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1
00:00:08,822 --> 00:00:10,121
[crying]
2
00:00:10,122 --> 00:00:13,121
I know you're both
watching over me.
3
00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:15,121
I promise to make you proud.
4
00:00:15,122 --> 00:00:18,121
[gentle music]
5
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,121
[woman] Oh... oh!
6
00:00:23,122 --> 00:00:24,871
[rhythmic thumping] Oh, take me!
7
00:00:25,122 --> 00:00:27,121
Take me like a majestic horse.
8
00:00:27,122 --> 00:00:31,121
Oh ha ha! Oh, this is a whole
different kind of petting zoo.
9
00:00:31,122 --> 00:00:33,121
[horse neighs] Oh, God!
10
00:00:33,122 --> 00:00:35,121
Ohhhhh!
11
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:38,782
2x08 - Precipice of Yesterday
12
00:00:38,817 --> 00:00:41,732
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
13
00:00:42,122 --> 00:00:44,121
[light music]
14
00:00:44,122 --> 00:00:48,121
Hey, Harv, I have a baby
ready for you to deliver.
15
00:00:48,122 --> 00:00:52,121
- Great. Hand it over.
- The thing is... [exhales]
16
00:00:52,122 --> 00:00:53,121
I don't think you want it.
17
00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:56,121
Stop messing around, Sam.
Give it here.
18
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:57,121
What's the big deal?
19
00:00:57,122 --> 00:00:59,906
Oh! Oh, my...
20
00:00:59,907 --> 00:01:01,107
_
21
00:01:01,142 --> 00:01:03,122
[hard rock music]
22
00:01:04,003 --> 00:01:06,122
[grunting]
[growling]
23
00:01:06,940 --> 00:01:08,582
_
24
00:01:08,617 --> 00:01:11,121
? Three aliens came from the sky ?
25
00:01:11,122 --> 00:01:12,121
? The Galactic Council sent them ?
26
00:01:12,122 --> 00:01:14,121
? And here's the reason why ?
27
00:01:14,122 --> 00:01:18,121
? Their mission is to study
Earth's most average guy ?
28
00:01:18,122 --> 00:01:20,121
? To see if humans are worth saving ?
29
00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:22,122
? Or if everyone has to die ?
30
00:01:23,122 --> 00:01:25,121
Wait. What?
31
00:01:25,122 --> 00:01:27,828
[TV in background]
[sips]
32
00:01:27,863 --> 00:01:29,121
[farts]
Whoa!
33
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:31,121
I'm so sorry, guys. That was gross.
34
00:01:31,122 --> 00:01:33,843
Uh, guys?
35
00:01:34,122 --> 00:01:35,121
[sniffing]
36
00:01:35,122 --> 00:01:37,121
I feel like my head's
full of rainbow bubbles.
37
00:01:37,122 --> 00:01:41,121
- Oh. What is this?
- Guys, please. It's called a fart.
38
00:01:41,122 --> 00:01:42,668
And again, I'm sorry.
39
00:01:43,122 --> 00:01:44,942
It must have been from all
the beans in my burrito.
40
00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:48,122
- More! More! I want more!
- Jesus Christ, come on!
41
00:01:50,122 --> 00:01:52,121
Ugh!
42
00:01:52,122 --> 00:01:54,121
- Beans?
- It's beans... yeah, beans.
43
00:01:54,122 --> 00:01:55,121
Beans for breakfast.
Everybody eats beans.
44
00:01:55,122 --> 00:02:00,121
- Eat your beans.
- Sammy, what the hell is going on here?
45
00:02:00,122 --> 00:02:02,121
Here's the thing you
got to understand, Jeff:
46
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,121
Jimmy and I can handle your
farts like mature adults.
47
00:02:05,122 --> 00:02:07,621
Yeah, I mean, look, if
I'm gonna party, everyone's
48
00:02:07,622 --> 00:02:10,121
having a good time, and you
fart, sure, I'll sniff it.
49
00:02:10,122 --> 00:02:14,121
But for Sammy, well, it's different.
50
00:02:14,122 --> 00:02:18,121
Guys, you're exaggerating. I don't
even really like farts. [squish]
51
00:02:18,122 --> 00:02:19,121
What was that?
Was that a fart?
52
00:02:19,122 --> 00:02:20,121
- Are you holding out on me...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
53
00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:22,121
- You [bleep]sucker?
- Relax! Relax!
54
00:02:22,122 --> 00:02:26,121
[chuckles] That was a joke.
Oh, man, you guys thought I was serious?
55
00:02:26,122 --> 00:02:28,403
Oh, please... it was a joke.
56
00:02:29,122 --> 00:02:31,121
- No, no, no, no... grab his arm!
- Don't do this to me!
57
00:02:31,122 --> 00:02:33,121
Just one more [bleep] fart!
58
00:02:33,122 --> 00:02:36,122
[sobbing] Just one
more [bleep] fart, guys.
59
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,122
[chopping sounds]
60
00:02:40,122 --> 00:02:43,121
[panting]
61
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:45,121
Sammy!
62
00:02:45,122 --> 00:02:47,121
Sammy, it's okay.
We're here to help you.
63
00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:49,121
Guys, look. [beeping]
64
00:02:49,122 --> 00:02:50,121
[farting]
65
00:02:50,122 --> 00:02:54,820
- Oh, yeah, baby!
- Oh, God. [gasp]
66
00:02:55,122 --> 00:02:57,121
We're doing this because we love you.
67
00:02:57,122 --> 00:03:01,121
[bleep] you!
You're not my [bleep] friends!
68
00:03:01,122 --> 00:03:03,121
[whimpering] Oh... ah...
69
00:03:03,122 --> 00:03:04,121
Oh! Aah!
70
00:03:04,122 --> 00:03:06,121
[farting]
Oh...
71
00:03:06,122 --> 00:03:09,121
[farting]
No, no... no!
72
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,121
[playing tune and farting]
[groaning]
73
00:03:11,122 --> 00:03:14,121
[screaming]
[music playing, farting]
74
00:03:14,122 --> 00:03:16,122
Aah!
75
00:03:19,122 --> 00:03:22,121
The path to healing starts now.
76
00:03:22,122 --> 00:03:27,121
Back into chaturanga, and
into downward facing dog.
77
00:03:27,122 --> 00:03:28,121
Oh, yeah.
78
00:03:28,122 --> 00:03:30,121
No, no!
79
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:36,121
- Okay, you sure you're ready for this?
- Three, two, one...
80
00:03:36,122 --> 00:03:37,121
[farts]
81
00:03:37,122 --> 00:03:39,121
Mm, I don't need that,
82
00:03:39,122 --> 00:03:41,121
and I'm just gonna let
it float away... ha ha...
83
00:03:41,122 --> 00:03:43,121
'cause that's the right thing to do.
84
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:47,121
And that's the right... thing... to do.
85
00:03:47,122 --> 00:03:49,122
- Oh, come here, buddy.
- Yay!
86
00:03:50,122 --> 00:03:53,121
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[both laughing]
87
00:03:53,122 --> 00:03:56,122
Okay, okay, okay, okay, but
check this out, all right?
88
00:03:57,122 --> 00:03:58,121
[both laughing]
89
00:03:58,122 --> 00:03:59,121
Oh, my gosh. You know what?
90
00:03:59,122 --> 00:04:02,121
- I got a weird trick too.
- Okay.
91
00:04:02,122 --> 00:04:03,121
It's kind of gross, though.
92
00:04:03,122 --> 00:04:06,121
Oh, come on!
That's point of the game!
93
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,663
- Come on.
- Okay, I used to be able to make myself...
94
00:04:08,698 --> 00:04:11,121
- Uh-huh?
- [grunts] ...queef!
95
00:04:11,122 --> 00:04:12,121
- Huh?
- Oh!
96
00:04:12,122 --> 00:04:14,121
- Oh, my God! What?
- Get out of here!
97
00:04:14,122 --> 00:04:16,121
- I'm sorry! I thought we were...
- You got to go!
98
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,121
Oh, you're never
getting me off of these!
99
00:04:18,122 --> 00:04:19,121
[inhales]
100
00:04:19,122 --> 00:04:20,883
Ahhhhhhh!
101
00:04:23,122 --> 00:04:26,091
[rock music]
102
00:04:27,122 --> 00:04:33,121
[screaming] Ohhhh!
103
00:04:33,122 --> 00:04:35,121
Whoa, Roy, a-are you okay, buddy?
104
00:04:35,122 --> 00:04:38,121
Oh, yeah. I just turned back time
in order to save your life.
105
00:04:38,122 --> 00:04:39,121
- No big deal.
- What?
106
00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:40,121
You're welcome, buddy.
107
00:04:40,122 --> 00:04:43,121
[whistling] Hmm.
That was weird. [telephone rings]
108
00:04:43,122 --> 00:04:44,121
Hello, TripTank. This is Steve.
109
00:04:44,122 --> 00:04:46,121
- How can I help you?
- Hey, I brainstormed
110
00:04:46,122 --> 00:04:48,121
a bunch of slogans for you guys
to use to promote your show.
111
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,121
You can have 'em. You
can use 'em for free.
112
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,121
Uh, our show doesn't
really have slogans.
113
00:04:52,122 --> 00:04:53,121
TripTank: Get your balls ready.
114
00:04:53,122 --> 00:04:55,121
Oh, you're gonna go. Okay.
115
00:04:55,122 --> 00:04:56,121
TripTank: Shit yo-self.
116
00:04:56,122 --> 00:04:59,121
- All right.
- TripTank: Slap you face.
117
00:04:59,122 --> 00:05:00,480
TripTank: Like a bus ride.
118
00:05:00,570 --> 00:05:03,121
TripTank: It's saucy.
TripTank: Super saucy.
119
00:05:03,122 --> 00:05:05,121
TripTank: Farts in the tub.
120
00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:07,121
TripTank: Colon rectal exam.
121
00:05:07,122 --> 00:05:09,121
TripTank: Free long distance.
TripTank: Hobgoblin.
122
00:05:09,122 --> 00:05:11,121
TripTank: Spooky town.
123
00:05:11,122 --> 00:05:12,848
TripTank: It's a [bleep] house.
124
00:05:12,885 --> 00:05:15,464
Please hold.
[energetic drumming]
125
00:05:16,122 --> 00:05:18,121
Ahh... I'm hammered.
126
00:05:18,122 --> 00:05:22,121
Dude, don't even get me started.
I'm drunk as a skunk.
127
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,121
I'm buzzed as the fuzz.
128
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:27,121
I'm as bombed as
a beauty pageant stage mom.
129
00:05:27,122 --> 00:05:30,121
I'm tipsy as a mother effin' gypsy.
130
00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:34,121
I'm as sozzled as a
plastic water bottle.
131
00:05:34,122 --> 00:05:36,121
[bubbling] _
132
00:05:36,122 --> 00:05:37,121
[inhales]
133
00:05:37,122 --> 00:05:40,960
Oh, I'm as lattenstramm as a
creeper abducting kids into his van.
134
00:05:41,122 --> 00:05:45,121
I'm as soused as Amy Winehouse.
135
00:05:45,122 --> 00:05:46,995
[undertone] You want some candy?
136
00:05:49,122 --> 00:05:51,121
Why, I'm as three sheets to the wind as
137
00:05:51,122 --> 00:05:53,121
Benjamin... [hiccup] Franklin.
138
00:05:53,122 --> 00:05:59,121
I'm as wamble crop'd as a fine
gent performing a belly flop.
139
00:05:59,122 --> 00:06:00,121
Oh! Roll over.
140
00:06:00,122 --> 00:06:03,764
I'm as high as two
nerds hooked on sci-fi.
141
00:06:04,122 --> 00:06:06,122
[retching]
142
00:06:07,122 --> 00:06:11,221
We're as swacked as
a goddess riding horseback.
143
00:06:11,256 --> 00:06:14,948
I am as tanked as two
wanks watching TripTank.
144
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:15,724
[both gasp]
145
00:06:15,741 --> 00:06:19,060
[techno music]
146
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:27,077
Good evening.
I'd like you to wear this.
147
00:06:27,078 --> 00:06:30,077
That's gonna cost extra.
148
00:06:30,078 --> 00:06:31,077
Ow. Ow.
[panting]
149
00:06:31,078 --> 00:06:34,077
- Oh, yeah.
- Who's your leg?
150
00:06:34,078 --> 00:06:35,078
Who's your leg, big daddy?
[growls, barks]
151
00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:36,078
- Ow. Ow.
- Woof!
152
00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:39,077
Woooo! Uhh... ah...
153
00:06:39,078 --> 00:06:41,077
Dogs are all the same.
154
00:06:41,078 --> 00:06:44,077
[techno music]
155
00:06:45,528 --> 00:06:47,527
[phone rings]
Hello. TripTank.
156
00:06:47,528 --> 00:06:48,527
[woman] Hi, is this Steve?
157
00:06:48,528 --> 00:06:50,737
- Yes, this is Steve from TripTank.
- Oh, great.
158
00:06:50,772 --> 00:06:53,149
I'm with Summit RealSkin sexual
technologies, and I was just
159
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:55,527
calling to make sure you were
fully satisfied with your order.
160
00:06:55,528 --> 00:06:58,527
I didn't order anything
from Summit RealSkin... what?
161
00:06:58,528 --> 00:07:02,196
No, I'm sure it was you.
You were very clear when you called us.
162
00:07:02,251 --> 00:07:04,527
You said to write it down word for word.
"I'm Steve from TripTank,
163
00:07:04,528 --> 00:07:06,527
and I want to order
a shitload of dildos."
164
00:07:06,528 --> 00:07:10,527
- No, I never ordered any dildos.
- You know, I have to be honest.
165
00:07:10,528 --> 00:07:11,527
You broke a record for our company.
166
00:07:11,528 --> 00:07:13,527
We've never shipped so
many dildos in one quarter.
167
00:07:13,528 --> 00:07:15,527
I'm telling you I didn't
order any [whispers] dildos.
168
00:07:15,528 --> 00:07:18,027
On a personal note, I was able
to pay for my niece's entire
169
00:07:18,028 --> 00:07:20,527
wedding with the commission
I received from your order.
170
00:07:20,528 --> 00:07:22,527
Even Grandma Gretchen was able to travel
171
00:07:22,528 --> 00:07:23,527
all the way from Austria
with the money I made
172
00:07:23,528 --> 00:07:26,503
from the frankly ludicrous
amount of dildos you purchased.
173
00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:28,677
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- For the rest of my life,
174
00:07:28,678 --> 00:07:30,488
whenever I think of
a shitload of dildos,
175
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,324
I will think of Steve from TripTank
176
00:07:32,359 --> 00:07:34,677
and the signed photo of
yourself you faxed over to us.
177
00:07:34,828 --> 00:07:37,827
- It's on my wall.
- I'm expecting a package
178
00:07:37,828 --> 00:07:40,163
on a palette or maybe a flatbed truck.
179
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:43,828
I think I put your name
down on the address.
180
00:07:44,528 --> 00:07:48,827
I, uh...
I'm afraid I have some bad news, son.
181
00:07:48,828 --> 00:07:52,667
- Oh... what is it? Is it cancer?
- Uh... Afraid not.
182
00:07:52,828 --> 00:07:55,827
Oh! It's worse than cancer?
Oh, man!
183
00:07:55,828 --> 00:07:57,827
I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,
184
00:07:57,828 --> 00:08:00,827
but it seems you've
contracted space herpes.
185
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:02,827
Oh, God!
186
00:08:02,828 --> 00:08:06,827
- Wait, what?
- Space herpes... it's an ETSTD.
187
00:08:06,828 --> 00:08:08,827
ETSTD?
188
00:08:08,828 --> 00:08:11,827
An extraterrestrial
sexually transmitted disease.
189
00:08:11,828 --> 00:08:16,827
It is similar to regular herpes,
but it's from space. [laughs]
190
00:08:16,828 --> 00:08:19,827
What? Wait a minute, is
this some sort of joke here?
191
00:08:19,828 --> 00:08:24,012
No. And unfortunately,
there are no cures for space herpes,
192
00:08:24,047 --> 00:08:26,827
- but there are several treatments which...
- Wow, okay.
193
00:08:26,828 --> 00:08:31,827
Are you really suggesting
that I had sex with an alien?
194
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:33,827
- What?!
- I'm not suggesting.
195
00:08:33,828 --> 00:08:35,574
You did, dumb shit. And
now you have space herpes.
196
00:08:35,609 --> 00:08:37,827
Yeah, well, that's impossible.
197
00:08:37,828 --> 00:08:41,827
We don't even know if aliens
even exist in the universe.
198
00:08:41,828 --> 00:08:43,827
- So...
- Well, obviously they do,
199
00:08:43,828 --> 00:08:46,827
or I wouldn't be standing here
wearing a goddamned white coat
200
00:08:46,828 --> 00:08:49,827
and stethoscope telling you
that you have space herpes.
201
00:08:49,828 --> 00:08:51,509
Oh ho ho, really?
202
00:08:51,828 --> 00:08:54,827
Yes, and I'm not trying
to judge your lifestyle,
203
00:08:54,828 --> 00:08:58,827
but most people find the idea
of having sex with a slimy
204
00:08:58,828 --> 00:09:02,827
- green space alien disgusting.
- Okay, well, I want a second opinion.
205
00:09:02,828 --> 00:09:06,827
[laughs] Be my guest.
You might want to try Dr. Biber.
206
00:09:06,828 --> 00:09:09,827
He wrote his medical
thesis on space herpes.
207
00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:12,827
Stop saying space herpes,
you [bleep] quack!
208
00:09:12,828 --> 00:09:14,827
It's not a real thing!
209
00:09:14,828 --> 00:09:16,498
You are ridiculous.
I am out of here.
210
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:17,827
Wait. Just wait, okay?
211
00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:19,827
I prepared a treatment
kit to get you started.
212
00:09:19,828 --> 00:09:22,827
You're gonna need it. There's
an ointment for the space sores.
213
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:25,827
There are pills and introductory
DVD about your condition,
214
00:09:25,828 --> 00:09:29,827
- and... a scraper.
- Why do I need the scraper?
215
00:09:29,828 --> 00:09:31,828
[undertone] Oh, you'll find out.
216
00:09:36,928 --> 00:09:39,827
You told me you'd been tested,
217
00:09:39,828 --> 00:09:43,558
and now I've got [bleep] space herpes!
218
00:09:43,828 --> 00:09:44,827
[whining gibberish]
219
00:09:44,828 --> 00:09:47,827
No, don't!
[shrill noises]
220
00:09:47,828 --> 00:09:49,827
This is not funny!
221
00:09:49,828 --> 00:09:53,827
[squishing sound] Oh, my God!
I know what the scraper's for now.
222
00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:55,828
[techno music]
223
00:10:00,608 --> 00:10:02,607
[announcer] Well, it's
halftime here at Memorial Field,
224
00:10:02,608 --> 00:10:03,607
and the Plano High Bulldogs
225
00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:05,607
are down 24 to nothing
to the Coolidge Tigers.
226
00:10:05,608 --> 00:10:07,608
But don't count the Bulldogs
out yet, because right now,
227
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,607
legendary coach Henry "Buck"
Denim is no doubt delivering
228
00:10:11,608 --> 00:10:14,607
one of his famous
motivational halftime speeches
229
00:10:14,608 --> 00:10:16,607
to whip these guys into
a second half frenzy.
230
00:10:16,608 --> 00:10:20,607
I don't know what the hell is going on!
231
00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:23,607
I don't know what I just
saw out there!
232
00:10:23,608 --> 00:10:26,607
But I'm very uncomfortable
with all of this.
233
00:10:26,608 --> 00:10:30,249
None of this looks
familiar to me at all!
234
00:10:30,608 --> 00:10:33,299
Can anybody tell me what
the hell we're doing?!
235
00:10:33,394 --> 00:10:35,607
Hello? Do you understand me?!
236
00:10:35,608 --> 00:10:38,607
- Am I speaking English?
- Yes.
237
00:10:38,608 --> 00:10:39,607
Well, that's a start, at least.
238
00:10:39,608 --> 00:10:42,608
[tapping sound] What is that...
your little drawing there?
239
00:10:43,608 --> 00:10:46,607
Zip Two Roll Over
Tomahawk Zone Blitz.
240
00:10:46,608 --> 00:10:51,608
- It's a new defensive scheme.
- What's the point of that?
241
00:10:53,608 --> 00:10:57,607
Oh, this is just plain exhausting.
Maybe I should take a nap.
242
00:10:57,608 --> 00:11:00,607
Would that be okay
if I just laid down and took a nap?
243
00:11:00,608 --> 00:11:02,608
[equipment clatters]
244
00:11:03,308 --> 00:11:05,308
I don't like this
feeling... not one bit!
245
00:11:06,308 --> 00:11:08,308
Do any of you people know who I am?
246
00:11:09,308 --> 00:11:11,307
Well, who am I?
247
00:11:11,308 --> 00:11:15,307
- Please, tell me.
- You... You're Coach Denim.
248
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,307
- Who?
- Coach Denim!
249
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:20,307
- And who are you?
- We're the Plano High Bulldogs!
250
00:11:20,308 --> 00:11:21,307
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
251
00:11:21,308 --> 00:11:22,307
We're the Bulldogs!
252
00:11:22,308 --> 00:11:24,308
- Where are we going?
- To State Championship!
253
00:11:24,469 --> 00:11:27,307
- Yeah!
- Do I need to bring my wallet?
254
00:11:27,308 --> 00:11:31,307
We're gonna go back out on that
field and kick some Tiger ass!
255
00:11:31,308 --> 00:11:33,307
All: Bulldogs! Bulldogs!
256
00:11:33,308 --> 00:11:35,944
[chanting] Bulldogs,
Bulldogs, Bulldogs...
257
00:11:35,982 --> 00:11:38,307
[announcer] In the second half,
258
00:11:38,308 --> 00:11:40,307
the Bulldogs staged
a miraculous comeback.
259
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:43,936
They dedicated the game
to their legendary coach,
260
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,307
who had left the halftime locker room
261
00:11:46,308 --> 00:11:47,307
and wandered out onto
what is now known as
262
00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:52,307
Buck Denim Memorial Freeway.
263
00:11:52,418 --> 00:11:55,417
- [phone rings] This is TripTank.
- You dirty son of a bitch.
264
00:11:55,418 --> 00:11:58,417
You [bleep] my wife!
265
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:02,417
- Whoa, whoa, no sir. I can assure you...
- I've got proof right here.
266
00:12:02,418 --> 00:12:04,417
Receipts for champagne, beluga caviar,
267
00:12:04,418 --> 00:12:07,417
and a frozen pizza... a frozen pizza!
268
00:12:07,418 --> 00:12:12,417
You turned my marital home
into a goddamned [bleep] house.
269
00:12:12,418 --> 00:12:16,418
- Sir, you clearly have a wrong number. I...
- You [bleep] my wife!
270
00:12:17,418 --> 00:12:18,918
On the down low, man...
I did meet a girl the other
271
00:12:18,919 --> 00:12:21,010
night and told
her my name was Steve.
272
00:12:21,418 --> 00:12:24,417
- I hope that's cool with you.
- Oh! The hell was that?
273
00:12:24,418 --> 00:12:27,738
Oh, all right. All right.
I see what happened here, man.
274
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:29,417
The heat from the sun
swelled up the bowl.
275
00:12:29,418 --> 00:12:31,417
When that air conditioning kicked on,
276
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,017
it froze up all them jelly beans.
277
00:12:33,218 --> 00:12:36,417
The rapid particle expansion of
the glass caused an explosion.
278
00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:39,417
I believe in scientific terms
it's called a thermal shocker.
279
00:12:39,418 --> 00:12:42,417
Wow, Roy, I didn't know you
knew so much about science.
280
00:12:42,418 --> 00:12:44,945
Yeah, you're right. It
was probably just ghosts.
281
00:12:45,345 --> 00:12:48,699
[rock music]
282
00:12:52,533 --> 00:12:54,932
[techno music]
283
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:02,084
_
284
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:04,710
_
285
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,399
Speed dating...
286
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,399
Whoo! Where do I go?
287
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,399
I think you all know how this works,
288
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,399
but just in case we
have any newcomers...
289
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,399
- Virgins! [laughing]
- [sighs] Must you?
290
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,399
Ladies, get those pencils
and comment cards ready.
291
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,399
Gentlemen, you've got
three minutes in which
292
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:25,600
- to make a good impression on each...
- Three minutes in heaven, ladies.
293
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,399
Every time... seriously?
[ding]
294
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,399
Nope, hard pass. [ding]
295
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,399
You're pretty hideous. [ding]
296
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,399
Whoa!
297
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,399
- And what's your name?
- Hey, buddy,
298
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,399
are you seeing this?
It's uncanny, right?
299
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,399
Wow, I mean, this... that is amazing.
300
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,399
Who do I have to screw to get
another Mai Tai in this joint?
301
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,399
- I hope it's you.
- Then there's Mr. Tanglepaws.
302
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,899
- He's a jumper.
- Will you hold off on listing
303
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,399
your cats for a second?
I'll be right back. [ahem]
304
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,399
Lady, come on. You and this
schmoe... I'm not seeing it.
305
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:59,399
I suggest you pass on the
zero and wait for the hero.
306
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,399
Don't sulk, sugar tits.
307
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,399
I'll loop back around and
catch you on the second pass,
308
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,399
unless I get
a better offer first. [ding]
309
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,399
Whoa, now we're talking!
Finally, a real trashy broad!
310
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,399
No, I really mean it. [sighs]
You hardly sweat at all for a fat girl.
311
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,399
Are you sure you never
worked as a hooker in Fresno?
312
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,399
Mm, less clucking, more...
313
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,399
less cluck... less clucking, more...
314
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,399
less... clucking... more...
315
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,399
[ding] Gentlemen,
316
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,399
in order to help you
hone your dating skills,
317
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,399
I've compiled some of
the ladies' comments.
318
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,399
Let the offers come a-rolling in.
319
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:33,399
Loathsome?
I think that's a little harsh.
320
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,399
It's not like all of you
were USDA choice yourselves.
321
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,383
Three minutes is about all anyone
can stand the most of you!
322
00:14:39,385 --> 00:14:41,399
[shudders]
Hi, there.
323
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,399
Well, any port in a storm.
[smooches]
324
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:46,399
Oh, thank God, Roy...
325
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,399
this Paleo diet's got
my glucose levels crazy.
326
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,399
Can you watch the phones for a second?
327
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,399
I understood about 5%
of what you just said.
328
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,399
Roy, will you watch the phones or what?
329
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,399
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's
just the sugars talking.
330
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,399
- I've got to go pound some trail mix.
- Fine, but for the record,
331
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,399
I liked you better on South Beach.
332
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,399
[silenced gunshots]
333
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,601
God dang, man, I better call
up that exterminator, man.
334
00:15:04,636 --> 00:15:06,399
These termites are going nuts.
335
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,399
[phone rings] Whoa, here we go.
336
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,399
Hello, TripTank.
You got Roy. Talk at me.
337
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,399
Hey, I know some of those
last ones were stinkers,
338
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,899
but these ones are a lot
better, and I think I've
339
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:16,399
got the vibe of what you
guys are looking for now.
340
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,399
All right, shoot.
341
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:18,399
TripTank: Phh! Wow! TripTank.
342
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,921
[scatting] TripTank.
343
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,399
[explosive sound] TripTank.
344
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,399
TripTank... [scatting]
TripTank... [gibberish]
345
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,121
TripTank...
Flibberty-flibberty-kershon!
346
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,201
TripTank... Wah-hahhhhh!
347
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,399
TripTank... [gibberish, scatting]
348
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,399
TripTank. [sighs]
349
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,399
TripTank... [bleep], I'm out.
I'm dry.
350
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,400
I kind of like that last one.
351
00:15:36,873 --> 00:15:39,656
[rock music]
352
00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:45,219
[big band music plays]
Foto talks.
353
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:49,219
Let's begin, shall we?
354
00:15:49,220 --> 00:15:51,019
And one and two and three and four.
355
00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:53,219
And one and two and three and four.
356
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:56,219
Work those shoulders.
Come on, you Jezebels!
357
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:58,219
You want to look good in a corset?
358
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,219
Well, then, you're gonna
have to work that core!
359
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,219
And crunch it! And crunch it!
360
00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:04,219
And work it! And crunch it!
361
00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:05,219
Now, cool it off!
362
00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:07,219
Cool it off!
363
00:16:07,220 --> 00:16:09,219
All right, ladies, this is no secret.
364
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:11,219
If you want to score a man
in the railroad industry
365
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:16,219
or a steel magnate, you're
gonna need one primo butt!
366
00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:17,219
And squeeze!
And squeeze!
367
00:16:17,220 --> 00:16:20,220
And squeeze!
Come on, ladies, really work it!
368
00:16:20,420 --> 00:16:24,000
Don't be lazy like a dirty Irish
immigrant! Oh... [record scratch]
369
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:25,219
- Donald?
- You have to understand...
370
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:27,861
the aerobic video market
is totally saturated.
371
00:16:27,896 --> 00:16:31,844
- Is that one of my thongs?
- Uh, yes. Yes, it is.
372
00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:35,219
- What do you miss the most?
- Pardon?
373
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:38,219
Of all the things back home,
what do you miss the most?
374
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:41,201
I don't... I don't really know.
375
00:16:41,271 --> 00:16:44,219
I miss the little things.
It sounds silly now,
376
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,219
but I miss the cool breeze
coming through my window
377
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:47,219
on an autumn night.
378
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,219
I miss how after I'd finish
a bowl of cinnamon cereal,
379
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:52,219
the milk would still have all
kinds of cinnamon floating in it,
380
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,219
and I'd drink it down and
dribble a little bit on my chin,
381
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:59,219
and then I'd wipe the cinnamon
milk off my chin with my sleeve.
382
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:02,219
I-I miss corduroys.
383
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:04,219
Well, we should probably
think about having sex now.
384
00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:06,219
- Excuse me?
- We don't know how long
385
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:08,219
we're gonna be stranded on this island.
386
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:11,219
- So?
- And it's up to us to start our own society.
387
00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:12,219
And in order to do that,
388
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:14,219
you need to get your
head around the concept
389
00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:18,219
of the two of us banging
with no eye contact.
390
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:19,219
- Yeah, there's no way.
- Some eye contact.
391
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:21,219
- Let it go!
- Okay, listen,
392
00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:24,219
I'm offering solutions.
We're stranded here.
393
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:27,219
I'm trying to map out a
route to a future for us.
394
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:29,219
Maybe my route includes
a layover in pound town,
395
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:32,096
but it's better than anything
I've heard out of you.
396
00:17:32,131 --> 00:17:34,219
Are you insane?
397
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,219
You know what? Okay,
forget I said anything.
398
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:39,219
[sighs] Maybe it's just
the island fever talking.
399
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:40,219
I haven't felt right for months.
400
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:44,219
Hey, guy, we've only been
on this island for two hours.
401
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:48,219
- Huh, really?
- Yeah. My phone still has a full battery.
402
00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:50,219
Look, I didn't say we had to have sex.
403
00:17:50,220 --> 00:17:54,219
I just said, "Start thinking about it."
And then, as these things go,
404
00:17:54,220 --> 00:17:55,219
thinking about it will
likely lead to doing it.
405
00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:57,219
- I don't think so.
- Well, false alarm, guys.
406
00:17:57,220 --> 00:18:00,219
The plane is fine. Now, if you
two stragglers want to join the rest
407
00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:03,219
of the passengers, we can get
this bird back up in the air.
408
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:04,219
- Arr!
- Ow.
409
00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:06,219
- Oh, my God!
- What the hell was that?
410
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:07,219
That was Bedlam, sucka.
411
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,219
As long as we're on this island,
we're following jungle rules.
412
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:13,219
- You just bit me!
- Well, I'm hungry,
413
00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:15,219
and I don't know when
my next meal is coming.
414
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,258
We're gonna serve lunch once
we get back up in the air...
415
00:18:17,292 --> 00:18:21,220
45 minutes, tops, you freaking maniac.
Oh, shit.
416
00:18:21,563 --> 00:18:24,219
I'm gonna go back over by the plane.
Jesus.
417
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:27,221
Yeah, me too.
Hey, and all that new society stuff...
418
00:18:27,396 --> 00:18:29,219
[whispers] We should
keep that between us.
419
00:18:29,220 --> 00:18:32,225
- [bleep] off!
- Just 'cause, like, I don't think
420
00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:34,219
my wife would be cool with
that... like, not at all.
421
00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:37,219
[hard rock]
422
00:18:41,441 --> 00:18:44,440
[techno music]
423
00:18:49,403 --> 00:18:50,637
[sighs]
424
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:54,440
So you met that special someone,
someone unlike anyone you ever met.
425
00:18:54,441 --> 00:18:57,440
Someone from a whole another planet,
and you made a mistake.
426
00:18:57,441 --> 00:18:58,440
You weren't careful.
427
00:18:58,711 --> 00:19:02,710
And now, you have the
ETSTD space herpes.
428
00:19:02,711 --> 00:19:03,710
I know. I've been there.
429
00:19:03,711 --> 00:19:05,710
At first, I tried denying it.
430
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:09,710
I drank, acted out...
hurting the ones I loved most.
431
00:19:09,711 --> 00:19:12,710
But now, I have a great new
way to deal with this condition.
432
00:19:12,711 --> 00:19:16,710
I have a life to live, and I'm not
gonna let this thing get me down.
433
00:19:16,711 --> 00:19:19,710
Besides, since my alien bride
[hoarsely] Mak Ak Moo
434
00:19:19,711 --> 00:19:21,710
impregnated me with her eggs,
435
00:19:21,711 --> 00:19:23,710
I have so much to look forward to,
436
00:19:23,711 --> 00:19:26,710
which wouldn't have been
possible without Herpinal.
437
00:19:26,711 --> 00:19:29,710
Herpinal controls my
symptoms, allows me to mate,
438
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,210
and also allows me
to safely carry up to 12
439
00:19:32,211 --> 00:19:35,592
hatchlings in my man womb.
That's a dozen.
440
00:19:35,711 --> 00:19:37,710
After the first seven-week
gestation period,
441
00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:40,710
when our children burst
through the fleshy mantle
442
00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:43,710
that is the subcutaneous
fat around my belly button,
443
00:19:43,711 --> 00:19:46,710
I'll know they're going to
be healthy and disease-free.
444
00:19:46,711 --> 00:19:48,574
[announcer] Herpinal ointment and pills
445
00:19:48,661 --> 00:19:49,960
are most effective when used
with Herpinal sore scraper.
446
00:19:49,961 --> 00:19:52,000
The sore scraper will
remove toxic ooze from the
447
00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:54,040
surface of the open,
weeping, pus-filled boils.
448
00:19:54,075 --> 00:19:55,960
Herpinal may cause headaches,
nausea, trouble sleeping,
449
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,960
trouble standing, bloat,
goat face, wild hallucinations
450
00:19:57,961 --> 00:19:59,960
coupled with delusions
you will become AGROX,
451
00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:01,960
Slayer of the Gragmark Race,
and diarrhea.
452
00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:03,592
So don't be afraid to live.
453
00:20:03,652 --> 00:20:05,960
Try Herpinal and start today.
454
00:20:05,961 --> 00:20:06,960
[groaning]
455
00:20:06,961 --> 00:20:07,960
[screaming]
456
00:20:07,961 --> 00:20:09,960
[creatures screeching]
457
00:20:10,261 --> 00:20:12,260
[chuckles]
But sir, it's physically impossible
458
00:20:12,261 --> 00:20:13,943
for me to stick my head up there.
459
00:20:13,955 --> 00:20:15,260
And again, I'm not really
sure how that would improve
460
00:20:15,261 --> 00:20:18,260
the quality of TripTank
as a show in general.
461
00:20:18,261 --> 00:20:21,261
All right. Yeah, you too.
Have a nice day. Bye-bye.
462
00:20:21,561 --> 00:20:23,260
Hey, man, why are you
smiling so much today?
463
00:20:23,261 --> 00:20:26,260
I don't know, Roy.
Maybe it's just the diet.
464
00:20:26,261 --> 00:20:30,260
- I'm not sure. I just feel good.
- No, yeah, you look good, man.
465
00:20:30,261 --> 00:20:32,260
You've been giving off a
real Steve Zahn vibe, lately.
466
00:20:32,261 --> 00:20:35,260
Oh, wow. Thanks.
That's very sweet of you to say, Roy.
467
00:20:35,261 --> 00:20:37,260
Hey, you got a red dot on your forehead.
468
00:20:37,261 --> 00:20:42,260
Huh... like a sniper
rifle dot or a cat toy dot?
469
00:20:42,261 --> 00:20:44,260
Steve! No!
470
00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:47,260
[voice echoing]
471
00:20:47,261 --> 00:20:51,260
[overlapping backwards dialogue]
472
00:20:51,261 --> 00:20:53,824
- Whoa! Roy, are you okay, buddy?
- Oh, yeah.
473
00:20:53,859 --> 00:20:57,260
I just turned back time in
order to save your life... again.
474
00:20:57,261 --> 00:21:00,260
- What?
- You're welcome, buddy. [whistling]
475
00:21:00,261 --> 00:21:03,945
Hmm, that was weird.
[phone rings] Hello, TripTank.
476
00:21:03,980 --> 00:21:05,183
This is Steve. How can I help you?
477
00:21:05,228 --> 00:21:07,291
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
478
00:21:07,298 --> 00:21:09,697
You know what?
Less clucking, more [bleep].
479
00:21:09,698 --> 00:21:11,697
Ah! Were you born in a barn?
480
00:21:11,698 --> 00:21:15,565
[pastoral music]
[rooster crows]
481
00:21:15,615 --> 00:21:20,165
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38285
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