Original subtitles

Previously on "Station 19"...Andy: There's no way out. I'm trapped.

You're not well. You can't -- Exactly.

That's why I'm gonna save my daughter's life.

Andy: Tía Sandra sent mea birthday card every year

from age 10 to 15.

He kept those from me.

I thought my parentswere happy.

And now I thinkmaybe she killed herself.

Where's my girlfriend?

You have a girlfriend? Sasha!

Actually knew what you were doing. It was pretty hot.

I think you should move out.

[ Laughing ] What?

[ Groaning ]Dr. Shepherd orderedmorphine as needed.

I-I need it! I need it!

Did my mom...

Andy.

[ Gasps ]

[ Breathing heavily ]

Mami?

What are you...

[ Breathing heavily ]

Sandra.

[ Hyperventilating ]

Sandra: Hey.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey.

How's the eulogy coming?

It's not. [ Chuckles ]

Yeah.

Change of scenery might help.

Come on. It's time for the clapout.

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Exhales sharply ]

♪♪

[ Siren wailing in distance ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

Wow, this is unreal.

God, do I miss my wife.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.No, no, it's fine.

Robert and I chose to separate.

You and Miranda did not.

Hey, Roz.Hey.

W-- Hey.Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now, what are you guys doing --

The boys wanted to see their mom.

Tuck: I know Auntie Roz is only staying with us

while you and Mom are quarantining at work,

but can she --Can she move in with us?

[ Laughter ]

Alright, what did youbribe them with?

What can I say? My auntie games is on point.

[ Andy laughs ]19.

Hey.

Thank you guys for getting upan hour early.

I --It means a lot to me.

Oh, Mom!Miranda!

My boys!

What -- Oh.

Benjamin Warren,you are a sight for sore eyes.

And back and feet. [ Chuckles ]

I miss you.

I miss you.

Oh, Rosalind, thank you.

No, thank you.

-Uh, how we doing on time? -We're about there.

-Thank you, Dr. Bailey. -We love you, Bailey.

-You're the best. -You guys, you guys, it's time.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you for all you do!

[ Cheers and applause continue ]

Thanks, Dr. Bailey!

Thank you so much!

We love you guys!

We love you!

♪♪

[ Davie's "Roll With Me" plays ]

Wait, you're giving them our toilet paper?

Ourtoilet paper?

You're giving them your toilet paper?

You're never gonna find your own place, are you?

I'm looking.

I am!

♪ But I'm too madly in love with you ♪

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, hi, honey.

Hi, Mom.Hi, Mom.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

Oh, my God. So many groceries.

Vic: I know.Thank you.

Is that toilet paper?

♪♪

♪ So, I'm gonna bet it all on you ♪

Whoa, whoa, bud, bud. You forgetting something?

He doesn't likewhen we wear the face mask

because he can't read lips.

Yeah, I don't make the rules.

I think it's horse crap,if you ask me.

Yeah, that's what they said about seatbelts at first, too.

[ Chuckles ] Inara, he's here.

♪ Roll with me, roll with me

♪ Oh, baby, roll with me

Hi. Hey. Hi.

You need anything?

Just you.

Uh, I mean that we all wishyou could hang out with us.

Marcus is dying to show you his train set.

♪ Roll with me, roll with me

Why am I signing?I don't know.

♪ Roll with me, roll with me

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

Alright, we're here today

to teach you the basics of wildfire training.

In the case of a wildland fire anywhere on the West Coast,

we call on you to help back up the fire companies.

Questions? Yes?

Yeah, what fire station you work at?

My cousin, he works at, uh, SFD -- What is it? -- 23.

Name's Barnes.

Yeah, he's a good firefighter.

Yeah, you work with him?

We work for a company called Mavis.

It's a private fire company.

[ Chuckles ] The hell does that mean?

Means we get paid more than your cousin.

What it means is that private clientele

hire us to protect their property.

Now, what we're gonna teach you today

is called an anchor, flank, and pinch drill.

It's the most useful tactic you will learn today.

A reminder that the virtual memorial service

for Captain Herrera will take place this afternoon.

I can't believe after all the crap we went through

to get him his Line of Duty funeral,

we have to do it on the frickin' Internet.Agreed.

Tell me again why we can'tjust wait until after lockdown.

I mean,he was cremated anyway.

'Cause we don't know when "after lockdown's" gonna be.

Can't be more thana couple weeks, right?

Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that.

Sorry! Sorry I'm late!

Miller, Miller, you touch it, you clean it.

Thanks for the reminder, Dad.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughs mockingly ]

Six feet apart. Come on.

Come on. We live together.

Temporarily.Just don't be mad, Dad.

Wow. Okay, look -- look, guys, it's not that hard.

19 is your household,

so you don't have to wear masks in here,

but you do still have to keep your distance.

That is a great segue.

Hughes, when are you gonnaget your crap out of my place?

[ Klaxons sound ]

Dispatch: Aid car requested to Black Ball Hill rest area.

You guys are lucky I'm not your dad,

'cause if I was,you'd show more respect.

Larson, six feet.

Have a good day, Dad! Love you.

So, Sasha offered to staywith me, help out with Pru.

Also known as moving in with you?

No. We are just quarantining together.

That's it. Okay.

[ Siren wailing in distance ][ Chuckles ]

What?No, man, it's your story.

You tell itthe way you want to.

[ Chuckles ]

Herrera, you, um --you need anything today?

All good.

[ Andy breathing heavily]

Don't touch me.

I'm not this -- I'm not this --

This -- This -- This isn't real.

Andrea, this is real, and I know it's awful.

I didn't want to -- but you kept calling.

No, no.You called and you called

and you said you wanted to know the truth.

Sweetheart. My sweet girl.

This is the truth.

Just hear her out.

Just hear her out, honey.

[ Breathing heavily ]

♪♪

[ Door closes ]

I know this is a lot.No.

It's probably too much.No, no, no, no, no.

Andrea! Andrea!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Travis: Ooh.

Oh.

How...

How does one even date during a pandemic?

Same way as before.

You just text each otherfor weeks

until someone stops responding.

This guy's profile just says "snakes."

Oh, do you think that means he's interested in snakes as a hobby,

or is he interested in snake-like men?

Does it matter?

[ Siren chirps ]

♪♪

One of you call in a burn?

Yeah. One of us did.

Well, I'm sorry, you shouldn't be messing around with health stuff.

Well, then maybeyou shouldn't have come.

Vic: Did you call us? You hurt?

Uh, no. Billie is.

Okay, can you put your mask onfor me, please?

We broke down on our way back from...my mom's house.

[ Chuckles ] Mom's house, huh?

All of you?

Uh, yeah.

Wouldn't be breaking quarantine to party, would you?

Yeah, your parents knowyou're out here?

Where are your masks?They're in the car.

I mean, you weren't even wearingthem in the car, either.

Well, you know what?We work together, so...

Travis: Yeah. Which makes us a bubble.

What is your name?Uh, Kayden.

It's my car.

Okay. Hey, come here.What happened?

Oh, I thought maybe the car overheated,

so I opened up the radiator cap,and, um...

Ooh. Ouch. Okay.

Well, next time, wait forthe car to cool down first.

What's your name again?Billie.

Billie. Sweet. I'm Vic.

You boys haven't been drinking,have you?

Oh, I'm not a boy.

Billie's nonbinary.

Oh. Got it. Sorry about that.

My bad.I'm Travis.

He/him. Sometimes she. [ Snaps fingers ]

I'm gonna -- Should I -- I'm gonna check the car.

The purpose of the anchor point is to prevent the fire

from burning around the end of the control line,

possibly outflanking the suppression crew,

which is you guys.

Alright?

Good job.

Let's take five.

Stay where I can see you.

I hate this crap.

What? Drills?

No.

Working with criminals.

You know they're human beingswho made mistakes

and now have the opportunityto learn a skill

that will helpthe society they hurt?

Yeah, I guess you would have to look at it that way, huh?

Why would I have tolook at it that way?

Come on, man.

Half these dudes are in here for selling plants, but you --

you steal Schedule II narcotics off an aid car?

What? You thought I didn't know?

Come on, man. Everybody talks.

And everybody knows.

My only question is, how'd you manage not to get locked up in here?

Nelligan: Are you sure?

Could you do the test just to be sure?

Mr. Nelligan, the COVID testsare in short supply right now,

so we have to limit themto people with symptoms.

You know, I think I feel my throat

closing up just a tiny bit.

[ Chuckles ] Well, then Isuggest you walk three blocks

down the road to Grey-Sloan.

And risk getting it from someone there?

Mr. Nelligan, it's the sameas I told you last week.

The best thing you can dois stay home,

wear a maskif you do go outside,

and stay six feet awayfrom anyone else, okay?

Fine. Fine.

I don't knowwhat I pay taxes for

if I can't get a test during a pandemic.

[ Door closes ]

[ Andy breathing heavily]

Andrea. Andrea.

I'm sorry.

I should have told you --

That my mother is alive?

That she faked her own death?

That she let me believe --

Oh, my God, this is --You called me a lot of times.

You said you wanted to talk.

You said your fatherhad lied to you.

You saidyou found my letters.

I thought she had killed herself!

I-I wanted to see you. I-I missed you.

I wanted to know why you left meafter she died,

why I never saw you again, why --

I missed you,Tía.

I know, but how could I?

How could I see you when --What could I have said?

What could I have saidthat would be true?

Did my dad know?

Did he know she was alive?

That's not my story to tell, Andy.

Your mother is here.

She came a long way to talk --

She came a long way?

You want me to give her credit?

After 20 years?

After 20 years, she came --

[ Hyperventilating ]

Andy. Andy, honey.

♪♪

Andrea, talk to her.

You deserve to know the whole story,

even if she doesn't deserveto tell it.

♪♪

Vic: I dunno, I just feel like I need to vibe with a guy

if I'm gonna risk my life to make out with him.

Who said I was planningon making out?

Oh, so you have zero intention

of actually sleeping with any of these guys?

We will cross that bridge...

when it becomes impossible not to.

[ Laughs ]

Anyway, it's like going to the gym.

You stretch before and then...wipe everything down after.

[ Laughs ]

Speaking of which, actually,

what is going on with Herrera and Sullivan?

Oh, my God.

What? What? Who is it?

Who is it?

Car fire at Black Ball Hill rest area.

That's those kids.

What the hell did they do?

[ Tires screech ]

♪♪

[ Billie screams ]

[ Screams ]

♪♪

[ Screams ]

[ Klaxons sound ]So, should I do it?

What?Let Sasha quarantine with me.

You mean move in with you?

Look, I have a baby,alright?

I have a whole tiny humanwith a very big cry

and a great many a need,

and it's just the two of uslocked up together, man.

And frankly, firefighting isway easier than childrearing,

and Sasha wants to help.

So, I should justlet her help, right?

Yeah, okay.

But you actually like her, right?

Yeah, sure. Yes, yes.

[ Laughs ]Laughing's not helpful.

That doesn't help.

[ Laughs ]

[ Siren wailing ][ Laughs ]

Hey. We told you to wait for a tow.

He tried to fix it.

He thought he could fix it, and it -- it --

It blew up? Okay.

Billie, was anyone else hurt?It blew up.

Why did it blow up?!Billie, were they hurt?

They ran. I-I don't know. I don't know. They ran.

Why did they run? [ Sniffs ]

Billie, are you just scared,or are you on something?

Huh?

Billie? Billie!

Ladder 19, this is Aid Car 19.

I have an 18-year-old male

with full thickness burnsfrom a car explosion,

three other teenagers MIA,possibly injured,

possibly high, definitely stupid.

Copy, Hughes. We're four minutes out.

Get the patient in the aid car and ready to go when we arrive.

[ Siren wailing ]

Dispatch,I need four more aid cars

at Black Ball Hill rest area.

Tell me again what my dad said to you

before he went up that ladder.

He said, "Tell Andreaeverything I did --"

"Everything I did, I did because I loved her."

Right?

Are you gonna put itin the eulogy?

Elena:Don't you want to sit?

Did my father beat you?

Did he -- Did he torture you?

Was -- Was he a monster and I just never knew it?

No. I was overwhelmedfrom the minute you were born.

I-I was in over my head.I-I...

I never planned to be a mother,but I loved you.

I-I love you.

I just wanted to fight fires,

and I know that you get that, m'ija.

Can you not call me that?

Papi calls me that.

I got pregnant,and I thought I was wrong.

I was told I was wrong.

I was told that I wouldlove being a mother.

Elena: I was told thatthe minute I held you in my arms

that I would forget about every dream I had before you,

but that didn't happen.

You were born, and I loved you,

but I also resented you,

and I resented your father

for getting to do the one thing we both wanted to do.

I was so depressed.

I became unstable, self-loathing, angry, violent.

And that was a different time.

No one ever talked about mental health back then,

especially not for mothers.

I felt hopeless. I felt like a failure.

I wanted to die because there was no way out.

There was not a way out that wouldn't destroy you.

But I loved you.

I still love you, Andy.

W-Where -- Where did you go?

I went to New York, where my cousins lived.

I fought fires for two years, and then I injured out.

I need you to understand

that this is the biggest shame of my life.

Biggest shame.

But notyour biggest regret.

[ Exhales sharply ]

You... You aren't sorry.

You're not --You're not sorry, are you?

Of course I am.But you -- But you haven't said that.

You've said a lot of thingstonight,

but you haven't said,"I'm sorry for leaving you

and letting you thinkI was dead."

Well, I didn't know --

You didn't knowthat faking your own death

would make me think you were dead?!

I didn't fake anything, Andrea!

I just left.

Your father did the rest.

[ Siren wailing ]

[ Radio chatter ]

Montgomery, go and search the perimeter.

Hey, we treated a small burn from a radiator cap earlier

and then left them waiting for a tow truck.

They must have poured gas in the radiator.

Let's put water on that --

[ Fire whooshes ]

[ Wind whistling ]

There it goes!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Anchor, flank, and pinch! Don't let that fire grow!

Dispatch, we have a car fire that's spread to some trees.

I'm gonna need three more engines.

Knock down that fire, Banks! Come on!

Sully. We're getting called in.

Wildfire?Black Ball Hill.

Hey, yo, can we come?

Nah. This isthe big leagues, Banks.

You stay here and keeppracticing with your toy hoses.

Sullivan: You know, you don't have to mock them.

I know Banks is a pain in the ass,

but he'll be a good firefighter.

Yeah, for Convict Work Crew Number One.

Nothing wrong with that.We rely on these guys.

Then why does the state pay themnext to nothing, huh?

Well, that's just how it is.

It's rehabilitation.

Nah. It's capitalism, Sully.

They're cheap labor while they're here,

but you know damn wellSeattle Fire

ain't gonna hire themwhen they get out.

Hey. That's another thingyou have in common with them.

[ Laughs ]

Warren, grab some brush rolls off of Engine 19

so they can extend the line on the left flank.

Copy.Grabbing brush rolls.

Travis: Captain! [ Grunts ]

Miller, go!

Almost there.

Dispatch, where's that other aid car?

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Brakes screech ]

Warren, I've got some ember caston my right flank.

I need you to bring a coupleof those brush rolls

and a water thief to the side.

Copy. Go, go, go!

Montgomery, let's go! Let's go! Come on!

This is Billie, 18-year-old NB

with partial thickness burnson both forearms

and smoke inhalation.

I just put them on oxygen.

Hemodynamically stable.No loss of consciousness.

Possible -- probable --drugs involved.

The other two are stillout there somewhere.

19'll find them.

♪♪

[ Radio chatter, siren wails ]

This is just wrong.

What? You suddenly grew a conscience?

Fowler, I had an injury on the job,

and I developed an addiction,

which explains why I briefly became someone I didn't like.

Now, you're someone else I don't like.

But as far as I can tell...

you were just born that way.

[ Laughs ]

Ah.

Cheer up, Sully.

Don't call me Sully.

See this big house?

This is why they pay usthe big bucks.

[ Siren wailing ]

Vic: Grey-Sloan, this is Hughes on Aid Car 19.

I have an 18-year-old male with extensive full thickness burns.

TBSA estimate greater than 70%.

Hypotensive and intubated.

Nurse: Hughes, I'm sorry,

but we aren't taking any non-COVID emergencies.

Pressure's dropping!

See, that's not gonna work for me

because I have a barbecued teenager here

and you're the closest burn center.

Very sorry, but --Okay, cool.

See ya soon. Bye.

Pushy! I like it!

Andy: Bishop, I've got a spot fire to my right

about 50 yards outside the burn.

Fowler: Just don'topen the door, babe.

No, no.

He's gonna set it on the porch,

then he'll walk away,then you can go get it.

Andy: That spot is starting to run.

It might hook our location. Warren!

No. No.

No, you do not have to boil itbefore you eat it.

Gibson, I need you over here!

[ Beeping ]

♪♪

[ Engine starts ]

The hell?

Sullivan!

Hey!

Cruz, we're gonna need water.

Hand lay a two and a half down to that hydrant.

Dispatch, did you ask for a private company --

Disregard.

Bishop.

Where do you need me?

♪♪

North side.

Lay a hose line around the flankof that spot fire

and pinch it off.Alright. Copy that.

♪♪

[ Coughing ]

Captain, I have eyes on one of the other kids.

Maya: Good. Keep working on that fire.

That's the best way to protect him until we can evac.

♪♪

My father told me you were very sick.

I always assumed you had someillness that couldn't be cured.

I guess you did.Just not the kind I thought.

You know, when fathers leave their children,

no one blames it on mental illness,

no one calls them monsters.

They just turn to the mother who's left alone

and is expected to do both jobs.

Which is what you didto my dad.

I told you, I was not in the right mind --Well, which one was it?

Were you mentally ill,or were you not?

I don't know. I was depressed.

I was exhausted.

And sometimes suicidal.

I was never diagnosed or medicated --

You were just happieronce I was out of your life.

No. I was devastated.

And I missed you desperately.

And, yes...

I felt free.

When -- When you left...

did he tell you he was gonnasay you were dead?

No. He asked me, "What am I supposed to tell

a 9-year-old girl about why her mother left her?"

And I said, "I don't know.

Tell her I'm dead."

But I didn't mean it,

just like I didn't mean to leave you that day forever.But you did!

You left.

And my father made the decision

that it would be less painful for me to grieve you

than to know you abandoned me.

[ Conor coughing]

I needa fire shelter here!

Sullivan: I got it!

Robert?

Keep your eyes on the fire, Herrera.

I got it.

[ Coughing ]

You're gonna be okay.

Hold it close to the ground, and do not move no matter what.

You hear me?!Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Conor coughing ]

♪♪

Herrera, we got this. Go help him.

It's okay. It's okay.

Bishop, I have one male with second-degree burns,

possibly in shock.Maya: Copy.

We have an aid car standing by.

Frankie. Frankie.

Frankie? Frankie, is that your name?

No, no, I'm -- I'm Conor.

Conor, my name is Andy. Where else does it hurt?

I don't -- I don't -- W-We --We just wanted to be together

for one night,you know, one party.

Prom's been canceled.Graduation's been canceled.

Okay.They're mailing usour freaking diplomas!

12 years of school,and we're missing everything!

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Hey, take a deep breath for me.

Okay, what's your name again?

Conor Jaxtimer.Have you found Frankie yet?

Sullivan: Let's get him up.

Bishop, there's another kid out here.

Let's get you up.His name is Frankie.

Come on. Let's go find him.

Gibson, any sign of the fourth kid?

Jack: Not yet. Will update.

[ Siren chirps ][ Conor coughing ]

[ Grunting ]Come on.

Wait, wait, wait. You have to find Frankie.

He's got a bunch of health problems.

He didn't want to come out and party.

I forced him to.

Come on.

Frankie, hey!

Frankie, can you hear me?!

Frankie, I'm here to help you!

[ Weakly ] Help!Frankie!

Frankie, call out if you can hear me.

Help!

I got him!

I was running, and then I tripped.

There was so much smoke.It's okay.

It's okay. I'm gonna help you now.

This is Warren.

I'm gonna need a stretcher and a med bag.

Frankie, have you, uh -- have you had a surgery recently?

Yeah. Am I bleeding?

[ Whimpering ]

Oh, man! My dad's gonna freak out!

Hey, Hughes!We're not taking any --

No, I know you're not taking any non-COVID cases right now,

but you are taking this teenagerwith full thickness burns

from head to toe from a car explosion.

I intubated him on the scene.

He's hypotensive and tachycardic,

and you are the best, so you are taking him,

because if you send us away, he dies

and that makes you a murderer.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, trauma one.

You were right to bring him here.Yeah, I know that.

Oh, uh, the next kid that comes in, Billie,

make sure no one calls them "he" or "she," okay?

Wait, there's more?Yeah, don't murder any of the burned teenagers, Dr. Hunt!

[ Groans ]

Let's go.

I hate teenagers.

I hated teenagers evenwhen I was a teenager.

'Cause they're so stupid?'Cause they're so stupid.

Yeah, well, their brainsaren't fully formed yet,

so it's not entirelytheir fault.

It's like hating a puppyfor being cute.

You know, they can't helpwhat they are, so...

I hate that they're gonna miss prom and graduation.

High school sucks enough without a pandemic

to take away all the parts that don't suck.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Vic.Huh?

Whatever happenedto hot doctor lover?

Oh, just doctor, not lover.

Still hot, though.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, wait, who did you see on that app?

Wha-- Travis?

I'm gonna disinfect the front.

[ Crying ] I'm not just some dumb kid, I swear.

I was almost valedictorian,

if I hadn't missed so much school for my health stuff.

I hadn't even left the house since we went into lockdown.

I just wanted to see my friends.Frankie. Frankie.

I have a couple of kidsabout your age,

and if one of them was hurt,

even if it was becausethey did something stupid,

all I would want is for themto get better.

Everyone makes mistakes.

[ Gasping ] Okay.

Even valedictorians.

Andy: Captain, we're done mopping up.

We've cold-trailed the entire perimeter.

Maya: Good work, Lieutenant. Let's pack it up.

Vic: Leaving Grey-Sloan.

We still doing Friday Night Lights?

Affirmative. See you there.

Sasha's sexy, funny, and smart,

in addition to being great with Pru.

I'm alone, she's alone.

Having a quarantine buddy that'salso good at changing diapers,

man, it's -- it's a win-win.

[ Laughs ]You laugh again, I'm gonna hit you.

You know that.It's just usually I'm the onein this friendship

making terriblerelationship decisions.

It's fun being on the other side.

So, what, I-I shoulddo it?

[ Chuckling ] I don't know, man.Do you love her?

Love her? [ Chuckles ]

We've only been dating six weeks.

I'm not talking about Sasha.

[ Radio chatter ]

Trying not to.

You know what to do.Do I?

[ Laughs ]

All that laughing, it hurts my feelings, man.

[ Laughing ] Seriously.

I'm laughing, but I'm hurting on the inside.

[ Siren chirps ]Man: Alright, 19,

let's bring some joy to the people.

♪ It feels like there's no more fight in you ♪

[ Horn blares ]

♪ But I see the daylight breaking through ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ When there's no more strength to carry on ♪

[ Siren wails ]

♪ I know the storm will soon be gone ♪

♪ And someday we'll be on the other side ♪

♪ It won't be long

♪ It won't be long

♪ Change will come, yeah

♪ I know that it won't be long

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ A change is gonna come, come, come ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ A change is gonna come, come, come ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ A change is gonna come

[ Chuckles softly ]

He said something else --your dad.

I guess I didn't thinkto mention it before

because I was so worried aboutremembering the other thing.

He said he handpicked us all --all of us at 19.

And he said that [Chuckles]

even though we weren'tall the best recruits

that he saw somethingin all of us

that he knew would workas a family.

♪♪

I got my first periodthe day before my 12th birthday.

I thought I had pooped myself.

Ah, no one told me what to expect or when to expect it.

I just woke up one day,

and there was this dark brown stuff

all over the sheets and in my underwear.

I was mortified.

I balled up all the bedding and all my clothes

and shoved them in the washing machine

and poured so much detergent in there

that the machine jammed and overflowed with suds.

Papi came home from a shiftthat morning and yelled so loud.

[ Exhales sharply ]

But then when he realized what happened, he said,

"M'ija, you stay here.

I'm going to the store.

I'll clean this up when I get back."

Ugh.

He came back with [Chuckles]

13 different brands and sizes of pads.

And then he sat me down

and explained what was happening to my body.

He didn't judge me or act disgusted.

But he cried.

He cried through the entire thing.

I always remembered those tears

streaming down his cheeks.

And all this time, I thought he was just sad

that his little girl was growing up.

Until just now. [ Scoffs softly ]

I realized he was crying

because he knew my mother was out there somewhere,

choosing not to be my mother.

He came to get me. [ Sniffles ]

When 9/11 happened.

I guess you were about 12.

He came to New Yorkto help firefighters.

He showed up on my cousin's doorstep one night

covered in white ash,demanding to see me.

He got on his knees, sobbedand begged me to come home.

He said he would take all the blame,

that he just wanted youto have your mother.

I went to New York. I went to go get him.

We -- We came home together.

♪♪

I'm sorry.

♪♪

I'm -- I'm sorryI was not a good mother.

I'm sorry I couldn't.

I'm -- I'm sorryI caused you so much pain.

Please tell Tía Sandra to call me.

She sent me birthday cards every year of my life.

My dad didn't give them to me, but she tried.

Which you never did.

[ Door slams ]

[ Brakes squeak ]

Sullivan, you are so done!

You better pray the department brings your junkie ass back,

because you are s-- Fowler.

We train convicts.

We use them as free labor,

and then when they get out,we don't give them a job.

You think that's right?I think it is what it is!

And I take the truckdown the hill

and I help put out a wildfire!

You think that's wrong?!

Man, right or wrong is not the point.

I disagree!The point is it gets you fired!

You disagree?

I'm saying right or wrong isthe point.

It's always the point.

[ Scoffs ]

So I'm good with being fired.

[ Bag thuds ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Shower running ]

Well, I guess Miller and I aren't friends anymore.

I'm naked!

In three weeks, the entire worldturned upside down.

Miller kicked me out,

and then two days later, a pandemic hit.

My parents aren't working

for the first time in my entire life.

We're about to memorialize our captain on a video chat.

And you saw something crazy on a gay dating app,

and you won't even gossip with me about what it is.

Okay, I need like one thing --

one thing in my life to be normal right now,

and if it's not you, I don't know what the hell it is.

It was my dad.

I was swiping for gay sex,

and I saw a picture of my dadwith his shirt off,

wearing only chinos and a belt. No.

And his profile said...

"Let mebe your daddy."

Are you sure it was him?I gave him the belt.

You g-- Oh, God! Oh!

It's fine. [ Laughs ]

Okay, you know what?Oh, God!

No, alright, it's fine.Stop!

No, it's fine. No, no, it's fine.

You know what? You're into men.

Great. Awesome. Live your life.

But don't stay marriedto my mom. What?

Yeah. Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. That.

And the lifetime of shame and internalized homophobia

that he inflicted on you, right?

There's also that.

Yeah.

[ Laughs ]

Move in with me.

Not temporarily.Just move in with me.

And let's be the one normalthing in each other's lives.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah?! Yeah.

Yeah! Oh, I love you! Yes!

Oh! No, no, Vic!

Oh, you're naked, too!Ohhh, let me be your daddy.

No! What?! Yeah.

Ohh! Ohh!

[ The Rescues' "If We Make It Through the Night" plays ]

♪♪

Captain Herrera was the only father figure I had

for any real amount of time.

You know I asked him for advice before I proposed to Andy?

I thought he didn't know.I didn't tell him who.

I just said, "There's this girl,and I love her.

What do I do?"

And he said, "Son, if you think this girl loves you

and you can make her happy,

then do what your heart tells you."

Point is, my heart is stupid, so don't listen to me.

If you think you and Sasha moving in together

is a good idea, then I'm sure it is.

Oh, hey, Miller, uh, I'm moving in with Travis.

So I will come and get my crap tomorrow.

Sorry for taking so long.

♪ How close we came to sayin' goodbye ♪

Just do it. [ Laughs ]

Do it.

I'm sorry.It's fine.

That was just too...

It's fine. I need --

[ Sighs ]

[ Laughs ]

♪ I will die tryin'

I know what I have to do now.

♪ If we make it through the night ♪

Sullivan.Hey.

Hey.

Thanks for the assist today.

Yeah, um, I know I'm notpart of 19 anymore,

but I wantedto be here for Andy.

If that's okay with you.

I hate what you did, and I hate that you did it on my watch.

I hate that you put our 19 family at risk

and the PRT in jeopardy.

And I especially hate

that you may never be a firefighter again,

because you are a good firefighter

and the Department needs you.

I respected you as a mentor, and you let me down.

I let myself down.

And I'm sorry.

For all of it.

Then we're good.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

[ Sighs ]

You look sharp.

Thanks...Dad.

[ Both laugh ]

I'm sorry.

Wow!

Gibson made me do it.

That's not cool.

[ Sniffles, sighs ]

You ready?

Yeah.

Yeah. I am.

[ Sighs ]

[ Leah Nobel's "Last One To Know" plays ]

♪ Don't hide from me

♪ I wanna be the one you run to ♪

♪ Try and disappear

♪ But I'm the one who really sees you ♪

♪ Watch you up on the fence

♪ When you coming down?

If you're watching this, my dad was probably your hero.

He was mine.

He was a great firefighter

but an even better Captain.

He brought the best out of everyone

by demanding nothing less.

He was a natural leader,

as anyone who's ever worked with him knows.

He built great firefighters, future Captains.

Maybe even future Chiefs.

But beyond that, he was the best father he could be,

and that wasn't easy to do, especially on his own.

My dad was faced with some pretty terrible choices

when I was a kid.

But he did what he thought was best for me at the time.

Every time.

He chose to protect me above all else.

And while he may have made mistakes...

I have no doubt he'd make them all again

if he thought it was best for me.

It wasn't easy growing up without my mom

and without siblings,

but what I've come to realize is my dad did his best

to give me family.

He created a home at Station 19.

And everyone under his roof was his kid.

[ Laughs ]

So he may have spent years

protecting me from pain and burying his own,

but he did his best to give me the gift of a group of people

who I feel closer to than any blood brother or sister.

He did his best.

He did his best by me.

He loved me.

He stayed.

He stayed with me every minute he could

until he had to leave me to save me one last time.

♪ When you coming down?

♪ When you coming down?

Oh, my God.I didn't believe you.

I told you you were crazy.

Well, in fairness to you, I was acting crazy.

You okay?

Yes and no.

I guess...knowing the truth is better than wondering.

But again, I'm -- I'm sorry I wasn't here for you.

No, no.

I took morphine when I woke up.

I needed it. But now I'm afraid.

I'm afraid it's gonna make me crave more of it.

I'm afraid I won't be able to control it.

I need to focus on my recovery.

I spoke to Dr. Shepherd, and she suggested I, uh...

take some space.

From -- From me?

It's just 90 days,

just to get to the meetings, okay,

just to work the steps and get some solid recovery.

You're not supposed to make any big life changes

when you're in early sobriety.

I knew that, and I-I was barely sober.

And you -- you were about to lose your dad.

We had no business getting married.

So -- So, you regret it?

[ Chuckles ] No!

No. And I never will.

But if I want to stay clean, we need some time apart.

90 days.

Yeah. Totally --

Totally separated.

Separated but together, if I want to stay clean.

And do you? I do.

I want to live a long, long life

and love you every minute of it.

♪ I can't be the last one to know ♪

♪ I can't be the last one

♪ The distance runs deep

I love you, Dad.

We all do.

And if there's one thing I wish I could tell you,

it's that I am grateful for you,

because you did your job so well.

♪ And I can't be the last one to know ♪

♪ I can't be the last one

[ Bell tolling ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ When you coming down?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪