All language subtitles for TripTank s02e15 Inside Roy.eng

Mommy! Those two men
are kissing each other.

Ugh, gross.
Do not look at them, Ricky.

I don't want you to be
influenced by...

[chimes jingling]

Oh, God, no!
Ricky! [music]

It is too late, Mother.
I have seen everything.

Oh, I love your shoes.

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

[telephone rings]
Hello, this is TripTank.

I was watching you on television,
and I think you're purple.

Oh, the settings on your TV
are probably wrong.

- Your aura is so purple.
- Oh, my aura, cool.

Purple's good, huh?

Now that we're talking,
I feel like you're green.

Your green aura comes
through the phone so clearly.

That's got to be good, right?

Oh, wait, no, no.
I've got it now.

- You're poo-poo brown.
- What? No.

- That's not...
- Oh, you're definitely poo-poo brown.

It's so strong.

Say it with me.
"I'm poo-poo brown."

- No, I'm not gonna say that.
- I'm poo-poo brown.

No, I'm not gonna say,
"I'm poo-poo brown."

- I'm poo-poo brown.
- I'm poo-poo brown. [screams]

It's horrible, man!
My eyes!

Oh, my goodness!
Roy, what's wrong?

I need help, buddy.
I need you.

What do you need?
I'll do anything.

- I need you inside me, man.
- Anything but that.

Something else, please,
name something else I can do.

I seen something unspeakable,
a sight so horrific

I got tor erase it from my brain.

Don't do it, Roy!
You have so much to live for.

What?
This is just a shrink ray, man.

I need you to "Inner Space"
inside of my body

and destroy the memory of
that terrible thing I just saw.

Well, I don't really think
that's scientifically...

- Light it up!
- [high-pitched] Wow!

[gulps]

Godspeed, little Steve.

[Sighs]
I just...

I don't know, I'm starting to lose hope.

- None of the drugs...
- Well, Jim, I've been in this business 30 years.

You are, without a doubt,
the saddest guy I've ever met.

[sighs]
I wasn't gonna do this,

but I'm gonna give you something.
It's very experimental.

[sighs]

[cheerful music]

What?

? Hey there, Jim ?

- All: Don't be sad
- Oh!

? Because, you know, your little life ?

? It isn't so bad ?

? It's Monday morning ?

All: You're feeling blue

? But that's about to change ?

? Because we're here to help you ?

All: 'Cause we're the Moodles

Wow, this is incredible.
Who are you guys?

All: We're the Moodles

? The magical musical Moodles ?

That doesn't really
answer my question.

? Chugga, chugga, chugga
goes the big old train ?

? It goes so fast,
it's totally insane ?

? No one knows what
the big train knows ?

? They only know
the way it goes ?

? It goes ?

[scatting]
Uh...

And if we look at
the earnings forecast...

? Board meeting, board meeting ?

All: We're so bored meeting

? Nothing more boring ?

[whispering] Guys, please,
I need to listen to this.

- Don't lie, Jim
- You're bored too

- Now watch this dancy jig
- Stop it!

Just shut the [bleep] up!
[thud]

- Uh, everything okay, Jim?
- Huh? I'm sorry, what?

- All: Oh, boy
- Stop it!

? We're going home early ?

- That's a special treat
- It is not a special treat, okay?

[grunts]

? Sleep time, sleep time ?

? Time for countin' sheep time ?

? Sleep time sleep time ?

Both: Time to go to sleep

- Sleep time
- Sleep time

I think I'm gonna kill myself.

- Well...
- Don't kill yourself, Jim

- 'Cause life is too grand
- I had a feeling this might happen.

? Especially with
the groovy Moodle ?

- Take two of these and call me in the morning.
- Marching band

- Singing is magical
- And singing is fun

All: And our best songs

? Have only just begun ?

That's exactly why I'm doing this.

All: 'Cause we're the Moodles

? The magical musical ?

- It's finally over.
- No, problem, Jim.

Now we got rid of them, we
can finally relax, right?

With a nice, bitchin' drum circle!
Boys!

[pounding drums]
No!

[music]

[screaming]

Oof!
Whoa, it worked.

I'm actually inside Roy.
insideRoy.

Hey, buddy, I left you a
little scooter down there.

Try not to dent it up; it's a rental.

Where the [bleep] did he get that?
It's adorable.

[telephone rings]

Hello, TripTank.

Oh, my God!
That is so wicked fresh, man.

I can't believe it.
Okay.

I finally got through!
Okay, okay.

I'd like to dedicate the next sketch
to my girl Ayesha.

Yeah, we don't really do dedications.

Now, I know I've done a
lot of terrible shit to you.

But all those others don't
mean nothing to me, baby.

Again, TV show.
We don't do dedications.

That Palomino show pony,
she was a beautiful horse,

- but she means nothing, okay?
- Did you say horse?

I was just looking at it,
and it was wiggling, you know,

grinding to the music, you know,
getting down, like, for reals.

I'm inside Roy's stomach,
and this is still the weirdest thing

- that's going on right now.
- You are the only one for me, Ayesha.

This next sketch, this
one's for you, petal.

[music]

- Here you go, sir.
- Thank you, my good man.

And here is a very generous tip.

And let that be a lesson to you, son.
Always be nice to others.

- Ugh, not another one of your lessons, Dad.
- Now, Donnie, this is important.

You have to treat your
fellow man with respect.

Ah, darn it.
Bird poop.

[laughs]

- Dad, you got pooped on.
- Some people say that's good luck.

That's the thing about luck, son.
You make your own in this world.

- You do?
- That's right.

With stick-to-it-iveness
and a little elbow grease,

you can be as lucky as you want to be.

Nobody ever won the lottery
with elbow grease, Dad.

Oh, Donnie, luck is not about money.
Take me, for example.

I only earn a modest salary,

and I don't have a flashy
import car like Jimmy's dad.

Oh, not again. [laughs]
This is a new shirt.

Every day is a new day, Donnie.

It's another opportunity to
be the man you want to be.

But what do I do when
people are mean to me, Dad?

Well, you have to learn
to turn the other cheek.

You have to be the bigger...
Shoot! Gosh darn it.

And, gosh darn it, if
someone treats you wrong,

you just kill them with kindness.

Has anybody ever
been mean to you, Dad?

Well, that's an interesting
question, Donnie.

Uh...
Yeah, you know, I guess, yes,

there are a few people in
my life that occasionally

I have a little difficult
time getting along with.

- Why?
- Well, it's a long story, son.

But it all started when...

Jiminy Crickets!
We're getting bombarded out here.

- Dad, this is like a forever day.
- What?

I had a great time
with you at the park.

- I-I wish this day would last forever.
- Me too, son.

Me too.
God damn it!

Stupid birds!

Hey, what are you guys
doing with your shells?

I'm just gulping them down, dude.

Ah, you do not want to do that.

You're gonna tear up your insides, man.

I've been spitting
mine into a little pocket

I sewed into my bird suit.

- You sewed a pocket in your bird suit?
- Heck yeah.

- See, that's just smart.
- Oh, I got a big one brewing.

Where'd Gary go?

? Suck it, Gary ?

[music]

We have a 6-4 in progress
at a gas station on Main.

- Beer!
- Beer! [rock music]

- Put your hands where I can see them!
- On each other's butts.

[honk]

[both laugh]

Kick over the beer!

[glass breaking]

Freedom ain't free, kids!
[tires screeching]

[music]

[panting]

[telephone rings]

Hello, TripTank.

Hey, TripTank, how you guys doing?

Listen, I caught a guy
breaking into my house.

Don't worry, I am fine.
Everything's fine.

But I got him stuck
upside-down right now.

What do you mean
"stuck upside-down"?

I got the battery hooked
up to the jumper cables.

Now, it's red to the right nipple,
but I just want to make sure.

Is it black to the left nipple
or, like, black to ground?

[muffled scream] You will get
what's coming to you, you shit stain!

I got a special freezer in my garage
full of assholes just like you!

- I don't think I can help you, ma'am.
- You know what?

I'll just figure it out.
Bye, thanks so much.

- Now, where the hell am I?
- Hey, man, I can feel you in there.

You are in the wrong spot.

Ah, Roy's anus.
Fantastic.

Turn around!
Get skippin'!

[panting]

[dramatic music]

Oh, my God.
What the [bleep] happened here?

- Pete.
- Wha? Steve?

Dude, thanks for coming.
I'm in a real bad place right now, man.

- I could sure use a friend.
- What did you do, Steve?

You told me on the phone
you just had a dead battery

and you wanted me to
give you a ride home.

That was just code in
case someone was listening.

You know, dead battery, dead hooker.

- Dude, everyone knows that.
- Everyone knows that?

Oh, my God!
She's dead!

Steve, I can't be here.
I-I told my wife I'd be right back.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Pete, just hold on a minute.

Now, you asked me six
months ago if I ever

woke up next to a dead
hooker, who would I call?

It was a god damn hypothetical.

It was bar banter,
the verbal equivalent of darts.

It passes the time!

But, okay, okay,
I guess I can help her,

I don't know, get dressed or something.

Oh, my God! What's that?

Oh! Oh!
I didn't expect...

That's a biker with a
machete in his [bleep] head?

Drooling blood.

What the [bleep], Steve?
Who is that?

Long story.
But the dead hooker, Starla,

that's her boyfriend, Diablo.

They were trying to rob me, Petey.

That asshole came in here,
waving a gun around

as I was jamming Starla from behind.

You should have seen me, man.
You know how I do.

I had to chop his arm
off with the machete.

It was self-defense.

- But where did you get a... holy shit!
- Oh, I can explain that.

That's Starla's pimp, Mr. Fu.

He walks in here all willy-nilly,
"[bleep] you, bitch!

Give me my money."
And he slaps her, bro.

And you know me, man.
You know me, Pete.

I will not stand for hitting a woman.

- That... That's why you shot a man?
- Well, yeah.

Took the gun from the biker.
Self-defense, man.

Okay, yeah, self-defense.
This is crazy. This is crazy.

[laughs] This is crazy, Steve.
You killed a lot of people!

Accident, self-defense, you can...
this is really bad.

Dude, I know.

I'm in over my head,
but I'm the good guy.

It's all just a weird series of events.

But the cops will never buy it.

You got to help out
your best pal, Petey.

[groaning]

Mr. Fu, wash your clothes, man.
[laughs]

All right.
[both groaning]

[whistles]
Whoa!

[both sigh]

That's a load off my mind.

Hey, man, you never told
me how that hooker died.

Oh, I strangled her.
Come on, let's get some tacos.

[creepy music]

[techno music]

[music]

- Ooh, Beth, let's go play laser tag.
- No way, Jen.

You know I have PS3D.

Ooh, that sounds scary, Beth.
What is that?

It's, like, when lasers give
you flashbacks to war and stuff.

Oh, my God, you were in war?

Oh, my God! Ryan and Dexter
just went into laser tag.

Let's go play!

Atten hut!

This battle will determine
the fate of Terrax 5.

- Fight for the future.
- Oh, my God, what a dork.

You think this is funny, recruit?!

- You think this is a game?
- Uh, yeah. It's, like, literally a game.

Laser war is not a game!

- Do you want to know how I lost this arm?
- Okay, let me guess.

You dropped your butt
dildo into a volcano,

and you were, like, trying
really hard to get it back.

So you reached in, but you
were, like, a stupid bitch.

So the lava burned your
stupid bitch arm off.

- Obviously!
- Ugh, just go battle or whatever.

[sighs]

Ha! Look at these two.
How can you miss?

[lasers firing]

[groaning]

The flashbacks!

She has PS3D.
I've seen this a few times before.

I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to put her down.

No!
She's my only friend.

She would die for me.

Your friend will die
by the Murderlasinator

- if you don't...
- Whatever. I don't care.

Kill the bitch.
She's, like, super annoying anyway.

[energy pulsing]

[energy whining]

Wait, I know how to wake her up.
I'll be right back.

I believe my pelvis is shattered.

Yeah, which means,
like, I won the battle

of Spacelandia or whatever.
This is nerdy, and I'm bored!

[sniffs]

Oh, my God!

What is that delicious smell
into my face nose?

[robot beeping]

[chomp]
[screams]

Oh, my God!

That Cinnablaster was delicious.
Did it have, like, bacon it?

[music]

Well, I definitely took
a wrong turn somewhere.

Hey, Roy! Roy, I think I'm lost.

What?
You're not in my brain yet?

You don't destroy that horrible
memory in the next seven minutes,

it becomes permanently attached
to every fiber of my being.

That's not how science works, Roy.
It just doesn't even make sense.

Oh, you're taking too long.
I'm coming in.

Coming in?
What does he even mean "coming in"?

- Ho-Ho-Holy shit!
- Hop on in, best friend brother.

Wait, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
How is this even possible?

- How are you inside your own...
- No time to explain. Here we go!

[techno music]

[both screaming]

We have a 192 at the
art gallery at 9th and Lex.

- Maybe they'll have wine.
- Don't make me shoot you in the face!

[rock music]

Hi-ya!
[electricity crackling]

Big beer!

[gunshots]

[guzzling]

- You can't... ah!
- Let this be a lesson to you, hippies!

Bald eagles out!
[both cawing]

[glass shatters]
[eagle shrieks]

[cheerful music]

? I know a town
Where letters dwell ?

? Come to Alphabet City
and learn to spell ?

? Alphabet City, yeah ?

Today's episode, the letter...

Children: M!

Hello, you wanted to see me, Mayor?

Children: Mayor!
[laughs]

I sure did.
I got a very important job for you.

Hooray!
What kind of job?

Ha!
[glass shatters]

Cut the bullshit. You know
exactly what kind of job it is.

- Who's the target?
- Her name is G.

Now, I need her taken
care of, professionally.

No mistakes.

Children: Mistakes!

Well, then, you're in luck,
'cause I don't make 'em.

- My clients are never disappointed.
- If you can, make it quick.

I'll do anything you want,
as long as you got the money.

Children: Money!

Once I leave this office, that's it.
There's no turning back.

You sure that's what you want?

Politics is a dirty business.

Sometimes, you have
to tie up loose ends,

especially when those loose
ends are threatening to...

[splash]

Go public with photos of your member.

Children: Member!

Sounds like we'd
better get right on it.

G sends her regards.

What the hell you
think you're doing, son?

Like I said...
[gun cocks back]

- My clients are never disappointed.
- Jiminetty!

[gunshots]

[groans]
[music]

- Nothing personal, old man.
- Mother[bleep].

Children: Mother[bleep]!

? Alphabet City, yeah ?

Man: What the hell is this shit?

[smash]

Which one of you idiots
made my cereal this morning?

Oh, I should've known,

Kevin "the jackass who
can't do a god damned

thing right if his dick
depended on it" Simms.

You're the ignorant asshole
who [bleep] my morning.

Was there something wrong?

Yes, there was
something [bleep] wrong.

Last week, I explicitly told you

that I wanted
Oops All Berries cereal.

Does this look like Oops All
Berries to you, shit for brains?

- Um, no?
- No, it doesn't,

because it's not Oops All Berries.

It's goddamn, regular-ass Crunch Berry.

And did I tell you to get
me regular-ass Crunch Berry?

- No.
- So what do you think I expected to see

in my [bleep] bowl this morning?

- Oops All Berries cereal.
- That's right.

Oops All Berries.
Oops All [bleep] Berries.

Can you get that through
your thick, shitty skull?

- Um, sir, they were sold out.
- Oh, oh, "they were sold out."

Well, how [bleep]
hard would it be to buy

five boxes of regular,
shitty-ass Crunch Berry,

pour all five boxes into
a big goddamned bowl,

pick out all the little
yellow pieces of shit,

throw them in the trash can,

pour all the remaining crunch berries

back into one of the
five boxes, go online,

do a Google search
for "Oops All Berries,"

click on Images,

find the highest res
image of the [bleep] box,

print the image out on sticker paper,

put the sticker on the front
of the shitty Crunch Berry box,

and pour me a bowl of
goddamn Oops All Berry cereal

like I told you do in the first place?

- Now, how [bleep] hard is that?
- Um, not very?

That's right, shit head.
Not very [bleep] hard.

Oops All [bleep] Berries.
[slam]

He's right, you know.

[music]

We have a 445 at the
Angel Street Brewery.

[no audio]

[rock music]

[glass shatters]

- Did they touch the beer?
- The beer is safe.

- Beer.
- Beer!

Both: Beer!

[guzzling]

- Does this have beer in it?
- Don't touch that.

[explosion]

[glass shatters]

Here we are, my frontal lobe,
my inner sanctum,

my palace of recollection.

- Welcome, Steve.
- Wow.

The human brain is truly
the crowning achievement

of evolution's steady
march towards perfection.

Yup.
There's the memory of my

- first handjob right over there.
- Oh.

And my second wank over there.

Well, at least she
seems enthusiastic.

Ooh, look, my third and fourth tug,
both from the same girl.

Roy, these are all just handjobs.

Yeah, I don't really
hit Record for much else.

Oh, my God, there it is.

So there I am, man,

chasing Ashley's cat
through the air vents.

That's when I saw him do it.

Hey, look, it's TripTank's
attorney Chaz Sinclair.

[zipper opens]

[sniffs]

- Oh, God, that is so gross.
- Yeah, keep watching.

Hello there, little brown bear.

"Hello, Chaz."

Where have you been to get so dirty?

"Why, I've been exploring
a chocolate cave."

Well, there's only one way to
clean off all that chocolate.

"How's that, Chaz?"

With kisses.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.

- Kill it!
- Kill the memory!

Oh, God, hurry up!

We got to get out of
here Roy, right now!

Oh, no!

[both scream]

We're back!
We did it, man.

Oh, what is all this?
What am I covered in?

Oh, just my fluids, man.
My miscellaneous fluids.

No more favors, Roy.

We did it, man.
We erased the memory

of Chaz licking his own stank finger.

- Wait, how can I still picture it, then?
- Oh, shoot.

- We're remembering the memory.
- Quick!

We got to get back inside each other.

backinsideeachother.

[zap]

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