All language subtitles for Bonus Family s02e01.eng

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

Have you seen Patrik?
He doesn't look very stable.

-Did she leave him?
-I don't know.

He just called to say they needed
an emergency appointment.

That's what all men
who've been dumped look like.

I got the feeling
it was the other way around.

Where did that feeling come from
if he didn't say anything?

Was it the shaman again?

I think it's more complicated than that.

Things are always more complicated
than they seem.

That's what separates us from...

...simple things.

Hello and welcome.

Well...

Patrik, why don't you start
by telling us why you're here?

You were the one who called us.

TWO MONTHS EARLIER

Hi, Mum.

- Hi. Aren't you eating with us?
- No, I'm going to Frank's house.

Hi, honey.

- Have you finished it?
- I'm reading it at Mum's house.

- What about English?
- That's next week.

- Do you want me to do anything else?
- No, that's fine.

Hi, honey.

- How did it go today?
- Fine.

She's quick.
She'll be a hurdler when she's older.

- Where is she?
- She's asleep.

- Already?
- Well, you're late.

Babies usually sleep around this time.

- It smells really good. Is Bianca coming?
- I assume she is. Did she say anything?

- No.
- It's almost done.

Unfortunately, I'm stuffed.
I just happened to eat four buns at work.

I'm sorry, but it looks delicious.
I can take it to work tomorrow.

Don't worry about it.

- Don't wake her up.
- I just want to smell her.

- No, don't do that!
- You have her the whole day, I miss her.

- Hi!
- Don't wake her up!

Jesus! Sorry, it felt like a wet fish.

Please, don't pick her up!

Hi, sweetheart!

What's the problem?
I can hold her when you're eating.

Come on, why did you pick her up?
I've worked hard all day.

She needs routines,
and you're ruining everything!

What do you mean?

- Sorry, but she needs routines!
- Oh, did she tell you that?

Because when I was home with her,
it was all nice and cosy.

And totally chaotic. She was awake
the whole night. Yes, it was chaotic.

- She's a baby! They're awake at night.
- No, they don't need to be.

Are you telling me how to raise children?
You know I have two from before.

- I know.
- That's twice as much as you.

- "As many."
- Sorry?

Katja and I had a lot of routines for
William, and that turned out well, right?

Are you saying my children suffered?
Are they damaged?

Thank God Lo's life
hasn't been completely ruined yet.

You're right.
We'll send her to boarding school.

- Stop it.
- No, I know. What about a Nazi camp?

You feed the kids, I'm going for a run.

THE BONUS FAMILY

No point going abroad
when it's summer here.

You'd be sitting by the Mediterranean,
projectile-sweating into a 40-euro salad.

- No, thanks.
- All right.

When Swedish summer is at its best,
this is where you want to be.

It's not too hot, not too cold,
it's light in the evenings...

It's worth it, considering
the weather's crap the rest of the year.

Right.

- Do you want another drink?
- No, I'm good.

OK. I get it.
It is getting late, I suppose.

How about we get dirty instead?

- Get dirty? You and me?
- Yes.

I'll go pay.

- Hi.
- What...

- Have you seen Eddie's swim shorts?
- I don't think they're here. I'm peeing.

- Can I have some privacy?
- Where are they?

Wait, you sit down to pee?

Yes. It's good for the prostate,
and it doesn't splash everywhere.

It's strange you haven't noticed.
We've lived together a while now.

Sorry, sorry. And sorry about yesterday.

It's just upsetting to always hear
that Katja is so much better than me.

Please, that is not true! You're the best,
and she's a complete cow.

- A complete cow? Don't exaggerate.
- She is.

No, she's not. She's just a bit
of a mentally unbalanced freak.

Would you call me an idiot
if we got divorced?

We're not married, honey.

Can I...

What are you doing?

So let's do it. Let's get married.

- Are you proposing to me on the toilet?
- Damn right, I am.

I love you. Do you want to marry me?

Yes, I really do.

- Can I wipe you now?
- God, this is so romantic.

No, don't really do it!

- Good morning.
- Morning.

- Good morning.
- You're awake early.

- So is this guy.
- Right, yep.

Right, OK...

Bloody hell!

- Hello! Stop it.
- What's wrong?

There's someone here.
There's someone here!

Hi, sweetie! Now everyone's awake.
Let's make breakfast.

- Are you leaving?
- Yes, I am.

- You should have said you have a kid!
- He normally wakes up late.

- Well, not today, apparently.
- Why don't you stay for a while?

- No, I've got lots to do today.
- Just for a cup of coffee.

- So he doesn't think it was awkward.
- But it was. Extremely awkward.

Maybe it's your job to speak to him,
not mine. I'm not his stepdad.

I'm only asking you to stay 15 minutes
for breakfast and coffee.

I can't stomach breakfast
in the mornings, so...

- Hey... Fuck you.
- Absolutely. Back at you.

- Are you coming?
- Yes, in a minute.

Time for dessert!

- Where are you going?
- To see Olga.

- But, sweetie, it's Family Friday.
- Can't you stay home tonight? Please?

- I won't see you guys for a week.
- Don't you want dessert?

- No, I'm good.
- We have some exciting news.

- I need to...
- Come on.

- Ice cream time!
- I've got some news.

- News that is actually quite good news.
- How many times can you say "news"?

I don't know, I'm a bit nervous. Help me.

What Lisa is trying to say is
that we're getting married.

Seriously, was that the news?
I'm going to miss my bus.

Bianca, I can understand
if you're not overjoyed right now,

but I want you to know that I'm happy
and that this is what I want.

- Congrats.
- Bianca!

- When are you doing it?
- We don't know exactly, but this autumn.

- Have you even told Dad?
- No, we wanted to tell you first.

Please! I'm thinking about my dad,
you're just thinking about yourselves!

- Imagine what it's like for Wille and me.
- Your dad has no say in the matter.

- He's going to lose it!
- No, no, no... Eddie!

- Eddie, stay...
- Shut up and leave me alone!

God, he really didn't take that well
at all.

Fuck...

Good thing you're so sensible.

Aren't you rushing into this?
We're just getting used to Lo.

Are you squeezing in a marriage
as well?

But this isn't really a big change
for you kids.

- It's a big thing between Patrik and me.
- Exactly.

Can I eat in my room?

- Absolutely.
- Thanks.

- We can talk to them later.
- Let's forget about it.

- No, no, no!
- We have to leave it.

What sort of wedding will we have if they
react like this now? They don't want this.

I don't care if the whole town
stages a protest.

- I want you to be my wife.
- Not right now.

Listen...
Dad and I will always be your parents,

and we will always love you more
than anything else.

This just makes this bonus family
a bit more real.

I don't even want a bloody bonus family.

Anyway, we've decided
to put the wedding on hold for a bit.

As if I care.

I think you do care.
I think you care a lot!

- Stop it!
- Can't you come downstairs?

- Can't you stay here instead?
- Yes, of course I can.

- Are you nearly done?
- Yes, take it easy!

- I've got a car waiting.
- Breathe!

- Are those sheets?
- No, the taekwondo uniform.

What a waste,
he'll get bored after one class.

Then we'll encourage him. He can't spend
all of his time on the iPad.

That's because he's intelligent.
Martial arts is for idiots.

- You're so unprejudiced. It's beautiful.
- Or they become idiots.

Repeated blows to the head
have that effect.

- Take care.
- Bye.

- I love you.
- I love you too. Give them hell.

Bye.

Is it always so chaotic? Things going
missing and shoes everywhere...

I don't know, but they're extra stressed
now that they're getting married.

- They're getting married?
- That's what they said yesterday.

Hello.

Eddie was pretty upset.
He threw his bowl on the floor.

- Should I put it in the back?
- Put it wherever.

Hey!

- Hi.
- How are you? Nice to see you.

Hey. Some stuff...

His coat and some spare clothes,
training gear and his favourite shirt.

- Great.
- I'll see you in a week.

- Call me if you need to.
- Has he eaten?

- Yes.
- Great.

Bye.

- What did you eat?
- Sweets at the cinema.

We'll sort it out.

Her kid was just staring at us.

- It was crazy.
- Kids are cute, though.

That's exactly what I thought.
"How cute, I hope he stays."

It's like Chucky in Child's Play
just standing there like...

I don't get it. Was the kid home alone
the night before?

I don't know, I have to call and ask...
No, who cares? That's not the point.

The point is she wanted me
to bond with her kid after the first date.

You can hear where this is going.

Date younger chicks,
you'll avoid all the crap.

Older women just cause problems.
Look at those two.

They've got blue hair. I've got no hair.
Work it out yourself.

Come on, what's wrong with you?
They're over 20.

Yes, but I'm a dad. I can't think
of young women as sexy any more.

That's ridiculous.
Where the hell's your testosterone?

- I'll chat them up, join me in a bit.
- Good luck.

Hi. Are you looking for beds
or are you homeless?

- Yes, we're looking for a bed.
- I see.

You're nice and comfortable!

Are you OK?

- Should we really go through with this?
- Of course, I love you!

- Yes, but what about the children?
- Don't worry about them!

No matter how much we love those
spoilt little shits, it's not up to them.

- But we're lying to them.
- We're not lying, we'll tell them later.

You're getting your lovely wedding day,
and I'm getting my beautiful wife.

I've planned it all out, it'll be amazing.
On Friday, we'll go to a secret location,

where a registrar
and two witnesses will be waiting.

- Martin and Katja?
- No, Filip and another person.

- Who?
- Wait and see!

Then we'll check into the poshest hotel
in town, bonk the crap out of each other,

have a long hotel breakfast, and then
we'll go home as husband and wife.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

- Do you know what we're doing now?
- No.

Getting off the road
so we don't get run over.

- You can have anything you like.
- Wow!

- The one for 35 grand too? It's amazing.
- It's a bit flashy, isn't it?

I think the more classic ones are nice.
Plain.

- Don't you think they're too boring?
- No! Trends come and go.

We'll be married for 40 years,
so it has to last. You're not Ivana Trump.

- How much can it cost?
- The price doesn't matter, but...

I think that one there under 15 grand
is the nicest one for you,

and it has a diamond.

Let's buy that one, it'll be lovely.

- What's that smell?
- A thousand kids' sweaty feet.

- Are you sure you want to do this?
- Didn't Dad say I need encouragement?

Yes, I'm doing my best.

Hello. You must be William. Fist bump.

I'm Branco. I'm an instructor here.

It looks a bit scary, doesn't it?
It's OK, everyone's really nice.

- Have you done any martial arts?
- No.

Not unless the boxing on the iPad counts.

It doesn't. Let's go and change.
Mum can have a seat on the bench.

William, this way! To the left.

Watch your hands.
The middle fingers are like two shields.

No phones, please.

Hello? Mum!

- No phones allowed.
- My name is Katja.

OK, Katja. No phones.

I understand.
I'm just checking if it's important...

No, you're going to put the phone down
and do as I say.

We focus on the kids here.

OK, that's fair enough.

Well done, girls.

Watch your hands, William.

Today's the day. Mrs Ahlin...

Mrs Ahlin?

- Do you think I'm taking your name?
- Lisa Ahlin sounds great!

It's old- fashioned, is what it is. Do you
want to check if I'm a virgin as well?

- I'm not. Sorry.
- I want us to have the same name.

I'm not cool with taking Martin's surname,
as I'm sure you understand.

Then the kids can come up with a name
for all of us.

- I think they would love that.
- We can't let the kids decide that stuff.

Eddie will probably suggest
we change our name to Laser or something.

Lisa Laser sounds cool.

Great, and I'll be the Laser Man,
like the murderer?

- Oh, God!
- At school... Brilliant, right?

Shouldn't we tell them?

What, now? Before?

Should we lie to them?

Honey, we're not lying, we're just
not telling them. It's not the same thing.

It's totally different. They'll go crazy.

I'm marrying the woman I love.
I don't want anyone to ruin that.

Seriously, let's tell them on Sunday.
We get a few days that mean a lot to us.

It doesn't matter to them.

- What do you say?
- OK.

Thank you.

Hi, sweetie.

What's wrong?

- What's that?
- It really hurts.

I'm sure it does. Let me have a look.
That's quite a bruise.

- I don't want to go back.
- Is it from training?

Yes. I never wanted to do it.

Dad and I have bought a lot
of expensive stuff. You have to try.

- It was Dad who bought a lot of stuff.
- OK. But I don't think it looks that bad.

Ow! It's really sore!

I'll tell this Branco person to go easy,
and that you'll try a few more times.

- But I don't want to!
- We'll try.

- But I don't want to!
- Duly noted. I'll get some ice for that.

Be a Viking!

- He'll get used to it.
- Used to it?

After a while, you enjoy the punches.

It's martial arts. Close contact,
it may hurt... That's the way it is.

- Yes, but he's not like that.
- What do you mean?

He's not a fight club kind of kid.

I know what you mean, but I'll talk
to him myself, and then we'll see.

- Is that OK?
- Yes, that's a good idea.

You look nice.
You've spruced yourself up a bit.

No...

- Sure there was nothing else?
- Don't get any ideas.

- I prefer intelligent men.
- Perfect!

I've been a member of Mensa
since I was 17.

- It's a club for smart...
- I know exactly what Mensa is.

I came here to talk about William,
and now we've agreed to go easy on him.

- Thank you. Bye.
- Thank you.

You're not a bloody Mensa member!

That's about as true
as you not sprucing yourself up.

OK, maybe I did,
but I'm not some desperate single woman.

- Come with me, Eddie.
- You're an adult, you can't drag me!

I'm not dragging you!

Eddie, my friend... Have a seat.
Are you sure you want that one?

It's not the most comfortable.
There are better ones, look.

Nice and soft, lovely view, swivel chair.

I don't give a shit about where I sit!

- How long do I have to stay here?
- Until you've calmed down.

- I am calm!
- But you were angry before, weren't you?

No, I was happy!

- Why do you get that angry?
- Are you a psychologist?

I'm an education welfare officer,
you know that.

- No, I don't.
- I'm Patrik's best friend.

- How are things at home?
- Mind your own, and you'll live longer.

Sure, maybe that's good advice.

Is it particularly hard today?

- The fact that they're getting married.
- Who?

Do you mean Patrik and Mum?
They're not getting bloody married!

What did you hear?
They were going to wait!

- You're probably right.
- Are they or not?

It was meant to be funny,
and it got confusing. I take it all back.

Don't go home and tell them... Eddie!

Eddie! I just want to talk to you!

Stop the boy! Stop the child!

Eddie, I'm sorry!

This is her blankie that she really likes.

At 18:45, it's play and snuggle time,
and then she normally poos.

I know how to look after a child.

There are extra nappies in the bathroom
and by her bed.

- You turned out all right.
- That might have been thanks to Mum.

- You weren't home a lot.
- I put food on the table.

- Have you thought about the prenup?
- Dad, listen to me.

We're heavily in debt,
and the loans are in both of our names.

And also, I trust Lisa.

That's what everyone says, and then
they regret it when they split up.

Dad, this is the last thing
I want to talk about on my wedding day.

- Hi.
- Mum's not home.

- She's probably working.
- I've waited ages.

- Let's call her.
- She's not answering.

- What the hell?
- Hi, William!

- Hi!
- It's her week. She's messing me about.

He can stay here and help me with Lo.

- Sure.
- Thanks a lot.

You're all dressed up.
Are you going to a party?

- Kind of.
- I thought it was something else.

- Like what?
- Hi, Filip.

- What do you mean "gone"?
- He ran so fast.

- He just took off...
- What's happening? He's not answering.

Hi, Patrik!

- Why was he running?
- I've never seen anyone run that fast.

Well, adults, but not a child.

- What happened?
- I accidentally mentioned the wedding.

- I know it's really unprofessional...
- Jesus Christ. Idiot!

Sorry, it just slipped out. I forgot
that people weren't supposed to know.

Right.

So you're getting married?
Great, congratulations.

Hence the fancy dress.
The suave thief look à la Vanheden.

We're not doing anything
until we find him.

- It's OK, he's here somewhere.
- How do you know that?

Exactly. What do you mean "He's here
somewhere"? Of course he is.

- I'm just saying...
- You don't know if he's OK.

- Take it easy.
- He's probably not too far away.

- And you didn't bother telling the kids?
- We did, but not that it's today.

So why is it such a secret?

We just wanted to avoid
making it a big deal, all right?

Only one person's made a mistake here,
and that's me.

If you want to crucify someone,
do it to me.

Get the nails and hammer.
Do it quickly...

Don't worry,
just tell us which way he went.

I'll check at home.

I've learnt my lesson. I couldn't
catch him. We have to start running.

- What?
- It's hard, but that's our cross to bear.

See you at the wedding. Don't be late.

Eddie?

There you are!
You can't just run off like that.

Hello? Hey...

It's the way it is, Eddie.
You can't turn back time.

- Unless you have a time machine.
- Then I would have used it ages ago.

- To do what?
- Make you happy again.

- Make me happy again?
- Yes.

Eddie...

I am happy.
Have you been thinking that I'm not?

Listen. I've got you and Bianca.
That's enough for me.

I am happy, OK? This is Mum's big day,

and she's happy, so we should be too.

She's always so helpful and generous.
We have to do the same for her.

She loves you, don't ever doubt that.

Hi.

Hi. I love you, you know that.

And I always will.

- Hey... Thank you.
- Don't worry about it.

No, really. Thank you.
He's so bloody lucky you're his dad.

- And I'm lucky I have you.
- Are you going to propose to me now?

You don't want to marry Patrik? I'll talk
to him. You've got a bit of mascara there.

I don't know what I want today.
This bloody day...

Just do it, it'll be great.

It'll help you let go of me, too.
You're getting a bit stalker-y.

- Honey, shall we?
- Thanks, Martin.

- Do we have the energy to do this?
- I know you're shaken up.

But we've got an awesome surprise for you.
You'll like it, I promise.

- Your sister's come from London.
- What, Emma?

Emma! God, I'm so happy you're here!

Hi. Thanks for waiting. We had
some issues, but we're here now.

Excuse me. I've got another wedding
in an hour. Could we perhaps get started?

- Yes, I'm quite keen to get married.
- Me too!

Well, Lisa and Patrik...

We've gathered here today
to join you two in matrimony.

Marriage is a union,

and what unites you is love.

A marriage is also something
that needs care and attention.

You know that, having tried before.
It's not always easy to keep it alive.

That's because we'd met
the wrong person. Not because...

Maybe you should let...Eva finish.

Sorry, I just wanted to point out
that the reason it didn't work

wasn't that I didn't show proper care.
I was 21 when I met Katja,

and I didn't know who I was,
I didn't have a clue about...

Do you have to mention Katja right now?

All right, I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry.

I just want to say that you're
the woman for me, and I love you.

- For the first time, I have no doubt...
- Hey...

I'm in a hurry, because you were late.
Can you save your speech to Lisa?

- Of course, but I want to hear it later.
- Sure.

- Sorry.
- OK.

- Right...
- Hold on.

Let's just embrace this amazing chaos
for a bit.

It's just so incredibly beautiful
to have all these contrasting elements.

It's love, and it's fighting,
and it's messy, and cuddly, and warm.

All of that is part of life, and it's you!

It's so you! It's just so...
I don't know what. Thank you for this.

Right, let's move on.

You're so... You're so lovely!

Give us a minute. It's really emotional.

There.

- Thank you.
- Let's move on, or you won't get married.

Sorry I interrupted.
I was just so touched by the moment.

I didn't want it to pass us by.
Your words are beautiful in their way,

but I know Patrik.
We're basically best friends.

I'm sure you've written it as well as you
can, but it's not what I would've said.

- That's why I interrupted.
- Sorry. Let's do this.

- Oh, another.
- Yes, I'm having another, Mum.

- Who's that, a new bit of skirt?
- Stop saying that, it sounds ridiculous.

If it were, you saying that
would be a massive turn-off.

As long as you use protection.
Gonorrhea and chlamydia are on the rise.

That's hardly my fault.

- You can get AIDS as well.
- Yeah...

- I don't sleep with everyone I meet.
- I didn't say you did.

But this is a friend of mine
who wants me to join him.

- Look, he's sent a picture.
- Just go.

No, I'm here with you guys.
I'm spending time with Eddie.

I don't like you boozing at home.

- It's better if you go out and do it.
- I'm just having a whisky, Mum.

Why don't you put the glass down
and go out? I'll look after Eddie.

I'm meeting these blue-haired chicks.
They've got blue hair.

- I've seen that. Just go.
- See you when I see you. Bye.

I'd like to propose a toast
to the best sister in the world.

Bloody hell, Lisa...

I knew you'd get married,
even when we were little.

And now you've got married twice.

You're just too damn good. You're too good
to commit to just one person.

- Excuse me?
- Honey...

I want to tell you
that I've changed my mind.

I love that you've got married.
And I love that you've married Patrik.

Me too.

I want to find a Patrik too.
I've got a boyfriend...

But no Patrik. I don't mean I want
your Patrik, just that I approve of...

Give me a hug! So great to have you home.

Thank you. Congratulations.

Sorry, we'll turn it down!

Jossan, turn it down!

- Sorry, did we disturb you?
- No, I'm here for the party.

- Here?
- Yes, I'm here to party!

I know a guy here.

- There he is!
- Hey, Daddy! Come on in. Close the door.

- Stop feeling like an old man.
- All right.

- But I am an old man.
- What the hell's wrong with you?

Attitude is everything.
You have to just feel like you belong.

Please, I'm asking you.
Do you think they care?

I don't even know what to talk about.

You've got one weapon:
Your sense of humour. Tell them a joke.

- It's a good song.
- Yes.

What's the name of this orchestra?

Bianca! Hey!

- OK, I'll be there. Bye.
- What was that about?

It was my dad.
Lo's got a cough and a temperature.

Did it sound serious?

No, but things can deteriorate quickly
with babies. Dad's not a doctor.

- Did he sound worried?
- No, but I worry.

If you hadn't called him,
everything would've been fine.

I can't think like that, sorry.

Please, just think about this. Honey...

Listen, I have to go home. Lo isn't well.

- No!
- Please, don't.

- It's too weird.
- You can't be serious.

You need to spend the night together.

Otherwise, the marriage isn't consummated.

- If you leave, I leave.
- Listen.

- Come on, Patrik.
- Seriously?

I won't be able to relax here.
I have to check on Lo,

but I'm super happy, because I've got
the best wife in the world,

whom I love more than anything,
and I'm happy.

Enjoy tonight. Your sister's here,
and the room was bloody expensive,

so you have to use it.

Bye.

Don't leave my sister
on her wedding night!

I'll take care of you sisters.

You're in good hands. Bye!

Just leave
so we can get this party started.

- Hey, let's get this party started.
- Enjoy it.

- Bye.
- He's leaving you on your wedding night.

- Stop. Stop!
- Let go!

- I will if you stop!
- You were hitting on them!

- No, I wasn't!
- They're younger than me, you pedo!

- Stop it! Don't call me a pedo.
- What the hell are you doing?

- Stay out of this.
- Let her go!

- Don't mess with little girls.
- Shut up!

What the hell? Seriously, stop! Stop!

- He's my dad! Back off!
- He's her dad.

- It's her dad, it's cool.
- Are you OK?

- Sorry.
- Go to hell!

Please, Dad. Are you OK?
You have to get up.

I have a little gift from London.

It's something you've wanted
and haven't had for ages.

Oh, God, I'll die!

Come on.

I feel sick already.

- Here we are.
- You're paying. Hey, that hurts.

- Are you going to hit me?
- I'd love to hit you hard.

Everyone does, apparently.

So we got married last Friday,
and we're really happy.

I know you're not very keen on the idea,
but...

We're really happy,
and now we're married, and that's that.

Why am I the last to know?
Why didn't you tell me?

Sorry, sweetie. We messed up.

I think you'll...
It's hard to understand now,

but in 20 years, or when you're adults,
you'll understand and appreciate it.

But for now, maybe you could be happy
for us and see this as a joyous...

We should at least be happy that we're all
going on the honeymoon together.

- Where?
- What do you think?

Thailand!

They're probably thinking northern Sweden.

How would you know?

- Thailand works. Good suggestion.
- Exactly, I was right!

Are you serious?

We have to go over our budget first.
It's really expensive.

- Mum said it's super cheap.
- Exactly! His mum says it's cheap!

Of course we're going to Thailand!

Yes! They've got elephants, tigers,
delicious food, cocktails...

You can even get a Thai massage,
you stiff bastard!

What? All right, listen to me.
Before we start getting excited,

we have to check our finances
and see if it's possible.

Yes, but you're on paternity leave,
so the money is my job,

and I say that we're going,
because I can swing it.

Thailand, Thailand, Thailand!

I need the toilet.

Subtitles: Monika Stewart

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