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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
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2
00:00:27,657 --> 00:00:29,147
Hey, Timmy, get me a hot dog.
3
00:00:49,379 --> 00:00:52,405
Hey, Dave.
I like your Dukes of Hazzard T-shirt.
4
00:00:52,582 --> 00:00:54,948
Well, thanks, Sara.
I like your CHiPs T-shirt.
5
00:00:55,118 --> 00:00:57,382
-Thanks.
-Fun party, huh?
6
00:00:57,553 --> 00:01:00,113
Yeah. Except for Arnie Shankman
being here.
7
00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:03,452
Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!
8
00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:07,321
I feel bad for him with his sister
losing her mind and all.
9
00:01:10,633 --> 00:01:11,725
Whatever.
10
00:01:12,301 --> 00:01:15,065
You know what we should do?
Play Truth or Dare.
11
00:01:15,304 --> 00:01:17,636
-You want to?
-Sure.
12
00:01:17,807 --> 00:01:20,571
Okay, I'll go first. Truth or dare?
13
00:01:21,110 --> 00:01:22,099
Truth.
14
00:01:22,812 --> 00:01:24,575
Have you ever kissed a girl before?
15
00:01:24,747 --> 00:01:26,339
-Well, l--
-Family doesn't count.
16
00:01:27,550 --> 00:01:30,485
-Maybe I'll take dare.
-Okay.
17
00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:32,651
I dare you to kiss me.
18
00:01:33,723 --> 00:01:34,815
Right here?
19
00:01:34,991 --> 00:01:38,791
Yeah. I want everyone to see
that your first kiss is with me.
20
00:02:05,188 --> 00:02:08,487
Got any mustard for that cocktail frank,
butt-lick?
21
00:02:20,203 --> 00:02:22,728
-David Buznik.
-I just landed in St. Louis.
22
00:02:22,905 --> 00:02:26,432
-I hope you wrote my speech.
-I did, sir. I pulled an all nighter.
23
00:02:26,709 --> 00:02:29,610
I look forward to this, Mr. Head.
Never been to St. Louis.
24
00:02:29,846 --> 00:02:32,542
Thank you for allowing me
to come on this trip--
25
00:02:34,851 --> 00:02:36,842
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that sounds great.
26
00:02:37,019 --> 00:02:39,783
If we finish our work,
I'd love to go to a jazz club.
27
00:02:39,956 --> 00:02:40,945
Terrific.
28
00:02:41,123 --> 00:02:44,217
-He hung up on you again, didn't he?
-Yes. Yes, he did.
29
00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:48,055
He's a jerk. You came up with the idea
for the Husky Cat clothing line.
30
00:02:48,231 --> 00:02:51,029
He didn't say thank you.
He should give you a promotion.
31
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,226
There's a creative executive position
that just opened up, so....
32
00:02:54,403 --> 00:02:57,566
Bring that up on the trip.
You gotta stick up for yourself.
33
00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:59,867
I know. I'll figure something out.
34
00:03:00,543 --> 00:03:03,171
I gotta go. Sorry.
35
00:03:03,346 --> 00:03:06,247
I'm gonna miss you.
36
00:03:07,817 --> 00:03:09,079
That guy's looking at us.
37
00:03:09,252 --> 00:03:11,914
You know I don't like it when people
watch me kiss.
38
00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:13,214
I'm sorry.
39
00:03:14,490 --> 00:03:15,752
Take care.
40
00:03:16,826 --> 00:03:18,953
Okay. Bye.
41
00:03:20,763 --> 00:03:21,752
Dave....
42
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:26,100
-Have a good flight.
-Okay.
43
00:03:35,011 --> 00:03:36,103
I'm sorry.
44
00:03:44,353 --> 00:03:46,287
I think you're in my seat.
45
00:03:47,123 --> 00:03:50,786
Come on, pal. I'm already settled in
here. Can't you sit somewhere else?
46
00:03:51,627 --> 00:03:54,221
You're supposed to sit in the seat
they assigned you.
47
00:03:54,397 --> 00:03:57,366
Nobody cares. Just sit in the seat
I'm supposed to sit in.
48
00:04:00,169 --> 00:04:03,161
Excuse me. This seat's available.
49
00:04:07,209 --> 00:04:08,733
Okay. Thank you.
50
00:04:10,012 --> 00:04:11,502
You're very welcome.
51
00:04:14,850 --> 00:04:16,112
No air.
52
00:04:17,186 --> 00:04:18,676
That's too bad, huh?
53
00:04:30,566 --> 00:04:32,363
You're on my side of the armrest.
54
00:04:32,535 --> 00:04:34,696
We're not gonna have problems,
are we?
55
00:04:35,371 --> 00:04:36,360
No.
56
00:05:08,938 --> 00:05:11,406
I'm wetting my Jockeys here.
57
00:05:18,481 --> 00:05:20,472
You gotta get a load of this, keed.
58
00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:22,481
I mean, you like comedies?
59
00:05:22,652 --> 00:05:27,055
I just haven't been sleeping a lot
lately so I was trying to catch some....
60
00:05:33,829 --> 00:05:35,888
Look at this actress here.
61
00:05:36,899 --> 00:05:40,733
What is your position
on breast implants?
62
00:05:42,605 --> 00:05:43,594
This guy.
63
00:05:43,773 --> 00:05:46,298
I can just watch the movie with you.
64
00:05:47,443 --> 00:05:48,432
Excuse me.
65
00:05:48,611 --> 00:05:50,806
-Could I get a headset?
-Certainly.
66
00:05:51,147 --> 00:05:52,205
Thank you.
67
00:05:57,286 --> 00:05:59,686
Probably make out
with my next boyfriend.
68
00:06:03,392 --> 00:06:05,189
Oh, my God, it was disgusting.
69
00:06:06,395 --> 00:06:07,419
Miss?
70
00:06:08,364 --> 00:06:09,661
I'll be right there, sir.
71
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,558
Where's your headset?
72
00:06:13,202 --> 00:06:16,103
She's busy right now, but it's coming.
73
00:06:16,739 --> 00:06:21,005
For crying out loud. You're missing
important plot points.
74
00:06:23,879 --> 00:06:25,540
Ma'am?
75
00:06:25,815 --> 00:06:27,806
Could you give me a second, sir?
76
00:06:38,327 --> 00:06:39,521
Excuse me.
77
00:06:39,895 --> 00:06:42,056
Could I maybe get that headset,
please?
78
00:06:42,231 --> 00:06:45,826
-Do not raise your voice to me, sir.
-I wasn't raising my voice.
79
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:47,059
Just calm down.
80
00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:49,101
I am calm. I just want my headset.
81
00:06:49,271 --> 00:06:51,899
Our country is going through
a difficult time now.
82
00:06:52,074 --> 00:06:53,598
If you won't cooperate--
83
00:06:53,843 --> 00:06:56,835
I don't know where a headset
ties into patriotism.
84
00:06:57,546 --> 00:06:59,036
Is there a problem here, sir?
85
00:07:00,116 --> 00:07:01,276
I don't think so.
86
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:04,419
Can you come to the back with me
so we can have a talk?
87
00:07:04,587 --> 00:07:06,680
A talk about what? There's not a
problem.
88
00:07:06,856 --> 00:07:09,484
-The stewardess just keeps--
-Flight attendant.
89
00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:12,056
The flight attendant keeps
ignoring me when--
90
00:07:12,228 --> 00:07:13,252
Calm down.
91
00:07:13,429 --> 00:07:15,397
I am calm.
What is it with you people?
92
00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:17,193
"You people"?
93
00:07:17,566 --> 00:07:18,965
Now wait a minute.
94
00:07:19,135 --> 00:07:21,729
I don't mean you people.
I mean you people.
95
00:07:21,904 --> 00:07:24,737
I will not tolerate any racist
behavior on the plane.
96
00:07:24,907 --> 00:07:27,068
This is a difficult time
for our country.
97
00:07:27,243 --> 00:07:29,905
I'm not a racist.
I just want to watch the movie.
98
00:07:30,079 --> 00:07:33,674
I'm only going to say this
one more time, sir. Calm down.
99
00:07:33,849 --> 00:07:34,907
I'm calm!
100
00:07:42,424 --> 00:07:43,891
All rise.
101
00:07:46,796 --> 00:07:50,061
-What do you think?
-Not guilty. It's a no-brainer.
102
00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:56,728
Mr. Buznik. In case 723, assault and
battery against a flight attendant...
103
00:07:57,506 --> 00:07:58,632
...I find you guilty.
104
00:08:00,576 --> 00:08:04,307
I'm ordering you to pay a fine
of $3500.
105
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:05,640
Thank God you're okay.
106
00:08:05,815 --> 00:08:08,648
In addition, to prevent
further acts of rage...
107
00:08:08,818 --> 00:08:13,915
...this court orders you to undergo 20
hours of anger management therapy.
108
00:08:15,191 --> 00:08:16,749
Anger management?
109
00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:30,937
Oh, my goodness. Bobby Knight.
110
00:08:31,273 --> 00:08:34,106
-You're in this group?
-Oh, yeah. This is my first day.
111
00:08:34,276 --> 00:08:37,734
-It's my first day also.
-I hope this class cures me.
112
00:08:37,913 --> 00:08:39,574
Working on the anger problem?
113
00:08:40,149 --> 00:08:42,982
Anger? Isn't this
Sexaholics Anonymous?
114
00:08:44,887 --> 00:08:47,378
No. I think that's down the hall.
115
00:08:47,556 --> 00:08:50,719
Well, the hell with this!
I'm going home!
116
00:09:14,183 --> 00:09:15,411
Dr. Rydell?
117
00:09:17,853 --> 00:09:20,014
You don't remember me, do you?
118
00:09:20,489 --> 00:09:25,688
-I sat next to you on the plane.
-Oh, yeah, the headset guy.
119
00:09:26,428 --> 00:09:28,953
-Good to see you again.
-Good to see you too.
120
00:09:29,131 --> 00:09:30,359
That was a crazy flight.
121
00:09:30,532 --> 00:09:34,161
They actually sentenced me
to anger management for that.
122
00:09:34,336 --> 00:09:35,496
Really?
123
00:09:35,704 --> 00:09:37,171
Wow.
124
00:09:37,339 --> 00:09:39,864
This is incredible.
You could sign this for me...
125
00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:43,034
...and tell them I don't have
an anger problem if you want.
126
00:09:44,747 --> 00:09:47,272
I can't just sign your papers.
127
00:09:47,449 --> 00:09:49,644
I didn't do anything wrong.
You know that.
128
00:09:51,387 --> 00:09:52,513
All right.
129
00:09:53,589 --> 00:09:55,318
How's this?
130
00:09:55,491 --> 00:09:56,924
Just hang for one session...
131
00:09:57,092 --> 00:10:00,687
...so I can at least say
I gave you a proper analysis.
132
00:10:00,863 --> 00:10:03,855
-Then I'll sign your papers.
-Okay.
133
00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:07,928
-Shall we?
-Oh, yes. Yes.
134
00:10:08,103 --> 00:10:08,270
So my boss, he was talking to me
about how many sick days I've taken.
135
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:12,070
So my boss, he was talking to me
about how many sick days I've taken.
136
00:10:12,241 --> 00:10:14,505
And I was like, you know,
"Don't go there."
137
00:10:14,777 --> 00:10:18,440
But he kept on about wanting to see
a doctor's note or something.
138
00:10:18,614 --> 00:10:22,345
And I said, "Look, I'm seriously
serious. You don't want to go there."
139
00:10:22,618 --> 00:10:25,951
But he kept talking and talking,
being such a nag...
140
00:10:26,121 --> 00:10:28,521
...and then I just blacked out.
141
00:10:28,691 --> 00:10:29,851
I blacked out.
142
00:10:30,025 --> 00:10:33,620
And when I woke up, I was standing
over him and I was screaming:
143
00:10:33,796 --> 00:10:38,529
"I told you not to go there!
I told you not to go there!"
144
00:10:40,369 --> 00:10:42,667
How do you feel you
handled that situation?
145
00:10:44,006 --> 00:10:45,564
Not as well as I could've.
146
00:10:45,741 --> 00:10:51,008
Remember, Lou, temper's the one
thing you can't get rid of by losing it.
147
00:10:53,515 --> 00:10:56,678
Now, Fury Fighters, let's say hello
to someone...
148
00:10:56,852 --> 00:11:01,016
...who's joining our quest to get
the anger monkeys off our backs:
149
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:03,283
-Dave.
-Hi, Dave.
150
00:11:03,459 --> 00:11:04,448
Hi.
151
00:11:05,194 --> 00:11:08,823
Good news, I fed my anger monkey
a banana this morning...
152
00:11:08,998 --> 00:11:10,590
...and he's feeling much better.
153
00:11:13,202 --> 00:11:16,638
More good news, you won't have to
listen to those lame jokes...
154
00:11:16,805 --> 00:11:18,830
...because I'm only here
for one session.
155
00:11:19,008 --> 00:11:23,274
Dave assaulted a female
flight attendant in midair.
156
00:11:24,046 --> 00:11:26,844
-Nice.
-I bet you beat her good.
157
00:11:27,316 --> 00:11:30,479
I didn't beat anybody.
I touched a woman.
158
00:11:30,652 --> 00:11:32,677
Liar. Bullshitter.
You're a woman beater.
159
00:11:32,855 --> 00:11:35,722
You can't admit it because you're
a piece of garbage.
160
00:11:35,891 --> 00:11:40,294
I don't know about all that,
but now I understand why you're here.
161
00:11:41,563 --> 00:11:44,361
I'm here because I was verbally
attacked by my neighbor.
162
00:11:44,533 --> 00:11:47,001
And I took a dump on his porch.
163
00:11:47,369 --> 00:11:50,930
I guess you're better than me.
That's why you can't cop to your rage.
164
00:11:51,106 --> 00:11:52,733
You're superior. He's superior.
165
00:11:52,908 --> 00:11:56,901
-Maybe Dave's not ready yet, Chuck.
-You're not ready. Hear what he said?
166
00:11:57,146 --> 00:11:59,580
Let's introduce Dave
to some of the rest of us.
167
00:11:59,748 --> 00:12:02,581
Girls, why don't you tell Dave
what brought you here.
168
00:12:02,751 --> 00:12:06,551
I'm sure he'd love to listen
to what you guys have to say.
169
00:12:06,722 --> 00:12:08,155
We always do.
170
00:12:09,258 --> 00:12:11,726
-Come on, Dave. Join us.
-Okay.
171
00:12:14,463 --> 00:12:17,660
Okay. Well, we're
in the adult film industry.
172
00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:18,993
And we're lovers.
173
00:12:19,168 --> 00:12:22,137
One day, Gina was having sex
with this Filipino guy Melo...
174
00:12:22,304 --> 00:12:25,364
-...which was cool, it was in the script.
-Sure.
175
00:12:25,541 --> 00:12:28,032
And then I asked Melo
back to the house with us...
176
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:31,646
...which is cool, because,
well, we like a little variety.
177
00:12:32,047 --> 00:12:33,537
Variety's good.
178
00:12:34,249 --> 00:12:36,342
So anyway, in the middle
of our session...
179
00:12:36,518 --> 00:12:39,487
...I look up and I see Gina
kissing Melo on the mouth...
180
00:12:39,655 --> 00:12:43,216
...which is not cool because it
violates our threesome code of ethics.
181
00:12:43,392 --> 00:12:45,724
-Stacy bit my toe off.
-Then Melo freaks out...
182
00:12:46,061 --> 00:12:49,428
-...and calls me a crazy skank.
-Nobody talks to my bitch that way.
183
00:12:49,598 --> 00:12:51,793
-So I stapled his lips shut.
-Here we are.
184
00:12:53,502 --> 00:12:55,993
Well, we've all been there.
185
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,240
-I like him.
-Yeah, he's funny.
186
00:13:00,509 --> 00:13:01,874
Not as funny as you.
187
00:13:04,746 --> 00:13:06,008
I like that.
188
00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:11,541
-All right, girls.
-Let it go. Let it go a little bit longer.
189
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,009
Walk it off.
190
00:13:15,724 --> 00:13:19,854
Nate. Didn't we decide that you
shouldn't listen to the ball game?
191
00:13:20,062 --> 00:13:23,520
Don't worry, Dr. B, it's just a regular
season game. Not important.
192
00:13:23,699 --> 00:13:25,428
He missed the lay-up!
193
00:13:25,634 --> 00:13:28,899
See? Iverson just missed a lay-up
at the buzzer, Sixers lose.
194
00:13:29,071 --> 00:13:30,538
Who gives a crap, huh?
195
00:13:30,706 --> 00:13:32,970
I mean, it's just a silly game, anyways.
196
00:13:37,713 --> 00:13:40,705
The anger sharks are swimming
in my head.
197
00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:42,640
You gotta dunk that shit!
198
00:13:42,818 --> 00:13:44,979
You gotta dunk that shit!
199
00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:47,019
Listen to me. Stay with me, Nate.
200
00:13:47,289 --> 00:13:49,154
Now, repeat after me, Nate:
201
00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,554
Goosfraba.
202
00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:53,592
Goos blah blah.
203
00:13:53,762 --> 00:13:56,253
Not "blah blah," Nate.
204
00:13:56,598 --> 00:13:58,964
Goosfraba.
205
00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:01,728
Goosfraba.
206
00:14:01,904 --> 00:14:03,633
That's good. Slower.
207
00:14:03,805 --> 00:14:07,536
Goosfraba.
208
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:08,869
How do you feel?
209
00:14:09,478 --> 00:14:10,467
Better.
210
00:14:13,248 --> 00:14:14,738
Good job, Nate.
211
00:14:14,917 --> 00:14:17,579
That sound is a derivation
of an old Eskimo word...
212
00:14:17,753 --> 00:14:20,119
...that mothers used to calm
their children.
213
00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:22,348
-I see.
-Eskimos seem nice.
214
00:14:22,524 --> 00:14:25,322
-They do.
-I think Eskimos are smug.
215
00:14:25,494 --> 00:14:26,927
Hold that thought, Chuck.
216
00:14:27,563 --> 00:14:29,121
So, Dave...
217
00:14:29,698 --> 00:14:31,131
...tell us about yourself.
218
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,289
Who are you?
219
00:14:32,768 --> 00:14:35,669
Well, I am an executive assistant...
220
00:14:35,837 --> 00:14:38,169
...at a major pet products company.
221
00:14:39,508 --> 00:14:43,308
I don't want you to tell us what you do.
I want you to tell us who you are.
222
00:14:43,946 --> 00:14:45,413
All right.
223
00:14:46,815 --> 00:14:48,612
I'm a pretty good guy.
224
00:14:49,117 --> 00:14:51,677
I like playing tennis on occasion....
225
00:14:51,954 --> 00:14:55,117
Also, not your hobbies, Dave,
just simple:
226
00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,814
Tell us who you are.
227
00:14:58,093 --> 00:14:59,458
I just....
228
00:15:00,662 --> 00:15:04,826
Maybe you could give me an example
of what a good answer would be.
229
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,126
What did you say?
230
00:15:07,202 --> 00:15:09,602
You want Lou to tell you who you are?
231
00:15:11,907 --> 00:15:13,534
No, I just....
232
00:15:15,944 --> 00:15:18,777
I'm a nice, easygoing man.
233
00:15:19,681 --> 00:15:22,206
I might be a little bit
indecisive at times.
234
00:15:22,384 --> 00:15:25,751
Dave, you're describing
your personality.
235
00:15:25,921 --> 00:15:27,252
I want to know...
236
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:31,184
-...who you are.
-What the hell do you want me to say?
237
00:15:36,498 --> 00:15:39,956
I mean, I'm sorry. I just....
I want to answer your question.
238
00:15:40,135 --> 00:15:43,229
I'm just not doing it right, I guess.
239
00:15:43,405 --> 00:15:47,205
I think we're getting a picture, Dave.
240
00:15:47,376 --> 00:15:50,311
-Let's move on.
-Dr. Rydell, I'd like to know something.
241
00:15:50,479 --> 00:15:52,640
Why is it that Chuck
thinks he can smoke?
242
00:15:52,814 --> 00:15:56,409
I do whatever I want when I want,
you little Spanish fruit topping.
243
00:15:57,119 --> 00:15:59,451
Honey, at least I didn't
make my aunt pregnant.
244
00:16:03,425 --> 00:16:05,256
What are you laughing at, Dave?
245
00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:10,093
Just laughing. I don't know.
I'm not laughing at you.
246
00:16:10,265 --> 00:16:13,462
Were you laughing with me?
Because I'm not laughing.
247
00:16:14,469 --> 00:16:16,801
Am I out of line,
or is this guy pushing me?
248
00:16:17,606 --> 00:16:19,540
Well, how do you feel, Chuck?
249
00:16:19,775 --> 00:16:23,768
I went from happy to angry, skipped
sad. Now I feel like kicking his ass.
250
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:25,670
Then we'll see who's laughing.
251
00:16:25,847 --> 00:16:29,283
What? Think you're better than me
because you've got both your nuts?
252
00:16:30,052 --> 00:16:33,715
All right, man. All right. Come on.
Come on, big boy. Pretty boy.
253
00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:39,490
All right. Is it worth going back
to the penitentiary, Chuck?
254
00:16:39,661 --> 00:16:42,892
-So he's laughing at you.
-I'm not laughing at him.
255
00:16:48,003 --> 00:16:49,368
Goosfraba.
256
00:16:53,575 --> 00:16:56,476
-Goosfraba.
-Okay.
257
00:16:57,679 --> 00:17:00,273
Good job, Chuck.
That was really good.
258
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:03,485
Where's the coffee cake?
I was looking forward to it.
259
00:17:03,485 --> 00:17:04,918
Where's the coffee cake?
I was looking forward to it.
260
00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:07,851
I haven't been to the Actors Studio
in quite some time.
261
00:17:08,056 --> 00:17:10,923
-I'm sure your audition will go well.
-Thanks. I hope so.
262
00:17:11,093 --> 00:17:12,287
-Good night.
-All right.
263
00:17:12,461 --> 00:17:13,723
-Thanks, Buddy.
-Bye-bye.
264
00:17:13,895 --> 00:17:16,090
That was a little bit insane.
265
00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:19,528
If I had to do 20 hours of that,
I'd end up killing myself.
266
00:17:19,701 --> 00:17:20,690
Here you go.
267
00:17:20,902 --> 00:17:23,837
Twenty hours in my class
would be pointless for you.
268
00:17:24,206 --> 00:17:25,264
I agree.
269
00:17:25,507 --> 00:17:28,999
I think I'm going to recommend
to the court that we double your time.
270
00:17:29,611 --> 00:17:30,839
What do you mean?
271
00:17:31,012 --> 00:17:32,570
Let me explain something.
272
00:17:32,914 --> 00:17:36,543
There are two kinds of angry people:
explosive and implosive.
273
00:17:36,918 --> 00:17:40,752
Explosive is the kind of individual that
you see screaming at the cashier...
274
00:17:40,922 --> 00:17:42,787
...for not taking their coupons.
275
00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:47,721
Implosive is the cashier
who remains quiet, day after day...
276
00:17:47,929 --> 00:17:51,387
...and finally shoots everyone
in the store.
277
00:17:51,566 --> 00:17:53,158
You're the cashier.
278
00:17:53,435 --> 00:17:58,270
No. I'm the guy hiding in the frozen
food section dialing 911, I swear.
279
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,565
I'm going to assign you an anger ally...
280
00:18:00,776 --> 00:18:03,267
...to help calm you down
when you're losing it.
281
00:18:03,545 --> 00:18:04,534
Chuck.
282
00:18:04,813 --> 00:18:07,543
Not Chuck. Give me Bobby Knight,
or the porno girls.
283
00:18:07,716 --> 00:18:09,513
Heard we're partnering up, huh?
284
00:18:09,818 --> 00:18:11,308
-Yes.
-Here's my number.
285
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,045
Great. "You're going to die, bitch."
286
00:18:14,456 --> 00:18:17,118
Oops, that's a letter I'm writing
to Geraldo Rivera.
287
00:18:17,325 --> 00:18:18,883
-I see.
-My bad. Here.
288
00:18:19,127 --> 00:18:21,459
That's the number. Good. Thank you.
289
00:18:23,398 --> 00:18:26,026
Dave and Chuck...
290
00:18:27,269 --> 00:18:30,500
...working together as a team.
291
00:18:31,039 --> 00:18:35,203
-It's a win-win situation.
-Yeah, feels it.
292
00:18:35,377 --> 00:18:37,208
Dave's particulars.
293
00:18:37,779 --> 00:18:39,269
I'll see you soon.
294
00:18:46,922 --> 00:18:49,049
The Yanks are great this season.
295
00:18:49,224 --> 00:18:51,658
Dave thinks they could beat Seattle's
win record.
296
00:18:51,893 --> 00:18:55,226
Remember at Brown when we
saw Ron Guidry win his 20th?
297
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:57,227
Oh, man. He was on fire that year.
298
00:18:57,432 --> 00:18:58,558
We could've been too.
299
00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:02,032
Andrew, don't start or I can't
hang out with you anymore.
300
00:19:02,204 --> 00:19:05,298
Sorry, it's just hard. I'll never meet
anyone as good as you.
301
00:19:05,607 --> 00:19:08,167
You will. She'll be a very lucky lady.
302
00:19:08,844 --> 00:19:10,937
Thanks for being my best friend.
303
00:19:12,814 --> 00:19:14,008
Linda.
304
00:19:14,182 --> 00:19:16,343
-Hey, Dave.
-Andrew.
305
00:19:16,551 --> 00:19:18,109
Good to see you guys hugging.
306
00:19:18,954 --> 00:19:20,888
How was the doctor?
307
00:19:21,623 --> 00:19:23,056
Psychotic.
308
00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:26,852
Well, did you get any good
promotion news from Mr. Head?
309
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:29,963
I wasn't able to talk to him
about that yet, but I will.
310
00:19:31,566 --> 00:19:34,296
Not that crowded here.
You'd think it would be packed.
311
00:19:34,469 --> 00:19:38,599
I rented the place. I figured it'd be
more fun if it was just Brown alumni.
312
00:19:38,807 --> 00:19:41,105
Where'd you go to college again?
313
00:19:41,276 --> 00:19:42,971
Trenton Community College.
314
00:19:45,146 --> 00:19:48,377
You had a hard day.
Let me buy you a milk shake.
315
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:50,276
Later, Andrew.
316
00:19:50,485 --> 00:19:53,613
--once you cast your line in,
so during retrieval...
317
00:19:53,788 --> 00:19:56,723
...it'll help you to create a realistic
and a erratic....
318
00:19:59,227 --> 00:20:00,319
Hey, Dave.
319
00:20:00,562 --> 00:20:04,225
-Hey. Andrew, what's up?
-Not much.
320
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,999
You always try to simulate live bait.
321
00:20:07,235 --> 00:20:11,729
Okay, they got fishing while you
go to the bathroom. That's nice.
322
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:14,101
Yep. Bass fishing.
Hey, he caught one.
323
00:20:14,910 --> 00:20:16,673
Be aware of your presentation...
324
00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:20,576
...and make sure that,
as you work it along....
325
00:20:20,949 --> 00:20:22,075
Oh, yeah.
326
00:20:24,953 --> 00:20:26,318
Congratulations.
327
00:20:26,488 --> 00:20:29,184
Now that is a big one, folks.
328
00:20:35,163 --> 00:20:37,028
Always a blast being with your friends.
329
00:20:37,198 --> 00:20:38,665
It was a great night.
330
00:20:38,833 --> 00:20:40,824
Yankees winning, beer and hot dogs.
331
00:20:41,102 --> 00:20:44,162
Yeah, you like those foot-Iong
hot dogs, don't you?
332
00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:50,107
So I saw your boy Andrew
at the urinal.
333
00:20:50,545 --> 00:20:51,944
Saw his...
334
00:20:52,614 --> 00:20:54,809
-...thing.
-You were looking?
335
00:20:55,016 --> 00:20:56,779
Yeah, unfortunately.
336
00:20:57,018 --> 00:21:01,512
So, now, did this guy grow up near
a nuclear power plant or something?
337
00:21:01,856 --> 00:21:03,414
What are you talking about?
338
00:21:03,592 --> 00:21:07,995
Never really seen nothing like that
before. Didn't it used to scare you?
339
00:21:08,163 --> 00:21:09,152
I never saw it.
340
00:21:10,098 --> 00:21:11,156
You never saw it?
341
00:21:11,433 --> 00:21:14,925
No, I told you, I never slept with him.
Why, is it huge?
342
00:21:15,604 --> 00:21:17,333
No. No. No. No.
343
00:21:17,539 --> 00:21:20,997
It's actually quite petite.
344
00:21:21,276 --> 00:21:23,210
I felt bad for him.
345
00:21:23,678 --> 00:21:27,045
It looked like it belonged on a baby
and it had a funny color.
346
00:21:28,283 --> 00:21:30,877
I bet he got a lot of snickers
in the locker room.
347
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,053
Like, "What the hell's that thing?"
348
00:21:33,221 --> 00:21:36,554
When you're in a locker room,
you must feel good about yourself.
349
00:21:36,725 --> 00:21:41,526
I do. If there are 20 naked guys
in there, I'm usually in the top 18.
350
00:21:41,830 --> 00:21:44,298
-Which isn't bad.
-You're doing really good.
351
00:21:44,466 --> 00:21:45,797
Thanks.
352
00:21:49,971 --> 00:21:53,372
-Who's that?
-I don't know. Let me get rid of them.
353
00:21:55,076 --> 00:21:58,204
-Hello?
-Dave, it's me, Chuck.
354
00:21:58,713 --> 00:22:00,943
-Who's Chuck?
-Your anger ally.
355
00:22:01,116 --> 00:22:02,981
I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood.
356
00:22:03,218 --> 00:22:04,583
A very bad mood.
357
00:22:04,753 --> 00:22:08,280
I was fired from my ice-cream truck job
today. No more Fudgeicles.
358
00:22:08,890 --> 00:22:11,222
-What's an anger ally?
-Who's that?
359
00:22:11,559 --> 00:22:12,617
She making fun of me?
360
00:22:13,728 --> 00:22:15,923
No. That's my girlfriend.
361
00:22:16,097 --> 00:22:20,227
You tell her to put a sock in it because
I need to talk to you right now!
362
00:22:20,802 --> 00:22:22,633
We're a little busy right now.
363
00:22:22,837 --> 00:22:24,896
You're busy? We're all busy, okay?
364
00:22:25,273 --> 00:22:28,731
You come down here before
a black wolf swallows my brain!
365
00:22:38,420 --> 00:22:41,787
After I got kicked out of the Army,
I went through a real bad time:
366
00:22:41,956 --> 00:22:46,518
Hookers, booze, shooting holes in the
ceiling, screaming myself to sleep.
367
00:22:47,295 --> 00:22:49,695
Finally, my parents said I
had to move out.
368
00:22:50,532 --> 00:22:53,763
I'm guessing that's when you decided
to shack up with your aunt.
369
00:22:54,269 --> 00:22:56,066
Don't get cute, wiseass!
370
00:22:56,771 --> 00:22:57,795
But, yes.
371
00:22:59,474 --> 00:23:01,499
What's with the watch, huh?
Am I boring you?
372
00:23:01,676 --> 00:23:06,545
We ordered the drinks 15 minutes ago
and I kind of gotta get back.
373
00:23:07,248 --> 00:23:08,715
Miss? Excuse me, miss?
374
00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:11,715
Is this Slow And Stupid Waitress Day?
375
00:23:11,886 --> 00:23:13,979
I'm sorry. I be right with you.
376
00:23:14,355 --> 00:23:17,620
Damn, man, reminds me
of these chicks back in the war.
377
00:23:17,792 --> 00:23:20,693
Would give you the old licky-licky,
then fry your banana.
378
00:23:20,895 --> 00:23:21,884
Settle.
379
00:23:22,063 --> 00:23:26,523
I have seen some shit, man.
I kid you not, I have seen some shit.
380
00:23:27,836 --> 00:23:31,704
Wake up to the sound
of kids screaming.
381
00:23:32,107 --> 00:23:33,870
Explosions everywhere.
382
00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:37,075
Never know when your number's up.
383
00:23:37,278 --> 00:23:39,007
Vietnam, huh?
384
00:23:40,715 --> 00:23:43,115
-Grenada, man.
-Grenada?
385
00:23:44,419 --> 00:23:46,216
Wasn't that like 12 hours long?
386
00:23:51,025 --> 00:23:52,014
Did you see that?
387
00:23:52,527 --> 00:23:56,293
-See what?
-That guy. He just gave me a look.
388
00:23:57,999 --> 00:23:59,296
He didn't give you a look.
389
00:23:59,534 --> 00:24:03,470
And I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter
some kind of anti-Semitic remark.
390
00:24:04,706 --> 00:24:05,934
Are you Jewish?
391
00:24:06,608 --> 00:24:09,873
I could be. But, no. Half Irish,
half Italian, half Mexican.
392
00:24:11,579 --> 00:24:13,604
Let's go give those guys some tsuris.
393
00:24:14,249 --> 00:24:16,774
Well, the guy on the left is blind,
Chuck.
394
00:24:17,051 --> 00:24:18,780
I hear you.
395
00:24:19,220 --> 00:24:20,209
He's yours.
396
00:24:20,622 --> 00:24:22,385
No. That's not what I was saying.
397
00:24:23,925 --> 00:24:24,949
-Hey.
-What the hell?
398
00:24:25,126 --> 00:24:26,787
Got something against guys
with hair?
399
00:24:26,961 --> 00:24:27,950
What's going on?
400
00:24:34,169 --> 00:24:35,761
Don't! Stop it! Stop!
401
00:24:35,937 --> 00:24:38,064
Stop! Goosfraba!
402
00:24:38,239 --> 00:24:39,228
You piece of shit!
403
00:24:47,215 --> 00:24:49,149
Stop it! Stop it!
404
00:24:53,121 --> 00:24:54,588
Welcome back, Mr. Buznik.
405
00:24:55,156 --> 00:24:58,887
I see you've managed to brutalize
a cocktail waitress this time.
406
00:24:59,494 --> 00:25:02,952
I guess beating up stewardesses
can get old after a while.
407
00:25:03,164 --> 00:25:05,257
Flight attendant, Your Honor.
408
00:25:05,567 --> 00:25:08,559
I didn't hit her on purpose,
Your Honor.
409
00:25:08,770 --> 00:25:10,795
I was being attacked by someone...
410
00:25:11,005 --> 00:25:13,599
...and while I was
trying to take away his....
411
00:25:13,808 --> 00:25:15,241
His....
412
00:25:15,443 --> 00:25:18,105
Trying to take away my cane,
Your Honor.
413
00:25:19,614 --> 00:25:22,412
You cracked a waitress in the face...
414
00:25:22,617 --> 00:25:25,279
...while attempting to steal
a blind man's cane?
415
00:25:25,753 --> 00:25:29,450
Your Honor, we're not even sure
how blind this man really is.
416
00:25:35,830 --> 00:25:37,991
Okay. My bad. Moving on.
417
00:25:38,333 --> 00:25:40,426
Happy now, ass-wipe?
418
00:25:40,768 --> 00:25:44,033
Mr. Buznik, I don't know
why you hate women.
419
00:25:44,272 --> 00:25:45,933
Maybe you don't know either...
420
00:25:46,140 --> 00:25:51,134
...but I'll let you think about it while
you spend one year in a state prison.
421
00:25:51,379 --> 00:25:53,813
-Isn't that a bit harsh, Your Honor?
-No!
422
00:25:54,482 --> 00:25:55,471
Okay.
423
00:25:58,987 --> 00:26:02,616
-May I approach, Your Honor?
-By all means, Dr. Rydell.
424
00:26:02,790 --> 00:26:03,814
Thank you.
425
00:26:13,301 --> 00:26:15,462
-It's been a while.
-Yes, it has.
426
00:26:15,637 --> 00:26:18,299
-You look marvelous, Brenda.
-Thank you.
427
00:26:18,473 --> 00:26:20,168
-And how are the boys?
-Fantastic.
428
00:26:20,341 --> 00:26:23,242
James made the basketball team,
Raheem landed the lead...
429
00:26:23,411 --> 00:26:24,901
...in Fiddler on the Roof.
430
00:26:25,079 --> 00:26:28,674
Raheem will make
a breathtaking Tevye, I'm sure.
431
00:26:29,350 --> 00:26:33,218
So do you have a take
on this Buznik guy?
432
00:26:33,421 --> 00:26:35,150
Is this good or bad?
433
00:26:35,723 --> 00:26:38,317
Well, it's bad that he's
talking to her...
434
00:26:38,526 --> 00:26:40,153
...but it's good that....
435
00:26:41,496 --> 00:26:44,158
No, it's bad. It's all bad.
436
00:26:44,599 --> 00:26:48,057
-You think you can help him?
-I think so, Your Honor.
437
00:26:48,336 --> 00:26:53,330
If I can't, I'll tear him apart
with my bare hands.
438
00:27:01,182 --> 00:27:02,206
Mr. Buznik...
439
00:27:02,417 --> 00:27:05,875
...because of the enormous respect
I have for Dr. Rydell...
440
00:27:06,054 --> 00:27:09,023
...I'm placing you in his intensive
anger management program...
441
00:27:09,190 --> 00:27:10,521
...for 30 days.
442
00:27:10,925 --> 00:27:14,952
But if you fail to strictly adhere
to the rules of his program...
443
00:27:15,129 --> 00:27:18,064
...you will spend the next year
in state prison.
444
00:27:31,312 --> 00:27:33,837
-Buddy?
-Good evening. Ready to get it on?
445
00:27:34,015 --> 00:27:35,642
Get what on?
What are you doing here?
446
00:27:35,817 --> 00:27:37,250
Well, well, well.
447
00:27:37,418 --> 00:27:38,783
The lair of the rage rhino.
448
00:27:38,987 --> 00:27:41,922
I smell the effluvium
of pain and frustration.
449
00:27:42,123 --> 00:27:44,318
-Where should we put my stuff?
-What stuff?
450
00:27:44,726 --> 00:27:47,217
We've got 30 days
to control your anger.
451
00:27:47,428 --> 00:27:49,988
My approach dictates
intense observation.
452
00:27:50,231 --> 00:27:53,064
What better vantage point
than bunkmates?
453
00:27:53,801 --> 00:27:55,962
Put that there, Dan,
thank you very much.
454
00:27:56,170 --> 00:28:01,403
No. No. I'm sorry. Guys, I don't think
you should be moving in with me.
455
00:28:01,642 --> 00:28:02,802
Sit down, Dave.
456
00:28:05,246 --> 00:28:07,146
Let's be perfectly clear about this.
457
00:28:07,482 --> 00:28:09,609
You've been deemed
a threat to society.
458
00:28:09,817 --> 00:28:12,149
I believe that radical,
round-the-clock therapy...
459
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,414
...is the only way to effect
a meaningful and positive change...
460
00:28:15,590 --> 00:28:16,648
...in your behavior.
461
00:28:16,891 --> 00:28:18,950
Now we can do it here
or Rikers Island.
462
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,458
-Anything else, Dr. B?
-No thanks, Dan.
463
00:28:21,662 --> 00:28:23,994
We'll install the wiretaps tomorrow.
464
00:28:24,198 --> 00:28:25,187
Wiretaps?
465
00:28:25,433 --> 00:28:27,867
-Is this your CD collection?
-Yes.
466
00:28:28,770 --> 00:28:30,032
Oh, my.
467
00:28:31,973 --> 00:28:33,497
What are you doing?
468
00:28:33,674 --> 00:28:36,871
I don't want you listening
to any angry music.
469
00:28:37,045 --> 00:28:38,842
The Carpenters are angry?
I mean....
470
00:28:39,947 --> 00:28:41,505
Don't be naive, Dave.
471
00:28:41,849 --> 00:28:44,841
"Close to You."
"We've Only Just Begun."
472
00:28:45,053 --> 00:28:47,783
Songs of madness and obsession.
473
00:28:49,023 --> 00:28:50,786
Who's going to pay for that?
474
00:28:50,992 --> 00:28:55,952
Retard your anger level a few notches
and listen to me. Can you do that?
475
00:28:56,364 --> 00:28:59,162
Yeah. It's retarded. I'm retarded.
476
00:29:00,201 --> 00:29:01,361
Good.
477
00:29:01,536 --> 00:29:05,199
Now then, we need to go over
some ground rules.
478
00:29:08,042 --> 00:29:10,135
My girlfriend got me that.
479
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,277
You're to refrain from violent acts
including verbal assault...
480
00:29:15,450 --> 00:29:16,883
...and vulgar hand gestures.
481
00:29:17,085 --> 00:29:19,815
You may not use rage-enhancing
substances...
482
00:29:19,987 --> 00:29:23,718
...such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol,
crack cocaine...
483
00:29:23,925 --> 00:29:26,519
...Slippy-Flippies, Jelly Stingers,
Trick Sticks...
484
00:29:26,694 --> 00:29:28,491
...Bing Bangs or Flying Willards.
485
00:29:28,696 --> 00:29:31,392
-How about Fiddle Faddles?
-Under my supervision.
486
00:29:31,866 --> 00:29:34,596
Also, if you are unable
to stop masturbating...
487
00:29:34,769 --> 00:29:38,227
...please do so without the use
of any pornographic images...
488
00:29:38,439 --> 00:29:42,068
...depicting quote-unquote
"angry sex."
489
00:29:42,276 --> 00:29:45,734
That having been said,
I'm a pretty good guy...
490
00:29:45,913 --> 00:29:47,881
...and I think you'll be
pleasantly surprised...
491
00:29:48,049 --> 00:29:49,949
...at how much fun we can have.
492
00:29:50,118 --> 00:29:54,487
Jeez, without Slippy-Flippies or angry
masturbating? How is that possible?
493
00:29:54,655 --> 00:29:58,853
Sarcasm is anger's ugly cousin.
From now on, unacceptable.
494
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,625
Dave, I got this for you.
495
00:30:01,863 --> 00:30:04,388
It's a wonderfully therapeutic tool.
496
00:30:04,599 --> 00:30:07,397
Record your thoughts on this
whenever you feel angry.
497
00:30:08,703 --> 00:30:10,933
I'm feeling very angry right now...
498
00:30:11,105 --> 00:30:14,199
...because I only have one bed
and no couch.
499
00:30:14,408 --> 00:30:15,773
Not a problem.
500
00:30:18,212 --> 00:30:23,548
In Europe, it's not considered unusual
for three or four men to share a bed.
501
00:30:23,885 --> 00:30:27,218
Yeah, well, that's why I'm
proud to be an American.
502
00:30:29,557 --> 00:30:30,888
By the way....
503
00:30:36,597 --> 00:30:38,724
I like to sleep in the nude.
504
00:31:15,269 --> 00:31:16,896
You hear that frog?
505
00:31:17,605 --> 00:31:18,594
Nope.
506
00:31:36,457 --> 00:31:37,446
What do you want?
507
00:31:37,658 --> 00:31:40,456
I'm just recording your demeanor
upon awakening.
508
00:31:41,696 --> 00:31:44,631
Good to see you got your underwear
back on.
509
00:31:45,299 --> 00:31:46,391
6:30?
510
00:31:46,634 --> 00:31:48,499
I don't gotta be up till 7.
511
00:31:48,703 --> 00:31:50,466
You've got to make my breakfast.
512
00:31:51,639 --> 00:31:54,802
Dave, cooking is very relaxing
and therapeutic.
513
00:31:55,309 --> 00:31:58,710
I want two eggs,
over easy and unfertilized...
514
00:31:58,913 --> 00:32:01,245
...wheat toast, dry, and please...
515
00:32:01,415 --> 00:32:03,076
...tell me you've got ketchup.
516
00:32:03,317 --> 00:32:05,342
There's a Denny's down the street.
517
00:32:05,553 --> 00:32:06,918
Not only do they have ketchup...
518
00:32:07,088 --> 00:32:09,648
...but they got the angriest waitresses
I've seen.
519
00:32:09,824 --> 00:32:13,157
You could have a blast with
the goosfraba thing down there.
520
00:32:13,494 --> 00:32:14,518
Lame-o.
521
00:32:36,751 --> 00:32:37,809
Your eggs.
522
00:32:46,694 --> 00:32:50,357
-Holy shit!
-I said over easy!!
523
00:32:55,736 --> 00:32:57,101
Now, why did I do that?
524
00:32:57,705 --> 00:33:00,697
Because I refused to spoon with you
last night?
525
00:33:02,576 --> 00:33:06,444
The angry man opens his mouth
and shuts his eyes.
526
00:33:08,049 --> 00:33:09,277
Alpha-Bits.
527
00:33:09,550 --> 00:33:13,816
No matter how old I get,
always a culinary delight.
528
00:33:14,055 --> 00:33:17,582
No explanation for the egg throwing.
He's a psycho.
529
00:33:18,092 --> 00:33:21,425
Don't sulk, Dave. Eat. Sit down.
530
00:33:21,729 --> 00:33:23,560
We'll be off to work in a jiffy.
531
00:33:24,765 --> 00:33:29,566
"We'll be off to work." Now, by "we'Il,"
I assume you mean just me, right?
532
00:33:29,737 --> 00:33:32,262
Well, I have to join you at work.
533
00:33:32,473 --> 00:33:33,735
Full contact.
534
00:33:34,275 --> 00:33:37,767
That will make me look nuts, Buddy,
bringing a shrink to work...
535
00:33:37,978 --> 00:33:40,276
...you whipping eggs at people.
I don't know.
536
00:33:40,514 --> 00:33:44,507
You must never be ashamed that you
sought help for yourself, Dave.
537
00:33:44,719 --> 00:33:46,277
It's not a weakness.
538
00:33:49,123 --> 00:33:51,023
I mean, I gotta be there by 9:00.
539
00:33:51,225 --> 00:33:54,285
I don't think we'll make it on time.
You're not even dressed.
540
00:33:54,462 --> 00:33:57,454
The Talmud says:
"Wherever you look...
541
00:33:58,466 --> 00:34:00,457
...there's something to be seen."
542
00:34:01,335 --> 00:34:02,632
Look, Dave.
543
00:34:14,915 --> 00:34:17,816
-What exactly was that all about?
-What?
544
00:34:17,985 --> 00:34:21,648
You just ran through a red light.
Are you trying to get us both killed?
545
00:34:21,822 --> 00:34:25,656
I'm a little flustered right now.
I have to be to work in eight minutes.
546
00:34:26,260 --> 00:34:27,249
Flustered?
547
00:34:30,398 --> 00:34:33,299
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, man!
548
00:34:33,567 --> 00:34:37,469
-Holy shit! What are you doing?
-I need you to unfluster.
549
00:34:38,005 --> 00:34:41,236
My boss is going to go nuts on me
if we're late, so please?
550
00:34:41,409 --> 00:34:43,775
We will proceed when you
are centered.
551
00:34:43,944 --> 00:34:45,309
I'm centered, I'm centered.
552
00:34:45,479 --> 00:34:48,312
There's 10,000 people behind us.
Let's go, crazy man.
553
00:34:50,951 --> 00:34:53,545
What is that? Is that good?
554
00:34:53,954 --> 00:34:55,546
We're going to sing a song.
555
00:34:55,990 --> 00:34:59,824
No. I don't want to sing a song.
I want to go to.... I've gotta go.
556
00:35:00,027 --> 00:35:01,153
Here we go.
557
00:35:01,328 --> 00:35:05,059
The magic of Leonard Bernstein
and Stephen Sondheim's...
558
00:35:05,266 --> 00:35:07,860
...West Side Story.
559
00:35:09,537 --> 00:35:11,095
"I Feel Pretty."
560
00:35:12,206 --> 00:35:14,504
Get this moving.
What the hell's your problem?
561
00:35:14,675 --> 00:35:17,235
Shut your pie-hole!
We're working here!
562
00:35:17,678 --> 00:35:18,906
Wow. Sorry.
563
00:36:16,570 --> 00:36:18,470
Move your ass, dipshit!
564
00:36:29,283 --> 00:36:30,443
Burn in hell!
565
00:36:45,733 --> 00:36:46,893
Yes!
566
00:36:50,671 --> 00:36:52,639
You feel stunning.
567
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,637
And entrancing.
568
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:14,757
You're late.
569
00:37:14,962 --> 00:37:18,398
Yes. There was a little bit
of a tie up on the bridge.
570
00:37:18,566 --> 00:37:21,558
I didn't ask for a traffic report.
You're always late.
571
00:37:21,735 --> 00:37:25,171
Now is the first time I've been late.
But you're right. I'm sorry.
572
00:37:25,339 --> 00:37:26,567
May I interject?
573
00:37:26,941 --> 00:37:30,399
You were about to say something else
before you said, "I'm sorry."
574
00:37:30,578 --> 00:37:32,569
We mustn't absorb and repress.
575
00:37:32,746 --> 00:37:36,546
-Who's this?
-I'm his anger management therapist.
576
00:37:37,151 --> 00:37:38,982
You're in anger management?
577
00:37:40,521 --> 00:37:42,921
Temporarily, yeah.
578
00:37:43,257 --> 00:37:46,317
Do you remember the flight
to St. Louis...
579
00:37:46,527 --> 00:37:49,792
...that I was on when they had to
turn the plane around?
580
00:37:49,964 --> 00:37:52,762
Yeah, yeah. Because of that unruly
passenger in coach.
581
00:37:52,933 --> 00:37:54,423
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
582
00:37:54,602 --> 00:37:56,866
He doesn't like people
touching his clubs.
583
00:37:59,073 --> 00:38:02,065
Well, that unruly passenger was me.
584
00:38:02,242 --> 00:38:06,736
I got arrested at Kennedy. That's why
I didn't make the next flight.
585
00:38:07,381 --> 00:38:09,576
You said your apartment caught fire.
586
00:38:09,750 --> 00:38:12,947
Dissembling is a common tool
of the anger junkie.
587
00:38:14,121 --> 00:38:17,716
Might I have your first name,
Mr. Head? And tell me it isn't Dick.
588
00:38:19,460 --> 00:38:22,122
-It's Frank.
-Fran.
589
00:38:22,896 --> 00:38:25,126
Isn't that normally a girl's name?
590
00:38:25,966 --> 00:38:27,558
What went on on that flight?
591
00:38:27,968 --> 00:38:30,903
To be honest with you,
it was a mix-up. I....
592
00:38:31,138 --> 00:38:33,504
Jibber jabber. Jibber jabbering.
Mumbo jumbo.
593
00:38:33,674 --> 00:38:36,165
Denial. Key, key, key, key, key, key.
594
00:38:36,343 --> 00:38:39,642
Fran, your assistant beat the bejesus
out of a flight attendant.
595
00:38:39,813 --> 00:38:41,508
-I didn't.
-You broke her nose.
596
00:38:41,682 --> 00:38:43,741
I broke the cocktail waitress's nose.
597
00:38:45,219 --> 00:38:47,847
I mean, I accidentally did that.
598
00:38:48,022 --> 00:38:50,047
Dave, you have a disease.
599
00:38:50,224 --> 00:38:53,990
Would you apologize if you
were a diabetic? Of course not.
600
00:38:54,161 --> 00:38:58,257
Why do you feel you have to apologize
because you're suffering from T.A.S.?
601
00:38:59,333 --> 00:39:00,322
T.A.S.?
602
00:39:00,501 --> 00:39:02,196
Toxic Anger Syndrome.
603
00:39:03,671 --> 00:39:05,036
I don't have T.A.S.
604
00:39:05,205 --> 00:39:08,333
He's angry. It's a sickness,
not a crime, Fran.
605
00:39:08,509 --> 00:39:10,033
His name is Frank!
606
00:39:14,181 --> 00:39:16,615
No. I'm sorry.
607
00:39:28,962 --> 00:39:31,556
Clothes for cats
isn't really a new idea...
608
00:39:31,732 --> 00:39:35,395
...but there was never really a line
made for overweight cats...
609
00:39:35,569 --> 00:39:38,504
...who might feel a little
self-conscious...
610
00:39:38,672 --> 00:39:40,765
...about how they look
in certain outfits.
611
00:39:40,941 --> 00:39:44,206
That's why I got the baggy sweater
on him, to cover up his gut.
612
00:39:44,378 --> 00:39:47,211
And the beret to take attention
off his plump head.
613
00:39:47,381 --> 00:39:51,374
Oh, little Meatball.
You tie this up tight...
614
00:39:51,552 --> 00:39:53,884
...and away goes the chin.
615
00:39:54,054 --> 00:39:55,783
I'm so handsome.
616
00:39:58,959 --> 00:40:02,759
-Hey, Dave. This is your office?
-Andrew.
617
00:40:02,930 --> 00:40:05,524
-What are you doing here?
-I played golf with Frank.
618
00:40:05,899 --> 00:40:09,198
He's friends with my dad. We're
members of the same country club.
619
00:40:09,369 --> 00:40:12,395
Really? I've been wanting to play golf
with him a long time.
620
00:40:12,573 --> 00:40:14,541
-Is it awesome there?
-It's nice.
621
00:40:19,413 --> 00:40:22,576
So, anyway, Dave, how's
anger management going?
622
00:40:23,584 --> 00:40:24,949
Who told you about that?
623
00:40:25,119 --> 00:40:27,713
Linda's my best friend.
There's no secrets between us.
624
00:40:27,888 --> 00:40:31,517
For the love of Mike!
This guy's your girl's best friend?
625
00:40:31,759 --> 00:40:34,592
No. I mean, I like to consider myself
her best friend...
626
00:40:34,795 --> 00:40:39,596
...but Andrew is her best friend friend,
if that makes any sense.
627
00:40:39,767 --> 00:40:42,895
You ought to golf yourself.
You look a little stressed out.
628
00:40:44,938 --> 00:40:46,462
I gotta go. Bye.
629
00:40:50,611 --> 00:40:51,976
Well, well, well.
630
00:40:52,279 --> 00:40:54,509
This guy's got quite a basket on him.
631
00:40:54,681 --> 00:40:56,808
Really? I didn't notice that.
632
00:40:57,184 --> 00:41:00,642
Do you really want the love of your life
hanging around with a guy...
633
00:41:00,821 --> 00:41:04,382
...who looks as though he could satisfy
a blue whale?
634
00:41:04,858 --> 00:41:07,884
Well, it's....
I'm doing okay myself, pal.
635
00:41:08,228 --> 00:41:10,696
Maybe it's the way his pants fit him.
636
00:41:12,633 --> 00:41:13,725
What's up?
637
00:41:15,202 --> 00:41:17,796
-This is your young lady?
-That's my Linda.
638
00:41:17,971 --> 00:41:20,064
My, oh, my.
639
00:41:21,141 --> 00:41:24,577
I was toying with the notion
that you were gay...
640
00:41:24,745 --> 00:41:27,111
...because of the kitty-cat clothes,
so forth.
641
00:41:28,115 --> 00:41:29,275
What does she do?
642
00:41:29,783 --> 00:41:33,651
She teaches poetry. Poetry teacher.
643
00:41:33,987 --> 00:41:35,818
I love poetry.
644
00:41:37,891 --> 00:41:40,655
Oh, my, my, my. It's....
645
00:41:41,161 --> 00:41:43,823
Yes, it's a good picture of her.
646
00:41:47,067 --> 00:41:50,833
Well, apparently Dr. Rydell has a
history of unorthodox techniques.
647
00:41:51,004 --> 00:41:52,835
He's got a dozen lawsuits pending.
648
00:41:53,006 --> 00:41:55,566
So it's not just me.
This guy is nuts, isn't he?
649
00:41:55,742 --> 00:41:56,766
Or a genius.
650
00:41:56,944 --> 00:42:02,405
But if you could prove that he's nuts:
audiotape, video, picture, whatever...
651
00:42:02,583 --> 00:42:04,141
...I'll arrange a hearing.
652
00:42:06,653 --> 00:42:08,484
I gotta go. I think he's coming.
653
00:42:16,496 --> 00:42:17,758
Hi, Nancy.
654
00:42:17,931 --> 00:42:19,831
What are you doing
in the ladies' room?
655
00:42:20,434 --> 00:42:24,598
Sorry. I just heard you guys
got cleaner seats than us.
656
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,264
Not after I get through with them.
657
00:42:30,477 --> 00:42:34,504
I don't care for the way you've
ironed my shirts, Dave. Try it again.
658
00:42:34,681 --> 00:42:38,742
-I've been very patient with you.
-Beware the fury of the patient man.
659
00:42:38,919 --> 00:42:41,513
-I'm serious!
-Too serious.
660
00:42:41,722 --> 00:42:43,212
Get undressed.
661
00:42:43,790 --> 00:42:45,451
What did you say?
662
00:42:46,860 --> 00:42:47,952
Take off your clothes.
663
00:42:48,128 --> 00:42:50,688
I've got a stress-reduction technique
to show you.
664
00:42:50,864 --> 00:42:53,799
-It'll be good for you.
-Take off my clothes?
665
00:42:53,967 --> 00:42:56,197
Do you want to see me naked, Buddy?
666
00:42:58,639 --> 00:43:00,300
Are you a homophobe, Dave?
667
00:43:00,474 --> 00:43:05,639
No, I'm a pulling-my-penis-out-
in-front-of-you-a-phobe.
668
00:43:06,747 --> 00:43:09,614
Let's take a walk on the wild side.
669
00:43:23,330 --> 00:43:25,059
-What's up, baby?
-Why are we here?
670
00:43:25,232 --> 00:43:26,597
I'm not a homophobe.
671
00:43:26,767 --> 00:43:29,531
My lawyer's gay. His boyfriend is gay.
672
00:43:29,703 --> 00:43:32,194
And are they all aware
that you despise them?
673
00:43:32,639 --> 00:43:34,698
Looking for company, baby?
674
00:43:34,875 --> 00:43:36,706
No. We're not. Thank you.
675
00:43:36,877 --> 00:43:38,538
It's worth 50 bucks...
676
00:43:38,712 --> 00:43:43,479
...if you get in the back seat with
my friend here and have a little chat.
677
00:43:43,650 --> 00:43:45,379
My pleasure, Mr. Eyebrows.
678
00:43:47,487 --> 00:43:49,216
Oh, boy, here we go.
679
00:43:52,326 --> 00:43:54,886
-Hello.
-Hey. Good to see you.
680
00:43:55,963 --> 00:43:58,955
-What's your name, baby?
-Melvin.
681
00:43:59,132 --> 00:44:01,726
His name is David. Don't dissemble.
682
00:44:01,902 --> 00:44:05,303
I'm not dissembling.
That's my Hebrew name.
683
00:44:05,472 --> 00:44:08,805
I'm Galaxia. That's my German name.
684
00:44:09,009 --> 00:44:10,306
Great.
685
00:44:10,477 --> 00:44:13,708
Where are you from originally,
Hebrew Melvin?
686
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:14,972
Brooklyn.
687
00:44:15,482 --> 00:44:18,542
What part of Germany
do you hail from?
688
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:23,315
I'm from a little Bavarian village
called Lickin Zee Dickin.
689
00:44:23,490 --> 00:44:24,514
Care to visit?
690
00:44:25,025 --> 00:44:29,189
Actually, I like to spend
most of my time...
691
00:44:29,363 --> 00:44:31,763
...in Girls Without Wieners-ville.
692
00:44:32,165 --> 00:44:34,099
I'm more comfortable there.
693
00:44:36,837 --> 00:44:39,431
He's just not used to male intimacy.
694
00:44:39,740 --> 00:44:42,903
Well, that's okay, because I'm a lady.
695
00:44:43,176 --> 00:44:44,609
Oops, no, I'm not.
696
00:44:44,778 --> 00:44:45,802
Whoa! There it is.
697
00:44:46,747 --> 00:44:49,545
I feel like dancing. Dancing.
698
00:44:51,351 --> 00:44:52,340
Oh, my God.
699
00:44:52,919 --> 00:44:55,615
What does this have to do
with anger management?
700
00:44:55,789 --> 00:44:59,384
-Oh, are you an angry boy?
-No.
701
00:44:59,559 --> 00:45:01,117
Do you need some discipline?
702
00:45:01,328 --> 00:45:02,522
No, thank you very--
703
00:45:02,696 --> 00:45:04,789
Oh! Hey! Hey, watch that shit!
704
00:45:05,032 --> 00:45:08,297
Listen, ladies! Gentleman! Lentleman!
705
00:45:08,468 --> 00:45:11,596
I'm not having sex with a she-male!
Relax!
706
00:45:11,772 --> 00:45:14,263
Galaxia, you may
get out of the car now.
707
00:45:14,441 --> 00:45:17,035
Your services are no longer required.
708
00:45:18,445 --> 00:45:19,707
You know what?
709
00:45:20,113 --> 00:45:21,808
You guys are freaks.
710
00:45:24,551 --> 00:45:26,109
Give me the tape recorder.
711
00:45:28,722 --> 00:45:29,882
Come on.
712
00:45:32,659 --> 00:45:35,059
Patient number 135, David Buznik...
713
00:45:35,228 --> 00:45:38,994
...has learned the difference between
unhealthy anger and righteous anger.
714
00:45:39,166 --> 00:45:43,694
Thus he has advanced
to the second level of my program.
715
00:45:43,904 --> 00:45:46,304
Great. Can I go throw up now?
716
00:45:51,845 --> 00:45:54,109
I'm a lady. Oops, no, I'm not.
717
00:45:54,281 --> 00:45:57,011
-Whoa, there it is.
-I feel like dancing.
718
00:45:57,250 --> 00:46:00,413
Wasn't that sick?
She looked like Olivia Newton-John...
719
00:46:00,587 --> 00:46:04,421
...if she was really ugly
and had huge balls.
720
00:46:04,591 --> 00:46:07,253
But Buddy didn't order you
to have sex.
721
00:46:07,427 --> 00:46:09,258
I'm getting a call. Please hang on.
722
00:46:09,796 --> 00:46:12,094
-Hello?
-Is Buddy there?
723
00:46:12,799 --> 00:46:14,926
No, he's in the shower right now.
724
00:46:15,135 --> 00:46:16,762
This is Becky, his assistant.
725
00:46:16,937 --> 00:46:19,098
Just tell him his mom called
from Boston.
726
00:46:19,306 --> 00:46:22,298
She said she's having
some minor surgery.
727
00:46:22,476 --> 00:46:27,675
It's not serious, but she'll be at Boston
County Hospital for the next two days.
728
00:46:39,526 --> 00:46:44,156
Miracles of modern science.
I am stimulating my hair follicles...
729
00:46:44,331 --> 00:46:46,526
...and brushing my teeth
at the same time.
730
00:46:47,234 --> 00:46:49,099
It looks really good.
731
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:53,228
What's the matter?
732
00:46:53,573 --> 00:46:57,202
Your mom. They took her
to the hospital, Buddy.
733
00:46:57,811 --> 00:46:59,278
What's wrong with my mother?
734
00:46:59,446 --> 00:47:02,347
She's having surgery.
735
00:47:02,516 --> 00:47:03,574
I'm sorry.
736
00:47:03,750 --> 00:47:07,413
-Is it serious?
-When is surgery not serious?
737
00:47:07,754 --> 00:47:10,120
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
738
00:47:10,323 --> 00:47:13,258
Maybe I better get up to Boston...
739
00:47:13,426 --> 00:47:16,418
...see what's going on up there.
740
00:47:16,596 --> 00:47:20,054
Yeah. Yeah.
Why don't you just go up there.
741
00:47:20,433 --> 00:47:23,368
Spend some quality time. I'll stay here.
742
00:47:23,537 --> 00:47:25,164
It'll be good for you guys.
743
00:47:25,338 --> 00:47:26,771
Oh, God.
744
00:47:31,845 --> 00:47:35,542
You're all I got, Mom.
Please don't leave me.
745
00:47:41,221 --> 00:47:44,019
No more clam chowder.
746
00:47:46,459 --> 00:47:47,448
Buddy...
747
00:47:47,627 --> 00:47:49,117
...it was a joke.
748
00:47:49,729 --> 00:47:52,323
I'm sorry.
You don't have to cry anymore.
749
00:47:54,301 --> 00:47:56,235
-A joke?
-Yeah.
750
00:47:56,469 --> 00:47:58,061
Oh, boy.
751
00:47:58,305 --> 00:48:01,001
A joke. A jo-- I....
752
00:48:01,208 --> 00:48:03,540
I can't believe that I fell for that one.
753
00:48:05,712 --> 00:48:08,442
I really thought my mother
was having surgery.
754
00:48:09,950 --> 00:48:12,350
I'm going to get you back for that one.
755
00:48:16,389 --> 00:48:19,552
Just so you know,
she really is having surgery.
756
00:48:22,395 --> 00:48:24,590
I thought you said you were joking.
757
00:48:24,798 --> 00:48:26,925
No, the serious part was the joke.
758
00:48:27,133 --> 00:48:30,466
She's having surgery,
but just minor surgery.
759
00:48:31,404 --> 00:48:34,805
Maybe I better get up to Boston...
760
00:48:35,008 --> 00:48:38,171
...see what's really going on up there.
761
00:48:38,345 --> 00:48:41,940
Why don't you--? You just
shoot up there. I'll be here.
762
00:48:46,152 --> 00:48:47,141
What?
763
00:48:47,554 --> 00:48:51,149
-I can't believe he's making me go.
-How come you guys aren't flying?
764
00:48:51,324 --> 00:48:55,385
Because Dr. Cocoa Puff said legally
I'm not allowed to get on a plane.
765
00:48:55,562 --> 00:48:58,258
Meanwhile, I've got Head up my ass
about that catalog.
766
00:48:58,431 --> 00:49:01,195
I've got to get it done with nut-boy
in Boston.
767
00:49:01,434 --> 00:49:03,425
Why can't Head write his own catalog?
768
00:49:03,603 --> 00:49:06,037
Because I've got to earn
that promotion.
769
00:49:06,206 --> 00:49:09,107
You've been doing his job for years.
You should be his--
770
00:49:09,276 --> 00:49:12,177
I'm sorry. I know this is really
stressing you out.
771
00:49:12,345 --> 00:49:15,439
I'm sure that it's going to be over
before you know it.
772
00:49:15,615 --> 00:49:18,778
Yeah, if I don't get caught
popping any Jelly Stingers.
773
00:49:18,952 --> 00:49:20,920
Well, that's going to be tough!
774
00:49:31,631 --> 00:49:33,690
Oh, God. There he is.
775
00:49:33,867 --> 00:49:35,801
-That's him?
-Yes.
776
00:49:38,872 --> 00:49:41,466
What? Oh. Okay, I'll hold that.
777
00:49:41,875 --> 00:49:42,864
My--
778
00:49:43,043 --> 00:49:44,704
The quiet warmth
779
00:49:44,878 --> 00:49:49,611
Smoldering beneath the rituals
Of hope for familiarity
780
00:49:49,883 --> 00:49:52,579
A coursing underground river
781
00:49:52,752 --> 00:49:56,119
Pregnant with the chance currents
Of knowledge and love
782
00:49:56,289 --> 00:49:59,622
-What?
-That's my poem! I wrote that.
783
00:49:59,793 --> 00:50:01,055
I know.
784
00:50:01,227 --> 00:50:03,559
That is your poem. I love that poem.
785
00:50:03,730 --> 00:50:06,324
I found it crumpled up
behind the sports pages...
786
00:50:06,499 --> 00:50:08,592
...on the floor of David's bedroom.
787
00:50:09,903 --> 00:50:14,397
-Shades of early Emily Dickinson.
-Who was great on Police Woman.
788
00:50:14,674 --> 00:50:19,077
Thank you. And thank you
for rescuing it from the floor.
789
00:50:20,513 --> 00:50:22,743
I think I better get going.
790
00:50:23,750 --> 00:50:27,049
I'll miss you, big guy,
so take good care.
791
00:50:27,220 --> 00:50:29,085
-How about a kiss?
-I'd love a kiss.
792
00:50:29,255 --> 00:50:32,019
I think she's talking to me.
I think I can handle it.
793
00:50:32,192 --> 00:50:34,592
So why don't you back up
an inch or two.
794
00:50:34,761 --> 00:50:35,853
Got it.
795
00:50:37,030 --> 00:50:38,793
Thank you. And, take care.
796
00:50:39,032 --> 00:50:41,091
Have a great trip, you guys.
797
00:50:41,267 --> 00:50:42,529
Oh, we will.
798
00:50:42,702 --> 00:50:43,964
Bye.
799
00:50:50,210 --> 00:50:51,234
What?
800
00:50:51,411 --> 00:50:54,744
Some mindless nitwit
is parked behind me.
801
00:50:54,948 --> 00:50:56,415
Good. Then we can't go.
802
00:50:56,583 --> 00:50:58,141
No, I can get out.
803
00:50:58,418 --> 00:51:01,285
-Get in.
-I don't know how you'll get out.
804
00:51:01,788 --> 00:51:05,485
Try to wiggle out, you're going to get
a ding. But you know everything.
805
00:51:10,864 --> 00:51:11,990
What's he doing?
806
00:51:20,473 --> 00:51:23,636
Well, you're batting a thousand...
807
00:51:23,843 --> 00:51:25,572
...in craziness.
808
00:51:28,515 --> 00:51:30,312
Now we're bumping into cars.
809
00:51:30,483 --> 00:51:33,145
I'm just making a little room
to back up.
810
00:51:33,319 --> 00:51:35,287
If I had lost my temper...
811
00:51:35,455 --> 00:51:37,787
...would I have had
the presence of mind...
812
00:51:37,957 --> 00:51:40,926
...to leave my card
and my insurance information?
813
00:51:41,094 --> 00:51:44,689
Whatever, Mr. Insane-Vein-Popping-
A-Little-Too-Far-Out-Of-His-Head-...
814
00:51:44,864 --> 00:51:46,388
...While-Swinging-The-Bat Guy.
815
00:51:54,474 --> 00:51:56,772
I think you've got room to back up.
816
00:52:09,522 --> 00:52:12,320
Why haven't you taken Linda
off the market?
817
00:52:12,492 --> 00:52:13,891
Think you can do better?
818
00:52:14,060 --> 00:52:17,291
I'm going to ask her to marry me
when I'm ready.
819
00:52:17,464 --> 00:52:20,490
Nobody wants to settle down
with a 35-year-old secretary.
820
00:52:20,667 --> 00:52:22,157
Procrastination, Dave.
821
00:52:22,335 --> 00:52:23,768
I'm not procrastinating.
822
00:52:23,937 --> 00:52:26,371
I even think about how I'm
going to pop the question.
823
00:52:26,539 --> 00:52:30,134
Husky down jacket.
Husky Eskimo look.
824
00:52:30,310 --> 00:52:34,144
What's your plan,
ask her at a Yankee game?
825
00:52:35,381 --> 00:52:37,246
Actually, yes. How did you know?
826
00:52:37,417 --> 00:52:39,749
I said the corniest thing
I could think of.
827
00:52:39,953 --> 00:52:42,922
If you knew Linda, you'd know
how uncorny it would be to her.
828
00:52:43,089 --> 00:52:45,785
Putting up a "Marry me, please"
on the scoreboard...
829
00:52:45,959 --> 00:52:49,292
...proclaiming my love for her
in front of thousands of strangers.
830
00:52:49,996 --> 00:52:54,057
As you seem to have noticed, I'm
a little bit jumpy with public affection.
831
00:52:54,801 --> 00:52:57,269
You seemed to be lovey-dovey
back there.
832
00:52:58,671 --> 00:53:01,367
Glad you think that's funny.
I gotta work.
833
00:53:18,791 --> 00:53:21,259
A five-hour trip to find out Mommy
had a jelly bean...
834
00:53:21,427 --> 00:53:22,519
...removed from her nose.
835
00:53:22,695 --> 00:53:25,095
I'm glad I missed work.
Can we eat now?
836
00:53:43,416 --> 00:53:45,384
You could have her, you know.
837
00:53:47,287 --> 00:53:50,450
I'm sure she'd love to hang out
with a goofy secretary...
838
00:53:50,623 --> 00:53:53,183
...whose only talent
is nostril wiggling.
839
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,292
-Girls love that.
-Dave...
840
00:53:56,462 --> 00:54:00,330
...you've got a lot more going for you
than wiggly nostrils.
841
00:54:00,533 --> 00:54:03,297
I want you to go over there
and ask that woman out.
842
00:54:03,970 --> 00:54:05,198
No, I got a girlfriend.
843
00:54:06,139 --> 00:54:10,542
I'm not telling you to elope with her.
Just go over and flirt a little bit.
844
00:54:10,710 --> 00:54:13,679
Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin,
Buddy.
845
00:54:13,913 --> 00:54:15,574
I'm not a cheater.
846
00:54:15,915 --> 00:54:19,442
Is it cheating if you're passed around
the cell block like a peace pipe?
847
00:54:19,619 --> 00:54:24,784
Because that is what's on the docket
for you if you don't go and ask her out.
848
00:54:24,958 --> 00:54:26,152
Okay, Dave?
849
00:54:27,126 --> 00:54:28,320
Oh, God.
850
00:54:32,732 --> 00:54:34,393
That's my boy.
851
00:54:39,172 --> 00:54:40,696
Excuse me.
852
00:54:41,841 --> 00:54:45,572
I was wondering if I could buy you
a drink. I see that you have a drink...
853
00:54:45,745 --> 00:54:49,112
...but I could get you another
when you're through with that one.
854
00:54:50,383 --> 00:54:52,317
Bite me.
855
00:54:53,786 --> 00:54:56,380
Nice meeting you. Okay.
856
00:55:00,927 --> 00:55:03,020
Can you guess why she rejected you?
857
00:55:03,196 --> 00:55:07,462
She wanted to be like the 2000 other
girls who said that to me growing up?
858
00:55:07,634 --> 00:55:10,194
No. Self-hypnotic negative imagery.
859
00:55:10,703 --> 00:55:14,366
Confidence is the key
to winning a young lady's attention.
860
00:55:15,241 --> 00:55:17,209
Now, listen to me very carefully.
861
00:55:17,377 --> 00:55:19,971
-Approach Miss Thing again.
-No.
862
00:55:20,213 --> 00:55:21,237
With confidence.
863
00:55:21,414 --> 00:55:23,541
And if she says no this time...
864
00:55:23,716 --> 00:55:27,049
...I will admit that I am a failure
as a therapist...
865
00:55:27,220 --> 00:55:29,381
...and release you from my program.
866
00:55:29,689 --> 00:55:31,919
You'll release me from your program?
867
00:55:41,234 --> 00:55:43,634
Just go over there
and repeat the following...
868
00:55:44,237 --> 00:55:45,534
...verbatim:
869
00:55:45,872 --> 00:55:48,306
I'm sorry I was so rude before...
870
00:55:48,474 --> 00:55:51,841
...but it's difficult for me
to express myself...
871
00:55:52,011 --> 00:55:55,970
...when I'm on the verge of exploding
in my pants.
872
00:56:00,053 --> 00:56:02,283
-Get out of here.
-Trust me, Dave.
873
00:56:02,622 --> 00:56:06,023
If you are calm as well as witty,
she will respond.
874
00:56:06,192 --> 00:56:09,593
Witty went out the window with
the pants explosion thing, thanks.
875
00:56:10,129 --> 00:56:12,029
My offer stands.
876
00:56:16,536 --> 00:56:18,470
So if I repeat that crazy shit...
877
00:56:18,738 --> 00:56:22,799
...you probably stole from
a porno flick, you sick bastard...
878
00:56:23,276 --> 00:56:25,073
...and get rejected...
879
00:56:25,311 --> 00:56:27,302
...you'll release me from the program?
880
00:56:27,980 --> 00:56:28,969
Exactly.
881
00:56:29,649 --> 00:56:31,207
Here we go.
882
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:36,145
Go get them, Mr. Johnson.
883
00:57:01,814 --> 00:57:06,274
I'm sorry I was so rude before...
884
00:57:07,620 --> 00:57:12,956
...but it's difficult for me...
885
00:57:13,860 --> 00:57:17,591
...to express myself...
886
00:57:31,244 --> 00:57:34,236
...when I am on the verge...
887
00:57:36,816 --> 00:57:40,081
...of exploding in my pants.
888
00:57:43,456 --> 00:57:46,550
You are too cute.
889
00:57:47,293 --> 00:57:48,726
Get the fuck out of here.
890
00:57:51,464 --> 00:57:53,455
-I'm Kendra.
-I'm Dave.
891
00:57:53,733 --> 00:57:54,927
Let me buy you a drink.
892
00:57:56,402 --> 00:57:58,267
Can I get a cosmopolitan?
893
00:58:06,946 --> 00:58:08,641
I couldn't take it anymore...
894
00:58:08,848 --> 00:58:12,147
...so finally I just tell my boss:
895
00:58:12,385 --> 00:58:16,412
"Hey, baldy, if I want crap out of you,
I'll squeeze your head."
896
00:58:16,923 --> 00:58:20,757
-I didn't say that, but I should have.
-You are so funny.
897
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:23,929
Too bad you're leaving town.
We could have fun together.
898
00:58:25,298 --> 00:58:27,960
Unfortunately, I am leaving
in the morning.
899
00:58:28,134 --> 00:58:30,466
In fact, I think I gotta get back
to my friend.
900
00:58:38,778 --> 00:58:39,802
What's the matter?
901
00:58:41,113 --> 00:58:43,308
-You gotta be kidding me.
-What's wrong?
902
00:58:43,516 --> 00:58:45,381
My friend took off on me.
903
00:58:45,618 --> 00:58:47,449
I can give you a ride.
904
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:49,551
I don't even know where the guy lives.
905
00:58:49,722 --> 00:58:52,748
We can hang out at my place until you
get in touch with him.
906
00:59:00,199 --> 00:59:02,861
I bet there's like 50 Rydells in here.
907
00:59:03,069 --> 00:59:05,435
I shouldn't eat this. I'm getting so fat.
908
00:59:05,738 --> 00:59:07,365
What? You're not fat.
909
00:59:07,540 --> 00:59:10,304
My clothes hide it, but I'm
getting gooey right here.
910
00:59:10,576 --> 00:59:12,009
I don't see any goo.
911
00:59:12,245 --> 00:59:14,736
You want to see goo,
I'll show you my ass.
912
00:59:15,081 --> 00:59:17,982
Well, I see it,
and I didn't five years ago.
913
00:59:18,150 --> 00:59:21,017
I went out with this guy,
and he wouldn't sleep with me.
914
00:59:21,187 --> 00:59:25,180
And I asked him why, and he said that
when he saw me without my clothes...
915
00:59:26,092 --> 00:59:27,787
...that I look like a porker.
916
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:31,589
He was probably just nervous
because you're beautiful and....
917
00:59:31,931 --> 00:59:34,957
Anyways, you're not a porker.
You're the un-porker.
918
00:59:35,134 --> 00:59:36,999
You're Sizzlean.
919
00:59:39,839 --> 00:59:43,331
-You're so sweet, Dave.
-Well, you're sweet, Kendra.
920
00:59:43,542 --> 00:59:47,569
Thanks for having me here.
He said her name was Rose.
921
00:59:47,847 --> 00:59:49,246
Rose.
922
00:59:50,750 --> 00:59:53,583
Rose Rydell. Rose Rydell.
Rose Rydell.
923
00:59:53,753 --> 00:59:55,948
Rose Rydell! I got it!
924
01:00:00,593 --> 01:00:01,582
Kendra...
925
01:00:02,695 --> 01:00:05,858
...even though I'd love to see you
take that bra off...
926
01:00:06,098 --> 01:00:10,398
...because it represents a team
I've hated my entire life...
927
01:00:10,803 --> 01:00:12,862
...I think you gotta keep it on.
928
01:00:13,039 --> 01:00:14,131
Why?
929
01:00:15,041 --> 01:00:17,441
Because I got a girlfriend.
930
01:00:20,079 --> 01:00:22,206
I'm not a child, Dave.
931
01:00:22,415 --> 01:00:25,748
If you think I'm a porker, then just
come right out and say it.
932
01:00:25,952 --> 01:00:27,647
No. I don't think you're a porker.
933
01:00:27,820 --> 01:00:30,618
Then why when the idea of sleeping
with me comes up...
934
01:00:30,790 --> 01:00:33,088
...do you all of a sudden
have a "girlfriend"?
935
01:00:33,259 --> 01:00:35,819
Because I do. I do. I have a girlfriend.
936
01:00:35,995 --> 01:00:37,895
Said the liar to the beached whale!
937
01:00:38,064 --> 01:00:39,497
You're not a beached whale.
938
01:00:39,665 --> 01:00:42,031
If anything, you could even
gain a few pounds.
939
01:00:43,135 --> 01:00:45,535
So now I'm too skinny for you?
940
01:00:45,805 --> 01:00:47,102
No. I didn't mean that.
941
01:00:47,306 --> 01:00:50,298
-Is this what you want, Dave?
-No.
942
01:00:50,543 --> 01:00:52,101
If I put on a few pounds...
943
01:00:52,278 --> 01:00:56,078
...will you be able to stifle your vomit
long enough to have sex with me?!
944
01:00:56,449 --> 01:00:57,780
Holy shit.
945
01:00:58,017 --> 01:01:01,350
Are you such a hot stud
that you'll break me in two?!
946
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,751
You're angry right now. Wanna sing?
Do you know "I Feel Pretty"?
947
01:01:06,459 --> 01:01:08,256
-Get out! Get out!
-Stop!
948
01:01:08,494 --> 01:01:09,620
Get out!
949
01:01:09,829 --> 01:01:11,592
Get out!!
950
01:01:12,131 --> 01:01:13,496
Porker!
951
01:01:13,699 --> 01:01:14,688
Fatty!
952
01:01:15,534 --> 01:01:17,525
No!!
953
01:01:30,950 --> 01:01:32,042
How did it go, pal?
954
01:01:32,251 --> 01:01:35,311
-Why'd you ditch me?
-What are you talking about?
955
01:01:35,488 --> 01:01:37,046
You gave me the signal.
956
01:01:37,323 --> 01:01:39,348
I didn't give you the signal to leave.
957
01:01:39,525 --> 01:01:43,120
I gave you the signal to say your
gross pickup line actually worked.
958
01:01:43,295 --> 01:01:45,229
Well, of course it did.
959
01:01:45,631 --> 01:01:49,067
So did Little Davey need
some anger management?
960
01:01:49,235 --> 01:01:51,601
-That chick was killer.
-Serial killer.
961
01:01:51,771 --> 01:01:54,239
She tried to chocolate me to death.
962
01:01:54,407 --> 01:01:56,466
Anyways, I don't cheat on Linda.
963
01:01:57,510 --> 01:02:00,946
-Speaking of Linda, she called earlier.
-Oh, yeah?
964
01:02:01,213 --> 01:02:04,512
She seemed a little bit
bent out of shape.
965
01:02:04,717 --> 01:02:08,050
-About what?
-Your being out with another woman.
966
01:02:08,220 --> 01:02:11,280
-How would she know that?
-I told her.
967
01:02:11,457 --> 01:02:13,789
-What else could I do?
-What else could you do?
968
01:02:13,959 --> 01:02:18,453
You could've told her something else.
I was at the bank. I was at the store.
969
01:02:18,631 --> 01:02:21,566
I ate bad guacamole
and I couldn't stop shitting!
970
01:02:21,734 --> 01:02:23,565
Any of those would have been fine!
971
01:02:24,036 --> 01:02:26,800
Well, I'm sorry, Dave, but I don't lie
for my patients.
972
01:02:26,972 --> 01:02:30,499
You want to leave your friend and
run off and chase some hot babe...
973
01:02:30,776 --> 01:02:32,744
...you can't expect me to cover for you.
974
01:02:32,912 --> 01:02:35,574
I did what you told me to do,
you sick, demented man.
975
01:02:39,218 --> 01:02:40,708
What are you laughing at?
976
01:02:41,787 --> 01:02:43,277
What's so funny?
977
01:02:44,957 --> 01:02:49,724
Kendra is an ex-patient of mine,
an actress. Pretty good one too.
978
01:02:49,895 --> 01:02:54,389
I arranged for her to be in the bar
and for you to pick her up.
979
01:02:58,237 --> 01:02:59,499
You were messing with me?
980
01:02:59,672 --> 01:03:02,402
Yeah. You know, just a joke
between friends...
981
01:03:02,575 --> 01:03:05,942
...like the one you pulled on me
about my dying mother.
982
01:03:06,112 --> 01:03:08,410
I told you I'd get you back for that.
983
01:03:09,615 --> 01:03:10,604
All right.
984
01:03:14,153 --> 01:03:16,348
So you really didn't talk to Linda.
985
01:03:16,722 --> 01:03:20,123
Of course I did.
That's what made it so funny.
986
01:03:23,028 --> 01:03:24,325
Where's your phone?
987
01:03:24,563 --> 01:03:28,795
She's not home, Dave.
She went out with her pal Andrea.
988
01:03:29,135 --> 01:03:31,569
She doesn't know any Andreas.
You mean Andrew?
989
01:03:31,770 --> 01:03:36,434
Yeah, that's it.
Andrew, the testicle with legs.
990
01:03:36,675 --> 01:03:39,166
"The testicle with legs." Great!!
991
01:03:39,345 --> 01:03:42,974
Now wait a minute. Calm down a bit.
Try some deep breathing.
992
01:03:43,149 --> 01:03:46,084
Maybe just hum a little "I Feel Pretty."
993
01:03:46,318 --> 01:03:49,810
No!! How about you hum
the "I'm a Crazy Asshole" song?
994
01:03:49,989 --> 01:03:52,719
And take me home, you
psychotic piece of wacko.
995
01:03:53,626 --> 01:03:56,117
I never thought you'd take it like this.
996
01:04:07,106 --> 01:04:10,667
So, what, we're not going to talk at all?
997
01:04:13,345 --> 01:04:17,441
Would you forgive me if I told you
I called Linda last night...
998
01:04:17,716 --> 01:04:21,277
...after our little fracas
and explained that it was my fault?
999
01:04:21,654 --> 01:04:22,643
What did she say?
1000
01:04:22,888 --> 01:04:28,155
Well, she's not mad at you anymore,
but she let me have it pretty good.
1001
01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:30,453
You deserved it. I did nothing wrong.
1002
01:04:30,629 --> 01:04:32,290
I know. I know.
1003
01:04:34,133 --> 01:04:35,122
Friends?
1004
01:04:37,736 --> 01:04:40,864
-Take a little nap.
-I am tired.
1005
01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:42,871
Well, you had a rough night.
1006
01:04:56,655 --> 01:04:58,213
Stop with the cupcake!
1007
01:04:59,692 --> 01:05:02,661
Rise and shine, Sir Snoozola.
1008
01:05:03,495 --> 01:05:05,463
What's going on? Where are we?
1009
01:05:05,631 --> 01:05:08,429
Well, at a great deal of expense
and effort...
1010
01:05:08,601 --> 01:05:12,196
...we have managed to locate
your grade school b�te noire...
1011
01:05:12,371 --> 01:05:13,360
...Arnie Shankman.
1012
01:05:13,539 --> 01:05:16,736
We do desire a confrontation with him,
do we not?
1013
01:05:17,509 --> 01:05:20,740
What? Do you mean the kid
who bullied me in fifth grade?
1014
01:05:20,913 --> 01:05:24,906
Dave, I think it's pivotal for you
to confront your childhood nemesis.
1015
01:05:25,251 --> 01:05:28,778
Remember, for 22 more days,
you are mine.
1016
01:05:30,623 --> 01:05:32,386
This is where Arnie Shankman lives?
1017
01:05:36,595 --> 01:05:39,689
You're kidding me. You're going to
make me confront a monk.
1018
01:05:41,033 --> 01:05:42,193
Great.
1019
01:05:48,107 --> 01:05:50,940
Are you ashamed that you
never stood up to him?
1020
01:05:51,110 --> 01:05:52,941
No. He was just a kid lashing out...
1021
01:05:53,112 --> 01:05:55,637
...because his sister got sent
to an insane asylum.
1022
01:05:55,814 --> 01:05:58,374
I'm surprised your research
didn't tell you that.
1023
01:05:59,485 --> 01:06:00,884
This doesn't look like him.
1024
01:06:03,956 --> 01:06:06,049
Excuse me, Arnie Shankman?
1025
01:06:07,293 --> 01:06:09,955
Sorry about waking you up.
1026
01:06:10,729 --> 01:06:13,129
My name is Pana Kamanana...
1027
01:06:13,632 --> 01:06:16,760
...but, yes, I was once known
as Arnie Shankman.
1028
01:06:17,136 --> 01:06:18,296
Arnie....
1029
01:06:18,470 --> 01:06:20,961
Pana Kamanana...
1030
01:06:21,407 --> 01:06:23,602
...Dave Buznik
from elementary school.
1031
01:06:25,077 --> 01:06:27,011
David Buznik.
1032
01:06:27,313 --> 01:06:30,282
This is the last place I thought
I'd find you, a monastery.
1033
01:06:30,449 --> 01:06:34,044
You could say I've gone through
a rather dramatic transformation.
1034
01:06:34,219 --> 01:06:36,449
Could you excuse him for a second,
Peanuts?
1035
01:06:38,490 --> 01:06:40,720
His name's not Peanuts.
It's Pana Manapia.
1036
01:06:40,893 --> 01:06:44,329
You want me to fight a monk?
He's not even allowed to hurt a plant.
1037
01:06:44,496 --> 01:06:47,932
For Pete's sake, this is the monk
that twisted your tits!
1038
01:06:48,100 --> 01:06:50,534
Confront him or you're going to prison!
1039
01:06:50,769 --> 01:06:53,294
All right. All right. All right.
1040
01:06:58,911 --> 01:07:02,074
Anyways, what I wanted to say to you
was...
1041
01:07:02,448 --> 01:07:06,612
...when we were kids, you kind of
bullied me around a little bit...
1042
01:07:06,785 --> 01:07:11,188
...and I never really did anything
to deserve that kind of treatment.
1043
01:07:11,423 --> 01:07:13,891
Of course not. I was a real cretin then.
1044
01:07:14,126 --> 01:07:16,526
I did a lot of horrible things as a kid.
1045
01:07:16,695 --> 01:07:19,960
I pushed you around.
I called you nasty names.
1046
01:07:20,232 --> 01:07:22,962
You pulled my gym shorts down
in front of Sara Plowman.
1047
01:07:24,570 --> 01:07:27,130
That actually was pretty funny.
1048
01:07:27,639 --> 01:07:29,800
Jeez, I don't think that it was.
1049
01:07:30,042 --> 01:07:33,239
Now, come, David.
Humor is the spice of life.
1050
01:07:33,479 --> 01:07:35,447
The look on your face was priceless.
1051
01:07:35,981 --> 01:07:38,506
"Oh! Sara saw my pee-pee!"
1052
01:07:39,585 --> 01:07:42,213
So Pena likes the spicy humor.
1053
01:07:42,421 --> 01:07:46,414
Maybe he'd enjoy the knee-slapper
you told me about the great Buddha.
1054
01:07:46,592 --> 01:07:48,150
What did you say about Buddha?
1055
01:07:48,327 --> 01:07:51,956
Dave said, "How does a guy
who weighs over 600 pounds...
1056
01:07:52,131 --> 01:07:55,259
...have the balls to teach people
about self-discipline?"
1057
01:07:56,435 --> 01:07:58,266
Let's not make fun of my God, here.
1058
01:07:58,437 --> 01:08:01,998
You know what else Dave finds
particularly piquant?
1059
01:08:02,241 --> 01:08:05,802
Recalling your nut-job sister
struggling with her underpants...
1060
01:08:05,978 --> 01:08:07,036
...in a straitjacket.
1061
01:08:07,212 --> 01:08:08,543
You think that's funny?
1062
01:08:08,714 --> 01:08:10,807
Dave used to con her
into getting naked...
1063
01:08:10,983 --> 01:08:13,747
...by saying that her clothes
had ghosts in them.
1064
01:08:13,919 --> 01:08:15,147
That never happened.
1065
01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:17,413
Then he'd pull out his winkie
and tell her...
1066
01:08:17,589 --> 01:08:20,251
...it was a strawberry ice-cream cone.
1067
01:08:21,326 --> 01:08:24,056
Is that what you've come here
to tell me?
1068
01:08:24,229 --> 01:08:27,096
Did you expose yourself...
1069
01:08:27,399 --> 01:08:28,593
...to my sister?
1070
01:08:30,569 --> 01:08:34,903
-And don't shove me again.
-It's shower-room humiliation again.
1071
01:08:35,073 --> 01:08:38,565
He's giving you a wet willie and
making you chew on his jockstrap...
1072
01:08:38,744 --> 01:08:40,678
...and fart blossom and all this.
1073
01:08:41,380 --> 01:08:45,817
Answer me, Buznik!
Did you get it on with my sister?
1074
01:08:47,586 --> 01:08:49,577
Over and over again.
1075
01:08:50,956 --> 01:08:53,925
And she moaned like a wildebeest.
1076
01:08:54,092 --> 01:08:56,060
Wildebeest.
1077
01:08:59,298 --> 01:09:01,232
Whoo! Now, that felt good!
1078
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:03,493
I wasn't expecting that
from a Buddhist.
1079
01:09:04,803 --> 01:09:08,295
-I'm a little pissed off right now.
-You all right? You're all right.
1080
01:09:13,745 --> 01:09:15,872
David! David! No, David!
1081
01:09:16,048 --> 01:09:17,675
Easy, boy!
1082
01:09:17,850 --> 01:09:19,215
Sorry.
1083
01:09:20,319 --> 01:09:21,479
Help me, brother.
1084
01:09:21,687 --> 01:09:24,247
-Help me.
-Okay. Come on. Come on.
1085
01:09:24,556 --> 01:09:27,218
Okay, we're even. We're even now.
1086
01:09:27,493 --> 01:09:30,018
-I went crazy. I'm so sorry.
-I started it.
1087
01:09:30,195 --> 01:09:31,719
-I started it.
-It's all right.
1088
01:09:31,897 --> 01:09:33,660
And I'm gonna finish it!
1089
01:09:34,933 --> 01:09:36,901
Now we're even, butt-lick!
1090
01:09:37,269 --> 01:09:39,260
No! Don't! Don't! Don't!
1091
01:09:39,438 --> 01:09:43,169
"What's that, Auntie Em?
It's a twister!"
1092
01:09:43,442 --> 01:09:44,966
My nipples!
1093
01:09:45,143 --> 01:09:47,771
Pena! Look! Your sister's back.
1094
01:09:47,946 --> 01:09:50,346
I got Casper in my clothes!
1095
01:09:52,518 --> 01:09:54,850
-Pretty good.
-Thanks, baby.
1096
01:09:55,020 --> 01:09:56,009
I'll kill you!
1097
01:09:56,955 --> 01:09:58,889
You want that rake?
1098
01:09:59,057 --> 01:10:01,685
You can't get that rake from me!
1099
01:10:01,860 --> 01:10:03,327
Look, everybody!
1100
01:10:03,495 --> 01:10:05,463
Pana Banana's got a heinie.
1101
01:10:05,697 --> 01:10:07,961
-He's got a heinie!
-I give!
1102
01:10:08,133 --> 01:10:09,828
-I give!
-All right. I'm sorry.
1103
01:10:10,235 --> 01:10:13,466
-Friends?
-You suck!
1104
01:10:16,542 --> 01:10:17,531
Shankman!
1105
01:10:17,709 --> 01:10:20,200
Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!
1106
01:10:20,412 --> 01:10:22,505
-I've seen enough.
-Hold it right there.
1107
01:10:22,681 --> 01:10:24,911
This party's by invitation only.
1108
01:10:28,854 --> 01:10:31,084
Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!
1109
01:10:37,462 --> 01:10:39,453
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
1110
01:10:45,604 --> 01:10:47,697
Hold it back there! Come on, come on.
1111
01:10:47,873 --> 01:10:48,931
Start the car!
1112
01:10:49,107 --> 01:10:51,200
Go! Go! Go! Come on, let's go!
1113
01:10:51,376 --> 01:10:53,469
Now! Now! Now! Now!
1114
01:11:00,452 --> 01:11:01,612
Oh, boy!
1115
01:11:01,787 --> 01:11:03,618
We were like Butch and Sundance!
1116
01:11:03,789 --> 01:11:07,247
Oh, my God! I thought you
were going to shoot somebody!
1117
01:11:11,330 --> 01:11:14,390
You really threw me some curves
back there, kid.
1118
01:11:14,566 --> 01:11:17,296
I never expected it to go that way.
1119
01:11:17,736 --> 01:11:20,466
But you kicked some serious
monk ass there, baby.
1120
01:11:20,639 --> 01:11:22,334
You're damn right, baby!
1121
01:11:22,574 --> 01:11:26,066
-How did it feel?
-I feel good! I feel incredible!
1122
01:11:26,311 --> 01:11:30,407
I feel bad about molesting his sister
all those times, but it's all right!
1123
01:11:31,249 --> 01:11:35,185
-You really molested a crazy girl?
-No. Got you.
1124
01:11:37,522 --> 01:11:40,923
Congratulations, keed,
you've reached level three.
1125
01:11:45,030 --> 01:11:47,828
I would never have done anything
with that girl.
1126
01:11:48,000 --> 01:11:52,528
Don't worry. Dr. Rydell explained
everything to me, and I get it.
1127
01:11:52,704 --> 01:11:57,767
Dr. Rydell brought up an interesting
fact about me being a procrastinator...
1128
01:11:57,943 --> 01:12:01,174
...and I was going to wait
for a Yankee game to do this...
1129
01:12:01,346 --> 01:12:02,540
...but....
1130
01:12:02,781 --> 01:12:06,774
I don't know. I.... It's something
I wanted to say to you...
1131
01:12:06,985 --> 01:12:10,716
...and I'm having a hard time saying it
for some reason. But....
1132
01:12:13,058 --> 01:12:17,119
It's just that monks, they talk shit...
1133
01:12:17,295 --> 01:12:19,092
...but they can't back it up.
1134
01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:24,769
That's what was so hard
to say to me?
1135
01:12:30,375 --> 01:12:34,812
You know, when I was on the phone
with Buddy, he gave me some advice.
1136
01:12:34,980 --> 01:12:38,916
That's great.
His advice is a little cuckoo...
1137
01:12:39,151 --> 01:12:41,051
...but somehow it works.
1138
01:12:41,219 --> 01:12:44,382
Well, then I guess I'll just do
what he suggested.
1139
01:12:48,060 --> 01:12:51,029
I don't think that we should
see each other for a while.
1140
01:12:51,897 --> 01:12:56,095
Buddy thinks that a trial separation
will ultimately...
1141
01:12:57,135 --> 01:12:59,330
...strengthen our relationship.
1142
01:13:05,844 --> 01:13:07,471
Now, Fury Fighters...
1143
01:13:07,646 --> 01:13:10,877
...what keys do we need to possess
before we can--?
1144
01:13:11,049 --> 01:13:12,414
Dave. You're late.
1145
01:13:12,584 --> 01:13:15,519
-Can I talk to you alone, please?
-Sure you can--
1146
01:13:24,763 --> 01:13:27,527
You told Linda we should have
a trial separation?
1147
01:13:27,733 --> 01:13:29,030
-Yes.
-Yes?!
1148
01:13:29,267 --> 01:13:30,393
Yes!
1149
01:13:30,669 --> 01:13:34,298
Separating from Linda
is a crucial part of our strategy.
1150
01:13:34,473 --> 01:13:36,703
My strategy is to keep my girlfriend.
1151
01:13:36,975 --> 01:13:40,138
All right. Strictly as a friend.
1152
01:13:40,679 --> 01:13:43,375
Linda's been thinking about
leaving you for some time.
1153
01:13:43,882 --> 01:13:47,215
She loves you, but she
recognizes you're a neurotic mess.
1154
01:13:47,486 --> 01:13:48,475
You're jealous...
1155
01:13:48,653 --> 01:13:52,851
...self-Ioathing, resentful, insecure
and a premature ejaculator.
1156
01:13:53,225 --> 01:13:55,455
She told you I was
a premature ejaculator?
1157
01:13:55,627 --> 01:13:56,992
That part I was assuming.
1158
01:13:57,629 --> 01:13:59,927
I haven't done that in,
like, eight months.
1159
01:14:00,098 --> 01:14:05,559
Anyway, a trial separation will make
you both gain a deeper appreciation...
1160
01:14:05,804 --> 01:14:07,897
...for David Buznik.
1161
01:14:08,473 --> 01:14:12,569
After she dates a couple of losers,
she'll be begging you to take her back.
1162
01:14:17,415 --> 01:14:21,852
So I've been thinking about it,
Linda...
1163
01:14:22,154 --> 01:14:26,648
...and a trial separation is exactly
what we need.
1164
01:14:26,858 --> 01:14:29,918
And if you want to start seeing...
1165
01:14:30,162 --> 01:14:32,858
...other penises-- People...
1166
01:14:35,700 --> 01:14:37,395
...I want you to feel free.
1167
01:14:37,602 --> 01:14:39,570
You sound upset. Are you all right?
1168
01:14:41,907 --> 01:14:46,742
I'm fine. Just date anybody you'd like.
1169
01:14:46,945 --> 01:14:48,845
And don't hold back, okay?
1170
01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:53,244
Because there's a lot of nice guys
out there and I'm cool with it.
1171
01:14:53,451 --> 01:14:55,009
I'll be strong.
1172
01:14:58,390 --> 01:15:01,484
So the guy asked me for change.
I laughed. He cursed.
1173
01:15:01,660 --> 01:15:02,718
I whizzed on him.
1174
01:15:03,361 --> 01:15:06,558
-What else could I do, huh?
-You should've tossed a rock at him.
1175
01:15:06,798 --> 01:15:10,029
That's your solution for everything.
The guy's homeless, right?
1176
01:15:10,268 --> 01:15:12,031
Let him be. Set your anger free.
1177
01:15:12,537 --> 01:15:16,439
Look at you, Lou. You've really calmed
down since working with Dr. B.
1178
01:15:16,608 --> 01:15:18,542
-We all have.
-Hey, fellas.
1179
01:15:19,144 --> 01:15:21,203
Could you bring it down a little bit?
1180
01:15:21,379 --> 01:15:24,212
We're trying to have dinner.
The walls are really thin.
1181
01:15:24,382 --> 01:15:27,146
-This is a free country!
-What's going on with you?!
1182
01:15:27,419 --> 01:15:29,580
-Are you crazy?!
-Go in! Just go in.
1183
01:15:31,623 --> 01:15:33,591
Goosfraba! Goosfraba!
1184
01:15:33,758 --> 01:15:36,818
Goosfraba.
1185
01:15:37,095 --> 01:15:39,620
Very good.
What are you guys doing here?
1186
01:15:39,831 --> 01:15:42,129
I need to see Dr. B. I'm in crisis.
1187
01:15:42,334 --> 01:15:44,962
He's not here.
Why don't you go look for him?
1188
01:15:45,136 --> 01:15:49,596
Davey, your girlfriend stopped by
and she dropped these off for you.
1189
01:15:50,842 --> 01:15:53,242
Those are her keys to my apartment.
1190
01:15:53,411 --> 01:15:55,641
I think your girlfriend's cheating
on you.
1191
01:15:55,981 --> 01:15:58,643
-Why?
-I heard her on her cell phone...
1192
01:15:58,817 --> 01:16:00,512
...talking to a guy...
1193
01:16:01,019 --> 01:16:04,284
-...making a date.
-I'm so sorry, Dave.
1194
01:16:04,689 --> 01:16:06,122
Andrew.
1195
01:16:06,358 --> 01:16:07,552
I'll kill that guy.
1196
01:16:09,127 --> 01:16:12,460
She ain't cheating on me by the way.
We agreed to take a break.
1197
01:16:12,631 --> 01:16:16,123
She's not taking a break
from the old sausage, huh?
1198
01:16:16,701 --> 01:16:17,690
Sorry.
1199
01:16:17,969 --> 01:16:20,733
She's meeting the Andrew at Mort's
on 86th Street now...
1200
01:16:20,906 --> 01:16:22,168
...if you want to go watch.
1201
01:16:24,175 --> 01:16:26,507
No. No, I can't do that.
1202
01:16:32,150 --> 01:16:33,139
We're here.
1203
01:16:33,752 --> 01:16:36,915
-Both of you showed up?
-You like Stacy better or something?
1204
01:16:37,088 --> 01:16:41,252
It's just that I want to go on a fake
date to get my girlfriend jealous...
1205
01:16:41,426 --> 01:16:43,587
...so I really only needed
one of you guys.
1206
01:16:43,828 --> 01:16:45,762
Well, now she'll be twice as jealous.
1207
01:16:45,997 --> 01:16:49,091
-So do you know the guy she's with?
-I think I might.
1208
01:16:49,267 --> 01:16:50,564
Let me ask you something.
1209
01:16:50,735 --> 01:16:54,933
Because of your profession
you probably have seen a lot of them.
1210
01:16:55,106 --> 01:16:59,440
Does size count at all, or is that just
some weird thing guys think about?
1211
01:16:59,611 --> 01:17:02,478
This is where Gina and I
always get into a heated debate.
1212
01:17:02,647 --> 01:17:04,478
I like them when they're really big.
1213
01:17:04,649 --> 01:17:07,345
And I think it's better
when they're enormous.
1214
01:17:14,426 --> 01:17:15,825
Good evening.
1215
01:17:15,994 --> 01:17:18,121
Table for three?
1216
01:17:18,296 --> 01:17:21,163
-May we take your coats?
-No. We're okay.
1217
01:17:21,333 --> 01:17:23,665
The girls are gonna
take their coats off.
1218
01:17:23,835 --> 01:17:25,996
Would you like a boobs--? Booth?
1219
01:17:29,607 --> 01:17:33,805
Actually, could you give us a table
overlooking that table right there?
1220
01:17:33,979 --> 01:17:35,947
-Sure. Right this way.
-Thank you.
1221
01:17:39,684 --> 01:17:42,710
Oh, my God. It's Stacy and Gina.
1222
01:17:42,887 --> 01:17:44,286
Who?
1223
01:17:44,456 --> 01:17:45,980
Nobody.
1224
01:17:46,191 --> 01:17:48,421
I'm so hungry I could eat you, Dave.
1225
01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:50,250
Yummy. Yummy.
1226
01:17:51,563 --> 01:17:54,088
-Let's get wasted tonight.
-Definitely.
1227
01:17:54,265 --> 01:17:57,428
Have fun.
Lucky son of a bitch.
1228
01:17:59,637 --> 01:18:01,537
What?
1229
01:18:03,541 --> 01:18:05,236
I can't believe this.
1230
01:18:05,410 --> 01:18:06,741
Excuse me.
1231
01:18:06,911 --> 01:18:11,575
Linda. I'm a little embarrassed. I
didn't know you were going to be here.
1232
01:18:11,783 --> 01:18:14,217
I guess not. Are those your friends?
1233
01:18:14,386 --> 01:18:18,152
I'm supposed to date other people
so I figured I'd give it a try.
1234
01:18:22,660 --> 01:18:26,152
Gina, can you stop sucking
on Stacy's finger for one second?
1235
01:18:26,331 --> 01:18:28,492
I want to introduce you to somebody.
1236
01:18:29,067 --> 01:18:32,400
-Stacy, Gina, this is Linda.
-Nice to meet you.
1237
01:18:32,670 --> 01:18:35,332
And I'd like you to meet my date.
1238
01:18:35,907 --> 01:18:38,671
Ladies, this is Buddy Rydell.
1239
01:18:39,210 --> 01:18:41,940
-Look, Dave, it's Buddy.
-I see.
1240
01:18:42,113 --> 01:18:45,048
-You know Stacy and Gina?
-Yes, yes, I do.
1241
01:18:45,216 --> 01:18:47,946
We're in Dave's anger group.
Fury Fighters!
1242
01:18:49,554 --> 01:18:52,148
Well, gee whiz.
Here's your R�my, Linda.
1243
01:18:52,357 --> 01:18:54,291
This is a bit awkward.
1244
01:18:54,459 --> 01:18:56,017
I mean, group members...
1245
01:18:56,194 --> 01:18:58,628
...are not supposed to get
romantically involved.
1246
01:18:58,797 --> 01:19:01,732
-Yeah! I agree with that.
-You know that.
1247
01:19:01,900 --> 01:19:04,994
I'd like to talk to you alone
for a second.
1248
01:19:05,170 --> 01:19:08,901
There's a rage control technique I'd
like to go over with you right now.
1249
01:19:09,074 --> 01:19:10,735
Of course. Excuse me--
1250
01:19:12,243 --> 01:19:13,301
What?
1251
01:19:15,313 --> 01:19:17,747
-Two of the usual, Duke.
-Coming right up, Dr. B.
1252
01:19:17,916 --> 01:19:20,783
You're the biggest backstabbing
piece of crap I ever met.
1253
01:19:21,753 --> 01:19:22,913
What are you saying?
1254
01:19:23,088 --> 01:19:25,318
I'm trying to give you a hand.
It's my job.
1255
01:19:25,490 --> 01:19:28,118
Bullshit!
Your job is to steal my girlfriend?!
1256
01:19:28,326 --> 01:19:30,658
My job is trying to prevent
Mr. Andrew...
1257
01:19:30,829 --> 01:19:33,764
...from unleashing the Whopper
with Cheese.
1258
01:19:34,265 --> 01:19:36,961
That's right. Since you've
been out of the picture...
1259
01:19:37,135 --> 01:19:39,831
...Andrew's been burning up the wires
night and day...
1260
01:19:40,105 --> 01:19:43,597
...trying to rekindle those
hotsie-totsie nights up at Brown U.
1261
01:19:43,775 --> 01:19:46,642
-How would you know?
-You think I only tapped your phone?
1262
01:19:46,845 --> 01:19:48,312
What was she saying?
1263
01:19:48,513 --> 01:19:52,279
The good news is, I already launched
a preemptive strike.
1264
01:19:52,450 --> 01:19:55,283
Now the situation is contained.
1265
01:19:55,453 --> 01:19:57,444
You and I control the game.
1266
01:19:57,689 --> 01:19:58,678
How?
1267
01:19:58,857 --> 01:20:02,190
I will be uncharacteristically
aggressively boring.
1268
01:20:02,360 --> 01:20:06,296
I keep talking about myself,
acting arrogant and obnoxious.
1269
01:20:06,631 --> 01:20:09,464
When Linda sees what
the dating world is really like...
1270
01:20:09,634 --> 01:20:13,297
...then guess who comes out
smelling like a white mushroom?
1271
01:20:17,208 --> 01:20:20,644
-You swear to me this will work?
-The ball's already up in the air.
1272
01:20:20,979 --> 01:20:23,812
Incidentally, nice move
bringing the girls.
1273
01:20:24,482 --> 01:20:27,474
Very strong. Come on.
1274
01:20:27,652 --> 01:20:30,348
I'll see you at home
in a half-hour, keed.
1275
01:20:32,991 --> 01:20:35,391
That's 25 dollars, pal.
1276
01:20:35,627 --> 01:20:37,322
We don't....
1277
01:21:11,429 --> 01:21:13,260
Where were you? It's 1:00.
1278
01:21:13,498 --> 01:21:17,628
When you hear what happened, you'll
bow down and worship me like a god.
1279
01:21:17,802 --> 01:21:19,929
-Better be good. Give it to me.
-Okay.
1280
01:21:20,104 --> 01:21:23,164
After dinner, she insisted we go home.
So we hop on the bus--
1281
01:21:23,341 --> 01:21:25,901
The bus? You took the bus?
What happened to your car?
1282
01:21:26,077 --> 01:21:27,704
I was way too smashed to drive.
1283
01:21:27,879 --> 01:21:33,112
I told her I didn't want to waste money
on a cab. That did not go down well.
1284
01:21:34,185 --> 01:21:35,675
Okay. I like that.
1285
01:21:35,853 --> 01:21:38,014
So we get to her house...
1286
01:21:38,356 --> 01:21:41,519
...we have some kind of a weird
argument...
1287
01:21:41,693 --> 01:21:45,026
...about the number of syllables
in a haiku.
1288
01:21:45,196 --> 01:21:46,561
Poetry garbage.
1289
01:21:46,831 --> 01:21:50,130
She said it was getting late,
we kissed and I headed on home.
1290
01:21:51,169 --> 01:21:54,002
Now, you say you kissed?
1291
01:21:54,205 --> 01:21:56,867
It was nothing. Little five-second kiss.
That's all.
1292
01:21:57,041 --> 01:21:58,531
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
1293
01:21:58,776 --> 01:22:01,267
You're having this horrible evening.
1294
01:22:01,446 --> 01:22:04,882
-How do you end up kissing, again?
-I wish I knew, keed.
1295
01:22:05,049 --> 01:22:07,643
We were both pretty geezed up.
1296
01:22:07,885 --> 01:22:11,719
One second we're fighting,
and the next second we're laughing...
1297
01:22:11,956 --> 01:22:14,288
...and then just a quick
10-second kiss.
1298
01:22:14,459 --> 01:22:16,927
I thought that you said five seconds.
1299
01:22:17,095 --> 01:22:18,756
First it was a five-second one...
1300
01:22:18,930 --> 01:22:22,297
...and then a little break because
my beard gave her a tickle.
1301
01:22:22,634 --> 01:22:25,432
She's cute.
And then a 10-second Frencher.
1302
01:22:26,571 --> 01:22:30,803
You had your crazy, corroded tongue
in my girlfriend's mouth?
1303
01:22:32,510 --> 01:22:35,343
Just a second. Just one second, Dave.
1304
01:22:35,647 --> 01:22:38,377
Dr. B, let it bip.
1305
01:22:39,050 --> 01:22:41,143
Well, hello.
1306
01:22:43,054 --> 01:22:45,318
I shouldn't really talk right now.
1307
01:22:45,990 --> 01:22:48,652
Well, I suppose you're right.
1308
01:22:50,061 --> 01:22:51,892
It's got to be done.
1309
01:22:53,498 --> 01:22:54,726
Who was that? Linda?
1310
01:22:58,903 --> 01:23:02,999
I've got some good news for you
and some potentially upsetting news.
1311
01:23:03,174 --> 01:23:05,005
First, the good news.
1312
01:23:05,176 --> 01:23:07,838
I'm going to sign your papers.
You're a free man.
1313
01:23:08,012 --> 01:23:10,242
Let me hear
the potentially upsetting news.
1314
01:23:11,416 --> 01:23:14,908
Linda and I have fallen
for one another.
1315
01:23:15,086 --> 01:23:16,519
Pretty hard too.
1316
01:23:16,854 --> 01:23:19,914
David, I hope you believe me
when I say this:
1317
01:23:20,091 --> 01:23:21,922
I didn't intend for this to happen.
1318
01:23:22,093 --> 01:23:24,857
It was no one's fault, I guess.
It was just--
1319
01:23:25,029 --> 01:23:26,587
Wait a minute.
1320
01:23:30,702 --> 01:23:32,636
I figured this out.
1321
01:23:39,610 --> 01:23:41,043
You're messing with me.
1322
01:23:41,746 --> 01:23:43,441
I wish I were, Dave.
1323
01:23:43,948 --> 01:23:48,783
However, I did insist that we not
go forward without your blessing...
1324
01:23:48,953 --> 01:23:53,890
...because we're best friends.
So, what do you say, Dave?
1325
01:23:54,459 --> 01:23:57,292
Is it all right if I date your ex?
1326
01:24:01,733 --> 01:24:03,291
Welcome back, Mr. Buznik.
1327
01:24:03,468 --> 01:24:06,130
I am appalled by your assault
on Dr. Rydell.
1328
01:24:06,304 --> 01:24:09,705
Obviously, anger management
has been a complete failure for you.
1329
01:24:09,874 --> 01:24:13,833
I'm setting a trial date for 3 weeks
from today for attempted murder.
1330
01:24:14,011 --> 01:24:17,777
As for Dr. Rydell's safety,
I'm issuing a restraining order.
1331
01:24:17,949 --> 01:24:21,282
Which means that at no time can you
come within 500 feet of him...
1332
01:24:21,452 --> 01:24:23,818
...or his lovely new girlfriend, Linda.
1333
01:24:23,988 --> 01:24:25,717
Court is adjourned.
1334
01:24:44,742 --> 01:24:46,471
Coming, Peaches.
1335
01:24:55,086 --> 01:24:56,781
Are you kidding me?
1336
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:05,586
Numb-nuts, where's the catalog
for my Fat Cat clothing line?
1337
01:25:05,763 --> 01:25:07,230
I said I'd have it by 3.
1338
01:25:08,833 --> 01:25:11,063
-Okay.
-Get in gear.
1339
01:25:14,705 --> 01:25:16,138
I'm so sorry I'm late.
1340
01:25:16,307 --> 01:25:18,969
I hope you have it.
My presentation's in two hours.
1341
01:25:19,143 --> 01:25:22,237
What's this? Your fat-shit cat's
been sitting there all day.
1342
01:25:22,513 --> 01:25:23,946
Don't worry about him.
1343
01:25:24,115 --> 01:25:27,016
Here you go.
I think you're gonna like it.
1344
01:25:34,459 --> 01:25:35,483
It's good stuff.
1345
01:25:36,260 --> 01:25:38,228
That's a good picture, I think.
1346
01:25:40,064 --> 01:25:41,395
What the hell is this?!
1347
01:25:41,566 --> 01:25:44,626
You keep telling everybody you
created the Husky Cat line.
1348
01:25:44,869 --> 01:25:47,303
I thought you'd want your picture
in there. No?
1349
01:25:47,472 --> 01:25:49,770
Question: Can I get two couches
in my office?
1350
01:25:49,941 --> 01:25:52,569
If friends come over, I want them
to feel comfortable.
1351
01:25:52,743 --> 01:25:53,801
What office?
1352
01:25:53,978 --> 01:25:58,347
Frank was nice enough to give me
some creative executive position.
1353
01:26:00,251 --> 01:26:03,220
-You gave him the job that I wanted?
-He earned it.
1354
01:26:03,387 --> 01:26:05,855
Why can't you be happy for me?
Linda's gonna be.
1355
01:26:06,123 --> 01:26:08,887
Know something?
I'm sick of you hanging out with Linda.
1356
01:26:09,060 --> 01:26:11,551
She dumped you 15 years ago.
Get over it.
1357
01:26:11,729 --> 01:26:13,128
I wouldn't worry about me.
1358
01:26:13,297 --> 01:26:16,494
It's your pal Buddy who's taking her
to the Yankee game tonight.
1359
01:26:17,268 --> 01:26:18,701
Yankee game.
1360
01:26:19,971 --> 01:26:22,132
Did he steal my proposal idea?
1361
01:26:22,807 --> 01:26:25,435
Buznik, your behavior
is unacceptable.
1362
01:26:26,644 --> 01:26:28,475
Unacceptable?
1363
01:26:29,146 --> 01:26:34,140
I've been getting your coffee and
doing your work for five years now.
1364
01:26:34,318 --> 01:26:36,445
When a good position
actually opens up...
1365
01:26:36,687 --> 01:26:39,087
...you give it to the biggest dick
in the world?
1366
01:26:39,257 --> 01:26:43,193
I don't know about the world, but it's
definitely the biggest one in the room.
1367
01:26:44,562 --> 01:26:47,224
Now, when I started here...
1368
01:26:47,431 --> 01:26:50,400
...I was promised advancement
opportunities.
1369
01:26:50,601 --> 01:26:53,729
And breaking that promise, to me,
is unacceptable.
1370
01:26:55,540 --> 01:26:58,634
You see? I golf also.
You should bring me sometime.
1371
01:26:58,876 --> 01:27:03,108
So when I get out of jail, sometime
in the next two to five years...
1372
01:27:03,281 --> 01:27:08,048
...I expect you to give me the position
that Andrew just resigned from.
1373
01:27:08,753 --> 01:27:11,017
-Okay.
-Great.
1374
01:27:11,222 --> 01:27:13,349
Have fun looking like Colonel Klink.
1375
01:27:15,993 --> 01:27:19,554
By the way, his name is not
Fat-shit Cat, it's Meatball...
1376
01:27:19,730 --> 01:27:22,392
...and he's eating your crab cakes
right now.
1377
01:27:28,339 --> 01:27:32,241
-You starting to get excited?
-Are you kidding? I'm out of my mind.
1378
01:27:32,410 --> 01:27:34,071
This is going to be some night.
1379
01:27:36,914 --> 01:27:38,643
Come on. Come on.
1380
01:27:48,492 --> 01:27:51,689
-Dr. B, how's it going?
-Very well, thank you.
1381
01:27:52,263 --> 01:27:54,356
Always a thrill. Right this way.
1382
01:27:57,501 --> 01:27:59,662
Where the hell's a spot?
Where's a spot?
1383
01:28:00,972 --> 01:28:02,064
Whoa! Watch it, man!
1384
01:28:02,239 --> 01:28:02,406
Your attention, please.
1385
01:28:02,406 --> 01:28:03,839
Your attention, please.
1386
01:28:04,008 --> 01:28:05,839
Before tonight's National Anthem...
1387
01:28:06,010 --> 01:28:09,070
...Metropolitan Opera star Robert
Merrill...
1388
01:28:09,246 --> 01:28:14,013
...will present a special moment
for two special people.
1389
01:28:14,251 --> 01:28:16,242
I love when they do this.
1390
01:28:17,254 --> 01:28:20,951
-Good.
-Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Merrill.
1391
01:28:36,007 --> 01:28:37,998
Linda?! Linda!
1392
01:28:56,193 --> 01:28:59,094
What the hell do you think
you're doing?
1393
01:29:00,031 --> 01:29:01,521
Wait, don't I know you?
1394
01:29:01,699 --> 01:29:03,633
-Come on.
-Where's your German accent?
1395
01:29:08,372 --> 01:29:10,237
You have me confused
with somebody--
1396
01:29:10,408 --> 01:29:13,070
I wanna get on the field.
I'm a fan of Mr. Merrill's.
1397
01:29:13,244 --> 01:29:15,872
-There's no fans allowed on that field.
-Galaxia.
1398
01:29:16,947 --> 01:29:17,936
It's Gary.
1399
01:29:18,115 --> 01:29:21,778
Whatever. Someone else will marry
my woman if you don't let me go.
1400
01:29:23,287 --> 01:29:26,381
-Hebrew Melvin's in love.
-Very much.
1401
01:29:27,958 --> 01:29:30,051
I can't stop love.
1402
01:29:30,294 --> 01:29:32,057
-Go.
-Thank you.
1403
01:29:33,564 --> 01:29:36,829
Don't think I don't owe you
a couple smacks by the way.
1404
01:29:37,935 --> 01:29:41,769
Good evening. Tonight, romance
comes to Yankee Stadium.
1405
01:29:44,008 --> 01:29:46,340
Oh, my God, it's Dave.
1406
01:29:46,844 --> 01:29:48,641
What the heck are you doing here?
1407
01:29:48,879 --> 01:29:51,313
-I wanna borrow this for a second.
-That's my mike!
1408
01:29:51,482 --> 01:29:52,972
Linda? Where are you?
1409
01:29:53,684 --> 01:29:54,981
Don't move.
1410
01:29:55,419 --> 01:29:57,910
Linda? Are you out there, honey?
1411
01:29:59,490 --> 01:30:01,515
Linda, I'm not mad at you.
1412
01:30:04,762 --> 01:30:05,922
Oh, shit.
1413
01:30:08,499 --> 01:30:10,524
I know that crazy man
brought you here.
1414
01:30:12,737 --> 01:30:14,671
Davey's going crazy!
1415
01:30:14,839 --> 01:30:17,603
I've done crazier stuff than that
to win back a chick.
1416
01:30:17,775 --> 01:30:19,868
Once I ran naked
through a subway station.
1417
01:30:20,044 --> 01:30:21,443
How was that supposed to work?
1418
01:30:21,946 --> 01:30:24,346
I guess I never really
thought it through.
1419
01:30:26,250 --> 01:30:28,514
I gotta tell you something personal!
1420
01:30:29,687 --> 01:30:31,279
This kid lost his marbles.
1421
01:30:33,257 --> 01:30:34,747
I'm over here!
1422
01:30:36,861 --> 01:30:39,694
Linda, think about
what you're doing to us.
1423
01:30:42,266 --> 01:30:43,858
Sweet tackle. Wow!
1424
01:30:44,034 --> 01:30:45,968
Dave just got leveled!
1425
01:30:47,037 --> 01:30:50,632
-Nobody messes with my microphone.
-I'm sorry.
1426
01:30:50,908 --> 01:30:52,239
Bob?
1427
01:30:53,377 --> 01:30:55,641
-Everything all right, Buddy?
-Oh, yeah.
1428
01:30:55,813 --> 01:30:57,576
I've never seen you so excited.
1429
01:30:57,748 --> 01:31:00,512
It's not every day a man
gets to propose marriage...
1430
01:31:00,684 --> 01:31:02,208
...to the woman he loves.
1431
01:31:02,386 --> 01:31:05,219
Now, here's what I want you to write
on the scoreboard.
1432
01:31:05,389 --> 01:31:09,223
Linda! Linda, I've loved you
since the day I met you!
1433
01:31:09,393 --> 01:31:11,554
I won't let you do this to us!
1434
01:31:12,997 --> 01:31:14,862
Don't marry him!
1435
01:31:15,199 --> 01:31:16,666
Don't marry him!
1436
01:31:18,002 --> 01:31:19,799
Wait!
1437
01:31:20,638 --> 01:31:23,266
Let this man finish
what he came here to say.
1438
01:31:24,175 --> 01:31:25,403
Let the man back in.
1439
01:31:25,576 --> 01:31:28,841
-Who was that guy?
-I think it's Regis Philbin.
1440
01:31:31,382 --> 01:31:34,545
Thank you, Mayor Giuliani.
You're the man, by the way.
1441
01:31:36,353 --> 01:31:39,288
This clown better hurry up.
My arm's starting to ice over.
1442
01:31:39,456 --> 01:31:41,947
Chill, Rocket. Goosfraba.
1443
01:31:42,126 --> 01:31:43,491
Goosfraba.
1444
01:31:44,295 --> 01:31:46,229
Goosfraba.
1445
01:31:49,066 --> 01:31:52,900
I can understand why you wanted
to see other people. I really can.
1446
01:31:53,270 --> 01:31:55,761
Buddy Rydell is a psycho!
1447
01:31:56,273 --> 01:31:58,605
But he was right about one thing.
1448
01:31:59,910 --> 01:32:01,901
I was an angry guy.
1449
01:32:02,446 --> 01:32:04,607
Mainly angry at myself...
1450
01:32:04,782 --> 01:32:07,842
...for letting people treat me like crap
all the time.
1451
01:32:08,285 --> 01:32:10,776
But I don't want to be that angry guy
anymore.
1452
01:32:10,955 --> 01:32:12,354
I wanna change.
1453
01:32:12,690 --> 01:32:14,021
If you give me a chance...
1454
01:32:14,191 --> 01:32:18,025
...I can show you that I got the guts
to stand up for what I believe in.
1455
01:32:18,195 --> 01:32:19,787
And I believe in us, Linda.
1456
01:32:20,064 --> 01:32:24,228
I love you with all my heart,
and I know you love me back.
1457
01:32:25,102 --> 01:32:26,763
I should be your husband...
1458
01:32:27,338 --> 01:32:29,101
...not that weirdo.
1459
01:32:30,574 --> 01:32:35,409
I want to have a family with you.
I want to have kids with you.
1460
01:32:35,579 --> 01:32:38,412
Kids who have your eyes...
1461
01:32:38,582 --> 01:32:39,981
...and your lips...
1462
01:32:40,584 --> 01:32:41,915
...and my...
1463
01:32:42,653 --> 01:32:44,780
...last name.
That's all I wish on them.
1464
01:32:46,957 --> 01:32:49,391
Please marry me, Linda.
1465
01:32:55,165 --> 01:32:58,601
Before I make my decision,
you have to do something for me.
1466
01:33:02,306 --> 01:33:05,469
You have to kiss me
in front of all these people!
1467
01:33:11,448 --> 01:33:13,348
You can do it, David!
1468
01:33:15,319 --> 01:33:17,514
Give her a five-second Frencher!
1469
01:33:21,425 --> 01:33:23,689
Kiss her, David.
1470
01:33:24,595 --> 01:33:26,290
Kiss her, David.
1471
01:33:28,198 --> 01:33:30,029
Kiss her, David!
1472
01:33:31,001 --> 01:33:33,094
Kiss her, David.
1473
01:33:40,678 --> 01:33:42,737
Go Yankees!
1474
01:34:00,097 --> 01:34:02,292
Dave's a dirty boy.
1475
01:34:04,468 --> 01:34:06,060
That wasn't so bad, was it?
1476
01:34:06,570 --> 01:34:10,939
I can't believe you actually
started to fall for that crazy man.
1477
01:34:11,108 --> 01:34:13,474
Buddy's not such a bad guy.
1478
01:34:18,882 --> 01:34:22,079
Congratulations! You just graduated
from anger management!
1479
01:34:44,775 --> 01:34:47,335
I'm glad your car died.
The train's romantic.
1480
01:34:47,511 --> 01:34:49,035
Don't change the subject.
1481
01:34:49,213 --> 01:34:54,082
You're telling me the past two weeks
of my life was just therapy?
1482
01:34:54,284 --> 01:34:55,512
Well....
1483
01:34:55,919 --> 01:34:56,908
Yeah.
1484
01:34:57,254 --> 01:34:59,381
I met with Buddy
after reading his book...
1485
01:34:59,556 --> 01:35:02,923
...and I told him about some
of the things going on in your life...
1486
01:35:03,127 --> 01:35:08,087
...and how upset it was making you
and how nuts it was making me.
1487
01:35:09,767 --> 01:35:13,032
He said that he thought he could help,
but it would be tough.
1488
01:35:13,270 --> 01:35:15,261
So how much of this thing was a
setup?
1489
01:35:15,506 --> 01:35:19,806
Well, the guy in your seat on the
plane, the flight attendant, the judge...
1490
01:35:19,977 --> 01:35:21,968
...they're all friends of Buddy's.
1491
01:35:22,146 --> 01:35:25,513
What about the air marshal
who tasered me? Was he in on it?
1492
01:35:25,682 --> 01:35:27,513
No, he was just having a bad day.
1493
01:35:27,684 --> 01:35:30,278
Son of a bitch.
1494
01:35:41,999 --> 01:35:44,229
Skipper, how you doing?
1495
01:35:46,236 --> 01:35:49,296
Buddy Rydell, you're a great man.
1496
01:35:49,573 --> 01:35:52,940
I was just doing my job.
I never doubted you for a minute.
1497
01:35:53,277 --> 01:35:55,643
Except when Galaxia
had ahold of you.
1498
01:35:57,548 --> 01:35:59,880
Did you just call that guy
Buddy Rydell?
1499
01:36:01,285 --> 01:36:04,118
A guy named Buddy Rydell
left this card...
1500
01:36:04,288 --> 01:36:05,915
...on what's left of my Lexus!
1501
01:36:06,090 --> 01:36:08,684
Oh, yeah. For insurance purposes.
1502
01:36:08,859 --> 01:36:10,793
Your insurance was canceled!
1503
01:36:13,130 --> 01:36:14,961
Grenada!
1504
01:36:15,799 --> 01:36:19,166
Don't point that gun at Buddy.
I'm the one who smashed your car up.
1505
01:36:19,336 --> 01:36:20,462
-Dave?!
-No!
1506
01:36:20,671 --> 01:36:22,263
I'm sick of guys like this.
1507
01:36:22,439 --> 01:36:24,771
You wanna mess with my friends,
shoot me first.
1508
01:36:24,942 --> 01:36:26,170
-Don't!
-Are you crazy?
1509
01:36:26,510 --> 01:36:27,670
Settle down.
1510
01:36:27,845 --> 01:36:30,507
Butt out! Tough guy's
going to learn a lesson.
1511
01:36:31,849 --> 01:36:35,216
I'm not afraid. Dr. Rydell taught me
not to be afraid of anybody.
1512
01:36:37,688 --> 01:36:39,849
Can I ask you a question, though?
1513
01:36:48,565 --> 01:36:50,192
Got you!
1514
01:36:54,204 --> 01:36:57,196
Dr. B, Davey just pulled a joke on us!
1515
01:36:57,407 --> 01:36:59,739
And how does that
make you feel, Lou?
1516
01:37:11,889 --> 01:37:13,754
Chuck.
1517
01:37:13,924 --> 01:37:16,392
We were just doing a joke.
That's my friend.
1518
01:37:16,593 --> 01:37:17,992
Are you okay?
1519
01:37:21,865 --> 01:37:24,333
He feels stunning.
1520
01:37:25,305 --> 01:38:25,475
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