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[light violin music]
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- [Charlene] Well, Dr. Bowman.
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See, I've never really
been in therapy before.
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How about I just start
at the beginning?
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[footsteps thudding]
[alarm sounding]
8
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:44,957
Dear diary.
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00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:46,698
The Nazis are coming.
10
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,267
No, it's worse!
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My parents!
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00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,444
[light jazz music]
13
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,838
- [Mel] What the hell
is wrong with you?
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00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,187
You're a mashugana.
15
00:00:57,231 --> 00:01:00,147
Hiding in closets,
thinking you're Anne Frank.
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00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,409
- [Charlene] I was always trying
17
00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:03,672
to run away from
my oddball family,
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00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:05,543
but there was no escaping them.
19
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,937
I was inevitably captured
and dragged back to our
20
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:10,113
bunker in Coney Island.
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My friend's mom told
me not to come back.
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My mom made sure of it.
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- I don't want you to associate
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00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:17,816
with those people.
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Understand?
26
00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:20,558
- [Charlene] Growing
up with a pair
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00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:23,909
of showbiz parents
wasn't easy, believe me.
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00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:26,129
I think years of doing
shows in the Catskills and
29
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:29,132
smoky nightclubs took
its toll on them.
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It's no wonder I
ended up in therapy.
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00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,702
- If Charlene doesn't kill
us, your driving is going to.
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00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:34,877
- [Mel] Oh, leave me alone.
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00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,400
- Don't tell me--
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00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,314
- You don't know what the
hell you're talking about.
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- I know what I'm talking about.
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Worst driver I've ever
been with in my whole life,
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I'll tell you right now.
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- [Mel] The worst driver--
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00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,539
- No, I'm a good driver, oh!
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- Look what you made me do!
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00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,851
- What I made you, are
these hands on the wheel?
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00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:54,418
Don't tell me what
I made you do!
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00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:55,680
- These hands around your neck,
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00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:56,507
that's what these hands--
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[truck horn honks]
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- Very nice, in front
of your daughter.
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Very nice.
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[light piano and violin music]
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00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:04,863
- [Charlene] One time my parents
50
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:06,300
forced me to perform a violin
51
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,954
recital in front of
the whole family.
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Grandma's double Ds
doubled as a music stand.
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I was ridiculed
for my creativity.
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Everybody laughed,
including my sisters,
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Louise and Karen, and
my obnoxious brothers,
Dave and Cliff.
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00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:23,055
[all laughing]
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00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:27,582
When Grandma died, which was
in no way related to the violin
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00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:31,716
playing, my parents came
into a large inheritance.
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- Silvers, blindfolds off!
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00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:39,724
- Wow!
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00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,248
- [Charlene] Coney
Island was behind us,
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and my dad bought the most
tasteless mansion in Manhattan.
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00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:50,213
- I told you, Charlene,
there's no firing squad.
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- [Charlene] When I was
told there were 30 rooms
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00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:52,998
and 11 and a half bathrooms,
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I figured there'd be
plenty of places to hide.
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[light jazz music]
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00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:04,445
- Hello, hello,
hello, and welcome.
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00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:05,794
I'm Mrs. Silver.
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00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,839
Now this, of course,
is the living room,
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00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:10,233
or as I like to
call it, Le Salon.
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00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,627
We like everything
around here immaculate.
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00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,411
I like a clean
mansion, all right?
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00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:17,066
To begin with, these
are my objects d'arte.
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00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:17,893
Very rare.
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00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,024
Mang Dynasty.
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Soft cloth, no nails, no nails.
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00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,116
Scotchgard, nothing
to worry about here.
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Uh-uh!
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Only the family on the carpet.
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I'm sorry.
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Come around this way.
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Over here, little objects.
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There, of course, is my china.
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It is locked.
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00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:33,604
Nothing to do with you,
but totally counted.
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Just in case.
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Just in case.
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00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,086
This we found in Transylvania.
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00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:40,350
This is cleaned with
Bab-O and a soft cloth.
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00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:41,221
- Yeah, yeah.
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00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,134
- Bab-O.
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00:03:42,178 --> 00:03:42,874
Do you understand the word?
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00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:43,788
Bab-O?
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00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:45,312
Now when you dry it, never rub.
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00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:46,835
We had a terrible thing happen.
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You blow.
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[blowing]
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00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,447
- [Charlene] As fast
as the agency sent
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over prospective servants,
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my mother would scare them away.
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My siblings and I were forced
to do all the cleaning.
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00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,766
Just as I was about to report
them to the Child Welfare
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00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:08,291
Department, super Lawrence
arrived from Haiti, and we
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00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,685
welcomed him with open arms.
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00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:12,948
- [Mel] Hello!
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- Mr. Silver.
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00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,211
- Ah, welcome, Lawrence.
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- Thank you, sir.
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What?
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00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,219
Lord have mercy!
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00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,220
Snow!
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00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,047
[Mel laughing]
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00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:25,917
Snow!
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00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:28,659
- What do you think of
your first snowfall?
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- It's beautiful, Mr. Silver.
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- Lawrence!
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I'm going to call you that.
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Isn't it exciting?
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Your first day with us
and your first snowfall.
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00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,843
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
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Did the agency tell you?
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I used to be a singer.
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00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:43,021
- [Mel] And a good one, too.
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00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,458
[light piano music]
[laughs]
126
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:48,679
♪ You made me love you
127
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,551
♪ I didn't wanna do it
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00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:53,031
And here I am at the
Playboy Club in Akron.
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00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,643
They held me over
six weeks, Lawrence.
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00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:56,992
Six weeks.
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00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:58,254
Oh.
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00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,212
And I was opening for
Cookie Combo there.
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00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,345
He thought I was
going to be a star.
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00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,129
And here I am pregnant.
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00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,696
I was married to Mel already.
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00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:06,523
[crying]
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00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:07,350
Here I am pregnant.
138
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,438
- Oh, ma'am.
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00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:09,700
You were very pretty.
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00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:10,701
- What do you mean "were"?
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00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,529
She's still gorgeous.
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00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:14,792
A rose never loses its bloom.
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00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:15,619
- Mel!
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00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:16,881
- Sorry, Mr. Silver.
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00:05:16,925 --> 00:05:18,318
- Do you remember that
song from my repertoire
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00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,232
about the roses?
147
00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:21,059
- And the tulips.
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00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:22,234
- That's the one!
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00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:26,761
♪ You made me sigh for
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00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,284
♪ I didn't wanna do it
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00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,241
[laughs]
152
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:31,592
♪ I didn't wanna say it
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♪ I need your love
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- Come over here.
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00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:40,688
[humming]
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00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:45,910
Come here.
157
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,218
Lawrence, you have to relax.
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00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:52,482
Right now they are in
a Manhattan nightclub
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00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:55,137
about 20 years ago,
and my mom is on stage
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00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:57,139
singing to my dad
in the audience.
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00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,227
Oh, gross.
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00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,141
Oh, my God.
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[Klezmer music]
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00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:08,498
- [Charlene] We
were all banished
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to summer concentration
camp, Camp Shalom.
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For the first time in my life,
I had my freedom, but I felt
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00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:16,376
kind of lonely.
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00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,780
[grunting]
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00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:31,869
When I first saw Todd DeWitt,
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it was love at first sight.
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- [Todd] It likes to be touched.
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- [Charlene] Oh!
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00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:37,788
Todd, stop it!
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[laughs]
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00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:40,356
- [Todd] Look at it.
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00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,313
Look at it, it's twitching.
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00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:42,314
[laughs]
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00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,665
- [Charlene] You
touch it enough.
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00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,667
I know what you do
in here all alone.
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00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:49,713
[upbeat rock music]
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00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:57,895
Ow.
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00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,114
Ouch.
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00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:01,899
I thought this was
supposed to feel good.
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00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,379
- It feels great.
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00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,994
[horn honks]
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00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:19,221
- Well, my parents hated Todd.
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00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,266
It didn't fit in with
their new social status
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00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:24,313
for me to be dating a boy
who worked in a garage.
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00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:26,750
My parents' idea of
the perfect boyfriend
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00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,839
was Robbie Applebaum.
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00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,362
That's because his
dad was a shrink
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00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,886
and they figured the
Applebaum doesn't
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00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:34,062
fall far from the tree.
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00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:37,935
A doctor's son was almost
as good as a doctor.
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00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:45,247
Robbie, look, please
don't be hurt,
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00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:48,206
you know, but what
we're doing here,
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00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:51,993
it has nothing to do with
any emotional attachment
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00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:53,734
that I feel towards you.
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00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:54,604
- I know.
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00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,259
You're only doing this
to punish your parents
201
00:07:57,302 --> 00:07:59,261
for liking me just
because my dad's a shrink
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00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:01,872
and we live in Kings Point.
203
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,831
[chuckles]
204
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:06,747
I get this from
girls all the time.
205
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:11,665
[upbeat rock music]
206
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:28,899
- The sun is shining,
207
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,466
but it's a black day
for me, Lawrence.
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00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,728
No offense.
209
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,251
Charlene is my first
child I've ever had
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00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:35,123
to go to a school for.
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00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,388
- Excuse me, Mrs. Silver,
but my oldest brother Edward
212
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:41,259
once got so drunk that he
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00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:43,740
actually propositioned a nun.
214
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,787
- How tragic for your mother.
215
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,571
Why are you telling
me this, Lawrence?
216
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,660
- Because now, darlin',
you feel better,
217
00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:53,097
knowing someone is
worse off than you.
218
00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:55,099
- No one's worse off
than I am, Lawrence.
219
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:58,755
I have stretch marks
that start at my ears.
220
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:01,192
- Did Charlene have your
221
00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:02,977
permission to cut
school twice this week
222
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:04,282
and leave the field trip?
223
00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,023
- Absolutely not.
224
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,329
She only has my permission to go
225
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:08,896
to school and do her homework
226
00:09:08,939 --> 00:09:11,246
and shoo the homeless away
from the front of our mansion.
227
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:13,291
- My youngest sister
Kathryn used to cut school
228
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,685
and go drinking at the
24-hour discotheque
229
00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:18,558
where everyone was naked.
230
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,211
- Here in Manhattan?
231
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,353
- [Charlene] Now all I
wanted was acceptance.
232
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:32,615
The school year was starting,
233
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:35,575
so I decided to go
back with a new look.
234
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,621
[upbeat rock music]
235
00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:40,623
I was totally convinced
looking differently
236
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,973
would make me feel differently.
237
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,758
And, oddly enough, it did.
238
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,498
With my mother's wig on my head,
239
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,326
I was self-empowered and above
240
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,242
what everybody
else thought of me.
241
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:54,289
Marjie Shuler, who is "Christie
Brinkley meets Satan,"
242
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:57,161
snapped me out of that idea.
243
00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:59,947
- Hey, your hair
really rings my bell.
244
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,513
Ding dong!
245
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,777
[laughing]
246
00:10:07,694 --> 00:10:08,999
- [Blanche] Charlene,
you did not eat
247
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:11,349
your delicious turkey roll.
248
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:13,830
- [Charlene] I'm dieting.
249
00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:15,658
- You are not dieting.
250
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:16,833
You lost your appetite because
251
00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:18,139
that girl pulled you wig off at
252
00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:20,620
school and you are humiliated.
253
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:23,057
- You know, you don't have to
254
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,189
look so happy about it!
255
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,190
Okay?
256
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,888
It was your wig, and she has it!
257
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,630
And I'm never going
back to school!
258
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:31,848
- Mel.
259
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,850
Mel, did you hear
that tone of voice?
260
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:34,982
Mel?
261
00:10:35,025 --> 00:10:36,244
Mel, would you please tell
262
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,767
her not to speak like
that to her mother?
263
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:40,988
- Don't talk to your
mother like that!
264
00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:49,692
- [Charlene] Great.
265
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:50,562
[door slamming]
266
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:52,086
Now everybody hated me.
267
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:56,351
It was just one big happy
family united against me.
268
00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,048
Except for Lawrence.
269
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,007
He was my only ally.
270
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:03,271
Lawrence gave me the courage
to stand up for myself.
271
00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:06,709
[light orchestral music]
272
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,765
I sensed the satanic
blonde presence.
273
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,855
[sighs]
274
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,552
- The cremation ceremony
for your wig will be
275
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,293
at 3:30 behind the boys' gym.
276
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,642
Will you attend?
277
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:32,430
- Only if your bobby-socks
boobs are fine enough with it!
278
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,737
[laughing]
279
00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:37,305
Bobby-socks boobs!
280
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:39,263
She has bobby-socks boobs!
281
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,134
Whoo!
282
00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:46,749
I loved Todd.
283
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,925
If only my parents
could have seen it.
284
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:51,493
I tried reasoning with my dad.
285
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:55,105
Dad.
286
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:55,932
- Hmm?
287
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:56,759
Oh.
288
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,065
- Hi.
289
00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,893
Do you want some, um,
cookies with your tea?
290
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,198
- What tea?
291
00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:02,286
You just talked over it.
292
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,287
I can't drink that now.
293
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,507
- Dad, I'm your daughter, okay?
294
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:06,638
Our germs are related.
295
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,465
It's just tea.
296
00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:08,292
- Oy!
297
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:09,119
Ugh!
298
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,294
Get me my eyewash.
299
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:11,034
Do you have to
spit when you talk?
300
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,079
My goodness.
301
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,737
[upbeat rock music]
302
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:22,698
- [Charlene] Then I tried
reasoning with my mom.
303
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:31,011
- You are forbidden to see
that Flatbush boy ever again!
304
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:33,665
Lawrence!
305
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,711
They say you people
are excellent athletes.
306
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,234
Go get her for me.
307
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:45,068
- Charlene!
308
00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:45,895
Charlene!
309
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:46,766
Hold it, child.
310
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:47,592
Easy.
311
00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:48,419
Take it easy.
312
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:49,246
All right.
313
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,857
Now good luck, hmm?
314
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:54,861
And remember, keep your eyes
315
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:57,037
open and your mouth shut before
316
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,169
your foot can walk in.
317
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:02,303
- Mine has already worn
a path through my mouth.
318
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,479
It's too late, Lawrence.
319
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:05,523
- All right.
320
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:10,267
[upbeat rock music]
321
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:21,148
- [Charlene] Hi.
322
00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:22,018
- Oh, no.
323
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:25,369
Now what are we gonna do?
324
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:28,242
- Todd, they won't
let me see you.
325
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,332
- Come inside.
326
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:39,993
Look, that's just it.
327
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:44,606
What if your parents
called the police?
328
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:45,781
Hmm?
329
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,870
The moment we're
seen, I'll be arrested
330
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,785
for violating a minor.
331
00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:52,092
Call your parents.
332
00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:55,573
Tell them you're coming home.
333
00:13:57,662 --> 00:13:59,490
- What about us, Todd?
334
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:06,236
- I, Charlene,
maybe they're right.
335
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,282
Maybe it's for the best.
336
00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:12,895
I can't jeopardize my
dream of one day owning
337
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,679
my dad's gas station.
338
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:20,685
[kids giggling]
[funk music]
339
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,123
- Get in here!
340
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:28,519
- Mother, Father, forgive
me, for I have sinned.
341
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:29,738
- Not good enough, Charlene.
342
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:30,782
Do you understand me?
343
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:31,609
Not good enough!
344
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:32,567
- We were worried sick!
345
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,524
- I never thought I would live
346
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:34,438
to see the day that my own
347
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:35,700
daughter turned out to be,
348
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:36,614
close your ears,
children, a tramp!
349
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:38,094
A tramp!
350
00:14:38,138 --> 00:14:40,880
I am ashamed, ashamed to
be seen with you in public.
351
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,229
- Go upstairs and don't come
352
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:45,101
down until you go to college.
353
00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:46,581
- Are all my suitcases in?
354
00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:47,408
- [Mel] Everything's in.
355
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:48,235
I have your typewriter.
356
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:49,062
- Okay.
357
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:49,932
Lawrence!
358
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,281
Lawrence, we're leaving!
359
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:52,456
- Oh, look at you!
360
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,675
- Is that okay?
361
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:54,632
- Very college.
362
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,634
[laughs]
363
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,941
- Okay, all right.
364
00:14:58,985 --> 00:14:59,942
- Remember everything
I have told you.
365
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,552
- Yeah, I always do.
366
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:04,729
- Eat breakfast no matter what.
367
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,035
It doesn't matter.
368
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:07,341
Men like a girl with a
little flesh on them.
369
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,125
And promise me, whatever you do,
370
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:11,301
remember the hitchhiking
girl in Boston.
371
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:12,346
That man was drunk--
372
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:13,303
- Hacked off her arms.
373
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,652
- He chopped off her arms.
374
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:15,740
He's free, Charlene.
375
00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:16,741
- Okay, all right.
376
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:17,873
- Her life was ruined.
377
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,353
She could never eat M&M's.
378
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,094
She could never eat
corn on the cob.
379
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,270
She could never knit anymore.
380
00:15:23,313 --> 00:15:24,097
Be careful.
381
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:24,967
- Okay, I'll be careful!
382
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:25,794
Bye.
383
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:26,664
- Bye.
384
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:28,231
- Bye.
385
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:29,102
Bye!
386
00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:29,929
Bye!
387
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:33,062
Bye, Daddy.
388
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:33,976
- Did mother tell you about
389
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:34,977
the hitchhiker from Boston?
390
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,152
- Yeah, yeah, she told me.
391
00:15:36,196 --> 00:15:37,545
- Be careful.
392
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:38,502
- Okay.
393
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:39,416
Wait, where's my typewriter?
394
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:40,678
- There's your typewriter.
395
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:41,505
- Call!
396
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,767
Call!
397
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:43,986
- [Charlene Voiceover]
I was free at last.
398
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,336
I was off to college
to pursue my dreams.
399
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,556
It turned out being
grounded so much helped me
400
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:50,862
develop a vivid imagination.
401
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,125
I was convinced I was going to
402
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,692
be the next great
American writer.
403
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:55,563
- Bye!
404
00:15:56,912 --> 00:16:00,307
[light orchestral music]
405
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,660
- [Charlene] When
I first saw Ray,
406
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,923
it was love at first sight.
407
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:21,893
- Charlene.
408
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,373
- What?
409
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:27,987
- You're like a sports
car parked at the curb.
410
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:31,686
Even when it sits there,
it still looks fast.
411
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,645
- It's my energy.
412
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:39,215
I've been told I have an
aura of noise about me.
413
00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:40,086
- You do.
414
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:47,049
I'm gonna be the last
boyfriend you'll ever have.
415
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:50,618
- Are you planning to
marry me or kill me?
416
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:56,450
[knocking on door]
417
00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:57,320
- Enter.
418
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,724
- Mom, Dad, I'm getting married.
419
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,206
- Charlene, I, I didn't even
420
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,121
know you were going with anyone.
421
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:16,992
- Well, I was afraid if I told
422
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:20,082
you about Ray, you'd
forbid me to see him.
423
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,084
- Did he at least give
you an engagement ring?
424
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,085
- Yeah.
425
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:23,912
- May I see it, please?
426
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,435
May I just see it?
427
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,047
[laughs]
428
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,526
Oh, Charlene.
429
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:30,832
That is a pearl!
430
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:32,964
Not an engagement ring,
431
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:34,444
that is a cocktail ring.
432
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:35,576
Learn the difference.
433
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,099
An engagement ring is a diamond,
434
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,623
a cocktail ring is a pearl.
435
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:40,842
I don't even want to hear about
436
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,104
this boy anymore, do
you understand me?
437
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,018
I don't want hear
about him until
438
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,150
you get a real engagement ring.
439
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:45,803
- He's a loser!
440
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:46,674
Lose him!
441
00:17:47,805 --> 00:17:49,329
- He's not a loser.
442
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,031
He has his own car.
443
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:05,475
[glass shattering]
[all cheering]
444
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:06,433
No sooner did I say
445
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:07,956
I do when my sister said--
446
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,305
- And I do, too!
447
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,830
Joel and I have just
decided to get married.
448
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:13,701
- Hey!
449
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,140
- [Charlene Voiceover] Goosed!
450
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,708
On this, my very
own wedding day,
451
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,188
she announces her engagement
452
00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,059
to Mr. Harvard Law School,
453
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:28,411
and I was marrying a man
who worked at Carpet World.
454
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,164
- Where am I?
455
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:45,820
- We're in the hospital.
456
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:47,648
- How did we get here?
457
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:49,345
What happened to us?
458
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:53,958
- We had a race car accident
on the way to the hotel.
459
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,090
A driver on the other side of
460
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,700
the road crashed right into us!
461
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:57,701
No witnesses!
462
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:58,789
No insurance!
463
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:01,401
The car vanished into thin air!
464
00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:04,708
- It took eight months
for me to realize that it
465
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:08,016
was God behind the wheel
of the car that crashed us.
466
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:10,888
Does that answer your question?
467
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:12,803
He must have been trying to
stop us from continuing our
468
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,805
hour-long marriage.
469
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:15,763
No.
470
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:16,851
Do you speak any English?
471
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:17,808
- Charlene!
472
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:18,983
- What?
473
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,811
- I'm leaving you.
474
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,813
This isn't working out.
475
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:25,816
[upbeat rock music]
476
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,350
- [Charlene Voiceover] My
disastrous first marriage over,
477
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,440
I decided to concentrate
on my writing career.
478
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,920
After sending out
over 1,000 resumes,
479
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,967
I finally landed
my first interview.
480
00:19:53,453 --> 00:19:55,716
[laughing]
481
00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:58,893
[clears throat]
482
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:01,548
- Well, it, it's a
nice resume, you know?
483
00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:03,245
It's not a great resume.
484
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,943
See, what's missing
from this resume
485
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:09,425
is I don't hear
it say, "Hire me."
486
00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:11,993
A great resume says, "Hire me."
487
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:12,994
You hear it.
488
00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:13,995
Do you hear anything?
489
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,910
I'm not hearing anything.
490
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:17,868
I'm listening, but I don't hear.
491
00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:20,828
A great resume goes,
"Please hire me!
492
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:24,135
"Hire me right now or
I'll die in the streets!
493
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:25,702
"Oh, God, hire me!"
494
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:30,185
And I don't hear that here.
495
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,275
- Okay, um, Mr. Levy,
496
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,842
I know my resume doesn't sound
497
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:36,670
desperate enough to you,
498
00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:40,064
but I would do anything
to get this job.
499
00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:43,285
- Look.
500
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,286
- What?
501
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:45,505
- I was thinking.
502
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:48,290
You know, I could
easily hire you.
503
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:49,813
- Really?
504
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:53,513
- But see, the problem is
I'd be killing your career.
505
00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:54,731
- You would?
506
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,167
- I'd be taking your
career and crushing, ow!
507
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:57,168
Ow!
508
00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:57,995
You did it again.
509
00:20:58,039 --> 00:20:58,822
- I'm sorry.
510
00:20:58,866 --> 00:21:00,694
- Like five fishhooks.
511
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:02,826
- Sorry.
512
00:21:02,870 --> 00:21:04,872
[sighs]
513
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,178
I'd be killing your career.
514
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:09,964
You're too good to
be doing comic books.
515
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:10,791
- I am?
516
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,183
- Yeah.
517
00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:14,055
I mean, look, did
Shakespeare do comic books?
518
00:21:14,098 --> 00:21:15,186
- I don't know.
519
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,318
Did he?
520
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:18,015
- No, he didn't.
521
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:19,452
[sighs]
522
00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:22,846
Anyway, look, I think
you should go out
523
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,239
to the West Coast.
524
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,501
- Really?
525
00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:27,503
- That way, you could
live and move ahead.
526
00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:30,550
That's where you could
spread your wings.
527
00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:31,420
- Oh.
528
00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:34,075
Oh, I see.
529
00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:36,338
Now that I've spread
my legs, you mean.
530
00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:37,296
Is that what you're saying?
531
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:38,775
Okay, so I probably shouldn't
532
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:40,168
have slept with him.
533
00:21:40,211 --> 00:21:42,910
But he did give me one
good piece of advice.
534
00:21:42,953 --> 00:21:46,261
I decided to join
my sister in LA.
535
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,698
Louise says there are
six things a woman
536
00:21:48,742 --> 00:21:50,657
needs to get ahead here.
537
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:53,399
White clothes,
blonde highlights,
538
00:21:56,706 --> 00:21:58,578
a tan, breast implants,
539
00:22:01,798 --> 00:22:05,367
a good agent, and the
most important thing,
540
00:22:07,935 --> 00:22:08,762
a psychic.
541
00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:10,807
Oh, man.
542
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:11,982
- Pack, Charlene.
543
00:22:12,026 --> 00:22:13,723
Your sister's in therapy now
544
00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:16,639
and is finally
putting herself first.
545
00:22:16,683 --> 00:22:18,293
- [Charlene] You're gonna
throw me out, Louise?
546
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:19,294
Again?
547
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,556
I just moved to Los Angeles.
548
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,383
I thought--
549
00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:22,253
- Louise.
550
00:22:22,297 --> 00:22:23,167
Louise.
551
00:22:23,211 --> 00:22:24,952
I see you're gonna sell two TV
552
00:22:24,995 --> 00:22:27,302
scripts and marry
your boyfriend Mark.
553
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,129
- Oh!
554
00:22:28,172 --> 00:22:29,609
- Congratulations.
555
00:22:31,611 --> 00:22:33,090
- You two have a brother
556
00:22:33,134 --> 00:22:35,005
and he's gonna need
his own private
557
00:22:35,049 --> 00:22:36,703
bank to store all the money he's
558
00:22:36,746 --> 00:22:38,400
gonna make as a TV producer.
559
00:22:38,444 --> 00:22:39,575
- [Charlene] Wow.
560
00:22:39,619 --> 00:22:41,751
- It's really kind of exciting.
561
00:22:41,795 --> 00:22:42,970
Oh.
562
00:22:43,013 --> 00:22:44,275
Oh.
563
00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:45,451
- [Charlene] What?
564
00:22:45,494 --> 00:22:47,104
- I see two sisters
working with him.
565
00:22:47,148 --> 00:22:48,454
- Oh!
566
00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:50,630
- [Psychic] Louise and Karen.
567
00:22:50,673 --> 00:22:51,587
- Karen?
568
00:22:51,631 --> 00:22:53,110
Wait a minute, um, Miss Psychic.
569
00:22:53,154 --> 00:22:55,939
As you know, I'm paying
good money for this
570
00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:57,245
reading, and I don't wanna hear
571
00:22:57,288 --> 00:22:58,725
about Cliff and Dave and Karen.
572
00:22:58,768 --> 00:22:59,900
I wanna hear about me.
573
00:22:59,943 --> 00:23:00,727
What about me?
574
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:01,945
What happens to me?
575
00:23:01,989 --> 00:23:03,425
- Charlene, I have
your cup right here.
576
00:23:03,469 --> 00:23:04,426
- [Charlene] You do?
577
00:23:04,470 --> 00:23:05,296
- [Psychic] Charlene?
578
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:06,123
- What?
579
00:23:06,167 --> 00:23:07,516
- You're going to marry
580
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,127
a doctor named Steven.
581
00:23:10,171 --> 00:23:11,564
- [Louise] Ooh.
582
00:23:11,607 --> 00:23:14,088
- I'm gonna marry a doctor?
583
00:23:14,131 --> 00:23:16,090
A doctor named Steven?
584
00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:17,570
- [Psychic] That's what
it says right here.
585
00:23:17,613 --> 00:23:18,484
- Oh, my God!
586
00:23:18,527 --> 00:23:19,789
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
587
00:23:19,833 --> 00:23:22,052
Does it, how, how do I meet him?
588
00:23:22,096 --> 00:23:24,185
What, what do I do?
589
00:23:24,228 --> 00:23:26,709
- Just live your life and
he'll present himself.
590
00:23:26,753 --> 00:23:27,710
- Live my life?
591
00:23:27,754 --> 00:23:28,972
What life?
592
00:23:29,016 --> 00:23:29,799
- Charlene.
593
00:23:29,843 --> 00:23:31,148
- [Charlene] What?
594
00:23:31,192 --> 00:23:33,150
- You, too, will know success,
595
00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:35,370
but first you will know Steven.
596
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,981
[glass shattering]
[all cheering]
597
00:23:38,025 --> 00:23:40,331
- [Charlene] Lola's
predictions were coming true.
598
00:23:40,375 --> 00:23:44,597
Louise was getting married,
and I hoped I was next.
599
00:23:48,209 --> 00:23:49,210
- Mel!
600
00:23:49,253 --> 00:23:50,429
Mel!
601
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:51,647
- Dad?
602
00:23:51,691 --> 00:23:52,648
Oh, my God!
603
00:23:52,692 --> 00:23:53,649
Daddy!
604
00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:55,042
Daddy!
605
00:23:55,085 --> 00:23:56,565
Are you all right?
606
00:23:57,523 --> 00:23:59,046
Daddy, talk to me!
607
00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:03,006
- I hate this family so much!
608
00:24:03,050 --> 00:24:05,661
Please send an
ambulance right away!
609
00:24:05,705 --> 00:24:07,402
My father's having
a heart attack!
610
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:08,577
At my wedding!
611
00:24:08,621 --> 00:24:09,448
- [Charlene] Oh, my God!
612
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:10,274
Daddy, don't die!
613
00:24:10,318 --> 00:24:11,145
Please don't die!
614
00:24:11,188 --> 00:24:13,321
We love you so much!
615
00:24:13,364 --> 00:24:14,496
Please, Daddy!
616
00:24:14,540 --> 00:24:15,715
Breathe!
617
00:24:15,758 --> 00:24:18,326
- Charlene, get
the hell off of me!
618
00:24:20,807 --> 00:24:21,590
- Mel!
619
00:24:21,634 --> 00:24:22,548
Mel, talk to me!
620
00:24:22,591 --> 00:24:23,766
Say something!
621
00:24:23,810 --> 00:24:26,465
- Are the caterers
still gonna charge us?
622
00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:27,509
- [Blanche] Charlene,
get his Rolex.
623
00:24:27,553 --> 00:24:29,424
They steal everything.
624
00:24:37,911 --> 00:24:39,652
- Doc, what happened to me?
625
00:24:39,695 --> 00:24:41,392
- Too much excitement
626
00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:43,960
and a little indigestion, Mel.
627
00:24:44,004 --> 00:24:45,135
You're gonna be fine.
628
00:24:45,179 --> 00:24:46,093
- [All] Ah!
629
00:24:47,311 --> 00:24:48,748
- I only hope my heart is half
630
00:24:48,791 --> 00:24:51,620
as strong as yours when I'm
10 years younger than you.
631
00:24:51,664 --> 00:24:52,534
- Aw.
632
00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,580
- Excuse me, Dr. Steven?
633
00:24:56,059 --> 00:24:58,975
May I have a word with you?
634
00:24:59,019 --> 00:25:00,237
- Certainly.
635
00:25:00,281 --> 00:25:01,064
- Is this covered
by the insurance?
636
00:25:01,108 --> 00:25:02,022
- I made a phone call.
637
00:25:02,065 --> 00:25:02,849
Not only are we covered,
638
00:25:02,892 --> 00:25:04,415
we're making money, Mel.
639
00:25:04,459 --> 00:25:06,026
- [Charlene] My name's Charlene.
640
00:25:06,069 --> 00:25:07,201
- Hi, Charlene.
641
00:25:07,244 --> 00:25:08,289
- I have a little problem,
642
00:25:08,332 --> 00:25:09,203
and I was wondering if you
643
00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:10,421
could help me with it.
644
00:25:10,465 --> 00:25:11,553
- What's the problem?
645
00:25:11,597 --> 00:25:13,294
- I, too, have a tremendous
646
00:25:13,337 --> 00:25:15,078
pain in my heart, and I'm not
647
00:25:15,122 --> 00:25:18,038
a hypochondriac like my father.
648
00:25:18,081 --> 00:25:20,519
- What can I do
for you, Charlene?
649
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:22,912
- Well, I was wondering if you
650
00:25:22,956 --> 00:25:25,524
might like to examine my chest.
651
00:25:27,482 --> 00:25:28,701
- I'd be delighted.
652
00:25:28,744 --> 00:25:29,702
- Thank you.
653
00:25:31,878 --> 00:25:33,314
[inhales]
[exhales]
654
00:25:33,357 --> 00:25:34,184
- Wow.
655
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,710
You have a very big heart.
656
00:25:37,753 --> 00:25:42,105
- Um, that's because
I'm not wearing a bra.
657
00:25:42,149 --> 00:25:44,281
[giggles]
658
00:25:44,325 --> 00:25:45,848
- I have a nine-inch
needle that can
659
00:25:45,892 --> 00:25:48,024
cure pretty much anything.
660
00:25:48,068 --> 00:25:49,243
- Nine inches?
661
00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:51,506
Will it hurt?
662
00:25:52,463 --> 00:25:53,769
- Yes.
663
00:25:53,813 --> 00:25:57,251
But I could give
it to you orally.
664
00:25:57,294 --> 00:25:59,383
- Well, Doctor, I think I may
665
00:25:59,427 --> 00:26:00,602
be in need of that kind of
666
00:26:00,646 --> 00:26:01,951
extreme treatment sometime
667
00:26:01,995 --> 00:26:03,474
in the very near future,
668
00:26:03,518 --> 00:26:06,042
so, um, do you have a card or--
669
00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,304
- Absolutely.
670
00:26:07,348 --> 00:26:08,958
- Any way I can
get a hold of you?
671
00:26:09,002 --> 00:26:10,438
Telephone?
672
00:26:10,481 --> 00:26:11,787
Pager number?
673
00:26:11,831 --> 00:26:12,745
Fax, perhaps?
674
00:26:12,788 --> 00:26:13,615
- Oh.
675
00:26:16,531 --> 00:26:17,967
- Are these your children?
676
00:26:18,011 --> 00:26:21,623
- Yes, except for
the Asian albino.
677
00:26:21,667 --> 00:26:23,973
- Wow, so many of them.
678
00:26:24,017 --> 00:26:26,585
Your wife must be very fertile.
679
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,283
- Actually, my ex-wife.
680
00:26:29,326 --> 00:26:30,023
- Oh.
681
00:26:30,066 --> 00:26:30,850
- Very fertile.
682
00:26:30,893 --> 00:26:31,720
- Hmm.
683
00:26:32,765 --> 00:26:33,983
- Listen, I'm actually moving
684
00:26:34,027 --> 00:26:35,158
back to Los Angeles to be near
685
00:26:35,202 --> 00:26:36,333
the big-headed one.
686
00:26:36,377 --> 00:26:37,378
He's developed a complex about
687
00:26:37,421 --> 00:26:38,814
the size of his head.
688
00:26:38,858 --> 00:26:40,816
- Well, what a coincidence.
689
00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:42,557
I recently moved to Los Angeles
690
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:45,429
myself to get away
from my family.
691
00:26:45,473 --> 00:26:47,997
I have a complex about
the size of my family.
692
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,651
[laughs]
693
00:26:49,695 --> 00:26:51,261
- Well, why don't
we get together?
694
00:26:51,305 --> 00:26:53,002
Here's my number.
695
00:26:53,046 --> 00:26:56,745
I'd love to play Hide
the Thermometer with you.
696
00:26:56,789 --> 00:26:58,007
- I happen to be very good with
697
00:26:58,051 --> 00:27:00,880
long, cylindrical objects.
698
00:27:00,923 --> 00:27:01,707
- Good.
699
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:05,058
[dramatic organ music]
700
00:27:09,062 --> 00:27:11,717
- Would you like to
examine my chest again?
701
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:12,631
- Please.
702
00:27:17,592 --> 00:27:19,028
[dramatic organ music]
703
00:27:19,072 --> 00:27:21,640
♪ Does he live
704
00:27:24,904 --> 00:27:26,166
- Before my date,
705
00:27:26,209 --> 00:27:28,777
I had a major makeover
at the Beverly Center.
706
00:27:28,821 --> 00:27:31,824
I hope he liked the
new redheaded me.
707
00:27:34,957 --> 00:27:36,393
Echinacea?
708
00:27:36,437 --> 00:27:37,307
- No, thank you.
709
00:27:37,351 --> 00:27:38,352
- Are you sure?
710
00:27:38,395 --> 00:27:39,570
- I'm positive.
711
00:27:39,614 --> 00:27:42,878
- It's good for
your immune system.
712
00:27:42,922 --> 00:27:43,923
I love 'em.
713
00:27:43,966 --> 00:27:44,750
I take 'em all the time.
714
00:27:44,793 --> 00:27:45,620
- [Woman] Shh.
715
00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:46,795
- Oh, you shh.
716
00:27:49,755 --> 00:27:51,060
Aside from my heart,
717
00:27:51,104 --> 00:27:54,020
I'm actually a very
healthy person.
718
00:27:54,977 --> 00:27:57,110
- You certainly are.
719
00:27:57,153 --> 00:27:58,241
- How's your heart?
720
00:27:58,285 --> 00:28:00,026
I bet you have a cute one.
721
00:28:00,069 --> 00:28:01,941
[giggles]
722
00:28:01,984 --> 00:28:03,507
- [Woman] Hey.
723
00:28:03,551 --> 00:28:04,813
- [Charlene] What?
724
00:28:04,857 --> 00:28:05,684
Shut up.
725
00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:07,773
[pager buzzing]
726
00:28:07,816 --> 00:28:09,078
- I got a page.
727
00:28:09,122 --> 00:28:09,905
- Oh, no.
728
00:28:09,949 --> 00:28:10,732
- I have to answer this.
729
00:28:10,776 --> 00:28:12,038
- Now?
730
00:28:12,081 --> 00:28:14,257
Dr. Frankenstein is
just about to sing.
731
00:28:14,301 --> 00:28:15,084
- I know.
732
00:28:15,128 --> 00:28:15,911
I'll be right back.
733
00:28:15,955 --> 00:28:16,782
- Okay.
734
00:28:18,305 --> 00:28:19,959
- [Woman] Excuse me.
735
00:28:22,178 --> 00:28:23,440
Can you sit down, please?
736
00:28:23,484 --> 00:28:25,660
[giggles]
737
00:28:30,752 --> 00:28:31,753
- [Man] Hey.
738
00:28:31,797 --> 00:28:32,885
Do you mind?
739
00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:34,495
- [Woman] Sit down.
740
00:28:39,674 --> 00:28:42,111
- [Man] My life begins--
741
00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:44,157
- I couldn't believe it.
742
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,246
The actor playing
Dr. Frankenstein
743
00:28:46,289 --> 00:28:48,422
was Steffon Stevens.
744
00:28:48,465 --> 00:28:50,206
Suddenly it hit me.
745
00:28:50,250 --> 00:28:54,080
Maybe my Steven was an
actor playing a doctor.
746
00:28:58,519 --> 00:28:59,389
Oh, my God.
747
00:29:02,131 --> 00:29:03,785
I love this person.
748
00:29:03,829 --> 00:29:04,786
He's great.
749
00:29:08,834 --> 00:29:09,965
- I'm gonna have to take off.
750
00:29:10,009 --> 00:29:11,967
There's an emergency
at the hospital.
751
00:29:12,011 --> 00:29:12,794
- Oh, no.
752
00:29:13,708 --> 00:29:15,797
Will you call me?
753
00:29:15,841 --> 00:29:17,016
Please, call me.
754
00:29:17,059 --> 00:29:18,147
- I will.
755
00:29:18,191 --> 00:29:21,150
- Call me on your cell phone.
756
00:29:21,194 --> 00:29:23,326
[giggles]
757
00:29:24,501 --> 00:29:25,415
Do you mind?
758
00:29:25,459 --> 00:29:26,765
This is private.
759
00:29:28,201 --> 00:29:30,072
Can you believe people?
760
00:29:31,117 --> 00:29:32,379
- Let him live!
761
00:29:36,383 --> 00:29:39,603
[dramatic organ music]
762
00:29:45,566 --> 00:29:49,265
[audience applauding]
763
00:29:49,309 --> 00:29:50,527
- [Steffon] Well, hello there.
764
00:29:50,571 --> 00:29:52,007
- Hello.
765
00:29:52,051 --> 00:29:53,400
- Lost your way?
766
00:29:56,577 --> 00:29:58,100
Ah.
767
00:29:58,144 --> 00:30:00,276
- Good evening, Doctor,
ahem, Mr. Stevens.
768
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:01,538
- Please, call me Steffon.
769
00:30:01,582 --> 00:30:03,714
- Okay, Steffon.
770
00:30:03,758 --> 00:30:04,977
I'm a big fan of yours,
771
00:30:05,020 --> 00:30:06,413
and I have an idea for
772
00:30:06,456 --> 00:30:08,589
a screenplay starring you that
773
00:30:08,632 --> 00:30:11,287
I think could be a blockbuster.
774
00:30:11,331 --> 00:30:12,636
Now, I want to be
perfectly honest,
775
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:13,855
I'm not one of those big
776
00:30:13,899 --> 00:30:15,509
Hollywood producers with money
777
00:30:15,552 --> 00:30:16,902
to throw around.
778
00:30:16,945 --> 00:30:17,946
I can't, for example,
779
00:30:17,990 --> 00:30:18,947
take you to the Palm
780
00:30:18,991 --> 00:30:20,470
and buy you blackened swordfish.
781
00:30:20,514 --> 00:30:22,211
But what I can do is I can
782
00:30:22,255 --> 00:30:25,780
offer you a cup of
coffee with the lid on.
783
00:30:27,129 --> 00:30:28,174
[chuckles]
784
00:30:28,217 --> 00:30:29,697
[chuckles]
785
00:30:29,740 --> 00:30:30,829
- What's your name again?
786
00:30:30,872 --> 00:30:32,439
- Oh, I'm Charlene.
787
00:30:33,919 --> 00:30:36,486
[passionate moaning]
788
00:30:36,530 --> 00:30:39,098
- Steffon, do you like my idea?
789
00:30:39,141 --> 00:30:40,534
- Oh, I love, yes, yes.
790
00:30:40,577 --> 00:30:41,752
Oh, yes.
791
00:30:41,796 --> 00:30:43,015
Me as a comic book
hero, like Superman.
792
00:30:43,058 --> 00:30:43,885
Yes, I like it.
793
00:30:43,929 --> 00:30:44,712
- Yes.
794
00:30:44,755 --> 00:30:45,887
Yes.
795
00:30:45,931 --> 00:30:47,236
Only you would be
called Shakespeare Man.
796
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,151
You'd be fighting crime using
797
00:30:49,195 --> 00:30:51,806
the abilities and the powers
of Shakespearean characters.
798
00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:52,894
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
799
00:30:52,938 --> 00:30:53,764
- Do you like it?
800
00:30:53,808 --> 00:30:55,027
- Yes, the magic of the,
801
00:30:55,070 --> 00:30:58,987
and the courage of Henry
V, not to mention Romeo.
802
00:31:00,206 --> 00:31:00,989
- Yes.
803
00:31:01,033 --> 00:31:03,905
[car horn honks]
804
00:31:03,949 --> 00:31:04,775
- I like it.
805
00:31:04,819 --> 00:31:05,602
I like it.
806
00:31:05,646 --> 00:31:06,429
- Really?
807
00:31:06,473 --> 00:31:07,648
- I like you, too.
808
00:31:07,691 --> 00:31:10,216
- I like you, too,
Steffon Stevens.
809
00:31:15,351 --> 00:31:16,135
Steffon?
810
00:31:16,178 --> 00:31:17,092
- Mm-hmm.
811
00:31:17,136 --> 00:31:18,964
- I'm going to make you a star.
812
00:31:19,007 --> 00:31:21,096
[laughs]
813
00:31:23,229 --> 00:31:26,536
I'm ready for my
close-up, Miss DeMille.
814
00:31:29,496 --> 00:31:32,281
[light jazz music]
815
00:31:32,325 --> 00:31:33,108
- [Charlene Voiceover]
A major studio
816
00:31:33,152 --> 00:31:34,544
bought "Shakespeare Man"
817
00:31:34,588 --> 00:31:37,330
and Steffon went off
to England to shoot it.
818
00:31:37,373 --> 00:31:39,680
I saw my first
five-figure check.
819
00:31:39,723 --> 00:31:43,292
I was busy, happy,
productive, and in love,
820
00:31:43,336 --> 00:31:45,120
until I got a phone call from
821
00:31:45,164 --> 00:31:46,556
Steffon telling me he fell in
822
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,558
love with his costar.
823
00:31:48,602 --> 00:31:51,997
I stayed at home nights
playing Internet gambling.
824
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:53,563
But even winning at Galaxy World
825
00:31:53,607 --> 00:31:55,957
didn't do it for me.
826
00:31:56,001 --> 00:31:57,567
Then it hit me.
827
00:31:57,611 --> 00:32:00,962
I needed a real
doctor, not an actor.
828
00:32:01,006 --> 00:32:02,703
I had made a terrible mistake.
829
00:32:02,746 --> 00:32:05,836
[passionate moaning]
830
00:32:15,368 --> 00:32:16,630
[intercom beeping]
831
00:32:16,673 --> 00:32:17,848
- [Woman Over PA] Dr.
Stevens, the princess
832
00:32:17,892 --> 00:32:19,024
and her father are here.
833
00:32:19,067 --> 00:32:21,069
- My daddy's here?
834
00:32:21,113 --> 00:32:22,070
- Look, I'm gonna
have to call you.
835
00:32:22,114 --> 00:32:23,376
- No, don't go.
836
00:32:25,595 --> 00:32:26,553
Please stay.
837
00:32:27,467 --> 00:32:29,295
Leave something with me.
838
00:32:29,338 --> 00:32:30,035
- Leave something?
839
00:32:30,078 --> 00:32:31,471
[laughs]
840
00:32:31,514 --> 00:32:32,341
- Here.
841
00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:34,953
- Oh.
842
00:32:34,996 --> 00:32:35,823
Thank you.
843
00:32:40,349 --> 00:32:43,004
[door clicking]
844
00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:48,140
[singing in foreign language]
845
00:32:48,183 --> 00:32:49,402
- [Steven] Hello, my princess.
846
00:32:49,445 --> 00:32:50,229
How are you?
847
00:32:50,272 --> 00:32:51,186
- Hello, my love.
848
00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:52,405
Can we have a moment of privacy?
849
00:32:52,448 --> 00:32:53,884
- Actually, we have
reservations down
850
00:32:53,928 --> 00:32:55,538
at Matutu's at eight o'clock.
851
00:32:55,582 --> 00:32:58,541
- Oh, but, Steven, you know
my father's always around.
852
00:32:58,585 --> 00:32:59,760
- I know.
853
00:32:59,803 --> 00:33:00,717
I kinda like it
when Dad's around.
854
00:33:00,761 --> 00:33:01,936
It makes things exciting.
855
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,372
Feel like we're
gonna get caught.
856
00:33:03,416 --> 00:33:04,199
Come on.
857
00:33:04,243 --> 00:33:05,766
- Steven.
858
00:33:05,809 --> 00:33:07,724
- You don't want to miss that
voodoo burger now, do you?
859
00:33:07,768 --> 00:33:08,943
Side of melon.
860
00:33:11,337 --> 00:33:15,080
[imitating foreign language]
861
00:33:18,605 --> 00:33:19,736
- [Charlene Voiceover]
This doctor business
862
00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:22,435
was a little trickier
than I thought.
863
00:33:22,478 --> 00:33:25,046
But I wasn't about to
give up on my destiny.
864
00:33:25,090 --> 00:33:28,702
I just needed to
expand my search.
865
00:33:28,745 --> 00:33:31,139
[light muzak]
866
00:33:36,362 --> 00:33:39,495
[rings bell]
867
00:33:39,539 --> 00:33:41,280
- Can I help you?
868
00:33:41,323 --> 00:33:42,629
- Um, yes.
869
00:33:42,672 --> 00:33:44,413
I only want to date doctors who
870
00:33:44,457 --> 00:33:46,502
have a first or a
last name Steven.
871
00:33:46,546 --> 00:33:49,070
So I was wondering if I
might be able to get a price
872
00:33:49,114 --> 00:33:51,029
break on my membership.
873
00:33:52,465 --> 00:33:53,292
- No.
874
00:33:55,076 --> 00:33:56,077
- Oh.
875
00:33:56,121 --> 00:33:57,470
Okay.
876
00:33:57,513 --> 00:34:00,951
Well, um, how about
if you ask your boss?
877
00:34:08,481 --> 00:34:09,308
- No.
878
00:34:11,397 --> 00:34:12,137
- Oh.
879
00:34:12,180 --> 00:34:13,616
Well, that's too bad.
880
00:34:13,660 --> 00:34:17,316
I really had my hopes
up there for a minute.
881
00:34:26,412 --> 00:34:28,109
- [Man Over PA] Charlene Silver!
882
00:34:28,153 --> 00:34:29,632
- What?
883
00:34:29,676 --> 00:34:32,113
- We'd like to present to
you Dr. Steven Stevenson,
884
00:34:32,157 --> 00:34:34,028
the man of your dreams.
885
00:34:35,116 --> 00:34:35,986
- Okay.
886
00:34:36,030 --> 00:34:37,988
[light organ music]
887
00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:39,468
Oh!
888
00:34:39,512 --> 00:34:40,382
Good!
889
00:34:40,426 --> 00:34:41,644
Ha ha!
890
00:34:41,688 --> 00:34:42,515
You're nice.
891
00:34:42,558 --> 00:34:43,342
Very,
892
00:34:43,385 --> 00:34:44,169
Aah!
893
00:34:44,212 --> 00:34:45,692
I'll take all of 'em.
894
00:34:45,735 --> 00:34:46,519
Hmm.
895
00:34:46,562 --> 00:34:47,389
Manly.
896
00:34:48,956 --> 00:34:50,175
Oh, nice!
897
00:34:50,218 --> 00:34:51,176
Oh!
898
00:34:51,219 --> 00:34:52,786
Oh, I want it!
899
00:34:52,829 --> 00:34:53,656
Oh, honey!
900
00:34:56,572 --> 00:34:57,399
Oh!
901
00:35:02,535 --> 00:35:03,492
- Hello.
902
00:35:03,536 --> 00:35:06,626
- Hello, Dr. Steven Stevenson.
903
00:35:06,669 --> 00:35:07,496
- Yes, uh--
904
00:35:07,540 --> 00:35:08,323
- Charlene.
905
00:35:08,367 --> 00:35:09,150
- Charlene.
906
00:35:09,194 --> 00:35:10,151
- Yes.
907
00:35:10,195 --> 00:35:11,283
- So nice to see you.
908
00:35:11,326 --> 00:35:12,545
- Thank you.
909
00:35:12,588 --> 00:35:13,894
- How tall are you?
910
00:35:13,937 --> 00:35:15,765
- Um, I'm five, seven.
911
00:35:17,550 --> 00:35:19,813
- How much do you weigh?
912
00:35:19,856 --> 00:35:21,075
- I don't know.
913
00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:24,209
Why don't you pick
me up and find out?
914
00:35:24,252 --> 00:35:25,123
- It's not that important.
915
00:35:25,166 --> 00:35:25,993
Don't mind me.
916
00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:26,820
Please have a seat.
917
00:35:26,863 --> 00:35:28,474
- All right.
918
00:35:28,517 --> 00:35:29,736
- It's just that most women
919
00:35:29,779 --> 00:35:31,303
who wear long skirts
don't have nice legs.
920
00:35:31,346 --> 00:35:32,173
- Hmm.
921
00:35:32,217 --> 00:35:33,087
Really?
922
00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:34,044
- You see, I'm used to dating
923
00:35:34,088 --> 00:35:36,134
girls who wear short skirts or
924
00:35:36,177 --> 00:35:38,179
dresses if they have nice legs,
925
00:35:38,223 --> 00:35:40,790
or a cut above the
knee if they don't.
926
00:35:40,834 --> 00:35:41,878
- Oh.
927
00:35:41,922 --> 00:35:44,577
Well, how unbelievably
fascinating.
928
00:35:45,795 --> 00:35:48,058
Oh, I'm sorry, did
I accidentally kick,
929
00:35:48,102 --> 00:35:49,582
what?
930
00:35:49,625 --> 00:35:51,497
What, the shoes are no good?
931
00:35:51,540 --> 00:35:52,976
- Well, that depends.
932
00:35:53,020 --> 00:35:53,890
- [Charlene] Uh-huh.
933
00:35:53,934 --> 00:35:56,241
- Do you think sexy is cool?
934
00:36:00,419 --> 00:36:03,161
- Is this a trick question?
935
00:36:03,204 --> 00:36:04,249
- Don't mind me.
936
00:36:04,292 --> 00:36:05,685
I'm just a doctor, you know me.
937
00:36:05,728 --> 00:36:07,426
[laughs]
938
00:36:07,469 --> 00:36:08,731
- That's right.
939
00:36:08,775 --> 00:36:10,690
That's what I keep
reminding myself.
940
00:36:10,733 --> 00:36:12,779
You're just a doctor.
941
00:36:12,822 --> 00:36:15,173
Just a pugilistic, athletic,
942
00:36:15,216 --> 00:36:18,393
motorcycle-riding,
fun-loving doctor.
943
00:36:18,437 --> 00:36:19,873
- What do I know?
944
00:36:21,266 --> 00:36:23,659
- Well, I think it's
time for a drink.
945
00:36:23,703 --> 00:36:24,965
- How about a glass of wine?
946
00:36:25,008 --> 00:36:27,010
- I would love a glass of wine.
947
00:36:27,054 --> 00:36:27,881
- Perfect.
948
00:36:31,537 --> 00:36:33,103
- [Charlene Voiceover]
His message was clear.
949
00:36:33,147 --> 00:36:34,975
I had to completely
change my style
950
00:36:35,018 --> 00:36:36,933
if I wanted to date him.
951
00:36:36,977 --> 00:36:41,111
I was outraged at how
readily I was willing to
952
00:36:41,155 --> 00:36:43,723
transform myself to please him.
953
00:36:46,856 --> 00:36:49,859
[upbeat rock music]
954
00:37:27,332 --> 00:37:28,158
- Charlene?
955
00:37:28,202 --> 00:37:29,856
[retching]
956
00:37:29,899 --> 00:37:30,857
You okay?
957
00:37:30,900 --> 00:37:35,209
[retching]
[coughing]
958
00:37:40,345 --> 00:37:42,303
You want a napkin?
959
00:37:42,347 --> 00:37:44,044
- Thank you.
960
00:37:44,087 --> 00:37:45,915
[coughs]
961
00:37:45,959 --> 00:37:47,874
I think I got nauseous.
962
00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:52,661
You were going around those
turns so fast, I just--
963
00:37:52,705 --> 00:37:53,706
- Charlene, I'm sorry,
964
00:37:53,749 --> 00:37:56,448
but I, I just think that, uh,
965
00:37:56,491 --> 00:37:57,884
this is not gonna
work out with us.
966
00:37:57,927 --> 00:38:00,060
We're just too different.
967
00:38:01,061 --> 00:38:02,584
- Okay.
968
00:38:02,628 --> 00:38:03,716
- Let me take you back home.
969
00:38:03,759 --> 00:38:04,543
Come on.
970
00:38:04,586 --> 00:38:05,370
- No.
971
00:38:05,413 --> 00:38:06,240
You know what?
972
00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:07,067
I think I'll just walk.
973
00:38:07,110 --> 00:38:08,590
It's not that far.
974
00:38:09,765 --> 00:38:10,853
- Charlene, hold on a second.
975
00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:11,680
Come here.
976
00:38:11,724 --> 00:38:13,029
Come here.
977
00:38:13,073 --> 00:38:14,683
Um, let me drive you home
978
00:38:14,727 --> 00:38:16,598
and then we'll break
up later, okay?
979
00:38:16,642 --> 00:38:17,425
- Okay.
980
00:38:17,469 --> 00:38:18,296
- All right?
981
00:38:18,339 --> 00:38:19,122
All right?
982
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:19,949
Come on.
983
00:38:19,993 --> 00:38:20,863
Come on.
984
00:38:20,907 --> 00:38:21,603
- You won't drive too fast?
985
00:38:21,647 --> 00:38:22,517
- No, no, no.
986
00:38:22,561 --> 00:38:24,519
I'll drive too slow, okay?
987
00:38:24,563 --> 00:38:27,261
[starts engine]
988
00:38:37,184 --> 00:38:39,142
- All my children
are nose boogies.
989
00:38:39,186 --> 00:38:40,840
This is the worst
blizzard they ever had
990
00:38:40,883 --> 00:38:42,189
in New York, and, Charlene,
991
00:38:42,232 --> 00:38:43,538
not one of you has called me.
992
00:38:43,582 --> 00:38:46,367
- Mom, Momma, I
can't believe you.
993
00:38:46,411 --> 00:38:47,890
All you do is complain.
994
00:38:47,934 --> 00:38:50,371
Do I call you every time
we have an earthquake?
995
00:38:50,415 --> 00:38:51,416
No.
996
00:38:51,459 --> 00:38:52,373
Okay, so fine.
997
00:38:52,417 --> 00:38:53,374
Your house is cold,
998
00:38:53,418 --> 00:38:54,680
but it's not like it was picked
999
00:38:54,723 --> 00:38:56,638
up and thrown around
like mine was.
1000
00:38:56,682 --> 00:38:57,465
I don't--
1001
00:38:57,509 --> 00:38:58,336
[Blanche sneezing]
1002
00:38:58,379 --> 00:38:59,337
Mom?
1003
00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:01,295
[Blanche sneezing]
1004
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:02,122
Hello, Mom?
1005
00:39:02,165 --> 00:39:03,384
[phone clicking]
1006
00:39:03,428 --> 00:39:04,254
Mom?
1007
00:39:05,430 --> 00:39:07,475
I called my mother
looking for comfort.
1008
00:39:07,519 --> 00:39:09,390
I don't know why
I wasted my time.
1009
00:39:09,434 --> 00:39:12,828
We just got stuck in the
game of dueling disasters.
1010
00:39:12,872 --> 00:39:14,308
Which reminds me of
1011
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,616
my parents' favorite
pastime, dueling ailments.
1012
00:39:17,659 --> 00:39:21,315
- I think I just
snapped my clavicle.
1013
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:25,580
- Blanche, Blanche, my back
is killing me, Blanche.
1014
00:39:26,538 --> 00:39:27,365
- My head.
1015
00:39:28,670 --> 00:39:32,370
It's like two elephants
are mating inside there.
1016
00:39:35,111 --> 00:39:39,202
- Am I the only one who
thinks this room is spinning?
1017
00:39:39,246 --> 00:39:42,728
- Mel, do your fingers
ever feel numb?
1018
00:39:42,771 --> 00:39:44,207
Just the tips?
1019
00:39:44,251 --> 00:39:45,034
- Tingling.
1020
00:39:45,078 --> 00:39:45,861
- Yes.
1021
00:39:45,905 --> 00:39:46,688
- A tingling.
1022
00:39:46,732 --> 00:39:47,515
Like a tingling.
1023
00:39:47,559 --> 00:39:49,778
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1024
00:39:49,822 --> 00:39:52,694
- It's not a stroke, God forbid.
1025
00:39:52,738 --> 00:39:54,783
- I'm so nauseous.
1026
00:39:54,827 --> 00:39:58,308
I'm so nauseous, and
yet I'm still hungry.
1027
00:39:58,352 --> 00:39:59,222
- Hungry.
1028
00:39:59,266 --> 00:40:02,312
- I'm nauseous and I'm hungry.
1029
00:40:02,356 --> 00:40:03,270
- [Charlene] It was around this
1030
00:40:03,313 --> 00:40:04,576
time that I realized I needed
1031
00:40:04,619 --> 00:40:06,795
to get a grip on my life.
1032
00:40:06,839 --> 00:40:08,275
There's more important things
1033
00:40:08,318 --> 00:40:09,972
than trying to marry a doctor
1034
00:40:10,016 --> 00:40:13,933
and please my parents,
like my career.
1035
00:40:13,976 --> 00:40:16,152
I started a new job
writing and producing,
1036
00:40:16,196 --> 00:40:19,417
and I was finally
through with men.
1037
00:40:19,460 --> 00:40:22,420
[upbeat rock music]
1038
00:40:23,638 --> 00:40:26,815
- [Joey] Charlene,
Charlene, Charlene.
1039
00:40:26,859 --> 00:40:28,121
- Hello, Joey.
1040
00:40:28,164 --> 00:40:30,166
- You know, last night,
1041
00:40:30,210 --> 00:40:32,995
I had a dream that
we were lost in
1042
00:40:34,344 --> 00:40:37,870
a desert without anything
to drink or eat--
1043
00:40:40,525 --> 00:40:41,830
- Right.
1044
00:40:41,874 --> 00:40:43,136
- But each other.
1045
00:40:43,179 --> 00:40:47,227
- That's not a dream,
that's a nightmare.
1046
00:40:47,270 --> 00:40:48,184
[slurping]
1047
00:40:48,228 --> 00:40:50,143
- What is that bewitching scent?
1048
00:40:50,186 --> 00:40:51,187
- It's Bengay.
1049
00:40:51,231 --> 00:40:52,014
- Oh.
1050
00:40:52,058 --> 00:40:52,972
Hmm.
1051
00:40:53,015 --> 00:40:53,668
- You know something, Joey?
1052
00:40:53,712 --> 00:40:54,800
- Yeah?
1053
00:40:54,843 --> 00:40:56,758
- Not all women are susceptible
1054
00:40:56,802 --> 00:40:59,021
to a gorgeous guy with a great
1055
00:40:59,065 --> 00:41:02,460
body such as yourself
and no personality.
1056
00:41:05,854 --> 00:41:07,508
Honey, the stone age is over.
1057
00:41:07,552 --> 00:41:08,944
This is the '90s.
1058
00:41:08,988 --> 00:41:09,989
Get with it.
1059
00:41:12,905 --> 00:41:15,734
[door clicking]
1060
00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:16,604
[sighs]
1061
00:41:16,648 --> 00:41:17,475
- Women.
1062
00:41:18,606 --> 00:41:19,477
Oh!
1063
00:41:20,782 --> 00:41:22,697
[door clicking]
1064
00:41:22,741 --> 00:41:25,787
[passionate moaning]
1065
00:41:28,181 --> 00:41:29,095
- Charlene?
1066
00:41:30,357 --> 00:41:32,402
Charlene, I need to
speak to you at once.
1067
00:41:32,446 --> 00:41:35,449
- [Charlene] Hold on one second.
1068
00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:36,450
I'll be right out.
1069
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:37,407
- Hurry.
1070
00:41:37,451 --> 00:41:39,105
This is an emergen--
1071
00:41:40,759 --> 00:41:42,195
- I'm terribly sorry, Jane.
1072
00:41:42,238 --> 00:41:44,284
I was right in the
middle of something.
1073
00:41:44,327 --> 00:41:46,547
[door rattles]
1074
00:41:46,591 --> 00:41:48,549
- Listen, you've got to get
now and do this trailer.
1075
00:41:48,593 --> 00:41:49,724
It's not even scary.
1076
00:41:49,768 --> 00:41:51,247
It doesn't work.
1077
00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:54,076
You've gotta put shots, the
sponsors are very upset.
1078
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:54,903
- Okay.
1079
00:41:54,947 --> 00:41:56,426
- I don't like it.
1080
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:57,906
You gotta have a lot of
helpless women, brutality.
1081
00:41:57,950 --> 00:41:59,125
- I'll get right on it.
1082
00:41:59,168 --> 00:42:01,649
- Do we have any
shots of animals?
1083
00:42:04,130 --> 00:42:04,957
Excuse me.
1084
00:42:06,611 --> 00:42:07,960
- No, excuse me.
1085
00:42:08,003 --> 00:42:08,917
Um, thanks.
1086
00:42:12,921 --> 00:42:14,575
- Thank you, Johnny.
1087
00:42:15,620 --> 00:42:18,144
He, uh, he was fixing my modem.
1088
00:42:19,667 --> 00:42:21,103
He's really fast.
1089
00:42:21,974 --> 00:42:23,453
[laughs nervously]
1090
00:42:23,497 --> 00:42:24,280
- Three minutes!
1091
00:42:24,324 --> 00:42:25,107
- Okay.
1092
00:42:25,151 --> 00:42:25,978
- Now.
1093
00:42:26,021 --> 00:42:27,501
- Yes, sir, ma'am.
1094
00:42:29,590 --> 00:42:31,679
[sighing]
1095
00:42:35,509 --> 00:42:38,512
[explosion booming]
1096
00:42:42,647 --> 00:42:43,604
Okay.
1097
00:42:43,648 --> 00:42:45,737
All right, um, Dick.
1098
00:42:45,780 --> 00:42:47,173
I don't know the technical term
1099
00:42:47,216 --> 00:42:48,783
for what I want next, but I'll
1100
00:42:48,827 --> 00:42:50,655
just tell you what
I see in my head,
1101
00:42:50,698 --> 00:42:54,659
and then you can tell me
if you can handle it, okay?
1102
00:42:54,702 --> 00:42:56,704
- Are you sure you
know what you're doing?
1103
00:42:56,748 --> 00:42:58,227
- [Charlene] Excuse me?
1104
00:42:58,271 --> 00:43:00,490
- No, I, no offense, but,
I mean, other producers,
1105
00:43:00,534 --> 00:43:01,491
they don't work like this.
1106
00:43:01,535 --> 00:43:02,754
I mean, they got notes.
1107
00:43:02,797 --> 00:43:03,929
They know what frame
they want to go to.
1108
00:43:03,972 --> 00:43:04,756
- [Charlene] Right.
1109
00:43:04,799 --> 00:43:05,670
Well, um--
1110
00:43:05,713 --> 00:43:06,627
- What am I supposed to do,
1111
00:43:06,671 --> 00:43:07,454
go back through the whole thing?
1112
00:43:07,497 --> 00:43:09,151
- Look, Richard, Dick,
1113
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:11,676
I can understand what you are
1114
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:13,068
saying about other producers,
1115
00:43:13,112 --> 00:43:14,592
but all producers are different.
1116
00:43:14,635 --> 00:43:16,506
I work a particular way.
1117
00:43:16,550 --> 00:43:18,987
For example, a lot of Richards
1118
00:43:19,031 --> 00:43:20,641
don't like to be called Dick,
1119
00:43:20,685 --> 00:43:21,990
but I can understand where
1120
00:43:22,034 --> 00:43:23,383
you're coming from,
'cause you see,
1121
00:43:23,426 --> 00:43:26,473
if you know you're a
Dick right off the bat,
1122
00:43:26,516 --> 00:43:29,476
why wait for other
people to find out?
1123
00:43:29,519 --> 00:43:31,783
- What's wrong with Dick?
1124
00:43:31,826 --> 00:43:33,959
All the men in my
family are Dicks.
1125
00:43:34,002 --> 00:43:35,003
- Oh, my God.
1126
00:43:35,047 --> 00:43:35,874
Really?
1127
00:43:35,917 --> 00:43:36,831
[assistant laughs]
1128
00:43:36,875 --> 00:43:37,789
- Oh, that's funny.
1129
00:43:37,832 --> 00:43:40,661
You're, you're really helping.
1130
00:43:40,705 --> 00:43:42,532
Don't encourage her.
1131
00:43:42,576 --> 00:43:43,359
Yeah.
1132
00:43:43,403 --> 00:43:44,447
Calling me names.
1133
00:43:44,491 --> 00:43:45,666
Calling me names.
1134
00:43:45,710 --> 00:43:47,015
Yeah, I never heard
Dick jokes before.
1135
00:43:47,059 --> 00:43:48,538
Wow, what a revelation.
1136
00:43:48,582 --> 00:43:49,844
I missed junior high school.
1137
00:43:49,888 --> 00:43:50,845
Why don't you get some talent?
1138
00:43:50,889 --> 00:43:51,846
Why don't you try that,
1139
00:43:51,890 --> 00:43:53,413
Miss New York prodigy?
1140
00:43:53,456 --> 00:43:54,762
If I said the same thing to you,
1141
00:43:54,806 --> 00:43:55,894
I'd end up in a court somewhere.
1142
00:43:55,937 --> 00:43:56,721
You know why?
1143
00:43:56,764 --> 00:43:57,591
- [Charlene] Why?
1144
00:43:57,635 --> 00:43:58,418
- Okay, fine.
1145
00:43:58,461 --> 00:43:59,375
Fine.
1146
00:43:59,419 --> 00:44:00,072
You just crossed the line.
1147
00:44:00,115 --> 00:44:01,029
- Which line?
1148
00:44:01,073 --> 00:44:01,813
- [Dick] You crossed that line.
1149
00:44:01,856 --> 00:44:02,596
- This line here?
1150
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,119
- That's right.
1151
00:44:04,163 --> 00:44:05,207
It's called harassment, lady,
and you're gonna get it.
1152
00:44:05,251 --> 00:44:06,382
You're gonna get it right now.
1153
00:44:06,426 --> 00:44:07,688
You can't cross that line.
1154
00:44:07,732 --> 00:44:08,994
Dick is a proud name.
1155
00:44:09,037 --> 00:44:11,561
It's a strong name, and
I am proud to be a Dick.
1156
00:44:11,605 --> 00:44:12,388
- Oh, good.
1157
00:44:12,432 --> 00:44:13,215
- That's right.
1158
00:44:13,259 --> 00:44:14,173
Now.
1159
00:44:14,216 --> 00:44:14,956
You're gonna get it right now.
1160
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:15,696
- Run, Dick, run,
1161
00:44:15,740 --> 00:44:16,566
Run to Jane.
1162
00:44:16,610 --> 00:44:17,437
- Oh, that's clever.
1163
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:18,394
"Run, Dick, run."
1164
00:44:18,438 --> 00:44:19,700
Yeah, I'll tell her about that.
1165
00:44:19,744 --> 00:44:20,658
Kiss me, baby!
1166
00:44:20,701 --> 00:44:21,528
Kiss me!
1167
00:44:21,571 --> 00:44:22,398
Get it, Dick?
1168
00:44:22,442 --> 00:44:23,225
Kiss me, Dick?
1169
00:44:23,269 --> 00:44:24,139
- I don't think so.
1170
00:44:24,183 --> 00:44:24,966
I think that's a job for Jane.
1171
00:44:25,010 --> 00:44:26,359
- Oh, it's Jane's job?
1172
00:44:26,402 --> 00:44:27,577
It's Jane's job?
1173
00:44:27,621 --> 00:44:28,622
I'm sure she'll be very
happy to hear that.
1174
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:29,579
Jane's job.
1175
00:44:29,623 --> 00:44:30,493
And you shut the hell up.
1176
00:44:30,537 --> 00:44:32,060
I don't want to hear from you.
1177
00:44:32,104 --> 00:44:34,454
You know what, baby, this
ain't my first barbecue.
1178
00:44:34,497 --> 00:44:35,716
- Okay.
1179
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,065
All right, bye.
1180
00:44:37,109 --> 00:44:39,328
[assistant laughs]
1181
00:44:39,372 --> 00:44:40,242
- Jane?
1182
00:44:40,286 --> 00:44:41,722
Uh, yeah, look out.
1183
00:44:41,766 --> 00:44:44,203
Charging Dick
coming right at you.
1184
00:44:44,246 --> 00:44:47,075
[pounding on door]
1185
00:44:47,119 --> 00:44:50,339
- That producer
has got some balls!
1186
00:44:50,383 --> 00:44:52,820
- Did somebody say balls?
1187
00:44:52,864 --> 00:44:54,866
- Dear God, what have I said?
1188
00:44:54,909 --> 00:44:55,736
No, no.
1189
00:44:55,780 --> 00:44:56,563
No, no.
1190
00:44:56,606 --> 00:44:57,477
Jane, Jane,
1191
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:00,523
there is no reason to disrobe.
1192
00:45:00,567 --> 00:45:02,090
Oh, God!
1193
00:45:02,134 --> 00:45:02,961
Oh, God!
1194
00:45:04,310 --> 00:45:05,833
I could come back another time
1195
00:45:05,877 --> 00:45:07,617
when you're not
so large-breasted.
1196
00:45:07,661 --> 00:45:09,663
We can talk another time.
1197
00:45:09,707 --> 00:45:10,490
Remember my heart.
1198
00:45:10,533 --> 00:45:11,447
- Dick, shh.
1199
00:45:11,491 --> 00:45:13,449
- [Dick] Is that a new blouse?
1200
00:45:13,493 --> 00:45:14,886
- It can be, Dick.
1201
00:45:14,929 --> 00:45:15,800
- [Dick] No.
1202
00:45:15,843 --> 00:45:17,366
- [Jane] It can be, Dick.
1203
00:45:17,410 --> 00:45:17,889
- No, no, we're not doing
the animal kingdom thing.
1204
00:45:17,932 --> 00:45:18,628
- Yes.
1205
00:45:18,672 --> 00:45:19,760
- No.
1206
00:45:19,804 --> 00:45:20,979
I cannot do the
animal kingdom thing.
1207
00:45:21,022 --> 00:45:21,806
- Meow.
1208
00:45:21,849 --> 00:45:22,676
- No.
1209
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:23,677
- Meow.
1210
00:45:23,721 --> 00:45:24,678
- Don't make me do it.
1211
00:45:24,722 --> 00:45:25,592
You're scaring me.
1212
00:45:25,635 --> 00:45:26,419
- Big kitty.
1213
00:45:26,462 --> 00:45:27,725
- You're gonna hurt me.
1214
00:45:27,768 --> 00:45:28,551
- Meow.
1215
00:45:28,595 --> 00:45:29,727
[howls]
1216
00:45:29,770 --> 00:45:31,032
[howls]
1217
00:45:31,076 --> 00:45:34,166
[both howling]
1218
00:45:34,209 --> 00:45:35,036
[barks]
1219
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,169
[growls]
1220
00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:40,563
[trumpets]
1221
00:45:41,695 --> 00:45:42,783
- Act like a monkey!
1222
00:45:42,827 --> 00:45:43,653
Act like a monkey!
1223
00:45:43,697 --> 00:45:45,525
[screeching]
1224
00:45:45,568 --> 00:45:46,395
Oh!
1225
00:45:49,834 --> 00:45:50,660
Oh!
1226
00:45:52,619 --> 00:45:55,317
- I'm gonna ride you
like a stallion, baby!
1227
00:45:55,361 --> 00:45:56,579
Give it to me!
1228
00:45:56,623 --> 00:45:57,450
Mmm!
1229
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:01,236
- [Charlene] Because
of my childhood,
1230
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,803
I'm never surprised
when hating me
1231
00:46:02,847 --> 00:46:05,153
brings two people together.
1232
00:46:05,197 --> 00:46:07,503
[shouting]
1233
00:46:16,512 --> 00:46:18,776
You wanted to see me, Jane?
1234
00:46:19,733 --> 00:46:21,039
- Charlene, you're fired.
1235
00:46:21,082 --> 00:46:21,866
- [Charlene] What?
1236
00:46:21,909 --> 00:46:23,215
- Yes.
1237
00:46:23,258 --> 00:46:25,130
You've pushed
everybody's buttons here,
1238
00:46:25,173 --> 00:46:27,001
including Dick's, who's been
1239
00:46:27,045 --> 00:46:29,830
pushing mine just minutes ago.
1240
00:46:29,874 --> 00:46:30,570
- [Charlene] Dick's been--
1241
00:46:30,613 --> 00:46:32,224
- Dick!
1242
00:46:32,267 --> 00:46:33,355
- [Charlene] Oh, my God.
1243
00:46:33,399 --> 00:46:35,183
- Yes, ma'am?
1244
00:46:35,227 --> 00:46:36,402
How you doing?
1245
00:46:36,445 --> 00:46:37,664
- [Charlene] Better
than you, I guess.
1246
00:46:37,707 --> 00:46:38,839
- Do you realize
what you've done?
1247
00:46:38,883 --> 00:46:39,840
- [Charlene] No,
what have I done?
1248
00:46:39,884 --> 00:46:41,189
- Do you know what you've done?
1249
00:46:41,233 --> 00:46:43,365
You have driven a perfectly
sane woman insane!
1250
00:46:43,409 --> 00:46:44,236
- Excuse me?
1251
00:46:44,279 --> 00:46:45,237
Perfectly sane?
1252
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:46,542
You sleeping with a moron like
1253
00:46:46,586 --> 00:46:48,806
that Dick and you call
yourself perfectly sane?
1254
00:46:48,849 --> 00:46:50,024
- You're fired!
1255
00:46:50,068 --> 00:46:50,851
- [Charlene] All right, fine!
1256
00:46:50,895 --> 00:46:51,721
I'm happy to go!
1257
00:46:51,765 --> 00:46:52,548
- Out!
1258
00:46:52,592 --> 00:46:53,375
- [Charlene] All right!
1259
00:46:53,419 --> 00:46:54,202
I'm leaving!
1260
00:46:54,246 --> 00:46:55,029
- Now!
1261
00:46:55,073 --> 00:46:55,856
- All right.
1262
00:46:55,900 --> 00:46:56,726
Okay, fine.
1263
00:46:56,770 --> 00:46:57,553
- Now!
1264
00:46:57,597 --> 00:46:58,511
- Oh, my God.
1265
00:46:58,554 --> 00:46:59,207
All right, fine, fine, fine.
1266
00:46:59,251 --> 00:47:00,034
I'm out of here.
1267
00:47:00,078 --> 00:47:01,644
- Pull up that dress!
1268
00:47:01,688 --> 00:47:04,604
[light jazz music]
1269
00:47:10,610 --> 00:47:12,612
[sighs]
1270
00:47:13,526 --> 00:47:14,483
- [Charlene] I'm
just not cut out
1271
00:47:14,527 --> 00:47:16,007
to work in an office.
1272
00:47:16,050 --> 00:47:18,661
But everything always
works out for the best.
1273
00:47:18,705 --> 00:47:22,752
I sold a TV pilot called "Dick
and Jane's Wild Kingdom."
1274
00:47:22,796 --> 00:47:26,234
I made enough money for a
down payment on my new home.
1275
00:47:26,278 --> 00:47:27,670
Hello, Hollywood.
1276
00:47:35,026 --> 00:47:37,942
[car horn honking]
1277
00:47:39,117 --> 00:47:41,510
Hey, dude, we heard
you the first time!
1278
00:47:41,554 --> 00:47:42,424
- [Steven] It's broken!
1279
00:47:42,468 --> 00:47:43,948
- [Charlene] What?
1280
00:47:45,645 --> 00:47:47,255
- [Steven] It's broken!
1281
00:47:47,299 --> 00:47:49,257
- [Charlene] Well, can
you do something about it?
1282
00:47:49,301 --> 00:47:52,434
[horn honking]
1283
00:47:52,478 --> 00:47:54,088
- I rent the house
next to yours.
1284
00:47:54,132 --> 00:47:54,915
- Oh, really?
1285
00:47:54,959 --> 00:47:56,221
That's interesting.
1286
00:47:56,264 --> 00:47:57,439
Shut that off.
1287
00:47:59,746 --> 00:48:00,703
Oh.
1288
00:48:00,747 --> 00:48:03,141
[laughs]
1289
00:48:03,184 --> 00:48:04,446
You're good with your hands.
1290
00:48:04,490 --> 00:48:06,318
- Oh, thanks.
1291
00:48:06,361 --> 00:48:08,276
My name's Steven Binder.
1292
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:09,103
- Hi.
1293
00:48:09,147 --> 00:48:09,930
I'm Charlene.
1294
00:48:09,974 --> 00:48:10,844
Charlene Silver.
1295
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,324
I'm just moving in here.
1296
00:48:12,367 --> 00:48:13,368
I just bought this house.
1297
00:48:13,412 --> 00:48:14,239
- That's great.
1298
00:48:14,282 --> 00:48:15,544
That's great.
1299
00:48:15,588 --> 00:48:17,111
- You may, uh, you may hear
1300
00:48:17,155 --> 00:48:19,548
me rehearsing at night
with my band, Medicine Man.
1301
00:48:19,592 --> 00:48:20,375
- Oh, really?
1302
00:48:20,419 --> 00:48:21,202
You have a band?
1303
00:48:21,246 --> 00:48:22,029
- Yeah.
1304
00:48:22,073 --> 00:48:22,900
I'm the lead singer.
1305
00:48:22,943 --> 00:48:23,726
- Really?
1306
00:48:23,770 --> 00:48:24,640
- Yeah.
1307
00:48:24,684 --> 00:48:25,859
- [Charlene] Wait a minute.
1308
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:27,208
What did you say
your name was again?
1309
00:48:27,252 --> 00:48:28,818
- Steven.
1310
00:48:28,862 --> 00:48:30,864
- [Charlene] And your band
is called Medicine Man?
1311
00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:31,952
- Yeah.
1312
00:48:31,996 --> 00:48:33,214
- [Charlene] I had no intention
1313
00:48:33,258 --> 00:48:34,737
of going back on my Steven hunt,
1314
00:48:34,781 --> 00:48:37,218
but, hey, the guy showed
up right at my front door,
1315
00:48:37,262 --> 00:48:39,699
delivered to me like a pizza.
1316
00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:42,528
You can't ignore fate.
1317
00:48:43,616 --> 00:48:44,922
- We're on fire!
1318
00:48:56,237 --> 00:48:57,760
- You're pregnant.
1319
00:48:58,805 --> 00:49:00,372
- Oh, my God!
1320
00:49:00,415 --> 00:49:01,416
I don't believe it!
1321
00:49:01,460 --> 00:49:02,548
I'm pregnant?
1322
00:49:02,591 --> 00:49:03,897
- You're pregnant.
1323
00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:06,334
- I have to call my mom.
1324
00:49:06,378 --> 00:49:08,510
- That's my private line.
1325
00:49:08,554 --> 00:49:09,555
- Oh, I'm sorry.
1326
00:49:09,598 --> 00:49:11,557
Do you have a pay phone?
1327
00:49:13,037 --> 00:49:13,863
Purse!
1328
00:49:13,907 --> 00:49:16,040
[laughing]
1329
00:49:17,519 --> 00:49:20,348
[telephone rings]
1330
00:49:20,392 --> 00:49:21,219
- Hello.
1331
00:49:21,262 --> 00:49:22,220
- Mom?
1332
00:49:22,263 --> 00:49:23,047
Dad?
1333
00:49:23,090 --> 00:49:24,309
It's Charlene.
1334
00:49:24,352 --> 00:49:26,354
- Mel, it's Charlene!
1335
00:49:26,398 --> 00:49:27,834
Hello, sweetheart.
1336
00:49:27,877 --> 00:49:29,096
- Remember when I told you this
1337
00:49:29,140 --> 00:49:30,837
was a friendly neighborhood?
1338
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:31,969
I'm pregnant!
1339
00:49:33,231 --> 00:49:34,014
- Pregnant?
1340
00:49:34,058 --> 00:49:34,884
- Yes.
1341
00:49:34,928 --> 00:49:35,711
Yes.
1342
00:49:35,755 --> 00:49:36,538
- [Both] Pregnant?
1343
00:49:36,582 --> 00:49:37,365
- Yes!
1344
00:49:37,409 --> 00:49:38,410
I'm pregnant!
1345
00:49:38,453 --> 00:49:39,889
It was the guy next door.
1346
00:49:39,933 --> 00:49:41,065
- Well!
1347
00:49:41,108 --> 00:49:43,502
Isn't that a wonderful
housewarming gift!
1348
00:49:43,545 --> 00:49:44,590
- He's a loser!
1349
00:49:44,633 --> 00:49:45,895
Lose him!
1350
00:49:45,939 --> 00:49:47,854
- Dad, Dad, he is not a loser.
1351
00:49:47,897 --> 00:49:51,771
He's the Doctor Steven the
psychic was talking about.
1352
00:49:51,814 --> 00:49:52,902
- [Both] A doctor?
1353
00:49:52,946 --> 00:49:53,729
- Yes.
1354
00:49:53,773 --> 00:49:54,556
- Mel!
1355
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:55,905
- A doctor?
1356
00:49:55,949 --> 00:49:57,255
- D-o-c-t-o-r.
1357
00:49:57,298 --> 00:49:58,256
- A doctor!
1358
00:49:58,299 --> 00:50:01,346
[both cheering]
1359
00:50:01,389 --> 00:50:02,477
♪ You made me love you
1360
00:50:02,521 --> 00:50:03,609
- Mom?
1361
00:50:03,652 --> 00:50:05,915
♪ I didn't wanna do it
1362
00:50:05,959 --> 00:50:08,222
♪ I didn't wanna do it
1363
00:50:08,266 --> 00:50:09,049
- Okay.
1364
00:50:09,093 --> 00:50:11,486
♪ You made me want you
1365
00:50:11,530 --> 00:50:14,141
♪ And all the time you knew it
1366
00:50:14,185 --> 00:50:16,056
♪ I guess you always knew it
1367
00:50:16,100 --> 00:50:16,926
- Mom?
1368
00:50:16,970 --> 00:50:18,406
♪ You made me happy
1369
00:50:18,450 --> 00:50:19,581
♪ Sometimes
1370
00:50:19,625 --> 00:50:22,149
♪ And made me sad
1371
00:50:22,193 --> 00:50:25,152
♪ But there were times, Mel
1372
00:50:25,196 --> 00:50:26,893
♪ When you made me feel
1373
00:50:26,936 --> 00:50:27,894
♪ So bad
1374
00:50:27,937 --> 00:50:29,287
Boom, boom, boom.
1375
00:50:31,724 --> 00:50:32,986
- I'm pregnant!
1376
00:50:34,292 --> 00:50:36,598
[laughs]
1377
00:50:36,642 --> 00:50:37,425
- Pregnant?
1378
00:50:37,469 --> 00:50:38,774
- Yes, I'm pregnant.
1379
00:50:38,818 --> 00:50:40,124
[laughs]
1380
00:50:40,167 --> 00:50:41,951
I don't know with
what, but it's yours.
1381
00:50:41,995 --> 00:50:44,041
[laughs]
1382
00:50:53,528 --> 00:50:57,097
♪ Sex hex
1383
00:50:57,141 --> 00:51:01,971
♪ Seed breeds
1384
00:51:02,015 --> 00:51:03,538
♪ All I was doing
1385
00:51:03,582 --> 00:51:08,587
♪ Was meeting my needs
1386
00:51:09,588 --> 00:51:13,766
♪ Sperm yolk
1387
00:51:13,809 --> 00:51:15,985
♪ Next time I'll think
1388
00:51:16,029 --> 00:51:18,684
♪ Before I poke
1389
00:51:21,861 --> 00:51:24,342
[dog barking]
1390
00:51:28,868 --> 00:51:32,132
[upbeat rock music]
1391
00:51:32,176 --> 00:51:33,612
♪ New father
1392
00:51:33,655 --> 00:51:35,222
♪ Oh yeah
1393
00:51:35,266 --> 00:51:37,006
♪ I found you
1394
00:51:37,050 --> 00:51:39,139
♪ Love like I want
1395
00:51:39,183 --> 00:51:40,314
♪ Oh yeah
1396
00:51:40,358 --> 00:51:41,707
♪ Oh yeah
1397
00:51:41,750 --> 00:51:42,969
♪ It's going
1398
00:51:43,012 --> 00:51:45,711
♪ Like I knew you would
1399
00:51:45,754 --> 00:51:46,538
♪ All
1400
00:51:46,581 --> 00:51:47,713
♪ You all
1401
00:51:47,756 --> 00:51:49,541
♪ Oh
1402
00:51:49,584 --> 00:51:51,804
♪ Isn't that the way
1403
00:51:51,847 --> 00:51:53,545
♪ I'll take the right
1404
00:51:53,588 --> 00:51:55,155
♪ Not too bad
1405
00:51:55,199 --> 00:51:56,461
♪ Grab the shift
1406
00:51:56,504 --> 00:52:01,509
♪ Like everything
1407
00:52:03,381 --> 00:52:06,297
♪ I need your love
1408
00:52:08,473 --> 00:52:09,996
Charlene?
1409
00:52:10,039 --> 00:52:11,128
Are you okay?
1410
00:52:13,347 --> 00:52:14,522
What happened?
1411
00:52:15,567 --> 00:52:19,397
[light acoustic guitar music]
1412
00:52:20,572 --> 00:52:22,530
♪ We'll try again
1413
00:52:22,574 --> 00:52:23,488
- Okay.
1414
00:52:23,531 --> 00:52:25,229
♪ Don't you cry, my friend
1415
00:52:25,272 --> 00:52:27,144
- [Charlene] Okay.
1416
00:52:27,187 --> 00:52:29,189
♪ And we won't quit
1417
00:52:29,233 --> 00:52:34,151
♪ Till we get it right
1418
00:52:34,803 --> 00:52:36,631
♪ Mm mm
1419
00:52:36,675 --> 00:52:40,635
♪ Mm mm mm mm mm
1420
00:52:40,679 --> 00:52:45,640
♪ Mm mm mm mmm mmm
1421
00:52:45,684 --> 00:52:47,903
♪ Mm mm
1422
00:52:47,947 --> 00:52:51,211
♪ Mm mm mm
1423
00:52:51,255 --> 00:52:53,779
♪ Mmm mmm mmm
1424
00:52:58,479 --> 00:53:01,961
[telephone rings]
1425
00:53:02,004 --> 00:53:03,658
I'll get it.
1426
00:53:03,702 --> 00:53:05,182
- Probably my mom.
1427
00:53:06,531 --> 00:53:07,923
- [Steven] Hello.
1428
00:53:07,967 --> 00:53:10,230
- It's my mom, isn't it?
1429
00:53:10,274 --> 00:53:11,275
- Yeah, well, it's been a month
1430
00:53:11,318 --> 00:53:12,580
since the miscarriage,
1431
00:53:12,624 --> 00:53:14,713
but I still think she
thinks she's pregnant.
1432
00:53:14,756 --> 00:53:17,237
- Hey, are you talking about me?
1433
00:53:17,281 --> 00:53:18,717
- She's gonna die of
cholesterol overdose,
1434
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:19,674
let me tell you.
1435
00:53:19,718 --> 00:53:21,198
- I'm eating for two.
1436
00:53:21,241 --> 00:53:22,199
- Disgusting.
1437
00:53:22,242 --> 00:53:23,025
You should see this.
1438
00:53:23,069 --> 00:53:24,244
- You're disgusting.
1439
00:53:24,288 --> 00:53:25,202
- [Steven] No,
you're disgusting.
1440
00:53:25,245 --> 00:53:26,377
- You're disgusting!
1441
00:53:26,420 --> 00:53:27,204
- [Steven] No,
you're disgusting!
1442
00:53:27,247 --> 00:53:29,075
And I paid for it, too!
1443
00:53:29,118 --> 00:53:32,861
[light acoustic guitar music]
1444
00:53:33,775 --> 00:53:34,863
- Oh, Steven?
1445
00:53:36,517 --> 00:53:38,171
It's planting time.
1446
00:53:40,739 --> 00:53:42,480
- Oh, what a turn-on.
1447
00:53:43,698 --> 00:53:47,180
"Steven, it's time
to attack the egg.
1448
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:49,138
"Time to do the seed deed.
1449
00:53:49,182 --> 00:53:51,576
"Rush hour in the love canal.
1450
00:53:51,619 --> 00:53:53,273
"Scrum around the ovum.
1451
00:53:53,317 --> 00:53:56,058
"Bring on the sperminator."
1452
00:53:56,102 --> 00:53:59,279
That's what sex has
become with you.
1453
00:53:59,323 --> 00:54:00,149
- Really?
1454
00:54:01,542 --> 00:54:05,807
- Now what do you have
to say for yourself?
1455
00:54:05,851 --> 00:54:06,895
- Please?
1456
00:54:06,939 --> 00:54:08,941
I'll give you a blowjob.
1457
00:54:23,825 --> 00:54:26,263
- You're pregnant with twins.
1458
00:54:28,526 --> 00:54:29,353
- Oh.
1459
00:54:30,658 --> 00:54:34,358
I'm so happy, I feel
like I wanna cry.
1460
00:54:34,401 --> 00:54:35,707
I am gonna cry.
1461
00:54:40,886 --> 00:54:42,279
- You're pregnant, aren't you?
1462
00:54:42,322 --> 00:54:43,454
- I'm twice as pregnant!
1463
00:54:43,497 --> 00:54:44,846
It's twins!
1464
00:54:44,890 --> 00:54:46,979
[laughs]
1465
00:54:58,904 --> 00:54:59,687
♪ We lost one
1466
00:54:59,731 --> 00:55:02,168
♪ Now we got two
1467
00:55:02,211 --> 00:55:03,343
♪ Girl, I gave some
1468
00:55:03,387 --> 00:55:05,084
♪ Super sperm to you
1469
00:55:05,127 --> 00:55:05,911
[laughing]
1470
00:55:05,954 --> 00:55:07,782
♪ So you better
1471
00:55:07,826 --> 00:55:12,831
♪ Treat your man super, too
1472
00:55:13,745 --> 00:55:14,702
♪ Even though your skin
1473
00:55:14,746 --> 00:55:16,835
♪ Felt clammy
1474
00:55:16,878 --> 00:55:19,011
♪ I gave you a double whammy
1475
00:55:19,054 --> 00:55:21,840
♪ Of sperm with love
1476
00:55:21,883 --> 00:55:26,627
♪ From me to you
1477
00:55:26,671 --> 00:55:29,064
♪ We lost one, now we got two
1478
00:55:29,108 --> 00:55:29,891
♪ We got two
1479
00:55:29,935 --> 00:55:30,979
♪ Girl, I gave some
1480
00:55:31,023 --> 00:55:33,068
♪ Super sperm to you
1481
00:55:33,112 --> 00:55:34,374
♪ So you better
1482
00:55:34,418 --> 00:55:39,423
♪ Treat your man super, too
1483
00:55:40,380 --> 00:55:41,338
♪ Even though your skin
1484
00:55:41,381 --> 00:55:43,122
♪ Felt clammy
1485
00:55:43,165 --> 00:55:46,081
♪ I gave you a double whammy
1486
00:55:46,125 --> 00:55:48,257
♪ Of sperm with love
1487
00:55:48,301 --> 00:55:51,086
♪ From me to you
1488
00:55:53,306 --> 00:55:55,830
[scat singing]
1489
00:56:02,446 --> 00:56:03,751
Charlene,
1490
00:56:03,795 --> 00:56:06,014
I can't take it anymore!
1491
00:56:06,058 --> 00:56:08,930
You married a man, not a maid.
1492
00:56:08,974 --> 00:56:10,105
I could understand if you were
1493
00:56:10,149 --> 00:56:11,193
a bit more appreciative,
1494
00:56:11,237 --> 00:56:12,543
but all you ever do is give me
1495
00:56:12,586 --> 00:56:14,196
blowjobs since
you've been pregnant
1496
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:16,068
and you never swallow!
1497
00:56:17,722 --> 00:56:20,420
- I told you, I'm allergic.
1498
00:56:20,464 --> 00:56:23,162
[yelling gibberish]
1499
00:56:23,205 --> 00:56:24,598
- [Charlene] Fear of another
1500
00:56:24,642 --> 00:56:27,427
miscarriage kept me on
the couch for nine months.
1501
00:56:27,471 --> 00:56:28,297
It drove Steven over the edge.
1502
00:56:28,341 --> 00:56:30,169
[telephone rings]
1503
00:56:30,212 --> 00:56:33,477
[Steven screaming]
1504
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:34,913
- Hello?
1505
00:56:34,956 --> 00:56:38,438
Um, he's in the middle
of something right now.
1506
00:56:38,482 --> 00:56:39,352
Can I help?
1507
00:56:40,527 --> 00:56:41,789
Yeah, I'll see if
he can break away.
1508
00:56:41,833 --> 00:56:42,616
Hold on.
1509
00:56:42,660 --> 00:56:43,487
Steven?
1510
00:56:44,488 --> 00:56:45,706
Steven, it's your agent.
1511
00:56:45,750 --> 00:56:46,664
It's Monty.
1512
00:56:47,752 --> 00:56:48,535
Monty.
1513
00:56:48,579 --> 00:56:50,363
It's your agent.
1514
00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:54,411
I think maybe he has a
job for you or something.
1515
00:56:56,587 --> 00:56:57,414
- Hello?
1516
00:57:07,032 --> 00:57:08,729
It's over, Charlene.
1517
00:57:08,773 --> 00:57:10,252
I'm glad my super double whammy
1518
00:57:10,296 --> 00:57:12,907
is helping you fulfill
your life's dream.
1519
00:57:12,951 --> 00:57:15,170
Now it's my turn to go
out and fulfill mine.
1520
00:57:15,214 --> 00:57:16,041
Good-bye.
1521
00:57:18,043 --> 00:57:19,261
- Steven, wait.
1522
00:57:25,224 --> 00:57:27,444
[grunting]
1523
00:57:33,711 --> 00:57:35,190
- Ready to meet your kids?
1524
00:57:35,234 --> 00:57:36,017
- Yeah.
1525
00:57:36,061 --> 00:57:36,888
Okay.
1526
00:57:37,715 --> 00:57:38,759
Oh, Dr. Ruth?
1527
00:57:38,803 --> 00:57:39,891
Dr. Ruth?
1528
00:57:39,934 --> 00:57:41,196
- Yes?
1529
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:42,371
- I have an idea.
1530
00:57:42,415 --> 00:57:44,156
Why don't we just skip
1531
00:57:44,199 --> 00:57:45,679
the C-section altogether
1532
00:57:45,723 --> 00:57:48,726
and we can pull them
directly out of my mouth?
1533
00:57:48,769 --> 00:57:51,511
That's my largest
orifice anyway.
1534
00:57:51,555 --> 00:57:52,512
- [Doctor] It's okay, Charlene.
1535
00:57:52,556 --> 00:57:53,470
- Okay.
1536
00:57:53,513 --> 00:57:54,209
- [Doctor] You're gonna be fine.
1537
00:57:54,253 --> 00:57:56,473
[yelling]
1538
00:58:00,259 --> 00:58:01,608
- [Charlene Voiceover]
When the drugs kicked in,
1539
00:58:01,652 --> 00:58:05,046
my mother appeared to me
in a horrible nightmare.
1540
00:58:05,090 --> 00:58:08,049
- Charlene, Charlene, Charlene.
1541
00:58:08,093 --> 00:58:09,398
This is your mommy.
1542
00:58:09,442 --> 00:58:10,835
Your boys have weenies.
1543
00:58:10,878 --> 00:58:12,532
You must be careful.
1544
00:58:19,408 --> 00:58:20,540
- Louise, these are delicious.
1545
00:58:20,584 --> 00:58:21,410
- Oh!
1546
00:58:21,454 --> 00:58:23,543
What a fabulous spread!
1547
00:58:23,587 --> 00:58:24,718
Look at this.
1548
00:58:24,762 --> 00:58:27,416
Salami, chicken
mix, potato chips.
1549
00:58:28,679 --> 00:58:31,638
Charlene, it's magnificent.
1550
00:58:31,682 --> 00:58:32,857
Oh, delicious.
1551
00:58:35,686 --> 00:58:37,426
- Don't need to cover it up.
1552
00:58:37,470 --> 00:58:38,732
- I'll cover it.
1553
00:58:38,776 --> 00:58:40,995
- What's going on with
the cellophane, Dad?
1554
00:58:41,039 --> 00:58:41,866
- Charlene!
1555
00:58:41,909 --> 00:58:43,389
- Take it off.
1556
00:58:43,432 --> 00:58:44,042
People think you're not
supposed to eat the food.
1557
00:58:44,085 --> 00:58:45,130
Take it off.
1558
00:58:45,173 --> 00:58:46,784
- It'll spoil!
1559
00:58:46,827 --> 00:58:48,002
- This is not New Jersey.
1560
00:58:48,046 --> 00:58:49,047
- You'll eat it after the bris.
1561
00:58:49,090 --> 00:58:49,874
Know-it-all!
1562
00:58:49,917 --> 00:58:50,701
Know-it-all!
1563
00:58:50,744 --> 00:58:51,571
- Leave it off.
1564
00:58:51,615 --> 00:58:52,398
This is my bris.
1565
00:58:52,441 --> 00:58:53,312
It's not your bris.
1566
00:58:53,355 --> 00:58:54,574
I want things the way I want it.
1567
00:58:54,618 --> 00:58:55,836
- Charlene, people are
listening, keep it down.
1568
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:59,579
- Mom, can I speak with
you just for a minute?
1569
00:59:04,758 --> 00:59:07,587
Mom, I have fallen
deeply in love.
1570
00:59:08,545 --> 00:59:10,459
- That's wonderful!
1571
00:59:10,503 --> 00:59:11,591
Mazel tov!
1572
00:59:11,635 --> 00:59:12,592
What's her name?
1573
00:59:12,636 --> 00:59:14,159
- Her name is Leo.
1574
00:59:15,334 --> 00:59:17,379
[coughs]
1575
00:59:18,859 --> 00:59:20,557
- You're a pansy boy?
1576
00:59:22,515 --> 00:59:23,385
Cliff, it's all right.
1577
00:59:23,429 --> 00:59:24,604
It's all right.
1578
00:59:24,648 --> 00:59:25,562
It's not your fault,
it's my fault.
1579
00:59:25,605 --> 00:59:26,475
- Mom, it's not anybody's fault.
1580
00:59:26,519 --> 00:59:27,694
- It's my fault, Cliffy.
1581
00:59:27,738 --> 00:59:29,217
I should've never have
let you pick out fabric.
1582
00:59:29,261 --> 00:59:30,610
I should've never have
let you paint my toenails.
1583
00:59:30,654 --> 00:59:31,524
I should never, never,
1584
00:59:31,568 --> 00:59:32,481
never let you go three years
1585
00:59:32,525 --> 00:59:34,483
in a row as Cher on Halloween.
1586
00:59:34,527 --> 00:59:35,484
- Come on, he's here.
1587
00:59:35,528 --> 00:59:36,921
I want you to meet him.
1588
00:59:36,964 --> 00:59:37,661
- [Charlene Voiceover]
Personally, I have nothing
1589
00:59:37,704 --> 00:59:38,879
against gay men.
1590
00:59:38,923 --> 00:59:40,968
It's just that every
time they get together,
1591
00:59:41,012 --> 00:59:43,318
I lose two potential husbands.
1592
00:59:43,362 --> 00:59:44,537
- This is Leo.
1593
00:59:46,887 --> 00:59:47,671
- Oh!
1594
00:59:47,714 --> 00:59:48,541
Mom!
1595
00:59:48,585 --> 00:59:49,368
- Oh, my God!
1596
00:59:49,411 --> 00:59:50,195
- Call 911!
1597
00:59:50,238 --> 00:59:51,022
Honey!
1598
00:59:51,065 --> 00:59:51,849
- What have I done?
1599
00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:53,415
Mel!
1600
00:59:53,459 --> 00:59:54,765
He's got braids.
1601
00:59:57,637 --> 01:00:00,727
[knocking on door]
1602
01:00:00,771 --> 01:00:02,163
- Hola.
1603
01:00:02,207 --> 01:00:03,991
Marisole Martinez?
1604
01:00:04,035 --> 01:00:04,818
- Si.
1605
01:00:04,862 --> 01:00:05,645
Hola.
1606
01:00:05,689 --> 01:00:06,515
Senora--
1607
01:00:06,559 --> 01:00:07,342
- Charlene.
1608
01:00:07,386 --> 01:00:08,300
Call me Charlene.
1609
01:00:08,343 --> 01:00:09,170
- Charlene, me gusta, Charlene.
1610
01:00:09,214 --> 01:00:10,432
- Thank you.
1611
01:00:10,476 --> 01:00:13,827
The kids are upstairs, sleeping.
1612
01:00:13,871 --> 01:00:14,698
[speaking foreign language]
1613
01:00:14,741 --> 01:00:16,308
- Yes, yes.
1614
01:00:16,351 --> 01:00:17,178
So, um,
1615
01:00:17,222 --> 01:00:18,658
no, no, no, no, no.
1616
01:00:18,702 --> 01:00:21,661
Come in, come in,
come in, come in.
1617
01:00:21,705 --> 01:00:23,837
We'll go upstairs and
take a look at them.
1618
01:00:23,881 --> 01:00:25,099
Hasta la vista.
1619
01:00:25,143 --> 01:00:25,926
Andale.
1620
01:00:25,970 --> 01:00:27,580
[both laugh]
1621
01:00:27,624 --> 01:00:29,321
It was tough being a single mom,
1622
01:00:29,364 --> 01:00:30,931
but with Marisole's help,
1623
01:00:30,975 --> 01:00:32,672
we got through
the terrible twos.
1624
01:00:32,716 --> 01:00:34,674
Can you clear for a minute
while me and my boys pass?
1625
01:00:34,718 --> 01:00:36,371
You see, when my
boys are big enough,
1626
01:00:36,415 --> 01:00:37,851
and they'll be
playing with you, too.
1627
01:00:37,895 --> 01:00:39,766
- In your dreams, lady!
1628
01:00:41,594 --> 01:00:42,943
- Excuse me?
1629
01:00:42,987 --> 01:00:43,944
- That one's not a boy,
1630
01:00:43,988 --> 01:00:44,771
that's a girl.
1631
01:00:44,815 --> 01:00:45,685
- No, he's not!
1632
01:00:45,729 --> 01:00:46,730
He's a boy!
1633
01:00:46,773 --> 01:00:48,296
- No, that's a girl!
1634
01:00:48,340 --> 01:00:51,691
- No, he's a boy, and he's
macho, just like his mom!
1635
01:00:51,735 --> 01:00:52,692
- You're not macho!
1636
01:00:52,736 --> 01:00:53,606
You have titties!
1637
01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:54,694
- Ha.
1638
01:00:54,738 --> 01:00:55,608
No, wait a minute.
1639
01:00:55,652 --> 01:00:56,435
These are not titties,
1640
01:00:56,478 --> 01:00:57,697
they're hand grenades,
1641
01:00:57,741 --> 01:00:59,351
and I'm gonna throw
one at you right now!
1642
01:00:59,394 --> 01:01:00,482
You, too!
1643
01:01:00,526 --> 01:01:01,614
That's right, kids!
1644
01:01:01,658 --> 01:01:02,441
Keep running!
1645
01:01:02,484 --> 01:01:03,268
That's right!
1646
01:01:03,311 --> 01:01:04,443
Keep running!
1647
01:01:05,444 --> 01:01:07,185
Unbelievable!
1648
01:01:07,228 --> 01:01:08,577
Where are their mothers?
1649
01:01:08,621 --> 01:01:09,970
Can you believe that?
1650
01:01:10,014 --> 01:01:11,580
Unbelievable.
1651
01:01:11,624 --> 01:01:13,626
When you get big, don't
play with those bad boys.
1652
01:01:13,670 --> 01:01:16,629
[light jazz music]
1653
01:01:18,196 --> 01:01:20,372
Between writing and
taking care of my kids,
1654
01:01:20,415 --> 01:01:23,462
it had been a long time
since my last date.
1655
01:01:23,505 --> 01:01:25,551
One day while cleaning
out my closet,
1656
01:01:25,594 --> 01:01:28,467
I found my old Dr.
Steven paper dolls.
1657
01:01:28,510 --> 01:01:29,729
Now, don't get me wrong,
1658
01:01:29,773 --> 01:01:31,426
I wasn't going back
on my Steven quest,
1659
01:01:31,470 --> 01:01:34,473
but this guy was
worth another look.
1660
01:01:43,308 --> 01:01:44,918
Hello, Steven?
1661
01:01:44,962 --> 01:01:47,747
Yeah, yeah, it's Charlene.
1662
01:01:47,791 --> 01:01:49,618
How did you know it was me?
1663
01:01:49,662 --> 01:01:50,837
Ha ha.
1664
01:01:50,881 --> 01:01:52,926
I do not have a funny voice.
1665
01:01:52,970 --> 01:01:56,408
[light orchestral music]
1666
01:02:00,281 --> 01:02:04,938
There he was in all his
Roman god-bachelor glory.
1667
01:02:04,982 --> 01:02:08,246
Being single obviously
agreed with this guy.
1668
01:02:08,289 --> 01:02:10,117
The great thing about
being attracted to
1669
01:02:10,161 --> 01:02:13,817
unavailable men is
they're always available.
1670
01:02:30,398 --> 01:02:31,965
Justice, play nice.
1671
01:02:33,401 --> 01:02:34,315
- [Steven] It's
really nice of you
1672
01:02:34,359 --> 01:02:35,708
to come here with the kids.
1673
01:02:35,752 --> 01:02:37,797
- Yeah, they really
love it here.
1674
01:02:37,841 --> 01:02:40,147
They like to play
with the balls.
1675
01:02:40,191 --> 01:02:43,063
- Does Mommy play
with the balls, too?
1676
01:02:43,107 --> 01:02:44,021
- Sometimes.
1677
01:02:44,064 --> 01:02:45,196
- Yeah?
1678
01:02:45,239 --> 01:02:46,980
You should go in
there, too, you know?
1679
01:02:47,024 --> 01:02:48,677
- [Charlene] Oh,
I don't think so.
1680
01:02:48,721 --> 01:02:50,549
I'm too big for that.
1681
01:02:50,592 --> 01:02:51,376
- [Steven] Really?
1682
01:02:51,419 --> 01:02:53,030
- [Charlene] Yeah.
1683
01:02:53,073 --> 01:02:54,858
- Maybe we should go
in there together.
1684
01:02:54,901 --> 01:02:56,729
[laughs]
1685
01:02:56,773 --> 01:02:57,643
- You look pretty good.
1686
01:02:57,686 --> 01:02:58,775
- [Steven] Yeah?
1687
01:02:58,818 --> 01:03:00,298
- You look good for an aging,
1688
01:03:00,341 --> 01:03:01,995
confirmed bachelor with no
1689
01:03:02,039 --> 01:03:06,260
marital prospects on the
horizon any time soon.
1690
01:03:06,304 --> 01:03:09,176
- [Steven] Well, I,
I loved your lips.
1691
01:03:09,220 --> 01:03:10,003
- Hmm.
1692
01:03:10,047 --> 01:03:11,048
Thank you.
1693
01:03:11,091 --> 01:03:14,051
- [Steven] I loved your lips.
1694
01:03:14,094 --> 01:03:15,661
- Thank you.
1695
01:03:15,704 --> 01:03:17,837
- [Steven] You're welcome.
1696
01:03:24,191 --> 01:03:25,802
- Justice?
1697
01:03:25,845 --> 01:03:27,107
Justice!
1698
01:03:27,151 --> 01:03:28,369
Oh, my God!
1699
01:03:28,413 --> 01:03:29,196
Justice!
1700
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:30,154
Justice!
1701
01:03:30,197 --> 01:03:30,850
- [Steven] It's all right.
1702
01:03:30,894 --> 01:03:31,677
- Justice!
1703
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:32,504
Justice!
1704
01:03:32,547 --> 01:03:33,331
Justice, where are you?
1705
01:03:33,374 --> 01:03:34,332
Justice!
1706
01:03:34,375 --> 01:03:35,507
Justice!
1707
01:03:35,550 --> 01:03:37,030
Justice, where are you?
1708
01:03:37,074 --> 01:03:38,205
Justice!
1709
01:03:38,249 --> 01:03:39,511
Justice, answer me!
1710
01:03:39,554 --> 01:03:40,860
- [Steven] I'm looking for him!
1711
01:03:40,904 --> 01:03:42,209
- Justice!
1712
01:03:42,253 --> 01:03:43,167
Justice!
1713
01:03:43,210 --> 01:03:44,559
Justice, this isn't funny!
1714
01:03:44,603 --> 01:03:45,560
Where are you?
1715
01:03:45,604 --> 01:03:46,735
Justice!
1716
01:03:46,779 --> 01:03:47,911
- Charlene, I got him.
1717
01:03:47,954 --> 01:03:49,260
Charlene, he's right here.
1718
01:03:49,303 --> 01:03:50,261
I got him.
1719
01:03:50,304 --> 01:03:51,088
I got him.
1720
01:03:51,131 --> 01:03:51,915
He's right here.
1721
01:03:51,958 --> 01:03:52,916
They're both right here.
1722
01:03:52,959 --> 01:03:53,873
- [Charlene] Oh, my God.
1723
01:03:53,917 --> 01:03:54,613
- They're doing all right.
1724
01:03:54,656 --> 01:03:55,832
Yeah, come on.
1725
01:03:57,355 --> 01:03:58,922
He was just over here looking
at the ocean and stuff.
1726
01:03:58,965 --> 01:04:00,967
- Mommy was so worried!
1727
01:04:01,011 --> 01:04:01,838
Oh, honey!
1728
01:04:03,448 --> 01:04:04,536
That was great.
1729
01:04:04,579 --> 01:04:05,406
Thanks.
1730
01:04:05,450 --> 01:04:06,233
- You're welcome.
1731
01:04:06,277 --> 01:04:07,060
- I had a good time.
1732
01:04:07,104 --> 01:04:07,974
- So did I.
1733
01:04:08,018 --> 01:04:09,410
- Thanks for all the balloons,
1734
01:04:09,454 --> 01:04:12,892
and thanks for the
refrigerator magnet and--
1735
01:04:12,936 --> 01:04:13,980
- No problem.
1736
01:04:15,242 --> 01:04:19,290
- So, um, do you have
a date tonight or what?
1737
01:04:19,333 --> 01:04:20,682
- No, I'm just gonna go home
1738
01:04:20,726 --> 01:04:23,947
and practice my violin
and smoke my pipe.
1739
01:04:23,990 --> 01:04:25,078
- Hmm.
1740
01:04:25,122 --> 01:04:25,949
That sounds nice.
1741
01:04:25,992 --> 01:04:26,906
- Yeah.
1742
01:04:26,950 --> 01:04:28,212
- Especially the pipe part.
1743
01:04:28,255 --> 01:04:30,518
[laughs]
1744
01:04:30,562 --> 01:04:32,433
- Well, I guess the boys
will sleep well tonight.
1745
01:04:32,477 --> 01:04:33,870
- Yeah.
1746
01:04:33,913 --> 01:04:35,828
- And if you take a
Valium, so will their mom.
1747
01:04:35,872 --> 01:04:37,917
[laughs]
1748
01:04:43,618 --> 01:04:44,402
- Oh, your coat.
1749
01:04:44,445 --> 01:04:45,229
- Yeah.
1750
01:04:45,272 --> 01:04:47,448
[laughs]
1751
01:04:47,492 --> 01:04:49,320
Don't wanna take that.
1752
01:04:50,799 --> 01:04:51,800
- [Steven] Let me help you.
1753
01:04:51,844 --> 01:04:53,498
- [Charlene] Thank you.
1754
01:04:53,541 --> 01:04:54,542
- Drive safely.
1755
01:04:54,586 --> 01:04:55,630
- [Charlene] All right, I will.
1756
01:04:55,674 --> 01:04:56,544
I always do.
1757
01:04:56,588 --> 01:04:57,371
- Okay.
1758
01:04:57,415 --> 01:04:58,459
- [Charlene] Okay.
1759
01:04:58,503 --> 01:04:59,417
- Take care.
1760
01:04:59,460 --> 01:05:00,331
- [Charlene] All right, I will.
1761
01:05:00,374 --> 01:05:01,636
The problem with Dr. Steven
1762
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:04,204
Stevenson was he's
too good-looking,
1763
01:05:04,248 --> 01:05:05,945
he's too well-endowed,
1764
01:05:05,989 --> 01:05:07,729
and he's much too successful.
1765
01:05:07,773 --> 01:05:10,819
How could he not be a womanizer?
1766
01:05:10,863 --> 01:05:12,343
I have to move on.
1767
01:05:15,215 --> 01:05:16,521
I've laid off the doctors,
1768
01:05:16,564 --> 01:05:18,436
but the Stevens
just keep coming.
1769
01:05:18,479 --> 01:05:21,134
Ironically, my new
boyfriend's name is Steven,
1770
01:05:21,178 --> 01:05:24,442
Steven Troy, but
he's a contractor.
1771
01:05:24,485 --> 01:05:26,923
A very good one, I might add.
1772
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:32,276
- Work's all finished, ma'am.
1773
01:05:32,319 --> 01:05:35,409
- Did you fix the
stone on the pavement?
1774
01:05:35,453 --> 01:05:37,063
- It's fixed.
1775
01:05:37,107 --> 01:05:40,327
- What about the
drip in the fountain?
1776
01:05:40,371 --> 01:05:42,242
- It's fixed.
1777
01:05:42,286 --> 01:05:45,942
- Did you screw in
the light by the gate?
1778
01:05:45,985 --> 01:05:47,030
- It's fixed.
1779
01:05:48,422 --> 01:05:50,685
- Are you ready to be paid?
1780
01:05:52,861 --> 01:05:53,862
- I'm ready.
1781
01:05:54,994 --> 01:05:57,344
- Come upstairs, Mr. Troy.
1782
01:05:57,388 --> 01:06:01,479
I think I have something
that might interest you.
1783
01:06:04,482 --> 01:06:07,224
- Good thing I
brought my hammer.
1784
01:06:08,573 --> 01:06:09,400
[country music]
1785
01:06:09,443 --> 01:06:12,577
[passionate moaning]
1786
01:06:15,797 --> 01:06:17,190
Nice.
1787
01:06:17,234 --> 01:06:20,063
- [Steven] I wanna
bronze your labia minora.
1788
01:06:20,106 --> 01:06:21,194
- Really?
1789
01:06:21,238 --> 01:06:22,761
[laughs]
1790
01:06:22,804 --> 01:06:23,631
Okay.
1791
01:06:26,243 --> 01:06:29,333
[passionate moaning]
1792
01:06:30,899 --> 01:06:33,032
[giggles]
1793
01:06:38,951 --> 01:06:41,084
[moaning]
1794
01:06:43,129 --> 01:06:45,001
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1795
01:06:45,044 --> 01:06:46,828
Um, condoms.
1796
01:06:46,872 --> 01:06:47,655
Safe sex.
1797
01:06:47,699 --> 01:06:48,743
Do you have any?
1798
01:06:48,787 --> 01:06:49,570
- Uh--
1799
01:06:49,614 --> 01:06:50,397
- In my bathroom.
1800
01:06:50,441 --> 01:06:51,224
Wait.
1801
01:06:51,268 --> 01:06:52,051
Hold on.
1802
01:06:52,095 --> 01:06:52,921
Stay there.
1803
01:06:52,965 --> 01:06:54,445
Stay, stay, Rover.
1804
01:07:02,105 --> 01:07:03,367
[moaning]
1805
01:07:03,410 --> 01:07:04,194
- Are you okay?
1806
01:07:04,237 --> 01:07:05,064
- Yeah.
1807
01:07:05,108 --> 01:07:05,891
- You sure?
1808
01:07:05,934 --> 01:07:07,066
- Yeah.
1809
01:07:07,110 --> 01:07:09,329
- Bring it on home!
1810
01:07:09,373 --> 01:07:10,461
- Oh!
1811
01:07:10,504 --> 01:07:11,766
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
1812
01:07:14,682 --> 01:07:15,944
- Whoo!
1813
01:07:15,988 --> 01:07:16,771
Hell.
1814
01:07:16,815 --> 01:07:17,816
- Oh, God.
1815
01:07:17,859 --> 01:07:18,773
Oh!
1816
01:07:18,817 --> 01:07:19,818
- You know what they say.
1817
01:07:19,861 --> 01:07:20,819
- What?
1818
01:07:20,862 --> 01:07:22,908
- Seventh time is a charm.
1819
01:07:22,951 --> 01:07:25,432
[both laugh]
1820
01:07:25,476 --> 01:07:28,348
[knocking on door]
1821
01:07:29,610 --> 01:07:30,350
- [Charlene] Hello.
1822
01:07:30,394 --> 01:07:31,264
- Hey.
1823
01:07:31,308 --> 01:07:32,048
- [Charlene] How are you?
1824
01:07:32,091 --> 01:07:33,266
- I'm good.
1825
01:07:33,310 --> 01:07:34,093
- Good.
1826
01:07:34,137 --> 01:07:35,573
- How are you?
1827
01:07:35,616 --> 01:07:37,879
- Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
1828
01:07:37,923 --> 01:07:39,098
- Good.
1829
01:07:39,142 --> 01:07:40,056
- I'm fine.
1830
01:07:41,318 --> 01:07:42,275
Cute.
1831
01:07:42,319 --> 01:07:43,320
- Yeah, I think, you know,
1832
01:07:43,363 --> 01:07:44,799
they'll like it.
1833
01:07:44,843 --> 01:07:45,757
- They're sleeping.
1834
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:47,411
They should wake up pretty soon.
1835
01:07:47,454 --> 01:07:50,283
If you wanna wait, we can maybe
1836
01:07:50,327 --> 01:07:52,807
have a cup of tea
out on the patio.
1837
01:07:52,851 --> 01:07:54,026
- Okay.
1838
01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:55,636
- Okay.
1839
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:56,724
I'll make it.
1840
01:07:57,725 --> 01:07:59,205
I'll be right out.
1841
01:08:06,821 --> 01:08:08,301
All my divorced male friends
1842
01:08:08,345 --> 01:08:09,998
envy my ex-husband because
1843
01:08:10,042 --> 01:08:12,175
I set him up with other women.
1844
01:08:12,218 --> 01:08:13,437
I do it for me,
1845
01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:15,482
because the happier he is,
1846
01:08:15,526 --> 01:08:19,486
the less guilty I feel for
driving him over the edge.
1847
01:08:19,530 --> 01:08:21,314
And then also for my sons,
1848
01:08:21,358 --> 01:08:23,011
because I'd like their stepmom
1849
01:08:23,055 --> 01:08:26,972
to be someone who doesn't
have a police record.
1850
01:08:33,848 --> 01:08:34,762
Here we go.
1851
01:08:36,895 --> 01:08:38,549
A little tea I whipped up myself
1852
01:08:38,592 --> 01:08:41,117
in the recesses of my kitchen.
1853
01:08:42,509 --> 01:08:45,773
- The contractor did a
nice job with the terrace.
1854
01:08:45,817 --> 01:08:50,517
- Yeah, well Steven does a
great job with everything.
1855
01:08:50,561 --> 01:08:51,649
- Another Steven.
1856
01:08:51,692 --> 01:08:53,172
- Mm-hmm.
1857
01:08:53,216 --> 01:08:54,434
- Well, obviously
you've slept with him.
1858
01:08:54,478 --> 01:08:55,261
- Obviously?
1859
01:08:55,305 --> 01:08:56,349
What obviously?
1860
01:08:56,393 --> 01:08:57,481
- Well, duh.
1861
01:08:57,524 --> 01:08:58,351
- Duh.
1862
01:08:59,265 --> 01:09:00,092
Okay.
1863
01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:00,919
All right.
1864
01:09:00,962 --> 01:09:01,746
Fine, I slept with him.
1865
01:09:01,789 --> 01:09:02,703
So?
1866
01:09:02,747 --> 01:09:05,663
- Well, like, of course you did.
1867
01:09:05,706 --> 01:09:08,796
What kind of medicine
does he practice?
1868
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:10,885
- He's a sexual healer.
1869
01:09:10,929 --> 01:09:12,278
Every time he walks in the room,
1870
01:09:12,322 --> 01:09:15,890
I hear Marvin Gaye
singing "Sexual Healing."
1871
01:09:15,934 --> 01:09:17,457
- Please, Charlene.
1872
01:09:20,504 --> 01:09:22,027
You know, the problem with you
1873
01:09:22,070 --> 01:09:26,031
and I is we just, we just
don't communicate very well.
1874
01:09:27,380 --> 01:09:28,686
- Boy.
1875
01:09:28,729 --> 01:09:29,687
You said it.
1876
01:09:31,384 --> 01:09:32,342
Once you ran out of songs,
1877
01:09:32,385 --> 01:09:34,213
there was really nothing left
1878
01:09:34,257 --> 01:09:35,780
to say, was there?
1879
01:09:42,134 --> 01:09:45,485
- I do think you have
nice breasts, though.
1880
01:09:45,529 --> 01:09:46,312
- Thank you.
1881
01:09:46,356 --> 01:09:47,226
[clears throat]
1882
01:09:47,270 --> 01:09:48,793
They're implants.
1883
01:09:48,836 --> 01:09:51,012
I'll leave them
to you in my will.
1884
01:09:51,056 --> 01:09:52,579
- No way!
1885
01:09:52,623 --> 01:09:53,580
- Yes way.
1886
01:09:53,624 --> 01:09:55,147
Ha ha.
1887
01:09:55,191 --> 01:09:57,105
- You had me fooled.
1888
01:09:57,149 --> 01:09:58,019
- Goosed.
1889
01:09:58,063 --> 01:09:59,151
Every time a man is fooled,
1890
01:09:59,195 --> 01:10:02,328
another plastic
surgeon gets his wings.
1891
01:10:02,372 --> 01:10:04,809
- That is, like, such
a good job, really.
1892
01:10:04,852 --> 01:10:05,766
- Thank you.
1893
01:10:05,810 --> 01:10:06,724
I'm glad you appreciate it.
1894
01:10:06,767 --> 01:10:08,247
- Hey!
1895
01:10:08,291 --> 01:10:09,466
Hey, you!
1896
01:10:09,509 --> 01:10:11,250
- Give a kiss, Daddy!
1897
01:10:12,469 --> 01:10:14,427
- Come on, I want a
kiss over here, too.
1898
01:10:14,471 --> 01:10:15,254
Come on.
1899
01:10:15,298 --> 01:10:16,603
Come on.
1900
01:10:16,647 --> 01:10:17,300
Give me a kiss, give me
a kiss, give me a kiss.
1901
01:10:17,343 --> 01:10:18,214
Come on.
1902
01:10:18,257 --> 01:10:19,040
Mmm-whah!
1903
01:10:19,084 --> 01:10:20,520
How you guys doing?
1904
01:10:20,564 --> 01:10:21,347
Who wants the chicken?
1905
01:10:21,391 --> 01:10:22,522
Who wants the bear?
1906
01:10:22,566 --> 01:10:23,828
Who wants the chicken?
1907
01:10:23,871 --> 01:10:24,916
You want the bear?
1908
01:10:24,959 --> 01:10:25,960
You want the chicken?
1909
01:10:26,004 --> 01:10:29,660
[dramatic orchestral music]
1910
01:10:39,757 --> 01:10:42,629
Who wants to play
with the truck?
1911
01:10:42,673 --> 01:10:43,500
All right!
1912
01:10:50,855 --> 01:10:53,640
[upbeat funk music]
1913
01:10:53,684 --> 01:10:55,120
- Dr. Steven?
1914
01:10:55,163 --> 01:10:57,557
Excuse me, can you, um, hi.
1915
01:10:57,601 --> 01:10:58,384
- [Steven] Hi.
1916
01:10:58,428 --> 01:10:59,255
Can I help you?
1917
01:10:59,298 --> 01:11:00,691
- Um, yes.
1918
01:11:00,734 --> 01:11:03,215
As a matter of fact, you can.
1919
01:11:04,782 --> 01:11:06,784
Look, I'm in extreme need of
1920
01:11:06,827 --> 01:11:08,655
a physical for work, and since
1921
01:11:08,699 --> 01:11:09,743
we're in the same building,
1922
01:11:09,787 --> 01:11:11,267
I thought maybe if you give
1923
01:11:11,310 --> 01:11:13,834
me your card, I could call
you for an appointment.
1924
01:11:13,878 --> 01:11:15,053
- I'd love to.
1925
01:11:15,096 --> 01:11:17,185
Lord knows I can
use the business.
1926
01:11:17,229 --> 01:11:21,494
But unfortunately, I'm only
licensed to examine your feet.
1927
01:11:21,538 --> 01:11:22,669
- My feet?
1928
01:11:22,713 --> 01:11:23,714
Only my feet?
1929
01:11:25,063 --> 01:11:26,282
A podiatrist.
1930
01:11:26,325 --> 01:11:29,546
So what exactly is it
you guys do anyway?
1931
01:11:30,721 --> 01:11:32,766
At least he's not
a proctologist.
1932
01:11:32,810 --> 01:11:34,202
I wouldn't want one
of those guys handling
1933
01:11:34,246 --> 01:11:35,726
the boys' bottles.
1934
01:11:37,597 --> 01:11:39,207
- I'm sure you've been told
1935
01:11:39,251 --> 01:11:41,253
many times you have
beautiful legs.
1936
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:44,996
- Well, not many
times, but thank you.
1937
01:11:45,039 --> 01:11:46,258
I can't believe I've never
1938
01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:47,085
run into you before.
1939
01:11:47,128 --> 01:11:47,999
It just seems, sorry.
1940
01:11:48,042 --> 01:11:48,826
- Excuse me.
1941
01:11:48,869 --> 01:11:49,740
- I'm sorry.
1942
01:11:49,783 --> 01:11:51,002
- Well, I know.
1943
01:11:51,045 --> 01:11:51,916
It seems working in
the same building,
1944
01:11:51,959 --> 01:11:52,786
you'd think we'd sooner or later
1945
01:11:52,830 --> 01:11:54,397
bump into each other.
1946
01:11:54,440 --> 01:11:55,485
- Yeah, you would think,
1947
01:11:55,528 --> 01:11:57,487
you know, you being a podiatrist
1948
01:11:57,530 --> 01:11:59,315
and me being in sales.
1949
01:11:59,358 --> 01:12:00,228
- Yeah.
1950
01:12:00,272 --> 01:12:01,186
You know, I can't help notice,
1951
01:12:01,229 --> 01:12:02,361
but your feet are perfect.
1952
01:12:02,405 --> 01:12:03,362
What are they,
1953
01:12:03,406 --> 01:12:04,232
a seven and a half, an eight?
1954
01:12:04,276 --> 01:12:05,146
- Oh, my God.
1955
01:12:05,190 --> 01:12:06,060
You do know what you're doing?
1956
01:12:06,104 --> 01:12:07,105
They're seven and a half.
1957
01:12:07,148 --> 01:12:08,367
- And those are lovely shoes.
1958
01:12:08,411 --> 01:12:09,803
Were they some sort of reptile?
1959
01:12:09,847 --> 01:12:10,891
- Yes.
1960
01:12:10,935 --> 01:12:11,936
Rattlesnake.
1961
01:12:13,807 --> 01:12:16,419
Dangerous Ecuadorian
rattlesnake.
1962
01:12:16,462 --> 01:12:17,289
Killed him myself.
1963
01:12:17,333 --> 01:12:18,116
- Really?
1964
01:12:18,159 --> 01:12:18,943
- Skinned him.
1965
01:12:18,986 --> 01:12:20,161
Ate the flesh.
1966
01:12:20,205 --> 01:12:22,076
Made shoes out of
the attractive skins.
1967
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:23,382
- Well, I think that's a good
1968
01:12:23,426 --> 01:12:24,470
result for a snake, to end up
1969
01:12:24,514 --> 01:12:25,558
a shoe on a beautiful
woman's foot.
1970
01:12:25,602 --> 01:12:26,994
- Oh, thank you.
1971
01:12:27,038 --> 01:12:28,561
[laughs]
1972
01:12:28,605 --> 01:12:31,216
Well, so I wish I could
compliment your outfit,
1973
01:12:31,259 --> 01:12:32,957
but I just can't.
1974
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:33,914
- I know.
1975
01:12:33,958 --> 01:12:35,263
It's sort of doctor-ware.
1976
01:12:35,307 --> 01:12:36,090
You're gonna get--
1977
01:12:36,134 --> 01:12:36,917
- Utilitarian.
1978
01:12:36,961 --> 01:12:38,484
- Yeah.
1979
01:12:38,528 --> 01:12:39,442
- [Charlene] I always wanted
to use that word in a sentence.
1980
01:12:39,485 --> 01:12:41,095
Ha ha.
1981
01:12:41,139 --> 01:12:42,923
- Well, this my floor.
1982
01:12:42,967 --> 01:12:44,229
- Oh, really?
1983
01:12:44,272 --> 01:12:45,491
It's been highly
enjoyable traveling
1984
01:12:45,535 --> 01:12:47,058
the escalator with you.
1985
01:12:47,101 --> 01:12:48,059
- Yes.
1986
01:12:48,102 --> 01:12:48,886
Since we're flirting--
1987
01:12:48,929 --> 01:12:49,713
- We are?
1988
01:12:49,756 --> 01:12:50,931
- Well, I think we are.
1989
01:12:50,975 --> 01:12:52,455
I just wanted to
disclose the fact
1990
01:12:52,498 --> 01:12:56,284
that my wife and I of 10
years separated two weeks ago.
1991
01:12:56,328 --> 01:12:57,416
- Oh, really?
1992
01:12:57,460 --> 01:12:58,635
- We're getting divorced.
1993
01:12:58,678 --> 01:12:59,287
I'm not running around
or anything, but--
1994
01:12:59,331 --> 01:13:00,767
- Oh.
1995
01:13:00,811 --> 01:13:02,247
I'm really sorry to hear that.
1996
01:13:02,290 --> 01:13:03,466
- Yeah.
1997
01:13:03,509 --> 01:13:05,250
- You, uh, you seem
like somebody that's
1998
01:13:05,293 --> 01:13:07,426
been hurt, and I feel like
1999
01:13:07,470 --> 01:13:08,819
you might need a shoulder to
2000
01:13:08,862 --> 01:13:11,212
cry on sometime in
the very near future.
2001
01:13:11,256 --> 01:13:13,737
So, uh, I wanna give you this.
2002
01:13:15,956 --> 01:13:18,306
- "Dr. Anton Bowman, L.C.S.W."
2003
01:13:18,350 --> 01:13:19,351
What does that stand for?
2004
01:13:19,395 --> 01:13:20,439
- Well, it stands for a very
2005
01:13:20,483 --> 01:13:23,268
experienced psychotherapist.
2006
01:13:23,311 --> 01:13:24,443
I think you'll like him.
2007
01:13:24,487 --> 01:13:25,488
His fees are reasonable,
2008
01:13:25,531 --> 01:13:27,881
and he has quite large feet.
2009
01:13:29,709 --> 01:13:31,189
So I walked away.
2010
01:13:31,232 --> 01:13:32,451
I mean, there was nothing wrong
2011
01:13:32,495 --> 01:13:34,192
with this guy, but I could see
2012
01:13:34,235 --> 01:13:37,456
he wasn't ready to start
a new relationship.
2013
01:13:37,500 --> 01:13:40,459
Why is it so hard to
find the perfect man?
2014
01:13:40,503 --> 01:13:43,331
It's like I found the
ideal Doctor Steven,
2015
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:45,682
but he's a combination
of six men.
2016
01:13:45,725 --> 01:13:48,336
[laughing]
2017
01:13:48,380 --> 01:13:49,468
- It sounds like
you and the boys
2018
01:13:49,512 --> 01:13:51,644
have gained something from each
2019
01:13:51,688 --> 01:13:53,516
of the Doctor Stevens.
2020
01:13:54,691 --> 01:13:55,909
Now who in the hell says you
2021
01:13:55,953 --> 01:13:59,130
have to pick one and
discard the rest?
2022
01:14:01,524 --> 01:14:02,350
- Oh.
2023
01:14:03,874 --> 01:14:05,310
I don't know.
2024
01:14:05,353 --> 01:14:07,181
The, well, the
psychic never really
2025
01:14:07,225 --> 01:14:10,358
said it like that,
but you know what?
2026
01:14:11,359 --> 01:14:12,839
You're right.
2027
01:14:12,883 --> 01:14:14,101
Oh, my God.
2028
01:14:14,145 --> 01:14:15,102
Oh, my God.
2029
01:14:15,146 --> 01:14:17,496
Dr. Bowman, you're a genius.
2030
01:14:17,540 --> 01:14:18,889
Thank you so much.
2031
01:14:18,932 --> 01:14:20,194
Can I take these for my friends?
2032
01:14:20,238 --> 01:14:22,980
- We have 45 minutes more.
2033
01:14:23,023 --> 01:14:23,807
- Oh.
2034
01:14:23,850 --> 01:14:24,764
- Sit down.
2035
01:14:29,377 --> 01:14:30,770
- Look who's here!
2036
01:14:31,858 --> 01:14:34,382
Look how good you look!
2037
01:14:34,426 --> 01:14:35,732
Whoa!
2038
01:14:35,775 --> 01:14:37,037
Careful.
2039
01:14:37,081 --> 01:14:38,299
Careful.
2040
01:14:38,343 --> 01:14:41,041
Look who's jumping up
and down on the bed!
2041
01:14:41,085 --> 01:14:42,216
Is everybody here?
2042
01:14:42,260 --> 01:14:43,914
Are you ready for the party?
2043
01:14:43,957 --> 01:14:44,958
[laughing]
2044
01:14:45,002 --> 01:14:46,873
Is it party time?
2045
01:14:46,917 --> 01:14:48,353
Is it party time?
2046
01:14:49,615 --> 01:14:50,703
You know what?
2047
01:14:50,747 --> 01:14:52,444
My therapist was right.
2048
01:14:52,488 --> 01:14:54,011
All my Stevens have enriched
2049
01:14:54,054 --> 01:14:56,274
my life in one way or another.
2050
01:14:56,317 --> 01:14:58,494
Tonight, I've decided
to celebrate my birthday
2051
01:14:58,537 --> 01:15:01,409
with an unconventional
little party.
2052
01:15:01,453 --> 01:15:04,804
[light orchestral music]
2053
01:15:07,677 --> 01:15:09,592
Look how good you look!
2054
01:15:12,682 --> 01:15:14,379
You got your hat on.
2055
01:15:15,467 --> 01:15:17,817
- Hey, Noble, you wanna come
2056
01:15:17,861 --> 01:15:20,385
over here and enjoy the party?
2057
01:15:24,258 --> 01:15:26,913
- So, how's your son,
the big-headed one?
2058
01:15:26,957 --> 01:15:27,740
You know,
2059
01:15:27,784 --> 01:15:28,785
[laughing]
2060
01:15:28,828 --> 01:15:30,221
the insecure one?
2061
01:15:31,048 --> 01:15:31,831
He has four kids.
2062
01:15:31,875 --> 01:15:32,963
- [Steven] Really?
2063
01:15:33,006 --> 01:15:34,312
- Justice, you know,
2064
01:15:34,355 --> 01:15:35,966
it's time for him to get a,
2065
01:15:36,009 --> 01:15:38,751
I want to get him a
really good guitar.
2066
01:15:38,795 --> 01:15:40,187
- That would be great.
2067
01:15:40,231 --> 01:15:43,277
- [Steven] You know,
like, a little microphone.
2068
01:15:43,321 --> 01:15:44,540
[laughing]
2069
01:15:44,583 --> 01:15:46,063
- You know, I watch
you with those kids.
2070
01:15:46,106 --> 01:15:46,890
- Did you?
2071
01:15:46,933 --> 01:15:48,369
- Mm-hmm.
2072
01:15:48,413 --> 01:15:51,677
You look so much more
attractive with your kids.
2073
01:15:51,721 --> 01:15:52,765
- I am.
2074
01:15:52,809 --> 01:15:53,723
Really?
2075
01:15:53,766 --> 01:15:54,462
- In the front seat of the car.
2076
01:15:54,506 --> 01:15:56,290
[laughing]
2077
01:15:56,334 --> 01:15:57,291
- Nothing exactly.
2078
01:15:57,335 --> 01:15:58,597
These are all friends of mine.
2079
01:15:58,641 --> 01:15:59,772
You may have noticed everybody
2080
01:15:59,816 --> 01:16:01,252
at the party is called Steven.
2081
01:16:01,295 --> 01:16:02,340
- Yeah.
2082
01:16:02,383 --> 01:16:04,124
- I have a thing for Stevens.
2083
01:16:04,168 --> 01:16:05,038
- Right.
2084
01:16:05,082 --> 01:16:06,997
- But mostly Doctor Stevens.
2085
01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:08,738
You're the first really physical
2086
01:16:08,781 --> 01:16:10,653
Steven that I ever had.
2087
01:16:14,613 --> 01:16:16,702
I kind of liked
where I ended up.
2088
01:16:16,746 --> 01:16:19,052
The boys are happy and healthy.
2089
01:16:19,096 --> 01:16:20,967
My career is going well.
2090
01:16:21,011 --> 01:16:23,666
Dr. Bowman is vacationing
in the Bahamas with all
2091
01:16:23,709 --> 01:16:25,842
the money I paid
him for therapy.
2092
01:16:25,885 --> 01:16:28,540
And my parents are proud of me.
2093
01:16:28,584 --> 01:16:32,152
They finally stopped asking
when I'm gonna meet Mr. Right.
2094
01:16:32,196 --> 01:16:33,980
But more importantly,
2095
01:16:34,024 --> 01:16:35,678
I've stopped asking.
2096
01:16:47,690 --> 01:16:50,693
[upbeat jazz music]
2097
01:19:08,004 --> 01:19:10,876
[light jazz music]
2098
01:19:13,574 --> 01:19:14,793
♪ I wonder who's
2099
01:19:14,837 --> 01:19:19,015
♪ Kissing you now
2100
01:19:19,058 --> 01:19:20,320
♪ I wonder who's
2101
01:19:20,364 --> 01:19:24,542
♪ Teaching you how
2102
01:19:24,585 --> 01:19:27,632
♪ I wonder who's looking
2103
01:19:27,675 --> 01:19:31,157
♪ Into your eyes
2104
01:19:31,201 --> 01:19:33,856
♪ Breathing sighs
2105
01:19:33,899 --> 01:19:36,467
♪ Telling lies
2106
01:19:36,510 --> 01:19:37,685
♪ I wonder who's
2107
01:19:37,729 --> 01:19:41,559
♪ Buying the wine
2108
01:19:41,602 --> 01:19:43,256
♪ For lips
2109
01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:48,000
♪ That I used to call mine
2110
01:19:48,044 --> 01:19:50,524
♪ I wonder if you
2111
01:19:50,568 --> 01:19:53,571
♪ Ever tell them the truth
2112
01:19:53,614 --> 01:19:55,007
♪ I wonder who's
2113
01:19:55,051 --> 01:19:57,880
♪ Kissing you now
2114
01:20:09,674 --> 01:20:12,590
[light jazz music]
125732
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