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1
00:00:08,666 --> 00:00:11,636
[man reading bottle]
2
00:00:11,737 --> 00:00:15,073
- Hello, doctor's office.
- Uh, hey, Doc.
3
00:00:15,174 --> 00:00:15,773
It's been about five hours now.
4
00:00:15,873 --> 00:00:20,579
- Mm-hmm.
- And... still... going strong, baby!
5
00:00:20,678 --> 00:00:24,950
Oh, yeah! [laughing]
Oh, yeah!
6
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:28,480
- Ohhhh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:28,481 --> 00:00:31,911
[intense electronic music]
8
00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:35,392
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
9
00:00:35,393 --> 00:00:37,261
[phone ringing]
10
00:00:37,402 --> 00:00:39,939
- Hello, this is TripTank.
- Yes, hello, I walked in on my son
11
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:42,975
watching your television show
with his pants around his ankles.
12
00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:45,911
- Okay.
- My son was sitting there,
13
00:00:46,011 --> 00:00:50,115
dressing up his [bleep]
like a hot fudge sundae.
14
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,650
If I'm honest, that's not the worst
thing he could have been doing.
15
00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:54,519
He had two scoops of
ice cream on his lap,
16
00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:57,422
chocolate and caramel
sauce, whipped cream.
17
00:00:57,523 --> 00:00:59,391
I don't even want to
tell you about the banana.
18
00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:00,893
Please don't tell
me about the banana.
19
00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:03,529
- It was right there next to his penis.
- Oh, boy.
20
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:07,032
Here's the topper.
A cherry, right on the tip!
21
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,060
[upbeat electronic music]
22
00:01:10,334 --> 00:01:13,052
2x18 - Buck Wild
23
00:01:13,087 --> 00:01:15,017
[steady beeping]
24
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,118
[device beeping]
25
00:01:17,219 --> 00:01:20,922
No, that can't be.
Huh?
26
00:01:21,023 --> 00:01:24,159
Steve, I've been waiting for you.
27
00:01:24,260 --> 00:01:28,698
- How... how do you know my name?
- I've been watching you.
28
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:32,133
Do not be afraid.
Let me please you.
29
00:01:32,234 --> 00:01:36,504
- I yearn to touch another.
- Oh. Oh, wait-wait-wait-wait.
30
00:01:36,605 --> 00:01:38,507
[tapping helmet]
It's not safe for me.
31
00:01:38,606 --> 00:01:42,344
I'll protect you.
You can breathe in here. It's safe.
32
00:01:42,445 --> 00:01:45,181
- Oh, okay.
- What the hell are you doing?!
33
00:01:45,281 --> 00:01:47,615
Gary? Jesus, you scared me.
34
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,718
You remove that helmet,
and you're a dead man.
35
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,053
I wasn't...
Look, I need this, okay?
36
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,355
- Can you just give us a minute?
- Us?!
37
00:01:54,455 --> 00:01:57,615
Steve, there's no one here.
You're cracking up, man!
38
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,728
It's space fever.
It's got you seeing things.
39
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:04,266
- But... but...
- Hey, listen to me. You're hallucinating.
40
00:02:04,365 --> 00:02:06,067
Your blood pressure's
off the [bleep] charts.
41
00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,237
Another minute of this,
and I'll be sending you
42
00:02:08,238 --> 00:02:11,133
- back to base in a box.
- But... but she yearned for me.
43
00:02:11,134 --> 00:02:14,076
Come on. Let's get
you back to the pod.
44
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,412
I'm putting you on lockdown until
this passes and we get you stable.
45
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,749
Yeah, okay, that's
probably a good idea.
46
00:02:21,049 --> 00:02:21,483
[sighs]
47
00:02:21,584 --> 00:02:26,053
What?
Huh?
48
00:02:26,154 --> 00:02:29,925
That son of a bitch.
I knew she was real!
49
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:34,062
Gary, you dirty bastard.
I saw her first!
50
00:02:34,162 --> 00:02:35,263
[lock rattling]
51
00:02:35,663 --> 00:02:38,856
No!
[pounding]
52
00:02:40,135 --> 00:02:43,838
Yeah, we're in rhythm now.
Yeah, yeah, that's us.
53
00:02:43,939 --> 00:02:47,504
Oh, oh, that's us. [grunting]
[slurps]
54
00:02:48,036 --> 00:02:50,478
[loopy horn music]
55
00:02:53,349 --> 00:02:55,951
All right, gentlemen, let's
get your hands out of your pockets
56
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,254
and put some greenery on that scenery.
57
00:02:58,353 --> 00:03:02,691
Welcome to the main stage
the very beautiful... Cinnamon.
58
00:03:02,792 --> 00:03:04,893
[bluesy music plays]
59
00:03:04,993 --> 00:03:08,097
- Yawn. I've seen better.
- Come on, babe.
60
00:03:08,197 --> 00:03:10,866
Put some gasoline in
that dancing machine.
61
00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:12,201
[creaking]
62
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,869
- Oh, talk about two left feet.
- Like she has hooves.
63
00:03:14,970 --> 00:03:18,272
- Hey, watch it.
- You actually have hooves,
64
00:03:18,374 --> 00:03:21,844
and you dance a hell of
a lot better than that.
65
00:03:21,943 --> 00:03:23,179
Oh, what am I watching here?
66
00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:26,715
You know, this is just making me sad.
67
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,183
This is the striptease,
[music]
68
00:03:28,282 --> 00:03:32,321
the highest of the
terpsichorean art forms,
69
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,690
the dance of goddesses.
70
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:38,761
The striptease should
be sensual and arousing.
71
00:03:38,861 --> 00:03:40,363
This looks like the dance you do
72
00:03:40,463 --> 00:03:42,330
when somebody tells you your aunt died.
73
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,591
- You guys know I can hear you, right?
- Oh, yeah? Well, congratulations.
74
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,502
If only you could hear the music,
'cause then maybe you'd realize
75
00:03:48,602 --> 00:03:52,073
- you are nowhere near the beat, sister.
- You think this is so easy?
76
00:03:52,173 --> 00:03:55,143
- Why don't you get up here and try it?
- Oh, God, now you've done it.
77
00:03:55,244 --> 00:03:57,380
Let a pro show you how this is done.
78
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,215
[upbeat music starts]
One, two, three, and bump.
79
00:04:00,315 --> 00:04:01,484
That's where you bump the hip.
80
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:04,219
- Can you hear that, Paprika?
- It's Cinnamon.
81
00:04:04,318 --> 00:04:05,387
Oh, no, you got to earn the right
82
00:04:05,488 --> 00:04:07,189
to be called Cinnamon
on my stage, sweetheart.
83
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:11,227
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
to get down off the stage now.
84
00:04:11,327 --> 00:04:13,262
You know, not every
situation calls for violence,
85
00:04:13,362 --> 00:04:16,231
you Neanderthal.
Don't make a maniac out of me!
86
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:17,999
Let him go, Gary.
He's kind of helping.
87
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:20,778
You're damn right I'm helping.
Now, shake that ass.
88
00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:22,870
[smack, cheering]
See, now we got 'em paying attention.
89
00:04:22,970 --> 00:04:25,806
Come on, shake it, shake it.
90
00:04:25,907 --> 00:04:28,376
There we go.
Thanks, scumbag.
91
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,112
But don't forget to
show some financial love
92
00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:31,513
to my girl Cinnamon here.
93
00:04:31,612 --> 00:04:33,583
That's right, I called
you Cinnamon. [slap]
94
00:04:33,682 --> 00:04:36,618
You've earned it.
A quarter?!
95
00:04:36,718 --> 00:04:37,619
How about I put a quarter
of my foot up your ass?!
96
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:38,654
You cheap bastard.
97
00:04:38,754 --> 00:04:40,489
[heavy thud]
98
00:04:40,588 --> 00:04:42,290
Oh, you want a piece of chicken, huh?
99
00:04:42,391 --> 00:04:44,326
Feeling like a tough guy?
[patrons screaming]
100
00:04:44,426 --> 00:04:47,430
Get your goddamn feet off my stage.
101
00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:48,230
Ahh!
102
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,066
Hey there, big boy.
[smack]
103
00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:53,368
- The first thing you need to do is...
- Oh, my God, Steve.
104
00:04:53,469 --> 00:04:55,705
You'll never believe it,
man, not in a million years.
105
00:04:55,804 --> 00:05:00,075
- Hold, please. What is it, Roy?
- Buck LaFontaine is coming in
106
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:04,280
- to direct a "TripTank" sketch today.
- What?! Buck LaFontaine?
107
00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:06,782
He's my favorite "TripTank"
director of all time.
108
00:05:06,881 --> 00:05:10,251
- I grew up watching his sketches.
- Yeah, me too, man.
109
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,953
He directed all the classics.
110
00:05:12,054 --> 00:05:14,055
[as a robot] "Robot Vagina-tron."
111
00:05:14,155 --> 00:05:16,031
And the one with that
chef that can't stop farting.
112
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:19,328
Hell, yeah, man, "Bon App�-toots."
[laughs]
113
00:05:19,429 --> 00:05:21,130
Hey, do you remember "Sammy
the Nut-Hungry Squirrel"?
114
00:05:21,229 --> 00:05:23,632
Do I remember?
"Lick my nuts."
115
00:05:23,731 --> 00:05:27,503
Both: Lick my nuts! Lick my nuts!
Lick my nuts!
116
00:05:27,602 --> 00:05:31,372
- Ooh, ooh, quiet, here comes Ashley.
- Guys, did you hear?!
117
00:05:31,474 --> 00:05:34,909
Buck LaFontaine is coming
into the office today!
118
00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:35,611
Lick my nuts.
119
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:39,180
All: Lick my nuts!
Lick my nuts!
120
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,482
And, sir, you should know,
121
00:05:40,582 --> 00:05:43,953
- I'm a guy that always gives 100%.
- Impressive.
122
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:50,825
But we're looking for someone
who says they give 110%.
123
00:05:50,926 --> 00:05:54,330
Well, but if 100% is the
maximum possible effort,
124
00:05:54,429 --> 00:05:56,931
I mean, what does that
extra 10% even mean?
125
00:05:57,032 --> 00:06:01,537
- It sounds better.
- Uh, "it does sound better."
126
00:06:01,637 --> 00:06:05,674
- Okay. I'm a guy that always gives 110%...
- No, no, no, no, no.
127
00:06:05,775 --> 00:06:09,311
You already said you're
one of those 100% guys.
128
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,346
Okay, well, I wasn't gonna offer this
129
00:06:11,446 --> 00:06:14,515
straight out of the gate,
but I'll give you 120%.
130
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:17,118
120? Ha.
That's ridiculous.
131
00:06:17,219 --> 00:06:18,287
It's not even possible.
132
00:06:18,387 --> 00:06:22,258
All right, what if
I gave you, say... a 112%?
133
00:06:22,293 --> 00:06:24,460
Hmm, 112.
134
00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:29,636
100 and 12%.
135
00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:32,101
Welcome aboard!
136
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,602
[laughs]
137
00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:43,311
Ever since I was a boy,
I wanted four wives.
138
00:06:43,412 --> 00:06:45,080
[sweeping harp music]
139
00:06:45,181 --> 00:06:48,082
[smooching]
140
00:06:48,183 --> 00:06:49,484
[snorts]
141
00:06:49,585 --> 00:06:52,154
[crowd cheering]
142
00:06:52,253 --> 00:06:53,888
Ooh! [chuckling]
143
00:06:53,989 --> 00:06:56,092
You minx.
[laughs]
144
00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:59,394
Careful girls, save some
for me. [women moaning]
145
00:06:59,494 --> 00:07:03,486
I'm about to jump on the
never-ending bang train.
146
00:07:03,521 --> 00:07:06,102
Pelvic thrust times four.
147
00:07:06,202 --> 00:07:09,177
[upbeat music]
148
00:07:11,207 --> 00:07:14,450
Is that a hair... oh, oh, no.
[gagging]
149
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:15,610
[laughing mildly]
150
00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:18,446
For charity.
151
00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:20,316
No, Veronica, you don't look fat.
152
00:07:20,416 --> 00:07:22,217
No, Tammy, your nose
doesn't look too big.
153
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:24,985
No, Sarah,
your boobs aren't too small.
154
00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:26,755
Oh... you.
155
00:07:26,854 --> 00:07:28,758
[corny sitcom laughter]
156
00:07:30,859 --> 00:07:32,060
Ugh-ugh, next.
157
00:07:32,159 --> 00:07:32,727
Ugh-ugh, next.
158
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:33,561
Ugh-ugh, next.
159
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,707
Ugh-ugh... [crunch]
Ow!
160
00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,505
What's in there?
[canned laughter]
161
00:07:37,630 --> 00:07:41,610
Okay, who hasn't [bleep] yet?
Huh?
162
00:07:41,645 --> 00:07:43,086
[buzzer sounds]
Meh.
163
00:07:43,524 --> 00:07:46,592
[intense electronica]
164
00:08:00,425 --> 00:08:03,862
Buck LaFontaine hasn't
directed "TripTank" in 20 years.
165
00:08:03,962 --> 00:08:06,764
- Why is he coming out of retirement now?
- It's for charity, man.
166
00:08:06,865 --> 00:08:07,932
All the money raised from the sketch
167
00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:10,602
go to fund a local
orphanage or some bullshit.
168
00:08:10,702 --> 00:08:13,471
Oh, that's great!
Wait a minute, money raised?
169
00:08:13,572 --> 00:08:14,673
How does that even work?
170
00:08:14,772 --> 00:08:16,841
Seems like the only thing being
raised around here are the stakes.
171
00:08:16,942 --> 00:08:19,177
Right this way, Mr. LaFontaine.
[laughs]
172
00:08:19,476 --> 00:08:21,010
Whoo, this brings me back, yeah.
173
00:08:21,045 --> 00:08:23,347
Last time I was in this building,
I made Lou Diamond Philips
174
00:08:23,348 --> 00:08:26,217
wear a diaper and eat
about a dozen live goldfish.
175
00:08:26,318 --> 00:08:27,585
[cackles] Philips.
176
00:08:27,686 --> 00:08:29,888
He's talking about "Goo-Goo
Ga Ga Goldfish Gulper"!
177
00:08:29,988 --> 00:08:32,124
Oh, that's my favorite sketch.
178
00:08:32,224 --> 00:08:35,193
Back then, we only used
this lobby for smoking opium
179
00:08:35,292 --> 00:08:38,595
and shooting bottle rockets
out of our butt cracks. [laughs]
180
00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:39,564
Yeah, a lot of people got burned.
181
00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:43,266
Both: Oh, my God, Buck LaFontaine!
182
00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:47,305
Can you idiots keep it down?
Buck is trying to work in here.
183
00:08:47,405 --> 00:08:48,673
Both: [softly] Buck LaFontaine.
184
00:08:48,772 --> 00:08:53,076
[weeping]
[squirrel chittering]
185
00:08:53,176 --> 00:08:55,680
But I haven't got a dress.
186
00:08:55,781 --> 00:08:58,683
[sobbing]
187
00:09:01,352 --> 00:09:02,854
[cooing sadly]
188
00:09:02,954 --> 00:09:11,239
[chittering]
[uplifting orchestral music]
189
00:09:24,309 --> 00:09:26,077
Oh.
190
00:09:26,176 --> 00:09:27,110
[knock at door]
191
00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:28,311
Oh, dear, the prince has arrived.
192
00:09:28,412 --> 00:09:34,118
I'm here to escort you
to the ball, Cinderell... Aah!
193
00:09:34,219 --> 00:09:37,921
[groaning]
194
00:09:38,022 --> 00:09:42,126
Um, are your step-sisters home?
A-Any one of them.
195
00:09:42,227 --> 00:09:43,628
You know the one with
the wart on her nose?
196
00:09:43,728 --> 00:09:45,429
Does she have any plans tonight?
197
00:09:45,528 --> 00:09:47,532
[energetic music]
198
00:09:49,266 --> 00:09:51,436
["tropical" music]
199
00:09:51,536 --> 00:09:53,638
- Yeah, the usual.
- You got it, Johnny.
200
00:09:53,738 --> 00:09:56,808
Blue Hawaii, two
umbrellas, coming right up.
201
00:09:56,907 --> 00:10:00,645
- Whoa, who is that?
- Johnny Bahama.
202
00:10:00,744 --> 00:10:03,447
He's the chillest dude from
Key West to Kokomo, man.
203
00:10:03,564 --> 00:10:06,851
Nobody's more beach than
Johnny Bahama... nobody.
204
00:10:06,951 --> 00:10:10,021
What about him?
He seems pretty beach too.
205
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,657
Better saddle up, brother.
It's gonna be a beach-off.
206
00:10:13,758 --> 00:10:18,964
Hey, Sandy, rum and Pineapple
Hang-Ten. Three umbrellas.
207
00:10:19,064 --> 00:10:19,897
[record scratch]
208
00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:23,934
Well, well, well, Daytona Jack.
Been a while.
209
00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:25,535
Aloha.
210
00:10:25,637 --> 00:10:28,873
Yeah, I was down in Aruba.
Spent a week on the beach.
211
00:10:28,973 --> 00:10:33,410
- I... love the beach.
- I just spent a month in Puerto Rico.
212
00:10:33,511 --> 00:10:35,445
That beach, I really love.
213
00:10:35,546 --> 00:10:38,081
Well, Aruba was kind
of my pre-vacation.
214
00:10:38,181 --> 00:10:43,154
In August, I'm going to
Cancun... for six years.
215
00:10:43,253 --> 00:10:44,354
Mahalo.
216
00:10:44,455 --> 00:10:47,525
You know, I was born
on the beach at Cancun.
217
00:10:47,626 --> 00:10:50,328
It was two-for-one
margaritas at Senor Snail's,
218
00:10:50,427 --> 00:10:53,229
and my mom wouldn't leave
the wet T-shirt contest
219
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:55,900
- to go to the hospital.
- Margaritas.
220
00:10:55,999 --> 00:10:58,335
That reminds me of the first
time I met Jimmy Buffett.
221
00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:01,272
You know what he told me, man?
"Life's a beach."
222
00:11:01,372 --> 00:11:02,406
He's a wise man.
223
00:11:02,507 --> 00:11:05,575
I went boogie-boarding with him
in Panama City one time.
224
00:11:05,676 --> 00:11:09,611
He gave me his flip-flop.
[inhales deeply]
225
00:11:09,613 --> 00:11:13,884
Yeah, well, I have
Frankie Avalon's actual foot.
226
00:11:13,984 --> 00:11:16,186
You think you're more
beach than me, brah?
227
00:11:16,287 --> 00:11:21,091
Hey, man, if the aqua sock fits...
Sandy, scratch that Hang-Ten.
228
00:11:21,191 --> 00:11:25,229
Give me an empty coconut shell
full of drink umbrellas.
229
00:11:25,330 --> 00:11:27,431
[munching]
230
00:11:29,499 --> 00:11:30,368
Oh, you think that's beach?
231
00:11:30,468 --> 00:11:34,738
Sandy, give me a sand castle
bucket full of tanning oil.
232
00:11:34,839 --> 00:11:39,243
[gulping]
233
00:11:39,343 --> 00:11:40,411
Ahh!
234
00:11:40,511 --> 00:11:42,112
Oh, you want to talk about tanning?
235
00:11:42,213 --> 00:11:43,147
[grunting]
236
00:11:43,247 --> 00:11:44,416
Ah!
237
00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:48,051
I'm literally more tan
where my shirt goes.
238
00:11:48,152 --> 00:11:49,253
You want to talk about shirts?
239
00:11:49,354 --> 00:11:53,291
I wear a little, tiny
Hawaiian shirt on my balls.
240
00:11:53,391 --> 00:11:54,825
A-bam!
241
00:11:57,628 --> 00:12:01,866
Not bad, Johnny. But there's
one thing you should know.
242
00:12:01,966 --> 00:12:04,902
[grunting]
243
00:12:06,503 --> 00:12:09,339
That's right.
I shit live hermit crabs.
244
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:09,907
[laughs]
245
00:12:10,008 --> 00:12:12,042
Dude, how?
246
00:12:12,142 --> 00:12:15,745
I... am... the beach!
247
00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:20,485
The [bleep] you say! No!
Father, avenge me!
248
00:12:20,585 --> 00:12:23,388
[conch reverberating]
249
00:12:23,488 --> 00:12:26,424
I'm coming, Son!
250
00:12:26,523 --> 00:12:28,392
[people screaming]
251
00:12:28,492 --> 00:12:30,995
Hum-a-hum-a-nuk-a-nuk-a-
op-a-wa-ha!
252
00:12:31,094 --> 00:12:33,163
[people screaming]
253
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:39,103
Yeah, I guess that
guy's pretty beach.
254
00:12:39,204 --> 00:12:40,305
[laugh track]
255
00:12:40,405 --> 00:12:42,206
[upbeat music]
256
00:12:42,306 --> 00:12:44,508
Ooh, ha-ha-ha.
257
00:12:44,608 --> 00:12:48,279
Uh-oh, now what did you do?
258
00:12:48,378 --> 00:12:48,945
[audience gasps]
259
00:12:49,046 --> 00:12:49,946
[women groaning]
260
00:12:50,046 --> 00:12:53,785
[bell dinging]
261
00:12:56,787 --> 00:12:58,056
[giggling hoarsely]
262
00:12:58,156 --> 00:13:00,357
Looks like I should have
gotten off the bang train
263
00:13:00,456 --> 00:13:04,329
a few stops earlier.
Choo-choo!
264
00:13:04,429 --> 00:13:06,964
[sitcom laughter]
Am I right, ladies?
265
00:13:07,064 --> 00:13:09,166
First dad joke.
266
00:13:25,784 --> 00:13:29,388
Oh, my God, Steve, Steve...
267
00:13:29,487 --> 00:13:30,688
Oh, my God, Steve,
268
00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:32,691
I just took me a whiz
next to the master himself.
269
00:13:32,790 --> 00:13:35,994
Oh, my God, that's amazing.
Did you get a look at it?
270
00:13:36,093 --> 00:13:37,995
No, but I saw its shadow.
271
00:13:38,096 --> 00:13:41,298
- It looked like a Goddamn
Brontosaurus. - Whoa.
272
00:13:41,399 --> 00:13:42,473
[laughing]
273
00:13:43,052 --> 00:13:44,153
Excuse me, Mr. LaFontaine,
274
00:13:44,253 --> 00:13:46,254
I'm supposed to take your lunch order.
275
00:13:46,355 --> 00:13:49,357
[chuckles] Let me tell you
a story about lunch, kid.
276
00:13:49,457 --> 00:13:52,626
So I'm in Thailand shooting a
thing with Rebecca De Mornay.
277
00:13:52,726 --> 00:13:55,679
Now, back then, if you wanted
to smuggle something into
278
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:58,632
southern Asia, it had to go,
boop, right up your keister.
279
00:13:58,732 --> 00:14:01,603
[thinking] And there I was,
standing in front of Buck LaFontaine
280
00:14:01,703 --> 00:14:04,839
as he was telling me one of
his legendary Hollywood stories.
281
00:14:04,939 --> 00:14:06,774
I didn't know it then, but
I could certainly say now,
282
00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:09,043
that that was the best day of my life.
283
00:14:09,144 --> 00:14:10,913
Little did I know
that those mariachis
284
00:14:11,013 --> 00:14:14,149
had replaced my parachute
with a stack of King James Bibles.
285
00:14:14,249 --> 00:14:16,652
Until I noticed
that his fly was down.
286
00:14:16,751 --> 00:14:18,686
And at that moment, I had to
make a split-second decision,
287
00:14:18,787 --> 00:14:23,491
a decision that would alter the course
of the rest of my life.
288
00:14:23,591 --> 00:14:26,761
Four different types of mayonnaise,
if you can believe it.
289
00:14:26,861 --> 00:14:28,329
Excuse me, Mr. LaFontaine.
290
00:14:28,429 --> 00:14:30,531
I think you accidentally
left you fly down.
291
00:14:30,631 --> 00:14:33,067
Ha-ha.
That's no accident, son.
292
00:14:33,168 --> 00:14:34,803
I had the zippers removed
from every pair of pants I own.
293
00:14:34,903 --> 00:14:37,706
Saves me at least a half an hour a day.
294
00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:39,173
[laughing]
295
00:14:39,274 --> 00:14:40,708
Wow.
296
00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:41,875
Damn, I never thought
of that... that's genius.
297
00:14:41,976 --> 00:14:43,345
So can I get you anything
from the food truck?
298
00:14:43,444 --> 00:14:44,412
Nothing for me, kid.
299
00:14:44,513 --> 00:14:47,882
- I'm eating beaver for lunch.
- Hell, yeah!
300
00:14:47,981 --> 00:14:50,818
Well, I'm just thinking, i I
go and get my cosmetology degree,
301
00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:52,920
then I can starting doing...
[music changes]
302
00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:55,289
Oh, that's my song!
303
00:14:55,389 --> 00:14:59,894
- Whoo!
- Oh, yeah, that's my jam.
304
00:14:59,995 --> 00:15:02,764
Let's make it rain up in
here, you lonely bastards.
305
00:15:02,864 --> 00:15:03,933
[loopy horn notes]
306
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:13,211
[grunts] Uhh!
307
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,648
Sir William of Barry.
Ha-ha, you old goat!
308
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:19,283
What brings you to the Tower of Dragos?
309
00:15:19,384 --> 00:15:20,818
Same as you. Gonna kill Dragos.
310
00:15:20,918 --> 00:15:22,487
You know, bring peace to the realm.
311
00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:24,490
How about you? How
are your other quests?
312
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:28,025
Pretty good. I killed a warlock,
and I [bleep]-ed a Chimera.
313
00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:30,529
Look at you. I sucked off a Kraken.
314
00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:32,197
That is so awesome.
315
00:15:33,664 --> 00:15:34,699
On three.
316
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,267
Both: One, two, three!
317
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:38,636
Oh, you mother-[bleep].
318
00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:42,808
- Oh, shit!
- Hey, Dragos.
319
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:46,112
[dragon screeching]
Ah, son of a bitch!
320
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:49,114
- Sorry about that. Had to do it.
- Hey, no worries, mate.
321
00:15:49,213 --> 00:15:51,282
I kind of always knew
I'd die by betrayal.
322
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:52,484
Well, the realm's safe.
323
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:55,486
I guess you can go on
back to your family now.
324
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:58,189
- Nothing left to slay.
- Shit.
325
00:15:58,289 --> 00:16:02,827
I mean... yay.
My family.
326
00:16:02,888 --> 00:16:04,255
[children screaming]
327
00:16:04,355 --> 00:16:05,191
- Father.
- Papa's home.
328
00:16:05,291 --> 00:16:06,158
Daddy!
329
00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:07,192
[children clamoring]
330
00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:10,162
Is it true? You climbed
into the butt of a warlock
331
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:11,463
and you blew him up?
332
00:16:11,562 --> 00:16:14,866
Whoa-ho-ho-ho.
Those are just... legends.
333
00:16:14,966 --> 00:16:18,235
I've heard a lot of legends
since you've been gone, Ian.
334
00:16:18,336 --> 00:16:22,074
Mostly ones about you shagging
horrible creatures and elves.
335
00:16:22,173 --> 00:16:25,209
I never had sex with an
elf... during this quest.
336
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:28,446
Look, Sandra, baby, I know
I haven't been around much,
337
00:16:28,547 --> 00:16:30,048
but the realm is safe now.
338
00:16:30,148 --> 00:16:32,183
- We can start over.
- Really?
339
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,686
[laughs]
340
00:16:33,786 --> 00:16:35,854
You're all of a sudden
going to be a family man,
341
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:39,791
be a father, a husband,
without no creatures on the side?
342
00:16:39,892 --> 00:16:44,363
Provide for us, be here all day,
every day?
343
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:45,596
[singsong] I brought presents.
344
00:16:45,696 --> 00:16:46,631
[children cheer]
345
00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:49,201
For Matilda, the wings of a harpy.
346
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:53,338
- Will they make me fly?
- No, they're just dead, cut-off wings.
347
00:16:53,438 --> 00:16:56,374
And for Connor and Jack,
we've got goblin swords.
348
00:16:56,475 --> 00:16:58,210
- Yay! Swords!
- Yay!
349
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,913
- Agh! It's in me!
- My penis!
350
00:17:01,013 --> 00:17:03,682
Great, Ian!
Real responsible!
351
00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:05,817
Give our children weapons, right?!
352
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:09,153
Honestly, and what did you get
me, huh? Another mouth to feed?
353
00:17:09,254 --> 00:17:12,957
A nudie picture of some
owl-bear you're banging?
354
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:17,795
Or the same thing you always get me...
STDs and side of nothing!
355
00:17:17,897 --> 00:17:21,766
Of course I got you something.
Don't play me like that.
356
00:17:21,867 --> 00:17:24,536
Look, I've got you... this?
357
00:17:24,636 --> 00:17:28,139
A gorgon head?
What the hell am I gonna do with...
358
00:17:28,239 --> 00:17:29,707
[gasps]
359
00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:31,377
Oh, don't look at... don't look at that.
360
00:17:31,476 --> 00:17:32,945
Whoa-oh, oopsies.
361
00:17:33,044 --> 00:17:34,279
Don't look, I've got to
put it back in the sack.
362
00:17:34,379 --> 00:17:36,581
- Get it, Daddy, get...
- Don't look, don't look.
363
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:41,352
No. No, what have I...
what have I done?
364
00:17:41,453 --> 00:17:42,854
[dramatic music]
365
00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:45,557
I'm just going on a
quest to save my family!
366
00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:47,292
They were all turned to stone!
367
00:17:47,391 --> 00:17:48,996
I don't know how it happened.
368
00:17:50,766 --> 00:17:52,301
[phone ringing]
Hello, TripTank.
369
00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:55,538
Hello, Steven.
This is the network calling.
370
00:17:55,637 --> 00:17:56,937
Oh, what can I do for you?
371
00:17:57,038 --> 00:17:58,574
I just wanted you to know
that everyone is delighted
372
00:17:58,673 --> 00:18:03,278
with the job you've all been doing,
so no one needs to die.
373
00:18:03,377 --> 00:18:04,178
Did you say "die"?
374
00:18:04,278 --> 00:18:08,049
"TripTank" is fun and funny.
Punishments and vivisections
375
00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:12,755
- are completely unnecessary... for now.
- Oh, that's... great?
376
00:18:12,855 --> 00:18:14,323
So just keep up the good work, Steve.
377
00:18:14,422 --> 00:18:16,758
And try not to think about
the terrible consequences
378
00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:19,861
that befall those who fail us.
[laughing hoarsely]
379
00:18:21,197 --> 00:18:24,533
- I mean, good-bye.
- Okay, bye-bye.
380
00:18:24,634 --> 00:18:26,267
"Bye-bye"?
Why the hell would I say bye-bye?
381
00:18:26,367 --> 00:18:29,771
Who says bye-bye?
God, Steve, you're an idiot.
382
00:18:29,872 --> 00:18:30,939
[banging, clattering]
383
00:18:31,038 --> 00:18:32,106
Hey, what's going on in there?
384
00:18:32,207 --> 00:18:33,809
Oh, my God, it's a total disaster.
385
00:18:33,909 --> 00:18:36,845
Buck's lost his mind.
He's off the reservation.
386
00:18:36,944 --> 00:18:39,181
He thought the camera
was a coffeemaker, man.
387
00:18:39,281 --> 00:18:41,082
He replaced the microphone
with a live snake.
388
00:18:41,182 --> 00:18:44,385
He's got the key grip
doing the dolly grip's job.
389
00:18:44,486 --> 00:18:47,221
- What?! That's crazy!
- Guys, I don't know.
390
00:18:47,323 --> 00:18:49,324
Maybe Buck's not the
director he used to be.
391
00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:51,727
Man, if this sketch isn't
the best thing he's ever done,
392
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,428
they're gonna shut down that orphanage.
393
00:18:53,528 --> 00:18:54,997
[both gasp]
Wait, what?
394
00:18:55,096 --> 00:18:57,920
Again, it just seems like
that's just a dramatic kind of...
395
00:18:57,955 --> 00:18:59,168
[crashing, screaming]
396
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,746
Oh, that's bad.
397
00:19:01,781 --> 00:19:03,339
[engine revving]
398
00:19:03,439 --> 00:19:06,308
[upbeat electronic music]
399
00:19:15,164 --> 00:19:18,335
You guys, I'm really
nervous about this screening.
400
00:19:18,435 --> 00:19:20,169
Remember, if this sketch isn't great,
401
00:19:20,270 --> 00:19:21,971
them poor orphans are out on their tits.
402
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:25,140
It's gonna be a dirty-ass crying shame.
Crying shame.
403
00:19:25,242 --> 00:19:26,609
Can one of you please
explain, step by step,
404
00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:30,613
how a "TripTank" sketch could
in any way affect an orphanage?
405
00:19:30,713 --> 00:19:32,447
Let's roll it.
406
00:19:32,548 --> 00:19:34,451
[film reel whirring]
407
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:37,454
[dramatic music]
408
00:19:37,553 --> 00:19:39,021
Bring forth the condemned.
409
00:19:45,494 --> 00:19:47,829
[crowd jeering]
410
00:19:47,929 --> 00:19:50,599
Grayclaw, before I
hand down your sentence,
411
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:51,501
I must go on record and say
412
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,136
that the gruesome depictions
413
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:57,406
of mutilation and cannibalism
at these proceedings
414
00:19:57,506 --> 00:20:02,477
has turned my pyloric
stomach inside out.
415
00:20:02,578 --> 00:20:03,747
You're a monster!
416
00:20:03,847 --> 00:20:05,381
Yes, I'm a monster.
417
00:20:05,481 --> 00:20:09,618
Monster you needed to snap out
of your delusion called society.
418
00:20:09,719 --> 00:20:12,856
The only crime we commit is
this great lie called order.
419
00:20:12,955 --> 00:20:16,091
Order's a slave to chaos,
and I am its prophet.
420
00:20:16,192 --> 00:20:19,494
Your laws are crimes.
You are all guilty!
421
00:20:19,595 --> 00:20:22,898
Enough. Grayclaw, I hereby
sentence you to death...
422
00:20:22,999 --> 00:20:27,671
the execution to be
carried out immediately.
423
00:20:27,771 --> 00:20:30,706
This is why your kind
will always burn, Grayclaw.
424
00:20:30,807 --> 00:20:31,741
Laws are an agreement.
425
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,310
[all screaming]
Who's talking?
426
00:20:35,344 --> 00:20:39,314
No.
Please... ohhhhh!
427
00:20:39,415 --> 00:20:42,184
Whyyyy?
428
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:45,654
[whispering] Sweet
oblivion, here I come.
429
00:20:48,657 --> 00:20:51,994
[laughing heartily]
430
00:20:52,095 --> 00:20:54,763
- I love it, I love it!
- Beautiful!
431
00:20:54,864 --> 00:20:57,700
- Yeah!
- Wonderful! Tour de force!
432
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,202
Buck LaFontaine is back on top.
433
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,538
The orphanage is saved!
434
00:21:01,637 --> 00:21:04,007
- Now, where's my lunch?
- I've got it, Buck.
435
00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:05,728
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
436
00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:08,146
The striptease should
be sensual and arousing.
437
00:21:08,245 --> 00:21:12,154
You're dancing like you got a piece
of shit in your shoe or something.
438
00:21:12,189 --> 00:21:15,635
The dance you're doing looks like...
like she just had foot surgery.
439
00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:17,704
This looks like the dance you do with,
440
00:21:17,705 --> 00:21:20,757
you've got so fat ass, it looks
like you pooped your pants.
441
00:21:20,807 --> 00:21:25,357
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