Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

- ♪ DA DA DA DA-DA

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

♪ DA DA DA DA-DA

♪ DA DA DA DA-DA

♪ DA DA DA DA-DA

[upbeat music continues]

♪

- DEAR LEAH,

SO TODAY IS THREE MONTHS SINCE WE BROKE UP,

AND IT GOT ME THINKING.

THOUGH WHAT HAPPENED HURT, IT'S HISTORY TO ME NOW.

AND I'M DOING GREAT, AND I HOPE YOU ARE TOO.

- ALL RIGHT. THIS SHOULD BE IT.

WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

- WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?

- DESTROYING EVERY LAST OUNCE OF YOUR DIGNITY

LETTER BY LETTER.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

HEY, I WAS JUST WRITING

A "HEY, HOW YOU DOING" NOTE TO LEAH--THAT'S IT.

- YEAH. AND THE POINT OF THAT IS...

YEAH, RIGHT, THERE IS NONE. HAVE YOU SUDDENLY FORGOTTEN

THAT SHE CHEATED ON YOU WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND?

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND.

- WELL, I AM NOW, BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER RUN OFF

WITH YOUR WANNABE ACTRESS EX-GIRLFRIEND

WHO SLICED YOUR HEART INTO A THOUSAND PIECES

WITH AN X-ACTO KNIFE.

- I'VE MOVED ON. WHY CAN'T YOU?

HMM. SO WHAT'S THE NOONTIME RATING SO FAR?

- LUNCH--SOLID EIGHT.

LADIES--UNDERWHELMING FOUR.

- DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN THE SANDWICHES

ARE TWICE AS GOOD AS THE WOMEN?

- MM. DEPENDS ON HOW HUNGRY I AM.

[sweeping music]

♪

- MMM. HANDS DOWN...

BETTER THAN MY SANDWICH.

- OKAY, I...

HAVE JUST SEEN MY DESTINY.

- ALL DUE RESPECT, SPORT,

THERE'S GONNA BE A LINE A MILE LONG.

- SHE JUST SMILED AT ME.

I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT NOTHING CAN KEEP YOU

FROM BEING THE ONE THAT YOU'RE DESTINED TO BE WITH.

- SO GO AFTER HER. CHAT HER UP.

SWEEP HER OFF HER FEET. INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING.

- IF I'M MEANT TO MEET HER, IT'LL JUST HAPPEN.

IT'LL HAPPEN NATURALLY, YOU KNOW?

- YEAH. JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER FANTASTIC WOMEN YOU'VE MET,

YOU KNOW, NATURALLY.

- OKAY. WELL, SHE'S GONNA BE DIFFERENT.

- MOM, LOOK! THAT CAR'S BEEN TO MYSTERY SITE.

SEE THE BUMPER STICKER? - YEAH. LOOK AT THAT.

- BUT...IT DOESN'T HAVE A QUESTION MARK.

IT JUST HAS THESE SWIRLS LIKE ON A BOX OF TIDE.

- WELL, THAT'S VERY MYSTERIOUS, HUH?

- MM-HMM.

MOM, DO YOU THINK THERE ARE ALIENS AT MYSTERY SITE?

OR MAYBE DINOSAURS.

- MAYBE THE ALIENS BROUGHT THE DINOSAURS.

- MAYBE MY DAD'S THERE TOO.

- THESE ARE JUST TRIAL ADS.

WE'VE GOT A BUDGET, AND IF WE NAIL IT...

- NAIL THIS. WE'LL DEMOLISH THIS.

- MORE MORE PIZZA COUPONS. - OR FOCUS GROUPS.

- HEY, LADIES.

- THERE'S MY DESTINY.

- OKAY, RIGHT THIS WAY.

- YOU REMEMBER HER? I TOLD YOU I'D MEET HER AGAIN.

- YEAH, BUT IF YOU WANT TO MEET HER, YOU KNOW,

YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY MEETHER.

- HERE'S YOUR MENU. YOUR SERVER WILL BE WITH YOU.

- DID YOU SEE THE WAY SHE SMILED AT ME?

THAT WAS TWICE AS BIG AS THE SMILE--

- SHE PROBABLY STEPPED ON A NAIL.

- THAT MEANT SOMETHING. THAT--

- YOU GET FREE TICKETS TO ALL THE GAMES,

PASSES TO ALL KINDS OF EVENTS AND PARTIES.

SO FAR, IT'S BEEN A PRETTY COOL JOB.

OH, YOU SHOULD TAKE DOWN MY EMAIL ADDRESS.

READY? - MM-HMM.

- IT'S "C" ANDERSEN. ONE WORD.

@G1SE.COM.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- OKAY. LET ME READ THIS BACK TO YOU.

- [whispers] ARE YOU SERIOUS? - CANDERSON@G1SE.COM?

- YEAH.

- OH, AND THAT'S, UM, THAT'S ANDERSEN WITH AN E-N.

- OH!

- THIS...IS WHAT YOU CALL FATE.

THIS DOESN'T EVEN HAPPEN.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS? THAT MEANT SOMETHING.

SOMEBODY ORCHESTRATED THIS.

- WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO HER?

- "MY NAME IS BEN. YOU'RE THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME?"

- I THINK, "HI, I'M BEN," COVERS IT.

- THIS...

THIS RIGHT HERE'S FATE.

- [laughs]

- THE TOP FIVE REASONS I'M YOUR SECRET ADMIRER.

NUMBER FIVE... BECAUSE IT'S 2:00 A.M.,

THE PERFECT TIME TO DO SOMETHING

THAT SCARES YOU TO DEATH.

- HEY.

EAT UP, LITTLE MAN.

I WANNA GET TO WORK EARLY, OKAY?

AND YOU'RE GETTING YOUR USUAL TODAY.

GOOD?

WHAT'S UP?

- DOES MY DAD LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY?

- WELL, WHO DOESN'T?

- HEY! - YOU DO IT.

- YOU! - OKAY...HERE YOU GO.

- MOM. MOM.

- WHAT? - THAT'S NOT COOL.

- OH. OKAY.

WHAT IS COOL?

- [mouths words] - I LOVE YOU TOO.

HEY, CHLOE. - MORNING.

- IT'S A LATE MORNING AGAIN. IS JIM IN YET?

- YEAH. I THINK HE'S--

- THE GAME STARTS AT 9:00, CHARLEY, NOT 9:15.

- YEAH, I-I'M SORRY, JIM. THE FREEWAY WAS A PARKING LOT.

THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT. - ACTUALLY, JIM,

THE 405 WAS TOTALLY BACKED UP THIS MORNING.

IT TOOK ME 30 MINUTES JUST TO GET HERE FROM DOHENY, SO...

- WELL, I GUESS I GOTTA FACTOR THAT IN.

JUST REMEMBER, LADIES,

IF ALL OUR PLAYERS AREN'T IN POSITION,

THE GAME AIN'T ON.

- OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR THAT.

- OH, JIM'S JUST A BIG SOFTIE.

- MM. HEY, HOW GOES THE TRAINING PROGRAM?

- OH, EVERYBODY'S BEEN REALLY NICE.

JIM SAYS IT'S A TOTAL "SPRINGBOARD" INTO THE MAJORS.

SO IT'S ALL COOL.

- CHARLEY. CHARLEY...

WHERE ARE THE SUMMER MUSIC JAM REPORTS?

- THEY'RE ON YOUR DESK IN A FOLDER

MARKED SUMMER MUSIC JAM REPORTS.

- OKAY, COOL.

- AND I FIXED ALL YOUR GRAMMAR AND CORRECTED YOUR TYPOS.

- THAT'S OUR LITTLE WORKHORSE.

[ahem] SO...

TELL ME ABOUT CHLOE ANDERSEN.

- UM...

- VAL? SORRY THAT I'M LATE.

- OOH, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAD A NIGHT.

- UH, NO. A WARNING, ACTUALLY.

LUKE'S OFFICIALLY A MAN.

HE WOULDN'T LET ME KISS HIM GOOD-BYE AT THE SCHOOL BUS.

- OH, WELL, BRACE YOURSELF, HONEY.

IT'S A LONG HAUL.

- MM. YEAH.

[background chatter]

TOP FIVE REASONS I'M YOUR SECRET ADMIRER.

- LET ME GUESS.

YOU BARED YOUR SOUL AND EMAILED A MYSTERY GIRL

AND YOU GOT BACK A BIG, FAT GOOSE EGG.

- OKAY, WELL, I SENT THE EMAIL LAST NIGHT,

AND WHEN I SENT IT, IT WAS VERY LATE, SO--

- YEAH, WELL, WHATEVER.

IF YOU DON'T HEAR BACK BY LUNCHTIME,

THAT GOOSE EGG IS COOKED.

NOW, CAN WE TALK ARGOMONT?

- YEAH.

- "NUMBER FOUR...

"BECAUSE I BRUSH UP AGAINST A THOUSAND STRANGERS A DAY,

"BUT IT WASN'T UNTIL I SAW YOU

"THAT I REALIZED I WAS ALONE.

"NUMBER THREE...BECAUSE I SEE POETRY IN YOUR SOUL.

"NUMBER TWO...

"BECAUSE I SEE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES.

"AND NUMBER ONE...

BECAUSE YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY."

Ben: FOUR THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME.

NUMBER ONE...I AM NOT, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A PLAYER.

NUMBER TWO...I'VE NEVER HOOKED UP ONLINE.

NUMBER THREE...I MAKE A KILLER PESTO SAUCE.

- "NUMBER FOUR... I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE."

HMM. THANKS FOR SHOWING THIS TO ME.

- YEAH, WELL, AT FIRST I WASN'T GONNA SHOW ANYBODY,

BUT... WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WELL, I...

THINK EITHER HE'S THE GREATEST GUY IN THE WORLD

OR BIG TROUBLE.

- YEAH. FORGET IT.

I AM NOT WRITING HIM BACK.

- DID I SAY THAT?

- LADIES, THE SUPERLA FITNESS MEETING HAS BEEN PUSHED UP.

AND WE'VE GOT CHANGES.

[sniffs] AND...

WHAT IS THAT FRAGRANCE?

- IT'S CALLED "I'M YOUR BOSS, I'M MARRIED,

"I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOTHER,

AND YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER."

- [laughs] NOW, HOW DO THEY FIT ALL THAT IN THE BOTTLE?

- HEY, RYAN, THINK FAST!

AH! GET THAT DOWN!

GIVE ME SOME, MAN! AH!

WHAT'S UP? YO, BABY.

GET ME A COFFEE, LIGHT, TWO SUGARS.

AH, NEVER MIND. I'LL GET IT MYSELF.

- WELL, I GUESS WE KNOW HE'S NOT MY SECRET ADMIRER.

- YEAH. BUT WHO IS?

- THOSE ARE GORGEOUS.

ARE THEY YOURS? - SOMEONE JUST SENT THEM.

NO NOTE OR ANYTHING. IT'S PROBABLY A MISTAKE.

- WELL, MAYBE YOU HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER.

- OH, MY GOSH.

THAT'D BE SO ROMANTIC!

- AND YOU WOULDN'T WORRY THAT THEY WERE WEIRD OR...

- WHAT? AND RUIN ALL THE FUN?

[telephone rings] GAME 1.

YEAH. OKAY.

- DO I KNOW YOU?

[mouse clicks] [electronic tone]

[electronic chime]

- HA HA HA HA HA!

HA HO!

COLLIN. IT'S HER. IT'S HER.

SHE WROTE. SHE WRITES!

SHE HAS WRITTEN ME!

- NO...WAY. - YES, WAY.

- WHAT'D SHE SAY? - I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T--

I DIDN'T OPEN IT YET.

- WHAT ARE YOU WAITIN' FOR? OPEN IT.

- OKAY, LET'S--LET'S-- LET'S, UH...

- "DO I KNOW YOU?"

THAT'S IT?

- WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

I MEAN, THAT--THAT'S A-- THAT'S A VERY VALID QUESTION.

- IT'S NOT EXACTLY BURSTING WITH ENTHUSIASM.

- OKAY. BUT IT'S A START.

- TELL ME YOU'RE NOT ALREADY ANSWERING HER.

- THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING.

[thinking] NO, BUT I'M FASCINATED BY YOU.

ISN'T THAT A GREAT PLACE TO START?

NOW...THE SOONER SHE GETS TO KNOW THE REAL ME,

THE BETTER.

- [thinking] "NO, BUT I'M FASCINATED BY YOU.

ISN'T THAT A GREAT PLACE TO START?"

[click, electronic tone]

[peaceful piano music]

♪

- "AND FIVE REASONS WHY I AM."

LISTEN TO THIS, LISTEN TO THIS, LISTEN TO THIS.

"NUMBER FIVE...BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER,

AND I'M CHOOSING TO BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT A COMPLETE PSYCHO."

- HER FIRST MISTAKE.

- SHE'S IRREVERENT. I LOVE THAT.

"NUMBER FOUR...BECAUSE I COULD EAT MY BODY WEIGHT

"IN GOOD PESTO SAUCE.

NUMBER THREE...BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS."

OH, THIS IS GOOD. THIS--THIS IS A GOOD ONE.

"NUMBER TWO...BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE."

- WHAT'S NUMBER ONE?

- "NUMBER ONE... BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO THINK

THAT I ALSO BELIEVE... IN TRUE LOVE."

- BULL'S-EYE! - YEAH, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

HANG ON.

"BUT THE FACT REMAINS...

"THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE

"OR EVEN WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, A DISTINCT DISADVANTAGE,

"CONSIDERING YOU SEEM TO KNOW EXACTLY WHO I AM.

FRANKLY, IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY."

- WELL, IT IS.

- MAYBE I SHOULD SEND HER A PICTURE.

- NO. NO, NO PICTURES.

IF THIS THING GOES SOUTH

AND SHE RECOGNIZES YOU ON THE STREET,

SHE'S GONNA PUNCH YOUR LIGHTS OUT.

- THAT'S A GOOD POINT. - MM-HMM.

- THEN SHE CONCLUDES WITH, "AND WHILE I'M DEFINITELY

"NOT COMFORTABLE MEETING IN PERSON,

I MAY BE OPEN TO GETTING TO KNOW YOU BETTER THROUGH WORDS."

WAY BEFORE THERE WAS C ANDERSON,

ACTUALLY, WAY, WAY BEFORE THERE WAS YOU,

THERE WAS MY FIRST MAJOR CRUSH...MISS JACKSON,

MY SIXTH GRADE TEACHER.

- HEY! HEAR THE BIG NEWS? - OH...

VAL. [laughs]

- ARE YOU AND CYBER GUY...

- A LITTLE BIT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

- TELL ME EVERYTHING. [chuckles]

- SO WHAT'S THE BIG NEWS?

- WELL-- - HOWDY, NEIGHBOR.

- CHLOE GOT PROMOTED TO COORDINATOR.

SEEMS LIKE JIM LIKES SOME OF HER MARKETING IDEAS.

- IS THIS THE EXTRA CREDIT THING?

- CRAZY, HUH?

- CONGRATULATIONS. YOU MUST BE THRILLED.

- AND SHOCKED. AND A LITTLE OVERWHELMED.

BUT...WHATEVER. I'M READY TO DIVE IN.

- DON'T FORGET, CHLOE. ANYTHING YOU NEED...

JUST ASK CHARLEY HORSE.

SHE'S OUR GO-TO GAL AROUND HERE.

NOW, ON A DIFFERENT NOTE, YOU AND I,

PROMOTIONAL LUNCH, 1:00? WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT! SHE'S GOIN' OUT WITH ME!

- HEY, YOUR LAUNDRY IS DONE, KIDDO.

COME GET IT.

AH. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT, RIGHT?

- MM-HMM.

YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE WITH THE TEACHER CRUSH.

MINE WAS MY EIGHTH GRADE MATH TEACHER, MR. DUNCAN.

ONLY ONE WORD COULD DESCRIBE HIM...PERFECT.

TURNS OUT ANOTHER WORD COULD ALSO DESCRIBE HIM--

SHOPLIFTER.

- MY BEST FRIEND IS MY DOG BOWIE,

AFTER DAVID, OF COURSE.

AND HE HAS ONE BLUE EYE AND ONE BROWN EYE.

- MY WEIRDEST JOB...

- I'VE HAD MORE WOMEN IN MY LIFE THAN MOST.

- I WAS A CHILD SUPERSTAR...

IN MY MIND.

- I WAS A STAR ATHLETE...

NOT.

DESSERT. I LOVE PIE.

YOU?

- WHO DOESN'T LOVE PIE?

- WHO'S A GENIUS? OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M A GENIUS. - OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YOURS...WERE ALMOST AS GOOD AS MINE.

[laughs]

WHAT JUMPSTARTED YOUR CREATIVE ENGINE?

OH, YEAH! THE "E-LATIONSHIP."

- ELATION'S RIGHT. THIS WILL BE PRIORITY.

THANK YOU. - TWO OF THOSE.

- FOR YOU.

- UH...

FOR ME? FROM WHO?

- YOUR SECRET ADMIRER.

AKA, ME.

IT'S JUST A SMALL THANK YOU

FOR HELPING ME EDIT MY PROPOSAL.

- OH. WELL, THANK YOU, CHLOE. THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

- YOU LOOKED FREAKED THERE FOR A SECOND.

IT'S THE WHOLE SECRET ADMIRER CONCEPT, ISN'T IT?

- ACTUALLY, I KIND OF HAVE ONE.

I MEAN, IT'S NOTHING. WE'RE JUST EXCHANGING EMAILS.

- CHARLEY, THAT'S SO EXCITING!

ARE YOU GUYS GONNA MEET?

- UH...NO!

GOSH, NO.

I MEAN, UH...NOT YET.

IF...EVER.

UM...

I DON'T KNOW.

- LISTEN, I'M HAVING THIS LITTLE DINNER PARTY

SATURDAY NIGHT AT MY HOUSE.

YOU SHOULD COME.

THERE'LL BE SOME CUTE GUYS THERE.

- UH, ACTUALLY...

MY BABYSITTER IS OUT OF TOWN THIS WEEKEND, SO--

- DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT LUKE HAS A SLEEPOVER

WITH THE BOYS ON SATURDAY?

- SINCE WHEN IS THERE A SLEEPOVER?

- SINCE RIGHT NOW. SHE'LL BE THERE WITH BELLS ON.

- SUPER!

- RUSTY LEFT YEARS AGO.

IT'S TIME TO GET BACK OUT THERE, DON'T YOU THINK?

- [scoffs]

- NOW, DUDE, I KNOW I'VE BEEN SORT OF RAGGING ON YOU

ON THIS WHOLE C ANDERSON EXPERIMENT,

BUT HOW'S IT GOING?

- VERY ROMANTIC.

WE'VE BEEN EXCHANGING STORIES BACK AND FORTH.

I FEEL LIKE WE'RE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

- IT'S WEIRD BUT COOL.

- TO BE HONEST, SHE COMES ACROSS

A LOT DIFFERENT THAN SHE LOOKS.

- MM. YEAH? HOW?

- FUNNIER. MORE DOWN TO EARTH.

LIKE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

THAT HAS NO IDEA HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE.

- HOPEFULLY YOU COME OFF DIFFERENT THAN YOU LOOK TOO.

- [laughs]

AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S SO STRANGE?

EVER SINCE THIS WHOLE THING STARTED,

EVERY TIME I'M OUT, I FEEL LIKE I SEE HER.

- OH, MARGARITAS!

- THAT REALLY IS HER.

- TELL ME SHE DOESN'T SEE ME, PLEASE.

I DON'T WANT HER TO THINK I'M A STALKER.

- WOULD YOU GET A GRIP?

SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, REMEMBER?

- THAT'S RIGHT. SHE DOESN'T, DOES SHE?

I CAN WALK RIGHT UP TO HER, STARE HER RIGHT IN THE EYE,

AND SHE'D HAVE NO IDEA IT WAS ME.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW. - DO YOU WANNA BLOW YOUR COVER?

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU-- YOU WILL.

BESIDES, IS THIS HOW OR WHERE

YOU WANT YOUR ANGEL TO MEET HER SOUL MATE?

- YEAH.

YOU KNOW, AS A MATTER OF FACT, LET'S...

LET'S JUST GET OUTTA HERE.

LET'S GO SI--

OH, I'M SO SORRY!

OH, MY GOSH! - [laughing] THAT IS...

- OH, MY--I'M SO--

I'M SO SORRY, I--

I WILL PAY FOR YOUR DRY CLEANING

OR AT LEAST BUY YOU ANOTHER SHIRT.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. - LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK.

I MEAN... - YOU KNOW, HOW 'BOUT...

COFFEE?

YOU KNOW, TOMORROW.

- I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

- BUT WE WOULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

OVER COFFEE.

- UM...

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'M, UM...

I'M HAVING SOME FRIENDS OVER SATURDAY NIGHT.

STOP BY IF YOU WANT.

- I WOULD LOVE TO.

I'M BEN MARTIN.

- SEE YOU SATURDAY NIGHT, BEN MARTIN.

- I LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

IT'S NICE MEETING YOU.

- I'M SORRY. - THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

LITTLE CHILLY, BUT IT'S OKAY.

NICE MEETING YOU.

IT'S GETTING INTERESTING.

- THAT WAS DIFFERENT. [both giggle]

[dance music plays]

♪

[background chatter]

- IS NATALIE HERE?

- YEAH! YEAH, SHE'S GONNA BE HERE LATER.

- CHARLEY! YOU MADE IT!

[laughs]

AND YOU BROUGHT A...PIE.

- YEAH. SORRY.

I DIDN'T REALIZE... WOW! WHAT A PARTY.

- RIGHT. WHAT'D I TELL YOU?

- WHAT'S THIS? - OKAY, THIS IS HOW IT WORKS.

WOMEN GET LOCKS, MEN GET KEYS.

IF THEY'RE A FIT, IT'S A MATCH.

OR WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE.

- CHLOE THROWS THE MOST AMAZING THEME PARTIES.

MM-HMM. I WILL TAKE THAT.

- THANKS.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THIS WAS A SINGLES PARTY.

- WOULD YOU HAVE COME IF I DID?

- UM...

- SHE BROUGHT A PIE.

[both laugh]

- WHAT A HOUSE, HUH? HOW DO YOU...

- OH, MY COUSIN. WELL, SECOND COUSIN.

HE'S WORKING IN LONDON FOR THE YEAR,

AND HE ASKED ME TO HOUSE-SIT.

WOULD NOT TAKE A DIME.

AM I LIKE THE LUCKIEST PERSON ALIVE?

- [laughs]

- HEY. - HI!

- MAY I? - OF COURSE. OF COURSE.

MINGLE!

- OKAY.

- OH...TOO BAD.

I'M SORRY.

WISH IT LUCK. WISH IT LUCK.

NO. NO.

SORRY.

- WHAT IS THIS, NATIONAL PIE DAY?

WHO TOLD THESE PEOPLE TO BRING PIES?

- OH! - OH!

- OH, MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU'LL GET IT.

- CHLOE?

CHLOE. HEY... [laughs]

IT'S BEN. BEN.

BEN...BEN MAR-MARTIN.

- RIGHT!

THE GUY WHO WORE MY MARGARITA.

- YES! I WORE YOUR MARGARITA.

YES. - YEAH.

- I BROUGHT YOU A PIE.

SOMEBODY TOOK IT.

- WOW.

THAT'S THE SECOND PIE TONIGHT,

BUT WHO DOESN'T LIKE PIE, RIGHT?

- YEAH. YEAH.

SO THIS IS A BIT, UH...

LESS INTIMATE THAN I EXPECTED.

- OH, WELL, IT'S A LOCK AND KEY PARTY,

SO THE MORE THE MERRIER. - AH, IT'S A LOCK AND--OH!

OF COURSE IT'S A LOCK AND KEY PARTY.

- UH-HUH. YEAH.

- SHALL WE GET THIS PARTY STARTED--

- CHLOE! - AAH!

CATCH YOU LATER! - HI!

- OKAY. YEP.

- HEY! HOW ARE YOU? - HE'S OVER THERE.

- EXCUSE ME.

HAVE YOU EVER... BEEN TO ONE OF THESE?

- NO. CAN'T SAY I'VE HAD THE PLEASURE.

YOU? - I ACTUALLY WENT TO

A COLLEGE MIXER FOR HALLOWEEN ONE YEAR

WHERE YOU HAD TO DRESS UP AS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN UTENSIL.

[laughing] I DON'T REALLY GUESS

THAT COUNTS, THOUGH, DOES IT?

HI. I'M BEN. [glasses clink]

AND I HAVE LOOKED STUPID PLENTY OF TIMES.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I PROBABLY LOOK PRETTY STUPID RIGHT NOW.

- I'M CHARLEY, AND IF ANYBODY LOOKS STUPID RIGHT NOW,

IT'S PROBABLY ME.

I BROUGHT A PIE.

- I BROUGHT A PIE! I'M NOT KIDDING!

I BROUGHT A PIE HERE TONIGHT!

- REALLY? - YES!

WOW. AND YOU DON'T LOOK STUPID AT ALL.

QUITE THE CONTRARY, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

YOU LOOK...VERY NICE.

- THANK YOU.

- OOPS. SORRY, SORRY.

- BUT YOU ARE CLEARLY VERY DRUNK.

- [chuckling] NO, I'M...

IF I WAS DRUNK, TRUST ME,

I WOULD BE STANDING ON A TABLE HUMILIATING MYSELF

SINGING SOME OLD, UNRECOGNIZABLE SONG

AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS.

- LIKE WHAT? - I WOULD PROBABLY

BE SINGING YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY YOU LOVE MEBY DUSTY--

- DUSTY SPRINGFIELD. I LOVE DUSTY.

- SERIOUSLY, THAT--THAT-- THAT'S CRAZY.

IN MY OPINION, DUSTY IN MEMPHIS

IS PROBABLY THE-- - THE BEST RECORD EVER MADE.

- YES!

[clink] YES!

SO ARE--ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH CHLOE?

- UH, YEAH. WE WORK TOGETHER.

- OH. - YOU?

- UH, WELL... IF I'M BEING HONEST,

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT TONIGHT WAS GONNA BE OUR FIRST DATE.

- I THINK TONIGHT IS SUPPOSED TO BE

A LOT OF PEOPLE'S FIRST DATE. - NO, A PROPER DATE.

WITH A BEGINNING, A MIDDLE, AND AN END.

- WELL, THE NIGHT IS YOUNG.

IF YOU'RE LUCKY, YOU MIGHT STILL GET AN END.

- HEY, YOU TWO. - HEY!

- HAVING FUN?

- YEAH. WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT DUSTY SPRINGFIELD.

- OH! OH, IS THAT A NEW AIR FRESHENER?

- NO... - NO.

- ARE YOU--ARE YOU HAVING FUN?

- OH, I ALWAYS HAVE FUN. - YEAH.

- EVEN THOUGH NO ONE'S KEY'S OPENED MY LOCK YET.

WANNA TRY IT? - YES, I WILL...

GIVE THAT A SHOT...

AND SEE...

- YEAH...NO.

- IT'S JUST--HANG ON.

NO. - NO.

I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK.

- YEP. NO.

- HAVE YOU TWO TRIED?

- NO. - NO, WE HAVEN'T, ACTUALLY.

WE DIDN'T-- - COME ON.

DON'T BE--DON'T BE SHY.

- OKAY. - WANNA...GIVE IT A SHOT?

LET'S SEE.

AND...

[click] - [gasps]

IT FITS! - OKAY.

- WHOO! EVERYONE, WE HAVE OUR FIRST FITTING COUPLE!

HA HA! PICTURE TIME.

- OKAY. - IT'S THE RULES.

- YEP. - CLOSER.

- WOW. - CLOSER, CLOSER.

BIGGER SMILES, YOU TWO!

- OKAY.

- EXCELLENT.

ABBY WILL EMAIL IT TO YOU BOTH.

- OKAY. - JUST MAKE SURE I GET

YOUR EMAIL ADDRESSES BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

- WILL DO. - OKAY, GANG.

LET'S SEE WHO ELSE IS MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.

- OKAY. SO WHAT NOW?

- PIE?

- WE SHOULD HAVE PIE, SHOULDN'T WE?

NO ONE'S GONNA EAT OUR PIE.

WE SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE A SLICE, RIGHT?

- YEAH, ACTUALLY, I'M GONNA...TAKE OFF.

BUT YOU SHOULD STICK AROUND AND GET TO KNOW CHLOE.

- WELL, IN THAT CASE, CHARLEY, IT WAS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

IT WAS.

BUT IT WA--IT WAS NICE.

- YOU SEEM LIKE A... A GOOD GUY, BEN.

SO, UM...HERE.

STAY THAT WAY.

- THANK YOU.

- HEY, YOU.

DID YOU HAVE FUN? - WE PLAYED GUITAR HERO

AND HAD THREE DIFFERENT KINDS OF PIZZAS.

- WOW.

HEY, GUYS. - COME ON!

- THANKS FOR THE ASSIST, VAL. - OH, HONEY,

ANYTHING TO GET YOUR LOVE LIFE OUT OF NEUTRAL.

- MM. - SO HOW WAS THE LITTLE SOIREE?

- NOT SO LITTLE.

IT WAS A SINGLES PARTY

FOR 300 OF CHLOE'S CLOSEST FRIENDS.

- OH! HA HA! - SO BASICALLY, IT WAS TORTURE.

THOUGH THERE WAS THIS LOCK AND KEY THEME,

WHICH I GUESS WAS AN OKAY ICEBREAKER.

- ANYBODY OKAY BREAK YOUR ICE?

- NO, NOT REALLY.

- CHARLEY...

- WELL, THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY, BEN,

BUT HE'S ALL GAGA FOR CHLOE, SO...

- AT LEAST YOU MET ONCE DECENT GUY.

THAT SHOULD GIVE YOU HOPE. - MM-HMM.

- WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS YOUR EMAIL FELLA.

- YES.

- [laughs] BOYS, COME ON.

- MOM? MOM, I DON'T WANNA GO.

- CAN WE STAY A LITTLE LONGER? - THANKS AGAIN.

- OUR PLEASURE. SEE YOU LATER.

- [chuckles]

- [thinking] WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?

[electronic tone]

- BIG PARTY.

[electronic tone]

- WELL, DID YOU MEET ANYONE INTERESTING?

- I'LL NEVER...

TELL.

- WELL, I'LL TAKE THAT AS A "YES."

- WHATEVER. YOU KNOW MEN. THEY NEVER CALL...

JUST EMAIL.

- MAYBE...

YOU'LL BE SURPRISED.

[telephone rings]

- GAME 1.

- CHLOE? - NO, THIS IS CHARLEY.

CHLOE'S IN A MEETING. CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?

- CHARLEY AS IN... "I BROUGHT A PIE" CHARLEY?

- BEN?

- [laughs] HEY.

I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WERE CHLOE'S ASSISTANT.

- I'M NOT. I'M JUST COVERING HER PHONE.

- [ahem] IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT,

I'M JUST GONNA PRY MY FOOT RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.

- SURE. GO RIGHT AHEAD.

- OKAY. I'M BACK.

- SO WHAT DID I MISS AFTER I LEFT THE PARTY?

- JUST MORE OF MY WITTY REPARTEE.

- ANY DRUNKEN SINGING?

- UNFORTUNATELY NOT. I SWITCHED TO 7UP MIDSTREAM.

- SEE? AND I WAS SURE YOU'D END UP TAKING REQUESTS.

- SO THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT, HUH?

- UH...WELL, I'LL TELL CHLOE YOU CALLED.

DOES SHE HAVE YOUR NUMBER?

- I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

IT IS AREA CODE 323-555-0184.

- GOT IT.

- I'LL TALK TO YOU SOON, CHARLEY.

- YEAH, MEN, THEY SAY THEY'LL CALL, AND THEY NEVER DO.

- TAKE CARE, CHARLEY.

- CHARLEY.

CHARLEY, SIT DOWN.

- IS SOMETHING WRONG?

- I'VE BEEN OFFERED A JOB IN CHICAGO.

- CHICAGO? WHAT KIND OF JOB?

- VP OF MARKETING FOR ARGOMONT HOTELS.

- OH, MY GOSH!

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

- I SAID YES.

I LEAVE IN A MONTH. - OH, VAL, CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS.

- OH, CHARLEY.

NO...

- SORRY.

SORRY, UH...

IT'S JUST...

WHO AM I GONNA...

COOK MY FAMOUS PESTO LASAGNA FOR?

AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH LUKE LOVES THE BOYS AND--

- IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS,

YOU'RE NOT LOSING A FRIEND-- YOU'RE GAINING A PROMOTION.

I'M GONNA TALK TO JIM ABOUT YOU THIS AFTERNOON.

- JIM STILL THINKS I'M AN ASSISTANT.

- JIM THINKS EVERY WOMAN'S AN ASSISTANT.

- [laughs] - YOU KNOW MORE

THAN ANYBODY OUT THERE, INCLUDING JIM.

EVERYBODY KNOWS IT!

I CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING,

BUT I'M GONNA DO MY BEST SALES JOB.

- YOU'RE AMAZING.

- MM-HMM.

- BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK THE CHANCES

OF THAT REALLY HAPPENING ARE?

- WHAT IS MEANT TO BE WILL BE.

[cell phone thuds]

- NOTHING.

[elevator bell dings] - AH!

AH!

SORRY.

I DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR THE ELEVATOR,

AND I'M LATE ENOUGH AS IT IS.

- OH. NO WORRIES.

HEY, WORK PERK ALERT.

I HAVE FLOOR SEATS TO TONIGHT'S GAME.

WANNA GO WITH?

- UH, NO, I ACTUALLY HAVE A DATE WITH LUKE TONIGHT.

- MM. DARN.

EVERYONE I'VE ASKED IS BUSY.

I WAS REALLY HOPING FOR A FUN NIGHT OUT.

- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE BEN?

- BEN...

BEN! OH, YEAH.

I FORGOT TO CALL HIM BACK. MY BAD.

- YOU CAN MAKE AMENDS WITH BASKETBALL TICKETS.

[elevator bell dings]

- HELLO...LUKE.

UM...

DO YOU WORK HERE?

- I'M SEVEN.

- THAT'S IT? - MM-HMM.

- YEAH, THAT'S...PROBABLY NOT ENOUGH TO WORK HERE, IS IT?

WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW

WHERE I COULD FIND CHLOE ANDERSON?

- EVERYONE IS IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

- WHOA!

THAT'S PRETTY COOL. WHAT IS THAT?

- MYSTERY SITE.

- LIKE THE PLACE MYSTERY SITE?

- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THERE?

- UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE.

THERE WAS ONE A FEW HOURS FROM WHERE I GREW UP.

I NEVER GOT TO GO. SUPPOSED TO BE AMAZING, THOUGH.

LIKE BALLS ROLL UPHILL, CARS MOVE WITHOUT BEING STARTED.

LIKE THAT SORTA STUFF. - NO WAY!

- YES WAY. - HOW DO THEY DO IT?

- SEE, THAT'S...THE MYSTERY. THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT COOL.

- YEAH. - IT'S A MYSTERY.

- MM-HMM.

MY MOM WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE ME THERE LAST SUMMER.

BUT THEN I GOT CHICKENPOX.

- OOH, CHICKEN POX?

- AND HE'S BEEN OBSESSED WITH THE PLACE

SINCE WE SAW THE BUMPER STICKER FOR IT LAST YEAR.

NOW IT'S LIKE HIS HOLY GRAIL.

- HELLO, CHARLEY.

- HI, BEN.

- SO THAT LITTLE DUDE IS YOURS?

- YEAH, JUST FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS,

SO I THINK I'LL KEEP HIM.

- AH. GOOD IDEA.

- MOM. I CAN HEAR YOU.

- I KNOW YOU CAN.

- SHE PROMISED TO TAKE ME TO MYSTERY SITE THIS SUMMER.

YOU WANNA COME?

- [laughs]

- YEAH!

[laughing] YEAH, I'LL GO TO MYSTERY SITE WITH YOU.

OF COURSE! YEAH. I'VE NEVER BEEN.

- HERE. AS A REMINDER.

- OKAY. - YOU'LL LET ME KEEP THIS?

- MM-HMM. - SERIOUS?

- MM-HMM. - OKAY.

- SWEET, DUDE.

RIGHT ON!

THANK YOU, MAN! - YOU'RE WELCOME.

- MOM, CAN I GO PHOTOCOPY MY BUTT?

- HANDS ONLY, BUSTER.

- OKAY.

- YEAH, THAT LIGHT'LL BURN YOUR BUTT.

I TRIED THAT. - [laughs]

UH, YOU KNOW,

YOU MIGHT NOT WANNA MENTION THE MYSTERY SITE AGAIN

OR HE'LL BE ALL OVER YOU.

HE NEVER FORGETS A THING.

- THAT'S OKAY. NEITHER DO I.

- [laughs]

OH, AND I BELIEVE SOMEONE OWES ME

A CHORUS OF DUSTY SPRINGFIELD.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

BECAUSE I MAY BUST THAT OUT AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

AND HUMILIATE MYSELF.

- WHY DO I ALWAYS FIND YOU TWO TOGETHER?

READY FOR SOME HOOP ACTION? - UH, I AM READY.

- YEAH? ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.

- HAVE FUN, GUYS. - OKAY. THANKS.

- BYE. Chloe: BYE!

- LUKE! COME ON. IT'S TIME TO GO.

- THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST GAMES I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR INVITING ME.

- OF COURSE.

- HEY, BEN, YOU TWO READY TO ORDER?

- MM. - I JUST CAN'T DECIDE.

IT'S JUST...MMM.

- SHALL I ORDER FOR US?

- SURE. LET'S SEE HOW PSYCHIC YOU ARE.

- OKAY.

LINGUINI AND CHICKEN WITH EXTRA PESTO SAUCE.

- YUM. PESTO.

UM...BUT NO LINGUINI. JUST THE CHICKEN.

LIGHT ON THE PESTO AND EXTRA VEGGIES, PLEASE.

THANKS.

I'LL JUST HAVE IT THE WAY IT COMES.

THANK YOU. - I'M ON A NO-CARB KICK.

TRYING TO GET BACK INTO A SIZE 2.

- YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT.

YOU'RE PERFECT. - [chuckles]

WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT ME?

- I SEE A CHLOE WHO'S BRIGHT...

UM, AMBITIOUS.

VERY CAPABLE.

BUT MOST LIKELY HAS HAD SOME DOORS OPEN TO HER

BECAUSE SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

- GO ON.

- I SEE A CHLOE

THAT, DESPITE HER BEAUTY,

GOOD FORTUNE, AND NUMEROUS FRIENDS,

AT THE END OF THE DAY...

AT THE END OF THE DAY JUST WANTS ONE THING,

AND THAT'S...TRUE LOVE.

BUT THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE

IS A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT TO FIND THAN SHE WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

BECAUSE MOST GUYS, ESPECIALLY THE RIGHT GUYS,

FIND HER TOO UNAPPROACHABLE,

TOO OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE, SO MUCH SO

THAT I BET THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.

SO...SHE HAS DECIDED TO THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX

AND... GIVE ROMANCE A TRY.

SEE IF IT LEADS SOMEWHERE NEW AND FULFILLING.

WAS I CLOSE? - PRETTY GOOD.

- YEAH? - YEAH.

- IT'S WEIRD.

IT'S LIKE...BEN KNOWS ME.

LIKE HE'S LOOKED INTO MY SOUL OR SOMETHING.

- WELL, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A SENSITIVE GUY.

- YEAH. FOR THE FIRST TIME,

I FEEL LIKE I'VE MET A GUY WHO LIKES ME FOR...

WHAT'S IN HERE.

- YEAH, WELL, SENSITIVE GUY OR NO,

WHAT'S OUT HERE IS WHAT'S DRIVING THAT BOY'S TRAIN.

- I DON'T KNOW, VAL. THIS ONE MAY BE DIFFERENT.

- WHAT ABOUT YOU?

HAVEN'T HEARD YOU MENTION PHANTOM OF THE EMAIL RECENTLY.

- THAT'S BECAUSE HE... STOPPED EMAILING.

- MAYBE HE'S BUSY. OR OUT OF TOWN?

MAYBE IT'S YOUR TURN TO EMAIL HIM,

AND HE'S WAITING ON YOU.

- OH, COME ON, LET'S FACE IT, VAL.

IT'S CRAZY.

I'VE BEEN HAVING FEELINGS FOR A GUY

I'VE NEVER EVEN MET,

KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, WHO COULD BE ABSOLUTELY ANYBODY.

AND I HAVE A CHILD TO THINK ABOUT.

I CAN'T BE BRINGING STRANGE MEN INTO HIS LIFE.

- THAT HASN'T EXACTLY BEEN A PROBLEM.

- WHATEVER.

I'M BREAKING IT OFF WITH ARTBOY RIGHT NOW.

I'VE MET SOMEONE.

- COLLIN, CHECK THIS OUT.

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO HEAR THIS. IT'S FROM C ANDERSON.

"DEAR ARTBOY, I'VE ENJOYED GETTING TO KNOW YOU,

"BUT I NEED TO MOVE ON.

"I MET SOMEONE REAL, SOMEONE I LIKE,

"THAT GUY FROM THE PARTY I MENTIONED,

"AND I THINK IT'S BEST IF I JUST FOCUS ON HIM RIGHT NOW.

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. ALL THE BEST. C"

SHE LIKES ME.

SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE ANYBODY ELSE.

- CONGRATS, BRO. YOU'RE IN.

- "I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. HE SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT GUY.

"GO FOR IT!

GOOD LUCK, C."

- BEN JUST CALLED. SUDDENLY ALL EXCITED.

WANTS TO TAKE ME AWAY TO JOSHUA TREE FOR THE WEEKEND.

- OH. IT'S A MAGICAL PLACE. YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME.

- WHAT'S THERE, EXACTLY?

- WELL, IT'S A PARK IN THE DESERT

WITH CACTUS, WILD FLOWERS,

BEAUTIFUL JOSHUA TREES.

STARRY NIGHTS.

- HUH.

MAYBE WE'LL STOP AT THE OUTLETS ON THE WAY THERE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR THE WEEKEND?

ARE YOU FINALLY MEETING YOUR SECRET ADMIRER?

- HARDLY.

I JUST E-DUMPED HIM.

- I HAVE LOTS OF GUYS I CAN FIX YOU UP WITH.

ASIDE FROM THE ONES AT THE PARTY.

- NO. I'M NO GOOD ON BLIND DATES.

- WELL, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO MEET SOMEONE?

THE INTERNET? [laughs]

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. WE'LL GO ON A DOUBLE DATE.

ME AND BEN.

YOU AND... SOMEONE FAB I COME UP WITH.

UM...BUT THERE'S JUST ONE THING.

IF YOU'RE GONNA JUMP BACK INTO THE DATING POOL,

YOU MAY NEED A LITTLE BIT OF A...VISUAL REBOOT.

- WHAT?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER WORK?

- ♪ BA BA DA BA BA BA BA

♪ BA BA DA BA

♪ BA BA DA BA BA BA DA ♪

[music continues]

♪

- JIM. YOU REMEMBER CHARLEY.

- WOW.

THIS IS THE GREATEST COMEBACK SINCE THE '69 METS.

- [giggling]

- UH, CHLOE.

GONNA INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR F--

CHARLEY.

WOW. [laughs]

I MEAN, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

- IS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

- UH-- - I MEAN, IF YOU WANT IT TO BE.

- OF COURSE SHE DOES.

- OH, MY GOSH! CHARLEY!

VA-VA-VOOM!

- IT WAS ALL CHLOE. SHE'S A MAKEOVER QUEEN.

- OH, NO, DON'T LISTEN TO HER. SHE'S GOT THE GOODS.

- OKAY, CHLOE, I'M NEXT.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

OPERATION CHARLEY GOES DATING STARTS IMMEDIATELY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW NIGHT?

- MOM, YOU LOOK PRETTY.

I'M GLAD YOU DID A DO-OVER.

- [laughs] IT'S A MAKEOVER.

AND THANK YOU, HONEY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M STARTING TO FEEL KIND OF PRETTY.

- ARE YOU GONNA BRING ME HOME A NEW DAD?

- I'M GOIN' ON A DATE,

NOT A SHOPPING SPREE.

- HMM. THAT'S TOO BAD.

- HEY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

ONE DAY, YOU MIGHT HAVE ANOTHER DAD.

BUT FOR RIGHT NOW, THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS

IS THAT I LOVE YOU VERY, VERY MUCH, OKAY?

- I KNOW, MOM.

- AND THIS TIME,

NO TYING UP THE BABYSITTER.

- OKAY. - SHE'S OLD.

- CHARLEY, THIS IS GABE.

- HI, GABE. NICE TO MEET YOU.

- HEY. CHLOE'S TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOU.

BUT I SHOWED UP ANYWAY.

[both laughing]

- CHARLEY, GABE'S GOT A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR.

- HEY, EVERYBODY.

I AM SO SORRY THAT I AM LATE.

- HI.

- CHARLEY, YOU LOOK...

AMAZING.

CHLOE SAID THAT YOU HAD A MAKEOVER--

- UM--[ahem] - EXAM.

AT WORK. SO...

HEY, I'M BEN. - GABE.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- I'M NOT SURE I LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT MY DATE.

- WOULD YOU RATHER I LOOK AT YOU THAT WAY?

- AH...

[laughter]

- I LOVE THIS GUY. GIVE IT HERE.

- WHO'S HUNGRY?

- I AM.

- SEE, I NEVER GOT THE HANG OF TWIRLING SPAGHETTI.

HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT? - HMM...

MOMENTO. LET ME SHOW YOU THE MANNER

FROM SICILY...

HOW TO-A TWIRL THE SPAGHETTI.

FIRST YOU TAKE-A THE FORK AND...

AND YOU MAKE THE SWIRL LIKE THIS.

AND WHEN YOU HAVE THE PASTA ON-A THE FORK

AND AFTER THE TWIST AND SWIRL...

THEN YOU EAT!

BRAVO.

- GABE, CHARLEY HAS THE MOST ADORABLE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON.

- OH, YEAH? WHAT'S HE DO FOR A LIVING?

[chuckles]

- WELL...

ACTUALLY, LUKE, IN HIS MIND,

PLAYS FOR THE DODGERS,

BUT IN REALITY, HE'S JUST LEARNING HOW TO THROW A BALL.

NOT THAT I AM THE BEST TEACHER, 'CAUSE I'M NOT.

- WELL, I'D OFFER TO HELP, BUT I MAKE KIDS CRY.

MOST ADULTS TOO.

[laughs]

- CHARLEY, I'M ACTUALLY HAPPY TO TEACH LUKE IF YOU'D LIKE.

- I WOULDN'T ASK YOU TO DO THAT.

- NO. IT'S OKAY.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.

- NO. - REALLY?

UM, WELL...

WELL, IF IT'S OKAY, I'M... I'M SURE HE'D LOVE IT.

- IT'S A DATE THEN.

- WHAT A GUY!

- OKAY, SO BEN'S A PRINCE. WE GET IT.

NOW CAN WE TALK ABOUT ME? - MM...

- YES. OF COURSE.

GABE, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

- ME? I RUN A CHARM SCHOOL.

KIDDING.

[laughter]

AH, YEAH, I'LL TAKE THE BREAD.

- TONIGHT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT?

- NO. I'M NOT SURE GABE IS THE RIGHT MATCH FOR CHARLEY,

BUT... - OH.

THAT WAS THE BEST I COULD DO ON SHORT NOTICE.

ANYWAY, YOU GOTTA KISS A BUNCH OF FROGS

BEFORE YOU MEET YOUR PRINCE.

- BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE, RIGHT?

- I BELIEVE IN TRUE LUCK.

AT LEAST, THAT'S HOW LIFE'S WORKED FOR ME, ANYWAY.

- THE OTHER NIGHT AT DINNER YOU SAID

YOU ONLY WANTED ONE THING.

YOU SAID THAT WAS TRUE LOVE.

- NO. YOU SAID IT FOR ME.

BESIDES, JUST BECAUSE I MAY WANT IT

DOESN'T MEAN I BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY EXISTS.

- THAT'S NOT VERY ROMANTIC OF YOU.

- NO.

BUT THIS IS.

- YEAH. - YEAH.

- SO CHARLEY'S DATING RANDOM JERKS.

MAYBE I SHOULD BE DATING HER.

- [laughs]

YEAH, I DON'T THINK SO.

CHARLEY'S A GOOD GIRL, YOU KNOW?

SHE'S NICE, SWEET, KIND.

SHE'S PRACTICALLY A PERFECT WOMAN.

LAST THING SHE NEEDS TO BE DOING

IS DATING A CYNIC LIKE YOU.

OFF THE BOARD.

- UNBELIEVABLE.

WELL, MAYBE, UH... SHE SHOULD BE DATIN'

SOMEONE LIKE, UM...

I DON'T KNOW, YOURSELF?

- WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

- IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE AWFULLY FOND OF A LADY

THAT YOU'RE NOT EVEN ACTUALLY DATING.

- I CAN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND A FRIEND AT THE SAME TIME.

NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. IT'S CALLED MULTITASKING.

COME ON. - IT'S CALLED BEING SOFT.

BUT ANYWAY--HOW IS THE LOVELY CHLOE DOING?

- SHE'S, UM...

SHE'S JUST RIDICULOUSLY HOT.

YOU KNOW? THAT'S HOW SHE IS.

I JUST THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE A PROBLEM SHARING IN PERSON.

YOU KNOW?

- WHAT NOW?

- AH...HO HO HO HO HO!

IT'S JUST LAST NIGHT

SHE HAD A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TAKE ON TRUE LOVE

THAN WHEN WE SPOKE ONLINE-- IT WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

IT'S JUST... IT'S JUST CONFUSING TO ME.

- IT'S ONE THING TO SAY IT ONLINE.

IT'S ANOTHER THING TO SAY IT TO HER FACE.

FADE AWAY!

- NOT EVEN CLOSE. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

[crunching]

[TV murmurs quietly]

[chuckling quietly]

- WE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT SEARCHING FOR UFOs,

WHICH WAS KIND OF FUN FOR THE FIRST HOUR,

THEN BECAME POINTLESS.

OH, BEN MADE A FIRE WITH TWIGS.

HE'S SUCH A BOY SCOUT.

WE TOASTED MARSHMALLOWS.

THOUGH I MADE BEN EAT MY MARSHMALLOWS,

'CAUSE I'M TOTALLY OFF SUGAR NOW.

OH, MY FAVORITE PART.

WE STOPPED AT THE OUTLETS ON THE WAY BACK.

[telephone rings]

BEN. HEY.

ARE YOUR EARS BURNING?

HE SAYS HI. - TELL HIM I SAID HI BACK.

AND THAT NOW LUKE KEEPS ASKING ME

WHEN HE'S GONNA TEACH HIM HOW TO THROW A HARD BALL.

- DID YOU GET THAT?

- OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

FIRE IT RIGHT DOWN THE TUBE.

- WHOA! OKAY.

THAT WASN'T BAD.

- THAT WAS TOTALLY BAD.

I THROW LIKE MY MOTHER. - THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YOU THROW MUCH BETTER THAN HER. I'VE SEEN HER THROW.

YOUR SKILLS FAR SURPASS HERS.

- OKAY. I'LL BE WAITING ON THE BENCH.

- OKAY. - WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

I COULD EVEN THROW THAT WELL.

TRUE STORY. BUT I PRACTICED AND I PRACTICED,

AND A COUPLE YEARS LATER, I WAS BRINGING THE HEAT.

OR AT LEAST SOME WARMTH BY THEN.

SO COME HERE. CHECK THIS OUT.

THE PEACE SIGN, RIGHT? - MM-HMM.

- YOU'RE GONNA PUT THE BALL RIGHT BETWEEN TWO FINGERS.

YOU'RE GONNA REST IT ON THAT KNUCKLE,

CLAMP IT WITH YOUR THUMB, JUST RIGHT HERE.

THE SAME ARM THAT YOU THROW WITH,

YOU'RE GONNA PUSH OFF THAT LEG.

JUST POINT TO WHERE YOU WANNA THROW.

AND WATCH. STRAIGHT OVER YOUR HEAD HERE...

RIGHT THERE.

GIVE IT A SHOT. LET'S CHECK IT OUT.

OKAY, WATCH THIS, MOM! [snaps]

WATCH THIS!

WATCH THIS.

I GOT A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

RIGHT DOWN THE PIPE.

OH! HO HO HO HO OH!

ONE LESSON!

I'M THE PHIL JACKSON OF PEE WEE BALL!

AGAIN!

RIGHT DOWN THE PIPE. YES!

- YOU KNOW, I REALLY CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.

- ARE YOU KIDDING?

I HAD A BLAST OUT THERE.

LUKE IS A GREAT KID.

YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY A GREAT MOM.

I DON'T WANNA BE INTRUSIVE, BUT, UM...

WHERE'S HIS DAD?

- UM...

HE LEFT, UH...

HE LEFT RIGHT AFTER LUKE HAD HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY.

- SO, UH...

SO HE'S NOT IN LUKE'S LIFE AT ALL?

- MM-MM.

HIS LOSS.

AND LUKE'S, OF COURSE.

- WELL, IT'S GOOD YOU'RE DATING AGAIN.

RIGHT?

- YEAH, RIGHT NOW I'M KINDA STALLED IN THAT DEPARTMENT.

- GET OUTTA HERE! - MM-HMM.

- YOU'RE A GREAT CATCH.

YOU DESERVE A GREAT GUY.

HE'S OUT THERE.

I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND HIM.

NICE, DUDE, NICE!

- SURPRISE. - OH...BEN.

YOU SCARED THE LIFE OUT OF ME!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I'M HERE FOR CHARLEY'S THANK-YOU LUNCH.

- OH...I FORGOT.

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, GUYS, I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

I'LL PROBABLY JUST ORDER IN.

BUT YOU TWO GO. ENJOY YOURSELVES.

- ARE YOU SURE?

- YEAH, YEAH, GO.

- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT, THOUGH, RIGHT?

- ABSOLUTELY. - OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. BYE. - BYE. SEE YOU LATER.

- BYE.

- OKAY, SO WHAT IS YOUR ALL-TIME FAVORITE SAD MOVIE?

- SAD MOVIE...

THE NOTEBOOK.

BECAUSE I LOVED GENA ROWLANDS IN IT.

- SHE WAS STELLAR IN THAT. I WILL GIVE YOU THAT.

WHAT ABOUT COMEDY?

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COMEDY OF ALL TIME?

- OKAY, WELL, YOU CAN'T... JUDGE ME.

- I HAVE TO HEAR IT FIRST.

- 16 CANDLES.

- WHO DOESN'T LIKE 16 CANDLES? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

WHAT ABOUT DESSERT? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DESSERT?

- PIE, OF COURSE.

THINK WE TALKED ABOUT THAT ONE.

- WE CERTAINLY DID. - MM-HMM.

- WHAT ABOUT...

YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY?

- MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY?

- HMM? - MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY.

THAT'S BIG. UM...

THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE...

RIDING BIKES WITH MY DAD AT THE BEACH

REALLY EARLY IN THE MORNING, JUST THE TWO OF US.

ALL RIGHT. MY TURN.

- GO. - OKAY.

FAVORITE COLOR. - BLUE.

- FAVORITE BAND. - BEATLES.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

[laughs] YOU SAY THAT LIKE YOU'RE SURPRISED.

WHAT IS THAT--IS THAT TOO OLD-SCHOOL FOR YOU?

- NO, I JUST FIGURED YOU FOR A STONES FAN.

- WELL, I AM A STONES FAN,

BUT IF I HAD TO PICK ONE, DESERT ISLAND STYLE,

I WOULD GO WITH BEATLES.

- [laughing]

- INTERESTING.

SO IS THE NEW AND IMPROVED CHARLEY

GETTING A LITTLE COZY WITH YOUR MAN?

- WHAT? NO. THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS.

HE DID HER A FAVOR, SO SHE'S JUST RETURNING IT.

- DOES THAT MEAN THAT YOU'RE FREE FOR LUNCH?

CHECK THIS OUT.

I'M BUYING.

BE READY IN FIVE.

- UM...

- MM...

FAVORITE MOMENT IN THE LAST...

THREE MONTHS.

- THAT WOULD BE CHLOE'S LOCK AND KEY PARTY.

I MET A NEW FRIEND THAT NIGHT.

- BURGER AND FRIES? - YES.

YES, MA'AM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

- THANKS.

- [chuckling] - WHAT?

- I'M JUST THINKING--

THE ONLY THING ON THAT PLATE THAT CHLOE WOULD EAT

IS THE PICKLE.

AND I'M NOT EVEN CERTAIN ABOUT THE PICKLE.

- [laughs] OKAY, WELL...

IF IT'S NOT MOVING OR SOME UNIDENTIFIABLE COLOR,

I'M THERE.

- A WOMAN AFTER MY OWN HEART.

MMM!

- THANK YOU FOR BOOSTING HIS CONFIDENCE.

ALTHOUGH, YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL.

WITH ALL YOUR TALK,

HE'S GONNA END UP WANTING TO CALL YOU FOR A PLAYDATE.

- THAT'S OKAY. WE CAN MOVE ON TO BASKETBALL--

- HEY, GUYS.

WE WERE JUST OUT FOR A QUICK LUNCH.

- I THOUGHT, UH, I THOUGHT YOU HAD A LOT OF STUFF TO DO.

- WELL, IT WAS-- - YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES CHLOE NO FUN FOR THE BENJI.

- WE CAN'T HAVE THAT, NOW, CAN WE?

- YEAH. [chuckles] I GUESS...

I GUESS WE CAN'T HAVE THAT.

WELL, BYE, CHARLEY, CHLOE.

SEE YOU SOON, RYAN. - BEN.

- BYE, BEN.

- AFTER YOU, LADIES.

- I WONDER WHAT DRIVES YOU, WHAT MAKES YOU TICK.

WHAT THRILLS YOU, WHAT--WHAT DO YOU VALUE?

FROM THE SIMPLEST THINGS TO THE DEEPEST.

I DO.

AND MAYBE THAT'S...MORE THAN YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ME.

- NOW, THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL.

I'M VERY INTERESTED IN YOU.

- YEAH? - YEAH.

- WHAT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR? - WHAT?

- WHAT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR?

- RED. - IT'S BLUE.

ACTUALLY.

WHAT'S MY FAVORITE BAND?

- BEN FOLDS. - BEN...[laughs] FOLDS. NO.

WHAT POSITION DID I PLAY IN LITTLE LEAGUE?

- HOW SHOULD I KNOW? - BECAUSE I PLAYED RIGHT FIELD.

- WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?

THIS ISN'T BECAUSE I WENT OUT TO LUNCH WITH RYAN, IS IT?

- IT'S NOT. - BECAUSE RYAN'S NOBODY.

WE JUST WORK TOGETHER.

- IT'S NOT ABOUT RYAN.

ANYWAY, I'M SORRY. I AM.

- I KNOW. LET'S WATCH A DVD.

CLEAR OUR HEADS.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FUN MOVIE? MAYBE WE HAVE IT HERE.

- WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE 16 CANDLES?

- I'LL GO CHECK.

- [sighs]

- THE TOP FIVE REASONS

I'M A TOTAL LOSER.

DON'T DO THIS, CHARLEY.

[electronic tone]

- THIS BETTER BE GOOD...

FOR A WEEKEND 8:00 A.M. WAKEUP CALL.

- OKAY.

GUESS WHO ARTBOY GOT AN EMAIL FROM LAST NIGHT?

- ANGELINA JOLIE. SHE WANTS TO HAVE YOUR KID.

- C ANDERSON. - CHLOE EMAILED YOU?

THAT'S YOUR BIG SUNDAY EMERGENCY?

- I NEVER GAVE HER THE ARTBOY EMAIL ADDRESS.

FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. - WHATEVER.

WHY? - I DON'T KNOW, YOU KNOW.

IF SHE ENDED IT WITH CYBER ME

BECAUSE SHE WAS INTO REAL ME...

- SHE'S CHEATING ON YOU.

WITH YOU.

[laughs] THAT'S CLASSIC!

- OKAY, THAT'S NOT-- THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

- IT'S KINDA FUNNY. - NO, IT'S NOT.

- OKAY. WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT'D YOU DO?

- WE GOT INTO A LITTLE FIGHT, BUT IT WAS TINY.

I MEAN, IT WAS... INCONSEQUENTIAL, YOU KNOW?

IT'S CERTAINLY NOT A DEAL BREAKER,

I WOULDN'T THINK. - MAYBE NOT TO YOU.

ARTBOY HAS TO MEET C ANDERSON.

IN THE FLESH.

AND YOU HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT NOW,

NIP IT IN THE BUD BEFORE IT GETS TOO COMPLICATED

AND YOU LOSE HER ENTIRELY.

RIGHT? - YEAH.

[whimpers]

[thinking] C. GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU.

IT'S TIME FOR US TO MEET... IN PERSON.

PLEASE SAY YES. [electronic whoosh]

[electronic tone]

- OKAY. LET'S DO IT.

HOW'S TOMORROW, 1:00 P.M.,

THE TABLES AT THE SKYLIGHT MARKET PLACE?

[electronic tone]

- THEY CAN'T BLAME ME, YOU KNOW,

IF THEY DON'T GET THE WORK DONE. - YEAH, I KNOW!

- SO YOU GUYS REALLY DON'T THINK I'M CRAZY?

- CHARLEY, YOU'RE MEETING HIM IN A CROWDED PUBLIC PLACE,

OUTDOORS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.

YOU'LL BE FINE. - HOWEVER...

IF HE LOOKS REMOTELY LIKE HANNIBAL LECTOR, SKEDADDLE.

- YOU KNOW, IT'S WILD THAT AFTER ALL THOSE EMAILS,

YOU STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE.

- YEAH, WELL, HE DIDN'T WANT TO SEND A PHOTO,

AND, FRANKLY, NEITHER DID I.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT THE HECK?

I'LL GO.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

I WANNA SEE THIS GUY.

- OKAY.

- OKAY, SO WHAT'S YOUR MENTAL PICTURE?

- UM...OKAY, TALLISH...

- MM-HMM.

- MAYBE A LITTLE SCRUFFY.

KIND EYES.

SOULFUL LOOKING.

YEAH. SOULFUL.

OH, AND, UM, A CUTE BUTT.

- WELL, YEAH.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.

- IF ARTBOY'S HALF AS GREAT AS YOU SAY HE SEEMS,

YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT A LONG TIME AGO.

- OH! WHAT IF HE'S HERE NOW?

I DON'T WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY BODYGUARD.

- OKAY, I GOT IT.

I'LL JUST CASUALLY GO OVER THERE AND WINDOW-SHOP.

AND THEN I'LL CASUALLY SIT A FEW TABLES AWAY,

AND IF IT'S A BUST, SNEEZE TWICE.

I'LL JUST CALL YOUR CELL PHONE WITH A FAMILY EMERGENCY.

- OKAY. I FEEL LIKE I'M IN SIXTH GRADE.

- OOH! I LOVED THE SIXTH GRADE.

BYE, CHARLEY. I'LL SEE YOU BACK AT THE OFFICE.

- IS THIS SEAT TAKEN? - I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS.

- PERFECT.

THANKS.

- WHAT'S UP WITH THIS GUY, RIGHT?

HEY, MAN.

- C ANDERSON?

- BEN! IT'S YOU!

- YES...

C ANDERSON...

IT IS ME, BEN.

- WHAT BROUGHT THAT ON?

- JUST...THE SUM TOTAL OF ALL OF OUR EXPERIENCES ONLINE.

I JUST--I JUST--

FEEL LIKE THAT'S THE FIRST TIME

THAT I KISSED THE REAL... C ANDERSON.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE AT THE TABLES.

ARE YOU OKAY?

- YEAH, IT'S JUST, UM...

- JUST THE BIG...PICTURE BECOMING CLEAR.

- YEAH. YOU COULD SAY THAT.

- YOU REALLY DIDN'T KNOW?

- NO.

- THERE YOU GO. MADE YOU SOME HOT GREEN TEA,

AND I ORDERED CHINESE.

CHICKEN AND VEGGIES ONLY. NO CARBS.

- THANKS.

BEN, HOW DID YOU FIRST GET MY EMAIL ADDRESS?

- I OVERHEARD YOU GIVING YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS

TO YOUR FRIEND, AND I WROTE IT DOWN.

BUT WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I KNOW THAT THAT'S... CRAZY AND IT'S WRONG,

BUT I DON'T REGRET IT,

BECAUSE WE GOT TO MEET EACH OTHER.

CHLOE, WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU...

WHICH WAS IN THE PARK WALKING ACROSS THE BRIDGE,

I WAS TAKEN.

YOUR BLOND HAIR AND YOUR WHITE DRESS WERE JUST...

FLOWING IN THE WIND.

TO ME, YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ANGEL.

- BEN, THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU--

[phone rings]

- HOLD THAT THOUGHT. HOLD THAT THOUGHT.

[ringing]

YEAH.

NO. OKAY. YEAH. I-I'LL-- NO, TELL HIM NOT TO LEAVE.

I'LL BE DOWN THERE TO SIGN FOR IT.

ALL RIGHT.

THAT WAS JUST COLLIN.

WE'RE HAVING SOME PROOFS DELIVERED,

AND MY NAME IS ON THE BOX. SO I HAVE TO GO DOWN

AND SIGN FOR IT, OR WE WON'T GET IT, OKAY?

SO I-I'LL BE FIVE MINUTES, AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OKAY?

JUST KEEP DRINKING THE HOT TEA,

'CAUSE YOU LOOK BETTER ALREADY, OKAY?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[electronic whoosh]

- "DEAR C.

"I'M SORRY I DIDN'T SHOW UP TODAY.

"I KNOW IT WAS WRONG,

"AND I APOLOGIZE IF I HURT YOU IN ANY WAY.

"BUT I'VE REALIZED WHAT WE'VE HAD ALL ALONG

"IS JUST A FANTASY,

"AND IT WAS PROBABLY FOOLISH ON BOTH OF OUR PARTS

TO THINK IT COULD EVER BE MATCHED IN REALITY."

NEED I GO ON?

- SECRET ADMIRER WANTS TO STAY SECRET.

- I NEED TO READ YOU THIS PART.

"PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS LIVE IN MY HEART

"AND THAT NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE AWAY

THE JOY WE'VE SHARED."

HI, CHLOE. WHERE YOU BEEN?

- OH, JUST IN WITH JIM.

HE HAD A QUESTION ABOUT ONE OF THE ACCOUNTS.

I TAKE IT ARTBOY DIDN'T SHOW?

- NOPE.

WARM HEART, COLD FEET.

IT'S ALL IN HERE.

- HONEY, I'M... I'M SORRY.

- NOT YOUR FAULT.

YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH I NEVER MET ARTBOY,

I REALLY FELT LIKE I KNEW HIM.

BECAUSE WE TALKED ABOUT SO MANY THINGS,

LIKE LITTLE LIFE THINGS.

YOU KNOW? - YEAH.

- I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE

THAT AT LEAST THAT PART WAS REAL.

OH, CHLOE...

YOU DIDN'T TELL BEN THAT I WAS MEETING CYBER GUY, DID YOU?

- BEN? NO. DEFINITELY NOT.

- OKAY. GOOD.

IT'S ALL JUST TOO MORTIFYING.

I REALLY DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE TO KNOW, OKAY?

- LADIES, COMPANY MEETING IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

- WHAT'S GOING ON? - I'M JUST A MESSENGER.

- CAN WE SHOOT YOU? - [laughs] SHE'S VERY CUTE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU'RE

FINALLY WARMING UP TO ME, CHARLEY HORSE.

- YOU CALL ME THAT AGAIN, AND I'LL PERSONALLY DISABLE YOU

AND ENJOY EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT.

- YES!

I'M GETTING TO HER. - YOU'RE GETTING SOMETHING.

- I DON'T GET IT.

I'M GONE FOR FIVE MINUTES, AND THEN SHE LEAVES.

AND THIS IS WHAT...I FIND.

AND WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME-- WHAT-WHAT DOES

"I NEED TIME TO THINK" EVEN MEAN?

- I'M JUST RIFFING HERE, BUT I'D SAY IT MEANS

SHE NEEDS TIME TO THINK.

- I DON'T GET IT, YOU KNOW?

SHE SAID EVERYTHING WAS FINE. - MAYBE.

BUT THE QUESTION REMAINS...

WHY DID SHE EMAIL ARTBOY AGAIN?

- TEAM, WE'RE GATHERED HERE TO BID FOND FAREWELL TO VAL

AS SHE LEAVES THE WARM AND SUNNY PLAYING FIELDS

OF LOS ANGELES

FOR THE COLD AND WINDY EXPANSES

OF THAT TODDLIN' TOWN CHICAGO.

all: AW! - HERE'S YOUR NEW UNIFORM.

- OH.

[laughing] THANK YOU.

IT'S JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

[laughter]

AND SO SLIMMING.

[laughter]

- I ALSO WANNA GIVE A SHOUT-OUT TO VAL'S REPLACEMENT,

AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT DESPITE THE AVAILABILITY

OF SOME TALENTED PLAYERS FROM THE OUTSIDE,

I DECIDED TO PROMOTE

FROM WITHIN OUR OWN CHAMPIONSHIP TEAM.

AFTER ALL,

WE ARE A PROMOTIONS COMPANY, RIGHT?

[laughter]

FOR PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR GAME 1'S NEW

DIRECTOR OF MARKETING...

RYAN BURKE.

- HA HA!

[scattered applause]

- CONGRATULATIONS.

- ALL RIGHT, RYAN. - KUDOS, RYAN.

- JIM'S AN IDIOT AND HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU.

AND YOU DESERVE BETTER.

I WAS WAITING TO SEE HOW THINGS PLAYED OUT

WITH THE JOB AND WITH ARTBOY BEFORE I BROUGHT THIS UP,

BUT, UH, THEY SAID THAT I COULD BRING SOMEONE IN

TO RUN MY OFFICE. - IN CHICAGO?

- MM-HMM.

I'M NOT GONNA PULL ANY PUNCHES.

IT IS COLD. IT IS LIKE NORTH POLE COLD.

BUT...IF YOU'RE UP FOR THE CHALLENGE...

THINK ON IT.

- I MISS YOU ALREADY.

- ME TOO, CHARLEY.

- HEY, CHLOE, STILL WORKING?

- YEAH.

- TRYING TO IMPRESS YOUR NEW BOSS?

- YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE JOB.

- OH, IT'S ACTUALLY... QUITE LIBERATING

NOT TO GET WHAT YOU HAD YOUR HEART SET ON

TWICE IN ONE DAY.

FREES YOU FROM ALL EXPECTATION.

- CHARLEY, ABOUT YOUR EMAIL GUY--

- OH, HE'S THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO TALK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

- YEAH, I KNOW, BUT-- - BUT NOTHING.

I REFUSE TO DEVOTE ANOTHER SECOND OF MY LIFE TO THAT MAN.

BUT...

I WILL SAY THIS.

I GOT TO HIM. THAT MUCH I KNOW.

- YEAH.

[cell phone rings]

[ringing]

[ringing]

- CHLOE, IT'S BEN.

I THINK WE SHOULD TALK.

SO, UH...

JUST CALL ME WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

OKAY. BYE.

HEY, KID!

- HEY! - WHAT IS UP?

- AH, THE SACRED SHIRT.

- AND...MY LUCKY BASKETBALL SHIRT,

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW.

SO...HEY, WATCH IT. - THANK YOU, BEN.

THIS IS REALLY ABOVE AND BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY.

- AH, NO WORRIES.

I ACTUALLY NEEDED TO SEE A COUPLE OF SMILING FACES TODAY.

ESPECIALLY...

THAT ONE, RIGHT THERE.

THAT TOOTHY GRIN.

READY TO TEAR UP THE COURT? - MM-HMM.

- LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT, BUDDY.

- ALL NET.

- OH! ALMOST!

HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS STYLE. BEFORE YOUR TIME.

BUT MEADOWLARK LEMON, THIS GUY--

TRUST ME, THIS GUY WAS A WIZARD ON THE COURT.

NICE!

TWOOO!

NICE!

- HE'S REALLY GONNA MISS IT HERE IF WE LEAVE.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WELL, THERE'S A CHANCE I'LL TAKE THAT JOB

THAT VAL OFFERED ME IN CHICAGO.

- WAIT, YOU...

YOU MIGHT BE MOVING?

- I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYBODY YET...

NOT LUKE, BUT...

I'M JUST WAITING FOR IT TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN FIRST.

- AH.

OKAY.

THAT'S--THAT'S--THAT'S, UH,

THAT'S A SURPRISE.

- WELL, I'M NOT LOADING UP THE TRAILER JUST YET.

- NO. I KNOW.

I'D REALLY MISS THAT LITTLE DUDE.

- YEAH. HE'LL MISS YOU TOO.

- SO, UH...

WHAT IS THE POTENTIAL JOB? - OH.

ARGOMONT HOTELS. - YOU'RE KIDDING?

MY PARTNER COLLIN AND I JUST DID

SOME SAMPLE CREATIVE FOR THEM

THROUGH THEIR LOCAL WEB.

WE'RE POTENTIALLY UP FOR A SIZEABLE FREELANCE GIG.

- WOW, REALLY? - YEAH!

- WELL, WHETHER OR NOT I END UP THERE,

I'LL DEFINITELY TELL VAL ABOUT IT.

I'M SURE SHE'LL BE ABLE TO HELP.

- I-I-UH... I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

IT'S JUST THAT, UH, I MEAN, IF I GOT THE JOB,

THEN MAYBE WE'D...FIND OURSELF IN THE SAME CITY, YOU KNOW?

NICE!

- ALL RIGHT, GREAT WORK, TEAM.

OKAY, ON THE COUNT OF THREE, GAME 1'S MOTTO.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

- THERE'S NO "I" IN TEAM.

- LOUDER! - THERE'S NO "I" IN TEAM!

- BREAK.

- HEY, THERE, BEAUTIFUL.

- ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

- THERE'S A LUNCH TABLE AT CAFE PICCOLO

WITH OUR NAME ON IT.

- NICE!

I'LL MEET YOU DOWNSTAIRS?

- I LIKE IT.

- LOOKING GOOD, CHARLEY HORSE.

- THANKS, RYAN.

HEY...WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU AND RYAN?

- I DON'T KNOW. HE LIKES TAKING ME TO LUNCH.

HE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF FUN.

- MORE FUN THAN BEN?

- CHARLEY, ABOUT BEN, UM...

I THINK, YOU KNOW, HE'S MEANT FOR SOMEBODY ELSE.

- WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

- WELL, WHAT IF A GUY...

HE NEVER REALLY SEES THE REAL YOU

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO RUIN THE FANTASY THAT HE'S CREATED?

- YOU TALKING ABOUT BEN OR MY SECRET ADMIRER?

I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T...

MEAN TO BRING IT BACK TO ME.

BUT CHLOE,

YOU KNOW THAT BEN'S REALLY SPECIAL, RIGHT?

- YEAH. - GUYS LIKE HIM

DON'T COME ALONG EVERY DAY.

YOU KNOW, I JUST HATE TO SEE YOU DO SOMETHING

YOU REGRET, YOU KNOW?

- YEAH.

TRYING NOT TO.

- HEY.

HOW SOON DO YOU NEED ME?

- HOW 'BOUT YESTERDAY?

- YES. THANK YOU.

I LOOK FORWARD TO IT TOO.

BYE.

WE GOT THE ARGOMONT JOB. - NO.

- YES. - WE DID?

- YES! - OH...

- YES! - UHH!

- YES! - HA HA!

- YOUR PAL CHARLEY TOLD VAL ABOUT US,

SO SHE GOT A HOLD OF OUR COMPS.

SHE LOVED THEM.

SHE MADE IT HER FIRST EXECUTIVE DECISION!

- OH! - WE ARE IN, BABY!

YOU SHOULD CALL YOUR FRIEND CHARLEY AND THANK HER.

- NO, NO, NO, NO.

I GOTTA GO TO HER OFFICE AND THANK HER IN PERSON.

I'LL BE BACK. - OKAY. GREAT.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW FAST ALL THIS HAS HAPPENED.

ONE DAY YOU'RE HERE, THE NEXT DAY YOU'RE GONE.

- I KNOW.

I'M JUST LUCKY THAT MY LANDLORD

HAD A WAITING LIST FOR MY UNIT.

- HEY. I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.

I WAS JUST GONNA STOP BY TO TELL YOU THANKS,

YOU KNOW, FOR EVERYTHING YOU--

- OH, NO. THAT WAS ALL VAL'S DOING.

BUT I'M REALLY GLAD IT WORKED OUT.

- YEAH. YEAH, ME TOO.

- SO... YOU'RE ACTUALLY LEAVING.

- YEAH.

WELL, WHEN THEY THROW YOU A GOING-AWAY PARTY,

THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.

- YEAH. YEAH, I GUESS.

- OH, BUT, UH... GUESS WHERE I'M TAKING LUKE

ON OUR WAY TO CHICAGO. - WHERE? WHERE?

- THE MYSTERY SITE. FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

- OH, MY GOSH!

- I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE.

- HE'S GONNA FLIP OUT!

OH, I WISH I COULD BE THERE TO SEE THAT!

SAFE TRAVELS, YOU KNOW,

AND PLEASE, TELL LUKE I SAY GOOD-BYE.

GIVE HIM A HUG FOR ME.

HE'S...HE'S GONNA BE A DODGER IN NO TIME.

- [laughs]

I'LL DEFINITELY TELL HIM THAT.

AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, MR. BEN.

- I WILL.

- AND THANK YOU SO MUCH, CHLOE, FOR THE GREAT SEND-OFF.

GOOD LUCK AROUND HERE, OKAY?

THANK YOU. BYE, GUYS.

- TAKE CARE.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- I HATE CHICAGO. IT'S STUPID.

- YOU CAN'T HATE SOMEPLACE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN,

AND AN ENTIRE CITY CAN'T BE STUPID.

- YES, IT CAN. - OKAY, GO INSIDE.

CHECK YOUR ROOM ONE MORE TIME

SO WE HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ANYTHING, OKAY?

- OKAY. - THANK YOU.

HEY, CHLOE, WHAT IS IT?

EVERYTHING OKAY?

- I KNOW WHO YOUR SECRET ADMIRER IS.

- WHAT?

- CHARLEY, IT'S BEN.

- BEN? - EVERYTHING

THAT HE THOUGHT HE LOVED ABOUT ME WAS YOU.

- DOES BEN KNOW ABOUT THIS?

- I WANTED TO TELL YOU FIRST.

- CAN WE... JUST KEEP IT THAT WAY?

OKAY, AND NOW, YOU KNOW, I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF I GOTTA DO,

SO I'M GONNA SAY GOOD-BYE.

- NO-- - THANK YOU.

- OKAY.

- SO I WAS EMAILING CHARLEY THIS WHOLE TIME.

HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?

- YOU KNOW, FOR A GUY WHO'S SO INTERESTED

IN LIFE'S LITTLE DETAILS,

THERE'S ONE YOU NEVER REALIZED.

I SPELL MY NAME WITH AN E-N, NOT AN O-N...

LIKE CHARLEY, WHO DOES.

- C ANDERSON.

- LOOK, BEN, I-I DON'T MEAN TO BE HARSH, BUT...

WE DON'T BELONG TOGETHER.

- YEAH, I KNOW.

- AND THAT'S NOT TO SAY

THAT YOU'RE NOT THE NICEST GUY THAT I'VE EVER DATED.

OR THAT I HAVEN'T REALLY ENJOYED BEING WITH YOU,

BUT THE TRUTH IS,

I BELONG WITH SOMEONE MORE LIKE...

ME.

- AND I NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE...

- WHO KNOWS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR,

WHO ACTUALLY LIKES PIE AND PESTO

AND DOTTY SPRINGSTEEN.

- DUSTY SPRINGFIELD. - AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,

SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES IN TRUE LOVE.

AND WHO'S PROBABLY PULLING OUT OF HER DRIVEWAY AS WE SPEAK.

- OH, MY GOSH!

CHLOE? CHLOE!

I'M SORRY, CHLOE. I GOTTA GO.

- ♪ WHEREVER YOU ARE

♪ THAT'S WHERE YOU SHOULD BE

♪ NO ONE CAN TELL YOU

♪ DIFFERENTLY

♪ APART FROM THE PACK

♪ YOU'RE RUNNIN' STRONG

♪ WHEREVER YOU GO

all: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[whooping, applause]

- HA.

THANK YOU, GUYS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I WISHED FOR?

I WISHED I HAD A--

- IF YOU TELL, IT WON'T COME TRUE.

- SAYS WHO?

- I DON'T KNOW. BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY.

- OKAY. THEN...

TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE WISHED FOR.

COME ON, MOM. YOU CAN TELL ME.

- ♪ STANDING IN LINE

- HEY, YOU JUST MISSED THEM.

- OKAY.

THANKS.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW HOW TO GET TO THE MYSTERY SITE?

- ♪ NOW THINGS ARE CHANGING

♪ THIS TIME THERE'LL BE SOMEONE ♪

- MOM! LOOK! MYSTERY SITE!

THANKS, MOM.

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

- [chuckling]

- WE'RE HERE. WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE!

- I KNOW, SWEETHEART. HEY...

I KNOW YOU'VE BUILT THIS PLACE UP

SO MUCH IN YOUR MIND, BUT...

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GET DISAPPOINTED, OKAY?

- I WON'T. COME ON!

- ALL RIGHT, YOU GO AHEAD.

I'LL CATCH UP.

[woof woof] - HEY, MOM! LOOK.

- DON'T TELL ME.

A DINOSAUR.

- NO. A DOG.

AND HE HAS TWO DIFFERENT COLOR EYES.

- BEN!

[Bowie barking]

BEN!

- HEY, HEY, HEY! LITTLE DUDE!

HOW ARE YOU?

SORRY FOR CRASHING, BUT...

I DO...

STILL HAVE MY INVITE.

- COOL.

- I'M GONNA GO PLAY WITH THE DOG.

[Bowie barking]

- SO DO YOU...

BELIEVE IN TRUE LUCK OR TRUE LOVE?

- I THINK I'M...

STARTING TO BELIEVE IN A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.

- YEAH?

GOOD.

- HEY, MOM, GUESS WHAT?

MY BIRTHDAY WISH CAME TRUE.

- THAT WE COME TO THE MYSTERY SITE?

- OH, YEAH. THAT TOO.

- [chuckling]

SHALL WE?

- COME ON, BOY. [woof woof]

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