Original subtitles

Continue on I-9 north.

Hi, Jacob, hey.

It's Andrew Braddock! From college.

Andrew?

- I don't know an Andrew, sir. - Yeah, it's me.

I think you have the wrong number. No one in college actually knows

who you are, because you are so lame,

- and you never chill anymore, man. - Really? That's odd.

Because I'm literally chilling as we speak.

You must have me confused with someone else.

But hey, maybe this will jog your memory.

You left something in my duffel last week?

I left something in your duffel bag?

Let me give you a hint: it's bigger than a shoebox

but exactly the same size as the beer bong

you bought at Coachella.

Oh, shit, it was my wang, wasn't it?

Dude, you know how much trouble I could be in

if my mom found that?

Oh, my God, I'm sorry, dude, I'm so sorry.

I apologize, but listen, I need the smartest,

the funniest, the most anti-social motherfucker in Boulder

to roll with me to Brad's tonight, so you're coming.

Well, Brad Carnegie's a douchebag, so...

He's not even that bad, and did you even see

the guest list on Facebook, man?

Wait, you know what? I'm just gonna read it to you.

- Hold, please. - Don't, please don’t.

I already saw it.

Well, did you notice anything interesting?

Um... Ronald Farber's a maybe?

No, no, no-no, the ratio, man, it's ridic!

I mean, half the frat guys have chlamydia still.

The other half are on probation.

I mean, look, look, we got... We got Sophia Whitlock.

Yes, please! We got...

the fuck, Dana's coming?

Why is Dana coming, dude?

Hey, dude, dude, dude, my mom's calling me, I gotta go.

- I'll call you back. - Don't hang up the phone, I'm...

- I'll call you right back. - ...talking to you, Andrew! No...

- Hi, Mom. - Andy? Where are you?

- Did you take your father's car? - Yeah, Mom, I should've told you,

- but I... - What? Oh, Andrew.

I don't want you on the road tonight.

There are drunk drivers, it's New Year's Eve.

It's the most dangerous night of the year, I told you that.

Yeah, Mom, I... I know, I know.

I... I'll probably just stay at Dana's tonight.

You're not coming back tonight?

Andrew, I... I can't handle this on my own.

My God, you know that.

But Mom, I'm gonna... I'm... Listen, I'm gonna be back,

first thing in the morning, okay? I promise I'll be there by 10:00 a.m.

I can't hear you! Ugh. What's going on?

Mom... Mom, I gotta go, I'll call you right back.

- I love you. Love you. - Yeah? What?

Shit.

Shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm dead.

I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead.

Oh, shit.

I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead.

Hello, officer.

License and registration.

Yes, sir.

You having a tough time keeping your eyes on the road there?

Oh...

Yes, sir.

Your license?

Uh... where's my...

uh, hang on one... One... one second.

Sorry, sir.

Does Howard know you're tooling around in this thing without a license?

Oh, yes, I mean, no sir, but my... my mother,

Elaine Braddock, she knows that I'm tooling around.

- Howard's your father? - Yes, sir.

Um... if you'll just... sorry.

Well, if you can't produce any identification,

I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me.

Howard can pick up the car on Thursdays.

- Impound's closed on the holidays. - Well, no, he... um...

I mean, I understand, sir, but he... he can't...

I'm sorry?

Sir, he passed away this... this summer.

Officer, I... I had my ID when I got into the vehicle...

- Mr. Braddock. - I... I... just one second.

- If I can... wait... - Mr. Braddock.

I think I found something, one sec...

- Mr. Braddock. - Yes, sir?

I'm letting you off with a warning.

We catch you on the road again without a license,

ticket's gonna be the least of your problems.

Do we understand each other?

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Oh, and son?

Whatever it is, it can wait.

Yes, sir. Thank you so much, sir.

Happy New Year!

Hey, Siri, remind me...

to stop texting and driving.

All right. I've added it to Reminders.