All language subtitles for TripTank s02e06 Hot Box.eng

[farts]
[laughs]

- Why are farts so funny, you know?
- I'll tell you why.

Farts remind us that
we're trapped inside

decaying tombs of flesh,

slowly marching towards death.

We laugh to maintain
a thin mask of sanity

in the face of our inevitable fate.

[farts]
[all laugh]

That was a wet one, my friends.

[techno music]

2x06 - Hot Box

[Roy] Thumbs up on that?

Oh, hell yes.
Uh-uh.

Well, wait.
What was wrong with her?

Not enough sizzle for the Roy monster.

I'm looking for them dirty girls.

Ooh, look at this one, though.
[phone rings]

Oh, what's good, hot dog man?

Yeah, I can't believe
you would show a homeless

man defecating on your
stupid television show.

That's actually pretty
standard for our show.

Imagine my shock as I watched TripTank

and I see a mumbling Depression Era hobo

taking a shit on the bushes
in front of my house.

Wait, did you say in
front of your house?

Yes, right now!

You're showing... why
is TripTank showing a

wall-eyed drifter dropping
a deuce on my hedges?

Are you sure you're watching TripTank?

Oh, yeah, that is just my window.
My mistake.

- Oh, okay.
- [boing] Oh, hell yeah.

I just got fingered
in my hot box... nice.

That's my first Hot Box
Finger Blast this week, man.

Roy's gonna hook it up. [squish]

[trumpet blares]

Ha-ahem!

Joe! Down here.

What's it take to get a drink
in this dump, huh?

Whoa! Well, there we go.

A pair of tits and blonde hair.

Typical sexist bullshit, am I right?

Come on, man.
He's just swamped.

I'm telling you, he's
only serving hot chicks.

[burps]
[neighs]

Well, I stand corrected, don't I?

- 'Cause she's ugly.
- That's my girlfriend.

Really? Did you lose a bet?

- Look, dude...
- I'm just kidding around, man.

Hey, you're doing the
Lord's work here, right?

Everybody needs love, huh?

- Even a sea hag. Anyway...
- He called me a sea hag?

Are you calling my girlfriend a sea hag?

Hey, I'm just trying to have
a drink in peace, all right?

You get a load of these two?

It's like they've never
been in a bar before.

Amateurs.
[clattering]

Hey, what the hell, man?

Calm down, big boy.
Accidents happen.

Don't go acting like
these two cat boxes.

Cat box?
What's that even mean?

It means, you don't
want to go around acting

like a complete amateur
who can't hold his liquor

and picks on people who are
slightly smaller than him

just to make himself feel
better about dating a sea hag.

- Hey!
- Quiet down, lady.

I'll get to you in a minute.

- What's going on down here?
- Oh, here you are.

Finally. I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt
with my petty request

that you actually do
your job for a moment.

I'll have a whiskey sour, please.
Light on the ice.

How about you get the
hell out of my bar?

Don't make a maniac out of me!

I will take that whiskey sour now
with two cherries, please!

And, you know what?

Why don't you get my
friend here another beer?

If he's going home with
her, he's going to need it.

Asshole.

High five, right?

[screams]

[comical end notes]

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

[laughs]

- Daddy, why won't...
- Uh, uh, uh.

What does Daddy say about questions?
[sighs]

I'll ask Google first.

Why won't Mommy...
come home?

[game on TV]

? There once was a baby
who never left his womb ?

? Now he's 34 and not
going anywhere soon ?

? It's Ma & Frankie ?

That's me.
[laughs]

- Watch it, ma.
- You know, it wouldn't

kill you to help me
around the house a little.

I got a lot on my plate right now.

That's okay.
I like manual labor.

- Are you crying, ma?
- [whimpering] No.

- Okay, okay, I'll help.
- Great!

- You can start with vacuuming.
- Under one condition.

If you let me watch WWF Death Matches.

I don't want you watching that stuff.

That's probably why you have nightmares.

No, I get nightmares when
you have too much coffee.

No, no, no, no. That
wrestling is too violent.

Listen, I'll clean the
whole damn house, okay?

Deal.

[cheerful '50s-like music]

Is it a black tie affair?

Hi, Marla.

[gasps]

WWF's on in five minutes, Ma.

Water the plants, and you're done.

Oh.

- Where are you going?
- This is making me have to pee.

Ma, make it quick.

[toilet flushes]

Whew. Sorry about that.
Okay, continue.

Ma, we need a plan.
Hold it to the end, otherwise I'm

- gonna miss everything.
- I'll try my best.

- Uh-oh.
- Hold it, Ma.

- I'm trying.
- Hold.

- Oh my God, oh.
- Hold.

- Hurry up, Frankie.
- You can do it, Ma.

I can't!

- Ma, it already started.
- So have I! Oh.

[Frankie] I thought
it only made you pee.

[bell dings]

Oh, Ma!

? It's Ma & Frankie ?

Yeah, I was about to
put up, but I... nah.

I decided to... [whispers].

Heh, what are you guys doing in here?

We making a list of the top five

hottest chicks we ever banged.
Yeah.

Oh, man, my top five is my only five.

And there's only four.

Okay, three.
Two?

One, bust it.

? I ain't never had sex ?

? In my whole entire life of regret ?

? I've only had pets ?

? And it's hard as
heck to get a dog wet ?

[barks]

? Baby mama, baby's mama's mama ?

What are you boys doing in here?
Listening to Baby Wayne?

Yeah, Ma, we listening to Baby Wayne.

Heh, my boys. They
love their Baby Wayne.

We're not listening to Baby Wayne, Ma.

- It's okay, honey.
- Come on, Ma.

You're embarrassing me in front of...

[record scratches]

- Baby Wayne?
- Hey, man, hey.

Hey, you don't need to worry
about what's in my cup, man.

I... I know what's in my cup.
It's my cup.

I know what's in my cup.

You don't... You don't need to
worry about what's in my cup.

- You understand?
- Yeah, man.

[techno music]

All right, so are we
doing this, or what?

Excuse me?

You and I both knew
this was gonna happen

the moment we set eyes on each other.

Mmm...

[bam]
[comical end notes]

[hip hop music]

[phone rings]

Ooh, ooh... do nutsack face, man.
Nutsack face, right now.

Nutsack face!
This is TripTank.

Oh, I am very sorry, Mr. Sinclair.

No, I didn't realize the call was
coming from inside the building.

Yes... no, no, no, of
course, yes, right away.

- Shit. That was Chaz Sinclair.
- Chaz Sinclair, what does he want?

Chaz Sinclair wants to see both
of us in his office right away.

Why would TripTank's
attorney Chaz Sinclair

want to see both of us
in his office right away?

[phone]
Dun, dun, duh

Aw, shit, man, that dirty
girl just unfingered me. [fart]

Are you asleep? Good.

Oh, it's time to dream.

[whispering] Dream wizard

You're in Florida, land of the dolphins.

The friendly dolphins.
[dolphins chittering]

You are swimming with them out
in the salty Atlantic Ocean.

They jump, and you jump.

They dive and you dive.

- Ooh.
- You understand their language.

So well, in fact, you
understand when they tell you, we

'bout to rape this boy out here
in the middle of the Atlantic.

One of them named Bottlenose
McGee grabs you from

behind and slowly enters
you with his flipper.

Ugh!

And then you, screaming
at the top of your lungs...

[mimics dolphin noises]

which is actually dolphin for
"keep pumping me more,"

[phone chimes]
and... oh, I gotta go.

But just know this... that
you're getting raped by a

dolphin, and you just keep
asking him to pump you more.

Oh, and, by the way.
This shit is real.

[gasps]

[siren]
[police radio chatter]

- Do you know why I pulled you over?
- Because I'm black?

I'm glad we're on the same page.

I'm gonna read you your rights.

[laughs] Just kidding.

Let's get you in the car.
[techno music]

[male announcer] Prepare
yourselves, space travelers,

for the most awesometastic,
fundorable adventure

of a lifetime, with your pal...

Me!
I'm Ricky the Rocketship.

? Nature's full of so much
stuff we can appreciate ?

? From the sky and the clouds
to the sand on the ground ?

? And the water and
the fish and the lake ?

[cheers and applause]

Get ready, kids. You're on in 30.

Everyone's watching.
I'm too nervous.

I can't do this.
[cries]

[cries]

Aah!

The trees are coming to eat me!

Ricky! No, it's me... Billy.

Oh, sorry, I didn't recognize you.

Why are you running away from
school dressed like a tree?

See, we're doing a school play,

and I'm too scared to go on stage.

- I don't want everyone to laugh at me.
- Oh, don't worry, Billy.

You're just a tiny speck
of dust in the cosmic void.

Your life and existence
are entirely meaningless,

so why be afraid of a little old play?

I know, how about you
and I both do the play?

[cat meows]

Oh, not bad, eh?
Come on...

let's break your legs!
[car alarm whoops]

Whoo hoo hoo! Yeah!

[laughs]

[screams]

[rumbling]

I'm here!

- Oh!
- Aah!

Oh, jeepers, my lines.
[people screaming]

Billy, do you know the lines?
[gasps]

I can't hear you, Billy.
Use your stage voice.

Oh, whatever, I'll
just sing the harmony.

[deep voice] La-laaaaa

[screams]

? Laaaaaaa ?

[yells]

[Ricky holds note]

Ooh, you guys are really good singers.

How do you hold your notes for so long?

Oh, jippety skippety!

How are you gonna get
through this jar of pickles?

Now, down a little further.

Further. Yes, right there.

The little gap between your thighs,

that when you walk away,
the light shines through

it and it forms a perfect
triangle of joy. Mm, yes.

I could just spend the
rest of my life right there.

So delicious.
All right, bye-bye now. [beep]

Boys, fantastic, you're here.

That was the head of the CDC
on the phone just now,

and we are in a lot of trouble.

- We are?
- Well, you are.

Look, here's the short of it.

Apparently, an episode of
TripTank has been giving

some of our younger viewers
a deadly brain virus.

- Oh, no, what episode?
- [boing] Yes, hotbox fingerblast.

- Bang!
- Let me check. Uh... here it is.

The episode entitled Brain Virus.

[cell phone] Dun, dun, duh

Damn it, that girl gave me the shocker.

What is that, Mr. Winchester?

What is that sound
your phone keeps making?

Just now, I got fingered
by a lady in my Hot Box.

Oh, well, I sure like the sound of that.

- Do go on.
- It's a hookup app, man.

Helps you meet dirty girls
within a 3-mile radius.

Wonderful.
You and I have a lot to talk about.

Wait, did you just say we're
responsible for a bunch of sick children?

Oh, they're not sick, no.
They're dead.

The TripTank brain virus killed them.
Well, legally, you killed them.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh,
God, oh, God, oh, God.

[boing] Boo-yah! Goddamn!

I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, gentlemen,

we're looking at a lengthy
criminal investigation here,

but I must be sure of one thing first.

Are people still wearing bootcut jeans?

[cell phone] Duh, dun, duh

Shit.

[alarm ringing]
[Ricky grunting]

[Ricky sings on video,
screaming in background]

[sighs] On to the next one.

[techno music]

You're a sick, twisted piece of shit.

You know that?

You torched that old folks' home,

and then you pushed that bus

full of special needs kids off a cliff,

and then you threw that
bag of kittens in a river!

You'd be behind bars right now

if it weren't for one thing!

This.

Good night, you
magnificent son of a bitch.

[kisses]

Ahh.

So this is my own personal Hot Box,

where I can get shocked and fingered,
and I can finger and shock?

Yeah, man, you just enter your name,

where you're from, and things you like.

You know, I put, like,
Camaros and alligators.

- You know, cool shit.
- Ah, I see.

Let's put aged Manchego
cheese and Yo-Yo Ma.

What else are girls into these days?

Well, I know they like
getting ripped on the weekend.

Perfect, put that in too.

Okay, now we just need
a picture for your profile.

Oh, I've heard of this.
This is where I need the dick pic.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Why, what's wrong with a dick pic?
Girls love a good dick pic.

There's plenty already on the phone.

Oh, yeah, wow. Oh, there they are.

[Chaz] Yeah, any of those will do.

Hold on, wait.
How old are the girls in this Hot Box?

Oh, don't worry Chaz, man,
they all have to be over 18.

- Oh, well, okay.
- Some of them lie, though.

Oh, well, okay! [inhales]

Let's keep going, this is wonderful.

I'm sorry, that was unprofessional.
[inhales]

Would you boys also care for a popper?

_

Oh, God!

If we had that handbag,
we would get so many hunks.

Totally.

Okay, so, how can we get
money to buy Cucci bags?

- We could get jobs.
- Or we could, like, rob a bank.

- Or we could work.
- Ugh, gross!

But I guess we could give it a try.
Go legit.

So what can you bring to
the Ice Cream Palace team?

Um, I can eat, like, maybe
the most ice cream out

of anyone in the world.
That's not an exaggeration.

You're not actually allowed
to eat the ice cream.

This interview is over!

- That's the worst thing I heard ever!
- Ooh!

So this job requires some

? Singing and dancing experience ?

- Ba-dop-bop
- Oh, pick me. I love singing.

? I had a dream my life
would be so different ?

? From this hell I'm living ?

? So different now from what it seemed ?

Jen, what did I say about
your stupid, pitchy singing?

God, it sounds like
raccoons getting raped

by bigger raccoons
with huge human penises

while they sing pitchy and bad.

M'ladies, welcome to the home
of the world's classiest hat,

that which can transform
a boy into a debonair man.

[grunts]
Stupid idiots.

Obviously no one wants to hire us

because we're too awesome,

and we would totally
climb the corporate ladder

and take their jobs, and
then fart in their mouths.

- Totally.
- Alright, let's go to the original

and obviously, like, much better plan.

Give me money!
Give me money!

[panting]

Beth, what are you doing?

I'll take what's mine
with fire and blood.

I need a Cucci handbag!

Hey, the security team is hiring.

I think you guys would be perfect.

What do you say.
You want to join the team?

[music]

- Hi. Is there a problem?
- Uh, yeah, hi, there is a problem.

We got a report that those
bags over there are counterfeit.

- Oh...
- And we're going to

have to confiscate them.
Okay, great.

You have betrayed the code
of the mall security guard.

Sorry, but you're gonna have
to hand over your badges.

You can't arrest me.
I am the law!

Put the turkey legs down, or
we'll be forced to tase you.

[yells and farts]

Oh, God.

Oh, fine. I quit.
I just pooped this uniform anyway.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Yeah, just hand me the Cucci bag.

Cucci bag and turkey leg,
you're literally my only friends.

I love you so much.

Ooh, Amy, you are a naughty girl

and you are going to get my finger.

Chelsea, you are
naughty, naughty, naughty.

[squish] Finger.

Ugh, Lisa... gross.
You get the shocker. [pffftt]

Oh, here we go. Candy.

You look delicious,
and I will eat you up.

[cell phone rings]

What's up, hot dog man?

The boys are right,
this is a fun game.

Oh? Oh, I see.
Well, great.

- Guys, wake up.
- Ahh... cream sandwiches!

Gentlemen, I have some wonderful news.

Remember all those dead children?

Yeah, how could I forget about a
bunch of children that I killed?

Well, it turns out
their parents died too.

- Isn't that fantastic?
- Oh, my God.

As it turns out, there was
a taint in the water supply.

The fluoride levels were off the charts.

Man, I told you the
government was poisoning us.

Wait, wait, wait... so we didn't
give the kids a brain virus?

Oh, you did.
Very much so, yes.

But that's not what killed them,
so you're off the hook.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I've got to get back to fingering
these young women.

Oh, Natalie.
Delicious. [squish]

Actually on second thought,
gross. [pffft]

[hip hop music]

[techno music]

_

[pastoral music]
[gunfire]

[neighs]

[coughs]

Please, deliver this to my wife.

Hee-yah!
Ha! Hee-yah!

[upbeat music]

[both yell]

[Native American war cries]

[war cries]

[horse neighs]

[gasps]

[groans]

Oh...
[distant wolf whistle]

A dick pic.
Mmm!

[phone rings]

Hey, hey, sloppy Joe, this is TripTank.

Hello? TripTank?

My heart gets excited when
your show's on my TV box.

Well, that's quite a compliment.

- Thank you.
- I feel like I'm gonna explode.

Pressure builds... [wheezy breaths]

and it builds... and it builds,

and it demands a release.

Ooh! Mister Jingles.

Oh, your soothing purr
brings me back from the brink.

Well, it's great to have you back.

- I'm glad you're okay.
- Who is this?

Get the hell off my phone.
[cat purring]

Me and Mister Jingles are
having some private times.

Gentlemen, can either of you
recommend a local floral merchant?

I'm meeting a charming young lady

from the Hot Box named Jasmine,

as she has requested
that I bring 80 roses

for an activity called "BBATM".

You're aware that 80 roses
is just code for $80.

Oh, and BB means "bareback".
She's a hooker, man.

Really? A lady of the night.
Fantastic.

I still can't figure
out what "ATM" means,

but I bet it's delicious.
[squish]

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Call wife.
[phone rings]

[wife] Hey, honey.
[alarms continue ringing]

Hi, honey, it's me, your husband.

I'm still alive, and I'm
taking the kid and moving

to Canada forever.
The healthcare's better there.

- Talk to you never again.
- No, don't go!

Don't leave me! No!
[beep]

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