Original subtitles

Fu Dog: OK,THAT CABLE GOES THERE,THE ANTENNA GOES THERE,

AH! I CAN NEVER GETTHE MAGIC CHANNELON THIS STUPID THING.

WELL, I'M TRYINGTO DO MY--OW!

HOMEWORK.

THEY'RE DOIN' A SEGMENTON THE MISS MAGICAL WORLDBEAUTY PAGEANT.

OK, NOW, PERFECT.DON'T MOVE.

WHOO WHEE! NOW THERE'SSOME FINE LOOKIN' LASSIES.

[HOWLS]

Jake: YOU KNOW,CALL ME OLD SCHOOL.

BUT A FINE LOOKINGLASSIE

SHOULD ONLY HAVEONE HEAD.

YEAH, YEAH.YOU'RE BLOCKIN' MY VIEW.

BIG WOMEN, BIG DREAMS.

WHO WILL MR. PANDARUSCHOOSE?

ELI! ELI! ELI! ELI!

WAIT. ELI PANDARUS?

YEAH, HE'S SPONSORINGTHE PAGEANT,

HOLDING IT ONHIS PRIVATE ISLAND. OOH.

ELI PANDARUS--LYING,CHEATING EVIL WIZARD.

ALL I KNOW ISTHE GUY WHO ORGANIZED

THE FIRST MAGICALBEAUTY PAGEANT

CAN'T BE ALL BAD.[HOWLS]

THINK AGAIN, GENIUS.

Fu Dog:HEY, THE ORACLE TWINS.

HI. WE HAD A VISIONOF THE PAGEANT.

PANDARUS ISUP TO SOMETHING.

SOMETHING UNSPEAKABLYHORRIBLE.

WHOA, WHOA, OH!

OH, AND JAKE'SGONNA FALL.

AW, MAN.

? HE'S COOL, HE'S HOTLIKE A FROZEN SUN ?

? HE'S YOUNG AND FAST,HE'S THE CHOSEN ONE ?

? PEOPLE,WE'RE NOT BRAGGIN' ?

? HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ?

? HE'S GONNA STOPHIS ENEMIES ?

? DRAGON TEETH, DRAGON TAIL,BURNIN' DRAGON FIRE ?

? REAL LIVE WIRE ?

? AMERICAN DRAGON ?

DRAGON UP!

? AMERICAN DRAGON ?

OH, OH, OH,WHOA!

? HE'S THE AMERICAN DRAGON ?

? BREAK IT DOWNWITH THE DRAGON ?

? SKILLS AREGETTIN' FASTER ?

? WITH GRANDPA,THE MASTER ?

? HIS DESTINYWILL WALK UP SHEETS ?

? IT'S SHOWTIME, BABY,FOR THE LEGACY ?

? AMERICAN DRAGON ?

? FROM THE "J"TO THE "A" ?

? TO THE "K"TO THE "E" ?

? I'M THE MACKDADDY DRAGONOF THE N.Y.C. ?

YA HEARD!

JAKE! GET BACKTO WORK!

AW, MAN.

FU DOG! HAVE YOUBEEN MESSING WITHTHE ANTENNA AGAIN?

NO. HEH HEH.

OF COURSE NOT.UNH!

OOH, LOOKAT THOSE HEELS.

SHE'S GONNA HAVEA TOUGH TIME

LOOK, I CAN FIGURE OUTWHAT PANDARUS IS UP TO.NO SWEAT.

BUT SINCE YOU GUYSARE HOOKED UP WITHFUTURE ON DEMAND,

WHY DON'T YOU JUSTSAVE ME THE TROUBLE?

UNH. IT'S NOT THAT EASY.

WE KNOW SOMETHING BAD'SGONNA HAPPEN.

BUT WE DON'T KNOWWHAT OR HOW.

IT'S NOT AN EXACT SCIENCE.

ENOUGH! WE MUST GOTO PANDARUS ISLAND.

YO, G., HIS ISLANDIS SEALED UP TIGHT,

AND I'M GUESSINGHIS MORTAL ENEMIESAREN'T ON THE GUEST LIST.

UNLESS, OF COURSE,HE'S HAVING A MORTALENEMY PARTY.

WHICH I SERIOUSLY DOUBT,AND IF HE IS, THEN--

ENOUGH! WE MUST GOTO PANDARUS ISLAND.

WE ARE NOT ALLOWEDONTO THE ISLAND.

NOW THERE'S A FACETHAT COULD LAUNCH1,000 SHIPS,

OR JUST ONE HEADED FORPANDARUS ISLAND. HEH.

THIS IS WHAT I CALLA MISSION. HOO HOO!

FU DOG, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUIN A GNOME'S AGE.

JAKE, BUDDY,

YOU REMEMBERV-V-VERONICA.

UH, I DON'T KNOW.FU, I'M SORRY.

I JUSTDON'T REMEMBER--

W-WHOA!

YEAH, THAT RINGS A BELL.

VERONICA WILLENTER THE PAGEANT

AND WE WILL BETRAVELING INCOGNITOAS HER STYLISTS.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLEGAME OF FOOTSIE

BEFORE WE SAVETHE WORLD? [LAUGHS]

OH, YOU.

UGH! THAT GARGOYLEIS WEARING MY DRESS.

CAN SOMEONE POWDERMY NOSES?

AMIA, WHERE'S MY TUTU?

I LIKE SAMPLES.

VERONICA AND IWILL CHECK IN.

YOU TWOLEARN THE WAYSOF YOUR ENEMY.

LET'S SEE.4 GUARDS, 2 EXITS...

AND 100 CHANCESFOR LOVE, SWEET LOVE.

[HOWLS, PANTS]

FU, TAKE IT EASY!

GREAT.I'M GONNA GO CHECK OUTMISS BERMUDA TRIANGLE.

AND BUDDY,IF I COME UP MISSIN',

DON'T SENDA SEARCH PARTY.[CACKLES]

SHEILA! GOODTO SEE YA AGAIN.

HEY, HOW ABOUT LATERYOU AND ME

TAKE A LITTLE RIDEAROUND THE RING,

IF YOU KNOWWHAT I MEAN?

[CACKLES]GIDDY UP!

HUH!

OOH, DOGGY,WE GOT A LIVE ONE HERE.

HEY, THERE, IRIS.LONG TIME NO SEE.

HOW ABOUT MAKIN' MEYOUR PUPIL FOR THE DAY?

GET IT, PUPIL?

[CACKLES]

I SEE YOU,YOU, YOU, AND ME

GETTING TO KNOWEACH OTHER BETTER

OVER A ROMANTICBOWL OF KIBBLE.

THERE'S ENOUGHOF THE FU TO GO AROUND.

THERE YOU ARE.

YO, FU, YOU CAN'T GO AROUNDTREATIN' WOMEN LIKE THIS.

HEY, THEY'RE THE ONESWHO PUT THEMSELVESON DISPLAY, KID.

I'M JUST ENJOYIN'THE VIEW. [HOWLS, PANTS]

HEY, KARA, WANNA SHAKETHOSE THINGS MY WAY? OW!

YOUR WINGS!I WAS TALKIN' ABOUTYOUR WINGS, NOT THE--

AH, WHAT DO YOU EXPECTFROM A DITZY DAME?

[APPLAUSE]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

MONSTERS AND MAGICIANS,

WELCOMING YOUTO ELI PANDARUS'

MISS MAGICAL WORLDBEAUTY PAGEANT,

WHERE WE'LL FIND OUTONCE AND FOR ALL

WHO IS THE FAIRESTOF THEM ALL.

HONEY, YOU GOT A LITTLE HAYSTUCK TO YOUR HOOF THERE.

OH, OH, HOW EMBARRASSING.

NOW LET'S SAY HELLOTO OUR JUDGES.

THE TOOTH FAIRY...

AH HA HA HA HA HA.

JACK FROST...

AND OUR THIRDCELEBRITY JUDGE,

YOU KNOW HIM,YOU LOVE HIM.

HO HO HO. YEAH.SORRY I'M LATE, OK?

THE NORTH WIND WAS BLOWIN' UPA STORM, YOU KNOW?

DON'T EVENGET ME STARTED ABOUTPARKIN' AROUND THIS PLACE, OK?

AND OUR HOSTWITH THE MOST,

THE RICHEST MAGICALMAN ON EARTH,

ELI PANDARUS.

[APPLAUSE]

IF YOU'RE ELIMINATEDFROM THE CONTEST,

SO STAY PRETTY,AND YOU'LL STAYIN THE GAME.

ALL RIGHT, NOW.LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS.

MISS ATLANTIS.

SHE LIKES WHIRLPOOLS,RAW EEL

AND LEAPS FOR HANDSOMEHUMAN PRINCES.

RIGHT. MORE HAIR.

MISS HADES.

SHE LOVESTHE COLOR RED,

THE SMELL OF BRIMSTONEAND DEVILED HAM.

SHE CAN HAVE MY SOULANY DAY.

Jake: FU, SOME HELP HERE?

Monty: WHO WOULD WANTTO RING HER BELL?

HOW DO I LOOK?

TRUST ME, HONEY,WITH YOUR GAMSAND THOSE HEELS,

THE OTHER GIRLSDON'T STAND ACHANCE. [HOWLS]

STEADY. STEADY.POISE.

CONFIDEN---CE!

OW!WHAT IS IT?

WELL, THATNARROWS IT DOWN.

VERONICA.OH, YOU OK, DOLL?CAN YOU GET UP?

YO, G., WHAT AREWE GONNA DO?

DID YOU KNOWIN CHINESE OPERA

WOMEN WERE PLAYED BY MEN?

THAT'S VERYENLIGHTENING, POPS.

BUT WHAT'S IT GOTTO DO WITH

THE PRICE OF TEAIN CHINA? AAH!

AND NOW, MISS MAGICALNEW YORK CITY!

[GRUNTS]

[APPLAUSE,CAMERAS CLICK]

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]HELLO, BOYS.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

I'M A 600-YEAR-OLDSHAR-PEI.

I GOT WRINKLESON MY WRINKLES.

I'LL NEVER PULL THIS OFF.

COME ON, FU.JUST GO WITH IT.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONESQUEEZED INTO A SIZE 6.

AND WHAT DOES A DOGHAVE TO DO AROUND HERE

I NEED ALL CONTESTANTSIN THE DRESSING ROOM,PLEASE.

YOU THINK THIS IS EASYPRANCIN' AROUND LIKE SOME--

DID YOU SAYD-D-DRESSING ROOM?

YOU KNOW, ON SECOND THOUGHT,

I THINK I'M JUST THE DOGFOR THIS GAME.

HELLO, GIRLS.FUELLA HAS ARRIVED.

DON'T WORRY, BEAUTIFUL.

I'LL GET YOUTHE BEST MEDICAL ATTENTION

THAT MONEY CAN BUY.

AS LONG ASIT'S OFF THE ISLAND.

HMM. SOMETHING ABOUT YOUSEEMS FAMILIAR.

DO I KNOW YOU?

WHEN YOU TAPEDGOOD MAGICALMORNING NEW YORK.

YOU KNOW, YOU COULDREALLY USE

A GOOD ZIZZING.WHOA!

DON'T FORGETTO CONDITION!

TRIMTHOSE SIDEBURNS!

SKIP A DAYOF SHAMPOOING, AND--

SO WHAT SAY WE GIRLSSTART A SORORITY

AND HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT?WHO'S IN?

OOPS! HEE HEE HEE HEE.

SUSIE, UM, THISIS MY STYLIST, SVEN.

EEK! SPLIT ENDS!

[GASPS] NO!

FU, THIS ISN'T THE TIMEFOR PILLOW FIGHTS.

BITE YOUR TONGUE!

REMEMBER WHATMONTY HALL SAID?

IF YOU'RE ELIMINATEDFROM THE COMPETITION,

YOU MEAN,I ACTUALLY GOTTA TRYAND WIN THIS THING?

WELL, JUST TRYAND STAY ALIVEIN THE CONTEST

UNTIL WE CANFIGURE OUT

WHAT PANDARUSIS UP TO.

I'M ON IT.YOU CAN TRUST FU.

FROM NOW ON,MY ONE AND ONLY FOCUS

WILL BE STAYIN'IN THE GAME.

NO MORE DISTRACTIONS.

FUELLA, CAN YOUZIP UP MY DRESS?

WHAT ARE BESTESTGIRLFRIENDS FOR?

[HOWLS]I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.HEE HEE HEE HEE.

SORRY. FUELLA'SGOT A DATE WITHBEAUTY BOOT CAMP.

FACELIFT? I THOUGHTYOU MEANT FACE DROP.

YEAH, MAN.THESE WRINKLES AREMY CALLING CARD.

I WAS THINKIN'I COULD USE A FEW MOREAROUND THE NECK HERE

LIKE--LIKE THIS. WHOO!CAN'T TOUCH THAT. SSS.

JUST TAKE IT EASY--AAAHHH!

WORK IT. WORK IT.

TURN TO YOUR LEFT,LADIES,

AND TURN TO YOUR RIGHT.

WHOO! WELL, NO PAIN,NO GAIN, RIGHT?

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

OH! EVERYTHING HURTS.

TIME FOR A LITTLEDRAGON RECON, YA HEARD?

YES, IT IS TIME.

WHOO HOO!COME ON, FU,

LET'S GO PUTTHE PAIN IN PAIN-DARUS.

NO CAN DO.APHRODITE MAGAZINE

SAYS BEAUTY SLEEPIS ESSENTIAL.

I GOT 600 YEARSOF BAGS UNDER MY EYESTO SLEEP OFF.

IT'S GOTTA BEPANDARUS' CRIB.

LOOKS TO ME LIKEIT'S DRAGON TIME.

UNHHAAHH!

IS EVERYTHING READY?

THE SECRET ALTARIS UNDER THE STAGE

JUST LIKE YOU ASKED.

THE MOST POWERFULWIZARD IN THE LAND.

GAME SHOW HOSTIN THE LAND. HA HA.

DEAL WITH THAT,TREBEK.

AAH!AAH! AAH! AAH!

OH!

JAKE! LOOK OUT!

WHOA!

HEY!WHAT'S THAT?

DON'T WORRYABOUT ME, GRAMPS.

I'M ON TOP OF IT.

NOT ALL OF IT!

OVER HERE!

SORRY, DUDES.GOTTA FLY.

WHAT IS THAT DRAGONDOING HERE?

WANT ME TO TAKE HIMOUT FOR YA?

MONTY'S GOTA BIG BOWL OF PAIN

NEVER MIND.I'M ONE NIGHT AWAYFROM ABSOLUTE POWER.

NOTHING, NOT EVENTHE AMERICAN DRAGON

IS GOING TO STOP ME.[GLASS BREAKS]

WHOA! OW! OOH!

UNH!

FU, WAKE UP, DUDE.

[SNORING]I'M THE PRETTIEST.

NO,I'M THE PRETTIEST.

FU! PAGEANT TIME!

AAH! MY EYES!

[GASPS]GIVE A DOG TIME TO GETHIS FACE ON, WOULD YA?

SO WE GOTTA FIND OUTWHAT PANDARUS IS HIDING

HEY,THERE'S A TRAP DOOR,CENTER STAGE.

I GOT MY HEELCAUGHT IN IT YESTERDAY.

EH, THE PROBLEM IS,THE WHOLE ARENA'SGUARDED.

THE ONLY TIMEANYONE CAN GET ON STAGE

THEN THAT'S WHENWE MAKE OUR MOVE.

UH, FU, SOMETHINGFUNKY WITH YOUR EGGS?

NO. BUT MYUNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPWITH FOOD IS OVER.

YOU HEAR THAT, EGGS?I'M BREAKIN' UPWITH YOU,

UH, FU, YOU'RE REALLYSTARTIN' TO SCARE ME.

[APPLAUSE]WELCOME BACK TO THE FINALS

OF THE MISS MAGICALWORLD BEAUTY PAGEANT.

GIVE IT UP FOR OUR JUDGES.

JACK FROST, TOOTH FAIRY...

AND--HELLO, JUDGE NUMBER 3.

HO HO, I TELL YA,

ON THOSE BURPING BETTYDOLLS, YOU KNOW?

TURNS OUT THEY BURPOUT OF THE WRONG END,OK?

WELL, FRANKLY, THEYEXPECT MORE FROM THESANTA NAME, YOU KNOW?

OH, BOY, I TELL YA.

LADIES, I JUST WANTEDTO WISH YOU ALL

GOOD LUCK TODAYIN THE FINALS.

I'M NOT READY. I NEED TIMETO GET MY GLAM ON.

UNH! BRRR!

YOU.ME?

NO, I--I'M JUSTA GIRL.

AH. WHAT DO I EXPECTFROM A DITZY DAME?

[GROWLS]DITSY DAME?

A PIECE OF MEATWITH NO FEELINGS?

IF YOU POKE ME,DO I NOT GIGGLE?

IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'TEVEN SEE THE REAL ME.

WHO DOESHE THINK HE IS?

WE GET NO RESPECT.

SOME MENARE SUCH DOGS.

YOU SAID IT,GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, I'LL BE.IT'S THE DANCE OFTHE SOUTHERN BELLES.

IS IT HOT IN HERE,OR IS IT JUST THEM?

AH, UNH!

KEEP UP.

OH! I SHOULD HAVEMADE HIM SHAVEHIS LEGS.

Fu Dog: OK, NOW.

ELBOW, ELBOW,WRIST, WRIST, WRIST,AND SMILES.

UNH!

COME, JAKE.WE MUST HURRY.

[GROWLS]

NO ARGUMENTS HERE.

UNH!

[GRUNTS]

HEE HEE HEE.

HMM. A FORKIN THE ROAD.

[GROWLS]

THIS WAY!

UNH! HURRY!

HEH HEH. HEH?

AAH!AAH!WHOA!

OH!OH!OH!

HEE HEE HEE HEE.WHOOPS.

LOOKS LIKESOME KIND OF ALTAR.

AH, THE PROPHECYOF KOOLUBIUS.

"HE WHO WEDS THE FAIRESTCREATURE OF THEM ALL

"AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT

"ON THE DAYTHE PLANETS ALIGN

SHALL BECOMETHE MIGHTIEST WIZARDIN THE LAND."

SO PANDARUS IS GONNA--

[GROWLS]

YO, G., WE GOT COMPANY.

Jake: COME ON, OGRES.SHOW US WHAT YOU'VE GOT.

Both: UNH!

UNH!UNH!

[BOTH GRUNT]

THIS NET,IT IS SPHYX HAIR.

THE ONLY SUBSTANCETHAT RENDERS A DRAGONABSOLUTELY POWERLESS.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE TO GO MARRYTHE WINNER OF THE PAGEANT.

AND BECOME THE MIGHTIESTWIZARD IN ALL THE LAND.

NOT TO MENTIONTHE EVILEST.

[LAUGHS]

WHAT THE HECK IS TAKIN'JAKE AND GRANDPA SO LONG?

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]AHEM. IT'S--IT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE

TO GET RELIABLESTYLISTS THESE DAYS.

[SNIFFLES]ALL THESE OUTFITSMAKE ME LOOK HIPPY,

SERIOUSLY, THEY CAN'T STOPTO THINK ABOUT ANYONEBUT THEMSELVES.

[CRYING]YOU KNOW WHATI'M SAYIN', SISTER?

HEY, THERE, WHAT--WHAT GIVES, IRIS?

I--I CAN'T GO ON.I'M JUST NOTPRETTY ENOUGH.

I'M ALL...EYEBALL! [CRYING]

WHAT? OH, NO WAY.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFULAND SMART

AND HAVE A GREATSENSE OF HUMOR.

HERE. DRY YOUR EYE.

THANKS, FUELLA.

[SNORTS, BLOWS NOSE]

OH. YOU'RE A PEACH.

[CLAPS]

IT'S TIME FORTHE PERSONALITY CONTEST.

FUELLA, YOU'RE UP.

WHAT?I AM NOT READY!

HEE HEE HEE.

ARE YOU READY,BEAUTIFUL?

HEE HEE HEEHEE HEE. YES.

OK, FIRST QUESTIONFROM THAT MASTEROF THE DEEP FREEZE,

JACK FROST.

EH. HI.

I'M GONNA KEEPMY QUESTIONS SIMPLE.

WHAT'S YOURFAVORITE SEASON?

UM...

OOH, I LIKE HER.DO YOU LIKE HER?

NEXT, A QUARTERFOR HER THOUGHTS.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'STHE TOOTH FAIRY.

OOH, I LOVETHIS PART.

LET'S SEE THOSEPEARLY WHITES.

OH, HI--AAH!

[GASPS] UH-UH!

[GAGS, BELCHES]

OH, PARDON ME.I AM--[GAGS]

I JUST DIDN'T--[GAGS]EXPECT THAT...

[GAGS]COLOR GREEN. OOH!

OH, TOUGH BREAK,FUELLA.

NOW LET'S SEEWHAT THE NEXT JUDGEHAS TO SAY.

YOU ARE DEFINITELYON MY NAUGHTY LIST, OK,

AND MY UGLY LIST.YOU SHOULD DONATETHAT BODY TO SCIENCE.

SCIENCE FICTION,YOU KNOW.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

OOH, FORGET IT!

NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY,

I JUST CAN'TLOOK LIKE THE WOMEN

AND MY PERSONALITYIS ABOUT MORE THAN MY TEETH

I LOOK AROUND THIS ROOM,AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE?

I SEE THE SMARTEST,MOST ACCOMPLISHED DAMES

DID YOU KNOWJANICE THERE HAS A Ph.D.IN MOLECULAR BIOLOGY?

SHE'S THE ONE WHO DESIGNEDTHE ANCIENT PYRAMIDS,

AND BERTHA, WELL,BERTHA'S AS DULL AS A SPOON.

BUT SHE BAKESA GREAT COBBLER.

AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONEWITH THESE AMAZING WOMEN?

PITTED THEM AGAINSTEACH OTHER

AND TREATED THEMLIKE PIECES OF MEAT.

WELL, I'M HERE TO TELL YOU

AND ME, I'M ALREADY A WINNERJUST FOR GETTIN' TO KNOW YA.

'CAUSE YOU LADIESARE BEAUTIFUL IN HERE,

AND THAT'S ALLTHAT REALLY MATTERS.

GET THIS SNIVELING NOBODYOFF MY STAGE,

AND CROWNA WINNER, ALREADY!

YOU CAN TAKEYOUR PAGEANT

AND STICK ITIN YOUR EAR, PANDARUS.

YEAH.SEE YA.

YEAH. THIS PAGEANTIS WHACK, ANYWAY.

REAL PAGEANTSCREATE OPPORTUNITYFOR WOMEN.

CHANCES TO GIVEMIND NUMBINGSPEECHES

ABOUT WORLD PEACE.

THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN PULLTHIS SHAM OF A PAGEANTOUT OF THE MUD

IS BY NAMING A REAL WOMANAS THE WINNER.

I SAY WE GIVE THE CROWNTO FUELLA

FOR HAVING THE COURAGETO TELL THE TRUTH.

Women: FUELLA! FUELLA!

FUELLA! FUELLA!

OK, THAT'S IT.

JUDGES, LET'SGET ON WITH IT.

I NEED A WINNER.

IF EVERYONE ELSEHAS WITHDRAWN,

I DON'T CARE IF SHE ISA COMPLETE DOG.

WHOO-HOO!FUELLA IT IS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,I INTRODUCE TO YOU

THE NEW MISS MAGICAL WORLD,

AND OFFICIALLYTHE FAIREST OF THEM ALL,

[WHIMPERS]OH, HELLO. I LOVE YOU ALL.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OH, I'M GONNA CRY.

? SHE'S THE FAIRESTOF THEM ALL ?

? MISS MAGICAL WORLD ?

[MIC FEEDBACK]OK, THAT'S ENOUGH.

WATCH THE DRESS, BUDDY.IT'S COUTURE.

UH, HEY, WHERE WE GOIN'?

WELL, NOW THATTHE PAGEANT IS OVER,

I GUESS I CAN SPILLTHE GOOD NEWS.

WE'RE OFF TO FULFILLAN ANCIENT PROPHECY.

NOT ONLY THE MOSTDEVILISHLY HANDSOMEWIZARD IN THE WORLD,

BUT THE MOSTPOWERFUL AS WELL.

HOW NICE FOR YOU.THERE'S JUST ONE PROBLEM.

[ALL GASP]

LOOK,IT'S THAT JERK

THAT'S RIGHT.HOW'S THAT PROPHECYLOOKIN' NOW, PANDARUS?

IT'S LOOKING FINE.ALL I NEED TO DO

IS MARRY THE FAIRESTOF THEM ALL.

WHICH, ACCORDINGTO YOUR TIARAAND PLAQUE IS YOU.

TA-TA, EVERYONE.

[ALL GASP]

THIS WORKED OUTPERFECTLY.

I NEEDED 2 WITNESSESTO OUR BLESSED UNION,

AND VOILA,HERE YOU ARE--

Pandarus:JUST HANGIN' AROUND.

PANDARUS IS GONNATAKE THE WINNEROF THE CONTEST

AND MAKE HERHIS BRIDE.

UH, YOU'RE LOOKIN'AT HER, KID.

WHAT? YOU WON?

OH, AND THAT'SSO HARD TO BELIEVE?

LET'S GET THISOVER WITH.

WELCOME. WE HAVECHAINED HERE TOGETHER--

I--I MEAN,GATHERED HERE TOGETHER...

JUST GET ON WITH IT.

UH, "DEARLY BELOVED."YADA, YADA, YADA...

"GATHERED HERE TODAY."YADA, YADA.

ANYONE HAVEANY OBJECTIONS?

Woman: WE DO!

HEY, GUESSTHEY COULDN'T STAND

TO SEE ME OFF THE MARKET.HOO HOO!

UNH!UNH!

YEAH!

IT'S NO USE.THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM.

GUESS AGAIN.

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAAHHH!

[GASPS]LOOK OUT!

[OGRES GROANING]

TAKE HIM. TAKE HIM!

JUST DON'T HURT ME.

WHOO HOO! NOW THAT'SWHAT I CALL GIRL POWER.

LADIES, I GOTTAHAND IT TO YA.

YOU REALLY SAVED MY TAILIN THE END THERE.

YEAH, WELL, WE'RE STILL MADTHAT YOU LIED TO US.

BUT WE'RE ALSOAWFUL PROUD OF YOU

FOR STANDIN' UPFOR US.

YOU KNOW,I MEANT EVERY WORD.

TRUST ME.I WAS A BETTER DOGAS A WOMAN

THAN I EVER WASAS A DOG.

WOW. FU DOG HASREALLY COME AROUND.

I MUST SAY, I'M GRATEFULTO ALL YOU LADIES.

THIS ENTIRE WEEKENDHAS BEEN A TEST FOR ME--

A TEST WHICHI'M PROUD TO SAY I PASSED.

[HONK HONK]HEY, HANDS OFF THE HONK.

I SAID I PASSED.I DIDN'T SAY I GOT AN "A."

I DIDN'T GETA "B," EITHER,

OR A "C," OR A "D."[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

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