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1
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:04,669
- WOULD YOU LIKE
A HAPPY ENDING
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,342
TO YOUR MASSAGE?
3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,110
- UH--[chuckles]
WHAT?
4
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:10,210
UH, SURE.
5
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:13,611
- THIS MAN
IS YOUR BIRTH FATHER!
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:14,984
- OH, WOW.
7
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,482
NOT WHAT I WAS
EXPECTING BUT, UM,
8
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:18,545
THIS IS PRETTY COOL.
9
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,522
UH, HOW ARE YOU, SIR?
10
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:24,591
- I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
A HAND JOB.
11
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,692
[upbeat music]
12
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,825
¶
13
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,459
- AND I WAS LIKE,
"SORRY, MAN.
14
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,374
I JUST WASTED MY LAST MIRACLE
ON A DUCK."
15
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,567
[laughter]
16
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,300
- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
17
00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:38,904
I'VE, UH,
GOT US SOME MORE WATER.
18
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,966
- [laughs]
EXCELLENT.
19
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:43,535
- UH, JESUS, IF, UH,
YOU'LL DO THE HONORS?
20
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:46,054
- [chuckles]
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
21
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,107
[clears throat]
22
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:50,024
[musical chimes]
DING, DING, DING, DI--
23
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,547
OH, [bleep],
I TOUCHED HIS HAND INSTEAD.
24
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:53,453
- [groans]
- W-WHAT DOES--
25
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,824
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?
26
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,523
- I JUST TURNED
ALL THE WATER
27
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,755
IN HIS BODY INTO RED WINE.
28
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,860
- WELL, HOW MUCH WATER
WAS IN HIS BODY?
29
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,362
- DUDE, PEOPLE
ARE MADE OF, LIKE,
30
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,504
70% WATER OR SOMETHING.
31
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,929
- SO--SO YOU
JUST TURNED 70%
32
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,695
OF HIS BIOLOGICAL MAKE-UP
INTO WINE?
33
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,374
- [groans]
- Y-YES.
34
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,813
- WELL,
[bleep] CHANGE HIM BACK!
35
00:01:13,808 --> 00:01:16,738
- I DON'T KNOW HOW!
- WELL, WHO DOES?
36
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,384
- UM, UM, SATAN MAYBE?
37
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,510
- THEN CALL HIM!
38
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,824
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
YUP, YUP, YUP, YUP.
39
00:01:22,817 --> 00:01:26,817
- HE'S DEAD!
HE'S DEAD.
40
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,420
- [sighs]
41
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,324
[phone ringing]
42
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,856
- TRIPTANK.HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
43
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,361
- I'M VERY ANGRY
AT A LOT OF THINGS,
44
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:38,632
BUT YOU HAVE TOPPED
MY [bleep] LIST, TRIPTANK!
45
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,932
IS THAT A TANK
I'M SUPPOSED TO TRIP IN?
46
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,565
YOU GOT SOME KIND OF L.S.D.
47
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,340
L.C.D. HIPPY SHIT
GOIN' ON?
48
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,568
I WILL FIND YOU
AND I WILL SLIT EVERY ONE
49
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,074
OF YOUR THROATS
WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE.
50
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,006
- LET ME TRANSFER YOU
TO THAT DEPARTMENT.
51
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:51,741
HOLD, PLEASE.
52
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,175
- WOULDN'T TAKE ANY
OF THEIR BARBARIAN BULLSHIT.
53
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,310
- I GOT IT, ROY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
54
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,145
- DONKEY-KICK
THAT LEATHER DIAPER-WEARIN'
55
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,920
KING DIAMOND WANNABE
RIGHT INTO
56
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,518
THE [bleep] NEXT WEEK.
57
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,550
- TRIPTANK.HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
58
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,256
- DAD, COME QUICK!
59
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,218
- WHAT IS IT, SON?
60
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:08,326
- IT'S GRANDMA.
SHE'S NOT BREATHING!
61
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,299
I THINK SHE'S DEAD!
62
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:10,897
- OH, DEAR.
63
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:13,998
WELP, I GUESS I'VE GOT
TO BOOK A FUNERAL THEN.
64
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,641
- AW, I HATE BORING FUNERALS.
65
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,767
- I KNOW, KIDDO.
66
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,111
I DO TOO,
BUT IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
67
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,178
- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
68
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,037
ARE YOU SICK OF DREARY
AND BLAND FUNERALS
69
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,275
TAKIN' UP YOUR ENTIRE DAY?
- BOY, AM I!
70
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:31,551
- THEN COME ON DOWN TO PETE'S
EXTREME FUNERAL PARLOR!
71
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,252
WE SPICE UP THE EVERY DAY
CONVENTIONAL FUNERAL
72
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,455
AND TURN IT INTO
A FUN-FILLED EXTRAVAGANZA
73
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:39,457
TO ENTERTAIN FRIENDS AND FAMILY
OF THE RECENTLY DECEASED.
74
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,860
FOR JUST $599,
THE CREMATORY CATAPULT HURLS
75
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:45,202
YOUR DEARLY DEPARTED THROUGH
THE FLAMING HOOPS OF DEATH,
76
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,329
THEN SHOOTS THEM
INTO THE SKY,
77
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,233
WHERE THEY'LL
EXPLODE INTO ASHES,
78
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,125
WHICH WILL BE SPREAD ACROSS
79
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,636
THE BEAUTIFUL, GREEN EARTH!
- EXTREME!
80
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,209
- FOR A RIDICULOUS $799,
81
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:55,767
WE'LL OPEN THE PORTAL
TO THE QUIGON DIMENSION,
82
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:56,836
WHERE THE DEAD BODY
WILL BE TURNED
83
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,384
INTO SUBATOMIC PARTICLES,
WHICH WILL EXPLODE
84
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,349
INTO SEPARATE
UNIVERSES AT ONCE,
85
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,477
CAUSING A DIMENSIONAL PARADOX,
86
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,652
DESTROYING ALL MATTER AND LIFE
AS WE KNOW IT!
87
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,321
- EXTREME DIMENSIONAL PARADOX!
88
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:05,979
- WE DO IT ALL.
89
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,846
COME DOWN
FOR A DISCOUNTED DOOZY.
90
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,285
PICK FROM A WIDE RANGE
OF EXCITING OPTIONS
91
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:13,061
OF WHAT YOU THINK WOULD BE
THE MOST APPROPRIATE
92
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:13,790
AND ENTERTAINING WAY
93
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,164
TO SEND YOUR DEAD LOVED ONES
SOARING INTO HEAVEN.
94
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,564
YOU DO WANT YOUR LOVED ONES
95
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,726
TO GO TO HEAVEN,
DON'T YOU?
96
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:21,934
- CALL NOW!
97
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:25,166
[electronic music]
98
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:28,142
- TINY HIPPO
HAD A TINY TRAIN.
99
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:30,142
HE LOVED THAT TRAIN...
[train whistle blows]
100
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:31,984
AND THEY WENT EVERYWHERE
TOGETHER,
101
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:36,749
LAUGHIN' AND PLAYIN'
ALL THROUGHOUT THEIR TINY WORLD.
102
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:40,620
THEN ONE DAY,
TINY RAVEN SWOOPED DOWN
103
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,891
AND STOLE THE TINY TRAIN.
104
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,660
THIS MADE TINY HIPPO
VERY SAD.
105
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:49,189
BUT HE DECIDED
THAT HE WOULD BE BRAVE.
106
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:53,596
SO THE NEXT DAY, HE WALKED UP
THE TINY MOUNTAIN,
107
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,601
CROSSED THROUGH
THE TINY VALLEY,
108
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,473
CLIMBED UP
THE TINY OAK TREE,
109
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:02,612
AND SHANKED TINY RAVEN'S
TINY BITCH ASS.
110
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,910
[bird squawks]
111
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:04,481
[laughs]
112
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:08,508
AIN'T NO ONE [bleep]
WITH TINY HIPPO.
113
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:09,505
NO ONE.
114
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:10,276
[phone ringing]
115
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:11,854
- TRIPTANK.- I GOT THIS SONG.
116
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,052
I REALLY THINK
IT'D BE GREAT
117
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,323
FOR THE END OF YOUR SHOW
EACH WEEK.
118
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:16,191
- OKAY?
- KIND OF A FOLK-A-DELIC,
119
00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:18,460
RODEO-CORE, EASY-LISTENING,
BLACK METAL,
120
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:22,289
LATE '60s VIBE, RECORDED
BY DEAF KIDS FROM NEW GUINEA.
121
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,456
PRETTY SURE YOU'LL LOVE IT.
122
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,604
[phone ringing]
- PLEASE HOLD.
123
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,698
- [screams]
[heavy metal music]
124
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,870
- HEY, KIDS!
125
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,468
IT'S TIME FOR "VERSUS"!
126
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,540
VERSUS!
127
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:33,367
THIS WEEK'S COMBATANTS:
128
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,644
THIRD GRADE SOCCER TEAM...
129
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,413
- GREAT KICK, JIMMY!
- THANKS!
130
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,382
- VERSUS...
131
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,452
MONGOLIAN HORDE.
132
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:50,621
[all screaming]
133
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,924
¶
134
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:01,528
[angelic music]
135
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,666
[yak bellows]
136
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,038
- BRING IT.
137
00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:08,371
- [blows whistle]
138
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,335
- OH.
139
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,943
[whimsical music]
140
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,105
- [grunts]
141
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,013
[groans]
142
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:19,146
[all grunting]
143
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,123
- MY FACE!
144
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,290
- [blows whistle]
145
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,089
- YES!
146
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,090
- GOOD TEAMWORK!
147
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,832
[hip-hop music]
148
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,287
- [groans]
149
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,525
- OH, RUNNING MAN,
CLASSIC.
150
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:38,873
[cuckoo clock chiming]
151
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:39,942
- [laughs]
- HUH?
152
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,710
- ¶ THE TIME TO BE HAPPY
IS NOW ¶
153
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:43,410
- [grunts]
154
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,140
- ¶ AND THE PLACE
TO BE HAPPY IS HERE ¶
155
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:45,975
- [grunts]
- AAH!
156
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,409
- ¶ AND THE WAY TO BE HAPPY
IS TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY ¶
157
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:49,715
- YOU LIKE THAT?
YOU LIKE THAT?
158
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,777
- ¶ AND WE'LL HAVE
A LITTLE HEAVEN RIGHT HERE ¶
159
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:53,616
- [blows whistle]
160
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,520
- ¶ WE'LL HAVE
A LITTLE HEAVEN RIGHT HERE ¶
161
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:56,392
- I WANT TO LEAVE!
162
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,460
- ¶ WE'LL HAVE
A LITTLE HEAVEN RIGHT HERE ¶
163
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,559
- [panting]
164
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,790
- WHAT TIME DID YOU
SAY IT WAS?
165
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,595
IT'S THE TIME TO BE HAPPY!
166
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:08,268
- WINNER:
THIRD GRADE SOCCER TEAM!
167
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:08,968
[all cheering]
168
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,599
- 'CAUSE YOU CHEAT!
[grunts]
169
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,544
- EVERYONE GETS A TROPHY!
170
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,410
[phone ringing]
171
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,208
- HELLO?
TRIPTANK.
172
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:18,139
- NO, I WAS CALLING
'CAUSE I LOVE YOUR SHOW
173
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,175
AND I HAVE
A LITTLE FRIEND HERE
174
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,579
WHO WANTS TO BE
ON THE SHOW.
175
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,081
CAN I--CAN YOU HEAR HIM?
176
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,882
HE DOES GREAT VOICE WORK.
177
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,384
SCORCHY, GO AHEAD.
178
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,116
- [koala blabbering]
179
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:29,322
- ISN'T HE WONDERFUL?
180
00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:30,963
- [blabbering]
- SH--HOLD ON.
181
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:31,718
HE'S SAYING SOMETHING.
182
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,325
DON'T INTERRUPT
THE LITTLE FURRY [bleep].
183
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:36,328
- [blabbering]
184
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:37,700
OH, MY GOD.
REALLY?
185
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:38,728
OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
186
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,602
WE'RE GONNA PASS ANYWAYS.
187
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,030
HE WANTS TO GO TO THE PARK
AND [bleep] A DALMATIAN.
188
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,296
SORRY.
189
00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:49,242
[explosion]
190
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:52,906
[electronic music]
191
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,513
¶
192
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,724
- AMERICA,
WELCOME BACK TO--
193
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,192
[cheers and applause]
194
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,517
THAT LAST ROUND
KNOCKED OUT CARL,
195
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:05,563
WHICH LEAVES US
WITH SHARLEEN AND FELIPE.
196
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:08,089
YOU READY?
- I WAS BORN READY, DICKEY.
197
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,425
- I'M THE [bleep] WHISPERER!
198
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,160
I CAN SMELL IT!
199
00:07:11,165 --> 00:07:12,125
- ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
200
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,172
DOWN TO OUR
FINAL TWO CONTESTANTS
201
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:14,928
AND A CHANCE TO PLAY
202
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,765
FOR THIS WEEK'S
SEXY GRAND PRIZE.
203
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,471
STU, TELL 'EM WHAT IT IS!
204
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,613
- A WEEKEND AT THE WHITE TAIL
NUDIST RESORT
205
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,209
IN BEAUTIFUL KANSAS CITY!
206
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,452
all: OOH!
207
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:27,277
- ALL RIGHT.
208
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,351
LET'S SEE WHAT
IVANA HUMPANOVA HAS HIDDEN
209
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,249
BEHIND THE CURTAIN
FOR THIS FINAL CHALLENGE
210
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,991
OF "DO YOU THINK
HE CAN [bleep]?"
211
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,217
WHAT A SURPRISE!
212
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,063
YES, YES, Y'ALL!
213
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,087
STEPHEN HAWKING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
214
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:39,932
- [computerized mumbling]
215
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,157
- SHARLEEN AND FELIPE,
YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS
216
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,762
TO DECIDE WHETHER
STEPHEN HAWKING
217
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:48,104
CAN ACTUALLY [bleep],
STARTING NOW!
218
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,374
FELIPE,
WE'LL START WITH YOU.
219
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,374
STEPHEN HAWKING,
FAMED PHYSICIST
220
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,606
AND BLACK HOLE PIONEER--
221
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,681
DO YOU THINK
HE CAN [bleep]?
222
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,880
- NO, NO, NO.
THE JUNK DON'T WORK.
223
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:02,452
all: OOH!
224
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:05,119
- THAT IS A BRAVE CHOICE,
FELIPE.
225
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,448
SHARLEEN,
WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER?
226
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,264
- BASTE MY BOOBIES
AND CALL ME A TURKEY.
227
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,917
YES, HE CAN!
WHOO!
228
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:13,986
- [laughs]
WOW.
229
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,194
A SPLIT DECISION.
230
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,825
WELL, THE ANSWER IS...
YES!
231
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,831
STEPHEN HAWKING
CAN [bleep]!
232
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,533
SHARLEEN, MY LITTLE
TRAILER TRASH CUTIE,
233
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:23,396
YOU ARE THE WINNER!
234
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,143
- [computerized]
OH, YES! OH, YES!
235
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,298
BIG BANG...
- OH, YEAH.
236
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:27,506
- TASTE MY MILKY WAY.
237
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:28,938
I CAN [bleep].
- YES!
238
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:29,642
- I CAN [bleep].
239
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,713
- YES, YOU CAN, STEPHEN.
UP TOP!
240
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,082
OH, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
241
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,080
WELL, FELIPE,
YOU PLAYED A HELL OF A GAME,
242
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,822
BUT YOU WON'T GO HOME
EMPTY-HANDED, MY BROTHER.
243
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,548
[chuckles]
244
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:39,582
STU, TELL 'EM WHAT YOU GOT.
245
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,946
- FELIPE,
YOUR NAME WILL NOW APPEAR
246
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,755
ON THE NATIONAL
SEX OFFENDER LIST.
247
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,117
all: OOH!
- CONGRATULATIONS!
248
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,056
- AAH, WHY?
[sobs]
249
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:51,431
- [sexual moaning]
- AW, SHIT!
250
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,131
YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT SOUND MEANS.
251
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,203
IT'S TIME FOR THE--
252
00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:58,602
- THAT'S RIGHT.
AND NOW, SHARLEEN,
253
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,805
THE CHANCE TO WIN IT ALL.
254
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:03,637
STARTING NOW!
255
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,114
- YES. YES.
256
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,242
NO.
UH, YES.
257
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,946
UH, NO.
NO. NO. NO.
258
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,349
YES. YES. NO!
259
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,750
YES, YES. NO.
HELL YEAH!
260
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,693
- WOW.
THAT WAS A HELL OF A ROUND.
261
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:16,759
LOOK AT YOU.
262
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:17,987
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
263
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,221
- I'M AS TIRED
AS TWO RABBITS
264
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,326
SCREWIN' IN A WOOL SOCK.
265
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,128
DID I WIN?
266
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,599
- LET'S GO TO THE JUDGES.
267
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,697
[drumming]
268
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,770
SHARLEEN...
269
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,169
YOU...HAVE...WON.
270
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,071
- [laughs]
271
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,013
- HEY, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR JOINING US.
272
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,238
TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR--
273
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,508
[phone ringing]
274
00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:41,013
- TRIPTANK.- HEY, LISTEN, MAN.
275
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,954
THIS IS THE DEPARTMENT
OF ENERGY.
276
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,150
YEAH, YOU NEED
TO SHUT DOWN.
277
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,051
YOU'RE USIN' UP
TOO MUCH ENERGY, MAN.
278
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,893
THE POLAR ICE CAPS
ARE MELTING.
279
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,218
I'M SURE
YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT IT.
280
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,662
- WELL, UH--
- OKAY.
281
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,057
WHY DON'T YOU
DROP THE SARCASM?
282
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,159
I'M STANDING HERE
WEARING FLOOD PANTS, OKAY?
283
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:58,132
YOU'VE GOT WHAT YOU CALL
AN ARIZONA SHIT STORM,
284
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:01,271
AND THERE'S ONE
COMIN' YOUR WAY, WISE-ASS.
285
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,128
[phone ringing]
286
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:03,966
- MM-MM-MM.
287
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,671
I'D LIKE TO SNACK
ON A PIECE OF THAT GINA.
288
00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:07,542
- ROY, PLEASE. DON'T.
- SHE IS ONE HOT STUFF
289
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:09,941
PIECE OF CUPCAKE
LITTLE MAMA. WHOO!
290
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,183
- I GOT IT, ROY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
291
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,608
- STAY BACK,
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
292
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,353
GINA'S MINE.
293
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:16,448
- [cackling]
294
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:19,480
WE BEGIN WITH NEWT JUICE!
295
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:22,446
ADD A DROP
OF DRAGON'S BLOOD!
296
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:26,926
A FRESHLY SQUEEZED
BRAZILIAN FOREST RUMPLETOAD!
297
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:30,827
A WHISKER FROM
A NAUGHTY WITCH'S KITTY!
298
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,231
A HANDFUL
OF VIRGIN EYEBALLS!
299
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:37,343
AND NOW WE SAY
THE MAGIC WORDS.
300
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,467
WAKABAZOO!
[laughs]
301
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:44,984
AT LAST, IT IS COMPLETE!
302
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,582
OH, YEAH.
303
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,483
THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT!
304
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,585
[cackles maniacally]
305
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:54,747
[vomits]
306
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:57,415
[pleasant music]
307
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,664
- HELLO?
308
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,259
- OH, BABY, OH.
309
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:04,030
IF ONLY I COULD JUST
PUT OUT MY HAND AND TOUCH YOU.
310
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,101
TOUCH YOUR HAIR AND YOUR--
311
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,069
- I'M SORRY.
WHO IS THIS?
312
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,038
- WHAT?
IT'S JEFF.
313
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:12,467
- JEFF, I'M SORRY.
314
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,072
YOU'RE NOT
IN MY PHONE ANYMORE.
315
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,774
- WE BROKE UP, LIKE,
TWO HOURS AGO.
316
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,336
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
[phone beeps]
317
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,644
- OOH, I GOT TO GET THIS.
318
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:21,475
MY DAD WAS SO HAPPY,
HE JUST BOUGHT ME A CAR.
319
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,981
- WHAT?
- ISN'T THAT SO NICE?
320
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,083
- THAT'S WHY YOU GOT TO GO?
- BYE!
321
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,185
- BUT...I LOVE YOU.
322
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,247
[dial tone]
323
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:28,815
[cries]
324
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,162
- HEY, CAN YOU
SAY THAT LAST BIT
325
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,317
JUST A LITTLE BIT LOUDER?
326
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,655
- GUYS,
ARE YOU RECORDING THIS?
327
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,431
- UH, NOPE.
328
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:39,230
- BECAUSE THE THING
ABOUT HUMANS IS,
329
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:42,172
HUMANS NEED PRIVACY,
ALL RIGHT?
330
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:45,569
ESPECIALLY WHEN
THEY'RE GETTING STABBED
331
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:48,372
IN THEIR HUMAN HEART!
[cries]
332
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,935
- HEY, WHAT'S PRIVACY?
333
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,613
- I DON'T KNOW.
[toilet flushes]
334
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,211
- ¶ THREE ALIENS
CAME FROM THE SKY ¶
335
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,914
¶ THE GALACTIC COUNCIL
SENT THEM ¶
336
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,516
all: ¶ AND HERE'S
THE REASON WHY ¶
337
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,917
- ¶ THEIR MISSION
IS TO STUDY ¶
338
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,619
¶ EARTH'S MOST AVERAGE GUY
339
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,151
all: ¶ TO SEE IF HUMANS
ARE WORTH SAVING ¶
340
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:06,116
¶ OR IF EVERYONE
HAS TO DIE ¶
341
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:08,592
- WAIT. WHAT?
342
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:09,485
all: JEFF! JEFF! JEFF!
343
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,456
- CAN YOU TAKE US TO THE ZOO?
- OOH, OOH, OOH.
344
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:12,855
- THE ZOO?
HUH.
345
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,626
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
346
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:15,974
I'M NOT LEAVIN' THIS HOUSE
347
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,969
FOR A VERY,
VERY LONG TIME.
348
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,012
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT
WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY AGAIN?
349
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,667
CAN WE GO THEN?
350
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:23,536
- WHEN I'M HAPPY AGAIN,
351
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,683
WE CAN DO
WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.
352
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,779
all: YAY!
353
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:31,351
- WOULD A PUPPY
MAKE YOU HAPPY?
354
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,081
[dog barks]
355
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,585
- [sighs]
NO, I'M SORRY, GUYS.
356
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,418
all: AW...
357
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:36,963
- AAH!
358
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,387
- HOW ABOUT
A LOT MORE PUPPIES?
359
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,432
- UH, APPRECIATE
THE SENTIMENT,
360
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,698
BUT YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHIN'
WITH THESE PUPPIES.
361
00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:47,598
RIGHT NOW!
- AW.
362
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,931
- HEY, JEFF.
363
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,395
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS JACKET?
364
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,943
IT'S CUSTOM TAILORED
JUST FOR YOU!
365
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,639
- THIS IS ACTUALLY
PRETTY COOL, GUYS.
366
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,542
I'M IMP--
367
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:58,684
OH, MY GOD!
368
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:00,808
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO!
369
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:03,584
NO! NO!
GOD, FORGIVE US.
370
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,053
FORGIVE US, GOD!
371
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:06,751
[knock at door]
[gasps]
372
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:08,353
AAH!
373
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,955
GET OUT OF HERE.
374
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:11,457
LINDA?
375
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,658
- I'M NOT READY
TO GIVE UP ON US.
376
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:20,304
[moans]
377
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,000
- [moans]
378
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,300
WOW.
[chuckles]
379
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:29,165
THAT IS THE BEST SEX
WE HAVE EVER HAD.
380
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,476
- [laughs]
381
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,607
ARE YOU HAPPY, JEFF?
382
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:36,921
- I THINK THIS MIGHT BE
THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
383
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:37,617
- GREAT.
- OH!
384
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,177
- NOW YOU CAN TAKE US
TO THE ZOO.
385
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,086
all: YAY!
386
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:44,017
[pleasant music]
387
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,894
[explosion]
388
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:48,226
- TRIPTANK.- YEAH, HEY.
389
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,088
I'M CALLING TO SAY THAT
THIS [bleep] SHOW
390
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,996
IS MY FAVORITE
[bleep] SHOW, MAN.
391
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:52,528
I LOVE IT.
392
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,172
I WATCH IT 24/7,
CHRISTMAS MORNING.
393
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,498
IT DOESN'T COME
ONCE A YEAR.
394
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,303
IT COMES EVERY TIME
I [bleep].
395
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,205
I [bleep]
WATCH THE SHOW, MAN.
396
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:00,867
- OF COURSE.
397
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:01,814
- MAN, LIKE,
WHEN I WAS A KID,
398
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,468
MY DADDY DIED,
AND I THOUGHT I COULD NEVER
399
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,736
LOVE ANYTHING AGAIN, MAN,
BUT THIS [bleep] SHOW
400
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,975
IS BETTER THAN
MY [bleep] DAD THAT DIED.
401
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:11,521
- UH--
- YOU DON'T LOVE MY LOVE?
402
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,988
I GIVE YOU [bleep] LOVE
FOR THE [bleep] SHOW,
403
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,847
AND YOU [bleep]
THROW HOT COOKING OIL
404
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,416
IN MY [bleep] FACE?
405
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,094
[bleep] YOU.
406
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,191
I WILL [bleep]
KILL YOU [bleep]--
407
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,232
- I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE BUCKS
TO PUT HIM ON HOLD.
408
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,598
- HOLD, PLEASE.
- MOTHER--
409
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:26,096
- I BET YOU REALLY REGRET
RUNNING THAT STORY
410
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,529
ABOUT JOEY VALVANO.
411
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,374
- NOW WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE
MY FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD:
412
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,470
STREET PANCAKES.
[chuckles]
413
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:36,142
- NO, PLEASE DON'T!
WAIT--WHO--WHOA!
414
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,212
[gasps]
415
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:37,980
YOU SAVED ME.
416
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,908
- IT WAS REALLY NO PROBLEM,
MA'AM.
417
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:40,913
GLAD TO HELP.
418
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,414
MY NAME IS TERRENCE.
YOURS?
419
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,575
- OH, UM, CAITLIN.
THE NAME'S CAITLIN.
420
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,384
- NICE NAME.
- UH, THANK YOU.
421
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,886
- PRETTY NAME
FOR A PRETTY LADY.
422
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,248
- ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME,
BECAUSE I--
423
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:50,856
- NO, MA'AM.
- OH.
424
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,757
OH, ALL RIGHT.
WELL, UM, GOSH.
425
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,089
THANKS FOR SAVING ME,
AGAIN.
426
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,725
- STILL NO PROBLEM.
427
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,000
[clears throat]
428
00:14:58,999 --> 00:14:59,999
- ARE YOU GONNA LAND?
429
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,200
- ABSOLUTELY,
BUT WE HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM.
430
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:04,242
- [laughs]
PROBLEM? WHAT--WHAT'S THAT?
431
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,337
- I'VE NEVER FLOWN BEFORE.
- WAIT. WHAT?
432
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,840
- I-I SAW A FALLING WOMAN
AND I JUST
433
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:10,282
WISHED REALLY HARD,
AND THEN I FLEW.
434
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:11,837
- WHAT?
- I KNOW, IT'S REALLY WEIRD.
435
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,745
SO, YEAH,
EVENTUALLY WE WILL LAND,
436
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:14,877
BUT I DON'T THINK
IT'S GOING TO BE
437
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,221
LIKE IN THE MOVIES
WHERE I JUST SLOW UP.
438
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,817
YOU KNOW?
WE ARE FLYING PRETTY FAST.
439
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:20,919
- I HAVE TO GO TO A MEETING!
440
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,121
- WHERE IS IT?
- IT'S ON PARK AVENUE.
441
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,662
- CAN YOU SEE IT FROM HERE?
- NO, I CAN'T--
442
00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:27,727
WE ARE IN THE SKY,
AND WE KEEP ON GOING UP.
443
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,327
- CAN YOU FLY?
- NO.
444
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:32,129
- WELL, I JUST FOUND OUT
I COULD FLY, SO BE GRATEFUL.
445
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,832
HOW IMPORTANT
IS THIS MEETING ANYWAY?
446
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,833
YOU WERE ABOUT TO DIE.
447
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,004
- I WASN'T PLANNING ON DYING,
SO I--
448
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,243
OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
449
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:41,168
LET'S JUST DO THIS
LIKE A PLANE.
450
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,544
- UH, I'M A PERSON.
451
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:43,842
- I KNOW.
I KNOW YOU'RE A PERSON.
452
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,743
I NEED YOU
TO START TO FLY DOWNWARD.
453
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,375
- THAT SOUNDS SO SCARY.
454
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,620
- COME ON, YOU'RE, LIKE,
260 POUNDS OF MUSCLE.
455
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,577
I KNOW YOU CAN LAND.
456
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,094
- MAYBE THAT'S IT!
JUST BELIEVE.
457
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,587
JUST BELIEVE IN ME.
458
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,888
- OH, MY GOD.
459
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:59,360
TERRENCE,
I BELIEVE IN YOU!
460
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:00,459
- [gasps]
461
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,890
THIS IS HORRIBLE!
462
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:02,755
BELIEVING DOESN'T WORK.
463
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,962
BELIEVING DOESN'T WORK!
- JUST SLOW DOWN!
464
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,396
- HERE WE GO.
IT'S WORKING!
465
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,330
- YES!
- IT'S WORKING!
466
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,495
- OH--WAIT.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
467
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,472
[both screaming]
[splat]
468
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,101
- MMM.
469
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,706
STREET PANCAKES!
470
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:15,708
[tires screech]
471
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:18,879
[ominous music]
472
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:23,308
¶
473
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,076
- [growls]
474
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:28,385
YOU HAVE COME SEEKING
THE GOBLET OF VALTORIS,
475
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:32,288
LITTLE KNIGHT, BUT YOU MUST
ANSWER MY RIDDLE FIRST.
476
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,792
AND IF YOU ANSWER POORLY,
477
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:37,333
I WILL GNAW THE FLESH
FROM YOUR BONES.
478
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,700
- WHAT IS YOUR RIDDLE,
FOUL BEAST?
479
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,329
- UNTIL I AM MEASURED,
I AM--
480
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,066
- TIME.
- WHAT?
481
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,440
I'M NOT FINISHED
WITH THE RIDDLE.
482
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:46,838
- I KNOW,
BUT THE ANSWER IS TIME.
483
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,840
- IT MAY--YOU KNOW,
IT MAY BE, BUT IT MAY NOT BE.
484
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,543
- UNTIL I AM MEASURED
I AM NOT KNOWN,
485
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,614
YET HOW YOU MISS ME
WHEN I HAVE FLOWN.
486
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:54,183
IT'S TIME.
487
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,650
- WELL, YOU HEARD
THE RIDDLE BEFORE.
488
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:56,578
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
489
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,653
IF YOU'D TOLD ME THAT,
I WOULD HAVE
490
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,150
ASKED YOU A DIFFERENT RIDDLE,
LIKE THIS ONE.
491
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,693
I DRIVE MEN MAD
FOR LOVE OF--
492
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,760
- GOLD!
- OH, COME ON!
493
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:06,958
- DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE RIDDLES?
- NO. I DON'T.
494
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,190
THOSE WERE
MY ONLY TWO RIDDLES.
495
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,234
- WELL, THEN I HAVE
PASSED YOUR CHALLENGE.
496
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:13,530
NOW GIVE ME THE GOBLET,
YOU STINKING BRUTE!
497
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,173
- DO YOU THINK--
LET ME ASK YOU.
498
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,168
DO YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD
499
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,799
THAT I'VE NEVER
HAD A GIRLFRIEND?
500
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:18,404
- WHAT?
501
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,265
- I'M NOT TRYING
TO BE GROSS,
502
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:23,612
BUT HOW MANY TIMES A DAY
DO YOU, UH, MASTURBATE?
503
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:24,640
- WHAT?
N-NO.
504
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,584
- BECAUSE I'M, UH--
I'M ON THAT THING, LIKE,
505
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,979
NINE, MAYBE TEN TIMES
A DAY.
506
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,781
- CAN WE JUST
DO THE GOBLET THING, PLEASE?
507
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:30,883
- AND IT DOESN'T
MAKE ME HAPPY.
508
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,424
LIKE, I NEVER--
I'M NEVER HAPPY AFTERWARDS.
509
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:34,250
JUST EMPTY.
510
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,694
- OH.
- GOD, I FEEL SO OLD.
511
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:39,890
AND I NEVER FINISH
ANYTHING I START,
512
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,133
EXCEPT MASTURBATING.
513
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,457
I FINISH THAT.
[chuckles]
514
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,562
- WELL, I-I MUST BE OFF.
515
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,964
- HEY, UH, MAYBE YOU AND ME
516
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:46,925
COULD TAKE A VACATION
TOGETHER.
517
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,333
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET ME JUST--HOLD UP.
518
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,044
LET ME GET YOUR CONTACT INFO,
SO WE CAN PLAN IT.
519
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,337
IT'LL BE FUN.
- YOU KNOW, UH,
520
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:53,668
I'LL GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU
ABOUT IT.
521
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:56,473
SO, CAN I JUST HAVE
THE GOBLET OF VALTORIS?
522
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,036
- OOH! WAIT.
523
00:17:57,043 --> 00:18:02,713
I AM AFRAID YOU MUST
ANSWER MY RIDDLE FIRST.
524
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,245
WHO'S MY BEST FRIEND?
525
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,380
- [sighs]
ME.
526
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,916
- [laughs]
YOU ARE GOOD.
527
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,192
YOU'RE GOOD!
528
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:14,160
ALL RIGHT.
FAREWELL, BRAVE KNIGHT.
529
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,690
OKAY!
530
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,556
[sighs]
531
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,565
NUMBER 11.
[squirt]
532
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:23,331
- [meow]
533
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:27,236
- HUH?
- [meowing]
534
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,080
- HEY, DO YOU TAKE DEBIT?
535
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:38,846
[both laugh obnoxiously]
536
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:44,285
OKAY...
537
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:44,890
- [vomits]
538
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,721
- TRIPTANK.- MY NAME IS TIM LAROY.
539
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,086
I JUST NOTICED
THAT A LOT OF TIMES,
540
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,064
WHEN YOU PLAY YOUR SKITS,
541
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:52,262
THEY DON'T LET ME ACHIEVE
FULL TOSS-OFF.
542
00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:53,995
BECAUSE BY THE TIME
THE SKIT IS OVER,
543
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,370
I'M JUST GETTIN' STARTED.
544
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:56,899
- UM.
545
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,043
- IF YOU COULD JUST
MAKE YOUR SKITS
546
00:18:58,037 --> 00:19:00,967
LAST A LITTLE BIT LONGER--
SAY 35, 40 MINUTES--
547
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,214
'CAUSE IT REALLY
TAKE ME THAT MUCH TIME
548
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,578
TO GET A SANDWICH,
GET A THING OF WINE,
549
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,507
RELAX,
GET MY WRIST LOOSENED UP,
550
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,653
GET OUT MY COCOA
AND/OR SHEA BUTTER
551
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,878
AND REALLY GET GOIN'.
552
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,453
[pleasant music]
553
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:14,451
[explosion]
554
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:15,990
- IT'S TRIPTANK.- YEAH, HELLO.
555
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,259
I'M CALLING BACK,
MOTHER[bleep]!
556
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,387
YOU [bleep] HOLD ME?
557
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,921
I'M GONNA [bleep]
HOLD YOUR WIFE,
558
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,126
YOUR [bleep] KIDS.
559
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:21,927
IF YOU'RE A GAY LOVER,
560
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,328
I'LL [bleep]
HOLD YOUR HUSBAND!
561
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,029
- OKAY.
- BUT SERIOUSLY,
562
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,031
I'M JUST CALLING BACK
TO SAY
563
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,272
HOW MUCH
I LOVE THE SHOW, MAN.
564
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:28,627
IT'S LIKE A BOWL OF CEREAL.
565
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:29,865
IT'S REALLY GOOD, OKAY?
566
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,339
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
567
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,935
[fart]
568
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,611
[bird squawks]
569
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,214
- [hoots]
570
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:48,287
[dramatic music]
571
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:53,258
¶
572
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:55,129
- OH, SHIT.
573
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:58,858
[dubstep music]
574
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,295
THINK.
575
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:06,070
¶
576
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,772
- [laughs]
577
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,774
LANGUAGE.
578
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:13,106
- OOH-OOH-AH--
MY NAME IS STEVE.
579
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,552
- HEY.
580
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:22,847
¶
581
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,064
- SPRING BREAK.
582
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:35,673
¶
583
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,068
THINK.
584
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:39,301
SPAM BOT.
585
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:41,335
[laughs]
586
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,811
¶
587
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,110
- HEY, COME ON, MAN.
JUST CHILL OUT, BRO.
588
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,812
¶
589
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,445
- VIRUS.
590
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,890
[pleasant music]
591
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,960
¶
39579
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