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1
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,599
[woman] There was an
octopus named Oliver
2
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,199
? who learned how to walk ?
3
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,199
? How to wear a hat and how to talk ?
4
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,199
Well, hey there.
5
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,199
? He had the secrets
of the universe in his mind ?
6
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,199
[shimmering chimes]
7
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:30,199
? So he went to share his
secrets with all of humankind ?
8
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,199
[grunts]
9
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,037
Ha! Got one.
10
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,200
2x05 - "Short Change"
11
00:00:35,417 --> 00:00:38,461
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
12
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,213
Oh! Oh, my God!
13
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,399
[sirens wail, people screaming]
14
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,399
Somebody help!
15
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,399
Oh, no! Can't someone do something?
16
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,399
[humming]
17
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,399
[gasps]
18
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:54,721
Ha-ha!
[heroic music]
19
00:00:54,756 --> 00:00:58,399
[grunting]
[fire blazing]
20
00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,399
[whimpers]
21
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,399
Oh, I can't look.
22
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,400
[man panting]
23
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,400
[all screaming]
24
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,373
Ha, you like that?
[laughing]
25
00:01:14,717 --> 00:01:16,071
[splat!]
26
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:17,400
[laughs] Whoo!
27
00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:21,399
_
28
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,399
[phone ringing]
29
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,560
- Hello. TripTank.
- Yeah, hi.
30
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,399
I've been watching your show, and
31
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,956
[chuckles]
I got to tell you, my brother,
32
00:01:29,985 --> 00:01:32,399
I can't get the women to leave me alone.
33
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,399
Day and night, man:
nonstop erotic activity.
34
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,399
Oh, really? Wow.
35
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,399
- That's great.
- Right. And that's
36
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,399
what I'd like to be
saying if your show was better.
37
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:47,399
However, it is not,
and son of a bitch, I'm alone.
38
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,229
- I'll transfer you to that department.
- I'm hungry as hell, man.
39
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,080
I'm fixing to get at
that kung pao chicken.
40
00:01:52,105 --> 00:01:54,399
Ah, shit. They gave me the
wrong [bleep] change again.
41
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,399
- What?
- Oh, it happens sometimes.
42
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,800
I'll just call the guy. They're
usually pretty good about it.
43
00:01:58,825 --> 00:02:00,399
Hell, no!
Don't do that to us, man! No!
44
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,399
- No, Roy, it's fine.
- Bullshit!
45
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,680
You do not shortchange a person
on their lunch order, goddamn it!
46
00:02:05,705 --> 00:02:08,399
Not in Roy's America,
not in your America!
47
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,399
Damn you, Golden Dragon 2.
You can swing for my nuts!
48
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,399
No shortchanging Roy
and his goddamn posse.
49
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,333
- Oh, hell, no.
- Jeez.
50
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,771
[techno music]
51
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,460
[Matt] Yeah, so I think
if I just tape it up really
52
00:02:24,461 --> 00:02:26,720
good beforehand, they'll let
me back in the salsa class.
53
00:02:26,745 --> 00:02:30,199
Ah, I wish we could just go one night
without talking about
54
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,199
- Matt's unwanted erections.
- Or salsa dancing.
55
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,199
Well, excuse me for having hobbies
56
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,199
- that get my blood pumping.
- Oh, that's so gross.
57
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,868
[chomps]
58
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,199
- Dana, tell us the story again.
- No, no, no.
59
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,199
Nobody want... fine.
'Twas a time, long ago,
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00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,199
when a wise king sat
upon a mighty throne.
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00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,199
His name was King Dana
of Garysucksington.
62
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,199
[trumpet fanfare]
63
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,199
Andy the Knight,
64
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,199
you have returned from slaying
many dragons in my name.
65
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,199
They were small and
sickly dragons, but still,
66
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,199
a fine job.
Huzzah! [laughs]
67
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,710
Thank you, most
handsome and virile king.
68
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,480
Have I mentioned how magnificent
69
00:03:06,505 --> 00:03:10,199
- and not at all flabby your body is?
- Yes, and thank you.
70
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,199
Now bring out the fool
jester for my amusement.
71
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,199
He-hey, everybody.
72
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,199
Have you heard the one
about the beautiful wench
73
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,199
- who didn't love the king?
- I have not.
74
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,199
No one has, because you
threw her in the pit.
75
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,199
[laughs]
76
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,199
I sure did.
77
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,199
Now, I can see by the royal watch,
it is time for the king...
78
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,360
Actually, Dana, wristwatches
haven't been invented yet.
79
00:03:28,385 --> 00:03:30,199
- Nobody's asking you.
- Yeah, shut up, dude.
80
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,199
He's just getting to the good part!
81
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:36,199
Now, where was I?
I can see by the position of the sun
82
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:40,199
that is time for the
king to greet my peasants.
83
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,199
Bring in the first ugly sack of crap.
84
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:46,199
Your Majesty, I present
to you, Gary the Poor.
85
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,199
I know not this man.
86
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,199
- He also goes by Gary the Disgusting.
- Not ringing a bell.
87
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,199
- Gary the Wretched.
- Nah.
88
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,199
- Gary the Misshapen.
- Nope.
89
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,280
- Gary the Unclean.
- Uh-uh.
90
00:03:54,281 --> 00:03:55,281
- Gary the Porky.
- Uh-uh.
91
00:03:55,306 --> 00:03:57,199
- Gary the Uneducated.
- Nope.
92
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,240
- Gary the Liar.
- Nothing.
93
00:03:58,241 --> 00:03:59,361
- Onion-breath Gary.
- Uh-uh.
94
00:03:59,386 --> 00:04:02,914
I also go by Gary with a Face
as Vile as a Foot.
95
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,199
Ah, yes.
Foot-face Gary!
96
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,199
- What can the mighty king do for you?
- Oh, handsome king.
97
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:12,199
I come before you to humbly
beg for one meager shilling,
98
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,700
for I am much too lazy to work
99
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:17,924
- and also too ugly to work.
- Hmm, let me think. No.
100
00:04:18,070 --> 00:04:20,270
You may not have one shilling.
How dare you insult me!
101
00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:24,069
- Instead, chuck him in the pit!
- Oh, King Dana, no!
102
00:04:24,070 --> 00:04:27,150
Sucketh it! Sucketh it!
Come on, join me, everyone.
103
00:04:27,175 --> 00:04:29,069
All: Sucketh it! Sucketh it!
104
00:04:29,070 --> 00:04:31,069
Sucketh it! Sucketh it!
[screams]
105
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,890
Sucketh it, Gary!
Whoo!
106
00:04:32,985 --> 00:04:36,130
[man] Sucketh it, Gary
107
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:42,363
- Dude, where are these chicks at?
- They're coming, dude.
108
00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:45,070
Any second now, we'll
be drowning in poon tang.
109
00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:49,455
Dude, they better not be ugly, man.
I'm not jumping on any grenades.
110
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:53,069
No way, dude.
These chicks are fine as shit...
111
00:04:53,070 --> 00:04:55,069
like, personal trainers and shit.
112
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:59,069
- My older brother set it up.
- Wait. These are Brad's chicks?
113
00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:01,069
[pounding]
114
00:05:01,070 --> 00:05:03,069
They're here, dude.
115
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,069
Both: Whoa!
116
00:05:06,070 --> 00:05:08,069
They're huge, dude!
117
00:05:08,070 --> 00:05:11,069
What's up, bitches?
You pussy boys got any protein?
118
00:05:11,070 --> 00:05:13,069
[heavy rock music]
119
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:17,069
- Proteins, yeah.
- Feed me.
120
00:05:17,070 --> 00:05:20,069
Whoa, babes. Don't thrash.
Food's in the kitchen.
121
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:23,070
[both roaring]
122
00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:26,069
Chicken! Tuna! Turkey!
123
00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:27,069
Red meat!
124
00:05:30,070 --> 00:05:32,069
I smell dicks.
125
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,069
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Take it easy, mama.
126
00:05:34,070 --> 00:05:36,069
- Take it easy.
- Ronnie!
127
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:37,070
[Ronnie] Somebody help!
128
00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:41,069
Jimmy!
129
00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,069
Switch, bitch!
130
00:05:42,070 --> 00:05:43,070
- No, no, no...
- Oh!
131
00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:45,310
[both grunt]
Easy there, mama!
132
00:05:45,335 --> 00:05:48,069
I'm getting carpet burn on my face!
133
00:05:48,070 --> 00:05:51,069
[grunting]
134
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:53,069
Down, mama!
135
00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:56,070
[groaning]
136
00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:59,070
[glass shatters]
137
00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:04,607
[Jimmy] Dude...
we just, like, tore that shit up!
138
00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:07,069
Both: Whoa!
139
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:10,069
[techno music]
140
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,670
Would you like to buy
some candy, mister?
141
00:06:17,070 --> 00:06:18,069
[chuckles]
142
00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:21,069
You already asked me
that, and I said "no."
143
00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:25,069
If you ask me again,
I will call the cops.
144
00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:28,069
My uncle went to high school
with the chief of police.
145
00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:30,069
How far do you want to take this?
146
00:06:30,070 --> 00:06:32,069
Ooh, you got Choco-bees?
147
00:06:32,070 --> 00:06:34,069
You didn't say you had Choco-bees.
148
00:06:34,070 --> 00:06:36,069
Man, give me a Choco-bees!
149
00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:38,069
? Ooh, you got Choco-bees? ?
150
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,069
? Choc-choc, man,
give me a Choco-bees ?
151
00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:42,069
? Ooh-ooh, you didn't
say you had Choco-bees ?
152
00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:44,069
? Mmm, that's good ?
153
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:47,069
? Ooh, sweat,
sweat, sweat, sweat ?
154
00:06:47,070 --> 00:06:48,270
? Choc-choc, give me, give me ?
155
00:06:48,271 --> 00:06:49,471
? Choc-choc, give me, give me ?
156
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:54,069
- Sweat, sweat, sweat
- Sir. Sir, are you okay?
157
00:06:54,070 --> 00:06:56,069
? Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir? ?
158
00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:57,230
? Sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat ?
159
00:06:57,231 --> 00:06:58,231
- Are you okay?
- Sweat
160
00:06:58,256 --> 00:07:02,069
We're losing him. Quick,
hand me the paddles.
161
00:07:02,070 --> 00:07:04,640
? Man, give me a Choco-bees ?
162
00:07:05,108 --> 00:07:08,710
[techno music]
163
00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:14,613
You see that guy ask me for money?
[chuckles] Sorry, bro.
164
00:07:15,195 --> 00:07:16,194
I don't reward failure.
165
00:07:16,195 --> 00:07:18,194
[both laugh]
166
00:07:18,195 --> 00:07:19,235
[horn honks, tires squeal]
167
00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:20,260
Huh?
168
00:07:24,195 --> 00:07:26,194
Oh, my God. We're dead.
169
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,194
[sighs]
170
00:07:27,195 --> 00:07:29,991
- Why are we ghosts?
- Oh, shit.
171
00:07:30,044 --> 00:07:32,909
I guess we have some kind
of unresolved conflict.
172
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:37,194
- Should we go to our parents' house?
- See our wives one last time?
173
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:41,195
Experience the beautiful
glow of one last fall sunset?
174
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:45,195
[ghosts moaning]
175
00:07:46,195 --> 00:07:48,194
Oh, I dropped the soap again.
176
00:07:48,195 --> 00:07:51,194
- Wash your privates.
- Wash your privates.
177
00:07:51,195 --> 00:07:53,195
[ghosts moaning]
178
00:07:54,195 --> 00:07:55,435
- Yeah.
- Look at those jiggles.
179
00:07:55,460 --> 00:07:56,194
[ghosts giggling]
180
00:07:56,195 --> 00:07:57,194
What's up, dudes?
181
00:07:57,195 --> 00:07:59,194
- What's up, man?
- Hey.
182
00:07:59,195 --> 00:08:00,942
Oh! [giggles]
183
00:08:01,195 --> 00:08:03,534
Oops!
[ghosts moaning]
184
00:08:03,602 --> 00:08:07,195
[gasps] Someone there?
[laughing]
185
00:08:09,371 --> 00:08:11,152
_
186
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,194
Here we go.
187
00:08:17,195 --> 00:08:18,195
Oh, yeah.
188
00:08:22,195 --> 00:08:23,195
Mommy.
189
00:08:25,195 --> 00:08:27,194
What is all this stuff?
190
00:08:27,195 --> 00:08:29,990
Oh, just setting the mood.
191
00:08:31,195 --> 00:08:32,194
How clumsy of me.
192
00:08:32,195 --> 00:08:36,194
I hope you don't mind
that I'm totally nude.
193
00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:38,194
Eh.
Who can tell?
194
00:08:38,195 --> 00:08:41,194
Oh, trust me.
You'll be able to tell.
195
00:08:41,195 --> 00:08:42,195
[grunts]
196
00:08:46,195 --> 00:08:50,194
First step in this recipe:
truss and bone your chicken.
197
00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:53,194
You appear to have been deboned already.
198
00:08:53,195 --> 00:08:55,194
Oh, that's the stuff.
199
00:08:55,195 --> 00:08:58,194
Oh, yeah. You really
know what you're doing.
200
00:08:58,195 --> 00:08:59,194
[squeaking]
201
00:08:59,195 --> 00:09:02,020
You know, I have a feeling
that this is gonna end
202
00:09:02,021 --> 00:09:04,194
happily for me.
[grunts]
203
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:07,195
Oh, mama, you are amazing.
204
00:09:09,195 --> 00:09:11,194
You know, I was watching
a movie last night.
205
00:09:11,195 --> 00:09:14,194
It had a happy ending.
206
00:09:14,195 --> 00:09:18,194
Don't you just love a happy ending?
207
00:09:18,195 --> 00:09:19,194
Careful now.
208
00:09:19,195 --> 00:09:22,194
You break a bone, and
it's gonna affect your tip.
209
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,194
And speaking of the tip...
210
00:09:24,195 --> 00:09:26,194
[grunts]
211
00:09:26,195 --> 00:09:29,194
So what's it gonna cost me for our story
to have a happy ending?
212
00:09:29,195 --> 00:09:32,194
Ugh, this is not that
kind of place, sir.
213
00:09:32,195 --> 00:09:33,395
They're all that kind of place!
214
00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:35,194
Thai, Swedish, deep tissue!
215
00:09:35,195 --> 00:09:38,195
You're all selling the same
thing, and that thing is
216
00:09:38,196 --> 00:09:41,195
the sweet, blessed release
of that happiest of endings.
217
00:09:42,195 --> 00:09:44,194
And right now, I got some deep tissue
218
00:09:44,195 --> 00:09:46,275
that's in desperate need
of some rubbing and tugging.
219
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:48,874
- You know what I mean, sister?
- Yes.
220
00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:54,194
- It is not that hard to figure out.
- Wait. You missed a spot.
221
00:09:54,195 --> 00:09:56,195
There you go.
222
00:09:57,195 --> 00:10:00,194
[techno music]
223
00:10:02,195 --> 00:10:04,194
You better get under your goddamn desk.
224
00:10:04,195 --> 00:10:06,194
- I'm about to go ape shit.
- Will you just calm down, Roy?
225
00:10:06,195 --> 00:10:08,916
- I'm on hold with them right now.
- I'm gonna have to start breaking shit.
226
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,194
Hello. This is TripTank.
You guys just delivered an order here.
227
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,194
[vase shatters]
228
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:15,694
I was going through the
change, and I hate to be
229
00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:19,194
a bee in your bonnet, but
there is a slight discrepancy.
230
00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:21,194
[vase shatters]
No, no, no, no.
231
00:10:21,195 --> 00:10:24,194
It's clearly on the
receipt that I was owed...
232
00:10:24,195 --> 00:10:27,194
well, I suppose there is
a chance I am the one mistaken.
233
00:10:27,195 --> 00:10:31,194
- Oh, well, yeah. That sounds fair.
- Give me that phone.
234
00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:33,694
Listen up, Professor Dipshit.
You owe my boy money, and if
235
00:10:33,695 --> 00:10:36,194
you don't pay up, I'm gonna
kick you in the balls so hard,
236
00:10:36,195 --> 00:10:38,569
- you'll be singing like Geddy Lee.
- Roy, no. It's fine.
237
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:40,194
I'm gonna drum on your
skull like Neil Peart.
238
00:10:40,195 --> 00:10:41,194
Roy, they're gonna give
us free spring rolls.
239
00:10:41,195 --> 00:10:43,194
I'm gonna kick you in the head so hard,
240
00:10:43,195 --> 00:10:45,235
you're gonna forget your
own name just like everyone
241
00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:47,194
forgot the name of that
third guy from Rush.
242
00:10:47,195 --> 00:10:49,355
- What are you doing? Stop.
- What did you say? No, you are.
243
00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:52,194
- What the hell, Roy?
- Don't worry, man.
244
00:10:52,195 --> 00:10:54,194
- Everything's cool.
- Really?
245
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,194
Yep. He's coming down
here to kick your ass.
246
00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:58,194
- Said he'll be here in, like, ten minutes.
- What?
247
00:10:58,195 --> 00:11:02,049
But you know them delivery guys.
Probably be, like, 30, 35.
248
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:03,260
[whistling]
249
00:11:06,195 --> 00:11:09,315
- Hello. Can I help you?
- Yeah, I've brought in a piece
250
00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:10,700
that's been in my family for years.
251
00:11:11,195 --> 00:11:13,035
I kind of just want to
see how much it's worth.
252
00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:15,194
Ooh, that is nice.
253
00:11:15,195 --> 00:11:18,004
What can you tell me about
the history of this item?
254
00:11:18,065 --> 00:11:19,595
Well, it was my great-grandmother's.
255
00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:22,194
She brought it over from
Austria when she immigrated,
256
00:11:22,195 --> 00:11:24,194
and she used it well into her 80s.
257
00:11:24,195 --> 00:11:26,194
And it's been passed down
and used by every woman
258
00:11:26,195 --> 00:11:28,194
- in our family ever since.
- Wonderful.
259
00:11:28,195 --> 00:11:33,194
Does it still turn...
Oh, oh! Yes, it does.
260
00:11:33,195 --> 00:11:34,195
Marvelous.
261
00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:37,194
Would you like to know
more about the piece?
262
00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:38,235
Sure. What can you tell me?
263
00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:41,194
Well, you'll notice the
tapered edges and ridges
264
00:11:41,195 --> 00:11:44,194
- that run along the shaft of the piece.
- Uh-huh.
265
00:11:44,195 --> 00:11:45,595
Well, that indicates it was produced
266
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,620
around the turn of the last century.
267
00:11:47,863 --> 00:11:49,194
And since it's from Austria,
268
00:11:49,195 --> 00:11:53,194
the first place I'm going
to look is... ah, yes.
269
00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:56,194
There it is. It's kind
of difficult to see,
270
00:11:56,195 --> 00:11:58,194
but if you look at the right at the tip,
271
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:01,194
you can just make out the initials J.K.
272
00:12:01,195 --> 00:12:03,194
Oh, wow.
I've never noticed that before.
273
00:12:03,195 --> 00:12:07,194
Those are the initials of
Johann Kraus, a craftsman
274
00:12:07,195 --> 00:12:10,194
from Vienna who's well-known
for higher quality pieces
275
00:12:10,195 --> 00:12:13,194
- like your grandmother's.
- Uh. What's it worth?
276
00:12:13,195 --> 00:12:19,194
It really is a fantastic piece.
I'll give you $20 for it.
277
00:12:19,195 --> 00:12:21,194
Oh. That is not a lot of money.
278
00:12:21,195 --> 00:12:25,195
Yeah, there's really not much
of a market for used dildos.
279
00:12:25,465 --> 00:12:29,064
[phone ringing]
[whimpers] Oh, relax, you tit baby.
280
00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:32,064
- It's only the telephone, man.
- I know. I'm just kind of freaking out.
281
00:12:32,065 --> 00:12:34,145
You know, I've never been
punched in the face before.
282
00:12:34,146 --> 00:12:35,346
Never been punched in the face?
283
00:12:35,371 --> 00:12:38,064
What pussy utopia you grow up in?
284
00:12:38,065 --> 00:12:39,185
- Connecticut.
- Ah, come on.
285
00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:42,145
Old Roy's been in a ton of fights.
I even won a couple of 'em.
286
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:45,064
You got nothing to worry about.
I got your back.
287
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,064
[phone rings] Hello.
TripTank. Please save me.
288
00:12:47,065 --> 00:12:50,064
Yes. Hello.
I am a wizard.
289
00:12:50,065 --> 00:12:52,064
Well, I am not a wizard
in the traditional sense.
290
00:12:52,065 --> 00:12:54,064
I have no magic. I cast no spells.
291
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:57,064
But I am still a wizard
all the same. [chuckles]
292
00:12:57,065 --> 00:13:00,064
I'm calling because I've
seen your show, and I [bleep].
293
00:13:00,065 --> 00:13:02,064
I just [bleep].
294
00:13:02,065 --> 00:13:05,064
Now, this is the awkward
part of the conversation
295
00:13:05,065 --> 00:13:07,064
where I've said my piece,
and you've responded,
296
00:13:07,065 --> 00:13:09,064
and there's nothing left to say.
297
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:11,064
[chuckles] Wizard out.
298
00:13:11,065 --> 00:13:14,065
Buckle on up, Junior, 'cause
Roy's fixing to get nasty.
299
00:13:15,065 --> 00:13:17,064
That's it.
300
00:13:17,065 --> 00:13:20,064
Oh, oh, yeah.
301
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:23,064
Oh, you filthy woman, you.
302
00:13:23,065 --> 00:13:25,064
Oh, yeah. Here we go.
303
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,064
[yelps]
304
00:13:28,065 --> 00:13:31,064
- What the hell?
- Hi. I'm Derek.
305
00:13:31,065 --> 00:13:33,064
Velma and I hot swapped midstream.
306
00:13:33,065 --> 00:13:36,064
You...
You want to go again?
307
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,515
Eh, all right.
308
00:13:38,604 --> 00:13:41,677
Don't put your finger so
far up my ass this time.
309
00:13:42,065 --> 00:13:45,065
[techno music]
310
00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:50,923
[classical music]
311
00:13:50,924 --> 00:13:53,923
[gasps]
[crashing, horse whinnies]
312
00:13:53,924 --> 00:13:56,923
[techno music]
313
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:01,924
[all snoring]
314
00:14:02,924 --> 00:14:06,923
[Dana] Oh, yeah.
[all snoring]
315
00:14:06,924 --> 00:14:08,884
Ooh, look at that asshole
316
00:14:08,924 --> 00:14:11,826
Rat Gary sitting over
there eating a turd.
317
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,941
[Rat Andy] Yeah, who
does he think he is?
318
00:14:13,942 --> 00:14:15,923
The Pope? Oh, eating a turd.
319
00:14:15,924 --> 00:14:18,923
Guys, oh.
We got to get rat revenge.
320
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:21,923
Oh, I got the perfect thing.
Ooh.
321
00:14:21,924 --> 00:14:24,923
Ooh, hey, Rat Gary. What you doing?
322
00:14:24,924 --> 00:14:27,923
- Eating a turd? Oh.
- Yep. Just eating a turd.
323
00:14:27,924 --> 00:14:29,923
We are rats that live
in sewer, after all.
324
00:14:29,924 --> 00:14:32,317
Looks delicious.
Oh, you know,
325
00:14:32,352 --> 00:14:33,923
me and the guys are pretty hungry. Oh.
326
00:14:33,924 --> 00:14:37,923
Yeah. Why don't you share
some of that turd with us? Ooh.
327
00:14:37,924 --> 00:14:40,923
Of course. You know I'd
do anything for you guys.
328
00:14:40,924 --> 00:14:43,923
[laughs]
Hey, so how's your son Rat Donnie doing?
329
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:44,923
- Oh.
- Oh, pretty good.
330
00:14:44,924 --> 00:14:47,923
He lives in Junkyard now.
Got his eyes burnt out with lye.
331
00:14:47,924 --> 00:14:49,923
Is he still as hideous as you are? Oh.
332
00:14:49,924 --> 00:14:52,923
Yep, still a rat-faced
monster, just like his old man.
333
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:55,923
Hey, that's great.
Tell him we said, "Oh."
334
00:14:55,924 --> 00:14:56,923
Well, I'm all done.
335
00:14:56,924 --> 00:14:59,923
Thanks for sharing your
turd with us, Rat Gary. Oh.
336
00:14:59,924 --> 00:15:02,656
Anytime, guys.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
337
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,923
this delicious turd
isn't gonna eat itself.
338
00:15:05,924 --> 00:15:07,923
Oh, just your classic "Rat Gary
339
00:15:07,924 --> 00:15:10,923
eats a poison turd
and dies revenge" prank!
340
00:15:10,924 --> 00:15:12,923
[all] Oh! Suck it!
341
00:15:12,924 --> 00:15:13,923
Suck it!
342
00:15:13,924 --> 00:15:14,923
Suck it! Suck it!
343
00:15:14,924 --> 00:15:16,923
[Rat Dana] Suck it, Rat Gary!
344
00:15:16,924 --> 00:15:20,848
- They pranked him real good this time.
- Yeah. Poisoned him till he died.
345
00:15:20,999 --> 00:15:23,284
- I'm gonna go feast on his rat body.
- Dibs on the anus.
346
00:15:23,285 --> 00:15:26,330
[man] Suck it, Rat Gary
347
00:15:27,924 --> 00:15:28,923
[buzzer sounds]
348
00:15:28,924 --> 00:15:30,524
[Steve] Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's here.
349
00:15:30,924 --> 00:15:32,204
Oh, my God, what are we gonna do?
350
00:15:32,205 --> 00:15:33,525
All right, buddy. It's you and me.
351
00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:37,923
Roy and Steve against the world,
like BFBs, best friend brothers.
352
00:15:37,924 --> 00:15:39,924
- I got your back, man.
- Wait, wait. I got an idea.
353
00:15:39,949 --> 00:15:41,923
How about we just
don't open up the door?
354
00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:44,923
Too late. He's in!
Here we go.
355
00:15:44,924 --> 00:15:47,923
All right, which one of
you sacks of shit is Steve?
356
00:15:47,924 --> 00:15:50,923
You stand back, or me and
Roy are gonna kick your ass.
357
00:15:50,924 --> 00:15:51,923
He's a trained fighter.
358
00:15:51,924 --> 00:15:53,923
Roy, tell him about
those fights you won.
359
00:15:53,924 --> 00:15:56,923
[doors closing]
Roy? Roy? Best friend brother?
360
00:15:56,924 --> 00:15:58,923
Get ready to taste
your own elbow, asshole!
361
00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:01,923
No, no, no... wat, wait...
[grunting, blows landing]
362
00:16:02,604 --> 00:16:04,773
[techno music]
363
00:16:12,924 --> 00:16:13,923
No, no, thank you.
364
00:16:13,924 --> 00:16:16,923
But you must eat the host.
'Tis the body of Christ.
365
00:16:16,924 --> 00:16:19,923
- No, I can't.
- Come on, lady.
366
00:16:19,924 --> 00:16:22,923
- Keep it moving here.
- I don't think you quite understand.
367
00:16:22,924 --> 00:16:27,688
This tiny bread wafer is the
body of our Lord and Savior,
368
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:30,923
Jesus Christ.
You've got to have a little nibble.
369
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:33,923
Yeah, see, I have a gluten sensitivity.
370
00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:36,923
- What?
- Well, I'm allergic to this.
371
00:16:36,924 --> 00:16:40,923
- Then you're allergic to Jesus.
- No, it's just certain grains.
372
00:16:40,924 --> 00:16:42,923
Witch! She's allergic to Jesus!
373
00:16:42,924 --> 00:16:44,924
She's a witch!
[all gasping]
374
00:16:45,467 --> 00:16:48,923
No, no, I'm not a witch.
I just get all bloated and tired.
375
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,923
You're allergic to Jesus, lady.
376
00:16:50,924 --> 00:16:54,923
I'm no witch expert,
but I'm pretty sure a Jesus allergy
377
00:16:54,924 --> 00:16:55,964
puts you in that category.
378
00:16:55,989 --> 00:16:58,923
- String her up.
- No, no, no. [all yelling]
379
00:16:58,924 --> 00:17:00,923
- Take that witch down a peg.
- Witch!
380
00:17:00,924 --> 00:17:04,923
Oh, no, if there was some
sort of gluten-free Jesus body,
381
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,084
I'm sure that I could eat it.
382
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,923
Too late, witch.
Chuck her overboard.
383
00:17:07,924 --> 00:17:11,923
If she sinks, she dies
a good, honest death.
384
00:17:11,924 --> 00:17:13,923
If she floats, she's a witch,
385
00:17:13,924 --> 00:17:16,384
and we'll burn her real
nice once she gets to shore.
386
00:17:16,924 --> 00:17:18,923
- [woman] No, no. Ahh!
- Throw her in the water!
387
00:17:18,924 --> 00:17:19,923
[all yelling]
388
00:17:19,924 --> 00:17:23,923
- You're not going to escape this time, witch.
- Not again.
389
00:17:23,924 --> 00:17:26,923
I can totally drink the wine
or blood of Christ or whatever.
390
00:17:26,924 --> 00:17:28,923
It's just the complex carbs.
391
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,923
- They really slow me down.
- Blah, blah, blah.
392
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,923
Sounds like witch talk to me.
If I had a dollar for every time
393
00:17:33,924 --> 00:17:36,923
I heard a witch drone
on about complex carbs,
394
00:17:36,924 --> 00:17:39,923
I'd be a rich man.
Light her up, boys!
395
00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:40,923
No, I could eat soy.
396
00:17:40,924 --> 00:17:42,923
Is there, like, a soy
Christ or something?
397
00:17:42,924 --> 00:17:45,923
If she burns, she dies
a good, honest death.
398
00:17:45,924 --> 00:17:49,923
If she doesn't, well, we'll
chop this witch's head clean off.
399
00:17:49,924 --> 00:17:51,923
Burn the witch!
400
00:17:51,924 --> 00:17:53,564
[man] Come on, boys,
let's burn that witch!
401
00:17:53,589 --> 00:17:55,589
[all yelling]
402
00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:58,923
Well, frankly, I'm shocked.
403
00:17:58,924 --> 00:18:03,924
It almost never gets to phase three.
Let it fall, boys.
404
00:18:08,924 --> 00:18:10,923
[wood crashes]
405
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,923
Seriously?
406
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:13,924
All right, [bleep] this.
407
00:18:14,008 --> 00:18:16,924
[all screaming]
408
00:18:17,924 --> 00:18:19,004
I told you she was a witch!
409
00:18:19,029 --> 00:18:20,923
[yelps]
410
00:18:20,924 --> 00:18:22,923
[crashing]
411
00:18:22,924 --> 00:18:25,923
Somebody get me some
[bleep] rice bread!
412
00:18:25,924 --> 00:18:28,923
I want a sandwich.
[phone rings]
413
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:30,923
Hello. This place.
414
00:18:30,924 --> 00:18:33,923
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Right.
415
00:18:33,924 --> 00:18:36,923
I mean, look.
If the show upsets you that much,
416
00:18:36,924 --> 00:18:38,524
you could always just
change the channel,
417
00:18:38,549 --> 00:18:41,923
or, better yet, just turn
off the TV all together.
418
00:18:41,924 --> 00:18:43,923
What's your area code?
419
00:18:43,924 --> 00:18:46,923
480?
Oh, yeah, the city of Phoenix
420
00:18:46,924 --> 00:18:49,923
has a wonderful public library system.
421
00:18:49,924 --> 00:18:51,964
You know, there's an entire
world of books out there
422
00:18:51,989 --> 00:18:54,923
for your mind to explore.
423
00:18:54,924 --> 00:18:58,923
Well, I appreciate that, sir.
You have a nice day, too.
424
00:18:58,924 --> 00:19:01,923
[groaning]
425
00:19:01,924 --> 00:19:02,923
[dog barks]
426
00:19:02,924 --> 00:19:05,924
[phone rings]
427
00:19:06,924 --> 00:19:08,226
[techno music]
428
00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:20,748
[all snoring]
429
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,497
Look at that asshole, Matt,
430
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,497
strutting around like
he's cock of the walk.
431
00:19:27,498 --> 00:19:29,497
- Are you Garys ready to prank?
- Oh, yeah.
432
00:19:29,498 --> 00:19:31,497
- Revenge time.
- Let's roll.
433
00:19:31,498 --> 00:19:33,297
Right foot, left foot,
walking down the street.
434
00:19:33,498 --> 00:19:35,497
Right foot, left foot,
walking down the street.
435
00:19:35,498 --> 00:19:38,497
- Yo, Matt. What's up, homey?
- Oh, hey, Gary.
436
00:19:38,498 --> 00:19:40,658
Just walking down the street
thinking about kitty cats.
437
00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:42,497
Hey, you look like you
could use a vacation.
438
00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:45,821
- Yeah, that does sound nice.
- Have a nice trip!
439
00:19:45,856 --> 00:19:48,497
Whoa! Gary, why?
440
00:19:48,498 --> 00:19:49,497
[both] Suck it, Matt.
441
00:19:49,498 --> 00:19:51,497
- Hey, Matt, are you okay?
- I don't know.
442
00:19:51,498 --> 00:19:53,497
Gary and Gary just pushed me down.
443
00:19:53,498 --> 00:19:54,497
Ah!
444
00:19:54,498 --> 00:19:56,497
Suck it, Matt. Whoo!
445
00:19:56,498 --> 00:19:58,497
[both] Suck it, Matt.
Suck it, Matt.
446
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,497
[all] Suck it, Matt. Suck it, Matt.
447
00:20:00,498 --> 00:20:02,497
[Dana] Matt! Matt! Matt!
448
00:20:02,498 --> 00:20:04,813
- [yelps] Wake up, dude.
- Matt, we're out of waffles,
449
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,497
and Gary's out front
mowing his damn lawn.
450
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:08,498
He's doing what?
451
00:20:09,498 --> 00:20:10,497
[all] Gary.
452
00:20:10,498 --> 00:20:14,497
- Hey. Good morning, guys.
- Everyone in the van right now!
453
00:20:14,498 --> 00:20:17,497
[all] Suck it!
Suck it! Suck it!
454
00:20:17,498 --> 00:20:18,497
Suck it! Suck it!
455
00:20:18,498 --> 00:20:20,497
I wonder what goes on inside that van.
456
00:20:20,498 --> 00:20:23,497
[Dana] Suck it, Gary! Whoo!
457
00:20:23,498 --> 00:20:27,396
[man] Suck it, Garys
458
00:20:27,498 --> 00:20:31,497
- [moaning] Oh, God.
- [Roy] We got him, buddy!
459
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,497
Redemption, brother man. Whoo!
460
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:35,618
Where were you? You said we
were best friend brothers,
461
00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:37,497
- and you had my back.
- I did.
462
00:20:37,498 --> 00:20:38,858
- I was right outside, man.
- What?
463
00:20:38,883 --> 00:20:41,190
While you were in here
distracting him, I ran outside
464
00:20:41,191 --> 00:20:43,497
and stole that son of a
bitch's windshield wiper.
465
00:20:43,498 --> 00:20:46,497
- You asshole.
- This wiper blade is worth way more
466
00:20:46,498 --> 00:20:49,497
- than that $1.50 the guy owed us.
- Oh, God, I hurt so bad.
467
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,497
Then again, what the hell do I know?
468
00:20:51,498 --> 00:20:55,130
I'm balls deep in
the Bitcoin game, man. [sobbing]
469
00:20:55,498 --> 00:20:59,497
Oh, don't cry, buddy.
Old Roy's got your back.
470
00:20:59,498 --> 00:21:01,497
Hee-haw-hee-haw.
[phone ringing]
471
00:21:01,498 --> 00:21:05,196
- You're the worst person I know.
- [whispers] Best friend brothers.
472
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:07,539
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
473
00:21:07,854 --> 00:21:12,949
That's it.
Oh... oh, yeah.
474
00:21:13,154 --> 00:21:15,153
Oh, you filthy woman, you.
475
00:21:15,154 --> 00:21:18,153
Oh, yeah. Here we go!
476
00:21:18,354 --> 00:21:22,666
I knew you had it in you!
Now you've got it in me!
477
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:27,266
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