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[ light rock music ]

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[ light rock music ]

MOM, LEFT!

[LAUGHING] I KNOW. I KNOW. STAY LEFT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S SO HARD.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD, ANYWAY?

IT'S NOT WRONG IN SCOTLAND, HONEY.

IS THAT THE TURN FOR THE CABINS?

WOW, THAT CAME UP FAST.

WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?

I CAN'T READ THESE SIGNS.

MAYBE IT WASN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA TO COME HERE AFTER ALL.

HONEY, IT WAS A GREAT IDEA YOU AND SYDNEY HAD.

TO TAKE OUR VACATION, LEAVE NEW YORK

AND COME VISIT THE LAND OF YOUR ANCESTORS.

ACTUALLY, IT WAS DAD'S IDEA.

AND DAD'S ANCESTORS.

THAT MAKES THEM YOUR ANCESTORS.

WAIT, SO WHY DIDN'T DAD TAKE US INSTEAD?

MILES, YOU KNOW IT'S MOM'S TURN FOR VACATION.

DAD HAD US LAST TIME.

DID YOU KNOW 8 OUT OF 18 CAR CAR CRASHES

WERE CAUSED BY PEOPLE IN A RUSH?

IS THAT SO?

WELL, WE MacDOUGALS GOT SOME PLACE TO BE.

AND, BESIDES YOUR OLD MAN'S NEVER

HAD SO MUCH AS A BENT FENDER.

HOW MANY TROPHIES DID THEY GIVE YOU FOR THAT, HUH, POP?

HEY, LET'S TAKE THE LIPSTICK DOWN A NOTCH,

CAN WE, MISS BAILEY?

YOU'RE ONLY 15, FOR PETE'S SAKE!

MOM LET'S ME WEAR ALL THE MAKEUP I WANT.

YOUR MOM'S NOT HERE NOW, IS SHE?

NO, SHE AND BRENDAN HAD THE GOOD SENSE

TO GO TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.

I'M SURE SHE AND BRENDAN WILL HAVE A LOVELY TIME.

BUT IT'S NOT GONNA BEAT A TRIP

TO THE INTERNATIONAL MEETING OF THE MACS!

YOU KNOW I'M NOT GOOD AT SPORTS.

YOU'LL BE FINE, TIM-BO.

IT'S JUST LIKE CHESS, ONLY BIGGER PIECES.

WHAT IS IT WITH THESE SCOTTISH DRIVERS!?

COME ON!

[HONKING]

WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING?

[HORN HONKING]

WHAT'S THIS GUY WANT?

HEY! DAD, DAD, DON'T.

HEY, IF YOU WERE GOING ANY SLOWER, YOU'D BE PARKED!

WELL, I'M SORRY.

I'M NOT FROM AROUND HERE!

GIMME A BREAK!

YEAH, NOR AM I, BUT I'M NOT

HOLDING UP ALL THE TRAFFIC, AM I?!

WELL, THEN GO AROUND ME!

ALL RIGHT THEN, I WILL!

WHAT A BONEHEAD!

AW, JEEZ.

DAD, I THINK WE MISSED OUR EXIT.

OOPS. [CHUCKLES]

Lily: ONE OF THE BEST THINGS

ABOUT SCOTLAND IS IF YOU DON'T

LIKE THE WEATHER, WAIT 5 MINUTES.

IT'S NOT AS CHARMING AS IT WAS ONLINE.

BUT IT'LL BE FINE.

I LIKE IT, MOM. IT'S RUSTIC.

JURASSIC IS MORE LIKE IT.

HOW VERY LOVELY TO HAVE YOU STAYING WITH US THIS WEEK.

IT PROMISES TO BE A GRAND TIME!

LOOK, MOM, THEY HAVE PHONES.

INDOOR PLUMBING AND BEDS, TO BOOT.

I THINK YOU'LL BE QUITE COZY HERE.

IS EVERY FAMILY HERE THIS WEEK

REALLY NAMED MAC-SOMETHING-OR-OTHER?

YES, AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, YOUNG LADY.

WILL MR. MacDOUGALL BE JOINING YOU?

EH, THAT WOULD BE A BIG FAT "NO."

THEY'RE DIVORCED.

MY DAD HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

MILES!

- SHE'S REALLY HOT.

THANK YOU, HONEY.

[SIGHS] IT'S NICE, ISN'T IT?

HMM, NOT REALLY.

YEAH, OK.

UM, WHY DON'T YOU TWO TAKE THE FRONT BEDROOM

AND I WILL TAKE THE BACK BEDROOM.

WHAT ABOUT MY PRIVACY?

HEY, 8-YEAR-OLD!

IF I CAN GIVE UP MY PRIVACY, YOU CAN GIVE UP YOURS.

THANKS, SYD.

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO UNPACK.

I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER AND, UH,

WHEN I'M DONE, WE CAN GO OUT THERE AND EXPLORE, OK?

AHH.

I KNOW THE KEY'S HERE SOMEWHERE.

MY BETTER HALF, MOLLY, YOU'LL MEET HER,

MUST'VE PUT IT IN THE WRONG PLACE.

WONDERFUL WOMAN, BUT SHE'S ALWAYS TIDYING THINGS AWAY.

YOU DO HAVE OUR RESERVATION, THOUGH, RIGHT?

OH, ABSOLUTELY!

YEAH, BOOKED IT MYSELF.

AH. HERE'S THE MASTER.

THAT'LL GET YOU INTO THE CABIN.

I'LL STOP BY WITH YOUR OWN KEY AS SOON AS IT POPS UP.

ALL RIGHT, PRINCESS.

PICK UP MY BAG.

IF THERE'S ONLY ONE BATHROOM IN HERE,

THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE PRETTY.

SO WHERE ARE WE SLEEPING?

OH, I THINK THE MEN SHOULD HAVE THE FRONT BEDROOM

AND MAYBE BAILEY, YOU CAN HAVE THE BACK BEDROOM TO YOURSELF.

AAH!

MOM, WHAT'S WRONG!?

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR CABIN?

AH, OUR CABIN.

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE YOUR CABIN?

WELL, IF IT HAS A 5 ON THE DOOR, THEN YES, IT DOES.

YOU'RE THAT GUY FROM THE HIGHWAY!

MOM, IT'S THE BONEHEAD!

LOOK, LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN OUR CABIN,

BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE.

OTHERWISE, I'M AFRAID, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALL SECURITY.

WHAT, THE OLD GUY AT THE FRONT DESK?

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

ALL RIGHT, BAILEY, SHUSH.

LOOK, THERE'S OBVIOUSLY SOME KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDING.

SO, LET'S JUST GO TO THE OFFICE AND WE CAN WORK IT OUT.

YOU'LL GO TO THE OFFICE,

WE'LL STAY HERE IN OUR CABIN.

OK, FINE.

OK, KIDS, LET'S UNPACK.

DAD.

ARE YOU A 6-YEAR-OLD?

IT'S UP TO YOU.

FINE, I'LL GO TO THE OFFICE.

GOOD. GOOD.

OK. OK.

OH, DEAR. THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING.

AN HONEST MISTAKE, REALLY.

IT SEEMS I TOOK MRS. MacDOUGALL'S RESERVATION.

AND I TOOK MR. MacDOUGALL'S RESERVATION,

SAME LAST NAME, SAME TYPE OF GUESTS AND ACCOMMODATIONS.

AND WHEN I WAS ASSIGNING THE CABINS FOR THE WEEK,

I MUST'VE THOUGHT IT WAS A DUPLICATE RESERVATION

AND I HELD ONLY THE ONE ROOM.

AMUSING, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

[LAUGHS] YES, IT IS.

BUT YOU CAN GIVE HIM HIS OWN CABIN

AND WE CAN KEEP OURS, RIGHT?

THAT WOULD BE THE LOGICAL THING.

IF IT WASN'T FOR THE MEETING OF THE MACS.

SO, ARE YOU SAYING YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER CABINS?

NOT A ONE.

FULL TO THE BRIM.

AS IS EVERY OTHER HOTEL AND MOTEL,

HOLIDAY PARK AND LODGE AND CASTLE

AND COTTAGE WITHIN 50 MILES--

60!

WELL, I'M REALLY SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.

BUT JUST CONSIDER IT BAD KARMA

FOR YELLING AT AN INNOCENT DRIVER.

WHAT?

OUR RESERVATION IS PERFECTLY VALID.

[LAUGHING] WELL, I WAS HERE FIRST!

WELL, NOW WHO SOUNDS LIKE A 6-YEAR-OLD?

I DO NOT SOUND LIKE I'M 6 YEARS OLD!

YES, YOU DO! NO, I DON'T.

YOU DO! I UNPACKED!

I AM THERE AND I AM NOT LEAVING!

BUT WE HAVE MADE A RESERVATION JUST THE SAME AS YOU DID.

I DON'T CARE!

[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]

EH, THERE IS ONE RATHER SMALL CABIN--

I'LL TAKE IT! HE'LL TAKE IT!

OH, BUT THAT WON'T BE AVAILABLE FOR A DAY OR MAYBE TWO.

NASTY PLUMBING PROBLEM.

BUT I THINK I'VE ALMOST GOT IT SORTED OUT.

SO WHAT DO WE DO IN THE MEANTIME?

WELL, NOW I THINK AS MRS. MacDOUGALL CHECKED IN FIRST...

NOW, NOW, DEAR.

BUT MR. MacDOUGALL MADE HIS RESERVATION FIRST.

WELL, YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER A WEE COMPROMISE.

I'M CONOR.

THIS IS TIM AND BAILEY.

SYDNEY AND MILES.

FOLKS, REALLY, THIS IS A JOYOUS WEEK

IN OUR LITTLE PART OF SCOTLAND.

TRY NOT TO LET A WEE ISSUE

LIKE ACCOMMODATIONS GET IN THE WAY.

AND, BESIDES, I'M AFRAID SHARING IS REALLY THE ONLY SOLUTION.

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?

LOOK, IT'S FINE IF YOU STAY HERE BUT AS SOON

AS YOUR CABIN IS READY, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T MUCH LIKE YOUR TONE.

I'M NOT SURE I MUCH LIKE YOU.

LOOK, YOU CAN MAKE THIS EASY OR YOU CAN MAKE IT DIFFICULT.

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

[SIGHS]

DAD, THIS LOOKS GROSS.

IT IS NOT GROSS. IT IS MY FAMOUS SCOTTISH LAMB STEW.

FAMOUS FOR WHAT, GIVING PEOPLE INDIGESTION?

NO, FAMOUS FOR BEING HEARTY, PALATE PLEASING,

AND, MOST OF ALL, NOT BORING.

UNLIKE, SAY, THAT.

THAT IS A CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD AND IT IS NOT BORING.

I LIKE TO COOK HEALTHY.

WHEN YOU COOK.

THAT'S JUST 'CAUSE I WORK SO HARD, HONEY.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING?

UM, WELL I'M THE VICE-PRESIDENT OF SALES

IN THE NEW YORK DIVISION OF LORENA CHAN SHOES.

WHOA. SERIOUSLY?

THOSE ARE LIKE MY FANTASY SHOES.

THEY'RE AMAZING!

THANK YOU.

THEY SOUND EXPENSIVE. - THEY ARE.

THAT'S WHY I SAID "FANTASY."

SO, UM, WHAT DO YOU DO, CONOR?

I RUN THE BEST AUTO BODY SHOP IN CENTRAL BOSTON.

WRECK YOUR CAR, I'M YOUR MAN.

[LAUGHING] NO WONDER YOU DRIVE LIKE A MANIAC.

DRUMMING UP BUSINESS WHEREVER YOU GO.

HAR-HAR-HAR.

ANYBODY WANT ANY MORE?

I DIDN'T EVEN WANT THIS.

I'LL HAVE SOME MORE, DAD. - THAT A BOY.

IF HE'S HAVING MORE, YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING NEXT TO ME TONIGHT.

[ light music ]

WHOA!

MOM?

I'M FINE, HONEY.

OW!

AH!

USUALLY GET DONE...

MOLLY, THE SPARE CABIN.

IS IT READY?

WELL, GERARD IS ACTUALLY WORKING

ON THE PIPES AS WE SPEAK.

AHH.

OH, MY.

GOODNESS, JUST WILL YOU LOOK.

I CANNOT TAME THOSE BLASTED PIPES FOR LOVE OR MONEY.

GOT A MIND OF THEIR OWN.

STILL QUITE A MESS IN THERE.

SO DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE STUCK SHARING THAT TINY ROOM?

LIKE I SAID, WORST VACATION EVER.

AH. THIS SPARE SHOULD HELP A BIT.

WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?

AH, BACK BEDROOM. FRONT BEDROOM!

A SPEEDY DECISION WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

WELL, YOU SEEM TO FIT QUITE NICELY

IN THE BOTTOM BUNK WITH SYDNEY.

I'M ON THE FLOOR.

I DON'T FIT.

I FELL OUT OF BED LAST NIGHT.

WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF CHIVALRY?

I LEFT IT IN DIVORCE COURT.

WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF COOPERATION?

I LEFT IT ON THE HIGHWAY COMING HERE.

ARE YOU EVER GONNA LET THAT GO?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HER, BUT WE ARE.

LOOK, TRY AND SEW UP THE GREAT MATTRESS DEBATE BY 10:00, HEH?

THAT'S WHEN ALL THE BIG EVENTS START.

[CHUCKLES] WOULDN'T WANT THE YOUNG ONES

TO MISS OUT, NOW, WOULD WE? HA HA.

YOU CAN HAVE IT.

NO, YOU TAKE IT.

NO, REALLY, IT'S FINE.

NO, I DON'T WANT IT.

YOU TAKE IT.

NO, YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I CAN FIT IN THE BUNK WITH SYDNEY.

LOOK, OK.

LET'S FLIP A COIN.

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT IT.

I DON'T. THE WINNER DOESN'T GET IT.

WAIT SO, EVEN WHEN YOU LOSE, YOU WANT TO WIN?

WHAT IS WITH YOU!?

I AM JUST TRYING TO BE NICE!

OK. THEN, WHAT, WHAT? WHO GETS IT?

PLEASE, TAKE THE MATTRESS.

WELL, THANK YOU.

THAT'S VERY CHIVALROUS OF YOU.

NICE WORK, POP.

GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING!

All: MORNING!

THE ANNUAL MEETING OF THE MACS

CELEBRATES THE HISTORY OF SCOTTISH DESCENDANTS

WITH A WONDERFUL RANGE OF ACTIVITIES.

INCLUDING...

THE FABULOUS MEETING OF THE MACS GAMES

IN WHICH 4 LUCKY FAMILIES WILL COMPETE

IN A DAY OF EXCITING ATHLETIC EVENTS.

GRAND PRIZE: THE COVETED HEART OF THE CLAN AWARD.

All: OOH!

AND, OF COURSE, EVERY VISITING MACFAMILY...

IS INVITED TO COMPETE.

MOM, CAN WE?!

PLEASE!?

NO SPORTS FOR ME.

THE LAST THING I NEED IS A BROKEN NOSE OR A CHIPPED TOOTH.

I'LL PROTECT YOU.

AND SO WILL TIM. HUH, WON'T YOU, BIG TIM?

ARE THERE ANY WEE QUESTIONS BEFORE

WE START THE GAMES REGISTRATION?

YEAH, WHY ARE YOU WEARING A DRESS?

MILES!

THAT'S ACTUALLY A VERY GOOD QUESTION, YOUNG MAN.

THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY A DRESS BUT RATHER

A TRADITIONAL SCOTTISH KILT,

WHICH WE HIGHLANDERS HAVE BEEN WEARING SINCE THE 1500s.

BUT FIRST, WOULD YOU AND YOUR LOVELY MOTHER

LIKE TO BE THE FIRST TO SIGN UP FOR THE GAMES?

WE'LL BE THE FIRST TO SIGN UP!

EXCELLENT.

MOM, YOU SIGN UP, TOO.

GO, PLEASE!

JUST FILL OUT THIS RELEASE FORM AND, UM, YOU'LL BE ALL SET.

YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF A LITTLE FRIENDLY COMPETITION, ARE YOU?

[HUMMING]

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE OF THESE IS THE GREAT MacDOUGALL CLAN TARTAN?

ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?

DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.

OK, WHICH ONE IS THE GREAT MacDOUGALL CLAN TARTAN?

LOUD AND PROUD.

HMM. MY EX-IN-LAWS WOULD BE SO PLEASED.

BUT NO SCOTTISH ON YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY?

EH, WELL, I THINK MY GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER

ON MY UNCLE'S SIDE WAS HALF-WELSH.

DOES THAT COUNT?

ONLY IF YOU'RE A WELSHMAN.

OUR KIDS SEEM TO BE GETTING ON LIKE A HOUSE ON FIRE.

KIDS ARE VERY ADAPTABLE.

YEAH, UNLIKE ADULTS.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU OR ME?

YOU. MOST DEFINITELY.

YOU KNOW, YOUR BAILEY IS GONNA BE A REAL HEARTBREAKER.

YEAH.

TERRIFIES ME, YOU KNOW.

THE IDEA OF SOME HORMONAL TEENAGER LUSTING AFTER MY DAUGHTER.

SOME BATTLES YOU JUST CAN'T WIN.

SAYS YOU.

YOU KNOW, IF OUR KIDS CAN GET ALONG,

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST CALL A TRUCE.

FOR THEIR SAKE.

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,

YOU SORT OF RUB ME THE WRONG WAY.

YEAH, I'M SORRY WE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT.

I KNOW I CAN BE A BIT OF A BONEHEAD SOMETIMES.

HMM, WELL, MAYBE GERARD WILL GET A REAL PLUMBER

AND ALL OUR PROBLEMS WILL BE SOLVED.

UNTIL THEN?

ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME THAT FROG

STAYS LOCKED UP OUTSIDE.

YOU TWO FINALLY AGREE ON SOMETHING?

YEAH. YEAH.

I THINK THAT WE SOULD DO SOMETHING TOGETHER.

BOND A BIT.

HOW 'BOUT A GAME OF HORSESHOES?

MacDOUGALLS VERSUS MacDOUGALLS.

HORSESHOES?

YES!

OHH.

OK, TIM-BO. COME ON.

MAKE ME PROUD!

COME ON, TIM.

HEY, GOOD TRY, TIM!

YEAH, TRYING IS FINE, SYDNEY,

BUT IT DOESN'T WIN YOU THE BIG TROPHIES.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST HORSESHOES, CONOR. OK?

JUST GIVING A LITTLE COACHING, THAT'S ALL.

IT'S OK, CONOR.

MY MOM DOESN'T REALLY GET SPORTS.

COME ON, BALES.

LET'S BRING IT HOME.

DAD, I TOLD YOU, NO SPORTS.

BAILEY, THE ONLY WAY ONE OF THESE HORSESHOES

IS GONNA BREAK YOUR TEETH IS IF YOU TRY AND EAT IT!

GOD, YOU CALL ME STUBBORN.

[GASPS] YES!

NO WAY! I DID IT!

HA HA! YOU SEE, THROWING LIKE A GIRL DOES WORK.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THROWING LIKE A GIRL?

NOTHING.

NOTHING AT ALL.

EXCEPT IF YOU'RE A BOY.

TIM.

DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG?

YES, BUT I THINK SOMEONE ELSE UPSET HIM FIRST.

ARE YOU GONNA GO AFTER HIM?

NO, HE'S--HE'S--HE'S FINE.

JUST NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF SPACE.

YOU'LL SEE.

HE'LL BE BACK IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES,

BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE READY FOR THE SECOND ROUND.

I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU WERE PRETTY HARSH ON HIM.

YOU RAISE YOUR KIDS, I'LL RAISE MINE.

HOW'S THAT?

YOU KNOW HOW I SHOOK YOUR HAND BEFORE?

WELL, I TAKE IT BACK.

[SIGHS] COME ON, KIDS.

LET'S GO TO TOWN AND GET SOME LUNCH.

CAN'T WE STAY AND PLAY HORSESHOES?

NO, PLEASE. LET'S JUST GO.

BAILEY, DO YOU WANNA COME WITH US?

WE CAN DISCUSS HUMAN SHOES.

DAD?

GO ON.

SURE, MRS. MacDOUGALL.

CALL ME LILY.

COME ON, YOU GUYS. PLEASE, I'M STARVING.

COME ON, YOU GUYS. PLEASE, I'M STARVING.

YOU OK, BUDDY?

HEY, DAD.

[SIGHS] SO WHO'S WINNING?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I'M PLAYING MYSELF.

SURE, IT DOES.

MY GRANDPA HARRY USED TO SAY

THAT ANYTHING THAT'S WORTH DOING IS WORTH DOING WELL.

AND HE WAS WAY SMARTER THAN I AM.

YOU KNOW, TIM, BEING GOOD AT SPORTS

ISN'T SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS OVERNIGHT.

YOU NEED A LOT OF PRACTICE AND FOCUS.

[SCOFFING] YEAH.

BAILEY THREW A RINGER WITH HER EYES CLOSED.

YEAH, WELL, JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME, THAT WAS A LOT OF DUMB LUCK.

DAD, IF I PLAY IN THE MEETING

OF THE MACS, WE'LL LOSE FOR SURE.

NO, WE WON'T.

LIKE I SAID, WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME TO PREPARE AND PRACTICE.

AND NEVER FORGET, WE ARE THE FIGHTING MacDOUGALLS.

WE ARE THE FIGHTING MacDOUGALLS.

[LAUGHS] SO ARE WE OK?

SURE, YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, I SAW YOUR CAR OUTSIDE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO LUNCH?

OH, HI.

WELL, NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.

WE WERE DRIVING BY

AND THE KIDS WENT ALL ROBIN HOOD ON ME.

WHAT COULD I SAY? I WAS OUTNUMBERED.

YES!

HEY, TIM, WHY DON'T YOU GO JOIN THE REST?

SURE.

WOW. SYDNEY'S A BIT OF A NATURAL.

I KNOW.

SHE LOVES SPORTS AND ANIMALS.

AND I LOVE ART AND FASHION.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

THE APPLE FELL FAR FROM THE TREE, HUH?

INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ORCHARD.

SO DID YOU GO TO TIM OR DID HE FIND YOU?

LIKE I SAID, HE WAS FINE.

YES, I WENT TO HIM.

AND, YES, YOU WERE RIGHT.

I SEE.

BUT, SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE.

IT WAS A BIG HELP.

I'M GLAD.

SO, MAID MARIAN, GONNA SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE?

[SCOFFS] NO.

I HAVEN'T PICKED UP A BOW SINCE GIRL SCOUT CAMP.

NO WAY.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES...

I THINK THE TREE SHOULD GO TO THE APPLE.

DON'T YOU?

WILL YOU GIVE ME A LESSON?

SO, STAND RAZOR STRAIGHT,

HOLD THE BOW IN YOUR LEFT HAND,

FEET PLANTED, HEAD DOWN,

ELBOWS IN...

AS YOU DRAW THE ARROW BACK

AND...LET HER RIP!

LOOK, MOM. YOU HIT IT!

WAY TO GO, MOM!

YEAH, WAY TO GO, MOM.

THANK YOU.

MOM, CAN WE GO EAT NOW?

OH, YES, HONEY. OF COURSE!

HEY, WHY DON'T WE GO IN ONE CAR?

SO WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF EXACTLY?

WELL, THEN, FOR STARTERS, WE'VE COCK-ALEEKIE,

THAT'S A LEEK AND CHICKEN SOUP SERVED WITH PRUNES.

NEXT WE HAVE A HAM AND HADDIE PIE.

THAT'S SMOKED HADDOCK AND BACON BAKED INTO A LUSCIOUS CASSEROLE.

HMM.

PORK BELLY BUTTIES,

THAT'S WHAT YOU AMERICANS CALL SANDWICHES.

CAULIFLOWER IN A CHEESE AND WHISKEY SAUCE.

AND FOR DESSERT, RHUBARB AND OATMEAL CRUMBLE.

[GASPS]

SO WHAT'S THIS STUFF?

THIS?

OH, THIS, MY LOVE, THIS IS HAGGIS.

SCOTLAND'S MOST FAMOUS DISH.

IT VIRTUALLY DEFIES DESCRIPTION.

WOULD YOU CARE TO HAVE A WEE TASTE?

GO ON.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO EAT THAT? [GIGGLES]

YEAH, IT'S A BIT OF A KILTLIFTER, EH, BOY?

IT'S PRETTY GOOD. YOU SHOULD TRY SOME.

ANY OTHER TAKERS?

GET IT WHILE IT'S GOOD AND HOT.

IF YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD CAN TRY SOME,

SO CAN YOU. COME ON.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHTY.

MMM.

MMM.

WHAT EXACTLY IS IN HAGGIS?

WELL, IT'S A HEARTY COMBINATION OF SHEEP'S LIVER,

HEART AND LUNG, WITH A LITTLE BIT OF BEEF KIDNEY FAT,

ONION AND OATMEAL, ALL SIMMERED UP INSIDE A SHEEP'S BELLY.

[GAGGING]

WHAT ARE YOU LIGHTWEIGHTS ALL LOOKING AT?

YOU KNEW WHAT WAS IN THAT HAGGIS ALL ALONG, DIDN'T YOU?

I WAS JUST HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

TRYING TO KEEP IT LIVELY FOR THE KIDS, YOU KNOW?

YOUR IDEA OF FUN IS AN ACQUIRED TASTE.

LITERALLY. - COME ON, LILY.

YOU LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF A CHALLENGE

EVERY NOW AND AGAIN, DON'T YA?

I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS I DON'T HAVE YOUR COMPETITIVE SPIRIT.

OH, NO?

SO, HOW DID YOU GET THE BIG-TIME JOB THEN,

BY NOT BEING COMPETITIVE?

I STARTED AS AN ASSISTANT'S ASSISTANT AND I WORKED MY WAY UP.

THAT'S HOW I GOT THAT JOB.

ALL RIGHT, SO WHY DO YOU DRESS LIKE THIS?

ALL MADE-UP AND SWANKY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCOTTISH COUNTRYSIDE?

MY MOTHER USED TO SAY "ALWAYS LOOK YOUR BEST,

YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU'RE GOING TO MEET."

WELL, ALL DUE RESPECT TO YOUR MOTHER,

I THINK YOU JUST WANT TO BE THE BEST LOOKING WOMAN IN 50 MILES.

HOW'S IT WORKING?

AH, MR. AND MRS. MacDOUGALL.

[LAUGHTER]

NO, WE'RE NOT MARRIED. - NO.

WE DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER.

WE'RE JUST KIND OF SHARING THE SAME CABIN.

WE MISSED YOU AT THE JOUSTING FAIR.

AH, WE WERE IN TOWN FOR THE SCOTTISH FOOD TASTING.

HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL AT THE SCOTTISH DANCE EXHIBITION TONIGHT.

EVERYONE GETS TO FLAUNT THEIR FOOTWORK.

AND MAYBE EVEN HAVE A GO ON THE OLD BAGPIPES.

WELL, I CAN'T SPEAK FOR THE NEW YORKERS

BUT THE BOSTONIANS WILL DEFINITELY BE THERE.

LOVELY.

MOM, CAN WE GO, TOO?

YOU LOVE TO DANCE.

IS THAT SO?

YES, ACTUALLY. I DO.

OF COURSE WE CAN GO. YES.

SPLENDID.

I HOPE YOU'LL SAVE ME A JIG.

TONIGHT THEN.

DANCING IS SO MAGICAL.

BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN EVERYONE, DON'T YOU THINK?

YOU'LL HAVE TO ASK ME AGAIN AFTER TONIGHT.

CAN WE GO PRACTICE MORE ARCHERY NOW?

YES. OF COURSE.

WELL, I'D BEST GET BACK TO THE PLUMBING.

TRY AND MAKE THAT LITTLE CABIN HABITABLE ONCE AND FOR ALL.

TAKE YOUR SWEET TIME ON THAT, LOVE.

EXCUSE ME?

I SAID, YOU'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD,

YOU OUGHTA GO AND HAVE A WEE LIE DOWN.

ACTUALLY, I AM A BIT WORN OUT.

GO ON THEN. I'LL LOOK AFTER THE STALL.

YOU'RE AN ANGEL, YOU KNOW THAT?

WELL, AS THE GOOD BOOK SAYS, "DO UNTO OTHERS

AS YOU WOULD HAVE OTHERS DO UNTO YOU."

AYE, NOTHING TRUER THAN THE GOLDEN RULE.

ESPECIALLY AS I NEED MY 40 WINKS, HUH? HA HA.

SLAP!

GOT YA!

WE GOTTA GET TO THE DANCE, YOU GUYS.

WHAT ARE WE ALL WAITING FOR?

BAILEY. SHE'S BEEN IN THE BATHROOM FOR HOURS.

PROBABLY MAKING HERSELF ALL PRETTY FOR THE DANCE.

HOPE SO.

EW, ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH MY SISTER?

MAYBE.

[LAUGHS] HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR TONIGHT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M WEARING IT.

BABY, I BOUGHT YOU THAT NEW DRESS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO PUT IT ON?

TA-DA!

WHADDYA THINK?

DID YOU BORROW THAT FROM THAT DONALD GUY?

NO, THIS IS MY VERY OWN,

HANDED DOWN THROUGH 5 GENERATIONS OF MacDOUGALLS.

AND YOU, MY SON, WILL BE NEXT.

I'M READY.

UH, DON'T YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE EXPOSING A LITTLE TOO MUCH?

I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU.

I THINK SHE LOOKS WONDERFUL. - ME, TOO.

THANKS.

HERE. THIS WILL GO PERFECTLY.

THAT LOOKS NICE.

THANKS, LILY.

ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY READY TO GO?

YEP.

[MUSIC PLAYING AND CHEERING]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP BACK THERE.

NOTHING LIKE A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED COMPROMISE.

DON'T YA THINK?

I AM SHARING A CABIN WITH YOU, AREN'T I?

HMM.

COME, DANCE WITH YOUR FAVORITE EVENTS COORDINATOR.

HEH HEH. WATCH THE KIDS FOR A WHILE, WOULD YOU?

SURE.

GO DANCE YOUR FACE OFF.

THAT'S MY DAD!

IT CERTAINLY IS.

ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS MUST DANCE.

UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?

MY SHOES ARE-- I CAN'T, I REALLY...

ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS MUST DANCE.

WELL, LOOK AT YOU.

WELL, LOOK AT YOU.

HI. I'M KEVIN.

DO YOU WANNA DANCE?

I'M ALREADY DANCING WITH SOMEONE.

SERIOUSLY?

YEAH.

OK, MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.

COME ON.

COME ON.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO DANCE LIKE THAT?

I HAVE A COUPLE TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE

THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

COME ON, LILY! SHOW US YOUR TRICKS ON STAGE!

COME ON!

[ALL CHEERING]

[ALL CHEERING]

COME ON, DAD. WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOO!

GO, LILY!

GO!

WHOO! WHOO!

GO, MOM!

[ALL CHEERING]

[ALL CHEERING]

I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A CONTEST.

MOM, YOU WERE AWESOME OUT THERE. - THANK YOU.

FEELS GOOD TO WIN SOMETHING, DOESN'T IT?

I NEVER SAID IT DIDN'T.

IMAGINE IF WE ACTUALLY WON THE MEETING OF THE MACS GAMES.

HONEY, DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD GET THROUGH

THE ELIMINATIONS BEFORE WE EVEN THINK ABOUT WINNING?

NOTHING WRONG WITH A BIT OF POSITIVE THINKING.

WELL, I'M POSITIVE WE WON'T WIN. HOW'S THAT, DAD?

THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT, SWEETIE.

HERE, LILY. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

NO, NO, NO. YOU KEEP IT.

IT LOOKS BETTER ON YOU ANYWAY.

OH, REALLY?

DAD, CAN I? - YEAH.

HEY, ANYONE WANT TO GO SAY GOODNIGHT TO ROCKY?

I'LL GO. SURE.

JUST MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THE LID CLOSED ON THE JAR.

BEST VISITING DANCER. HMM.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO PAY YOU BACK.

OH, IT'S REALLY NOTHING.

JUST PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF AND KEEP TABS ON THAT FROG

AND WE'LL JUST CALL IT EVEN, OK?

[CHUCKLES]

AND, BY THE WAY,

DESPITE WHAT YOU THINK, I'M A VERY POSITIVE PERSON.

WELL, THEN WHAT ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF THEN?

[SIGHS]

GETTING MY KIDS' HOPES UP FOR SOMETHING

THAT'S PROBABLY NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

BUT WASN'T IT YOU THAT SAID IT WAS JUST A GAME?

YEAH, BUT THEY LOST SO MUCH WITH THE DIVORCE.

I DON'T WANT THEM TO HAVE ANY MORE DISAPPOINTMENT.

BUT WHAT IF THEY WIN?

BY THE WAY, BAREFOOT BECOMES YOU.

YOU LOOK GOOD IN A SKIRT, TOO.

YOU GONNA BE OK DOWN THERE?

NO, BUT I SHOULD PUT IN MY FLOOR TIME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

[SIGHS] YOU KNOW...

YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.

I WAS VERY PROUD OF YOU.

THANKS.

YOU'RE A PRETTY GOOD DANCER, TOO.

MAYBE YOU COULD TEACH ME SOMETIME.

THIS STILL THE WORST VACATION EVER?

NOT EVER.

SYDNEY?

HMM?

HONEY, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO DAMPEN YOUR ENTHUSIASM ABOUT THE GAMES.

WINNING ISN'T EVERYTHING

BUT WE HAVE AS MUCH A CHANCE AS ANYONE.

IT'S OK, MOM.

TONIGHT WAS FUN.

MAYBE SOME DAY I'LL WEAR A DRESS.

[CHUCKLES]

WELCOME, EVERYONE, TO THE MEETING

OF THE MACS GAMES TRIAL ELIMINATIONS.

[CROWD CHEERING]

EACH OF OUR MAC FAMILIES WILL COMPETE

IN A SAMPLING OF TRADITIONAL SCOTTISH ATHLETIC EVENTS.

ARE WE READY TO BEGIN?

YAY. YAY!

I SAID...

ARE WE READY TO BEGIN!?

[CROWD CHEERING]

I'M REALLY NERVOUS, DAD.

AH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, PAL.

JUST COPY EVERYTHING I DO.

I AM SO NERVOUS.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

♪

♪

♪

OK, EVERYONE. NOW...

GATHER YOUR STEAM BECAUSE IT'S ON TO THE STRENGTH AND AGILITY EVENTS.

WE'LL START WITH THE FAMOUS CABER POLE TOSS,

WITH DIFFERENT SIZES AND HEFTS OF POLE PER AGE AND WEIGHT CLASS.

THE SAME GOES FOR THE HAMMER THROW.

JUST ANOTHER OF THE NATIVE CONTESTS

YOU'LL BE PLAYING ON GAME DAY.

[♪ epic music ]

[♪ epic music ]

LET ME JUST SAY YOU ALL DID A FANTASTIC JOB.

ESPECIALLY FOR YOUR FIRST TIME.

THIS IS TOUGH STUFF.

ABSOLUTELY.

THAT SAID, THE 4 HIGHEST-SCORING FAMILIES

BASED ON OUR EAGLE-EYED OBSERVATIONS ARE...

THE MacALLISTERS!

ALL RIGHT!

THE MacNEILLS!

WHOO!

THE MacDOUGALLS...

AND THE MacDOUGALLS!

YES! WHAT?!

CONGRATULATIONS, FINALISTS!

NOW, LET'S MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

WOULD ONE MEMBER FROM EACH FAMILY PLEASE DRAW A STRAW?

IF YOUR STRAWS MATCH, YOU'RE A TEAM.

YEAH!

TEAM MacDOUGALL VERSUS TEAM MacALLISTER MacNEILL!

WE JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, HUH?

WELL, MAYBE WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO.

SO, MOLLY, YOU STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHEN THE PLUMBING'S GONNA GET FIXED?

AFRAID NOT, DEAR.

POOR GERARD'S HAVING A DREADFUL TIME WITH IT.

HE HAD TO SPECIALLY ORDER NEW PARTS THIS MORNING.

ISN'T THERE A PROFESSIONAL PLUMBER AROUND?

BUT MY GERARD IS A PROFESSIONAL PLUMBER.

FULLY LICENSED AND BONDED.

IT'S JUST THAT THE QUARTERS ARE SO CLOSE.

BUT HAVING A STRAPPING FELLOW LIKE CONOR

SO CLOSE CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD.

YOU HAVEN'T TASTED HIS COOKING.

CONOR, I'M SORRY, BUT I REFUSE TO EAT ANYTHING

I CAN'T SPELL, IDENTIFY OR PRONOUNCE.

ME, TOO. ME THREE.

TA-DA!

WELL, THERE'S NOTHING SCOTTISH ABOUT THAT.

HAMBURGERS, CORN ON THE COB, FRIED POTATOES.

AS AMERICAN AS APPLE PIE.

OH, WHICH REMINDS ME,

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HAVING FOR DESSERT.

[SIGHS] WELL, ON BEHALF OF ME AND MY FAMILY, WE THANK YOU.

AND ON BEHALF OF ME AND MY BROOD, THANK YOU

FOR HAVING FAITH THAT WE MIGHT WIN.

YEAH, THANKS, MOM!

TEAM MacDOUGALL! All: TEAM MacDOUGALL!

DAD, WHY DO WE HAVE TO EXERCISE?

WHY CAN'T WE JUST PRACTICE THE DIFFERENT GAMES?

WHY DO WE HAVE TO PRACTICE AT ALL?

THEY PICKED US, DIDN'T THEY?

FRANKLY, STILL AMAZES ME.

THEY DIDN'T PICK US BECAUSE WE WERE GREAT.

THEY PICKED US BECAUSE WE WEREN'T AS BAD AS THE REST.

AND, LET'S FACE IT, THEY WERE PRETTY BAD.

SO DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE, LIKE, THE BEST OF THE WORST?

IS THAT LIKE BETTER THAN BEING THE WORST OF THE BEST?

WE'RE GONNA LOSE IF I PLAY.

NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA LOSE. THAT'S THE POINT.

THE POINT IS TO BE PREPARED.

TO BE PREPARED MEANS TO BE IN SHAPE.

AND THAT MEANS EXERCISE AND ENDURANCE.

NOW, DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS?

YEAH. WHO MADE YOU THE TEAM LEADER?

YOU WANNA CO-LEAD?

THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.

1, 2, 3... HIT IT!

[YELLING]

[YELLING]

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.

WE'RE GONNA DO THE WARRIOR TWO.

ARMS OUT!

STRAIGHT AHEAD.

PALMS FORWARD.

SEE, I CAN BE SURPRINGLY...

FLEXIBLE.

UNLIKE SOME OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW.

COME ON, BAILEY! STEP IT UP!

PRETEND LIKE YOU GOT TO GET TO THE MALL BEFORE IT CLOSES!

CAN'T...GO... ANY...FASTER...DAD!

MOM, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY ALL OF A SUDDEN.

IT'S THAT TASTE OF VICTORY, RIGHT?

YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WERE GOING

ANY SLOWER, YOU'D BE PARKED.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

[ALL GROANING]

ANYONE MIND IF I SHOWER FIRST?

SORRY, KIDDO. AGE BEFORE BEAUTY.

YOU'RE UP, LILY.

THAT'S OK. WE HAVE A FULL AFTERNOON TO PRACTICE, RIGHT KIDS?

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I'D TAKE TIM AND BAILEY TO FINDLAY CASTLE.

SHOW 'EM A BIT OF HISTORY.

A REAL CASTLE?

WITH KNIGHTS AND DRAWBRIDGES?

WELL, MAYBE NOT THE KNIGHTS. BUT...

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS COME?

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT SIGHTSEEING,

BUT WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

YEAH, BUT I PROMISED MY SON A CASTLE,

SO I THOUGHT I'D COMPROMISE.

YOU LIKE COMPROMISES, DON'T YA?

NOTHING LIKE 'EM.

TELL YOU WHAT, LET'S GO TO THE CASTLE,

RUN LAPS AROUND IT.

AND THIS TIME, I WON'T LET YOU WIN.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

PLUMBING SUPPLIES.

THAT'S RIGHT. - SIGN.

YES.

SO WHAT ENDED YOUR MARRIAGE?

IF YOU DON'T MIND TALKING ABOUT IT.

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T THINK HE COULD HANDLE THE PRESSURE

OF BEING A PARENT, BEING A GROWNUP.

SO HE, HE OPTED FOR SOMETHING

AND SOMEONE A LITTLE LESS COMPLICATED.

YEAH, WELL... MY WIFE WENT AFTER THE PEST CONTROL GUY.

TRUE STORY. [LAUGHS]

NOW HE OWNS THE WHOLE DARNED COMPANY.

RAKES IN TONS OF CASH.

RAT.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

NONE OF THIS IS EASY.

CHILDREN, DIVORCE, TRYING TO MAKE EVERY

"LEGALLY-DETERMINED" SECOND WITH YOUR KIDS COUNT.

OH, YOU MEAN, LIKE, MAKING SURE YOUR BIG VACATION

IS BETTER THAN THE ONE WITH THE OTHER PARENT?

YOU SEE, YOU ARE COMPETITIVE.

NO, IT'S JUST THAT I'M NOT THE FUN ONE.

AND THEY EXPECT A LOT MORE FROM ME THAN THEY DO FROM HIM.

YEAH, SO YOU END UP TRYING TOO HARD.

WE BOTH DO.

I PASS MINE OFF AS CHARM AND ENTHUSIASM.

MMM.

IT'S NOT QUITE WORKING.

[CHUCKLES]

HEY, DO YOU THINK YOUR DAD LIKES MY MOM?

[LAUGHING]

LIKES YOUR MOM HOW?

YOU KNOW, LIKES HER.

DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM LIKES MY DAD?

ALL I KNOW IS SHE'S BEEN WAY HAPPIER IN THE LAST FEW DAYS.

YOUR MOM'S NICE AND EVERYTHING, BUT I ALREADY HAVE A MOTHER.

AND I AM NOT IN THE MARKET FOR ANOTHER ONE.

RELAX, THEY'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED OR ANYTHING.

I'M JUST SAYING.

YOU KNOW, YOU WERE REALLY GOOD

AT THE TRY-OUTS YESTERDAY, BY THE WAY.

REALLY?

YEAH, CONSIDERING.

CONSIDERING WHAT?

YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL UNCOORDINATED.

BUT YOU'RE NOT.

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS MY DAD.

OR YOU.

SO WHAT'S THE POINT?

THERE'S NO POINT.

JUST DO YOUR BEST, ENJOY IT AND WE'LL ALL BE THERE FOR YOU.

COME ON.

SO DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

I'M ONLY 8.

I HAD A BOYFRIEND WHEN I WAS 8.

WELL, MORE LIKE AN ADMIRER.

I ADMIRE YOU.

THANKS, MILES.

I ADMIRE YOU.

REALLY? HOW?

WELL, YOU'RE FUNNY,

CLEVER, A GREAT DANCER.

YOU'RE A HANDSOME LITTLE GUY, TOO.

AND YOU'RE THE HOTTEST GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN WHO WASN'T FAMOUS.

THANKS, MILES!

THAT'S THE SWEETEST THING ANYONE'S EVER SAID TO ME,

WELL, SINCE WE'VE BEEN ON THIS TRIP.

ALL RIGHT, TEAM MacDOUGALL!

IT'S TIME FOR THE FINDLAY CASTLE MARATHON!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

SO HOW DO YOU WIN THIS GAME?

WELL, YOU DON'T PLAY AGAINST TIM, THAT'S FOR SURE.

HE'S AN ANIMAL.

ALL RIGHT, SO IT'S ALL ABOUT ELIMINATING

YOUR OPPONENT'S KING.

CHECKMATE, DAD. [LAUGHS]

[GROANS] NICE MOVE.

WELL PLAYED, BUDDY.

TIM, COULD YOU TEACH ME?

SURE.

OK, TAKE YOUR PIECES.

LOOK AT THAT MOON.

IT'S AWESOME, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I'M ACTUALLY ON VACATION.

EXCEPT THESE CRAMPS IN MY LEGS FROM ALL THAT RUNNING.

LEGS LOOKING FINE TO ME.

THAT'S JUST THE WINE TALKING.

NO...JUST TELLING IT LIKE IT IS.

MMM. [CHUCKLES]

OOPS, SORRY.

STEPPED OUT OF BOUNDS, HUH?

WE CAN'T JUST...NO.

WHAT?

LITTLE TOO MUCH FUN, YOU MEAN.

[LAUGHS]

LET'S JUST PUT THE CORK BACK IN THE BOTTLE AND GO TO SLEEP.

GOOD NIGHT, CONOR.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

Man: SEE THAT? A PERFECT 12.

MASTER THE CABER YET, MacDOUGALL?

WE'RE WORKING ON IT, MacALLISTER.

SOUNDS LIKE A BIG FAT "NO" TO ME.

YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN SKILLS, PAL.

WE'VE GOT OURS COVERED.

I DON'T THINK WE'RE THE ONES WHO NEED TO WORRY.

AND I'M NOT YOUR PAL.

AT LEAST NOT TILL AFTER NEXT SATURDAY ANYWAY.

[LAUGHS]

ALL RIGHT!

HEY.

WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?

DESNMORE PARK.

WHAT FOR?

UH, HIKING AND HOPEFULLY BIRD WATCHING.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ONE OF THE BEST IN THE U.K.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW.

WE GOTTA DO AN EMERGENCY PRACTICE.

THE OPPOSITION ARE TOSSING THOSE CABERS LIKE THEY'RE CHOPSTICKS.

THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME TO PRACTICE.

COME ON, KIDS, LET'S GO BEFORE THOSE TRAILS GET TOO CROWDED. COME ON.

MOM, MAYBE WE SHOULD PRACTICE FIRST LIKE YESTERDAY.

PLUS, I SAID I'D BE THERE FOR TIM.

AND I SHOULD BE THERE FOR BAILEY.

WE'LL BE BACK BY 3:00.

OR MAYBE EVEN 4:00. COME ON, COME ON.

WARM UP THOSE CABERS FOR US, OK?

IT'S GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN.

STILL NO SIGN OF THOSE NEW PLUMBING SUPPLIES?

NO, NOTHING AT ALL.

AH, THIS IS A FINE HOW-DO-YOU-DO.

WITHOUT THOSE SPECIAL DRAINS AND PIPE FITTINGS

THERE'S NOTHING MORE I CAN DO.

OH, I'M SURE THEY'LL TURN UP EVENTUALLY.

AYE.

[SIGHS] ALL I'VE SEEN IS A COUPLE

OF SCRUFFY SQUIRRELS AND AN OLD SHOE.

THIS GUIDE BOOK SAYS THIS PLACE IS SWARMING WITH RARE BIRDS.

MAYBE THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP OR ON VACATION.

OR OFF PRACTICING FOR THE MEETING OF THE MACS GAMES.

LIKE WE SHOULD BE.

HERE WE ARE SURROUNDED BY ALL THIS INCREDIBLE BEAUTY

AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT ARE THOSE SILLY GAMES.

[BIRD CHIRPS] I DON'T GET IT.

YESTERDAY, IT WAS LIKE YOU REALLY CARED

ABOUT WINNING AND TODAY ALL YOU SEEM TO CARE ABOUT IS BIRDS.

OF COURSE I CARE ABOUT US DOING WELL, HONEY.

I JUST WANTED SOME TIME ALONE AS A FAMILY AWAY

FROM THE OTHER MacDOUGALLS.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT WHAT MILES AND I WANT?

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I SUPPOSE IT IS A BIT WINDY.

LET'S GO BACK.

ALL RIGHT, SO YOU BALANCE THE THIN END

IN BOTH YOUR HANDS LIKE THIS

AND YOU WALK FORWARD

AND YOU THROW AND THE FAT END SHOULD--

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE STUCK HERE

FLINGING THESE STUPID LOGS WHILE THE OTHERS

ARE IN SOME BEAUTIFUL PARK SOMEWHERE.

YEAH, THAT'S THE PARK WITH THE BIRD SANCTUARY I WANTED TO SEE.

[SIGHS] WELL, LIKE I WAS SAYING,

THE FAT END SHOULD GO FIRST

FOLLOWED BY THE THIN END

WHICH WOULD MAKE IT 12 O'CLOCK.

NOW, WATCH ME.

UH!

[SIGHS] WELL, NOT PERFECT, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.

NOW, YOU GUYS HAVE A GO.

ALL RIGHT, BALES. YOU'RE UP.

OK?

OK?

BABY, ARE YOU OK?

I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDA GONE TO THE PARK.

UH-OH. IS THAT BLOOD?

BLOOD?

BLOOD!

[CRIES]

IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

OH, YOU'RE LUCKY.

THAT'S JUST A SCRATCH.

KEEP ICING IT AND THE SWELLING SHOULD GO DOWN IN NO TIME.

[CRYING]

OH, BALES, HONEY, DON'T CRY.

YOU SAID YOU'D PROTECT ME.

I DID PROTECT YOU.

TIMMY, COULD YOU PASS ME MY MAKEUP?

SURE.

RIGHT.

BEST GET BACK TO WORK.

BUT IF YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE...

HERE'S MY PRIVATE MOBILE NUMBER.

DON'T HESITATE TO CALL, DAY OR NIGHT.

I WON'T.

BAILEY, ICE PACK!

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU DELIVERED IT TO,

BUT IT WASN'T ANYONE HERE.

DID YOU GET A SIGNATURE?

MOLLY FERGUSON AT 12:20...YESTERDAY?

AYE, WE DO HAVE SOMEONE HERE BY THAT NAME, BUT...

OK, I'LL ASK HER. THANK YOU.

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I SHOULD'VE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WHERE

THE CABER WAS HEADING INSTEAD OF HOW BADLY SHE WAS TOSSING IT.

YEAH, THAT'S BAD, BUT...

WHAT I MEANT IS IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT THAT MY KIDS ARE MAD AT ME.

WAIT, YOU THINK IT'S MY FAULT 'CAUSE

YOU TOOK YOUR KIDS TO THE PARK INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM PRACTICE?

I NEEDED TO BE AWAY FROM YOU THIS MORNING.

WHY? OH, BECAUSE WE ALMOST...

WELL, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY.

I USED MY CHILDREN TO AVOID YOU.

I AM A TERRIBLE MOTHER.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

AND WHY DID YOU HAVE TO AVOID ME?

IT'S NOT AS THOUGH ANYTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

EXCEPT MAYBE I DRANK TOO MUCH.

WAIT, NOW YOU'RE SAYING YOU HAD TO DRINK AN ENTIRE BOTTLE

OF WINE JUST TO WANT TO KISS ME?

IT WAS HALF A BOTTLE OF WINE

AND DON'T YOU PUT WORDS INTO MY MOUTH.

WELL, I DON'T NEED TO BECAUSE YOU'VE ALREADY SAID THEM.

THEY CAME RIGHT OUT.

DO YOU WANT TO KISS ME OR NOT?

YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING ABOUT BEING AN ADULT IS SOMETIMES

YOU CAN'T DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU WANT TO DO IT.

[WHISPERS] IS THAT A YES OR A NO?

WHAT'S ON YOUR HAND?

IT'S A CELL PHONE NUMBER.

OH.

HEATHER'S.

HEATHER?

GUEST RELATIONS HEATHER?

THE ONE THAT'S ALWAYS PANTING ALL OVER YOU?

SHE'S NOT ALWAYS PANTING OVER ME.

YES, SHE IS!

ARE YOU JEALOUS?

NO. NO, OF COURSE I'M NOT JEALOUS.

OK, SO YOU WON'T MIND IF I ASK HER OUT FOR A DRINK TONIGHT.

NO. WHAT ABOUT BAILEY?

OH, BAILEY'S FINE.

SHE DOESN'T NEED ME AROUND AT ALL THIS EVENING.

FINE.

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

I DON'T CARE.

OK. BAILEY CAN LOOK AFTER TIM

AND SYDNEY AND MILES, TOO, IF YOU LIKE

IF YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT OF ME TIME!

YEAH. YEAH, I NEED SOME ME TIME!

[SCOFFS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

HI, DONALD.

JUST PASSING BY.

WAS WONDERING HOW YOUNG BAILEY WAS DOING AFTER HER WEE MISHAP.

OH, SHE'S FINE.

IT'S JUST A SCRATCH ON HER HEAD.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

SPLENDID.

SO...TEAM MacDOUGALL IS STILL INTACT?

YEAH, I THINK SO.

AND MIGHT I ADD, YOU'RE LOOKING AS LOVELY AS A SUNRISE.

DONALD, ARE YOU BUSY TONIGHT?

OF COURSE, THE MEETING OF THE MACS IS OUR BIGGEST EVENT,

BUT I ALSO GET TO WORK

ON ALL KINDS OF OTHER EXCITING ACTIVITIES.

IT'S PRETTY MUCH GO-GO-GO AROUND HERE.

THAT IS, WHEN I'M NOT SKY-DIVING,

CHASING TERRORISTS, OR HUNTING KILLER WHALES.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE LISTENING, ARE YOU?

OH, NO.

SORRY, I THINK I'M STILL RATTLED BY THE CABER TOSSING INCIDENT.

I KEEP ON THINKING HOW MUCH WORSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN.

GUILT IS A WASTED EMOTION, CONOR.

DIDN'T ANYONE EVER TEACH YOU THAT?

[LAUGHING] YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE GOT NO KIDS.

ME, NO.

[GIGGLES] OH, THEY'RE FINE FOR OTHER PEOPLE

AND I ENJOY BEING AROUND THEM AT EVENTS AND SUCH,

BUT BEING A PARENT JUST ISN'T ON MY SCHEDULE.

YEAH.

ANOTHER ROUND?

MM-HMM. [GIGGLES]

[LAUGHTER AND CHATTER]

YOU WENT SWIMMING IN A KILT?

YEAH, WELL, IT HELPS YOU FLOAT.

REALLY?

[LAUGHS]

HELLO, CONOR.

HOW WAS YOUR EVENING?

OH, PEACHY.

HELLO, DONALD.

EVENING, CONOR.

SO IS THIS A PRIVATE PARTY OR CAN ANYBODY JOIN IN?

WELL, I SHOULD BE GOING.

BUSY MORNING TOMORROW.

KILT WRESTLING AND A GOOD, OLD-TIME SCOTTISH SING-ALONG.

KILT WRESTLING!

THAT SOUNDS FASCINATING.

THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY, DONALD.

SLEEP TIGHT.

WHAT?

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

I JUST HAD A VISITOR.

WITH THE KIDS AROUND?

WE WERE JUST TALKING.

WHICH IS A WHOLE LOT LESS

THAN YOU DID WITH THAT LITTLE SCOTTISH TERRIER, I BET.

YOU'RE JEALOUS.

AND YOU'RE NOT?

OF COURSE I'M JEALOUS.

THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA.

WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS.

I KNOW.

IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

[WHISPERS] LIKE I SAID, THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

WAIT!

DON'T TELL ME YOU DIDN'T FEEL THAT, TOO?

DON'T TELL ME YOU DIDN'T FEEL THAT, TOO?

[GROANING]

ALL RIGHT, THIS ONE'S CALLED THE SHEAF TOSS.

AND THE IDEA IS TO THROW IT OVER THE TOP OF THE BAR.

IT'S WICKED FUN, GUYS.

WATCH.

COOL.

HEY!

WELL, IF IT ISN'T OUR CO-CAPTAIN.

NICE OF YOU TO SHOW UP.

I'M SORRY. I WENT BACK TO SLEEP.

I DON'T KNOW HOW AND I KNOW

THAT WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO. SORRY.

YEP. SHOW US HOW IT'S DONE.

COULD I JUST FINISH MY COFFEE FIRST?

BESIDES, IT'S WINDY AS ALL GET OUT.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IN THE MEANTIME?

JUST STAND AROUND AND WATCH?

COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

YEAH.

HEY.

HEY. HOW'S IT GOING?

GOOD. JUST PRACTICING FOR THE SHEAF TOSS.

FOR THE GAMES.

CONOR, WHATEVER DID OR DID NOT HAPPEN

BETWEEN US LAST NIGHT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE RUDE TO ME.

HEY, DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.

YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST WOMAN TO WALK AWAY FROM ME NOW.

OK, WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST MAN I EVER WALKED AWAY FROM.

GOOD. SO, WE'RE EVEN.

NOW WHAT?

LET ME QUOTE YOU, "YOU CAN EITHER MAKE

THIS EASY OR YOU CAN MAKE IT HARD."

SEE YOU LATER.

SEE YA.

WHO'S THAT? - NOBODY, DAD.

WELL, LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY, OK?

HEY, IF I MAY SAY SO,

YOU'VE DONE A GOOD JOB WITH THAT CONCEALER.

I CAN BARELY SEE YOUR SCRATCH.

REALLY? I STILL FEEL GROSS.

YEAH, WELL, IT'S NOT SURPRISING WITH ALL

THE MAKEUP ON YOUR FACE.

YOU SHOULD BE WEARING A HALLOWEEN MASK.

I SHOULD BE WEARING A CRASH HELMET WITH YOU AS A COACH.

BAILEY, THAT IS ENOUGH.

SAY IT, DAD. YOU JUST DON'T WANT ME TO GROW UP.

UH, LOOK, THIS MIGHT BE NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT AS A WOMAN AND AS A MOTHER,

BAILEY LOOKS FINE WITH A LITTLE MAKEUP.

AND THAT'S ALL IT IS, JUST A LITTLE MAKEUP.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I THINK I KNOW BEST HOW TO LOOK AFTER MY CHILDREN.

OH, YEAH. LIKE LETTING THEM PLAY WITH A PITCHFORK?

AFTER WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THIS THING IS AS BLUNT AS BUTTER. LOOK.

ACTUALLY, DAD, IT DOES SEEM A LITTLE SCARY.

YEAH, COUNT ME OUT.

WELL, THAT'S JUST SWELL.

WHAT KIND OF A TEAM CAPTAIN ARE YOU ANYWAY?

A RESPONSIBLE ONE, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW.

MOM, STOP IT.

YOU SOUND JUST LIKE WHEN YOU AND DAD WERE MARRIED.

YEAH, LIKE YOU AND MOM, TOO.

OK.

I'M SORRY, KIDS.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

DAD, ARE YOU AND LILY GETTING MARRIED? - WHAT?

WELL, YOU WERE KISSING EACH OTHER LAST NIGHT.

WAIT--WHAT!?

REALLY?

I SAW THEM ON THE FRONT DECK.

ARE YOU GUYS MOVING TO NEW YORK?

OK, LISTEN. THERE'S GONNA BE NO KISSING.

THERE'S NO GETTING MARRIED.

AND THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO MOVING ANYWHERE.

EXCEPT OUT OF THAT CABIN. WE'LL GO. - NO, WE'LL GO.

WHAT? I LIKE OUR CABIN.

ME, TOO, MOM. - WHY SHOULD WE MOVE?

WE WERE THERE FIRST.

AT LEAST YOU HAVE A MATTRESS.

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON THE FLOOR.

MAYBE IT'LL TOUGHEN YOU UP A BIT.

HEY! DON'T TALK TO MY BROTHER THAT WAY!

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

WAIT! OK! I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE, OK?

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE YOU WANT SEPARATE CABINS?

WE HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY SURE SINCE THE DAY WE ARRIVED.

I KNOW, BUT YOU SEEMED TO BE ALL GETTING ALONG SO WARMLY.

MOLLY...IS THE CABIN READY OR NOT?

WELL, THE PLUMBING IS TIP-TOP, BUT THE CABIN IS NOT VERY COMFORTABLE.

MOLLY, FOR PETE'S SAKE,

PLEASE GIVE THESE NICE, PATIENT FOLKS THE KEY TO CABIN 18.

WHICH IS, IN FACT, FIT FOR PURPOSE.

NO. I SAID WE'D MOVE.

NO, NO, NO. WE'LL MOVE.

NO, NO, NO. LAST IN, FIRST OUT.

WHAT KIND OF STUPID LOGIC IS THAT?

OH, SO NOW I'M STUPID?

YOU'RE NOT STUPID, YOU'RE JUST BULLHEADED AND STUBBORN.

OH, AND WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO, MY EX-WIFE?

THAT'S THAT!

PLEASE, JUST LET ME. - THAT IS IT!

NO! NO! DON'T PLAY.

I'LL LET HIM STAY THERE.

AYE.

STILL THINK THEY'RE A LOVE MATCH?

[CHUCKLING] YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE MY DARLING WIFE.

SHE'S REALLY HAD YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART,

BUT SHE MAY HAVE GONE A TAD TOO FAR.

MOLLY, WERE YOU TRYING TO KEEP US TOGETHER?

NOT AT FIRST, BUT, WELL...

THAT IS THE ICING ON A VERY BADLY BAKED CAKE.

I...

EH!

NEW CABIN'S HALF-PRICE FOR YOUR TROUBLE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

I STILL THINK THEY'RE CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER.

AH, YOU GOT THE CRAZY PART RIGHT.

COME ON, ROCKY.

PARDON ME.

IS THE CABIN NICE, DAD?

LIKE THE RITZ-CARLTON COMPARED TO THIS PLACE.

DID YOU FEED ROCKY? - YEP.

LILY, DOES THIS MEAN YOU WANT YOUR SHAWL BACK?

NO, HONEY, YOU KEEP IT.

LOOKS BEAUTIFUL ON YOU.

YOU ENJOY IT. THANKS.

OH, GOOD, WE CAUGHT YOU.

HAVE A BIT OF OFFICIAL BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.

WHAT KIND OF OFFICIAL BUSINESS?

WE'RE HERE TO RECONFIRM THAT,

UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, YOU'RE STILL

ALL PLANNING TO COMPETE IN THE GAMES TOGETHER.

COOPERATION BEING OF NUMBER-ONE IMPORTANCE

TO THE SUCCESS AND ENJOYMENT

OF THE SPORTING EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW?

WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU SAYING, HEATHER?

WE WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU TWO WON'T START FIGHTING

IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ALL AND CAUSE A SCENE.

OH. - IT COULD BE BAD P.R.

FOR THE GAMES, THIS RESORT

AND, WELL... SCOTLAND IN GENERAL.

DON'T FORGET THE ENTIRE WESTERN HEMISPHERE.

SO DO WE NEED TO SIGN SOMETHING IN BLOOD

OR IS A SIMPLE "WE'LL BEHAVE" GONNA SUFFICE?

NO BLOOD.

YES, THAT WOULD BE THE POINT.

MOM, I REALLY STILL WANT TO PLAY.

WE'LL BEHAVE.

EXCELLENT.

WOULD'VE BEEN RATHER A MESS IF YOU SAID NO.

COME ON, GUYS.

SEE YOU, MAN.

SEE YOU. BYE.

WELL, THIS IS NICE AND COZY, ISN'T IT?

IT'S HALF THE SIZE OF THE OTHER CABIN.

AND THERE'S ONLY HALF AS MANY OF US, SO WE'RE EVEN, AREN'T WE?

SO, IS THIS WHAT THE RITZ-CARLTON LOOKS LIKE?

YES, TIM. EXACTLY.

IS THERE EVEN A BATHROOM IN HERE?

OF COURSE.

AND IT SHOULD BE IN PERFECT WORKING CONDITION.

[SIGHS] COME ON, BALES.

IT'S ONLY FOR A FEW NIGHTS.

I KNOW.

IT'S JUST SO...QUIET.

LOOK, I SAY LET'S ENJOY IT.

WE CAN ALL CAMP OUT IN HERE.

HAVE SOME FUN.

I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN SUCH A BRAT, DAD.

I DIDN'T REALLY MEAN ANY OF THAT STUFF ABOUT YOU

NOT PROTECTING ME OR WANTING ME TO GROW UP.

KNOW THIS, SWEETIE, NO MATTER HOW BIG YOU GET,

YOU'LL ALWAYS GONNA BE MY LITTLE GIRL.

IT'S A DAD THING.

DID YOU REALLY KISS LILY?

DOES IT MATTER?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT SHOULD.

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'D TELL ME?

LOOK, WHATEVER HAPPENED, IT WAS A BIG MISTAKE.

END OF STORY.

[LOUD TOILET FLUSH]

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT WAS THAT?

I THINK THAT MUST BE THE "TIP-TOP" PLUMBING.

STILL THINK IT'S TOO QUIET?

NEXT TIME, EAR PLUGS.

NEXT TIME, EAR PLUGS.

[SIGHS]

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

THIS WAS OUR WORST EVENT IN THE TRIALS.

LET'S TRY AND MAKE IT OUR BEST. OK?

IS EVERYBODY WITH ME?

WELL, UH...

I SAID, IS EVERYBODY WITH ME!?

CONOR, IT'S POURING RAIN!

DO WE HAVE TO BE OUT HERE?

OH, COME ON!

WHAT IS RAIN TO THE FIGHTING MacDOUGALLS?

AAH!

ALL RIGHT, WHEN I SAY GO, EVERYBODY,

EYES UP, KNEES BENT, SACKS HIGH.

ALL RIGHT, AND GO!

[ALL YELLING]

COME ON, HURRY UP!

TIM, HIGHER, HIGHER!

COME ON! YOU GO, LILY!

[ALL YELLING]

OH! [ALL SCREAM]

OK. ALL RIGHT, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

COME ON.

WE QUIT THIS TEAM!

SYDNEY, MILES.

WE'RE QUITTING THESE GAMES.

WE'RE GOING HOME!

OK, GO!

GO!

THE BOSTON MacDOUGALLS DON'T NEED YOU ANYWAY!

WE'RE GONNA BE FINE WITHOUT YOU!

SORRY, GUYS.

I JUST TRIPPED.

IT'S OK. WE'RE GONNA BE FINE.

IT WAS JUST A-- JUST A LITTLE SETBACK.

MOM, ARE WE GOING HOME NOW?

NO, HONEY, WE HAVE THREE MORE DAYS LEFT IN SCOTLAND.

TO DO WHAT?

WATCH THEM WIN THE MEETING OF THE MACS GAMES WITHOUT US?

NO, WE'RE GONNA DRIVE TO EDINBURGH AND GLASGOW.

AND WE'RE GONNA SIGHTSEE ALONG THE WAY!

AND THEN WE'RE GONNA CHECK INTO A REAL HOTEL

WITH DUVETS AND CHOCOLATES ON THE PILLOW.

SOUND GOOD?

SO WHAT? ONE FAMILY CAN'T PLAY?

WHAT KIND OF STUPID RULE IS THAT?

THE ONLY KIND THAT MAKES ANY SENSE.

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH HALF A TEAM.

SO, WHAT THEN?

WE'RE OUT, RIGHT?

WE TRAVEL THOUSANDS OF MILES TO COME HERE

AND WE'RE OUT OVER SOME STUPID, PETTY RULE?

YES.

UNLESS YOU CAN GET YOUR TEAMMATES BACK.

THE RULES ARE THE RULES, CONOR.

I'M SORRY.

LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A VACANCY.

OH, SHE'LL BE BACK, MARK MY WORDS.

[LAUGHS] YOU NEVER GIVE UP, DO YOU?

WELL, I'VE STAYED MARRIED TO YOU FOR 41 YEARS.

YOU TELL ME!

WHERE'D THEY GO?

SHE'S ON HER WAY TO GLASGOW, I'M AFRAID.

SHE'S VISITING ST. ABERNATHY'S CHURCH.

IF YOU GO THERE NOW, YOU'LL CATCH HER.

ISN'T IT GORGEOUS, SYD?

IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF ONE OF YOUR OLD STORYBOOKS.

COME ON. OVER HERE.

NOW, IT SAYS HERE BONNIE PRINCE CHARLIE SOUGHT REFUGE HERE

AFTER THE BATTLE OF CULLODEN.

ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?

WHY ARE WE VISITING A CHURCH HERE

IF WE NEVER GO TO CHURCH AT HOME?

HONEY, YOU DO A LOT OF THINGS

ON VACATION THAT YOU DON'T DO AT HOME.

LIKE WHAT? PLAYING THE MEETING OF THE MACS GAMES?

FORGET IT, MILES.

CONOR DOESN'T WANT US AND MOM IS NOT TAKING US BACK.

IT'S A DONE DEAL.

[SIGHS]

HONEY, ARE YOU OK?

OOH, YOUR HANDS ARE SO COLD.

SO BEAUTIFUL.

BUT I DON'T WEAR NAIL POLISH

OR GET MANICURES LIKE YOU DO.

AND I DON'T LIKE DRESSES

OR LACY SHAWLS LIKE THE ONE YOU GAVE BAILEY.

OH, HONEY.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE LIKE ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

I'M A CHRONIC OVER-DRESSER.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE ME OR LIKE BAILEY.

YOU'RE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

AM I PERFECT JUST THE WAY I AM?

[LAUGHS] OF COURSE.

SO FAR, SO GOOD.

OH, YOU GUYS.

WE'RE STANDING IN A GRAVEYARD IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE WORST VACATION EVER.

HEY, LOOK. IT'S CONOR!

OK, HERE IT IS.

I AM SORRY FOR PUSHING YOU GUYS SO HARD,

ESPECIALLY WITH THE WEATHER BEING SO BAD.

BUT I JUST WANTED TO WIN SO MUCH.

I UNDERSTAND AND I DID NOT WANT TO QUIT.

BUT, CONOR, REALLY, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

THIS IS VACATION. I KNOW. I KNOW.

AND I AM SORRY, BUT DO YOU THINK WE COULD START TO WORK TOGETHER NOW?

NOT FOR ME, NOT FOR YOU. BUT FOR THE KIDS.

I THINK WE OWE IT TO THEM, DON'T WE?

YEAH. WE DO.

SYDNEY, MILES, COME HERE!

GOOD NEWS!

WE'RE GONNA REUNITE TEAM MacDOUGALL!

TEAM MacDOUGALL! WHOO-HOO!

WHAT? YOU'VE ALREADY RENTED OUT OUR CABIN!?

OH, SORRY, DEAR. BUT WE HAD A WAITING LIST.

[SIGHS]

MOLLY, ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN'T JUST ANOTHER ONE

OF YOUR MATCHMAKING SCHEMES?

BETWEEN OURSELVES, I WISH IT WERE.

NO, GERARD DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE A RENTAL FEE.

HE'S A BIT OF A TIGHTWAD, YOU KNOW.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

SO. WELCOME TO OUR TINY BUT WONDERFUL CABIN.

IT'LL BE TIGHT, BUT IT'LL BE COZY.

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE BATHROOM.

BUT IT'S SO SMALL.

IT'S BARELY THE SIZE OF A KIDNEY BEAN.

HOW ARE WE ALL GOING TO FIT IN HERE?

IT'S ONLY FOR ONE OR TWO NIGHTS, LILY.

COME ON. WE CAN WORK IT OUT.

AFTER ALL, WE ARE THE FIGHTING MacDOUGALLS.

THE FIGHTIN' MacDOUGALLS!

THE FIGHTING MacDOUGALLS!

FIGHT, FIGHTING MacDOUGALLS!

FIGHTING MacDOUGALLS! WHOO!

YOU TWO AREN'T GONNA MESS THIS UP AGAIN, ARE YOU?

NOPE, THIS TIME WE ARE DEFINITELY IN IT TO WIN.

CROSS OUR HEARTS, HOPE TO KICK SOME BUTT.

ALL RIGHT, LAST ONE IN TO PRACTICE

IS A BIG, FAT, HAIRY BOWL OF HAGGIS!

HEY.

MIND IF I JOIN YOU?

AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT TWO GLASSES OF WINE.

[LAUGHING]

TO TOMORROW'S GAMES.

TO THE GAMES.

I THINK WE DID PRETTY GOOD TODAY.

YEAH. DEFINITE IMPROVEMENT.

THAT CABER TOSS-- WE'RE GONNA GET IT.

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

I MEANT THE TWO OF US.

CONOR, YOU KNOW THAT KISS?

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I...I FELT SOMETHING.

IT JUST SCARED ME.

I'M A GUY, LILY.

NOT A VAMPIRE.

[LAUGHING] YOU'RE NOT A VAMPIRE?

NO. [LAUGHS] I'M SO GLAD.

[LAUGHS] NO, HONESTLY...

EVEN THE THOUGHT OF LIKING A MAN AGAIN MAKES

ME THINK ABOUT LOSING A MAN AGAIN AND THE WHOLE

THING IS SO OVERWHELMING, I'VE COMPLETELY AVOIDED IT.

IT HASN'T BEEN THAT HARD BETWEEN RAISING MY KIDS AND WORKING SO HARD.

UNTIL NOW.

SEE, WHAT OVERWHELMS ME IS THE IDEA

THAT I'LL NEVER MEET ANOTHER WOMAN THAT I LIKE.

AND IF I DO, THAT SHE WON'T LIKE ME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT DOESN'T STOP ME FROM TRYING.

HEATHER LIKES YOU.

[LAUGHS] OH, I ONLY WENT OUT WITH HEATHER

TO GET THE RISE OUT OF YOU.

GOOD. 'CAUSE THAT'S WHY I WENT OUT WITH DONALD.

THAT'S SO SILLY.

YEAH.

BUT TELL THE TRUTH.

IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US.

YEAH.

WE'D PROBABLY JUST MAKE EACH OTHER CRAZIER THAN WE ALREADY ARE.

YEAH.

AND, WE LIVE, WHAT, 200 MILES AWAY.

IMPOSSIBLE.

NICE WHILE IT LASTED, THOUGH, HUH?

ALL 10 SECONDS OF IT.

YEAH.

IT WAS NICE.

I KNOW THAT THERE'S A REALLY GREAT WOMAN OUT THERE FOR YOU.

AND A GUY FOR YOU.

WELCOME TO THE ANNUAL MEETING OF THE MACS GAMES!

[CROWD CHEERING]

LET'S HEAR IT FOR OUR COMPETING FAMILIES.

TEAM MacNEILL AND MacALLISTER!

[CROWD CHEERING]

VERSUS TEAM MacDOUGALL AND MacDOUGALL!

YAY!

WHOO-HOO!

UH, TAKE IT FROM A FORMER TEENAGER,

ANGER IS THE FASTEST WAY TO DRIVE HER TOWARDS HIM.

NOW, IF EACH OF OUR TEAM CAPTAINS WOULD STEP FORWARD

AND SHAKE HANDS, WE CAN LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

[CROWD CHEERING]

CONOR.

HEH. CONOR

IT'LL BE FINE. LET'S GO.

WE ALL READY?

I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP.

YOU'RE JUST EXCITED.

COME ON, PAL.

REMEMBER, YOU GOT A SECRET WEAPON.

I DO?

YEAH, THAT SUPER BRAIN OF YOURS.

YOU OK, SON?

YEAH, DAD.

I THINK I AM.

THAT A BOY.

ALL RIGHT. MacDOUGALLS.

LET'S KILL THIS HILL.

ALL RIGHT, TEAMS. ON YOUR MARKS...

GET SET!

[WHISTLE BLOWS] GO!

UHH! OHH!

YES!

WINNER, TEAM MacALLISTER MacNEILL.

THAT'S OK.

ALL RIGHT. GOOD START, GUYS.

LOOK, JUST DO OUR BEST AND TRY TO HAVE SOME FUN.

HAVE SOME FUN.

I'M WATCHING YOUSE.

FORGET ABOUT THE FUN.

LET'S BEAT THOSE CREEPS.

GET READY.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[ALL SHOUTING]

COME ON! YOU GOTTA GO!

OW!

UH!

OH!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

THIS SACK RACE IS ABANDONED DUE TO FOUL PLAY BY BOTH TEAMS!

MINUS ONE POINT EACH SIDE...

AND THERE'LL BE A SURPRISE EVENT TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, MacDOUGALL.

AAH!

LISTEN, CONOR.

NOW, LOOK, WE BOTH HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH COMPETITION, I KNOW.

AND THAT GUY IS, UM...

TRUE. BUT YOU WERE RIGHT.

WE NEED TO HAVE FUN, PLAY FAIR, AND SET

A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR OUR CHILDREN.

OK?

OK.

I'LL TELL THE KIDS.

ARE YOU READY?

WATCH THE HAMMER.

COME ON, DAD. WHOO.

WATCH THE HAMMER.

AWESOME, CONOR!

55 FEET!

THAT WAS AMAZING.

THAT WAS...

AH! WELL DONE! HA HA HA!

ARE YOU READY?

WATCH THE HAMMER!

WATCH THE HAMMER!

[CROWD CHEERING]

14 FEET.

[CROWD CHEERING]

43 FEET!

COME ON, BALES.

WATCH THE HAMMER!

WATCH THE HAMMER!

AH!

29 FEET!

WATCH THE HAMMER!

WATCH THE HAMMER!

AAH!

Crowd: OOH.

[APPLAUSE]

55 FEET!

ALL RIGHT!

[LAUGHS]

THE SCORE--CLAN MacALLISTER MacNEILL, ONE POINT.

ALL RIGHT!

MacDOUGALL MacDOUGALL... MINUS ONE.

[ rock music ]

AND THE WINNERS ARE... TEAM MacALLISTER MacNEILL.

[CROWD CHEERING]

OOH!

PERFECT THROW!

NO.

UH!

OH, A GOOD TOSS! AT 11 O'CLOCK!

[CROWD GROANS]

OH!

PERFECT THROW!

12 O'CLOCK!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[CROWD YELLING]

[CROWD YELLING]

YEA!

AND THE WINNER--TEAM MacDOUGALL AND MacDOUGALL.

WITH AN AMAZING TIED SCORE OF TWO TO TWO,

WE'RE READY FOR THE FINAL EVENT.

MAY THE BEST TEAM WIN.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE TUG OF WAR!

[CROWD CHEERING]

PICK UP THE ROPE!

TAKE THE STRAIN.

MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP NOW, MacDOUGALL.

YOU AND THAT BUSH LEAGUE TEAM OF YOURS ARE HISTORY!

NOT SO FAST, BONEHEAD.

WE'VE STILL GOT A FEW TRICKS UP OUR SLEEVE.

PULL!

[CROWD YELLING]

PULL!

[GRUNTING]

OOH!

MacALLISTERS!

OOH! KEEP PULLING, KEEP PULLING.

COME ON, MacDOUGALLS!

[CROWD YELLING]

PULL!

AH, MacALLISTARS! PULL!

PULL!

PULL!

[RIBBIT]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

DON'T GIVE UP! DON'T GIVE UP!

[ music swell ]

COME ON!

COME ON!

AND, THE WINNER--

TEAM MacDOUGALL!

[CROWD CHEERING]

SO WHERE DID ROCKY COME FROM?

I BROUGHT HIM ALONG FOR GOOD LUCK AND PUT HIM UNDER THE STAGE.

HE MUST HAVE GOT OUT OF HIS JAR.

WELL, LISTEN, YOU GUYS BETTER GO FIND HIM

BEFORE HE CAUSES ANY MORE TROUBLE.

HEY, TIM. YOU WERE AWESOME OUT THERE.

YOU'RE MY HERO.

THANKS, DAD. YOU, TOO.

HEY!

HE SEEMS REALLY HAPPY.

YEAH, HE IS.

SO AM I.

YOU SHOULD BE.

YOU WERE AMAZING OUT THERE. THAT HAMMER TOSS.

[LAUGHTER]

WE MADE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, ABOUT THAT.

I REALLY DON'T WANT WHAT WE HAVE, WHATEVER IT IS,

TO END HERE, NOW...AT THIS GAMES AND THAT CABIN.

BESIDES, WHAT'S A MEASLY 200 MILES

BETWEEN A COUPLE OF FIGHTIN' MacDOUGALLS?

YEAH, RIGHT?

YEAH.

AND THE GRAND PRIZE FOR THE 2011 MEETING

OF THE MACS GAMES GOES TO TEAM MacDOUGALL!

[CROWD CHEERING]

CONGRATULATIONS!

CAN WE COME AGAIN NEXT YEAR, DAD?

MAYBE, TIM.

BUT I THINK WE'VE GOT ANOTHER VACATION TO DO BEFORE THEN.

REALLY? WHERE TO?

I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT MAYBE, UH, NEW YORK.

All: COOL.

NICE WORK, POP.

CONGRATULATIONS.

IF I'VE TOLD YOU ONCE, I HAVE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES,

YOUNG LADY, YOU NEED TO SOCIALIZE MORE. GO ON.

REALLY? - GO ON.

NO WAY. THANKS, DAD!

THIS IS, LIKE, THE BEST VACATION EVER!

I SECOND THAT, MOM.

BEST VACACTION EVER!

COME ON, LET'S GO SAY BYE TO MOLLY.

[SIGHS]

THE BEST VACATION EVER.

BEST VACATION EVER.

[ light strings ]