subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Coffee.Town.2013.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:04,872 [*] 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,673 [police sirens] 5 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,079 My name is Will, 6 00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:22,350 and this... is my office. 7 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,129 You've seen us before. 8 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:37,298 A sea of glowing screens 9 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,533 attached to your coffee shop like barnacles. 10 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:43,571 Or... maybe you're one of us, and you understand 11 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,139 we're not here to be different 12 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,741 we're here to survive. 13 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,544 I manage a website for an electronics company. 14 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,813 Mainly updating driver downloads, 15 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,515 integrating advertising revenue 16 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,983 with product-specific pla- 17 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,117 [gunshot] 18 00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:00,053 But, I do have a job, so... 19 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,055 I guess I shouldn't complain. 20 00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,457 [speakerphone conversation] 21 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,459 When I got laid off from my office job a year ago, 22 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:06,827 I tried working at home... 23 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,264 But roommates can make that difficult. 24 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,834 -I HAVE FUCKING AIDS! 25 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,669 AAAIIIDDSS! 26 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,340 - So, I come here... Coffee Town. 27 00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,442 Though, it wasn't always called that. 28 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,378 A local businessman, Morris Brown, 29 00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:26,880 wanted to starts a chain of coffee stores 30 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:29,917 and since coffee is brown... 31 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,885 he came up with the ingenious name 32 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:32,853 Brown Town, 33 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,223 which some took the wrong way. 34 00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:36,457 [glass shattering] 35 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,460 So, it became... Coffee Town. 36 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,961 And it works for me because, 37 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,396 unlike some people in this world... 38 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,565 - Do you have another card, maybe? 39 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:45,866 - I live within my means. 40 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:46,867 - Next? 41 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,203 I drive a 1998 Saturn. 42 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,171 [inaudible conversation] 43 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,074 [whistling] 44 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,243 [car lock chirp] 45 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,848 I used to have one of these. 46 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,550 I buy clothes at estate sales. 47 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:08,789 - That was his church... coat... [sobbing] 48 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,058 - I get my hair cut at a cosmetology school. 49 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:11,825 - No... 50 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,896 ...lose yourself. Don't be afraid to fail. 51 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,368 -Uuh... 52 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:23,571 And... I use a coffee shop as my office, 53 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,205 which I love. 54 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,841 It's three blocks from my house, has comfortable chairs, 55 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,377 and, most importantly,.. 56 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,512 people that are bigger losers than me. 57 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,046 - Where's your dial-up connection? 58 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,549 - But, like any office, there are rules to surviving 59 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,685 and they have to be followed. 60 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,454 The main rule? Always be drinking. 61 00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:44,191 If you stop drinking, you stop being a customer. 62 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,995 And the reason I have to play by the rules... is this guy. 63 00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:48,862 Sam. 64 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,132 He sees people me as parasites, 65 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:55,135 squatters in his house of free wi-fi. 66 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,370 - What'll it be, sir? 67 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,372 - He knows. 68 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,409 Medium drip... lightly sweetened... 69 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:04,312 Sometimes I let him write it all down. 70 00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:05,646 Then I change it up. 71 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,881 With whole... milk. 72 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,893 I win. 73 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,463 Now I just have to find a way to drink milk 74 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,465 without shitting my pants. 75 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:28,802 Another up-side of having a coffee shop as your office 76 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,905 is your friends can drop by and hang out whenever they want. 77 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,447 This is Chad. 78 00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:41,715 We've been friends since high school. 79 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,720 - Mmm... mmm, cawamel... 80 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,989 I like... cawamel. 81 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,425 MMMH... mmm 82 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,562 mmh... 83 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,163 - He works in the building across the street 84 00:04:56,196 --> 00:05:00,067 and visits during his company-sanctioned smoke breaks... 85 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,569 even though he doesn't smoke. 86 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,575 - [whispering] Coffee Town... 87 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,877 It's amazing that black people got mad about Brown Town. 88 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:15,483 I mean, if 'brown town' meant them, that would mean it's they're town. 89 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,050 Right? Isn't that what you want? 90 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,519 Your own town? Just for you? 91 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,554 I mean, that's like havin' a... a... 92 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,923 - Water fountain? Just for you? 93 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,526 -You're making fun of me. 94 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:28,028 - Oh no, no, no. You pretty much take care of that on your own. 95 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,397 - Well, guess what. 96 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,465 I don't think that whole water fountain thing is racist either. 97 00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:32,533 - See? 98 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,035 - You have a water fountain just for yourself. 99 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,337 Everywhere you go, there's two water fountains. 100 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:41,041 Now, sure, it's wrong if, like, the black person water fountain is like... 101 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,710 rusty, or something like that. 102 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:45,413 [whispering] But if it's just as good as the white person water fountain... 103 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,514 who cares? 104 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,315 [intense whispering] That's more water fountains. 105 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,083 It keeps the crowds down! 106 00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,885 - The water fountain crowds? 107 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,754 - I've stood in line at a water fountain before. 108 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,056 - No you haven't. - I know. 109 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,392 Because black people don't like water fountains. 110 00:05:58,426 --> 00:05:59,126 - What? 111 00:05:59,159 --> 00:05:59,927 - Africa... 112 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,730 ... is a desert continent. 113 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:06,066 - That's crazy... it's... crazy. 114 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:10,070 - I am all for civil rights. I'm like the number one civil rights guy. 115 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,305 But, let's be real. 116 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,408 Since the civil rights era... 117 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:17,077 there's half as many water fountains. 118 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,011 Fact. 119 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,847 [muffled rap music *] 120 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,015 - More often than not, we're joined by our friend, Gino. 121 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,017 - Gino 122 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,420 - Who became a police officer solely to hook up with women. 123 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:29,857 Which he's far more skilled at than, you know, stopping crime. 124 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,024 -Can I get a coffee? -Sure. 125 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,060 - Hey, you're new here, huh? - Yeah. 126 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,394 - Yeah, well, keep your head down. 127 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,029 There've been some drive-by shootings in the area 128 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,365 and I'd hate to see that pretty face of yours gettin' blown off. 129 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,400 - Oh my god. 130 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:44,204 - Gino's theory is that fear stimulates women more than flirtation. 131 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,239 - It's on the house. - Look me in the eyes. 132 00:06:46,273 --> 00:06:47,941 - [flirtatious breath] - You're welcome. 133 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,044 - You're welcome. 134 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,814 - And as far as I can tell... he seems to be right. 135 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,048 - You guys saw that, right? 136 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,584 Cop talk never fails. 137 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,085 - Aw yeah! 138 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:01,154 - I'm just glad you didn't use the serial rapist on the loose story. 139 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,523 - What, are you nuts? That's my closer. 140 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:05,125 You open with that and they associate you with rape. 141 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,426 And not the good kind. 142 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,696 - What? - What? 143 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,699 - Hey, so was that drive-by shooting thing bullshit? 144 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,400 - That actually was real, my friend. 145 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,803 Guy got plugged over in Norwich outta nowhere. 146 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,471 This whole town is going to shit. 147 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:19,573 - Yeah, because you're in charge of protecting it. 148 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,974 - It's amazing, right? 149 00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,577 You know, at the academy, when they asked me if I ever did drugs 150 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:28,415 I said "no" to a detective, and he took my word for it! 151 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,250 I've SOLD drugs. 152 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,752 [laughter] 153 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,554 - I can't believe you can shoot people. 154 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,522 - Oh, I can, Will. 155 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,890 I could shoot anybody I want. - Oh! 156 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,892 [walkie talkie] All units, all units. 157 00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,795 Possible break-in at Beatty Towers. Back-up units requested. 158 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,230 - One sugar's never enough. 159 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,498 You know what I mean? They should make the packets huge. 160 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,199 [walkie talkie] Officer down! Officer down! 161 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,201 [frantic walkie talkie chatter] 162 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,638 - You gonna get that? - No, it's so far away. 163 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,305 - Is the volume bothering you? [walkie talkie goes silent] 164 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,574 - Jesus Christ 165 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,810 I should have been a cop. There's literally no down-side. 166 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,012 - Yeah, totally. I mean, except dying. 167 00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,715 - I'd welcome that... 168 00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:03,383 Chad works for an industrial lighting company 169 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:06,720 where employees sell expensive L.E.D. lighting systems 170 00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,322 while sitting underneath the cheap fluorescent bulbs 171 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,691 they're competing against. 172 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,359 - FUUUCK YOU! 173 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,426 [zap] 174 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,563 [crying] 175 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,865 - That happens about once a week. 176 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,499 - You lose a sale, Roger? 177 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,034 [weeping] 178 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,070 - Hey, check this guy out right here. 179 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,838 He comes in here every single day 180 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,306 and he wants to tip Sam, 181 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,375 but Sam doesn't wanna acknowledge the tip. 182 00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,377 Okay, watch. He's gonna go to give Sam a tip and 183 00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:33,180 no, no. See Sam doesn't want to acknowledge the tip! 184 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,348 But this guy WANTS him to acknowledge the tip. 185 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,350 Sam will probably look back at- yep, see. 186 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:39,052 And Sam turns around again. 187 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,088 And the other guy just walks off, he doesn't tip Sam, 188 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,057 and then Sam looks at the jar, and he can tell by sight 189 00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,626 that nothing's been put in there. 190 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,294 - Asshole. 191 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,496 - It's like a tiny little ballet. - Mm hmm. 192 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,465 - He should do those jellybean in a jar contests 193 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,567 and get RICH! 194 00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,235 - I wouldn't acknowledge a tip either. 195 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:58,071 Someone throwing their spare change at you like you're a hobo? 196 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,406 How humiliating is that? 197 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:02,042 - Whoa! Here comes your girl! 198 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,750 - She stops by every day after the gym. 199 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,386 Stunning, graceful. 200 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,423 A perfect, sweaty angel. 201 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,131 - Hi. - Hey. 202 00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,166 - What can I get you? - Soy latte, please. 203 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,571 Hey! - What? [laughs] 204 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:34,007 - Shit. - He works in a coffee shop. 205 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:35,542 Not a threat. 206 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,144 - He's in a band. - Threat. 207 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,812 - Daily grind of coffee, daily grind of rock 'n' roll. 208 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:39,680 You know what I mean? 209 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,248 - What's her name? 210 00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:42,382 - Becca. 211 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,517 Oh... 212 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,654 She just saw me mouth her name. 213 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,554 - Yeah, that's a tell. 214 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,588 - Soy latte? 215 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,824 - Oh. - HEY, I got that. 216 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,292 [high-pitched singing] YYEAAH! 217 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,194 That is for you. 218 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,462 - Just go over there and talk to her. 219 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,496 I'm sick of watching you drool over her every day. 220 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,565 - I would love to talk to her, Chad, 221 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,334 but she always comes in here wearing work-out clothes. 222 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,170 You can't make a move on a girl in work-out clothes 223 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,172 without comin' off like a douche. 224 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:08,541 Hey there, I could not help but notice your body being displayed 225 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:13,380 and I was wondering... if i could have sex with it. 226 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,682 [ROAR!] 227 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,183 AAAH! 228 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:17,751 - Alright... I'm givin' her a brush-by. 229 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:18,652 Police privilege. 230 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:19,920 - Oh no, please don't do that. 231 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,922 - Oh please, I will do that. It's for you, okay? 232 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,024 Athletic wear is very misleading. 233 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,358 You don't know what's firm underneath that. 234 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,226 - I don't need to know. 235 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,695 - Yeah, well no I need to know. 236 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:30,964 Excuse me. 237 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:34,201 - Oh... Thanks for all your hard work. 238 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,436 - Just tryin' to keep you safe. 239 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:41,474 [no audible sound] 240 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,676 - No, plea- please d- plea- 241 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,244 - [shouting] SO FIRM!! 242 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,715 - Why are we friends with him? 243 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:48,782 - He's got a good heart. 244 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,185 Is he parked in two handicapped spots? 245 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,490 I should get back to the office. 246 00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:58,425 - Yep. 247 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:00,627 Me too. 248 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,463 I wouldn't say a coffee shop is the perfect office... 249 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,366 but I'll admit, it means something to me. 250 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:12,539 In a world that lets me feel joy just long enough to taste it 251 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,713 then somehow finds a way to cruelly yank it away, 252 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,349 Coffee Town makes me happy. 253 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,419 So, I continue to go there, even though my apartment 254 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,921 is now mine, alone... 255 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,690 shared only by the belongings 256 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,726 of my recently deceased roommate, 257 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,295 whom I think about a lot. 258 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,931 Sometimes too much. 259 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,035 I thought his family would come and collect his things, 260 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,304 but I think after the funeral... 261 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,906 ...they preferred to avoid me. 262 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:48,909 [whispering] I just feel th- 263 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,848 ...um... 264 00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,419 [whispering] C'mon. 265 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:02,756 Come on... 266 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,691 Come- 267 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,459 [gasps] 268 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,763 [crying] 269 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,908 I guess the sad truth is 270 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,243 Coffee Town is the only place I really feel comfortable. 271 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:23,944 - Enjoy. 272 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,781 - Medium drip, lightly sweetened, light soy. 273 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,384 - Name? 274 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:40,527 - Willllinton Zegonda-Georgington Zybl- [trails off] 275 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:43,997 Junior. 276 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,708 - Did I spell that right? 277 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,777 - You just drew a penis. 278 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:02,582 - Next in line? 279 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,554 - Another attempt to squeeze people like me out 280 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:10,390 Tryin' to make every piss cost a quarter. 281 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:13,060 But, as it doesn't specify 'quarter' 282 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:16,964 there's no reason I can't use Pizza Castle tokens... 283 00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,565 Turn over. Oh yeah. 284 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,567 ... which I harvest by the hundreds. 285 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,002 That is what I need! 286 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:22,903 Oh yeah! 287 00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,737 - You here with a kid? 288 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,008 - Yeah... yes. 289 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,676 - Gary, why don't you, uh, meet me down at the ball pit. 290 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,544 We've a pervert situation here. 291 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,914 Gary, the pervert's on the run. The pervert's on the run, he's-- 292 00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:34,747 - MOVE! 293 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,119 - Green tea for Molly. 294 00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:44,357 Medium drip for... Penis Drawing 295 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,363 - Hey. - Hey! 296 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,400 - So, you didn't get in early enough for the big table, huh? 297 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,403 - No, I did. It's just technically for the disabled, 298 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,705 so sometimes you gotta give it up. 299 00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:01,909 Lucky bastard... Right near an outlet. 300 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:05,045 -So get this. Yesterday, my boss says to me 301 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,982 that my teeth don't look like any smoker he's ever seen... Huh? 302 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:10,817 Hey... Are you listening? 303 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,219 - Yes, I'm listening. 304 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,221 It's weird that your boss was looking at your teeth. 305 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,688 -Wait, no, he's not a homo. 306 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,825 He just thinks I'm full of shit and he's tryin' to flush me out. 307 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,094 - Technically, Chad, you are full of shit. 308 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,562 - Yeah, I know. 309 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,731 But we're talking about five ten-minute breaks every day 310 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,500 sanctioned by the boss, because he smokes, alright? 311 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,836 I'm not gonna miss out on that. 312 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,438 So... 313 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,574 I've gotta start smoking 314 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,375 - Ooh... - For real. 315 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,977 - You know, they say 316 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,812 starting smoking is one of the toughest things you can do. 317 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:42,249 - You know what the worst part's gonna be? 318 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,483 - Cancer? 319 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:44,484 - Buying the things. 320 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:47,054 It's worse than buying condoms, alright? 321 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:50,690 You can't turn a cigarette inside-out and smoke it again. 322 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,524 - Wait, what? 323 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:53,593 - I r- I rinse it out! 324 00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,562 - Chad, I'll give you condoms. 325 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,697 - Ooooh boy. 326 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,199 - Yo. - Hey, what's goin' on? 327 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,367 - I dunno. 328 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,035 - Check this out. Ah you're gonna love this. 329 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,303 - What do we got? 330 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,505 - Oh, what do I got... what don't I got? Boom! 331 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,975 - Oh! - The evidence room is a joke. 332 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,477 That, my friends, is an ivory handle. 333 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,379 - Does that have... blood on the blade? 334 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,981 - Probably. 335 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,882 - They're gonna think there's a murder going on in here. 336 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,818 - Because of that little amount of blood? Chad... 337 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,520 - Forensics? - You're an idiot. 338 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,754 - Let me show you, over here, 339 00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,690 is where I'm thinkin' we can put the taps. 340 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,325 - [whispering] Hey, guys, guys guys... 341 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,559 That's Morris Brown. 342 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,995 He owns this entire chain. 343 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,262 - Oh, wow! 344 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,564 - Droppin' by to get his ass kissed, I like that. 345 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,034 - I- I really think that this is your best bet. 346 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,970 I mean, they might call it Coffee Town, but I call it... 347 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,305 ... Coffee Home. 348 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,507 - I don't... think they're just here for a visit. 349 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,574 They're checkin' everything out. 350 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,343 - Ah! And here's my coffee wife, 351 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,312 hehe, right over here. 352 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,879 Not... not really, 353 00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,381 I mean, I don't have sex with her... or anything. 354 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,217 I mean not that... you don't deserve it, but.. 355 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,184 - Ugh. - Alright... 356 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:52,252 uh, let me show you the bathroom. 357 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,486 - It's awesome. 358 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,822 - You think this place is up for remodel? 359 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,157 - Maybe... 360 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,525 - You think they're gonna get rid of these chairs? 361 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,427 I'm sick of having all beanbags. 362 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,662 - Told you you'd regret that. - I do. 363 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,365 Biggest mistake of my life. 364 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,666 - Even bigger than that haircut? 365 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,469 - Oh, hey, Sam, Sam, Sam, 366 00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,472 c'mere... C'mon, dude, c'mere. 367 00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,606 Come here. 368 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,276 What's the owner doing here? 369 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,511 - Ah, well, see, they are... 370 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,248 converting one of the locations to a bistro lounge. 371 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,482 Serve alcohol and stuff. 372 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:25,385 More of a social atmosphere as opposed to a place where 373 00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,320 dick-heads can leech off our resources 374 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:28,588 for six dollars a day. 375 00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,096 - Fuck. 376 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,764 - I like the idea! 377 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:38,831 - What do you mean you like the idea? 378 00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:40,733 This is my office! I have to work here! 379 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,235 - You don't HAVE to work here. 380 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,904 - Yes I do. This is the only place within walking distance, 381 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,673 has free wireless, outdoor seating... 382 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:47,807 ... printing station... 383 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,242 - There's a printing station? 384 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:50,843 - Yeah, you get Nathan a muffin 385 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,481 - I would never give that guy a muffin. 386 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,582 - This place is like my home! 387 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,650 - Calm down, there's a million Coffee Towns. 388 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,052 How do you know they're gonna pick this place? 389 00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,520 - Because this is the best one, Gino. 390 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,654 They're gonna see that. 391 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,757 - The one in Albertson's is nice! 392 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,326 - You know, I don't think they're gonna pick one 393 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,561 that's in a grocery store, Chad. 394 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,896 - They probably won't. - Yeah. 395 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,164 - Ah, dammit. 396 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:14,101 They're gonna turn my office into a T.G.I. Fridays. 397 00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,139 Oh god. 398 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,141 - Oh ho, that's not gonna help your cause. 399 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,175 - Becca! 400 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,244 Beautiful Becca. 401 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,845 Nice to see you... as always! Always great, uh... 402 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,714 - Morris Brown is totally checking her out. 403 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,049 - Uh, I can get that kinda clientele here. 404 00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:33,253 - Morris is gonna think this is the place for the bistro. 405 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:36,156 [whispering] Cuz you got a-- -We got it, Chad. 406 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,924 - I'm just explaining... - Yeah, a lot. 407 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,693 - Ah, what is that? Oh hey! Wait a minute. 408 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,763 We have, uh... we meaning my band Mr. and Mrs. Williams... 409 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,265 - Oh no. 410 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,366 - What is that? 411 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,400 - His demo C.D. 412 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:50,036 - Aw, shit just got real, my friend. 413 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,871 - It's what I do, I put my heart into the... into the... 414 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,141 the stories are- are where it comes from. 415 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,409 - He's going in via the artist's entrance. And do you see this? 416 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:57,710 Do you see this right now? 417 00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,380 He is pointing to the song that she'll think is about her. 418 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,382 This dude is good. That is a veteran move. 419 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,217 - I'm not gonna say it's about you, 420 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,853 and I'm not gonna say that it is not about you... cuz... 421 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,355 - Aw, Sam. - That's how I work. 422 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,822 - Nobody's ever written a song about me before. 423 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,924 - I mean it's- it- may not be... 424 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,328 - Thanks. 425 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,496 - He's a dick. 426 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,531 - I got news for you, friend. He's not. 427 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:19,699 - What do you mean? You don't know him. 428 00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,134 - This is what I do know, okay? 429 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,035 I went into that bathroom right there a couple days ago 430 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:26,406 and took a very adult shit. Laid some very heavy skid-marks. 431 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,440 I leave, he goes in. 432 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,342 When he leaves, I go back in to wash my hands. 433 00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:30,510 - Wait, wait wait. 434 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,544 You don't wash your hands the first time? 435 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:32,579 - Of course not. 436 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,581 Dries out my skin... But... 437 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:35,748 my thumb stunk a lot... 438 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,083 I think I clipped asshole. 439 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,051 Regardless, I get back in there, 440 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,188 all of the streaks... totally off. 441 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,824 That guy pissed em off the porcelain. 442 00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,493 That says a lot about a man. 443 00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,828 - You know what he is? He's a poop-chipper. 444 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,697 - Chad, you nailed it, dude. 445 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,032 Dude is a poop-chipper. - A what? 446 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:54,734 - What? He just said 'what'. - What. 447 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:55,468 - Tell him what it is. 448 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,803 I'll take it from here. 449 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,905 There are two types of guys in this world, right? 450 00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,674 Those who use their own urine to chip away someone else's poop, 451 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,410 for the greater good, 452 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,744 and those who do not. 453 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,479 - I don't even chip my own poop at home. 454 00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,215 - It's weird to say that. Okay? 455 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,383 And that, my friend, right there, we are looking at 456 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,484 is a poop-chipper... 457 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:12,919 ... who is in a band... 458 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:13,586 [laughter] 459 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,754 You should be nervous. 460 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,556 - I gotta make my move! - You sure do. 461 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:19,992 - Yeah, especially before they turn this place into a bistro lounge, 462 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,429 because a girl like that, she's not gonna come in here, 463 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,531 all sweaty and naked, 464 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:27,500 when people are, you know, sittin' in tuxedos, sippin' wine. 465 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:28,535 Uh uh uh. 466 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,702 - Have you ever been to a bistro before? 467 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:31,838 - No. I'm gonna go to this one, though. - Right. 468 00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,573 - Do you think the cover charge is gonna be high? 469 00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:34,907 - Aw man. 470 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,576 - God, if this place converts 471 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:37,644 I'm gonna lose everything... 472 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,746 my office, my girl... 473 00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,514 - All the things you don't actually have? 474 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,449 - Heh heh. 475 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,517 - I'll give you a tip. 476 00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,519 If you want to approach a girl who's not on your playing field, 477 00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:49,155 you have to meet her on hers. Look at that. 478 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,857 You gotta get yourself some work-out wear. 479 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,024 - Or be super sweaty. 480 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,159 - I'd stick with the work-out wear. 481 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,127 - Either way works. - Except one of em. 482 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,565 - Okay. No, you're right. I gotta try that. 483 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,199 I'm gonna try that. 484 00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:02,302 - FUCK! 485 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,744 - Hey, Matthews! 486 00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,314 - Hey Mr. Ryan. Just comin' here to get my fix. 487 00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,882 - No wonder I never see you in the courtyard, 488 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:16,916 you sneak over here for a smoke. 489 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,085 - Yeah, I just find it more peaceful. 490 00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,052 - Hey. 491 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,491 - I'll- I'll see you back at the office. 492 00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,392 - Yeah. 493 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,795 - It's on the house, right? Yeah. 494 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,333 - C'mon Phil. You don't even have a cord. 495 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,834 - Phil, get outta here. 496 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,035 - This guy... - PHIL! 497 00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,507 - Oh, OOH, ooh! 498 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:41,408 Fish on! 499 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,209 Seems like a nice dude, right? 500 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,011 I think I could live with this guy. 501 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,246 - Okay, calm down, he hasn't even taken a tab yet. 502 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,581 - Yeah, no, you're right, you're right. 503 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,417 He might just be lookin' at the missing dog flyer. 504 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,918 - He'd be wasting his time. 505 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,386 I found that dog last week. 506 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,754 [loud rap music *] 507 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,055 [dog yelp] 508 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,091 - Come on... c'mon, c'mon, c'mon. 509 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:02,061 Oh, wait. - Look at this! Boom! 510 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,531 - I got him. He's mine. 511 00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,433 - I think... is he- is he dialing now? 512 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,401 Oh shit. - Oh. 513 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,571 - Hello? 514 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:15,074 - Hi, I was just calling about the room for rent. 515 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,010 - Yes, uh, the room is available and-- - Mm hmm? 516 00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,847 - Uuuuuh... you can have it, if you want to, 517 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,182 because... I mean... 518 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:25,352 Yes, I'm sitting right here. Hehehe... 519 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,555 - I'm standing right here. 520 00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:31,991 - That's the living room. - Okay. 521 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,193 - And uh, your bedroom's gonna be right through here, 522 00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:36,228 and this is gonna be the... bath... room... 523 00:21:36,262 --> 00:21:38,398 You know what? Actually, I will meet you in there. 524 00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:39,966 Uh, and I'm just gonna do... something. 525 00:21:41,568 --> 00:21:45,372 Something being removing the last traces of my previous roommate. 526 00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:54,481 [yawn] 527 00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:57,183 So... yeah. It's just a futon in here right now, 528 00:21:57,216 --> 00:21:59,185 but you're welcome to move a bed in if you'd like. 529 00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:02,355 - Naw, it's okay, I don't even sleep. 530 00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:05,592 - You... you don't... sleep? - Mm mm... 531 00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:09,261 I have a neurological disorder that prevents me from sleeping. 532 00:22:09,295 --> 00:22:10,697 - Really? Wow. 533 00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:12,599 How do you deal with something like that? 534 00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:16,703 - I do exercises to simulate rapid eye movement. 535 00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:18,304 Sort-of like this guy. 536 00:22:21,608 --> 00:22:23,309 This kinda reminds me of me. 537 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,844 Thank you... 538 00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:28,381 ... It's gonna be fun staying awake here. 539 00:22:28,415 --> 00:22:29,949 - Nice. 540 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,920 Well, what are you doin' now? 541 00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,388 - Exercising. 542 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,001 [raucous laughter] 543 00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:51,270 - [shouting] OH NO, NO, NO! 544 00:22:52,672 --> 00:22:54,073 - What? 545 00:22:54,106 --> 00:22:56,809 - Are you serious!? - What? 546 00:22:56,843 --> 00:22:57,744 - What are you wea- w- what is this!? 547 00:22:57,777 --> 00:22:58,911 - Work-out clothes! 548 00:22:58,945 --> 00:23:00,713 - Work-out clothes!? - This was your idea! 549 00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:01,714 - But sleeveless!? 550 00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:02,582 - Oh, c-- - You're not Rafael Nadal, 551 00:23:02,615 --> 00:23:03,750 you're barely Jim Courier! 552 00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:05,585 - Hey, hey, man, this is all I have, okay? 553 00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:06,686 - Aw hey, ya know, maybe you should open up the arm holes a little bit, 554 00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,488 show off those sweet nipples ya got. 555 00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:10,156 - Hey, you said, you said make it look like we have something in common, 556 00:23:10,189 --> 00:23:11,157 and this is what I'm-- 557 00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,559 - Not that you wear the same size! 558 00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:15,227 - Ey, I've seen you shirtless too, everything's drooping down. 559 00:23:15,261 --> 00:23:17,363 It's like the Earth is trying to suck you back in. 560 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:19,231 - I'm a cop, I don't have to be in shape. 561 00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:21,067 I'm never gonna run faster than a bullet. 562 00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:23,503 Get me somethin'. 563 00:23:23,536 --> 00:23:25,271 - After you. - Thanks. 564 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:29,942 - Really? 565 00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:32,244 - Hi. - Hey. 566 00:23:32,278 --> 00:23:33,412 - Okay... 567 00:23:33,446 --> 00:23:36,415 - Sam, we've got an office list. 568 00:23:37,684 --> 00:23:39,051 - Okay, you ready? 569 00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:42,489 - Bring it. - Kyle, iced large chai. 570 00:23:42,522 --> 00:23:44,056 - Kyle, iced large. 571 00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:45,191 - Yep. Uh, chai. 572 00:23:45,892 --> 00:23:48,060 But leave room for, um... 573 00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:50,162 ...leave room for the... 574 00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:51,498 - Just- just leave the room, and then, uh... 575 00:23:51,531 --> 00:23:54,567 they can figure out what to put in that room. 576 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:55,935 - Cream! It's cream. 577 00:23:55,968 --> 00:23:57,336 Leave room for the cream. - Got it. 578 00:23:57,369 --> 00:23:59,005 - Oh my God. - Medium iced cog. 579 00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:00,840 - [singing] Everybody loves the iced cog! 580 00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:02,408 - Eric, white chocolate mocha. Whoa. 581 00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:03,175 - [singing] White chocca mocha chocca! 582 00:24:03,209 --> 00:24:04,511 - That was really bad. 583 00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:06,579 - That's like, a lot of complicated drinks, huh... 584 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:08,247 ... in the office... that's great. 585 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,750 - What's up with concentrated detergent? 586 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,384 One teaspoon does an entire load. 587 00:24:12,418 --> 00:24:15,522 How did they figure out how to get more soap into soap? 588 00:24:15,555 --> 00:24:17,490 - Didn't seem like soap was somethin' needed fixin'. 589 00:24:17,524 --> 00:24:18,658 - Yeah, I've never done my laundry and thought, 590 00:24:18,691 --> 00:24:21,594 "Jesus, I wish I could pour less soap in here". 591 00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:25,097 - They should figure out a way to put more porn... in porn. 592 00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:31,203 - Midgets... - No, that would be less porn, don't you think? 593 00:24:31,237 --> 00:24:33,506 - Sometimes... less is more. 594 00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:35,374 - No, not in this case. 595 00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:36,876 - Oh, you know what? That would be a great name 596 00:24:36,909 --> 00:24:39,546 for a midget porn star. Less Ismore. 597 00:24:39,579 --> 00:24:42,181 - Yeah. And featuring Less Ismore 598 00:24:42,915 --> 00:24:44,584 - Featuring Less Is More... 599 00:24:44,617 --> 00:24:47,887 - His tag line should be '"one teaspoon equals an entire load". 600 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,089 - I'd watch that. I'd watch it anyway. 601 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:52,592 - Unbelievable. 602 00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:54,026 - What is this? 603 00:24:54,060 --> 00:24:56,863 - Just... people. I open the door for them and then they... 604 00:24:56,896 --> 00:24:59,599 got in line in front of me. I just don't understand that. 605 00:24:59,632 --> 00:25:01,233 You do a good deed and you get punished for it? 606 00:25:01,267 --> 00:25:03,570 - Well isn't opening the door saying "you go first"? 607 00:25:03,603 --> 00:25:06,372 - No, Chad. Opening the door is saying "you go first into the building", 608 00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:08,841 not "you go first into the line where I have to wait 20 minutes 609 00:25:08,875 --> 00:25:11,911 while you make extremely complicated coffee drink orders 610 00:25:11,944 --> 00:25:14,413 for your stupid... office... coworkers". 611 00:25:14,446 --> 00:25:16,849 - Well, you do a good deed, it always comes back to you. 612 00:25:16,883 --> 00:25:19,586 - Really? Because right now I feel like jack shit comes back to me. 613 00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:21,420 I mean wh- when was the last time anything went my way? 614 00:25:21,453 --> 00:25:23,389 - Well you got that awesome shirt. 615 00:25:24,624 --> 00:25:25,692 - [sigh] The... 616 00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:28,360 The shirt's for Becca. -Oh. 617 00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:32,198 Well, should you be wearing it before you give it to her? 618 00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:37,403 - Relax! Who cares man? Look at this guy over here. 619 00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:39,538 What is that a Dave Matthews shirt? 620 00:25:39,572 --> 00:25:43,409 - Hm... You think that means he's gay, or just a douche? 621 00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:45,477 - It's a tough call with, uh, guys that like Dave Matthews. 622 00:25:45,511 --> 00:25:47,413 I mean, is he just a guy that likes to smoke weed 623 00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:49,148 and listen to shitty music? 624 00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:50,883 Cuz nobody seems to mind when you do that to the Grateful Dead, 625 00:25:50,917 --> 00:25:52,585 or... Phish. 626 00:25:52,619 --> 00:25:56,255 - Which makes it more about Dave, who is both likable and good-looking, 627 00:25:56,288 --> 00:25:57,990 which pushes it right on over... 628 00:25:58,024 --> 00:25:59,659 ... to the gay column. - Oooh. 629 00:25:59,692 --> 00:26:01,493 - You know what I was thinking about last night? 630 00:26:01,527 --> 00:26:04,496 When you think about it, being straight is gay. 631 00:26:04,530 --> 00:26:07,433 I mean, how gay is it being attracted to a woman... 632 00:26:07,466 --> 00:26:10,036 all pink... and perfumey. 633 00:26:10,069 --> 00:26:12,605 You know, it's like "ooh, i like girls. 634 00:26:12,639 --> 00:26:14,841 I wanna rub up against girls". 635 00:26:14,874 --> 00:26:16,508 Fag. 636 00:26:16,542 --> 00:26:19,378 But... If you wanna be straight... 637 00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:22,014 ... shove it up another guy's ass. 638 00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:23,115 That's straight. 639 00:26:26,385 --> 00:26:27,519 You see what I'm saying? 640 00:26:30,122 --> 00:26:31,090 - Are you gay? 641 00:26:31,123 --> 00:26:32,491 -No, no no no no. I'm just saying, 642 00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:36,562 what's straighter than having sex with another guy? 643 00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:39,065 - Everything. - Literally everything. 644 00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,600 - No, you guys... are homophobes. 645 00:26:41,634 --> 00:26:43,002 - Of straight people? 646 00:26:43,035 --> 00:26:44,370 - Yeah, well I call them gay people. 647 00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:49,909 - I'm lost... I don't know what you're... 648 00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,678 - Are you enjoying that coffee? 649 00:26:51,711 --> 00:26:53,512 - Sam's newest tactic. 650 00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:56,048 He does nothing to the drink, but asks me how it is, 651 00:26:56,082 --> 00:26:58,517 to make me question that he might have. 652 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,889 - Medium drip... for Will. 653 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:07,259 - But the best retaliation for psychological warfare 654 00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:10,562 is more psychological warfare. 655 00:27:10,596 --> 00:27:12,431 It's delicious... thanks. 656 00:27:15,601 --> 00:27:18,370 - Jesus fucking Christ, Will! C'mon, man! 657 00:27:18,404 --> 00:27:19,271 - Sorry I thought that was a coaster. 658 00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:20,539 - No! - That's not a coaster... 659 00:27:20,572 --> 00:27:21,908 - This right here is my life, okay? 660 00:27:21,941 --> 00:27:23,910 This is like my little baby child. 661 00:27:23,943 --> 00:27:25,377 Not a fuckin' coaster. 662 00:27:25,712 --> 00:27:27,079 Phil! 663 00:27:27,113 --> 00:27:29,581 Oh, c- Phil, no no no, that's not a coaster, man. 664 00:27:29,615 --> 00:27:30,750 - I gave them to everybody. 665 00:27:31,617 --> 00:27:32,819 - You're a genius. 666 00:27:32,852 --> 00:27:34,420 - God dammit. These are not coasters, okay? 667 00:27:34,453 --> 00:27:36,823 I don't care what the fuckin'--Jesus Christ- sign says. 668 00:27:36,856 --> 00:27:38,490 This is a- a C.D. that I made. 669 00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:41,393 Concrete Angst. Give it a listen, you might like it. Okay? 670 00:27:41,427 --> 00:27:42,361 Let me know what you think. 671 00:27:42,394 --> 00:27:43,529 - It's still free, right? 672 00:27:45,531 --> 00:27:48,600 - Alright, time to go... light up. 673 00:27:48,634 --> 00:27:50,536 My boss saw me in here yesterday, 674 00:27:50,569 --> 00:27:53,439 it's gettin' too risky, not smoking. 675 00:27:53,472 --> 00:27:54,373 - Newports? 676 00:27:55,574 --> 00:27:57,910 - ... Yeah, why? What's wrong with Newports? 677 00:27:59,345 --> 00:28:00,346 - ... Well... 678 00:28:02,081 --> 00:28:03,482 ... Nothin'. 679 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:04,650 - Menthol, too, huh? 680 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,385 - Yeah, I thought it would make it taste better. 681 00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:08,755 - Yeah... probably would. That's a good choice. 682 00:28:08,788 --> 00:28:11,924 - Okay... Time to kick the not smoking habit. 683 00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:16,462 I'm really gonna do it this time. 684 00:28:20,767 --> 00:28:23,702 - What's a non-racist way to tell Chad that he's smoking... 685 00:28:23,736 --> 00:28:26,939 - Cigarettes that mostly black people smoke? 686 00:28:26,973 --> 00:28:28,574 - Yes. - Right... right. 687 00:28:28,607 --> 00:28:31,978 There's no non-racist way to say something racist, Will. 688 00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:34,413 - Okay. - Oh... Listen up. 689 00:28:34,446 --> 00:28:36,048 I've got some bad news on the whole Coffee Town front. 690 00:28:36,082 --> 00:28:37,216 - What? 691 00:28:37,249 --> 00:28:38,417 - Some exec called the department yesterday 692 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:40,419 to check up on the crime history of this place... 693 00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:42,721 Check over any felony reports, stuff like that. 694 00:28:42,755 --> 00:28:43,655 - Why? 695 00:28:43,689 --> 00:28:45,491 - Because whatever store they choose, 696 00:28:45,524 --> 00:28:47,393 they're gonna convert into their flagship store. 697 00:28:47,426 --> 00:28:50,429 They gotta make sure there's absolutely no risk. 698 00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:52,264 - Well, so what did they find out? - Nothing. 699 00:28:52,298 --> 00:28:53,432 Place is clean. 700 00:28:53,465 --> 00:28:54,600 The whole neighborhood is, honestly. 701 00:28:54,633 --> 00:28:56,102 - No! No no no! 702 00:28:56,135 --> 00:28:58,470 What about the drive-by shooting you were telling me about? 703 00:28:59,705 --> 00:29:01,373 - ... I didn't file a report on that. 704 00:29:02,608 --> 00:29:04,210 - What do you mean you didn't file a report? 705 00:29:04,243 --> 00:29:05,912 Guy fired a gun out of a moving car! 706 00:29:05,945 --> 00:29:09,648 - Nobody got shot. I didn't solve it. Seemed like a waste of time. 707 00:29:09,681 --> 00:29:12,051 - W- you can't just not file reports, can you? 708 00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:14,586 - I rarely file reports... 709 00:29:14,620 --> 00:29:17,056 - Jesus Chr- You are the worst cop in the world. 710 00:29:17,089 --> 00:29:19,425 - Well fuck off, dude! Honestly, I try my hardest, 711 00:29:19,458 --> 00:29:21,593 and if you think about what I do every day, it's insane. 712 00:29:21,627 --> 00:29:23,395 - AAH! - Aw, the safety's on! 713 00:29:23,429 --> 00:29:24,530 CALM DOWN! 714 00:29:24,563 --> 00:29:25,965 The safety's on! 715 00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:28,734 Oh god, the safety's off. 716 00:29:29,802 --> 00:29:30,903 I gotta snap it in. 717 00:29:30,937 --> 00:29:33,039 It's such an easy thing and I forget to do it. 718 00:29:36,843 --> 00:29:38,477 - This is unbelievable. 719 00:29:38,510 --> 00:29:40,579 Seriously, you know, this is what I get for being a good guy. 720 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:42,414 It's what I get for opening the doors for people 721 00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:44,583 and living a moral life. 722 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:45,885 I get shit on. 723 00:29:45,918 --> 00:29:47,519 Get- I get the only place that feels like home 724 00:29:47,553 --> 00:29:49,088 taken away from me. 725 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,358 Thanks world! Thanks a whole fucking lot! 726 00:29:55,027 --> 00:29:56,228 - Are you talking to me? 727 00:29:56,262 --> 00:29:57,763 - I was talking to the world! 728 00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,932 - World, yeah... just, yep. I get it now. 729 00:30:04,904 --> 00:30:05,637 Becca's here. 730 00:30:07,039 --> 00:30:09,041 - Okay... okay. If she's gonna see you in that thing 731 00:30:09,075 --> 00:30:11,310 you might as well get pumped up. Get some veins showin', alright? 732 00:30:11,343 --> 00:30:12,378 - Oh make myself look bigger? 733 00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:13,712 - Yes! Go! - Okay. 734 00:30:17,850 --> 00:30:19,919 Alright... Come on, baby. 735 00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:29,095 What am I doin'? That's not gonna do anything. 736 00:30:47,079 --> 00:30:49,448 [grunt] That's it. That's it. 737 00:30:50,382 --> 00:30:52,018 - AAH! AH! 738 00:30:52,051 --> 00:30:52,985 AAGH! 739 00:30:53,019 --> 00:30:54,887 [muffled] Son of a... STOP SPRAYING! 740 00:30:54,921 --> 00:30:56,055 Aaah! 741 00:30:56,088 --> 00:30:58,057 COME ON! You- you kidding me!? 742 00:30:58,090 --> 00:30:59,491 Agh, come on. 743 00:30:59,525 --> 00:31:00,759 Oh FUCK! 744 00:31:00,792 --> 00:31:01,894 Ugh. 745 00:31:01,928 --> 00:31:03,795 Jesus Christ. 746 00:31:09,801 --> 00:31:11,103 ... One paper... 747 00:31:16,475 --> 00:31:19,545 - Oh! - Oh god... really? 748 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,049 - Jesus, are you- are you okay? 749 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:24,016 - Ey... yeah. 750 00:31:25,551 --> 00:31:28,354 This... yeah, yeah. W- I was just, um... 751 00:31:30,289 --> 00:31:31,590 I should probably go... tell em. 752 00:31:31,623 --> 00:31:32,992 - Yeah, it's probably a- probably a good idea. 753 00:31:33,025 --> 00:31:35,094 - Uh, the pizza place has a bathroom next door. 754 00:31:35,127 --> 00:31:37,329 - No, it's fine, I just wanted to wash my hands. 755 00:31:37,363 --> 00:31:39,531 - Oh, cool. The sink still works. 756 00:31:39,565 --> 00:31:40,933 - Actually I do have to go... 757 00:31:40,967 --> 00:31:42,534 I just said I didn't cuz I don't like guys to know 758 00:31:42,568 --> 00:31:44,536 that pee comes out of me. 759 00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:46,605 But it does... all the time... 760 00:31:47,606 --> 00:31:49,108 In fact, that's a lot of information. I'm sorry. 761 00:31:49,141 --> 00:31:51,877 - No, that's healthy. Pee should always c- I'm totally cool 762 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:53,545 with anything that c-... that- that comes outta you. 763 00:31:53,579 --> 00:31:55,214 - Okay, I just said pee, let's not go crazy. 764 00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:58,384 - I'm sorry... I just worked out so my head get a little blblblble. 765 00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,886 - Yeah? You work out near here? 766 00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:03,089 - Uh, yeah, yeah, it's- it's right on the corner actually. 767 00:32:03,122 --> 00:32:04,723 Yeah, the... my gym. 768 00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:08,260 - Wait... Isn't that a place for toddlers? 769 00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:11,297 - ... yep. 770 00:32:12,464 --> 00:32:14,166 And that's where I work out. 771 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,335 - That's sweet. [laughing] 772 00:32:16,368 --> 00:32:18,537 - Here take this key, okay? It's for the pizza place bathroom. 773 00:32:18,570 --> 00:32:21,373 They always keep theirs locked to a deep-dish pan 774 00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:22,408 cuz people keep stealing it. 775 00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:23,909 - Like yourself. 776 00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,577 - Yeah, I guess I'm one of those people. 777 00:32:25,611 --> 00:32:27,546 - Well, thanks. This is very sweet. 778 00:32:28,414 --> 00:32:30,216 - Any- any time, though. 779 00:32:30,249 --> 00:32:32,218 - Alright... - Okay. 780 00:32:32,951 --> 00:32:34,120 See ya, have fun! 781 00:32:35,587 --> 00:32:37,389 What does have fun mean? 782 00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:40,226 - Brilliant... Okay? 783 00:32:40,259 --> 00:32:42,594 Now, when she returns the key... you make your move. 784 00:32:42,628 --> 00:32:43,562 - Yep! 785 00:32:43,595 --> 00:32:44,563 - Hey, you wanna hold my gun? 786 00:32:44,596 --> 00:32:45,531 - I'm not gonna shoot her. 787 00:32:45,564 --> 00:32:46,498 - I don't want you to shoot her. 788 00:32:46,532 --> 00:32:48,500 It's to create a subliminal feeling of fear, 789 00:32:48,534 --> 00:32:49,401 moisten her up a little bit. 790 00:32:49,435 --> 00:32:51,770 - I'm good. - Oh, are you? 791 00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:54,440 Okay, so you're gonna stick with the old soaked in toilet water method? 792 00:32:54,473 --> 00:32:56,208 - Yeah, I'm gonna ride that one out. 793 00:32:56,242 --> 00:32:57,376 - Okay, saddle up. 794 00:32:58,410 --> 00:32:59,378 - What the hell? 795 00:32:59,411 --> 00:33:00,379 Where's she goin'? 796 00:33:00,412 --> 00:33:01,480 Is she stealing my key? 797 00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:03,349 - I can go arrest her for it, 798 00:33:03,382 --> 00:33:06,652 but she's gonna wanna fuck me the second I slam her face on that hood. 799 00:33:06,685 --> 00:33:07,919 - Yeah. Who wouldn't? 800 00:33:08,687 --> 00:33:11,323 She's stealing my stolen key! 801 00:33:11,357 --> 00:33:12,858 - Definitely not a poop-chipper. 802 00:33:16,428 --> 00:33:19,098 - I don't know if it was my fear of losing Coffee Town, 803 00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:21,500 or finding out my dream girl was a thief 804 00:33:21,533 --> 00:33:23,269 with pee coming out of her... 805 00:33:23,302 --> 00:33:25,437 ... or that my new roommate thought it would be okay 806 00:33:25,471 --> 00:33:29,708 to decorate my apartment like Lord of the Rings exploded in it. 807 00:33:29,741 --> 00:33:33,445 - Hey! Can you cook game in this fireplace? 808 00:33:36,948 --> 00:33:40,686 - But it was starting to feel like everything was slipping away. 809 00:33:40,719 --> 00:33:42,521 Like all my years of responsible living 810 00:33:42,554 --> 00:33:46,525 had earned me nothing but fate's cold hands around my neck. 811 00:33:46,558 --> 00:33:48,127 - Join me! 812 00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:56,602 - And you wanna do something dramatic... 813 00:33:56,635 --> 00:33:57,836 ...and Elvis-y... 814 00:33:57,869 --> 00:34:00,272 like shooting out your T.V. screen. 815 00:34:05,444 --> 00:34:08,514 But... you settle for something far less cool. 816 00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,849 Like... turkey Lunchables. 817 00:34:11,450 --> 00:34:12,584 - Hey Will. 818 00:34:12,618 --> 00:34:14,186 - What the fuck! 819 00:34:14,220 --> 00:34:15,020 What the fuck? 820 00:34:15,721 --> 00:34:19,024 - I told you... I don't sleep. 821 00:34:22,361 --> 00:34:23,562 - Ugh! 822 00:34:23,595 --> 00:34:26,898 Then... you decide to do something to change it. 823 00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:39,445 -Hey... 824 00:34:39,478 --> 00:34:41,247 What's with all the medicine? 825 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,682 - Oh! ... I have AIDS. 826 00:34:43,715 --> 00:34:45,617 Yeah... I hope that's cool. 827 00:34:47,119 --> 00:34:49,588 Oh! Aw shit, that's gonna bleed. 828 00:34:50,689 --> 00:34:52,224 - You can keep it. 829 00:34:54,460 --> 00:34:57,896 - And when it works... You don't wanna stop. 830 00:34:57,929 --> 00:34:59,365 I'm gonna rob this place. 831 00:35:02,468 --> 00:35:03,735 - What? 832 00:35:05,471 --> 00:35:08,907 - If I created a crime that scared the executives away 833 00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:10,876 from converting this store... 834 00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:12,244 I'm gonna plan a robbery. 835 00:35:12,278 --> 00:35:15,147 - Hey. Are you serious? I'm a cop! 836 00:35:16,782 --> 00:35:18,650 If anyone's gonna plan a robbery it should be me. 837 00:35:18,684 --> 00:35:21,153 I have studied this shit. 838 00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:23,489 - Okay. - Alright, but I only wanna cause a crime. 839 00:35:23,522 --> 00:35:25,157 I don't wanna take any money 840 00:35:25,191 --> 00:35:26,558 - I am in... 841 00:35:26,592 --> 00:35:27,726 But let's take some money. 842 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,496 - Then we're literally robbing it... 843 00:35:30,529 --> 00:35:31,697 - We'll just take a little. 844 00:35:31,730 --> 00:35:33,565 - Still robbing. 845 00:35:33,599 --> 00:35:35,167 - You're right. We'll just take some merchandise and shit. 846 00:35:35,201 --> 00:35:38,537 I have had my eyes on one of those hoodies. 847 00:35:38,570 --> 00:35:39,738 - Do you know what robbing is? 848 00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:43,008 - Yeah! Charging 35 dollars for a hoodie. 849 00:35:43,041 --> 00:35:44,443 - I'm gonna tell you your biggest issue right off the bat, 850 00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:46,712 this place is all glass. It's like we're in a fishbowl, 851 00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,080 and there's constant traffic on that street. 852 00:35:49,114 --> 00:35:50,349 - Okay, true. 853 00:35:50,382 --> 00:35:51,717 - So let's brainstorm about that tonight. 854 00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:53,752 We'll have our first planning session tomorrow. 855 00:35:53,785 --> 00:35:55,921 - Okay, where are we gonna go? 856 00:35:55,954 --> 00:35:58,524 - Here... - You son of a bitch 857 00:35:58,557 --> 00:36:00,726 - [whispering] We're planning a robbery of Coffee Town 858 00:36:00,759 --> 00:36:03,395 inside Coffee Town. 859 00:36:03,429 --> 00:36:05,096 - This is my office. 860 00:36:24,950 --> 00:36:26,385 - [whispering] Tomorrow. 861 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,187 - Okay. 862 00:36:29,721 --> 00:36:31,189 Time to smoke. 863 00:36:32,558 --> 00:36:34,360 - What's that do? 864 00:36:34,393 --> 00:36:35,527 - I dunno. 865 00:36:36,628 --> 00:36:38,397 - Yes, yes, yes... yes, yes. 866 00:36:38,430 --> 00:36:40,399 - Hey. 867 00:36:40,432 --> 00:36:42,501 I, uh, I forgot to give this back to you yesterday. 868 00:36:42,534 --> 00:36:46,204 - Oh! Wow, I didn't even realize. 869 00:36:46,238 --> 00:36:47,205 - You didn't? 870 00:36:48,274 --> 00:36:51,677 - No... no, I did... I lied just then. 871 00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:53,178 I don't know why. 872 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:54,380 - Okay. 873 00:36:54,413 --> 00:36:55,881 Well, um... 874 00:36:59,351 --> 00:37:00,252 Thanks again. 875 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,555 - No, thank you 876 00:37:05,624 --> 00:37:07,025 - Okay. 877 00:37:10,629 --> 00:37:11,730 - No, thank you!? 878 00:37:13,432 --> 00:37:15,434 You're trying to bone her, not get her to join your youth group. 879 00:37:15,467 --> 00:37:17,336 - Why did you shove me? You threw me off! 880 00:37:17,369 --> 00:37:19,037 - You gotta get in her space, threaten her a little bit. 881 00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:20,572 Do you know ANYTHING about women? 882 00:37:20,606 --> 00:37:21,607 - Apparently not. 883 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,709 - Apparently not is right. I'm sorry I yelled. 884 00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:25,544 Listen... When she's done ordering, 885 00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:27,446 she's gonna be standing right there, totally bored. 886 00:37:27,479 --> 00:37:29,748 That's when you go up and you ask her out. 887 00:37:29,781 --> 00:37:30,849 - Okay. - Okay. 888 00:37:30,882 --> 00:37:32,918 - That sounds doable. - Yeah, it's good. 889 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,655 But don't stare at her. Now you look like a serial killer. 890 00:37:36,688 --> 00:37:37,889 -R- right. 891 00:37:39,024 --> 00:37:40,592 - And don't look in my eyes. Why would you do that? 892 00:37:40,626 --> 00:37:41,660 That's so weird. 893 00:37:41,693 --> 00:37:42,428 -What do... What am I supposed to-- 894 00:37:42,461 --> 00:37:43,395 - What you normally do. 895 00:37:43,429 --> 00:37:44,763 Look at your computer. 896 00:37:46,365 --> 00:37:47,499 Open your computer. - Open the computer. 897 00:37:47,533 --> 00:37:49,401 - Why would you look at a closed computer? 898 00:37:49,435 --> 00:37:50,201 - You... you wouldn't. 899 00:37:51,036 --> 00:37:52,504 - You don't mind if I smoke, do you? 900 00:37:52,538 --> 00:37:53,472 - No. 901 00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:00,446 Newports, huh? 902 00:38:00,479 --> 00:38:01,980 - Mm hmm. 903 00:38:03,649 --> 00:38:04,816 Menthol. 904 00:38:07,453 --> 00:38:10,288 I can feel these turning my insides black. 905 00:38:12,057 --> 00:38:13,525 Blacky black black. 906 00:38:14,893 --> 00:38:16,495 It's worth it, though... 907 00:38:16,528 --> 00:38:17,963 ...don't have to work as hard. 908 00:38:20,599 --> 00:38:23,234 You know this used to be Brown Town. 909 00:38:23,268 --> 00:38:25,404 - Okay okay okay, now's your time. Ready? 910 00:38:25,437 --> 00:38:26,838 - Now? - Go get her, this is big. 911 00:38:26,872 --> 00:38:27,606 Go baby, you got this. Go get her. 912 00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:31,242 - Okay... - Okay. 913 00:38:31,777 --> 00:38:33,211 - Hello again. - Hey. 914 00:38:33,244 --> 00:38:36,615 - Hey. Uuh... So, I was just wondering... 915 00:38:36,648 --> 00:38:37,683 - Hey Becca. - would you... 916 00:38:37,716 --> 00:38:39,885 - Sorry, I forgot, did you want, uh, whipped cream? 917 00:38:39,918 --> 00:38:41,219 - Yeah, sure, thanks. 918 00:38:50,095 --> 00:38:51,763 - There you go. - Wow... thank you. 919 00:38:51,797 --> 00:38:53,198 - Hey, before I forget, um, 920 00:38:53,231 --> 00:38:55,033 my band and I are playing at the Vanguard tonight, 921 00:38:55,066 --> 00:38:56,502 and it is going to rock. 922 00:38:56,535 --> 00:38:59,405 - Yeah, I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna bring some old college friends. 923 00:38:59,438 --> 00:39:00,906 - Nice! 924 00:39:00,939 --> 00:39:03,108 - you know, you guys don't freak out or anything, but... 925 00:39:03,141 --> 00:39:05,243 ... I may dedicate a song to you tonight. 926 00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:06,445 - Oh! 927 00:39:07,479 --> 00:39:10,115 * The way a little kitten purrs * 928 00:39:10,148 --> 00:39:12,851 * that's the way my passion stirs * 929 00:39:12,884 --> 00:39:17,489 * stirs for you, stirs for me, that's all that I can-- 930 00:39:17,523 --> 00:39:18,424 No? - Uh... 931 00:39:18,457 --> 00:39:20,592 * Stirs my soul 932 00:39:20,626 --> 00:39:22,360 * as far as I can see 933 00:39:24,129 --> 00:39:26,898 Stir. It's track three. It's from the... it's... I gave it to you. 934 00:39:26,932 --> 00:39:28,333 - Ah... Right. 935 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:29,535 - You may not have heard- maybe you didn't hear it yet. 936 00:39:29,568 --> 00:39:30,569 - Not yet. - It's alright. 937 00:39:30,602 --> 00:39:32,170 You will, I mean- hopefully, maybe. 938 00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:36,408 That was just a little amuse-bouche to the main course later. 939 00:39:36,442 --> 00:39:37,943 - Alright. 940 00:39:39,077 --> 00:39:40,879 I'm sorry, what were you saying? 941 00:39:40,912 --> 00:39:42,514 - Was I... say- ... 942 00:39:42,548 --> 00:39:45,283 Oh... No, no no no no... No. 943 00:39:47,018 --> 00:39:49,187 - You know, I... I have to go. 944 00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:50,088 - Yeah! - Alright. 945 00:39:50,121 --> 00:39:51,389 - I was just gettin' a straw. 946 00:39:55,627 --> 00:39:56,995 - What'd she say? 947 00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:59,465 - You got up from our table? - Yeah. 948 00:40:01,700 --> 00:40:03,435 - Mother fucker! 949 00:40:03,469 --> 00:40:05,871 It's amazing how much disdain you can have 950 00:40:05,904 --> 00:40:07,372 for people hogging the tables 951 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:09,775 when your intention is to do the same. 952 00:40:09,808 --> 00:40:13,011 And since the outside tables smell like Chad's cigarettes, 953 00:40:13,044 --> 00:40:16,548 the couch is the only remaining option. 954 00:40:16,582 --> 00:40:18,216 [sigh] 955 00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:20,418 The problem with that is my laptop seems to be powered 956 00:40:20,452 --> 00:40:22,387 by some type of car engine, 957 00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:25,123 burning the ever-loving hell out of my lap. 958 00:40:34,399 --> 00:40:36,468 - Did you see the newspaper? 959 00:40:40,606 --> 00:40:42,207 - Nope. 960 00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:57,723 [police siren] 961 00:40:59,257 --> 00:41:00,559 - GET ON THE GROUND AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD 962 00:41:00,592 --> 00:41:03,929 OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN YOUR FACE, MOTHER FUCKER! 963 00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:05,030 - Hey. - HEY. 964 00:41:05,897 --> 00:41:07,398 - I'm not talking to you on that thing. 965 00:41:07,432 --> 00:41:09,535 - C'MON MAN IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TALKING TO LIGHTNING MCQUEEN. 966 00:41:09,568 --> 00:41:11,236 - Lightning McQueen was not a police car. 967 00:41:11,269 --> 00:41:12,538 - ARE YOU SURE? WHICH ONE WAS THE POLICE CAR? 968 00:41:12,571 --> 00:41:13,404 - I don't know. 969 00:41:13,438 --> 00:41:14,873 - NEITHER DO I. ALL I REMEMBER 970 00:41:14,906 --> 00:41:16,608 IS THAT HILLBILLY TOW TRUCK WITH THE FUCKED UP TEETH. 971 00:41:16,642 --> 00:41:19,077 AND HE'D BE LIKE "HEY Y'ALL!" 972 00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:20,011 - Hey, I'm gonna go. 973 00:41:20,045 --> 00:41:21,780 - No no no, stop. - C'mon, man. 974 00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:23,081 - Stop. 975 00:41:23,749 --> 00:41:24,583 Look at me... 976 00:41:25,584 --> 00:41:26,918 Where ya headed? 977 00:41:26,952 --> 00:41:28,419 - I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna eat some hot pockets, 978 00:41:28,453 --> 00:41:29,420 and I'm gonna drink a six-pack of beer. 979 00:41:29,454 --> 00:41:31,422 - You're not gonna do that, okay? 980 00:41:31,456 --> 00:41:32,691 Cuz we're going to the Vanguard. 981 00:41:32,724 --> 00:41:33,925 - What? 982 00:41:33,959 --> 00:41:35,527 - Yeah, Sam might be in a band, who cares? 983 00:41:35,561 --> 00:41:39,064 He's on stage, you're not, giving you full access to Becca. 984 00:41:39,097 --> 00:41:43,368 And you can draft off the very horniness his rock 'n' roll creates. 985 00:41:43,401 --> 00:41:45,537 Ride that airstream, just slingshot by! 986 00:41:45,571 --> 00:41:49,174 Right up into her cooch... and stay there. 987 00:41:49,207 --> 00:41:51,509 - You think? - I never lie when I'm on duty. 988 00:41:51,543 --> 00:41:53,879 Alright? Pick up those beers, we'll bang em off in the car. 989 00:41:53,912 --> 00:41:55,046 Ready? - Okay. 990 00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:56,281 You know you hit that wall, right? 991 00:41:56,314 --> 00:41:57,583 - Let's move it! Let's Go! 992 00:42:00,552 --> 00:42:02,420 [upbeat music *] 993 00:42:04,790 --> 00:42:07,225 [crowd chatter] 994 00:42:15,801 --> 00:42:19,337 - There's something about being in a rock band... 995 00:42:19,370 --> 00:42:21,472 It doesn't matter how good the music sounds... 996 00:42:22,941 --> 00:42:24,743 You still look like a total pussy playing the piano. 997 00:42:24,776 --> 00:42:26,111 - Ladies and gentlemen! 998 00:42:26,144 --> 00:42:29,615 Clap your hands for Mr. and Mrs. Williams! [cheering] 999 00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:33,619 - Whoa... there she is. 1000 00:42:33,652 --> 00:42:34,653 - Where is this? 1001 00:42:35,587 --> 00:42:38,123 Woof! - Hehe, woof. 1002 00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:42,560 Why is she talking to that guy? 1003 00:42:42,594 --> 00:42:43,762 - It's perfect. 1004 00:42:43,795 --> 00:42:45,831 Get ready to bat some cleanup. 1005 00:42:45,864 --> 00:42:46,865 - What? 1006 00:42:46,898 --> 00:42:48,399 - I dunno, it sounded like something. 1007 00:42:48,433 --> 00:42:49,835 - There's some old baseball a-- 1008 00:42:49,868 --> 00:42:51,236 - I just went for it, who cares, 1009 00:42:51,269 --> 00:42:53,538 I made a mistake. Go go go go! Go go go. 1010 00:43:07,619 --> 00:43:08,954 [whistling] 1011 00:43:08,987 --> 00:43:09,888 Hey. 1012 00:43:09,921 --> 00:43:11,489 - Hey. - Hey, stop it. 1013 00:43:11,522 --> 00:43:12,390 Let me get you a drink. 1014 00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:13,825 - Sure! - Yeah? 1015 00:43:13,859 --> 00:43:16,327 Alright. Let me get a rum and diet coke for the lady. 1016 00:43:16,361 --> 00:43:17,929 - Gino's move when he's not in uniform... 1017 00:43:17,963 --> 00:43:21,399 subtly lower the girl's self esteem to make her an easier target. 1018 00:43:21,432 --> 00:43:23,669 - Do you want me to get you a sturdier stool? 1019 00:43:23,702 --> 00:43:25,370 - Uh, No, this one's fine. 1020 00:43:25,403 --> 00:43:27,572 - This one can hold you? You sure? 1021 00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:29,074 - Yeah, I think, it's okay. - Yeah yeah yeah, go go go. 1022 00:43:29,107 --> 00:43:30,942 Please, please. 1023 00:43:31,910 --> 00:43:33,411 So, what happened to your face? 1024 00:43:39,550 --> 00:43:42,688 - Hey! - Ah, Hi! Hey! 1025 00:43:42,721 --> 00:43:44,422 - Hi! - How are you? 1026 00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:46,424 - I'm good... Good. How are you? 1027 00:43:46,457 --> 00:43:49,327 - Uh.. uh... I don't wanna be weird or anything, 1028 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,162 but that guy that you were just making out with 1029 00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:53,398 is now... kissing your friends. 1030 00:43:53,431 --> 00:43:56,267 - [laughs] That guy? ...Oh, no... no. 1031 00:43:56,301 --> 00:43:59,537 I was, um... I was taking E. 1032 00:43:59,570 --> 00:44:01,272 You know, ecstasy. 1033 00:44:01,306 --> 00:44:02,340 - Yeah... - Yeah yeah. 1034 00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:03,408 He puts it on his tongue. 1035 00:44:03,441 --> 00:44:06,444 - Oh! That... that's clever. 1036 00:44:06,477 --> 00:44:07,578 - I'm not a drug person. 1037 00:44:07,612 --> 00:44:11,016 My girlfriend convinced me of it, you know, and... 1038 00:44:11,049 --> 00:44:13,218 I'm usually really really boring... 1039 00:44:13,251 --> 00:44:15,320 But... ahem... 1040 00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,388 This is great! 1041 00:44:17,956 --> 00:44:19,090 Like, WOW! 1042 00:44:19,124 --> 00:44:20,425 You know, I'm really starting to feel it! 1043 00:44:20,458 --> 00:44:22,360 - Really? - Yeah! Yeah. 1044 00:44:22,393 --> 00:44:24,195 You should totally take a hit. 1045 00:44:24,229 --> 00:44:26,364 - Uh, no.. no no. - Yes! 1046 00:44:26,397 --> 00:44:27,899 Have you ever done it? 1047 00:44:27,933 --> 00:44:31,236 - No, no, I- I- I'm really more of a heroine guy. 1048 00:44:31,269 --> 00:44:32,838 But I get mine in the chewables... 1049 00:44:32,871 --> 00:44:35,440 that looks like little, uh.. Kurt Cobains. 1050 00:44:35,473 --> 00:44:37,442 - Come on, you gotta try it... Come on. 1051 00:44:37,475 --> 00:44:39,610 Can I get another one for my friend? 1052 00:44:39,644 --> 00:44:41,412 - Uh... yeah... 1053 00:44:41,747 --> 00:44:43,381 Okay, so... 1054 00:44:43,414 --> 00:44:45,416 - No, no... it's too risky. 1055 00:44:46,752 --> 00:44:47,953 Oh, what the fff- 1056 00:44:47,986 --> 00:44:51,689 - C'mon! Quick! Quick! C'mon! You can do it. C'mon. 1057 00:44:51,723 --> 00:44:53,424 - Shit, alright. 1058 00:45:06,137 --> 00:45:08,506 UGH! There's nothing in there! 1059 00:45:08,539 --> 00:45:09,574 - [laughs] 1060 00:45:09,607 --> 00:45:11,509 I can't believe you went for it, man. 1061 00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:14,545 Mmyeah... you give great mouth. 1062 00:45:14,579 --> 00:45:16,447 Here ya go, huh? 1063 00:45:16,481 --> 00:45:18,616 It's on the house. - Come on 1064 00:45:22,553 --> 00:45:25,090 - You know that guy has AIDS... 1065 00:45:25,123 --> 00:45:26,758 - Can't get it twice. 1066 00:45:30,128 --> 00:45:32,197 - Okay, I hope this is worth it. 1067 00:45:32,230 --> 00:45:33,999 - Oh, it's totally worth it. 1068 00:45:34,032 --> 00:45:36,234 - Is memory loss a side-effect? 1069 00:45:36,267 --> 00:45:38,937 - Nope... just death... [giggles] 1070 00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:47,445 - Turns out, except for the moments 1071 00:45:47,478 --> 00:45:49,580 when your heart feels like it's gonna explode, 1072 00:45:49,614 --> 00:45:53,218 Ecstasy is awesome. [echoes] 1073 00:45:53,251 --> 00:45:54,619 [* Real Life: "Send me an Angel"] 1074 00:45:54,652 --> 00:45:57,222 I don't know what it looked like on that dance floor... 1075 00:45:57,255 --> 00:45:59,390 but I know what it felt like... 1076 00:45:59,424 --> 00:46:01,059 * Do you believe in heaven above * 1077 00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:04,562 Like the dance scene in the 1986 movie "Rad". 1078 00:46:04,595 --> 00:46:06,697 * Do you believe in love? * 1079 00:46:07,933 --> 00:46:11,402 * Don't tell a lie, don't be false or untrue... * 1080 00:46:11,436 --> 00:46:14,605 When love can only be expressed with BMX freestyle. 1081 00:46:14,639 --> 00:46:18,509 * Open fire on my burning heart * 1082 00:46:18,543 --> 00:46:22,047 * I've never been lucky in love * 1083 00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:26,417 * My defenses are down, a kiss or a frown * 1084 00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:29,520 * I can't survive on my own * 1085 00:46:29,554 --> 00:46:32,891 * It gets in your eyes, it's making you cry * 1086 00:46:32,924 --> 00:46:37,095 * Don't know what to do, Don't know what to do * 1087 00:46:37,128 --> 00:46:42,100 * You're looking for love, calling heaven above * 1088 00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:44,535 * Send me an angel 1089 00:46:45,470 --> 00:46:48,539 * Send me an angel 1090 00:46:49,574 --> 00:46:51,943 * Right now 1091 00:46:52,978 --> 00:46:54,445 * Right now... 1092 00:46:54,479 --> 00:46:56,447 - And I actually do know what it looked like... 1093 00:46:56,481 --> 00:46:58,149 [heavy metal music *] 1094 00:47:01,752 --> 00:47:03,889 But who cares? 1095 00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:05,090 It worked. 1096 00:47:13,131 --> 00:47:14,565 Oh! Ooh, wait wait wait wait. 1097 00:47:14,599 --> 00:47:16,434 - I know, I know it's crazy. But I really want a memory. 1098 00:47:16,467 --> 00:47:19,871 - Oh, I know, I know. I do too. No no! Oh... 1099 00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:22,740 -... Oh... 1100 00:47:24,042 --> 00:47:25,243 Um... 1101 00:47:26,277 --> 00:47:28,713 - It's from my laptop... - It's okay. 1102 00:47:28,746 --> 00:47:31,049 - It's a lap... top... burn. 1103 00:47:31,082 --> 00:47:33,184 - Yep... I just, um... 1104 00:47:33,218 --> 00:47:36,121 I don't think I'm in any condition to do this anyway, 1105 00:47:36,154 --> 00:47:37,555 I should- I should go. 1106 00:47:37,588 --> 00:47:39,357 - Okay, wait, wait. It's not what you think it is! 1107 00:47:39,390 --> 00:47:40,391 No, look, listen listen listen... 1108 00:47:40,425 --> 00:47:41,326 I wanna- I wanna do this again. 1109 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:42,493 - Totally, yeah, I'll call you. 1110 00:47:42,527 --> 00:47:44,095 - You don't have my number! 1111 00:47:46,264 --> 00:47:47,598 - You're asleep. 1112 00:47:47,632 --> 00:47:49,334 - No I'm not... 1113 00:47:49,367 --> 00:47:50,368 I'm awake. 1114 00:47:51,536 --> 00:47:55,040 Uugh, totally awake! I was thinkin' about some stuff. 1115 00:47:55,073 --> 00:47:56,942 Sleeping can get you kicked out. 1116 00:47:56,975 --> 00:48:00,545 Being awake is the only thing that separates us table squatters 1117 00:48:00,578 --> 00:48:02,480 from the homeless people out front. 1118 00:48:03,648 --> 00:48:05,650 That's good... good roast. 1119 00:48:07,118 --> 00:48:09,220 - You know you ruined our gig last night... 1120 00:48:09,254 --> 00:48:12,757 with your little dance of the drugged-out idiots. 1121 00:48:12,790 --> 00:48:14,492 And now the club doesn't want us back. 1122 00:48:14,525 --> 00:48:15,660 - The reason the club doesn't want you back 1123 00:48:15,693 --> 00:48:17,528 is cuz your band sucks, Sam. 1124 00:48:17,562 --> 00:48:18,997 I'm serious. 1125 00:48:19,030 --> 00:48:21,332 Really, you're not Coldplay. The whole tape on the fingers thing? 1126 00:48:21,366 --> 00:48:22,400 You look like gymnasts. 1127 00:48:22,433 --> 00:48:23,734 - We're still finding our sound, man. 1128 00:48:23,768 --> 00:48:25,170 - Yeah, I saw you looking for it. 1129 00:48:25,203 --> 00:48:27,738 - And one, two [loud drumming] 1130 00:48:27,772 --> 00:48:29,507 No, no! God dammit, Devin! Who comes in on three. man!? 1131 00:48:29,540 --> 00:48:30,875 - What? 1132 00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:32,743 - I said what fucking professional drummer comes in on three! 1133 00:48:32,777 --> 00:48:34,112 - What fucking professional piano player 1134 00:48:34,145 --> 00:48:35,613 wears a marching band jacket? That's my question! 1135 00:48:35,646 --> 00:48:37,782 - It's progressive, you idiot! - Asshole! 1136 00:48:37,815 --> 00:48:39,184 - Whatever! 1137 00:48:39,217 --> 00:48:42,253 - Alright, alright. 1138 00:48:42,287 --> 00:48:43,054 We're done then! 1139 00:48:43,088 --> 00:48:44,555 - Fuck you! 1140 00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:46,624 - By the way, who's Mrs. Williams? 1141 00:48:46,657 --> 00:48:47,658 - Your mom. 1142 00:48:47,692 --> 00:48:49,560 - Yeah yeah yeah, go refill the half and half. 1143 00:48:49,594 --> 00:48:51,096 - Why don't you go refill the half and half. 1144 00:48:51,129 --> 00:48:54,399 - I don't think I'm allowed to refill the half and half, am I? 1145 00:48:56,968 --> 00:49:00,071 - Are you seriously saying the half and half is empty? 1146 00:49:00,105 --> 00:49:03,108 - Yeah.. the half and half is empty. 1147 00:49:03,141 --> 00:49:04,075 - FUCK! 1148 00:49:05,977 --> 00:49:09,914 - Aaah, look at you! Did you hook up last night? 1149 00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:11,016 - I don't wanna talk about it. 1150 00:49:11,049 --> 00:49:12,883 - Okay, that's fine... can ya mime it? 1151 00:49:12,917 --> 00:49:14,385 - No. 1152 00:49:14,419 --> 00:49:17,255 - Okay. you know, I could beat it out of you. I'm a cop. 1153 00:49:17,288 --> 00:49:18,589 - In a lethal weapon movie? 1154 00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:20,125 - Fuck, I wish. 1155 00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:22,493 - Where's Chad? 1156 00:49:22,527 --> 00:49:24,262 - He's in line at the bathroom. 1157 00:49:27,632 --> 00:49:30,068 - It's been ten minutes, who is this idiot? 1158 00:49:31,602 --> 00:49:34,239 Oh... - Retard. 1159 00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:37,608 - What? ... Dammit. 1160 00:49:38,443 --> 00:49:40,411 Anyone got a quarter? 1161 00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:42,413 Pizza Castle token? 1162 00:49:42,447 --> 00:49:44,249 - They let you drive that car when you're off duty? 1163 00:49:44,282 --> 00:49:45,550 - Only car I got, kid. 1164 00:49:45,583 --> 00:49:47,452 - Yeah, but you don't got it... 1165 00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:48,553 It's owned by the city. 1166 00:49:48,586 --> 00:49:52,523 - You totally struck out last night, didn't you. 1167 00:49:52,557 --> 00:49:54,992 - Yeah [sigh] look... 1168 00:49:56,927 --> 00:49:58,596 [whispering] My laptop burned my dick. 1169 00:49:58,629 --> 00:50:03,501 - I'm so sorry, I thought you said that your laptop burned your dick. 1170 00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:05,336 - My laptop burned my dick. 1171 00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:08,506 And I think she thought I had, like a, sexual disease, or... 1172 00:50:08,539 --> 00:50:10,708 - That's a thing? Laptops can burn dicks? 1173 00:50:10,741 --> 00:50:12,577 - Yeah, apparently. - Can I see it real quick? 1174 00:50:12,610 --> 00:50:14,045 - No, you can't see it. What are you doing, man? 1175 00:50:14,079 --> 00:50:15,546 - I'll show you mine, it'll be totally cool. 1176 00:50:15,580 --> 00:50:17,382 - Oh, you show- Oh! that changes everything. 1177 00:50:17,415 --> 00:50:19,084 Yeah yeah yeah, let's do that. 1178 00:50:19,117 --> 00:50:20,218 OW! 1179 00:50:20,251 --> 00:50:21,686 Jesus Christ, dude. What are you doing? 1180 00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:23,288 - You really toasted that thing, huh? 1181 00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:24,989 - Yes, I really burned it. 1182 00:50:25,456 --> 00:50:26,757 Stay away! 1183 00:50:26,791 --> 00:50:30,728 - Think that Down syndrome guy... just called me a retard. 1184 00:50:30,761 --> 00:50:32,897 - Are you serious? That's messed up. 1185 00:50:32,930 --> 00:50:34,932 - I think they're the only ones who should be allowed to say it. 1186 00:50:34,965 --> 00:50:37,435 - I think I should be allowed to say it, too. 1187 00:50:37,468 --> 00:50:38,869 - I don't disagree. 1188 00:50:39,704 --> 00:50:41,772 - Wait, are you calling me a retard? 1189 00:50:41,806 --> 00:50:44,075 - I'm not allowed to. 1190 00:50:44,109 --> 00:50:46,911 - Guys? If you still wanna hit this place, 1191 00:50:46,944 --> 00:50:48,346 I think I figured out an opening. 1192 00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:49,680 - Yes, of course I do. Yes, I do wanna hit it. 1193 00:50:49,714 --> 00:50:51,582 What's- what's the deal? 1194 00:50:51,616 --> 00:50:55,086 - This Friday night, the street is being closed down for traffic light repair, 1195 00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:57,021 they're switchin' em over to L.E.D. or some shit. 1196 00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:57,755 - What? 1197 00:50:57,788 --> 00:50:59,457 Who got that contract? 1198 00:50:59,490 --> 00:51:01,692 Fucking G.E... Bob Horsewood, I bet. 1199 00:51:01,726 --> 00:51:03,561 - Who the fuck is Bob Horsewood? 1200 00:51:03,594 --> 00:51:04,729 - Fucking Bob Horsewood. 1201 00:51:04,762 --> 00:51:06,697 - What the f-- - My nemesis, Bob Horsewood. 1202 00:51:06,731 --> 00:51:08,599 - Would you shut up about Bob Horsewood! Nobody-- 1203 00:51:08,633 --> 00:51:10,568 Just... Anyway. 1204 00:51:10,601 --> 00:51:12,570 - Listen up. Utility company's gonna be done with the job 1205 00:51:12,603 --> 00:51:13,871 by around midnight, 1206 00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:16,407 but the barricades won't be removed 'til 4 a.m. 1207 00:51:16,441 --> 00:51:18,576 and that should give you guys plenty of time to get in there. 1208 00:51:18,609 --> 00:51:19,544 - What do you mean, you're not coming? 1209 00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:21,779 - No no no, I can't. I have to be on call. 1210 00:51:21,812 --> 00:51:24,349 That way, if someone figures it out and calls it in, 1211 00:51:24,382 --> 00:51:27,418 I will be the first to respond and you guys can just bolt. 1212 00:51:27,452 --> 00:51:28,553 - So how are we gonna do it? 1213 00:51:28,586 --> 00:51:30,555 Just kick open the door, grab all the cash? 1214 00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:33,524 -Nobody's- We're not taking any money, Chad. 1215 00:51:33,558 --> 00:51:35,926 - I wanna take something. I want a souvenir! 1216 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:37,094 - Are you a serial killer? 1217 00:51:37,128 --> 00:51:38,663 - I'll serial kill Bob Horsewood. 1218 00:51:38,696 --> 00:51:40,998 - Chad, nobody's taking anything, do you hear me? 1219 00:51:41,031 --> 00:51:42,667 - Nobody's taking anything, you just rough the place up enough 1220 00:51:42,700 --> 00:51:44,169 for someone to file a report. 1221 00:51:44,202 --> 00:51:47,738 Anything more, some assholes gonna wanna solve it. Also... 1222 00:51:47,772 --> 00:51:50,708 You can't go in through the front door cuz there's an alarm on that thing. 1223 00:51:50,741 --> 00:51:52,009 I'm trying to think of different options in there. 1224 00:51:52,042 --> 00:51:53,578 I'm looking at ceilings, I'm looking at windows, 1225 00:51:53,611 --> 00:51:55,680 I don't know yet, I'm gonna report back tomorrow. 1226 00:51:55,713 --> 00:51:58,816 - Good stuff, Gino, good stuff. Very cool. 1227 00:52:00,050 --> 00:52:01,519 - Hey, do you know what I was just thinkin'? 1228 00:52:01,552 --> 00:52:03,521 The Special Olympics are great, right? 1229 00:52:03,554 --> 00:52:04,889 - Yeah they are. - I like em. 1230 00:52:04,922 --> 00:52:06,524 - You know what would be even more amazing? 1231 00:52:06,557 --> 00:52:08,626 An ultimate fighting league where challenged people 1232 00:52:08,659 --> 00:52:09,860 fought non-challenged people. 1233 00:52:09,894 --> 00:52:12,697 Because they're so strong, I feel like it would be equal. 1234 00:52:12,730 --> 00:52:15,433 -They are often very strong, you're right about that. 1235 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:16,701 And if just one could win... 1236 00:52:16,734 --> 00:52:18,569 - It'd be like Seabiscuit. 1237 00:52:18,603 --> 00:52:22,072 - It wouldn't work. The non-challenged person would always win. 1238 00:52:22,106 --> 00:52:23,541 - You don't know that, Chad. You don't know that, K? 1239 00:52:23,574 --> 00:52:25,743 So, don't say that, because think about if it was even, 1240 00:52:25,776 --> 00:52:27,412 how amazing that would be! A level playing field! 1241 00:52:27,445 --> 00:52:28,513 - But it wouldn't be. 1242 00:52:28,546 --> 00:52:31,949 We have more speed, more coordination, more agility. 1243 00:52:31,982 --> 00:52:33,451 - Can I ask you a question real quick, buddy? 1244 00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:35,486 - Oooh geez... 1245 00:52:36,421 --> 00:52:38,756 - Me? - Yeah, you have Down syndrome right? 1246 00:52:38,789 --> 00:52:41,426 - [sarcastic gasp] Yes I do! 1247 00:52:41,459 --> 00:52:43,194 - Hehe, okay, sure. 1248 00:52:43,228 --> 00:52:45,563 Do you think a fight between someone with Down syndrome 1249 00:52:45,596 --> 00:52:46,764 and someone without Down syndrome... 1250 00:52:46,797 --> 00:52:47,665 Do you think that'd be fair? 1251 00:52:47,698 --> 00:52:48,999 - Someone without? 1252 00:52:49,033 --> 00:52:50,568 - Yeah, like, I dunno. Some shmoe schmuck stupid ass 1253 00:52:50,601 --> 00:52:51,869 like this guy. 1254 00:52:51,902 --> 00:52:54,104 Like we're lookin' at this guy, right over here. 1255 00:52:54,138 --> 00:52:55,506 - I thought you said someone without. 1256 00:52:55,540 --> 00:52:56,741 [laughter] 1257 00:52:56,774 --> 00:52:59,043 - I don't have Down syndrome... Just, F.Y.I. 1258 00:52:59,076 --> 00:53:02,780 - Between you guys, do you think that would be a fair fight? 1259 00:53:02,813 --> 00:53:05,082 - I could beat the living shit out of this guy. 1260 00:53:05,115 --> 00:53:07,452 - Yeah, sure you could, mm hmm. 1261 00:53:07,485 --> 00:53:11,121 - No, I think you could too... I think you could too. 1262 00:53:11,155 --> 00:53:14,259 - You honestly don't think I could beat up a... a... 1263 00:53:16,126 --> 00:53:17,295 - Say it. 1264 00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:19,964 Say it! 1265 00:53:20,431 --> 00:53:21,732 - Nevermind. 1266 00:53:21,766 --> 00:53:23,768 - That's what I thought... Retard! 1267 00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:25,536 - HEY YOU'RE A RETARD! 1268 00:53:25,570 --> 00:53:27,938 [shouting] 1269 00:53:27,972 --> 00:53:30,941 - You want a piece of me!? - Is that what you want!? 1270 00:53:30,975 --> 00:53:34,745 - C'mon... We're not really gonna do this are we? 1271 00:53:34,779 --> 00:53:36,947 - Yeah... I'm sick of people like him. 1272 00:53:36,981 --> 00:53:39,984 - I'm sick of people like you! 1273 00:53:41,586 --> 00:53:43,454 That sounded awful. 1274 00:53:44,054 --> 00:53:44,922 I didn't mean that. 1275 00:53:44,955 --> 00:53:46,391 - I'm going to kick your ass! 1276 00:53:46,424 --> 00:53:48,926 - Oh yeah!? You gonna kick my ass? Well bring it, bitch! 1277 00:53:48,959 --> 00:53:50,428 - Hold on. hold on, HOLD ON! - Bring it bitch! 1278 00:53:50,461 --> 00:53:51,896 - Hold on, hold on. 1279 00:53:51,929 --> 00:53:55,400 Okay... -Thank god, the police. 1280 00:53:55,433 --> 00:53:57,402 - I just wanna say congratulations, okay, 1281 00:53:57,435 --> 00:53:58,703 on being the very first match 1282 00:53:58,736 --> 00:54:00,838 of the special people versus non-special people 1283 00:54:00,871 --> 00:54:02,507 ultimate fighting championship. 1284 00:54:02,540 --> 00:54:03,874 Thank you guys so much, okay? 1285 00:54:03,908 --> 00:54:05,042 Here are the ground rules, 1286 00:54:05,075 --> 00:54:07,578 no punching, no eye-gouging, no kicking... 1287 00:54:07,612 --> 00:54:08,546 Just wresting. 1288 00:54:08,579 --> 00:54:10,515 - Wait, I can't roundhouse him? 1289 00:54:10,548 --> 00:54:11,516 - You can't roundhouse anybody, dude. 1290 00:54:11,549 --> 00:54:13,017 You don't know how to roundhouse. 1291 00:54:13,050 --> 00:54:14,084 - I know how to roundhouse! 1292 00:54:14,118 --> 00:54:15,786 - Fantastic. Roundhouse like crazy. 1293 00:54:15,820 --> 00:54:17,688 - What? - He gets one special, okay? 1294 00:54:17,722 --> 00:54:19,123 - This isn't Mortal Kombat. 1295 00:54:19,156 --> 00:54:21,158 - Okay. You don't want a special? 1296 00:54:22,226 --> 00:54:23,728 - Uh... 1297 00:54:23,761 --> 00:54:25,463 I indian burn. 1298 00:54:27,031 --> 00:54:28,165 - You indian burn? - Yeah. 1299 00:54:28,198 --> 00:54:30,535 - You sure do. Okay, you guys ready!? 1300 00:54:30,568 --> 00:54:32,703 This is it! This is huge! 1301 00:54:32,737 --> 00:54:33,504 Fight! 1302 00:54:33,538 --> 00:54:35,606 - Ooh! Guess what! 1303 00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:39,844 Regular people rule and special people suck, mother fucker! 1304 00:54:39,877 --> 00:54:41,446 - AAAAH!! 1305 00:54:43,448 --> 00:54:45,550 [grunting] 1306 00:54:49,454 --> 00:54:51,322 - Oh, OH! 1307 00:54:59,129 --> 00:55:00,498 - AAAHH! - Whoa! 1308 00:55:01,866 --> 00:55:03,468 Oh my god! 1309 00:55:05,470 --> 00:55:06,837 - AAAAHH! 1310 00:55:06,871 --> 00:55:09,073 - Oh! Indian burn! 1311 00:55:09,106 --> 00:55:10,441 - This is not funny. 1312 00:55:10,475 --> 00:55:11,709 - No no no no no, it's kinda... - This is terrible. 1313 00:55:11,742 --> 00:55:13,344 - Give it a second. 1314 00:55:13,378 --> 00:55:15,513 - I gotta- I gotta stop this. - No no no, sit down, sit down. 1315 00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:17,281 - Tap out! Tap out! 1316 00:55:17,314 --> 00:55:19,750 - YYEEAAHH! - That's a tap out! 1317 00:55:19,784 --> 00:55:22,420 - Boom! That's, it bitch! 1318 00:55:25,222 --> 00:55:28,092 - He's got Down syndrome asshole! 1319 00:55:30,628 --> 00:55:31,862 [chuckling] 1320 00:55:31,896 --> 00:55:33,631 - Bitch. 1321 00:55:34,865 --> 00:55:35,766 - See you guys. 1322 00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:37,602 - Alright, buddy, be good. - Later. 1323 00:55:37,635 --> 00:55:39,404 - Chad, I'll give you a ride. 1324 00:55:42,272 --> 00:55:45,443 - Can I smoke back here? - Yeah, I don't care. 1325 00:55:53,217 --> 00:55:55,185 - Wait, hey! Hey, gimme that! 1326 00:55:55,219 --> 00:55:56,787 - There you go, you earned it. - Thanks. 1327 00:55:56,821 --> 00:55:58,088 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1328 00:55:58,122 --> 00:55:59,624 - Thank you so much Mr. Brown. 1329 00:55:59,657 --> 00:56:02,192 That- that's great. Okay, bye-bye. 1330 00:56:02,226 --> 00:56:06,531 Okay, it is down to us and the Coffee Town in Fullerton. 1331 00:56:06,564 --> 00:56:08,165 We got this! 1332 00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:11,101 - It was happening. You could see it on their faces. 1333 00:56:11,135 --> 00:56:13,571 - DJ station back here maybe? I dunno if these people-- 1334 00:56:13,604 --> 00:56:16,240 - And Coffee Town wasn't the only thing slipping away. 1335 00:56:19,644 --> 00:56:21,078 Oh. - What? 1336 00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:23,748 - She's gonna stop coming in here. 1337 00:56:23,781 --> 00:56:25,450 I don't have her phone number, I don't know her last name, 1338 00:56:25,483 --> 00:56:27,452 I don't know anything about her. 1339 00:56:28,252 --> 00:56:29,520 I gotta catch her. 1340 00:56:29,554 --> 00:56:32,923 - You can use my bike! - Okay, thanks! 1341 00:56:35,493 --> 00:56:40,631 * You're looking for love, calling heaven above * 1342 00:56:40,665 --> 00:56:43,233 * Send me an angel 1343 00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:46,403 * Send me an angel 1344 00:56:47,972 --> 00:56:50,374 * Right now 1345 00:56:51,642 --> 00:56:54,311 * Right now 1346 00:56:55,212 --> 00:56:57,381 * Send me an angel 1347 00:56:58,783 --> 00:57:01,251 * Send me an angel 1348 00:57:02,653 --> 00:57:04,254 * Right now 1349 00:57:06,323 --> 00:57:08,459 * Right now 1350 00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:12,229 * Right now 1351 00:57:18,135 --> 00:57:21,138 - Hey.. hi... hey. 1352 00:57:24,542 --> 00:57:27,411 - I'm sorry, did you just chase me down on an adult tricycle? 1353 00:57:27,444 --> 00:57:32,316 - Listen... that was a laptop burn! Okay? 1354 00:57:34,985 --> 00:57:36,621 Hey. - Hey. 1355 00:57:36,654 --> 00:57:37,655 - Sorry... 1356 00:57:39,557 --> 00:57:44,194 - I know... I asked a doctor in the E.R. this morning. 1357 00:57:44,228 --> 00:57:46,964 Apparently it's fairly common. 1358 00:57:46,997 --> 00:57:48,232 - E.R.? 1359 00:57:48,265 --> 00:57:49,667 - I'm a- I'm a trauma nurse. 1360 00:57:50,768 --> 00:57:55,372 -Oh you're... a trauma nurse... Cool. 1361 00:57:55,405 --> 00:57:56,406 - Okay. - Oh, wait wait wait, 1362 00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:59,109 Becca Becca Becca... Let me j-- 1363 00:58:00,244 --> 00:58:02,580 It's... it's okay if you're not into me. 1364 00:58:02,613 --> 00:58:05,550 Really... I wouldn't be into me either. 1365 00:58:05,583 --> 00:58:07,417 I just don't want you to feel weird about coming into Coffee Town. 1366 00:58:07,451 --> 00:58:10,788 I mean... you've been going there longer than I have. 1367 00:58:13,624 --> 00:58:16,060 - Last night... that wasn't me... 1368 00:58:16,093 --> 00:58:18,529 Yeah, the- the drugs... 1369 00:58:18,563 --> 00:58:22,032 Almost having sex with somebody I barely know. 1370 00:58:22,066 --> 00:58:23,300 It's just not who I am. 1371 00:58:24,268 --> 00:58:26,571 - No, no no. Listen, that's not me either. 1372 00:58:26,604 --> 00:58:29,707 Seriously I don't just... go out to clubs and take ecstasy, and... 1373 00:58:29,740 --> 00:58:34,444 kiss guys, and, you know, show women my blistered penis. 1374 00:58:34,478 --> 00:58:36,547 Seriously, I- I don't do that stuff, okay? 1375 00:58:36,581 --> 00:58:38,415 I'm a nice guy... really... 1376 00:58:38,448 --> 00:58:40,885 Sometimes I think I'm too nice. 1377 00:58:40,918 --> 00:58:41,719 [gasp] 1378 00:58:41,752 --> 00:58:44,454 - You son of a bitch! 1379 00:58:44,488 --> 00:58:48,092 You think it's funny to steal an old man's bike!? 1380 00:58:48,125 --> 00:58:51,629 I fought a fucking war for you! 1381 00:58:55,499 --> 00:58:57,635 - Sorry... sorry... 1382 00:58:59,069 --> 00:59:02,539 I thought it was, uh... different... 1383 00:59:03,808 --> 00:59:05,309 Can I get a ride? 1384 00:59:05,776 --> 00:59:07,544 - Yeah, get in. 1385 00:59:15,152 --> 00:59:17,588 - Thanks for the ride. - Of course. 1386 00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:20,557 - Hey... That one's mine. 1387 00:59:21,291 --> 00:59:22,727 - Got it. - Cool. 1388 00:59:23,628 --> 00:59:26,797 Later homesnap. - Okay, bye. 1389 00:59:28,165 --> 00:59:30,267 Do you have time for a coffee? 1390 00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:32,436 - Yeah. - Yeah? 1391 00:59:32,469 --> 00:59:35,439 - I think I have a second. - Ah, good. 1392 00:59:35,472 --> 00:59:36,440 - I'll get my own, though. 1393 00:59:36,473 --> 00:59:40,778 - Uh, no, actually, here. Let me get it. 1394 00:59:40,811 --> 00:59:42,479 I need this. 1395 00:59:45,482 --> 00:59:46,583 -Hey... 1396 00:59:47,484 --> 00:59:48,953 - Yup? - Yeah, um, 1397 00:59:48,986 --> 00:59:51,622 let me get a soy latte... uuh... 1398 00:59:51,656 --> 00:59:54,825 and why don't you go ahead and add a bunch of extra whip to that. 1399 00:59:58,763 --> 00:59:59,897 - Name? 1400 01:00:01,766 --> 01:00:03,467 - Becca. 1401 01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:08,305 -No. 1402 01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:14,945 - Why don't you write a shitty song about that. 1403 01:00:16,380 --> 01:00:19,083 So... trauma nurse. 1404 01:00:19,116 --> 01:00:21,518 - Yep! - Wow. That's gotta be tough. 1405 01:00:21,551 --> 01:00:23,921 - Hell, I love it. I mean... 1406 01:00:23,954 --> 01:00:25,289 the thing about trauma... 1407 01:00:25,322 --> 01:00:27,925 is that... it's always total chaos. 1408 01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:30,627 So, I mean, you get to be a doctor half the time. 1409 01:00:30,661 --> 01:00:35,099 The lines really get blurred, which, I mean, I love. 1410 01:00:35,132 --> 01:00:35,966 - I never thought about it that way. 1411 01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:37,868 - Yeah. It's a total rush. 1412 01:00:37,902 --> 01:00:40,938 What about you? I mean you- you really work out of this place? 1413 01:00:40,971 --> 01:00:44,441 - Yeah, it's- it's not saving lives without a medical degree, but- 1414 01:00:44,474 --> 01:00:46,576 - I don't usually save them. 1415 01:00:46,610 --> 01:00:48,378 - Are you serious? 1416 01:00:51,148 --> 01:00:52,917 - I mean why- why work here? 1417 01:00:54,151 --> 01:00:56,086 - Look, honestly, um... 1418 01:00:57,287 --> 01:01:01,458 I think I just... like being part of the world. 1419 01:01:04,394 --> 01:01:06,630 Feeling like I exist somewhere. 1420 01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:10,735 This is gonna sound really stupid, but... 1421 01:01:12,636 --> 01:01:15,940 I think if I worked out of my apartment... 1422 01:01:18,442 --> 01:01:20,778 The world might forget who I am. 1423 01:01:24,448 --> 01:01:26,683 - Doesn't sound stupid at all. 1424 01:01:26,717 --> 01:01:29,219 - That's what I was about to lose. 1425 01:01:29,253 --> 01:01:34,424 Not a place for free wi-fi, or to meet friends, or outwit the economy. 1426 01:01:34,458 --> 01:01:37,561 Coffee Town was a place to belong. 1427 01:01:37,594 --> 01:01:41,098 That's something everybody needs in life. 1428 01:01:41,131 --> 01:01:42,867 An intersection. 1429 01:01:42,900 --> 01:01:44,601 A place to meet with the rest of the world 1430 01:01:44,634 --> 01:01:46,536 on the way to wherever you're headed. 1431 01:01:46,570 --> 01:01:50,975 Because let's face it, we're all headed the same place. 1432 01:01:57,147 --> 01:01:58,582 So they're closing the street tonight? 1433 01:01:58,615 --> 01:02:00,550 - I'm sorry, dude, I tried my hardest, okay? 1434 01:02:00,584 --> 01:02:02,419 They must have moved the work order up. 1435 01:02:02,452 --> 01:02:05,389 Traffic is back in the street at 9 p.m. tonight. 1436 01:02:08,592 --> 01:02:10,527 - Do we still have a window at midnight? 1437 01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:12,596 - I don't think it's a good idea. - Why? 1438 01:02:12,629 --> 01:02:14,364 - Because before we were doing a Friday night, right? 1439 01:02:14,398 --> 01:02:17,301 Cops would be busier all over the place, busting drunk drivers and shit. 1440 01:02:17,334 --> 01:02:19,904 This is Tuesday. Cops are bored on Tuesday. 1441 01:02:19,937 --> 01:02:23,040 Someone calls this thing in, the entire force is gonna show up. 1442 01:02:23,073 --> 01:02:27,744 - I don't care... I'm goin' in. Are you gonna be on shift? 1443 01:02:27,778 --> 01:02:29,379 - Yeah. 1444 01:02:29,413 --> 01:02:31,681 - I'm in too. I could really use the cash. 1445 01:02:31,715 --> 01:02:33,884 - Chad... - Chad, god dammit... 1446 01:02:33,918 --> 01:02:35,953 - You have any idea how expensive cigarettes are? 1447 01:02:35,986 --> 01:02:36,954 - We are not taking any cash. 1448 01:02:36,987 --> 01:02:38,722 - Nobody's taking fucking money! 1449 01:02:40,457 --> 01:02:42,426 - Just... Did you come up with a plan? 1450 01:02:42,459 --> 01:02:43,593 - Are we really doing this? 1451 01:02:43,627 --> 01:02:45,129 - Yes, we're doing this. - We're doing this. 1452 01:02:45,162 --> 01:02:46,096 - Stop it. 1453 01:02:47,331 --> 01:02:48,432 Alright guys. 1454 01:02:48,465 --> 01:02:49,766 - Whoa whoa whoa. Hey, just be careful. 1455 01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:50,868 - Best way to stay under the radar 1456 01:02:50,901 --> 01:02:52,536 is to shut the shit off in plain sight. 1457 01:02:52,569 --> 01:02:53,737 - But how did you do that? 1458 01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,705 - I got some guys at the crime unit to draw it up. 1459 01:02:55,739 --> 01:02:58,208 They thought it was for a drug raid. Fuckin' idiots. 1460 01:02:58,242 --> 01:02:58,976 [all laugh] 1461 01:03:00,310 --> 01:03:02,512 Alright. You guys'll be these sugars right here. 1462 01:03:02,546 --> 01:03:04,581 - Whoa whoa whoa whoa, can I be the Sugar in the Raw, 1463 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:07,051 because I'm sort of the badass of the group. 1464 01:03:07,084 --> 01:03:08,252 - Says who? 1465 01:03:08,285 --> 01:03:09,519 - Well, you're not the badass of the group. 1466 01:03:09,553 --> 01:03:11,355 - I didn't say I was the badass. 1467 01:03:11,388 --> 01:03:12,422 - Then that's a weak group. 1468 01:03:12,456 --> 01:03:13,690 - You guys are both creamers. 1469 01:03:13,723 --> 01:03:14,758 - Now we're both creamers. 1470 01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:16,226 - Yeah, well, cuz you wouldn't shut up. 1471 01:03:16,260 --> 01:03:17,027 - One of us could have been the Sugar in the Raw-- 1472 01:03:17,061 --> 01:03:18,462 - Stop it! 1473 01:03:18,495 --> 01:03:20,064 - I don't care if I'm a creamer. Why are we talking about this? 1474 01:03:20,097 --> 01:03:21,365 What's the plan? 1475 01:03:21,398 --> 01:03:24,001 - First, we prep the target for a 1 a.m. strike. 1476 01:03:25,169 --> 01:03:28,438 Which means you gotta get that homeless guy at 10 p.m. 1477 01:03:28,472 --> 01:03:30,941 Throw him a tall boy with roofies in it. 1478 01:03:32,309 --> 01:03:34,444 That'll knock him the fuck out. 1479 01:03:34,478 --> 01:03:36,680 That takes care of the only witness. 1480 01:03:36,713 --> 01:03:39,383 After that both of you guys, at 1 a.m., 1481 01:03:39,416 --> 01:03:42,419 will go across to the back of the store. 1482 01:03:42,452 --> 01:03:43,854 You'll find a utility ladder, 1483 01:03:43,888 --> 01:03:46,023 and that will give you access to the roof. 1484 01:03:46,056 --> 01:03:47,291 [dog barking] 1485 01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:57,267 That is where you will wait for my radio confirmation. 1486 01:03:57,301 --> 01:03:58,602 Chad, what did I just say? 1487 01:03:59,569 --> 01:04:00,570 - I- I wasn't listening. 1488 01:04:00,604 --> 01:04:01,872 - You weren't li-- 1489 01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:03,107 - I was playing with the Sugar in the Raw. 1490 01:04:03,140 --> 01:04:05,442 - Stop. - I'm gonna move all the sugars away. 1491 01:04:05,475 --> 01:04:06,576 All the sugars are away from you now, okay? 1492 01:04:06,610 --> 01:04:09,046 - This- this is important. We could go to jail. 1493 01:04:09,079 --> 01:04:11,615 - Okay, sorry. I'll- I'll close my eyes and just concentrate. 1494 01:04:11,648 --> 01:04:12,582 - That's fine. Can you hear me better now? 1495 01:04:12,616 --> 01:04:14,018 - Mm hmm. - Fantastic. 1496 01:04:14,051 --> 01:04:16,921 - It's like Stevie Wonder, how he- he has dog hearing. 1497 01:04:16,954 --> 01:04:18,222 - He doesn't have dog hearing. Dog hearing-- 1498 01:04:18,255 --> 01:04:19,957 - Stevie Wonder does have dog hearing. 1499 01:04:19,990 --> 01:04:21,091 - What? 1500 01:04:21,125 --> 01:04:22,092 - Are you gonna close your eyes too, or-- 1501 01:04:22,126 --> 01:04:22,893 - No, he doesn't have to. - Okay. 1502 01:04:22,927 --> 01:04:24,528 - Chad? - Go. 1503 01:04:24,561 --> 01:04:26,263 - That's when you're gonna wait for my radio confirmation. 1504 01:04:26,296 --> 01:04:27,397 What are you gonna do? 1505 01:04:27,431 --> 01:04:28,432 - Wait for your radio confirmation. 1506 01:04:28,465 --> 01:04:30,534 [walkie talkie] All clear. 1507 01:04:30,567 --> 01:04:31,768 Next you're gonna take the bolt cutter. 1508 01:04:31,801 --> 01:04:33,938 Cut that padlock that's on the hatch. 1509 01:04:33,971 --> 01:04:37,541 There is absolutely no alarm on it. You'll be safe. 1510 01:04:37,574 --> 01:04:39,876 Once you're down, you have about five minutes. 1511 01:04:39,910 --> 01:04:41,745 Open the cash, like, throw it around a little bit. 1512 01:04:41,778 --> 01:04:44,281 Rough the place up enough to look like you were doing a robbery, 1513 01:04:44,314 --> 01:04:47,051 but you got interrupted in the process, and you had to jet. 1514 01:04:48,919 --> 01:04:53,357 That's when you go right back up through that hatch. K? 1515 01:04:53,390 --> 01:04:54,391 That's the plan. 1516 01:04:54,424 --> 01:04:56,426 - K, I'm gonna open my eyes now. 1517 01:04:56,460 --> 01:04:58,228 - Nice. - Nice. 1518 01:04:58,262 --> 01:05:00,630 - So when we're finished we just split the money, 33, 33-- 1519 01:05:00,664 --> 01:05:02,366 - Oh my god! - Holy shit, Chad. 1520 01:05:02,399 --> 01:05:03,467 Holy shit, Chad. 1521 01:05:03,500 --> 01:05:05,435 -Chad, if you take something from this place, 1522 01:05:05,469 --> 01:05:06,636 I'll kill you. 1523 01:05:06,670 --> 01:05:09,006 - Oh that's... very Sugar in the Raw of you. 1524 01:05:09,039 --> 01:05:10,941 - Chad, stop, stop. 1525 01:05:10,975 --> 01:05:13,077 You're not gonna take any money, right Chad? 1526 01:05:13,110 --> 01:05:14,111 - My lips are zipped. 1527 01:05:14,144 --> 01:05:15,045 - It's not a fuckin' secret, Chad. 1528 01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:16,013 - You said this whole thing is a secret! 1529 01:05:16,046 --> 01:05:17,247 It's out in the open, it's a secret-- 1530 01:05:17,281 --> 01:05:18,282 - That's fine, that's fine. 1531 01:05:18,315 --> 01:05:21,551 Just tell me you're not gonna take any money. 1532 01:05:21,585 --> 01:05:22,953 Don't cover your eyes! Don't cover your eyes. 1533 01:05:22,987 --> 01:05:24,955 - It's got nothing to do with that. - Don't cover your eyes. 1534 01:05:24,989 --> 01:05:26,456 Just say you're not gonna ta- Watch this. 1535 01:05:26,490 --> 01:05:27,757 Will, are you gonna take any money? 1536 01:05:27,791 --> 01:05:29,526 - I promise I'm not taking any money. 1537 01:05:29,559 --> 01:05:30,594 - Chad, are you gonna take any money? 1538 01:05:30,627 --> 01:05:31,861 - Okay, whatever. - Don't take your hands. 1539 01:05:31,895 --> 01:05:32,963 Promise you're not gonna take any money. 1540 01:05:32,997 --> 01:05:33,863 - I promise I won't take any money. 1541 01:05:33,897 --> 01:05:35,432 - Thank you. Do you swear? 1542 01:05:35,465 --> 01:05:36,633 - I- I swear. 1543 01:05:36,666 --> 01:05:37,567 - Okay, that's it. 1544 01:05:37,601 --> 01:05:38,702 They'll file a report 1545 01:05:38,735 --> 01:05:42,139 which I will fax over to Coffee Town corporate office. 1546 01:05:42,172 --> 01:05:43,473 We did it, guys. 1547 01:05:44,608 --> 01:05:46,010 - Alright, so, we'll meet here at 1 a.m. 1548 01:05:46,043 --> 01:05:48,012 Alright, got it? 1 a.m.! - Mm hmm. 1549 01:05:48,045 --> 01:05:51,781 - 1 a.m.? That's late. You guys stay up that late? 1550 01:05:51,815 --> 01:05:53,917 - Hey! - Hey, buddy! What's up? 1551 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:55,119 - OH! 1552 01:05:55,152 --> 01:05:57,421 - Okay, yeah. We reuse paper at the station. 1553 01:05:57,454 --> 01:05:58,455 - Good, good. 1554 01:05:58,488 --> 01:05:59,789 - I don't stay up that late. 1555 01:05:59,823 --> 01:06:01,691 - No, normally we don't either, it's just a... 1556 01:06:01,725 --> 01:06:03,293 special occasion. 1557 01:06:03,327 --> 01:06:05,529 Special occasion comin' up. - We're havin' a party. 1558 01:06:05,562 --> 01:06:06,796 - Chad. - Chad, yeah. 1559 01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:08,698 - It's your birthday? - No. 1560 01:06:08,732 --> 01:06:10,367 - Yep! - Yes. 1561 01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:11,735 - Yeah yeah. I'm 56. 1562 01:06:11,768 --> 01:06:12,802 - 56. - How 'bout that. 1563 01:06:12,836 --> 01:06:15,572 - 56 already 56. - You wouldn't think. 1564 01:06:15,605 --> 01:06:17,407 - Oooooooooh 1565 01:06:17,441 --> 01:06:21,445 * Have a happy birthday * 1566 01:06:21,478 --> 01:06:25,115 * Have.. a... happy birthday... * 1567 01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:29,919 * Have a happy birthdaaaaay * 1568 01:06:29,953 --> 01:06:32,522 - Fuckin Phil, get outta here! 1569 01:06:32,556 --> 01:06:33,557 - Get outta here, Phil. 1570 01:06:34,558 --> 01:06:35,892 - You know better than that, Phil 1571 01:06:36,993 --> 01:06:44,134 * Haaave a happy birthday to Chaaad ** 1572 01:06:47,271 --> 01:06:51,175 - Thank you, thank you. I'm, uh... 56! 1573 01:06:51,208 --> 01:06:52,242 - 56. 1574 01:06:57,914 --> 01:06:59,583 - I left Coffee Town early. 1575 01:06:59,616 --> 01:07:02,319 Too nervous about that night to let Becca see me. 1576 01:07:04,154 --> 01:07:06,323 Instead, I sat at the park. 1577 01:07:07,657 --> 01:07:08,958 The thought of a future in prison 1578 01:07:08,992 --> 01:07:12,229 made an afternoon with nature seem pretty nice. 1579 01:07:14,331 --> 01:07:18,435 But, it turned out to be more like prison than nature. 1580 01:07:20,570 --> 01:07:24,474 And finally... the time had come to put our plan in motion. 1581 01:07:32,782 --> 01:07:35,652 And things started off flawlessly. 1582 01:07:37,487 --> 01:07:39,756 Shit. 1583 01:07:40,490 --> 01:07:43,093 Hey pal... hey buddy... 1584 01:07:43,127 --> 01:07:45,629 Wake up, I got some beer for ya. Want some beer? 1585 01:07:49,733 --> 01:07:51,201 - YA! Don't kill me! Don't kill me! - Oh, whoa whoa. 1586 01:07:51,235 --> 01:07:52,902 Hey, I was just trying to give you some beer. 1587 01:07:52,936 --> 01:07:55,439 Hey hey! Calm down, calm down, man. Shh shhhh. 1588 01:07:55,472 --> 01:07:56,540 Just trying to give you some beer, man. 1589 01:07:56,573 --> 01:07:57,674 You look thirsty... oh... 1590 01:07:59,276 --> 01:08:02,546 [sigh] Okay, ok ok ok, listen, I'll make it up to you, um... 1591 01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:04,114 Let me put you up in a hotel for the night. 1592 01:08:04,148 --> 01:08:06,516 - Naw, I don't sleep in hotels. 1593 01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:08,252 Bed bugs. 1594 01:08:13,657 --> 01:08:15,225 - Okay, so, here we are. Um. 1595 01:08:15,259 --> 01:08:18,895 I've got some plans tonight, but you can sleep on the couch. 1596 01:08:18,928 --> 01:08:22,732 - I don't sleep on couches... couch bugs. 1597 01:08:22,766 --> 01:08:25,435 - Couch bugs? What the hell's a couch bug? 1598 01:08:25,469 --> 01:08:26,470 Where ya goin'? 1599 01:08:26,503 --> 01:08:28,305 Oh come on, man. 1600 01:08:28,338 --> 01:08:30,740 Dude, oh... 1601 01:08:30,774 --> 01:08:33,510 No no, c'mon, that's my bed! 1602 01:08:34,978 --> 01:08:36,313 Aw fuck! 1603 01:08:36,713 --> 01:08:37,981 [whispering] Chad. 1604 01:08:41,985 --> 01:08:43,253 Chad! 1605 01:08:43,287 --> 01:08:46,122 - I'M GONNA KILL YOU MOTHER FUCKER! 1606 01:08:46,156 --> 01:08:48,225 - Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up. 1607 01:08:48,258 --> 01:08:49,793 Don't do that, man. That's not cool. 1608 01:08:49,826 --> 01:08:52,095 - Look, it's me. It's Chad! 1609 01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:54,631 - Yeah, I know it's you. Nice kitty shirt. 1610 01:08:54,664 --> 01:08:56,099 - I look awesome, huh? - Yeah. 1611 01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:58,635 - I just wish I had some black paint around my eyes, 1612 01:08:58,668 --> 01:09:00,537 you know, like, uh, like Batman. 1613 01:09:00,570 --> 01:09:04,107 Isn't that weird...that Batman wears makeup? 1614 01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:06,243 You know, like, you go out and you kick ass all night. 1615 01:09:06,276 --> 01:09:07,577 You come home, take off your cowl, 1616 01:09:07,611 --> 01:09:09,112 and you're just a dude in eyeshadow. 1617 01:09:09,145 --> 01:09:10,614 - This is a very interesting conversation, Chad, 1618 01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:11,848 can we have it later? 1619 01:09:11,881 --> 01:09:13,917 - Okay, like, tomorrow? 1620 01:09:14,818 --> 01:09:16,720 - Yeah, tomorrow. We'll have it tomorrow. 1621 01:09:16,753 --> 01:09:17,721 Where's my mask? C'mon. 1622 01:09:17,754 --> 01:09:19,689 - Ah, I only had one, dude. 1623 01:09:19,723 --> 01:09:22,392 - You were supposed to bring the disguises. 1624 01:09:22,426 --> 01:09:24,160 - I made you this! 1625 01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:26,430 - That's a sock. 1626 01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:27,731 - It'll stretch. 1627 01:09:27,764 --> 01:09:29,433 - I'm not concerned about the fit! [dog barking] 1628 01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:31,768 - This is not a fashion show, mother fucker! 1629 01:09:31,801 --> 01:09:33,703 We are knockin' over a coffee store! 1630 01:09:33,737 --> 01:09:35,071 - Alright alright, don't say "knocking over" 1631 01:09:35,104 --> 01:09:37,106 or you make us sound like thugs. - I wanna be a thug! 1632 01:09:37,140 --> 01:09:40,344 I didn't load up my iPhone with Kanye just so I could go jogging. 1633 01:09:40,377 --> 01:09:42,846 Oh crap, the one with Rihanna's on. 1634 01:09:42,879 --> 01:09:44,414 - Oh, fuck. - That one is for jogging. 1635 01:09:44,448 --> 01:09:47,551 Okay, great. You know what? I'm doing this by myself. 1636 01:09:47,584 --> 01:09:50,920 - No! We are in this together. 1637 01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:53,890 Now put your sock on. 1638 01:09:59,663 --> 01:10:00,697 - It's a sock. 1639 01:10:00,730 --> 01:10:03,933 - It's just a sock. - Really.... god. 1640 01:10:03,967 --> 01:10:06,002 Jesus Christ. 1641 01:10:08,905 --> 01:10:10,274 You didn't make me a mouth hole? 1642 01:10:10,307 --> 01:10:11,441 - You're not gonna eat in it! 1643 01:10:11,475 --> 01:10:12,509 - Oh Christ, Chad! 1644 01:10:13,877 --> 01:10:15,579 - Oh, you look like that rabbit from "Life in Hell". 1645 01:10:15,612 --> 01:10:18,214 You know, the- the rabbit... from the Simpsons guy. 1646 01:10:18,248 --> 01:10:20,784 - Will you just shut the fuck up!? Just shut the fuck up. 1647 01:10:20,817 --> 01:10:22,486 - I'm just sayin' who you look like. 1648 01:10:35,499 --> 01:10:37,334 [grunt] 1649 01:10:40,837 --> 01:10:42,639 [loud voice on walkie talkie] - Are you guys in position yet? 1650 01:10:42,672 --> 01:10:44,140 - What the fuck is that? 1651 01:10:44,173 --> 01:10:46,543 - It's Gino, we only had Spiderman walkie talkies 1652 01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,244 so he sounds like the Green Goblin. 1653 01:10:48,278 --> 01:10:50,547 -So, we gotta talk to each other like Green Goblin all night? 1654 01:10:50,580 --> 01:10:51,615 - No. Just him. 1655 01:10:51,648 --> 01:10:53,583 - You guys sound like Spiderman. 1656 01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:55,485 - Why aren't we just using our cellphones? 1657 01:10:57,086 --> 01:10:59,222 - Why don't we just use our cellphones? 1658 01:11:00,457 --> 01:11:02,225 [phone rings] 1659 01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:05,795 - Hello? - Yeah, this is way better. 1660 01:11:05,829 --> 01:11:07,531 Keep it on vibrate, though. 1661 01:11:07,564 --> 01:11:08,598 - Okay, fine. 1662 01:11:08,632 --> 01:11:09,933 - Why do you sound so weird? 1663 01:11:09,966 --> 01:11:11,801 - Chad didn't cut me out a mouth hole. 1664 01:11:11,835 --> 01:11:14,471 - Why do you need a mouth hole? You're not gonna eat in it. 1665 01:11:14,504 --> 01:11:16,540 - Oh come- come on, what's the deal? 1666 01:11:16,573 --> 01:11:17,741 - The street is clear. 1667 01:11:17,774 --> 01:11:18,975 You guys can go in. 1668 01:11:19,008 --> 01:11:20,043 - Copy that. Goin' in. 1669 01:11:20,076 --> 01:11:21,378 - Goin' in? - Goin' in! 1670 01:11:21,411 --> 01:11:23,780 - Okay, wait. I'm gonna put on the 8 Mile soundtrack. 1671 01:11:23,813 --> 01:11:25,114 - Don't put anything on, Chad! 1672 01:11:25,148 --> 01:11:26,850 - Those are- what are you- oh fuck! 1673 01:11:26,883 --> 01:11:28,452 Those are my headphones! 1674 01:11:28,485 --> 01:11:31,020 - I need you listening! Now go! you've got the rope, so go. 1675 01:11:31,054 --> 01:11:33,089 - Okay. Go time. 1676 01:11:34,758 --> 01:11:36,960 Oh... What the hell? 1677 01:11:39,095 --> 01:11:42,131 God dammit... ugh! 1678 01:11:42,165 --> 01:11:45,635 - Why aren't you wearing... This was on your foot!? 1679 01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:47,537 - It's clean! - No it's not clean, Chad, 1680 01:11:47,571 --> 01:11:49,873 if it came off your foot. Because it was on your foot! 1681 01:11:49,906 --> 01:11:52,241 - I barely walked anywhere today. 1682 01:11:52,275 --> 01:11:55,945 - You wore it all day!? Jesus Christ! 1683 01:11:55,979 --> 01:11:58,014 - Now this other sock is worthless! 1684 01:11:58,047 --> 01:12:01,385 - I'm wearin' this. -No. 1685 01:12:01,418 --> 01:12:02,752 - Come here you mother fucker. 1686 01:12:02,786 --> 01:12:05,188 - You mother fucker! - You mother fucker! 1687 01:12:05,221 --> 01:12:06,523 - Get back here! - You asshole! 1688 01:12:06,556 --> 01:12:08,224 - We shouldn't me fighting amongst ourselves! 1689 01:12:08,257 --> 01:12:10,560 This is what they want! This is what they want! 1690 01:12:10,594 --> 01:12:12,562 [cellphone game music] 1691 01:12:12,596 --> 01:12:13,463 [grunt] 1692 01:12:18,602 --> 01:12:19,503 - Sorry. 1693 01:12:30,414 --> 01:12:32,248 - What the fuck are you doing? Just go around! 1694 01:12:41,925 --> 01:12:43,159 - Dude! 1695 01:12:45,128 --> 01:12:47,631 It's just a bear. 1696 01:12:47,664 --> 01:12:48,998 - Sorry, okay. 1697 01:12:51,668 --> 01:12:52,602 [gasp] 1698 01:12:52,636 --> 01:12:53,637 - What? 1699 01:12:53,670 --> 01:12:55,972 - The cash register's open and empty! 1700 01:12:56,005 --> 01:12:56,806 - What!? 1701 01:13:04,548 --> 01:13:05,582 - Holy shit! 1702 01:13:05,615 --> 01:13:07,584 - We gotta go, we gotta go! 1703 01:13:22,666 --> 01:13:26,202 - We're gonna go to prison! Fuck. 1704 01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:28,605 - Please stop holding my hand. 1705 01:13:28,638 --> 01:13:30,073 [sound of the bathroom door opening] 1706 01:13:30,106 --> 01:13:33,443 [footsteps] 1707 01:13:35,011 --> 01:13:36,746 [cellphone vibrating] 1708 01:13:42,452 --> 01:13:45,589 [Gino on walkie talkie] Why aren't you answering your phone? 1709 01:13:51,995 --> 01:13:53,530 - Aaaah! - Aah! Aah! Aah!! 1710 01:13:53,563 --> 01:13:55,465 - Don't hit us! it's us! 1711 01:13:55,499 --> 01:13:58,401 Please Sam, Sam, Sam! It's us! It's us! It's us. 1712 01:14:00,970 --> 01:14:03,439 - What are you- what are you doing? 1713 01:14:03,473 --> 01:14:04,741 - What are YOU do-- 1714 01:14:05,675 --> 01:14:06,776 You're robbing the store? 1715 01:14:06,810 --> 01:14:08,111 - So are you! 1716 01:14:08,144 --> 01:14:10,680 - No no no, we were just pretending to rob the store. 1717 01:14:10,714 --> 01:14:12,015 - What!? - It's complicated. 1718 01:14:12,048 --> 01:14:14,350 Look look look, let's just split the cash. 1719 01:14:14,383 --> 01:14:16,520 - We're not taking any cash! 1720 01:14:16,553 --> 01:14:17,721 - He's taking cash! 1721 01:14:17,754 --> 01:14:20,256 - I have to, okay? Thanks to dick-head here, 1722 01:14:20,289 --> 01:14:21,625 my band lost our gig. - Oh pff. 1723 01:14:21,658 --> 01:14:23,760 - You think I could survive on shitty Coffee Town tips alone? 1724 01:14:23,793 --> 01:14:26,029 - Well, you would be able to if you'd stop looking away 1725 01:14:26,062 --> 01:14:27,531 every single time somebody tries to tip you! 1726 01:14:27,564 --> 01:14:29,933 - It's cuz it makes me feel LIKE A WHORE! 1727 01:14:29,966 --> 01:14:31,434 - Well then, get a different job! 1728 01:14:31,467 --> 01:14:33,269 - I had another job. You made me lose it! 1729 01:14:33,302 --> 01:14:36,205 - Oh psh, yeah right. You think U2 would lose a gig 1730 01:14:36,239 --> 01:14:37,574 just because somebody danced weird? 1731 01:14:37,607 --> 01:14:40,243 No. Because they're a good band, Sam. 1732 01:14:40,276 --> 01:14:43,312 You wrote a fuckin' song about cappuccino foam. 1733 01:14:43,346 --> 01:14:45,615 - It's about Becca! 1734 01:14:45,649 --> 01:14:47,216 - How is that about Becca? 1735 01:14:47,250 --> 01:14:51,688 - She's the stirrer... and my heart is the foam... 1736 01:14:51,721 --> 01:14:53,422 Whatever, man, you know what, let's just get out of here. 1737 01:14:53,456 --> 01:14:54,791 Okay? I'll put the money back. 1738 01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:56,392 [pounding on the door] 1739 01:14:59,095 --> 01:15:00,129 - Hey! 1740 01:15:00,163 --> 01:15:01,464 - Oh no, he's gonna set off the alarm. 1741 01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:02,632 - No no, Toby! No no! 1742 01:15:02,666 --> 01:15:03,567 [alarm blaring] 1743 01:15:03,600 --> 01:15:05,134 - RUN! - Oh fuck FUCK! 1744 01:15:05,168 --> 01:15:07,571 What are you doing? What are you doing!? 1745 01:15:07,604 --> 01:15:08,605 - Fuck! 1746 01:15:08,638 --> 01:15:09,773 - What the fuck are you doing, Chad? 1747 01:15:09,806 --> 01:15:12,475 Just use the front door, the alarm's already going off! 1748 01:15:16,680 --> 01:15:17,714 Get the fucking key! 1749 01:15:17,747 --> 01:15:20,416 - I don't know where it is! Get it! Get it! 1750 01:15:20,449 --> 01:15:22,552 - Where's the fucking key? Where's the fucking key!? 1751 01:15:22,586 --> 01:15:24,387 - It's a cargo jacket! I don't know! 1752 01:15:24,420 --> 01:15:26,455 [dispatch on police radio] Alarm reported at 225 Boyer. 1753 01:15:26,489 --> 01:15:28,424 - Unit 69 responding. 1754 01:15:28,457 --> 01:15:30,960 [on the radio] 84 responding. 57 en route. 1755 01:15:30,994 --> 01:15:32,796 Unit 33 on the way. 42 responding. 1756 01:15:32,829 --> 01:15:34,463 - Fucking Tuesdays! 1757 01:15:34,497 --> 01:15:36,232 [siren] 1758 01:15:37,967 --> 01:15:40,870 -Okay, Toby, we're gonna move the party somewhere else, alright pal? 1759 01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:42,238 - Why is that alarm going off? 1760 01:15:42,271 --> 01:15:44,641 - No time to talk about that, we gotta go. Oh shit! 1761 01:15:47,076 --> 01:15:49,278 - On the ground! 1762 01:15:49,312 --> 01:15:51,347 Everybody on the ground! 1763 01:15:52,248 --> 01:15:55,551 Now put your right hand behind your back! 1764 01:15:55,585 --> 01:15:57,253 Left hand, back! 1765 01:15:57,286 --> 01:15:58,287 - Do it! Do what he says! 1766 01:15:58,321 --> 01:15:59,188 - I am doing it, I am doing it! 1767 01:15:59,222 --> 01:16:00,523 - Don't move! 1768 01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:02,558 - I don't wanna go to prison! 1769 01:16:09,666 --> 01:16:11,434 - Listen up. 1770 01:16:11,467 --> 01:16:14,370 I'm gonna ask you this once... 1771 01:16:14,403 --> 01:16:15,304 What happened here? 1772 01:16:16,973 --> 01:16:19,408 - I'll admit... I'm one of those guys who only prays 1773 01:16:19,442 --> 01:16:22,445 at football games and craps tables. 1774 01:16:22,478 --> 01:16:27,350 But right then... I was asking for any help I could get. 1775 01:16:27,383 --> 01:16:29,886 And then the strangest thing happened... 1776 01:16:29,919 --> 01:16:34,457 A savior appeared. And he had Down syndrome. 1777 01:16:34,490 --> 01:16:36,926 - I wanted my chocolate milk! 1778 01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:39,796 They tried to stop me from getting my chocolate milk! 1779 01:16:54,811 --> 01:16:56,746 - But like every silver lining, 1780 01:16:56,780 --> 01:16:59,849 it only frames a cloud full of lightning that kills people. 1781 01:16:59,883 --> 01:17:03,419 - Okay guys, I see no reason to file a report on this. 1782 01:17:03,452 --> 01:17:04,553 - No report? 1783 01:17:04,587 --> 01:17:06,923 - Nah. They're actually trying to convert this place 1784 01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:09,358 into some kind of bistro lounge. 1785 01:17:09,392 --> 01:17:10,894 Gotta admit, it would be pretty sweet to have a place 1786 01:17:10,927 --> 01:17:13,663 to go grab a drink with the guys after our shift. 1787 01:17:16,632 --> 01:17:18,467 - Yeah... 1788 01:17:18,501 --> 01:17:21,938 - Well, I'll swing by in the morning and explain it all to the manager. 1789 01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:23,707 Get this kid home safe. 1790 01:17:23,740 --> 01:17:25,975 And uh, get him some chocolate milk. 1791 01:17:29,245 --> 01:17:30,513 - Retard. 1792 01:17:32,749 --> 01:17:35,218 - And something they don't tell you when you get struck by lightning... 1793 01:17:35,251 --> 01:17:37,954 you also shit your pants. 1794 01:17:39,488 --> 01:17:41,457 And that's life. 1795 01:17:42,458 --> 01:17:43,993 You lose. 1796 01:17:49,298 --> 01:17:51,000 The world evolves... 1797 01:17:52,468 --> 01:17:54,570 and you can't stop it. 1798 01:17:57,240 --> 01:18:00,543 You're just a passenger like everybody else... 1799 01:18:00,576 --> 01:18:04,547 sitting on a rock, spinning through space, 1800 01:18:04,580 --> 01:18:08,517 watching everything around you change. 1801 01:18:10,486 --> 01:18:13,790 No matter how much you wish it would stay the same. 1802 01:18:16,659 --> 01:18:21,765 - When you think about it... being straight is gay. 1803 01:18:24,467 --> 01:18:25,468 - What did you say? 1804 01:18:25,501 --> 01:18:30,573 - I said, do you wanna play chase? 1805 01:18:34,677 --> 01:18:36,780 - So you accept it. 1806 01:18:44,653 --> 01:18:46,923 Because there's no karma... 1807 01:18:46,956 --> 01:18:50,626 No reason to be a good person and play by the rules. 1808 01:18:50,659 --> 01:18:52,728 Hey, look guys. I opened the door for you, 1809 01:18:52,762 --> 01:18:55,031 so really I should be ahead of you in the line. 1810 01:18:55,064 --> 01:18:58,267 Just take what's yours and fuck what people think. 1811 01:18:58,301 --> 01:19:00,904 Because no fictional force is gonna punish you-- 1812 01:19:00,937 --> 01:19:01,838 [gunshot] 1813 01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:39,542 I guess this is the point where you realize 1814 01:19:39,575 --> 01:19:41,144 I've been narrating this from the dead. 1815 01:19:42,578 --> 01:19:45,148 And your friend acts like he knew it all along. 1816 01:19:46,816 --> 01:19:48,051 Well... 1817 01:19:48,084 --> 01:19:49,185 Your friend is an idiot. 1818 01:19:49,218 --> 01:19:50,253 - Hey. 1819 01:19:50,286 --> 01:19:52,755 - Because dead people can't talk. 1820 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:54,457 - Welcome back. 1821 01:19:58,327 --> 01:19:59,262 - Hey... 1822 01:20:00,663 --> 01:20:04,067 - I called your parents, and, uh, they're flying in. 1823 01:20:06,335 --> 01:20:08,471 - Was it a drive-by? - Yes. 1824 01:20:09,505 --> 01:20:11,707 Doctors say you're gonna be okay. 1825 01:20:11,740 --> 01:20:13,542 I made sure one worked on you, 1826 01:20:13,576 --> 01:20:16,379 even though a trauma nurse called dibs. 1827 01:20:16,412 --> 01:20:18,381 Wanda... she's... 1828 01:20:18,414 --> 01:20:19,248 It's like a death sentence, 1829 01:20:19,282 --> 01:20:21,017 she mainly just kills people. 1830 01:20:25,554 --> 01:20:27,756 - Is there a catheter in me? 1831 01:20:27,790 --> 01:20:29,825 - I used the smallest size... 1832 01:20:31,794 --> 01:20:33,596 because it's the least painful. 1833 01:20:33,629 --> 01:20:35,131 It has nothing to do with penis size, 1834 01:20:35,164 --> 01:20:36,465 you have a normal penis... 1835 01:20:36,499 --> 01:20:40,436 when it's... you know, not... burned by a laptop. 1836 01:20:40,469 --> 01:20:41,470 - Thanks. 1837 01:20:41,504 --> 01:20:43,940 - I mean, I can always jam the big one in there 1838 01:20:43,973 --> 01:20:45,441 if it'll make you feel better. 1839 01:20:45,474 --> 01:20:47,610 - I will stick with the small one, okay? 1840 01:20:47,643 --> 01:20:50,279 - You sure? - Yeah, please. 1841 01:20:50,313 --> 01:20:52,982 Thanks, though. - Any time. 1842 01:20:53,016 --> 01:20:54,984 - Heeeeey! 1843 01:20:55,018 --> 01:20:57,186 - I can't believe you are not dead. You were on the news. 1844 01:20:57,220 --> 01:20:58,554 You're like a celebrity. 1845 01:20:58,587 --> 01:21:02,358 There was blood all the way to the muffin counter, man. 1846 01:21:02,391 --> 01:21:04,460 - That's kinda cool. 1847 01:21:06,595 --> 01:21:08,932 - I'll check back in on ya in a bit, okay? 1848 01:21:10,333 --> 01:21:11,567 - Okay, yeah. 1849 01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:14,870 - Hey! No, no. - Yeah, I was gonna just-- 1850 01:21:14,904 --> 01:21:19,242 - Hey, look what I got for you. A little memento. 1851 01:21:20,676 --> 01:21:23,612 - Um, I think I was only shot once. 1852 01:21:23,646 --> 01:21:24,914 - Oh no, these aren't from you. 1853 01:21:24,948 --> 01:21:26,749 These are from the kid who shot you. 1854 01:21:26,782 --> 01:21:28,551 A couple minutes later, we all catch up to him. 1855 01:21:28,584 --> 01:21:30,053 The entire department just unloads on him, 1856 01:21:30,086 --> 01:21:32,021 takes out their gun, emptying clips like the wild west, 1857 01:21:32,055 --> 01:21:33,022 like BRRRAGAGAGAGA! 1858 01:21:33,056 --> 01:21:35,959 Smoke all over the place. - Helicopters. 1859 01:21:35,992 --> 01:21:39,262 - Wh- wait, no. I don't think it was a kid. 1860 01:21:39,295 --> 01:21:44,500 I feel like I saw... like... an older Latina lady. 1861 01:21:50,306 --> 01:21:53,542 - You know, they said, uh, technically you were dead for a minute. 1862 01:21:53,576 --> 01:21:54,443 [equipment beeping] 1863 01:21:54,477 --> 01:21:55,444 - What are you doing? 1864 01:21:55,478 --> 01:21:57,080 - You- you don't need that.. 1865 01:21:57,113 --> 01:21:58,547 So, what did you see when you died? 1866 01:21:58,581 --> 01:22:01,750 - Hmm... just a long hallway. 1867 01:22:01,784 --> 01:22:04,320 - How long we talkin'? - Yeah, like 50 feet? 1868 01:22:04,353 --> 01:22:06,889 - I didn't measure it. - Do you think it was heaven? 1869 01:22:06,922 --> 01:22:09,025 - Aw, you think? Why would God put in a hallway? 1870 01:22:09,058 --> 01:22:10,393 It's kinda shitty architecture 1871 01:22:10,426 --> 01:22:12,361 for the most powerful being in the universe, right? 1872 01:22:12,395 --> 01:22:14,763 - Yeah, heaven should have looked at least as good as the Bellagio, right? 1873 01:22:14,797 --> 01:22:18,601 - I agree, which makes me think... you think it was hell? 1874 01:22:18,634 --> 01:22:21,437 - Ooh, but would hell have a hallway? 1875 01:22:21,470 --> 01:22:23,439 - I think hell would. Absolutely. 1876 01:22:23,472 --> 01:22:24,640 Just to fuck with you. 1877 01:22:24,673 --> 01:22:25,975 - How long do you think that hallway would be? 1878 01:22:26,009 --> 01:22:27,243 Like, 50 feet? 1879 01:22:27,276 --> 01:22:28,877 - No, why do you keep thinking it's 50 feet? 1880 01:22:28,911 --> 01:22:31,080 - I just think that's enough time for you to anticipate 1881 01:22:31,114 --> 01:22:33,149 what's gonna happen when you open the door. 1882 01:22:33,182 --> 01:22:34,617 - And what happens when you open the door? 1883 01:22:34,650 --> 01:22:36,585 - The Devil-- - Stop, it's not the D-- 1884 01:22:36,619 --> 01:22:38,554 - Did you see the Devil? - No. 1885 01:22:38,587 --> 01:22:40,756 - Will, did you see the Devil? 1886 01:22:40,789 --> 01:22:42,925 - So, maybe karma is real... 1887 01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:44,460 Maybe if you cut in front of a line, 1888 01:22:44,493 --> 01:22:46,562 you get shot in the chest. 1889 01:22:46,595 --> 01:22:49,065 Or maybe bad things happen randomly. 1890 01:22:50,499 --> 01:22:52,401 Just like good things do. 1891 01:22:57,240 --> 01:22:59,375 - I really wish you would reconsider. 1892 01:22:59,408 --> 01:23:02,578 A- a drive-by could happen at any location. 1893 01:23:07,516 --> 01:23:11,120 - But either way... I think it's better to just focus 1894 01:23:11,154 --> 01:23:13,956 on the things we can change ourselves. 1895 01:23:15,558 --> 01:23:17,460 - It's gonna be so weird operating on cadavers 1896 01:23:17,493 --> 01:23:18,627 instead of real people. 1897 01:23:18,661 --> 01:23:20,163 So much less resistance. 1898 01:23:22,965 --> 01:23:24,567 - Hey can I have your muffin? 1899 01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:25,601 I need to print this. 1900 01:23:25,634 --> 01:23:27,403 - Of course. 1901 01:23:27,436 --> 01:23:30,506 - And let karma deal with everybody else. 1902 01:23:34,177 --> 01:23:35,611 - Get out. 1903 01:23:38,414 --> 01:23:39,915 - No. 1904 01:23:47,256 --> 01:23:50,059 [* T-Pain: "Bang Bang Pow Pow"] 1905 01:24:14,250 --> 01:24:17,586 - Less... Is More... shoots more. 1906 01:24:17,620 --> 01:24:19,388 - Yeah, with less. - Yeah. 1907 01:24:19,422 --> 01:24:21,190 - Oh you know what, you can get them to be dressed up 1908 01:24:21,224 --> 01:24:22,525 like a regular heighted person. 1909 01:24:22,558 --> 01:24:23,559 So you have five of them in one trench coat, 1910 01:24:23,592 --> 01:24:24,860 and them just going to town. 1911 01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,729 But then their dicks are just hitting, like, belly buttons, 1912 01:24:26,762 --> 01:24:29,365 and nipples, and faces, and stuff like that. 1913 01:24:29,398 --> 01:24:30,533 - Oh... 1914 01:24:30,566 --> 01:24:31,467 - Would you watch midget porn? 1915 01:24:31,500 --> 01:24:33,902 - Oh... Would I? I do. 1916 01:24:36,672 --> 01:24:39,575 [* The Wellspring: "Stir"] 133265