All language subtitles for Man.in.Camo.2018

[soft piano music plays]

[upbeat music]

[distorting TV static]

- Hey, come on in.

- [Judith] When you were born,
it was 25 hours of labor.

When they pulled you out,

you had the umbilical
cord around your neck.

- I was born in Boston in 1969.

A year later, my
parents got married.

They were both hippies.

They met up in the
universities up there.

My father later became a
lawyer for Richard Nixon

and worked for him
for the next 30 years.

We're all Democrats.

That's just how it is in D.C.

You work for the Republicans
because they have the money.

- So the doctors took you away,

put you an an incubator
so I never held you

until three days later.

- [Ethan] My mother
was organizer

and draft evasion counselor

for SDS, Students for
a Democratic Society.

- You had these
little turtle eyes

and you kind of looked
at me like who are you?

- I'm dyslexic.

- We went to New York.

We went with this
group that specialized

in testing dyslexia and
developing exercises

that would help you progress.

They just remembered
sitting in this office

and they came up with
these silly exercises

telling you to
crawl on the floor

and it would be
embarrassing to you.

Then we'd crawl and
I didn't think we had

confidence that it was
helping in any way.

In retrospect, that was not
a particularly good idea.

Sad business.

- Your dyslexia has
been one of the most

formative factors of your life.

Diagnosed at a very young age

and the whole way you
interact with the world

has been through the way your
brain processes information.

It's cording who you are.

- I'm not sure where
dyslexia comes from.

In fact, nobody really knows.

I suppose if I had to guess,

it would be from having
the umbilical cord

wrapped around your
neck when you were born

and cutting off oxygen.

[guns firing]

- When you're a kid and
you're anything different,

you're ostracized, you're
picked on, called stupid.

[muffled yelling]

People in my school
wondering why this seven

or eight year old kid
was falling asleep

in all of his classes
and it was mostly because

every night I would go
home to a screaming match.

When my parents finally
did get divorced,

they decided to stay in
the District of Colombia.

♪ Burden child

♪ I'll see when I'll smile

1977 so it was kind of close to

the end of the Vietnam War.

Every night when my
father would come home,

he would turn on
the nightly news

and there would be images of
war and death and violence.

Asked my mother what
did it mean to die.

My mother said, people
have different beliefs.

Some people believe
you die and then

you go to heaven or hell.

Some people believe
when you die,

you're reincarnated and
I looked into her eyes

and I was like, well,
what do you believe?

My mother was everything.

This was like the center
of knowledge for every kid

and my mother said,
oh that's it, the end.

When you die, it's
like a switch going off

so it's just a
void of blackness.

And for me at like that age,

I was like, what the hell?

I was afraid to go to sleep,
I was afraid to go out.

I mean, I didn't want
to meet this void

because I was terrified of it.

A seven year old kid really
can't comprehend that.

After that, I went
through this whole period

of being afraid to go outside.

I would stay home
and watch movies

so this is right around
the same time that

Betamax came out.

We had one of the early
first Betamax decks.

I would stay home and watch like

three or four movies a night

and I did this for maybe two
years or something like that

until I finally said,
I can't take it anymore

and instead of hiding from
things that might hurt me,

I ran head long into it.

- [Man] You are now
watching Russian TV.

This is no way influenced
by the government.

- Good morning
fellow Russianers.

Today in the weather,
there will be

60 percent chance of showers.

Hell, I can't take anymore,

[gun firing]
it's hell.

[laughing]

- Oh my god.
- You okay?

[calm music]

- That is a film from
when I was 14 in 1984.

My background in film is
that I started making movies

when I was seven years
old and never stopped.

I never signed up killing
myself a lot in these videos.

This is shot on
Betamax before VHS

and this is me playing
myself in both roles.

I play the two guys.

It's upstairs guy
versus downstairs guy.

Because I'm the only one,

I have to keep
coming to the camera

and turning it off by hand.

I knew exactly the timing
so I could turn it on,

get in the frame in the position

and walk towards the
camera and turn it off.

Not good aiming,
a lot of shooting.

[laughing]

This is the big
finale coming up.

[laughing]

- [Man] Did you have
a happy childhood?

- Did I have a what?
[laughing]

- Turn it on, oh.

- Film was like a
salvation for me.

[upbeat music]

♪ Once upon a time
there was a dream ♪

♪ Biggest in the world

♪ You know what I mean

My grandfather gave me
his old Super 8 camera,

which was a hand crank
and you had the cartridge

you had to put into
it and you had to get

the film developed.

The first time I
got that film back

and projected it on a wall,

it was just splashes of
light and I was hooked.

♪ Castle by the flame

♪ She said I'll
show you something ♪

♪ Like you've never
known before ♪

Then once camcorders
came into reality,

I started shooting these videos

and the videos were
one Betamax tape

containing three hours
of skits and shorts

and I would spend
probably about six months

every day shooting
these little videos.

In my mind, these were epic
movies that I was making.

- Hey Bobs, what's
happening, man?

Hey yeah, it's a really
nice day, isn't it.

- Yes it is, Bob, yes it is.

It's a real nice day,
it's just terrific.

- Yeah, I raped your
girlfriend, you know.

- What?

Oh my god, no no no.

Freeze, asshole.

- Wait, wait Bob, wait Bob.

I was only joking, Bob.

- Doesn't matter,
doesn't matter.

You're fucked man,
you're really fucked.

- I was joking, man, I was joke.

[gun firing]

[laughing]

[gentle music]

[screaming]

- I went to a private
school for kids

with learning disabilities
and at a certain point,

I outgrew the school.

Then I had to be in
a special ed class.

We're gonna send you to just
go look at this public school.

I went into audit the class

and these were
kids that were like

severely physically and
mentally handicapped

and the teacher really
didn't teach so much

as acted like a nurse,

made sure they were eating
and using the bathroom

and all of those things
and the teacher at the end

was like, look, you
really can't go here.

Just go anywhere else but
you're not suited for this.

My mother basically
had tricked me to go to

a boarding school in Boston.

- I completely deny that.

- Every weekend I wanted
to go into the city

because that's where
the punk rock shows were

at this place called the Rath.

I started dying my hair black

and dressing more punk rock

and this was a school
with a dress code

so I had to come back to school

and then hide everything.

You know, put it under a
bandana when I had a mohawk

and all of this.

Oh. [groaning]

God, I hate morning.

Shit.

Going to school, god damn.

- We put in a lot of hours.

I guess that, comes with
being a lawyer in D.C.

[groaning]

[screaming]

- [Woman] Ethan!

- I became very depressed.

One night I was
with my girlfriend

and we had just come
from seeing a show,

Hayden Hall in Boston
and we were walking back

to her neighborhood
in Brookline.

That night I had been
drinking a fair amount

as I did every time
to get the courage

to go to these punk rock shows

and the car was
driving up the street

and I ran and I dove
in front of the car

but I was so drunk instead
of going in front of the car

I actually landed right in
the door and the car stopped.

The guy was like
opening his door

and then I got up and
started screaming at him,

like, you fucking asshole,
why didn't you hit me?

I started kicking the door and
the driver looked at me like,

what the fuck?

This kid's totally
crazy and drove off.

I was 16 years old.

After I had an epiphany
and you're gonna die

so why would I give
the satisfaction

to the rest of the world
by ending my life early?

Why wouldn't I just
sit here and try to

do as much damage
and make as much art,

put myself out there
as much as I can,

and after that, it
made me more aggressive

about pursuing what
I wanna do in life.

I'm not recommending
it to anybody else,

but that's what it did for me.

[upbeat music]

- You had blond curly hair,

wholesome looking
teenager and I went to

the airport to meet you

and then this creepy
looking kid gets off.

He's got a Mohawk,
chains around his neck,

looked like he hadn't
had a bath in weeks,

and I'm thinking to myself,

oh, his poor parents.

Can you imagine having
that kind of kid?

And all of the sudden I
hear from behind me, hi mom,

and I turned around and that
creepy looking kid was you.

My first impulse was
to take my raincoat

and throw it over your head

so no one would see you,
but you were my son,

so I gave you a big hug
and said, welcome home.

- Film me, I'm gonna
have to hurt you.

- [Man] Why, it's your camera?

You should be.
- I don't wanna be filmed.

- [Woman] Really
think about it hard.

- A lot of the reason
I got into punk rock

at such an early age was
because of my parents' divorce.

My mother moved to
Georgetown in Washington D.C.

which is a neighborhood
where there was

a lot more alternative stores,

there was punk rock
kids hanging out.

♪ Can't do something
just don't get it ♪

On M Street, there was a
record store called Smash

and in there, I would
go ask the clerk,

what do you think is a
really good record to get

and then I would run
home and then play it

over and over again.

♪ Dead end's best

♪ Just like the rest

Part of helping me learn
to become a better writer

is I would take
the lyrics sheets,

'cause every punk rock
record has a lyric sheet

and I would hand copy
out every word for word

onto a cassette tape
and make mix tapes

that I would then give
out to my friends.

♪ Down and everyone here

♪ Trying to do something
they just don't get ♪

Prior to punk, everything
was what you can't do.

If you can't read,
you're inferior.

Punk rock was that key that said

none of that matters.

It was like Occam's razor.

It leveled the playing field.

It was a sign on
the door that said

there are no boundaries.

You can kick this door in,

you can walk through this door,

you can open other doors.

- Fuck you, man, fuck
you, fuck your family.

♪ Fuck this town
and everyone in it ♪

♪ Trying to do something
and they just don't get it ♪

- Once we became teenagers,

it was pretty much
us on our own.

We didn't really see
any adults until later

in the evening and just
did what we wanted.

- My house became the place
where everyone hung out

and everyone was
drinking and having sex

and doing whatever
and me and my sister

basically raised ourselves
like feral little animals

that we are.

This is a day of a
normal boy's life

driving through the
suburban neighborhoods.

And this is my brother.

[laughing]

- Go away.

- One of the very first
creative things I did,

I started making
silk screen shirts.

♪ 20 dollars it's all I got

♪ 20 dollars and
it give me a lot ♪

When I went back
to Washington D.C.,

I started printing these shirts.

I just wanted people to see it.

I wasn't trying to make a profit

and I didn't realize I
was ripping off the artist

who designed the flyer
and I didn't realize

I was ripping off the
band the Bad Brains

which was also a D.C. band

and I started selling
these shirts in Smash.

I had put my name Ethan M on
the bottom of every shirt.

The owner off Smash
coming up to me,

going like, look, your
shirts are really great

but you got to do
me a favor, kid.

Take your name off
of that because Daryl

from the Bad Brains has been
coming in looking for you

and he is pissed.

I stopped making
shirts after that

and that's when I
noticed the fanzines.

- [Man] We're here
with Project Nerd.

- See, this guy's got it.

Speaking of this guy,
this is Ethan joining us

for a very special
episode of the Nerd Cast.

[upbeat music]

So what is a zine?

- You have fan, a fan
of something specific,

and magazine.

Put the two words
together, fanzines.

Magazines that are
independently published,

sometimes Xeroxed, but
the one thing they're not

is polished.

I would look at these
zines and go like hey,

this is all kind of a mess and
I think I could do this too

and I really got into it.

- It's a passion project.

Nobody makes money, it's
just artists who want

people to see their artwork.

- How many of you
were born before 1988,

anybody in here?

Okay, this is me in high school.

My fanzine developed from
a music centered zine

to something that was
more focused on the arts.

♪ Let's go get lost somewhere

♪ Where only love
is in the air ♪

People started recognizing me.

It gave me confidence
to keep trying

to pursue something
creative because

it was the first time
that not only was I

able to express myself,
but I felt like I was

affecting the
community at large.

- If he was a boss, I would
find this very difficult

but since we were friends
before we did this,

we can both call each
other on our shit

and that's how we
talk to each other.

- I've never read
a single fanzine.

I've distributed [laughing]
them at coffee shops everywhere,

but I've been in them.

I don't think I've
ever really read it.

- Slightly irritated at the way

people sometimes misuse words

or they won't use the
proper form of a word

and so maybe part of the reason

that I helped
selfishly is because

it reduces irritation
when I read these stories

that I wanna read.

- He handed me a zine,
and I think that was

his way of hitting me
and now we're married.

Bye!

- For me personally, my
parents are both workaholics.

My father would sit at
the office every night

'till about 9 or 10
o'clock at night,

so that meant after school
I was taken to his office

and would be put into
a conference room.

In that, they would
bring me a pad of paper.

They would bring me
pencils, staplers,

you know, stuff in the office

and I would make artwork.

I would put them
into little books.

I would go over to
the copy machine,

I would make copies
and make multiples.

At age seven, I was
technically making zines.

I'd bring them into school and
on the school bus or whatever

I'd give them out to my friends.

- Every issue has a
different artist on the cover

and has their bio on the back.

It inspired me to
do my own zine.

- You're gonna go through
the art world and community

realizing that every time
you try to do something,

there is somebody in between you

and getting to success.

There is going to
be art directors,

there's gonna be curators.

The fanzine side
steps all of that,

just like your portfolio

and then you can leave
that anywhere in the world.

[upbeat music]

The good thing about
doing a fanzine

opposed to doing a blog,

accessing people you would
never have contact with

a lot of times happens
through a fanzine.

We leave it on the
seat of a train,

we leave them in banks,

we leave them in coffee shops.

By leaving it in
a random location,

somebody who picks that up who
knows nobody in your circle

is not interjected into what
you're doing automatically

and that's a really
powerful thing.

- Every issue of the zine we've
got one artist of the issue

that we award that title to.

It's that person
that gets the cover.

- I did this cover
photo for the zine.

That zine sat in front
of the right person

who then hired me and then
it was like a chain effect.

It led to me photographing
for several magazines.

Wow, damn, things just
changed right after that.

- What's your best zine story?

- There was Faction Five
and Maximum Rock and Roll

and all of these zines
that used to review zines

and I would put
free for prisoners

so I would mail it.

I'd have to from
the publisher's meet

because that's the only way

a lot of the zines would
get into the prison system

would get letters from
prisoners all over the world.

I started receiving letters
from a gentleman named

John Wayne Gacy, notably
known as a serial killer

who killed I think 32 people,
buried them under his house.

[upbeat music]

My roommates at that
point were like, hey,

do you mind never putting
our address on the zine

because we have serial
killers writing you letters.

♪ I would blame
you so much more ♪

I've hand stapled, I
don't know, 100,000 zines.

I've gone through staplers,
like had to buy new ones

'cause I've worn them out.

I got into writing,
I got into doing art,

I got into everything flowed
from doing these fanzines

because if you feel like
you are lonely and isolated,

it's a great way to
bring you out of that

and connect with others.

The fanzine helped
out a lot of people

but for me personally,
I think it took me

as far as I could go.

I'll always make the fanzine,

but at a certain point, I
wanted to do something bigger.

I wanna reach a large
number of people

and affect change
in a greater sense.

At this point, I was willing
to try everything and anything.

- [Man] For the
man in the family.

[farting]

[coughing]

- See, so apply old fart
for that man in your family.

- Got a call in the middle
of the night from you

and you were in a panic.

You told me you had
just attacked somebody

with a machete.

- We had a show in Rhode Island

and I had a pin on my shirt.

I was very excited
about the show.

I jumped on Ethan's back
and accidentally stabbed him

with my pin which must
have been pretty painful.

Next thing I know,
I'm kind of just being

suspended off the ground
in a choke hold from Ethan

and he's, don't ever
stab me again, what the.

After like two
seconds, he realized

that I didn't mean to do it

and he was the look of sheer
fear of my own life [laughing]

and he let me go.

- My first question was,
well, were they dead or alive

and you said alive.

Said, okay good.

And then you described that
you were having a party

and there was a, I guess
a drunk football player

from Colombia who was
being very obnoxious

and so you threw him out.

He came back with buddies
and at that point,

you took out the old
machete that I gave you

when you were 10.

- Basically mugged him.

Went to get his wallet but
couldn't get it back easily

so ended up just taking the
kids pants off completely

and then took the
wallet [laughing]

and told the kid that
when he came back

with the money that he owed us,

he could have his wallet back.

But he was too humiliated to
ever come back in the bar.

- Chopped his arm, not
off, but cut him up.

Bleeding, he fled.

You called me as not your
mother, as your lawyer

and asked what you should do.

I said, okay, if he's
alive, call the police.

Report a home invasion
and when the police come,

explain what happened.

Whoever gets to
the police first,

the police is gonna believe.

- One day, two detectives came
to the door looking for him.

Apparently he busted
some kids tooth.

They went to the bar
and arrested him.

- Do I think you're a tough guy?

No, you're a marshmallow.

- Later on, you called me back,

and I said, well, how'd it go?

And you said, they wrote
it down as a home invasion

and then you said as a
young cop was leaving

he turned around and he
said, did you get him good?

And he said, yeah.

- I was two blocks away
when Ronald Reagan got shot.

I was three blocks
away when a guy

tried to blow up the
Washington monument.

I lived in this world
where I always thought

at any moment I could
get blown up or killed

by some nut bag or
some foreign power.

I got into a lot of violence.

Got in fights, got arrested.

I had a reputation as being
someone who was violent

and in the high
schools and I remember

there were a lot of people
who were afraid of me.

[gentle music]

But I came to this
realization that

all of that posturing
was related to

this fear, this deep seated
fear of getting physically hurt

or dying and then I started
looking at all of these

other tough guys around and
I started realizing that

wait a minute, all these
guys that are really tough

are actually
completely terrified.

I know they're just like me.

They're frightened little
boys who were afraid of

the big black void.

- [Man] Ethan.

- Hey bud.

Is it on?

Turn it off 'cause we're
gonna get a fire extinguisher.

- [Man] Okay, say
your last words.

- [Woman] Look, there's
cars behind you.

- [Man] Bye.

- The violence in D.C.
sort of had rules to it.

You'd be put in
violent situations

but you weren't doing drugs

or you weren't
in-confrontational

that the rules sort of applied
that you wouldn't get hurt.

very time you stepped
across that line,

then you would be in a
world of extreme danger.

I know people who
were shot and killed.

- The thing about
the punk rock scene

during the time period was a
collision also of crack cocaine

hitting the city and
violence escalated.

[gentle music]

I had one friend and
somebody went to his house

and he let the person in

and the person shot him
six times and executed him.

The killer then calmly closed
the door behind him and left.

A girl who was my
friend's older sister,

she was gang raped and strangled

and left on the side of a road

and it was her aunt
that found her car

and then found her body.

Christina, she was an older
punk girl from the scene.

She was known to
be pretty tough.

She carried brass
knuckles around with her.

She went to Boston and then
started dating this guy

who she broke up with.

He went and executed her
and then killed himself.

Rob, I ran into him
in New York and then

three hours later, he had
shot six bags of heroin

and overdosed.

My friend Matt, almost
like my brother,

him and his wife were separating

and the wife got a gun
and walked into his work

and shot him like six times,

leaving his daughter
without a dad.

- Your friends death.

I remember I put
my arm around you

and sitting down and
talking with you about

because you were terribly upset.

- I've had probably
a dozen friends die.

The violence and the bad things

that have happened in my life
is one of the major things

I use to push me to
do something creative

because when you get
into those dark moments,

you have choice.

You can go and be
more destructive.

You can sink into a dark hole,

or you can use that as
something that allows you

to do something to
better yourself.

To make art was a way to cope.

There was no reason to
have a fear of failure

because I knew I'd be dead soon.

I was contemplating my options.

I had the choice of
either going to art school

or staying at home.

If I had stayed home,
I'd probably be dead now.

- We are destination downtown

and we're documenting the
stories of these amazing people.

Located to the Lower East
Side from Washington D.C.

and he is an artist
and a film maker,

one of the founders of
the Antagonist Movement.

[applauding]

- But the concept of
coming to New York

and knowing a couple of things

and one was like The Warriors,

the movie The Warriors,
so I was like,

I'm gonna come, I'm gonna
have to join a gang.

I'm gonna be knife
fighting with everybody

and then the other
part is my family,

we live, we have
relatives in Rhode Island

so we'd take the train
from D.C. to Rhode Island

and in that passage,

all you would see is the
very worst parts of New York

like just rubble and
burnt down buildings

and all of this
stuff and I was like,

my god, New York
City is a wasteland.

I knew a lot of
the local gang kids

that were much tougher than me

so the very first
week I was there,

I saw this kid walking
our of Mona's Bar

and crossing the
projects on 11th Street

and just kids from
those projects

throwing 40 ounce bottles
at him and him running away

and me going like, oh my god.

This guy is covered in tattoos,

he's way tougher than me,
local Puerto Rican kid,

there's no chance
I'm gonna make it.

Two days later, I was
walking out of my building

and another friend of
mine that I had known

from the punk scene
drove up in his car

and he's like, oh you
know, how you doing?

Blah blah blah and
I'm like I'm good

but I'm a little nervous
about the neighborhood,

like am I gonna get
murdered in my sleep here?

And he's like, no, no one's
ever gonna bother you here

and I go, why's that?

He goes, well I happen to
be in this time period,

you're pretty much like
the only white guy here

and I'm a parole officer

and I'm all of these
guys' parole officer,

so look at the corner.

And like all the kids
were watching us.

And they're like, yeah,
they think you're a cop now.

[laughing]
And I was like,

oh okay, great.

After that meant not only
did I ever have a problem.

None of those kids
ever talked to me ever.

I came from a place
where violence and death

was something that was normal.

Still to this day when I
walk into a restaurant,

I have to have my
back to the wall

and my eye on the door
because I don't want somebody

sneaking up behind me.

That carries over to
what I do creatively.

I have anger and
violence that simmers

just below the surface.

A little bit dangerous,
a little bit rebellious

and maybe a little bit criminal.

- When you were about, must
have been seven or eight,

we took you to a
psychiatrist who wanted

to put you on Ritalin
because the psychiatrist said

that you were hyperactive,

which I completely disagreed.

If you were interested
in something,

you would sit there for
hours and work on it.

So I told the psychiatrist
that I absolutely refused

and she kind of
went into a god like

how dare you disagree with me,

you're a bad parent,
this is like child abuse.

I said, well, that's
the way it is.

This child is not
gonna be on drugs

and that's the end of it.

- Say no to drugs and
that is probably because

I don't drink or use drugs.

- Your dyslexia which
I think is more severe

than people realize

in unmanageable on
alcohol or drugs

and I think you like
to be in control.

- In order to be the
best version of himself,

I think Ethan's got to stay
sober for the most part.

- It was 1990 in New
York and I started

working in the bars and that's
when the big change happened.

There was one night
I was bartending

and in front of me was an
actor who wasn't acting,

a musician who didn't
play any music,

a painter who didn't paint,

and a writer who didn't write

and these were people
I saw day after day,

week after week.

They were there
'till the bar closed.

They stayed there
after hours with me.

The one thing they
have in common is that

they're here in the bar
drinking all night every night.

You have to be willing
to give up something.

- There was a
point in time where

a lot of people that we
knew were doing drugs,

specifically like a lot
of people got into heroin.

Few of those people died.

Ethan's reaction to
that was super worried

and did whatever he could
to convince those people

that they should stop doing it.

I'll kick your ass,
I'll steal your drugs,

I'll call your
parents, et cetera.

- The stories you hear of
artists having addictions

and those addictions
actually helping their art,

a fallacy.

The reality is most people are
hobbled by their addictions.

I just wasn't
willing to risk that.

- Not everybody
died, so I guess it,

maybe it worked
with some of them.

[upbeat music]

- I remember being in a
hotel with Ethan in Nashville

and watching MTV and
all of the sudden

there was this video that
I had written music for

and Ethan had directed
and it was so exciting.

I remember sort of jumping
around in a hotel room.

[applauding]

- [Ethan] Thank you
for watching the film.

I'm gonna say I'm recording now

so you kind of get this thing

that I record
everything in my life.

- There was always like a
strange Hitchcock almost cameo

where Ethan shows
up mostly semi nude.

He's usually washing some part
of his anatomy or the other.

- It's unfair because
he always ambushes you.

I have to film this thing by
this date tomorrow morning

at 7 a.m. I will film you.

You will be filmed by me.

I am Ethan Ethan
Minsker. [laughing]

- [Ethan] But now you're
in a bunch of films.

Let's talk about
that, the films.

- It's weird.

He kind of brands it Ethan
and then the artist Ethan.

He puts himself a
lot into movies.

I don't think it's bad.

There was nobody else
doing it at the time.

He was the only
one that showed up

with his camera every week
and would edit it religiously

and most people would have
given up after the first flop.

[upbeat music]

- [Man] On tonight's
program, we're first showing

a film by Ethan Minsker.

- We're here down on
the Lower East Side.

- I'm taking myself very
seriously as a collector.

- I went to New York
and went to art school

and then switched to film.

I made a documentary
called Anything Boys Can Do

which covered the women
bands on the Lower East Side

between 92 and 94.

- When I first saw Anything
Boys Can Do, I was blown away

that a film made in
the 90s and a film that

showcased rampant sexism
in the music industry

could still be so
relevant today.

- It played in over 50
festivals around the world.

It was my first time of
having any taste of success.

[upbeat music]

- Ethan's films aren't about
stories that are contrived

or follow some mold.

I mean, they're, all of his
films are very personal.

♪ Any fool can tell
what's happening ♪

♪ When you're caught
without your friends ♪

He is going to make
something with the community

that he's built.

It's going to be about
building spiritual currency

and raising other people
up and creating art.

- All these movies have
the same cast of characters

so for the past 16 years,
I'm in whatever it is,

five, six films.

- The things that
I talk about today,

I'm not necessarily
saying that you should

follow what I'm doing because
what we have done before

could possibly land
you in jail or prison.

There are local gang
members in this,

so we pretty much use
our whole community.

Once we started making the film,

we had people coming
up to us saying like,

I hear you're making a
film, I wanna be in it.

[laughing]
I'm like, all right.

Some of these guys were like,

we got to put them in the film.

We can't cut them out.

[laughing]

Using guns in New York
City in this time period

and still today you
have to have a permit

to be able to rent a
prop gun from the store.

The permit means you
have to have insurance

and insurance is $2,000.

This budget of the
entire film is $2,000.

That money went to
drugs and a limo rental.

That said, I had provenance
from when I was a kid.

The criminal element that
I kind of mentioned before,

we show up and be like, well,

I've got this sawed off shotgun.

Why don't we use that?

And I'm like, all right, well
now we're using real guns

in the streets of New York.

Two weeks before that,

a gentleman was shot and
killed pulling his wallet out

in front of the police,
so the whole neighborhood

downtown was on edge.

We literally had people
standing on corners going, cops!

And then we would break up.

Everyone put the equipment away.

The criminal with the gun
would then take the bag

and go another direction.

It was just like we
were dealing drugs

but were dealing art.

It was filmed in
one scene two weeks

before September 11 happened,

two blocks away from
the Twin Towers.

The neighborhood shut
down below 14th Street

for three months.

We still kept shooting.

We kind of agreed to it.

♪ Isn't it right

- Ethan works, he
works a full time job.

He earns enough money
to pay his bills,

and then he films.

It takes him quite a
while to finish his films

because they're not financed.

- I worked in the film industry.

I did grip and electric.

I would do assistant
editing for cable networks

and the thing I would
find most common

is that the projects I worked on

were predictable and cliche.

I will never be that
theatrical success.

I'd prefer to make
my little odd films

that are geared towards
like minded individuals

documenting subcultures
and unknown artists.

It inspired me to wanna
get more involved,

to have a bigger influence.

[jazzy music]

I just really wasn't sure
how to go about doing that.

The dynamic of
living in New York

is everybody moves
here because they wanna

do something creative.

If you don't wanna move
here because of that,

you're moving here
because you wanna be

around people who are
doing something creative.

Unfortunately, the rents
make that very hard

because you become
a slave to your job

so you're stuck in a
cycle of having to work

to pay your rent and not doing
what you're doing creatively.

The dynamics of the bars
is they want people there

and they wanna make
money, so we said, hey,

you got this room in
the back of the bar.

Why don't we do one
night art shows.

We did that for 11 years.

We showed over 3,000 artists
and the reason it worked

is because you were
giving people a chance

without having to worry about
the economics of a gallery.

There was huge room
for experimentation

so you couldn't say
that those same elements

didn't exist in other
cities, they did.

There were other cities
all over the world

where there was cheap rent,

but they didn't have
as many art movements

birthed out of them
as New York City did,

as Punk Rock, as Hip
Hop, as the Beatnik.

The thing about New
York that's unique

is that it brings
everybody together

and those people who
have diverse perspectives

can come up with
something unique.

♪ Art talk

♪ Just doing some
good old art talk ♪

♪ With your host Ethan Minsker

If you're trying to
do something creative,

you have to look
at the resources

and assess your situation
in your environment

and New York is uniquely suited
to doing creative things.

All of those materials
and elements are there

and if you become crafty enough,

you can figure out ways
you can do these projects

for little or no cost.

New York had all of
the creative elements

that I would need to be
able to pursue my dreams.

It's a city full of
people just like myself

who are desperate
to do something.

♪ Not just a new idea but

Building a community like that

was the birthplace for starting
the Antagonist Art Movement.

We try to go into the
community, engage the community,

and then build our larger
community through outreach.

- [Man] What kind of
advice would you give

to those people listening?

- I'd say the
major thing with us

is that artists in
general are solitary

and by working
together as a group,

it gives you a lot
more options open up.

[upbeat music]

I'm the head curator
and organizer

for a group called the
Antagonist Art Movement.

We're based out of New York City

but we work with artists
around the world.

Part of our mission statement

is to create venues
and projects that allow

unrecognized artists to
develop their talent.

Our goal is to act
as a laboratory

to allow people to
experiment without

the ramifications
of the economics

that are associated
with the art market.

- It's known the art world now.

It's just a place,
it's about money

and moving and shaking
and it's not really about

discovering artists or
any of that anymore.

So as artists, we
have to carry on

in our own sort
of collective way.

- Ethan hasn't just
built an organization

that's helped so many
people and so many creatives

in the Lower East Side,

but he's helping to
uphold the legacy

of the Lower East Side
and the creative history

of his neighborhood.

- We were gonna do our own thing

and actually create things that
are interesting and unique.

- Antagonist Movement was
my gateway to New York City.

When I moved here, I had
nothing and Ethan got me a job.

- Huge part of my 20s and
my development as an artist.

- He got me writing.

- The Antagonist art
movement is a family to me.

And kind of a cult,
let's be real.

- Comparing it to some of the
other artistic communities

which to me were
much more elitist.

- In a strange place where
you never find a leader,

[laughing] we
found Ethan Minsker

or he found us, I don't know.

- The art market, overwhelming
percent of artists

that are successful are
from the same economic class

that owns and runs
the galleries.

They go to the same few
select master programs.

We select art purely based on

the content quality of the art.

We separate the concept
of who the artist is.

[applauding]

The antagonist is the one
who pushes the protagonist

to action so we're not
trying to be the hero.

We're trying to get the hero

to go off and do the adventure.

I worked at galleries
and art handler

and it's a very
closed off system.

How can a gallery
afford this space

to pay my salary
and everybody else

is that they have to have
artists that can cover that.

It was 2003 when
we met Arturo Vega.

Arturo was the artistic
director for the Ramones.

He did their t-shirt design,
they rehearsed in his loft.

He was a mixing spoon
where he would take people

from different elements
and backgrounds

and introduce them to each other

and try to get them
to collaborate.

Our art movement and all the
work I've personally done

has been always
referencing punk rock

so when you have
somebody like Arturo

who comes along and isn't
just passing through

but takes notice of
what you're doing,

gets involved, and wants
to push you to do more

and become friends
with us is massive.

Arturo would curate
shows for us,

he would mentor
artists, advise us,

but for me personally, he
was like the artistic father

that I never had.

Arturo brought us Richard
Hambleton who showed with us

in the pop up gallery we had
in the basement of a bar.

He hadn't shown in
more than 20 years

so that was kind of
a big deal for us.

- If we were to stare.

- [Man] We love you
Arturo, we love you.

- [Man] Who's the cutest?

- I think an Antagonist is
not about being beautiful.

It's about being beautiful
and getting away with it.

[laughing]

- Arturo died suddenly in 2013.

It broke my heart but
Arturo would have been

the first one to tell
you that you don't mourn

someone's death,
you celebrate it.

There are times when I
felt like slowing down

I could feel this kind of voice

in the back of my head.

What you're doing is good,
it's good for the community.

When you get in
this conversation,

like how do we know each other?

Oh yeah, you don't remember?

Arturo introduced us.

He was bringing us
these lost puppies

but all the lost puppies
is really what made up

the bulk of our group.

- And those people
eventually got careers

and became established

and some of them became
world recognized.

- [Ethan] There are a few people

that have become successful,

Jonah Hill.

- 'Cause I'm a moron, dude.

My shit's not very
well spoken at all.

Trust me, I'll be
the first one to say.

- He was a kid off the street

that came in and started
reading in our group.

We moved him up to headliner.

Dustin Hoffman's kids
came in and said,

I want you to meet my dad.

He's doing a movie called
I Love the Huckabees

which was Jonah
Hill's first movie

and then took off.

The whole point is to try
to make it something unique

that changes everything so
if we make into mainstream

status, that's fine
as long as you keep

the integrity of
what you're doing.

We had done so many
shows in New York

and felt like we weren't
really getting anywhere

so we decided to
do shows overseas.

- I actually find you guys
really easy to deal with

since you've done a lot of

these exhibitions
internationally.

There was a lot of
encouragement there.

I like the fact that you
guys do antagonize me

'cause when you've got a
year to work on a show,

you tend to sort of be
a little bit laid back,

especially if you're Australian.

- I was brought to
this project by Ethan.

Conversation started
about over a year ago.

I met Ethan through some friends

at a barbecue in New Jersey

in the Hoboken of all
places. [laughing]

- The overseas projects, we
would work with local artists

in tandem to come
up with a theme.

- Back in 2007 in
Berlin I met Antagonist.

We did an art show
there together.

They influenced us
to do these art shows

where everyone can show.

I'm living in New York
and the Antagonists

helped me find jobs.

- By doing those, we
would make connections

that would last for years.

- I came to New York
and they introduced me

to a lot of people
and opportunities.

Then I started working
on some of their projects

like zines and
films and art shows.

Now I'm trapped forever.

- October we're doing
the Dwelling Project

in Sydney, Australia.

We're asking people
to make buildings

out of recycled materials

and then we'll construct
a city in the gallery.

Half the buildings
and works you see here

are a performance art.

I will come in as
Godzilla and destroy it

because I love doing that.

The deeper part of
it is that it's about

the loss of your
home and how people

all around the world constantly

there's someone
losing their home

and a lot of people
watch it on the news

and don't really
feel it personally.

♪ Lemonade lemonade

♪ Lemonade lemonade
gimme gimme lemonade ♪

♪ Lemonade lemonade oh

- One of my first shows
I've ever done as an artist

kind of gave me an early sense

of a feeling of community.

I designed the latest
Antagonist movement logo

and traditionally, the
logo itself has been

designed by a different
artist every couple of years

keeping the same
theme of a ninja

inside of a black circle with
Antagonist Movement around it.

- If you get that
collective Antagonist stuff

in enough different spots,
somebody will discover it.

♪ Places will be hard to find

- This neighborhood
really represented

this sort of spirit
of independent art

and making something
that was new.

When I came here, I was
like, I wanna start a group.

I wanna make something new.

All I wanna do is at
least be the liner note

in somebody else's
story where we're like,

we helped that person
make something huge

and change everything.

[upbeat music]

The Antagonist Movement
for me was a school.

It taught me how to
work with other artists.

It gave me a greater
and deeper understanding

of all of the possibilities
of art out there

and not to be limited by
just trying out one genre.

It gave me the courage to
try things that were risky

and in doing so, it sharpened
and honed my ability.

- Affecting individual
peoples' lives in New York

which is such a
dehumanizing place at times.

- And I think it's
good because I think

we're some of the last
left in the Alamo.

- In 2011, we lost the space
where we did our events.

It's not really about
the actually shows.

It's not about the physical art.

It's about the connections
and the personality

of the people we work with

and those connections
are what are really

the fundamental crux of
the Antagonist Movement

because those carry on
much longer than the show.

- I think his strongest talent
is building communities.

- It started with me
reading Ernest Hemingway

and Henry Miller books.

There's these parts
where they talk about

going to the beach
and vacationing

with a group of artists
of different backgrounds.

♪ Words that calm me

It would be the starting
place for new concepts

and ideas so once a year,

I would get a bunch of artists

and we would save up some money

and split the rental
cost of a house.

There was something
about getting outside

of your environment
that led to new concepts

that it gives you
more opportunity

because you're tapping
into the knowledge

of all of the different people.

[gentle music]

Over the years,
the artist retreat

morphed into the art brunch

and the art brunch now is
something we do once a month.

I think as an
artist it's easy to

get stuck in your projects
so you should have something

built into your routine
that is a social element.

All of my friendships
and socializing

are done through
what I do creatively.

The art brunch is a
place where people can

give me critical
feedback on my projects.

[jazzy music]

I started trying to
think of what could be

the next step that could
supplement those things.

- In 2011, Ethan and his family

and the Antagonist Art Movement

sent me back to NYU to study
philanthropy and fund raising.

From there, I learned
how to do grant writing,

accounting, budgeting
and everything

under the sun for
non-profit organizations.

- [Ethan] With these
art projects we do,

we go to other countries
and then we search out

kids from disadvantaged youth,

hard backgrounds and we try
to teach them in workshops.

The thing I found amazing
about that is you see

these kids who maybe are
not interested in writing

or not interested in art
but are very creative

and once you show them that
sort of avenue of expression,

then it flips everything around.

Like the same thing with myself.

- Shannon, Ethan, and
I are all directors

on the board for the non-profit
Citizens For The Arts.

- In 2013, we were
granted non-profit status.

- This is the next step.

- [Shannon] It's opened a
number of opportunities.

We don't only do art projects.

We do things that are kind
of in a humanitarian realm.

- When you feel that you've
been doing the same thing

for a certain amount of years,

you have to actively go
out and try to do something

that you're not
comfortable with.

- There is a lot of
challenges that we're facing.

- I had this idea in my head

that once we became a non-profit

that everybody would just
start throwing at us,

but it's like hard to get
five dollars out of somebody,

let alone 500 or 5,000.

- You went from having
a large base of people

but at the end of the day,

there's only three
people doing it

so it's starting at square one

and we end up putting
our own money into it.

I think we've done quite well.

- You're never going to progress

if you just stay
in the same place.

Hello.

Today on Film Festival,
we'll have a couple of boys

trying to make
fools of themselves.

Now, let's go and watch.

I think as an artist you
also should be a collector.

It's a good way not only for
you to collect great work

but it's also a way for
you to get your work

injected into somebody
else's collection.

I use my hallways
like a mini gallery

and this reflects the
work from all of the

one night art shows
we did for 11 years.

Come on in here.

When we used to do
the pop up gallery,

one of our things was doing
group shows based on a theme.

For this painting, it
was obscure dictators.

Normal people portrayed
as great dictators.

And over here is a
painting from our great

Caffeinate and
Decimate show which was

the combination of mixing
caffeine and handguns.

[jazzy music]

- Oh god, it's so narcissistic.

Who would make the
film about themselves?

- [Ethan] What I find
frustrating today

in making art is that

it's this celebrity cult that is

the fascination
of making success,

especially within the media.

If I write a book and
try to get a publisher

or an agent to pick it up,

the first thing they
wanna know is, well,

who did you kill or
who did you fuck?

Do you have an
Instagram account?

- Ethan is like the
most horribly obnoxious

self promoting person I know.

- Hashtag us, join
us on Instagram,

join us on Facebook, tell
your friends, spread the word.

We're famous for four blocks
on the Lower East Side.

Outside of that, nobody
seems to know us.

- Why is anyone going to
pick my book off the shelf?

Here there's always a choice,

so if we don't self promote,

I don't know how anybody
discovers our work anymore.

- Because I don't expect
anybody to come down

and save my ass.

If I don't do it myself,
it ain't gonna happen.

- You have to embrace the
egotistical side of making art.

If the average person
picked up a Picasso

and looked at it, they would go,

what the fuck is this shit?

But Picasso was an expert
at making sure that

people believed it
was the absolute

best art that ever
graced this earth.

So did Andy Warhol.

You have to have the
personality behind it.

I'm ready for combat.

This is apart of the
outfit I'm wearing

is actually like my event suit

so I have to show this part too.

[whistling]

- [Woman] Oh, very nice.

- I feel art is combat.

You have to be ready for war.

Here you go, sorry Mis.

Most people are consumers.

I personally would
rather be a producer.

[upbeat music]

♪ Take my winter

When people see me
in my camo suit,

this is a reference
to writers like

Truman Capote or Mark Twain.

Even though their
suits were white,

your outward appearance
is an extension of

your creative expression.

[jazzy music]

[growling]

I decided I would start focusing
on my personal projects.

I'm never gonna be satisfied
with what I do creatively.

That's probably at the same time

the part of the machine
that makes me keep

taking on new projects
and trying new things.

I just have to learn to
give up the concept of

mainstream success but it would
be nice to have a paycheck.

- As long as I've known you,

it seems like your
whole style of creation

has always been collaborative.

I don't know how you get
so much fucking shit done.

It's crazy and you don't
care if it's not perfect

right away, you just make it

and that's admirable to me.

[funky music]

- I wanted to try
to make a book.

The first book I wrote was
Rich Boy Cries for Momma.

- You weren't able to find
a conventional publisher,

so you resorted to
self publishing.

- He self publishes
his own writing

but he goes to great
lengths for the quality of

every zine and
book that he does.

He gets great people
to do the artwork

and to help him design the
book, to edit the book,

so in the end, what he
has is just a really great

piece of art in itself.

- This one is about
the D.C. punk scene,

about some of my friends
getting murdered,

but it's a comedy too.

And Barstool
Prophets, that's about

the New York City bar
scene and all that.

- I read Barstool Prophets
and just thought it was great.

It was a great introduction
to the city of New York,

especially the East
Village because

it takes place between
1993 and about 2014

and you get to see all
the changes that go on

through the eyes of a bartender

and of course, bartenders
have the best stories, so.

- I just knew that he wrote
and I knee that he was dyslexic

but I hadn't really considered
what the two of those

things meant until after I
started editing his raw work

and then I was like, shit,

this has to actually
be a struggle.

I admire that you
still choose to do it.

- [Un] I would have to
read everything out loud

so that he could hear,
visualize and edit in his mind.

- Being dyslexic
and writing a book

is on the level of a
blind man painting.

It's a thorough
process of editing

and normally a
book has one editor

and has a copy editor
while I have six people

who help me edit the book and
dozens and dozens of people

who read over it.

It's a collaborative effort.

I'm never gonna be able to just

take a typewriter
and write out a book

without a lot of supervision.

[funky music]

- His work is a lot
like the films he makes.

Everything is within the frame.

[guns firing]

- Making my art, I
recognize I'm making

a deal with the devil

and in the details of
that contract state

is that you have to be willing

to put more of your private self

out into the greater world.

You risk being
criticized and ridiculed.

- [Cynthia] The art
world is full of bullies

just like any other
part of society.

- Now I've been
getting criticized

since I've been a kid.

It's one of the byproducts
of being learning disabled.

I've collected the
criticism and bad reviews.

I call them my little
family of enemies

and I keep them around
and use them as something

that motivates me because I
need to prove them all wrong.

- Ethan is always ready
for the consequences.

Actually, he's
looking for the fight.

- It pushes my art to be better.

I don't think any artist starts
out polished and perfect.

It's in your failures
that you become better.

- [Man] This man is
up here 30,000 feet

above the World Trade Center.

Sir, do you have life insurance?

- What? [screaming]

- [Man] I guess he didn't.

- When September 11
happened, I got a phone call

at nine in the morning.

My phone never rings
at nine in the morning

and when I came out
into the living room,

after the buildings had fallen,

you could see ash right
outside this window.

Picking up my camera
and filming gave me

the illusion of control.

It was a way of
processing the events

that were unfolding around me.

By me is where the World
Trade Centers used to stand.

It's now been a week.

I don't have the ability
to suppress emotions

so I have to figure out ways

I can work through them

and doing something creative

has always been that key for me.

It's the one thing that
keeps my sanity in check.

Those were tapes I hadn't
looked at in 17 years.

It was just something
I filmed and put away.

Couple of the people that
used to come in the bar

are definitely now missing or,

I guess the word
isn't missing anymore.

They're dead.

I was nervous about doing
the performance art.

Once I started, I fell
into this meditative state.

[loud drumming]

There's a feeling I derive
from the work that I do,

a mixture of comfort
and satisfaction

and that feeling can
be a very powerful

and addictive force.

[applauding]

[gentle music]

You can't help thinking about

the people who lost their lives.

I understand when they're
watching the performance art

it's going to look
very childish,

it's going look like a
kid just having fun again.

I want the viewer to
have that disconnection,

not to understand
the real kind of

personal emotion behind it.

Maybe later if
they see this film,

their concept of what
they saw will change.

Living in New York right now

is just like living in a war.

♪ Stay

[blaster firing]

♪ Trading laughs again

Okay there's a story
you like to tell

about me over and over again.

- We were walking from the
9:30 Club to D.C. Space

which was a smaller club
a couple of blocks away

down a dark street and a
crack head comes up to us

with his hand in his jacket

as if he has a gun
and Ethan says,

you don't have a fucking gun

and you better
fucking have a gun

if you're gonna pull that shit

and I'm just terrified because
if I was that crack head,

I would have just shot Ethan,

but the reality was, the
guy didn't have a gun

and when Ethan challenged
him, he just said,

yeah, I don't have a
gun and turned around

and walked away very
matter of factly.

- I've had guns pulled
on me three times.

[energetic music]

The project I've been
focusing on in the last year

has been Ghost Guns and
the concept is related to

a lot of my friends who died
as a result of gun violence

and I wanted to make
these paper mache guns

that act as a memorial to
the victims of gun violence.

The thing in the
United States is

everyone feels it's
impossible to do anything

about handguns and
I don't believe

rolling over and giving
up is the answer.

♪ They say

I enjoy shooting guns but
if it meant saving one life,

I'd be happy to give up
that right in a moment.

As a kid, you watch these movies

where the gun is always
presented as the catalyst

for action and adventure
but the reality is

is when you become an adult,

you can see the gun being
unmasked for what it truly is,

a tool of death,
destruction, and sadness.

I'll always incorporate
guns into my artwork,

but its symbolism has
changed from being

the hero to the villain.

♪ Who denounces all of you

[energetic music]

♪ Bad manner round me

My bed and my
shelving I designed.

This is based on Frank
Lloyd Wright and his designs

but the funny thing is is
that Frank Lloyd Wright,

he did storage, so almost
every one of his houses

was build without any storage

so what I did is I
built storage units

based on his
aesthetic and design.

It's pretty rude, right?

- Any project that he
does, it drives me insane

because the space is very small

and he takes up the whole space

whether it's the
kitchen, the living room.

- In here's where I put
my shitty paintings.

The latest works I've been
doing have been called

A Boy's Dream where
I make a variety of

different war scenes
where there's like

battleships from
all different eras

and tanks from all
different eras.

- I get claustrophobic and
this shit is everywhere.

- This wall is a
collection of all the weird

sort of things that
have inspired me

and then just pieces
that I've worked on

and then ended up on this shelf.

- It's like I'm living
in an art studio.

It doesn't feel like a home.

- Seven years old,
I made this box.

- [Un] How did you make it?

- [Ethan] Wood and paint
and then stripped off

many layers of paint.

- It just feels like somebody
vomited art everywhere.

- Any good tips
for good parenting?

- You only have two functions
as a parent in New York

and every parent
should learn it.

As long as your kid
does not join gangs

and does not become
a drug addict,

you've done a great job.

[laughing] That's it.

♪ Turned on the light
when I needed the dark ♪

- He was a little reluctant
to become a family man.

I think he's worked through that

and he's kind of the best
version of himself now

because of it.

♪ Took a swim when
I needed to drown ♪

- My father was
one of the greatest

workaholics of all time.

Your mom and I would say
that was one of the things

that led to our breaking up.

The expectation that we would
equally divide the work up

then that's involved
with the care of children

and your mom thought
that I didn't participate

in my share and she was right.

I was so wrapped up in my career

and working for the firm
and succeeding on my cases

and I neglected to spend
time with you and Natasha.

♪ Took a walk but
I needed to run ♪

- When I first met Ethan,
one phrase stuck with me

and he told me that he's
never going to stop creating

no matter what and
I thought, never?

That's crazy.

After we started dating,
I saw how incredibly

persistent he was.

I admire him tremendously.

I didn't want him
to stop making art

but after we had the baby,

I hoped that he would
be more involved

with taking care of the kid

'cause when you have a baby,

you got to sacrifice some stuff

so it really annoys
me, irritates me

that he's constantly making art,

but at the same time, I see
that he is making art now

with his daughter so that
it became their project,

not just his project.

That's pretty amazing.

♪ There are times
in your songs ♪

- I like bed that you made.

Do you wanna see it?

Come.
- Yeah.

So who's the best dad ever?

If your kid is afraid of
monsters under the bed,

you know what you got
to put under there?

- [Blu] Lights.

- [Ethan] Lights under the bed.

- [Blu] Yeah.

- [Ethan] Yeah, why?

- So the monsters won't,
the monster will go away.

- Because if you're a monster
and you're hanging out

under a bed then you
better have sunblock

'cause this is a
darn bright bed.

- Yeah because you can't add
it like at the light store.

- Yeah and before you
skeptics out there say,

yeah, but you're gonna catch
your kid's bed on fire,

these are LED and
they're not hot

and they don't put
out a lot of energy

so energy efficient
keeps the monsters away.

Any last words?
- Yeah and it puts,

LEDs explodes the monsters.

- [Ethan] But now we
spend a lot of time

under the bed, right?

- [Blu] Yeah and now
we can explore it.

- Okay so best dad
ever, yeah, right here.

[drumming]

My very first girlfriend,

I was like deeply
in love with her

and it turned out she
slept with basically

everybody I knew.

It was hard to really
trust anybody thoroughly

after that had happened to you.

I didn't date anybody
that I didn't like.

I think my major problem is that

I always felt like I was
going to be abandoned

so if I had the opportunity
to fall in love with somebody,

I would.

The problem is is
that I've probably

fallen in love with too many
people at the same time.

I don't think I ever
did anything really bad

to the girls I dated.

I really did care for
every single one of them,

but I dated multiple people
and feelings were hurt.

My friends who
worked in the bars

were always saying, like look.

If you have a kid, it's
definitely gonna be a girl

and you're gonna
suffer the consequence

of all the things you've done
to these women you've dated.

As a kid I was watching
PBS and there was

a documentary on an animator

who worked on the
Betty Boop shows.

The guy just seemed
to emanate happiness

and then the name comes up
on the bottom of the credits

and his name was Grim,
the most depressing name

you could ever have on a person

is name your son Grim.

I had this thought like, well,

there's so many
people that I know

that are named Happy and Smiley

and they're all
miserable fucking people

so if I'm gonna have a kid,

I'm gonna name it something sad

but I'm not gonna call him Sad

and I'm definitely not
gonna call him Grim,

so Blu was a name
that I came up with

because Blue represents sadness,

it represents color.

It could potentially be
the name of a stripper,

but for my daughter,
I felt if I gave

the Johnny Cash name A Boy
Named Sue element to it

and name her
something that's sad,

she'll have a life
filled with joy.

♪ You're walking with
an angel going home ♪

You look silly.

[screeching]

You should look at yourself.

When I did have a daughter,

I had this first instinct
of like all these boys

are gonna do such horrible
things to my daughter.

Then I said, wait a
minute, that's ridiculous,

and in fact, I'm gonna give
her all of the knowledge

of what it's like coming
from a boy's perspective.

If anything, I think
I'm gonna have to be

pulling aside that little boy

and saying like,
I'm really sorry

whatever my daughter's
about to do to you.

- I'm sure having a
kid changed your world.

I'm sure on a certain level,

not that you weren't serious
about your art before,

you were probably
serious as death,

but this is a different
kind of seriousness.

It's a more mature
kind of seriousness.

Bigger pressure.

♪ Took a smoke
'cause I needed one ♪

- I want the door.
- All right, now flat.

- [Blu] I want the
door to be open.

- [Ethan] Okay
here, here you go.

Lie down and flat.

Okay, where should I lie down?

- Here.

That one.

- Blu sits in a bed and
her father sits next to her

reading a book.

You know, I spend a lot
of time reading kids books

and the majority of
them are horrible

so yeah, I'm gonna make a
kids book with my daughter.

♪ Someone has told me

Oh no.

How many kids out
there can say that

they actually have
a book about them?

I don't see a difference
between parenting

and being an artist.

My daughter is the
greatest art project

I've ever made.

[grunting]

[gun firing]

[upbeat music]

- One of Ethan's gifts
and I'll give him this

begrudgingly because
he doesn't deserve

any praise whatsoever is that

his entire life from when
he wakes up in the morning

from the very first
moment he opens his eyes

'till the moment
he closes his eyes,

he's thinking about ways
he can challenge himself

and his cohorts
into being creative

and do acts that transcend
the banality of daily life.

[applauding]

- [Man] This is
the third year here

and we're trying to
build community really of

the avant garde and
conceptual artists

and creative people
that have made

major contributions to
the scene that we know.

[applauding]
- He's the box artist.

He's a writer, an artist.

- I would just like to
say that I wasn't sure

if I sure put the
switchblade on there.

I think I did right by that.

[upbeat music]

♪ Over the horizon we go

♪ Over and over let's go

♪ Ghosts of all I've
known have let go ♪

It's hard to reconcile
that my own desperation

might have helped somebody else.

We did become a starting
place for a lot of artists.

We gave a lot of
people opportunities

and more importantly, it gave
myself a lot of opportunities.

Being able to travel around
the world and make art

if it wasn't for the
Antagonist Art Movement

and that wouldn't have happened
if I didn't do the fanzines

and in some regards, that
wouldn't have happened

if my parents
didn't get divorced

and if my mother didn't tell
me about the big black void

and if they didn't
discover I was dyslexic.

One thing leads into another.

[screaming]

It's all over.

I hope more people go out there

and make films just like
this 'cause I'll watch it.

Unless you're boring.

- When you're
interviewing people,

do you have to be naked
behind the camera?

- Why am I wearing this
fucking camo suit? [laughing]

♪ Letting go of my ego

- There is a message
behind this film.

I didn't make it for the people
who were already inspired

or those who need
to be inspired.

This is for all the
naysayers in your life,

all the people who told you
you couldn't chase your dreams,

that you needed to grow
up and to get a real job,

that your work had no value,

so lean in, open
your ears and listen.

Fuck you!

[applauding]

Don't forget to grab
fanzines, I have them.

♪ My love

♪ Real love

♪ Find love for yourself

♪ Real love

♪ Easy love

♪ Find love for yourself

♪ Find love for yourself

♪ To find love

♪ Real love

♪ Cherish love

♪ for yourself

[upbeat music]

♪ Find love

♪ Real love

♪ Find love

♪ for yourself

♪ for yourself

♪ for yourself

[static crackling]

- That's all, folks.