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1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,960
Hi guys!
2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,760
So I'm back home,
I can't get Ireland out of my head!
3
00:00:04,799 --> 00:00:06,599
I'm changed, I'm in turmoil!
4
00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:08,599
I mean firstly, I love the place.
5
00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,280
Then I met this chick Joy,
6
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,160
and for want of another term,
she steals kids!
7
00:00:13,199 --> 00:00:15,879
I mean, she stole a baby and tried
to pass it off as her own!
8
00:00:15,919 --> 00:00:17,239
(inhales)
9
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,440
Now, I know you guys know
I'm pretty relaxed,
10
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,120
and most things are chill with Will.
11
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,440
But stealing babies has me shook!
12
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:23,320
I mean...
13
00:00:23,359 --> 00:00:26,439
who steals a kid,
just to freak out their ex?
14
00:00:26,679 --> 00:00:28,679
(birdsong)
15
00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:31,640
(snort)
16
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,920
# (music)
17
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,479
(flop)
18
00:00:48,399 --> 00:00:50,399
Skinny jeans!
19
00:00:50,439 --> 00:00:51,839
Yeurgh!
(snort)
20
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:53,080
(gasps)
21
00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:54,719
(groan)
22
00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:56,279
(mumbling)
23
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,320
# (music)
24
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,680
(door slams)
25
00:01:17,359 --> 00:01:19,359
Joy?
26
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,760
(knocking)
27
00:01:27,439 --> 00:01:29,839
(squeaky voice)
Is Maeve coming out to play?
28
00:01:29,879 --> 00:01:31,159
Oh, that is so weird!
29
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,640
(laughs) Do you remember when we
used to do that?
30
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,200
No, I used to do that,
31
00:01:35,239 --> 00:01:38,439
you used to pretend you were doing
just grand, on your own,
32
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,520
with your nose pressed up against
the window,
33
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,480
staring at us playing
British Bulldogs?
34
00:01:43,719 --> 00:01:44,799
No.
35
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,120
(laughs)
36
00:01:46,159 --> 00:01:47,079
They were good times.
37
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,520
Yeah, that you watched.
38
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,040
Do you know one thing I will say,
Maeve,
39
00:01:50,079 --> 00:01:53,919
I bruise like a peach, and that game
is Grade A violence!
40
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,840
So, eh... where's Stan the Camera?
No Stan, no Stan...
41
00:01:57,879 --> 00:01:59,319
No Stan. Just you and me,
42
00:01:59,359 --> 00:02:01,239
going on a surprise adventure.
43
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,840
You gotta live while you can, Maeve.
44
00:02:02,879 --> 00:02:04,399
'Cause once you're dead,
45
00:02:04,439 --> 00:02:06,159
you're dead forever.
46
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,960
You're really comin' at me with the
hard science this morning.
47
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,000
OK, quezzie time.
48
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:15,079
Name one thing we always wanted to do
when we were younger.
49
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,680
(snorts) OK, Jason Priestley?
50
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:19,679
For you. You know, for me,
in hindsight, Donna Martin.
51
00:02:19,719 --> 00:02:21,039
No, go again, no people.
52
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,480
Get on the Late Late Toy Show and
53
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:23,800
drive a mini-car round the set,
54
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,040
out of the studio and
all the way home?
55
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:26,960
No, go again.
56
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,280
Eh... afternoon tea,
in a posh hotel.
57
00:02:29,319 --> 00:02:30,439
No, go again.
58
00:02:30,479 --> 00:02:31,759
Eh...
59
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,800
No more going again!
60
00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:34,600
What are you doing...?
61
00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:36,279
Ugh! We're... Oh!
62
00:02:36,319 --> 00:02:37,719
OK, oh! This is all a bit
63
00:02:37,759 --> 00:02:38,959
Fifty Shades of Grey!
64
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,840
(laughs)
Will there be Jamie Dornan?
65
00:02:40,879 --> 00:02:42,079
Sadly no.
66
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,320
(laughs)
67
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,480
Yeah... it's... it's...
68
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:45,920
a surprise, Maeve!
69
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,360
So you're not allowed see anything
else until it's actually happening.
70
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,480
OK, but can I just ask,
71
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,360
is it sex-based?
72
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,360
Negator!
73
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,520
Um, so it doesn't involve
Johnny Logan,
74
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,080
or Linda Martin?
75
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,560
Does it involve...
76
00:02:56,599 --> 00:02:58,159
fencing? Maeve, do you know what?
Does it? You're actually
77
00:02:58,199 --> 00:02:59,679
really crap at guessing things.
78
00:02:59,719 --> 00:03:02,999
So I'm shutting that whole side
of things down.
79
00:03:03,039 --> 00:03:04,239
Can I talk?
80
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,280
No.
81
00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:13,239
Taxi should be here soon...
82
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
(birdsong)
83
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,599
# (music)
84
00:03:27,719 --> 00:03:29,719
(phone rings)
Ooh!
85
00:03:34,199 --> 00:03:35,839
(phone rings)
86
00:03:35,879 --> 00:03:36,519
Oh!
87
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,560
I am so sorry!
I'm so sorry!
88
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,320
I'm...
So sorry!
89
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,680
I'm so sorry.
90
00:03:41,719 --> 00:03:43,719
Sorry. Like this...
91
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,840
Oh, I'll shut that down.
92
00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:48,199
Joy?
93
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,880
Joy. Joy. Joy!
94
00:03:49,919 --> 00:03:51,919
Joy! Answer your phone!
95
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,759
I know you're there because...
96
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,760
that's the nature of mobiles?
97
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,480
You can't... just disappear...
98
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,040
when shit hits the fan.
99
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,960
And shit has hit the fan.
100
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,160
Stealing babies has me shook.
101
00:04:02,199 --> 00:04:03,999
I mean, who steals a kid
102
00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:05,919
just to freak out their ex?
103
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,480
Will Dack has fucked you
104
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,000
on a global level.
105
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:10,119
Your reputation online
106
00:04:10,159 --> 00:04:11,959
is of an insane baby-stealer.
107
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,400
And we need to post something
108
00:04:13,439 --> 00:04:14,479
in response.
109
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,520
The longer we leave it,
110
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,360
the worse it gets.
111
00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:19,439
If we don't post something
by the end of the day,
112
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,560
you've basically rebranded yourself
113
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,760
as a combo of Fred and Rose West.
114
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,440
A two-headed, baby-munching
115
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,320
gargoyle. Which rather limits
sponsorship opportunities,
116
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,800
I think you'll agree.
117
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:32,839
So call me!
118
00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:34,639
(slams down phone)
119
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,480
She's off the reservation.
120
00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:39,559
Off the reservation with
150 thousand followers!
121
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,400
Shouldn't you be setting up a
search party?
122
00:04:41,439 --> 00:04:43,199
Yes! A search party.
123
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,640
Fan out, flyers, cover the island!
124
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,280
Cover the island?
125
00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:50,239
I don't know, it felt right...
126
00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:51,799
Look, she'll be back.
127
00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,879
She's probably just sitting calmly
in a dark room,
128
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,280
thinking of an amazing response!
129
00:04:57,319 --> 00:04:58,119
Yeah.
130
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,680
'Cause sitting calmly and thinking
is just so Joy.
131
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,000
# (music)
132
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,960
Yeah.
133
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:07,680
Ooh!
134
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,080
Oh God, I am so sorry!
135
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,120
I am, em, I'm on an adventure!
136
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,320
I can't see her face
with that thing on?
137
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:14,640
Yeah. So basically,
138
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,360
it's that exact face,
except there's
139
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,119
two eyes here.
140
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,160
Like your classic
two-eyes-two-eyebrows set up,
141
00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:22,999
and then the rest you can see!
142
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,040
Lift the blindfold.
143
00:05:24,079 --> 00:05:25,519
Really?
Really.
144
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,040
(sighs)
You don't open your eyes. OK?
145
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:29,679
Done! I need to see your eyes?
146
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,320
Why, though?
147
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,040
Are you worried she has lasers
in there?
148
00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:35,079
Like, tiny eye-lasers?
149
00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:36,919
OK.
150
00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:38,879
On a count of three, yeah?
151
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,400
I mean, whatever.
152
00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:42,839
OK, so on "one two three".
Are you ready?
153
00:05:42,879 --> 00:05:44,879
OK, one, two, three.
154
00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,679
(makes laser noises)
Pew! Pew!
155
00:05:47,759 --> 00:05:49,639
Are you putting me in prison?
(laughs)
156
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,760
Don't be silly!
(phone rings)
157
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,080
This is a fun adventure.
158
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,400
Ma'am, are the bouncy castles
this way?
159
00:05:54,439 --> 00:05:56,079
Oh! Oh my God!
160
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,200
Funderland! I lurve funder!
161
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,200
Joy, will you just...
162
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,160
answer!
Or call me back as soon as you can.
163
00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:03,879
We need to talk about last night!
164
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,320
Look, I'm really just freaking out
here!
165
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,360
Is it Joy?
166
00:06:08,439 --> 00:06:09,679
Hey girlfriend!
167
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,360
We miss you!
168
00:06:11,399 --> 00:06:13,399
Look, I know it's a bit weird,
169
00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:15,999
and you've only been away for
one night, but...
170
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,640
it's just made me realise
171
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,720
how important you are to me, and
172
00:06:19,759 --> 00:06:21,399
what a good friend you've been, and
173
00:06:21,439 --> 00:06:23,559
what a great shoulder you are to
cry on,
174
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,680
such a positive influence, and...
175
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:26,920
I guess the bottom line is
176
00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:29,599
you've become someone really
important to me, Joy.
177
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:30,799
Steady on, Christie.
178
00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:31,679
I mean it!
179
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,720
Also, we need milk.
180
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,560
Let's make love!
181
00:06:40,439 --> 00:06:42,519
I can basically never go home!
182
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,920
I hate having a clairvoyant as a
room mate.
183
00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:48,439
I smell diesel.
184
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:50,200
Are we going to the ploughing
championships?
185
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,040
'Cause I'm pretty sure I never
wanged on about that
186
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,919
when I was a teenager.
187
00:06:53,959 --> 00:06:55,839
No.
188
00:06:55,879 --> 00:06:58,039
Not long to wait for the big reveal
now!
189
00:06:58,079 --> 00:07:00,079
(phone rings)
190
00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:02,159
You're getting a lot of calls.
191
00:07:02,199 --> 00:07:03,479
It's gas, isn't it?
192
00:07:03,519 --> 00:07:05,919
Mm, pain in the hole, I'd have said.
193
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:08,960
Do you even have a phone?
194
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,160
Nah.
195
00:07:10,199 --> 00:07:12,199
Massive waste of time.
196
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,399
Yeah.
197
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,720
(phone rings)
(sighs)
198
00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:20,919
You've found Joy! Leave a message.
199
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,000
Oh hey, Joy!
(baby cries)
200
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:27,000
Hope everything is sensational with
you, because it is
201
00:07:27,399 --> 00:07:30,239
sensational over here!
(baby cries)
202
00:07:30,279 --> 00:07:31,799
I was just dropping you
203
00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:33,999
a quick line to let you know that
204
00:07:34,199 --> 00:07:36,199
my husband has left me!
205
00:07:36,319 --> 00:07:40,479
(baby cries)
So that's pretty fun, isn't it?
206
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,240
Yeah, so if you've got a
quick sec,
207
00:07:44,279 --> 00:07:46,279
if you can give me a call back.
208
00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:48,639
(baby cries)
OK.
209
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,920
Bye.
210
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,640
(baby cries)
211
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,840
And...
(ship horn sounds)
212
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,800
Joy! We're on a boat!
213
00:07:58,839 --> 00:08:00,839
Don't be scared, Maeve!
214
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,039
For fuck's sake!
215
00:08:05,079 --> 00:08:07,079
We're going to Holyhead!
216
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,080
To.. to Holyhead? No!
I have plans!
217
00:08:10,759 --> 00:08:12,439
No, balls to your plans!
218
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,680
We always said we'd do it,
you and me!
219
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,280
We'd just get out of here!
220
00:08:16,319 --> 00:08:18,359
Get the boat to Holyhead
and go to Boots,
221
00:08:18,399 --> 00:08:20,079
and get cola-flavoured lip balms
222
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,280
and body butter that smelt of
bloody papaya!
223
00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:27,519
I'm not crying, Maeve, I'm not,
it's just the sea air
224
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,560
makes my eyes water so bad!
225
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,120
You know, if we were shipwrecked
and I was on a piece of driftwood
226
00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:36,839
and I thought there was even a tiny
bit of room on it for you,
227
00:08:36,879 --> 00:08:39,399
I would bunch over a little bit more!
228
00:08:39,879 --> 00:08:43,039
I just think Rose was so scabby
on that front!
229
00:08:45,879 --> 00:08:47,879
Ya mad bitch!
230
00:08:49,039 --> 00:08:51,039
Yeah! Yeah!
231
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,800
Yeah yeah yeah!
We're having one last adventure!
232
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,960
It doesn't have to be our
last adventure, Maeve!
233
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,760
Well, I mean no! No!
234
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,799
(laughs)
Of course!
235
00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:03,719
And you know what?
236
00:09:03,759 --> 00:09:05,759
I bloody love lip balm!
237
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,680
Holyhead!
238
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:13,040
We are coming for your exportable
perfumed gun!
239
00:09:13,879 --> 00:09:15,999
Papaaaaayaaaaaaa!
240
00:09:17,399 --> 00:09:18,599
(phone rings)
241
00:09:18,639 --> 00:09:20,639
Oh, my phone!
242
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960
Urgh. Argh!
243
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,120
Aah!
244
00:09:32,399 --> 00:09:34,359
# (music)
245
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:36,399
(splash)
246
00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:39,799
God, I instantly regret that.
247
00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:43,879
Is it deep? It... it looks deep...
248
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,280
# (Caribbean steel band music)
249
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:51,160
Oh! (laughs)
250
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,200
Ha ha ha!
251
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,840
# (music)
252
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,960
Aw, look, there's a family lawyers.
253
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,000
Oh!
254
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,440
# (music)
255
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,080
Smell that.
256
00:10:42,519 --> 00:10:44,519
I'll puff mine out.
257
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,360
Will we go in?
Yes!
258
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,399
Yes!
He he!
259
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,920
God, it's just so different here!
260
00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:57,599
I really feel the benefit
of the break, too.
261
00:10:57,639 --> 00:11:00,959
That's 'cause the air is so clean!
262
00:11:01,279 --> 00:11:02,799
And the shops! Oh!
263
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,400
The shops are just... there!
264
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,600
And they're just so full! Of...
265
00:11:07,399 --> 00:11:09,319
things! Yeah.
266
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,040
Mental.
267
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,560
And the people are so lovely!
268
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:14,480
Oh they're...
(thump)
269
00:11:14,519 --> 00:11:17,199
... and so centred!
Fucking hell! Yeah.
270
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,920
Wise, and... I know.
Stupid machine!
271
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,520
Oh, and their skin.
Oh, skin.
272
00:11:23,879 --> 00:11:25,879
Their skin is so good!
273
00:11:28,159 --> 00:11:30,159
(sighs)
274
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,600
And... We should get home.
275
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:34,679
Yeah.
276
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,120
Bye, guys!
277
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,840
Fucking hell!
278
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,640
(gasps)
279
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:48,999
Deadly!
280
00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:50,879
No! No, no, no, ah ha ha!
281
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,559
Not... not deadly at all,
I have stuff to do, stuff to...
282
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,520
Maeve.
... finish, at home...
283
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,199
Maeve! What if we can never go home?
284
00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,240
(gasps) We live here now, Maeve!
Welcome!
285
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,720
No, I really need to get home!
I do!
286
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,840
I mean, I... I...
I've loved it here,
287
00:12:06,879 --> 00:12:08,879
but, eh...
288
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,360
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
289
00:12:11,919 --> 00:12:13,919
Yeah!
290
00:12:14,039 --> 00:12:16,039
Yeah.
291
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,320
But, eh...
292
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,920
Now that we live here...
293
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,240
You know? I think that we should
enjoy ourselves.
294
00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:28,799
If we're gonna do it,
295
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,120
we are gonna really,
296
00:12:30,159 --> 00:12:30,959
actually
297
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:31,560
do it.
298
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,720
We are gonna get...
299
00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,399
...tattoos!
Cola flavour lip balms!
300
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,440
I'm sorry, what?
301
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,480
Tattoos!
302
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:43,079
(squeaks) What?
Tattoos!
303
00:12:43,279 --> 00:12:46,879
# (Caribbean steel drum music)
Tattoos! Tattoos?
304
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,640
Takeaway shots! Takeaway shots!
305
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,400
# (heavy metal music)
Takeaway shots!
306
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:02,040
Truly, we are living the golden age
of Holyhead. Ha!
307
00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:04,679
Ah, we're such mad bitches, Maeve!
308
00:13:05,639 --> 00:13:09,879
Me with the shots, and you getting
your cutie little ankle tattoo...
309
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,999
Oh, it's going to be so gorgeous
in the summer,
310
00:13:12,039 --> 00:13:14,599
with little dresses,
and little sandals,
311
00:13:14,639 --> 00:13:16,639
oh my God!
312
00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:19,079
What?
313
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,720
If you're gonna get a tattoo,
get...
314
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:22,920
a tattoo.
315
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,960
No no...
Is it too small?
316
00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:28,559
No.
317
00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:30,759
No, I think it's gonna be...
318
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,160
I think it's gonna be grand
in the summer.
319
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,920
With a really heavy fringe...
320
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,040
or... maybe all of the rest of your
hair just combed forward,
321
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,000
across your forehead.
322
00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:42,439
And here, well done on your tattoo.
323
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,760
Yeah.
324
00:13:44,799 --> 00:13:47,159
It's just that one dot of ink,
isn't it?
325
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,600
Yeah, but you know, as you said,
326
00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:51,559
it's a symbol.
Well done, brave soldier!
327
00:13:51,799 --> 00:13:52,279
Thank you!
328
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,320
Here, neck that back.
329
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,080
You too, pal.
330
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,120
We... are going...
331
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,240
dancin'!
332
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,720
Ow! Ahh!
333
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:06,719
# (disco music)
# Boogie! Boogie town!
334
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,000
So. We heard that if you get a
Holyhead Nights tattoo,
335
00:14:13,039 --> 00:14:16,039
you basically get free drink here
forever!
336
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:16,840
Yeah, you do.
337
00:14:16,879 --> 00:14:18,039
But only up to 9 p.m.
338
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,800
Yeah, but it's, like,
four minutes past nine.
339
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:20,960
Exactly.
340
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000
Ohhh!
Ohhh!
341
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,240
Two pints of wine, please.
342
00:14:25,279 --> 00:14:27,199
Works out cheaper if you get
two litres,
343
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,520
in jugs.
344
00:14:28,559 --> 00:14:30,399
With straws.
345
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,200
I love Wales.
346
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,440
So do I.
347
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,480
Awww!
Awww!
348
00:14:40,039 --> 00:14:42,039
Mmmmmm! (sniffs)
349
00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:44,079
Oaky, woody.
350
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,120
Mmm. Chars!
351
00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:48,159
Bottoms up!
352
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,840
# Boogie! Boogie town!
353
00:14:50,879 --> 00:14:53,399
Excuse me, what type of wine is that?
354
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,000
White wine.
355
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,000
Mmm!
356
00:14:58,039 --> 00:15:00,039
I have to go dancing now!
357
00:15:01,919 --> 00:15:04,679
Pawl?
We need to stop that tattoo deal.
358
00:15:05,039 --> 00:15:06,799
Ohh!
359
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,840
# (hip hop music)
360
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,960
Ohhhh, this is burning my oesophagus!
361
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,000
Ah, me too!
362
00:15:15,399 --> 00:15:17,799
Look at our great aul' jugs, Maeve!
363
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,520
Do you remember the time we raided
your parents' drinks cabinet,
364
00:15:20,559 --> 00:15:22,479
and you got so drunk you puked out
your nose,
365
00:15:22,519 --> 00:15:24,519
and you burnt your nostrils and you
had to apply, like,
366
00:15:24,559 --> 00:15:27,639
eight-hour cream up there with a
cotton bud for, like, two weeks!
367
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,680
Yeah! (laughs)
368
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,640
Oh, this is so great!
369
00:15:36,079 --> 00:15:39,119
You know, we are ninety-nine point
nine per cent Irish,
370
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:43,000
but we are all a hundred per cent
human!
371
00:15:43,039 --> 00:15:43,919
Yep!
372
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,960
Our cultures meshing!
373
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,240
Ohhhh, yes!
374
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,160
Yes!
375
00:15:57,559 --> 00:15:59,559
# (hip hop music)
376
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,960
(cheering)
377
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,000
(applause)
378
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:19,039
Aaah!
379
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,479
(applause)
380
00:16:20,519 --> 00:16:22,519
Ow!
381
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,640
Hi! This is so not personal,
it's just, you only live once,
382
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,760
and I've never been involved
in a bar brawl!
383
00:16:32,599 --> 00:16:34,519
Uh!
384
00:16:34,559 --> 00:16:36,519
Oh!
385
00:16:36,559 --> 00:16:41,479
Ah!
A closed fist, you absolute lunatic!
386
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,640
I'm here for the rugby!
387
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,160
And for the sex!
388
00:16:50,599 --> 00:16:53,639
You guys say "grand" for...
389
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,520
a big house, and we say "grand"
390
00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,880
for "yeah, fine, OK!"
391
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,720
Does that not blow your mind?
392
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,400
Your friend's crazy.
393
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,160
Yeah.
She lives like there's no tomorrow!
394
00:17:14,559 --> 00:17:18,079
Just can't apologise for being you!
395
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:21,999
You, that includes you, my friend!
396
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,280
Just stop apologising for everything!
397
00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:28,839
Get down immediately
or I'm calling the police.
398
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,880
I'm sorry.
399
00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:34,719
# (music)
400
00:17:34,759 --> 00:17:36,759
(burp)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
401
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,440
(burp)
Oh my God!
402
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:42,599
(burp)
403
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,640
You're the cutest.
404
00:17:45,839 --> 00:17:47,839
(laughs)
405
00:17:49,839 --> 00:17:51,839
I'm drunk.
Mm-mm.
406
00:17:55,559 --> 00:17:57,559
I'm not done. Mm mm mm!
407
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,480
No siree!
(Maeve vomits)
408
00:18:01,519 --> 00:18:03,519
Oh, Maeve.
409
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,640
Maeve!
410
00:18:12,039 --> 00:18:14,039
(Joy vomits)
411
00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:20,759
Oh. God.
412
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,800
Maeve, we're not gonna get our
deposit back,
413
00:18:23,839 --> 00:18:26,679
I just puked all over the
rhododendrons.
414
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,359
Oh God.
415
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,160
We had fun!
416
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,200
We had fun!
417
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,200
Oh my God, I'm dying.
418
00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:43,799
(laughs) Oh my God.
419
00:18:44,319 --> 00:18:46,319
Me too.
420
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,840
I'm not the best of friends, Maeve.
421
00:18:52,519 --> 00:18:54,519
I'm not the best of people.
422
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,480
You know, I'm just grand.
423
00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:01,279
I wanna be better.
424
00:19:03,319 --> 00:19:04,799
(sighs)
425
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,839
I'm so sorry!
426
00:19:07,319 --> 00:19:09,319
# (music)
427
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:26,480
I was the one that stole your bottle
of Davidoff Cool Water.
428
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,920
It wasn't Sinead.
429
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:31,119
No!
430
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,640
Sorry!
431
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,600
I gave her a dead arm!
432
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,640
I know.
433
00:19:38,519 --> 00:19:40,519
Poor Sinead.
434
00:19:43,839 --> 00:19:45,839
It's OK.
435
00:19:47,799 --> 00:19:49,799
Thank you.
436
00:19:51,039 --> 00:19:53,039
BFFs!
437
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,359
BFFs.
438
00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:58,319
# (music)
439
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,440
Boots, been in there.
440
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,480
Oh yeah.
441
00:20:04,519 --> 00:20:05,999
So, eh.... hey!
442
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,279
Back to the, eh...?
Awww. Yeah.
443
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,440
# (music)
444
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,920
Thank you for this.
445
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,599
I needed it more than you know.
446
00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:33,599
You need a fringe more than you know!
447
00:20:34,799 --> 00:20:36,279
I am gonna miss you so much!
448
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,719
Well, I'm gonna see you next week,
449
00:20:37,759 --> 00:20:41,679
'cause I'm literally gonna come back
down and see you next week.
450
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,200
I don't want you to be sad,
you know?
451
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,160
I don't want you to...
452
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,520
beat yourself up about what we
didn't do, and...
453
00:20:46,559 --> 00:20:51,039
Yeah. I am a bit sad that we didn't
go to that Holyhead art exhibition.
454
00:20:51,079 --> 00:20:53,479
I'm just so obsessed with culture,
Maeve.
455
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:56,159
But we did have toad in the hole
for breakfast!
456
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,520
And I don't care what anybody says
457
00:20:57,559 --> 00:21:02,079
about imports or whatsits,
we still don't have that in Ireland.
458
00:21:04,519 --> 00:21:06,319
One last goodbye?
459
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:07,959
Absolutely!
460
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,000
But like, for literally seven days.
461
00:21:10,039 --> 00:21:12,039
(laughs) Come here!
462
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,880
(sighs)
463
00:21:38,319 --> 00:21:40,319
# (music, traffic)
464
00:22:03,839 --> 00:22:05,359
You came!
465
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,400
Hi!
466
00:22:07,519 --> 00:22:11,359
I know you're busy,
I really appreciate that you came!
467
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,600
I did, yeah, of course I did!
468
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,360
I left Olivia at my mum's, you...
469
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,120
got my message?
470
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,480
Yeah...
471
00:22:19,519 --> 00:22:21,359
So what do you think?
472
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,920
What do I think?
Wh... what do you think?
473
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,400
It's... difficult to explain.
474
00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:27,999
Just try though?
475
00:22:28,039 --> 00:22:29,119
Can you believe he's left?
476
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,040
Left to... I can't believe I'm saying
the words
477
00:22:31,079 --> 00:22:32,399
"my husband has left me".
478
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,760
Oh my God, Trish, are you kidding?
479
00:22:35,759 --> 00:22:37,759
No!
480
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,160
Sorry, it's just...
481
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,120
so shocking, it's like, every time,
I'm literally hearing it
482
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,160
for the first time!
483
00:22:44,559 --> 00:22:46,559
OK...
484
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,960
let's get a cup of tea.
485
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,440
# (music)
486
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,600
So tell me everything from the start.
487
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,240
# (music)
488
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,400
Morning.
Morning!
489
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,400
Are you doing OK?
490
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,080
I got a text this morning,
from Stan.
491
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,560
OK, let me explain.
492
00:23:23,599 --> 00:23:25,759
You see,
we went for a swim in the sea.
493
00:23:25,799 --> 00:23:27,119
And then we were staying
in this tiny caravan,
494
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,520
and it was so small in there, you
know the way you're like
495
00:23:29,559 --> 00:23:31,359
"Sorry, can I get by you there?"
and then we started kissing,
496
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,400
and then it just slipped in f...
for a minute.
497
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,440
No, not that.
498
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,200
What is it?
499
00:23:41,519 --> 00:23:43,319
Maeve is dead.
500
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,359
# (music)
501
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,400
Subtitles:
RTE 2020.
502
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,440
.
503
00:23:49,490 --> 00:23:54,040
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