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1
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,371
Hey! Shut off the hose!
2
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,169
There's a fucking faucet outside, man!
Hurry up!
3
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,601
- Go! God!
- Jesus!
4
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,365
Shit!
5
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,489
- What a piece of shit old house, man.
- Yup, yup.
6
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,370
Fucking thing wasn't even half full.
7
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,569
- Who the hell are you?
- Jake Bradford.
8
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:20,601
- Infielder?
- Pitcher.
9
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,011
- What?
- Hey!
10
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,651
Just what we need,
another fucking pitcher.
11
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,200
- Not a lefty, are you?
- No, right-handed.
12
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,327
Thank God.
13
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,807
Those guys are always so fucking weird.
14
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:38,204
- Like Nez. I hate that guy.
- I love Nez.
15
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,244
He's fine. He's just fucking weird.
16
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,890
Hey, I'm just gonna
tell you something right now.
17
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,803
- Yup.
- I hate pitchers, okay?
18
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,370
So you and me will be teammates,
19
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,727
but we're not gonna be friends
or anything like that.
20
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,245
It might give you some kind of edge
21
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,881
if I gotta face you down the line
in pro ball, if you ever make it there.
22
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,086
I'm just not gonna do that.
23
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,246
- All right.
- Those your bags?
24
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,209
- Wanna pick your shit up?
- Yeah. Sorry.
25
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,369
- Excuse me. Bye.
- Yup. Bye.
26
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,607
You know, nobody really realizes
how much water weighs.
27
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,921
You're talking about 62 pounds
per cubic foot.
28
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,161
- Yeah.
- You know, I tried to warn them.
29
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,084
But let's be honest,
that would be fucking amazing
30
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,050
if that fell through the ceiling right now.
31
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,360
Dude, this is a good example
32
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,608
of someone being so invested
in what they want.
33
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,446
In this case, getting laid on
an oversized, overpriced water balloon,
34
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,602
that they fail to see the giant
waterbed-shaped iceberg right in their path.
35
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,967
Or he just finds you
super-annoying and ignores you.
36
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:37,005
At his own peril, as evidenced by this
ill-fated and ill-advised adventure
37
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,287
in mid-collapse before you...
38
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:44,161
I assume, being a new teammate.
39
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,681
Thank you, Willoughby. I'm Finn.
40
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:48,966
Jake.
41
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,283
- Hi. Charlie Willoughby. Hi.
- Jake. Good to meet you.
42
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,771
Nice to meet you.
43
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:57,287
Did you meet the brain trust
that perpetrated such a folly,
44
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,811
McReynolds and Roper?
45
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,484
Yeah, yeah. I think so.
46
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,130
One of them told me he hated pitchers.
47
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,884
Even his own teammates.
48
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,169
Undoubtedly Glen McReynolds,
resident All-American.
49
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,130
On the field, you know.
Up here, benchwarmer.
50
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,931
Hey. Chapter 9 will blow your mind.
51
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,601
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
52
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:15,681
Guys.
53
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,007
Is it true that our house
is about to fall down?
54
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,084
Yeah, any second.
55
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,490
What's up, man? Jake Bradford.
56
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,483
What's up, dude? Tyrone Plummer.
57
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,166
Man, you can't even
fuck good on a waterbed.
58
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:34,040
It's like having sex with a girl
on top of another really fat girl,
59
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,326
know what I mean?
60
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,686
- Just moving around.
- Yeah.
61
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,684
- Get out of my shot.
- Sorry, man.
62
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,440
- Shit!
- Shit. Sorry.
63
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,443
What the hell's wrong with you?
You scared the shit out of me.
64
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,522
- Hey, you Billy Autrey?
- Beuter?
65
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,965
Shit, if I was that
pussy-whipped little bitch,
66
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,486
I'd be on the phone
moping to my girlfriend. Why?
67
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,210
I'm just supposed to be rooming with him.
68
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:56,045
"I'm just..." Damn. Yeah.
69
00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:00,091
Well, shit, if you ever wanna find Beuter,
just follow the phone cord.
70
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,366
- This?
- Yeah, come on.
71
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,522
You're like a lost lamb.
72
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,011
Thanks.
73
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,727
What did I tell you?
74
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,040
Hey, Beuter, this your new roommate.
75
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,565
Damn, put some pants on, man.
76
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:17,880
- What's up, man?
- Hold on one second, babe.
77
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,121
Jake Bradford.
78
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,811
Jacob? Hey, how you doing?
I'm Billy Autrey.
79
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,042
- Good to meet you, man.
- Good to meet you.
80
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,564
- Dale Douglas.
- Jake Bradford.
81
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,687
Hey, man, what position do you play?
82
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:30,966
Pitcher.
83
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,802
- What are you?
- Second base.
84
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,571
Hey, I'll see you later, man.
85
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,802
Okay, Jacob. Yeah, we'll see you, man.
86
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,731
Hey, ladies!
Happy hour is upon us at the Fox.
87
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,723
Two hours of drinking
before the team meeting.
88
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,763
- Let's go.
- That's what I'm talking about.
89
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,922
You guys go ahead, man.
I've got some unpacking to do.
90
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,083
Bullshit! You're on the team now, baby!
91
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:56,449
- Onward, upward and inward! Ja?
- Yeah!
92
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,171
Say hello, Finn.
93
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,045
Look at what we have here.
94
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,645
Well, look at this lovely bunch of ladies.
95
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:21,687
Let's say hi.
96
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,524
I think we should.
97
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,968
Tits!
98
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,690
- Fuck off, faggots!
- Yeah!
99
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,683
That was beautiful.
100
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,364
I love this time of year.
101
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,922
Party later tonight
at the baseball houses.
102
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,683
- Where?
- 15th and Avenue H.
103
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,683
You know,
just look for two beautiful houses
104
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,683
filled with Greek gods who care.
105
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,809
- Okay, when?
- When you get there.
106
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,805
And when you do get there,
ask for me, Kenny Roper.
107
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,764
We look forward to
seeing all of you there.
108
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,730
All of you.
109
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:09,641
There we go.
110
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,210
She looks like my fifth grade teacher.
111
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,970
She's built right.
112
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,485
Hey, ladies.
113
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,210
I don't know if you guys
are doing anything tonight,
114
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:23,408
but we'd like to invite you
to a baseball party with...
115
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,686
Sorry.
116
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,246
Okay.
117
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:29,926
- Ouch!
- Not my fault she's a bitch.
118
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,083
Jeez, ball hit the mitt
before you ever even swung.
119
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,685
And what was I supposed to do, huh?
120
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,404
You gotta notice the clues, Rope.
121
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:37,925
There was a typewriter in the back.
122
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,570
- Yeah.
- They're intelligent girls.
123
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,409
You have to rise
and meet them on their level.
124
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,084
Is that right?
125
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,083
Act like you've read a book before. Jeez.
126
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,764
Okay, Finn, you're up.
127
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,604
- Well, I can't do any worse.
- Here we go.
128
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,523
Take notes, boys.
129
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,761
Excuse me, ladies.
130
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,320
You know, I couldn't help but notice
you ladies being hassled
131
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,004
by that asshole in the car back there.
132
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,206
It's a shame.
133
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,884
You know, some guys
are just so aggressive.
134
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,008
Myself, I'm a firm supporter of the ERA...
135
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,849
Although I doubt it's gonna
have an immediate impact
136
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,610
on the societal norm of the male gender,
137
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,763
initiating virtually all contact
with respect to females.
138
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,441
You know, which might seem predatory
on the surface, but I assure you...
139
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,601
Trust me.
140
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,081
You should be investing
this energy elsewhere.
141
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,049
Well, now you just
plain hurt our feelings.
142
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,651
Do you also hate guys
that are athletic, intelligent,
143
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,882
sometimes endearingly clumsy,
or is that just her?
144
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:24,960
Hey, Finn, did you mention hung?
145
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,280
I didn't mention hung, Dale, not yet.
146
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,885
Okay.
147
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,931
Y'all wanna know the truth?
148
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,606
Always. It'll set you free.
149
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,806
I like the quiet guy in the back seat,
150
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,211
in the middle.
151
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,641
Well, there's nothing here.
152
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:46,801
Lesbians.
153
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,644
Yeah! Did you guys hear that?
154
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:49,767
I didn't hear anything.
155
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,808
- Delusional. Freshman's hearing things.
- No, dude.
156
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,843
Quiet, non-asshole guy in the back,
that's me.
157
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,331
Wait, no, guys.
158
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,129
Yeah, no, I think I heard her
say something like,
159
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,168
"The guy in the back,
whether he knows it or not,
160
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,969
"is a cock jockey."
161
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,011
- Yeah, but I heard "cock gobbler."
- Cock gobbler.
162
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,003
I heard, "The guy in the back seat,
163
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,003
"his cock looks like
an outie bellybutton."
164
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,321
- Yeah. Are we mistaken?
- That's what we heard.
165
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,680
Yeah, I can see how
that could get threatening.
166
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,171
All right, new guy coming in,
getting all the ladies.
167
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,925
Hey there, freshman, I've fucked more
girls than you've cranked off to.
168
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,804
- Hey, do me a favor. Stop for a second.
- Why?
169
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,086
I wanna see what room she's in.
170
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:21,681
Just give it up, son.
171
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,364
This just went from "cute"
to "restraining order."
172
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,522
Just do it. I'll buy the first pitcher.
173
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,930
Okay. Now you're talking
our language a little.
174
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,684
All right, what are we looking at?
Let's see.
175
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:37,926
Okay. Stop, stop.
176
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,246
- Okay, that's her.
- Hey.
177
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,608
All right, 307. Help me remember that?
178
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,650
- Sure, man, 309.
- No, 307.
179
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,803
- 304.
- Can we go now, Mr. Stalker?
180
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,360
- Weirdo, man.
- 30-12?
181
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:56,521
Damn. Hey.
182
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,285
- Yeah?
- That was pathetic, man.
183
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,921
She was using you, a peasant,
to fuck with us, the kings.
184
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,490
Look, if you'd opened your mouth, too,
185
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,688
you'd have been shut down.
You don't see that?
186
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,127
No, I don't, actually.
187
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,326
Only been at college an hour
188
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,641
and I'm already pulling in
the groupies, man!
189
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,522
- That was a joke.
- Got your joke right here.
190
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,890
Did he just call his dick a joke?
191
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,291
That's what he implied.
192
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,084
- To the Fox?
- To the Fox.
193
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,449
Didn't it seem like
most of the girls we saw today were,
194
00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,568
you know, moving into the dorms on campus?
195
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,330
That's what we're talking about!
196
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,521
Thank God. Finally.
197
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,521
Thanks, man.
198
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,446
So don't you think we would get
more ass living on campus?
199
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,806
You know, where all the girls are.
200
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:53,961
No, no.
201
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,769
Have a clue, freshman. The dorms suck.
202
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,604
You guys have no idea.
203
00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:01,321
They gave us two houses.
Man, we've got it made.
204
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:02,845
No dorm resident snitches keeping track.
205
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,207
You know, den-mother types up your ass.
206
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,489
No centralized authority.
It's fucking brilliant.
207
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,364
Let's just hope they don't
realize what they've done.
208
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,680
Yeah.
209
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,283
We knew we'd find you drunks here!
210
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,721
What miserable updraft
wafts you three hither?
211
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,923
- Bite me, Finn.
- I will not...
212
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,047
Dismount.
213
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,009
This is our third bar
of the afternoon, boys!
214
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,320
You one of the new freshmen?
215
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,970
- Yeah, Jake.
- Coma.
216
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,202
- Hey, Alex Brumley.
- Hey, man. Nice to meet you.
217
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:33,520
Nesbit. A pleasure.
218
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,204
Go get some glasses, Brumley.
219
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,441
Yeah, sure thing, dude.
220
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:37,601
Is...
221
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,921
Wait, Jay Niles isn't with you guys?
222
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,681
Who's Jay Niles?
223
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,842
You haven't heard of Jay Niles?
224
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,161
The second coming of Nolan Ryan.
225
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,686
Yeah, man, 95-mile-an-hour fastball.
226
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,364
Self-professed, mind you.
227
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,169
He's this intense fuck from Detroit,
228
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,242
who just kind of spouts out all his stats
229
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,129
and just talks about
what a pro prospect he is.
230
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,440
How'd that guy end up here?
231
00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,443
Well, he's filling the obligatory quota.
232
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,807
You know, we have to have at least
two weirdos on every team.
233
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,609
Now we're full up.
234
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:08,720
Wait, Jay Niles, one. Two? Who's two?
235
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,802
You, you sawed-off drunk fuck.
236
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,926
No, actually your roommate,
Beuter, the hayseed.
237
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,451
Can we agree?
238
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,567
We can agree.
239
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:18,926
I thought his name was Billy Autrey.
240
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,603
It was, until we changed it to the most
country bumpkin name we could come up with.
241
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,806
Beuter Perkins.
242
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,405
Beuter!
243
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,767
Hey, you guys sure Coach isn't
gonna know if we've been drinking?
244
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,040
Fuck, Brumley, you've seriously
asked that at every bar.
245
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,691
"Are you sure Coach isn't gonna know
if we've been drinking?
246
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,285
"What if he smells my breath?"
247
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,761
We're fucking drinking, man!
That's what we're doing!
248
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,763
- Yeah, we are.
- Okay? Yeah.
249
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,649
Cheers for the beers.
250
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,449
What is that brown shit on your lip?
251
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,203
I thought it was like a light,
like a shadow on your lip, but it...
252
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:50,964
- Is that a mustache?
- Yeah.
253
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,960
I'm sorry. Don't touch it. Don't...
254
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,411
Stop.
255
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,284
Yeah, it's a mustache. That's a mustache.
256
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,523
- It's growing.
- Was that hair?
257
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,490
- Full throttle to the bottle.
- Shut up, Brumley.
258
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,483
Why does he keep saying things like that?
259
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,882
Finn, I'm seriously worried
about these new guys. I mean...
260
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,008
It's gonna be a strange year, man.
261
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,729
Hey!
262
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:20,926
If you haven't met yet,
263
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,287
I'd like to introduce you
to the new guys on the team.
264
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,971
Freshman Ty Plummer, catcher.
265
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,530
Stand up, Ty. Come on, son.
266
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,722
Alex Brumley, outfield.
267
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,962
- Hey, guys.
- Sit down.
268
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,361
All right. Jake Bradford
269
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,609
and Billy Autrey, both freshman pitchers.
270
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,965
Also, I'm taking a leap
this year on two transfers,
271
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,804
trying to shore up our pitching staff.
272
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,201
From California,
senior Charlie Willoughby.
273
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,009
Stand up, Willoughby.
274
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,127
Guys.
275
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,806
And from Detroit, Jay Niles.
276
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,166
All right.
277
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,720
For you vets, I expect you
to show the new guys around.
278
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,529
Hopefully be a positive influence on them.
279
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,485
I'd appreciate that, all right?
280
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,330
Wake up, Coma!
281
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,083
Okay, for the eight of you
living in this house
282
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,289
and the eight of you living next door,
283
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,408
there's gonna be some guidelines
for living here.
284
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,401
The city's been generous enough
to donate these houses
285
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,165
to help with the overcrowding
situation in athletic dorms,
286
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,004
and we've agreed to be
responsible for them.
287
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,004
So, two rules.
288
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:30,641
Number one.
No alcohol in these houses, okay?
289
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,727
It's against school policy.
Need I say more?
290
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,887
Now, we can't stop you from having a drink
291
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,169
down at that Jolly Fox
and Sound Machine, or whatever.
292
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:44,484
You're all over 18, all right?
Just no booze in this house.
293
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:49,810
Okay. Number two,
and it's a biggie, gentlemen.
294
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,565
No girls upstairs in those bedrooms.
295
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,291
- What?
- Yup. I'm sorry.
296
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:56,964
She's gonna have to take it
back to her place or,
297
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,721
if you want, you can spend as much time
as you like together down here.
298
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,371
There's plenty of room
in both these houses for socializing.
299
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,761
So, if you just gotta bring
some little gal back to the house,
300
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,605
you keep her buns downstairs. You got it?
301
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,411
Don't want the program taken
down by a piece of poontang.
302
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,091
Okay, that's it.
303
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,401
Voluntary practice is on Sunday.
304
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:16,720
That's players-only now.
305
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,963
Rulebook says I can't be on the field,
so I'll see you fellas on Monday.
306
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,646
Be responsible out there
this weekend, okay?
307
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,927
Think before you do
something stupid, please.
308
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,047
Skip?
309
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,122
All right. Mac, you got something?
310
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,725
Yeah. Hey, new guys, listen up.
311
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,644
Just so you know,
"voluntary" means mandatory, okay?
312
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,721
Everybody's got to be there.
313
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,086
If you're not there,
then you probably don't care
314
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,162
about beating those fuckers from Arizona.
315
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,527
And if you're not serious about that,
you might as well go home.
316
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,648
Yeah. We're taking it this year, fellas.
317
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,643
All the way.
318
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,649
All right! Our lucky year!
319
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,481
Get ready, boys,
your college careers are about to begin.
320
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,211
- How's it going?
- Yeah, yeah!
321
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,886
Murphy! Trouble walking in.
322
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,883
- How's it going, man?
- Hey. Two-dollar cover.
323
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,645
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no. They're with us.
324
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,721
Freshman superstars.
325
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,645
It's all right. Let them in.
326
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,848
- Thanks, man.
- Have fun, boys.
327
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,206
Hey, shake something,
don't break something.
328
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,367
Yes, sir.
329
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:40,841
- Hey, hey, guys.
- Yeah?
330
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,285
If you guys want more beer, go to Howard.
331
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,567
The guy that looks like Cheech.
332
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,449
We're getting all this shit for free, okay?
333
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,530
Dude! No cover and free beer.
334
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,688
College is the fucking greatest!
335
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,649
Hey, it's part of the scholarship.
336
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,646
Say goodbye to your
high school sweethearts, fellas.
337
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,929
The wonderful world of
college pussy is upon you.
338
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,121
Ladies! How was your summer?
339
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:30,285
- Fun. How was yours?
- Angie, you look amazing.
340
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,442
Let me introduce you to
some of the new guys. This is Jake.
341
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:33,726
- Hey. Nice to meet you.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
342
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,121
- That dude is Plum.
- What's up? Tyrone.
343
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,486
- How you doing?
- Hi.
344
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,929
- You guys wanna dance?
- Yeah.
345
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,961
- Cheers. To a beautiful night.
- There we go.
346
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,561
Yeah.
347
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,961
- We're gonna need a couple more.
- Yeah, come on!
348
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,487
She needs quite a few more. You do, too.
349
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,483
- Lookit.
- What? What's up?
350
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,202
Finn's in his average cock mode.
351
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,931
Right now, I guarantee you
he's telling those girls
352
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,690
about how he has an average cock.
353
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,966
Why the hell would he do that?
354
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,008
See, no, it's genius, actually.
355
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,162
See, he tells girls that
he has an average cock,
356
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,210
and while that might only seem
moderately compelling on paper,
357
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,566
women find it a relief
358
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,120
from all the guys talking
about how huge they are.
359
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,930
I'm a performer, all right?
I'm a grower, not a shower.
360
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,126
See all that fun, all that laughing?
361
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,201
Yeah, yeah.
362
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,009
They're talking about his dick, man!
363
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,206
- Fuckin' with me.
- No...
364
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,442
- You heard of "foot in the door"?
- Of course.
365
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:56,760
Finn's got his dick in the door.
366
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,205
That's fucking genius.
367
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,726
- Genius. Yes!
- Genius!
368
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:01,847
- Fuck.
- I tell you.
369
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,050
Hey, you see what I see?
370
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,924
- You know them?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
371
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,889
That's Michelle with her friend Val.
372
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,121
What's the book on them?
373
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,806
The book is,
we're going over to rap with them.
374
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,689
- Yeah?
- Hell, yes.
375
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,248
Let's get it.
376
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,846
- Hey, which one you going after?
- Michelle, definitely.
377
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,763
- The one on the right.
- The tall one?
378
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,047
I'm climbing that tree, Jake!
379
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,044
- I hear Val is fun. Go for it!
- All right, cool.
380
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,804
- Val?
- How you doing, Dale?
381
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,247
- Michelle.
- Dale.
382
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:36,651
Michelle, Val, this is Jake.
383
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:37,846
- Hey there.
- What's up?
384
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,048
- I love this song! Come on.
- It's Jake.
385
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,043
Val.
386
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:45,408
Are you gonna ask me to dance,
or are you just gonna stand there?
387
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,687
I'm asking you to dance.
388
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,610
Hey, what position do you play?
389
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:55,841
Pitcher.
390
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,486
- Cool. And you're a freshman?
- Yeah, yeah. You?
391
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,882
I'm a sophomore.
I live in the apartment next to Angie.
392
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,086
Cool.
393
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,447
Hey, do you live in those
new baseball houses?
394
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:06,601
Yeah, yeah.
395
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:53,650
Yes! Yes! Two at a time, bro! Shoot!
396
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,525
Just a second.
397
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,366
Wait here a second.
398
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,728
Soul brother, what's the deal, man?
399
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,168
I don't know, man.
Finn's got that Leeann chick in there.
400
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,730
I'm gonna go upstairs real quick.
I'll be right back.
401
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:25,887
Okay.
402
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,963
Strike three. Strike three.
403
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,604
Strike...
404
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,566
...and his answer is, his answer is,
405
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,610
"It needs some tail." And ol' Ben says,
406
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,843
"Well, that's what I told Mrs. Franklin.
She told me to go fly a kite!"
407
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,041
- "Go fly a kite!"
- Man, that's funny.
408
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,246
- Hey, what's going on, Jacob?
- What's up, man?
409
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,163
So, where you guys been tonight?
410
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,480
Shoot, man.
411
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,643
We went over to the Guaranteed Wholesome.
412
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:08,926
What about you?
413
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,287
- Sound Machine.
- Sound Machine, all right.
414
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,522
Yeah. Hey, Beuter.
415
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:16,283
I mean, Billy.
416
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:21,651
Look, man, I got a little lady downstairs
who maybe wants to come up here
417
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,484
and check out
my album collection, you know?
418
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,609
How about that? Hey, Jacob,
didn't Coach Gordan say this afternoon
419
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,001
that we weren't supposed
to have girls upstairs?
420
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,242
He said something about that, didn't he?
421
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,481
Yeah. Yeah, he did.
422
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,006
But, I mean, half the guys in this house
just broke that rule, you know?
423
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,163
So I kind of decided not to be
like a one-man holdout on that.
424
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,210
Yeah. Yeah, you is a team player,
ain't you?
425
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,721
So, what you want me to do?
426
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:47,601
I don't know, man.
427
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,684
Just do the right thing, you know?
428
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,211
Give me the room alone for a bit.
429
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:58,447
You know, man, but my girlfriend,
she lives out of town, right?
430
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,251
So what, you want me to just
431
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,402
pitch a tent on the couch
all the time, or what?
432
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:04,646
Not all the time.
433
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,245
Just this little window of time.
434
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,084
- Little window? Yeah.
- Yeah.
435
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,166
Look, come on, man, you guys
are already breaking the alcohol rule.
436
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,408
Or is there a waiver for Lone Star?
437
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,290
Dang, that sure is Lone Star.
That's alcohol right there.
438
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:19,124
Alcoholic beverage in there.
I'll be danged.
439
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,486
Well, man, I'll tell you what,
440
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,610
I gotta get up early
for registration in the morning.
441
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:30,487
Plus, I think Mr. Finnegan
set up a room downstairs for that.
442
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,085
Yeah, he's in there.
443
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,526
Well, shoot,
444
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,490
I reckon he'll be out of there
before too long, won't he?
445
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:43,971
Un-fucking-believable.
446
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,883
You go get 'em, Jacob.
447
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,167
Go show her them albums.
448
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,489
All right, bro.
449
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,321
Let's go somewhere quiet.
450
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,410
I feel like the Astros
are gonna make it to the World Series.
451
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:07,087
Tom, you know I wouldn't ask you this
unless it were very important.
452
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,162
Erica's such a bitch.
453
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,844
Yeah, she's definitely cheating on him.
454
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,331
What?
455
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,888
Hey, Beuter, you leaving us already?
456
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,689
Running home to mama, Perkins?
457
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,082
Come on, y'all, my name ain't Beuter.
Okay, guys? It's Billy Autrey.
458
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,929
Bullshit!
459
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:24,889
It's Beuter Perkins
until we tell you otherwise.
460
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,166
Now, where you going, BP?
461
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,210
You running back to that corn-fed
girlfriend of yours already?
462
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,566
No, sir, I'll be back Sunday for practice.
463
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,210
Well, well, well!
464
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,487
Looks like Beuter Perkins
is getting laid this weekend.
465
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,489
You finally trading in that phone
for the real thing?
466
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,770
Shoot, y'all.
467
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,284
Man, guys, she says she might be pregnant.
468
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,041
No, sir.
469
00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:48,248
Yeah, man, that's what she says.
470
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,244
- How late is she?
- She's a day late.
471
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,208
You gotta be shittin' me, Beuter!
472
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,129
She's one day late
and she's giving you shit for it?
473
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,362
She's testing you.
She's trying to gauge your response.
474
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:01,566
Are you the guy that says,
475
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:02,721
"Don't worry,
I'm gonna pay for the abortion,"
476
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,165
or are you talking about marriage?
477
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,890
Which is what she's hoping for.
478
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,043
Either way, you're fucked.
Give it up, Beuter Perkins.
479
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,122
No trust me, man,
she's not fucking pregnant, all right?
480
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,690
We've all been through shit like this.
481
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,285
Except for Nez, of course,
'cause he's still a virgin.
482
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,528
Look, she's just taking
your little chicken-fried nuts
483
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:18,840
and she's running them
through the wringer, okay?
484
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,287
She's just giving you shit for it
because you left her back on the farm
485
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:22,805
with all the other little pigs
you used to fuck.
486
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:24,760
I ain't never put it in a pig!
487
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,401
They speaketh the truth,
young Beuter Perkins.
488
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,881
Man, we're just
worried about you, all right?
489
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,246
Yeah, man.
I mean, school hasn't even started yet,
490
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,689
and, guys, correct me if I'm wrong,
but you are the official frontrunner
491
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,842
for the Freshman Numb-Nut
of the Year award, right, guys?
492
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,400
- The what award?
- It's the annual award.
493
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,164
We give it out
to the most clueless freshman.
494
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,487
I think we've already started
engraving his name on the plaque.
495
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,721
How do you spell "Beuter," by the way?
496
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,211
My name is not Beuter!
497
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,727
Beuter, we also got a bet going on
498
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:55,567
whether your share of the phone bill
is gonna be under or over $300.
499
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,246
We gotta pay the phone bill here?
500
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,324
I've already done the calculations
based on its usage thus far,
501
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:02,845
way over $300.
502
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,524
- Really.
- Yeah.
503
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,490
$300 and a kid?
504
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,881
Man, your life's gonna fucking suck.
505
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:14,289
- Fine. Fine.
- Later, Beuter!
506
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,921
- Later, Beuter!
- Bye, Beuter! Beuter.
507
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,761
Five bucks says we never see him again.
508
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,569
Nez, he's gotta come back for his shit.
509
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:24,846
It's a bad bet.
510
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:26,888
This is why
you're losing money all the time.
511
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,648
A good bet would be, I don't know,
512
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,200
"Is his girlfriend in his family tree?"
513
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,726
Okay, five bucks
that his girlfriend's in his family tree.
514
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,802
Okay, first cousin, second cousin?
515
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:38,160
First cousin, Finn.
516
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,005
See, that's a bad bet. I'll take the bet.
517
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,889
- Still bad odds.
- First cousin?
518
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,890
So, what do most of the guys
on the team major in?
519
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,371
Besides baseball and pussy?
520
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,442
You mean when a girl asks? That's easy.
521
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,966
Look, there are thousands
and thousands of people
522
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:54,929
majoring in all kinds of shit here.
523
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,561
But there's only 25 of us.
We're the best team on campus.
524
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,961
You got a football team
that'll win about three games a year.
525
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:02,644
Basketball team hasn't won shit.
526
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,530
We are in the playoffs every year
and we're always ranked nationally.
527
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:06,965
Dale, you're confusing him.
528
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,771
Bottom line is this,
her friends are gonna ask,
529
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:11,922
"What's he like? What's he do?"
530
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,082
She's not gonna have to say the old,
531
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:15,605
"I don't know. He's a marketing major."
532
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:17,603
That's not gonna cut it.
533
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,682
"He's a baseball player."
534
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,846
See, now they got something special
to talk about.
535
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:25,046
"How's your ballplayer doing?"
536
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:26,561
"He's still stiff as a bat."
537
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:27,846
"You still ballin' your player?"
538
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:29,160
"He's sliding home."
539
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,447
That's cool, that's cool and everything.
I like pussy.
540
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,683
But, you know, what about school?
Like, what do I take?
541
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,330
That's easy, that's easy.
542
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:38,607
You get good at making
the school-part work for you, right?
543
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:39,841
It's like a puzzle, man.
544
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,241
What teachers will give you a break,
what classes to take.
545
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,603
Hey, look, you gotta start the semester
with 12 hours, all right?
546
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,125
But you only gotta be
passing nine to be eligible.
547
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,129
Drop one class, blow off another.
548
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,689
God damn it, Plummer!
549
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,609
Call it! Wake up!
550
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,285
I kinda like our relationship.
551
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,727
It's like, I throw the junk
and you get yourself out.
552
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,165
Fuck!
553
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:15,050
Was that a big deal for you,
transferring in senior year?
554
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,645
No, man, not really.
555
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:21,203
You know, I'll still have a few hours
that I gotta complete, you know?
556
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:26,047
I'll go back in late summer,
graduate, do that thing.
557
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,361
And where's San Luis Obispo?
558
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:30,841
- California.
- That's where you're from?
559
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:35,642
Yeah. Yeah.
Sort of the central coast area.
560
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,610
- Cool. Cool.
- Yeah. Yeah. Very cool.
561
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,524
- I'm from this small town in the valley.
- Yeah.
562
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:46,241
- Hey, man, you get high?
- Yeah. Yeah, here and there.
563
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,766
Yeah? Well, I don't know.
564
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,081
Couple of guys are gonna go
burn this with me
565
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,605
in my room pretty soon.
566
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:56,566
- If you wanna join that.
- Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
567
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,961
- Yeah? All right. All right.
- Cool.
568
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,767
- I'll bet you 10 bucks.
- Ten bucks?
569
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:09,683
- Yeah. Ten bucks.
- You wanna go... That's steep for you.
570
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,046
Best out of three.
571
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,885
- So, I gotta get two?
- Yeah, Mac, two.
572
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,884
Okay. You feel like losing 10 bucks?
573
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:18,803
You're just excited to
hit off me for once, huh?
574
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:25,086
Man. I mean, this is gonna be fun.
This is gonna be very fun, Nesbit.
575
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,730
Man, let me get a little stretch in.
576
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,287
Come on. Come on, Mr. Ax. Strong Man.
577
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,647
Anytime.
578
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,451
Fuck. I don't believe
what I just fucking saw.
579
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:45,124
You know how strong
you'd have to be to do that?
580
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,725
- And the eyes!
- Let me see that.
581
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,882
You know how well
you'd have to see the ball
582
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,325
to hit it with an ax?
583
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,243
Fucking crazy.
584
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,607
You just wouldn't listen, Nez.
You wanna go half price?
585
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,250
We can stop now.
We can call it five bucks.
586
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:57,970
- No, no, no.
- Double or nothing.
587
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,809
Triple or nothing.
588
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:03,089
- Yeah, you feeling lucky? I am.
- I feel great with those odds.
589
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:05,162
Triple or nothing sounds fantastic.
590
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,210
Maybe one of the best days
of my life here, Nez.
591
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,282
You know, until tomorrow.
592
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:19,601
What was that?
593
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:33,924
You're gonna be squashed, Jake.
594
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:37,001
I hate this game.
595
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,650
It starts out easy,
and then it just gets fucking impossible.
596
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:39,846
I'm telling you.
597
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:44,080
Yeah, man,
I must've wasted, like, $200 in quarters
598
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:45,605
on this bitch last summer,
599
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,047
just getting reamed
by these little fuckers.
600
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,964
You can't win.
Once they get up on you, you're fucked.
601
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,405
Sounds of amateurs
602
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,482
who have not yet mastered the gap method.
603
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,370
- What the fuck is the gap method?
- You're looking at it, Plum.
604
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,205
Like you were saying,
most people lose at this point
605
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,362
not because they get shot,
but because they get overrun.
606
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,408
But I discovered that they actually
607
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,568
don't shoot you from
the absolute front row.
608
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,005
- Shit, they don't?
- No.
609
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,809
You just gotta create
a clearing of columns.
610
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:11,120
- You see what I'm doing right there?
- Yeah.
611
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,567
Make your space, okay?
You just hold your ground in there.
612
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:16,610
Just gets a little hairy.
613
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,489
They speed up at the end. See that guy?
614
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:19,607
See how fast he's going?
615
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,682
All right? But you just gotta remain calm,
616
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,683
meet them in the middle and...
617
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:27,651
- Fucking nailed that!
- Fuckin A, man! Okay! Okay!
618
00:34:27,720 --> 00:34:28,801
Gimme some dap! Gimme some dap!
619
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,160
- Shit, come on.
- Shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
620
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,011
It's the same shot every time!
621
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,368
- Same shot every time!
- All right. You know, Mac?
622
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,610
I... This is supposed to be fun,
and now I'm not having fun.
623
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:43,886
Well, it's not his fault. It's our fault.
624
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,007
Thank you.
625
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:46,923
- You can't teach this chemistry.
- You can't.
626
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,331
We've been together for three years!
627
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,283
I know where I'm going with it
before he even gets it to me.
628
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:51,686
Yeah, and I know where he wants it.
629
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,727
- That's special.
- Let me talk, man.
630
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:59,681
- That ass is golden.
- Absolutely, say no more.
631
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,967
Hey. The bitch stick?
632
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:04,966
Are you kidding me?
633
00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,324
What, I'm just trying to make the shot.
634
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,641
Okay. Not with this you're not.
635
00:35:09,720 --> 00:35:11,529
Okay, Brum, have your balls dropped?
636
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,090
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
637
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,970
Okay, now play like you got some
fucking semen in your sack, Brum.
638
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,610
Okay.
639
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:21,761
- Okay? All right.
- Okay.
640
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,449
- What the hell is this?
- Please.
641
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,567
- What are you doing?
- Putting it on.
642
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,364
- First time wearing cologne?
- No.
643
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:07,487
Get it on there, man.
644
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:08,681
Get it under your arms and on your chest.
645
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:09,966
Don't just put it on your neck. Come on.
646
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,281
I don't know, man.
647
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,488
Too much of this smells like cat piss.
648
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,289
Yeah, no shit.
649
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,721
Trying to help you out,
and you're gonna question me?
650
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:23,203
Jesus. I'm telling you, man,
chicks dig this shit. All right?
651
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,806
Now you can come back here
and do the five-knuckle shuffle
652
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,370
all night if you want to.
I don't really care.
653
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:28,965
What's the five-knuckle shuffle?
654
00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:32,129
Jesus, freshman, figure it out, man.
655
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,171
Hey, good one, McReynolds.
656
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:38,368
You're so fucking desperate, dude.
657
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,171
Desperate for pussy!
658
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,688
This shirt makes me fucking sad, man.
659
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,601
What's up, guys? You lost?
660
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:17,122
I got the best cheese on campus.
661
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:22,484
I mean, girls, they come up to me
out of the blue and they say,
662
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,803
"You got the best cheese on campus."
663
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,120
Yeah?
664
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,682
Sure those pants couldn't
be a little tighter there?
665
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:32,326
Nope.
666
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,129
No?
667
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:35,201
What are you doing?
668
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,848
I'm going through your album collection.
669
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:40,524
Okay, don't mind me.
670
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,809
Holy shit!
671
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:48,283
Nesie, look at what I found here.
672
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,000
"2nd Team All-State."
673
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,361
- Yeah, so?
- You're a fucking badass!
674
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,125
Hey, guys! We got
a 2nd Team All-Stater among us!
675
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,441
Fuck off with that shit, boy.
676
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,603
Golly gee, you're good. You're good.
677
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,524
Hey, I'm sure afraid to hit off you,
2nd Team All-State.
678
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,126
Yeah, I'm scared.
679
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:09,967
2nd Team All-State.
680
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,804
- Scariness.
- Wait. Wait.
681
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:14,884
Did I ask you guys
to be in my room right now?
682
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,203
No. No. Goodbye.
683
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:19,805
Well, look at you.
684
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,769
Nice fucking life
you got here, Joe College.
685
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,924
I mean, you got your whole room to yourself
for the weekend, and you got your albums.
686
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:27,405
This is mine now.
687
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:31,967
Borrowing this.
688
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,206
Hey, wait. Hey, no.
689
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,408
Hey, you return that
with one scratch on it, Nez...
690
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:37,970
What? What?
691
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:40,046
What?
692
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,202
Just return my album, man.
693
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,362
What? What?
694
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:45,566
What?
695
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,728
Fuck, that guy's weird.
696
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:03,201
Yeah, 95 on the gun, official.
697
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,647
Could've gone to anywhere in Texas.
698
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:09,560
I had a stack of offers
about that high, that high.
699
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,962
- Almost went to USC.
- Were you drafted?
700
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,726
Yeah, yeah.
The Blue Jays almost picked me up,
701
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,770
but I told them I'm going to college
for a couple of years.
702
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,247
- Good move.
- Yeah, yeah.
703
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:22,810
- You drafted?
- No.
704
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:24,126
McReynolds was.
705
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:25,526
Really?
706
00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:28,651
You got some moves. Alison, right?
707
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,285
Like your dress.
708
00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:34,130
- Blue, like your eyes.
- ...baseball team.
709
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,362
- Shit, you like baseball, too?
- Some nice... Fuck.
710
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:40,323
Fuck it, man.
711
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,046
- We suck tonight.
- Dude, this is getting ridiculous.
712
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,406
We suck so fucking hard.
713
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,051
I'm gonna get a drink. Man's drink!
714
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,771
- A real drink!
- Yeah! Yeah, do that!
715
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,046
Way to go!
716
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:52,645
All right. I'll see you guys in a bit.
717
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,923
- Right. See ya.
- Okay. All right.
718
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,401
God, am I the only person
living in reality here?
719
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,608
That I'm not gonna be
playing this game forever?
720
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:04,366
Hey, man, you gotta appreciate it
while it lasts, you know?
721
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:05,566
I mean, I'm a good college player.
722
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,961
But beyond that,
I'm not counting on anything.
723
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:12,008
Screwdriver!
This place is fucking awesome.
724
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:17,291
I've been dancing up on like five girls
all night long, man.
725
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,567
That's not true, though.
You haven't danced with one girl yet.
726
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:23,725
Yeah, I have. Yeah. Before you got here.
I was all up on 'em, man.
727
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,406
Hey, who's that douchebag
she's dancing with?
728
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,211
Thompson? He's a football player.
729
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,129
What a dyke!
730
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:36,610
Man, this is savage.
We're getting fucking hosed out here.
731
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:37,806
Fucking sucks.
732
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,565
You know what?
I mean, taking account of the situation,
733
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,166
we're not doing so hot,
but we're in the early innings.
734
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:45,447
- We got a whole game to play.
- Yeah.
735
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,124
This is college, Jake, all right?
736
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:49,282
The girls can be
as big of sluts as the guys!
737
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:50,521
Make it work for you.
738
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:51,971
Hey, screwdriver! Okay?
739
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,963
It's not the writing of
the Magna fucking Carta!
740
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:55,007
That's a book.
741
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:56,491
Who drinks a screwdriver, anyway?
742
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:57,971
I drink a fucking screwdriver!
743
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,042
Everybody I know drinks
a fucking screwdriver.
744
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:01,121
You know who drinks a screwdriver?
745
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,771
- My little sister drinks a screwdriver too.
- Really? Does she?
746
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,969
Does she have blue eyes
and a big ass like you?
747
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:08,724
I bet she has a big ass.
748
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,404
- Big mouth!
- Yeah.
749
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:14,205
Did he just flick a lime in my drink?
750
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,120
Did he just fucking...
It's a fucking screwdriver!
751
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:18,326
You don't flick a fucking lime!
752
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:19,811
You don't have lime in a screwdriver!
753
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,645
Hey, motherfucker!
Let's go, fucking Pancho Villa!
754
00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:26,247
I'm gonna come back there,
and I'll fucking make you my bitch, man!
755
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,971
Don't act like you don't like me
just because I got good hair!
756
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,850
Now he's giving me
the old-fashioned stare down!
757
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,321
All right, that's a fucking stare down!
758
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:35,447
Dude, you're staring, he's cool.
759
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,329
No, he's not cool!
No, he's not fucking cool!
760
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,084
You're back there having
a fucking good time!
761
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:40,764
I'll come show you a good time.
762
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,286
I'll come over the bar
and show you a good time.
763
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,931
- Let's go. Let's go.
- I'm not gonna do anything.
764
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:49,965
Hey! No, you fucking stay.
765
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,124
Back off! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
766
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,684
Out of the club! Right the fuck now!
Get them out!
767
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,603
All baseball players out of here!
I mean it!
768
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,808
Let's go! Come on!
769
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:18,404
Get them out! Right now. Get them out.
770
00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:21,641
Don't bring him back here again,
you get me?
771
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:24,200
Let's go, boys. Let's go! Hey!
772
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:25,850
Keep walking.
773
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,048
I'm gonna fucking defend myself!
774
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,122
No! One more chance!
775
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,011
Fuck you! Fuck you, you jackoffs!
776
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:38,845
Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!
777
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,209
Suck my dick, man!
778
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,246
- You fucking asshole!
- Stupid fucking asshole!
779
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,731
Don't bring your ass around here!
780
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,161
Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!
781
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,568
- What the fuck, Niles!
- Well, that was ugly.
782
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,445
I don't know, just based on
an outsider's perspective,
783
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,249
totally avoidable.
784
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,369
- Well, I'm a fucking raw dog, all right?
- Raw dog!
785
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,723
Anybody who fucks with me,
they don't get fucked with back!
786
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:12,040
They get fucking killed!
787
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:15,283
The only thing you killed tonight was
the prospect of any of us getting laid!
788
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,727
Your fucking junkyard dog routine
from fucking Detroit
789
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,928
might make you feel tough, but it's not
helping out any of your fucking teammates.
790
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,729
Watch that shit in the future.
791
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:24,609
It's crazy we're fucking
defending this guy.
792
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,569
It's all so damn tribal.
793
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,120
It's the pack mentality, animal instincts.
794
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:30,725
All the adrenaline!
795
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,371
Guys. Hey, guys. I got a new plan.
796
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:34,965
We're gonna shift our focus
797
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,849
from disco snatch
to country poon. All right?
798
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:40,083
No cover, free beer till 11:00
at Guaranteed Wholesome.
799
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,926
Okay, fucking no cover, free beer!
We can't afford not to go!
800
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,924
Fuck you, Sound Machine! Let's fucking go!
801
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,570
Fuck you, Sound Machine!
802
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:52,042
I got seven of my bucks back! Let's do it!
803
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:53,804
No, no, no, no!
804
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:55,245
I don't know where the hell
you think you're going.
805
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,362
You sitting this one out
with that "raw dog" bullshit.
806
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,442
- Sit!
- Heel, boy. Heel, boy.
807
00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:02,163
- Fetch.
- Yeah!
808
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,561
I get it. I get it. I get it!
809
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,290
I'll fucking go home.
810
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,249
I got shit to do. I'll do some pushups.
811
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:10,526
How's that sound?
812
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,604
I'll do some pushups, do some abs.
I'll come back looking awesome!
813
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,525
I'll read a book.
814
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,602
Fuck it! I'll fucking run home.
815
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:19,682
Yeah! Fuck it!
816
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,086
Fuck it!
817
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,527
Hey, check your pillows, man!
818
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,251
- What the fuck does that mean?
- Fuck if I know.
819
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,891
Fuck's that mean? Let's fucking go.
820
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:30,769
I don't know about this country bar, man.
821
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:31,841
Wait, wait, wait.
822
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,365
What the Charlie Pride
are you talking about?
823
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,566
We're just gonna do a quick
wardrobe change, and we're there.
824
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:37,801
All right, I gotta say,
825
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,167
I hate all this Cotton-Eyed Joe,
826
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,362
"Looking for love
in all the wrong places."
827
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:45,011
What, Disco Boy now wearing
a cowboy hat and boots and shit?
828
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:46,411
- Yeah.
- It's unbelievable
829
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,562
that's trendy now everywhere!
830
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:50,563
Does that mean you're not going?
831
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:53,606
I didn't say that.
832
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,121
Crank it up, sweetheart! Come on, baby!
833
00:45:26,240 --> 00:45:27,651
All right, crank it up!
834
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,560
You're not detecting
an anti-pitcher bias around here?
835
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:32,641
No, man.
836
00:45:32,720 --> 00:45:34,085
- No?
- No!
837
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:35,764
I sure as hell am.
838
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,009
Well, let me tell you something, Jake.
839
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,128
It is lonely out on the bump, man.
840
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:45,443
You know, hitters,
they got no idea what that's like.
841
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,444
They don't know
the first thing about it, you know?
842
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,841
It's the most important part
of the game, hands down,
843
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,685
and yet it is a complete mystery to them.
844
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,890
Yeah, no shit,
845
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,406
but it's almost like
they view us as a necessary evil.
846
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,211
Well, yeah, man, we kind of are, you know?
847
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:04,328
But that doesn't make them bad guys.
848
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:08,724
You know, they're just...
They're a little scared of us. You know?
849
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:12,282
We're fucking weird, man! We're different!
850
00:46:13,240 --> 00:46:14,844
And the trick is, what's the trick?
851
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,684
I don't know. Tell me.
852
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,923
The trick is, you can't fight it.
853
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:21,729
You gotta accept it.
854
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,964
You gotta fucking embrace
your inner fucking strange, man.
855
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:27,963
Just be fucking weird, you know?
856
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:33,967
And when you do that,
you bring who you are,
857
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,010
never who they want.
858
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:41,244
And that, my friend, is when it gets fun.
859
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,488
So, all of y'all play
on the baseball team?
860
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,449
Yeah, we got all nine positions covered.
861
00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:46,567
And then some.
862
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,961
This one,
this one loves catching our balls,
863
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:50,166
don't you, Plum?
864
00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:52,208
He's an animal husbandry major.
865
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,361
What?
866
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:55,044
I'm actually studying
to be a cunnilinguist.
867
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:56,485
What's that?
868
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,450
It's a major you can
actually practice before graduating.
869
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,922
Sometimes I feel like
I'm just, you know, buried in my work,
870
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,002
but I feel like
it's important to give back, you know?
871
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,287
- Y'all know what time it is!
- Oh, my God!
872
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,681
It's time to grab your partner dosey-do
873
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,287
'cause here we come with Cotton-Eyed Joe!
874
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:32,281
- Hey, what'd you say?
- Bullshit!
875
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,289
- Y'all say what?
- Bullshit!
876
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,880
- You're steppin' in what?
- Bull shit!
877
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,442
- Hey, what'd you say?
- Bullshit!
878
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,562
- Stepped in what?
- Bull shit!
879
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,642
- A big pile of what?
- Bull shit!
880
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:01,807
Cotton-Eyed Joe.
881
00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:06,525
Damn you, Jake!
882
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:11,486
- Eight up! Eight up! Let's go! Let's do it!
- Eight-eight.
883
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:14,731
Okay. Let's go!
884
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:16,245
Get the ball now.
885
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,082
- Fuck!
- That's for you, babe!
886
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:21,640
- It's our ball.
- Damn it!
887
00:48:21,720 --> 00:48:23,768
- Detroit?
- What? What?
888
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:25,330
Ball in!
889
00:48:27,720 --> 00:48:28,846
Night and day!
890
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,163
See, the perfect rim ingredients
keep the drink on its toes.
891
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,760
It simultaneously complements
then conflicts.
892
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:38,764
What I like to do is a little sugar,
cayenne pepper,
893
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:42,049
you add a little whiskey, a little lime.
894
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:43,360
- Finn?
- Yeah?
895
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,131
Hey, yeah,
I just want a fucking drink, man.
896
00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:49,844
Pardon me for trying
to class up the joint.
897
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,285
Don't get low.
898
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:57,205
That's right, freshman.
899
00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:59,203
Yeah, you keep up that
funky-ass spin shit.
900
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:00,441
I've got you figured out, son.
901
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:01,851
Yeah, that's just what I want.
902
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,765
You thinking you got me clocked,
then I set you up.
903
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,683
I'll let you know when I feel threatened.
904
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:10,971
You feeling threatened yet?
905
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:14,764
All right, smartass.
906
00:49:15,720 --> 00:49:18,929
- 19-17.
- Actually, it's 17-19.
907
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,804
Thank you, Nesbit! 17-19, is that better?
908
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:26,406
No, I'm scared now, but, yeah...
909
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:27,481
Can we fucking play now?
910
00:49:40,720 --> 00:49:42,085
God damn it!
911
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:45,403
Glen, get your head
out of your fucking ass! Let's go!
912
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,245
- 20-17!
- 17-point.
913
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:51,483
I swear to fucking God! Shut your mouth!
914
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:53,684
17-point!
915
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:01,966
Hey, good game, man. Let's play again.
916
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:03,570
Fuck!
917
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:04,766
Fuck.
918
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,081
Stupid fucking game!
919
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:12,964
- My dad was a table...
- Fuck off.
920
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:14,844
Now I gotta put out that fucking fire.
921
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:16,843
- That dude needs to relax.
- Thanks, Jake.
922
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:18,365
I told you so, man.
923
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,807
He broke the fucking paddle.
Look at that shit.
924
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:23,491
Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake.
925
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:24,647
Here.
926
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:28,242
If things calm down, Nez,
you're next, bro.
927
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:29,731
- Fuck!
- You're up, man.
928
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:31,165
I don't think
you could use that one, though.
929
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,806
He does not like losing, at all!
930
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,049
Lot of Twilight Zones, man.
931
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:40,929
Yeah.
932
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,446
Almost every single episode.
933
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:47,571
Recorded them all
over the last year or so.
934
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:49,290
Yeah, you got that one where the lady,
935
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,602
she's getting the surgery
to correct how ugly she is?
936
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:53,045
- Yeah!
- So she gets surgery,
937
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:57,284
but it turns out that she's beautiful,
and everyone else is, like, hideous.
938
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,249
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, dude.
939
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,004
- You know what that's called?
- No.
940
00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:04,090
- "The Eye of the Beholder."
- Yeah, yeah, that one.
941
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:08,324
Yeah, Season 2, Episode 5,
if I'm not mistaken.
942
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,411
Whoa there, Willoughby.
943
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:14,244
There's no way you're gonna suck that down
944
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,924
in one hit, man.
945
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,482
Yeah. Yeah.
There's gonna be too much smoke.
946
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:23,366
You know, like, there's not even
enough room in your body
947
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:26,086
for the amount of smoke there's gonna be.
948
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:27,491
Really?
949
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:31,042
Well, take notes, boys,
950
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:34,528
'cause I grew up on two rivers.
951
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:37,564
All right, I got fucking swimmer's lungs.
I'm a river rat.
952
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,085
And don't forget, he does have
953
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:41,328
a double chamber
cooling system on that thing.
954
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,926
I don't care if he grew up
on 40 fucking rivers,
955
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:45,365
it's just not happening.
956
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:47,610
Okay.
957
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:52,163
Okay. Well, get ready.
958
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,365
Shit, no, no, no. Is it?
959
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:12,809
- Oh, my God.
- Un-fucking real, man.
960
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,167
- Shit!
- Fucking unreal.
961
00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:16,810
Super-human!
962
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,564
Wow, man.
963
00:52:22,240 --> 00:52:24,846
Fucking mahogany rush, man.
964
00:52:26,720 --> 00:52:28,961
You know, I don't wanna be presumptuous.
965
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,048
I know that I only have been here
for a few days,
966
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:34,169
but I'm pretty sure that
that is a new school record.
967
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,401
Bullshit. Bullshit. Just...
968
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,165
Let's break that school record
right fucking now.
969
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:42,004
Yeah? All right.
970
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:43,923
- I don't know, dude.
- Go for it, man.
971
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:48,408
God. Listen to this song.
972
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:51,765
Listen to this progression here, okay?
973
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:53,691
Listen to how it goes up.
974
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:58,368
It steps up from one moment to another
and leads you there, just...
975
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:07,811
Yes. I mean, look,
976
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:11,242
you can play an E pentatonic scale
at 100 miles an hour
977
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:14,085
till somebody's ears burn off,
you can learn that, right?
978
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,482
But finding the tangents
within the framework,
979
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,728
therein lies the artistry, man.
980
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,401
You know, a fucking bunch of dudes
jump around on stage,
981
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:27,767
jerking each other off,
you know, in spandex,
982
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:29,649
isn't fucking music.
983
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:35,971
I don't know, man. I kinda like Van Halen.
984
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:39,726
Well, yeah, Plum, you do.
And you know why you do?
985
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:43,043
Because corporate America
is shoving something down your throat
986
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:44,281
and making you believe it,
987
00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,249
because that's what
they want you to believe.
988
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:50,325
I mean, guys,
it's about finding out who you are
989
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:52,804
in the space
990
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:56,009
in-between the notes
that they're offering you.
991
00:53:56,840 --> 00:54:00,640
I mean, you gotta tune in, man.
You gotta tune in.
992
00:54:00,720 --> 00:54:04,725
You know, and don't be afraid
993
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,127
to let the experience find you.
994
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,128
It's like Carl Sagan says, man,
995
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,647
"The beauty of a living thing
isn't about the atoms that go into it,
996
00:54:16,720 --> 00:54:19,246
"it's how those atoms are put together."
997
00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:24,810
I mean, language, fucking language.
What is language?
998
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:28,202
Language is a construct, man. You know?
999
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,362
And we used to be telepathic.
1000
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:32,283
Humans were telepathic, man.
1001
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:35,011
We could just... Right here. You know?
1002
00:54:35,080 --> 00:54:36,969
The fucking Mayans knew it, man.
1003
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:39,168
The Druids fucking knew it.
1004
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,488
And you think the way things are going now
1005
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:45,131
that we're ever gonna get that back?
1006
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,045
- Fucking no.
- No.
1007
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,726
Do you guys wanna
try a little telepathic shit?
1008
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:53,450
Let's do it.
1009
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:56,404
Okay, lock in. Lock in.
1010
00:54:57,480 --> 00:54:59,448
- You locked in? All right.
- Yeah.
1011
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:15,250
- What am I thinking about?
- Baseball.
1012
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:18,290
- Having a tail.
- Cereal?
1013
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:20,246
Fuck.
1014
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:22,890
Dude, I was thinking about sharks.
1015
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,169
- Fuck!
- I was thinking about sharks.
1016
00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:27,004
Sharks have tails.
1017
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,286
That's a good point. That's a good point.
1018
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:31,284
I wish I had a tail.
Fuck, that'd be awesome.
1019
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:34,768
- Oh, my God.
- Fuck you!
1020
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:35,921
I'll take one.
1021
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:37,843
Sharpshooter status, right here.
1022
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:39,843
Coming at you! Coming at you!
1023
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:42,806
Been working out.
1024
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:45,884
Hey! Man-child here thinks he can take me.
1025
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:50,041
Even though he knows
I'm the reigning knuckles champ.
1026
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:52,885
Two years in a row. Undefeated.
1027
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:55,126
Bitch.
1028
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:58,924
Hey, have you noticed everything
around here's a competition, huh?
1029
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,685
Even taking hits from bongs.
1030
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,684
- Look at you, ping-pong pimp.
- Yeah!
1031
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:08,366
You see that back there though?
Mac almost took my head off.
1032
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:09,771
Hey, look,
1033
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:12,571
if Mac wanted to take
your head off with that paddle,
1034
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:14,125
he would have.
1035
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,441
All right, man,
he just don't like losing at anything.
1036
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,164
None of us do.
1037
00:56:18,240 --> 00:56:19,480
Fuck yeah!
1038
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:22,848
Okay, look, that's just, what,
Willoughby, borderline insane?
1039
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,400
- About there?
- Yeah, border. Borderline.
1040
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,642
Well, you notice how everybody
was somewhat courteous
1041
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:29,290
- on the first day or so?
- Yeah.
1042
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,249
See, now the gloves are off.
1043
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:33,971
All of our true
assholish nature is emerging.
1044
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:35,451
Not very healthy.
1045
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,727
Until we get out on the field, Jakie.
1046
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:44,122
This, this, all of this, this is why we're
one of the best teams in the nation, man.
1047
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:46,168
You get a bunch of competitors together...
1048
00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:49,687
- Yeah.
- ...and you're addicted to winning.
1049
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:51,165
That's a championship team right there...
1050
00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:53,368
- I see.
- ...flicking each other's knuckles.
1051
00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:01,884
- All right.
- Damn!
1052
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:03,849
That's all swolled up.
1053
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,048
That's gonna be erupting
like Mount St. Helens
1054
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:07,804
or some shit, man.
1055
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:11,165
You had enough?
1056
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:15,809
See, you can tell a lot about somebody
from these stupid little competitions.
1057
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:16,881
Really?
1058
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:18,883
Yeah, something's always revealed, like...
1059
00:57:18,960 --> 00:57:21,406
Are you a competitor? Are you a gamer?
1060
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:25,121
You know, can you find a way
to overcome all obstacles
1061
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:27,487
to practically will yourself to victory.
1062
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,608
Or, are you a...
1063
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:31,045
- Fuck it!
- ...quitter?
1064
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:32,451
I'm fucking done, all right!
1065
00:57:32,520 --> 00:57:34,841
- Folded like a lawn chair.
- Yup. Yup, yup, yup.
1066
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,048
- Good game, man.
- You can't...
1067
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:38,804
No, you can't beat me twice in a row!
1068
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:40,723
I know that for a fucking fact!
1069
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,485
And it's best two out of three, okay?
1070
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:44,721
Them's the rule, Brums!
1071
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,882
- Okay, man.
- Okay, all right!
1072
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:48,291
Give me my hat, all right?
1073
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:50,164
Stop laughing, Coma!
It's not fucking funny!
1074
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:53,847
- Tomorrow, same time, all right?
- Sure thing.
1075
00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:56,048
Stop laughing, Dale!
1076
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:58,726
Hey, you're still the champ!
1077
00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:00,370
Fuck off, Brum!
1078
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:01,521
You'll always be the champ, Nesie.
1079
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:02,726
Shut up. Let's go.
1080
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,007
- Hey, did you guys see me win?
- Put your fucking hands up.
1081
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:08,401
Who are these people?
1082
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,289
Like this guy with the backpack?
1083
00:58:11,320 --> 00:58:13,402
And this dude on the porch?
1084
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:16,047
Like, I know what we're doing here.
1085
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:18,327
You know, we're playing baseball.
1086
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:20,323
What are all these other guys doing here?
1087
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:21,925
Yeah, I think that, too.
1088
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:23,365
Like, what would it be like
to go through life
1089
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:26,489
knowing there's no way
you'd ever play pro ball?
1090
00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:28,648
Exactly.
1091
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:32,770
All these people
never be anything more than
1092
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,889
some dude doing some job,
1093
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:38,361
just like everybody else.
1094
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:39,441
Bradford!
1095
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:44,206
Holy shit! Justin?
1096
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,248
- Hey!
- What's up, man?
1097
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,049
- How you doing?
- This is where you living?
1098
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,248
As of right now,
but hey, don't let them know.
1099
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:52,243
These are my teammates.
Plum, Finn, and Coma.
1100
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,891
- What's going on, fellas?
- Hey, guys, this is Justin.
1101
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:56,200
We used to play ball
in high school together.
1102
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:59,086
- What's up?
- What's happening, man?
1103
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:00,969
Not much.
But hey, I'm loving this new look.
1104
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:02,280
- Yeah?
- This new 'do!
1105
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:04,203
I love this. What, is it pledge week?
1106
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:05,805
Yeah. Fuck you, too.
1107
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:07,291
- Come on, let's get a beer. Come in.
- Yeah.
1108
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:09,249
Hey, you guys want a beer? Come on.
1109
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,288
- Why not?
- Why?
1110
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:13,084
This is my old high school buddy, Jake.
1111
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:15,765
Hey, you still with Gretchen?
1112
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:17,365
Fuck Gretchen!
1113
00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:23,921
Hey, you gotta walk me through this, man.
1114
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,606
What, you just wake up
one morning just fucking...
1115
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:28,125
Nah, man. It's as simple as this.
1116
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:30,601
You go to a show,
meet a couple of cute girls,
1117
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:32,330
get drunk, later that night
1118
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:35,051
they're chopping bits of your hair off,
giving you real bangs.
1119
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:38,091
Used to, I'd be like, "No, don't do that."
1120
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,766
But now that I don't play
on a team anymore
1121
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:43,411
or I'm doing anything
particularly "respectable,"
1122
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:44,766
I'm like, fuck it!
1123
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:46,808
Whatever, man.
1124
00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:48,966
We're going to a show soon.
1125
00:59:49,040 --> 00:59:52,203
Man, there are six bands in town,
some from L.A., some from Austin.
1126
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:53,845
We're gonna go in a bit.
You guys wanna join?
1127
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:56,609
We've got our party tonight.
1128
00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,684
Yeah, yeah,
we should probably set up for it, right?
1129
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:01,683
No, it's not till later. Yeah.
No, we're just walking around,
1130
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:02,761
heading to the Student Center.
1131
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:06,640
Student Center? Come with us.
Come on, we'll fix you up!
1132
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:07,881
You guys down for that?
1133
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:10,366
Finn?
1134
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:13,449
- Of course we're down!
- Yeah!
1135
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:16,490
Come on, man. What about Costello
or the Talking Heads?
1136
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:18,483
They're great. Devo and The Cars,
1137
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:20,562
look, there's a lot of
decent stuff out there.
1138
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:22,927
We got a whole 'nother thing
going on around here.
1139
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,162
This? This is ours.
1140
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:27,766
At least take the sunglasses off, man.
1141
01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:29,285
You look like a fucking narc.
1142
01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:30,725
Hey, I don't think we really fit in here.
1143
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,684
No, no, you don't fit in.
Okay, I told you to change.
1144
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:36,525
Will you at least untuck your shirt?
You look like a Bible salesman.
1145
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:38,443
These people could really use a Bible!
1146
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:40,249
Got both of them.
1147
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:01,008
I'm starting to have
an identity crisis here.
1148
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:04,245
What are you talking about?
1149
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:07,129
Look at us, man.
1150
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:10,689
The last three nights, we've danced
at a disco, total mindless disco music,
1151
01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:12,569
danced the Cotton-Eyed Joe
in kicker attire,
1152
01:01:13,200 --> 01:01:15,043
and here we are, punks for a night.
1153
01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:19,251
It sort of begs the question
about who we really are.
1154
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:22,610
- Are you insecure about the duck feet?
- So insecure about the duck feet.
1155
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:24,011
The duck feet look great, dude.
1156
01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:26,321
- Serious? Promise?
- Yeah, they look great.
1157
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,209
Look, I'll tell you who we are.
1158
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:29,691
We're a couple of guys who are gonna do
1159
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,161
whatever it takes to get laid.
That's who we are.
1160
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:33,571
It just seems a little phony.
1161
01:01:33,640 --> 01:01:36,928
It's not phony. Okay? It's adaptive.
1162
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:38,047
All right, think about this.
1163
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:40,646
There are animals, salmon, spiders
1164
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:43,564
that will literally die
in the process of mating.
1165
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:45,005
I mean, what are we doing?
1166
01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:46,889
We're switching around
our wardrobe a little bit.
1167
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:48,849
It's camouflage!
1168
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:52,081
You need to stop thinking so much.
You're fucking yourself up.
1169
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:54,686
Dude, look at you, man.
You're one to talk.
1170
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:55,926
I actually don't think that much.
1171
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:59,402
I actually don't think at all.
I just, you know, I talk a lot.
1172
01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:01,960
This is the jazz improv. You're invited.
1173
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:06,240
What?
1174
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:07,606
Listen.
1175
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:09,961
Hear that?
1176
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:12,607
That's the Gilligan's Island theme song!
1177
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:13,841
Yes, it is.
1178
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:15,763
You can make a punk song out of that?
1179
01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:17,922
Coming full circle.
1180
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,843
It's all coming around.
1181
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:33,643
- Are you liking it?
- I'm liking it. Shall we go?
1182
01:03:01,520 --> 01:03:05,684
- This might be our best batch.
- This is gonna be the best ever.
1183
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:11,081
That's some pussy shit.
It tastes like fruit punch.
1184
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:13,970
Well, that's the sign of a good
coon dog punch, Coma.
1185
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:16,930
No, no, not until Coma gets in here.
1186
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:19,890
All right, so this is about done.
1187
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:23,881
What I need you to do is take that sifter,
and then pour about half of that.
1188
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:25,490
- Okay.
- Just about half.
1189
01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:27,166
Into the bowl.
1190
01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:04,604
Brain dead, let's go!
1191
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:08,683
All right! Jake!
Where you fucking been, man?
1192
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:11,445
- What's up?
- You got some catching up to do.
1193
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:13,210
Get in here! You're up!
1194
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:15,362
Go, go, go.
1195
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:18,125
- Oh, my God.
- Hey!
1196
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:20,441
Welcome to the fucking party, Jake!
1197
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:22,204
Yeah, baby!
1198
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:24,521
You know what they call me?
1199
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,409
The raw dog.
1200
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:28,244
You wanna know why?
1201
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:32,005
'Cause I'm the fucking raw dog, man.
1202
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:33,969
It's not about the ingredients,
1203
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:36,691
it's about the way
the ingredients make you feel.
1204
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:38,285
The experience.
1205
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:44,571
That's why I say, "Indulge in temptation."
1206
01:04:44,640 --> 01:04:46,483
I'm not watching.
1207
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:51,451
Are you serious?
1208
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:55,685
Okay.
1209
01:04:55,760 --> 01:05:00,049
Chug it, Justin! Go, go, go, go, go!
1210
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:10,810
Yeah! Here we go.
1211
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:19,769
Yes.
1212
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:21,171
So, where is the flag?
1213
01:05:21,240 --> 01:05:22,526
Right there, Volkswagen.
1214
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:24,443
There's the flag.
1215
01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:26,682
- Ready?
- Aim...
1216
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:28,931
Fire.
1217
01:05:33,920 --> 01:05:35,081
- You are a natural.
- Thank you.
1218
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:36,929
- I don't know. I don't know.
- Let's go!
1219
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:42,442
Come on, no one on their deathbed is filled
with regrets of the things they've done.
1220
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:46,251
It's those things they didn't do.
1221
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:49,961
You're not gonna let this be
one of those things, are you?
1222
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:53,526
- I guess not.
- Of course not!
1223
01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:55,521
Yeah?
1224
01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:58,206
Competitors ready? Go!
1225
01:06:01,880 --> 01:06:03,291
- Yeah.
- Go!
1226
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:21,241
Yeah!
1227
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:31,645
Okay, baby!
1228
01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:02,202
- Let's go!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
1229
01:07:02,280 --> 01:07:03,361
Let's go!
1230
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:31,130
- Phone.
- What, man?
1231
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:33,123
Dude, some chick on the line, man.
1232
01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:34,406
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1233
01:07:34,480 --> 01:07:37,086
Said she wanted to squat on your boner.
1234
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:41,971
Hello?
1235
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:43,166
Hi.
1236
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:45,368
Is this the guy that left
the flowers on my door?
1237
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:47,283
Yeah.
1238
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:48,441
Yeah.
1239
01:07:48,520 --> 01:07:50,966
Hey, you're the quiet guy
in the back seat, Jake.
1240
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:53,566
Yeah. Yeah. Hi.
1241
01:07:53,640 --> 01:07:58,441
Hi. It's the quote-unquote
"auburn-haired girl in 307."
1242
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:01,128
That was just so there
wouldn't be any confusion,
1243
01:08:01,200 --> 01:08:04,522
but I'm glad you called. That was quick.
1244
01:08:04,920 --> 01:08:07,082
Yeah, no, I mean,
it was the least I could do
1245
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:09,891
after you went to all that trouble.
1246
01:08:09,960 --> 01:08:12,531
How did you know what room I was in?
1247
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:15,844
I'm an Investigative Journalism major.
1248
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:18,728
I have very special ways.
1249
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:21,883
So I guess you know my name then.
1250
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:24,327
Yes. As soon as you tell me.
1251
01:08:26,320 --> 01:08:28,800
Well, Jake, it's so interesting,
'cause I feel like there...
1252
01:08:28,880 --> 01:08:32,805
Investigative Journalism
is not an official major here,
1253
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:35,969
- but my name is Beverly.
- Hello, Beverly.
1254
01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:39,283
Hey. So, what do you study?
1255
01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:41,770
What, the old
"What's your major" question?
1256
01:08:41,840 --> 01:08:43,808
Is that really what you're asking me?
1257
01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:45,120
I don't know.
1258
01:08:45,200 --> 01:08:46,406
Hey, that's not really fair.
1259
01:08:46,480 --> 01:08:49,051
I took special care.
I didn't say that word, okay?
1260
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:54,641
I'm just... I'm curious.
Maybe you study poetry, with that
1261
01:08:54,720 --> 01:08:57,166
charming Rod McKuen bit
you quoted in your note.
1262
01:08:57,240 --> 01:08:59,288
I'm pretty sure that'd be Whitman.
1263
01:08:59,360 --> 01:09:01,442
I was just testing you. You pass.
1264
01:09:01,520 --> 01:09:03,363
A. A-minus.
1265
01:09:03,440 --> 01:09:07,764
So, what do you concentrate on here?
1266
01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:13,404
I concentrate on theater and dance,
performing arts.
1267
01:09:13,480 --> 01:09:16,051
Really? That's so cool.
1268
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:18,927
What do you do?
I mean, you didn't really answer me.
1269
01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:21,446
You just made fun of me.
1270
01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:24,285
I'm on the baseball team.
1271
01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:25,521
- Really?
- Yeah.
1272
01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:26,971
- No.
- Yeah.
1273
01:09:27,480 --> 01:09:29,608
- You don't really seem like it.
- Seem like what?
1274
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,401
Aren't most athletes kind of...
1275
01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:39,087
- Kind of dumb?
- No, no, no.
1276
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:40,650
No, not dumb necessarily.
1277
01:09:41,320 --> 01:09:44,085
Single-minded, and...
1278
01:09:46,360 --> 01:09:47,566
- Okay, dumb.
- You know, actually,
1279
01:09:47,640 --> 01:09:49,529
there's probably
the same ratio of intelligence
1280
01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:51,568
on my baseball team
as there is anywhere else.
1281
01:09:51,640 --> 01:09:52,880
Which isn't very much.
1282
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:54,240
Unfortunately true.
1283
01:09:54,320 --> 01:09:56,482
- Hey, Jake.
- Yeah?
1284
01:09:56,560 --> 01:09:59,404
I kinda hate talking on the phone
for extended periods of time.
1285
01:09:59,480 --> 01:10:01,687
It feels so high school.
1286
01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:03,962
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- Right? Yeah.
1287
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:05,929
Yeah, and now that I've determined
I don't really think
1288
01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:07,968
you're the Hillside Strangler anymore...
1289
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:11,365
I think.
1290
01:10:11,440 --> 01:10:14,410
Do you maybe wanna continue
this conversation in person?
1291
01:10:14,520 --> 01:10:16,170
- I don't know.
- Yeah.
1292
01:10:16,240 --> 01:10:18,129
- Yeah? Okay.
- Yeah.
1293
01:10:18,200 --> 01:10:20,521
Well, I'm around
for the next couple of hours.
1294
01:10:20,600 --> 01:10:24,321
Out, actually, for the rest of the day
and most of the night, though.
1295
01:10:24,400 --> 01:10:26,641
Okay, so should I come over
like right now?
1296
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,366
- If you want.
- Cool, yeah, okay.
1297
01:10:30,440 --> 01:10:31,601
I'll head over pretty soon then.
1298
01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:33,808
Okay. Pretty soon. Then I'll see you then.
1299
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:35,245
- Okay, cool. Yeah, see you.
- Pretty soon.
1300
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:36,481
Okay.
1301
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:38,811
Fuck.
1302
01:10:41,040 --> 01:10:42,644
So, what's your strategy?
What's the game plan?
1303
01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:44,768
Don't tell me you're flying blind
into this thing.
1304
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:47,684
Dude, I don't know. I mean, she's cool.
1305
01:10:47,760 --> 01:10:49,205
She's smart, you know?
1306
01:10:49,280 --> 01:10:51,282
Not one of these airheads
we got running around here.
1307
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:54,331
Okay. Well, then just don't come across
like a dumb jock.
1308
01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:56,085
All right, her antennas are out.
1309
01:10:56,160 --> 01:10:59,243
She's gonna be looking
for signs of dip-shitification.
1310
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:00,810
Yeah. You trying to make me nervous?
1311
01:11:01,360 --> 01:11:03,249
No, like they say, pressure's a choice.
1312
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:08,683
Well, you gotta approach it like getting
out on the mound, taking an at bat. Yeah.
1313
01:11:08,760 --> 01:11:10,762
Put everything else out of your mind.
1314
01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:12,126
Hey, Coma.
1315
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:13,565
Just let natural ability take over.
1316
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:17,007
Assuming, you know,
you have natural ability.
1317
01:11:17,320 --> 01:11:20,051
A, fuck you. B, bye.
1318
01:11:22,080 --> 01:11:25,129
C, she say if her roommate's
gonna be there?
1319
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:27,248
D, I don't know. Why?
1320
01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:29,209
E, 'cause I think I'm gonna, you know,
1321
01:11:29,280 --> 01:11:31,408
grant her the old Finnegasm.
Here, I'm coming with you.
1322
01:11:31,480 --> 01:11:33,005
- No, F that and you.
- No, Jake, Jake!
1323
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:34,241
Come on, Jake!
1324
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:39,449
Just trying to help you! Ungrateful kid.
1325
01:11:39,520 --> 01:11:41,010
Coma, wake up!
1326
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:56,730
- Hey.
- Hi, Jake.
1327
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,046
- Wanna come in? Okay.
- Sure. Yeah.
1328
01:12:04,280 --> 01:12:08,126
Rock 'n' roll isn't about being
glamorous or hip, it's a force.
1329
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:14,401
It's a revolutionary, political,
sexual and poetic force.
1330
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:16,684
Yeah.
1331
01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:18,250
You're not one of those guys
that thinks that
1332
01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:20,368
Jim Morrison is still alive, are you?
1333
01:12:20,480 --> 01:12:22,084
- No.
- Good.
1334
01:12:22,160 --> 01:12:23,241
Why?
1335
01:12:23,320 --> 01:12:25,209
I found it to be a good litmus test.
1336
01:12:25,280 --> 01:12:27,009
Any other litmus tests?
1337
01:12:27,080 --> 01:12:29,128
Not at the moment.
1338
01:12:29,480 --> 01:12:31,926
So, you were really good
at baseball in high school?
1339
01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:33,891
Yeah. I mean, every guy here
1340
01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:36,122
was the baddest guy
on his high school team.
1341
01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:37,406
You know, that's a big adjustment to make.
1342
01:12:37,480 --> 01:12:38,527
You want a Dr. Pepper?
1343
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:40,489
No, no, I'm all right, thanks.
1344
01:12:40,560 --> 01:12:42,562
You know, not only
are you not the best guy on the team,
1345
01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:44,165
you know, you're barely even
good enough to be here.
1346
01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:45,321
Yeah.
1347
01:12:45,400 --> 01:12:46,890
You know?
1348
01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:48,689
It's a little intimidating.
1349
01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:52,329
What about you?
You play any sports in high school?
1350
01:12:52,440 --> 01:12:53,930
No. We didn't even have any sports, no.
1351
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:55,081
- No?
- No.
1352
01:12:55,160 --> 01:12:57,925
But it's the same thing that you're saying
with the performing arts.
1353
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:01,325
Everybody here was the best in their
high school, got the lead in every play,
1354
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:04,563
and now we're just gonna be hoping
to get cast in anything.
1355
01:13:04,640 --> 01:13:06,085
And there's a lot of talent around.
1356
01:13:06,160 --> 01:13:08,401
Yeah. Yeah.
Where did you go to high school?
1357
01:13:08,480 --> 01:13:10,721
HSPVA.
1358
01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:13,371
Which, although it sounds
like a venereal disease...
1359
01:13:13,440 --> 01:13:14,487
Yeah.
1360
01:13:14,560 --> 01:13:17,564
It's actually High School for
Performing and Visual Arts.
1361
01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:19,608
- Like the one in Fame?
- Kind of.
1362
01:13:19,680 --> 01:13:23,002
We weren't spontaneously performing
in the streets
1363
01:13:23,080 --> 01:13:24,241
in large groups or anything,
1364
01:13:24,320 --> 01:13:27,403
but we were so ridiculous.
1365
01:13:27,480 --> 01:13:31,121
Like, the theater kids
would be hysterically crying
1366
01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:32,486
in the bathroom stalls,
1367
01:13:32,560 --> 01:13:35,769
visual artists like
anything they could find.
1368
01:13:35,840 --> 01:13:37,171
Dancers...
1369
01:13:37,240 --> 01:13:39,208
And musical theater kids...
1370
01:13:41,840 --> 01:13:44,081
It was so fun, I loved it!
1371
01:13:44,160 --> 01:13:45,969
Yeah, I loved it.
1372
01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:50,170
And it was a great place
to be able to cultivate the thing
1373
01:13:50,240 --> 01:13:52,288
that you loved most in life, you know?
1374
01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:53,566
So you're really serious.
1375
01:13:53,640 --> 01:13:55,768
Yeah, I'm moving to New York
the second I graduate.
1376
01:13:55,840 --> 01:13:58,127
- Really?
- Yeah. God, I can't wait.
1377
01:13:58,960 --> 01:14:00,121
So, what's this thing you're doing later?
1378
01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:03,284
Helping decorate for a party at Oz.
1379
01:14:03,360 --> 01:14:04,600
What's Oz?
1380
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:08,890
This big house just outside of town,
where a lot of theater majors live.
1381
01:14:08,960 --> 01:14:12,203
And apparently the party's
a first weekend tradition.
1382
01:14:12,280 --> 01:14:14,601
They, like, recruited us freshmen
to help set up.
1383
01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:16,404
- Probably do the shit work.
- Nice.
1384
01:14:17,040 --> 01:14:18,644
You could probably come, if you want.
1385
01:14:18,720 --> 01:14:20,245
- Cool. Yeah, cool.
- Yeah, might be fun.
1386
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:22,687
I mean, we have our first practice
this afternoon, but yeah.
1387
01:14:22,760 --> 01:14:25,604
- Yeah, it sounds great.
- Cool.
1388
01:14:25,680 --> 01:14:28,331
Is it baseball season now?
1389
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:31,128
Okay. Well, when do you stop,
like, rehearsals
1390
01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:33,202
and start doing the actual game?
1391
01:14:33,320 --> 01:14:36,005
Well, the official season
doesn't start till the spring,
1392
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:37,320
but we got a big fall schedule.
1393
01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:41,007
It's just a players-only practice
to kick things off.
1394
01:14:41,120 --> 01:14:43,851
You know, it's kind of
a dress-up party tonight.
1395
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:45,843
You could come all sweaty
and in your uniform.
1396
01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:48,008
People might think you're method,
I don't know.
1397
01:14:48,080 --> 01:14:49,241
Might be a hit with the ladies.
1398
01:14:49,320 --> 01:14:51,004
Now I definitely gotta be there.
1399
01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:56,330
You're seriously trying?
1400
01:14:56,400 --> 01:14:58,323
No, not right now, but I can't do it.
1401
01:14:58,400 --> 01:14:59,561
It's impossible. I...
1402
01:14:59,680 --> 01:15:00,681
I've never been able to do it.
1403
01:15:00,760 --> 01:15:03,286
I know a lot about the human body,
and I've never seen anything like that.
1404
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:05,328
Watch this. You ready? Try to move.
1405
01:15:07,880 --> 01:15:11,407
- We all tried it.
- No. It's impossible.
1406
01:15:11,480 --> 01:15:12,720
What's up, dude? You gotta see this.
1407
01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:13,847
What is it?
1408
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:15,811
It's this physiological phenomenon.
1409
01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:17,928
You close your eyes
and somebody places a thumb
1410
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:19,684
below the chest bone in the solar plexus,
1411
01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:21,922
semi-paralyzes the whole upper torso.
1412
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:23,286
- He can't sit up.
- That's ridiculous.
1413
01:15:23,360 --> 01:15:25,408
- From here to here.
- Go on, show me.
1414
01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:26,527
Dude, the whole team's tried it.
1415
01:15:26,600 --> 01:15:27,886
- Try it again, Nesbit.
- Okay.
1416
01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:30,890
Nope. I'm telling you,
it's absolutely impossible.
1417
01:15:30,960 --> 01:15:33,042
It's a thumb
on your fucking chest, Nesbit.
1418
01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:34,360
- You can't, no.
- Get up.
1419
01:15:34,440 --> 01:15:35,521
I wanna give it a shot.
1420
01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:37,045
I'm just saying, you can't do it.
1421
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:38,610
I know, he thinks he can. All right.
1422
01:15:38,720 --> 01:15:40,848
Make sure and close your eyes,
'cause that shuts down the spinal.
1423
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:42,365
Okay, so shut up.
1424
01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:44,283
Shut your eyes,
1425
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:46,328
and on the count of three,
1426
01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:49,370
finger in the solar plexus,
count of three, try to sit up.
1427
01:15:49,480 --> 01:15:52,165
One, two, three.
1428
01:15:56,080 --> 01:15:58,367
Good job, baby! Good job!
1429
01:16:00,400 --> 01:16:03,006
That's what I'm talking about, man!
1430
01:16:03,120 --> 01:16:04,167
Beautifully played.
1431
01:16:04,240 --> 01:16:06,891
The hiney was flawless.
1432
01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:09,801
It all comes down to how well you sell it,
'cause when he was coming in,
1433
01:16:09,880 --> 01:16:12,087
I was saying "impossible,"
and then when you put the...
1434
01:16:12,160 --> 01:16:13,650
- And I was like...
- "What is he doing?"
1435
01:16:13,720 --> 01:16:15,927
- The leg stuff.
- How does that happen?
1436
01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:17,809
Hey, at least it was before
practice, all right?
1437
01:16:17,880 --> 01:16:20,923
'Cause had it been after practice, who knows
what fucking sweaty and encrusted items
1438
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:22,525
I might've encountered up your ass crack.
1439
01:16:22,640 --> 01:16:24,404
You're a freshman, too.
Not supposed to be hazing me.
1440
01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:26,084
Hey, Jake, man, I'm sorry, all right?
1441
01:16:26,160 --> 01:16:27,286
They made me do it.
1442
01:16:27,360 --> 01:16:29,089
They just got me five minutes ago.
1443
01:16:29,160 --> 01:16:31,731
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, and, you,
1444
01:16:31,800 --> 01:16:34,883
with all your physiological
phenomena bullshit.
1445
01:16:34,960 --> 01:16:37,531
Okay, you know, we all take turns
being chumps around here.
1446
01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:41,525
Now, you accept your chumpification,
you wear it well, and you pass it on.
1447
01:16:41,600 --> 01:16:42,840
It's all you can do.
1448
01:16:42,920 --> 01:16:45,366
Well, well, well, if it ain't
Beuter Perkins! Hey!
1449
01:16:45,480 --> 01:16:46,970
Speaking of.
1450
01:16:51,960 --> 01:16:55,203
- Hey, Beuter!
- Beuter Perkins!
1451
01:16:55,280 --> 01:16:58,682
All right now, boys,
it's Billy Autrey, okay?
1452
01:16:58,800 --> 01:17:01,121
Did you give her two solid inches, Beuter?
1453
01:17:01,200 --> 01:17:05,171
Hey, so, Pops, you pick out a name yet?
1454
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:07,811
No, sir. She got the rag.
1455
01:17:07,880 --> 01:17:11,043
Really? No fucking way!
1456
01:17:11,120 --> 01:17:12,645
Hey, what's wrong with Jacob?
1457
01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:14,051
- You gotta see this.
- Yeah.
1458
01:17:14,120 --> 01:17:16,088
It's this physiological phenomenon.
1459
01:17:16,160 --> 01:17:17,491
You close your eyes, and somebody places
1460
01:17:17,560 --> 01:17:19,642
their finger below the chest bone,
in the solar plexus,
1461
01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:21,563
it semi-paralyzes the whole torso.
1462
01:17:21,640 --> 01:17:23,085
Impossible to move.
1463
01:17:23,200 --> 01:17:25,168
- How about that?
- Hey, Beut, you gotta try this.
1464
01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:26,730
One of them old phenomegans, huh?
1465
01:17:26,800 --> 01:17:28,564
I can't. Fucking I can't.
1466
01:17:28,640 --> 01:17:31,610
I'll let you boys deal
with that hocus-pocus junk.
1467
01:17:32,040 --> 01:17:34,202
Isn't that how you always fuck?
1468
01:17:34,520 --> 01:17:36,648
Rally back.
1469
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:39,050
So, how'd it go with the Beverly chick?
1470
01:17:39,120 --> 01:17:40,929
Yeah, man, you get it in?
1471
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:43,289
She's cool, you know?
1472
01:17:43,400 --> 01:17:45,084
Went about as well as it could've.
1473
01:17:45,440 --> 01:17:48,011
Probably meeting up with her
at a party later tonight.
1474
01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:49,127
What?
1475
01:17:49,200 --> 01:17:50,770
What party?
1476
01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:54,324
It's just something
for a bunch of performing arts majors.
1477
01:17:54,440 --> 01:17:56,761
You know, at someone's house out of town.
1478
01:17:56,840 --> 01:17:57,921
Everybody up!
1479
01:18:01,040 --> 01:18:02,451
Right arm cross.
1480
01:18:04,240 --> 01:18:06,368
All right, fellas, who's gonna
be the first poor fuck
1481
01:18:06,440 --> 01:18:09,683
to take batting practice off Jay Niles
1482
01:18:09,760 --> 01:18:12,730
and his 95-mile-an-hour fastball?
1483
01:18:12,800 --> 01:18:15,610
- The fuck is wrong with that guy?
- I'm not doing it.
1484
01:18:15,720 --> 01:18:18,007
- He doesn't throw 95.
- No.
1485
01:18:18,080 --> 01:18:19,047
Get out of my way.
1486
01:18:19,120 --> 01:18:21,521
Hey, man, I'm doing it, huh?
1487
01:18:21,600 --> 01:18:24,251
What? Let's go! Come on! What'd you say?
1488
01:18:24,320 --> 01:18:25,970
Guy's a fucking loon.
1489
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:30,082
Willoughby! Come over here.
1490
01:19:32,640 --> 01:19:34,085
Get all your stuff.
1491
01:19:43,920 --> 01:19:45,490
What the hell?
1492
01:19:46,440 --> 01:19:49,046
- What's going on?
- Well, boys,
1493
01:19:49,360 --> 01:19:52,170
here for a good time,
not a long time, right?
1494
01:19:53,600 --> 01:19:55,807
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
1495
01:19:56,040 --> 01:19:58,202
Get your ass ready. Let's go.
1496
01:19:58,880 --> 01:20:00,325
- Jesus Christ, not this psychopath.
- Shit.
1497
01:20:00,440 --> 01:20:02,329
Here you go, Plum.
1498
01:20:02,440 --> 01:20:04,090
This'll be interesting.
1499
01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:06,527
- What is that?
- What is he doing?
1500
01:20:10,520 --> 01:20:12,443
Did he just throw the ball
in the fucking parking lot?
1501
01:20:12,520 --> 01:20:14,045
Yeah. There it goes.
1502
01:20:14,160 --> 01:20:15,764
- What the fuck?
- Let's go!
1503
01:20:22,040 --> 01:20:24,327
- I'm ready. Get in the box.
- Jeez, let's not.
1504
01:20:24,400 --> 01:20:25,401
Go get him, kid.
1505
01:20:25,480 --> 01:20:27,926
Guy's gonna have a fucking
aneurysm on the mound.
1506
01:20:28,960 --> 01:20:31,042
Fucking looney tune.
1507
01:20:31,120 --> 01:20:32,884
Yeah.
1508
01:20:35,200 --> 01:20:36,486
Yeah!
1509
01:20:36,600 --> 01:20:38,523
Jesus fucking Christ, damn it.
1510
01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:40,409
It's batting practice.
1511
01:20:40,720 --> 01:20:43,690
Hit it to me! The ball's coming to me!
1512
01:20:45,240 --> 01:20:46,890
- Yeah.
- Fuck this. I'm done.
1513
01:20:46,960 --> 01:20:48,166
Fuck this guy.
1514
01:20:48,280 --> 01:20:51,682
- Fucking nutjob. Ridiculous.
- You don't want any more?
1515
01:20:51,760 --> 01:20:54,491
- All right.
- Fucking batting practices.
1516
01:21:03,280 --> 01:21:05,282
Don't fuck it up, man. Let's go.
1517
01:21:07,320 --> 01:21:08,367
Yeah.
1518
01:21:13,440 --> 01:21:14,726
That's strike one.
1519
01:21:14,800 --> 01:21:16,529
- Hey, Detroit!
- Yeah?
1520
01:21:16,640 --> 01:21:18,244
Those fucking goggles,
you can't use those to read?
1521
01:21:18,320 --> 01:21:20,129
The schedule says "batting practice."
1522
01:21:20,200 --> 01:21:21,850
Scrimmage is later. What the fuck, man.
1523
01:21:21,920 --> 01:21:23,445
Yeah. All right, well, I'm not afraid
1524
01:21:23,520 --> 01:21:25,284
to get this over with
right here, right now.
1525
01:21:26,600 --> 01:21:27,726
Get what over?
1526
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:30,007
I'm a fucking pro prospect,
too, and you know it.
1527
01:21:30,680 --> 01:21:32,728
I'm not afraid to challenge you, man.
1528
01:21:32,800 --> 01:21:34,768
And everybody else on this team.
1529
01:21:34,840 --> 01:21:38,925
And I'm not afraid to stick it in
and break it off from day one!
1530
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:40,241
All right?
1531
01:21:40,520 --> 01:21:43,850
Okay, meat, you wanna try
to make that starting rotation
1532
01:21:43,960 --> 01:21:46,327
on your first BP session?
1533
01:21:47,480 --> 01:21:48,641
Be my guest.
1534
01:21:48,720 --> 01:21:50,529
Practice like you play, man.
1535
01:21:52,320 --> 01:21:54,322
Shut his fucking mouth.
1536
01:22:06,960 --> 01:22:08,086
Yeah.
1537
01:22:08,560 --> 01:22:10,483
Good hit, McReynolds.
1538
01:22:10,560 --> 01:22:13,291
I think you've had enough, raw dog.
1539
01:22:13,360 --> 01:22:14,521
That the best shit you got?
1540
01:22:15,320 --> 01:22:17,766
That ain't close to touching 90, son.
Who you fooling?
1541
01:22:17,840 --> 01:22:19,968
Go get that ball,
I'll fucking sign it for you.
1542
01:22:20,080 --> 01:22:23,527
Yeah. Real funny, man. Real funny.
1543
01:22:23,600 --> 01:22:25,682
You know, it's first day
of practice, all right?
1544
01:22:26,200 --> 01:22:28,089
Just warming up.
1545
01:22:28,160 --> 01:22:29,844
You know, I will go get the fucking ball.
1546
01:22:29,920 --> 01:22:30,967
You know what I'll do?
1547
01:22:31,040 --> 01:22:32,849
I'll shove it up your ass and I'll sign it!
1548
01:22:32,920 --> 01:22:33,921
How's that sound?
1549
01:22:34,000 --> 01:22:35,365
Yeah, hey, you know what,
do what you do best, Niles,
1550
01:22:35,440 --> 01:22:38,205
keep running that fucking mouth,
'cause it makes you feel better, right?
1551
01:22:38,320 --> 01:22:39,651
You get your teammates
in a fight and kicked out
1552
01:22:39,720 --> 01:22:41,370
of a bar, 'cause you wanna
look fucking tough?
1553
01:22:41,480 --> 01:22:43,801
You're fucking selfish, man!
It's about the team here!
1554
01:22:43,880 --> 01:22:46,247
It's not about you! Go fuck yourself.
1555
01:22:46,320 --> 01:22:49,483
You know what, man?
I only know 150%, all right?
1556
01:22:49,560 --> 01:22:51,449
You want me on the mound!
1557
01:22:51,520 --> 01:22:53,761
You know I'm a fucking
ballplayer, all right?
1558
01:22:53,840 --> 01:22:54,921
You don't get it!
1559
01:22:55,720 --> 01:22:56,721
Fuck!
1560
01:22:57,400 --> 01:23:00,404
Too fucking philosophical for this shit.
1561
01:23:01,400 --> 01:23:02,925
Fucking balls.
1562
01:23:03,960 --> 01:23:05,485
Fuck that shit.
1563
01:23:08,680 --> 01:23:09,727
Yeah.
1564
01:23:09,800 --> 01:23:11,211
Way to go! Run, run, run!
1565
01:23:23,040 --> 01:23:24,087
Hey, where's my helmet at?
1566
01:23:24,240 --> 01:23:25,924
It's the one with the three
scratches on the bill.
1567
01:23:26,560 --> 01:23:27,527
It's my good luck helmet.
1568
01:23:27,600 --> 01:23:28,647
You know what I'm talking about, Finn.
1569
01:23:28,760 --> 01:23:29,921
It's the one with the three
scratches on the bill.
1570
01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:31,126
There's five helmets right there.
1571
01:23:31,200 --> 01:23:33,009
Yeah, grab a helmet
and get in the box. Come on.
1572
01:23:33,080 --> 01:23:34,320
Hey, batter up!
1573
01:23:34,440 --> 01:23:37,046
Might as well put a strikeout
down in the books, fellas.
1574
01:23:37,120 --> 01:23:40,681
Why is the .230 hitter always
the most superstitious?
1575
01:23:40,760 --> 01:23:43,081
News flash, it's not working.
Get some new superstitions.
1576
01:23:43,840 --> 01:23:47,561
- You got superstitions.
- No, I have routines.
1577
01:23:47,640 --> 01:23:48,766
Big difference.
1578
01:23:49,120 --> 01:23:51,168
- No.
- Superstitions are
1579
01:23:51,240 --> 01:23:53,083
a holdover from primitive humans
1580
01:23:53,160 --> 01:23:55,606
finding simple reasons for
things they don't understand.
1581
01:23:55,680 --> 01:23:57,648
- Yeah.
- Verifiably a complete waste
1582
01:23:57,760 --> 01:23:59,842
of mental capacity in this day and age.
1583
01:23:59,920 --> 01:24:03,163
I'm just saying, in a deterministic event,
such as hitting a baseball,
1584
01:24:03,240 --> 01:24:06,801
there actually is a strict relation
between cause and effect.
1585
01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:09,565
Now, superstition, it's bringing a...
1586
01:24:09,640 --> 01:24:11,563
A probabilistic framework
and projecting meaning
1587
01:24:11,640 --> 01:24:13,290
onto a completely random sequence.
1588
01:24:16,200 --> 01:24:18,362
Yeah!
1589
01:24:18,480 --> 01:24:20,084
See, we can deduce from that,
1590
01:24:20,200 --> 01:24:22,407
that the lucky helmet
was probably not the factor
1591
01:24:22,480 --> 01:24:24,209
in Coma's ability to get a hit
1592
01:24:24,320 --> 01:24:26,561
because he was just able
to do so without it.
1593
01:24:26,640 --> 01:24:29,007
The question now will be
if this new, random helmet
1594
01:24:29,080 --> 01:24:30,241
now becomes Coma's lucky helmet.
1595
01:24:30,720 --> 01:24:32,131
Exactly.
1596
01:24:32,200 --> 01:24:34,487
- What's happening, boys?
- Attaboy, Dale.
1597
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:38,801
Yes! Yes! Yes!
1598
01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:41,690
Hey, Coma, Pete Ward
just saw your first hit, man.
1599
01:24:41,760 --> 01:24:44,445
- Pete Ward's here? Yeah, baby.
- Yeah.
1600
01:24:44,520 --> 01:24:45,931
Who's Pete Ward?
1601
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:47,843
Legendary super scout for the Reds.
1602
01:24:47,920 --> 01:24:49,001
Master of disguise.
1603
01:24:49,080 --> 01:24:50,969
Yeah, yeah, he never wants
people to know he's watching,
1604
01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:53,122
so he'll disguise himself somehow.
1605
01:24:53,200 --> 01:24:55,726
- Anybody spotted him?
- Give me a second.
1606
01:24:55,840 --> 01:24:57,683
Anybody? Come on. Finn?
1607
01:24:57,760 --> 01:24:59,364
- Finn, don't disappoint me.
- Give me a second.
1608
01:24:59,440 --> 01:25:02,091
Come on, it's right
in front of you, brother.
1609
01:25:03,600 --> 01:25:08,286
Out there past the right field fence,
painting the trim on the house.
1610
01:25:08,360 --> 01:25:09,771
Good spot, bro!
1611
01:25:09,840 --> 01:25:12,684
Thank you. Thank you.
Give me my adoration.
1612
01:25:12,760 --> 01:25:13,966
How's that for incentive?
1613
01:25:14,040 --> 01:25:16,441
First scrimmage game,
not even an official practice,
1614
01:25:16,520 --> 01:25:19,205
we already got the scouts here
checking us out.
1615
01:25:20,080 --> 01:25:21,411
Welcome to the big time, boys.
1616
01:25:21,920 --> 01:25:23,285
Fucking A, man.
1617
01:25:23,360 --> 01:25:25,362
That's what I'm talking about.
1618
01:25:32,960 --> 01:25:34,724
All right, boys, let's go!
1619
01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:36,290
- Hey, Bradford.
- Yeah.
1620
01:25:36,400 --> 01:25:37,890
- You warm?
- Yeah.
1621
01:25:37,960 --> 01:25:39,849
You're on the hill. Plum, you're catching.
1622
01:25:40,720 --> 01:25:43,121
- All right, go get 'em, Jake.
- Let's go, fellas.
1623
01:25:43,800 --> 01:25:46,280
You got it. Attaboy.
1624
01:26:02,440 --> 01:26:04,124
McReynolds.
1625
01:26:12,840 --> 01:26:14,285
Good hit.
1626
01:26:16,160 --> 01:26:17,605
We're cool.
1627
01:26:33,040 --> 01:26:35,122
- Strike!
- Come on, Plum.
1628
01:26:35,200 --> 01:26:36,281
Man, that's strike three.
1629
01:26:36,360 --> 01:26:37,646
Come on, Plum, we're friends, man.
1630
01:26:37,760 --> 01:26:38,727
That's strike three. Dude, just sit down.
1631
01:26:38,800 --> 01:26:40,921
Friends don't strike out friends,
especially when we're freshman friends.
1632
01:26:41,000 --> 01:26:42,206
Fucking swing the bat, man.
1633
01:26:42,280 --> 01:26:44,965
You're making us look bad. Just sit down.
1634
01:26:47,880 --> 01:26:50,326
You wanna rub your strikeout
on me, man? Jesus.
1635
01:26:51,320 --> 01:26:53,084
What's up, Mac?
1636
01:26:53,600 --> 01:26:55,728
Don't talk to me when I'm hitting.
1637
01:26:56,120 --> 01:26:57,485
Yes, sir.
1638
01:26:58,640 --> 01:27:00,961
All right, freshman ping-pong champ.
1639
01:27:02,160 --> 01:27:03,366
Let's see what you got, kid.
1640
01:27:04,640 --> 01:27:06,404
Here we go, Jake.
1641
01:27:13,880 --> 01:27:16,167
Strike. 0-1?
1642
01:27:16,240 --> 01:27:18,811
- Make it 0-2.
- 0-2?
1643
01:27:18,920 --> 01:27:20,729
- Yeah.
- 0-2!
1644
01:27:32,320 --> 01:27:35,403
Two, two, two, two! Ball's in the gap!
1645
01:27:36,040 --> 01:27:38,361
- Get two, McReynolds, get two.
- There we go.
1646
01:27:40,680 --> 01:27:42,489
Attaboy, Mac!
1647
01:27:43,160 --> 01:27:44,810
That's what I'm talking about.
1648
01:27:44,880 --> 01:27:47,042
Sweet double, McReynolds!
1649
01:27:47,160 --> 01:27:48,924
- Good hit, Mac!
- Hey, nice hit.
1650
01:27:49,000 --> 01:27:51,606
Welcome to college ball, freshman.
1651
01:27:55,040 --> 01:27:57,088
All right, boys.
All right, bring it up, bring it up!
1652
01:27:57,200 --> 01:27:59,202
If I look good, I fucking play good.
1653
01:27:59,280 --> 01:28:00,964
All right, listen up, good first practice.
1654
01:28:01,040 --> 01:28:02,451
All right? This is where it all starts.
1655
01:28:02,520 --> 01:28:03,931
We're out here,
ahead of all the other teams
1656
01:28:04,040 --> 01:28:05,451
in the country, and we're
gonna keep it that way
1657
01:28:05,520 --> 01:28:06,806
and work hard all year, right?
1658
01:28:06,880 --> 01:28:08,609
Yeah!
1659
01:28:08,720 --> 01:28:10,768
All right then, boys, y'all be good.
1660
01:28:11,760 --> 01:28:13,250
Not so fast.
1661
01:28:14,800 --> 01:28:17,326
We have a little tradition out here
welcoming in the new guys.
1662
01:28:18,200 --> 01:28:19,964
It's called a little bit of freshmen...
1663
01:28:20,040 --> 01:28:21,883
Batting practice!
1664
01:28:41,160 --> 01:28:42,286
Oh, gosh!
1665
01:28:43,560 --> 01:28:44,561
Fuck!
1666
01:28:47,160 --> 01:28:49,481
- My nuts!
- Let's go, boys! Come on!
1667
01:28:49,560 --> 01:28:50,561
Fuck!
1668
01:29:03,160 --> 01:29:05,925
Dale! Dale! Dale! Dale!
1669
01:29:14,040 --> 01:29:15,201
That was not good.
1670
01:29:15,280 --> 01:29:17,089
Say cheese, baby!
1671
01:29:19,040 --> 01:29:20,804
Say cheese!
1672
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:29,443
That's how we do it.
1673
01:29:42,040 --> 01:29:43,041
Whatever, girls.
1674
01:29:43,480 --> 01:29:44,720
Did you get hit, Jacob?
1675
01:29:44,800 --> 01:29:47,246
Yeah, man. They got me on the wrist,
and they almost knocked me in the nuts.
1676
01:29:47,360 --> 01:29:49,249
Shoot, man.
They got me on the shoulder with one,
1677
01:29:49,360 --> 01:29:52,007
but, hey, they said a few years back,
one ol' boy got hit in the head
1678
01:29:52,080 --> 01:29:54,481
and nearly knocked
his eyeball out of its socket.
1679
01:29:54,920 --> 01:29:57,287
- Is that enough for you? Okay.
- Yes. Yes.
1680
01:29:57,360 --> 01:29:59,089
Gotta get some meat on that boy's bones.
1681
01:29:59,160 --> 01:30:00,525
Hey.
1682
01:30:00,600 --> 01:30:03,126
What are you doing here?
I thought you'd graduated.
1683
01:30:03,440 --> 01:30:05,920
Look, maybe it just feels
like I've been here too long.
1684
01:30:06,000 --> 01:30:07,570
You have.
1685
01:30:07,920 --> 01:30:10,207
- Hey, Jacob.
- What?
1686
01:30:11,160 --> 01:30:15,006
Unreal, doggie, we made it!
1687
01:30:16,240 --> 01:30:18,163
This isn't what I was expecting at all.
1688
01:30:18,240 --> 01:30:19,924
Well, what were you expecting, Beuter?
1689
01:30:20,640 --> 01:30:24,765
Shoot, man, it's just, you know,
I tell you, it's kind of confusing.
1690
01:30:24,840 --> 01:30:26,080
Well, what's confusing, Perkins?
1691
01:30:26,160 --> 01:30:27,924
Well, besides your ever-changing name.
1692
01:30:28,000 --> 01:30:29,843
Good grief, guys, come on now.
1693
01:30:30,480 --> 01:30:34,963
All right, look, y'all, so a buddy of mine
told me that last year,
1694
01:30:35,040 --> 01:30:37,327
one of his professors
in them scientific classes
1695
01:30:37,400 --> 01:30:39,721
told him that there's no historical proof
1696
01:30:39,840 --> 01:30:40,966
Jesus Christ ever existed.
1697
01:30:41,080 --> 01:30:43,924
Who gives a turd what some
egghead professor says?
1698
01:30:44,040 --> 01:30:47,283
Seems like there's a lot of stuff
going on around here, you know?
1699
01:30:47,360 --> 01:30:49,647
Just lots of different types of stuff
1700
01:30:49,720 --> 01:30:52,451
and temptations, and things like that.
1701
01:30:52,520 --> 01:30:53,965
- Beuter.
- Yes, sir.
1702
01:30:54,040 --> 01:30:55,724
Are you prepared to
fold like a lawn chair?
1703
01:30:56,720 --> 01:30:58,085
Private Beuter, are you prepared
1704
01:30:58,200 --> 01:31:00,328
- to fold like a lawn chair?
- Sir, no, sir.
1705
01:31:00,400 --> 01:31:01,765
Good! Then don't.
1706
01:31:01,880 --> 01:31:05,601
I'll give you freshmen a little advice
on how to get your shit together, okay?
1707
01:31:05,680 --> 01:31:07,284
You're at a new level here.
1708
01:31:07,360 --> 01:31:09,806
You're pissing in the tall grass
with the big dick dogs now.
1709
01:31:09,880 --> 01:31:12,326
Hell, you got 21, 22-year-old
guys over there
1710
01:31:12,400 --> 01:31:15,131
who, at this stage, see you as someone
trying to take their position.
1711
01:31:15,240 --> 01:31:17,129
But what you limp cocks
don't seem to realize
1712
01:31:17,240 --> 01:31:19,811
is that you have not earned
teammate status yet.
1713
01:31:20,400 --> 01:31:22,641
And until you do, you're nobody.
1714
01:31:22,720 --> 01:31:24,882
And not only do those guys
not give a fuck about you,
1715
01:31:25,000 --> 01:31:27,571
they would love to watch
every single one of you fail.
1716
01:31:29,080 --> 01:31:31,321
I already told you, Jake,
this ain't high school, man.
1717
01:31:31,400 --> 01:31:33,004
You guys aren't the All-Stars
you thought you were
1718
01:31:33,080 --> 01:31:35,082
back from wherever the hell
it is you came from.
1719
01:31:35,200 --> 01:31:37,601
Here, you're on your own.
1720
01:31:38,600 --> 01:31:39,806
And it's competitive, man.
1721
01:31:39,880 --> 01:31:43,407
So, shit, if you wanna succeed,
really succeed, the only choice you have
1722
01:31:43,480 --> 01:31:45,960
is to mentally toughen the fuck up.
1723
01:31:46,880 --> 01:31:48,848
- Yes, sir.
- Temptation, my asshole.
1724
01:31:49,640 --> 01:31:51,244
Temptation his asshole?
1725
01:31:51,320 --> 01:31:54,164
- Dude, did you guys hear?
- What?
1726
01:31:54,240 --> 01:31:55,810
Willoughby's gone!
1727
01:31:57,080 --> 01:31:58,605
- What?
- Busted!
1728
01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:00,842
- What, weed?
- Nah, dude.
1729
01:32:00,920 --> 01:32:04,766
He's 30! Like, he's 30 fucking years old!
1730
01:32:04,840 --> 01:32:06,842
- Thirty!
- Like a three and a zero.
1731
01:32:06,920 --> 01:32:08,524
- No fucking way.
- No, sir.
1732
01:32:08,600 --> 01:32:10,762
Yes, sir! No, no, no! Get this, get this.
1733
01:32:10,840 --> 01:32:14,242
Willoughby isn't even his real name.
1734
01:32:14,320 --> 01:32:16,368
Dude, it's like a secret identity!
1735
01:32:16,440 --> 01:32:18,647
Yeah, no,
the registrar's office discovered it.
1736
01:32:18,760 --> 01:32:21,766
They were looking up on some
transfer hours that looked fishy.
1737
01:32:21,840 --> 01:32:24,525
They'd been investigating it for a while,
and told the coach this afternoon.
1738
01:32:24,640 --> 01:32:25,766
That's what that was all about.
1739
01:32:25,840 --> 01:32:26,887
- No way.
- Dude, what?
1740
01:32:26,960 --> 01:32:29,327
Yeah. No, not only that,
1741
01:32:29,480 --> 01:32:31,926
but they think he's been
doing this to other colleges.
1742
01:32:32,000 --> 01:32:35,402
- Transferring, playing ball.
- Is he still here?
1743
01:32:35,480 --> 01:32:38,404
Nah, man. We just went by the house.
1744
01:32:38,520 --> 01:32:39,681
Van's gone, he's gone.
1745
01:32:39,800 --> 01:32:41,802
All his shit's gone, man.
1746
01:32:42,280 --> 01:32:44,169
He just left one thing, man.
1747
01:32:44,240 --> 01:32:47,767
In the middle of our room,
he left a Pink Floyd album
1748
01:32:47,840 --> 01:32:50,366
and a big-ass joint on top.
1749
01:32:50,440 --> 01:32:51,726
We smoked it!
1750
01:32:53,360 --> 01:32:55,891
You know, he's probably just a guy that
wasn't quite good enough to play pro ball,
1751
01:32:55,960 --> 01:32:58,486
but he loved baseball
and he just wanted to keep playing.
1752
01:32:58,600 --> 01:33:00,841
- And living the college life.
- Maybe that, too.
1753
01:33:00,920 --> 01:33:03,366
He's not a bad guy. He just got caught.
1754
01:33:03,440 --> 01:33:04,487
I liked him.
1755
01:33:04,640 --> 01:33:05,766
- Good pitcher, too.
- Yeah.
1756
01:33:08,360 --> 01:33:09,441
Brum!
1757
01:33:10,480 --> 01:33:13,006
- How's this?
- Let's see. Oh, shit.
1758
01:33:13,080 --> 01:33:14,969
It's one card away
from a Saskatchewan straight.
1759
01:33:15,040 --> 01:33:16,849
- You know what that is?
- What?
1760
01:33:16,920 --> 01:33:18,410
You might as well show 'em.
1761
01:33:18,480 --> 01:33:19,925
- How bad is it?
- It's bad.
1762
01:33:21,360 --> 01:33:22,361
What is it?
1763
01:33:22,440 --> 01:33:23,930
It's called a Manitoba Moose.
1764
01:33:24,000 --> 01:33:25,968
- You're fucked, Brum.
- What?
1765
01:33:26,040 --> 01:33:28,811
Well, the rules state that, if you
ever wanna play this game again...
1766
01:33:28,880 --> 01:33:31,167
If you wanna stay on this team, bro.
1767
01:33:31,280 --> 01:33:32,805
I do.
1768
01:33:32,880 --> 01:33:36,330
You have to fly to Winnipeg, you have
to drive to Caribou River Park Reserve
1769
01:33:36,400 --> 01:33:37,447
in Manitoba,
1770
01:33:37,520 --> 01:33:40,690
you have to walk out on the tundra,
you have to find a moose,
1771
01:33:41,720 --> 01:33:44,291
carefully get under said moose...
1772
01:33:46,200 --> 01:33:47,361
You gotta suck its dick.
1773
01:33:49,880 --> 01:33:52,360
- Really?
- Yeah.
1774
01:33:53,080 --> 01:33:55,162
- Happened once before.
- Wait, really?
1775
01:33:55,240 --> 01:33:57,481
- He was a good guy.
- He was a great guy.
1776
01:33:57,560 --> 01:34:00,131
- Anyway, you guys all pass?
- Yeah, that's it, man.
1777
01:34:00,200 --> 01:34:03,409
Take off, you hosers!
It's a Winnipeg Flip!
1778
01:34:03,480 --> 01:34:07,246
O Canada!
1779
01:34:07,320 --> 01:34:11,041
Our home and native land!
1780
01:34:11,120 --> 01:34:13,726
True patriot love...
1781
01:34:13,800 --> 01:34:15,689
What the fuck game are they playing?
1782
01:34:15,760 --> 01:34:17,046
I mean, they say it's called "O Canada,"
1783
01:34:17,120 --> 01:34:19,930
but I'm pretty sure they're just making
it up as they go along, you know?
1784
01:34:20,000 --> 01:34:24,005
Like most things with these guys,
it's total bullshit.
1785
01:34:24,080 --> 01:34:26,401
But why, you know?
1786
01:34:26,520 --> 01:34:28,488
It's more about seeing
how witty they can be.
1787
01:34:28,600 --> 01:34:29,840
Like that whole Pete Ward thing.
1788
01:34:29,920 --> 01:34:32,082
What do you mean, "the Pete Ward thing"?
1789
01:34:32,200 --> 01:34:34,248
- Pete Ward.
- What about him?
1790
01:34:34,320 --> 01:34:36,891
The super scout for the Reds?
Master of disguise?
1791
01:34:36,960 --> 01:34:39,122
- They made all that up, too.
- Yeah?
1792
01:34:39,200 --> 01:34:40,725
Are you trying to... Pete Ward ain't real?
1793
01:34:40,800 --> 01:34:41,881
Come on.
1794
01:34:41,960 --> 01:34:43,883
Hey, guys, guys, Plum and bitch boy think
1795
01:34:43,960 --> 01:34:45,803
Pete Ward's real.
1796
01:34:48,280 --> 01:34:50,442
- What are you implying?
- Yeah, Jake.
1797
01:34:50,520 --> 01:34:52,090
Who are you to say he isn't real?
1798
01:34:52,160 --> 01:34:53,764
Yeah, "bitch boy."
1799
01:34:53,840 --> 01:34:55,080
Okay, he's real.
1800
01:34:55,160 --> 01:34:57,049
Hey, Jake, you're still not
saying where that party is.
1801
01:34:57,120 --> 01:34:58,201
What party?
1802
01:34:58,280 --> 01:34:59,884
Jake's got a big party tonight.
1803
01:34:59,960 --> 01:35:02,042
Supposed to meet up with
this hot dancer-actress chick,
1804
01:35:02,120 --> 01:35:03,451
but he doesn't want us to be there.
1805
01:35:03,520 --> 01:35:05,648
Hey, hold on, hey, I'm not saying
you guys can't come, all right?
1806
01:35:05,760 --> 01:35:07,569
Did I say that? No.
1807
01:35:07,680 --> 01:35:09,762
I just implied you guys
might be bored, that's all.
1808
01:35:09,840 --> 01:35:12,047
Dancer chicks have great asses.
1809
01:35:12,120 --> 01:35:13,201
Now, that's a fact, I know that.
1810
01:35:13,280 --> 01:35:15,681
Let me get this straight. A freshman
1811
01:35:15,760 --> 01:35:19,321
is trying to stop us from
going to a party, is that...
1812
01:35:19,440 --> 01:35:23,203
It's not even that we're not invited to
this party, he just doesn't want us to go.
1813
01:35:23,320 --> 01:35:25,891
Did I ever say that? No, okay?
1814
01:35:25,960 --> 01:35:27,883
I was just implying that
this party might not be
1815
01:35:27,960 --> 01:35:30,531
your guys' cup of tea,
but, I mean, fuck it,
1816
01:35:30,600 --> 01:35:31,681
you guys can come with me if you want.
1817
01:35:35,560 --> 01:35:38,166
I don't wanna embarrass you
in front of all your new
1818
01:35:38,240 --> 01:35:39,844
artsy-fartsy theater major friends.
1819
01:35:39,960 --> 01:35:42,087
We're gonna stay here,
we're gonna play cards, you have fun.
1820
01:35:42,160 --> 01:35:46,529
Give me a fucking break. Finn. Finn. Finn.
1821
01:35:46,640 --> 01:35:48,130
- Hey, come on, look at me.
- Don't do it.
1822
01:35:48,200 --> 01:35:49,884
- Hey, look at me. Look at me.
- Don't look.
1823
01:35:49,960 --> 01:35:51,325
Stay strong.
1824
01:35:51,400 --> 01:35:53,448
All right, I beg you. No, I implore you
1825
01:35:53,840 --> 01:35:55,968
to come to this party.
1826
01:35:56,040 --> 01:35:57,610
All right, I realize that
I wouldn't know how to make it
1827
01:35:57,680 --> 01:36:00,809
through this world without all
of your unsolicited wisdom.
1828
01:36:00,880 --> 01:36:04,726
And all you guys' constant fuckwithery.
1829
01:36:06,120 --> 01:36:08,964
- What do you say?
- You don't really mean that.
1830
01:36:09,840 --> 01:36:11,569
I wouldn't say it if I didn't.
1831
01:36:13,440 --> 01:36:16,046
- Can you give us a moment?
- Of course I can.
1832
01:36:19,200 --> 01:36:21,168
- Your call.
- I wanna go.
1833
01:36:22,760 --> 01:36:24,728
- Theater party.
- Theater party.
1834
01:36:24,880 --> 01:36:26,689
Theater party!
1835
01:36:27,680 --> 01:36:29,603
Guys, were we supposed to wear a costume?
1836
01:36:29,720 --> 01:36:32,087
You are in costume, of a dipshit.
1837
01:36:32,920 --> 01:36:34,968
Shit, it's the Led Zeppelin dude.
1838
01:36:35,040 --> 01:36:36,246
Yo, what's happening, man?
1839
01:36:36,360 --> 01:36:38,328
- It's creepy!
- Tell me about it.
1840
01:36:41,120 --> 01:36:42,645
Holy shit.
1841
01:36:43,400 --> 01:36:45,607
The inside is even weirder.
1842
01:36:45,680 --> 01:36:46,806
This ain't no frat party.
1843
01:36:47,120 --> 01:36:48,884
Here's what we're gonna do.
1844
01:36:49,680 --> 01:36:51,603
Feel the freak!
1845
01:36:55,040 --> 01:36:57,247
Dude, how great is this?
1846
01:37:00,760 --> 01:37:03,570
Hey, girls, how you doing? I'm Roper.
1847
01:37:03,680 --> 01:37:06,047
Hey, Brum, go get some drinks, man.
1848
01:37:12,720 --> 01:37:14,131
Fuck!
1849
01:37:14,200 --> 01:37:16,089
- Did you see that?
- What?
1850
01:37:16,200 --> 01:37:17,247
A fucking cat.
1851
01:37:17,320 --> 01:37:19,243
Cats shouldn't be in fridges.
1852
01:37:30,560 --> 01:37:34,167
Best costume ever. Amazing.
1853
01:37:34,240 --> 01:37:36,766
- Jake! Hey! Hi!
- Hey! Hey!
1854
01:37:37,120 --> 01:37:39,646
- You're blonde!
- I know.
1855
01:37:39,760 --> 01:37:41,842
I'm really glad you came.
1856
01:37:41,960 --> 01:37:45,169
Except for, I think... This one.
1857
01:37:45,240 --> 01:37:47,527
- Yeah, you need this. Yeah.
- Yeah?
1858
01:37:49,840 --> 01:37:52,127
Hi. I'm Debra Kadabra.
1859
01:37:52,880 --> 01:37:54,166
What are you gonna do with that?
1860
01:37:54,240 --> 01:37:58,040
And now, I can officially
welcome you to Oz.
1861
01:37:58,120 --> 01:37:59,770
Hi, guys. I'm Beverly.
1862
01:37:59,840 --> 01:38:01,046
- Hi, Beverly.
- Good to see you.
1863
01:38:01,120 --> 01:38:03,088
Three words,
1864
01:38:03,160 --> 01:38:06,130
thoroughly equipped dungeon.
1865
01:38:10,960 --> 01:38:12,724
Can I borrow you for something
really quickly?
1866
01:38:12,800 --> 01:38:14,882
'Cause someone dropped out,
and it's really easy,
1867
01:38:14,960 --> 01:38:16,849
and it's gonna be really fun.
1868
01:38:16,920 --> 01:38:18,285
- Yeah. Sure.
- Okay.
1869
01:38:18,360 --> 01:38:21,443
Well, I gotta go inside for a second,
but I'll see you soon.
1870
01:38:21,520 --> 01:38:22,646
- Cool.
- Okay.
1871
01:38:47,960 --> 01:38:49,041
He's being modest.
1872
01:38:49,160 --> 01:38:50,889
Not only is he a pre-season All-American,
1873
01:38:50,960 --> 01:38:53,440
you're gonna be seeing
this guy on TV someday.
1874
01:38:53,520 --> 01:38:55,249
Now, this guy,
1875
01:38:55,360 --> 01:38:57,840
this guy's the best
third baseman in the state!
1876
01:38:57,960 --> 01:38:59,928
Like a fucking vacuum cleaner
down there, man.
1877
01:39:00,000 --> 01:39:01,604
Fuck that.
We're taking that shit this year.
1878
01:39:01,680 --> 01:39:02,681
It's this year.
1879
01:39:02,760 --> 01:39:03,761
Hey, that's what I'm talking about, man.
1880
01:39:03,840 --> 01:39:05,410
Fuck losing the playoffs.
We're taking it all this year.
1881
01:39:05,480 --> 01:39:07,289
- You're into astrology?
- Of course.
1882
01:39:07,360 --> 01:39:08,521
So, you've had your chart done?
1883
01:39:08,600 --> 01:39:10,728
Yeah. It's fascinating.
1884
01:39:10,880 --> 01:39:12,644
I'm a Leo.
1885
01:39:12,720 --> 01:39:16,122
Yeah, I know, I know.
A little full of myself.
1886
01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:18,362
But I'm very loyal...
1887
01:39:18,440 --> 01:39:19,441
Confident...
1888
01:39:19,520 --> 01:39:20,931
Right.
1889
01:39:21,520 --> 01:39:25,411
The chart says I'm overly confident,
but the truth is
1890
01:39:26,520 --> 01:39:28,443
I wound easily.
1891
01:39:29,320 --> 01:39:31,448
It also says I'd make
a great father someday,
1892
01:39:31,520 --> 01:39:33,363
but I don't know.
1893
01:39:35,160 --> 01:39:37,322
You gotta be shittin' me, man!
1894
01:39:37,400 --> 01:39:39,846
You wound easily, poor Finnegan.
1895
01:39:39,920 --> 01:39:43,129
Astrology?
Mr. Cause-and-Effect Rationalist?
1896
01:39:43,560 --> 01:39:45,369
Who are these guys?
1897
01:39:45,840 --> 01:39:48,571
Excuse us. I'm a Scorpio.
1898
01:39:49,200 --> 01:39:51,362
- I'm Jake.
- Don't do it.
1899
01:39:54,560 --> 01:39:56,289
Has he told you about his average cock?
1900
01:39:57,920 --> 01:40:00,764
Has he told... Finn!
Did you tell her, Finn?
1901
01:40:01,960 --> 01:40:03,246
Did you tell her?
1902
01:40:03,320 --> 01:40:05,129
"Hey, so have you had your chart done?"
1903
01:40:05,200 --> 01:40:07,680
"Yeah, I'm a Leo.
You know, very confident..."
1904
01:40:07,760 --> 01:40:10,286
You know what, if I had a prohibition
against sleeping with all women
1905
01:40:10,440 --> 01:40:12,527
who believed in astrology,
I'd still be a virgin, all right?
1906
01:40:12,600 --> 01:40:13,931
I'm being practical.
1907
01:40:14,040 --> 01:40:16,646
I'd rather die a virgin
than say my chart says
1908
01:40:16,760 --> 01:40:18,922
I'll make a good father someday.
1909
01:40:19,040 --> 01:40:22,166
Just because you guys are laying bricks
with the ladies, you know, I stepped up.
1910
01:40:22,240 --> 01:40:24,322
I was talking her language,
I was meeting her on her level.
1911
01:40:24,440 --> 01:40:25,965
Instead of making fun of me,
you should be taking notes.
1912
01:40:26,080 --> 01:40:27,081
Yeah?
1913
01:40:27,160 --> 01:40:28,161
And by the way,
she was really fucking cute.
1914
01:40:28,240 --> 01:40:29,321
She was really fucking cute,
1915
01:40:29,440 --> 01:40:31,522
and you immature jerkoffs
just fucked up my whole rap!
1916
01:40:31,600 --> 01:40:32,681
Coming around talking shit like that.
1917
01:40:32,760 --> 01:40:34,000
You know what, your little...
1918
01:40:34,080 --> 01:40:37,641
Fucking little jealous asshole crap
just pulling me back in the boiling pot!
1919
01:40:37,760 --> 01:40:39,410
Finn, come on!
1920
01:40:39,480 --> 01:40:40,527
By the way, you know what?
1921
01:40:40,600 --> 01:40:43,206
Have you noticed,
whenever we're around baseball,
1922
01:40:43,280 --> 01:40:44,964
all we talk about is pussy.
1923
01:40:45,080 --> 01:40:48,368
Now, we're actually around a few
potentially interesting young women,
1924
01:40:48,440 --> 01:40:50,761
all you talk about is baseball!
1925
01:40:50,840 --> 01:40:52,968
It's a little fucked up!
1926
01:41:02,080 --> 01:41:04,287
Bachelor number three,
1927
01:41:04,360 --> 01:41:07,682
what would be your dream date
and your dream girl?
1928
01:41:08,320 --> 01:41:10,800
My dream girl and my dream date.
1929
01:41:10,960 --> 01:41:13,361
- Yes.
- That's a very tough question.
1930
01:41:13,440 --> 01:41:16,444
I suppose my dream girl
would come bearing tea
1931
01:41:16,520 --> 01:41:17,601
and special crumpets,
1932
01:41:17,680 --> 01:41:20,251
preferably in the bed, as well.
1933
01:41:20,320 --> 01:41:23,005
And we could get hopped up
on the tea and the crumpets.
1934
01:41:23,280 --> 01:41:25,009
- Is this the Mad Hatter?
- Yes.
1935
01:41:25,120 --> 01:41:26,724
Curious and curiouser.
1936
01:41:26,800 --> 01:41:28,768
Bachelor number one!
1937
01:41:28,840 --> 01:41:31,161
- Yes!
- Yes.
1938
01:41:31,280 --> 01:41:32,770
- Hello.
- Hello.
1939
01:41:34,680 --> 01:41:38,048
Give me your best pick-up line.
1940
01:41:39,680 --> 01:41:42,763
Would you like to come see
my large collection of heads,
1941
01:41:42,840 --> 01:41:45,286
so that I can give you some?
1942
01:41:46,480 --> 01:41:48,642
Is the Queen of Hearts a dude?
1943
01:41:49,200 --> 01:41:50,690
A good one.
1944
01:41:52,560 --> 01:41:54,608
Red Queen, very interesting.
1945
01:41:54,680 --> 01:41:56,284
That wasn't for you, sweetie.
1946
01:41:56,360 --> 01:41:57,600
Bachelor number two!
1947
01:41:57,680 --> 01:42:00,809
What is the most trouble
you've ever gone to, to meet a girl?
1948
01:42:02,360 --> 01:42:05,523
Bachelor number two? Are you there?
1949
01:42:06,040 --> 01:42:07,769
I'm late!
1950
01:42:07,840 --> 01:42:10,571
I'm late for a very important date.
1951
01:42:14,160 --> 01:42:15,969
All right, Mr. Rabbit.
1952
01:42:16,040 --> 01:42:18,008
It must've been awfully important like...
1953
01:42:18,080 --> 01:42:19,570
Like a party or something.
1954
01:42:19,640 --> 01:42:20,721
Yeah, totally.
1955
01:42:22,000 --> 01:42:23,240
All right then.
1956
01:42:23,320 --> 01:42:25,322
Bachelor number one.
1957
01:42:25,400 --> 01:42:27,368
You've just invited me over
for dinner, haven't you?
1958
01:42:29,880 --> 01:42:31,530
307, right?
1959
01:42:32,280 --> 01:42:34,282
The feminist.
1960
01:42:37,560 --> 01:42:39,085
What, no speech?
1961
01:42:40,120 --> 01:42:41,121
No.
1962
01:42:41,200 --> 01:42:43,931
I'm kind of the silent type, you know?
1963
01:42:45,600 --> 01:42:47,125
What's one kiss from...
1964
01:42:47,200 --> 01:42:48,850
That is so sexy.
1965
01:42:49,520 --> 01:42:52,046
- Priceless.
- Priceless, is it?
1966
01:42:55,360 --> 01:42:57,488
Okay, being completely honest...
1967
01:42:59,080 --> 01:43:01,242
When you said you liked
the quiet guy in the back seat best,
1968
01:43:01,400 --> 01:43:04,081
was it just a line to piss off the
other guys in the car, or was it true?
1969
01:43:04,240 --> 01:43:06,720
- Why do you ask?
- I'm curious.
1970
01:43:06,800 --> 01:43:08,450
You're curious about what?
1971
01:43:08,880 --> 01:43:11,087
You know, we all make up this
romantic crap in our heads.
1972
01:43:11,160 --> 01:43:12,446
I'm just looking for some kind of...
1973
01:43:13,120 --> 01:43:14,804
I think it's a little bit of both.
1974
01:43:14,880 --> 01:43:15,881
What does that mean?
1975
01:43:16,880 --> 01:43:18,564
Did I
1976
01:43:20,280 --> 01:43:23,887
think that the quiet guy
in the back seat was cute?
1977
01:43:23,960 --> 01:43:24,927
Yes.
1978
01:43:25,000 --> 01:43:26,126
Okay.
1979
01:43:26,240 --> 01:43:27,924
Would I have walked up to you
1980
01:43:28,000 --> 01:43:30,765
in a crowd, completely alone,
unprovoked, by the way,
1981
01:43:30,840 --> 01:43:33,207
and said that? No.
1982
01:43:33,280 --> 01:43:35,601
So, my obnoxious teammates
actually helped me on this one?
1983
01:43:36,080 --> 01:43:38,208
- I think they did.
- Shit!
1984
01:43:38,280 --> 01:43:39,691
They're good for something after all.
1985
01:43:39,800 --> 01:43:43,771
I was definitely messing with them,
but I meant what I said.
1986
01:43:43,840 --> 01:43:45,330
Don't make me say it again.
1987
01:43:51,200 --> 01:43:53,726
Is this your first-choice school, or...
1988
01:43:53,800 --> 01:43:55,723
No, I applied to a few,
but this was the best school
1989
01:43:55,800 --> 01:43:57,450
that also offered me a scholarship.
1990
01:43:57,520 --> 01:44:00,330
You mean, you had to, like,
write a bunch of essays
1991
01:44:00,400 --> 01:44:01,925
and all that fun stuff?
1992
01:44:02,000 --> 01:44:04,207
- Just one.
- What'd you write about?
1993
01:44:04,280 --> 01:44:08,001
The topic was to take a Greek myth
and relate it to your own life.
1994
01:44:08,120 --> 01:44:10,771
So you wrote about Aphrodite
and being a baseball slut.
1995
01:44:10,840 --> 01:44:11,921
Kind of.
1996
01:44:12,000 --> 01:44:13,809
Shit. No.
1997
01:44:13,880 --> 01:44:16,804
I just took Sisyphus and baseball,
and just kinda...
1998
01:44:16,880 --> 01:44:18,211
You wrote about that for your essay...
1999
01:44:18,280 --> 01:44:20,851
How did you even, like...
2000
01:44:20,960 --> 01:44:21,927
...those two things together?
2001
01:44:22,000 --> 01:44:23,604
Yeah, I did, believe it or not.
2002
01:44:23,680 --> 01:44:24,920
I mean, the point
of the whole thing is that
2003
01:44:25,000 --> 01:44:27,048
the gods intend for Sisyphus
to suffer, right?
2004
01:44:27,120 --> 01:44:28,485
Right.
2005
01:44:28,560 --> 01:44:31,245
Well, my point was that
they'd actually blessed him
2006
01:44:31,320 --> 01:44:33,448
with something to focus on, you know,
2007
01:44:33,520 --> 01:44:36,251
something that he could
potentially find meaning in.
2008
01:44:37,080 --> 01:44:40,444
You know, it's a gift to be striving at all,
you know, even if it looks futile to others.
2009
01:44:40,520 --> 01:44:41,646
Yeah, that's true.
2010
01:44:41,720 --> 01:44:43,210
I mean, yeah, it's ridiculous
to roll a boulder
2011
01:44:43,280 --> 01:44:45,123
up a mountain over and over
and over again,
2012
01:44:45,200 --> 01:44:47,328
but so is everything else in life.
2013
01:44:47,400 --> 01:44:49,129
When you really think
about it, especially a game.
2014
01:44:49,200 --> 01:44:51,328
Things only mean as much
as the meaningfulness
2015
01:44:51,400 --> 01:44:54,051
that we allow them to have.
2016
01:44:54,120 --> 01:44:56,885
That's where I tie it in to baseball.
2017
01:44:56,960 --> 01:44:59,804
Just accepting whatever comes
my way, you know?
2018
01:44:59,880 --> 01:45:01,882
Good, bad, doesn't matter.
2019
01:45:03,280 --> 01:45:06,011
What matters is just getting
in that groove
2020
01:45:06,080 --> 01:45:08,811
where the whole world kinda goes away,
2021
01:45:08,880 --> 01:45:11,451
and I'm just doing what
I'm supposed to be doing.
2022
01:45:11,520 --> 01:45:14,126
I feel the same way about performing.
2023
01:45:14,200 --> 01:45:17,363
It's putting yourself
out there in art, in life,
2024
01:45:17,440 --> 01:45:19,442
just participating.
2025
01:45:19,520 --> 01:45:20,487
Yeah.
2026
01:45:20,560 --> 01:45:22,847
Having the guts to look fucking stupid.
2027
01:45:27,400 --> 01:45:30,370
It's kind of beautiful, isn't it?
2028
01:45:30,440 --> 01:45:31,566
What?
2029
01:45:32,400 --> 01:45:34,209
That we get to feel passion in this world,
2030
01:45:34,280 --> 01:45:35,770
you know, about anything.
2031
01:45:39,400 --> 01:45:41,084
And I like you.
2032
01:45:45,000 --> 01:45:46,843
I like you, too.
2033
01:45:46,920 --> 01:45:48,251
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
2034
01:45:48,960 --> 01:45:50,928
A little bit.
2035
01:46:46,960 --> 01:46:48,325
- Hey.
- Hey.
2036
01:46:49,280 --> 01:46:51,009
- You up?
- Yeah.
2037
01:46:51,080 --> 01:46:52,445
- I'm up.
- Yeah.
2038
01:46:55,080 --> 01:46:56,969
- My cupcake. Come on.
- I can't.
2039
01:46:57,040 --> 01:46:58,644
Come on.
2040
01:47:00,680 --> 01:47:02,170
What class do you have first up?
2041
01:47:02,240 --> 01:47:03,605
History. You?
2042
01:47:03,680 --> 01:47:05,330
English.
2043
01:47:06,680 --> 01:47:07,966
- I think I'm here.
- Here?
2044
01:47:08,040 --> 01:47:09,246
Yeah. Where's your English class?
2045
01:47:09,360 --> 01:47:11,010
It's over in Jones.
2046
01:47:13,280 --> 01:47:14,406
- All rightie.
- Okay.
2047
01:47:14,480 --> 01:47:16,084
So, I'll talk to you soon?
2048
01:47:16,200 --> 01:47:17,281
Yup.
2049
01:47:36,040 --> 01:47:37,929
Bye. Call me later?
2050
01:47:38,320 --> 01:47:39,651
I will.
2051
01:47:40,720 --> 01:47:42,006
- Bye.
- Bye.
2052
01:47:55,040 --> 01:47:56,041
Bye.
2053
01:48:00,400 --> 01:48:02,323
Jake! Jake!
2054
01:48:02,400 --> 01:48:06,371
- Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!
- Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake!
2055
01:48:07,240 --> 01:48:09,641
Mi amigos de fuckwithery!
2056
01:48:09,720 --> 01:48:11,051
How can I amuse you this morning?
2057
01:48:11,120 --> 01:48:13,487
That was adorable. Just the whole like...
2058
01:48:13,560 --> 01:48:15,085
I think I got a tear in my eye, Jakie.
2059
01:48:15,200 --> 01:48:16,884
Oh, my goodness.
2060
01:48:17,360 --> 01:48:20,045
We noticed that you never
made it home last night.
2061
01:48:21,560 --> 01:48:24,609
- Are we to suppose...
- We're supposing.
2062
01:48:24,720 --> 01:48:27,007
Look, it's cool, guys.
All right. We had a nice time.
2063
01:48:27,080 --> 01:48:28,525
- "A nice time"?
- Man, I know...
2064
01:48:28,600 --> 01:48:30,011
I like her.
2065
01:48:30,880 --> 01:48:32,530
- He likes her.
- He likes her.
2066
01:48:32,600 --> 01:48:34,602
You like her! God, Jake!
2067
01:48:35,760 --> 01:48:38,366
Don't you guys have class or something?
2068
01:48:38,440 --> 01:48:40,329
You know what, I do have class.
2069
01:48:40,400 --> 01:48:42,004
But I go to class
when I say I go to class.
2070
01:48:42,080 --> 01:48:43,684
You go to class.
2071
01:48:43,760 --> 01:48:46,206
I want a full report on my desk
by the end of the day.
2072
01:48:46,280 --> 01:48:49,807
Bibliography! Annotated! Highlighted!
2073
01:48:51,600 --> 01:48:52,886
Jake!
2074
01:48:59,800 --> 01:49:00,801
Cho!
2075
01:49:09,360 --> 01:49:11,567
It sounds like you rocked it last night.
2076
01:49:11,640 --> 01:49:12,607
How'd you do?
2077
01:49:12,680 --> 01:49:14,045
Not bad.
2078
01:49:14,120 --> 01:49:17,363
Ended up with that tall chick
in the leather, you know,
2079
01:49:17,440 --> 01:49:19,044
- Debra Kadabra?
- Yeah?
2080
01:49:19,120 --> 01:49:21,646
- Yeah, she's a senior.
- Yeah!
2081
01:49:21,720 --> 01:49:24,883
You know, she's not like,
actually a dominatrix.
2082
01:49:24,960 --> 01:49:26,564
I didn't get beat up or anything.
2083
01:49:26,640 --> 01:49:28,369
- Cool.
- That was just a costume.
2084
01:49:29,120 --> 01:49:31,088
Yeah, we had ourselves a good ol' time.
2085
01:49:31,160 --> 01:49:32,400
Nice, man.
2086
01:49:32,480 --> 01:49:34,005
Who's this fuck?
2087
01:49:34,920 --> 01:49:36,922
I think that's our professor.
2088
01:49:37,000 --> 01:49:39,162
- This guy?
- Yeah.
2089
01:49:39,240 --> 01:49:41,129
No shit.
2090
01:49:41,200 --> 01:49:44,249
You know what, man, I got outta there
about 6:00 in the morning.
2091
01:49:44,320 --> 01:49:47,290
Shit, if I wasn't still drunk,
I think I'd be fucking dead.
2092
01:49:47,360 --> 01:49:48,930
Yeah, me, too, man.
2093
01:49:49,000 --> 01:49:51,002
It's gonna be a long fucking day.
2094
01:49:51,080 --> 01:49:53,924
- Yeah, but a good year.
- I can tell, man.
2095
01:49:54,000 --> 01:49:55,923
Shit.
2096
01:49:56,000 --> 01:49:58,526
Welcome to college, motherfuckers.
2097
01:53:52,920 --> 01:53:55,002
I'm Rope a Dope A proud Cherokee
2098
01:53:55,080 --> 01:53:57,321
I stay busy chopping girls' cherry trees
2099
01:53:57,400 --> 01:53:59,528
I'll show you my buns if the booze is free
2100
01:53:59,600 --> 01:54:01,841
Hands on the wheel and fondue my cheese
2101
01:54:01,920 --> 01:54:03,843
Hey, ladies please pass me another
2102
01:54:03,920 --> 01:54:06,048
I'm not a rubber lover glover
I don't need no love buffer
2103
01:54:06,120 --> 01:54:08,168
I'ma do like Pete Ward and go undercover
2104
01:54:08,240 --> 01:54:11,289
Make a sister leave a brother
We goin' make a little trouble
2105
01:54:12,920 --> 01:54:14,445
You're the new guy?
2106
01:54:14,520 --> 01:54:15,521
Dale Douglas!
2107
01:54:15,600 --> 01:54:17,284
Flier than a Cutlass Supreme
2108
01:54:17,360 --> 01:54:19,488
Southeast Texas Cherokees We the team
2109
01:54:19,560 --> 01:54:21,449
Finn, me, and Coma We got Mac in between
2110
01:54:21,520 --> 01:54:23,522
Number one position players
Make these girls wanna scream
2111
01:54:23,600 --> 01:54:25,762
Wakin' up in a dream Lucid so sweet
2112
01:54:25,840 --> 01:54:28,491
We make you toothless
To put it plain and simple
2113
01:54:28,560 --> 01:54:29,641
We the cream of the crop
2114
01:54:29,720 --> 01:54:31,768
Cherokees are never leavin'
the top... Douglas
2115
01:54:31,840 --> 01:54:33,922
My name is Willoughby
I know the masterplan
2116
01:54:34,000 --> 01:54:36,241
I got the sun and the stars
In the palm of my hand
2117
01:54:36,320 --> 01:54:38,402
Carl Sagan knows the universe is eternal
2118
01:54:38,480 --> 01:54:40,482
I'm gonna burn this down
till my brain's a kernel
2119
01:54:40,600 --> 01:54:44,730
Dr. Finnegan, so epicurean
Indulge in the BMOC
2120
01:54:44,800 --> 01:54:47,041
There's only one thing bigger than my IQ
2121
01:54:47,120 --> 01:54:49,088
And it stops around my knee
2122
01:54:49,160 --> 01:54:51,561
Let me drop a Finnegism
and make a Finnegasm
2123
01:54:51,640 --> 01:54:53,563
Expand the universe
Make it shudder and spasm
2124
01:54:53,640 --> 01:54:55,921
'Cause when you party like a savage
Speak like a poet
2125
01:54:56,000 --> 01:54:58,367
You cha-chao before you even know it
2126
01:54:58,480 --> 01:55:00,721
Hey, guys The name's Alex Brumley
I'm gonna break it to you fresh
2127
01:55:00,800 --> 01:55:02,921
All the guys around here punch me
'Cause they know that I'm the best
2128
01:55:03,040 --> 01:55:05,121
It's my first days of college
I'm just trying to fit in
2129
01:55:05,200 --> 01:55:07,362
So won't you come with me
and please be my friend?
2130
01:55:07,440 --> 01:55:09,647
- Please?
- Brumley, shut the fuck up!
2131
01:55:10,440 --> 01:55:12,568
Now, I'm Nesbit No shame with no game
2132
01:55:12,640 --> 01:55:14,369
I'm throwing money down
the drain like no thing
2133
01:55:14,440 --> 01:55:16,681
The best in a-gambling Nesbit's a-rambling
2134
01:55:16,760 --> 01:55:18,888
Submarine pitch
And the Mac can't handle it
2135
01:55:18,960 --> 01:55:21,770
Cherokee chow Coo-coo-capow in Texas
2136
01:55:21,840 --> 01:55:23,205
With the cactus and cows
2137
01:55:23,280 --> 01:55:25,408
Amityville? More like Amity-vile
2138
01:55:25,520 --> 01:55:27,249
Sick to the bone but we come with style
2139
01:55:27,320 --> 01:55:29,482
So they call me Coma
Told the girl "hop on"
2140
01:55:29,560 --> 01:55:31,403
Throwing cheers to my boys
2141
01:55:31,480 --> 01:55:33,841
'Cause I'm a superstitious fella
Known to get a little drunk
2142
01:55:33,920 --> 01:55:35,763
But I'm here to make some noise
2143
01:55:36,400 --> 01:55:38,767
Masterplan for a higher man
2144
01:55:38,840 --> 01:55:40,285
Do it all wrong
2145
01:55:40,360 --> 01:55:43,603
Don't fuck it up to make it all right
2146
01:55:43,680 --> 01:55:44,681
Drink my cup
2147
01:55:44,760 --> 01:55:46,728
Schlong as long as the Nile's bong
2148
01:55:46,800 --> 01:55:48,848
Hit it, bitch, I'm 95 strong
2149
01:55:49,000 --> 01:55:51,606
I'm the raw dog Rawest of raw
2150
01:55:51,680 --> 01:55:57,881
Four screwdrivers One fat straw, baby!
2151
01:55:58,240 --> 01:56:00,527
My name's Tyrone but they call me Plum
2152
01:56:00,640 --> 01:56:03,291
I call the whole game
but they call me dumb
2153
01:56:03,360 --> 01:56:06,204
Beer for breakfast My Cap'n Crunch
2154
01:56:06,320 --> 01:56:09,369
Spread your girl's legs
and then I have lunch
2155
01:56:09,480 --> 01:56:11,528
Well, hey, oh, hey This will make your day
2156
01:56:11,600 --> 01:56:13,602
Boy, they call me Billy A
2157
01:56:13,680 --> 01:56:15,967
I like to chew and a-spit
And throw a ball a little bit
2158
01:56:16,040 --> 01:56:18,042
Boy, you better stay out of my way
2159
01:56:18,240 --> 01:56:20,242
Enough with that, Jake here
Just a chill dude
2160
01:56:20,360 --> 01:56:22,488
I'll sweep you off your feet
No need to be crude
2161
01:56:22,560 --> 01:56:24,369
If I sense any question
I'll put you to the test
2162
01:56:24,440 --> 01:56:26,841
If it's a crime to be sexy
then you're under arrest
2163
01:56:26,920 --> 01:56:28,729
- You talkin' to me?
- No, can't you see?
2164
01:56:28,800 --> 01:56:31,246
- Well, who you talking to?
- Dude, not you
2165
01:56:31,320 --> 01:56:33,163
Well, okay, dude, you kinda rude
2166
01:56:33,240 --> 01:56:35,720
I ain't really a fan of that attitude
2167
01:56:35,840 --> 01:56:37,604
As I was saying before Billy interrupted
2168
01:56:37,760 --> 01:56:38,966
We just having good times, baby
2169
01:56:39,040 --> 01:56:40,007
Nothing too corrupted
2170
01:56:40,080 --> 01:56:42,082
If you need a little insight on who I am
2171
01:56:42,160 --> 01:56:44,447
Let me break it down for you
right now with my jam
2172
01:56:44,520 --> 01:56:46,363
Unlike Finn I don't drop to the knee
2173
01:56:46,440 --> 01:56:48,602
'Cause I got a bigger secret
I drop to my feet
2174
01:56:48,680 --> 01:56:50,762
I'm the kinda guy
that'll meet you after class
2175
01:56:50,840 --> 01:56:52,888
Take pride in my pitching
Like Rope and his ass
2176
01:56:52,960 --> 01:56:55,122
Now, come over here
with those luscious thighs
2177
01:56:55,200 --> 01:56:57,885
I'll make you feel loved
while Willy's getting high
165651
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