All language subtitles for The.Object.Of.My.Affection.1998.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

(fanfare playing)

(music ends)

(people chattering)

(applause)

Welcome to the Brinkley School
and our first grade show.

I'm George Hanson
and this afternoon,
we are proud to present

our own adaptation
of The Little Mermaid.

Music will be provided
by the Brinkley Trio led by
my co-teacher, Melissa Marx.

(applause)

And now, on with the show.

Hi, I'm Nina Borowski,
and I think all of you
are new here,

so welcome to the Cobble
Hill Community Center.

I'll be your group leader,
and we can talk about
whatever you'd like.

School, home,
jobs, sex, anything.

GEORGE:
Sea snakes.

Stingrays.

Miss anything?

Honey, I just signed Castro.
Shh.

Sea Witch.
Sally, you're on.

(cackling)

I know exactly
what you've come for.

Well, there's this boy
I've been seeing and now
he wants to fuck me.

GIRL #1:
He's only gonna hurt you.

GIRL #1:
Do you wanna fuck him?
Well, he's cute.

(all laughing)
Does he say he loves you?

Yeah, but he just wants
to get in my pants.

But do you love him?
Nina, isn't that right?

Well, I don't know about that.

But what I do know is,
if I have sex with a guy,

I want him to be my friend.

So let's start with--
Do you like him?

I will give you anything
if I can have my prince.

Come with me then.

And whilst my slave girl
weaves her magic spell,

I will cut off your tongue!

Slave girl, play!

♪♪♪♪ (etude)

Where is he?

Who are you
looking for, George?

Just a friend of mine.

He says if I don't
fuck him, he's gonna
find another girlfriend.

All right, look, Kiesha, I don't
claim to be an expert on love,

but I do know it can
screw up your life.

So should I do it?

You can say no.

Keeping your boyfriend happy
is not your full-time job.

You've got school,
family, work,

your friends.

You call the shots.

(applause)
You guys were great.

All right, headed through.
Excuse us. Come on.

Get in line.
Get in line.

Daddy!
Oh, you were great!
You were terrific!

I loved you up there.
Mommy.

Mr. Hanson,
that was a great show.
I think that was your best yet.

Well, we had a great
Sea Witch and a great cast.

Don't be so humble.
I've seen a lot of kids shows.
They bore the hell out of me.

This one had grit.
Grit?

Yeah, the real stuff, you know.
It wasn't all gooey.

Thank you, Mr. Miller.
Call me Sidney.
Come on, guys. Let's go.

George, we're having
a few people over to our
house for dinner tonight.

We'd love it if you'd join us.
Oh, that would be great.
Yeah, do that.

Oh, gosh.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Miller.
I'm meeting a friend.

Well, bring a friend.
It's very casual.

Everyone's dying to meet you.
Yeah.

Really?
Hey, listen, you're a hero.

I mean, Who cares if I can get
Fidel a million dollars
to write his diary?

You're fighting
for the future of this country.
We'll see you at 7:30.

You were so good. I can't
believe how good you were.

SIDNEY: I loved everything...

Where's Dr. Joley?

I'd kill my boyfriend
if he missed my show.

Bye-bye.
Good job, you guys.
That was great.

Just give me back two.

Hey.

Thank you. I got stuck
in a faculty meeting,
and then the subway--

And then the dog
ate your homework.

See you tomorrow, George.

I just hate myself
for missing this.

It's okay, really. It's okay.

Hungry?
I'm in the mood for sushi.
Oh, I wish.

I just told Constance Miller
we'd have dinner at her house.

I'm sorry, Joley,
she ambushed me.

But don't worry,
she said it was casual.

George, Sidney Miller
is the most powerful
literary agent in the world.

Casual to the Millers
is not casual to us.

And actually, I was hoping
we could talk tonight, alone.

Okay, I'll cancel.
Can't cancel.
It's important for your career.

Come on.
We'll talk later.
Are you sure?

Well, I wrote it as
an academic book, but I think
it could be a best seller.

And even a miniseries.
And Sean Connery would make
a great George Bernard Shaw.

Maybe your friend George
could do something with it.

That was a great show
this afternoon.

So did you go
to a teacher's college?
I was premed in college.

Oh, God.
Your poor mother.
CONSTANCE: George.

George, I want you to meet
my great friend, Joyce Meyers.

Oh, Joyce.
Daralee.

How are you? I so wanted
to see your show,

but I got caught up
in a lunch for King Hussein.

Oh, how is he?
Sidney's waiting for his book.
Shall we?

Well, Noor is adorable,
and the children are delicious.

You know, Rosie went
to Princeton with Noor

when she was just
little Lisa Halaby.

(sighs)

(chattering)
JOLEY:
People don't read anymore.

We're in
a post-literate society,
so they don't know what to do--

Dr. Joley seems to have made
a hit with my stepsister.

People learn how to respond--
CONSTANCE: How long
have you two been together?

Uh, four years.
You know, Sidney
represents Ru Paul.

We'll have you all
over sometime.

JOLEY: Sidney,
don't you think it's time

for a revised Encyclopedia
of the American Theater?

CONSTANCE: Emery darling,
when's the Pavarotti gala?
Uh, next week.

You've done such wonderful
things for that company.

Everyone said you completely
turned it around.

Of course, that is not
my thing but...

[laughs]
I adore The Three Tenors.

It sounds like your show
was a huge hit.

Yeah, well,
the kids worked really hard.

Hmm. I'm sorry I missed it.
Oh, that's okay.

I was in bed
with King Hussein.

George Hanson.
Nina Borowski. Hi.

Oh, so, you're the stepsister.
Uh-huh.

Yeah, I bring the income level
down at Constance's parties
by at least three figures.

Yeah, I can help you
in that department.
Oh, thank you.

My pleasure.

I've heard all about you
from Dr. Joley.

NINA: Sorry about you and him.

Oh. Okay, here we go.

Come here. Come here.

You see that man who just
walked in standing there
with my evil stepsister?

GEORGE: Mm-hmm.
NINA: That's my husband.

Are you married?
No, I'm not.

But she's hoping
that I'll marry that man
because she hates my boyfriend.

You'll meet her later.
Excuse me. Oh, Joyce.

GEORGE: All right, we're clear.

NINA: She's always
doing this to me.
GEORGE: Why?

Oh, because my boyfriend's
a penniless legal-aid lawyer,

I'm a counselor
at a community center,

and I live in
a walk-up in Brooklyn.

Oh, well,
it sounds fine to me.
I love Brooklyn.

Yeah, me too.

You know, you should
come and visit me.

I mean, there's some
really nice apartments
in my neighborhood.

I'm afraid I'm not
looking for an apartment.

You're not?
No, I live with Joley.

But he told me at dinner
that you might be looking
for a place soon.

He told you what?

Actually, when he found out
I had a spare room,

he asked if you could
move in with me.

That's insane.
Well, I thought so.

It's not every day I invite
the lover of my dinner companion
to live with me,

but, you know,
if you're desperate--

I don't know what
you're talking about.

JOLEY:
All we have to do is get
the rights to photographs.

Well, I don't believe it
would be that complicated.

My point is that
I believe that it could be
extremely commercial.

(continues, indistinct)

You know, maybe I have
this completely backwards.

Maybe he meant
for the two of you
to move to Brooklyn.

What else did he say?

Have you never
discussed this before?

No, this is
a total first for me.

CONSTANCE:
Nina?
Oh, my God.

Nina, this is Stephen Saint.

Hi. I was asking
Constance all about you.

Hello, George.
You are very
fresh and natural.

He is the most fabulous
creative director at Saatchi's.

And you're a cute shrink.
That's an unbeatable
combination.

My sister likes
to say I'm a shrink.

I'm actually
a social worker. Hi.
Hi.

George, come with me.
I'm having problems
with my centerpiece.

Oh, hey. I think the work
that you do is fantastic.

Really. I think you got
a lot of courage.

George, I'm in the book
if there's anything I can do.

I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
What did she say?

Goodnight.

You were great.
You were just great.

Ah! And those women.
My God! Oh.

They were swooning
all over you.

You were
the center of attention.

And I, of course, was stuck
next to that social worker.

Oh, well.

You told her I wanted
to move to Brooklyn.
What?

Goddamn it, Joley.
You told her I was moving out.

I told her you might
be looking for an apartment.

I wanted to wait
till your play was open
to bring any of this up.

Well, you certainly
didn't waste any time.

George, can we talk
about this when we get home?

This isn't really appropriate.
Really?

But it's entirely appropriate
for me

to hear my relationship is over
from a complete stranger?

Our relationship isn't over.

Who are you
sleepin' with, Joley?

Please.

That's just--

That's just a little simple.
Yeah, well, I'm a simple guy.
That's why I teach first grade.

George, I'm going
to be 40 this summer.
Oh, God.

But we're both
too young to settle for
a twin-bedded friendship.

This hasn't really been
working for a long time.

Who've you got
lined up, Joley?

He's a student of mine, but--

I-I don't know what to say.

Is this student the reason
you missed my play?

He's just breaking up
with a woman, and he
wanted to talk.

Look. I want to be with him,
but I don't want to hurt you.

George,
you're my best friend.
What should I do?

Fuck you, Joley,
and fuck your student
and fuck our friendship!

I didn't wanna tell you this
until you were ready.

I'm a nice man, George.

Great neighborhood.

It looks very safe here,
a lot of families.

Hey, look.
I'll call you.

(buzzer buzzing)

I can't get Showtime or HBO,
never mind the Food Network.

I'm here for Nina Borowski.

After you fix hers,
you come and fix mine.

Hi.
Hi.

This is really embarrassing.

Oh, come on in.

I was happy that you called.
I mean, I wasn't happy that
you needed a place to stay,

but still happy that you called.

Come on up.
I'm on the second floor.

Come on in.

Oh.

It's great.
All right.
Let me show you the room.

Oh, it's nice.

It could use some personality.

But I know somebody
at the community center
who can make you some curtains.

Oh, good.
This won't be for very long.

I can move in with my brother
as soon as his current
girlfriend moves out.

There's no rush.

And, uh, this is the bathroom.

This is my bedroom.

Oh.

You get a lot of light.
Yeah.

And this is the office.

Oh.
That's it.

It's nice.

GEORGE: Yeah, he's been
engaged seven times.

Wow. Really, your brother?
Mm-hmm.

Would you like me
to fix you up with him?

Oh, thanks.
Last thing I need. I've got
my hands full with Vince.

It's ready.

Can I ask you something?
Sure.

How come I'm staying
here and he isn't?

Oh, Vince works fine
as it is. Sit down.

Okay.

Thanks.

You saved my life, really.

No hot water
between 2:00 and 7:00.

Did you get your television
fixed, Mrs. Sarni?

Why, you wanna
come over and watch?

Okay, so you have the keys.
You have the phone number.

The indoor buzzer doesn't work.
You know that.

The Korean deli is across street
from the subway.

It's open till midnight.
Avoid the salad bar.

The toaster's broken.
Use the broiler instead.
The mail comes in the morning.

Don't open the door for any
gas men unless you think either
of us would be interested.

This is me.
Well, thanks for everything.

Oh, sure. The subway
is one block that way.

See you later.

What's happened to Vince?
Nothing has happened to Vince.

What's happened to Joley?
Nothing's happened to Joley.

I tried to call you
there this morning.
He said you'd moved.

So we did it on Saturday night.

Was it good?

It was okay until on Sunday
I saw him with another girl.

(all clamoring, indistinct)

Kiesha, Kiesha, I like sex.

And I like boys a lot.

But I am not about to waste
my time with some guy

who doesn't see things
the way that I do.

I mean, do you really
need this guy?

This is the Earth.
And this tack,
that's us right here.

And the lamp is the sun.
So, why does it get dark?

ALL:
The Earth spins.

Very good.
Because the Earth spins.
How do we know that?

Copernicus.

(door opens)
Nina?

Nina, is that you?

Hey, George. How are you?
Vince McBride.

You know what,
Nina's told me all about you.

Nice to meet you.
Yeah, glad you're here, buddy.

I feel better knowing
somebody's keeping
an eye out for my girl.

Hey. Vince, meet George.

We're old friends already.
Join us for a cup of tea?

You don't have to put on
a robe for me.
No, in fact, George,

you could probably take off
all of your clothes, and
I don't think Vince would mind.

She's eating me alive.
I dote on her, and she's
eating me alive.

Okay. See, aren't you glad
you settled down with us?

VINCE:
I was maybe gonna
be a teacher once.

You know, get them
while they're young.

Teach them they don't have
to believe that somebody else
is holding all the cards.

Know what I'm saying, George?
NINA: He knows, Vince.

No. He knows
and he doesn't know.

How come you don't teach
at a public school, George?

I got a job
at the Brinkley School.

But you're a gay guy.
Shouldn't you be sticking up
for the disenfranchised?

Can't we talk about the movie?
Wait a minute.

You mind if I ask
how much you get paid?

You make more than
four figures, right?

In the very early five figures.

Oh, Christ almighty.
And they're all
fuckin' millionaires.

You know they couldn't eat lunch
on what they're paying you.

You gotta organize the teachers,
George. I'll help you.

You're all getting screwed.
You know that, don't you?

Well, thanks.
That's all great advice.

But I'm afraid I have
school tomorrow, so--

It's great to meet you.
You too.

Goodnight, George.
Goodnight

Night, George.

Oh, you terrorized him.

What are you talking about?
We were having
a nice conversation.

You told him
he had the wrong job,
and he made no money.

No, no, no.
You weren't listening.

I told him he had
the right job in the wrong
place and made no money.

You don't even know him.

That never stopped me before.

My stepsister is right.
You are just a bulldozer.

What are you talking about?
I'm a pussycat.

Did I get angry with you
when you let a gay guy move
in here instead of me? No.

No, I like him.
Vince, you don't
have to like him.

But here's one thing.
How come it's okay for him to
live on top of you and not me?

He's not living on top of me,
and he's leaving in two weeks.

No, he's never goin' anywhere.
He's gonna fall in love
with you and turn straight.

Oh, you're crazy.

Not if you're looking at
what I'm looking at.

Vince.
What?

Get in here.

Hi.

Hey.

Late night comfort food.
Bad habit.

Shh. Vince is asleep.

He's really very kind.

He just felt threatened by you.

That's insane.

No, it isn't.

He asked me
the same thing you did.

Why am I living here
and he isn't?

Bingo. Maybe you
should be the counselor.

Do you love him?

Yeah.

Whatever that means.

I just don't know
if I should be living with him.

Vince can really fill a room.

Did you love Joley?

Well, who knows?

I thought--
I thought so.

(sobbing)
Oh, God.

George, I'm sorry.

No, it's--

it's so stupid that--

You know,
I know he's a prick.

I keep thinking
I should have seen it coming.
No!

No, you did nothing wrong.

You just trusted him.

But you wouldn't
have let this happen.
Oh, yeah, sure.

I don't trust anybody.

Particularly not amusing,
good-looking, intelligent
guys like Joley.

And he has great taste.
Mm.

Nah, he doesn't have
such great taste.

Otherwise,
he'd still be with you.

Thank you.

We should go dancing.
What?

At the community center
on Friday nights.

I'm signing us up.

You must think of every dance
as a three-minute love affair.

Boy meets girl.
They fall in love
with the music

and the stars
and the orchestra.

And then, they must part.

♪♪♪♪ (instrumental ballad)

I have no idea
what I'm doing.

I can't dance.

I can't even dance.
Just smile.

On the balls of your feet.
You're a butterfly.

Does that mean
left or right?

Head up, young people.
Please, head up. Up.

Head up,
young person. Head up.

FRANK: We're gonna fix you up.
That's what Kennedy
and I have decided.

After all,
what are brothers for?

I'm healing.
You're avoiding.

Whenever I call,
you're at home or you're
doing mambo with your landlady.

It's not healthy.
You've got to get
back out there again.

Don't you think so, sweetie?
Absolutely.

Honey, I've gotta
get back to the magazine.
It was nice meeting you.

Yeah, you too.

So, uh, what do you think, huh?

Thumbs up, thumbs down?
She seems nice.

CONSTANCE:
I'm gonna fix you up.

I don't wanna be fixed up.
I have a very nice boyfriend.

He's a Bolshevik.

And anyway,
it's not going anywhere.
Why does it have to go anywhere?

Because at some point,
you have to take care
of yourself.

I am taking care of myself.
I just don't need
the things that you do.

You've got to meet this guy.
What guy?

He's an ear,
nose, and throat man.

He was just on the cover
of New York magazine.

George, at some point,
you're gonna have to start
taking care of yourself.

I'm taking care of myself.

Listen to me. He's an ear,
nose, and throat man.

But there's nothing
wrong with me.

I don't even have a cold.

I have nothing
in common with this guy.

Just have a cup
of coffee with him.

I promise you,
this is quality goods.

Uh--

Uh, George Hanson?
Yeah.

Oh, I'm Jonathan Goldstein.

You're adorable. I mean,
your brother is cute,
but you're irresistible.

Did anybody ever tell you
you look like a peach?

No.

So you're an ear,
nose, and throat man?

That's my, you know,
my professional life.

I have other interests that
go below the upper torso.

(laughing)
That's-- Hey.

So I heard you're on the cover
of New York magazine.

(groans)

I got 3,000 new patients,
6,000 marriage proposals...

and not a single real date.

Want another drink?
Yeah.

NINA: Do you think
he's all right?
Who?

George. He hasn't been
on a date in a while, and
people can be really creepy.

Put your zip code right there.

Nina, he's dating
a famous doctor.

Senora, firma aqui.

What do we do
if he brings him home?

Well, we'll be happy
in our room, and they'll
be busy in their room.

Sounds very active.

Mr. Shapiro, you're all done.
Can I touch your nose?
It's like a tulip.

Mr. Shapiro, I have to warn you,
this woman has a gay roommate

who shows no signs
of moving out.

Big deal, everyone's gay now.

Yeah, you tell him,
Mr. Shapiro.

Gay?
Si, senora.

(speaking Spanish)

(woman speaking Spanish)

Oh. Her daughter's a lesbian.
And she's very proud.

There you go.
(speaking Spanish)

The New York Mothers
of Latino Lesbians.

Mrs. Ochoa is the president
of New York Mothers
of Latino Lesbians.

Good for you.
You're a good mother.

We're queer. We're here.
Get used to it.
Don't fuck with us.

See, Mr. Shapiro, my problem is,
I love this woman,
and I want to live with her.

MR. SHAPIRO:
Do you make a living?
VINCE: Sure, I'm a lawyer.

Oh, lawyers are
the worst people.
Marry me, honey.

I was in children's footwear.

(knock on door)

NINA:
Hello?

Hello.

You there?

I'm here.

Hey.

Hey.

Where's Dr. Goldstein?

I don't know. Home.

I thought maybe you--

I thought maybe not.
Oh, uh, remind me

to never go
on another blind date.

Okay.

You don't have to.
Just say no.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

♪♪♪♪ (orchestral ballad)

♪♪ Life was a song ♪♪

♪♪ You came along ♪♪

♪♪ I've laid awake
the whole night through ♪♪

♪♪ If I but dared ♪♪

♪♪ To think you cared ♪♪

♪♪ This is what ♪♪

♪♪ I'd say ♪♪

♪♪ To you ♪♪

♪♪ You were meant for me ♪♪♪♪
Step, step, quick, quick.
Step, step, quick, quick.

Slow, slow, quick, quick.
Slow, slow, quick--

Very good. Very good.
Very nice, Sylvia, excellent.
♪♪♪♪ (continues)

Very good, much better.
Very good.

No, no, no. Head up,
young person, head up.

Please excuse us.
Sure.

Hello, Nina.
Oh, hi, Danny.

Help.
Look at me.

No, no, no. Stop it. Danny,
DANNY: Please.

come on. Just stop touching--
Madame Reynolds.

ALL:
T-A-N-G-O.
♪♪♪♪ (ballad continues)

T-A-N-G-O.

T-A-N-G-O.

T-A-N-G-O.

T-A-N-G-O.

♪♪♪♪ (ballad continues)

Please get up,
young people. Get up.

Now, one, two, side step.
One, two, side step.

Glide, glide.

Smile, Mrs. Houston.
Let the music carry you away.

Yes.

Quick, quick, step, step.
Quick, quick, step, step.

Quick, quick, step, step.

Well done,
young people, well done.

Well done. Watch them.

(continues speaking,
indistinct)

Bravi.

♪♪♪♪ (continues)

♪♪♪♪ (continues)

Oh, he's so sexy.

Gene Kelly?
Mm. Yeah.

Not my type at all.

What is your type?

It varies, depends.

Who was the first person
you ever slept with?
What is this, 20 questions?

What? I wanna know.

Lucy Jane Parnell.

What?
Bellmore High School
prom night.

Gave her a real good time.

♪♪♪♪ (ends)

You slept with a girl?

Yeah. Lucy was
my high school girlfriend.

What-What happened?

Well, I went to college,
and I found myself...

lusting after the football team
more than the cheerleaders.

So I kind of figured
I was gay.

What happened to Lucy Jane?

Well, I guess she got married.

Or she runs
an insurance company.

I have no idea. I don't--

She was so nice. Mmm.

And an unbelievable dancer.
My God, could Lucy
tear up the floor.

Was she pretty?

Yeah. She had these big eyes...

and this pouty, little mouth...

and a nose,

it was just like a tulip.

I just wanted to touch it.

It was the most fresh
and natural-looking nose--

Fuck you, George.
Fuck you.

I just wanted to touch it.
Stop it. No, don't tickle.
Don't start tickling.

Yesterday we studied Easter

and today we're going
to learn about the Jewish
holiday called Passover.

My father's Jewish,
and my mother's
Buddhist, but New Age.

All right.
My mother's Episcopal, and
her boyfriend's Ethical Culture.

Wow.
Both of my parents
are Lutheran.

(knock on door)
GIRL #1: So what?
Both of my parents are Reform.

GIRL #2:
My mother's AA,
and my father's Christian.

I'll be right back.
Okay.

When did you find out?

About an hour ago.

I don't know what to do.

Tell me what to do.
I can't.

Maybe you should
talk to Vince.

He's the father.
Oh, Vince.

Vince believes in a woman's
right to choose as long
as he does the choosing.

No. I can't talk to Vince
until I figure out
what I want to do.

I just need
some time to think.

Well, I'm here for you, Nina.

Whatever you need
for me to do, I will.

She hasn't spoken
to me in three weeks.
GEORGE: It's not personal.

She's been busy.
Is she seeing somebody else?

Huh? No, no, what?
She's a very beautiful girl.

There's men hitting
on her all the time.

There's no one else, Vince.

So you two still spend
a lot of time together, right?

What sort of things
do you do together?

Well, we talk.
You know, we go
to the movies.

Sometimes we go dancing.
Regular stuff.

You go dancing. Then what?

Then we go home,
we get into bed
and watch television.

Okay.

But you're not
a threat to her, huh?
Is that the attraction?

I'm not su--
I don't know what you mean.
You know what I mean, George.

You're not offering her
anything more than friendship?

Of course I'm not
offering her anything
more than friendship.

I made up my mind.

I'll take you
wherever you want to go.

George, I'm gonna
have this baby.

You are?

Yeah.

(sighs)

That's great.

You're gonna be
a wonderful mother.

Lucky baby.

And, Nina, you are gonna
make Vince McBride
the happiest man alive.

This is so great.

I get to be in charge
of all musical education.

Tell Vince I get
to pick all the songs.

This is great.
This is so great.

Good decision.
George, can we just celebrate?

(children screaming)

George, would you consider
raising this baby with me?

Of course.

I'll be Uncle George.
You're never gonna
get rid of me.

Actually, I was thinking
we should keep living
together, like a family.

What about Vince?

Well, he's the father.
There's no question about that.

He'll always be
in my baby's life.

But he's not home to me.

You are.

You can't do that to Vince.

George, my father
married somebody wrong

because he thought
it was good for me.

I can't do that
to my kid. I--

Me and Vince and the baby--

it's a bad equation.
Jesus Christ, Nina.
Vince is the father.

You should be with
the father of your child.

Don't you see how
exciting this could be?

You love children.
You could raise a child.

I don't want to marry Vince.
I don't have to marry Vince.

I don't wanna marry you.

George, I'm not
proposing marriage.

We can make this up
for ourselves.

None of the old rules apply.

It's getting late.

We should go.

Won't you even
think about it?

Sure.

I'm very--

You know.

(phone ringing)

(continues ringing)

Hello.
CONSTANCE:
Nina, darling.

We're right around the corner.
NINA (over phone): Oh, great.

Yeah. We'd been to brunch
at Norman Mailer's
in Brooklyn Heights.

Yeah. So I thought we'd
swing by and say hi.
SALLY: I have to go real bad!

We'll be right over.
We're almost there.

Don't worry.
CONSTANCE: She's thrilled.

Fuck, it's Constance.

(buzzer buzzing)

That can't be them already.

Hey.
Unbelievable.

Oh, Vince,
you should have called.
What good would that have done?

Sidney and Constance
are coming over.

Terrific. I've got plenty
of food for everybody.
Is George still here too?

Yes, he's here.
Oh, good. So the whole
gang's together again.

It will be just like
old times. You look thin.
I'm fine.

We need to talk.
We're talking.

Some more bread.
We got the salami,

we got the prosciutto
that you love so much,

the cheese,
we've got some herring,

and we have some
deliciously fresh mozzarella.

Vince, how many people
were you expecting?

I thought maybe
some more people moved
into the spare room.

I don't know what
goes on here, George.
She doesn't even talk to me.

You got any more plates?
Why are Constance
and Sidney coming?

(buzzer buzzing)
I'll get it.

George!
Hey, it's the Sea Witch.

Excuse me, is there
a party going on upstairs?

No, we're going
to see Nina. You know Nina.
George, is there a party?

Come on. Tell me.
Is there a party up there?
No, there's no party.

Did you tell these guests
there's no hot water after 8:00?

Okay. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mrs. Sarni.

She's terrific.
Who needs a doorman
when you have Mrs. Sarni?

Just hurry up and get inside.

You know, I really envy you
your living here, George.
Really?

Sure, what do you need
with a dining room, butlers,
pantries, dinner parties?

It's all a big headache.
SALLY: I wanna go now.

Bill Styron lived in a place
just like this when he
thought up Sophie's Choice.

Sidney, what the hell
are you talking about?

Hi. Can I go?
You've been avoiding me.

No, no.
Hi, sweetie.
How are you?

How do you get
through a whole summer
without air conditioning?

Hey, Vinnie.
Hey, Sidney.
Come eat, huh?

Oh, this looks good.
So, who are you defending now?

A couple of kids
who got framed on a rape
and battery charge in the Bronx.

Let me tell you something.
You defend somebody really big,

it doesn't matter
whether you win or lose,

I'll get you two million
dollars on the book deal.

And by the way,
you don't even have to write it.

I'm not
in show business, Sidney.

Most people in your business
don't seem averse
to a little publicity.

You should think
about Court TV.

He doesn't wanna
think about Court TV.

This food is wonderful.
Did you get this food, George?
I could eat like this every day.

Sidney, give me that herring
or you'll be hearing about it
all night.

What will you
be hearing all night?
Sally, go wash your hands.

(overlapping conversations)
Nina, where have you been?

That's interesting.
So you haven't been calling
Constance either?

How do you survive
without her excellent advice?

Excuse me, Vincent.
She talks to me every day.
We're very close.

I swear, I'm hotter
than a goat in China.
I'm not feeling right.

Can we get some air in here?
All right.

What are you hiding
from us, Nina?

Did you finally break up
with him? I'm so proud of you.

Nobody's broken up with me.
Why don't you mind
your own business?

Sweetie, you think
it's possible to get
food poisoning this fast?

Do you have
any air conditioning?
I will get the fan.

Hey, whoa, wait a minute.
No, you shouldn't be
lifting stuff like that.

ALL:
Why not?

I'm fine.
Nothing is wrong with me.

George, what the fuck
is going on?

Don't you dare speak that way
in front of my child.

Betty, I think
it's time we got home.
Betty was your other wife.

I'm Constance

remember?
Oh, Christ.

Are you sleeping with her?
Vince, I'm gay.

You are?

And it's a valid
and wonderful choice.

Sidney, shut up.
George, what is going on here?

Hey, come on, come on.
I can carry...

Are you pregnant?

(clatters)

Oh, my God, you're pregnant.

MRS. SARNI:
George, what's going on?
Who's the father?

I knew it, you son of a bitch.
I knew you couldn't keep
your hands off her.

Vince, Vince, calm down.
It's your baby.

I want New York Hospital,
emergency room.

It's mine?
And mine.

SIDNEY: I need to talk
to somebody.

It's mine?
It's mine?

A doctor.
I want a real big doctor.

George, is everything
all right up there?

VINCE: George.

Will you get that?
I can't hear a goddamn thing.

Can I get you something
to eat?

SIDNEY: I need to speak to
someone in the gastrointestinal
department.

George, do me a favor.
MRS. SARNI:
What the hell is going on?

Everything's fine,
Mrs. Sarni.

I thought someone died
and hit the floor. Jesus.

Oh, God. Oh, God.
CONSTANCE: Give me the phone.
Lie down.

SALLY: You never should
have ate that herring.
Yes, that's right.

SIDNEY: Fan me with something,
will you?

Is that The New Yorker.
Fan me with The New Yorker.

FRANK: You're well out of this.
It sounds truly crazy.

I haven't even seen her recently
because she's been spending
all her time at Vince's place.

Which is right.
That's definitely right,

but what does that say
about our friendship?

Maybe I didn't mean
that much to her.

George, you sound like
you're talking about
your ex-lover.

You know, why does everything
have to be about sex with you?

You can get close to a woman
without sleeping with her.

Really? That's news to me.

I'm sure Vince isn't letting her
come anywhere near me.

I should have been more open.

I mean, that could have
really been exciting.

Yeah, sure, it could
have been exciting.

Bottom line is
she wanted to fuck you.

You-- That's insane.
Look, we're both cute.

And I know women.
They tell you that
they wanna be your friend,

but they really wanna--
(mouths words)

Okay. Anyway, the point is...

I'm gonna probably have
to move out

because she'll be wanting
to get rid of the apartment

so I was hoping I could crash at
your place for a couple weeks.
Yes.

Hey, honey.
Hey.

You've not met my new
fiancee. Suni, George--
This is my brother, George.

George, this is Suni
from surgery.
Hi.

MAN: Okay. Ready?
BOY: Yup.

MAN: We're gonna go through
the pitcher motion.

MAN:
All right, real slo-mo.
BOY: Where'd it go? Oh.

There it goes.

MAN: Thanks.

Okay. Ready?
Stand up. Stand up.

Okay, now you're gonna hit
a knee, right?

BOY: Yep.
MAN: Okay.

Attaboy, block with your body.

And then take a step--
There you go.

Okay.
BOY: Ready?

MAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait. Stop right there. Okay.

Face me like you're
gonna do the pitch.

Okay. Ready?

Slo-mo. Nice.
Come right over
the top of it.

Got it.
Okay? Right over top.

You did it great last week.
And again.

Okay. Try it again.

Now come right
over top of it, right?
Remember?

Attaboy.

At first, the iodine
does not affect
the vitamin C solution.

But look what happens
if I add some more.

This process
is called titration.

Is there nothing
that little girl can't do?

Watch TV.
She's lousy at that.

Doug.
Hi, Sidney.
How you doing?

George, my Uncle Jonathan
says he knows you.
He does?

Well, let's go, Nathan.
Hey, great job, Mary.

You did excellent.
Hey, George.

Do you recognize me in
my ear, nose, and throat gear?
NINA: George.

You free next weekend?
I know about this great club.

I got a little out of control.
I see a friend of mine.

It was great to see you.
This place is a converted
meat market. It's incredible.

What are you doing here?
Oh, I promised Sally I'd come.

It's so good to see you.
You too.

How you doing, Vince?
George.

We almost didn't make it.
The first trimester's
got us a little queasy.

Yeah. Vince has become
an expert on pregnancy.
I'm loving it.

George, we miss you.
You should come visit us.
Vince.

We are not an official "us."
There's still you,
and there's still me.

Okay.

He's like glue.

Madame Reynolds was
asking for you last week.

Oh! I would love to go dancing.
As long as you don't
exhaust yourself.

George, what time is
the trophy presentation?
Uh, 20 minutes.

The trophy presentation?
George, what ever happened to

"it's not about winning,
it's about how you
play the game"?

I don't think there should be
any trophies.

It's the parents
who want the trophies.

It's ruining this country.
The obsession with being
number one at any cost.

It starts right here.
I totally hear you.

You know, I try to teach
these kids a sense
of community.

Believe me, you can't
do that. These parents
are natural-born killers.

Oh, Vince,
that is such bullshit.

I don't know anyone who is
more competitive than you.

Did I say there's anything wrong
with striving for excellence?

Did I say that?
Jesus Christ.

At least somebody
here appreciates
what I'm trying to say.

What's your name?
I'm Melissa Marx.
George's co-teacher.

I'm gonna lose it.
Just get me out of here.
Please.

(grunting)

(shouting)

You're right.
Oh, I didn't ask him
to come, you know.

You're absolutely right.
That's not gonna work.

You know, by the way,
we're both pregnant, you know?

First we get sick together.

Then we throw up together.
Then we get our fucking
sonograms together!

Nina, it's a bad equation--
you, Vince and a baby,
bad for all of you.

No shit, Sherlock.
You made me an offer,
and I never refused.

What?

I spent all yesterday
afternoon watching this little
kid play catch with his father.

I always thought
that I could teach other
people's children, but...

someone else,
a real guy like Vince
gets to take them home.

Then I thought,
I don't always have
to be the one who's...

watching them leave.

I don't always
have to be the one...

who waits
for twilight to pass.

For the first time,
I thought I could be...

the guy who
says goodnight.

What are you saying to me?

I'm saying yeah.

Sorry to break this up,
but it's time to go home.

I'm not gonna
go home with you, Vince.

I'm gonna go back to Brooklyn.

You can't go back
to Brooklyn tonight.

We got a doctor's
appointment in the morning.

No, we don't have
a doctor's appointment.

I have a doctor's appointment.
Fine.

Okay. You have an appointment.
You're getting caught up
in nonsense, Nina.

Okay. Vince,
this isn't working.

Can we talk about this later?
No. No, we need to talk
about it now.

In front of him?
Yeah. Vince, I've tried
to talk to you in private.

You don't listen to me.

George, this is between
me and Nina, okay?

You've done enough to fuck us
up. It's time for you to get
the hell out of our lives.

No, Vince.
This is my school. You don't
get to tell me what to do.

Nothing has been the same
between me and Nina
since you showed up.

Does that make you happy?
Is this what you do for kicks?

Vince, come on,
just listen to me for once--
No, listen to me.

You don't see this guy
for who he is.

He's a trouble-making
little shit.

Vince,

I wanna raise
my child with George.

Oh. Oh.

You know what?

I wanna raise it
with the man in the moon.

For once, why don't you
just goddamn listen
to what she has to say?

Don't fucking tell me
how to treat a woman.
Vince, just calm down for once.

No, I will not calm down!

You have some nerve,
you homo boys.

You screw up women's
personal lives,

but you can't take any
physical responsibility for it.

Listen to me. No.

When this kid comes
to you and asks you
who its father is,

you tell it that its father
never wanted to lay eyes
on its mother ever again.

Head up, young person.

Would you like
to hear the heartbeat?

Can I?
Yeah, sure.

(heartbeat)

That's amazing.

George Hanson.

Steve Casillo?

Wow!

You're not someone
I'd expect to see in here.

(George muttering, chuckling)

This is my friend
Nina Borowski.

Yeah, I can see that.
Hi.

No, she's my friend,
friend. It's--

She's expecting.

Well, I can give you
a discount on this one.
Oh, we're just browsing.

Yeah, we're--

Feel free to look around.

Okay.

NINA:
Lemonade?
(woman on TV, indistinct)

Thanks.

The Hampton benefit season
was in full swing...
Oh, my God.

at super-agent Sidney Miller's
house this weekend.

Guests included
Anne Rice, King Hussein,
and General Colin Powell.

Hot fun in the summertime.
How come we weren't invited?

Thank God we weren't invited.

George, who was that man
in the crib store today?

Oh, just someone
I had a fling with
before I met Joley.

You know, if you ever
wanted to invite him here,

that would be fine.

Mm-hmm.

I could sleep in your room.

What if I said,
"That's a great idea,
he'll be right over"?

I'd say, "Great."

This isn't a marriage.

You know. I don't wanna
make you give up your life.

You're not.

Great.

So are you gonna call him?

Actually, I'm leaving
with him for Paris tonight.

You are?
(chuckling)
Oh, God.

I just hate secrets, George.

What secrets?
I tell you everything.

Just promise me that
if anything in your life
changes, that you'll tell me.

Nothing's gonna change.
I'm not going anywhere.
This isn't temporary.

Don't you miss men?
Yeah, sure. Sometimes.

Don't you?

I guess.

But I don't miss them
when I'm with you.

Do you think most
married couples are
as happy as we are?

I hope so.

'Cause we're pretty happy.

I guess sex
is just no big deal.

Not even with Lucy Jane?

I just adore you,
Nina. I really do.

I adore you too.

(phone ringing)

(continues ringing)

Yeah.

JOLEY (on phone):
George, hi.

It's Joley.
How are you?

Look, uh...

I know that it's been
a long time, but, uh--

Well, I told you that I'd call.

And, uh--
Oh, God.

These things are so weird.
I guess.

Who is it?

Uh, my brother.

George, are you
still there?

(sighs)

Yeah. And Nina says hello.

Oh.

I was so sure you'd
be with someone by now.
That's, um...

That's really
why I haven't called.

Yeah. Nina's still here.

George, it's so good
to hear your voice.

Um, I'm surprised
you'd even talk to me.
I behaved like an idiot.

Look, I've been asked to address
a critics' convention

at your old college
the weekend after next.

And I've been thinking about
that time we drove up there.

That was our first
Christmas together,
you remember?

And so you want me
to come with you?

That's very
considerate of you.

I wouldn't be surprised
if you never wanted
to lay eyes on me again.

But...

it would really mean
a lot to me just to,
uh, be with you.

I made a reservation
at that sweet little inn
we stayed at.

(clears throat)

Yeah, well, I'll call you
if I can make it.

I think about you
all the time.

And, um,
for what it's worth...

I really miss you.

Yep. Thank you.
I'll talk to you soon.

(beep)

Where does
he want you to go?

Hmm? Uh, my college.

For a reunion?

Sort of.

Nina, that was, uh, Joley.

(clears throat)
So are you gonna go?

I don't know.

That usually means yes.
(chuckles)

I hate that you
know me so well.

Hi.
Hey.

You look great.

I love this.

I'll call you at Constance's
tomorrow morning, kiddo.

Promise?

I promise.

What time?

Early. I promise.

JOLEY: Ordinarily, I wouldn't go
to one of these conferences.
But they insisted that I come,

and, uh, I guess
it never hurts to stay on
the good side of reviewers.

Oh, my book! Did I tell you
my book is coming out
in paperback in England?

It's very impressive
for an American Shaw scholar
to do so well in Europe.

You okay, honey?

How did we get back so quickly
to the "honey" stage?

Maybe we never
should've left it.

GEORGE: How's your student?
JOLEY:
Back with his girlfriend.

He's, uh,
just a screwed-up kid.

So you want
to be friends now?
Just so I know.

That is exactly
your problem, George.
What?

Your lack of self-worth.

You have no idea
how important you are to me.

Thank you.

So I've been thinking
about you a lot.

You're living with a woman
in a dump in Brooklyn,
and I'm lonely

and-and missing you.

We can do better than that.

Nina!
Hi.

You just missed
Steven Spielberg
and Peter Jennings.

Oh, I bet they sent
their best regards.

Sweetie, don't start
the weekend like this.
I have enough to deal with.

What are you wearing?
(groans)

Hello, honey.
How are you?
Good.

(kissing)
Where's George?

George is with
his old boyfriend,
which is where he should be.

Constance, he's not
with his old boyfriend.

You told me he went away
with Dr. Joley.

It doesn't mean
he's with him.

Sally, sit down
and buckle up.

Sweetie, I want you
to relax this weekend.

Take walks.
Eat good food.

Let Sidney and me
take care of you.

SALLY: And me.
And Sally.

Yes, honey.
We're going to have
a nice, relaxing dinner.

Just some old friends.
And Stephen Saint is coming.

And you'll never believe it.
He's just dying to see you.

You made quite an impression
on him at my party.

Hello.
Dr. Robert Joley.

Ah, yes, Dr. Joley.
We have you down for three
nights and a king-sized bed.

Twin beds.

I don't know that
I have a room with twins.

We'll take the king.

Excuse me.
I have a room with twin beds.

I'd be happy
to exchange with you.
Are you sure, Mrs. Skinner?

Surely.
Thank you, Mrs. Skinner.

No sense in you two boys
being on top of each other.

Right at the head
of the stairs.
Thank you.

Um, I thought
we were supposed to get
the discount rate.

Uh, that is
the discount rate, Doctor.
Right through the dining room.

Dr. Joley, I presume.

Well, Rodney Fraser.

You're one of the reasons
I agreed to come here.

Oh, thank you.
I see you've lost
none of your charm.

(chuckles)
Oh, by the way,

congratulations
on George Bernard Shaw.

Thank you.
That's, oh, such a--

such a treat
to read an American
perspective on the subject.

Hmm.

Oh, this is Paul James.
Dr. Robert Joley.

How do you do?
I don't think
I've met your friend.

George Hanson.
George Hanson.
How do you do? Paul James.

You in the theater?
No. He's a graduate
of our host college.

Oh, really?
The return of the native.

Well, look forward
to seeing you both...

around the campus,
hmm? Bye.

Bye-bye.
See you.

I wonder if Mrs. Rodney
charges by the hour?

SIDNEY:
Let me tell you something.
When my first wife left me,

she wanted
to take my clients.

I mean, I understand
the house, the cars.

But my clients,
my clients.

You know, uh,
since we last met,

I've done
some heavy therapy,

and, uh,
I've taken up yoga.

And I quit advertising.
Hmm.

I know this might
seem premature, but, um,

I'm ready to be
the father of your child.

Night.

Goodnight.

RODNEY:
And our thanks
to Mrs. Gutierrez

for an extremely
interesting question
and a spirited response

from the panel.

And now we move on to, um,

oh, another question
from Mrs. Gutierrez.

Oh, yes. "How do you
feel about great works
of literature

being transformed
into musical comedy?"

Well, that sounds like one
for our academic colleague.
Professor.

Well, um, I should
begin by saying that

I think that My Fair Lady
is a complete distortion
of Shaw's Pygmalion,

as is West Side Story
of Romeo and Juliet.

But then, I hate
all musicals. I, uh,

believe they're, uh,
middle-brow, populist...

and, uh, frankly dangerous.

So it's a clean sweep
from Dr. Joley.

(chuckles)
JOLEY:
I have seen performance art

in cross-gender clubs
in Berlin

that has far more
theatrical impact

than anything I have
ever seen on Broadway.

Well, do you mean, um,
women dipped in chocolate?
That sort of thing?

(chuckles)
JOLEY: I'm talking about
serious artists here.

I have never recovered
from Ulrika Schinkel's

brilliant production
of Beethoven in Ketten,
that's Beethoven in Bondage,

set amongst
the ruins of the Reichstag.

And, uh, something that may be
of particular interest to you,
Rodney,

is that the theaters
in Germany are filled
with young people.

Nina! Mom says
we're all taking
a picnic on the beach.

Oh, honey, I'm waiting
for a phone call.

Oh, Mommy,
Nina's waiting
for a phone call.

Darling,
go get your father. Go!

I'll come down later.
I promise.
Jesus Christ!

Every time I look at you,
you're moping.

You're a guest here.
You could try to make an effort.
I have made an effort.

Stephen loved me.

I hope you realize
he's currently in bed
with his old boyfriend.

Who, Stephen?
The man whose call
you're waiting for.

(sighs)
You know,

I enjoy gay people.

I just have a slight problem
with my pregnant sister
being in love with one of them.

I am not
in love with him.
Honestly,

even when I was
desperate to marry Sidney,
I never carried on like you do.

And Sidney is straight.
But you have really done it.

This is an even crazier choice
than Vincent.

You're not even fucking him.

Can I ask you something?

When was the last time
you and Sidney had sex?

That is not the point.

Exactly. Doesn't it all
turn into friendship anyway?

Yes. But normal people
start out someplace

you and the nursery
school teacher
are never gonna get.

You should take a look
at yourself. You're supposed
to be a psychiatrist.

I am a social worker,
Constance!
(scoffs)

Oh! Will you just let me
live my goddamn life?

Read my lips.

George is G-A-Y.
Gay.

That means he never
sleeps with women.

He has slept with a woman.
What?

Lucy Jane Parnell.

Oh, please.
Don't tell me.
In high school?

They all try women
once in high school.

But you're nutty enough
to believe that based
on that experience,

you can bring him
to his senses.

Nina,
a gay nursery school teacher
is a one-way ticket to nowhere.

PAUL:
I would love to go
to a place like this.

Read, sleep,
have great talks. Sex.

Well, uh, we didn't, uh,
actually have much of that.
We did talk about it a lot.

Well, did you act at all?
Me? No, not really.
You an actor?

Well, trying to be.

That's how I met Rodney.

I sat in on his
world theater class.

What's his take
on world theater?

Well, Rodney's very picky.
He likes Damn Yankees
and Shakespeare.

But just to read.
He's never seen a production
up to his standards.

Don't you get flak
from your actor friends
being with a critic?

Well, I've never been
"with him" with him.

It's just that
he came up to me
one day after class,

and he's been sort of like
my mentor and my family
ever since.

Oh, I thought maybe
you lived together.
I'm sorry.

Oh, we do live together.

He offered me a spare room
so I could save my money
for acting lessons.

GEORGE:
Well, I've always
had terrible judgment.

My entire freshman year,
I had a crush on a guy
named Trotter Bull III.

(Paul chuckles)

He looked just like
one of those rowers.

PAUL: Looks like
pretty good judgment to me.
Except he had a girlfriend.

I actually got up the courage
to talk to him one night...

about Walt Whitman.

He probably became
an investment banker,
had four kids,

all named Trotter
and, uh, never talked
about poetry again.

I'll talk to you
about poetry.

Sure. Anytime.

How about a swim?

Whoo!

Wait for me!
Whoa!

(phone rings)

I got it.
It's for me.
Sorry. Hello?

WOMAN (over phone):
Good morning,
is Mrs. Miller in?

No.
She's at the beach.

(woman over phone continues)

Uh-huh.
It's Martha Stewart
for Mrs. Miller.

Yes?

Is it the Martha Stewart?

Yes.

Oh, will you
hold on, please?

Miss Stewart, I'm having
a big problem with my azaleas.

(sighs)
Uh-huh.

PAUL:
Do I see you again?

GEORGE:
I hope so.

When do I call you?

Oh, fuck.

My roommate.
I was supposed to call her
this morning. Shit!

Your roommate?
Yeah. We live together.

We don't live live together,
we just live together. Shit!

CARMELITA:
She's in her bedroom.
I'll call her.

She's in bed, apparently.

NINA (on phone):
Hi, George.

Hey, kiddo.
Why are you in bed?
Are you sick?

I'm pregnant, George.
Or have you been so busy
with Dr. Joley that you forgot?

Nothing's happened
with Dr. Joley.
I've hardly seen him.

So then let's go home.
What do you mean?

There's a bus at 7 o'clock.

Tonight?
Sure. Why not?

I don't want you
traveling alone so late.

How about I borrow
my brother's car and pick
you up tomorrow afternoon?

George, please. Please.
This is-- I'm so miserable.

Please. You could--
You could be on a train too,

and we could both be
in our beds by midnight.

(sighs)
Nina--
Please. You have to rescue me.

I have got to get
away from here,

and there's nothing
for you to stay there for.

Anybody who bolts
from the Hamptons
is okay with me.

I hate it here.

It's so pretentious.

If I wasn't happily married
and you weren't
my wife's stepsister,

I'd have an affair
with you in a second.
(chuckles)

I think you're terrific.

Want some money?
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

How about
some Chuckles? Hmm?
No.

I got the galleys
for the new Michael Crichton
in the car.

Oh, no, really.
Thanks, Sidney. Bye.

Okay. Oh, gosh.
Photographs.

(chuckles)

I like it.
It looks good.

Hi.

Hi, man.

Hi, Melissa.

Hi.

Hi.

VINCE:
Oh, my God.

So how are you, huh?
Shit!

Hey, let me help you.
No. I'm fine, Vince.
Got it. I'm fine.

Okay?
Thank you.

Vince, honey.

MAN:
Watch your step.

Melissa, hang on a minute.
I'm just going to say good-bye.

Vince, I'm really tired.
I don't feel like--
No. Just one minute.

Hey, can I put you
in a taxi?
No, Vince. I'm fine. Really.

Nina, come on--
Vince, please.
I'm fine. Really.

Give my love to George.
Can't wait till school starts.
Oh, sure. I certainly will.

Hey! Ohh!

Ohh!
Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me.

Oh, you're gonna be
so glad you met me.

My purse was just stolen
and I'm pregnant,
and I have no way home.

Are you hurt?
No, I'm fine.

You sure?
Yeah. It's just
my purse was stolen.

Okay. Well, let's go.
All right.

I got it.
Oh, thank God.

So we'll go
report all this.
Thank you.

And then
I'm getting off duty,
so I'll give you a lift home.

Great. Thanks.
All right?

I mean, I'm surprised
he didn't arrest me.

I get mugged and the goddamn
desk sergeant blames me.

He's the only one like that.
The rest of us
are very sensitive.

"Lady, you asked for it."
I thought people like that...

were banned from
the police force, you know?

It's none
of his goddamn business

where the fuck
my husband is.

You don't seem to care.

Me? I used to give women
lots of opinions.

But now I go with the flow.

Are you gay?

I'm sorry?

I have this new theory
that any man

who doesn't
hit you over the head
with his opinions must be gay.

(clears throat)
Well, that makes
as much sense as Freud.

Oh, well, makes a hell
of a lot more sense than Freud.

Freud doesn't know dick
about women.

(chuckles)
I can't believe
I just said that.

Very nice of you
to drive me home.
Oh, not a problem.

If I were married,
I'd want someone
to drive my wife home.

Will your husband be there?
I don't have a husband.

Mm. The father?
Oh, no, no.

He will definitely
not be there.

I hardly speak to him.

Well, you don't find
anyone new till you're
brave enough to give up the old.

I don't really want
to find anyone new.

Well, that's good.

Happy with the status quo.

Yeah.
Me too.

But you're so nice.

You should be married.

(chuckles)

You think all nice people
are married?

What kind of counselor
are you?

All right, you can stop
right over there.
Oh, thank you so much.

You're really kind.

(grunts)

(gasps)
George!

Oh, my gosh!
You're back already? Hi!

Ohh!

GEORGE:
Did you get a ride home?
No. My purse got stolen

at the bus station.
What?

And Vince and Melissa
were on the bus,

and Sidney told me that
he would have an affair with me.

It's just been
the weekend from hell.

GEORGE:
Come on.
I'll make you some tea.

(chattering)

Hey, sweetie.
George, terrific news
about you and Dr. Joley.

Sidney and I adore him.
He's so smart. Good for you.

Thanks.
Bye, George.

Hey.

Hey, Nina, you find out
who the father is yet?

I call the shots, Kiesha.

Yeah!
Yeah, we know.

WOMAN:
So what's for supper, Nina?

Pot roast.
It's George's favorite.

Is he back yet?
I don't know.

(door opening)
RODNEY: Paul?

Oh, jeez. He's supposed
to be at the theater.

Paul?
I fled at half-time.

A lot of pumped-up men
taking their clothes off.

It's all getting
dreadfully boring.

I'm gonna go see King Lear
tomorrow night, God help me.

I fully expect him
to step on stage,
say he's old, he's hot

and strip down
to his underwear.

Oh, would you like
a glass of vino?

And tell whoever it is
you've got in there, he's left
his knapsack on the sofa.

Ah, it's the graduate.
Do, please, come sit down.

Uh, Paul and I are currently
meandering through

some of the better
Australian chardonnays.

Can I tempt you?

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh. Paul?

So how's our distinguished
Shavian scholar, Dr. Joley?

Well, I haven't seen him
since the critics' convention.

Actually,
George lives with a woman.

Really?

How Bloomsbury.

(chuckles)

Uh, Nina's my best friend.
Well, as you probably know,

Paul and I visit
the theater quite often.

Perhaps you and your best friend
would care to join us
one evening.

That's very kind of you.

But, uh, um, I'm not sure
she likes the theater.

Oh. She's absolutely right.
There's nothing to see.

(chuckles)

Well, perhaps we could go
and have a meal together
sometime.

We'd like to see more of you
in any event. All right?

Well, I-I hope so.
You know, I'm sorry.
I really, uh--

RODNEY: Oh? Really?

Don't forget
your little bag.
(chuckles)

Well, it's nice
seeing you.
Yes, indeed. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

I'll be right back.

I'll call you tomorrow.

VINCE:
Thank you
for returning my call.

Nina, you were probably right.
You and I as a couple...

were a pretty miserable match.

That I still
love you, that's--

that's my problem.

I can--
I can deal with that.

Nina...

whatever way that you're
planning on doing this,

for once in my life,
I'm-I'm not gonna tell you how.

I would just like to think
that I could somehow
be a part of the picture.

Vince...

you're the daddy.

All right.
I'll trust you.

Oh, hi.
NINA: Hi.

How are you?
Louis.

This is Vince.
Hi. Louis Crowley.

Hey. Vince McBride.
Hi. This is my nephew Joe
and my niece Sophie.

Vince is the father
of my, uh--

Baby. I'm the father
of the baby.

Ah, I see.
And, uh, how's, uh--

George. My roommate.
He's fine.
He's home.

Oh! Hey, great.
(chuckles)

Go with the flow.
NINA:
That's right.

BRITISH MAN (on TV):
The workings of her mind
appealed to him.

(giggling)
She leaves her warm bed
in the cold dawn

to rush there
full of zeal and loyalty.

(TV, indistinct)

(laughing, choking)

(TV, indistinct)

(laughter on TV)

WOMAN (on TV):
Coming up, Kurt will
have sports. Stay with us.

MAN (on TV): Yes,
we'd like to change the address
of our checking account.

Hi.
Hey.

Sorry.
Don't bother
apologizing.

Sorry I'm late.

Yeah. God, I'm sorry.
Did, uh, Nina tell you I was
visiting some college friends,

drank too much and--
Well, why didn't you
bring them?

What?

Mm. I mean, what a shame
to break up such a great party.

I mean, actually,
I'd like to meet
your friends some day.

So how late
did you stay up?
Late.

So late there wasn't
a cab left in Manhattan, huh?

Well, you know, we were
all too wrecked to go home.

Ooh. Yeah. My big brother,
the party animal.

Coffee?
Oh, yeah, please.

Do you want to hear
the specials?

No. I'll just have
the orange juice
and eggs Florentine.

So, Caroline,
is the wedding still on?

I haven't heard otherwise.
But I'm waiting.
(chuckles)

Well, we're really
looking forward to it.
Yeah. If you can make it.

He's been really busy
this fall with, uh,
faculty meetings.

Yeah. I'm trying
to get things in order
before the baby comes.

Working on a new curriculum.

Jesus! I never thought
I'd hear my big brother

talk about babies coming,
and before me.

That's what
really pisses me off.
You got there before me.

I think what
you guys are doing
is fantastic. Really.

FRANK:
Here's my question though.
What about the father?

This guy must be the most
interesting guy in the world
or the most tolerant.

Actually, he's dating
George's colleague Melissa.

So that takes
a shitload of tolerance.

No, honey, they're
not dating anymore.
They broke up.

FRANK: Wait a minute.
Who's this Melissa?

Is she cute?
Frank--

Hey, I'm just trying
to keep my options open,
all right?

Frank, you're horrible.

George,
aren't we all just horrible?
Aren't men just such jerks?

I think that
Nina and George have
a great relationship.

Yeah, when we see each other,
we have a great relationship.

(sighs)

Hey, George, uh,
when they start complaining
about not seeing you enough,

you have to buy them a diamond
or take them to the theater.

Hey, maybe we could all go
see a friend of mine who's
in a play next weekend.

Well, I'm on call next weekend,
and Frank certainly isn't
going without me.

FRANK:
Oh, come on.
CAROLINE: No. No.

So does that mean
I get a date alone
with you this weekend?

Or will I get another
call Saturday afternoon?

WOMAN:
Saints do not move.
They grant, for prayer's sake.

Then move not,
while my prayer's
effect I take.

PAUL:
From my lips, by thine,
my sin is purged.

Then have my lips the sin
that they have took.

Sin from my lips?
O trespass sweetly urged.

Give me my sin again.

You kiss by the book.

(chattering)
Uh, here we are.
Sorry about that.

Thank you so much.
Thanks.

Well, cheers. Cheers.
Cheers.

It's so nice to meet you.
George talks about you
all the time. Oh.

Ohh!
You were fantastic.

Oh, and, uh,
this is Nina.

Hi. You were...
great.

Great to meet you.
George talks about you
all the time.

Hey, George! George!
Hey, how are you?

I want you to meet somebody.
I don't know if you
remember me from college.

Yeah.
We talked all night
about Walt Whitman.

Trotter Bull.
Paul. Paul! Paul!
(chuckles)

This is Trotter Bull.

Oh, my God!

I've heard
so much about you.

George talks about you
all the time.

Is that right?
Well, you were wonderful
in the play.

DR. GOLDSTEIN:
You were wonderful in the play.
And you looked so hot.

George, it was so nice
seeing you again.
Let me give you my card.

If you ever need
a stockbroker sometime, okay?

Thanks a lot.
It's great seeing you,
Trotter.

We got that, you know,
10 o'clock thing.

Nice to meet you.

I wish he'd been our Mercutio
instead of who we got.

Rodney, please.
And he was right.
You were awfully good.

But, you know, people only do
modern-dress Shakespeare

because they have
absolutely no instinct

for any other period
or language than their own.

Clearly, the no-talent
who directed this
hoped to transform

the world's greatest love story
into a Calvin Klein commercial.

The man should be shot!
Mr. Fraser?

Yes?
I'm the director.

(grunts)

Hey, come on.
Let me help you.
Thank you.

Goodnight.
It was great meeting you.
Yes, good night. Listen, Paul.

George and I were wondering
what you and Rodney
were doing for Thanksgiving.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. We--
No, no, no, no.
We'd love to come.

How kind of you.
Thank you.
Ohh.

Ow!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Wonderful.

Okay, so 1 o'clock.
We'll be there.

Okay.

Bye.
Goodnight.

You're an extraordinary person.

They seem like
a lovely couple.

Hey, you!
I don't care what you say.
I love Les Mis.

And I think
Andrew Lloyd Webber's a genius.

Hello. Hi.
Oh, how lovely
to see you again.

Happy Thanksgiving.
We're just through here.

Hey. Hi.
George.
Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you need any help?

No. Everything
is absolutely fine.
Oh, what a relief.

'Cause contrary to stereotype,
I'm an awful cook.
(chuckles)

No. Well, please, please,
just make yourselves
comfortable.

Or, uh, George,
you could take them
for a walk, you know,

while I get ready.

Well, um, why don't
you two children
go and play somewhere?

And, uh, I'll stay here
and keep Nina company.

Eh?
Oh.

You should tell her,
George.

You don't want to hurt Rodney,
I don't want to hurt Nina.

I don't want
to exclude Rodney.
That's different.

(sighs)

Are you trying
to tell me something?
Because we could stop.

No. I--
Gee, this isn't easy.

I promised. I promised her
I'd help her with the baby.

That's great.
Help her.

You be the uncle.
You be the godfather.
Ah, you don't--

No, you don't understand.
I'm more excited about this baby
than anything ever in my life.

More than me?
Oh, jeez, Paul,
don't make it that way.

I'm not making it
that way, you are.

I love you very much.

You know, I think we're both
behaving rather well

under the circumstances.

After all,
it's not always easy...

being alone
in the bedroom next door.

Next door to George and Paul?
You knew that?

Of course.

Of course I knew that.
I think Paul's great.
I think he's just great.

Well, we're all great.

You must think
I'm pretty peculiar.

(chuckles)
I have opinions
about Shakespeare.

About other people's lifestyles,
I have absolutely no opinions
whatsoever.

And I don't think one
should be too hard on oneself...

if the object
of one's affection...

returns the favor
with rather...

less enthusiasm
than one might've hoped.

But a small observation,
if I may,

from someone old enough
to be your grandfather.

Oh, you're not
that much older.

Have you noticed that
you're the only woman

coming to your
Thanksgiving dinner?

Yes. All my female friends,
they're either busy
or they have family--

Now, don't get defensive.
Have you also noticed...

that you're the only
practicing heterosexual...

coming to your
Thanksgiving dinner?

Well, I, uh, I haven't
practiced in a while.

I'm serious.

What happens when all the men
at your Thanksgiving dinner

find other men?

Who's at your table then?

Don't fix your life...

so that you're left alone...

right when you come
to the middle of it.

Lord...

for the erring thought,

not into evil wrought.

Lord, for the wicked will,

betrayed and baffled still.

For the heart...

from itself kept,

our Thanksgiving accept.

(chuckles)

To Nina and George,
our wonderful new friends.

To Nina and George.

To friendship.
Yes.

ALL:
To friendship.

(Nina clears throat)

Well...

Paul,

I think you and I
ought to be getting going.

Well, actually, I think
I'm gonna hang out here
for a while.

RODNEY:
Oh, well.
(chuckles)

PAUL:
Is that okay, Rod?

When would you be getting--

Yeah. Uh, right.

Well, thank you...

for including me
in your holiday.
Thank you for coming.

Yeah.
Paul.

Happy Thanksgiving, hmm?
Okay.

George.
Oh, goodnight.

Uh, could I walk you
out to the--

No. I'm fine.
You sure?

Let me--

Thanks.
Bye.

Goodnight.
Bye, Rod.

Oh, well, let's--
let's get cracking
on these dishes.

That's all right.
I've got it.
I've got it, thank you.

GEORGE: You sure?
Yes, definitely.
Goodnight.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Absolutely
the best holiday.

(chuckles)

I love you.

(water running)

It was a wonderful
dinner, Nina.

Thank you.

(dishes clanking)

Nina, it's 3 o'clock
in the morning.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I wake you?

No.

Paul wanted
some ice cream.

Oh. That is so sweet.
You guys have so much in common.

(clears throat)

Paul thinks, uh,

you don't like him.

I don't know him.

Y-You seem to like Rodney.

Well, Rodney is a decent
and intelligent man...

who is very hurt
and insecure.

We're all very hurt
and insecure.
Who do you know that isn't?

Paul.
Paul seems to be...

a totally happy guy.

You don't like him.
Oh, what the hell difference
does it make...

if I like Paul
or not, George?

You like Paul
and that's what's important.

And that's great.
I mean, that is just great.
I just finished my work.

Nina, I slept for months
in this apartment
with you and Vince right there.

That is different!
How is that different?

Because you don't tell
a woman that you love her,
and two days later,

bring Romeo home
to sleep with you!
You invited him!

Yes, and for dinner!
And I invited Rodney too.

I thought they were a couple!
Oh, come on,
you didn't think that.

Well, you didn't
tell me otherwise.

Nina, look at me.

Nina-- Nina, look at me!
What?

I thought we were
going to make up new rules.

Yeah, well, they have
to work for both of us.

So you can have a man
in your bed, but I can't.

Oh, God, no, no! You can't!

You cannot have me
and Paul and this baby.

Why? Because you deserve
to have it all and I don't?

No! It's not about
having it all.

It is about
picking one person
and making it work.

And when you
are fucking a man
in the next room,

it makes it pretty clear
the person you don't wanna
make it work with is me.

Yeah, that's bullshit!
Oh, fuck off, George!

(scoffs)

You forgot Paul's ice cream!

♪♪♪♪ ("The Wedding March")

(laughing, chattering)

Caroline, let's face it.
My little brother is cute.
(laughing)

And if you can deal
with the 20 women
waiting outside with pistols,

I think this union
will succeed brilliantly.

(laughing, oohing)

My friend Nina,
the wisest person I know,

said to me yesterday...

"You have to pick one person
and make it work."

Frank...

I think you picked
absolutely the right person.

(oohs and aahs)

I'd like to propose a toast.

To the Drs. Frank
and Caroline Colucci Hanson.

ALL:
Hear, hear!

(giggling)

(applause, cheering)

Your husband is adorable.

I can't imagine my husband
still calling me his friend.

♪♪ Life was a song ♪♪

♪♪ You came along ♪♪

♪♪ I've laid awake ♪♪

♪♪ The whole night through ♪♪

♪♪ If I but dared ♪♪

♪♪ To think you cared ♪♪

♪♪ This is what ♪♪

♪♪ I'd say to you ♪♪

♪♪ You were meant for me ♪♪

♪♪ I was meant for you ♪♪

♪♪ Nature fashioned you ♪♪

♪♪ And when she was done ♪♪

♪♪ You were all
the sweet things ♪♪

♪♪ Rolled up in one ♪♪

♪♪ You're like
a plaintive melody ♪♪

♪♪ That never lets me free ♪♪

♪♪ For I'm content ♪♪

♪♪ The angels
must have sent you ♪♪

♪♪ And they meant you ♪♪

♪♪ Just for me ♪♪

(cheering, applause)

♪♪♪♪

WOMAN:
All right!

WOMAN:
Very nicely done.
Very nicely done.

George, I gotta
get out of here.

You okay?
(sobbing)
Yeah, I'm okay.

Are you sure?

Yeah. I just had
to get out of there.

I know. Weddings
can be a little much.

But it works.

What do you mean?

(sighs)

I was watching
Frank and Caroline today...

and I just kept thinking...

"This is real.

And George and I are not."

(sniffles)

We're just different.

But I don't think
that I am that different.

I want you to be with me.

I want you to marry me.

I want you to love me
the way that I love you.

I don't really wanna see
who you are at all.

I think you see me.

Well, then,
tell me the truth.

What do you want?

I want Paul.

(sobs)

And I want to be able
to look at you

and not feel so hurt
by you.

I'm so sorry.

The last person in the world
I'd want to hurt is you.

I know that.
I know.

You can't choose
who you love.

I think Paul was
the best thing that ever
happened to us, you know?

At least he got us
to tell the truth.

But I-I don't want
to lose you.

I can't let things
stay the same.

(gasps)

Take care, man.
Congratulations, buddy.
Way to go.

Hey. Sorry.
I got here as fast
as I could.

No, it's okay.
George was with me
the whole time.

Good.

This is Molly.

NINA:
There she is.
Oh, hello, Molly.

I'm your dad.

Yeah.
(coos)

Shh-sh-shh. Molly, Molly,
hush, hush, hush. It's okay.
You got her?

It's okay. It's okay.
I got her.

♪♪ Look for the union label ♪♪

♪♪ When you are buying ♪♪

♪♪ A coat, dress or blouse ♪♪

(chuckles)

♪♪ Remember somewhere ♪♪
Which one of you
is the father?

♪♪ The union's sewing-- ♪♪

Vince McBride
is the father.

Can you come with me?
We have some paperwork for you.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Hey, you be nice
to your mother, honey.

Here we go. Ooh, yeah.
There she is. Okay.

Okay.

Wonder if Madame Reynolds
has ballroom dancing for babies.

(both chuckle)

Are you kidding?

Come here, Molly.

Let's show mommy
your dancing legs.

♪♪ You were meant ♪♪

♪♪ For me ♪♪

♪♪ And I was meant ♪♪

♪♪ For you ♪♪

George, when were you
planning on moving out?

I don't know.
(chuckles)

I think you should go
before I get home.

Well, uh, are you--
are you sure?

I can stay until
you and Molly get settled.

No. I don't want you there.

We'll be fine.

It's time for Molly and me
to get on with our lives.

I'll speak to Paul.

Thank you.

(Molly coos)

You're a very lucky girl,
Molly McBride Borowski.

You have the world's
best mommy.

Bye, Nina.

Bye, George.

Head up, young person.

Hi. Hi, Molly.

I love you.

(chattering)
Hello, I'm George Hanson,

principal of the Prospect Park
Cooperative School.

We want to welcome you
to our annual music celebration.

(applause, cheering)

And now, on with the show!

(cheering, applause continues)

♪♪ Listen as your day unfolds ♪

♪♪ Challenge what
your future holds ♪♪

♪♪ Try to keep your head
up to the sky ♪♪

♪♪ People they may
cause you tears ♪♪

♪♪ Go ahead
release your fears ♪♪

♪♪ Stand up and be counted
don't be ashamed to cry ♪♪

♪♪ You gotta be
you gotta be bad ♪♪

♪♪ You gotta be bold
you gotta be wiser ♪♪
Molly!

♪♪ You gotta be hard ♪♪
♪♪ Hard ♪♪

♪♪ You gotta be tough
you gotta be stronger ♪♪
♪♪ Tough, stronger ♪♪

♪♪ You gotta be cool
you gotta be calm ♪♪
♪♪ Cool, calm ♪♪

♪♪ You gotta stay together
all I know, all I know ♪♪
♪♪ Together ♪♪

♪♪ Love will save the day ♪♪
♪♪ Save the day ♪♪

♪♪ Herald what
your mother said ♪♪

♪♪ Readin' the books
your father read ♪♪

♪♪ Try to solve the puzzles
in your own sweet time ♪♪
Go, Molly! Go, Molly!

♪♪ Some may have
more cash than you ♪♪
(laughs)

♪♪ Others take
a different view ♪♪

♪♪ My oh my, hey, hey ♪♪

Whoo! Molly! Yay!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

♪♪ You gotta be hard
you gotta be tough ♪♪

♪♪ You gotta be stronger ♪♪

I gotta go.
I have an audition.

What time are you
gonna be home?
Right after yoga.

Look, are you sure
you don't mind? You had
me over last Saturday.

Oh, hey, Rodney,
you're family, man.
Of course not. Yeah.

SALLY:
Constance, why can't I
get a ring in my nose?

Sally, get straight inside.
This is a very bad neighborhood.

This is a fucking
great neighborhood.

My name is not Constance.
It's Mother.
What is with the "fucking"?

Nina, don't forget
dinner Thursday.

Umberto Eco
and Sharon Stone are coming.
Oh, goody.

I got a bidding war going
for Sharon's memoirs.
She's great. You'd love her.

Good-bye, Louis.
Good to see you again.
Nina, two seconds.

Louis...
(indistinct)

There's someone who's coming
I want you to meet, so--
Why? I am with Louis.

Sweetie, you've made your point.
It's time to move on.
Get your hair cut.

Sidney? Sidney!
Let's go.
What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Molly, you were great.
Perfect.
CONSTANCE: Sidney!

Coming. Coming.
You were just ter--
I love that hat.

Can I give you a ride?

No. I'm not going to use
taxpayer dollars to fund
my personal transportation.

I'll take the subway,
thank you.
Oh, well.

Suit yourself, Vince.
I will see you at home.

Bye, Molly.
Great job.
Bye, Louis.

Bye-bye.
Bye, Louis.

Nina, I am the only man
in your life who ever
made any sense.

You know that, right?
I do know that.

Mm, okay.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Bye, Daddy.
I love you.

George!

Great show.
Love your work.

Oh, hey, do you guys want
to come over for dinner
Saturday night?

Rodney's coming.
Oh, that sounds great.
I'll ask Paul.

Okay.
Uncle George, I had more people
come see me than anyone.

Yeah?
I had Mommy and Daddy, Louis,
Uncle Rodney, Uncle Sidney--

Honey, you are just
the luckiest little girl.

Yeah. And if you
ever need any advice,
ask Auntie Constance.

She knows everything.
Oh, stop it.

♪♪ Life was a song ♪♪

♪♪ You came along ♪♪

♪♪ I lay awake
the whole night through ♪♪

You wanna go
grab some coffee?
Yeah.

You guys always
go for coffee.
All you do is talk.

Well, excuse me,
but we like talking.

Yeah. Did--
You know, Nina, do you ever
just wanna touch her nose?

It's just like
a little tulip.
Don't you dare start with her.

It looks nothing
like a tulip. Come on.

♪♪ If I should dare ♪♪

Mommy, I can do
George's job.

You can?

Really?

Yep. "Welcome to the...

Prospect Park
Cooperative School..."
(indistinct)

♪♪ You were meant ♪♪

♪♪ For me ♪♪

♪♪ And I ♪♪

♪♪ Was meant ♪♪

♪♪ For you ♪♪

♪♪ Nature fashioned you ♪♪

♪♪ And when she was done ♪♪

♪♪ You were all
those good things ♪♪

♪♪ Rolled into one ♪♪

♪♪ You're like a plaintive ♪♪

♪♪ Melody ♪♪

♪♪ That never lets ♪♪

♪♪ Me be ♪♪

♪♪ I'm content ♪♪

♪♪ The angels
must have sent you ♪♪

♪♪ And they meant you ♪♪

♪♪ Just for me ♪♪

♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪

♪♪ You're like a plaintive ♪♪

♪♪ Melody ♪♪

♪♪ That never lets ♪♪

♪♪ Me be ♪♪

♪♪ I'm content ♪♪

♪♪ The angels
must have sent you ♪♪

♪♪ And they meant you ♪♪

♪♪ Just ♪♪

♪♪ For ♪♪

♪♪ Me ♪♪

Captioned by Point.360