Original subtitles

My wife is sleeping, so don't wake her.

- Come. - But ... - Sit down.

In fact, I almost expected you. - Who me ?

Yes, you or another of the same species.

- Oh there ! - Calm down, this is for me.

I'm going to kill myself in 5 or 10 minutes. - Oh!

Amazing coincidence.

Despite this decision, I had some reluctance to put ..

..this project into execution.

Your fortuitous visit will simplify everything.

- You are a murderer? - Yes. Well I'm mostly a thief.

But this profession sometimes obliges you ...

- To defend yourself. - Because sometimes you encounter...

Being in the face of brutal people who will not be robbed without resistance.

Exactly. If people remained quiet, we would do them no harm.

If we were seen as workers and not thieves

... all would be well.

Just look for the money. - And take it. For them as well as you.

Exactly.

And often you had to shoot?

- 2 or 3 times. But I only killed once. - A regret ?

- For not killing more? - No, for having killed.

Oh no, not at all.

Because there is a curious thing often discussed among burglars.

Most people that we are obliged to remove,

..we learn later were not very nice people. Nor very honest and pure.

That was the case with the man I killed. A pirate, neither more nor less.

And nobody knew.

It does no harm to anybody. I owe it to myself. It is for me like it should. Well, I stopped cheating, and I owe it to myself.

Excuse me, I interrupted you.

This suicide, is that where you want to go?

- Here it is: since I am face to face with a man of that profession,

..I want to ask you to kill me yourself.

- In cold blood? - It bothers you?

No, I would say ... it bothers me a bit.

The lack of self-defense. That the victim is willing ..

..is rare, you know. - Do me this service.

Give me a price. I won't argue,

..if it is reasonable. - Mm ... Hey! Is it worth a lot to you?

Not really. There is no risk.

- Oh ... if. - There will be my will.

I will declare I'm going to kill myself to cover you.

And nobody is bothered, if you follow my instructions.

Shoot me close.

As if I had held the weapon.

After firing, put the gun on the ground,

..the butt towards me, as if I had fallen.

You quickly leave by closing the window shutters,

..then you take the ladder... and leave it where it was.

Yes. Yes, it is ingenious.

And the testament will avoid ..

..suspicions, as you say. - I now need about 20 minutes,

..to complete the testament...

which I was just beginning when you came in. See for yourself.

Excuse me. "This is my second will,"

"and I write in possession all my faculties." It's true.

And you are quite sure?

- Of what? - Of possessing your faculties?

Why do you say that?

Because wanting to die rather appears to me ..

..a mental imbalance.

Not if the act ..

..is justified. - Ah. Perhaps. Excuse me.

- Cognac? - Cognac.

Thank you.

And if we can agree on the price?

Give me a number.

400,000.

Way too much. 300,000.

- Oh ... good, but no check. - To the bearer.

Then 200,000 F in cash. I have no more.

- You don't have more in there? - No, it's too risky.

- What are you afraid of? - The visit of a burglar.

Yes.

Where are the 200,000 F?

Here, in my pocket. Take it before you leave.

Agreed.

"This second will ..."

"..does not negate ..."

"..that deposited two years ago..."

"..to the hands of my lawyer,"

".. Doctor Lauvier of Chanceraie." - Well, well!

- You know him? - Him, no. But his safe, yes.

- It was one of my first burglaries. - Profitable?

- Oh 600,000. - Not bad.

A beginning.

Continue please.

"My first testament stipulates ..."

"..the distribution..."

"..of my property ..."

"... ..and all the names ..."

"..of those who are the beneficiaries."

"While this..."

"..serves as a confession."

"And reveals ..."

".. the circumstances.."

"..in which..."

"..I committed a crime."

Oh no !

- You're right. - Ah ...

"A crime which was ... the perpetual torment of my life."

"I was 30 year old,"

"..and I was at the beach, in Deauville,"

"..in search of adventure, I admit."

"..When the most alluring creature I have ever seen .."

"..in my life suddenly stepped in front of me."

She smelled good!

But a moment later,

I saw her jump into the sea as though in desperation.

She swam well!

And rapidly!

But she was going away!

So far away that it worried me.

- Isn't that reckless? - Of course, sir.

They're all the same! But you can't reason with them.

Once they put on a swimsuit, they go crazy!

And they don't do this for pleasure for pleasure, no!

They do it only to impress those who are watching.

Do you like to see them go so far?

- I would prefer to see it up close. - Huh? Of course.

She is not in mortal danger, but if she felt unwell,

she would drink a lot of water before I could rescue her.

- This morning, I pulled one out. - Who was far out?

No, 8 meters away. But when she lost her footing ...

- She lost her head. - She ... yes.

I brought her out. - She didn't cry out?

- Who? - Her, there! - I don't believe so.

- Did you hear something? - Yes, a dog.

It wasn't her, I'm sure. And she's waving ..

.. her arms!

Let's go! Antonin, Emile, the boat!

These women risk their lives to be looked at! And all that to be taken care of her!

It took five long minutes to save her.

Happily,

..at no time did we lose sight of her white cap.

There she was coming back to us.

So immediately, I threw myself into the water.

It wasn't necessary, especially since I am a poor swimmer.

But I pretended to save her life anyway.

It is an exceptional opportunity, unique, where you can embrace ..

an almost naked stranger .. without asking permission.

This thought troubled me more than I can say. I shouted above the noise of the waves: I shouted at her:

.. "Climb on my back! Hold onto my neck!

Spread your legs."

These orders did not seem to upset her.

5 minutes later, we were both sitting in the canoe.

- You scared me! - Good!

- Why? - It's flattering.

- You panicked, right? - When ?

- When you cried out. - Me?

- Didn't you ask for help? - Never!

Neverthless, you gestured.

- Oh yes! To say hello. - To whom?

- To no one. Are you jealous? - Give me the right,

..you will see.

And you came back ... in your steps, I was going to say.

Yes, but seeing you dive, I pretended that I was drowning.

- What for ? - Primarily, for courtesy.

And it amused me. - What?

The thought of being mistreated by a stranger. It didn't fail.

"Climb on my back. Take me by the neck. Spread your legs. "

It's rare to hear that from a stranger.

- Do I shock you? - Not at all.

- You understand me then? - It is troubling. - Don't worry.

The worst would be that you wouldn't think I was drowning.

Don't ask too much.

That you were amused at being brutalized by a stranger?

Or is it someone you know that is abusive?

A bruise,

..two blue, three blue.

Maybe you like it?

- Ah ... Aren't you cold? - Will you put your swimsuit ..

..over my shoulders? - No, but you ought to take your own ..

..to be in the sun. - I will!

- And if we were alone? - Never. In front of them right away.

- Who are you ? - Later.

- I'll see you again? - Why not?

- You're an actress. - No.

- A showman, yes - Obviously.

And what am I?

- A Fish. - Why a Fish?

I met you in the water. At our age, you are neither this nor that.

- At 20 or 25 years, it is a profession. - And an art, in any case.

We are almost there.

- And where do you live ? - Guess.

- We've arrived. - Too soon.

I didn't go far enough.

- At which hotel are you staying? - No, that would be too easy.

I really care about our 2nd meeting ...

and I wouldn't have anything to do. Neither you nor I.

It amused us to believe we were madly in love.

it is a delightful game that can take you far ..

..if circumstances get involved.

What a lovely idea to entrust our next encounter to fate.

But half an hour later, at the hotel, I made plans ..

..to get my hands on my pretty swimmer before evening.

Gentle destiny, we can facilitate its work.

Hello?

Can you ask the reception manager to come to my room for a moment?

Thank you, miss.

I made a list of all the hotels in Deauville,

..from the most luxurious palace to the most modest guesthouse.

The plan was not foolproof because, if the girl was of modest means,

..she could well be in the most luxurious palace

as a secretary or receptionist.

Come in.

Thanks for coming.

I have a question. - Yes ?

Have you heard about a lady rescued by a swimmer ..

..from drowning this morning? - Yes.

- No ? - Yes, I was told.

Wait, I will be back.

It would be too much luck!

- Call Albertine for me. - Albertine!

She's coming now.

You almost drowned today?

- Yes sir. - Come here.

- Here she is. - Who ?

- Your bather. - No! - Yes. Can she come in?

Certainly!

Oh no.

No.

No, this isn't her.

- Yet she almost drowned. - I don't say otherwise but she isn't the one.

- I'm sorry, Miss. - No problem, sir.

If you had seen the other, she was even better.

- Was it a single lady? - I got that impression.

So, she wasn't in the hotel.

Apart from you, there are only couples.

We rarely see single women.

- I will look elsewhere. - It will be better, Sir.

From 11:30 to 1:15 p.m.,

..I wandered through Deauville in all directions.

I passed in front of the porches of all the cafes.

In front of all the hotels.

I entered all the bars.

Nothing, or more precisely, she was nowhere.

Then I returned to my hotel. An unpleasant suprise awaited me.

- Did you find the lady? - No, alas!

- Was she blonde? - She had a bathing cap.

[Thank you.]

It was in the elevator that the unpleasant surprise awaited me.

No ! You? !

- You here! What a surprise ! - That's what I thought.

- It's been years since we've seen each other. - 5 years at least.

- And how goes life? - Not bad.

- I read that your father died. - One year ago.

It didn't bother you.

- Do you have any siblings? - No.

- Married? - Not yet.

Engaged?

- Perhaps, since this morning. - Beware of marriage.

Or do as I do: no jealousy. And don't take your wife too seriously.

They are interchangeable, you know.

- It's nice to hear that! - I'm talking about women and not ..

..the ladies.

- What floor is this? - The 5th.

- We passed it, I'm on the second. And you? - On the first.

If you wish...

No, it's useless. I don't not like to go down the elevator.

I did not like this meeting. I always hated that type. We were together in college,

..and his only pleasure was to terrorize me.

And he succeeded. Fortunately life had separated us.

You haven't changed!

Neither have you.

Do you remember when you suddenly ... Hou!

- But you're no longer afraid? - Oh no.

And I was still afraid.

I was always threatening you, but you must admit I never hit you.

No, it is true, never.

But I imagine that a slap received ..

... is forgotten easier ...

..than the threat of a punch that was never received.

- My room. - Goodbye, Walter.

- Oh no. Come in. - What for ?

- I'll introduce you to my wife that I told you about. - I'm expected.

Just wait a minute more. Go in, donkey!

[inaudible]

Permit me.

Biscuit, Come here a minute.

You'll see she is conventional and I can not change her.

She is rectitude personified but continues to say "you",

..to be convinced that she is a woman of the world. A pain in the ass.

The opposite of what I would have taken,

But I noticed it a year after the marriage. If I may?

Hello? Bring us three whiskeys to 83.

Honey, this is my friend Philippe d'Artois.

The college friend I spoke of often.

He was my victim, I terrorized him.

As..

..you terrify me, as you terrify everyone.

Your suppliers, your employees, and your friends.

Oh ...

- Did you bring ice? ! - Ah!

- What ? - I was afraid !

- Of who ? - You, sir!

My hands shake when you call me. This is no life!

I will ask them to change my floor.

The fourth will be fine. A former wrestler.

It's unbelievable !

Cigarette? - Incredible but true.

During all this scene she and I behaved admirably.

No could suspect that, three hours before,

..I had held her in my arms to save her.

Hello? Yes ?

Not to betray ourselves, neither she nor I, was critical ..

..for the future.

Because once we were face to face ...

Never.

We kept in accordance: what happened that morning had not occurred.

We had never seen each other.

Read me the letter.

Our triangle began with the lies of 2.

This man, without being a cuckold, was already made a fool.

That's almost Blackmail!

This tacit agreement seemed auspicious.

- And will you be long in Deauville? - My fate will decide, Ma'am.

I leave here tomorrow. I'll see you in my house at about 11:00.

Avenida Cocteau N 17. ..tomorrow morning. Meeting in Paris.

And while I saw her again in her swimsuit,

..she amused herself by taking off my clothes one by one.

I agree.

Count on me.

Have you always been afraid of mice?

Ah! Remember when we were in college,

..one of your husband's favorite distractions was to put mice in my bed.

You should have heard the screaming. I never saw such a coward!

You can be afraid of a mouse and be capable of an act of bravery.

- What makes you say that? - Nothing. That's what I think.

It had been awkward and immediately I took my leave.

Goodbye, old man.

I'm glad we met.

And good luck.

You know why I said that? Because the gentleman has a fiancé.

Quite so.

Goodbye.

Jealous? Well, well.

The punishment begins.

- Is it true that I terrorize you? - There are reasons for that.

There are two dresses that I can not wear due to bruises ..

..that you gave me. 2 on the left arm and 2 on the right.

Oh ...

I'm sorry, dear.

Ouch! Oh, another one!

- Oh ... - Ouch! No!

I had convinced myself that Madeleine did not want him and would be my lover ..

..at the first opportunity. The occasion arose the next day.

Jean had gone to Paris.

As I said yesterday. I told him yesterday in Deauville

And I only have one word. And I have not two words.

1:00. It's a little late to call. Oh ...

She went back to sleep.

- How to love in a hurry? - Yes. When it should last long.

Or when it must end quickly.

- You will return to Deauville Saturday? - Yes, for the last time.

And today at 8 back to Paris, definitely.

Hello?

Hello? The Normandy in Deauville?

Room 83.

Right away.

- You were wrong. - No, I know what I'm doing.

The lady from 43 is in 88 and the one in 117 spent the night in 68.

- Why tell us that? - To take note. From September 1st onwards,

..these gentlemen no longer come from Saturday to Monday.

During the week, some ladies come to the hotel.

We better pass on calls to where they are.

The lady of 83 is very serious. She told me she would be in 22.

- That's why I rang 22. - And you were asked for 83.

You understand.

Yes, you woke me. You could have called earlier.

I just wanted to tell you good night.

You are very gracious, thanks.

Until tomorrow.

It's so delicious to lie! I wasn't like that before. It was he who made me lie!

First let me thank the operator.

Thank you, Miss.

Hello?

We were cut off with Deauville.

Give me back me the Normandy, please.

Right away, sir.

Damn it!

No, don't answer! Maybe he wants to talk to me again.

But if he asks for me and you answer it will be a disaster. Let me do it.

Hello?

Is it you, Philippe?

Yes, it's me.

Who is it?

It's incredible to think that a handsome man like him, tall, strong,

..and put the in world to be the lover of women suddenly becomes ..

..a cuckold because of the wrong bitch. Yes ... the word eludes me.

I ask pardon from all unfaithful wives.

So this contract, will we sign it or not?

We sign!

Take it. There.

And there.

Here.

You know, Laquet,

..this is the best deal of your life.

It is a clean business and without any trap.

- Walter ... - Yes ?

- I have a question. - Yes ?

What did you write on the folder containing the contract?

- And why do you care? - Curiousity.

And what do you think I could have written?

- Laquet Case? - No.

Laquet contract?

No.

This is a precaution.

Laquet trial?

It is always to be feared.

From that day and returned to Paris, not content with betraying ..

..the trust of that man, we took pleasure ..

..with all the difficulties, all the dangers ..

..of which such behavior is accompanied.

And we even invented more

..as if to take revenge for the fear that we made.

In all the private rooms of the restaurants in Paris ..

..we were seen making love.

I should have ordered "2 quails on sofas".

Not to mention hotels where they are content ..

..with a passport for 2.

It was so obvious that we had only come for "that"!

And as my car was very showy, we got to know ..

..most of the taxi drivers in Paris.

Not today, thank you.

Not today.

No thanks.

Meanwhile,Jean, Madeleine and I became intimate.

Jean seemed to accommodate this threesome very well,

..this surprised and worried me.

Could it not be a trap?

Since we had started cheating, Madeleine had stopped calling Jean "vous".

She was afraid of a mistake.

We're closing!

So if we were hiding, it was as a precaution.

In this connection, I sometimes had ideas that seemed to us very original.

One night when John was in Chartres, we locked ourselves

..in a large bed manufacturer. We had 32 available to us!

One day I had a crazy idea: I bribed an employee ..

..of the S.T.R.M.B.C.L.M.C.K.L.G. which allowed us to spend 2 hours ..

..in a railway sleeping car which was on a siding.

A folly not lacking a certain charm.

"Sleeping car," meant "travel". Travel, it evoked ..

.. all of Italy, Florence, Rome, Naples, Palermo.

A joke that took a small wrong turn when, in the midst of our romps, people came ..

..for the car because they lacked one for Belgrade.

Then, overnight, Jean's attitude changed.

Shall we play cards? - No, thanks.

Had he learned something?

..Or had he guessed that between Madeleine and I ...

Do you want a cup of coffee?

No. No, I'd rather not stay up too late.

Do you see it coming ..

..the drama ? - Yes, it interests me and, more, it amuses me.

Only in literature, the theater or on the screen ..

.. are there moving dramas. That is, invented. Actual dramas cause sorrow ..

..only to those concerned.

And not always. Nobody cries reading the news items. And they are full of crimes.

But they all scream in the cinema when Jean Gabin kills Danielle Delorme.

And it is an act, fortunately.

But you said?

Then came the fatal day.

Madeleine decided we would see each other ..

..at our particular home.

Arrange my tie, please.

No, I was watching the time. It's already 10:00. I should go.

- I won't be home before 1:00. - Okay.

And please, don't wake me up.

I'm going to take something to sleep and it won't work if I wake up.

I promise I'll be careful. Until tomorrow, dear.

Good night, have fun.

I don't think fun ... there are things to do.

Why that look?

No reason.

Good night.

- Did you call, Ma'am? - Yes. Good evening, Evelyne.

- Do you need anything? - No. Thanks.

10 minutes later, I was under her windows,

..and I made the agreed signal.

I adore you!

Oh, you have gloves? But why?

- For fingerprints. - Really?

Yes, I'm wary of Jean.

I've watched him for days and I believe he's up to no good.

- You're kidding ? - Not at all.

Look. - Oh!

If you had to tell me You should probably go.

No, I won't be without you!

- No no. - Let go of me.

- You'd make love wearing gloves? - Right.

I prefer, in the event that I have to use my ...

- It's Jean's car! - Jean? - Yes, it's his car!

Out the window, quickly!

Fortunately, we were on the ground floor.

No, better than that ...

Philippe d'Artois. It's him !

Bastard! You'll see!

And you, Bitch, you don't pay anything to wait! (?)

- You little shit! - No !

- What ? - Don't hit me!

Hello? Police, help!

Hands up !

Don't turn around or you're dead!

- Hands up ! - Oh, shit!

- Who shot him? - I don't know.

- What ? - No, I was next door.

I was stealing quietly. - Stealing ... - Without evil thoughts.

- But you were armed. - No, it's not mine.

- And whose ? - I don't know.

- You just used it. - No sir, Someone else did,

..then he put it in my pocket and fled out the window. - Nonsense!

- No... - Come on !

- That's enough! - Let me explain... - Outside!

Turpain, Mariveau!

You stay here. Do not touch anything.

Let no one come in. The coroner is on the way.

Well, well, well.

- What? - No, nothing, nothing,

that interests me.

Continue, continue.

And I? While I escaped out the window, I did not see anyone,

..and fortunately nobody saw me.

I jumped behind the wheel of my car and drove straight ahead,

..with breakneck speed.

I left Paris for the Italian border.

At 18km from Fontainebleau, prey to a sudden remorse,

..I wanted to turn around.

But braking and making a complete head-to-tail, I went crashing ..

.. into a tree.

From there, I can't remember any more than what I was told.

I woke up at a clinic in Fontainebleau.

I was wounded in the forehead and the shock was so strong, I had fallen into a coma.

Coming out of the coma, I remembered the drama that had occured.

It was with extreme caution that I answered questions.

For example, the position of my car enabled me to declare ..

I had returned from Fontainebleau. When asked for clarification,

I said I was going to a home in Albertine and fell ..

..by chance, upon what is called a Public House. This had great effect.

That is, it shut up all my interrogators.

If you need me, I'll be next door.

- Good morning. - Hello.

- I'll bring it now. - Thank you.

After a night of torment, nightmares and anxiety,

..they brought me the morning paper. - Here it is, sir.

Thank you.

It recounted in detail the crime of the day.

"Double Murder in the 16th district."

"An unclean individual, burglar by profession, was caught in the act,"

".. gun in hand, when he had just strangled .."

".. Mme Walter Ferrand after seeing her husband killed. "

At that very instant, I fell into a second coma ..

..caused by a meningeal hemorrhage.

I had to undergo immediate surgery.

And it was when I woke up that my personal drama began.

He's waking up.

I...

I...

- I would like ... - An ice cream?

No.

A mirror.

I was myself again, and already someone else.

Another who I could hear breathing.

- Do you want something ? - Yes.

An ice cream.

No.

A vanilla ice cream.

I felt strange and it would get worse in the future.

It was well understood that barely recovered,

I was sent to a rest home in Switzerland for four months.

Nursing home is an understatement, it was a madhouse, no more, no less.

Poor little girl..

..Madeleine!

I applied myself to forget, and with strength and will, moreover,

..I succeeded.

Come in.

One morning, I received a visit from the Director.

Why don't you dine with the other guests?

They are gentle people, educated, friendly. They will distract you.

- Do you think so? - I'm sure of it. Consider the monotony ..

..of normal people compared to the diversity of fools.

No two are alike! For example, try opening a clinic ..

..for normal people. In 8 days you would go crazy!

- Doctor. - Mm?

It seems to me the lady in front of us ..

..is making eyes at you.

Yes. And in a moment, it will be your turn.

Because that lovely lady suffers from lasciviousness.

- And you think you will heal her? - I'm sure.

- How? - By satisfying it.

There is a man here especially for that.

Here he is.

Over there.

- I see. - Oh yes.

And why does he do this,

..constantly moving things?

That man was ruined playing chess.

He continues unabated an imaginary game,

.. in which all objects at hand become chessmen.

The decanter: the queen.

His glass: the king. Salt and pepper: the 2 towers.

And the pawns are sugar cubes.

And you manage to cure them of their manias?

We could do it, but we don't always want to.

- Ah? - Well no.

Their mannerisms, if harmless, are they not ..

their greatest joy in this world?

The grand ..

..beautiful woman, near the bearded man?

That is the princess Goachenko.

Domestic!

Why am I treated so contemptuously?

- Why don't I have utensils like all the others? - I'm sorry, princess.

What is she saying ?

I saw who fingered her cutlery. Is she a liar?

No, She's a kleptomaniac.

Now she'll put them ..

..in her bag. You'll see.

You see! We will collect everything when she's sleeping.

- Mm? - And that couple ?

Ah, very amusing! She believes..

.. that her husband is mad and he believes that his wife is.

- And in reality? - Both are crazy

Incurable. Fortunately for them.

What would become of their lives if one of them were cured?

And my neighbor?

She's repressed.

The very thought ..

.. that a man could approach horrifies her.

I will introduce you. Reach for her hand.

Madame, this is

..M. Philippe d'Artois.

- Stay in your place. - I would have liked...

And this one?

Ah. An imaginative. We avoid upsetting him.

If he tells you that he is Napoleon,

.. say that you are ... - Charlemagne.

Sir, you know what a woman is?

They are friendly, charming, attentive. They are nasty, peevish.

You give them flowers for their birthday but, the next day, they break ..

..a tureen on your head. But to do what I think,

..that is what I found best.

That's what I thought that night because I was raped.

Yes, about 1:00 in total darkness,

..by a resident of this rest home.

Well, rest ...

I want to know who it was. First, to thank her.

Not so loud.

What if I want to marry her? Because... do not ask me details ..

..the hidden treasures of our intimate intercourse,

..but I daresay this is an exceptional person.

So which one was it, ladies? Ah ...

It wasn't a nurse, They smell of phenol and ether. And I would have noticed.

And what did you smell? She felt ...

- The soap. - Ah.

This one ... There is that.

Impossible, she was locked in last night.

So then ...

The old woman, she jumped. Uh, excuse me.

She's used up.

Ah! Ah!

This one would be okay.

Except that she slept in Lausanne.

What a pity !

Well ...

But then...

Well ...

but ... Only she remains! - Ah no, There you're wrong!

The lady is repressed. The thought must horrify her.

Once again your imagination is acting up.

But yes!

The one that is funny is the bearded one there.

He seems a very good madman.

No, he's the chaplain. He thinks you are crazy.

This first contact with residents of the house ..

..left a very bad taste and I swore to avoid ..

.. meeting them in the future.

- Oh sorry. - No problem, as long as you leave that with me.

And I was in pretty bad shape when, days later, I read the minutes ..

..in shorthand, of the unthinkable trial of my burglar.

- What ? - Nothing, nothing...

Go on.

The accused,

.. please stand.

- Shall I get up? - Yes.

Your name,

..profession.

Le Cagneux, Albert, Antoine, Etienne, Henry, Victor, Emile, Jean-Pierre, Theodule...

All of these are your names?

Depending on the circumstances.

You have no occupation ?

As you wish. For me, finally, it is quite the same.

Spares us your paradoxes and tell us the facts.

Well that's it. I entered the house of Mr. Walter Ferrand ..

..through the window on the ground floor that, I knew, contained a safe.

I had seen Walter Ferrand leave 5 minutes before ..

..and I already knew that the lady was lying down.

So I thought I could work quietly and immediately went to work.

But I did not know the room of the lady was ...

- Contiguous. - That's the word, thanks.

Suddenly I heard, one would say, a noise. It was.

Mr. W. Ferrand had made a false exit.

Instead, he made an explosive entry.

I picked up my instruments and was going to leave,

..when the lady screamed. One of those screams that freeze your heart.

A man was strangling a woman.

I don't know about you, but I can't hear a woman being strangled ..

..without trying to save her. So what did I do?

I opened the door to the next room,

.. and there, I see a man who appeared to be 2 meters tall,

..squeezing the throat of a beautiful young woman.

Risking my life, I was going to intervene when a shot came from behind me ...

.. struck me right here. Here, under the left armpit.

At the same time, I heard shouting behind me: "Hands up".

And as you would have done, your honor,

..I raised my arms.

At the same instant, everything only lasted 2 or 3 seconds,

..I felt something heavy dropped in my pocket ...

- Gaping. - That's the word.

I wouldn't ask so much. Open, I'd say.

Gaping, that's better.

Good. So something heavy falls in the gaping pocket of my jacket,

..and the same time they tell me: "Don't look back or you're dead!"

In fact, while he was talking to me, the man had jumped out the window.

I found the revolver in my pocket ..

At the same time, the police entered and called "Raise your hands!" ..when Police Rescue arrived.

And the fingerprints?

Which prints?

On the revolver, they were yours. Only ..

..your prints. - I...

No, your defense is absurd!

You only aggravate your case.

I can not...

Silence! Sit down.

Bring the witness ..

..Jules-Henri Lardenois. - A witness ?

Yes.

Jules Henri Lardenois!

A witness ? And if it was the man with the gun?

Listen well. We will listen.

- Take notes. - Of course.

It's incredible the number of people that I don't know!

I don't know them. This work pays?

- Sorry ? - Money !

What is he doing ?

- He's coming, your honor. - I'm coming, I'm coming!

I'm coming.

Oh, poor man!

Do you swear to tell ..

..all the truth, and nothing more than the truth ?

And this, it was inevitable, They always treat you like this!

- What are you saying? - I say that wherever ...

This must be repaired. You can't go on like this.

I say that everywhere, we're always treated like that.

In the subway, "Do you have your ticket? " Always suspicion.

As if you were going to travel without a ticket! You get off the train:

.."Anything to declare?" Suspicion always.

To marry a young girl, you sign the papers, everything in order,

And what is the first question they ask you?

.. "Are you willing to take to wife ... "The suspicion, always.

As if you made all the arrangements...

..without her consent. Come on! You can't hear well?

And finally here, in this court, where it is the supreme moment to tell the truth,

They ask you to swear that you're going to say it.

It's horrible always be treated as a forger or a liar!

Will you shut up?

Yes, sir regretfully. I swear to tell the truth,

..just the truth, all the truth. Satisfied?

Well, I'll be leaving.

How is that! He hasn't said anything.

- What? - Speak !

- What? ... - Say what you have to say.

But you just told me to shut up... Fine, either way.

The ... you have to fix this. It's not possible!

Well, I'm not one of those who engage in sentences ..

.. without knowing what they will say.

When I begin a sentence, I think and I see the end.

From the start, leap! Oh! This is going to break! I leap!

Uh ... I ... I jumped.

And then you ... say, still can't hear me?

Well, it isn't important.

So I will throw firecrackers of clarity,

of clarity, as the name implies, indicates that she ... ..qui, said firecrackers ...

Uh, the ... Lady Firecracker ... A charming English lady,

.. anyway.

You don't understand ? Or cannot hear?

Well, back to the little girl ...

I was near her, at the fruit market, when the accused ...

And I, Jules-Henri Lardenoix, son of a Breton mother,

..and of an Alsatian father. Yes, Alsatian ...

And that's not a small thing. What all the same, is not small beer.

It is not ... I can't touch this or I'll fall.

Well, I swear I did not see this charming child steal ..

..any fruit from the market. I say nothing,

..because I know nothing but good about her. But she has had a curious life.

She looks a little bit like you,

..but instead of being like that, it is better there.

And you are more entertaining. Yes, so it seems to me.

And I tell you ... Hey! ... Ah ... It alway has to be done.

And they had fruit. Apples. I counted 237 apples.

Seeds, much more. As you can imagine...

But what story is this!

A correctional case to be judged today.

Then you have nothing to do here. But why..

- Why are you in this court? - I was tired,

.. and I came in. - Ah, no! Get this man out of here!

- Well, I remove myself ... but before I leave... I leave because ... and I just say good-evening.

I'll tell you...

You should put boiling oil in the ear.

When it penetrates ... good ...

And uh ... Goodbye then ... little man.

Good.

To announce the food. Playful boy!

Please don't stand up.

It isn't necessary.

I already know the ...

Very hot, the oil. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

One thing occurs to me.

- What if I lied? - It depends on the lie.

- It's credible. - You persist ..

..in your version?

No, your honor, I prefer to tell the truth.

- Proceed. - This is the truth, gentlemen ...

I walked in, attracted by the cries. And this monster was strangling the girl.

Without thinking, I took the gun and killed him.

Ah, that's better!

It does well to tell the truth, that will win you the indulgence of the jurors.

- I'm glad you like it. - That way, you are a murderer.

- With extenuating circumstances! - That's what I was going to say. In short, my client stole ..

What he did was try to help that woman. And almost saved her life.

There is no further question of a man behind your back,

.. shooting the husband and leaving the revolver in the bag?

No, forget it! There were only three people: ..

.. the despicable murderer, the wife, and a hero, your humble servant.

Yes, I did well because they are not used to the truth.

Unfortunately, they did not release him.

They sentenced him to 10 years, given his background.

10 years in prison!

10 years lost for him. 10 years during which, and through my fault,

..it was impossible for him to exercise his guilty trade.

I felt I was going crazy.

But a curious madness. And I lost all moral sense ..

.. because I told myself, "Since this man took my place in prison,

..should I not logically take his place in life?"

At that minute, precisely.

Someone knocked on my door that would provide me with an opportunity.

Come in.

It was the kleptomaniac.

Am I disturbing you ?

- Absolutely. Excuse my appearance. - Oh, I've seen others.

How many I've seen, my God !

- That I don't know, ma'am. - Me neither.

I have a question. Do you want to do something together?

- A thing ? - Something big.

- What kind of deal? - Immoral and prohibited by law.

But maybe you aren't a thief?

- Uh, no. - But you could become one?

And the minuted she asked me this question, I asked myself.

There will be a big profit for you.

- Ah, It would be for him ... - Him ?

- For me, I mean... - Of course! Practice.

We start with small things ... Kiss my hand.

What a nice cigarette holder!

In 10 minutes, she had robbed me of my cigarette case and gold lighter,

.. And I from her ..

.. taken 2 rings. Then we gave back ..

.. everything and decided to partner.

Here.

- Here. - Thank you.

Kiss me on the lips.

Bravo!

Again !

I preferred the first.

Back in Paris

..we implemented this Machiavellian plan designed by her.

You understand what to do?

Perfectly. I feel like a professional.

Sir.

- I would like to see some watches. - Immediately, sir.

The first part of my mission,

..was to flatten clay ..

..under the table, which I did immediately.

Lovely! What is the price of it?

- 200,000 francs. - Ouch! That's expensive.

Too bad, this is the only one that I liked. Well, I apologize for the inconvenience.

- I thank you. - No problem, sir.

- It's done ? - Yes.

- What table? - The 2nd on the left.

- Stay in the taxi. - Alright.

Happiness and health, gentlemen.

- Can I sit here? - Of course.

I would like to see large diamonds, but not colored.

I'll be right back.

I do not tolerate those that have yellow highlights.

Anything but that. Why not a toad in stone?

Thank you.

Frankly, there are none I like. They are large but dull.

These are diamonds for the nouveau riche. Sorry.

Excuse me ma'am. I brought 6 diamonds,

- I only see 5... - I don't know. What does he mean ?

Perhaps absentmindedly you dropped it into your purse?

My purse ? Here is my purse! Search it!

So ? So ?

- Or maybe in your glove? - My gloves? Here they are !

- Should I take off my shoes? - No, ma'am.

These are not the ways! I am the Princess Gorochenko! I don't forget.

And by the way, what proves to me that there were 6?

I am at the Hotel Ritz, room 183. And if it amuses you, you can have me arrested.

I'm leaving! Honestly ...

Oh sorry !

You could apologize, you rude man!

Charming.

I would like to see the watch that you showed me a while ago again.

- I will go get it. - Thank you.

- Here it is. - 200 000 F, you said?

Yes sir.

Would you accept 50 000 F now, and 50,000 in a month?

Oh no, our house does not accept such payments.

A pity.

Thank you sir.

I wanted to give it to someone but ... never mind.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye, sir.

Despite the promise she made me ..

.. to give me a good share of the spoils, She only gave me a total of 30 000 F.

- 30,000 francs, that little? That kleptomaniac was a thief! - Yes. But she had given me ..

..an education and the next day,

..I went, with my right arm in a sling, to a large antique dealer on Av. Friedland.

- Good day, sir. - Good day.

I come to see the wonders that I have admired many times passing through.

Look, here is a little drawing of Corot ..

..that would look good in my home.

And actually, it would be wrong anywhere.

- What is the price ? - 250,000 francs.

Oh, it's not expensive. I'll pay you right now.

Ay! I forgot my checkbook.

- How foolish! - Unfortunately, as I do not know you,

.. I find it difficult to give you credit.

No, I don't ask for that. May I borrow paper and a pen?

- Here, my card. - Thank you.

Founded in 1638. So you have very old furniture.

Oh! excuse me! My arm prevents me from writing.

- Can you help me? - Certainly, sir.

"My dear,"

"..remit 250,000 francs to the bearer."

"Thank you."

"I kiss you."

Alright.

Here, sir.

René! René!

Go home now and give this to Madame and bring me ..

..what she gives you immediately.

- This is wonderful stuff. - Yes.

- And this is a Courbet? - Yes, exactly.

Very pretty.

20 minutes later, my driver handed me the 250,000 F ..

.. I expected, and in turn, gave it to the antiquarian.

Here you are, Sir.

- Here. - Thank you sir. - Count it.

Thank you sir.

- And here's your Corot. - Which I take with joy.

Thank you.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Everything was for the best.

But things went awry when the antique dealer went home.

Good evening, Darling.

Hey, why did you send someone to ask for 250,000 F today?

- What ? ! - But,

..this is your writing, isn't it?

Oh, God, sacred name of God, in the name of God!

Then I kept stealing.

Surprisingly, It gave me extreme pleasure.

- You can not imagine ... - What do you mean ?

Ah yes, excuse me. You can imagine better than anyone what joys were mine.

Especially since my appearance and my social position put me safe from suspicion.

Before slipping it into my pocket, I turned in all directions ..

..the Minaudiere bag of a lady. The Minaudiere which she would henceforth be deprived of.

Look how pretty it is! I have never seen it ...

And no small profits in this business since stealing 1000 F ..

..is as amusing and presents the same hazards ..

.. as stealing 100,000.

Bye! I will not apologize ..

..it would be immoral... - But still ...

- Is that true? - This isn't a profession ..

.. it resembles forbidden hunting. - And the risks are worthy of ...

- Lion hunters. - Indeed.

And what makes the originality, even the nobility of our profession,

..is our independence. We have no boss.

- We are our own masters. - We are free men. Unless we are prisoners.

But being free, if one day we did not want to rob,

..we do not rob and we harm no one.

- Excuse me, I cut you off. - I was going to tell you about an ingenious idea ..

.. that I had one day. - Yes, tell me. Tell me.

I knew the owners of an apartment were absent that day.

I also knew that a maid, not very smart, looked after the place.

I come from the house Plinque and Farimont. So you have cracks?

- Me? - No, not you, the apartment.

- Where ? - Within the walls.

- In the walls? - Yes, the owner sent me. So it doesn't happen I just identify forward ..

..like it did on Royal street. - What happened there?

The House collapsed. There were 2 deaths.

- Oh! - They were already sick, but... Well, help me.

Take me to the living room and come join me with a hammer.

- A hammer ? - Yes. Exactly. And an eye screw.

Hammer yourself.

Oh! My God, can it be in such bad taste!

Once people have money ... they buy copper!

And these supposed antique armchairs are Louis Philippe.

- This is the master of the house? - Yes, sir.

And perhaps he should be proud of a son like him!

- Go down the hallway ... - Down the hall.

- Behind the wall. - Yes.

Hit the wall until I tell you stop.

I'll show you how to do it.

Very good. Very good. No stronger than that.

Do not strike the same places so that, with my ear pressed to the wall,

..I can find the cracks by the sound.

Let's begin!

And when I swept away all the precious objects in the room,

I went to the rooms of the owners, and the dressing table ... ..I made myself drive in the rooms and in the boudoir,

..where the harvest was extremely fruitful.

Constantly knowing where... constamment kept from where was located ..

..the poor fool was.

Continue! Continue and move away.

I left on tip-toes,

..listening to the fool continuing to hit the walls.

But enough of laughter.

This morning, the newspaper brought me news...

..that justifies the act that I will commit.

My burglar, my unhappy victim was released from prison ..

..this morning.

And perhaps this man will do everything to meet me.

He is very smart and knowing there was someone behind him, won't he try to investigate?

Won't he discover that Madeleine cheated on Jean?

And won't he come get his hands on me?

Whatever he does, my life is now poisoned by the idea.

I no longer live this morning. So I prefer to die.

Come on, it's no too late. He's not going to kill you for a dirty trick ..

..committed 10 years ago.

You would not talk like that if you were that man.

Why are you laughing ?

Because I am that man.

Yes I am.

The man you sent to jail instead of you,

..it was me.

My God!

A few minutes ago I was afraid.

You had some smiles that made me suspect.

But if it was you,

..you are here for revenge? - Oh! Not at all.

This is one of those coincidences without which there would be ..

..no novels, plays or films.

No, I only wanted to resume my job. Only now, ...

200,000 francs, it's not enough.

You will have to pay a very large sum.

Because now I have it in my hands. I want you, me.

Certainly.

And I prefer this over with more than ever.

Now that I already know your name, nothing prevents me from adding ..

.. in my will: "I acknowledge the debt ..

"..to Albert Le Cagneux the sum of ... " - 5 Million.

- Oh my ! - That is the precise worth.

All right. "5 million francs."

And now that I think about it, that's yours.

- What ? - That suitcase. It's yours.

It contains all that I have stolen, say ..

..on your behalf. There you will find 41 lighters, 9 Minaudière,

.. 32 Rings ... a hundred things more... the delightful little Corot,

..and a dozen bracelets of great value. - Thank you so much.

- Do not forget it. - Of course not! And now firmly there.

- Firmly ... - There!

Ready, now let's hurry.

- No regrets? - Not at all.

So let's sum up now and be in good agreement.

You take my revolver, one.

Place my gun at the heart ... and shoot!

This man, he would have bugged me all my life.

compiled from French and Spanish subtitles, June 2016. Horace Holly