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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:03,992 One of the first things that Ricky ever did as the David Brent character... 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,951 He had a couple of scenarios in his head 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,798 that he used to play out for me when we worked together, 4 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:08,989 one of which was 5 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:12,157 his character, his sort of seedy boss character interviewing a woman 6 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,998 and his slightly lascivious, 7 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,030 - lecherous manner. - Yeah. 8 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:16,718 Which is actually something we downplayed in Brent. 9 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,751 Brent in the original form was a lot more 10 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,472 seedy, perhaps, than he later became. 11 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,398 But certainly that scene where he's interviewing the girl... 12 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,397 GERVAIS: It shows another side of David Brent 13 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,636 because he didn't really know how to act. 14 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,830 Right. The interview. 15 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,757 - (GIGGLES NERVOUSLY) - Let's see 16 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,598 what we've got here. 17 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,990 Mmm... Karen Roper. 18 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,869 Curriculum vitae. Mmm. 19 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,436 Brent doesn't think that that's creepy. He thinks that's romantic. 20 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,710 He thinks he's a bit of a lothario. 21 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,876 He's thinking he's setting the mood for love. 22 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:52,311 He doesn't think this is seedy or anything, does he? 23 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,830 So, he thinks she's going to go, 24 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,634 "You're the most interesting man I've ever met. 25 00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,758 "And you're handsome with your little beard." 26 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,476 One of the things is it's a great physical performance by Ricky, 27 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,115 you know, obviously, the gestures have now become slightly over-well-known. 28 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,233 The tie, um, and the... again, the looks to camera. 29 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,675 But he does a... Sometimes every so often 30 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,552 he will do bigger stuff. 31 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,079 Paul Shepherd. Can you give us a call, mate? Cheers. 32 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,394 No! 33 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:19,589 (ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPING) 34 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,109 Dave, it's Julian. Can you give us a ring, please? 35 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,468 Go away! 36 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,397 (MACHINE BEEPING) Good bloke. Good laugh. 37 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,956 - David, it's Paul again, I think... - Leave me alone! 38 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,111 (MESSAGE CONTINUES, INDISTINCT) 39 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,598 It's fine. It is fine, that one. 40 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,353 There's loads and loads of moments, 41 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,118 just the way he'll be when a woman's around 42 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,593 as opposed to the way he'll be 43 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,154 when someone who he is frightened of will be around, 44 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,032 some higher-status person will be around. 45 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:48,956 All that sort of stuff, yeah. Just like take control of the body. 46 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,911 - And it's all that now, isn't it? - Yeah, it's all... 47 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,837 - Busy? - Yeah, just, uh, 48 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,313 keeping up the morale. 49 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,510 - Can we have a chat? - Yeah. 50 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,350 One of the things that we were exploring in The Office is that 51 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,789 cusp of blue collar to white collar, 52 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,433 regular guys working in an office 53 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,996 instead of a factory or being a mechanic. 54 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,678 And what we did was 55 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,791 we showed the difference between the two worlds. 56 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,717 The world upstairs and the world, 57 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,239 um, in the warehouse. 58 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,799 This is scary, David. 59 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,639 Don't tie any more cash up in stock unless you have to. 60 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,990 I'm sure you could lose more people from down here. 61 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,678 Who's the foreman? 62 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,635 Taffy! 63 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,272 Taffy! (GIGGLES) 64 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,517 - Glynn! - What? 65 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,032 We all call him Taffy. 66 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,311 David Brent is caught between those two worlds because 67 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,631 he wants to be a lad 68 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,232 but he wants to mix with management as well. 69 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,670 And it comes to a head when he's down there 70 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,915 with Jennifer Taylor-Clark. 71 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,075 What are you watching? 72 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,158 - It's my dog shagging his dog. - Oh, yeah. 73 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,397 Glynn, I'm sure David's made it clear to you that you'll be losing personnel. 74 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,637 That's a funny bit. Look at Gazza's face! 75 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,113 He's trying to be cool and a lad 76 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,912 but he knows it's wrong. 77 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,316 And he knows this thing, sexism. He's heard of that 78 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,193 and he knows about misogyny. He knows all those things. 79 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,594 He knows all the "isms". 80 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,870 He just doesn't really fully understand them 81 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,319 or go along with them all. 82 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,438 Can you take this upstairs? We're busy. 83 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,074 - You don't look busy. - Do you want me to get busy, love? 84 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,394 I'm sorry? 85 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,317 You can be next, Gazza likes some posh. 86 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,158 - A word with you. Now. - Yep. 87 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,028 That was out of order in a way. 88 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,957 - Ooh! - No, I'm not in trouble. 89 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,310 What she needs is a good shagging! 90 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,318 I might bloody have to now. See you later. 91 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,159 David Brent hates having a woman as a boss. 92 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:38,435 Deep down he hates it. 93 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,592 And he hates being undermined anyway by a woman. 94 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,395 He hates being undermined by anyone in front of the camera. 95 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:50,310 So, his world just implodes in that episode. 96 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,069 What do you want to know? Um... 97 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:27,159 See that? A clock, calculator in one. So... 98 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,271 That's free. Thank you. 99 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,039 Oh, here we go. 100 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,479 - (ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS) - Three. 101 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,909 Hello, David, it's Paul Shepherd here. Can you give us a call, mate? Cheers. 102 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,031 No! 103 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,869 Dave, it's Julian. Can you give us a ring, please? 104 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,752 - Go away! - (ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS) 105 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,233 Good bloke. Good laugh. 106 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,716 - David, it's Paul again, I think... - Leave me alone! 107 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,318 (MESSAGE CONTINUES, INDISTINCT) 108 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,797 It's fine. It is fine, that one. 109 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,638 That's okay. It doesn't matter. 110 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:01,557 Take that there... 111 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,069 That's the old office. So... 112 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,589 Let's get you started. Ohh. 113 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,757 No one is going to lose their jobs. 114 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,639 Yes, Head Office are talking of downsizing, 115 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,637 but they've said clearly 116 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:20,196 that the most efficient branch will incorporate the other one. 117 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,992 We are the most efficient branch. 118 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,714 Cogito, ergo sum, we'll be fine. 119 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,834 DAVID: Why should they be worried, yeah? 120 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,428 They trust me implicitly. 121 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,757 I've said there's not going to be any redundancies, so that becomes gospel. 122 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,553 Unconditional trust. It's nice. 123 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,511 Mutual. Likewise. Reciprocated. 124 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,076 My only worry is that the powers that be don't come down here 125 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,272 and pop their head round the door with their rule book 126 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,353 and go, "Oh, hold on, what's going on here? 127 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,391 "These people are mucking around." Right? 128 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,557 "Whilst getting the job done, they're having a laugh at work 129 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,114 "with the Sword of Damocles hanging over them." Right? 130 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,549 "This isn't in the rule book. Who's in charge here?" 131 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,750 Guilty! Get a new rule book! 132 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,154 All right? 133 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,713 It works with the turtle. 134 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,319 (ALL LAUGH) 135 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,357 Okay. Good. Um... 136 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,029 Finally, this young lady is Donna. 137 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,593 DONNA: Hello. ALL: Hello. 138 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,678 Daughter of my best friends Ron and Elaine. 139 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,519 She's lodging with me, so she's my responsibility, 140 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:20,155 and her dad's not only a copper but he's a bloody big bugger, isn't he? 141 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,236 So, hands off. 142 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,356 I've got something she could take down in evidence! 143 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,833 Oh, don't worry about this lot. 144 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,916 Do you want to receive some swollen goods? 145 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,268 (ALL LAUGH) 146 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,197 Wouldn't mind escaping up her tunnel! 147 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,548 Get out. 148 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,638 Get out. I mean it. 149 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,069 (SIGHS) 150 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,589 It's a shame. 151 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,156 I will not have her tunnel 152 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,750 bandied around this office willy-nilly. 153 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:06,395 Right. 154 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,439 Okay. Help her to settle in. 155 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,790 If you do have any trouble from the men... 156 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,798 - What does she do, Dawn? - Kick them in the balls. 157 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,275 - Oh! Feminist. - Get your bra off. 158 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,278 - Do you want to go out as well? - Sorry. Burn your bra but... Feminists. 159 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,436 - Good point. - Yeah. Right. 160 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,437 Obviously keep a T-shirt on, like Charlie Dimmock. 161 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:27,754 - Okay. - Women's libbers. 162 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,154 That's it. 163 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,236 (TAPPING) 164 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,750 What are you doing? What are you doing? That's ridiculous. 165 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,394 (PHONE RINGING) 166 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,838 Hello. Wernham Hogg. 167 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,118 Yeah, hang on a minute. I'll just put you through. 168 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,114 That is... You won't need to use that. 169 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,073 You've met this lot. Um, this is Gareth, 170 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,191 who you saw in the meeting. 171 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,311 Formal introductions. 172 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,438 Hi. Gareth. Welcome. 173 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,153 Just a handshake is fine. 174 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,312 - And Ricky. - Hi. Nice to meet you. 175 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:30,914 Even longer. 176 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,234 And Tim. 177 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,713 - Hello. - Good. 178 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:38,277 Okay. Settle her in. Get her started. Show her the phones and everything. 179 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,834 But first, methink the lady dost need a chair. 180 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,757 To sit down on. 181 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,277 Maybe she should sit down here 182 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,675 then I could teach her the ropes, 183 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,872 seeing that's my responsibility as team leader. 184 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,673 David? I'm just saying, maybe... 185 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,554 When people say, 186 00:08:56,680 --> 00:09:00,434 "Oh, would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss?" 187 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,558 My answer's always the same. To me, they're not mutually exclusive. 188 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:07,514 There's a weight of intellect behind my comedy. Yeah? 189 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,109 If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, 190 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:14,836 I probably wouldn't say, um, Einstein, Newton... 191 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,316 You know. I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett. 192 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:20,508 Sessions. 193 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,395 (TIM LAUGHS) 194 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,317 Gareth, have you got a licence to carry that? 195 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:29,395 (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) 196 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,909 Portable phone. All right? 197 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,395 Can you swap places with Donna, please? 198 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,988 No... I'm not moving. 199 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,473 Do as you're told. 200 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,068 Why, what are you going to do, phone me? 201 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,553 - I am team leader. - I don't give a monkey's. 202 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:45,635 You're so immature. 203 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:50,629 Gareth, if there's one thing that I am not, it is immature. 204 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,229 You're an immature little tosser. 205 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,351 (MOBILE RINGS) 206 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,074 - Gareth Keenan. - Cock. 207 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,597 - So... - David, I was just saying to Tim... 208 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,637 Looks like a... Doesn't it? 209 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,950 - Gun holster. - It's just my portable telephone. 210 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,869 - I was just saying to Tim maybe... - Sorry, I just thought of something. 211 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,158 (IMITATING CLINT EASTWOOD) I know what you're thinking, 212 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,350 did I make five or six calls? 213 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,756 The question is, do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya? 214 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,315 - Clint Eastwood. - Spot on. 215 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,869 Let's let them get on with it. Okay. 216 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,270 We're all online here. Hooked up 217 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,076 to the world wide web. Internet. 218 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,111 No shopping. All right? 219 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:49,791 Um, everyone's got email. Have you used email before? 220 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,798 - Yeah. - Yeah. It's easy, isn't it? 221 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,592 - I'll just show her on here. - Yeah. 222 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,154 Oh, you got a new one. See where it says "New mail"? 223 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,840 Just go to that. Just click on that. 224 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,712 (GASPS) No. 225 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,753 No, it's not... Yeah. It's not funny because 226 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,871 Donna should not have to see me 227 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,468 as a woman with two men doing that all over me. 228 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:11,589 You've got nice boobs. 229 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,395 No. It's just not, it's just my head. They've put it on there to... 230 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,436 Who else has seen this filth? 231 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:22,314 You know what I'm talking about. Who else has seen this filth? 232 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,678 You haven't even got email, Joan. 233 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,995 Someone printed it out for me. 234 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,718 Who printed this out for Joan? 235 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,315 Wow. I'm angry. 236 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,360 And not because I'm in it, 237 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,756 but because it degrades women, 238 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,831 which I hate. 239 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,996 And the culprit, whoever he is, is in this room. 240 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,792 Or she. It could be a woman. 241 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,717 Women are as filthy as men. 242 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,831 Naming no names. I don't know any. 243 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,356 But women are dirty. 244 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,550 Good friend of mine and a bloody good rep, Chris Finch, 245 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,831 IQ of 142, one of the cleverest blokes I know. 246 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,234 Certainly the cleverest bloke you know, isn't he? 247 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:14,588 Chris Finch, yeah. 248 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,631 He was in an argument once and he went, 249 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,354 "How can I hate women? My mum's one." 250 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,552 Yeah? There's a lot of truth in that. 251 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:28,673 And that's why when I see rubbish, all right? 252 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,553 I'm not annoyed 'cause I'm in it or I'm a prude. 253 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,150 - It offends women. - And our mums. 254 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:39,193 In a way. It's sexist, and I hate that. 255 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,356 - So do I. - Yeah, but I've said it, haven't I? 256 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,232 We've both said it. We've had meetings where we've both said it. 257 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,397 - Yeah, but I really hate it. - I've always... 258 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,350 The point is this, yeah? 259 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,790 We've got access to the internet, yeah? But it is not censored. 260 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,114 Is that a good or a bad thing? 261 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,674 - Bad. - Well, it's not for us to say. 262 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,109 All I know is I can type in 263 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:03,518 "sex... fetish". Yeah? 264 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,870 It takes a little while. 265 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,993 2,230 matches. Yeah? 266 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,998 Just click on one at random. 267 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,599 Oh... 268 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,234 "Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs." 269 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,509 Now, you do not punish someone, 270 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,200 Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs. 271 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,469 If anything, they should be rewarded. 272 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,511 - They should be equal. - Women are equal. 273 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,517 I've always said that, so... 274 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,638 - Do you want to play with my hair? - Huh? 275 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,273 - Do you want to play with my hair. - Play with your hair? 276 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,355 All right, then. 277 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,596 I've got kind of hot hands. Sorry. 278 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,718 That's all right. Just don't touch my head. 279 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,272 All it is... 280 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,433 Well... 281 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,188 Donna. 282 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,470 Yeah? My responsibility. 283 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,553 Away from home. I know boys will be boys. 284 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,632 Word from the top is... 285 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,079 - Hands off. - Yeah. 286 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,395 - Out of bounds. - Yeah. 287 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,239 - Look, but don't touch. - What do you mean by look? 288 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,351 Talk to her, be friendly, 289 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,672 - don't get any ideas. - Yeah. Good. 290 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,359 Fine. 291 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,878 What if she's up for it? 292 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,033 You want to get some of this sorted out, mate. 293 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,513 - What can we play now? - I don't know. 294 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,274 Ask around. Find out who did the picture, yes, 295 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,470 - discreetly. - Undercover. 296 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,070 Well, don't go steaming in, accusing people. 297 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,633 - Mmm-hmm. - Okay? 298 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,513 No, I'm trained in this. When I was in the army. 299 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,631 - Territorial. - Territorial Army. 300 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:40,478 Yeah, whatever. Okay? 301 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,910 Okay. I will need some stuff. 302 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,553 Like what? 303 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,238 An office. 304 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,479 - Well, use the meeting room for now. - Right. I can say it's my office, can I? 305 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,589 What? 306 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,359 I can say to people, "Come into my office"? 307 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,597 - Well, while you're doing this, yeah. - Right. 308 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,996 - I'll make a sign. - You don't need to make a sign. 309 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,712 And if I need the meeting room for a meeting, 310 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,319 it's the meeting room again, so... 311 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,954 - Right. I'll take the sign down. - Don't need to make a sign. 312 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,719 - (MOBILE RINGS) - Don't make a sign. 313 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,236 Gareth Keenan. 314 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,793 - So... Who was that? - No one. 315 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,111 No, I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number. Bye. 316 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,719 That's that, okay? 317 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,195 You go left, you go right, kick. 318 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,992 It's ding ding da! 319 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,156 Yeah, but I never said that was... 320 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,874 No, that was straight from Thriller, though. 321 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,635 He goes... # Eeeh hee! Ah! Chamone! # 322 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,273 - It's that. - Afternoon, Mr Jackson. 323 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,910 I know you're an international superstar but have you sent that fax yet? 324 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,075 Have you heard, um... Have you heard, uh... 325 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,599 Michael Jackson's new song he's doing? 326 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,792 He's teamed up with West Ham football team, apparently. 327 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,720 Doing I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles! 328 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,033 The chimp. 329 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,948 She doesn't know about football. Tell her later. 330 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,548 Have you heard George Michael's latest release? 331 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,990 No. George Michael's latest song. It's his release... 332 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,553 - Is it about blow jobs? - Yeah, the thing in the toilet, 333 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:13,590 - it was a hand job. - Right 334 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,517 DONNA: Is it Wank Me Off Before You Go Go? 335 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,073 (ALL LAUGHING) 336 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,592 Um... 337 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,672 What's white and slides down toilet walls? 338 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,631 - I don't know. - Michael Jackson's latest release. 339 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,990 George Michael's. 340 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,032 Good, innit? Oh. 341 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,515 - Can you moonwalk? - Probably not any more. 342 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,392 - Give it a go? - Yeah. I used to... 343 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,319 - You got to drop your heels back. - Not on this. You can't do it on this. 344 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,078 - Let me show you. - I used to do it, yeah. 345 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,159 Oh, yeah, I know how to do it. We used to do all that stuff as well. 346 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:49,193 All that sort of stuff, yeah. Just like take control of the body. 347 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,117 - And it's all that now, isn't it? - Yeah, and it's all... 348 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,912 - Busy? - Yeah, just, uh... 349 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:54,439 keeping up the morale. 350 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,631 - Can we have a chat? - Yeah. 351 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,398 Ooh! 352 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,470 Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith... 353 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,636 Thanks for coming in. Um... 354 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,389 Now, you know what this is about. Obviously you've seen the picture, 355 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,476 - you know, of David on the computer... - I saw it, I saw it. 356 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,830 Yeah. And we've all had a bit of a laugh about it, haven't we? 357 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,916 - It was funny. - Yeah. 358 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,316 There's a time when the joking has to stop, though. Um... 359 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,511 Not only is it derogatory... 360 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,030 GARETH: David has trusted me with this because 361 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,310 not only have I got people skills, 362 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,034 but I am trained in covert operations. 363 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,271 You know the phrase "softly softly catchee monkey"? 364 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,958 I could catch a monkey. If I was starving, I could. 365 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,755 I'd make poison darts out of the poison off of deadly frogs. 366 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,919 One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey, or a man. 367 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,520 Prick yourself, you'll be dead within a day. 368 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,834 Or longer. 369 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,951 Different frogs, different times. 370 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,719 Do you know who done the picture? 371 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,159 Yeah. 372 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,430 No. I mean, no. 373 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,756 Right. Your first answer was "yeah". 374 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,189 - Wasn't it? - I meant no. 375 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,869 - Well, why did you get... - Uh... Don't know. 376 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,592 Am I making you nervous? 377 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,597 No. I mean, yeah. 378 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,148 Hmm, that's interesting. 379 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,675 I've just spent two days in Swindon with Neil 380 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,392 and he's made some big changes. 381 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,238 Now, when we spoke on Friday, 382 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,510 you said you were going to instigate some changes of your own. 383 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,552 I just wondered how that was going. 384 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,035 - Great. - Good. What have you done? 385 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,358 Changed many things, really. 386 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,038 In a global sense, 387 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,436 streamlining the whole ongoing enterprise of it. 388 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,835 I'm sorry, David, that sounds like management-speak to me, 389 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,758 - and I know you hate that. - Yeah, I do. So... 390 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,029 Well, can you give me, let's say, 391 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,833 five practical changes that you've actually made? 392 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,349 - Five changes? - Mmm. 393 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,278 I'll give you three, and then another two if you need them. 394 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,469 Okay. 395 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,515 Efficiency. Turnover. Profitability. 396 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,915 I'm sorry, David, that still sounds like management-speak. 397 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,235 - No, because... - You hate that. 398 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,238 - Shall I tell you what Neil's done? - Can do. 399 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,998 He's frozen any wage increases, 400 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,951 he's put a stop on all overtime. 401 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,356 And any purchases of £100 or more now go through him. 402 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,870 Hundred? I was going to make it 90, but 100's all right. 403 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,468 And he has started making redundancies, David. 404 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,238 - That's only four. - Yeah. Whatever, David. 405 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,271 Have you made any redundancies? 406 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,073 I gave a speech only this morning to my staff, 407 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,156 assuring them there would not be cutbacks in this branch 408 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,316 and that there certainly wouldn't be redundancies, so... 409 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,716 - Why on earth would you do that? - Why? Oh, don't know. 410 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,912 A little word that I think is important in management called "morale". 411 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,315 Well, surely it's going to be worse for morale in the long run 412 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,512 when there are redundancies and you've told people there won't be? 413 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,275 They won't remember. 414 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,477 - With your arms... - This way? 415 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:58,828 - Ah! - And then... 416 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,679 - Ooh! Yeah, I know. Like a... - More of a... 417 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,030 DONNA: Yeah. RICKY: That is nice. 418 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,710 I'll be honest with you, David, there have got to be cutbacks. 419 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,319 Now, if you can't manage that yourself, 420 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,431 that's why I'm your boss, I can do that for you. 421 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,915 You're not the boss here. And you don't have to do anything for me 422 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,314 'cause I've already made cutbacks. 423 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,317 - What, you've made cutbacks already? - Yeah. 424 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,317 I didn't want to tell the staff, but to you... 425 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,954 Cutbacks where? 426 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,308 Staff. 427 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,278 - So there have been redundancies? - Yeah. 428 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,755 - Well, have you let anyone go? - Yeah. 429 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,030 Who? 430 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,639 Julie. 431 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,910 Where does Julie work? 432 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,351 Warehouse. 433 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,551 What does she do? 434 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,309 Just general warehouse in the warehouse. She was, uh... 435 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,715 I'm sorry, David, I thought I knew everyone in the warehouse. 436 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,398 What's her surname? 437 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,436 Second name? 438 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,239 Anderton. 439 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:58,431 Um... It's signs that Gareth's made for the door of his office. 440 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,075 He started off with "interrogation room". 441 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,311 He went to "interrogation office", 442 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,192 "investigation room", 443 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,515 "investigation office", just for the... 444 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:09,869 He really lost it here. 445 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,436 "Quiet, please! Investigation in process!" 446 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,116 "Silence. Interrogation." That's frightening. 447 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,437 That's the one he's gone for. "Investigation and meeting room." 448 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,434 Makes sense. My personal favourite, though, has to be... 449 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,791 "Gareth Keenan investigates!" Why? 450 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:31,839 So... 451 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,792 There's a lot of um... 452 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,956 - I'm trying to work in here. - Sorry, mate, yeah. 453 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,913 - How is the investigation going? - Good. 454 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,754 - Very good. - Do you need a deputy at all? 455 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:45,078 No. I've already got one. 456 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,317 - All right, Sheila? - All right? 457 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,396 Keep it down. 458 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,433 This is scary, David. 459 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,274 Don't tie any more cash up in stock unless you have to. 460 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:10,310 I'm sure you could lose more people from down here. Who's the foreman? 461 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,198 Taffy! 462 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,231 Taffy! (GIGGLES) 463 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,351 - Glynn! - What? 464 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,311 We all call him Taffy. 465 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,717 The thing is, though, no one's dispensable in my book. Yeah? 466 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,229 'Cause we're like one big organism, one big animal. 467 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,398 Yeah? The guys upstairs on the phone, they're the mouth. 468 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,591 And the guys down here, the hands. 469 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,075 - Mmm. And what part are you? - Good question. 470 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,191 Probably the humour. 471 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,358 With responsibility comes harsh things. 472 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:50,839 Um... People look at me, they say, "Oh, he's tough. He was in the army. 473 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,350 "He's going to be hard. By the book." 474 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,079 But... 475 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,078 I am caring and sensitive. 476 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,795 Isn't Schindler's List a brilliant film? 477 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,755 Um, yeah. 478 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:09,032 See? People think a strong man can't be sensitive 479 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,549 but I'm thoughtful and caring... 480 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,273 Sorry, what's this about? 481 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,711 About the picture of David with the two blokes jizzing on him. 482 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,678 Were they both jizzing on him? 483 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,235 I thought he was sucking one of them off. 484 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,590 I don't think... 485 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,155 No, look, it's just jizzing. 486 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:28,952 Well, I didn't do it. 487 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,316 Good. Fine. 488 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,909 Well, I'm glad we had this little chat. 489 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,795 I don't want you to think of me as your boss. 490 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,433 Well, you're not. 491 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,039 Well, I'm higher up than you, so I am. 492 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,595 What I'm saying is don't think of me as a boss, 493 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,236 - but know that I am. - I don't think you are. 494 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:52,113 Well, I'm team leader, so I am. I'm higher up than you. 495 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,515 (MOBILE RINGS) 496 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,792 Gareth Keenan. 497 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,958 Right, seriously. Now, just stop it. 498 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,468 Yes, I've had office romances. 499 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,033 Loads. 500 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,117 Not here, another place I worked at. 501 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:12,878 Good-looking ones as well. 502 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,789 But they're not a good idea, office romances. 503 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,229 It's like shitting on your own doorstep. 504 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,920 I've had loads of offers here, but I go, "No way." 505 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,237 Distracting. And that's actually one of the major arguments 506 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,316 against letting gay men into the army. 507 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,278 And I haven't got a problem with that. 508 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,153 You know, a gay man's not going to put me off. I can handle myself. 509 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,589 But if we were in battle, 510 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,314 is he going to be looking at the enemy or looking at me 511 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,670 going, "Oooh"? 512 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,998 You know? "He looks tasty in his uniform." 513 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,553 And I'm not homophobic, all right? 514 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,193 Come round, look at my CD collection. 515 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,835 You'll find Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys. 516 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,077 They're all bummers. 517 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,433 (DOG BARKS ON TV) 518 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,711 All right, lads? What are you watching? 519 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,793 - It's my dog shagging his dog. - Oh, yeah. 520 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,231 Glynn, I'm sure David's made it clear to you that you'll be losing personnel. 521 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,960 That's a funny bit. Look at Gazza's face! 522 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,512 I'm sorry to interrupt, 523 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,278 do you think you can lose any more staff from down here? 524 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,277 - I know you lost Julie Anderton. - Who? 525 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,119 - Opening a can of worms there. - Julie Anderton. David fired her? 526 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,559 - Never heard of her. - Oh, loyalty. 527 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,319 When someone goes from this organisation, they no longer exist. 528 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,759 She never existed, did she? 529 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,916 - Well... - You made her up. 530 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:28,997 Well, you backed me into a corner and I... 531 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,395 - You lied. - It's a form of acting. 532 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,192 Can you take this upstairs? We're a bit busy. 533 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,789 - You don't look busy. - Do you want me to get busy, love? 534 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,319 I'm sorry? 535 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,271 You can be next. Gazza likes some posh. 536 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,755 - A word with you. Now. - Yep. 537 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,793 That was out of order in a way. 538 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:46,717 - Ooh! - No, I'm not in trouble. 539 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,990 What she needs is a good shagging! 540 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,317 I might bloody have to now. See you later. 541 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,519 Now, then. You two. 542 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,711 Dawn and Tim. 543 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,671 What do you want, Gareth? 544 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,316 I've been assigned to find out who did the picture. 545 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:06,714 Right. Who was it? 546 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,757 - Well, I don't know. - Will you get fired? 547 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:10,472 - Will I get fired? - lf you don't know who did it. 548 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,239 Well, I'm finding out now. I'm doing investigations now. 549 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,920 - Was it one of you two? - Yes. Christ, you're good. 550 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,519 - Was it? - No! 551 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,039 I knew it wasn't. 552 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,594 Listen. I'm not going to fire you if you know anything 553 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,073 - because... - You couldn't. 554 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,269 - I could. - How would that work? 555 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,829 I would say, "You're fired. Clear your desk and..." 556 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,518 I would say, "You don't have the authority." But go on. 557 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:29,959 Not true, not true. 558 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,310 Because in this room, I have special... 559 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,715 - Needs? - No. I am a special... 560 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,718 - Needs child? - No, and that's not funny. All right? 561 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,910 - I won't have you fired because... - You couldn't. 562 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,268 - Right, that's all. - Thank you. 563 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,397 I just can't believe their total lack of respect. 564 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,996 Yeah, yeah. Not only did they undermine you in an authoritive sense... 565 00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:58,951 - (KNOCKING) - Come in, Gareth. 566 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,196 ...but they left an image in my mind 567 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,834 of you naked on all fours 568 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,872 being quite literally done doggie-style. 569 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,230 David! 570 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,670 - Carry on. - What is it? 571 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,359 I've found the guilty man. 572 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,154 - Have you indeed, Mr Keenan? - Can this wait, David? 573 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:18,594 Uh, yeah, 574 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,270 but if I tell you there's pornography, sexist pornography, which I hate, 575 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,356 going round the office, then do you want it to wait? 576 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:25,629 Pornography? 577 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,355 - Who was it? - Surprise, surprise. It was Tim. 578 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,950 Shame. Good man. How can you be sure? 579 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,038 I found these pictures on his hard drive downloaded from the internet. 580 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:36,713 After investigation, 581 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,389 licensed by, carried out by... 582 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,031 Oh, no. 583 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,915 Urgh. I don't want you to see this. I don't want to see this. Urgh. 584 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:48,394 That's worse than the one before. 585 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,473 Oh, I hope there aren't any more. There are more. 586 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,474 Well, he will have to be disciplined 587 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,478 because when the disciplining has to be done, 588 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,717 then the laughter stops for that amount of time, then continues, 589 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,115 rehabilitation notwithstanding. 590 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,595 It's everywhere. Oh. 591 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,279 How did you find out? 592 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,789 Well, I suspected the pictures probably came off the internet, 593 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,638 so I checked everyone's computer. 594 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,593 'Cause there is a log of every web page you've visited. 595 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,314 You just go to Internet Page and then Net History. 596 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,671 - Well, it's not worth it... - It only takes a second. 597 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,268 I don't want to even know how it's done, in a way. 598 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:28,154 Can you delete the history thing on the computer? We should, really. 599 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,954 - David, this is a meeting. - Yeah, yeah. 600 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,720 Okay. That's all. Anything else? 601 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,717 Um, oh, Taffy phoned from the warehouse. 602 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,512 - He's got another funny video for you. - Thanks. 603 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,790 - This is just one big boys' club! - Not really. 604 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,275 Seedy little men with seedy little jokes. 605 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,277 This morning, perfect example! 606 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,397 I do not want to be put in that position again. 607 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:47,953 Don't go down the warehouse. 608 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,958 David, don't tell me where I can and can't go in my own company. 609 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:52,479 - Advice... - You're on very thin ice as it is. 610 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,717 You've already lied to me today. What's that? 611 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,559 You lied to me because you don't have the guts to do your own job. 612 00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,999 I don't have the guts? 613 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,238 If you're not man enough to do your job, I will do it for you. 614 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,032 Not man enough? 615 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:08,752 Okay. 616 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,792 Come here. 617 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:20,273 Busy at work? 618 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,840 - Is there a problem? - Yeah. That. 619 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,316 - I'm sorry. What's that? - (CHUCKLES) "What's that?" 620 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:30,758 I don't know. A dirty picture with my head on it, as a sex object. 621 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:35,158 And don't... You know I like a laugh, Tim. I'm just... 622 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,670 Porno laughs are not funny, okay? 623 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,474 - I'm disappointed. - You think I did this? 624 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,477 Case closed. 625 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,035 Hey, shouldn't I say that? As it was my investigation. 626 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,437 What annoys me is you obviously didn't do it in your own time... 627 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,279 Whoa, whoa. Colombo here figured it out, did he? 628 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,832 Well, yeah, of... I must be guilty if you've got your best man on the case! 629 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,793 Stop trying to be funny for one second, Tim, okay? 630 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:02,639 And listen, okay? And stop taking advantage of my good nature 631 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,718 'cause I could be like every other boss in this situation. 632 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,148 Okay? Right? 633 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,557 You're taking the piss and I'm getting sick of it. 634 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,196 David, it wasn't me, okay? It was your good friend Chris Finch. 635 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,394 He used my computer. 636 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,518 He said he was your best mate and you'd find it hilarious. 637 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:22,472 Oh... 638 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,672 No, it is. That was never in question. 639 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,469 I think it's bloody hilarious. You're missing the... 640 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,314 Are you going to apologise to Tim? 641 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,075 I'll tell you about families. You don't have to, in a way. 642 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:37,508 So... 643 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,790 Are you going to apologise to Tim? 644 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,752 I have, in a way... 645 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,031 - Are you going to apologise now? - Yes! 646 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,870 S... sorry about that. 647 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,355 You weren't involved... You covered for it so well, as well. 648 00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,038 You were involved, but you covered, that's what I like. 649 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,116 Well, I really wouldn't want to be here when you bawl out Finchy. 650 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,196 You won't be. It's not fair. Nor will you. 651 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,880 So it's not offensive now it's Chris Finch? 652 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:10,358 Let's not dwell on whether it is or isn't this or... 653 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,914 Let's stop degrading women, shall we? Please. 654 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,634 Let's have a laugh with them, not at them. 655 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,990 Let's have a laugh at work, 656 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,714 with women, at us. 657 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,991 So I trust you'll be telling Chris Finch he won't be working with us any more? 658 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:25,758 Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll get rid of a good rep 659 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,552 'cause he played a joke. Brilliant. 660 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,989 - David, don't even start. - No, no, fine. 661 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,509 That's come from the top. 662 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:38,550 Yeah. Hi, Chris. It's David here. Yeah. Bad news, mate. 663 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,638 We're going to have to let you go. We can't use you any more. No. Yep. 664 00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,034 'Cause of the joke. 665 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,277 No, I've got a sense of humour, but that was offensive towards women, 666 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,353 and I can't tolerate that. I'll have to pass on... 667 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:53,917 ... the time sponsored by Accurist will be 4:21 668 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,111 and 40 seconds. 669 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,958 - Pathetic. - Is it? 670 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,197 At the third stroke, the time sponsored by Accurist 671 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:05,313 will be 4:21 and 50 seconds. 672 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:18,279 Sorry, has anyone got the right time? 673 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,954 # So what becomes of you, my love 674 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:35,158 # When they have finally stripped you of 675 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,035 # The handbags and the gladrags 676 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,470 # That your granddad had to sweat 677 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,477 # So you could buy # 678 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,911 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. 52706

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