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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:03,272 [heart monitor beeping] 2 00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:05,140 - COME ON, YOU LITTLE SHIT. 3 00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,639 [sustained beep] 4 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,941 [sighs] TIME OF DEATH... 5 00:00:10,945 --> 00:00:12,635 - 4:20. 6 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,746 - NICE. 7 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:18,720 [electronic grinding] 8 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,749 [bell rings] 9 00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:21,715 - SHUT UP, CLASS! 10 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,922 I'M YOUR SUB FOR, UH-- WHAT THE HELL IS IT? 11 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,494 SEX ED? [laughs] 12 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,933 ALL RIGHT, WHO HASN'T PUT THEIR LITTLE SUPERSTAR 13 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,628 INTO A NICE, NEW MEAT JACKET? 14 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:30,200 [laughter] 15 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,557 - YOU WILL FIGURE IT OUT. CLASS DISMISSED. 16 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,666 HELL, I'M SORRY, BILLY. 17 00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:34,597 LISTEN, YOU CAN HAVE 18 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,102 THIS PLASTIC LEARNING VAGINA IF YOU WANT. 19 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,043 YOU CAN PROBABLY CRAM YOUR WIEN INTO IT. 20 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,739 - [grunting] 21 00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,211 SPLOOGE! 22 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,979 - UGH, THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE'S JACKED OFF IN HERE. 23 00:00:44,979 --> 00:00:45,879 WHAT'S WRONG? 24 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,010 - I'M THE ONLY KID AT SCHOOL WHO'S STILL A VIRGIN. 25 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:51,116 - BILLY, I HAVE TAKEN THOUSANDS OF VIRGINITIES, 26 00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:54,518 AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I'VE LEARNED--I GOT NOTHING. 27 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:55,252 BEING A VIRGIN SUCKS. 28 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:58,686 - I WISH YOU COULD HELP ME LOSE MY VIRGINITY. 29 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,432 - JIZZAM. 30 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,688 - UGH! 31 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,025 - ALRIGHT, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. 32 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,600 BILLY, MEET LOLA. SHE IS GOING TO DEFLOWER YOU. 33 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:09,369 - OH, MAN. I HOPE WE FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED. 34 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:10,200 - [coughs] 35 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:14,874 HEY, KID, I'M GONNA POP YOUR CHERRY WIDE OPEN. 36 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,405 - HEY, MAKE ME PROUD. 37 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:20,710 - UM, I WAS HOPING MY FIRST TIME COULD BE A LITTLE MORE SPECIAL. 38 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:21,714 - FINE. 39 00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:23,745 JIZZAM. 40 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:24,121 - UGH! 41 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:27,748 - WOW, PROM NIGHT IS THE MOST SPECIAL NIGHT EVER 42 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,945 TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY. 43 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,786 - TOO SECURE. 44 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,291 TOO PRETTY. 45 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,333 TO CONFIDENT. 46 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,697 DESPERATE AND ALONE. BINGO. 47 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:37,697 GO GET HER, BILLY. 48 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:38,728 - WHA-- - OW! 49 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:41,232 - I'M SO SORRY. 50 00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:44,535 YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. - WE MUST BE SOUL MATES. 51 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:47,808 WILL YOU MAKE TONIGHT THE MOST SPECIAL NIGHT OF MY LIFE? 52 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:48,268 - SURE. 53 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:52,505 I KNOW WE'VE JUST MET, BUT I THINK I LOVE YOU. 54 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:53,653 - SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH. 55 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:57,677 IT'S TIME TO [bleep]. 56 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:58,715 YOU CAN'T GET IT UP? 57 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,289 - I DON'T KNOW. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. 58 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,687 - THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOST SPECIAL NIGHT OF MY LIFE. 59 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:06,791 FIX IT! FIX YOUR PENIS! - I'M SORRY! 60 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,964 - I'M GONNA REMEMBER THIS FOREVER. 61 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:12,003 - MAKING YOUR FIRST TIME SPECIAL IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE. 62 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:15,799 I WISH I COULD LOSE MY VIRGINITY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOES. 63 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:19,773 - JIZZAM. 64 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:20,413 - [groans] 65 00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,837 - CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY. - WHERE AM I? 66 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,883 - YOU HAVE LOST YOUR VIRGINITY! 67 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,410 - COOL! 68 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,684 BUT I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. 69 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,623 - EXACTLY! 70 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,648 YOU WORE A CONDOM, RIGHT? 71 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,223 ROOKIE MISTAKE. 72 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:34,821 [phone rings] 73 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,022 - TRIP TANK. HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 74 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,793 - AW, DAMN. WHO--WHO AM I CALLING? 75 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,061 I GOT ABOUT FOUR CALLS IN AT THE SAME TIME. 76 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:43,400 - YOU'VE REACHED TRIP TANK. - I GOT TO CALL INTO 9-1-1. 77 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,597 UM, I THINK THERE'S A FIRE IN MY HOUSE, 78 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,628 AND A BURGLAR IN MY HOUSE, AND I DON'T KNOW WHICH IS WORSE. 79 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,365 - HOLD, PLEASE. 80 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:52,200 [tires screech] 81 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:55,036 - BEN, YOU BETTER GO OPEN UP THAT FRONT DOOR. 82 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,212 THERE'S THIS CRAZY SON OF A BITCH 83 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,640 SELLING GUMMY BEARS OUT OF THE BACK OF A GOLD SPARKLED VAN. 84 00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:01,276 I'D GET IT, BUT NUMBER TWO IS SCREAMING AT ME 85 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,582 LIKE A WILD OWL, MAN. 86 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,423 - WAIT, WHAT IS YOUR JOB AGAIN? 87 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,918 - DON'T YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ROY. 88 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,120 I RUN THIS SHIT. THIS IS MINE. 89 00:03:07,121 --> 00:03:09,251 IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO KNOCK OUT A GROWLER, MAN, 90 00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,286 I'D BE KNOCKING YOU OUT. 91 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:13,091 MAN, GO GET ME SOME GUMMY BEARS, MAN. 92 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,693 [keyboard clicking] 93 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,695 - ALL MY LIFE I WANTED TWO THINGS-- 94 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:22,098 A NINTENDO POWER GLOVE AND AN AMERICAN WIFE. 95 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:30,639 - IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE TO SEE THE WORLD, 96 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:31,444 ESPECIALLY CHINA. 97 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:34,675 - HEY HON, I GOT THE KIDS ALL PREPPED FOR BED IF YOU WANT-- 98 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:35,482 - UGH, CHRIST, DOUG. 99 00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:38,682 I TOLD YOUR STUPID ASS I WAS SKYPING WITH MY MOM. 100 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,916 UGH. [baby crying] 101 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,421 KISSES. 102 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,893 - OH. 103 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,661 - WHERE THE HELL IS THAT BEN, MAN? 104 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,289 PROBABLY AT HOME MILKING A GOAT 105 00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:49,764 FOR SOME ORGANIC YOGURT OR SOME BULLSHIT. 106 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,163 SON OF A BITCH BETTER NOT BE AT THE BEACH 107 00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:53,725 GETTING ALL TANNED UP SPLISHIN' AND A-SPLASHIN'. 108 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,734 GOD DAMN NO GOOD. 109 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,565 HELLO. TRIP TANK. 110 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,570 - YEAH, GUYS, I HAD A PROPOSAL. 111 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,713 UM, YOU KNOW, I WANT TO GIVE YOU FIRST SHOT AT IT. 112 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:02,939 IT'S REALLY EXCELLENT. 113 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:06,813 IT'S THIS BEAUTIFUL, REALLY DELICATE THING. 114 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:07,654 WOULD YOU SHUT UP? 115 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,378 YOU KNOW, YOU COULD PROBABLY GET SOMETHING LIKE THAT 116 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,124 FOR, YOU KNOW-- PAY A LOT A MONEY FOR IT, 117 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,649 BUT I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU FOR $200. 118 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,994 - UM, TRANSFERRING YOU TO THE DIPSHIT BASEMENT. 119 00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:18,990 - I TOLD YOU, I'M ON THE [bleep] PHONE! 120 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:19,693 - CLICK. 121 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:23,963 - I LOVE AMERICA, AND MY COLORS DON'T RUN. 122 00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,734 THEY SPREAD. 123 00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:26,973 I CAN GO ON AND ON 124 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,997 CHATTING YOUR EAR OFF ABOUT WHAT THAT MEANS, 125 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,774 BUT I THINK DR. POLAROID SAID IT BEST. 126 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:37,443 A PICTURE PAINTS A HUNDRED PICTURES. 127 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,654 [hard rock music] 128 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:46,548 ¶ 129 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,493 AMERICA, YOU BETTER GET SOME. 130 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,520 [neck cracks] 131 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:51,824 - OH, NO. OOH. 132 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,885 [rock music] 133 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:07,610 [foreboding music] 134 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:12,438 ¶ 135 00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,548 - AHHH! 136 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,878 [both scream] 137 00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:55,324 - [speaks Japanese] 138 00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,831 OKAY. 139 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:35,058 [hard rock music] 140 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,902 ¶ 141 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:41,128 [electronic music] 142 00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:42,925 ¶ 143 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,911 - AHH! 144 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,724 [percussive, metallic music] 145 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:58,678 ¶ 146 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,345 - [chuckles] 147 00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:03,964 - SO, UH, ZOEY AND I GOT PRETTY FAR LAST NIGHT. 148 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,057 - AH, ZOEY. HOW WAS IT, MAN? 149 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,889 - RAUL, IT WAS FANTASTICO. 150 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:09,155 [warped voice] SHE SUCKED ON MY TOOTSIE ROLL. 151 00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:12,203 - [chuckles] OH, I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 152 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,469 DEFINITELY KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 153 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,127 - EH, IT WAS GOOD FOR HER TOO. 154 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,135 I AM PRETTY WELL HUNG. [chuckles] 155 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:21,337 - [laughing] OH, MY GOD. OH, PACO. 156 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:22,241 - [giggles] 157 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,842 - GOD, I JUST WANT THIS PARTY TO BE OVER. 158 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,414 I'M REALLY JUST AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH THESE KIDS. 159 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:30,483 - MAN, THIS PARTY'S SO BORING, I COULD JUST HANG MYSELF. 160 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:30,984 [both laugh] 161 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:34,624 - OKAY, KIDS, ARE YOU READY TO HIT SOME PINATAS? 162 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,491 [kids cheer] 163 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,820 - WAIT, WHAT? 164 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,555 [bleep]! 165 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:44,101 MOTHER[bleep] BITCH [bleep] SHIT! 166 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,757 MY GOD, MY [bleep] LEG! 167 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,566 - OH, MY GOD, RAUL, ARE YOU OKAY? 168 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:50,968 - GET AWAY FROM ME! NO, GET AWAY! 169 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,871 OH, GOD. [bleep], OH, SHIT. 170 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,444 OH, GOD. [bleep] THIS. 171 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,982 [gasping, gagging] 172 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,508 - OH, MY GOD. THAT WAS SO [bleep]! 173 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:03,824 - I'M SO COLD. 174 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,717 MAMA? 175 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,848 [coughs] MAMA? 176 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:11,615 TELL MY WIFE AND KIDS THAT I LOVE-- 177 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,625 [kids cheer] 178 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:17,697 PACO, HELP ME. 179 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,558 - [slurps] 180 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,496 AH... 181 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,301 - [chomping] 182 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,602 - HEY, LOOK, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE. 183 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,505 - NO, PLEASE, NO. 184 00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,867 NO. NO. NO. 185 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,436 [phone rings] - TRIP TANK, TALK AT ME. 186 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:31,975 - HEY, HEY, HEY. 187 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,749 OH, MY GOD. THANK GOD YOU [bleep] ANSWERED. 188 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,618 I JUST ESCAPED FROM PRISON. [horns honking] 189 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,047 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET AWAY, AND I GOT AWAY. 190 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,751 I'VE SEEN YOUR SHOW ON TV. [horns honking] 191 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,623 IT'S SO GOOD. I GOT TO BE PART OF THIS. 192 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,392 I HAD TO ESCAPE, AND I HOPPED OVER THE FENCE, 193 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,920 AND NOW I WANT TO WORK FOR YOU. [tires screeching, crash] 194 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:48,055 I'VE SEEN YOUR SHOW. I LOVE YOUR SHOW. I'M A WALLABY. 195 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,431 I'M REALLY, REALLY CUTE. NO, LIKE, SUPER CUTE. 196 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,700 I GOT LITTLE, BEADY, BLACK EYES, 197 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,828 AND I GOT A [bleep] LITTLE POUCH I CAN CARRY ANYTHING IN. 198 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:54,974 IF IT FITS IN THERE, I'LL CARRY IT, MAN. 199 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,468 [tires screeching, crash] I HOP REAL HIGH. I'M GOOD. 200 00:08:57,471 --> 00:08:58,241 YOU'LL LIKE ME. 201 00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,668 OKAY, I'M ON MY WAY THERE NOW. 202 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:02,513 I'LL BE THERE IN A [bleep] SECOND, JUST HOLD ON. 203 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:05,609 [rock music] 204 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:08,412 - DRIVING SCREWS. 205 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,015 REMOVING SCREWS. 206 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,547 [electricity zaps] 207 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,352 REMOVING NAILS. 208 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,153 - [screams] 209 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,024 - ENDING A RELATIONSHIP. 210 00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,723 [metal screeching] 211 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,964 STIRRING CHARDONNAY. 212 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:25,331 A MAGICAL WIZARD WAND. [horns honking] 213 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,632 - [whistles] 214 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,573 - SNAIL KABOBBING! 215 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,939 HONEY TASTING. 216 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,567 - [roars] 217 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,012 - FENDING OFF PIRATES. 218 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,237 SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. 219 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,412 [tires screech] - [sobbing] 220 00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:40,251 - KILLING A WEREWOLF. 221 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,277 - [roars] - UNSUCCESSFULLY. 222 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,283 FIXING A ROBOT. 223 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:46,715 [electricity zaps] 224 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,420 FIXING A TIME MACHINE. 225 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,563 [Scooby-Doo sound effect] 226 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,689 AS A CATTLE BRAND. 227 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,485 [sizzling] 228 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:59,526 [cacophony] GETTING SOME QUIET! 229 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:00,033 [silence] 230 00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:05,439 [phone rings] - R.W. SPEAKING. 231 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,439 - UM, HEY, YEAH. 232 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,870 HI, IT'S ME AGAIN. 233 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,584 UM, LISTEN, SORRY TO CALL YOU BACK-- 234 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,177 [yelling] OH, JUST SHUT UP! 235 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,809 [bleep] YOU! 236 00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:16,884 I JU--ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT! I WARNED YOU! 237 00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:20,623 YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS AS LONG AS YOU LIVE, 238 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,751 WHICH WON'T BE LONG! 239 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,715 I GOT TO CALL YOU BACK, MAN. I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK. 240 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:29,225 - JOHN, I FEEL LIKE WE'RE DRIFTING APART. 241 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,299 - [sniffles] WE ARE? 242 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:31,828 - OH-- 243 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:35,402 - OH, I THOUGHT--[laughs] THAT'S A GOOD ONE. 244 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,442 - OH! [both laughing] 245 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,268 - STOP IT! 246 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,113 [laughter subsides] 247 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,540 - I DON'T LOVE YOU ANY MORE. 248 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,675 [inner tube thumps] 249 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:51,481 [heart monitor beeping] - I'M LOOKING FOR A NICE MAN 250 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,745 WHO HAS HEALTH CARE, 251 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:57,093 LOTS AND LOTS OF SWEET, DELICIOUS HEALTH CARE. 252 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,660 I REALLY--UGH. [sustained beep] 253 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,760 - SCALPEL, RIB SPREADERS. 254 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,062 [quiet Chinese music] 255 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,963 [grunts] GONNA HAVE TO MASSAGE THE HEART. 256 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,326 - OH, SHE'S HEMORRHAGING! DOCTOR, STOP IT! 257 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,265 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 258 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:12,639 HER H.M.O. DOESN'T COVER HEART MASSAGES. 259 00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:15,869 - OH. WELL, SWEET. 260 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:16,836 - OH. 261 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:20,053 [loud rock music] 262 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,607 ¶ 263 00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:24,315 [electronic dance music] 264 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,817 ¶ 265 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:30,619 - JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD. I KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HUNKS. 266 00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:32,664 HEY, CHAD. 267 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,429 HEY. HEY, CHAD. 268 00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:38,158 CHAD, CHAD, CHAD, CHAD, CHAD 269 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,425 CHAD-CHAD-CHAD-CHAD-CHAD-CHAD-- 270 00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,774 CHAD-CHAD-CHAD-CHAD-- - OH, MY GOD. 271 00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,099 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 272 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,174 - WHAT DO YOU SAY WE, LIKE, 273 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,572 GO TO THE BALL PIT AT THE FUN PALACE, 274 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,384 AND I'LL, LIKE, THINK I'M GRABBING A PLASTIC BALL, 275 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,277 BUT IT WILL BE, LIKE, YOUR FLESHY BALL, 276 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:54,849 AND I'LL BE LIKE, "OH, NO!" 277 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,648 BUT YOU'LL LIKE IT, AND BE LIKE-- 278 00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:57,350 - NO. 279 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:00,720 BETH, YOU ARE A BONER TERRORIST. 280 00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:03,561 YOU ARE THE OSAMA BONE-LADEN OF BONER TERRORISTS. 281 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,317 - YOUR LOSS, CHAD. 282 00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,985 CALL ME WHEN YOU WANT A REAL WOMAN. 283 00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,795 SERIOUSLY, CALL ME. I'LL BE WAITING. 284 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,097 - HE'S A LOSER ANYWAY. - YOU'RE A LOSER. 285 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,700 YOU TOTALLY COCK-BLOCKED MY GAME, YOU BITCH. 286 00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:16,742 - I'M SORRY. 287 00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:19,837 - OH, MY GOD, OF COURSE. 288 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:24,010 IT'S SO OBVIOUS NOW. 289 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:26,540 - WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MANY BONERS. 290 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:29,346 - LIKE, A MILLION BONERS. 291 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,949 - CAN I HELP YOU GIRLS WITH ANYTHING? 292 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,822 - UM, YEAH. 293 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,850 WHICH ONE OF THESE GIVES THE MOST BONERS? 294 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:39,656 - WELL, I'M NOT SURE THIS LINE WILL HAVE YOUR, 295 00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,259 UM, SIZE. 296 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,661 HAVE YOU GIRLS THOUGHT OF SHOPPING 297 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,102 AT THE PLUMP AND PLENTIFUL? 298 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,557 - HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF SHOPPING AT THE, UM, 299 00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,696 I'LL F-ING KILL YOU STORE?! 300 00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:49,902 I'M A REAL WOMAN! 301 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,673 NOW, SHOW ME WHERE THE CHANGING ROOMS ARE. 302 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,942 [grunts] 303 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,311 WHAT THE "F." 304 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,039 IT'S LIKE THESE ARE MEANT FOR SKELETOR. 305 00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:03,405 - UGH, THIS IS GONNA BE THE WORST SHOPPING MONTAGE EVER. 306 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:04,146 [dance music] 307 00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,551 - ¶ YOU GOT YOUR ITTY BITTY THONG ¶ 308 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,993 ¶ AND YOUR HIGH HEELS ARE ON 309 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,019 ¶ YOU'RE SEXY AND YOU KNOW IT 310 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,393 ¶ GOT JUNK IN THE TRUNK, AND YOU WANT TO SHOW IT ¶ 311 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,932 ¶ HEY, LITTLE DIDDLE DIDDLE 312 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:14,957 ¶ LITTLE WIGGLE 'ROUND THE MIDDLE ¶ 313 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,501 ¶ AND YOU NEED A LITTLE MORE SO YOU WIGGLE WHEN YOU GIGGLE ¶ 314 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:18,527 [music slows] 315 00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:20,872 - HEY, BETH, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 316 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:23,737 - I THINK WE'RE READY TO MAKE SOME BONERS HAPPEN. 317 00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:25,697 [bell rings] 318 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:26,635 HEY, CHAD. 319 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,310 YOU NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT, 320 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,408 LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE SEXIER? 321 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,481 - BETH, FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME... 322 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,951 [elastic creaking] 323 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:37,580 OW! 324 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,394 - OH, NO! CHAD, MY LOVE, ARE YOU OKAY? 325 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,047 - GET AWAY FROM ME! 326 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:44,494 - NO, BUT CHAD, I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU BONERS. 327 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,631 [metallic slice] 328 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:51,928 I CALL THE BOTTOM HALF. 329 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:54,672 [phone rings] - HELLO, TRIP TANK. 330 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,168 - YEAH, HI. UM, ME AGAIN. 331 00:13:56,169 --> 00:14:00,239 UM, I'VE GOT A COUPLE FINGERS HERE, ON ICE. 332 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,940 THIS IS A TWO-FOR-ONE THING. 333 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:04,142 UM, THERE'S A LEFT AND A RIGHT FINGER, 334 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:08,284 UH, AND YOU CAN HAVE THEM FOR $500 FOR TWO. 335 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,751 - YOU ARE THE SCARIEST SON OF A BITCH I'VE EVER TALKED TO 336 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,620 ON THE PHONE, BUT THAT'S THE BEST DEAL I'VE EVER HEARD. 337 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,850 I'LL TAKE IT. 338 00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:18,185 [rock music] 339 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,260 [rock music] 340 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:26,403 [Russian music] 341 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,999 ¶ 342 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:32,242 [Spanish music] 343 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:33,039 ¶ 344 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:36,239 [Egyptian music] 345 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,283 ¶ 346 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:41,778 [rock music] 347 00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:45,483 - [snorts] 348 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,345 - SIR? 349 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:50,153 - OOH, LET'S DELIVER SOME MOTHER[bleep] PRESENTS! 350 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:53,186 [traditional Chinese music] 351 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:53,963 ¶ 352 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:58,100 all: WE ARE THE 99%! WE ARE THE... 353 00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,698 - I AM THE 99%, 354 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:00,969 AND I WANT TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY 355 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:04,467 THAT ISN'T AS OPPRESSIVE AS THE UNITED STATES OF SUCK! 356 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:08,011 - OKAY, PRETTY PLEASE, THIS TIME, WITH A CHERRY ON TOP? 357 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:11,078 JUST, YOU KNOW, GO ON AND GET BACK TO ART SCHOOL 358 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,907 AND YOUR JOBS AT THE COFFEE SHOP OR WHATEVER. 359 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,614 - OH, SUCK MY [bleep]. 360 00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,324 - COME ON, LADY. THAT HURTS. THAT REALLY HURTS. 361 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,077 - IF YOU LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL 362 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:22,485 WITH GOOSE-STEPPING GOVERNMENT PUPPETS LIKE THAT BAG OF DICKS, 363 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:25,259 THEN HIT ME UP, AND LET'S CHANGE THE WORLD. 364 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,058 #IHATEMYDAD. 365 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,130 - YEAH! WHOO-HOO! 366 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,859 [all chanting] 367 00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,004 - OH... 368 00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:39,103 [backwards speech] 369 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,405 [rock music] 370 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,708 [bell rings] 371 00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:29,486 - [groans] 372 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:08,591 [hard rock music] 373 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,395 ¶ 374 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,397 [phone rings] - SPEAK AT ME, MINION. 375 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,429 - YEAH, HI, HI. 376 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,603 MY NAME IS DAN. I'M A FATHER OF THREE. 377 00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,072 I JUST WALKED IN ON MY KIDS WATCHING YOUR SHOW. 378 00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:21,871 THE AMOUNT OF MASTURBATION ON YOUR SHOW FLOORS ME! 379 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,275 IT FLOORS ME! BOBBY, STOP IT! 380 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,237 STOP MASTURBATING! 381 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:30,816 YOU DID THAT, BEN. YOU DID THAT. 382 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:31,877 THAT'S ON YOU. 383 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,985 [traditional Chinese music] 384 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:36,018 ¶ 385 00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,322 - I GUESS I'M LOOKING FOR WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE. 386 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:41,534 LOVE, LAUGHTER, A PERSON TO GROW OLD WITH. 387 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,858 BUT MEN IN AMERICA CAN JUST BE A BIT NARROW-MINDED. 388 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:45,804 REALLY, I CAN'T BLAME THEM. 389 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:48,269 I MEAN, TWO WOMEN CAN BE A HANDFUL. [chuckles] 390 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:49,668 - [spits] WHA--? 391 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:52,369 - LINNY, PUT ON SOME CLOTHES AND COME IN HERE. 392 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,142 [goofy voice] HELLO. I'M LINNY. 393 00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,111 SERIOUSLY, BITCH? 394 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,009 YOU'RE GONNA DO THAT? 395 00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,580 LIKE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. 396 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,579 WHAT? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. 397 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:04,080 UM, YOU JUST EYE-HUMPED HIM LIKE HE WAS A SPRUCE CHANNING TATUM. 398 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:07,024 DID NOT. BECCA, I SWEAR TO GOD! 399 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,050 YOU ARE SUCH A SLUT! 400 00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,955 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE! 401 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:14,627 IT JUST MAKES ME SO THIRSTY! 402 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,957 PSST, HEY, YOU, SHE'S CRAZY. 403 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,203 SHE KILLED HER LAST HUSBAND. 404 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,169 OH, LORD JESUS IN HEAVEN, IT WAS AWFUL. 405 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:24,537 SHE USED HIS BLOOD TO PAINT MY LIPS FOR, CHRIST SAKE. 406 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,337 WHO DOES THAT? 407 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:28,168 OH, MY GOSH. SHE'S COMING BACK. 408 00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:31,244 SAVE YOURSELF. RUN! 409 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:34,184 [metal music] 410 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:37,580 [organ music] 411 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:41,824 - ARGH. [drill whirring] 412 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,891 - [crying] 413 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:48,990 EH? 414 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:53,555 YAH! [funky rock music] 415 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,296 - HUH? 416 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,341 - RAH. [beeps] 417 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,437 - AH, AH! AHH! AHH! 418 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:00,299 AHH! 419 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,366 [grinding] 420 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:05,305 [metal music] 421 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,711 ¶ 422 00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:12,882 [electronic music] 423 00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:16,346 - [blowing] 424 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:24,555 WELCOME TO CHINA, MY LOVE. 425 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:28,774 [pops, air hissing] OH, NO! 426 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,339 [phone rings] - R.W. SPEAKING. 427 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,238 - WHAT'S UP, R.W.? THIS IS R.W. 428 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,610 WHO? - YOU, MAN. 429 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,038 - ME? - ROY, IT'S ROY. 430 00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,843 - GRANDPA, IS THAT YOU? 431 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,075 - HELL, NO, DUMMY. 432 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,179 IT'S ME, ROY W. FROM THE FUTURE. 433 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,951 - WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE, MAN. WE'RE BOTH ROY. 434 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:44,720 - YOU? - ME? 435 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,117 - HELL, YEAH. LOOK HERE, ROY, THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT, MAN. 436 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,190 GOT THE COUNTACH, WE GOT THE BABES, MAN. 437 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,019 YOU GOT TO SAVE BEN RIGHT NOW. 438 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:51,994 HE'S IN THE BACK OF THAT TRUCK 439 00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,091 WITH THAT FINGER-CLIPPING MANIAC. 440 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,232 - GOD, THESE ARE BEN'S FINGERS? 441 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:56,628 OH, MY GOD, HE'S GONNA BE SO BUMMED. 442 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:59,159 HE'S GONNA HAVE TWO LESS FINGERS TO SPANK IT WITH. 443 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,155 - ROY. - YES, ROY. 444 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,326 - OUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON YOU, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 445 00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:03,425 - HOW DO I FIND HIM, ROY? 446 00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,196 - COME ON, ROY. I'M FROM THE FUTURE. 447 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:09,835 ROY, ROY, ROY. HELP, HELP, HELP. BEN, BEN, BEN. 448 00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:13,042 [ethereal zapping] 449 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,306 - HELL, YEAH, I'M ON MY WAY. 450 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,484 - GO GET HIM, ROY! 451 00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,381 [music box music] 452 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,283 - HEY, GRANDMA, WHAT YOU MAKING? 453 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:24,385 - OH NOTHING, ANTHONY. NOTHING AT ALL. 454 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,320 [alarm sounding] 455 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:28,925 MONEY IN THE BAG, [bleep]SUCKER! 456 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:32,128 OH, YEAH, BITCHES! 457 00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:32,931 [gunshot] 458 00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:36,972 [phone rings] 459 00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,240 - HI, HELLO? 460 00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,539 UH, ANYONE THERE? 461 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:41,270 - HEY, BUDDY. 462 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,644 [chuckles] OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, MAN. 463 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:45,882 WE CAN SEW THEM THINGS BACK ON. I HAD 'EM ON ICE. 464 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,608 - HELLO? 465 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,184 HELLO? 466 00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,782 I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING. 467 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:55,054 [raucous rock music] 468 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,424 ¶ 31496

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