Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,444 --> 00:00:09,744
[whining]
Oh, Karen, look.
2
00:00:09,847 --> 00:00:15,083
- Buster's dreaming again.
- Oh, probably chasing squirrels.
3
00:00:15,185 --> 00:00:18,086
[uplifting music]
4
00:00:18,188 --> 00:00:20,222
[panting]
5
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:23,158
[thwacking]
6
00:00:23,260 --> 00:00:25,925
[funky electronic music]
7
00:00:27,901 --> 00:00:30,603
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
8
00:00:30,638 --> 00:00:33,335
[suspenseful music]
9
00:00:35,806 --> 00:00:37,539
[gun cocks]
10
00:00:37,641 --> 00:00:39,708
[gunshot]
11
00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:42,277
[heavy metal music]
12
00:00:42,379 --> 00:00:44,579
Take that, future Hitler chicken.
13
00:00:44,681 --> 00:00:46,382
[phone ringing]
14
00:00:46,929 --> 00:00:48,195
- Hello, "TripTank."
- Look here, man.
15
00:00:48,297 --> 00:00:51,832
- You need to help me, okay?
- Sure, I'll do whatever I can.
16
00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:54,167
I put some "TripTank"
in my goddamn coffee,
17
00:00:54,269 --> 00:00:56,737
- and now I'm freaking out.
- How did you...
18
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:57,905
You guys got to put a warning
19
00:00:57,906 --> 00:00:59,973
on your show or something, man.
It is irresponsible.
20
00:01:00,075 --> 00:01:03,043
Could we maybe, uh,
back it up just a little bit?
21
00:01:03,145 --> 00:01:05,412
[laughing] What did
you do with our TV show?
22
00:01:05,514 --> 00:01:08,782
I can't hold it together!
I'm coming apart at my [bleep] seams.
23
00:01:08,884 --> 00:01:10,817
Uh, sir, I don't think
we're responsible for...
24
00:01:10,919 --> 00:01:14,054
You did this shit to me, "TripTank."
You did this shit to me.
25
00:01:14,156 --> 00:01:15,689
Uh, okay, let me transfer you.
26
00:01:15,791 --> 00:01:18,025
Ooh.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
27
00:01:18,127 --> 00:01:20,994
- Aha, well...
- Get a load of this maniac.
28
00:01:21,096 --> 00:01:23,563
- Oh, hello, boys.
- What the hell are you wearing, Chaz?
29
00:01:23,665 --> 00:01:25,599
Oh, this?
It's a D.O.N.G.,
30
00:01:25,701 --> 00:01:27,734
a Digital Online Nuerosexual Garment.
31
00:01:27,836 --> 00:01:30,537
Oh, I see, yeah, that's kind of like
my W.A.N.G. suit.
32
00:01:30,639 --> 00:01:32,873
No, Mr. Winchester, it's
nothing like your W.A.N.G.
33
00:01:32,975 --> 00:01:36,109
This D.O.N.G. is totally original
and a new idea.
34
00:01:36,211 --> 00:01:39,279
- What does it do?
- This fantastic device utilizes the latest
35
00:01:39,381 --> 00:01:42,949
in teledildonic research, employing
cutting-edge virtual reality
36
00:01:43,052 --> 00:01:46,386
- F-U-F-Me technology.
- Oh, I get it.
37
00:01:46,488 --> 00:01:48,055
No, no, I still have no idea
what you're talking about.
38
00:01:48,157 --> 00:01:50,157
It lets you [bleep]
strangers over the Internet.
39
00:01:50,259 --> 00:01:53,360
Oh, my God, Chaz.
I want one so bad!
40
00:01:53,462 --> 00:01:55,362
I knew you would.
But you can't have it.
41
00:01:55,464 --> 00:01:57,964
It's a one-of-a-kind prototype,
and I'm not taking it off.
42
00:01:58,067 --> 00:02:00,534
Ohh, hello. Mm.
43
00:02:00,636 --> 00:02:02,736
[giggling]
[squelching]
44
00:02:02,838 --> 00:02:04,704
Polka dot.
45
00:02:04,807 --> 00:02:06,139
? Three aliens ?
46
00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:07,474
? Came from the sky ?
47
00:02:07,576 --> 00:02:09,109
? The galactic council sent them ?
48
00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:10,510
All: And here's the reason why
49
00:02:10,612 --> 00:02:12,112
? Their mission is to study ?
50
00:02:12,214 --> 00:02:15,015
? Earth's most average guy ?
51
00:02:15,117 --> 00:02:16,616
All: See if humans are worth saving
52
00:02:16,718 --> 00:02:18,785
? Or if everyone has to die ?
53
00:02:20,155 --> 00:02:21,988
Wait. What?
54
00:02:22,091 --> 00:02:23,457
[channels flipping on TV]
55
00:02:23,739 --> 00:02:26,340
? This is the story
of a guy named Jeff ?
56
00:02:26,442 --> 00:02:27,574
? He lives with aliens ?
57
00:02:27,676 --> 00:02:30,043
? He's stupid and he's dumb ?
58
00:02:30,145 --> 00:02:31,411
What?
59
00:02:31,513 --> 00:02:33,246
What are you freaking
eggheads doing over there?
60
00:02:33,349 --> 00:02:36,750
Jeff, please. We're doing a
very complicated experiment.
61
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:39,119
I got a complicated
experiment for you.
62
00:02:39,221 --> 00:02:41,755
Why don't you figure
out what smells worse,
63
00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:45,592
my nut sack or my taint?
Oh!
64
00:02:45,694 --> 00:02:48,628
- What the hell is this crap?
- I'd be so mad if somebody
65
00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:51,331
humiliated me like that
on national television.
66
00:02:51,433 --> 00:02:53,433
Oh, I can't open this.
67
00:02:53,535 --> 00:02:55,469
I guess that makes sense, though.
68
00:02:55,571 --> 00:02:57,537
I can't even maintain an erection.
69
00:02:57,639 --> 00:02:59,573
What does that have
to do with opening a jar?
70
00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:02,342
Oh, boy, I wonder what my
character's gonna sound like.
71
00:03:02,444 --> 00:03:04,745
Wow, Dad's amazing!
72
00:03:04,847 --> 00:03:06,380
- We are...
- Now I'm sad.
73
00:03:06,482 --> 00:03:07,781
Who would do this?
74
00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:10,183
Who knows us well enough
to write a show like this
75
00:03:10,285 --> 00:03:12,169
but cares so little
about our friendship that
76
00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:14,054
they'd sell us down the
river for a quick buck?
77
00:03:14,156 --> 00:03:15,222
Shh, Jeff, shut up!
78
00:03:15,324 --> 00:03:16,623
You're gonna miss the
big musical number.
79
00:03:16,725 --> 00:03:18,325
[gasps]
All: Sammy!
80
00:03:18,427 --> 00:03:20,560
[farting]
[rapping] My name is Jeff.
81
00:03:20,662 --> 00:03:21,595
I got really bad gas.
82
00:03:21,697 --> 00:03:24,664
I got a really stupid face
and a really stinky ass.
83
00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:26,433
Word.
[laughs]
84
00:03:26,535 --> 00:03:28,468
Is that what you really
think of me, Sammy?
85
00:03:28,570 --> 00:03:31,138
There's obviously some kind
of unspoken resentment here,
86
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,406
and we got to get to the bottom of it.
87
00:03:32,508 --> 00:03:34,007
[cell phone ringtone playing]
Hold that thought.
88
00:03:34,109 --> 00:03:36,743
Hey, if it isn't my
favorite comedy network!
89
00:03:36,845 --> 00:03:37,944
- You give me that phone.
- I trust...
90
00:03:38,047 --> 00:03:39,346
- You give me that phone!
- No!
91
00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:41,381
Listen, I don't know who
you people think you are,
92
00:03:41,483 --> 00:03:44,785
but if you don't take this
show off the air right now...
93
00:03:44,887 --> 00:03:47,788
- Hey, I'm gonna kill you!
- Aw, you idiot!
94
00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:49,189
Oh, whatever.
95
00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:51,691
Nobody's gonna watch a
show that stupid, anyway.
96
00:03:51,794 --> 00:03:54,361
[crowd yelling]
97
00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:58,065
Over 30,000 people
are standing in defiance
98
00:03:58,167 --> 00:04:00,834
of the terrorist threat
made earlier today.
99
00:04:05,474 --> 00:04:07,407
Oh, no.
100
00:04:07,509 --> 00:04:09,309
Hold on, Jim. I'm just getting this.
101
00:04:09,411 --> 00:04:11,878
The president is about
to weigh in on the matter.
102
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,947
I want the terrorists to know
103
00:04:14,049 --> 00:04:16,450
that the full power of
the United States Army
104
00:04:16,552 --> 00:04:19,419
stands behind
"Some Aliens & Jeff."
105
00:04:19,521 --> 00:04:21,788
This show is everything
our country believes in.
106
00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:23,390
- Hey, Jeff.
- Uh...
107
00:04:23,492 --> 00:04:26,293
If you don't learn how
to suck your own [bleep],
108
00:04:26,395 --> 00:04:28,929
we're gonna blow up the whole planet!
109
00:04:31,266 --> 00:04:32,432
[grunting]
110
00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:36,369
Dang it! I'm too fat,
and my dick is too small!
111
00:04:36,472 --> 00:04:37,370
[laughter]
112
00:04:37,473 --> 00:04:38,705
[sighs]
113
00:04:38,807 --> 00:04:41,174
Ratings for the show
are smashing all records,
114
00:04:41,276 --> 00:04:44,377
sending a strong message
to the cowardly terrorists.
115
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,746
[gasps] I got it.
116
00:04:46,849 --> 00:04:49,549
That's right, if you
don't cancel "The View,"
117
00:04:49,651 --> 00:04:53,887
I'm gonna blow up your
whole building, [bleep].
118
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,522
[touch tones beeping, line trills]
119
00:04:55,624 --> 00:04:56,890
Discovery Channel.
How can I help you?
120
00:04:56,992 --> 00:05:01,561
"Alaskan Bush People"...
cancel it, or you're dead!
121
00:05:01,663 --> 00:05:03,063
[indistinct speech on TV]
122
00:05:03,165 --> 00:05:05,332
Terrorists just threatened
"Marriage Boot Camp."
123
00:05:05,434 --> 00:05:08,068
- Turn it on!
- Now there's, like, 37 shows
124
00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:12,072
- we got to watch to support America.
- Politics is exhausting.
125
00:05:12,174 --> 00:05:13,073
[static hisses]
126
00:05:13,175 --> 00:05:16,143
Terrorists:
they're this year's tastemakers.
127
00:05:16,245 --> 00:05:17,711
I'm here in Syria,
128
00:05:17,813 --> 00:05:20,547
trying to get ahead of this
summer's poolside trends.
129
00:05:20,649 --> 00:05:23,250
So which of these
thongs do you hate more?
130
00:05:23,352 --> 00:05:24,718
[speaking foreign language]
[screams]
131
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:25,719
[static hisses]
132
00:05:25,821 --> 00:05:27,821
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're gonna cancel my show
133
00:05:27,923 --> 00:05:30,757
just because people are watching
a bunch of other shows instead?
134
00:05:30,859 --> 00:05:32,826
- Yes. Oh, thank God.
- I don't care!
135
00:05:32,928 --> 00:05:35,729
- [door crashes open] Ah!
- Get on the ground, you piece of shit!
136
00:05:35,831 --> 00:05:40,233
Am I on TV?
Am I on TV? Holy shit!
137
00:05:40,335 --> 00:05:43,354
- This is amazing! I am on TV!
- You say one more word,
138
00:05:43,355 --> 00:05:44,905
- I'm gonna blow your head off.
- Hey, everybody!
139
00:05:45,007 --> 00:05:46,540
[static hissing]
140
00:05:46,642 --> 00:05:49,543
[eerie music]
141
00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:52,879
[static hissing]
142
00:05:52,981 --> 00:05:55,882
[dramatic electronic music]
143
00:05:57,726 --> 00:05:58,625
[knocking]
144
00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:02,329
- You wanted to see me, Coach?
- Tommy! My star player.
145
00:06:02,431 --> 00:06:03,563
- Come in.
- Okay.
146
00:06:03,665 --> 00:06:05,432
The new baseball equipment
came in this morning,
147
00:06:05,534 --> 00:06:08,702
and I wanted you to be the first one
to try it out.
148
00:06:08,804 --> 00:06:10,971
Here, give it a swing, sport.
149
00:06:11,073 --> 00:06:14,207
Pow! Home run!
You won the game!
150
00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:17,878
Can you picture it, Tommy?
Your dad's in the stands. He's so proud.
151
00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:19,413
Mandy Michigan's also there.
152
00:06:19,515 --> 00:06:23,417
For the fist time ever,
she notices you in a sexual way.
153
00:06:23,519 --> 00:06:25,218
You two talk and decide
to head to a party.
154
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,221
You ask Mandy to follow
you to your hatchback.
155
00:06:28,323 --> 00:06:29,923
And there, you let your desires
156
00:06:30,025 --> 00:06:31,892
get the best of you and end up having
157
00:06:31,994 --> 00:06:34,461
- unprotected sex.
- What?
158
00:06:34,508 --> 00:06:36,663
Mandy gets knocked up,
and you're forced
159
00:06:36,765 --> 00:06:39,900
to give up your college scholarship
to help raise the baby.
160
00:06:40,002 --> 00:06:43,370
20 years later, Mandy's
75 pounds overweight
161
00:06:43,472 --> 00:06:47,007
and has a fading tattoo
of a butterfly on her neck.
162
00:06:47,109 --> 00:06:49,543
You take a good look
at her as she chows down
163
00:06:49,645 --> 00:06:52,045
on an enormous bucket of chicken wings,
164
00:06:52,147 --> 00:06:55,115
and you think to yourself,
"What could have been?"
165
00:06:56,585 --> 00:06:57,517
What?
166
00:06:57,619 --> 00:07:00,520
[groovy electronic music]
167
00:07:04,607 --> 00:07:08,542
[upbeat electronic music]
168
00:07:09,048 --> 00:07:11,082
I don't know, man.
I'm just getting tired of eating
169
00:07:11,184 --> 00:07:13,818
- hot dogs every damn day.
- Come on, Roy.
170
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,353
Hot dogs are delicious, and you know it.
171
00:07:15,455 --> 00:07:20,391
Boys, fantastic news!
I'm getting married!
172
00:07:20,493 --> 00:07:21,805
What? You're getting married?
173
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,961
No way, Chaz, don't do it, man.
It's a trap.
174
00:07:24,063 --> 00:07:25,696
I met a lovely young
woman with my D.O.N.G.,
175
00:07:25,799 --> 00:07:28,966
and we have fallen madly in love.
Oh, boys, I'm in love,
176
00:07:29,068 --> 00:07:30,434
and I don't care who knows it.
177
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:34,605
- [shouting] Chaz Sinclair is in love!
- That's beautiful, Chaz.
178
00:07:34,707 --> 00:07:38,042
I'm throwing myself
a bachelor bacchanal
179
00:07:38,144 --> 00:07:39,644
at my hillside mansion tonight.
180
00:07:39,746 --> 00:07:42,914
One last taste of sinful lechery
before I tie the proverbial knot.
181
00:07:43,016 --> 00:07:45,716
You two simply must be there.
182
00:07:45,819 --> 00:07:48,519
- Whoa, a bachelor party?
- Hell to the yes!
183
00:07:48,621 --> 00:07:50,655
I'll see you both precisely
at the stroke of midnight,
184
00:07:50,757 --> 00:07:53,758
with the emphasis on the word "stroke,"
185
00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:56,928
- if you know what I mean.
- Me thinks we do.
186
00:07:57,030 --> 00:08:00,097
I mean there's gonna be a lot
of crazy sex stuff at my place.
187
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,732
That's what I meant
when I said "stroke."
188
00:08:01,835 --> 00:08:03,635
It'll be bonkers. Trust me.
189
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,553
Prepare yourselves, space travelers,
190
00:08:05,655 --> 00:08:08,322
for the most awesome-tastic,
fun-dorable adventure
191
00:08:08,425 --> 00:08:10,825
of a lifetime, with your pal...
192
00:08:10,927 --> 00:08:13,561
Me!
I'm Ricky the Rocketship.
193
00:08:13,663 --> 00:08:14,729
[whooshing]
194
00:08:14,831 --> 00:08:16,798
This street belongs
to The Cracks, bitch. [rap music]
195
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:19,867
You come up in here, you gonna die, son!
196
00:08:19,969 --> 00:08:21,135
[all hollering]
197
00:08:21,237 --> 00:08:23,471
How about you tell that
to my piece right here
198
00:08:23,573 --> 00:08:25,640
and this piece right here?
199
00:08:25,742 --> 00:08:27,208
This is Murder territory.
200
00:08:27,310 --> 00:08:29,477
Look at my dick, man.
You 'croaching. Step!
201
00:08:29,579 --> 00:08:31,813
I say on the count
of "kill these [bleep],"
202
00:08:31,915 --> 00:08:34,549
we kill these [bleep].
[guns cock]
203
00:08:34,651 --> 00:08:37,919
- One, two...
- Wait!
204
00:08:38,021 --> 00:08:39,287
[crashes, grunts]
205
00:08:39,389 --> 00:08:42,957
- Yo, who the hell are you?
- Why, I'm Ricky the Rocketship,
206
00:08:43,059 --> 00:08:46,527
the most fun-dorable rocketship
in the history of ever!
207
00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:50,531
- What, you bulletproof, bitch?
- No, bitch, I'm a rocketship.
208
00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:52,900
Listen, everybody.
We don't need to fight.
209
00:08:53,002 --> 00:08:56,738
Imagine what would happen
if we all got along.
210
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,106
? We're all best friends ?
[music]
211
00:08:58,208 --> 00:08:59,907
? Through good and bad weather ?
212
00:09:00,009 --> 00:09:01,309
? We can do anything ?
213
00:09:01,411 --> 00:09:03,044
? If we do it together ?
214
00:09:03,146 --> 00:09:04,278
? Life is very short ?
215
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:06,180
? In the end, we all die ?
216
00:09:06,282 --> 00:09:07,582
? So let's enjoy the moment ?
217
00:09:07,684 --> 00:09:09,283
? With a tasty pizza pie ?
218
00:09:09,385 --> 00:09:10,985
[gunshot]
[screams]
219
00:09:11,087 --> 00:09:12,653
[laughter]
What an idiot, yo!
220
00:09:12,756 --> 00:09:15,056
Oh, you're losing them.
Think.
221
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:17,158
What would Macklemore
say in this situation?
222
00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:18,559
Forget all that noise.
223
00:09:18,661 --> 00:09:21,162
Just speak the truth
from your heart, Ricky.
224
00:09:21,264 --> 00:09:22,530
Just speak the truth.
225
00:09:22,632 --> 00:09:24,098
Gee, thanks, Macklemore!
226
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,400
Oh, yo, and by the way, if
you want to buy my new album...
227
00:09:26,503 --> 00:09:27,635
Nope!
228
00:09:27,737 --> 00:09:30,505
Kids, gang violence is
nothing to joke about.
229
00:09:30,607 --> 00:09:33,708
We didn't all grow up in the
greatest of circle-stances,
230
00:09:33,810 --> 00:09:37,311
but we all just came
together over a good laugh.
231
00:09:37,413 --> 00:09:38,579
We may be different...
232
00:09:38,681 --> 00:09:41,749
Hispanic, Black, White, Asianese,
233
00:09:41,851 --> 00:09:44,285
or that ethnic group
with the tiny elbows.
234
00:09:44,387 --> 00:09:46,154
But you'll see that
there's plenty of room
235
00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:47,989
on this Earth for all of us...
236
00:09:48,091 --> 00:09:51,225
if you deny climate change
and overpopulation like I do.
237
00:09:51,327 --> 00:09:54,061
Oh, who cares if Jimmy lit up
Suzy's house last week
238
00:09:54,164 --> 00:09:57,064
- and took out her baby sister...
- What? That was you?
239
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:59,767
Or that Iggy lobbed a
Molotov into D-thug's crib
240
00:09:59,869 --> 00:10:02,036
and lit his place up
like a Christmas tree?
241
00:10:02,138 --> 00:10:05,706
Violence will be get violence
until we choose to stop it.
242
00:10:05,809 --> 00:10:09,777
This land is our land,
from sea to shining sea.
243
00:10:09,879 --> 00:10:12,814
Let's make it ours together.
[fireworks exploding]
244
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:15,716
What do you say?
[men screaming]
245
00:10:15,819 --> 00:10:17,885
No!
246
00:10:17,987 --> 00:10:18,920
[grunts]
247
00:10:19,022 --> 00:10:20,922
Dying sucks.
[exhales]
248
00:10:21,024 --> 00:10:23,558
Oh, shit!
They'll never believe you, Ricky.
249
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,792
Quick, hide the evidence!
250
00:10:24,894 --> 00:10:26,894
[whooshing]
251
00:10:26,996 --> 00:10:29,931
[dramatic electronic music]
252
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,168
[mimicking news flash music]
253
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:36,070
News! Good evening, folks.
254
00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:38,439
And welcome to
Shit[bleep]shit[bleep] News.
255
00:10:38,541 --> 00:10:39,607
[laughs]
256
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:42,543
I'm Boot[bleep] McGillicutty.
Tonight's top story:
257
00:10:42,645 --> 00:10:45,646
[screams violently]
258
00:10:45,748 --> 00:10:47,715
Well, folks, the weekend
is fast approaching,
259
00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:49,517
and the one question
on everyone's mind is:
260
00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:52,320
weather?
Our own Ruth Dicksby has more.
261
00:10:52,422 --> 00:10:53,621
You got something for us?
262
00:10:53,723 --> 00:10:56,557
Thanks, Boot[bleep]!
Looks like we got
263
00:10:56,659 --> 00:10:59,894
a real humdinger of a storm moving in.
264
00:10:59,996 --> 00:11:02,597
It's bad news for backyard barbecues,
265
00:11:02,699 --> 00:11:06,634
but it's good news for tiny
rats in newspaper boats!
266
00:11:06,736 --> 00:11:08,769
Look at his little hat.
So frickin' cute.
267
00:11:08,872 --> 00:11:10,938
I just want to squish his brains out!
268
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:14,242
And now it's time for The Sports Report!
269
00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:16,711
Old Shitsticks is running for his life,
270
00:11:16,813 --> 00:11:18,613
but, oh, the dirty
pig is outrunning him!
271
00:11:18,715 --> 00:11:21,883
30 feet, 20 feet...
Oh, he's gaining on him.
272
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:25,186
And, oh, my, a devastating tackle!
273
00:11:25,288 --> 00:11:26,687
I can see bone.
274
00:11:26,789 --> 00:11:28,155
[punches landing]
275
00:11:28,258 --> 00:11:29,891
Back to you guys in the studio.
276
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:33,394
Now, as many of you know,
the chemtrail controversy is real.
277
00:11:33,496 --> 00:11:36,664
We're joined now by our eye in the sky
to give us the scoop.
278
00:11:36,766 --> 00:11:40,234
- Please welcome Scrapey!
- Hello, Boot[bleep].
279
00:11:40,336 --> 00:11:44,805
Now, Scrapey, you spend all day
with your head in the clouds, literally!
280
00:11:44,908 --> 00:11:47,275
[laughing maniacally]
281
00:11:47,377 --> 00:11:48,376
What can you tell us?
282
00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:53,447
It's terrible!
All day long, planes fly back and forth
283
00:11:53,549 --> 00:11:56,317
dumping chemicals all over the city.
284
00:11:56,419 --> 00:11:57,885
But why would they do this?
285
00:11:57,987 --> 00:12:01,155
Because of Obamacare!
[snorts]
286
00:12:01,257 --> 00:12:03,691
Makes sense to me!
[spray hissing]
287
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:05,126
Oh, Scrapey, I'm sorry.
Hold on a minute.
288
00:12:05,228 --> 00:12:08,462
I'm getting word that that big game
is going into overtime!
289
00:12:08,564 --> 00:12:10,031
[laughing maniacally]
290
00:12:10,133 --> 00:12:11,632
[punches landing]
291
00:12:11,734 --> 00:12:12,667
[screams]
292
00:12:12,769 --> 00:12:15,836
[growling]
People, people, please.
293
00:12:15,939 --> 00:12:18,606
I'm sure we can all find a
common ground of love and peace.
294
00:12:18,708 --> 00:12:19,807
[screams]
295
00:12:19,909 --> 00:12:20,841
[electricity buzzing]
296
00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:23,044
[gibbering]
297
00:12:23,146 --> 00:12:25,079
Stop it! Stop fighting!
298
00:12:25,181 --> 00:12:29,083
This is why I have a drug problem!
[snorts]
299
00:12:29,185 --> 00:12:31,552
[shouting]
300
00:12:31,654 --> 00:12:35,256
That concludes our broadcast.
Have a great night... [screaming]
301
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:38,917
And a pleasant tomorrow!
[electricity buzzing]
302
00:12:39,329 --> 00:12:42,596
[groaning and gibbering]
303
00:12:42,699 --> 00:12:45,933
This is going to get a ton of hits.
304
00:12:46,035 --> 00:12:48,036
[sparse piano music]
305
00:12:48,378 --> 00:12:50,444
Roy: Holy Caligula!
306
00:12:50,547 --> 00:12:54,482
Whoa, it's like "Porky's
Three: Porky's Revenge" in here!
307
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:56,651
Oh, no, Roy, we're
surrounded by naked people.
308
00:12:56,753 --> 00:12:58,686
I might pop a boner.
What do I do if I pop a boner?
309
00:12:58,788 --> 00:13:01,155
What?
You haven't popped a boner yet?
310
00:13:01,257 --> 00:13:03,457
Boners are the whole
point of this deal, man!
311
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:06,561
Oh, boys, you made it!
Wonderful.
312
00:13:06,663 --> 00:13:09,764
It's me, Chaz Sinclair.
Hey, Tony!
313
00:13:09,866 --> 00:13:12,099
Terrific boner over
there, buddy; keep it up.
314
00:13:12,202 --> 00:13:14,936
- Great boners, everyone.
- See, I told you, man.
315
00:13:15,038 --> 00:13:16,938
It's boner time.
Let's get poppin'.
316
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,306
So how does this work, Chaz?
317
00:13:18,408 --> 00:13:20,408
You know, what's the protocol
for one of these things?
318
00:13:20,510 --> 00:13:23,544
Well, first, you start off by
taking off all of your clothes.
319
00:13:23,646 --> 00:13:26,514
- Oh, here we go!
- This is gonna be crazy.
320
00:13:26,616 --> 00:13:28,983
And then you put on
these catering uniforms.
321
00:13:29,085 --> 00:13:31,552
- Oh.
- The serving trays are in the kitchen.
322
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:33,621
Let's get those finger foods out
pronto.
323
00:13:33,723 --> 00:13:35,423
And one more thing, boys:
324
00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:39,861
- absolutely no boners.
- Oh, man!
325
00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:42,844
[smooth electronic music]
326
00:13:46,862 --> 00:13:49,738
[suspenseful music]
327
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:52,045
[gun cocks]
328
00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:54,281
[gunshot]
329
00:13:54,353 --> 00:13:57,120
[heavy metal music]
330
00:13:57,222 --> 00:13:59,122
Wait. What just happened?
331
00:13:59,224 --> 00:14:03,283
[slow electronic music]
332
00:14:06,572 --> 00:14:07,571
Cocktail wiener?
333
00:14:07,673 --> 00:14:09,940
- Italian sausage?
- Wieners, anybody?
334
00:14:10,043 --> 00:14:12,676
- Big sausage, right here.
- Ma'am, can I offer you a...
335
00:14:12,779 --> 00:14:14,979
Oh, I'm sorry, your
mouth is already full.
336
00:14:15,081 --> 00:14:17,548
You two look like you're
working up quite an appetite.
337
00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:19,717
Care to add some Italian
sausage to the mix?
338
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,385
I figured I'd run into you guys here.
339
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:26,724
- Ashley, is that you?
- Yeah, I got roped into working this thing too.
340
00:14:26,826 --> 00:14:30,795
When Chaz invited me to his
hillside orgy to hand out some taco,
341
00:14:30,897 --> 00:14:33,497
I thought he meant something
a little sexier than this.
342
00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:34,899
- Taco?
- Sausage?
343
00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:36,901
- Weiner?
- I also have roast beef.
344
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:37,968
[whooshing]
345
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:40,581
Look, Hookey... you know
I got mad love for you, man,
346
00:14:40,683 --> 00:14:42,249
but you ain't gonna
work out with the Crips.
347
00:14:42,351 --> 00:14:44,385
Come on, man, I been
busting my ass for this gang!
348
00:14:44,487 --> 00:14:46,887
Yeah you put your work in,
but you color-blind, dog.
349
00:14:46,989 --> 00:14:50,024
- No, I ain't. What you mean?
- What color is this mug?
350
00:14:50,126 --> 00:14:51,725
Man, we Crips, man!
So it's blue.
351
00:14:51,827 --> 00:14:54,495
Naw, dog, it's red!
'Cause it's my Elmo mug.
352
00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:57,364
- Elmo is red, [bleep].
- All right, man, [bleep] it!
353
00:14:57,466 --> 00:14:58,832
I'm color-blind. So what?
354
00:14:58,935 --> 00:15:01,435
"So what?" We Crips!
We wear blue.
355
00:15:01,537 --> 00:15:03,337
We hate the Bloods.
They wear red.
356
00:15:03,439 --> 00:15:04,538
You can't tell the difference!
357
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:06,040
- I can tell...
- Look, homey.
358
00:15:06,142 --> 00:15:08,043
I ain't had the heart to tell you this,
359
00:15:08,044 --> 00:15:11,712
but you killed 16 of our brothers
in the month of July alone!
360
00:15:11,814 --> 00:15:13,547
Yeah, who the king now?
361
00:15:13,649 --> 00:15:15,216
Huh? Everybody dead!
362
00:15:15,318 --> 00:15:17,786
You remember last week when
I told you to go shoot up
363
00:15:17,787 --> 00:15:20,254
the gray car near the corner
of Florence and Crenshaw?
364
00:15:20,356 --> 00:15:21,722
Man, [bleep] you.
I did that!
365
00:15:21,824 --> 00:15:24,792
Yeah, you did, but you shot
up every car on the block!
366
00:15:24,894 --> 00:15:26,560
[car alarms blaring]
367
00:15:26,662 --> 00:15:28,062
What you want man?
They was all gray!
368
00:15:28,164 --> 00:15:31,131
No! You [bleep] up.
The boys in blue was all over us!
369
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,333
But we the boys in blue!
370
00:15:32,435 --> 00:15:34,635
The cops and the
Crips both wear blue!
371
00:15:34,737 --> 00:15:37,104
That sounds like bad planning.
We should've been blacks.
372
00:15:37,206 --> 00:15:40,207
[sighs] Look here, man, I'm
concerned for your well-being, dog.
373
00:15:40,309 --> 00:15:41,575
Look, man, I got it.
374
00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:44,378
Hookey, that bandanna
you wearing, it ain't blue.
375
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:45,746
Ah, damn!
376
00:15:45,848 --> 00:15:47,948
Look, Nasty D.
Tell me it ain't red.
377
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:52,486
- Nah, nephew, that shit is pink, cuz!
- What? Man, I hate pink!
378
00:15:52,588 --> 00:15:54,488
- I think.
- All right look, nephew,
379
00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:56,423
when you master the Crips sign
380
00:15:56,525 --> 00:15:58,726
and you can identify
yourself to your homies,
381
00:15:58,828 --> 00:16:01,962
then, and only then, will
there be a [bleep] place for you
382
00:16:02,064 --> 00:16:02,997
here with the Crips.
383
00:16:03,099 --> 00:16:05,332
Yo, thanks, Nasty!
I'ma go practice right now!
384
00:16:05,434 --> 00:16:07,201
You haven't seen the last of Hookey!
385
00:16:07,303 --> 00:16:10,070
- Oh, damn! I forgot about them hooks!
- Oh!
386
00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:11,205
[screaming]
387
00:16:11,307 --> 00:16:14,174
[dramatic electronic music]
388
00:16:15,811 --> 00:16:17,645
[engine rumbling]
389
00:16:17,747 --> 00:16:19,413
Welcome, friends and participants!
390
00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:22,583
I want to thank you all for coming
to my bachelor party orgy.
391
00:16:22,685 --> 00:16:23,684
Man: We can't hear you!
392
00:16:23,786 --> 00:16:25,052
Oh, can't hear me in the back?
393
00:16:25,154 --> 00:16:27,988
Uh, okay, I'll stand up on this chair.
394
00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:30,691
Ahem!
Now, if you had told me two days ago
395
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:32,359
that I was gonna strap on a D.O.N.G.
396
00:16:32,461 --> 00:16:34,295
and meet the woman of my dreams,
397
00:16:34,397 --> 00:16:38,265
I would have told you,
"Ah, 50/50 chance at best."
398
00:16:38,367 --> 00:16:39,933
[laughter]
399
00:16:40,036 --> 00:16:43,370
But seriously, everyone, I just
can't express how happy I am...
400
00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:45,539
Hey, Roy, how long
do orgies usually last?
401
00:16:45,641 --> 00:16:47,241
I mean, do we have to
stay to the very end or...
402
00:16:47,343 --> 00:16:49,376
I don't know, man, but
I've been on my feet all day.
403
00:16:49,478 --> 00:16:51,145
My dogs are barking.
404
00:16:51,247 --> 00:16:52,780
You want to grab
something to eat after this?
405
00:16:52,882 --> 00:16:54,348
Yeah, I could go for a bite.
406
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:56,317
And now I'd like to
bring up my best man,
407
00:16:56,419 --> 00:16:59,286
the world-renowned scientist
and inventor of the D.O.N.G.,
408
00:16:59,388 --> 00:17:01,855
Professor Klaus Von Genitaux.
409
00:17:01,957 --> 00:17:03,957
[with German accent]
Oh, thank you Chaz.
410
00:17:04,060 --> 00:17:06,427
When I first developed
the D.O.N.G. suit,
411
00:17:06,529 --> 00:17:09,430
I had no idea that it
could be used for love. But...
412
00:17:09,532 --> 00:17:10,964
Oh, you know what? I can't go out.
413
00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:13,033
- I have boot camp in the morning.
- Oh, yeah? Good for you.
414
00:17:13,135 --> 00:17:15,334
- How's that going?
- Good, good,
415
00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:16,670
you know, we have
back and shoulders tomorrow.
416
00:17:16,772 --> 00:17:19,406
Oh, hey, man, whatever you do,
don't neglect that core.
417
00:17:19,508 --> 00:17:21,208
Oh, don't worry.
We do a lot of core.
418
00:17:21,310 --> 00:17:22,776
My core is fierce.
419
00:17:22,878 --> 00:17:27,081
So I'd like you all
to raise a glass to Chaz
420
00:17:27,183 --> 00:17:31,618
and his beautiful
bride-to-be, Listerina.
421
00:17:31,721 --> 00:17:35,255
Oh, man, that Listerina's
a real lucky gal.
422
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:38,258
[dramatic music]
423
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:41,895
Citizens of Eggmanland!
424
00:17:41,997 --> 00:17:46,300
If I wanted to sleep
with your mother, I could!
425
00:17:46,402 --> 00:17:48,469
And she would love it!
426
00:17:48,571 --> 00:17:50,270
[cheers and applause]
427
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:53,273
I come to you with exciting news!
428
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,609
I developed a new technology
429
00:17:55,711 --> 00:17:59,079
that will revolutionize
the way we make food!
430
00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:00,714
[cheers and applause]
431
00:18:00,816 --> 00:18:03,083
It's organic!
[cheers and applause]
432
00:18:03,185 --> 00:18:04,685
It's gluten-free!
433
00:18:04,787 --> 00:18:05,919
[cheers and applause]
434
00:18:06,021 --> 00:18:10,624
It's sustainable and grass-fed!
[cheers and applause]
435
00:18:10,726 --> 00:18:15,829
Behold, the Burger-tron 3000!
436
00:18:15,931 --> 00:18:20,134
[engine revving, cannon popping]
437
00:18:20,236 --> 00:18:22,169
[smacking]
438
00:18:22,271 --> 00:18:23,670
[chomping]
439
00:18:23,773 --> 00:18:26,173
It's also a toilet!
440
00:18:26,275 --> 00:18:27,674
[fart, plop, flush]
441
00:18:27,777 --> 00:18:28,675
? Gusto ?
442
00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:31,178
? Gusto, Gusto rules ?
443
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:34,224
[ripply electronic music]
444
00:18:38,831 --> 00:18:41,854
[funky electronic music]
445
00:18:43,187 --> 00:18:45,554
- You want to try on a new helmet?
- Um...
446
00:18:45,711 --> 00:18:46,710
Try swinging with the helmet on.
447
00:18:46,812 --> 00:18:49,713
Pow! Home run!
You won the game!
448
00:18:49,815 --> 00:18:52,182
There's a college scout in the stands.
449
00:18:52,284 --> 00:18:54,952
He offers you a scholarship
right on the spot.
450
00:18:55,054 --> 00:18:58,455
To celebrate, the team
throws a party in your honor.
451
00:18:58,557 --> 00:19:01,358
Literally everyone you know shows up,
452
00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:04,528
including the town's drug dealer.
453
00:19:04,630 --> 00:19:06,730
And he offers you some sexy drugs.
454
00:19:06,832 --> 00:19:09,900
And you snort, smoke,
and swallow those drugs
455
00:19:10,002 --> 00:19:12,402
and drive home under the influence.
456
00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:14,338
You lose control of the car
and you run off the cliff.
457
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,007
Two days later, your poor mother
finds your body in a ditch.
458
00:19:17,109 --> 00:19:19,376
It's severed in two.
459
00:19:19,478 --> 00:19:22,446
She cries as she tries to reassemble you
460
00:19:22,548 --> 00:19:24,648
and then, when your dad finds out,
461
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:28,585
he goes into shock, and his life
quickly spirals out of control.
462
00:19:28,687 --> 00:19:30,520
After 20 years of heavy drinking
463
00:19:30,622 --> 00:19:34,558
and causally prostituting himself,
he finally goes to therapy
464
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:39,135
and realizes it wasn't his fault.
[crying]
465
00:19:39,698 --> 00:19:42,366
- Uh, Coach?
- Yeah, Tommy?
466
00:19:42,468 --> 00:19:44,234
Your sons are never coming back.
467
00:19:44,336 --> 00:19:45,635
[crying]
468
00:19:45,738 --> 00:19:47,498
I know.
469
00:19:47,533 --> 00:19:50,007
[funky electronic music]
470
00:19:54,279 --> 00:19:55,879
[laughter]
471
00:19:55,981 --> 00:19:57,347
- You got to be kidding me.
- Right?
472
00:19:57,449 --> 00:19:59,049
So I'm walking around Chaz's house
473
00:19:59,151 --> 00:20:01,618
for, like, 15 minutes,
trying to find a bathroom
474
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,155
that isn't just coated top
to bottom with lube and...
475
00:20:05,257 --> 00:20:07,457
[phone ringing. laughs]
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
476
00:20:07,559 --> 00:20:09,226
Don't finish the story.
I want to hear the end.
477
00:20:09,328 --> 00:20:11,395
- Hello, "TripTank."
- All right, listen up.
478
00:20:11,497 --> 00:20:12,796
This is the police.
We got you surrounded.
479
00:20:12,898 --> 00:20:14,865
Really? I don't
see anybody out there.
480
00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:16,800
We are all hiding,
so you won't see us.
481
00:20:16,902 --> 00:20:18,568
- Well, that sounds strange.
- What? What was that?
482
00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:21,571
The boss cop just said that
we'll let you go with no charges.
483
00:20:21,673 --> 00:20:23,540
All you got to do, come outside,
484
00:20:23,642 --> 00:20:27,377
lay all your drugs on the ground,
and walk back inside.
485
00:20:27,479 --> 00:20:30,431
Uh, you just interrupted, like,
a super hilarious story
486
00:20:30,432 --> 00:20:33,506
- that I want to get back to, so...
- Oh, my God, I think he's gonna do it.
487
00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:34,684
Chaz, what are you doing here?
488
00:20:34,787 --> 00:20:36,620
Aren't you supposed to
be getting hitched today?
489
00:20:36,722 --> 00:20:38,655
No, I'm afraid the wedding's off.
490
00:20:38,757 --> 00:20:41,324
It turns out that the
woman I fell in love with
491
00:20:41,427 --> 00:20:43,593
in my D.O.N.G.
wasn't a woman at all.
492
00:20:43,695 --> 00:20:46,663
She was some sort of
"virtual reality chat-bot."
493
00:20:46,765 --> 00:20:49,633
- Oh, that sucks, Chaz man.
- Yes.
494
00:20:49,735 --> 00:20:51,968
It seems I've been
having sexual relations
495
00:20:52,071 --> 00:20:56,006
with a viral marketing
campaign for mouthwash.
496
00:20:56,108 --> 00:20:58,775
- I'm really sorry, Chaz.
- I'll tell you this much, though:
497
00:20:58,877 --> 00:21:01,845
she did some of the best
gargling I've ever seen.
498
00:21:01,947 --> 00:21:04,877
[squelching]
499
00:21:04,927 --> 00:21:09,477
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39487
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
