Original subtitles

- ALL RIGHT.

NOW THAT YOU'VE REMOVED THE PANEL,

YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE SIX WIRES, CORRECT?

- CORRECT.

- OKAY, GOOD. NOW, STAY CALM.

HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT ON THE CLOCK?

- 4:20.

- NICE!

- HELLO?

HELLO? HELLO?

- UGH, I'M BORED.

I, LIKE, REALLY WANT TO PLAY THAT VIDEO GAME

WE USED TO PLAY.

WHAT WAS THAT CALLED? DO YOU REMEMBER?

- I DON'T KNOW. YOU WOULD NEVER LET ME PLAY.

- THERE WAS ONLY ONE CONTROLLER.

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, NOT PLAY?

ARE YOU CALLING MY FAMILY POOR

'CAUSE WE COULD ONLY AFFORD ONE CONTROLLER?

YOU'RE, LIKE, THE WORST FRIEND EVER.

I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU.

LET'S GO ASK THE DORK AT THE GAMEHOLE.

HEY, DORK, WHAT WAS THAT GAME I USED TO LOVE WHEN I WAS KID?

- WELL, CAN YOU, LIKE, DESCRIBE IT?

- YEAH.

THERE WAS A GUY, AND HE DID, LIKE, SOME JERPS.

I THINK IT WAS ON THE NINTENGENDER BOX 3000.

- UM...

- OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?

- THAT IS THE VIRTUS EDGE.

IT'S LIKE THIS SUPER-FUTURISTIC PROTOTYPE.

- OH, MY GOD, PUT IT ON MY BODY.

- PLEASE DON'T TOUCH. - CAN I TRY IT?

- CAN'T YOU SEE THERE'S ONLY ONE, JENNIFER?

GOD, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.

YOU'RE SO SELFISH.

NOW, HELP ME PUT IT ON MY BODY.

[groaning]

JENNIFER, COME ON!

[beeping]

OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS, LIKE, EFFING AWESOME.

LOOK, THERE'S, LIKE, A GUY

AND, LIKE, A LASER TIGER

AND A MOUNTAIN.

OH, IT'S SO BIG.

THE MAGICAL WONDERS ARE BLOWING MY MIND.

I JUST TURNED A FIREMAN INTO CANDY.

OH, LET ME EAT YOU.

- I WANT TO SEE THE MAGICAL WORLD.

- I HEAR A BITCH. IT SOUNDS SO REALISTIC,

LIKE AS IF SHE'S RIGHT NEXT TO ME.

OH, LOOK, A MAGICAL CAVE.

I WONDER WHAT'S IN HERE.

OH, MY GOD, A GHOST!

[shrieks]

OOF!

[loud crash]

[electricity crackling]

[groaning]

- OH, MY GOD, BETH.

YOU'RE LIKE A NINJA TURTLE.

- EW, GROSS. WAIT!

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU THE PRINCESS?

THAT'S EFFIN' CRAP!

- YOU KNOW WHAT'S CRAP?

THAT YOU NEVER LET ME PLAY.

MAYBE YOU'RE THE SELFISH ONE, BETH.

- I'LL EFFIN' KILL YOU, BITCH!

[both grunting]

[boom]

- [groans]

BATTLETURDS!

THIS IS TOTALLY THE GAME.

- IS IT TWO-PLAYER?

- GAME OVER, BITCH.

[telephone rings]

- HELLO, TRIPTANK. - YEAH, MAN.

MY NAME IS NOT IMPORTANT.

LIKE, LITERALLY, THAT'S MY NAME.

I'M HIGH AS A [bleep] RIGHT NOW.

I ACCIDENTALLY SMOKED MY TV.

WHILE I WAS WATCHIN' THAT SCENE

BECAUSE THAT POT LOOKED DELICIOUS

AS A [bleep] IN THERE.

- DID YOU SMOKE THE REMOTE?

- I'M NOT CALLIN' TO GET REIMBURSEMENT FOR MY TV.

I'M JUST CALLIN' TO TELL YOU

HOW MUCH I ENJOY THAT SORT OF THING, MAN.

- DID YOU SMOKE THE CABLE BOX, TOO?

- WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT?

[both grunting]

- WOULD YOU JUST SHOVE IT IN?

- OH, OKAY, SHOVE IT IN, DEBBIE.

WHO DOES THAT?

THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS DO IT.

I FIDDLE AROUND WITH IT UNTIL IT FINDS ITS OWN WAY IN.

IT'S VERY NATURAL.

- OH, MY GOD, HAS THAT EVER WORKED?

I CAN'T EVEN TELL IF YOU'RE IN YET.

HERE, JUST LET ME GRAB IT.

- UGH, YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE YOUR MOTHER.

LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS.

- HONEY, I CAN ALWAYS JUST GET A NEW ONE TO PUT IN THERE.

- HELL, NO! NO, I CAN DO THIS.

UGH, COME ON. COME ON.

YES! IT'S IN.

YOU READY TO SCREW?

- FINE. LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH.

[both grunting]

- THERE! LIGHT BULB IS NOW SCREWED IN.

TA-DA!

BIG REVEAL.

- TOOK LONG ENOUGH.

I COULD'VE FINISHED IT FASTER MYSELF.

- NEXT TIME WHEN I'M LAZY AND JUST WANT TO WATCH CARTOONS,

I'LL LEAVE IT UP TO YOU.

WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH SCREWING FOR ONE NIGHT.

- OH, MAN!

I WAS REALLY HOPIN' TO JERK OFF TO THAT.

- FINISHED!

[gulping]

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

- TRIPTANK.

- HELLO, YEAH.

I'M CALLIN' ABOUT A LASS,

A WOMAN FOR ME TO BREED WITH.

ANY ONE'LL DO AS LONG AS SHE'S GOT

GOOD CHILDBEARING HIPS.

I WANT HER TO SQUIRT ME OUT A WEE 'UN,

A YOUNG LADDIE, HEY.

I WANT HER TO HAVE [bleep] TIGER.

- OKAY.

- MAKE SURE HER FALLOPIAN TUBES ARE WIDE OPEN.

AND I WANT HER WITH BIG TITS, RIGHT,

WITH ROUND AREOLAS THAT I CAN LAND A HELICOPTER ON.

- PLEASE HOLD.

- OH!

- SHEENA, ARE YOU READY TO PUSH FOR ME, SWEETIE?

- YEAH.

[screams]

- OH, MY GOD!

- WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BABY?

- IT'S TERRIBLE!

IT'S A RED PIECE OF CLOTH.

[mimics crying]

- WHAT?

- NO, IT'S GREEN. NO, IT'S BLUE.

YELLOW. ORANGE. RED. PURPLE.

IT'S LIKE IT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT WANTS TO BE.

BOOM! UP TOP.

- DOCTOR, THAT'S A LITTLE INSENSITIVE.

- OH, YOU SOUND UPSET.

DIDN'T GET THAT RAISE YOU WANTED?

OOH, HOW ABOUT I REACH BEHIND YOUR EAR AND--UH-OH!

LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE CAN AFFORD TO PAY THE PARKING METER,

UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET A GAME OF QUARTERS GOIN'.

- OW!

- INTO THE SLOT MACHINE.

COME ON, SEVENS!

BLING, BLING, BLING, BLING, BLING.

JACKPOT!

GUESS WHO CAN RETIRE NOW?

- DR. GLASGOW!

- FINE, LET'S SEE WHAT'S INSIDE.

- GOOD AFTERNOON, PASSENGERS.

THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

WE ARE BEGINNING OUR DESCENT INTO BUDAPEST.

THE OUTSIDE TEMPERATURE IS A PLEASANT 26 DEGREES CELSIUS,

AND OUR ESTIMATED TIME OF ARRIVAL IS...

4:20.

- NICE.

- NICE.

- NICE.

[telephone rings]

- TRIPTANK. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

- HEY, MY NAME IS TIM.

HOW COME AIN'T NO FAT BITCHES ON THE SHOW?

Y'ALL HAVE VERY FEW FAT BITCHES ON THE SHOW.

I ENJOY A BIG WOMAN

WITH SOMEBODY I CAN HIDE MY CANDY BARS INSIDE

UNDERNEATH THEY FAT ROLLS,

AND I'M SEEIN' VERY FEW-- I'M A FAT MAN MYSELF.

YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL BY MY INTER THROAT FATNESS

WHEN I SPEAK.

BUT I'M SEEIN' VERY FEW FAT BI--

MY ONLY NOTE FOR THE SHOW-- MORE FAT BITCHES.

- THAT WOULD BE THE FAT BITCH DEPARTMENT.

LET ME TRANSFER YOU NOW.

- ¶ THREE ALIENS CAME FROM THE SKY ¶

¶ THE GALACTIC COUNCIL SENT THEM ¶

all: ¶ AND HERE'S THE REASON WHY

- ¶ THEIR MISSION IS TO STUDY

¶ EARTH'S MOST AVERAGE GUY

all: ¶ TO SEE IF HUMANS ARE WORTH SAVIN' ¶

¶ OR IF EVERYONE HAS TO DIE

- WAIT, WHAT?

- SEE YOU AROUND, JEFF.

WE'RE GOIN' HOME.

OUR MISSION'S OVER.

- REALLY?

WHY?

- ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS WE WERE SENT HERE

WAS TO FIND OUT IF HUMANS WERE CAPABLE OF LOVE.

- AND ALL WE WERE ABLE TO SHOW 'EM WAS THIS OLD THING.

- LINDA, I'VE GOT SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY.

WELL, SING.

¶ LINDA

¶ THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL

¶ IN THE WORLD-A

CHECK IT OUT!

MY WHOLE FAMILY'S HERE!

all: ¶ LINDA

¶ WE WANT YOU TO JOIN OUR FAMILY ¶

- UH...HUH... - LINDA?

LINDA, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

GUYS, PLEASE!

I TOLD YOU I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT VIDEO AGAIN.

- WE ALSO SUBMITTED 75-PLUS HOURS OF THIS.

- OH, LINDA.

[crying]

- I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO RECORD ME DURING JEFF TIME.

- YEAH, BUT AFTER REVIEWING THE DATA,

THE GALACTIC COUNCIL DECIDED IT WOULD BE BEST

TO JUST VAPORIZE THE WHOLE PLANET.

- WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

THIS IS AN AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL PLACE--

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! SLOW DOWN, BUDDY.

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GET OUT THERE

AND MAKE LOVE TO SOMEBODY

BEFORE THE ANNIHILATION FLEET GETS HERE.

- THAT'S ALL I GOT TO DO. OKAY, HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE?

- 23 MINUTES.

[gasps]

- HI, CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?

- SURE.

I GUESS I'LL HAVE A VODKA TONIC.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, WAIT.

MAYBE I WANT A WHITE WINE.

- OKAY-- - EXCEPT YOU KNOW WHAT?

THEY NEVER HAVE GOOD WINE AT BARS.

HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT? - UH-HUH, THEY--

- OKAY, I WANT A DRINK.

WHAT DRINK DO I WANT? UH, I CAN DO THIS!

- HEY, YOU WANT TO END UP A SCORCHED CORPSE?

MAKE UP YOUR [bleep] MIND.

- OOH, I AM NOT GOING DOWN THIS ROAD AGAIN.

- EVERYBODY LISTEN TO ME.

THIS MAY SOUND CRAZY, BUT ALIEN SHIPS ARE COMING,

AND THEY'RE GONNA KILL US ALL UNLESS

SOMEONE IN THIS BAR HAS SEX WITH ME,

AND THE CLOCK IS TICKIN', LADIES.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

WE'RE ALL GONNA--OH!

[groans]

IT'S OVER.

- ¶ LINDA - WHAT?

- CHECK IT OUT. IT'S THE DUDE FROM THE VIDEO.

- LINDA.

LINDA!

LINDA!

- JEFF?

- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

EVERY BEAUTIFUL THING ON THIS PLANET,

EVERY MOTHER AND CHILD,

EVERY BEE DRINKING NECTAR FROM A FLOWER...

IF IT SEES THE LIGHT OF DAY TOMORROW,

IT'S ONLY BECAUSE OF THE STRENGTH OF OUR LOVE.

- I DON'T KNOW IF I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN,

BUT IT SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL.

YOU WANT TO COME IN?

- OH, THANK JESUS.

[both moaning]

- WELL, PERHAPS WE'VE UNDERESTIMATED THIS PLANET.

POWER DOWN THE DEATH RAYS.

[choir singing in foreign language]

¶

- SIR, YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AT THIS.

- SERIOUSLY, JEFF, IT'S JUST-- IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

- NO, NO, NO. I--THIS IS WEIRD.

THIS NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.

I MEAN, MAYBE I DRANK TOO MUCH WHISKEY.

HEY, CAN I SEE YOUR LAPTOP?

MAYBE IF I LOOKED AT SOME PORN OR SOME--

AAH!

[boom]

[telephone ringing]

- TRIPTANK. - LISTEN, HELLO.

YES, I'M CALLING TO GET A WOMAN,

AND I'M THINKING OF GOING BLACK.

I LOVE THE AFRICAN WOMEN.

I LOVE THEIR RHYTHMS AND THEIR BOTTOMS.

- THERE'S NO WOMEN HERE.

- WELL, I MEAN, THERE'S A FEW WOMEN HERE.

- YES, JUST GET IT NICE AND BLACKIE.

[aggressive rock music]

[tense guitar music]

[aggressive rock music]

¶

- CARL? HEY. HEY, CARL.

CARL, DID YOU EAT ALL THE CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH?

- HOLD IT. SHUT UP FOR A SECOND.

- CARL? - HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT

I JUST REALIZED IS AWESOME ABOUT GOOGLE?

GOOGLE'S NAME SPELLED BACKWARDS

IS THE SAME AS ITS NAME IN SPANISH.

- ELGOOG?

- THAT'S BRANDING ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL, MAN.

LIKE 3-D CHECKERS AND SHIT.

- ELGOOG. - GOOGLE'S ALL POWERFUL!

THERE'S NOTHING GOOGLE CAN'T GOOGLE.

- I COULD STUMP THE GOOG. - [scoffs]

IF ANYBODY'S GONNA STUMP THE GOOG, IT'S GONNA BE ME.

- OH, YEAH? - OH, YEAH.

- OH, YEAH? - OH, YEAH.

- YOU'RE ON.

both: STUMP THE GOOG!

[acid guitar]

- AND WE'RE IN. - YEAH, ME FIRST.

GOOGLE A MONKEY RAPING A SOCK MONKEY.

- [screeching]

- [laughing] OH, YOU'RE WELCOME!

- GOOGLE CATACORN.

- [meow]

- OKAY, GOOGLE A MONKEY RAPING A BANANA.

- WHAT IS WITH YOUR MONKEY RAPING THING?

- [screeching]

OKAY, LET'S DANCE.

CLOWN DOING LAUNDRY.

- CELEBRITY COLONOSCOPIES.

- MEXICAN LEPRECHAUN.

- PIÑATAS GONE WILD.

- WOOKIE NOOGIE.

- EROTIC SHRUBBERY.

- MIDGET NINJAS WHO ALSO MIME.

- QUADRIPLEGIC STRIPPER.

- URINE BLOWBACK. - ASS CARPET.

- SEXY JESUS. - PLATY [bleep].

- FICUS FLIGHT CLUB. - SHARDS OF GLASS-CICLE.

- PUBE OF THE MONTH CLUB. - SACK-O-LANTERN.

- GOLLUM ON VACATION. - EJACULA.

- TAMPON TEA. - MUPPETS GETTIN' BUSY.

- FRUIT PORN!

- JESUS, DUDE.

OH, I GOT ONE! MOVE.

A MONKEY RAPING--OW!

- GREETINGS, MY FRIENDS.

DO YOU MIND IF I UPLOAD MYSELF?

I AM ELGOOG, KEEPER OF THE GOOGLE.

[retches]

- WHAT THE [bleep]? - OH, GOD.

- I MUST INSIST THE TWO OF YOU--HOW DO YOU SAY?

CUT THE SHIT.

THE GOOGLE IS NOT A TOY.

IT IS A TOOL TO BE USED RESPONSIBLY

TO ACCESS INFORMATION,

AND, OF COURSE, FOR THE BOOBIES.

IT IS NOT FOR YOU TWO DIPSHITS TO GOOGLE WILLY-NILLY.

- HEY, THIS IS AMERICA, GOOGLE LARD ASS,

AND I DON'T RECALL GOOGLING SEÑOR BABY FAT [bleep] FACE.

WE DIDN'T, DID WE, ANU?

- NO, BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD.

GOOGLE ELGOOG.

- NO, NO. YOU CANNOT GOOGLE THE GOOGLE!

I COMMAND YOU TO STOP! [yelling]

[boom]

- ANU.

- WHAT?

- I DID EAT ALL THE CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH.

[telephone rings]

- IT'S TRIPTANK. - HI.

I'M JUST SITTIN' HERE WATCHIN' TV.

AND KIND OF RUBBING MYSELF TO YOUR CARTOON.

I REALLY LIKE IT.

- UH, THANK YOU.

- ARE YOU THE GUY WHO MAKES THE CARTOON?

- UH...I-I GUESS SO.

- CARTOONS REALLY GET ME HOT.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THEM.

THAT'S FROM TWILIGHT ZONE THE MOVIE.

I'M SUPER BLOND,

AND I'M, LIKE, A SIZE ZERO WITH HUGE TITS.

WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE? - UM...

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T CARE.

JUST TELL ME THAT YOU WANT TO [bleep].

- WAIT, WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU MEAN ALL THE WAY DOWN THERE?

- GOD, OH, MY GOD, YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING SO FUNNY ON TV.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- I'M TOTALLY [bleep] MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

- W-W-W-W-W-WAIT-- - OH, MY GOD!

SOMETHING SO AMAZING JUST HAPPENED IN THE SHOW.

[gasps] COME ON, JUST TELL ME

THAT YOU LIKE MY TITS AND YOU WANT TO [bleep].

- HELLO, TRIPTANK. HELLO, TRIPTANK.

HELLO, TRIPTANK. HELLO, TRIPTANK.

HELLO, TRIPTANK. HELLO...

TRI-TRI-TRI-TRIPTANK--TRIPTANK- TANK-TANK-TANK-TANK.

- AW, SHIT. SKIPPY'S GOT A GLITCH.

- WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CUT HER IN HALF?

WHO'S IN THE MOOD FOR A WACKY, SPLACKY C-SECTION?

[toot] - ABSOLUTELY NOT.

NOW, IF WE CAN GET BACK TO THIS DELIVERY, I--

- WHAT'S THAT? I THINK I SEE A RABBIT

IN THAT FURRY, MEATY,

HAM-FLAVORED PENIS COZY OF YOURS.

LET'S INVESTIGATE.

- [shrieks]

[Muzak playing]

¶

- AAH!

¶

- WAH!

OH!

NO RABBIT, JUST A BABY.

- OH, THANK GOODNESS.

IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?

- [laughs]

KA-POW! MAGIC.

- OH, NO!

MY BABY! MY BABY!

- THE HELL JUST HAPPENED, DOCTOR?

- RELAX, IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION.

YOUR BABY IS SAFELY NESTLED RIGHT HERE.

WA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA.

- [crying]

- WAIT, WAIT, HOW--WHAT THE--

- YAY. YAY!

OH, DON'T DO THAT TO ME.

YOU KNOW, I NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK.

THANK YOU, DOCTOR, FOR DELIVERING MY BABY.

- IMPOSSIBLE!

WE JUST ALL WITNESSED YOU EAT THAT NEWBORN.

WHAT, WERE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH A FAKE BABY

COVERED IN CORN SYRUP OR SOMETHING?

WHERE WOULD YOU EVEN PUT THAT?

- A MAGICIAN NEVER REVEALS HIS SECRETS.

UMBILICAL CORD BLOWUP ANIMAL, ANYONE?

- WELL, THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

MAY I HOLD HIM? - ABSOLUTELY.

WUMP-WUMP.

JUST KIDDING.

- OH, GOD, RIGHT.

SO BEFORE WE HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS, GUYS,

LET'S GO IN THERE AND GET THE OTHER BABY.

- WHAT? I'M HAVING TWINS?

- DAMN IT, HARRISON.

I TOLD YOU A MAGICIAN NEVER REVEALS HIS SECRETS!

- THIS TIME, WE DO IT RIGHT, HOMEY.

WE GONNA END THIS GAME RIGHT HERE.

OH!

OH!

NOW WHO PLAYIN'?

NOW WHO PLAYIN'?

[tires squealing]

- HEY, BOYS, YOU FORGOT YOUR PRIZE!

IT'S ADORABLE.

- THIS PHASE COAGULATOR LOOKS LIKE A LUMP OF BURNT SPAGHETTI.

JESUS H. CHRIST!

COME ON, FRANKENSTEIN. SPARK UP AGAIN, MAN.

[machinery whirring, phone ringing]

MAN, I OUGHT TO JUST DUMP THIS HUNK IN THE FRY DADDY

AND MELT HIM DOWN FOR BEER MONEY.

AH! GOD DAMN IT!

- HELLO, TRI-TRI-TRI-TRIPTAN-TRIPTANK.

- STILL HOT JUICE IN THIS SON OF A BITCH.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, INDEED.

- HELLO, TRIPTANK. HELLO, TRIPTANK.

- OPTIMUS DROP-A-DIME HUNK OF JUNK OF SHIT.

SECRETARABOT 2500, MY ASS.

MORE LIKE HUNK OF SHIT-O-BOT NEGATIVE FIVE.

[techno music]

[tires screeching, girls screaming]

[aggressive rock music]

¶

[both grunting]

- THE MEAT COMPARTMENT IS TOO SMALL

FOR A SALAMI THAT BIG.

- I CAN GET IT IN THERE WITH ENOUGH FORCE.

JUST BEAR WITH ME, DEBBIE.

[screams]

- OKAY, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!

TRY EASING IT IN SLOWLY AND GENTLY.

- OKAY.

[both grunting]

- WELL, DON'T JUST STAY THERE.

LET'S GET THIS THING GOING.

I MEAN, BACHELOR COMES ON IN 15 MINUTES.

- MOM, DAD, ARE YOU GUYS DONE UNLOADING THE GROCERIES YET?

- NOPE, STOPPED TO HAVE ANAL SEX.

- [shrieks] - DAMN IT.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A KID,

YOU GET ONE SECOND OF FREE TIME NEVER.

[telephone ringing] - TIDY IT UP.

THAT'S THAT.

ALL RIGHT, BIG FELLOW, GIVE IT A SHOT.

- [stuttering]

TRIPTANK.

- HELLO, SCUMBAG? YEAH, LISTEN TO THIS, ALL RIGHT?

I KNOW YOUR [bleep] GIRLFRIEND IS OUT

[bleep] AROUND WITH VINNIE MY BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW.

WE GOT TO [bleep] GET TOGETHER AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.

THAT'S WHAT WE GOT TO [bleep] DO.

- OKAY. - SHE'S GETTIN' [bleep]

IN [bleep], AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

HE'S GOT A 9-INCH [bleep], ALL RIGHT,

AND HE CAN GO ALL NIGHT.

MY NAME'S DENISE. I LIVE ON FRONTLAND STREET.

YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU COME UP, I'LL GIVE YOU A BEER.

I'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE COCAINE.

YOU [bleep] ME IN THE [bleep]. WE'LL GET 'EM BACK THAT WAY.

- HA-HA-HA-HAVE A COOKIE.

LET ME TRANSFER YOU TO THAT DEPAR-PAR-PAR-PAR-PART--

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. - THERE YOU GO, HUSTLER.

GET ON THAT HORSE.

RIDE IT DOWNTOWN, RIGHT THROUGH THE STREETS.

WHOO! I'M REAL PROUD OF YOU, MAN.

- ¶ HEY, WHAT'S UP, GUYS?

¶ I'M ON TV

¶ SO EVERYBODY HAS TO LOOK AT ME ¶

¶ SO LICK MY BALLS

¶ AND SUCK ON MY D

I'M JUST KIDDING, GUYS. I TOTALLY RESPECT YOU.

THANKS FOR WATCHING THE SHOW.