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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,369 - [panting] 2 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,912 [chuckling] 3 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,737 CANNONBALL! 4 00:00:08,743 --> 00:00:09,843 [cannon booms] 5 00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:10,744 splort! 6 00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:11,835 - [screaming] 7 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:15,076 [gunfire] 8 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:16,922 - [screaming] 9 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:20,387 [pulsing electronic music] 10 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,448 - OKAY, THAT'S ALL MY STUFF. 11 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,116 READY TO GO. 12 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,894 - TAKE CARE AT UNIVERSITY, SON. 13 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,733 YOU'RE A MAN NOW. 14 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:28,558 - DAD? 15 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:29,662 ARE YOU CRYING? 16 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,363 - NO, SON, I'VE JUST-- 17 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,895 I'VE JUST GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE. 18 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,601 OH! 19 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:36,573 - [sniffling] 20 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,870 WHAT A GREAT POP. 21 00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:41,943 - I'M AFRAID IT'S EYE CANCER. 22 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:42,642 [phone rings] 23 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:43,943 - HELLO, TRIPTANK. - YO, WHAT'S UP? 24 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,744 IS THIS TRIP? - UH, THIS IS TRIPTANK. 25 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,376 - YO, IS THIS TRIP? - NO TRIP, JUST TRIPTANK. 26 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,152 - HEY, YO, IS TRIP THERE? 27 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,620 - CAN I ASK WHAT THIS IS REGARDING? 28 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,918 - OKAY, BASICALLY, I FOUND THIS PHONE, 29 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:52,819 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 30 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,250 IT SAYS "TRIP" AND IT'S GOT THIS NUMBER, 31 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,015 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 32 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,522 SO TELL YOUR BOY TRIP I GOT HIS PHONE, 33 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:57,324 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 34 00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,624 SO HIT ME BACK IF YOUR BOY WANTS THE PHONE. 35 00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,826 - OKAY, HOW 'BOUT I TAKE A MESSAGE FOR HIM? 36 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:01,588 - I GOT TO JET. 37 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,925 I GOT A DVD BOX SET OF DAWSON'S CREEK 38 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,230 I'M TRYING TO WATCH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 39 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,801 OLD-SCHOOL MICHELLE WILLIAMS, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 40 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,670 SPANK BANK STYLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 41 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:09,329 [truck horn blares] 42 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:13,136 - WELL, IT WAS A NIGHT LIKE ANY OTHER, 43 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:15,240 EXCEPT I HAD JUST TAKEN MUSHROOMS 44 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,312 FOR THE FIRST TIME, 45 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,910 AND I WAS TRIPPIN' MY GODDAMN BALLS OFF. 46 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:19,983 OHH... 47 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,850 - COME IN, WALLY. WHAT'S YOUR 20, GOOD BUDDY? 48 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,679 - YEAH, I'M TRAVELING DOWN HIGHWAY 60. 49 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,654 I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TOO SOON, BUT I'M THINKING 50 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,293 I MADE IT OUT OF GREMLIN TERRITORY. 51 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,648 - [snarls] - [screams] 52 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:29,286 NO! 53 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,890 YOU SCARY LITTLE SON OF A BITCH. 54 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,462 AND AS I SAT THERE, 55 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,101 GAZING INTO MY BEADY LITTLE EYES, 56 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:39,597 WHAT I REALIZED WAS THAT I WAS ABOUT TO DISCOVER 57 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,000 THE MEANING OF LIFE. 58 00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:46,944 MOONBEAMS. 59 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,811 LOOK AT THEM SILLY GUMDROPS. 60 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,310 - ALOHA, WALLY. 61 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,152 - GIVE PAPA A LITTLE PEEK. 62 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,607 - MMM, OH, WALLY. 63 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:59,375 - IT WAS SHAPING UP TO BE QUITE THE NIGHT, 64 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,546 BUT THE NEXT THING I KNEW... 65 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:03,724 [police siren wailing] 66 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,864 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 67 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,330 OH, GOD DANGIT! 68 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,728 OH, OH, OH, OH! 69 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,730 OH, MY GOD, WHAT'S GOING ON? 70 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,072 GET OUT OF THE WAY! 71 00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:15,397 WELL, MOVE YOUR WHEELCHAIR! 72 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,302 OH, MY GOD, A STROLLER. 73 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,044 NO! 74 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,210 [screaming] 75 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,008 OH, SON OF A BITCH. 76 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,979 - PERCENT OFF TODAY ON ALL-- OH, MY GOD! 77 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:26,848 [voice distorting] OH, MY GOD! 78 00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,047 [explosion booms] 79 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,548 [truck horn blares] 80 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,850 [emergency sirens wailing] 81 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:33,693 - AND THAT, MY FRIEND, 82 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:37,357 WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER DID TRY MUSHROOMS. 83 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,858 I CAN'T SAY I REGRET IT THOUGH. 84 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,729 I MEAN, I BELIEVE IT IS IMPORTANT 85 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:41,858 TO BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS. 86 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:45,702 HOW ELSE WOULD I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE AMONGST THE GRIZZLIES? 87 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,529 WOULD YOU PASS THE POTATOES, DARLIN'? 88 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,266 - [roars] 89 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:52,870 - OH, BUT THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER NIGHT. 90 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:56,283 AU REVOIR, [bleep]. 91 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,277 [cell phone vibrates] 92 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,338 - HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? 93 00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,745 I-I CAN'T REALLY TALK RIGHT NOW. 94 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:03,617 - OOH, BABY, LAST NIGHT WAS SO AMAZING. 95 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,377 - YEAH, NO, IT WAS COMPLETELY AMAZING, 96 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,686 BUT I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. 97 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,247 - WE GOING OUT TONIGHT, RIGHT? 98 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:10,085 ME, YOU, AND MY COO COO, 99 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,660 WE GONNA HAVE US A LITTLE THREESOME. 100 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,190 - YEAH, NO, DEFINITELY BRING YOUR FRIEND ALONG. 101 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,026 - I HAD TO CALL YOU 102 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:19,000 'CAUSE MY COO COO WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. 103 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,269 - REALLY? [chuckles] 104 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,297 - YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER? 105 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,572 - OKAY, OKAY, PUT HER ON. 106 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,411 HELLO, MY LITTLE SWEETIE CUPCAKE. 107 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,137 ARE YOU LONELY? 108 00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,811 DO YOU MISS ME, LITTLE CUPCAKE? 109 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,009 - HA, YEAH, COCOA BUTTER. 110 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,080 SLOW IT DOWN. ROMANCE THE STONE. 111 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,079 - DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 112 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,610 GET THE [bleep] OUT OF HERE. 113 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,975 [rock music] 114 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,615 - HEY, WOMEN. HAVE YOU EVER HAD THIS PROBLEM? 115 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,591 [urine splashing loudly] 116 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,390 AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT 117 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,690 SECRETLY BEING FILMED WHILE PEEING. 118 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,133 YOU SEE, AS MEN, WE HAVE THE OPTION 119 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:50,957 TO EITHER PEE INTO THE WATER, CAUSING HORRIBLE NOISE, 120 00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,925 OR JUST SIMPLY PEE ON THE PORCELAIN, 121 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,633 WHICH IS JUST-- OH, MY GOD, 122 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,565 IT'S SERENITY. 123 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,469 YOU MAY THINK, WELL, IT'S INEVITABLE, THE SOUNDS. 124 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,312 WELL, YOU'RE WRONG, HONEY, AND I KNOW. 125 00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:02,037 I'M A FEMINIST. [chuckles] 126 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,480 NO MORE OF THESE SMALL HOUSE PARTIES 127 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,749 WHERE YOU JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM 128 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,748 AND YOU KNOW EVERYONE IS LISTENING 129 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,580 TO YOUR LITTLE DROPLETS. 130 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,194 NO MORE COLLEAGUES MAKING SNIDE REMARKS 131 00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:14,317 AT YOUR EXPENSE. 132 00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:14,991 [toilet flushing] 133 00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:16,519 - HEY, MARY, DID YOU HAVE A HORSE 134 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:17,223 THERE IN WITH YOU? 135 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,894 - W-WHAT? - SURE SOUNDED LIKE IT. 136 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,062 NOW HIGH-FIVE ME. 137 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:20,860 - NO. 138 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:21,931 - WHAT YOU WAITING FOR? 139 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:22,659 - [sighs] - YEAH. 140 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,733 - NO MORE OF THESE BLACKMAIL SITUATIONS. 141 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,872 - [raspily] HEY, I GOT A RECORDING OF YOU PEEING. 142 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,827 - OH, MY GOD, JUST TAKE MY SON. 143 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:31,835 - THE PEE SLIDE IS BASICALLY A SILLY STRAW FOR YOUR PEE. 144 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,009 SO YOU JUST PUT IT IN THE TOILET 145 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,668 AND GO TO TOWN. 146 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:36,506 WACKY TOWN. 147 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,440 DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. IT'S MINE. 148 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,875 - I BOUGHT THIS FOR MY GIRL ON V-DAY. 149 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,781 SHE LOVES IT. IT'S HER FAVORITE HOBBY NOW. 150 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,053 - AND CLEANING IT CAN'T BE SIMPLER. 151 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,692 JUST USE A TOOTHBRUSH AND SCRUB FOR A LONG TIME. 152 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,318 PURCHASE NOW AND YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE 153 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,693 THIS GREAT FASHIONABLE CARRYING BAG 154 00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,161 SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PEE SLIDE ANYWHERE YOU GO. 155 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,730 CAMPING, YOUR OWN WEDDING-- 156 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,788 IT'S OKAY. HE'S COOL WITH IT. 157 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,796 ALL OF THAT GREAT VALUE FOR-- HOW MUCH WOULD YOU SAY? 158 00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,829 600 BUCKS? NO. 159 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,873 'CAUSE IT'S ACTUALLY $650 INCLUDING SHIPPING AND HANDLING. 160 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:06,140 [rhythmic rock music] 161 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,840 ¶ 162 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,441 - [in sing-song voice] FOR YOU. 163 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,113 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BILLY. 164 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,781 BLOW OUT THE CANDLES. 165 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,310 - [blows] 166 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,684 I WISH SOMEONE CAME TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY 167 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,023 BESIDES MY MOM. 168 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,317 - [laughs] 169 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,519 - OH, LILLY. 170 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,621 - [smooching] 171 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,592 - [yells] 172 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:23,889 [pounding at door] - [gasps] 173 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:24,661 OOH, THAT MUST BE CHOMP. 174 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,818 CAN YOU BELIEVE THERE'S A DATING SITE 175 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,886 THAT LETS YOU FIND GUYS RIGHT IN YOUR OWN NEIGHBORHOOD? 176 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:29,626 [alarm beeping] 177 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,430 - MOM, THAT'S THE SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY. 178 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,532 - WHAT? I HOPE HE OFFENDS ME. 179 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,274 [laughs] 180 00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:36,638 - I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S TUESDAY, 181 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,467 SO I WAS HUFFING PAINT OUT OF A HOBO'S ASS. 182 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,942 MAN, METH LAB WENT "BOOM!" YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT? 183 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,682 OH, WHOA, HEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KID. 184 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,907 - CHOMP, THAT IS SO SWEET. 185 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:47,654 BYE, BILLY. 186 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:48,508 - OH, GIRL. - [moaning] 187 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:51,015 - OH, YOU TASTE LIKE A WARRANT SONG. 188 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,818 [laughing] 189 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,650 [rock music playing] 190 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:58,685 - YOU'RE LEAVING ME ALL ALONE ON MY BIRTHDAY? 191 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,392 BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. 192 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,864 [grunting and groaning] 193 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,604 SPOOGE! 194 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,370 - FINALLY! 195 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,198 HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO MASTURBATE 196 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,143 FOR THE FIRST TIME? 197 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,367 - WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? 198 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,702 - I AM THE DICK GENIE. 199 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,466 I GRANT YOU A WISH EVERY TIME YOU RUB ONE OUT. 200 00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,436 YOU KNOW SOME GENIES, THEY GET TO BE IN A BOTTLE. 201 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:19,175 I'M IN YOUR DICK. 202 00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,649 - BUT I DON'T WANT SOME WEIRD JERK-OFF GENIE. 203 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,878 - OKAY, I WILL GRANT YOU EVERY SINGLE WISH. 204 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,794 I CAN MURDER YOUR ENEMIES, BEHEADINGS. 205 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,047 I'LL DO THIRD TRIMESTER ABORTIONS. 206 00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,716 - I CAN FINALLY GET WHATEVER I WANT. 207 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,394 - JUST REMEMBER TO USE YOUR POWER RESPONSIBLY, 208 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:35,734 OR ELSE YOUR HANDS WILL CLAW AT YOUR PENIS 209 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,229 UNTIL IT'S RAW AND CRUSTY. 210 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:37,801 - [gulps] 211 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:39,898 - NOW, MAKE A WISH SO I CAN FLY BACK UP YOUR PEEHOLE. 212 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,030 - I WISH I WERE INVITED TO THE PARTY NEXT DOOR. 213 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,936 - JIZZ-AM! 214 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,369 - BEFORE, I'D NEVER HAVE A CHANCE WITH LILLY. 215 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:51,835 NOW, ME AND MY BONER ARE UNSTOPPABLE. 216 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,075 - DUDE. 217 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:58,351 [rock music] 218 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:01,824 - HEY. 219 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,052 - YOU SOUNDS LIKE A GAY PERSON. 220 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,086 - WHAT? WHY-- 221 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,121 - YOU ARE SO GAY. 222 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,555 - SIR, I PROMISE YOU, I AM NOT-- 223 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,690 - GAY. - I AM NOT-- 224 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:08,794 - GAY. - I AM NOT-- 225 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:09,956 - GAY. - NO, I'M NOT-- 226 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,403 - GAY. - I'M TELLING YOU, I'M-- 227 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,758 - GAY. - STOP! 228 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,426 I KEEP TELLING YOU... 229 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,495 [voice distorting] I AM NOT GAY. 230 00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:20,513 [creepy music, laughter] 231 00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,037 - LESBIAN. - WHAT THE... 232 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,142 [rock music] 233 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,675 ¶ 234 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,450 - I WISH LILLY WERE MY GIRLFRIEND. 235 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,919 DICK GENIE, WHY AREN'T YOU COMING OUT? 236 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,388 OH, LILLY, LILLY. 237 00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:35,017 - WHO'S IN MY ROOM? 238 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:36,692 [screams] 239 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,420 OH, MY GOD. 240 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:40,194 HE'S MASTURBATING TO JUSTIN BIEBER! 241 00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:40,994 [all gasping in shock] 242 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,334 - IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! 243 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,329 I WAS WHACKING IT TO YOU. 244 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,400 - DUDE, THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND, AND THAT'S MY FAVORITE SINGER. 245 00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:48,201 [yells] 246 00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:50,342 - DICK GENIE, HELP. 247 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,297 - SICK, DUDE. 248 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,605 - LEAVE BILLY ALONE! 249 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,807 - DUDE, WAS THAT YOUR-- - [grunts] 250 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,639 - OW, SPOOGE! 251 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,744 - YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 252 00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,005 - HEY, NO, CHOMP SAID "NO." 253 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,283 NO MEANS NO. - [yells] 254 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,681 - I WANT TO TAKE BACK THE NIGHT! 255 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,554 - CHOMP! 256 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,052 - [screams] 257 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:07,754 - YEAH, I DON'T THINK 258 00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,594 SHE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE, DUDE. 259 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,490 YOU FROSTED HER BOYFRIEND'S FACE. 260 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,022 WEIRD MOVE. 261 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,085 - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG BACK THERE? 262 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,364 - WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? 263 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,562 I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO FINISH. 264 00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:20,234 GETS SO LONELY IN YOUR TESTES. 265 00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:20,934 [phone rings] 266 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,234 - TRIPTANK, HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 267 00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:23,536 - HI, THERE. MY NAME'S TED ALEXANDER. 268 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:26,607 I'M A YOUTH PASTOR WITH FRIENDS OF CHILDREN UNITED. 269 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:27,637 I DON'T USUALLY MAKE THESE CALLS, 270 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:31,181 BUT I AM HORRIFIED BY HOW DISGUSTING YOUR SHOW IS. 271 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,808 IT IS CORRUPTING MY FLOCK OF CHILDREN. 272 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:36,783 I AM THE SHEPHERD OF A FLOCK OF PLUMP, FAT BABIES, 273 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,753 AND IF YOU'VE EVER TASTED A CORRUPTED CHILD, 274 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,692 THEN YOU KNOW IT'S THE WORST TASTE ON EARTH. 275 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,187 A CHILD SHOULD TASTE LIKE A ROASTED RAINBOW. 276 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,420 YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE TASTE OF KIDS ACROSS THIS COUNTRY. 277 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,256 [cell phone vibrates] 278 00:08:47,261 --> 00:08:49,091 - HOLD, PLEASE. HEY, WHAT'S UP, CUTIE? 279 00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:51,956 - OOH, BABY, I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT TONIGHT. 280 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,225 I'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT ALL DAY. 281 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,034 GOT ALMOST EVERYTHING WAXED, 282 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,735 BUT I STILL LEFT A LITTLE GRASS DOWN THERE FOR YOU TO PLAY IN. 283 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,368 - NO, IT SOUNDS VERY-- IT'LL BE GREAT. 284 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,473 - EVEN GOT SOMETHING PIERCED JUST FOR YOU. 285 00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:04,036 WE GONNA PLAY JINGLE BELLS. 286 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,854 - JINGLING BELLS, I LOVE JINGLING BELLS. 287 00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:11,052 - CONSTRUCTION. 288 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,921 - [whistles] 289 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,850 - PATRIOTISM. 290 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,024 - WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! 291 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,122 [explosion booms] 292 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,123 - LEPROSY. 293 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,124 - [groans] 294 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,615 - MAKING A NEW FRIEND. 295 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,526 [dog barking] - [screams] 296 00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,398 - BETTING ON A SLOW HORSE. 297 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,857 - [cheering] [buzzer sounds] 298 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:26,526 AH! 299 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:29,943 - DRUNKEN SUSHI MAKING. 300 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:33,367 EXPLORING A MYSTERY HOLE. 301 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,743 - [screaming] 302 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,781 - DRAWING THE SHORT STRAW. 303 00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,177 - [cheers] 304 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,278 - TARDINESS. 305 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,909 - [screams] 306 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,054 - DISCO FEVER. 307 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,121 SELF-LOATHING. 308 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,848 - YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BUM. 309 00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:47,993 GET OVER HERE. 310 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:51,658 - PETTING AN ADORABLE LITTLE BLACK HOLE. 311 00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,188 - [belches] 312 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,992 - FORGETTING IT ON TOP OF YOUR CAR. 313 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:56,996 LEPRECHAUNS. 314 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,797 [high-pitched laughter] 315 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,829 AND HUBCAP FRISBEE. 316 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:01,904 [eagle shrieks] 317 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,232 - [screams] 318 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,865 - GENTLEMEN, THE COMPANY IS IN SHAMBLES. 319 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,905 OUR SHARE PRICE IS IN THE TOILET, 320 00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:13,241 AND MORALE IS AT AN ALL-TIME LOW. 321 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:16,976 BANKRUPTCY IS LOOKING AT US STRAIGHT IN THE FACE. 322 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,184 - [whistling] 323 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,385 - APPARENTLY, SOMEONE'S DOING ALL RIGHT. 324 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:24,617 - UGH, THAT IDIOT ROBERTSON, WHEN WE ARE DOING BADLY, 325 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,015 HE SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL. 326 00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,226 - IF ONLY THE INVERSE WERE TRUE. 327 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:32,558 - HMM, YOU MAY BE ON TO SOMETHING THERE. 328 00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:33,966 ROBERTSON, A WORD? 329 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,667 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK A SICK DAY? 330 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:41,370 - WELL, I WAS OUT WITH A KIDNEY STONE ON THE NINTH. 331 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:42,665 - UH-HUH. 332 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:45,736 SYLVIA, A CUP OF COFFEE FOR ROBERTSON. 333 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,906 HOLD THE CREAM. 334 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:49,505 - [yelps] 335 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,346 [coffee sizzling] - [screams] 336 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,721 - UP 2%. 337 00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:55,249 - THAT WILL BE ALL, ROBERTSON. 338 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:56,315 [excited chatter] 339 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,723 - WE SHOULD PADDLE HIM. 340 00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,964 - PEEL HIS SKIN LIKE AN ONION. 341 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,230 - WE COULD INJECT SOMETHING INTO HIS EYES, 342 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,259 SOMETHING THAT STINGS. 343 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,303 - BOIL HIM IN AN ONION STEW. 344 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,628 - CUT OFF HIS LEGS. 345 00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,434 - DIP HIS TESTICLES IN ACID. 346 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,236 - MIGHT I SUGGEST A RAID? 347 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:14,507 - GREAT SUGGESTIONS, PEOPLE, BUT WE MUST PACE OURSELVES. 348 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,368 SYLVIA, ARE YOU GETTING THIS? 349 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,036 [upbeat fun music] 350 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,506 [cash register chiming] 351 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:24,884 ¶ 352 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,415 [flies buzzing] 353 00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:32,091 ¶ 354 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:34,862 [grunting] 355 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:43,101 ¶ 356 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:48,013 - [laughs jubilantly] 357 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,138 [chuckling] 358 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,943 [car engine turning over] 359 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,476 [laughs] 360 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,452 YES! 361 00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:59,081 [razor buzzes] 362 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:02,946 ¶ 363 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,216 [chuckling] 364 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:10,426 ¶ 365 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,930 - [gasps] 366 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,902 [dish crashes] - [crying] 367 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,670 - OH, MARVELOUS. MARVELOUS. 368 00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:16,329 [all chuckling] 369 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:19,766 - THE ROBERTSON DIVORCE HAS US AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH. 370 00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:23,243 - LOOK, EVERYONE, ROBERTSON'S GOING TO JUMP. 371 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:27,653 [all grumbling, muttering] 372 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,647 [Robertson crashes] 373 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,908 [car alarm wailing] 374 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:34,216 - TO THE BEST DAMNED EMPLOYEE WE'VE EVER HAD. 375 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,821 - THE STOCK, IT'S PLUMMETING. 376 00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:38,093 DOWN 40%. 377 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,131 - HE'S NO LONGER IN PAIN IF HE'S DEAD. 378 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:45,527 - TO DIE, TO SLEEP, TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM. 379 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:50,272 - OH, 125%, 3,000%? 380 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,870 - LET ME SEE THAT. 381 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:55,072 OH, SON OF A BITCH. 382 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,975 - UP 2%. 383 00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:01,107 [upbeat fun music] 384 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,154 [electronic rock music] 385 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,622 [upbeat rock music] 386 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,462 [sad music] 387 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,657 - [coughs] 388 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:15,228 NURSE, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE? 389 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,428 - I DON'T KNOW, 390 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,699 BUT YOU'LL FIND OUT VERY SOON, BILLY. 391 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:20,899 NOW, GET SOME REST. 392 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:24,071 YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TIRED FOR HEAVEN. 393 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,640 - BUT I ALWAYS WISHED I COULD GO TO PARIS 394 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,470 AND SEE THE EIFFEL TOWER. 395 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,776 NURSE? 396 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:33,278 OH. 397 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,210 - DID SOMEBODY SAY, "THE EIFFEL TOWER?" 398 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:39,276 - [gasps] GARY THE WHEELCHAIR? 399 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,016 - HOP ON! 400 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,490 LET'S GO SEE THE WORLD. 401 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,819 WHEE! 402 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,486 - WHOA! 403 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,895 WOW, THE EIFFEL TOWER. 404 00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:54,567 OH, GARY, CAN WE SIT ON THE VERY TOP OF THE TOWER? 405 00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:55,498 - SURE. 406 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:59,202 OH, HEY, WHAT'S THAT? 407 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:02,866 OH, NO, YOU DON'T NEED ALCOHOL ANYMORE, GARY, 408 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:06,076 AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE A WHEELCHAIR NOW, REMEMBER? 409 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,409 [dreamy harp music] 410 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,514 I'M OKAY TO DRIVE. 411 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,976 OOH, ONE MORE WON'T HURT. 412 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,545 HUH? [tires squealing] 413 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,053 [truck crashing] - [screams] 414 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,515 MY LEGS! [crying] 415 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,463 WHAT HAVE I DONE? 416 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,917 [dreamy harp music] 417 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:19,855 - GARY? 418 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:23,660 - UH--OH, NO. 419 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,403 NO, I GOT TO STAY STRONG. 420 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,329 - GARY, IT'S HOT UP HERE. 421 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,165 I'M THIRSTY. 422 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,739 - YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. SCREW IT. 423 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,867 HOLD ON, KID. 424 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:32,772 WHEE! 425 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:33,842 [club music] 426 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,970 BEEP, BEEP, COMING THROUGH. - WHOA! 427 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,936 - HEY, TOOTS, NEED A SEAT? 428 00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:38,914 ¶ 429 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,682 - [groaning] GARY? 430 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,651 - [coughing] 431 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:46,049 HEY, DADDY BOY, WANT A LAP DANCE? 432 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:46,852 [coughing] 433 00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:50,193 - OKAY, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DANCE. 434 00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,060 - WHEE, HOLD ON, BILLY! 435 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,418 COMING THROUGH. LOOK OUT. 436 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,956 HI, GIRLS. 437 00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:55,891 ¶ 438 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,196 YEAH, GIRL. 439 00:14:57,197 --> 00:15:01,697 I WISH I COULD THANK YOUR DADDY FOR MESSING YOU UP SO GOOD. 440 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,441 SHAKE THAT. MMM. 441 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,667 - NO, NO, NO, NO. 442 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:06,502 GET AWAY FROM ME. 443 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,866 - GARY, CAN WE GO TO THE TOWER NOW? 444 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:12,106 - OKAY, JUST ONE MORE DRINK. 445 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:12,782 - [coughs] 446 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,649 YOU READY FOR YOUR LAP DANCE? 447 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,378 - ALMOST GOT IT. 448 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:19,683 - [straining for breath] 449 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,386 - [gasps] YOU KILLED HER, GARY! 450 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,859 - UH, QUICK, KID, GRAB THIS BOTTLE 451 00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:27,388 AND POUR THE BUBBLY DOWN GARY'S THROAT. 452 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,634 - BUT-- - JUST DO IT! 453 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,698 SHOW ME HOW STRONG THOSE LITTLE FINGERTIPS ARE. 454 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,128 [champagne bubbling] 455 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,003 - [burps] 456 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:34,670 [flies buzzing] 457 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:37,198 - GARY, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE? 458 00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,573 - THAT DEPENDS ON YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS, 459 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:43,612 BUT STRIPPERS PREFER TO BE SHOVED UNDER A COUCH. 460 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,280 [grunting] 461 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,038 [sighs] 462 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,646 NOW, LET'S GET YOU HOME. 463 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,348 WHEE! 464 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,380 [snores] 465 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,854 - GARY, LOOK OUT! 466 00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:55,892 - UH, WHEE! 467 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,289 - I'M ALL ITCHY, GARY. 468 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,091 - OH, THOSE ARE CALLED CRABS, KIDDO, 469 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:03,133 OR AS I LIKE TO CALL THEM, STRIPPER FLEAS. 470 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,159 - BILLY WATSON, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR MURDER. 471 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,226 WE FOUND YOUR FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER THE MURDER WEAPON. 472 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:10,835 - BILLY, HOW COULD YOU? 473 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,597 - BUT IT WASN'T ME! 474 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:13,805 TELL THEM, GARY. 475 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,307 - UM, I BLACKED OUT. 476 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,078 SORRY, I DON'T REMEMBER A THING. 477 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:18,778 SEE, BILLY, 478 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:22,808 AND THAT'S THE DANGERS OF DRINKING ALCOHOL. 479 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,646 KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. 480 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,681 WHEE! 481 00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:30,485 [cell phone vibrates] 482 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,460 - HEY. - YOU READY FOR TONIGHT? 483 00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:33,319 - I, UM... 484 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,556 - UM? I KNOW YOU DIDN'T "UM" ME. 485 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,032 DON'T BE TRYING TO PULL OUT NOW. 486 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,230 YOU KNOW I LIKES TO PENETRATE. 487 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,001 WE GOING TONIGHT IF I HAVE TO COME OVER THERE 488 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,800 AND PUT YOU IN HANDCUFFS AND DRAG YOUR ASS 489 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,941 LIKE THE POLICE DRAGGED MY COUSIN TYRELL. 490 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:46,737 YOU WILL BE SITTING THERE HANDCUFFED AND DEPRESSED. 491 00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:47,410 I'M A BAD BITCH. 492 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,167 YOU AIN'T GONNA PULL BACK ON ME. 493 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,675 [smooching] 494 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,477 - WE HAVE TO BE QUICK. 495 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,008 MY WIFE'S GOING TO BE HOME FROM WORK SOON. 496 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:57,853 - WELL THEN, LET ME SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE. 497 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,821 [suspenseful music] 498 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:00,989 - HOLY SHIT! 499 00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,087 FREDDY KRUEGER? 500 00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:03,318 PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. 501 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,763 - OH, I'M NOT HERE TO KILL YOU, BILL. 502 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,690 I'M HERE TO GET YOU OFF. 503 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,496 [sexy pop music] [zipper opening] 504 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,958 - OH, NO. 505 00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:13,766 YES. 506 00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,727 OH... [groans] 507 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:19,695 [screaming] 508 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,866 - OH, GROSS, YOU HAD A WET DREAM? 509 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,276 - IT WASN'T A WET DREAM. 510 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,677 IT WAS A WET NIGHTMARE. 511 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,148 FREDDY KRUEGER WAS GOING DOWN ON ME. 512 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,208 - ICK. WHATEVER, HONEY. EW. 513 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,816 GO BACK TO SLEEP. 514 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:37,559 [dreamy harp music] 515 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:41,687 - OH, YEAH, TWO CHICKS ON THE BEACH IN HAWAII, 516 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:42,634 MY HOTTEST FANTASY. 517 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:45,899 - WHY DON'T YOU WAIT HERE WHILE WE OIL OURSELVES UP 518 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,429 BEHIND THESE PALM TREES? 519 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,834 [thunder crashes] 520 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:49,895 - OH, SHIT! 521 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,073 IT'S FREDDY AGAIN. 522 00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,741 - ACTUALLY, IT'S YOUR HOTTEST FANTASY, 523 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,540 TWO FREDDIES ON THE BEACH IN HAWAII. 524 00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,284 [sexy pop music] [zipper opening] 525 00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,479 - [groaning] 526 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,550 [screams] 527 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,149 - EW, TWO WET DREAMS IN ONE NIGHT? 528 00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,521 - WET NIGHTMARES. 529 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:07,919 OH, GOD, PLEASE, SARAH. 530 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,391 DON'T LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP. 531 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,919 FREDDY'S GONNA ORGASM ME TO DEATH. 532 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,355 - OKAY, AND WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? 533 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,390 - YOU'VE SEEN HIS MOVIES. 534 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,625 HE LIKES TO GET CREATIVE WHEN HE KILLS PEOPLE, 535 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,100 WHICH HE IS TRYING TO DO TO ME WITH HIS MOUTH. 536 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,500 - WELL, YOU CAN NEVER GET IT UP TWICE FOR ME, 537 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,942 SO I'M TAKING THIS AS AN INSULT. 538 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:29,368 [solemn suspenseful music] 539 00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,337 [suspenseful music] 540 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,146 - OH, NO, ANOTHER HOT FANTASY, 541 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:38,278 TRAPPED ON THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION WITH NOWHERE TO GO 542 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,024 AND THREE HOT SPACE STEWARDESSES. 543 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,489 - CAPTAIN, US GIRLS ARE GOING TO GO INTO THE SLEEP CHAMBER 544 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,790 AND CHANGE INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE. 545 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,433 - NO, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! 546 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,528 YOU'RE ALL GONNA TURN INTO FREDDY KRUEGERS 547 00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,160 AND BLOW ME TO DEATH. 548 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,425 - WE'RE BACK, CAPTAIN, 549 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,674 AND WE'RE WAY MORE COMFORTABLE. 550 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,700 - COMFORTABLE FOR SEX. 551 00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:02,566 - YOU'RE STILL HOT SPACE STEWARDESSES? 552 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,305 NOT FREDDIES? 553 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,210 OH, YEAH! 554 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:09,011 TIME FOR AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL MENAGE A TROIS. 555 00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,145 [sexy pop music] 556 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,280 - OOH. 557 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,245 OH, YEAH. 558 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:19,115 CAPTAIN, WHY AREN'T WE TURNING YOU ON? 559 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,285 AREN'T WE SEXY ENOUGH? 560 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,764 - UM, YEAH. 561 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,802 LOOK, YOU ARE ALL TOTALLY SO SEXY, 562 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:29,898 BUT WOULD YOU MIND MAYBE WEARING STRIPED SHIRTS AND FEDORAS? 563 00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:33,943 MAYBE SOME KNIFE HANDS, YOU KNOW, JUST FOR FUN. 564 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,010 [screams] 565 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,208 - IT'S OKAY, BILL. 566 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,309 YOU WERE JUST HAVING A NIGHTMARE. 567 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,111 - NOT ANYMORE I'M NOT, FREDDY. 568 00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,454 - COME HERE, YOU. 569 00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,148 [sexy pop music] 570 00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,350 [phone rings] 571 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,121 - YOU'VE REACHED TRIPTANK. 572 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,619 - HEY, I WATCH YOUR SKETCHES ALL THE TIME, YOU KNOW, 573 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,591 AND YOU HAVE NO SKETCHES ABOUT CATS ON THERE. 574 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,490 WHAT THE [bleep] THE PROBLEM WITH CATS? 575 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,862 WHAT DO YOU GOT AGAINST CATS? 576 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,930 I LOVE [bleep] CATS. 577 00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:56,358 I LIVE AT HOME. I SMOKE POT. 578 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,532 I PET MY CAT. I SCRATCH MY NUTS. 579 00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,331 THAT'S WHAT I DO ALL DAY. 580 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:02,872 I WILL NOT WATCH AN EPISODE OF YOUR [bleep] SHOW NO MORE 581 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,799 UNLESS YOU PUT ON [bleep] CATS. 582 00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,004 [cell phone vibrates] 583 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:06,765 - HOLD, PLEASE. 584 00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:07,773 HEY, HONEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? 585 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,774 - OH, MY GOD, I'M ABOUT TO CALL 911 586 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,836 'CAUSE KEYOSHA DOWN AT HAIR PLUS 587 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,144 JUST HAIR MINUSED MY HAIR. 588 00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:13,906 - WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED? 589 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,853 - WELL, SHE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE-D MY SCALP. 590 00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,148 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 591 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,780 - OKAY. - I DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! 592 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,146 OH, MY GOD, HOW COULD YOU JUST SAY "OKAY?" 593 00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:22,885 [continues yelling] 594 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,459 - ¶ UH-HUH, DUH, DUH, DUH, DUH, DUH ¶ 595 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,517 OOH, OOH, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 596 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:27,626 GET SOME OF THAT. 597 00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:28,457 BRO'S A SMOOTH OPERATOR. 598 00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,391 - ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME? 599 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:31,926 - [screaming] 600 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:32,961 - BILL, SWEETIE, IT'S OKAY. 601 00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,496 YOU WERE JUST HAVING A NIGHTMARE. 602 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:35,430 - MY GOD, IT WAS AWFUL. 603 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,125 I HAD A DREAM THAT YOU WERE FREDDY KRUEGER, 604 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:40,666 AND YOU WERE IN BED WITH ME, AND I LIKED IT. 605 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,873 [chuckles] PRETTY SILLY, HUH? 606 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:43,865 - OH, YOU. 607 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:46,906 YES, IT CERTAINLY IS. 608 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,713 I'M NOT FREDDY. 609 00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,005 YOU'RE FREDDY! 610 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,246 [suspenseful music] 611 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,751 - NO! 612 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,953 [sexy pop music] 613 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,285 [rock music] 614 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,327 [upbeat rock music] 615 00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:04,829 - ¶ THROW THE DICE 616 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,101 ¶ SPIN THE WHEEL 617 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,169 ¶ TAKE A CHANCE ON ME, BABY 618 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,427 ¶ I'M A REAL BIG DEAL 619 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:12,766 ¶ JOKER IN THE PACK 620 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,512 ¶ ACE IN THE HOLE 621 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:16,067 ¶ DOUBLE -- splat! 41221

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