All language subtitles for TripTank s02e14 TripTank 2025.eng

Oh, for the love of God,
I'm telling you, Benny,

I've come from the future

to warn you about
something very serious.

- Bullshit! [sips]
- Listen to me. Listen to me!

You have this life-long illness that,

- if found as a child, could maybe save...
- You? A time traveler? Ha!

You're just a fruit in a suit.
Get out of here, you fruit!

Wow. You have literally
never believed in me, Dad.

[electronic music]

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Okay, bye, guys.
I'm off on my first stand-up tour.

Really? Someone wants
to see you perform?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they do.

I've got a lot of... a lot of gigs,

- a lot of bookings and dates.
- Cool.

Oh, and while I'm gone,
my friend Rocco...

- You have a friend?
- Very cool guy. He might stop by.

- Wait. Who?
- Honey, you're gonna love him, okay?

You're all gonna love him.

I got to go. I'm gonna
be late for my tour.

- Bye, Dad.
- I thought this comedy thing was

just a phase, but it just keeps
going deeper and deeper.

Going deeper and deeper?

Sounds like how I like to
spend my Saturday night,

if you know what I mean.

- Oooh!
- Ugh.

- Nice to meet you. I'm Rocco.
- Dad, we know it's you.

Dad? Oh, no, I don't think so.

I couldn't possibly have any kids,
'cause I do all my girls up the ass!

- Ew.
- Oooh!

- Marcus, please don't do this.
- I'm going to my room.

Tell me when this is over.

Hey, what's up? What you doing?

- Y-You working out?
- N-No.

Well, you should be, 'cause if those
jiggly "moobs" of yours get any bigger,

I'm gonna start getting on
a hard-on when you walk by.

- Oh!
- Gross!

- Get out of my room!
- Ooh!

I'm just saying you got jiggly boobs.

Hey.
Hey, is this a good time?

There's a... something I wanted
to talk to you about.

- It's kind of important.
- Yeah, what's up, Dad?

I was just wondering
if you could tell me

- what this smells like!
- Is that your armpit or something?

Nope! It's your mother.

- Ugh.
- Ooh, I got you so good.

Something is really
wrong with you, Dad.

Just kidding. Just kidding.

It was my nut sack.
You were closer the first time.

Otta-watta-watta-watta-watta!

Yo, no. You're not getting
in bed dressed like that.

Okay, okay.
You're right.

There are limits.

- How about like this?
- Oh, God, no!

- Can I get in now?
- N-N-N... Please!

Helicopter requesting
permission to land!

- Marcus, it's not funny!
- We're running out of fuel!

- We've all had enough!
- Get the hell out of here!

[sighs]
It's over.

Hey, guys.
Oh, looks like I just missed Rocco.

Bye, Rocco!

Hey, what's for dinner?

[telephone ringing]

- Hello, TripTank.
- Yes, hello.

Um, I just wanted to
call and tell you that...

Balls! Balls! Balls!

I am so sorry.
I have Tourette's,

and when I'm nervous,
these words just come out.

Oh, it's okay. No problem.

- Take your time.
- Okay, thanks.

Um, anyway, I really wanted
to tell you that your show...

Balls! Balls! Balls! [shudders]
I... again, I am so sorry.

It's the Tourette's.
I'm really embarrassed.

No need to be embarrassed.
It's okay. Everything's okay.

Good. Um, sorry.

I just wanted to say that your
show sucks shit! I hate it!

I hate your terrible
[bleep] shitty show!

It licks my ass[bleep],

and it sucks my [bleep]
until my balls come out!

It's okay. I understand
you have Tourette's.

- It's totally fine.
- Oh, no. That wasn't the Tourette's.

I just hate "TripTank."

Balls! Balls! Balls!

Hey, guys.
Anything special going on today?

Hey, Ashley. Nope, normal
day, just like every other...

answering phones, earning a living,

- just doing my thang... uh, thing.
- How about you, Roy?

- Anything you want to say to me today?
- Not particularly, Ashley.

- Ugh! You guys are both jerks!
- I just can't wait.

I got to tell Ashley
about her surprise party.

No, Roy!
You ruin every birthday.

Can't you just keep your
mouth shut for 22 more minutes?

Oh, I don't know, man!
I feel like I'm gonna explode!

I just love birthday parties
so damn much!

[electronic music]

[blows]

I'll tell you what... I'm a nice guy.

I don't see why we
need to keep doing this

if you're willing to come clean.

So I'm gonna ask you one more question,

and you got one chance
to get it right! Why?!

[snickering] I'll tell you why.

[chuckles]

To get to the other side!
[laughing]

You son of a bitch!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Male narrator: A new
superhero has hit the streets,

taking back what rightfully
belongs to the black community.

His name...

is Reneger.

But watch out, Reneger.
There's trouble at the dam.

Soon you puny humans will
know the wrath of Plant Lord!

I'll destroy this dam
and flood the city.

My plants will get all
the water they need,

and there's nothing you
can do about it, Reneger.

[all gasp]

What the [bleep]
did you just call me?

Uh, Reneg...
I called you Re...

- Well, that is your name, right?
- What's my name?

I know that's what your name is,

so it's okay to say, all right?
Gil, back me up, man.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

- It is written on your shirt.
- Go on, then. Say it.

Fine. I will. Here we go.

I'm going to blow the
dam, kill some people,

and there's nothing you
can do to stop me, Reneger.

[all gasps, speaking at once]
Hey, not cool, dude.

What?
I just said his name, Reneg...

[growls]

Listen, I want to be very clear here.
I know a lot of people

are going to watch
what unfolds here today,

and I want it to be known
I am not a racist.

- I'm not racist.
- Then why are you pointing at just me?

[all speaking at once]

I hate all humans, regardless of race.

I just want as many
people to die as possible,

not just black people.

Dude, stop talking.
You're making it worse.

I want all people to die equally.

That's the world I want to live in

and for you all to die in,
together, right?

[all speaking at once]
Racist!

No! I'm a sociopath, not a racist!

You're a bigot.
[sighs]

You know what?
I'm... I'm feeling weird.

You guys made this all weird,
and I think I'm done here.

Maybe we can try this again later.
Come on, evil vines.

I'm out, baby.
Heeeey!

Wow. That was amazing.
Did you catch his name?

Yes, I did.
The savior of our city is named Reneg...

[growls]

Actually, no.
I have no idea who that was.

Heeeeey!

[electronic music]

Hurray, a face-paint kit!
Paint me as a tiger.

As realistic as you can.

Growl. [chuckles]

Less realistic, please!

[electronic music]

All right, everyone
else signed Ashley's card.

You're the last one.

Man, I never know what
to write in these things.

- Uh, "I hope you have an elegant birthday"?
- Too sappy.

- "I miss Earth too"?
- Nah, too generic.

- "You did it"?
- Yeah, that's a pretty good one.

[telephone rings]
Hello, TripTank.

- Is this TripTank?
- Yes, we're still up and running.

I'm gonna come down there and do
some real terrible stuff to you guys.

- What? Why?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna steal any pies I find
cooling on your windowsills.

Well, actually, we're not
allowed to open the windows

'cause of the, you know...

Hey, TripTank. I'm
gonna stick my chewing gum

on the sidewalk outside your building.

And we don't have sidewalks,
really, after the event.

- Um...
- You're a jerk!

[laughs]
No coming back from that one.

Yeah, that's a pretty
solid burn there, guy.

Sorry about calling you a jerk.

That crossed over the line a little bit.

Well, thank you for the apology.

But seriously, your
show is a piece of shit.

? Scary trees don't scare me ?
[birds cawing]

? You're a tree, but
you're not scaring me ?

- Oh, will you shut up already?
- Shut up, tree.

I'll chop your whole family
down, you keep that up.

- You shut up.
- Ugh! Can we please press on?

The warlock is close.
He must be stopped.

Do you know what the
warlock does to people?

He transforms them into tiny animals,

and then he sticks them up his bum
for, like, sexual pleasure.

That's not what he does.

I do not know why the
king sent you with me.

I'm a lone wolf.
[howls weakly]

We're here because
the last time the king

sent you on a solo quest,

you fornicated with the
beast you were meant to kill.

Her name was Rhonda.

You know what you did,
you disgusting animal.

Besides, you're going
to need my counter spells

for defense against the
warlock's black magic.

All right, so you
will counter his spells,

and I will chop his face off,
but what is this guy here for?

He can't even make polite conversation.

Hello? Ugh.

The Huguma Summoners are born
without tongues or genitals.

- Don't be rude.
- Ugh. No licker or a sticker?

How's this virgin
gonna help me in battle?

In that stone, Paguta has
contained a powerful ifrit,

but it can only be summoned
once every hundred years.

Wow. That sounds so lame.
Ow.

[chitters]
Stop that! Did you see that?

That evil squirrel hit
me with an evil nut.

- It's just a squirrel.
- No, it is an evil squirrel,

for this is the Forest of Evil, and...

Ow! Stop it!
Oh, that's it.

You want to throw things?
[Bleep] off.

- No, no, wait!
- No, don't... don't...

[thunder booms]

[chittering nervously]

[screeching]

That's right. Suck it, squirrel.

[sobs loudly]

Oh, you [bleep]!
[speaking native language]

You moron!
That was our only hope!

Okay, we'll figure it out.
We'll improvise.

Come on, team, let's
go [bleep] this warlock.

I mean, ki... kill it.

[coughing]

Ugh, the smoke is laughing.
You find that creepy?

- Yes!
- It's the warlock!

So these are King Jacob's champions?
This will be easy.

[speaking native language]

? One down and two to go! ?

In my butthole! [laughs]

Cleanse!
[sputtering]

No, no, no, no, no!
Evil squirrels, attack!

Yes! Yes, Jerry!
Get his eyeballs!

- Patricia, devour every inch of him!
- Just so we're clear,

I was right about the
squirrels and the bum stuff.

Not trying to be a jerk, just saying...

Aah! I was right... twice.

Rah!
Back, rodents! Back!

Sword attack. [yells]

Bee dak dak deedle dak!

Ah, look, mice have hands.
Did you know mice have hands?

- Ohh...
- No, don't.

- I think I'm gonna play this thing out.
- Ian, don't. He's gonna...

- Stand down. I got this.
- In you go.

And while you're in there,
say hello to my parents!

[laughs]
Oh, sweet Carolina.

You're next.
You're all next.

Sir Ian, you genius.
Cleanse!

No! My tum-tum!
Aah!

Sir Ian, that was brilliant.
Strike from within.

Oh, it was your plan
all along, wasn't it?

Ye... Yeah.

[electronic music]

Okay, I'll tell you what...
I'm a nice guy.

I don't see why we
need to keep doing this.

So I'm gonna ask you one more time,

and you got one chance to get it right.

- Where's the money?
- I don't... know.

- Why the long pause?
- I was born with 'em?

All right, asshole!

Hey, Roy, what flavor
of simulated protein

- should we use for the cake?
- Try that strawberry, man,

'cause that chocolate stuff
tastes like burnt-up horse meat.

[telephone rings] Hello, SpaceTank...
I mean TripTank.

Hey, Stevesy. Hey, buddy.
It's your old pal Durnan.

- Uh, I don't think I know any Durnan.
- Durnan? Durnan!

Come on, tell me you remember me.

Oh, yeah. Totally. Totally.
You always had those, uh, shoes.

[laughs] No.

I still have these bloody
stumps that I walk on...

you know, the bloody
stumps that never heal.

- You know, Durnan!
- Oh, right. Durnan, okay.

Yeah, you were always
snapping your fingers

to the beat and clapping.
You love clapping, right?

- You love clapping at the end of stuff?
- No, Steve.

I can't believe you don't remember
my dual prosthetic hook hands,

you know, to replace the
ones I lost saving your life.

- It's Durnan!
- Oh, right, that Durnan. Okay.

How you doing, by the way?
You keeping your chin up?

You're an asshole, Steve.

Hello, Mr. Cloud.

Would you please be so
kind and bring us to Heaven

so that Katie here can
wave at her grandfather?

But of course, my friends.
It would be my pleasure.

Away we go.
[all cheering]

- Get ready to say "hi."
- Hi!

Wave good-bye to Grandpa.

[flies buzzing]

I can smell him from here.
[chuckles]

[electronic music]

[rock music]

Oh, what is that?
What are you doing?

It's a special diet powder, Karl.

Says I can lose eight pounds in a day.

- I'm gonna be fit.
- Don't doubt it.

Science, man... put
a monkey on the Moon.

[laughing]
A [bleep] monkey.

[slurping, gulps]

- Right.
- Hey, did you lose weight?

[electronic music]

Male announcer: It's time for
"Pills, Pills, Pills"!

The only show for psychiatric patients

by psychiatric patients.

Ladies and gentlemen, your host...

Boot [bleep] McGillicutty!

[laughing] Hello! Hello!
Yes! Yeah!

And welcome to "Pills Pills Pills"!

The game that combines

dangerously potent
prescription medication

with paranoid conspiracy theories!
Now...

[laughs]
Let's meet our contestants!

Say hello to Sergeant Frank,
Teddy Razorblades,

and a figment of my
deranged imagination.

- Big fan, Boot[bleep].
- So, before we get started,

tell us a little bit about yourselves.

I have chlamydia.

I sacrificed myself for
your children's future.

[laughs]

Well, you guys are in luck,
because today's grand prize is

some pinkies, a shit ton of blues,

and, oh, lots of purples today!

- Hot damn.
- All right, let's get started.

First question:
For a fistful of pinkies,

what's the chemical
formula for Clozapine?

9/11 was an inside job!
[buzzer sounds]

Carbon 18, hydrogen 19,
chlorine nitrogen 4.

[bell dings]
Correct!

[cheers and applause]

Congratulations!

Uh-oh!
It's time for the lightning round!

[laughs]

The goal is to answer as many questions

before I ask them by
reading my thoughts!

- Are you ready?
- Hell, yeah! [laughs]

Super! [laughs]
And go.

- Uh, uh, well...
- Tits. Skull tattoo. Argh!

[grunts dopily] Lizard people?
Secret government testing facility!

Time's up!
Our judges are tallying the score.

Five, two, three, carry the one!

And the winner is...

everyone!

[all laughing wildly]

[screaming]
[gunfire]

And that's why we only
have spoons in the cafeteria.

Whoa.
What the hell is that, Roy?

Oh, this?
It's my big toe, man.

I lopped it off to give to
Ashley for her birthday present.

- What the shit were you thinking, Roy?
- Oh, yeah, I don't know, man.

Sometimes this all-oxygen environment
makes me real light-headed.

I kind of stroke out and do weird shit.
Think she'll like it, though?

- Uh, I don't think so, buddy.
- Oh, you're right.

I should have painted
the toe nail on it.

That'd be better.
[telephone rings]

- Hello, this is TripTank.
- Uh, this Steve?

Yes, this is Steve from TripTank.

Stevey. Hey, there, man.

- This is Gus calling.
- Oh, hey, Gus.

Uh, how you doing today?

Oh, I've been a whole
[bleep] lot better before.

Oh, I'm sorry.
What happened?

There was a man in my platoon
who swam a whole goddamn mile

without his head
because he had to! Okay?

I don't know how that pertains
to what we do here at TripTank.

This is what I'm
talking about, y'all!

When you're making cartoons,
that's a serious goddamn business.

Right, yes, sir. Yes, right.

Yes, we will. We will take
that more seriously, yes.

God damn it, someone's
gonna get their ass kicked.

I'm mad.

[electronic music]

All-in.

[chuckles]

- [chuckles] Is good.
- Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Look at them shine.
Oh.

And, uh, good luck to you, sir.

[laughs]

"Sweetie Poo"?

- Oh, well, well...
- Ha ha.

We've come to collect.

Phil, did you lose those
relationship coupons I gave you

in an underground
five-card stud tournament?

[laughs nervously]

- You look so pretty today, honey.
- A deal's a deal.

Eh, you know what? Why not?

What the hell did you do to that?
This shit is awesome!

I thought it'd have a smoother finish

if I cut the starter fluid
with a little tile cleaner.

Way to go, Mrs. G!
You're one hell of a meth cook.

Oh, please.

Ah, is good.

[both grunt]

Ooh, maybe we should
torch his car too.

- I like your style, Mrs. G.
- Well, just thinking ahead.

- Oy, men are shit.
- Mm-hmm.

Last month this
Dutch Army Captain and I

spent a whole Tuesday
in a little safe house outside Muscat.

- Ooh.
- It meant something to me.

[explosion] Huh?
Time to go to work, boys!

- Covering fire, Mrs. G!
- Here comes Millie!

Mrs. G is in the house!

[gunfire and explosions]

[laughs]

- Honey!
- Thanks, guys.

So I guess you probably want
me to sleep on the couch, huh?

Actually, you're gonna
handle this last one.

What's this?

[sultry funk music]

- Hey, babe, looking for a date.
- Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Hey, I cannot pick up johns
if you're gonna be torpedoing me

every five minutes out here, all right?

I'm doing my best.
This is all I got!

[electronic music]

[rock music]

Grande chai tea,
please, with almond milk.

- Name?
- Anau.

[sighs] Karl.

Hey, there.

Yeah, give me a venti triple
half-caf nonfat no-whip

blended soy mocha
pomegranaccino, with room.

- Name?
- [clears throat] Anal Ooze.

God damn it.
[electronic music]

How much longer are we
gonna do this, Mr. Pony?

I got a wife and kids at home.

Look, what do you say
we both drop the act?

You talk, and I'll listen.
[clears throat]

- [hoarsely] Water, please.
- All right. Sure thing.

So did that water help you decide
to finally tell me something?

No. I'm just a little horse.

Oh, you stupid jackass!

Guys, guys! Here we go!
Here comes Ashley!

All: Surprise!

- Jesus balls!
- Happy birthday, Ashley!

- Yeah, happy birthday. You did it.
- Aw, guys. You shouldn't have.

- Now, where are my presents?
- First, the cake.

- Yeah, I'll light the candles.
- Roy, no!

- The all-oxygen environment!
- Light 'em up!

[straining] Nice job, Roy.
You ruined another birthday.

[straining] Yep.
I see what happened there.

That one's on Roy.
That's Roy's bad.

[crackling]

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

[sad music]

[gunshot, body thuds]

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0