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1
00:00:00,867 --> 00:00:02,334
- The national security agency
2
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:05,448
Collects millions of pieces
of electronic data each year,
3
00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:08,807
From security cameras,
laptops, drones,
4
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,453
Even your cell phone.
5
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,544
Most of it is completely
useless,
6
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,657
But someone's got to
sort through it all,
7
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,815
Deep in the bowels of nsa
headquarters.
8
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,150
That job goes to
9
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:19,818
An intrepid team of rookies...
10
00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,153
Interns who spend their days
11
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:23,088
Watching video after video
12
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:26,558
After video after video
in a never-ending search
13
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,226
For that one video
14
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:31,029
That might save america.
15
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,765
These interns of the nsa
16
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,232
Are always watching
17
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:37,102
"top secret videos."
18
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,972
- I feel the need...
19
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,641
- The need for a...
- Video feed!
20
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:47,045
- I hate it the day after
"top gun" is on cable.
21
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:50,048
"time to buzz the tower."
22
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,652
- Yeah!
- Ooh.
23
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,431
- Looks like he's grabbing
his ass.
24
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:57,099
- Yeah, I think he has to poop.
25
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,457
Like, "look at my ass!"
26
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,794
- So far, no problem.
Typical eagles fans.
27
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,330
- Whoo! Yeah!
28
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,639
- He's late to throw batteries
at santa claus.
29
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,002
Gotta catch that train?
30
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,537
Oh! - God, I love that.
31
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:13,850
- Oh!
- Oh!
32
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:17,342
- Trying to become endangered,
just like the eagle.
33
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,523
- I don't get why guys love
football so much.
34
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,659
If I just wanted to see dudes
breathing heavy,
35
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,661
I would tell you two
the elevator is out.
36
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,529
- That's true.
- Get it? We're fat.
37
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,487
Mm-hmm.
38
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,736
- Oh.
- Oh!
39
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,605
- I can see that...
That's a problem.
40
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,696
Shower sex is the worst.
41
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,144
I've heard. -
42
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:43,702
- Oh, man, that's gross
to think about.
43
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:48,306
- I feel like this is
the ballet with less anorexia.
44
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:55,647
- "I'll have the number three
wash, polish, dry with carl.
45
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,167
- He's like, "hey, man.
Dude, leave me alone.
46
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:05,968
I'm trying to make
my protein shake."
47
00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,773
classy restaurant.
48
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:15,378
- Oh, you do not wanna see
how this guy stirs a martini.
49
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,850
- I did the same thing
with a sierra mist bottle,
50
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:21,584
And I got kicked out
of my fraternity.
51
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,544
- Oh, my god.
52
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,391
- Ew.
53
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:29,926
- "that's my man, right there!"
54
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:34,597
"ain't nobody else popping
champagne with their ass
55
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,088
Like my best friend!"
56
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,201
- You know, they can only
call it butt champagne
57
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:40,559
If it comes from
the butt region of France.
58
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,012
- I like this.
59
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,837
- These kids were clearly
conceived at a phish concert.
60
00:02:52,907 --> 00:02:54,350
I'm... wait.
61
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,419
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't like this at all.
62
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:58,020
Oh. - Oh.
63
00:02:58,044 --> 00:02:59,564
Please forget I ever said
I liked this.
64
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,983
- Come on, get the dicks out
of kids' entertainment.
65
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,162
This isn't a disney movie.
66
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:13,792
- I thought they made you
sign an nda at the rnc.
67
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,633
- Very careful driver.
68
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,180
- Hmm.
- Oh, no.
69
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,939
- Oh.
- Oh, just missed it.
70
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,342
- Parking at trader joe's
is always a nightmare.
71
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,455
- That's true. That's damn true.
72
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,057
Oh... oh! Okay, not done.
73
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,081
- Nailed it.
74
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,283
- Gotta get a closer spot.
75
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,819
- I feel bad for the dude
taking a nap in there.
76
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,024
- Two, one.
77
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,337
- Ooh! Where's the wheel?
78
00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,871
- Where's the wheel?
- Oh, my god!
79
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,273
- "where's the wheel?
Where's the wheel?"
80
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,230
I know! Wow.
81
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:55,233
- Clearly, they're not familiar
with the concept of gravity.
82
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,482
- usa!
83
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,706
- Usa!
- Number one!
84
00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,642
- "honey, good news.
85
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,622
Remember how you always
wanted a sunroof?"
86
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,383
- When women get together,
we just tear each other down
87
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,611
Until one of us develops
an eating disorder.
88
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,392
- Initiating daily briefing.
89
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,127
- Good morning, agents.
90
00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:24,997
As you know, the nsa
brand partnership program
91
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,065
Has been a huge success.
92
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,601
We're keeping america safe
by working with brands
93
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:32,805
Such as google, blackwater,
and hallmark.
94
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:33,873
- Hallmark?
95
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,207
- You'd be surprised
96
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,742
At the subliminal messages you
can hide in a greeting card.
97
00:04:37,812 --> 00:04:41,880
- And today, we are launching
a new nsa-themed flavor
98
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:45,328
Of america's favorite
soda brand, thunder mist.
99
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,685
Infused with the essence
100
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:49,287
Of cipher berry
and encryption key lime,
101
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,890
I present to you
102
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,537
Crypto crush.
103
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,340
It's a blast of patriotism
in your mouth.
104
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,431
- Okay, gross.
This isn't fleet week.
105
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,144
- Shh.
106
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,679
- Of course,
the nsa has a long history
107
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,481
Of partnering
with popular sodas.
108
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:07,972
If it wasn't for 7up,
we'd still be in vietnam.
109
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,307
- It's true.
110
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:10,887
- Our employees
will be the first
111
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,444
To taste the new mist.
112
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,713
Our soda brand ambassadors
will be distributing
113
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,760
A bottle of crypto crush
to every desk.
114
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,118
- As a self-professed
thunder mist sommelier,
115
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,921
I am very excited about this.
116
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:25,990
- Oh!
117
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,526
Oh!
118
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:31,063
- I'm more of
a cat-shattering-tables person.
119
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,376
- We'll see you
120
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,377
After these ads.
121
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:35,267
Oh, and also
122
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,455
While you're sleeping.
123
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:44,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
124
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,622
Ooh, good crack.
125
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:51,517
Mmm, woodier than
I would've expected.
126
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,029
- How long is this
gonna take, ron?
127
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,319
I really wanna taste it.
128
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,591
- Ooh, is that dandelion?
- No.
129
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,059
No, no, no, no, no.
130
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,195
Crayon.
131
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,531
- Enough, already. Bottoms up.
132
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:14,139
Okay, that is disgusting.
133
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,853
- You just don't have
a sophisticated palate.
134
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,877
Try it with the cheez doodle.
135
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:28,019
- oh!
136
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,466
Oh!
137
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,869
- Okay, all right.
- Oh!
138
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,760
- Sign that dog up for aew.
139
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,472
He knows how to go
through a table.
140
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,898
- Oh!
141
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,969
- I'm more of
a cat-shattering-tables person.
142
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,172
- I know how that dog feels.
143
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,242
I've broken 40 pieces
of wicker furniture.
144
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,290
- Yeah, sometimes
you're just too big
145
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,647
For the space you're in.
146
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,494
- Why isn't he saying anything?
Like, "can I help?"
147
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,696
What? Is he taking a selfie
or something like that?
148
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,255
- Hey, he's too busy working
all those dog puppets.
149
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,104
How many are there? - I know!
150
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,996
He has a finger up of
each of their asses.
151
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,133
- Just two bears and four dogs.
152
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:23,519
- Whoa.
- What?
153
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:24,988
- You've never seen
this before, ali?
154
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,790
"every year,
thousands of air mattresses
155
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,524
Travel to mate with each other."
156
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,548
- Morgan freeman narrates it.
157
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,062
Every six months,
158
00:07:32,086 --> 00:07:34,130
The north american air mattress
159
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,288
Migrates south for the winter.
160
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,023
No one knows why.
161
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:41,426
But they do know...
It's spectacular.
162
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:45,141
Many college students and
divorced dads go missing,
163
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,564
Not knowing where to sleep
164
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,500
As the air mattress travels...
165
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,036
Travels down the land
166
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,350
In a beautiful symphony
of bounce.
167
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,109
Like a snowflake,
168
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,978
No two air mattresses
are completely the same.
169
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:03,315
This is so fun!
170
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,651
- Don't stop!
171
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,052
Do this all day, please.
172
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,659
- The grill is on fire!
173
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,260
- Yeah, it is on fire.
174
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,529
- Cut the gas off!
175
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:20,799
The grill is on fire!
176
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,778
- These gender reveal parties
are out of hand.
177
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,139
- Open the grill!
- I can't.
178
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,340
It's too damn hot!
179
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:30,008
- Well, I wonder why?
180
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,744
You caught the grill on fire!
181
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,190
- It ain't gonna go out
182
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,748
Until the damn ribs
is burned all to hell.
183
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:40,752
- The ribs is still on the gr...
184
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:41,687
- I like this guy, though.
185
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,088
He's grilling his mom
186
00:08:43,157 --> 00:08:44,934
Better than
she's grilling that barbecue.
187
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,604
- It's an eclectic family.
She's grilling; he's baking.
188
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,298
- I don't know what she's doing!
189
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,212
- You know it's good
when you gotta
190
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,636
Put flame retardant on.
191
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,817
- I can't breathe!
192
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,508
- It is good to hear it...
193
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:05,310
That he's laughing
so hard at his mom.
194
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,246
- You hear his pot laugh too.
195
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,182
- Oh, my god!
196
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,584
- Smoke another blunt
while you laugh at your mom.
197
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,723
- Got $30 worth of ribs
on that grill.
198
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,057
I can't wait to get a video
199
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,570
Of what them mother look like.
200
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,728
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
Look at that.
201
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,774
- Sounds like forrest gump.
202
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,376
- A forrest gump that says
"mother" a lot.
203
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,643
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
204
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,245
- "mother always said
life is like
205
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,603
A box of chocolates."
206
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,449
- "damn, this mother
like shrimp."
207
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:36,986
- "president kennedy,
208
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,855
I gotta piss like a mother."
209
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:47,931
- Oh, my god.
210
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,533
- Okay.
- Awesome.
211
00:09:49,557 --> 00:09:50,956
- What is going on here?
212
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:54,226
Vampire nightclub!
213
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,473
- Oh, that... that bat can move!
- Yeah.
214
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,209
- He's like, "I need space
on the dance floor."
215
00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:00,744
- Yeah.
216
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:03,769
- Think they know the batusi?
- I'm sure.
217
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,216
- What are they eating?
218
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,684
- Their lips.
They're totally on crank.
219
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,577
- Bat molly.
220
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,250
- Hello?
- Hello?
221
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,986
- "I'm in the wall."
222
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,721
- Excuse me, I'm watching you.
223
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,792
- My... what the?
224
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,240
"my... what the?"
225
00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:33,265
- This muggle
doesn't believe in magic.
226
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,135
- Who the are you?
227
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,284
"no one sees the wizard!"
228
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,407
- Doordash in the uk sucks.
229
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,055
- No, mate,
someone's talking to me.
230
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,991
Mate, come... come here.
231
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,948
No, no. Come here.
232
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,484
Mate. Say hello, then.
233
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,130
- Hello?
- Hello.
234
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,532
Hello, number 26 and number 9.
235
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,690
- "oh, shit!
236
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,025
She knows our numbers!"
237
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:00,826
this is the opposite
238
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,094
Of an irish goodbye.
239
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,429
It's a british drop-in.
240
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,897
'ello, we weren't invited.
241
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,035
- I'm gonna punch this.
- Yeah.
242
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:12,438
That's your answer to anything
he doesn't understand.
243
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:13,839
"I'm gonna punch it."
244
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,819
- Yeah, that's how most men
run countries.
245
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,846
- "and we go now to
the negotiations for brexit."
246
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:27,163
- Oh!
- Oh.
247
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,521
- No.
- Did not expect that.
248
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,629
- I hate when you're on a date
and your ex shows up.
249
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,526
- Don't try this at home.
250
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:35,661
Seriously.
251
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:36,962
We'll know if you do.
252
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:50,408
- No, one star.
It's just not good.
253
00:11:50,478 --> 00:11:51,943
I'm gonna send in my feedback.
254
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,219
Uh, guys,
255
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,932
Something is wrong
with my computer.
256
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:05,157
Welcome to hell!
257
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:10,006
You have 24 hours
to transfer $50,000,
258
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:12,097
Or the contents
of your hard drive
259
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,810
Will be published online.
260
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:17,035
- Oh, my god!
No, no, no, no, no!
261
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,436
What is happening?
262
00:12:18,506 --> 00:12:20,416
- It sounds like you've been
hit with ransomware.
263
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,842
- The clock starts now!
264
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,711
Good luck!
265
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,157
- Where am I gonna get
that kind of money?
266
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,848
And my hard drive?
I have personal stuff on that!
267
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,783
You guys, I'm ruined!
268
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,986
- You think we can't handle
a little ransomware?
269
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,388
- Let's do it.
270
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,327
- 22 hours left, guys.
271
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,200
Do it, do it.
272
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:51,981
No! -
273
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,940
- Ethernet.
274
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,675
Hdmi.
275
00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,189
- 20 hours left.
276
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,546
- Come on!
277
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,781
- Give me everything you got.
278
00:13:09,423 --> 00:13:10,822
- Now what?
279
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:14,092
- Now... We wait.
280
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:15,761
Wanna order a pizza?
281
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,229
- Always.
282
00:13:24,372 --> 00:13:26,282
- Oh, no.
283
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,618
- You can tell by his look,
he's shifty about... oh, yup.
284
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,242
- Oh.
285
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:36,248
- Old school. Here we go.
286
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,628
- We found the guy who's been
on the photocopier.
287
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,853
- This is how amish people sext.
288
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,662
- Oh, my god.
- Oh... okay.
289
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,798
- Ow. Ah!
290
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,267
- Damn, he must've
got a badonkadonk.
291
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,782
- He's gonna show his doctor
that photocopy.
292
00:13:58,806 --> 00:14:01,873
"is my butthole supposed to
look like a cauliflower?"
293
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,479
- That's also how my friend
got her boyfriend to propose.
294
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,325
She just sat on it
until it broke.
295
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,263
- He really put the "kink"
in kinko's.
296
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,116
- Okay.
- Oh!
297
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,535
- No, that's just
not a good idea.
298
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,337
- My god, that is disgusting.
- No.
299
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,961
- He looks like a snake.
300
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,074
Yup.
301
00:14:24,098 --> 00:14:25,942
He's like, "that's my mouse!
302
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,144
I'm not trying to share
half of it with you!"
303
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,169
- His hairline is even backing
away from this situation.
304
00:14:35,443 --> 00:14:37,643
- I knew there'd be some
incriminating footage
305
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,110
Of stephen miller.
306
00:14:43,451 --> 00:14:45,228
- What's going... oh!
- Oh!
307
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,453
- Did not expect that.
- No.
308
00:14:47,521 --> 00:14:49,765
- I hate when you're on a date
and your ex shows up.
309
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:54,770
- In the bull's defense,
310
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,973
They were making fun
of his huge, dangly balls.
311
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,177
- Well,
that's just bull's block.
312
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,379
You don't come around the bull
block if you're not a bull.
313
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,070
This is the bull's gas station.
314
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,077
- Aw, it's a meet-cute.
315
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,017
- It looks like his radio's
stuck on ska.
316
00:15:21,489 --> 00:15:22,932
- Watch out... ooh.
- Oh.
317
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:25,601
If I was the airbag,
I would've refused to go off.
318
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,092
Like, "nah, you deserve this."
319
00:15:28,496 --> 00:15:30,028
- That's me getting to a party
320
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:33,009
And running into
the one scientologist.
321
00:15:37,571 --> 00:15:39,015
Oh.
322
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,972
Oh!
323
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,708
- Sometimes,
324
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,543
The tv is watching you.
325
00:15:52,853 --> 00:15:55,521
- 19 hours until my life
is destroyed.
326
00:15:55,589 --> 00:15:57,389
Oh, my god, what's happening?
327
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,724
- Ransomware disabled.
328
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,036
- Yes!
- Yeah!
329
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,637
It worked! - We did it!
330
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,729
- Shouldn't someone warn
the higher-ups
331
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,509
That crypto crush is more like
a crypto crime?
332
00:16:05,533 --> 00:16:07,199
- No need.
333
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,845
- Director sullivan?
334
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:10,202
- Congratulations.
335
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,448
You three were
the first nsa employees
336
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,739
To defeat the ransomware.
337
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,852
- You mean this was
all just a test?
338
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,253
- Yes.
339
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,455
- So now we all get promotions?
340
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,213
- No, no, of course not.
341
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,281
But someone on
our cyber warfare team
342
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,550
Will be terminated.
343
00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:26,618
- Oh, no.
- Well, yeah.
344
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,598
That's my favorite part
of the job.
345
00:16:28,622 --> 00:16:31,223
Anyway, if you three were able
to crack it that fast,
346
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,603
How can we expect it to be
an effective cyber weapon?
347
00:16:33,627 --> 00:16:36,895
No offense, but the absolute
lowest, least advanced,
348
00:16:36,964 --> 00:16:39,365
Mentally inept employees
of the entire nsa are...
349
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,166
- Okay, we get it!
350
00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:42,834
- Don't interrupt.
351
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:45,148
- I wanna thank you
for this valuable information.
352
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:48,840
Anyway,
to freedom and surveillance.
353
00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:55,247
God! Marlo.
354
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,627
Get me one of the charcoal
waters out of my refrigerator.
355
00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:59,451
God.
356
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,254
Dear sweet christ in heaven.
357
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:05,591
What gaping asshole
created this?
358
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,308
- Oh.
- Yup.
359
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,199
- Oh!
- Just being safe.
360
00:17:14,268 --> 00:17:16,913
Drunk people playing with
fire... always a good idea.
361
00:17:16,937 --> 00:17:19,916
- Oh, my god... oh my god!
- Oh!
362
00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:22,608
Ladies first, man! - Seriously.
363
00:17:22,676 --> 00:17:24,009
Oh, my god!
364
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,211
- Well, at least
that's not the only burn
365
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,524
That she's gonna get in
her pants from this festival.
366
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,733
- Usually, when I get a burning
sensation from a date,
367
00:17:36,757 --> 00:17:38,334
There's less people in the room.
368
00:17:44,298 --> 00:17:47,143
- Oh, the delivery's here! Oh!
369
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,882
You got for us? Bones?
You got some treats?
370
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,684
What you got? Kibbles?
You got bits?
371
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:57,309
We want 'em all! Come on!
372
00:17:57,377 --> 00:18:00,813
Wait, where you going?
Where you going?
373
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,160
- That is not the first thing
in his life
374
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,761
That's gone downhill. - Ooh.
375
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,865
- Okay, why does he start
running away?
376
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,365
- That's 'cause he knows
he's in trouble.
377
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,301
He's like,
"I wasn't driving that truck."
378
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:17,262
- I like that he went back for
his hat like indiana jones.
379
00:18:17,331 --> 00:18:19,531
'cause this definitely is
his last crusade.
380
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:22,378
- He's like, "I'm glad
I didn't hit the house.
381
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,780
I know I'm fired, but at least
there's less paperwork now."
382
00:18:27,741 --> 00:18:30,586
- To think those amazon workers
missed 12 pee breaks
383
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,144
To load that truck up for him.
384
00:18:35,149 --> 00:18:36,414
- Whoo!
385
00:18:36,484 --> 00:18:38,283
- Oh, this is already...
386
00:18:38,352 --> 00:18:39,795
gonna be bad.
387
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,687
- Ooh.
- Oof.
388
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,402
Wow, that table is sturdier
than most of my relationships.
389
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,006
- "so what you're seeing here
390
00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:53,231
Is actually a buffalo,
new york mating ritual."
391
00:19:01,709 --> 00:19:04,476
Ooh. - He's not lovin' it.
392
00:19:13,187 --> 00:19:15,921
He's clearly never heard
of the five-second rule.
393
00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:19,836
That's one way to bury
your emotions in your food.
394
00:19:22,062 --> 00:19:23,773
- Good news is he definitely
has another sandwich
395
00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:24,996
In his cargo pants.
396
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,606
Come hit it.
397
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,209
Look at the ball.
398
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:40,212
Oh! -
399
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,481
- I saw the nut hit coming
the second this started.
400
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,419
- That's gotta be on camera.
- It's not, but it's so funny.
401
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,221
- That camera.
- Oh.
402
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,489
- That's grounds for a divorce
right there.
403
00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:53,158
If I get hit in the balls
404
00:19:53,227 --> 00:19:56,228
And my wife just laughs in my
face, I'm walking out the door.
405
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,074
- That's on camera.
406
00:19:58,098 --> 00:20:00,232
- Good to get
an at-home vasectomy.
407
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,677
- That's a classic.
408
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,413
- That's what we wanted,
and that's what we got.
409
00:20:03,437 --> 00:20:04,680
- I love when you
predict something
410
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,371
And the video delivers.
411
00:20:08,842 --> 00:20:12,043
Oh, my... both: Oh.
412
00:20:12,112 --> 00:20:15,180
Oh!
413
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,227
- Sign him up
for cirque du soleil!
414
00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:19,785
- Are you kidding me?
- That dude's a badass.
415
00:20:34,468 --> 00:20:35,733
Whoa.
416
00:20:35,803 --> 00:20:37,781
Let this be a lesson
to david blaine.
417
00:20:37,805 --> 00:20:41,317
It's not magic if it can
happen to a dog on accident.
418
00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,921
- Somewhere up in the sky,
there's two cats going,
419
00:20:44,945 --> 00:20:46,905
"we got him,
we got... aw, damn it."
420
00:20:48,282 --> 00:20:50,949
- That's the cutest form of
animal cruelty I've ever seen.
421
00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:52,284
- Yeah.
422
00:20:55,089 --> 00:20:57,555
- Oh, look. It's pissed kringle.
423
00:21:01,295 --> 00:21:03,629
"ho-ho-holy, I'm drunk."
424
00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:06,098
- biking home.
425
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:10,568
- Santa must've got a dui.
- Oh, god.
426
00:21:10,638 --> 00:21:12,704
- You can't arrest santa claus!
427
00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:15,507
You out of your jurisdiction.
This ain't the north pole.
428
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:16,886
- What's the good
of having elves
429
00:21:16,910 --> 00:21:19,244
If you can't get them
to be a designated driver?
430
00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:22,959
Maybe rudolph's nose
was blinking
431
00:21:22,983 --> 00:21:24,450
Because it was a breathalyzer.
432
00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:32,991
He's like,
"merry christmas to all,
433
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:36,261
And to all a... what the
you looking at?"
434
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,866
Go, santa, go! Use your magic!
435
00:21:48,008 --> 00:21:49,341
- What...
436
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:50,786
- He's like, "I got no time,
I gotta get my car wash.
437
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,930
I'm running late,
gotta pick up my kids!"
438
00:21:54,482 --> 00:21:56,162
My god!
439
00:21:59,219 --> 00:22:01,153
- Oh, my... the speed!
440
00:22:01,221 --> 00:22:02,621
- I don't know
what's more detailed.
441
00:22:03,957 --> 00:22:06,358
Oh, my god!
442
00:22:06,426 --> 00:22:07,603
- oh, my...
443
00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:09,661
- What?
- Safe!
444
00:22:14,234 --> 00:22:15,501
- Holy.
445
00:22:15,569 --> 00:22:17,147
- "so before I tell you
the bad news,
446
00:22:17,171 --> 00:22:18,548
"I was able to get
the car washed
447
00:22:18,572 --> 00:22:20,906
And picked the kids up
from school at the same time."
448
00:22:24,178 --> 00:22:25,955
- Man, I used to think
a quick wash
449
00:22:25,979 --> 00:22:27,691
Was when I just
washed my armpits
450
00:22:27,715 --> 00:22:28,980
In the denny's bathroom.
451
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,253
- Imagine walking
into a denny's bathroom
452
00:22:35,322 --> 00:22:37,167
And seeing brian
washing his pits.
453
00:22:37,191 --> 00:22:38,990
- I do not have to imagine it.
454
00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:45,463
- Well, uh...
- Oh, god.
455
00:22:45,533 --> 00:22:47,443
- This... you can tell
this is already no good.
456
00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:48,712
- This is not going
in a good direction.
457
00:22:48,736 --> 00:22:51,803
- Mm-mm.
- Neon shorts, ponytail.
458
00:22:51,872 --> 00:22:53,739
He's made other bad decisions.
459
00:22:55,409 --> 00:22:57,943
- Try to hold this table down.
460
00:22:58,011 --> 00:22:59,923
- This is the awkwardest day
ever.
461
00:22:59,947 --> 00:23:01,413
- Involve the kid somehow.
462
00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:04,149
- Yup, this is, like, very...
463
00:23:04,218 --> 00:23:05,817
- Move over, elf on the shelf.
464
00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,731
Here comes fat guy on the table.
465
00:23:12,893 --> 00:23:14,070
- Don't fall.
466
00:23:14,094 --> 00:23:15,271
- Mm-hmm. Brace yourself.
467
00:23:15,295 --> 00:23:16,828
- I wish that fan was on.
468
00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:22,234
- I hear it cracking.
I don't know if...
469
00:23:22,302 --> 00:23:23,813
- Oh.
- Oh, my god!
470
00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:26,772
- That christmas tree gained
two angels that night.
471
00:23:31,645 --> 00:23:34,646
- To freedom and surveillance.
472
00:23:36,450 --> 00:23:38,183
God. Ugh.
473
00:23:38,252 --> 00:23:40,852
This tastes like
a jaguar's anus.
474
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:43,299
Ugh.
475
00:23:43,323 --> 00:23:47,392
Like bug juice and worm.
476
00:23:47,461 --> 00:23:50,262
It's like fermented toenails.
477
00:23:50,330 --> 00:23:53,465
It's like sucking
dick cheney's thumb... ugh.
478
00:23:53,533 --> 00:23:57,335
Tastes like one of
rumsfeld's skin tags.
479
00:23:57,404 --> 00:23:59,182
It's like the inside of
a band-aid
480
00:23:59,206 --> 00:24:00,939
Off of ronald reagan's back.
481
00:24:00,963 --> 00:24:02,963
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481
00:24:03,305 --> 00:25:03,881
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