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1
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:27,760
You never did make an honest woman
out of Nurse Gladys, did you?
2
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,161
You tried hard enough, though, didn't you?
3
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:38,220
Well, I'm going to make
an honest woman out of Mavis,
4
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:42,581
I just need to give
Madge and Gastric an extra push.
5
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,520
It's all right,
I won't be neglecting the business.
6
00:00:49,532 --> 00:00:54,132
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
7
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:54,320
Well, all right,
please yourself, I'll keep it.
8
00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,720
Did Mr Newbold come in yesterday?
I didn't see him.
9
00:02:00,781 --> 00:02:04,723
I don't think anyone's seen much
of Mr Newbold, except Mrs Rossi.
10
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,332
He's not still fooling around
with that Mrs Rossi, is he?
11
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,531
Well, I don't think he's fooling.
12
00:02:10,592 --> 00:02:12,537
What about Mrs Featherstone?
13
00:02:12,903 --> 00:02:14,911
Would you fool around with Mrs Featherstone?
14
00:02:14,972 --> 00:02:16,886
Oh, no, God forbid.
15
00:02:16,947 --> 00:02:19,460
But he's supposed to belong
to Mrs Featherstone.
16
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,180
Yeah, she thinks so,
that's why she took him prisoner.
17
00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:25,796
Well, now he's trying to escape.
18
00:02:25,857 --> 00:02:29,398
If he does, she'll be around pestering me!
19
00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:32,068
I hope you both will be very happy together.
20
00:02:32,545 --> 00:02:33,780
You...
21
00:02:34,644 --> 00:02:35,844
Yeah?
22
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,758
That Madge says I eat too much.
23
00:02:52,819 --> 00:02:55,383
Are you sure she didn't say too loudly?
24
00:02:55,444 --> 00:02:59,332
Oh, if you think I'm loud, you
should've heard me Uncle Beecham.
25
00:02:59,393 --> 00:03:01,540
You had an uncle called Beecham?
26
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,014
Who did that to him?
27
00:03:03,075 --> 00:03:05,180
Well, he were named after the pill.
28
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,280
Oh, his dad used to swear
by Beecham's pills.
29
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,867
Right, what have you got
for the reduced breakfast?
30
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:19,567
I can't have you cutting back
and making inroads into my profits.
31
00:03:19,628 --> 00:03:23,562
Oh, no, I'm going to put you
on the Arkwright diet.
32
00:03:23,679 --> 00:03:25,823
What's the Arkwright diet?
33
00:03:25,884 --> 00:03:28,147
Eat as much as you want, then lie.
34
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:30,800
Oh, yeah!
35
00:03:32,174 --> 00:03:34,216
This is just a suggestion.
36
00:03:34,685 --> 00:03:37,100
But if you got closer to Gastric,
37
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,738
you'd be in pole position
for monitoring his diet.
38
00:03:40,824 --> 00:03:45,180
You just want to get me settled, so
you can move into the shop with him.
39
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,260
Oh, I hate it when you're right.
40
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,380
So you're not denying it, then?
41
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,129
You know I'm no good at lying.
42
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,245
I thought you'd improved.
43
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,979
I think it's time we both made
our moves, before it's too late.
44
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,940
So make them for you, not for me.
45
00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:05,459
Look, don't think of Gastric as overweight.
46
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,520
Think of him as cuddly.
47
00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:10,986
How much "cuddly" do we need at our age?
48
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,462
Don't you think it's time we found out?
49
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,872
That's disgusting.
50
00:04:15,933 --> 00:04:19,413
You see?
We're past boring already.
51
00:04:29,929 --> 00:04:33,620
You move some old boxes,
you find this mouldy old snuff
52
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,860
and suddenly we're back
in the snuff business.
53
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:40,420
With a product that's been
lovingly maturing for years.
54
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,377
You forgot it were there.
55
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,377
Subconsciously, my grocer's instinct
was saying,
56
00:04:46,438 --> 00:04:51,217
"Leave it, Granville.
Leave it. Let it mellow."
57
00:04:51,778 --> 00:04:54,248
What are you actually
mixing in with this snuff?
58
00:04:54,309 --> 00:04:58,687
Well, I've got some dried rosemary...
59
00:04:59,558 --> 00:05:02,729
- Yeah?
- and then I've got some mixed herbs
60
00:05:03,222 --> 00:05:07,138
and then, of course, some dried blueberries
61
00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:10,996
to give it that nice, blue hue.
62
00:05:11,057 --> 00:05:12,457
Here you are, smell that.
63
00:05:17,013 --> 00:05:18,224
Doesn't smell bed.
64
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,594
Just hope no-one's nose falls off.
65
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,380
Shop!
66
00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,020
Hello.
67
00:06:15,313 --> 00:06:18,380
Good day to you, sir.
Sorry if I startled you.
68
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,542
I've been down in our bargain basement.
69
00:06:21,603 --> 00:06:23,100
You have a bargain basement?
70
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,047
Oh, yes, featuring today's special offers.
71
00:06:26,108 --> 00:06:28,095
Oh, really?
What would they be, then?
72
00:06:28,156 --> 00:06:29,660
Snuff.
73
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,983
In an ornamental box.
74
00:06:32,044 --> 00:06:34,820
Snuff?
Does anyone still use the stuff?
75
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,340
Ah, no, you're thinking
of the traditional stuff.
76
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,460
No, this is the exotic variety
77
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,939
from the rainforests of Ashton-under-Lyne.
78
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,480
Near Manchester?
79
00:06:46,541 --> 00:06:48,912
No, no, near Sierra Leone.
80
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,900
There's an Ashton-under-Lyne
in Sierra Leone?
81
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,193
Yes, they say that ours is a copy.
82
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,349
I have an auntie in Ashton-under-Lyne.
83
00:06:57,410 --> 00:07:00,513
Oh, really?
Does she attend the tribal dances?
84
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,900
- She's chapel.
- Oh, yeah.
85
00:07:04,366 --> 00:07:06,747
Probably keeps her clothes on then?
86
00:07:22,052 --> 00:07:23,292
Hi, Willis.
87
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,810
Hello, Ruby.
I can't stop, I have to get to work.
88
00:07:29,871 --> 00:07:32,138
I know, I just wondered...
89
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,460
how you think we're...
90
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:36,720
getting on.
91
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,226
- Getting on?
- Yeah.
92
00:07:39,764 --> 00:07:40,964
You know...
93
00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:44,419
getting on.
94
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,602
Oh, getting on.
95
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,054
Yeah, I think we're...
I think we're doing fine.
96
00:07:54,216 --> 00:07:55,496
I'm so sorry.
97
00:07:59,106 --> 00:08:02,540
This near-magical little substance
98
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,939
is from an ancient recipe of the Clinkers.
99
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,277
- You never heard of them?
- Can't say I have, no.
100
00:08:09,387 --> 00:08:12,260
No, well I hadn't until a week last Thursday
101
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,500
when their chief snuff salesman
came in here.
102
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:20,020
Oh, he was a very nice chap he was,
once you got past the war paint.
103
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:24,635
He spoke very good English, he could say,
"Eh, eh up," like a native.
104
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,780
You said exotic.
105
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,700
In what way is this stuff exotic?
106
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:38,380
Well, with regular applications of
this snuff to the mucus membranes,
107
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:42,140
the Clinkers were able
to achieve remarkable feats
108
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,825
of strength and endurance.
109
00:08:44,886 --> 00:08:48,392
- Doing what?
- Well, anything they put their mind to.
110
00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:51,940
They are renowned, you know,
for the speed in which they can
111
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,868
convert their loft space
into extra bedrooms.
112
00:08:54,929 --> 00:08:58,100
Oh, well, since I've no interest
in further bedrooms...
113
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,725
Oh, and of course, you know there is more.
114
00:09:00,994 --> 00:09:02,205
More bedrooms?
115
00:09:02,266 --> 00:09:04,248
Well, not exactly, but there is a...
116
00:09:04,975 --> 00:09:06,295
There is a link.
117
00:09:07,286 --> 00:09:08,502
To the bedroom?
118
00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:12,217
It's the other thing that
the Clinkers are renowned for.
119
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,678
Right.
How much?
120
00:09:17,739 --> 00:09:20,140
With the snuff box, £15.
121
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,500
- And without the snuff box?
- £15.
122
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,613
But I will throw in the box as a...
You know, as a gift.
123
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,973
And how much do I take?
124
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:33,540
Well, use it sparingly.
Don't shove it up both nostrils at once,
125
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,420
just, you know, one at a time,
126
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:40,022
otherwise you'll find that you're
involved beyond your capacities.
127
00:09:40,972 --> 00:09:44,140
I've always wanted to be involved
beyond my capacities.
128
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,660
Hello, Ruby.
129
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:55,103
I have to ask. They said,
"Don't push him," but I have to ask.
130
00:09:56,112 --> 00:09:57,592
Do you find me attractive?
131
00:09:58,729 --> 00:10:01,686
Don't lie to me,
give it to me straight, I can take it.
132
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,600
Yes.
133
00:10:06,026 --> 00:10:07,287
Yeah?
134
00:10:08,321 --> 00:10:09,744
He said, "Yeah!"
135
00:10:11,924 --> 00:10:13,140
All of me, though?
136
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,248
Not just the bits you have to
undo my buttons to get to?
137
00:10:16,606 --> 00:10:19,017
Ruby, we can't talk here, there's a queue.
138
00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,813
- Okay, give me a stamp.
- What value?
139
00:10:21,874 --> 00:10:24,608
The cheapest.
We'll probably need to start saving.
140
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,858
We're going to be great together.
I can't wait to get you in that gym.
141
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,340
- Does it hurt?
- If it doesn't hurt, you're being a pussy.
142
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,387
I'll keep this stamp, it's ours.
143
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,400
Miss me, that's an order.
144
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,407
Flowers?
145
00:10:46,468 --> 00:10:49,618
Roses. Your best blooms.
146
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,140
What a nice gesture,
147
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:55,060
I'm sure Mrs Featherstone's
going to appreciate it.
148
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,305
Ye gods, man, they're not
for the black widow, they're for...
149
00:10:59,062 --> 00:11:01,201
Well, never mind who they're for.
150
00:11:01,262 --> 00:11:05,380
Discretion, Granville.
I'm relying on your good fellowship.
151
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:09,580
There'll be no peace on earth
if the black widow gets to hear about this.
152
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:13,860
Am I picking up signals
that your relationship
153
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,100
with Mrs Featherstone is cooling?
154
00:11:17,197 --> 00:11:21,153
"Cooling"?
It was never less than arctic on my part.
155
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,220
Mr Newbold, I've got this snuff here
156
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,740
that will make Mrs Featherstone
look a lot better.
157
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,060
You haven't seen me, I haven't been in,
158
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,900
I've never bought the flowers.
159
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,040
If anyone asks who bought flowers,
tell them it was...
160
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,547
- Ketchup.
- Ketchup?
161
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:41,704
No, no, no, no, not ketchup.
162
00:11:44,338 --> 00:11:45,660
Granary!
163
00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:47,866
Winston Granary.
164
00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:53,470
Four, five and right and swipe and left.
165
00:11:54,718 --> 00:11:56,218
And swipe, left foot.
166
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,100
And over, yee-haw!
167
00:12:01,509 --> 00:12:05,010
And right, and swipe and left.
168
00:12:06,107 --> 00:12:07,862
Left and swipe, left foot!
169
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,615
That's it.
170
00:12:10,502 --> 00:12:12,487
All the way around.
171
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,940
Okay, ladies, time for some hydrationals.
172
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,700
Oh, what's she doing there?
All slim and attractive.
173
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,654
- Who?
- Oh, the Rossi woman.
174
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,780
Looking slim and attractive's
not a hate crime.
175
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,060
- Not yet, anyway.
- Well, it ought to be. I think it's pushy.
176
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,517
Are you saying that, in order to fit in,
you've got to be drab and ugly?
177
00:12:38,578 --> 00:12:40,060
Well, they're easier to like.
178
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,792
But you don't like anybody.
179
00:12:41,853 --> 00:12:45,620
That is just my way of keeping
the men at arm's length.
180
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,478
Are you under that much pressure?
181
00:12:48,139 --> 00:12:49,820
Look, if I didn't wear black,
182
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,591
I don't know how I would keep them off.
183
00:12:52,652 --> 00:12:56,212
I think it suits you.
Black is so you.
184
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,864
It works in support of...
185
00:13:04,637 --> 00:13:07,200
what is already on your mind.
186
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:09,460
Early Chinese history?
187
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:10,740
Particle physics?
188
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,393
That kind of stuff?
189
00:13:12,454 --> 00:13:14,540
Well, yes, if you have a leaning
190
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:19,034
towards any particular kind of activity.
191
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:25,036
Shall we say home improvements?
192
00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,821
Build your own greenhouse?
193
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,761
This will help you get the job done.
194
00:13:35,418 --> 00:13:37,510
And better than that,
195
00:13:38,127 --> 00:13:42,147
anyone who is nearby will get a sense of your
196
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:43,700
heightened powers the area of
197
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:44,976
in, say
198
00:13:45,037 --> 00:13:48,420
home improvements.
199
00:13:49,430 --> 00:13:53,728
So if one had an interest,
for example, in...
200
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,155
Activity A, this would...
201
00:13:57,216 --> 00:13:58,880
Be your best friend.
202
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,020
And not just on birthdays and bank holidays?
203
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,460
No, this is how you hack it any time.
204
00:14:05,623 --> 00:14:08,027
But that's just a side effect.
205
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,860
The main reason for taking this stuff
206
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:15,266
is to clear your air passages,
you know, give your lungs a break.
207
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:21,065
Basically, you could say this stuff is a...
Well, a fitness product.
208
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:22,773
Yes, so where's the harm in that?
209
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:24,737
But the side effects are always there.
210
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:29,827
Yes, unfortunately, but I suppose
you just have to live with that.
211
00:14:30,725 --> 00:14:32,532
I could live with that.
212
00:14:33,056 --> 00:14:34,891
If it's improving your health.
213
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,500
I never saw myself as a cowgirl.
214
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:42,780
Well, none of us did.
215
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,780
And Cyril likes the dressing up.
216
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,458
He wants me to keep it on
for watching movies.
217
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,500
What if they're not Westerns?
218
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,809
He seems to be able to live
with these inconsistencies.
219
00:14:52,870 --> 00:14:56,745
Eric's the same, he'd have me
wearing it doing the housework.
220
00:14:57,932 --> 00:15:00,900
So, Mrs Rossi, what do you do for exercise?
221
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,423
I like cycling but you live in fear
222
00:15:04,484 --> 00:15:06,694
of getting muscular calves.
223
00:15:06,769 --> 00:15:11,351
I'm trying to shame Cyril
into some exercise. Any exercise.
224
00:15:11,412 --> 00:15:14,520
Have they no interest in "exercise"?
225
00:15:15,059 --> 00:15:17,360
About usual for their age and condition.
226
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,700
At least it avoids muscular calves.
227
00:15:21,773 --> 00:15:23,540
Right, come on then, ladies.
228
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,503
Let's get back to the rodeo.
229
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,419
Okay, are we all ready?
230
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,179
And to the right.
231
00:15:33,695 --> 00:15:36,284
And dig and swipe and left.
232
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,146
And swipe, left foot!
233
00:15:39,518 --> 00:15:40,754
That's it.
234
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,341
What's been clouding your horizons?
235
00:15:50,402 --> 00:15:54,606
That Madge has suddenly
taken up exercise for me.
236
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,804
That's good, Gastric, it shows she cares.
237
00:15:57,865 --> 00:16:01,700
Me cousin, Lena, went on a diet,
started eating less.
238
00:16:01,955 --> 00:16:04,711
Finished up marrying
a bloke from Accrington.
239
00:16:05,734 --> 00:16:09,430
Well, it's all right, you won't have
to marry a bloke from Accrington.
240
00:16:09,531 --> 00:16:11,460
Just as well, they don't last.
241
00:16:11,649 --> 00:16:13,774
He left our Lena for a traffic warden.
242
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,600
It was probably cheaper
than paying the fine.
243
00:16:31,913 --> 00:16:33,292
Mr Newbold.
244
00:16:33,353 --> 00:16:34,970
She likes cycling.
245
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,114
We're off for a ride.
246
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,220
I'll take a couple of high-energy drinks.
247
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,575
Yes, that's a very good idea...
248
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,628
cos you're going to need all your energy
249
00:16:48,689 --> 00:16:50,769
for Mrs Featherstone.
250
00:16:51,506 --> 00:16:55,043
Happily, Mrs Featherstone
can't ride a bicycle.
251
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,524
At last, I've found a path
she cannot follow.
252
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,056
Put them on my bill.
253
00:17:01,892 --> 00:17:04,083
Mrs Rossi awaits.
254
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:08,020
Wish me luck, Granville.
It feels like Spring again.
255
00:17:08,377 --> 00:17:09,981
Have you noticed?
256
00:17:17,214 --> 00:17:19,403
You don't look as chirpy as Mr Newbold.
257
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,637
He's going cycling.
258
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,805
I didn't think he were dressed for tennis.
259
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,001
Secret cycling without Mrs Featherstone.
260
00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:31,468
He's found a way to escape.
261
00:17:33,391 --> 00:17:36,353
We've got to get Mrs Featherstone a bicycle.
262
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,361
Do we even know if Mrs Featherstone
can ride a bicycle?
263
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:44,510
Of course she can.
She has to, she's a capable woman.
264
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,662
She rode three husbands into the ground.
265
00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:51,430
They weren't on wheels.
266
00:17:56,095 --> 00:17:57,846
Where's the old shop bike?
267
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,780
No, it's got a crossbar,
it's not a ladies' bicycle.
268
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,191
Oh, don't bother me with technicalities.
269
00:18:04,252 --> 00:18:06,252
Go on, go out there and find it.
270
00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:16,380
It's another one of his cons.
271
00:18:17,215 --> 00:18:18,700
Maybe not this time.
272
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,580
That would be a first time.
273
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:24,340
He merely said it works wonders
for the Clinker people.
274
00:18:24,613 --> 00:18:27,500
But do we really need
to convert our roof space?
275
00:18:27,685 --> 00:18:30,180
It wasn't just the roof space.
276
00:18:30,396 --> 00:18:33,476
It makes things better all round.
277
00:18:35,755 --> 00:18:38,231
Do you think it might improve the...
278
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:41,919
shall we say, social skills?
279
00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:43,596
So let's test it.
280
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:46,530
Let's try it on the barmaid.
281
00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:52,170
Let's take some and let's see
if she looks at us any differently.
282
00:19:09,309 --> 00:19:10,640
She's looking.
283
00:19:12,204 --> 00:19:13,706
We've cracked it.
284
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,732
She can't take her eyes off us.
285
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,044
How about that, then?
286
00:19:20,566 --> 00:19:22,646
This stuff is prime.
287
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,319
I sent you off to go
and get changed to go running,
288
00:19:50,515 --> 00:19:54,685
not to come back looking like a
Russian spy who's lost his trousers.
289
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:59,114
Well, I don't want to be seen
in the street wearing shorts again.
290
00:19:59,404 --> 00:20:03,028
But Madge needs to see you exercising.
291
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,000
I'll run quick past Madge's place once,
and that's it.
292
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:24,378
What?
293
00:20:26,051 --> 00:20:28,377
What happened to that lavender underwear?
294
00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:29,870
It's in the drawer.
295
00:20:29,931 --> 00:20:33,521
Oh, you're just going to leave it
to languish in a drawer?
296
00:20:34,254 --> 00:20:37,479
Eric, it's not even tea time yet.
297
00:20:39,932 --> 00:20:42,812
There's no law against
making plans in the afternoon.
298
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,530
It's a working weekday,
299
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,938
it's probably going to rain,
300
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,102
people are going
about their business quietly,
301
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,161
slightly miserable,
it's the only proper response.
302
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,141
Eric!
You are out of sync.
303
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,440
I just thought I'd ask.
304
00:21:04,925 --> 00:21:06,125
Furthermore...
305
00:21:08,654 --> 00:21:09,961
your nose is blue.
306
00:21:28,878 --> 00:21:30,887
Apart from dressing funny,
what are you doing?
307
00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:33,711
What I'm doing is dying of embarrassment.
308
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,466
I can see why.
309
00:21:35,736 --> 00:21:39,659
Nobody in my family have ever
shown their legs outside of wedlock.
310
00:21:39,949 --> 00:21:42,405
So what are you doing
loitering between two cars?
311
00:21:42,683 --> 00:21:45,639
I'm waiting to catch
a glimpse of Madge at the window,
312
00:21:45,936 --> 00:21:49,050
then I go racing past
and she thinks I'm training.
313
00:21:49,111 --> 00:21:50,638
What for?
314
00:21:52,218 --> 00:21:54,521
The streamlined figure.
315
00:21:55,102 --> 00:21:56,838
It's never going to happen.
316
00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,066
You never know what's going to happen.
317
00:21:59,870 --> 00:22:01,384
For instance...
318
00:22:03,238 --> 00:22:05,510
do you know your nose is going blue?
319
00:22:11,134 --> 00:22:12,368
You're on.
320
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:27,220
Have you heard?
321
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,620
Let me guess,
you've got engaged to Mr Newbold
322
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,564
and you've come to show me the ring.
323
00:22:31,625 --> 00:22:34,660
Ring?
I can't even show you Newbold.
324
00:22:34,894 --> 00:22:36,940
I'm told he went off on a bicycle.
325
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,435
Well, keeping fit, I shouldn't
wonder, you know, just for you.
326
00:22:41,496 --> 00:22:43,581
Well, I didn't even know he had a bicycle.
327
00:22:43,642 --> 00:22:47,340
I mean, if they can conceal a bicycle, it
makes you wonder what else they can conceal.
328
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,940
Well, he's probably out there
looking for places
329
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,478
where you two can ride together.
330
00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:55,140
But I haven't ridden a bicycle
since I was a child.
331
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,095
Well, they do say,
you know, you never forget.
332
00:22:58,156 --> 00:23:01,881
Well, I've nearly forgotten three
husbands, what chance has a bicycle?
333
00:23:03,485 --> 00:23:06,081
Wait, now here's an idea.
334
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:11,340
You could refresh me
on the bicycle, Granville.
335
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:15,024
Yeah, well, I couldn't leave
the shop, Mrs Featherstone.
336
00:23:15,085 --> 00:23:18,180
No, of course, the shop must come first.
337
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,660
We'll watch the shop together.
338
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:26,380
Now just forget about Newbold
and his concealed bike.
339
00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:29,917
Listen, on second thoughts,
340
00:23:30,268 --> 00:23:32,954
I think I could get you cycling again
341
00:23:33,015 --> 00:23:36,340
so that you could join Mr Newbold.
342
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,611
Oh, as you wish.
343
00:23:38,894 --> 00:23:41,774
I'm here to be used by you, Granville.
344
00:23:43,828 --> 00:23:45,900
Bicycle me, Granville.
345
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,129
You ride beautifully, Mrs Rossi.
346
00:23:52,190 --> 00:23:55,980
Oh, Mr Newbold, I think I'm blushing.
347
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,466
And it suits you.
348
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,237
And I think this day is marvellous.
349
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,318
But of course...
350
00:24:04,962 --> 00:24:06,420
it won't last.
351
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,740
Why think that?
352
00:24:08,815 --> 00:24:10,255
Experience.
353
00:24:11,552 --> 00:24:14,037
I'm just waiting for the puncture.
354
00:24:14,522 --> 00:24:16,441
Not while we're resting, surely.
355
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,759
Don't you find that
356
00:24:18,820 --> 00:24:22,238
something always lets the air out
of happiness?
357
00:24:22,991 --> 00:24:27,103
We will attend to your puncture together,
Mr Newbold.
358
00:24:27,181 --> 00:24:31,987
We will apply a patch
to any leak in your happiness.
359
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,840
Just come and sit.
360
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,428
Right, here we go, Mrs Featherstone.
361
00:24:51,706 --> 00:24:54,074
Your steed awaits.
362
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,811
Right, hold it steady now, Leroy.
363
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,860
Now, can we get our leg over,
Mrs Featherstone?
364
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,480
Oh, Granville!
365
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,674
Right, off we go.
366
00:25:08,594 --> 00:25:10,220
A near miss there.
367
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:11,530
Right.
368
00:25:11,788 --> 00:25:13,031
No.
369
00:25:13,913 --> 00:25:15,167
Go on.
370
00:25:15,228 --> 00:25:17,580
I'll give you a hand there, go on, get on.
371
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:19,116
No, no, no, steady, Granville.
372
00:25:19,177 --> 00:25:22,733
Three husbands,
and I don't remember a move like that.
373
00:25:22,794 --> 00:25:24,340
All right, all right.
374
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,327
Leroy, take the bike away.
375
00:25:26,506 --> 00:25:30,060
Right, now you stand here, give me this leg.
376
00:25:30,143 --> 00:25:33,243
And I'll put it there like that, see?
377
00:25:33,466 --> 00:25:36,270
Then I'll get hold of this leg.
378
00:25:39,162 --> 00:25:40,420
Now...
379
00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,065
I am joined in the middle, you know?
380
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:47,012
Yes, now we will bring the bike to you.
381
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,601
Right, Leroy.
Come on.
382
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:57,243
Here we go.
Prepare to mount, Mrs Featherstone.
383
00:25:57,304 --> 00:25:59,662
There.
Up we go, up.
384
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,058
There we go! There!
Here we go!
385
00:26:04,585 --> 00:26:07,360
You've already packed in more
than three honeymoons.
386
00:26:09,273 --> 00:26:11,925
Down, down, right.
Okay.
387
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,700
Plan B, I have a solution to this.
388
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,372
Hold on, wait there.
389
00:26:20,325 --> 00:26:24,268
Tell me honestly, Leroy,
is this leg longer than this one?
390
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,611
I'm sure it's not, Mrs Featherstone.
391
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,621
Here we go, this will do it.
392
00:26:30,475 --> 00:26:31,775
Right.
393
00:26:33,949 --> 00:26:36,603
Now, pop up there, Mrs Featherstone.
394
00:26:36,664 --> 00:26:38,542
Right, up.
395
00:26:44,730 --> 00:26:46,114
Oh, Granville!
396
00:26:46,175 --> 00:26:48,353
Job done, Mrs Featherstone.
397
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,800
Well, you won't get that on the internet.
398
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,740
Are we ready for lift off?
399
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,376
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
don't-don't let go!
400
00:26:57,794 --> 00:27:00,829
All right, hang on, we won't let go
until you've got your balance.
401
00:27:00,890 --> 00:27:02,677
- Oh, hey.
- Right.
402
00:27:03,298 --> 00:27:07,206
Oh, heck, go and see
who that is, will you, Leroy?
403
00:27:07,267 --> 00:27:09,380
I thought I was never meant
to leave you alone with...
404
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,620
No, it's all right, the bike's taking
the weight now. Go on, off you go.
405
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:14,843
Right,
406
00:27:14,904 --> 00:27:16,740
are you ready Mrs Featherstone?
407
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,460
Ready when you are.
408
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,100
And call me Delphine.
409
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,007
Oh, all right, Delphine.
Ready? Off we go!
410
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:24,496
Come on, wahey!
411
00:27:31,499 --> 00:27:34,396
May I suggest the kiss of life?
412
00:27:34,457 --> 00:27:36,020
No, no, no, no,
413
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,424
I'll be all right once you get
your knee out of my small change.
414
00:27:46,761 --> 00:27:51,017
How is it my fault their noses go blue, hm?
415
00:27:51,744 --> 00:27:55,450
They've overdone it,
that's what they've done.
416
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,405
They've not followed
the Ashton-under-Lyne protocol.
417
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,348
They've exceeded the recommended dosage.
418
00:28:03,676 --> 00:28:08,048
They should've kept their mind
on converting their roof space.
419
00:28:14,476 --> 00:28:18,194
If you're the sheriff
you'd better take me in.
420
00:28:18,311 --> 00:28:19,500
Do you like it?
421
00:28:19,561 --> 00:28:22,812
Yes, yes, but we'd better get inside.
422
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,300
This is Apache country.
423
00:28:25,875 --> 00:28:27,861
Are we going to circle the wagons?
424
00:28:27,947 --> 00:28:31,338
Well, we may have to stay inside until
425
00:28:31,475 --> 00:28:32,980
the cavalry get here.
426
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:34,267
Will they be long?
427
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,606
Well, all we can do is hope so.
428
00:28:41,145 --> 00:28:45,745
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
32284
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