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1
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:20,877
- THERE IS NO GOD!
2
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:24,321
[voice echoing]
GOD, GOD, GOD...
3
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,117
- THERE IS NO EVAN!
4
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,489
[voice echoing]
EVAN, EVAN, EVAN...
5
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,959
HMM. MO[bleep].
6
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:35,158
[video game music]
7
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:38,732
¶
8
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,632
- HEY, GUYS,
I'M LITTLE GIRL ONE ONE--
9
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:42,865
- SIX.
10
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,369
- TODAY I'M GONNA MAKE
A TUTORIAL
11
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,941
ON THE CUP SONG
FROM "PITCH PREFECT."
12
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,740
SO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA NEED
IS A FLAT SURFACE,
13
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,513
A CUP, AND YOUR HANDS,
14
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,311
AND OBVIOUSLY YOURSELF.
15
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,483
[chuckling]
16
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,851
OKAY, SO LET'S GET STARTED.
17
00:11:55,849 --> 00:12:00,189
JUST FOLLOW MY STEPS.
18
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,687
I JUST BLEW
YOUR FREAKIN' MIND.
19
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:06,319
NOW TRY IT YOURSELF.
20
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,126
- [groans]
21
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:10,397
[gentle guitar music]
22
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:14,097
¶
23
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,401
- HI.
- [yelps]
24
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,103
WHAT THE HELL?
25
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:19,696
HELLO?
26
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:22,466
- WHY DON'T YOU EVER TAKE ME
OUT TO DINNER?
27
00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:23,406
- SINCE WHEN CAN YOU TALK?
28
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,310
- THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE OFFICIALLY SPOKEN.
29
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:27,453
- "OFFICIALLY"?
30
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,607
- I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
31
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,415
- WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT A PERSON.
32
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,317
YOU'RE JUST A--
33
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,418
- JUST A WHAT, ANDREW?
34
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,719
- HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
- CALL ME VERONICA.
35
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,261
WHY DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME
HOW YOUR DAY WAS?
36
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,987
- I DON'T KNOW.
I FIGURED YOU WOULDN'T CARE.
37
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,233
I--AND YOU'RE NOT
A REAL PERSON!
38
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,959
- IF I WASN'T REAL,
39
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,664
WOULD I BE ABLE
TO DO THIS?
40
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,725
[laughs]
41
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:49,073
- [moaning]
42
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,369
- THERE'S MORE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
43
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:57,736
NOW LET'S GO TO DINNER.
44
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,284
- ANYWHERE YOU WANT.
45
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,309
[phone ringing]
46
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,014
- TRIPTANK.
47
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:05,245
- HI. I AM SO GLAD
YOU ANSWERED THE PHONE.
48
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,222
I JUST--I HAVE TO TELL YOU
I LOVE YOUR SHOW.
49
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,650
NO, I MEAN, I LOVE IT.
LIKE--
50
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,356
LIKE, EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING
51
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,188
WANTS YOUR COMEDY
INSIDE OF ME.
52
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,463
I WANT TO MASSAGE YOUR JOKES
WITH MY TONGUE
53
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:19,732
AND FEEL THE LAUGHTER SPILLING
OUT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
54
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,403
LENGTH IS JUST NOT
THAT IMPORTANT.
55
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,402
[video game whirring]
56
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,374
[alarm clock ringing]
57
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,642
- YAH.
WHAT A HEADACHE.
58
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,071
WHO AM I?
59
00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:31,905
I-I DON'T REMEMBER
ANYTHING!
60
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,082
WAAAH!
61
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,710
A TABLE!
A NOTE!
62
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:36,445
"DEAR RANDY--"
63
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,879
UGH! RANDY IS
A TERRIBLE NAME.
64
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,334
"THERE IS ONLY ONE THING
I KNOW FOR SURE.
65
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,327
TURN OVER."
66
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,560
I'M AN ASSHOLE CALLED RANDY?
67
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:53,926
THIS IS SHIT!
68
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,674
[bleep] YOU, WOODEN TABLE!
69
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:59,369
[grunts, screams]
70
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,002
WAIT.
71
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,006
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
LIKE THIS.
72
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:05,108
[cheerful whistled tune]
I CAN CHANGE!
73
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:09,881
TODAY I AM GOING TO BE
A GREAT MAN!
74
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:10,923
¶
75
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,117
LIFE IS WONDERFUL.
76
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,288
- HEY, SPARE SOME CHANGE,
MISTER?
77
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,347
- OF COURSE, MY GOOD MAN.
78
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,056
- WOW! THANKS, MISTER!
79
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,328
I ASK YOU EVERY DAY,
BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
80
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,528
YOU EVER GAVE ME ANYTHING.
81
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,630
TO BE HONEST,
I-I ALWAYS THOUGHT
82
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,732
YOU WERE SORT OF AN ASSHOLE.
83
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,404
[record scratches]
- [gasps]
84
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,642
WELL, NOT TODAY.
85
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:33,367
TODAY WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE FUN
86
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,343
AND BE JOYFUL!
87
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,372
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
88
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,976
JUST NAME IT.
ANYTHING!
89
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,579
- ANYTHING?
90
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:41,950
[both laughing]
91
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,478
[video game beeping]
92
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,623
[tattoo gun buzzing]
93
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:49,889
[laughing wildly]
94
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:59,097
[laughter continues]
95
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,569
[baby crying]
96
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:10,406
- LOOK AT THE [bleep] SUNSET!
[laughing]
97
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:14,310
IT'S SO [bleep] BEAUTIFUL!
98
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:22,424
"YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE."
99
00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:26,189
SEE YOU TOMORROW, RANDY.
100
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,892
[guffaws]
101
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:30,364
WHAT A STUPID NAME.
102
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,930
- HERE WE GO, MAN.
OLD SCHOOL, MANO A MANO.
103
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:34,774
ROY'S GONNA MAKE--
104
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,428
[phone rings]
- HELLO, TRIPTANK.
105
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,696
- OH. OH, HEY.
106
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,074
I JUST WANTED TO SAY, LIKE,
107
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,002
MY FRIENDS AND I,
WE, LIKE,
108
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,366
LAUGH ABOUT, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
EACH OTHER.
109
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,435
WE'RE LIKE, "THAT'S C--"
YOU KNOW, LIKE, "OH, WE--
110
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,045
WE KNOW THAT,"
OR, LIKE,
111
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,747
"WE KNOW WHAT THAT IS."
112
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:49,478
WE'RE LIKE, UM--
113
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,322
SO I GUESS I WAS JUST, UM,
[guys coughing]
114
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:54,448
I'M NOT TOTALLY SURE
I REMEMBER WHY I CALLED,
115
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,164
BUT MAYBE--
[clears throat]
116
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,257
IS THERE A WAY TO--
117
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:01,558
[digital hip-hop music]
118
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,161
¶
119
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,304
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEETIE.
120
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,799
[singsong]
GUESS WHAT.
121
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,101
DADDY GOT YOU A--
- OH, SHIT!
122
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,303
A PONY!
123
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,444
[pony neighs]
124
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,439
YEAH.
125
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,470
YEAH!
126
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,405
YEAAAH!
127
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,079
OH, YEAH, MOTHER[bleep]ER!
128
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,649
HI-YI-YI-YI-YAH!
129
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,477
YA-HA!
130
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,781
AI-AI-AI-AI-AI-AH!
131
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,153
MOTHER[bleep]ER!
132
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,521
[light piano music]
133
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,419
- HI, WHAT CAN I GET--
134
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,120
I'LL GIVE YOU SOME TIME
TO LOOK OVER THE MENU.
135
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:30,993
- WOW.
136
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,491
YOU LOOK GREAT WITH MAKEUP.
137
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,793
I MEAN, YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD.
138
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,055
BUT TONIGHT--WOW.
139
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,463
- WELL, I'M A PISCES,
140
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:41,325
SO I LIKE TO JAZZ IT UP
SOMETIMES.
141
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,304
- OH, NO.
142
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,502
REALLY?
I'M A SAGITTARIUS.
143
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,343
SAGITTARIUS AND PISCES
DON'T GET ALONG.
144
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,039
both: FIRE AND WATER.
145
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,041
[magical guitar chord]
146
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,012
[romantic rock music]
147
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:51,841
TO BITE YOUR ASS.
148
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:52,975
PSH, DON'T YOU RUN
AWAY FROM ME.
149
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,779
I'M UNSTOPPABLE.
MY POWER METER'S GREEN, BITCH.
150
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,082
[phone rings]
- HELLO, TRIPTANK.
151
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,053
- HELLO, WHO THE [bleep]
IS THIS?
152
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,391
IS THIS THE GUY THAT DOES
THE CARTOONS AND SHIT?
153
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,317
- MAYBE.
- I HATE IT!
154
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:02,352
- OKAY.
9815
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