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1
00:00:08,811 --> 00:00:09,810
[phone dings]
2
00:00:09,811 --> 00:00:11,811
[sighs] Bald guys are hot.
3
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:15,810
[clears throat] Hey, ladies.
4
00:00:15,811 --> 00:00:19,647
- Hot guys are hot.
- Aww.
5
00:00:20,811 --> 00:00:23,529
[funk music]
6
00:00:23,655 --> 00:00:26,123
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
7
00:00:26,908 --> 00:00:29,810
Looks like this guy's
all washed up.
8
00:00:29,811 --> 00:00:33,819
We have a white male, 35 years old,
blunt force trauma.
9
00:00:33,854 --> 00:00:34,810
Here's something interesting.
10
00:00:34,811 --> 00:00:39,941
The victim either doesn't wear a watch,
or his watch is missing.
11
00:00:40,018 --> 00:00:43,810
Well, then I guess it's
time to solve a murder.
12
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:47,810
[ringtone] Yes! Yes!
13
00:00:47,811 --> 00:00:48,810
Hello, TripTank.
14
00:00:48,811 --> 00:00:51,810
- Hey, TripTank. How you doing?
- Oh, pretty good.
15
00:00:51,811 --> 00:00:53,313
I'm down at the beach
investigating a grisly murder.
16
00:00:53,817 --> 00:00:56,441
Oh, shoot, man, you know what?
I gotta put you on hold.
17
00:00:56,476 --> 00:00:59,594
Sure. No problem.
[scatting]
18
00:01:06,811 --> 00:01:07,810
Hello?
19
00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:08,810
Are you just singing into the phone?
20
00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:11,810
- Uh, no, you're on hold.
- Oh, oh. Okay.
21
00:01:11,811 --> 00:01:15,810
[scatting]
22
00:01:15,811 --> 00:01:17,810
Beep!
Oh, hey, man, I'm back.
23
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,810
Sorry about that.
Thanks for waiting.
24
00:01:19,811 --> 00:01:21,810
Oh, no problem.
Is there anything I can do for you?
25
00:01:21,811 --> 00:01:22,810
Eat a dick! You suck!
26
00:01:22,811 --> 00:01:25,810
[line clicks] Mm-hmm. Yep.
Probably should've seen that coming.
27
00:01:25,811 --> 00:01:27,810
Haha, yeah!
28
00:01:27,811 --> 00:01:30,810
We are gonna grab this
water park by the balls.
29
00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:32,720
This place is awesome.
30
00:01:32,813 --> 00:01:34,810
I don't know why we've
never been here before.
31
00:01:34,811 --> 00:01:36,810
Guys, I have our
whole day mapped out.
32
00:01:36,811 --> 00:01:39,810
There won't be a single minute
that we're not either sliding or eating.
33
00:01:39,811 --> 00:01:41,506
It's like we've always dreamed.
34
00:01:41,539 --> 00:01:44,810
- Hey, does it matter that I can't swim?
- Oh, my God, look!
35
00:01:44,811 --> 00:01:45,810
I know, Dreadlock Falls is right next
36
00:01:45,811 --> 00:01:48,810
to the all-you-can-eat
Jamaican-me nachos shack!
37
00:01:48,811 --> 00:01:50,811
- It's perfect.
- No, over there!
38
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:52,810
[together] Gary.
39
00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:54,810
What the hell's he
doing at a water park?
40
00:01:54,811 --> 00:01:55,810
He knows we always come here.
41
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:58,561
Aww, let's go home.
The day is ruined. It's ruined!
42
00:01:58,596 --> 00:01:59,810
No, no, wait.
Guys, do you know what this is?
43
00:01:59,811 --> 00:02:00,810
- No.
- What?
44
00:02:00,811 --> 00:02:04,069
This is a perfect opportunity
for the three of us
45
00:02:04,070 --> 00:02:06,810
to pull a little prank
on Gary.
46
00:02:06,811 --> 00:02:09,810
- Oh, yeah, wet revenge.
- Slippery style.
47
00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:12,592
Now, Donnie, you
might look a little funny
48
00:02:12,627 --> 00:02:14,810
with zinc on your nose, but remember:
49
00:02:14,811 --> 00:02:16,710
This is not a fashion
show, it's a water park,
50
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:19,810
and we do not wanna
tangle with Mr. Melanoma.
51
00:02:19,811 --> 00:02:20,810
Ugh, come on, Dad!
52
00:02:20,811 --> 00:02:22,810
Nope, nope, you
always need to be aware
53
00:02:22,811 --> 00:02:24,810
- of the situation you're in.
- So lame.
54
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,353
All right, listen close.
Here's the plan.
55
00:02:27,388 --> 00:02:29,465
Step one: When Gary
gets into the lazy river,
56
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,810
the three of us wait
downstream and pee in it.
57
00:02:32,811 --> 00:02:33,810
Wait, won't the lifeguards see us?
58
00:02:33,811 --> 00:02:34,810
Yeah, we'll be kicked out for sure.
59
00:02:34,811 --> 00:02:39,810
No, I found a blind spot near
Reggae Reef. We'll be totally unseen.
60
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:40,810
- Yes.
- Awesome.
61
00:02:40,811 --> 00:02:42,810
After Gary floats
through the cloud of urine,
62
00:02:42,811 --> 00:02:44,810
he's gonna want to rinse
off at the outdoor showers.
63
00:02:44,811 --> 00:02:45,810
Matt?
64
00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:47,810
I wait by the showers,
and I pee in his face.
65
00:02:47,811 --> 00:02:49,810
No, disguised as
a maintenance worker,
66
00:02:49,811 --> 00:02:51,810
you turn off all the hot water.
67
00:02:51,811 --> 00:02:53,810
The freezing cold shower
will shrink Gary's penis
68
00:02:53,811 --> 00:02:55,645
to the size of a grain of rice.
69
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,810
- Andy, you're dressed as a trash collector.
- And I pee all over him!
70
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,810
No, you stand next to
him and loudly recommend
71
00:03:00,811 --> 00:03:03,810
The Insane Bolt 100 Meter Plunge,
72
00:03:03,811 --> 00:03:06,810
- the fastest water slide in the park.
- Got it.
73
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:07,810
When he gets to the top of the slide,
74
00:03:07,811 --> 00:03:10,810
I'll be playing the role
of super hunky lifeguard.
75
00:03:10,811 --> 00:03:12,754
- And you'll pee on him!
- Pee on him!
76
00:03:12,797 --> 00:03:16,567
No, I instruct him to
ride the plunge headfirst.
77
00:03:16,811 --> 00:03:17,810
- Why?
- Yeah, why?
78
00:03:17,811 --> 00:03:19,810
Because that'll yank his
swimsuit clean off...
79
00:03:19,811 --> 00:03:22,810
that's why! And when his
ride photo gets projected
80
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:25,810
on the park's Jah-umbotron,
81
00:03:25,811 --> 00:03:27,810
everyone will see Gary's teeny-tiny,
82
00:03:27,811 --> 00:03:30,810
- cold-shower micropenis!
- From earlier!
83
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:34,943
Right, and Gary will finally learn
what it means to suck it.
84
00:03:34,978 --> 00:03:36,810
? I be jammin', mon ?
85
00:03:36,811 --> 00:03:39,810
? I be feelin' irie all day long ?
86
00:03:39,811 --> 00:03:40,810
? I be jammin' ?
87
00:03:40,811 --> 00:03:41,810
Oh, here he comes, here he comes!
88
00:03:41,811 --> 00:03:43,810
All right, everybody get your dicks out.
89
00:03:43,811 --> 00:03:46,810
[zipper unzips]
Yes, this is awesome!
90
00:03:46,811 --> 00:03:48,660
We're doing it.
We're really doing it!
91
00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:51,810
Focus! This is only step
one of my five-part...
92
00:03:51,811 --> 00:03:54,810
- Wha! [gurgles]
- Oh, my gosh, Dana, I'm coming!
93
00:03:54,811 --> 00:03:57,810
I... I've got him. I got him.
He's too heavy!
94
00:03:57,811 --> 00:03:59,810
He's pulling me down!
[gurgles]
95
00:03:59,811 --> 00:04:00,810
Oh, my God, guys, I'll save you...
96
00:04:00,811 --> 00:04:02,810
I can't swim!
I don't know how to swim!
97
00:04:02,811 --> 00:04:06,810
I don't know... [gurgles]
98
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:08,810
? Feelin' irie all day... ?
99
00:04:08,811 --> 00:04:12,810
Ooh, a nice little warm spot
here in the river. [sniffs]
100
00:04:12,811 --> 00:04:14,810
Smells like asparagus?
101
00:04:14,811 --> 00:04:18,810
? Suck it, Gary ?
102
00:04:18,811 --> 00:04:19,811
[funk music]
103
00:04:24,311 --> 00:04:25,810
Oh, hi. [chuckles]
104
00:04:25,811 --> 00:04:26,810
It's been a while.
How have you been?
105
00:04:26,811 --> 00:04:28,810
I'm good. How are you?
106
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:32,810
I've been good, and congratulations!
When are you due?
107
00:04:32,811 --> 00:04:38,462
- I'm not pregnant.
- Oh. Excuse me.
108
00:04:40,811 --> 00:04:42,810
[groaning]
109
00:04:42,811 --> 00:04:45,810
[metal music]
110
00:04:45,811 --> 00:04:48,810
I'm so sorry.
111
00:04:48,811 --> 00:04:51,810
[elevator dings]
112
00:04:51,811 --> 00:04:54,810
_
[gong rings]
113
00:04:54,811 --> 00:04:57,811
[all chanting]
114
00:04:58,811 --> 00:05:00,810
Oh, we thank you,
115
00:05:00,811 --> 00:05:03,810
Great Spirit, for this buffalo.
116
00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:06,810
We will honor your power and grace,
117
00:05:06,811 --> 00:05:10,811
Brother Buffalo, by using
every part of your body.
118
00:05:10,937 --> 00:05:13,811
Great Spirit, I will claim his horns,
119
00:05:14,062 --> 00:05:16,810
and I will use them to fashion weapons
120
00:05:16,811 --> 00:05:19,810
for hunting beasts and
defending my family.
121
00:05:19,811 --> 00:05:20,810
Great Spirit, I will shear his fur
122
00:05:20,811 --> 00:05:23,810
to make blankets and
keep my children warm.
123
00:05:23,811 --> 00:05:28,810
Great Spirit, I will
cut his meat to make...
124
00:05:28,811 --> 00:05:30,810
Hold on!
Who's taking his anus?
125
00:05:30,811 --> 00:05:32,810
[grunts of disgust]
126
00:05:32,811 --> 00:05:37,810
- Has anyone called dibs?
- Uh, not yet, Sweating Ferret, no.
127
00:05:37,811 --> 00:05:42,310
So, anyway, Great Spirit,
I will cut his meat
128
00:05:42,311 --> 00:05:45,810
- to make food for the...
- Well, I mean, someone should take it.
129
00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:46,810
[groans]
130
00:05:46,811 --> 00:05:49,810
Because the anus, I mean,
someone should take the anus.
131
00:05:49,811 --> 00:05:51,258
You don't want it to go to waste.
132
00:05:51,293 --> 00:05:54,810
Yeah, we'll... we'll get
there, Sweating Ferret.
133
00:05:54,811 --> 00:05:57,810
- We always do.
- But, uh, yeah.
134
00:05:57,811 --> 00:06:01,810
Great Spirit,
I'm gonna cut his meat...
135
00:06:01,811 --> 00:06:03,810
Okay, forget it. I'll take it!
[groans]
136
00:06:03,811 --> 00:06:05,549
I'll take the anus.
[all mumbling]
137
00:06:05,811 --> 00:06:07,810
Frankly, I'm just sick
of hearing about it.
138
00:06:07,811 --> 00:06:08,810
Great. We got it.
139
00:06:08,811 --> 00:06:11,811
Going once, going twice, sold, to me!
The anus is mine!
140
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:16,810
- [sighs] Okay.
- Do we have to do this every time?
141
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,810
Da-da-da-da!
142
00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:21,810
Okay. Great Spirit, I will...
143
00:06:21,811 --> 00:06:27,810
Great Spirit, I will take the anus.
And I will do... [grunts]
144
00:06:27,811 --> 00:06:30,810
nothing with the anus.
145
00:06:30,811 --> 00:06:33,220
- [grunts] Great Spirit...
- Okay, I have to get going.
146
00:06:33,266 --> 00:06:35,310
- You gotta [bleep] be kidding me.
- Looks like you guys have
147
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:35,810
this all figured out. Bye!
148
00:06:35,811 --> 00:06:37,810
[hums] [whistles]
149
00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:40,386
- Oh, by the way, if you need me...
- We won't!
150
00:06:40,397 --> 00:06:42,683
If you do, I'll be in my teepee,
151
00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:45,810
with the buffalo anus,
of course, doing... nothing.
152
00:06:45,811 --> 00:06:50,810
Whole lot of nothing.
Knock first, just in case.
153
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,810
[siren wailing]
[music]
154
00:06:55,793 --> 00:06:58,092
Mmm, that meal was so good.
155
00:06:58,093 --> 00:07:01,592
This place has authentic
Cantonese cuisine.
156
00:07:01,593 --> 00:07:02,592
Oh, it must be authentic.
157
00:07:02,593 --> 00:07:04,592
The fortune cookies
are written in Chinese.
158
00:07:04,593 --> 00:07:06,592
Ed, can you read Chinese?
159
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:10,592
I'm Korean, and I
was born in Detroit.
160
00:07:10,593 --> 00:07:15,592
Oh. Oh, I didn't...
I didn't realize.
161
00:07:15,593 --> 00:07:18,439
[wails]
[metal music]
162
00:07:19,593 --> 00:07:21,593
I'm so sorry!
163
00:07:22,593 --> 00:07:24,592
[groans]
164
00:07:24,593 --> 00:07:28,593
[sighs] Well, this is
just terribly offensive.
165
00:07:28,636 --> 00:07:31,719
_
[gong rings]
166
00:07:31,754 --> 00:07:33,592
[funk music]
167
00:07:36,593 --> 00:07:38,592
[siren wails]
168
00:07:38,593 --> 00:07:40,592
Damn it, we're out of leads!
169
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,592
I know, man, all
we found on his person
170
00:07:42,593 --> 00:07:45,592
was some gummy bears
wrapped in a wet wipe,
171
00:07:45,593 --> 00:07:48,592
this list of enemies,
and this receipt for a snow cone,
172
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:53,361
- but the tip is calculated wrong.
- It just doesn't add up!
173
00:07:53,593 --> 00:07:56,592
- [phone rings] Hello, TripTank.
- It's TripTank?
174
00:07:56,593 --> 00:07:59,323
Come on, this is the
best show in the world.
175
00:07:59,593 --> 00:08:00,592
- Oh, wow, thanks.
- No, no, no, no, no.
176
00:08:00,593 --> 00:08:03,703
Your show is so good, man.
177
00:08:03,738 --> 00:08:07,428
I-It's like my favorite,
and it doesn't suck at all.
178
00:08:07,593 --> 00:08:09,592
Wow, that's great.
That's really nice to hear.
179
00:08:09,593 --> 00:08:12,592
I love it. I just, I love...
180
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:17,206
I love it so much, because
TripTank is just so wonderful,
181
00:08:17,241 --> 00:08:18,592
and it's just a great privilege
182
00:08:18,593 --> 00:08:20,592
to be able to talk to
you stupid assholes.
183
00:08:20,593 --> 00:08:24,347
- Uh, what?
- Eat a dick, you suck!
184
00:08:24,393 --> 00:08:25,593
God damn it!
185
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,592
[coughs]
186
00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:32,592
Thank you for rescuing me,
beautiful teenage lifeguard.
187
00:08:32,593 --> 00:08:33,592
I didn't rescue you.
188
00:08:33,593 --> 00:08:35,592
You guys fell into the
lazy river blind spot.
189
00:08:35,593 --> 00:08:38,272
- We never even saw you.
- How are we still alive?
190
00:08:38,307 --> 00:08:40,592
That man over there.
He saved your life, mon.
191
00:08:40,593 --> 00:08:42,316
He saved all your lives, mon.
192
00:08:42,351 --> 00:08:45,011
I love you, Dad!
You're my hero!
193
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:49,592
No, Donnie, the real hero
is situational awareness
194
00:08:49,593 --> 00:08:52,592
- and our old friend sunscreen.
- Gary saved our lives?
195
00:08:52,593 --> 00:08:54,592
[together] No!
196
00:08:54,593 --> 00:08:56,592
Wow, that was unexpected.
197
00:08:56,593 --> 00:08:58,592
I can't wait to see how the
guys get Gary back for this.
198
00:08:58,593 --> 00:09:01,592
Just shut up and pass the ganja,
ya ol' white devil.
199
00:09:01,593 --> 00:09:05,592
? Suck it, Gary ?
200
00:09:05,593 --> 00:09:09,593
Hello, little man.
It's time to dream.
201
00:09:09,594 --> 00:09:11,592
_
202
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:13,592
You are finally an athlete,
203
00:09:13,593 --> 00:09:17,592
the star quarterback on
the football team... [yawns]
204
00:09:17,593 --> 00:09:19,592
And you are about to throw
the biggest pass of your life.
205
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:20,593
"Hut-hut," you say.
206
00:09:21,593 --> 00:09:23,826
And as you reach down
to grab the football,
207
00:09:23,861 --> 00:09:27,592
you realize that your father,
the man you admire the most,
208
00:09:27,593 --> 00:09:29,592
is the center, hiking you the ball.
209
00:09:29,593 --> 00:09:31,592
But he doesn't have a ball in his hand.
210
00:09:31,593 --> 00:09:32,592
[laughs]
211
00:09:32,593 --> 00:09:35,593
He only has his balls in his hand.
[chuckles]
212
00:09:36,593 --> 00:09:38,592
And he slowly passes them
back to you through his legs,
213
00:09:38,593 --> 00:09:41,852
and as you reach to grab them...
[phone rings] Aww.
214
00:09:42,193 --> 00:09:44,592
Girl, how many times I tell
you not to bother me at work?
215
00:09:44,593 --> 00:09:45,592
[speaks indistinctly]
216
00:09:45,593 --> 00:09:47,592
Girl, let a dream
wizard do his thing!
217
00:09:47,593 --> 00:09:48,592
- Oh, my God, that's...
- Shh!
218
00:09:48,593 --> 00:09:50,592
I was at the best part!
219
00:09:50,593 --> 00:09:52,592
I was about to tell
him that Wesley Snipes
220
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,592
is gonna kill him in his sleep.
221
00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:55,593
Go to sleep, now.
222
00:09:56,593 --> 00:09:57,220
[gasps]
223
00:09:57,593 --> 00:10:00,592
[funk music]
224
00:10:03,785 --> 00:10:06,592
? Three aliens came from the sky ?
225
00:10:06,593 --> 00:10:07,592
? The galactic council sent them ?
226
00:10:07,593 --> 00:10:09,592
All: And here's the reason why
227
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:11,592
? Their mission is to study ?
228
00:10:11,593 --> 00:10:13,592
? Earth's most average guy ?
229
00:10:13,593 --> 00:10:15,592
All: To see if humans
are worth saving
230
00:10:15,593 --> 00:10:17,593
? Or if everyone has to die ?
231
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,799
Wait, what?
232
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,799
[crickets chirping]
233
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:24,799
And then she bailed
on me this weekend!
234
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:25,799
She did?
235
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,799
She's flakier than, like,
a piece of baklava.
236
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,799
[laughs]
Oh, shut up, shut up!
237
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,799
No way everything she's
saying is that funny!
238
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,799
But yeah, I'd love to come.
Who are we seeing?
239
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,799
John Mayer.
240
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,799
Oh, well, as long as
we're going together.
241
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,799
? I want to run through the
halls of my high school ?
242
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,799
All right, that's it!
243
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,799
[sings]
244
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:48,800
[silence]
245
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,906
...not making any sound out of my mouth!
Okay, I...oh. Oh, my God.
246
00:10:54,941 --> 00:10:55,799
Now there's sound! What's going on?
247
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,799
This thing's pretty cool, huh?
Check it out. Sound...
248
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,799
- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop doing...
- No sound.
249
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,799
[banjo playing]
250
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,799
[silence]
251
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:05,799
- Sound.
- Come on.
252
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,883
- That's not something...
- No s...
253
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:11,479
Delta five...
[silence]
254
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,843
- Sound!
- You better stop it right now,
255
00:11:13,878 --> 00:11:14,799
or I swear to God, I'm gonna...
256
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,799
stup...[bleep] moron...
257
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,800
[static]
258
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:23,843
[old-timey music]
259
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,799
- God damn it!
- Oh, wow!
260
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,799
This thing right here
is insanely dangerous,
261
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:53,799
and nobody should ever use it again,
under any circumstances.
262
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,449
[cheering] Next up, I'm just
gonna noodle and jam
263
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,800
- for 15 minutes!
- Whoo!
264
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,799
And...
265
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,799
[old-timey music]
266
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,799
[ringtone] Yes!
267
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,799
- Hello, this is TripTank.
- [laughs] I'm the killer.
268
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,799
I'm the one you've been looking for.
269
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:15,799
I killed that guy on the beach.
270
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,799
Guys, I've got the
killer on the phone.
271
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,555
- I've got him on the phone!
- If you want the killing to stop,
272
00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:22,799
you must do exactly what I say.
273
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,799
- What are your demands, damn it?
- Eat a dick! You suck!
274
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:26,799
Damn it, Steve.
275
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,908
Another lead go cold
on you there, brother?
276
00:12:28,943 --> 00:12:31,799
Yeah, that guy's burned
me, like, three times now.
277
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,799
Oh, yeah, well, come
get a load of this mess.
278
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,799
His blood work came back
negative for barbiturates,
279
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,799
lyme disease, and semen,
so I cut his chest open.
280
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,799
- What'd you find?
- That it's super gross in there.
281
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,799
What's all that chunky
gravy by his liver?
282
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,799
- The rest of his liver.
- Oh, and these?
283
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:46,799
My watch and my car keys.
284
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,799
Then I guess it's time
we hit the road.
285
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,799
[exciting music]
286
00:13:00,993 --> 00:13:03,492
So... I guess we'd be
dead if Gary didn't...
287
00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:04,492
I don't want to talk about it.
288
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:07,492
He must have, uh, given us mouth-to...
289
00:13:07,493 --> 00:13:09,493
[screams]
I don't want to talk about it!
290
00:13:10,493 --> 00:13:13,492
Wait, I just got a totally
original prank idea.
291
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,493
Matt, back to the park.
292
00:13:17,286 --> 00:13:19,492
[car alert beeps] I know we
parked around here somewhere.
293
00:13:19,493 --> 00:13:21,492
[car alert beeps]
Now, see, I can hear it,
294
00:13:21,493 --> 00:13:22,492
but what direction is that coming from?
295
00:13:22,493 --> 00:13:24,493
All: Suck it, suck it, suck it!
296
00:13:25,493 --> 00:13:27,281
- Suck it, Gary! Whoo!
- Both: Suck it, suck it, suck it!
297
00:13:27,316 --> 00:13:29,860
Ha ha, yeah! Suck it, Dad!
Whoo!
298
00:13:29,921 --> 00:13:31,742
What? Donnie!
299
00:13:31,981 --> 00:13:34,492
[inhales deeply] Well,
the guys are back on top.
300
00:13:34,493 --> 00:13:37,492
- Triple moon's pretty awesome.
- I'm really glad we follow
301
00:13:37,493 --> 00:13:38,984
these guys around all day.
[groans]
302
00:13:39,005 --> 00:13:41,521
Yeah, well, I'd be glad if you'd
stop bogarting that sticky-icky!
303
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,747
? Suck it, Gary
304
00:13:45,493 --> 00:13:49,492
[funk music]
305
00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:55,003
[phone chimes and vibrates]
306
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,002
[murmuring]
307
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,003
"Did you call the plumbers?"
308
00:14:07,003 --> 00:14:08,003
[phone chimes and vibrates]
309
00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:14,002
[ominous music]
310
00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:17,002
[gasps]
311
00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:19,387
[groaning]
[metal music]
312
00:14:20,003 --> 00:14:23,003
I'm so sorry, everyone!
[groans]
313
00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:27,002
[coughs]
[phone rings]
314
00:14:27,003 --> 00:14:29,959
_
[gong rings]
315
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:32,003
[tires screech]
[siren wails]
316
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,002
If this perp makes it to the border,
it's sayonara, Kemo Sabe!
317
00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:39,002
Buckle up, partner.
It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
318
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,762
Here we go.
319
00:14:41,853 --> 00:14:43,852
Car 69, we have an incoming call.
320
00:14:43,853 --> 00:14:45,853
Go ahead and patch 'em in.
Hello, this is TripTank.
321
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:49,852
Man, let's just [bleep] hang, dude.
I mean, let's just hang.
322
00:14:49,853 --> 00:14:51,852
Now's not a good time for me, Kegz.
323
00:14:51,853 --> 00:14:54,852
It's my old college roommate, Kegz.
I think he's drunk.
324
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:56,852
Like, you're so [bleep]
important to me, bro.
325
00:14:56,853 --> 00:14:59,852
- Do you... Do you realize that?
- Yes, Kegz. No, I realize that.
326
00:14:59,853 --> 00:15:00,852
I'm... I'm just kind of
in the middle of something
327
00:15:00,853 --> 00:15:03,852
- right now, man.
- Only we know what we're about.
328
00:15:03,853 --> 00:15:04,852
Bros know what we're about.
329
00:15:04,853 --> 00:15:06,901
And we go out there, and we take it.
330
00:15:06,936 --> 00:15:09,852
And we just leave it all out there, bro.
You... You and me...
331
00:15:09,853 --> 00:15:13,852
- Kegz, can we please talk about this later?
- Get him off the phone, man!
332
00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:17,852
It doesn't matter what
they say about nothing, bro.
333
00:15:17,853 --> 00:15:20,852
You understand that?
It's our time!
334
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,852
This is our time, right here.
335
00:15:21,853 --> 00:15:23,852
Yes, it's our time, Kegz.
It's our time. [gunshots]
336
00:15:23,853 --> 00:15:25,852
I've gotta go.
I've gotta go, okay?
337
00:15:25,853 --> 00:15:28,852
Whoo, yeah, let's [bleep] do this!
338
00:15:28,853 --> 00:15:31,852
[funk music]
339
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,733
[upbeat music]
340
00:15:40,181 --> 00:15:43,180
So this is the new "vibrator."
341
00:15:43,181 --> 00:15:45,712
Uh, unfortunately, I've
lost the instructions,
342
00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:48,601
so we'll just have to...
figure it out.
343
00:15:48,665 --> 00:15:52,180
- Is it working?
- Um, maybe you could just try...
344
00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:55,180
I'm a doctor, for God's sake!
I know what I'm doing.
345
00:15:55,181 --> 00:15:59,180
- It's... here, right?
- No.
346
00:15:59,181 --> 00:16:00,180
- How about that?
- No.
347
00:16:00,181 --> 00:16:02,180
- How about that?
- No.
348
00:16:02,181 --> 00:16:03,828
Aha!
349
00:16:04,181 --> 00:16:08,180
You're feeling it hard now,
aren't you, you little jezebel?
350
00:16:08,181 --> 00:16:11,180
- I want a divorce.
- Damn it!
351
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:14,657
_
[electronic music]
352
00:16:17,181 --> 00:16:18,180
Wow, $100?
353
00:16:18,181 --> 00:16:20,181
Do you know how many hot dogs
we could buy with that, Jen?
354
00:16:20,307 --> 00:16:25,180
- Also, we'd be like freedom heroes.
- Uh, yeah, Jen, freedom heroes
355
00:16:25,181 --> 00:16:28,180
with hunks and, like,
a hundred hot dogs.
356
00:16:28,181 --> 00:16:30,180
Let's go catch a turrist.
357
00:16:30,181 --> 00:16:33,180
[spy music]
358
00:16:35,181 --> 00:16:37,180
Manny's pretty brown.
Maybe he's a turrist.
359
00:16:37,181 --> 00:16:39,680
I don't know, he's not, like,
wearing a turban, and I'm also
360
00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:42,180
pretty sure terrorists don't
wear Jesus metal throat ropes.
361
00:16:42,181 --> 00:16:45,180
- Um, you mean a necklace?
- Whatever.
362
00:16:45,181 --> 00:16:48,180
Hey, what's up, Beth?
I made your favorite churro:
363
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:51,180
butter, gummi bears,
sour cream, curry,
364
00:16:51,181 --> 00:16:52,688
and hot dog flakes!
Ah! Ah!
365
00:16:52,723 --> 00:16:56,180
- Go on a date with me later?
- Ew, no, you've asked me, like,
366
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,180
a million times, and a million
times I'm gonna tell you I'm
367
00:16:58,181 --> 00:17:00,180
already committed to marrying a
hunk, in this order of hunkness:
368
00:17:00,181 --> 00:17:03,184
Benedict Cumberbetch,
Brad Pett, and Tom Breddy!
369
00:17:03,219 --> 00:17:05,181
Now give me my churro!
370
00:17:08,181 --> 00:17:11,180
Er. Mah. Gerd.
371
00:17:11,181 --> 00:17:14,180
Excuse me, you're under
citizen's arrest for terrorism.
372
00:17:14,181 --> 00:17:16,180
God, you weren't even trying to hide it.
373
00:17:16,181 --> 00:17:19,180
How could you guys not
tell this guy's a turrist?!
374
00:17:19,181 --> 00:17:24,165
I am a Sikh. I am a man of
peace and cell phone accessories.
375
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,180
Yeah... Okay.
376
00:17:26,181 --> 00:17:28,180
So I'm just gonna go
ahead and knock you out
377
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,180
for America and collect
my hot dog money.
378
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,980
[grunts]
Don't!
379
00:17:31,181 --> 00:17:32,180
[grunts]
Don't!
380
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:35,180
[grunts] Don't!
Security, help!
381
00:17:35,181 --> 00:17:36,180
You think security's
going to help terrorists?
382
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:39,180
- Beth!
- Oh, my God, what do you want?
383
00:17:39,181 --> 00:17:41,180
Can't you see I'm busy
doing freedom stuff?
384
00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:43,180
You've rejected me for the last time!
385
00:17:43,181 --> 00:17:47,066
If you don't go to a
date with me, no one can!
386
00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:49,180
- Ermagerd!
- A turrist!
387
00:17:49,181 --> 00:17:51,617
Ahh!
388
00:17:54,181 --> 00:17:55,180
He's got a bomb!
389
00:17:55,181 --> 00:17:57,180
[hit, grunts]
[cries]
390
00:17:57,181 --> 00:17:59,180
Ow, it wasn't a real bomb!
391
00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:03,180
It was just a bunch of
hot dogs and a Tamagotchi.
392
00:18:03,181 --> 00:18:06,180
Uh, okay, that's exactly
what a terrorist would say.
393
00:18:06,181 --> 00:18:07,180
Uh, hey, America, you're welcome.
394
00:18:07,181 --> 00:18:11,180
I caught the turrist.
Where's my $100?
395
00:18:11,181 --> 00:18:14,254
Beth, please don't turn
me to a life of terrorism.
396
00:18:14,289 --> 00:18:18,596
Just go on one date with me.
I'm a pretty cool dude.
397
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:22,180
Ugh, fine, Manny.
I'll go on a date with you.
398
00:18:22,181 --> 00:18:24,180
You just have to give
me all those hot dogs.
399
00:18:24,181 --> 00:18:26,180
I wanna eat 'em.
I'm starving!
400
00:18:26,181 --> 00:18:27,180
Mmm! Mmm!
401
00:18:27,181 --> 00:18:30,180
Oh! Oh!
402
00:18:30,181 --> 00:18:32,180
Oh, ma gerd!
I'm blind!
403
00:18:32,181 --> 00:18:35,180
Ahh! I'm blind!
Hot dog in my eye!
404
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:38,180
I'm blind! Ahh!
The date is off.
405
00:18:38,181 --> 00:18:41,293
[siren wails]
[funk music]
406
00:18:44,144 --> 00:18:47,444
[lullaby music]
407
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:52,862
[shocked gasps]
[sobbing]
408
00:18:53,444 --> 00:18:55,987
[funk music]
409
00:18:59,794 --> 00:19:03,793
Uh, it's just that your profile said,
410
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:06,754
"Mythical equine, loves to travel."
411
00:19:06,794 --> 00:19:10,793
- I do love to travel.
- But...
412
00:19:10,794 --> 00:19:14,793
There are other mythical horses
besides unicorns.
413
00:19:14,794 --> 00:19:19,174
I know. I swear, one of my
best friends is a centaur.
414
00:19:19,209 --> 00:19:21,793
Oh, good, that's great.
I guess you can't be a bigot
415
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:25,016
since you're friends with
a half horse.
416
00:19:25,051 --> 00:19:25,793
I didn't know I was
having dinner with Gandhi.
417
00:19:25,794 --> 00:19:29,793
- That's not really what this is...
- The horn doesn't even do anything!
418
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:33,793
It's just a phallic ornament!
I've got wings.
419
00:19:33,794 --> 00:19:36,793
You know what they do?
They make me fly!
420
00:19:36,794 --> 00:19:38,793
And anyone who's sitting on me flies!
421
00:19:38,794 --> 00:19:41,793
What do... what happens
when you sit on a unicorn?
422
00:19:41,794 --> 00:19:44,793
Your... Your view is
blocked by a [bleep] horn!
423
00:19:44,794 --> 00:19:47,793
I'd like to go home now.
424
00:19:47,794 --> 00:19:49,793
[sighs]
425
00:19:49,794 --> 00:19:52,793
You know what? [sighs]
I deserve that.
426
00:19:52,794 --> 00:19:57,645
- Let me... Let me fly you home.
- Really?
427
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,793
No! No, I'm not gonna fly you home!
428
00:19:59,794 --> 00:20:03,793
I am not gonna majestically
swoop above the clouds
429
00:20:03,794 --> 00:20:06,793
and silhouette us in the
goddamn glowing crescent moon!
430
00:20:06,794 --> 00:20:08,793
You could've looked like the design
431
00:20:08,794 --> 00:20:12,793
on the side of a stoner's
van, and you blew it.
432
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:16,793
- This is why I only date unicorns.
- Is this what you want? Huh?
433
00:20:16,794 --> 00:20:22,793
Are you not turned on? I'm a
unicorn whose horn gives pepper!
434
00:20:22,794 --> 00:20:24,793
Answer my magical questions,
435
00:20:24,794 --> 00:20:28,793
and I'll lead you to a big
pot of golden [bleep] you!
436
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:31,415
[funk music]
437
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:37,263
- You're going straight to jail, Ashley.
- How'd you know it was me?
438
00:20:37,524 --> 00:20:39,544
Well, Ashley, you're
the only one on the force
439
00:20:39,579 --> 00:20:41,356
with an unhealthy lust for snow cones
440
00:20:41,413 --> 00:20:45,523
- and a Bulgari watch lower-back tattoo.
- Get her out of my sight.
441
00:20:45,524 --> 00:20:48,523
- You make me sick! Pigs!
- Get her outta here!
442
00:20:48,524 --> 00:20:50,523
- Get off me! How dare you?
- I bet she has a real tough time...
443
00:20:50,524 --> 00:20:52,290
- Don't you touch me!
- In prison.
444
00:20:52,325 --> 00:20:56,187
Yeah, she's really gonna
have to watch her back.
445
00:20:56,222 --> 00:20:57,523
[ringtone] Yes!
446
00:20:57,524 --> 00:21:00,523
- Hello, TripTank.
- Eat a dick! You suck!
447
00:21:00,524 --> 00:21:02,524
Probably should
have seen that coming.
448
00:21:03,007 --> 00:21:05,573
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
449
00:21:05,574 --> 00:21:07,873
Mmm! Mmm!
450
00:21:07,874 --> 00:21:09,873
Oh! Oh!
451
00:21:09,874 --> 00:21:12,873
Oh, my gerd, I'm blind!
Ahh! I'm blind!
452
00:21:12,874 --> 00:21:15,874
Hot dog in my eye!
I'm blind! Ahh!
453
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,417
[chomping]
454
00:21:17,921 --> 00:21:18,698
[gulps]
455
00:21:18,783 --> 00:21:21,239
[burps]
456
00:21:21,289 --> 00:21:25,839
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