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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
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00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:08,065
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:11,493
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:14,588
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,166
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,595
♪ Lucky there's a man whopositively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,808 --> 00:00:30,070
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:39,663
God, can you believe that
Trump hung himself in prison?
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00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,378
I know! And that Chris Christie
lost all that weight.
12
00:00:48,740 --> 00:00:51,091
He still looks terrible, though.
13
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,868
(knocking)
14
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,781
- Oh, hey, Joe.
- Hey, Peter. If you have a sec,
15
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,874
there's something
I want to talk to you about.
16
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,376
PETER:
Oh, boy, this is it.
17
00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:03,287
He wants me to have sex
with Bonnie.
18
00:01:03,388 --> 00:01:05,597
Now, remember, Peter,
you can't say yes right away.
19
00:01:05,791 --> 00:01:07,382
You let him talk you into it.
20
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:10,736
He's watching for that.
It's part of the dance.
21
00:01:10,887 --> 00:01:12,813
I will absolutely have sex
with Bonnie.
22
00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:15,056
JOE:
Sorry, Peter, you're too eager.
23
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,483
So, I came over to invite you
24
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,577
to Susie's christening
this weekend.
25
00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:21,413
- Oh.
- And I don't just want you
to be a guest.
26
00:01:21,606 --> 00:01:24,324
I was wondering if you'd
be willing to be the godfather.
27
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,585
- Godfather?
- Yeah, you're my best friend,
28
00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:29,904
and, well, I'd like you to be
Susie's godfather, too.
29
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,499
- Godfather II?
- Wow, you're really warming
to this.
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00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:35,652
Well, you've made
two very compelling arguments.
31
00:01:35,671 --> 00:01:39,014
Perhaps we should discuss this
further in my poorly-lit den.
32
00:01:40,384 --> 00:01:41,916
So, about this offer...
33
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,751
What are you guys discussing?
34
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,587
And when did we get a den?
35
00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,497
Sorry, Lois,
half of being a godfather
36
00:01:47,516 --> 00:01:49,257
is closing the door
in your wife's face
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00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:51,351
while she wonders
what's going on inside.
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00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,487
But I just wanted to...
39
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,446
PETER: I forgot
it was a swinging door.
40
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,424
(bell tolling)
41
00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:19,138
(Italian accent):
DiGiorno. DiGiorno.
42
00:02:19,331 --> 00:02:20,806
Joe Paterno.
43
00:02:20,999 --> 00:02:22,366
DiGiorno.
44
00:02:22,426 --> 00:02:24,368
Damn it, Peter,
being Susie's godfather
45
00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:25,719
doesn't mean you're in the mob.
46
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,737
And you can't bring a cat
to church.
47
00:02:27,739 --> 00:02:30,056
Why not? He's Cat'lic.
48
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,541
(cat snickering)
49
00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:34,060
(giggles)
He does a Muttley laugh.
50
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,654
Where's the priest?
51
00:02:35,847 --> 00:02:38,048
Oh, the church ran out
of priests months ago,
52
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'cause of all the diddlin'.
53
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,735
Now they just have a rabbi
fill in.
54
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,053
Shalom, everyone.
55
00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:44,646
Welcome to the christening.
56
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,223
Now, before the child
goes in the water,
57
00:02:46,325 --> 00:02:48,575
has it been at least 20 minutes
since she ate?
58
00:02:48,727 --> 00:02:50,060
- Yes, Rabbi.
- Wonderful.
59
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,837
Then let's dunk this kid
like a doughnut.
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00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:54,322
I hereby christen this child
in the name of Jesus Christ,
61
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,841
who was killed
by we-don't-know-who,
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00:02:56,034 --> 00:02:57,509
it's not important.
63
00:02:57,702 --> 00:02:59,494
The last thing we want to do
is point fingers...
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00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,513
Can you please take my daughter
out of the water?
65
00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:03,240
Sorry.
66
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,166
Congratulations, sweetie,
you're a Christian.
67
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:07,853
From now on, every Sunday
you get to eat a hard cookie
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00:03:08,046 --> 00:03:10,230
and pretend it's a guy.
69
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:15,277
♪ ♪
70
00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,700
Coffee in the smallest cup
we have, as you requested.
71
00:03:21,851 --> 00:03:23,276
- Grazie.
- And let me assure you,
72
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,353
any shouting you hear
from the kitchen
73
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,689
is not Gordon Ramsay
tearing us apart.
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00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,933
GORDON RAMSAY:
Oh, disgusting!
75
00:03:29,952 --> 00:03:31,693
- (dish shatters)
- Scusi.
76
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,713
Oh, God, here comes Doug.
He just got a race car bed,
77
00:03:34,906 --> 00:03:36,864
and now I'm gonna have to hear
about it.
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00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:39,960
Hey, Stewie.
Still sleeping in the slow lane?
79
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,554
(forced chuckling)
Okay. Okay.
80
00:03:42,706 --> 00:03:44,706
So, your mom still taking you
to the ladies' room
81
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,950
- to go pee-pee?
- Actually, yes.
82
00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:49,377
Yeah, me, too.
I don't like the men's room.
83
00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:51,396
All the urinals
are at mouth level.
84
00:03:51,589 --> 00:03:54,474
I don't look at those.
I'm too busy fixing my hair
85
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,884
in the mirror...
Oh! I'm sorry.
86
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,645
Ciao, Stewie!
87
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,146
God, that was humiliating.
88
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:02,074
This party
has turned south quick.
89
00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:04,985
Like Bryan Singer's remake
of Casablanca.
90
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,229
Here's looking at you,
actual kid.
91
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,156
Everyone,
I'd like to say a few words.
92
00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:12,066
Uh, it's a very special day,
93
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,327
as we dedicate Susie's life
to Christ
94
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,088
before she can consent to it
95
00:04:16,281 --> 00:04:18,648
or have any conception
of what's happening.
96
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:21,318
Susie once licked a booger
off my hand.
97
00:04:21,378 --> 00:04:23,487
- I'm Chris, by the way.
- Thanks, Chris,
98
00:04:23,505 --> 00:04:25,171
but let's wait
till we're called upon, bud.
99
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,157
Anyway,
thank you all for coming.
100
00:04:27,259 --> 00:04:28,750
And to the host.
101
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,752
Joe, thank you for having us
in this restaurant
102
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,588
with a painted wall
that makes Venice look terrible.
103
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,515
OTHERS:
To Joe!
104
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,775
Everyone, enjoy.
105
00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:38,668
Uh, for the kids,
we've got games
106
00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:40,779
and also a party princess
dressed as Elsa
107
00:04:40,972 --> 00:04:42,672
who's clearly a prostitute,
108
00:04:42,733 --> 00:04:44,283
but please
don't proposition her here,
109
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,193
just nod in her direction--
trust me, she'll get it.
110
00:04:47,346 --> 00:04:49,121
It's her profession.
111
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,536
Oh, cool, they got a piñata!
112
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,022
- Peter, it's for the kids.
- Like hell it is.
113
00:04:59,082 --> 00:05:00,948
I'm the godfather of this event,
114
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:04,136
and I want a debilitating
wine-and-candy headache.
115
00:05:04,329 --> 00:05:06,138
Give me that, kid.
116
00:05:06,331 --> 00:05:08,307
I'm your son, you dick.
117
00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:10,142
Sir, please,
you're making a scene.
118
00:05:10,335 --> 00:05:12,144
No, I'm not.
I can do whatever I want.
119
00:05:12,337 --> 00:05:13,812
I'm the godfather.
120
00:05:15,006 --> 00:05:16,389
Uh-oh.
121
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:18,375
I'm-a so sorry, sir.
I didn't know.
122
00:05:18,435 --> 00:05:19,985
Stanley Tucci.
123
00:05:20,136 --> 00:05:21,561
Bobby Cannavale.
124
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,731
Hey! Portuguese waiters
pretending to be Italians!
125
00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:27,050
Get the godfather
whatever he wants!
126
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:30,053
- Godfather?
- There's a new godfather?
- Aw, look at the wall.
127
00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:32,906
Why does Venice
always look-a so terrible?
128
00:05:33,058 --> 00:05:35,241
From now on,
you eat on the house.
129
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:39,504
You will be treated with
the utmost respect, Godfather.
130
00:05:39,697 --> 00:05:43,583
Grazie. Now please name the
menu item I ordered after me.
131
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,251
The dinosaur chicken tenders?
132
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,845
All right,
we'll find something else.
133
00:05:47,038 --> 00:05:48,513
Thank you very much.
134
00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:51,074
Hear that, Doug?
My dad's now the godfather.
135
00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:52,684
And yours is...
136
00:05:52,836 --> 00:05:55,687
VP of Systems Integration
or something?
137
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,522
What was that, Stewie?
138
00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:59,416
I was invited to sit
at the first grade table.
139
00:05:59,518 --> 00:06:01,342
What?!
How'd you get that invite?
140
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,861
Big D energy, Stewie.
141
00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:05,346
You either got it or you don't.
142
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,215
Oh, yeah?
What does the "D" stand for?
143
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,368
- Divorced?
- (others gasp)
144
00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:12,353
- Wh-What?!
- Stewie, my parents are trying
to make it work.
145
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,598
- Gee, Stewie.
- They're doing their best.
146
00:06:14,658 --> 00:06:16,600
He ended things with the nanny.
147
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,768
Not that it's any
of your business.
148
00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:22,047
Oh, yeah.
Uh, g-g-g-good for them.
149
00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:24,107
Gene and Sheryl
are wonderful people.
150
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:26,776
I-I hope they make it work.
Good vibes. Healing.
151
00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:30,597
G-G-G-God bless you all.
152
00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:40,399
God, I can't believe Mike Pence
came out of the closet
153
00:06:40,550 --> 00:06:43,318
just before he hung himself
in prison.
154
00:06:46,189 --> 00:06:48,890
- Bon Jovi, family.
- Morning, Dad.
155
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,243
Are things gonna change
now that you're a godfather?
156
00:06:51,436 --> 00:06:53,561
Good question, Chris.
And yes, quite a bit.
157
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:56,473
I'll be touching faces
a lot more than I used to.
158
00:06:56,533 --> 00:06:59,976
My boys. My bambinos.
159
00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:01,569
No touch.
160
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,905
And I'll be totally oblivious
to the affair
161
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,924
between my bodyguard
and my wife.
162
00:07:06,117 --> 00:07:08,760
You look very nice today,
Vincenzo.
163
00:07:08,953 --> 00:07:10,762
Hey! She gave you a compliment.
164
00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:13,247
What, do you got cotton
in your ears? Answer her.
165
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,659
Yeah, meathead.
What's with this guy, Pop?
166
00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:18,344
And as a mafioso,
I'll be doing more voice-overs,
167
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:22,015
which will always begin
by naming everyone at the event.
168
00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:23,925
- What does that even mean?
- PETER: There we were- at breakfast.
169
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:26,019
It was me, Chris G.,
170
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,929
Meggs, Lois Griff,
171
00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,263
Little Stew
172
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,007
and Uncle Junior Grandpa Nephew
173
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,767
who was my cousin.
174
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,360
It was one of those breakfasts
where you realize
175
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,121
you put on your boxers
the wrong way
176
00:07:36,314 --> 00:07:38,181
and you need an excuse
to leave the room.
177
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:41,776
- We're out of syrup.
- I'll get it. You stay here.
178
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,778
And will you be
a stricter dad now?
179
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,705
Interesting question.
My value system
180
00:07:45,857 --> 00:07:48,541
will vary wildly
between incredible immorality
181
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,710
and intense social conservatism.
182
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,004
Dad, there's a shipment
of heroin in our driveway.
183
00:07:53,198 --> 00:07:56,216
- Excellent.
- I watched a PG-13 movie
last night.
184
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,459
In your mother's house?
185
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,704
Now, everyone keep eating
until you throw up.
186
00:08:00,764 --> 00:08:03,223
What's this? As a leader
in the Italian community,
187
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:07,043
I'll be getting very upset
about store-bought pasta sauce.
188
00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:08,636
Peter, what the hell?
189
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,489
That was our Prego.
190
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,824
Yeah, and prego means
"you're welcome."
191
00:08:13,017 --> 00:08:15,827
It's a very cocky name
for an average pasta sauce.
192
00:08:16,020 --> 00:08:18,663
The rest of this is just jokes,
but that's kind of a good point.
193
00:08:18,856 --> 00:08:20,557
Now, kids,
before you go to school,
194
00:08:20,659 --> 00:08:22,834
let's discuss what you tell
your friends about me.
195
00:08:23,027 --> 00:08:24,819
That your fingernails
are so filthy
196
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,838
because you do scratchers
all day?
197
00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:28,398
Never talk
about the family business!
198
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:30,083
Things are too hot here
for you now.
199
00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:32,010
You need to go to Italy
for five years.
200
00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:34,087
- What?!
- You're not safe here anymore,
201
00:08:34,239 --> 00:08:36,515
so I'm gonna send you where
all the murderers are from.
202
00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:38,683
♪ ♪
203
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,102
(gasps)
204
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:52,680
A questo brajola
que facia te di.
205
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,533
Rudy Giuliani.
206
00:08:54,684 --> 00:08:58,595
Antipasti di Miguel Corleone
a Sicilia di movies!
207
00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:03,691
Mario Batali el gropo
Buca di Beppo Ford Coppola.
208
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,794
♪ ♪
209
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,674
Ooh! Aah! Mama Mia!
210
00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:16,462
Check it out.
Like all cool mobsters,
211
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,782
my office is at a strip club.
212
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,935
Yeah, but why's it
in a male strip club?
213
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,679
Are you kidding?
Dingaling's is great.
214
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,013
Now, just watch
where you hang your hat.
215
00:09:26,074 --> 00:09:27,515
'Cause of boners.
216
00:09:27,576 --> 00:09:29,684
Now, you three are gonna be
my lieutenants.
217
00:09:29,745 --> 00:09:31,928
And don't worry,
you're all equal in my eyes.
218
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,355
I don't care one bit
if you laugh at my jokes.
219
00:09:34,416 --> 00:09:37,267
I mean, this is the Mafia,
not the Laugh Factory, right?
220
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:39,602
- Ha! That's hilarious.
- Quagmire is now
my top lieutenant.
221
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,029
What?! You said we don't have
to like your jokes.
222
00:09:42,090 --> 00:09:44,883
Well, I didn't realize
it was such a chore.
223
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,793
This is bullcrap.
224
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,612
And, Joe, you're a cop-- how
are you okay with any of this?
225
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,648
Are you asking an Irish cop
why he's corrupt?
226
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:54,133
Question withdrawn.
227
00:09:54,228 --> 00:09:56,135
So, uh,
what do we do now, Peter?
228
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:58,137
Well, now that
we're a Mafia crew,
229
00:09:58,232 --> 00:09:59,956
I have to do voice-over
naming everyone
230
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,791
- at the event.
- What does that even m...
231
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,068
PETER:
There we were at the club.
232
00:10:03,261 --> 00:10:06,387
It was me, Glenn Quags,
Joey Swan
233
00:10:06,448 --> 00:10:08,389
and Downtown
Julie Cleveland Brown.
234
00:10:08,492 --> 00:10:10,984
You remember when there were
two Julie Browns in the '90s?
235
00:10:11,119 --> 00:10:13,303
What a mess.
236
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,471
♪ ♪
237
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,322
With the guys at my side,
238
00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:19,709
we were the most powerful
criminal organization in Quahog
239
00:10:39,481 --> 00:10:41,164
We lived like kings,
240
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,166
until things started
to come apart
241
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:46,427
after the Lufthansa heist.
242
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:52,509
We discussed laying low, but
not everyone agreed with that.
243
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,827
Be careful with this.
244
00:10:53,978 --> 00:10:55,453
We stole it.
245
00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:00,850
Hey, Brian, just a heads-up.
246
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,777
Now that
I'm an Italian mob boss,
247
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,687
I may be treating dogs
more roughly.
248
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,114
Uh, okay.
249
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:09,301
Now, where's my chicken parm
from last night?
250
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:11,452
Oh, I, uh, I ate it.
251
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,287
- You ate it?
- Yeah, there was no name on it.
252
00:11:13,390 --> 00:11:14,472
It was just sitting there.
253
00:11:14,624 --> 00:11:15,473
Is there a problem?
254
00:11:15,666 --> 00:11:17,534
No. No.
255
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,852
No problem.
256
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,557
(engine starts)
257
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:25,966
(grunting)
258
00:11:26,028 --> 00:11:27,986
LOIS:
Peter, I'm home from the market!
259
00:11:28,179 --> 00:11:30,563
I got steak sandwiches
on ciabatta.
260
00:11:30,699 --> 00:11:32,473
Oh, that's way better
than chicken parm.
261
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:35,309
I'm gonna have it
with my last can of cream soda.
262
00:11:35,329 --> 00:11:37,311
Uh, actually,
I finished that, too.
263
00:11:37,372 --> 00:11:38,997
That's okay, Brian.
264
00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:41,558
Let's take a ride and
get some at the grocery store.
265
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,059
Pull over here.
266
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,586
I got to take a leak.
267
00:11:49,259 --> 00:11:51,760
- (gunshots)
- (horn honking)
268
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,162
Leave the gun.
269
00:11:55,265 --> 00:11:58,183
Take the cream soda.
270
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,579
What's going on in here?
271
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,522
Even since Dad became a mobster,
272
00:12:04,674 --> 00:12:07,007
he's been giving me a ton
of Italian children's books.
273
00:12:07,069 --> 00:12:09,176
Green Eggs and Pancetta;
274
00:12:09,237 --> 00:12:11,254
Horton Hears a Yo;
275
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,347
Good Night, Mooks;
276
00:12:13,408 --> 00:12:15,925
and Where the Wild Things Is.
277
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,352
- Stewie, this is ridiculous.
- It's not all bad.
278
00:12:18,455 --> 00:12:20,688
I like having those
Stella D'oro breakfast cookies.
279
00:12:20,791 --> 00:12:22,690
Oh, I ate those, sorry.
280
00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:25,210
Ah, no problem, Brian,
no problem at all.
281
00:12:25,361 --> 00:12:27,921
Hey, what do you say you
and I do a little fishing?
282
00:12:35,097 --> 00:12:37,296
(gunshot)
283
00:12:37,449 --> 00:12:39,206
Peter, I just got a call
from the school.
284
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:40,633
When is Chris coming back?
285
00:12:40,785 --> 00:12:41,634
Not for a while.
286
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,119
He moved in with his girlfriend.
287
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:45,563
But, apparently,
they hit a rough patch.
288
00:12:46,608 --> 00:12:47,899
(door opens)
289
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,291
(both laugh)
290
00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:13,741
Good news, guys.
I'm fixing the Olympics.
291
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,576
I paid a diver to take a dive.
292
00:13:15,637 --> 00:13:17,244
(phone rings)
293
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:19,005
What do you mean he won?
294
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:21,433
You know, Peter, you've been
a mobster for a while now.
295
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,993
I'm surprised we haven't had
any run-ins with rival families.
296
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,179
What are you talking about?
They love me.
297
00:13:26,331 --> 00:13:28,347
Like, look at this, this
morning, totally unprompted,
298
00:13:28,442 --> 00:13:30,349
they sent me
a lovely wrapped fish.
299
00:13:30,485 --> 00:13:31,684
What?
300
00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:33,352
Peter, do you know
what this means?
301
00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:35,113
Yeah, that they're nice guys.
302
00:13:35,306 --> 00:13:37,598
Yesterday, one of them even
drove by my house to say
303
00:13:37,659 --> 00:13:39,451
I had a beautiful family
and it would be a shame
304
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,010
if anything happened to them.
305
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,455
And that's a compliment
and empathy.
306
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,457
When's the last time you guys
said something like that?
307
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:47,850
- Uh, Peter, I'm not sure you...
- And look at this.
308
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:49,961
They found Meg's ear
and returned it.
309
00:13:50,112 --> 00:13:51,688
They returned it!
You know how many guys
310
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,022
would keep something like that?
311
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,857
Peter, please close the box.
312
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,375
I think you need to get wise
to what's going on here,
313
00:13:56,528 --> 00:14:00,363
because their next message
may not be so subtle.
314
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,724
♪ ♪
315
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,988
(screaming)
316
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,158
There it is.
317
00:14:20,351 --> 00:14:23,069
I've been looking for that.
318
00:14:23,221 --> 00:14:25,580
Oh, thank God,
the Mafia doesn't hate me.
319
00:14:27,858 --> 00:14:29,650
"You's dead, fat ass.
320
00:14:29,711 --> 00:14:31,503
Love, the Mafia."
321
00:14:31,654 --> 00:14:32,837
(gasps) Oh, my God.
322
00:14:33,030 --> 00:14:34,914
The Mafia does hate me.
(grunts)
323
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,415
MOBSTER 1:
Lenny, what are you doing?
324
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:37,900
I already threw the rock!
325
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,511
MOBSTER 2:
I wanted to throw the rock.
326
00:14:39,662 --> 00:14:41,571
We talked about this--
you wrote the note,
327
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,164
- I throw the rock.
- So let me get this straight--
328
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,259
I do the homework
and you get to throw the rock?
329
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,503
- I played baseball in college!
- Junior college.
330
00:14:49,564 --> 00:14:52,006
MOBSTER 2:
The coach from University of
Vermont invited me to walk on!
331
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,916
MOBSTER 1:
I didn't even know
you liked chucking rocks.
332
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,434
MOBSTER 2:
Who doesn't like chucking rocks?
333
00:14:55,529 --> 00:14:57,103
I didn't get into the mob
to write letters.
334
00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:00,106
I did it to chuck rocks
and eat sandwiches out of foil.
335
00:15:00,258 --> 00:15:01,591
MOBSTER 1:
Hey, that actually sounds
pretty good.
336
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,276
You want to go get a sandwich?
337
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:04,702
MOBSTER 2:
Sure, from Big Sal's
or Fat Sal's?
338
00:15:04,854 --> 00:15:06,704
MOBSTER 1:
What's the difference?
339
00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,706
MOBSTER 2:
One's big, one's fat.
What's wrong with you today?
340
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,623
God, I can't believe Melania
was deported to Slovenia
341
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,968
and then hung herself
in a European prison.
342
00:15:22,538 --> 00:15:24,389
Man, Peter, what are you
gonna do about the mob?
343
00:15:24,558 --> 00:15:26,391
Don't worry, I got a plan.
344
00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:28,117
I'm gonna hide
and change my identity
345
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,636
to a name no one else
has ever heard of.
346
00:15:30,789 --> 00:15:32,288
Roberta Brown.
347
00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:34,468
Peter, that's
my daughter's name.
348
00:15:34,529 --> 00:15:36,803
No, it's just some girl
I follow on Instagram.
349
00:15:36,864 --> 00:15:38,990
You know, Peter, there may be
a way out of this.
350
00:15:39,141 --> 00:15:40,140
Cops have been trying
to bring down
351
00:15:40,201 --> 00:15:42,051
the Rhode Island mob for years.
352
00:15:42,111 --> 00:15:44,403
If you can schedule a meeting
to discuss your differences
353
00:15:44,497 --> 00:15:47,740
and wear a wire,
we'll arrest them after.
354
00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:49,500
Testify against the mob?
355
00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:51,076
How dumb do you think I am?
356
00:15:51,212 --> 00:15:52,911
(hacking)
357
00:15:53,006 --> 00:15:55,822
- (gasping)
- Oh, my son!
358
00:15:55,842 --> 00:15:58,400
I thought that hard-boiled egg
seemed a little shouty.
359
00:15:58,461 --> 00:15:59,918
All right, I'll do it.
360
00:16:00,071 --> 00:16:02,071
But, man, if I'm in danger,
so is Chris.
361
00:16:02,173 --> 00:16:04,423
I better warn him
to be on the lookout.
362
00:16:04,517 --> 00:16:06,017
(cheering)
363
00:16:09,897 --> 00:16:14,433
La dolce vita de duay quequesta di Beverly Hills BMW.
364
00:16:14,527 --> 00:16:15,934
Ay!
365
00:16:16,087 --> 00:16:18,345
Que cosa mi amor.
366
00:16:18,406 --> 00:16:21,774
Italiana,tu patri telefona Boyardee.
367
00:16:21,868 --> 00:16:26,704
Grazie. Uno momento, Vinny
Testaverde con Carmine Ragusa.
368
00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:29,874
Ciao, Francesco Di Napoli.
369
00:16:34,538 --> 00:16:37,273
Tammy!
370
00:16:37,374 --> 00:16:40,051
♪ ♪
371
00:16:40,219 --> 00:16:42,444
Okay, Peter,
I'm gonna attach the wire now.
372
00:16:42,505 --> 00:16:44,722
And I'm telling you in advance
that it's cold.
373
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:46,390
Aah! Oh, it's cold!
Oh, it's too cold.
374
00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:48,559
- This is why I told you
in advance.
- It's too cold.
375
00:16:48,710 --> 00:16:50,377
- I don't want
to do this anymore.
- Your body heat will warm it.
376
00:16:50,438 --> 00:16:51,711
- I regret this decision deeply.
- Just let your body heat
377
00:16:51,773 --> 00:16:52,730
- do the work.
- Oh, it's fine now.
378
00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:54,957
See? That's the body heat.
379
00:16:55,017 --> 00:16:57,626
Now, if you get into trouble,
department regulations say
380
00:16:57,645 --> 00:16:59,737
we can't go in there
unless you say a code phrase.
381
00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:02,073
Something that you'd never
actually say in conversation
382
00:17:02,266 --> 00:17:03,741
so we know it's a signal.
383
00:17:03,934 --> 00:17:05,892
The phrase is,
384
00:17:05,912 --> 00:17:07,636
"Did you see
the new Paul Rudd movie?
385
00:17:07,696 --> 00:17:09,246
It's laugh-out-loud funny."
386
00:17:09,398 --> 00:17:10,806
Come on,
can't I just say "watchable"?
387
00:17:10,908 --> 00:17:12,641
No, no,
you have to say it exactly.
388
00:17:12,701 --> 00:17:14,977
"Heartwarming"? I-I mean,
I could just say "heartwarming."
389
00:17:15,037 --> 00:17:16,403
Peter, the phrase is the phrase.
390
00:17:16,506 --> 00:17:18,480
Now, you ready to meet
those godfathers?
391
00:17:18,541 --> 00:17:20,240
I guess.
392
00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:22,651
Wonder where the word
"godfather" came from, anyway.
393
00:17:22,670 --> 00:17:25,671
I don't know. I assume
it started with God's father.
394
00:17:25,823 --> 00:17:27,747
(phone rings)
395
00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:30,417
- Yello?
- Hey, Dad, I wrote a big show,
396
00:17:30,478 --> 00:17:32,103
and your grandson Jesus
is in it.
397
00:17:32,271 --> 00:17:34,346
He's kind of the star of it,
really. Can you make it?
398
00:17:34,498 --> 00:17:36,423
(laughs): Well, look at you.
I'm there, pal.
399
00:17:36,484 --> 00:17:38,109
When is it?
When's the big show?
400
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:40,519
- It's Good Friday.
- Oh, don't say Friday.
401
00:17:40,613 --> 00:17:42,354
Ah, I was afraid of that.
402
00:17:42,506 --> 00:17:44,097
Well, there's kind of
a postscript to the story.
403
00:17:44,117 --> 00:17:46,433
- Maybe you could catch that?
- Oh, you betcha, slugger.
404
00:17:46,452 --> 00:17:48,101
- It's on Sunday.
- Oh, you're kidding!
405
00:17:48,162 --> 00:17:51,180
Doesn't anyone do anything
on Tuesdays anymore?
406
00:17:51,198 --> 00:17:53,273
Listen, I'm getting pulled
into this meeting right now,
407
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:54,542
but good luck with your thing.
408
00:17:56,003 --> 00:17:59,872
I promise I'm going to be
so nice to my son.
409
00:18:00,007 --> 00:18:02,007
♪ ♪
410
00:18:04,679 --> 00:18:07,304
JOE:
Okay, Peter, this is it.
411
00:18:08,307 --> 00:18:09,974
Hey, who are you?
412
00:18:10,143 --> 00:18:11,976
Just act natural.
And even though you're miked,
413
00:18:12,145 --> 00:18:13,978
try not to use
your radio voice.
414
00:18:14,171 --> 00:18:15,387
(Rick Dees' voice):
Hey, Providence.
415
00:18:15,481 --> 00:18:17,648
This is Peter Whirlybird Griffin
416
00:18:17,841 --> 00:18:20,376
comin' at you
on a sizzlin' Sunday afternoon.
417
00:18:20,477 --> 00:18:22,211
- Peter, no!
- Wait a minute.
418
00:18:22,313 --> 00:18:24,137
You're the new don from Quahog.
419
00:18:24,198 --> 00:18:25,865
Follow me.
420
00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:31,144
We're glad that you finally
decided to play ball with us.
421
00:18:31,164 --> 00:18:33,664
Let me introduce you
to the other dons.
422
00:18:33,857 --> 00:18:36,333
Don Duck. Don Keykong.
423
00:18:36,526 --> 00:18:39,186
- Don Amnesia.
- Forget about it.
424
00:18:39,188 --> 00:18:41,413
- Don Omatopoeia.
- Bang.
425
00:18:41,507 --> 00:18:44,341
- The Land Don Under.
- You come to me today,
426
00:18:44,534 --> 00:18:46,343
on the day
of me daughter's barbecue.
427
00:18:46,536 --> 00:18:48,328
Don Imus.
428
00:18:48,347 --> 00:18:50,923
The Rutgers basketball team
is Black and disgusting.
429
00:18:51,017 --> 00:18:53,075
That's a wrap for Don Imus.
430
00:18:53,177 --> 00:18:55,669
Finally,
the scariest don of them all:
431
00:18:55,688 --> 00:18:58,022
- Don De-Don-Don.
- Thank you.
432
00:18:58,215 --> 00:19:00,674
I'd like to introduce you all
to my suspenseful son,
433
00:19:00,735 --> 00:19:03,777
Don Don-Don...!
434
00:19:05,889 --> 00:19:08,682
And-and the guy says, "Oh,
I thought you were complaining
435
00:19:08,743 --> 00:19:10,684
about your angina."
436
00:19:10,745 --> 00:19:14,263
- You never told us
a beginning to that joke.
- Oh. Sorry.
437
00:19:14,323 --> 00:19:16,098
JOE:Okay, Peter,the meeting's almost over.
438
00:19:16,158 --> 00:19:18,116
Just don't blow your cover,
and we're home free.
439
00:19:18,211 --> 00:19:20,544
Hey, anybody want to do karaoke
after this?
440
00:19:20,696 --> 00:19:22,862
Sure. I can use
the mic taped to my chest.
441
00:19:22,924 --> 00:19:25,365
Peter, no!
442
00:19:25,384 --> 00:19:28,277
Uh, the new Paul Rudd movie
is watchable.
443
00:19:28,337 --> 00:19:30,221
I repeat, it's very watchable.
444
00:19:30,414 --> 00:19:32,948
Damn it, Peter!
You have to say it exactly.
445
00:19:32,967 --> 00:19:35,601
Fine. It's laugh-out-loud funny.
446
00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:39,045
Freeze! You're all under arrest.
447
00:19:39,106 --> 00:19:40,606
Good job, Peter.
448
00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:43,651
♪ ♪
449
00:19:45,071 --> 00:19:46,462
Freeze!
450
00:19:46,522 --> 00:19:49,298
All right,
nobody do anything stupid.
451
00:19:49,316 --> 00:19:51,075
H-Hold on,
I'm just allowing LinkedIn
452
00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:53,727
to send automated e-mails
to all my contacts.
453
00:19:53,788 --> 00:19:55,971
I said don't do anything stupid.
454
00:19:56,031 --> 00:19:58,732
- (phone chimes)
- "Peter Griffin wants to add you
455
00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:00,417
to his professional network."
456
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,402
Oh! Damn it, Peter!
457
00:20:02,463 --> 00:20:05,339
Hands behind your head.
On the ground.
458
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:07,741
Aw, we're gonna die.
459
00:20:07,843 --> 00:20:10,319
All right. So long, you two.
460
00:20:10,379 --> 00:20:12,179
♪ ♪
461
00:20:15,309 --> 00:20:16,725
(gunshot)
462
00:20:23,776 --> 00:20:26,593
Oh, my God. Thank you.
463
00:20:26,654 --> 00:20:28,696
Prego.
464
00:20:31,284 --> 00:20:33,842
Well, turns out
being a mobster isn't for me.
465
00:20:33,902 --> 00:20:35,769
Well, I'm just happy
you're home safe.
466
00:20:35,871 --> 00:20:37,270
Me, too, Dad.
467
00:20:37,331 --> 00:20:39,439
Has anyone seen
the rest of my white wine?
468
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,366
Sorry, Lois. I drank that.
469
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:44,944
Oh. That's fine, Brian.
470
00:20:45,006 --> 00:20:49,008
Hey, what do you say you and me
go for a walk in the woods?
471
00:20:50,511 --> 00:20:52,377
You know what?
This is kind of nice.
472
00:20:52,471 --> 00:20:55,121
I thought you were gonna do some
kind of Godfather murder on me.
473
00:20:55,141 --> 00:20:57,883
Oh, Brian,
I don't watch Mafia movies.
474
00:20:57,977 --> 00:21:00,477
- But I did see Fargo.
- Huh?
475
00:21:33,679 --> 00:21:35,679
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