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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,000 No, no, I completely understand. 2 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Please don't feel bad about it. You just stay safe. 3 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,000 This doesn't look good. 4 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,000 -We'll still get paid, right? -Yeah. 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,000 But we don't want our first wedding here 6 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,000 People will think the place is cursed. 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,000 -It is. -Not haunted. 8 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,000 -I mean, like, unlucky. -It isn't not unlucky. 9 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,000 -Hmm. -That was Michelle. 10 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,000 -The Kingsleys can't make it either. 11 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,000 Yeah, Mike and Valerie just texted to say, 12 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,000 "Accident on the M4. 13 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,000 -"Traffic isn't moving." - 14 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,000 Ooh, it's the wedding planner. 15 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,000 Hi. Hi, Martin. 16 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,000 -We've been trying to get hold of you. 17 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,000 I didn't have the Bluetooth in. Just to give you the rundown. 18 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,000 The DJ can't make it, but the equipment's all there 19 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,000 if anyone wants to step in. 20 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,000 -The caterers are with you, I think. 21 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,000 But the waiting staff are mostly crying off, 22 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,000 so it might have to be a bit more of 23 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,000 Okay. Well, I'll let you co-ordinate that. 24 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,000 Ah. That's the thing. 25 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,000 I've had a little bit of a dink. 26 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,000 Sorry, sir, we need to end the call now, please. 27 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,000 I'd better go. 28 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,000 -Oh, my God. -It's fine. 29 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,000 I think I'm in shock! 30 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,000 -POLICE OFFICER: Sir, 31 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:11,000 -Right. Got to go. Good luck with it all. 32 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,000 -Ciao, ciao, ciao. -Oh, oh, oh... 33 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,000 -So where is he? -Slight problem. 34 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,000 'Tis bad tidings for the nuptials. 35 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,000 No, it's romantic! 36 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:51,000 A white wedding. A white, white wedding! 37 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,000 Oh, I do wish I could see the service. 38 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,000 Well, that's at the church, Kitty, 39 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,000 I know. 40 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,000 If they can get there, that is. 41 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,000 Beastly terrain for civilian vehicles. 42 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,000 PAT: I remember my wedding day. It was the best day of my life. 43 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000 Carol in velvet, 44 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,000 me in a handsome brown three-piece. 45 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:13,000 I cannot bear to think of the joy that would've 46 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,000 -Oh! -JULIAN: Don't remember 47 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,000 Assume it was fun. Ahhh! 48 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,000 Mine was at Winchester Cathedral. 49 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,000 I was given away by the Marquis of Granby 50 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,000 -and the guests included the... - 51 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,000 Something to say, have we, Robin? 52 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,000 Well, in my day, you do what you want. 53 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,000 You like someone, you do it. 54 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,000 You like someone else, you do it. Easy. 55 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,000 No one know who their father is, 56 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,000 but everyone raise children together. 57 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,000 -Peace and love. -JULIAN: I see. 58 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,000 -Bloody hippy, eh? -Sounds awful. 59 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:47,000 -It's not very romantic, is it? -You, wife cheat on you. 60 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,000 And you cheat on wife. 61 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,000 And you, husband cheat on you 62 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,000 with two men, then kill you, so... 63 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,000 Open your eyes. 64 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,000 People not meant to be mon-hog... 65 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,000 mono... 66 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,000 mo-hog... hog... 67 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,000 -Monogamous. -That's what I said. 68 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,000 Dad, everyone's cancelling. 69 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,000 -How many men have we lost? -DAD: Not everyone. 70 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,000 Sam's at the hotel, and the family! 71 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,000 So vital personnel are all still in the field? 72 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,000 CAPTAIN: Ah! Michael's back from the front. 73 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,000 -Marquee's fallen down. -CAPTAIN: Oh. 74 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,000 -BRIDE: What? -Part of it. Most of it. 75 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,000 Oh, my God! 76 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,000 Best to cancel the wedding. It be cursed. 77 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,000 CAPTAIN: No, thank you, Mary. 78 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,000 We can do the meal in the house. 79 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,000 -Good idea. -Excellent. 80 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,000 How will everyone get to the service? 81 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,000 -You can't drive in this. -We'll hike. 82 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,000 Yes, Alan. On foot. We march. 83 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,000 That's not going to work for Auntie Lou, is it? 84 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,000 Stretcher? 85 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,000 -Do you think we should just cancel? 86 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,000 Well, what does Sam think? 87 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,000 We agreed not to talk. 88 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,000 It's bad luck to see each other 89 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,000 Well, in that case. 90 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,000 Wouldn't want to make it worse. 91 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,000 Dad, I know it's silly, but it's the one thing 92 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Sorry. 93 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,000 I... I still think we can do this, Clare, 94 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,000 if you want to. 95 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,000 You're here and... and Sam's nearby. 96 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,000 Your dad's here, and the bridesmaids 97 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,000 People that matter, right? 98 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,000 Good. Then we've got to do it. 99 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,000 We're licensed, and I know you wanted a church, 100 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,000 but if the mountain can't come to Muhammad, then... 101 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,000 then we're going to bring the vicar here. 102 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,000 And I know that that's mixed metaphors, 103 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,000 but you know what I mean. 104 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,000 Very good. 105 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,000 Right, well, who's going to go out in this 106 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,000 and get the vicar from the top of the... 107 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,000 Me. It's me, innit? 108 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,000 All right. It's all part of the Button House service. 109 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,000 -All right. - 110 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,000 -Thirty? -Oh, at least. Lost count. 111 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,000 -Busy bunny, eh? -Oh, no. 112 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,000 This is not love you speak of! 113 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,000 'Tis but the carnality of a beast. 114 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,000 Let me put you this. 115 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:58,000 If you had married Isabelle and then you meet Alison... 116 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,000 They're 200 years apart, man! 117 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,000 Question still stands. 118 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,000 Well, I'd... 119 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,000 -I'd... -See? 120 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,000 Right, we're commandeering the ballroom. 121 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,000 -What? -What? 122 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,000 The wedding's happening here. 123 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,000 Yes! Oh, yes, a thousand times yes! 124 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,000 -Whoa. 125 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,000 Oh, my God. 126 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,000 That has never happened before. 127 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,000 Right, I need to get chairs in here. 128 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,000 What? Alison, no, no, no, no. 129 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,000 You can't have the service in here. 130 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,000 This isn't a church. 131 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,000 Where's the steeple, where are the pews, 132 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,000 No, it's a great idea. What can we do? 133 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,000 Well, nothing, actually, Pat, can you, 134 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,000 Thank you, though. 135 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,000 Thank you, Patrick, carry on. 136 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,000 -Ooh, this looks amazing! 137 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,000 Oh, hi! 138 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,000 You made it! Come in. Come in, come in. 139 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,000 The key, of course, is symmetry. 140 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,000 Two banks of seating with a clear avenue 141 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,000 for the entrance of the bride. 142 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,000 Just line that up. Very good, carry on. 143 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,000 I'm just trying to set up, if anyone wants to help. 144 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,000 Yep, a little bit higher. 145 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,000 You want lovely long loops, 146 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,000 like waves across the space, don't you think, Julian? 147 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,000 Mmm. Are there bridesmaids? 148 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000 Oh, I hope you're going to behave yourself today... 149 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,000 Because I have heard about you. 150 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,000 -What do you think? -Oh, it's wonderful. 151 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,000 I mean, it's like a... it's like a flower grenade 152 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,000 -Oh. -It's... It's fabulous. 153 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,000 Now I was thinking, perhaps, flowers 154 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,000 -A floral streetlight, if you will. 155 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,000 -BOTH: Robin! 156 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,000 It wasn't me! 157 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,000 It was me. 158 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,000 -Everything all right, love? -Yeah. 159 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,000 Sure I can't help? 160 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,000 Yeah. 161 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:59,000 She shakes! 'Tis another sign! 162 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,000 She's nervous! 163 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,000 Oh, I wish I could help! 164 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,000 Good morning. 165 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,000 -Hello. -Father, 166 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,000 I've come to take you to the wedding. 167 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,000 -We're doing the service in the house. 168 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,000 I rather thought it might be cancelled. 169 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,000 No, it's happening, so if you want to grab 170 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,000 I'm afraid I'm carrying a bit of an injury. 171 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,000 I'm not sure I can walk down the hill. 172 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,000 Don't worry, Father, you don't have to walk. 173 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,000 Ah. 174 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,000 MIKE: Look out! 175 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,000 -Ah, there we are. -What? 176 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,000 -That's very sparkly. -Yeah. 177 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,000 What has happened to ties nowadays? 178 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,000 -Oh! Ooh! -Ah. 179 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,000 Does nobody wear a gown to a wedding nowadays? 180 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,000 You'd think this was a circus. 181 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,000 Oh, no, it's chic, and it's now, 182 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,000 and if it makes her feel fabulous, then, 183 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,000 Oh, and trousers for you as well! 184 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,000 Hello! 185 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:12,000 Or should I say yellow? Beautiful banana. 186 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,000 Do you recognise him? Do you recognise him? 187 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,000 -Er... -Where do I know him from? 188 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,000 -Is he off the telly? -JULIAN: Ooh, yeah, 189 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,000 He does look familiar. 190 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,000 Oh, my goodness, Clare, it's beautiful! 191 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,000 Where be your garter? The bride must be gartered! 192 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,000 -Oh, no! -Alison! 193 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,000 It's not, er, Dennis Waterman, is it? 194 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,000 Dennis Waterman? 195 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,000 He'd be 70 by now. 196 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,000 Oh, yeah, good point, yeah. 197 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,000 Mick Hucknall! 198 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,000 Don't be ridiculous, Robin! 199 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,000 Mick Hucknall has dreadlocks. 200 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,000 Oh, Vicar, you made it! 201 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,000 Just go through here and make yourself warm 202 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000 Ah, thank you. 203 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,000 -That took a while. -Yeah, he wanted to do 204 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,000 Alison! 205 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,000 May I have your ear, please? 206 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,000 Ah! Vicar's arrived. Good work, Michael. 207 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,000 -They're here! 208 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,000 Sorry, Mary, not right now. 209 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,000 Ah, here we go. 210 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,000 A double wedding! Oh, my goshness! 211 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,000 No, that's the other bride. 212 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,000 For the same groom? 213 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,000 Bigamy? 214 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,000 No, they're marrying each other. 215 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,000 What on earth? 216 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,000 Two brides! Wonderful! 217 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,000 Is this one gartered? 218 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:37,000 Oi-oi-bridesmaids. Tick. Let the wedding commence. 219 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,000 Isn't that against the law? 220 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,000 No. Times have changed. 221 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,000 The house will be brought into disrepute. 222 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000 It's a scandal! 223 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,000 -Those are the bridesmaids? -THOMAS: Of course. 224 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,000 But they're wearing burgundy, just like me. 225 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,000 Wonderful choice. 226 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,000 A darker shade, as if to frame 227 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:59,000 of the beautiful bride, without upstaging her. 228 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,000 Does this mean I'm a bridesmaid? 229 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,000 Can I be a bridesmaid? Please, please, please! 230 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,000 Yes, yes, fine, yeah. 231 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,000 Hi! Come in, come in. 232 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,000 MAN: Oh, what a journey! ALISON: Oh, you made it! 233 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,000 Okay, so we've set everything out in the ballroom. 234 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,000 Oh, thank you so much for doing this for us. 235 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,000 Honestly, I don't know what we would have done 236 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,000 No, it's our pleasure. It's all part of 237 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,000 brand, #ButtonHouse. 238 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,000 Available for bookings. Tell your friends. 239 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,000 Oh, where is this garter, then? 240 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,000 Er, come through. 241 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,000 KITTY: Here comes the bridesmaid 242 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,000 -Lovely place, isn't it? -Yeah, er, yes. 243 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,000 I've been here before, actually. 244 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,000 -Oh? -A long time ago now. 245 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,000 Well, what a coincidence. 246 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,000 -Mmm. -So, I don't know 247 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,000 if you've met the couple that own it, but it's... 248 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,000 -No. -...it's quite a story. 249 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,000 I've been here before, actually. 250 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,000 JULIAN: Like the beak of a goose, you see? 251 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,000 Oh, it's a lovely old tradition, 252 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,000 especially with the bridesmaids. 253 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,000 Pinch on the bum, no harm done. 254 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,000 These are gentlewomen, sir, not Whitechapel strumpets! 255 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,000 You're fun. 256 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,000 -It looks good. -It's happening. 257 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,000 I know, I think it's good. 258 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,000 I can't believe we're actually going to make this happen. 259 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,000 Er, you haven't seen Clare, have you? 260 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,000 Oh, she hasn't run away, has she? 261 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000 Actually, I hope she hasn't run away. 262 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,000 Oh, she's probably just popped to the loo, or... 263 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,000 -I'll go and look for her. Yeah. 264 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,000 Just, just tell everyone that we're going to start soon. 265 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,000 Erm, just keep them entertained. 266 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,000 -What shall I say? -I don't know. 267 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:33,000 Whatever. I won't be long. 268 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,000 -Alison, what's happening? -We've just lost 269 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,000 What? 270 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,000 What? 271 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,000 Right, pay attention, everyone! 272 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,000 We have a missing bride. 273 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,000 We need to search the house. 274 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000 Thomas, Mary, East Wing. Robin, Julian, West Wing. 275 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000 Pat, you're with me. Come along. 276 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,000 -Well, come on, man! -Yeah, yeah, I heard you 277 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,000 Hi. 278 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:58,000 Er, we're going to start soon, but I just want to say 279 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,000 to welcome you all to Button House. 280 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,000 Er, well done for getting here 281 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,000 Many didn't make it. 282 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,000 Not that they died, they just got stuck, 283 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,000 although the wedding planner had quite a serious... 284 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,000 Nah. Nothing. 285 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,000 Anyway, the best ones are here, right? 286 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,000 Right? 287 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,000 Oh, here she be! 288 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000 She sits herein. 289 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,000 Alison! Alison! We have eyes on the target. 290 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,000 -The eagle is in the nest. -What? 291 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000 -She's in the toilet. -Oh! 292 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,000 -Clare? 293 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,000 It's Alison. Is everything okay? 294 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,000 I'm just going to the loo, I'll be out in a minute. 295 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:45,000 She sits upon the stall but her trousers is not down. 296 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,000 Okay. 297 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,000 She seems lost in thought, 298 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:53,000 at sea, in a tumultuous storm of emotion. 299 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,000 Are you... are you sure you're okay? 300 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,000 Yeah. 301 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,000 Anything you want to talk about? 302 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,000 I'm scared I'm making a mistake. 303 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,000 Well, she is. Monopoly is a trap. 304 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,000 -Monogamy. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 305 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,000 So, erm... 306 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,000 -Vicar? -Mmm? 307 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,000 You've done hundreds of weddings. 308 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,000 Oh, not really. 309 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,000 Really? No stories? 310 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,000 No, nothing very... 311 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000 Being modest. Er... 312 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,000 You have to help me. 313 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,000 Er... Alison's gone to find Clare 314 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,000 and I don't know what's going on. 315 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000 Right. I just don't... 316 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,000 Make something up? Hmm, yeah? 317 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,000 Woo! 318 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,000 Erm, hello. Erm... 319 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,000 I, er... I remember one wedding. 320 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,000 Goodness me, it must be, erm, 321 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,000 when, erm, 322 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,000 during the vows, 323 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,000 all of a sudden, the doors flew open, 324 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,000 and a dog ran into the church. 325 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,000 Barking. 326 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,000 Barking away, he was. 327 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,000 Woof, woof, woof. 328 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,000 But, er, that was just the start. 329 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000 Oh. 330 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000 -Hmm. -HUMPHREY: What's going on? 331 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000 Has the party started already? 332 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000 -I thought I could hear voices. -No. 333 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000 -It's the ceremony. -Here? 334 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,000 -Mmm. -Woo! 335 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,000 Could you take me down there? I'd love to see it. 336 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,000 Oh, I don't think you do. 337 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,000 It's scandalous. 338 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,000 It's unbecoming of this fine house 339 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000 I think I'll probably make my own mind up, 340 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000 if you could just take me down... 341 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,000 Oh, I'm quite sure you'll agree with me. 342 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000 Honestly, I don't know what the world has come to. 343 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,000 Is there no decency any more? 344 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,000 No sense of traditional values? 345 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,000 Oh, this is happening. 346 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,000 -When I was a girl... -Yep. 347 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,000 -...we were taught at a very young age... 348 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,000 ...exactly what was expected, what was proper! 349 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,000 -I'm being stupid. -Yep. 350 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000 -Don't say that. -Well... 351 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,000 It's not that I don't love her. 352 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000 It's not that we aren't happy, it... 353 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,000 It just suddenly feels terrifying. 354 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,000 Oh, get over it and get on with it! 355 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,000 You're lucky to be alive! 356 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,000 Honestly, people don't know they're born. 357 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:23,000 It's completely natural for you to get cold feet today. 358 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000 ROBIN: Yeah, it's snowing. 359 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000 It's a metaphor, Robin! 360 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,000 You're a metaphor. 361 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000 Don't tell anyone this, but... 362 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,000 I had a wobble on my wedding day. 363 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,000 I kept thinking, "Is he the one?" 364 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,000 "I'm still young, do I really want to commit 365 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,000 "for the rest of my life," you know? 366 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,000 "Is it naive to think that I won't fall in love again? 367 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:50,000 "And all the little habits and the things that annoy me, 368 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,000 "can I really live with them every day?" 369 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,000 -You're absolutely right. -Oh, my God! 370 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,000 -He's wrong for you. -Can you... 371 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,000 But then I tried to imagine living without him. 372 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,000 And I couldn't. 373 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,000 Because he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 374 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,000 We're a team. 375 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,000 And we love each other. 376 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000 Nah, I preferred the first bit. 377 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,000 VICAR: He had a nut... a nut allergy, 378 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,000 yes, because Janet had already given some 379 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,000 Oh, Michael's here, girls! 380 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,000 Mike, is everything okay? Are we starting? 381 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,000 Alison's just talking to Clare in the bathroom. 382 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,000 Oh! 383 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,000 -What about? -Apparently she got cold feet 384 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,000 on our wedding day and she wasn't sure 385 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,000 because of all my bad habits. 386 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,000 Why is she talking about cold feet? 387 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,000 What's going on? 388 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,000 So, you know, only you can make that decision. 389 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,000 Can you imagine life without her? 390 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,000 It's working. She's looking at pictures 391 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,000 Ooh, holiday snaps. No, no, scroll back. 392 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,000 ALISON: Clare? So, what do you think? 393 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,000 Do you want to do this? 394 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000 I do. 395 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:16,000 It became clear that the dog was, er, 396 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,000 It was pointing, you know, with its... 397 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:22,000 so we, er, all got up 398 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,000 out of our seats and followed the creature. 399 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:29,000 I fears for the marriage, Alison. Much is not done. 400 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,000 The bride be not gartered. 401 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,000 And where are the bachelors to carry her to bed? 402 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,000 And someone must break cake over her head. 403 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,000 Erm, I'm just going to catch you... 404 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,000 -I'll catch you up. -Sure. 405 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,000 -Okay. -Yeah. Mmm. 406 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,000 What are you talking about, Mary? 407 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:46,000 The cake what's not broke upon my head 408 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,000 so my husband did die. 409 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,000 Crushed beneath his plough 410 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,000 like a grape beneath the foot. 411 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,000 Oh, my God! 412 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,000 Your husband died on your wedding day? 413 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,000 No, three years aft. 414 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,000 -Right. -The couple must observe 415 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,000 the rituals for a blessed marriage! 416 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,000 Okay. There's a lot to unpack here. 417 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,000 So you're saying that your husband died 418 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,000 because of something that you didn't do 419 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,000 on your wedding day three years earlier? 420 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,000 Exactly! 421 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,000 Okay. 422 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,000 VICAR: We... We... We'd gathered round the well... 423 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,000 and, er, we... we thought we could hear... 424 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,000 a baby crying. 425 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:29,000 Well, nobody had a ladder, so we were going to have 426 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,000 But, erm, there was... 427 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,000 What do you mean she's not here? 428 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,000 -She went off with her mum. -Why? 429 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000 She's so upset! 430 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,000 She found out that her bride might be having 431 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,000 You told her? 432 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,000 Oh, my God, Mike. I had it all under control. 433 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000 All you had to do was just keep them waiting. 434 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,000 Well, I'm sorry I always disappoint you. 435 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,000 Well, sorry's not good enough, is it? 436 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,000 That's such an insensitive thing to do. 437 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,000 -Is the wedding off? -No! 438 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,000 Alison, we need a plan. 439 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,000 The guests are getting restless. 440 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,000 PAT: Oh, who cares about the guests? 441 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,000 To hell with the guests! 442 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,000 What's it got to do with us, eh? 443 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000 We're dead, in case you hadn't noticed. 444 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:03,000 We can't do a bloody thing! 445 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,000 I'm going to talk to Sam 446 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000 and then you just make sure that Clare's still here 447 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,000 ...if we get back. 448 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,000 All this over a silly piece of paper. 449 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,000 I just wanted to be a bridesmaid! 450 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,000 You all saw that, didn't you? She tires of him. 451 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,000 Finally, she sees the light! 452 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,000 Yes! 453 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000 PAT: Where do you think you're going? 454 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:34,000 And before you know it, there's chaos on the streets, 455 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,000 everyone doing whatever they feel like: 456 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,000 anarchy, which is precisely why 457 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,000 I won't go near this... spectacle. 458 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,000 You finished? 459 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,000 Yes. 460 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000 Wow. 461 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,000 Breathe, love. 462 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:01,000 -What did she say? -Nothing. Honestly, nothing. 463 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,000 She loves you and she wants to marry you. 464 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,000 This is all a big misunderstanding. 465 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,000 Mike heard you say to Clare that you had cold feet 466 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,000 Yes. Yes. He did. 467 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,000 But... But that's me. 468 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Not Clare. 469 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000 But why would you talk to Clare about it 470 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,000 unless that's how she were feeling? 471 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,000 Tell me honestly... 472 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,000 Was Clare having doubts? 473 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000 Yes. But... 474 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,000 Well, I had a flathead screwdriver, 475 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000 but that was no good because it was a, 476 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,000 Mike, is everything okay? 477 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 Mike? 478 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,000 Is everything okay? 479 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,000 I heard Alison telling you she wasn't sure 480 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,000 if she wanted to marry me 481 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,000 and if she'd meet someone better 482 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,000 -and if I was the one. -Erm... 483 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,000 I meant with the wedding? 484 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000 Yes. 485 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:02,000 She had an artificial limb that had come loose and also... 486 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,000 PAT: You bastard! 487 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,000 -Patrick? -Come here, you scally! 488 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,000 You reprobate! 489 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,000 Those drinks were for later! Urgh! 490 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,000 Leave it, Pat. 491 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,000 -Argh! -Oh! 492 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,000 BOTH: Ah! 493 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,000 Stand down, fellows. Stand down! 494 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,000 - 495 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,000 I'll knock your block off when it's back on! 496 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,000 Stop! 497 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,000 It's Kieth Darren Dean. 498 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,000 -Who? -Hmm? 499 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,000 Safety rule number one is no... 500 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,000 ALL: Oh! 501 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,000 PAT: The arrow's gone through, that. 502 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,000 We might need one of you to drive. 503 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,000 Don't look at me, kids. Make a path. 504 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,000 You don't want to see this in your dreams. 505 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,000 -Oh. - 506 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,000 -Tenner says he stays. -You're on. 507 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,000 HUMPHREY: I'll tell you about my marriage. 508 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,000 My marriage was arranged. 509 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,000 I was 14, she was 12. Noble families, both. 510 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,000 Model couple, really, for the time. 511 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,000 We had the title and the big house 512 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,000 and the lands, riches. 513 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,000 Didn't love each other. 514 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,000 She didn't even like me. 515 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,000 Didn't laugh at my jokes. 516 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,000 Didn't really understand each other. 517 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,000 She was French, so... 518 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,000 Might have been nice if we could have chosen 519 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,000 Mike, something's going on, isn't it? 520 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,000 I may have told Sam 521 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,000 you were having a bit of a wobble. 522 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,000 I heard Alison saying that stuff about me 523 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,000 and I was really hurt and I wasn't really thinking. 524 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,000 I'm sure Sam will come around, like you did. 525 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:42,000 And then she opened the door and she said, "Thank you." 526 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,000 -And that's it? -That's it. 527 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,000 She loves you. 528 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,000 She was just scared. 529 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,000 You know she also said she couldn't imagine 530 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,000 -Did she? -She said 531 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,000 you're the best thing that's ever happened to her. 532 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,000 Ah. 533 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,000 BOTH: I need to talk to her. 534 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,000 I need to see her, 535 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,000 and to hell with tradition. 536 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,000 -I love you. -SAM: Let's get married. 537 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,000 Hello, Skip. 538 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,000 Hello, Kieth. 539 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,000 I just want you to know I do think about you. 540 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,000 I think about you too. 541 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,000 About that day. 542 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,000 I'm sorry, Skip. 543 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,000 I forgive you. 544 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,000 I should never have given an eight-year-old 545 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,000 I suppose if there's one thing I could say to you, Kieth, 546 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,000 it would be... Ugh! 547 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,000 Of course. 548 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,000 I'm okay! 549 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,000 Sorry. 550 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,000 Sorry. 551 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,000 Mission accomplished. 552 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,000 -There. -Thank you. That's... 553 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,000 What? Oh! All right, then. 554 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,000 -CAPTAIN: Julian! 555 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,000 Please be seated. 556 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,000 You've changed your tune. 557 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,000 Well, times change, don't they? 558 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,000 We should know. 559 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,000 After all, if George had been free 560 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:32,000 well, I wouldn't have been murdered. 561 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:36,000 And I could have had a husband instead 562 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,000 And when I say know, I mean he would give me... 563 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,000 -...a really good... 564 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,000 Waza! 565 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,000 Incredible story. What happened to the baby? 566 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,000 Oh! Well... 567 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,000 -ALL: Ahhh! -I've got it. 568 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000 Double half hitch. 569 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,000 Well done, Kieth. 570 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,000 Well done. 571 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,000 Who do that? 572 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,000 Three, two, one, go! 573 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,000 Good for you, Debbie. 574 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,000 Now's your chance. 575 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,000 Mary, I can't just throw cake at the bride. 576 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,000 But looks! 577 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,000 Okay. 578 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,000 Now she will not die. 579 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,000 Okay, sometimes it work... 580 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,000 -mon-og-amy. -Oh! 581 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,000 Very good, Robin. 582 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,000 Monogamy. Monogamy! 583 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,000 Monogamy! 584 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,000 That's enough. Thank you, Robin. 585 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,000 I think I want another fight. 586 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,000 Could that be a club? 38680

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