'S MAKE FUN OF ROTWOOD PARTY.

YEAH. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

OK, STARTING RIGHT NOW,

I'M GONNA JUICE EVERY MINUTE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR ALL IT'S--

[CELLPHONE RING TONE]

Grandpa: JAKE, COME TO GRANDPA'S SHOP!

THERE IS A CRITICAL DRAGON EMERGENCY!

...WORTH.

GRAMPS, WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?!

IT WAS ONLY A TEST.

Haley: WOW. JAKE'S RESPONSE TIME WAS OVER 12 MINUTES.

I COMPOSED MY FIRST SYMPHONY IN JUST UNDER 9.

HEY, WANNA HEAR IT?

DRAGON BUSINESS MAY BE SLOW, YOUNG ONE,

BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR LAZINESS,

ESPECIALLY SINCE FU DOG AND I ARE LEAVING TONIGHT

FOR OUR DRAGON COUNCIL RETREAT.

Fu Dog: OH, YEAH.

ME, THE OLD MAN, AND A BUNCH OF STIFFS

TALKIN' DRAGON POLITICS FOR 3 DAYS.

SOMEBODY PASS THE LIMBO STICK.

NO, REALLY, PASS IT TO ME.

I WANNA WHACK MYSELF SENSELESS WITH IT.

JAKE, WHILE YOUR GRANDFATHER'S AWAY,

YOU'LL BE TRAINING WITH ME AND HALEY.

WON'T THAT BE GROOVY?

YOU SHALL SPEND THE WEEK WITH SUN AND HALEY

REVIEWING 2,000 YEARS OF DRAGON COUNCIL BYLAWS.

AW, COME ON, G. IT'S THE LAST WEEK OF MIDDLE SCHOOL.

GRADUATION'S ON FRIDAY.

CAN'T I JUST GET A FEW DAYS TO HANG WITH MY PEEPS AND...

YOU KNOW, CHILL?

YOUNG DRAGON, YOUR MAGICAL RESPONSIBILITIES

MUST NOT BE OVERSHADOWED

BY CHILLING AND HANGING WITH PEEPS.

YOU DON'T SEE FU DOG TRYING TO GET OUT

OF HIS MAGICAL DUT-- FU DOG, HANDS OFF THE LIMBO STICK!

YOU TAKE ALL THE FUN. YOU KNOW THAT?

SORRY I'M LATE, COACH! I OVERSLEPT AND--

UH, DID I MISS SOMETHING?

ONLY MY HI-LARIOUS SCHEME

WHICH RESULTED IN STACEY BEING MY GRADUATION PARTNER.

HILARIOUS!

AND KYLE PICKED ME TO WALK DOWN

THE GRADUATION AISLE WITH HIM,

THE KYLE WILKINS.

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT HE IS FINE--

All: LIKE LEMON-LIME IN THE SUMMERTIME.

[CHUCKLES]

WAIT. WE GET TO PICK GRADUATION PARTNERS?

YEAH. WELL, UH, ROTWOOD MADE THE ANNOUNCEMENT THIS MORNING,

SO WE ALL PICKED,

AND YOU KINDA JUST MISSED IT.

WHAT?! NO FAIR.

I WAS UP LATE DRAGON TRAINING, AND I OVERSLEPT.

AND--AND--AND DID SOMEBODY PICK DANICA HONEYCUTT,

'CAUSE I WAS KINDA HOPING THAT--

SORRY, JAKIE, BUT ALL THE GIRLS HAVE ALREADY BEEN SPOKEN FOR.

WELL, NOT EVERY GIRL.

JAKE, MEET RESUSCI-PATTY,

THE SCHOOL'S CPR TRAINING DUMMY.

OK, I KNOW SHE'S NOT MUCH TO LOOK AT,

BUT SHE CLEANS UP REAL NICE.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!

THE NEVER-ENDING DRAGON TRAINING,

THE COMPLETE LACK OF A SOCIAL LIFE,

AND NOW MY ONLY POSSIBLE GRADUATION PARTNER

IS A STUPID CPR DUMMY?! [AIR ESCAPING]

WORDS HURT, JAKE.

PLUG YOUR EAR HOLES RESUSCI-KINS.

GUYS, I NEED A BREAK FROM BEING THE AM DRAG

NOT FOREVER, NOT EVEN A MONTH,

JUST A WEEK. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

OH, SORRY, JAKIE,

BUT I'M GUESSING THE JOB OF AMERICAN DRAGON

DIDN'T EXACTLY COME WITH VACATION DAYS.

MAYBE NOT, BUT THERE'S GOTTA BE

SOMETHING I CAN DO TO CATCH A BREAK.

Brad, loudspeaker: ATTENTION, FELLOW FILMORIANS.

THANKS TO THE FINE FOLKS AT MURRAY'S GAG SHOP,

THE BRADSTER'S FOURTH ANNUAL END-OF-EIGHTH-GRADE PRANK

IS ABOUT TO SPLAT INTO ACTION.

IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY DESSERTY TREAT ON THE OUTSIDE,

BUT WHEN ROTWOOD CUTS INTO IT,

KABLAM!

AND AS LONG AS YOU LITTLE POTTY-SQUATTERS KEEP YOUR TRAPS SHUT,

HE'LL NEVER FIND OUT IT'S ME.

SO BRAD'S SUSPENDED?

YOU CALL THE WHOLE CLASS "POTTY-SQUATTERS,"

SOMEONE'S BOUND TO RAT.

POOR ROTWOOD.

WHO KNEW CAKE COULD DO THAT TO A MAN'S FACE?

YOU KNOW, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE WHOLE SUSPENSION THING.

YOU DO SOMETHING BAD, AND YOUR PUNISHMENT

IS THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR A WEEK?

YEAH. IT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE--

HOLD UP. I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET MY NORMAL LIFE BACK.

SPUD, YOU'RE A GENIUS.

Haley: I FOUND IT.

SECTION 8, SUBSECTION 14, PARAGRAPH "B."

"BEHAVIOR DEEMED IRRESPONSIBLE BY THE DRAGON COUNCIL

"SHALL RESULT IN THE IMMEDIATE SUSPENSION

"OF ALL DRAGON POWERS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

FOR THE DURATION OF ONE WEEK."

WAIT. YOU'RE NOT CONSIDERING...

I'M CALLING GRANDPA.

AND PASS UP BEING THE AMERICAN DRAGON FOR A WEEK?

I DON'T--PASS--DRAG-- UH, WHAT, NOW?

YOU DO KNOW THAT YOU'RE NEXT IN LINE

IF I'M DEEMED UNFIT TO PERFORM MY AM DRAG DUTIES, RIGHT?

M-M-ME?

AS IN "AMERICAN DRAGON: HALEY LONG"?

Haley: ¶ I'M GONNA STOP MY ENEMIES WITH MY DRAGON POWER ¶

¶ DRAGON TEETH, DRAGON TAIL, BURNING DRAGON FIRE ¶

¶ A REAL LIVE WIRE ¶

Jonas Brothers: ¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

¶ AMERICAN DRAGON ¶

SO LAY IT ON ME, JAKE.

HOW ARE WE GETTING YOU SUSPENDED?

THANKS, HALES, BUT I GOT IT COVERED.

Councilor: LOOK, COUNCILORS. HOW THOUGHTFUL.

THE AMERICAN DRAGON SENT US A CAKE.

WHO'D LIKE A SLICE?

[KABLAM]

LOOK, REALLY, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE CAKE ACCIDENT.

I THOUGHT IT'D BE A NICE GESTURE,

BUT I MUST HAVE PUT IN--I DON'T KNOW,

TOO MUCH BAKING SODA?

AI-YAH.

POOR COUNCILOR KUKULKHAN.

I'VE NEVER SEEN CAKE DO THAT TO A MAN'S FACE.

PER THE DRAGON COUNCIL BYLAWS,

WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO OFFICIALLY SUSPEND YOU

FROM THE DRAGON ORDER FOR THE PERIOD OF ONE WEEK.

I AM SORRY.

FOR THE NEXT 7 DAYS,

HALEY LONG WILL STEP UP AS THE NEW AMERICAN DRAGON.

WOW. I'M ACTUALLY HUMAN.

THIS IS GONNA BE--

AWESOME.

THAT, MY FRIEND, IS THE ONLY WORD

TO DESCRIBE THE POWER OF WHAT WE ARE ABOUT TO UNLEASH UPON THE WORLD.

RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT WORD IS MORE AWESOME THAN "AWESOME"?

"BANGERS"!

OR WE'S COULD STICK WITH "AWESOME."

ONCE OUR SPELL IS COMPLETE,

ALL HUMANKIND SHALL BOW BEFORE THEIR NEW MASTERS,

AND NO ONE, NOT EVEN THE AMERICAN DRAGON, WILL STOP US.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

[HOOTING LAUGHTER]

AWESOME.

AHH, JUST HASN'T GOT THE SAME RING.

HERE YOU GO, HALEY--

YOUR NEW AMERICAN DRAGON TRAINING SCHEDULE,

A CELL PHONE SO I CAN ALERT YOU WHEN THERE'S A MAGICAL EMERGENCY,

AND THIS IS MADGE, THE MOTIVATIONAL UNICORN,

FOR WHEN THINGS GET STRESSFUL.

Madge: YOU'RE SPECIAL.

OH, SUN, I'M HALEY,

THE NEW AND IMPROVED AMERICAN DRAGON.

I GRIND UP STRESS FOR BREAKFAST AND SPRINKLE IT ON MY OATMEAL.

UNLIKE JAKE, I WILL NOT BE LETTING ANYONE DOWN.

GRAMPS, I'M REALLY SORRY I LET YOU DOWN.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS COULD'VE HAPPENED.

BAD RECIPE, I GUESS.

BUT TRUST ME, I'M GONNA SPEND

THESE NEXT FEW DAYS AS A POWERLESS HUMAN

REFLECTING ON THE CARELESSNESS OF MY ACTIONS.

[IMITATING] MY NAME IS PRINCIPAL ROTWOOD,

AND I BELIEVE IN PIXIES AND FAIRIES,

AND I DANCE A MEAN SCHUPLATLER.

¶ HOODUH HOODUH, HEEDUH HEEDUH ¶

¶ HOODUH HOODUH, BLAH ¶

[LAUGHTER]

DUDE, THIS IS THE BEST MAKE FUN OF ROTWOOD PARTY EVER!

OHH! OH, THAT'S GREAT.

JAKE'S ROTWOOD IMPRESSION ROCKS!

Haley: UNH!

AHH!

TA-DA!

OH, HALEY, THAT WAS PERFECT.

NOW I JUST NEED YOU TO DO THE SAME THING

PERFECTLY 199 MORE TIMES.

¶ YO, EAST COAST ¶

¶ THERE'S A PARTY OVER HERE ¶

¶ GOT SOME KICKS ON MY FEET ¶

¶ AND SOME ROCKS IN MY EAR ¶

All: WHAT?

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

[CHEERING]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

WHAT? BUT, MS. BIRCH,

I'VE NEVER BEEN TARDY MY WHOLE LIFE.

I WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT WITH MY DRAGON--

I MEAN, GAGGING PROBLEMS.

'CAUSE I ATE SOME... ROTTEN TACOS.

[GROANS]

SUN, ARE YOU SURE THIS QUALIFIES AS A MAGICAL EMERGENCY?

I MEAN, IF THAT ANNOYING TROLL WOMAN

WAS CARELESS ENOUGH TO FLUSH HER WEDDING RING DOWN THE DRAIN,

SHOULDN'T SHE BE THE ONE DOWN HERE LOOKING FOR IT?

[SIGHS]

[DEEP BREATH]

YO, JAKE.

GREAT IMPRESSION OF ROTWOOD THE OTHER DAY.

YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

HEY, MAN, LET'S HANG LATER, OK?

SERIOUSLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS WEEK CAN GET ANY BETTER?

UH, HEY, DANICA.

I, UH--I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AROUND MUCH SINCE...

SINCE WE WENT OUT AND YOU FREAKED OUT?

YEAH. DID I MENTION I WAS SORRY?

ABOUT 263 TIMES.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

I STARTED FORGIVING YOU SOMEWHERE IN THE 240s.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

I, UH, NEED TO GO TALK TO ROTWOOD.

SINCE BRAD GOT SUSPENDED,

I'M KINDA GRADUATION PARTNERLESS.

WHAT?! ME, TOO. WHY DON'T WE--

WELL, YOU KNOW, GO TOGETHER?

YOU AND ME?

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

LISTEN, I HAD A LOT OF STUFF GOING ON BACK WHEN WE WERE HANGING OUT,

BUT ALL THAT'S BEHIND ME NOW. COME ON.

YOU AND ME, ONE NIGHT.

NO FLAKINESS. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

WELL, CONSIDERING THAT MY CHOICES

ARE BETWEEN YOU AND RESUSCI-BILLY,

I'D HAVE TO SAY YOU'RE DEFINITELY THE BETTER OPTION.

SO IT'S A DATE?

A DATE IT IS.

YOU KNOW, LITTLE MAN, IT'S ALMOST LIKE

GRADUATION'S GOT SOME KIND OF COSMIC CALMING EFFECT ON YOU.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU SO RELAXED.

WHEW. HALEY, ON THE OTHER HAND...

Madge: YOU'RE SPECIAL. YOU'RE SPECIAL. YOU'RE SPECIAL.

HONEY, ARE YOU OK?

WE HAD A TEST A SCHOOL TODAY.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO STUDY,

AND I F-F-FAILED. THERE I SAID IT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

CAN'T HANDLE THE PRESSURES OF BEING THE AM DRAG?

WHAT?! NO. IT'S JUST A MINOR ADJUSTMENT PERIOD.

I'LL BE FINE. REALLY. I...

[CELLPHONE RING TONE]

HELLO?

Sun: HALEY, CHANG IS ON THE MOVE.

I NEED YOU TO MEET ME AT MAGUS BAZAAR IMMEDIATELY.

WHAT?!

UH, SURE THING, OLD MAN WITHERSPOON.

I'LL PUCK UP SOME OF THAT BUNION CREAM,

AND I'LL BE OVER LICKETY-SPLIT.

MY, UM, ADOPT-A-SENIOR.

DON'T WAIT UP.

BANGERS!

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL AN ENTRANCE.

QUICKLY, MY PET. FIND ME HYDRA SCALES AND A PHOENIX FEATHER,

AND OUR SPELL WILL BE NEARLY COMPLETE.

Haley: WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

HOW ABOUT I IMPEDE YOUR FORWARD PROGRESS INSTANTLY?

HAH HAH!

GOOD ONE, HALEY,

BUT WE REALLY NEED TO WORK ON YOUR ENTRANCE LINES.

SO JAKE LONG SENT LITTLE SIS AND HER DRAGON MASTER

TO DO HIS DIRTY WORK.

IN CONTRAST, DEFEATING YOU BOTH WON'T BE WORK AT ALL.

COME ON, COME ON. [GASPS] BANGERS!

HYDRA SCALES AND A PHOENIX FEATHER. I'S GOT IT.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T, SIMIAN.

AHH! GET OFF ME!

Haley: MOVE OVER!

ESSENCE OF TROLL, EH?

LET'S SEE WHAT THIS DOES.

AAH!

UNH!

[PANTING] YO, CHANGY CHANG, WE'S GOT THE GOODS.

LET'S BLOW THIS CRIB.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU ARE BOTH OK.

OK? YOU CALL THIS OK?

NOT ONLY DID I LET CHANG GET AWAY,

I'VE GOT A TROLL FACE!

AW, COME ON, HALEY. YOU LOOK CUTE.

[GAGS] I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK PRECIOUS.

[GAGS] AW, WHO ARE WE KIDDIN'?

YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE YOUR NECK THREW UP.

ON THE PLUS SIDE,

ESSENCE OF TROLL USUALLY WEARS OFF IN A COUPLE OF...

OH, BOY. HEY, SUN,

WHAT INGREDIENTS DID YOU SAY CHANG ESCAPED WITH?

HYDRA SCALES AND A PHOENIX FEATHER. WHY?

WELL, ACCORDING TO THIS JOURNAL,

THOSE 2 THINGS ARE THE KEY INGREDIENTS

IN A SPELL THAT WILL BRING THE DARK DRAGON BACK TO POWER.

"AND WITH THE DROP OF A PHOENIX FEATHER,

THE DRAGON OF DARKNESS SHALL RISE FROM THE ASHES."

I KNOW THAT SPELL.

BUT FOR IT TO BE COMPLETE, SHE'LL NEED SOMETHING ELSE.

THE CH'I OF THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

IT SAYS HERE A DROP OF BLOOD WOULD WORK, TOO,

BUT SHE REALLY AVOIDS THE ICK FACTOR.

BUT WHY DIDN'T SHE COME AFTER ME WHEN SHE HAD THE CHANCE?

WELL, BECAUSE AS FAR AS SHE KNOWS, KID,

THE AMERICAN DRAGON ISN'T YOU, IT'S--

JAKE, HEY, THEY HANDED OUT CAPS AND GOWNS EARLY,

SO I PICKED YOURS UP FOR YOU.

HOPE THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

UH, YEAH.

HARD TO BELIEVE WE'RE GRADUATING TONIGHT, HUH?

YEAH. IT'S KINDA SAD.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, IT'S NICE TO FINALLY

CLOSE THAT CHAPTER AND MOVE ON TO SOMETHING NEW.

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

SEE YOU IN A COUPLE OF HOURS?

WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.

TSK TSK, MR. LONG.

HASN'T ANYONE TAUGHT YOU IT'S RUDE

TO MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP.

CHANG? DRAGON U--

AW, MAN!

UHH!

ACCORDING TO YOUR MOTHER,

JAKE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HOME HOURS AGO.

WE FOUND HIS BACKPACK ON THE SIDEWALK.

CHANG MUST'VE ALREADY GOTTEN TO HIM.

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. I HAD THE CHANCE TO STOP HIM

FROM PULLING THAT PRANK ON THE COUNCIL, AND NOW--

OH, LOOK. AZALEAS ARE IN BLOOM.

PRANK!

JAKE DITCHED HIS AMERICAN DRAGON DUTIES ON PURPOSE?

AI-YAH. [SPEAKING CANTONESE]

OF ALL THE IMMATURE SELF-SERVING--

HEY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME EITHER OF YOU WERE THE AMERICAN DRAGON?

WELL, AS THE LITTLE TROLL GIRL CURRENTLY FILLING THE POSITION,

LET ME TELL YOU IT'S STINKIN' HARD.

I CAN'T IMAGINE DOING IT 2 MORE DAYS, LET ALONE 2 MORE YEARS.

AND TO THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING JAKE'S GONE THROUGH,

HE'S HAD TO SAVE MAGICAL CREATURES ON A DAILY BASIS,

LIE TO HIS OWN DAD ABOUT WHO HE IS,

SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE GIRL HE LOVED,

ALL TO PROTECT A MYSTICAL WORLD THAT NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT.

HE MAY BE THE AMERICAN DRAGON,

BUT HE'S ALSO A 14-YEAR-OLD KID

WHO JUST WANTED A COUPLE DAYS OFF.

IF THAT MAKES HIM IMMATURE, FINE, BUT SELF-SERVING?

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO BOTH OF YOU, STEP OFF!

HEH. I CROSSED THE LINE WITH THAT "STEP OFF" PART, DIDN'T I?

SUN, YOU AND HALEY TRACK DOWN CHANG AND RESCUE JAKE.

BUT, LAO SHI, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I HAVE SOMETHING TO TAKE CARE OF.

[SCREECHES]

UHH! UNH!

YO, CHANG, NOTHING PERSONAL,

BUT I KINDA GOT SOMEPLACE TO BE,

SO IF YOU DON'T MIND--

SILENCE! THESE CHAINS ARE REINFORCED

WITH SPHINX HAIR, RENDERING YOU POWERLESS.

IN THE MEANTIME, THE CH'I OF THE AMERICAN DRAGON IS MINE.

YO, CHANGITY CHANG, SAY THEM MAGIC WORDS.

AND WITH THE DROP OF A PHOENIX FEATHER,

THE DRAGON OF DARKNESS SHALL RISE FROM THE ASHES.

[SIZZLE]

OK, NOT A BAD SHOW,

BUT THE ENDING'S NOT REALLY LIVING UP TO THE HYPE.

CAN I GO NOW? SILENCE!

WHY DIDN'T THE SPELL WORK?

WAIT. JAKE'S CH'I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN DRAGON FORM.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN', THEN, HE'S NOT A DRAGON?

'CAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN--

Haley: THAT YOU ANSWER TO ME.

YA HEARD?

OHH! UNH!

HALEY--UHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?

[CELLPHONE RING TONE]

NEVER MIND. COVER ME FOR A SEC.

IT'S WHAT I DO.

HYAH!

YO, JAKIE, WHERE ARE YOU?

GRADUATION'S ABOUT TO START,

AND DANICA'S BEEN ASKING ABOUT YOU.

RUNNING A LITTLE LATE,

BUT HEY, IT'S WHAT I DO.

YOU AND SPUD COOL TO--

COVER FOR YOU?

HEY, BABY, IT'S WHAT WE DO.

HEY, YO! STOP THE MUSIC!

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

GIVE A WARM WELCOME

TO ARTHUR SPUDINSKI AND HIS, UH...

COMEDY STYLINGS.

WHAH! I CA--I, UH...

OH. HEY, UH...

[ARMPIT POPPING MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB]

SUN PARK, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL ABOUT PEACE AND LOVE.

AND WHAT I'D REALLY LOVE IS TO GIVE YOU A PIECE OF THIS.

WHAAH!

SUN! SUN!

SO I'M THINKING JAKE LONG

IS NO LONGER THE AMERICAN DRAGON,

AND SINCE LITTLE SISTER IS NEXT IN LINE,

THAT WOULD MEAN YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING I WANT.

LEAVE HER ALONG, CHANG!

UNH! UHH!

PATHETIC HUMAN.

WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO?

HIS NAME IS JAKE LONG,

AND HE IS THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

MY DRAGON CH'I.

BUT, GRAMPS, HOW DID YOU--

AN EARLY GRADUATION GIFT FROM THE DRAGON COUNCIL.

YOU'VE EARNED IT.

HOW VERY TOUCHING.

UNFORTUNATELY, THAT CH'I IS MINE.

NO WORRIES, CHANG. I'LL SAVE YOU.

NOT TODAY, MONKEY. HAH!

AAH! OUT OF MY WAY, YOU BUGGY TROLL GIRL.

JAKE, LOOK OUT!

YOW!

HYAH!

AAH!

KNOW WHAT, CHANG?

BEING THE AMERICAN DRAGON KIND OF ROCKS.

OH, AND SPEAKING OF ROCKS...

WHA--NO!

[HOOTS]

AS I'VE SAID BEFORE AND WILL SURELY SAY MANY TIMES TO COME,

"WELL DONE, YOUNG DRAGON."

GRAMPS, LISTEN. THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU.

ABOUT THE CAKE ACCIDENT, I--

IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT.

I KNOW, AND AS A PUNISHMENT,

I'M CUTTING YOUR DRAGON TRAINING IN HALF THIS SUMMER.

LISTEN, I TOTALLY UNDER--

WH-WH-WHAT NOW?

JAKE, I TRAIN YOU HARD BECAUSE I KNOW THE ENEMIES YOU HAVE TO FACE.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOU'RE ONLY 14 YEARS OLD.

YOU DESERVE SOME TIME TO CHILL AND HANG WITH YOUR PEEPS.

AND THERE'S NO REASON WHY HALEY CAN'T FILL IN FROM TIME TO TIME.

SHE DID A GREAT JOB THIS WEEK.

I DID?

YOU MOST CERTAINLY DID, BUT A QUICK PIECE OF ADVICE.

STAY AWAY FROM ESSENCE OF TROLL.

COME, YOUNG DRAGON.

WE HAVE A GRADUATION TO ATTEND.

Jake: SO THERE YOU HAVE IT,

THE WEEK I WASN'T THE AMERICAN DRAGON.

THAT NIGHT AT GRADUATION, I GOT TO THINKING.

BEING HUMAN WAS A WAKE-UP CALL.

SURE THERE HAVE BEEN SOME TOUGH TIMES,

BUT HAVING MAGICAL POWERS HAS KIND OF ROCKED,

AND NOT JUST IN A SAVING THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT KIND OF WAY,

BUT IN A COOL, EVERYDAY KIND OF WAY, TOO.

I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

HAVING A SECRET DOUBLE LIFE IS ALWAYS GONNA BE A BALANCING ACT,

BUT WITH THE HELP OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY...

WAY TO GO, JAKERS!

I KNOW I CAN TOTALLY FACE ANYTHING LIFE THROWS AT ME.

[DRIP]

[DRIP]

[SIZZLES]

[ROARS]

Fu Dog: TODAY WE ALL GOT TO HEAR

JAKE'S DEEPEST, MOST PERSONAL THOUGHTS

THANKS TO AN INGENIOUS LITTLE DEVICE CALLED VOICE-OVER.

SO I WAS THINKIN' WHY NOT USE VOICE-OVER

TO LET YOU, THE VIEWER, HEAR MY DEEPEST, MOST PERSONAL THOUGHTS?

HUH? HUH? AHEM.

OK, HERE GOES.

AH GEH GEH.

WAIT. THERE'S MORE.

AH GUH GUH GUH?

AND THEN MY PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE.

AH GOO GOO GOO, GOO GOO GOO.

WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTIN', SOCRATES?

I'M A DOG, FOR CRYIN' OUT SAKES.

AH GEH GEH HOO HOO!