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1
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,599
? 12-year-old Lawyer ?
[Music]
2
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,599
? His father was framed
by the mob for a crime ?
3
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,958
? That he didn't commit and
now he's doing hard time ?
4
00:00:15,993 --> 00:00:18,940
? And they can't afford a lawyer
'cause they don't have a dime ?
5
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:21,599
? 12-year-old Lawyer ?
6
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,599
? He put himself through law school ?
7
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,191
? And studied the clues and
he held his father's hand ?
8
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,626
? And said, "We're not gonna lose" ?
9
00:00:26,661 --> 00:00:28,314
? And he stood before
the jury and said... ?
10
00:00:28,349 --> 00:00:29,818
[bangs gavel] Order!
You have to be at least
11
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,661
18 years old to be a lawyer.
12
00:00:31,696 --> 00:00:33,600
- No!
- Daddy!
13
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,681
2x09 - Mr. Winchester Goes to Washington
14
00:00:36,717 --> 00:00:40,039
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
15
00:00:40,250 --> 00:00:41,849
And right around the
corner, fudge is made.
16
00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:43,849
Dang man, sounds
like that neighborhood
17
00:00:43,850 --> 00:00:46,849
- is chock-full of good places to eat.
- [laughs] Yeah, all the kids
18
00:00:46,850 --> 00:00:50,297
- are talking about it.
- Tell me more about this artisan lemonade stand.
19
00:00:50,332 --> 00:00:52,964
[glass shatters] [eagle shrieks]
Ah! There's a bird in the building!
20
00:00:52,999 --> 00:00:53,849
Kill it! Kill it!
21
00:00:53,850 --> 00:00:56,849
No way, man!
You don't kill a bald eagle.
22
00:00:56,850 --> 00:01:00,849
You salute 'em. They're as American
as karate chops and William Shatner.
23
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:02,349
Boys, no! This is a
Congressional Carrier Eagle,
24
00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:05,849
he must have a message for...
Ah, yes.
25
00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:09,849
It's an urgent communiqu�
from the United States government.
26
00:01:09,850 --> 00:01:10,849
We've been summoned to
appear in Washington D.C.
27
00:01:10,850 --> 00:01:11,849
before the House Subcommittee on Decency
28
00:01:11,850 --> 00:01:14,849
and Special-Class Short-format
Late-Night Cable Animation.
29
00:01:14,850 --> 00:01:16,603
You know what this means, don't you?
30
00:01:16,638 --> 00:01:20,059
All: Road trip!
[rock music]
31
00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:21,849
Oop, forgot my wallet!
32
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:27,849
? Ah-ah, doo-doo-doo ?
33
00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:29,849
Ah, man. The car broke down.
34
00:01:29,850 --> 00:01:34,251
That's okay, we'll fly the
rest of the way. [motor running]
35
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:36,679
? Doo-doo-doo ?
36
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,679
All: Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo
37
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,679
[bangs gavel] Order, this
hearing will come to order.
38
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,679
Will you idiots stop
singing that ridiculous
39
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:43,679
Third Eye Blind sound-alike?
40
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,679
Uh, sorry, you know, we
were on a road trip...
41
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,679
Yes, yes, we're all aware
of what that song means.
42
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,679
Now, if the three of you are
finished playing grab-ass,
43
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,572
we can get down to the business
of shutting down Trip Tank.
44
00:01:56,179 --> 00:01:57,726
[ragtime music]
45
00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:01,005
_
46
00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:01,478
Uh, excuse me.
Are you the beachside
47
00:02:01,614 --> 00:02:04,815
- yoga instructor?
- What?
48
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,116
Uh, yeah, I'm supposed to pay
49
00:02:06,202 --> 00:02:09,403
some guy $100
for a personal yoga session?
50
00:02:09,488 --> 00:02:12,323
Yeah, $100,
yeah, that's right, that's me.
51
00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:15,993
- Oh, great, so, um...
- $100 cash, right?
52
00:02:16,128 --> 00:02:17,494
Uh, yeah.
53
00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:18,329
[groans]
We're gonna ease you in
54
00:02:18,464 --> 00:02:22,166
with a little shoulder stretch.
There you go.
55
00:02:22,301 --> 00:02:25,502
- Ah! That hurts!
- Yes, yes, it hurts.
56
00:02:25,638 --> 00:02:28,505
We store a lot of emotion
in our hips.
57
00:02:28,591 --> 00:02:30,057
This is beautiful.
[continues whimpering]
58
00:02:30,176 --> 00:02:33,093
Man: Oh, look, that
must be that yoga fad
59
00:02:33,179 --> 00:02:34,933
we've heard so much about.
It looks fun.
60
00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:37,751
Stay away from this guy!
He's a fraud! He st...
61
00:02:37,786 --> 00:02:40,150
You shut your [bleep]
mouth or I'll break your neck
62
00:02:40,236 --> 00:02:42,686
right here in front of all these
fancy people. [muffled screams]
63
00:02:42,772 --> 00:02:46,190
And by the way, I can feel your semi.
64
00:02:46,325 --> 00:02:49,026
[electric echoes]
65
00:02:49,161 --> 00:02:52,029
[rock guitar music]
66
00:02:56,419 --> 00:02:58,702
[groans]
[cracks]
67
00:02:58,838 --> 00:03:01,060
[gasps]
[chuckles]
68
00:03:01,121 --> 00:03:02,925
[heavenly choir]
Ah ah
69
00:03:04,210 --> 00:03:05,959
[people gasp]
What?
70
00:03:06,045 --> 00:03:07,961
[people cheering]
Whoa, nice!
71
00:03:08,047 --> 00:03:10,214
Flip this, bitch!
72
00:03:10,349 --> 00:03:13,384
['80s rock music]
73
00:03:13,519 --> 00:03:15,686
Golly gee, it's a [bleep] Flip Off!
74
00:03:15,771 --> 00:03:21,678
- [chuckles] Yeah!
- What? [all gasp]
75
00:03:22,695 --> 00:03:26,864
[dentist drill]
[indistinct chatter]
76
00:03:26,949 --> 00:03:29,191
Bro, you got served, bitch!
[crowd gasps]
77
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:33,287
- Careful!
- Cool!
78
00:03:33,406 --> 00:03:35,739
[seals bark]
[fireworks explode]
79
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:37,374
Aah!
80
00:03:37,476 --> 00:03:38,492
[breathes heavily]
81
00:03:38,577 --> 00:03:41,245
[bear growls]
[breathes heavily]
82
00:03:46,786 --> 00:03:48,369
I feel so alive!
83
00:03:48,404 --> 00:03:51,046
Raaah!!
[both continue screaming]
84
00:03:53,175 --> 00:03:54,558
Ow, ow!
85
00:03:54,643 --> 00:03:55,759
[both grunt]
86
00:03:58,147 --> 00:03:59,346
[both breathe heavily]
87
00:03:59,432 --> 00:04:01,265
All right, you made
the down payment, Anau.
88
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,686
- It's time to close the deal.
- No, I won't do it.
89
00:04:05,771 --> 00:04:07,171
[whimpers]
90
00:04:07,273 --> 00:04:08,338
Congratulations.
91
00:04:08,441 --> 00:04:12,409
You have been chosen
to join an elite society
92
00:04:12,511 --> 00:04:13,944
of promotional street warriors.
93
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:17,114
- Let's [bleep] do this!
- No, no, not you.
94
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:21,618
You fought like a little bitch.
He is the chosen one.
95
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,872
Take my sleeve, and we will rise
96
00:04:24,957 --> 00:04:27,409
to enter the Hall of
Marketing Guardians.
97
00:04:27,444 --> 00:04:29,460
Fine, blow away with
Blowbie-Wan Can-Blow-Me!
98
00:04:29,545 --> 00:04:30,928
You two make a perfect pair.
99
00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:33,797
He looks like a giant
rubber and you're a dick!
100
00:04:33,883 --> 00:04:35,382
I'm going to heaven.
101
00:04:35,468 --> 00:04:39,495
Bye, Carl, enjoy [bleep] hell, bitch!
102
00:04:39,688 --> 00:04:40,888
Arrrhh!
103
00:04:42,308 --> 00:04:44,224
[squeaks]
Oh, shit, this isn't good.
104
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:45,526
[screams]
105
00:04:45,644 --> 00:04:47,144
[grunts]
Well, look who's back.
106
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,146
- Little Sir [bleep]-face.
- I hate you.
107
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:52,149
You fools!
Prepare yourself for the coming wrath!
108
00:04:52,284 --> 00:04:53,817
An eternity of suffering!
109
00:04:53,953 --> 00:04:57,181
With high mortgage rates with 0
to no chance of fixed...
110
00:04:58,374 --> 00:05:00,207
Ah, don't feel bad.
We'll get you a balloon.
111
00:05:00,326 --> 00:05:02,209
Shut-up.
Shut the [bleep] up.
112
00:05:02,328 --> 00:05:05,212
[techno music]
113
00:05:09,335 --> 00:05:11,084
Announcer: Prepare
yourselves, space travelers,
114
00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:13,170
for the most awesome-tastic,
fun-dorable adventure
115
00:05:13,255 --> 00:05:15,672
of a lifetime, with your pal...
116
00:05:15,808 --> 00:05:19,176
Me!
I'm Ricky the Rocketship!
117
00:05:19,311 --> 00:05:20,477
[vrooom]
118
00:05:20,563 --> 00:05:25,265
[man screaming] No!
We're all gonna die!
119
00:05:25,351 --> 00:05:27,351
Not if I can help it!
120
00:05:27,486 --> 00:05:28,769
[all cheering]
We're all saved!
121
00:05:28,854 --> 00:05:30,021
We're not dead!
122
00:05:30,072 --> 00:05:31,605
Everyone, come inside me!
123
00:05:31,690 --> 00:05:34,191
- Ew.
- Women and children first!
124
00:05:34,276 --> 00:05:36,180
[children giggle]
Seriously, no women?
125
00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:39,079
Ricky has to go back to using Tinder.
126
00:05:39,198 --> 00:05:44,868
- Yay! We're not dead!
- Now to rescue those moms and dads.
127
00:05:44,954 --> 00:05:46,670
[all screaming]
128
00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:47,788
Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap!
129
00:05:47,873 --> 00:05:49,673
Is it bad?
130
00:05:49,758 --> 00:05:52,342
[screams]
131
00:05:52,428 --> 00:05:55,095
So, it's bad, right?
132
00:05:55,214 --> 00:05:58,749
Uh, Ricky, where's Mommy?
133
00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:01,652
Yeah, so, uh, everyone's
parents flew away.
134
00:06:01,754 --> 00:06:04,187
And you'll never see them again.
The end.
135
00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:07,124
But they're still alive!
Definitely, definitely alive!
136
00:06:07,226 --> 00:06:10,460
[children cry]
137
00:06:10,563 --> 00:06:12,980
Mommy!
[tropical bird cries]
138
00:06:13,065 --> 00:06:15,399
Okay, kids. Let's go
over our survival tips.
139
00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:19,653
Hannah, what do we do
it we see wild berries?
140
00:06:19,738 --> 00:06:22,823
We wait to see if other
animals eat them first.
141
00:06:22,908 --> 00:06:24,324
Great job!
142
00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:27,616
Now, what do we do
when we see Mr. Snake?
143
00:06:27,651 --> 00:06:31,748
We back away slowly and
make our way to the group.
144
00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:34,251
Super-duper, Joey!
Gold star!
145
00:06:34,336 --> 00:06:37,054
Ashley, Freddy, remember
that for next time.
146
00:06:37,139 --> 00:06:39,256
[bumping, clattering]
147
00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,675
[bear growls]
Oh!
148
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,394
Kids! Time to put those
survival tips into practice.
149
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,097
What do we do when we see Mr. Bear?
150
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,866
Uh, kids?
Kids?
151
00:06:49,969 --> 00:06:53,837
[children scream]
[bears growl]
152
00:06:53,939 --> 00:06:55,339
Aah!
153
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:57,608
[panting]
154
00:06:58,529 --> 00:07:03,030
Wait! I could have flown
them to safety the whole time.
155
00:07:03,115 --> 00:07:06,116
Rescue Rocket ready!
156
00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:08,168
Oh! Never mind!
[bleep] this shit.
157
00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:10,320
I'll call you kids an Uber.
158
00:07:11,674 --> 00:07:14,091
[bangs gavel]
Representative Rothbard
159
00:07:14,176 --> 00:07:17,044
will now address the
blatant and shameless sexism
160
00:07:17,129 --> 00:07:19,262
of your quote-unquote
"television show."
161
00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:22,516
- The hell you say, sugar-tits.
- Don't worry, boys. If this thing
162
00:07:22,635 --> 00:07:26,303
starts to go sideways, I have
a little something up my sleeve.
163
00:07:26,388 --> 00:07:28,772
In 864 episodes of Trip Tank,
164
00:07:28,857 --> 00:07:31,892
I could not find one
instance of a female character
165
00:07:31,977 --> 00:07:34,978
serving any other purpose
than the sexual gratification
166
00:07:35,064 --> 00:07:37,481
of a man, an animal, or a man dressed up
167
00:07:37,616 --> 00:07:38,815
as if he were an animal.
168
00:07:38,901 --> 00:07:40,988
I'd like to consult
with my counsel, please.
169
00:07:41,023 --> 00:07:42,369
[microphone feedback]
170
00:07:42,488 --> 00:07:45,431
What I like to do is I like
to drive a lady to the park,
171
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,375
and when we get there, I pretend
that we've run out of gas,
172
00:07:48,494 --> 00:07:51,161
but there's plenty of gas in the tank.
173
00:07:51,246 --> 00:07:53,830
Now, she thinks we're stuck
and there's nothing left to do,
174
00:07:53,966 --> 00:07:56,416
but the deed.
Once the deed is done,
175
00:07:56,502 --> 00:08:00,921
I reveal that we did have gas after all.
176
00:08:01,006 --> 00:08:03,056
My lawyer has advised me
not to comment on this matter.
177
00:08:03,175 --> 00:08:06,893
[techno music]
178
00:08:09,138 --> 00:08:11,069
[drums clattering]
Man: Drums! Ah!
179
00:08:11,171 --> 00:08:13,171
Drums! Ah!
180
00:08:13,274 --> 00:08:16,441
Drums! Drums!
181
00:08:16,544 --> 00:08:18,911
[gunshot]
Aah!
182
00:08:19,013 --> 00:08:20,946
[death metal music]
183
00:08:21,048 --> 00:08:23,315
Man: The frog says, "Hi."
[crash]
184
00:08:23,417 --> 00:08:25,851
[techno music]
185
00:08:28,589 --> 00:08:29,740
[bangs gavel]
186
00:08:29,781 --> 00:08:32,174
To prove that the
rampant and glorified
187
00:08:32,259 --> 00:08:34,727
drug use in your show
is harmful to the youth
188
00:08:34,812 --> 00:08:38,248
of America, Congressman
Deleuze has spent the last 20
189
00:08:38,249 --> 00:08:41,684
minutes ingesting every
drug mentioned on Trip Tank.
190
00:08:41,769 --> 00:08:43,852
Aah!
191
00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:45,768
[metal crash]
[car alarm]
192
00:08:47,104 --> 00:08:48,354
That reminds me, guys,
193
00:08:48,439 --> 00:08:51,295
if Ashley's parents call, you
don't know what happened to her.
194
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,609
Yeah, but we don't know
what happened to her.
195
00:08:53,694 --> 00:08:56,779
Ooh, that's good. Say it
just like that when they call.
196
00:08:56,864 --> 00:08:58,364
[car alarm continues in background]
197
00:08:58,449 --> 00:09:01,417
You can't keep doing
this to yourself, Matt.
198
00:09:01,519 --> 00:09:05,254
That basketball game was 17 years ago.
199
00:09:05,356 --> 00:09:11,126
Everyone in this town has moved on!
And so should you.
200
00:09:11,229 --> 00:09:14,597
[ball dribbles]
[crowd cheers]
201
00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:16,669
[flatulence]
[crowd jeers]
202
00:09:16,981 --> 00:09:19,026
[camera lens snaps]
203
00:09:19,027 --> 00:09:21,676
_
204
00:09:22,139 --> 00:09:25,107
[techno music]
205
00:09:28,312 --> 00:09:30,145
[humming]
206
00:09:30,461 --> 00:09:32,878
Lauranna! Lauranna!
207
00:09:32,997 --> 00:09:35,664
Lauranna!
Oh, there you are!
208
00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:37,416
[gasps]
My locket!
209
00:09:37,501 --> 00:09:39,134
Oh, Tripper! You found it.
210
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:41,470
Look, Stedmund.
Tripper found my locket.
211
00:09:41,555 --> 00:09:44,139
[scoffs]
Good job, Rabbit. [snorts]
212
00:09:44,225 --> 00:09:45,841
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
213
00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:49,103
My mother gave me this locket before she
214
00:09:49,104 --> 00:09:52,231
was eaten by that
nasty old grizzly bear.
215
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:56,685
- You are a true friend.
- Anything for you, m'lady.
216
00:09:56,821 --> 00:10:00,281
- I can't wait to show Prince Peter...
- Actually, Lauranna,
217
00:10:00,282 --> 00:10:03,358
there was something
I wanted to ask you.
218
00:10:03,494 --> 00:10:06,745
- Oh, Tripper, anything!
- How long have we been friends now?
219
00:10:06,864 --> 00:10:08,530
Eight years, I believe.
220
00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,415
Eight years, three months, two days.
221
00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:14,192
And Lauranna, you know I'd
do anything for you, right?
222
00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:18,493
- Yes, and I you.
- And you know that I love you, right?
223
00:10:18,579 --> 00:10:21,997
- Yes, and I you.
- Let's quit playing games.
224
00:10:22,082 --> 00:10:25,167
That prince ain't right for you.
I love you
225
00:10:25,302 --> 00:10:29,004
and I'm willing to risk our friendship
to explore this connection.
226
00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:31,506
We owe it to ourselves to at least try.
227
00:10:31,642 --> 00:10:33,008
We belong together!
228
00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:36,144
Oh, Tripper, that's
so sweet, but I'm sorry,
229
00:10:36,230 --> 00:10:40,403
- I'm in love with Prince Peter!
- Really, Prince Peter?
230
00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:42,017
After all I've done for you?
231
00:10:42,152 --> 00:10:44,319
God, Pecker was right,
you're a [bleep] tease!
232
00:10:44,405 --> 00:10:45,437
What? Oh, Pecker?
233
00:10:45,573 --> 00:10:48,774
- Yeah?
- Did you call me a "tease"?
234
00:10:48,859 --> 00:10:51,694
Yeah, 'cause you are one.
All the birds feel the same way.
235
00:10:51,779 --> 00:10:54,446
You cuddle up to us, sing
us those sexy little songs,
236
00:10:54,532 --> 00:10:57,166
let us see you naked.
They don't mean nothing.
237
00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:58,450
You wouldn't date none of us.
238
00:10:58,536 --> 00:11:00,419
You're just using us to
make you free dresses.
239
00:11:00,504 --> 00:11:04,923
This is ludicrous!
Tripper, you can't feel like this.
240
00:11:05,009 --> 00:11:06,041
Some dickhead prince
breaks your heart.
241
00:11:06,127 --> 00:11:07,793
It's like, "Oh, Tripper!
Make me feel better!"
242
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:11,013
Or if you're having a bad
day, it's, "Oh, Tripper!
243
00:11:11,132 --> 00:11:12,598
Let me pet your belly!"
244
00:11:12,683 --> 00:11:14,433
When's the last time
you asked me about my day
245
00:11:14,518 --> 00:11:18,270
or let me pet your belly,
Lauranna? It's bullshit!
246
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:20,355
I get all the boyfriend
duties and none of the pussy!
247
00:11:20,474 --> 00:11:21,523
[gasps]
248
00:11:21,642 --> 00:11:23,378
I can't believe this.
Critters!
249
00:11:23,413 --> 00:11:25,194
[clears throat]
Critters of the forest!
250
00:11:25,312 --> 00:11:28,113
- We need to talk.
- Yeah, come on, critters.
251
00:11:28,199 --> 00:11:29,531
Her Highness beckons.
252
00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:31,867
[clears throat] By show of hand
or paw or hoof,
253
00:11:31,986 --> 00:11:35,988
how many of you think I'm a tease?
254
00:11:36,073 --> 00:11:38,240
- What?!
- Ha! I rest my case!
255
00:11:38,325 --> 00:11:41,660
- She's totally a tease.
- Ah, yeah, for sure a tease.
256
00:11:41,796 --> 00:11:45,464
- And honestly, you can be a little cold.
- Of course I'm cold to you!
257
00:11:45,549 --> 00:11:48,383
- You ate my mother!
- Fair enough.
258
00:11:48,502 --> 00:11:50,753
[groans]
I cannot even...
259
00:11:50,838 --> 00:11:53,422
Excuse me for not lifting my skirt
260
00:11:53,507 --> 00:11:56,641
for every squirrel that offers to
crack a nut for me! [squirrel chirps]
261
00:11:56,729 --> 00:12:00,095
You guys buddied up to me!
You follow me around!
262
00:12:00,181 --> 00:12:03,315
If you only do nice things for me
because you're trying to get some
263
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,543
and it doesn't work out,
that doesn't make me a prude.
264
00:12:05,578 --> 00:12:08,487
That makes you all
presumptuous douche bags!
265
00:12:08,572 --> 00:12:10,439
I thought we were friends!
266
00:12:10,524 --> 00:12:12,786
Turns out you're just a bunch
of self-centered perverts
267
00:12:12,821 --> 00:12:15,160
who are gonna get all
butt-hurt when a girl who's
268
00:12:15,246 --> 00:12:17,362
out of your league doesn't
let you sniff her asshole
269
00:12:17,498 --> 00:12:19,281
for helping her out of a jam.
270
00:12:19,366 --> 00:12:22,417
[bleep] you!
271
00:12:22,536 --> 00:12:24,620
I mean, Jesus, did you ever think
272
00:12:24,705 --> 00:12:27,170
that maybe I'm just not
into sex with animals?
273
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,843
[snorts] Come on, girl.
We both know that's a lie.
274
00:12:30,928 --> 00:12:33,064
[animals gasping]
Oh, my God!
275
00:12:33,099 --> 00:12:33,595
[bangs gavel]
276
00:12:33,714 --> 00:12:36,048
My esteemed colleague
from the great state
277
00:12:36,183 --> 00:12:39,718
of East Carolina will now
address the subcommittee.
278
00:12:39,804 --> 00:12:42,304
Remember guys, if we get in trouble,
I have a secret weapon.
279
00:12:42,389 --> 00:12:44,940
Now, I've heard about
some of the excrement
280
00:12:45,059 --> 00:12:47,943
featured on Trip Tank,
and I find it despicable.
281
00:12:48,062 --> 00:12:50,779
- Just absolutely horrible.
- Is there that much?
282
00:12:50,898 --> 00:12:52,364
'Cause I don't recall, uh...
283
00:12:52,449 --> 00:12:55,534
Some of it hard and
strong with a deep, dark,
284
00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:58,570
rich, brown color and
others just a liquid
285
00:12:58,706 --> 00:13:00,906
and runny with the yellow-green tone,
286
00:13:00,991 --> 00:13:04,143
just spilling out onto the carpet.
287
00:13:04,144 --> 00:13:07,921
- Just nasty, nasty stuff.
- Is there a question or... ?
288
00:13:07,935 --> 00:13:11,166
Now, we've all heard of an
upper-decker...
289
00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:14,837
but what I like to do is
leave the toilet lid down
290
00:13:14,922 --> 00:13:17,756
completely and sit
with my bare butt cheeks
291
00:13:17,842 --> 00:13:20,092
right flat down on top
292
00:13:20,177 --> 00:13:22,644
and when I defecate, the
force of the expulsion
293
00:13:22,763 --> 00:13:26,098
just slip-slides me all around.
294
00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:29,544
And I end up gliding right
off the front and landing
295
00:13:29,545 --> 00:13:32,855
onto the floor in a big
ol' pile of my own mess.
296
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:36,658
I call it an East Carolina Mudslide,
and it is disgusting.
297
00:13:36,777 --> 00:13:40,612
- Your show is just disgusting.
- I don't know what's going on here.
298
00:13:40,698 --> 00:13:43,332
Me neither man, but I'd
vote for him in a heartbeat.
299
00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:45,428
[techno music]
300
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,162
[seagulls squawk]
301
00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:57,677
Steady now, boys.
[sonar beeps]
302
00:13:57,813 --> 00:14:00,931
We find ourselves in dangerous waters.
303
00:14:01,016 --> 00:14:03,016
Captain, we're picking
up something on the sonar!
304
00:14:03,101 --> 00:14:06,353
Something big.
305
00:14:06,438 --> 00:14:08,355
Sacre bleu!
306
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,690
[whimpers]
Get us out of here!
307
00:14:10,826 --> 00:14:13,159
Aah!
[creature roars]
308
00:14:13,245 --> 00:14:16,029
[motoring sounds]
[splashes]
309
00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:21,414
[marching band music]
310
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:25,622
[tense music]
[heartbeat]
311
00:14:26,839 --> 00:14:28,138
[trigger clicks]
312
00:14:28,257 --> 00:14:30,006
[gunshot]
[eagle shrieks]
313
00:14:31,260 --> 00:14:33,260
[heavy metal music]
314
00:14:33,395 --> 00:14:35,763
Man: Oh, shit.
I think that was a bald eagle.
315
00:14:35,798 --> 00:14:38,598
[rapid footsteps]
316
00:14:40,102 --> 00:14:43,670
[bangs gavel]
I now present Congressman Adorno
317
00:14:43,772 --> 00:14:45,172
from North Dakota's 75th district.
318
00:14:45,274 --> 00:14:47,307
Thank you, Madam Horkheimer.
319
00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:50,677
Now, Trip Tank, I have a few questions
about the violence on your show.
320
00:14:50,779 --> 00:14:52,513
- Hell yeah, man. Shoot.
- Now, the violence,
321
00:14:52,514 --> 00:14:54,247
is it being perpetrated
by Americans?
322
00:14:54,349 --> 00:14:57,284
- Yeah, mostly.
- Oh, good. Good, good, good.
323
00:14:57,386 --> 00:14:59,653
Now, are any of the victims
of this violence American?
324
00:14:59,755 --> 00:15:02,923
- Yeah, I guess some of them are.
- Hmm. I don't like that.
325
00:15:03,025 --> 00:15:04,224
Say, instead of these
victims being American,
326
00:15:04,326 --> 00:15:07,411
could they be from
somewhere else? Like, um,
327
00:15:07,412 --> 00:15:10,497
randomly, for example, um...
Oh, here we go, Canada?
328
00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:11,832
- I guess so.
- Hell yeah!
329
00:15:11,934 --> 00:15:13,867
Ah, wonderful.
330
00:15:13,969 --> 00:15:15,936
And the victims don't
necessarily need to be
331
00:15:16,038 --> 00:15:18,638
from Canada.
They could be from French Canada
332
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:20,707
or... or... or British Columbia.
333
00:15:20,809 --> 00:15:22,475
Or maybe this guy we're
beating up with a shovel,
334
00:15:22,578 --> 00:15:25,946
maybe he's a Mountie?
What country now are Mounties from?
335
00:15:26,048 --> 00:15:27,948
- I think still Canada.
- Oh, are they? Oh, good.
336
00:15:28,050 --> 00:15:29,449
Good, well, that works perfectly then.
337
00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:33,069
I like this guy too, man!
This is fun!
338
00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:35,636
[grunts]
[engine struggles]
339
00:15:35,738 --> 00:15:36,937
[groans]
340
00:15:37,022 --> 00:15:38,271
Hey-hey!
It's the grass man!
341
00:15:38,357 --> 00:15:42,275
- Little early to be mowing the lawn, huh?
- [mumbles] Son of a bitch.
342
00:15:42,361 --> 00:15:43,610
I'm taking the Carroll
clan off to ride the new
343
00:15:43,696 --> 00:15:47,080
Anaconda coaster
at Adventure Town USA!
344
00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:51,452
Hey, you and yours should pack up
the ol' Wilson wagon
345
00:15:51,453 --> 00:15:53,539
- and follow us there!
- Maybe, uh, maybe next summer.
346
00:15:53,574 --> 00:15:56,256
Suit yourself!
[laughs]
347
00:15:56,342 --> 00:15:58,458
It's always next summer.
348
00:16:00,396 --> 00:16:01,345
[grumbles]
[knuckles crack]
349
00:16:01,463 --> 00:16:03,764
That does it.
[chainsaw roars]
350
00:16:03,849 --> 00:16:05,966
[saw grinds]
351
00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:09,469
Hey, kids! Come on!
352
00:16:09,605 --> 00:16:12,522
- Are we going to Adventure Town US...
- No!
353
00:16:12,641 --> 00:16:15,642
We're going to Dad World!
[laughs]
354
00:16:15,778 --> 00:16:17,394
[engine revs]
[fast rock music]
355
00:16:17,479 --> 00:16:18,979
[tires squeal]
356
00:16:19,114 --> 00:16:20,480
Thank you for choosing Dad World.
357
00:16:20,616 --> 00:16:22,482
Be sure to buckle your safety belt,
358
00:16:22,618 --> 00:16:24,151
because this is the most extreme
359
00:16:24,236 --> 00:16:28,372
and affordable amusement park ever!
360
00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:31,074
- Whoo!
- Yay! [engine revs]
361
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,327
I hear that Anaconda can
only go 80 miles per hour.
362
00:16:34,463 --> 00:16:36,329
How do you feel about a 120?
363
00:16:36,465 --> 00:16:37,714
Kids: Yeah!
364
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:41,635
Who needs landscapers
and a big mansion?
365
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,671
Who needs a wife who doesn't abandon me?
366
00:16:44,807 --> 00:16:48,341
Damn it, Cheryl.
[crying] Cheryl, I miss you.
367
00:16:48,477 --> 00:16:51,011
You bitch! [muttering]
368
00:16:55,818 --> 00:16:56,516
[flashbulb]
369
00:16:58,570 --> 00:17:01,688
- Where to next, gang?
- The Old Mines!
370
00:17:01,774 --> 00:17:02,572
[whistling]
371
00:17:04,026 --> 00:17:05,025
[gasps]
372
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:08,695
- Coal miners!
- A-A-Aweso-o-o-ome!
373
00:17:08,831 --> 00:17:12,365
- Where to next?
- The Haunted Manor!
374
00:17:12,451 --> 00:17:13,700
Come on, kids!
375
00:17:15,928 --> 00:17:17,711
[crash]
[people scream]
376
00:17:17,846 --> 00:17:19,796
Look! Old people.
377
00:17:19,882 --> 00:17:21,548
Oh!
[kids scream]
378
00:17:21,684 --> 00:17:25,446
- You never visit anymore, Anthony!
- Wave bye to grandma!
379
00:17:25,481 --> 00:17:27,554
[gibberish]
380
00:17:27,690 --> 00:17:30,057
Get out of here, you old bat.
[yelps]
381
00:17:30,192 --> 00:17:32,059
Meemaw loves you!
382
00:17:32,144 --> 00:17:35,228
- Where to next?
- Safari Kingdom!
383
00:17:35,364 --> 00:17:37,447
[screaming]
384
00:17:37,566 --> 00:17:39,833
Whoa!
Look at that elephant.
385
00:17:39,902 --> 00:17:40,901
[elephant trumpets]
386
00:17:41,036 --> 00:17:44,738
- Where to next?
- The Enchanted Forest!
387
00:17:44,823 --> 00:17:46,623
[engine revs]
388
00:17:47,242 --> 00:17:48,992
[elephant shrieks]
[monkey chitters]
389
00:17:49,078 --> 00:17:50,377
[chainsaw revs]
390
00:17:50,462 --> 00:17:52,245
Hey, get out of the way!
391
00:17:52,381 --> 00:17:54,414
[trees crash]
392
00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:56,967
All right, time to
reach under your seats.
393
00:17:59,722 --> 00:18:01,305
[gasps]
The van's leaking!
394
00:18:01,423 --> 00:18:04,257
It sure is!
[laughs maniacally]
395
00:18:04,343 --> 00:18:06,927
[all scream]
396
00:18:09,264 --> 00:18:10,847
- All right, yeah!
- Yay!
397
00:18:10,933 --> 00:18:15,235
- Dad, I'm starving!
- Then let's hit my favorite attraction!
398
00:18:15,321 --> 00:18:17,854
[engine roars]
[tires squeal]
399
00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:23,988
- Mmm! This is amazing!
- It sure is. It sure is.
400
00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:29,047
[both snore]
401
00:18:29,952 --> 00:18:31,635
I'm a [bleep] awesome dad.
402
00:18:31,670 --> 00:18:34,824
[helicopters]
[police sirens]
403
00:18:36,809 --> 00:18:38,342
[groans]
[gasps]
404
00:18:38,427 --> 00:18:40,928
- Uh, Dad?
- Hey, kids,
405
00:18:41,063 --> 00:18:42,646
who's ready for Wild West World?
406
00:18:42,765 --> 00:18:43,814
[fast rock music]
407
00:18:43,933 --> 00:18:46,600
[laughing]
[gunshots]
408
00:18:46,685 --> 00:18:50,354
[techno music]
409
00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:56,602
[tense music]
[footsteps]
410
00:18:57,138 --> 00:18:59,438
[hammer clicks]
411
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:01,440
[gunshot]
[deep groan]
412
00:19:03,277 --> 00:19:05,177
[heavy metal music]
413
00:19:05,279 --> 00:19:06,779
I got paid in maple syrup.
414
00:19:06,881 --> 00:19:10,148
[techno music]
415
00:19:12,136 --> 00:19:13,636
[sparkling chimes]
Are you asleep?
416
00:19:13,754 --> 00:19:16,922
Good.
It's time to dream.
417
00:19:17,058 --> 00:19:17,923
[voices whisper]
418
00:19:18,059 --> 00:19:21,260
? Bing, bong, bing ?
419
00:19:21,345 --> 00:19:22,761
It's your wedding day.
420
00:19:22,897 --> 00:19:26,148
The preacher has just
pronounced you man and wife.
421
00:19:26,267 --> 00:19:27,316
[yawns]
422
00:19:27,435 --> 00:19:28,851
You pull back the veil to go in
423
00:19:28,936 --> 00:19:32,188
for your first official
kiss as him and her,
424
00:19:32,273 --> 00:19:35,107
and instead of a face...
[chuckles]
425
00:19:35,193 --> 00:19:36,575
it's an anus...
[yelps]
426
00:19:36,661 --> 00:19:39,528
But not just any anus...
that's your granddaddy's
427
00:19:39,614 --> 00:19:41,530
old stanky anus.
[screams quietly]
428
00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:43,582
The same anus you
accidentally walked into
429
00:19:43,668 --> 00:19:45,979
when you were eight years
old and he was in the shower,
430
00:19:46,014 --> 00:19:47,953
bending over scrubbing his feet.
431
00:19:48,089 --> 00:19:51,290
Nothing but a mouthful
of granddaddy an...
432
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:52,458
[car horn]
Oh, oop! Gotta go!
433
00:19:52,593 --> 00:19:54,793
Just know this.
You actually end up very happy
434
00:19:54,929 --> 00:19:55,761
with your Granddad anus,
and you have several
435
00:19:55,847 --> 00:19:58,214
little anus children.
[chuckles]
436
00:19:58,299 --> 00:19:59,461
[gasps]
437
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:02,801
[bangs gavel]
Trip Tank!
438
00:20:02,937 --> 00:20:07,373
We have heard all of the
damning evidence against you,
439
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:11,810
and I cannot wait to shut
your television show down.
440
00:20:11,946 --> 00:20:14,063
Boys? It's magic time.
441
00:20:14,148 --> 00:20:16,949
I think...
and you, and you, and you.
442
00:20:17,034 --> 00:20:18,681
[text sending sound]
443
00:20:18,716 --> 00:20:21,370
[cell phones jingle]
[gasps]
444
00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:22,655
[bangs gavel]
445
00:20:22,790 --> 00:20:25,124
On second thought, Trip Tank,
your show is great.
446
00:20:25,209 --> 00:20:28,127
The United States Congress would
like to go on record stating that
447
00:20:28,128 --> 00:20:31,046
Trip Tank is culturally, historically,
and aesthetically significant.
448
00:20:31,165 --> 00:20:33,666
By law, all U.S. citizens
must now love Trip Tank.
449
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:36,575
This hearing is adjourned.
[bangs gavel]
450
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,171
- Uh, excuse me...
- I said we're adjourned!
451
00:20:39,257 --> 00:20:40,422
What just happened?
452
00:20:40,508 --> 00:20:42,174
You put a voodoo spell
on them or something?
453
00:20:42,310 --> 00:20:43,409
Let me give you a
little piece of advice
454
00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:46,154
I wish someone had told
me when I was your age.
455
00:20:46,318 --> 00:20:50,391
Always bring a camera phone
to a congressional orgy.
456
00:20:50,479 --> 00:20:52,717
- Always.
- I love this guy.
457
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:53,717
I love him so much.
458
00:20:53,718 --> 00:20:55,717
Let's go, boys!
You know what time it is?
459
00:20:55,718 --> 00:20:57,717
All: Road trip!
460
00:20:57,718 --> 00:21:00,716
[upbeat rock music]
461
00:21:02,878 --> 00:21:05,555
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
462
00:21:06,187 --> 00:21:08,486
Imagine, if you will, me on my back,
463
00:21:08,487 --> 00:21:11,486
arms Akimbo, with a
plate of tempered glass
464
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:16,487
just inches from my face,
and a big ol' steaming pile
465
00:21:16,522 --> 00:21:21,494
of human waste just falls right
down on top of that glass...
466
00:21:21,544 --> 00:21:26,094
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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