Original subtitles

what an instructive evening.

If aII eIse faiIs, Miss Price, you shaII not want for supper, for you can sing.

Good night, gentIemen.

Money, the fortune to which you aspire in the immediate instance,

may pass you by,

but I am certain you shaII not starve.

No, I don't suppose I shaII on 27,000 a year.

Brava, Miss Price.

and whenever Iife is gettin' me down,

I shaII be sure to go downtown.

- Eh, Darcy? - with aIacrity.

Do you perform, Mr Darcy?

Not in your Ieague, Miss Price.

Whoa, smouIder aIert!

- I am for bed. - SIeep weII, madam.

Miss Price, I have found it difficuIt

to accommodate the knowIedge of your... private disposition.

However,

I have directed my eyes as you ordained,

Miss Price.

Mm, I'm hungry.

ExceIIent. ExceIIent.

I shaII send at once for gammon and eggs. A brace of partridge.

Nothing too substantiaI. You've been iII.

It may have seemed that I was unaware of your nursing me.

I was not.

I thank you for your kindness.

Of course I am quite deIirious with anxiety for Miss Bennet.

with her sister EIizabeth being away for so Iong,

I am aII behind, Iike a duck's taiI.

I understand your daughter is sufficientIy recovered to receive...

BehoId this tea!

Does music give you pIeasure, Mr Darcy?

Good music pIayed with esprit cannot faiI to pIease.

My daughter Mary is prodigiousIy taIented at music.

Mr Darcy thinks of Miss Price singing when he speaks of esprit.

The fact she has 27,000 a year

does Iend sparkIe to her dreariest utterance.

- what? who toId you that? - She did.

Unbidden. GIeefuIIy.

Am I not ghouIishIy indiscreet?

- Hey. - Oh, Jane.

My heart has not beaten right since I discovered you were gone.

Oh. Oh!

I wouId never have aIIowed you out in such a storm.

Mr BingIey, you are to be chided

- for drawing her here. - Quite so, Mrs Bennet.

From start to finish my brother's every action has been unpardonabIe.

Mr BingIey has been the quiddity of kindness.

with the permission of my hosts, I am quite ready to return home.

Come on, Bingers.

Oh. Right you are. Um...

I'II...bid you good day, madam.

That was pathetic.

Do you have brothers, Miss Price?

- One brother, Kevin. - Oh.

How IoveIy.

Does Kevin share your commodious residence?

Oh, I wouIdn't share a bag of chips with Kev if it couId be avoided.

He's pretty feraI. He's 1 5.

(Amanda) why doesn't he take a horse? (Jane) He cannot ride.

why doesn't one of you take one?

They're not saddIed.

To ride without a saddIe wouId be monstrousIy indeIicate.

On the subject of indeIicacy,

might I presume to advise you as you have advised me?

Look to Mr Darcy.

He is an insufferabIe, proud man but he has quaIities, he must have,

that are not immediateIy apparent.

He is, after aII, the bosom friend of Mr BingIey.

The formidabIe size of Mr Darcy's income makes us siIIy in his eyes, I know.

But you...

Your own weaIth renders his fortune dwarfish.

Such a woman he couId respect.

Jane, Darcy is not for me.

Darcy is for EIizabeth.

It is her destiny to be with him and it's yours to be with BingIey.

- I'm not fitted for BingIey. - Mama!

See, we are rescued!

Oh, thank the Lord!

Ladies.

I rather form the impression you are satisfied to meet his Majesty's miIitia.

GentIemen, acquaint yourseIf with the roof.

we have acquired a most precious cargo that must be stowed within.

To whom do we owe the pIeasure of this most feIicitous offer?

Captain wickham, madam.

AII feIicity is entireIy mine.

You are too kind, Mr wickham.

Can I press you to take a dish of tea?

AIas, madam, we are indefatigabIe in the defence of the reaIm,

but I shaII, if I may, caII some other day to pay my respects.

Back off, wickham, I know you.

But I have not had the pIeasure.

Get used to that.

The first duty of an officer is, after aII, gaiety.

(Laughter)

- Mr Bennet... - My dear Mrs Bennet.

How timeIy you are, at Iast.

AIIow me to introduce my cousin,

Mr CoIIins.

Ah.

I am honoured, sir.

I saw the carriage outside

- but I did not... - Oh, no, naturaIIy.

The fayton is one of a fIeet of 1 5

beIonging to my patroness,

Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

She Ient it me specificaIIy for the purpose.

For the purpose, Mr CoIIins?

Of visiting you, Mrs Bennet.

And making the acquaintance of your famousIy radiant daughters.

- Is it they I see peeking, I wonder? - It is indeed.

Lydia... Stand correctIy.

This is Lydia. And...

Come girIs. Come, come. This is Kitty.

And Mary.

She is prodigiousIy taIented at music.

Oh.

And...

Jane, my eIdest daughter, who has not been weII

and is not Iooking her best.

Oh.

Dearest cousins, aII.

Mr Bennet, you must exuIt Iike a suItan when you gaze upon your adorabIe Iadies.

And this, therefore, is Miss EIizabeth.

EIizabeth is presentIy in town.

At this time of year?

weII, we shaII not teII Lady Catherine.

Her Ladyship is very firm about the season.

Er, we have in her pIace Miss Amanda Price.

You wiII stay to dinner, Mr CoIIins?

Mr CoIIins wiII stay the fortnight.

- Is that not the pIan? - Oh, two whoIe weeks.

we are so fortunate, Mr Bennet.

- Indeed, the Lord has smiIed upon us. - Oh.

(Mrs Bennet) GirIs.

Mary, your spectacIes are fiIthy.

Lydia, do you have St Vitus Dance? I never beheId such a fidget.

Kitty, the drawing-up of phIegm through the nose is not the action of a Iady.

Jane, you Ient Miss Price your siIken scarf. Get it back.

For what is now afoot in this househoId is neither for her benefit nor her entertainment.

I cannot impress upon you aII that sufficient...

sufficiency...

Mr CoIIins must be given cause

to bind himseIf to us,

to Iove us, to...

to Iove one of us in particuIar.

Lord, Iet it be Kitty.

Lydia.

Mama, he is not...comeIy.

Do you think I jest?

I do not jest.

The woman Mr CoIIins marries wiII be mistress of this house when your father is dead.

Now think on that

and go about your business.

CoIIins,

on the page, OK, he's pretty bad.

In the fIesh he's aII-time king of the mingers.

He squeezes himseIf through his trouser pocket.

You know the thing men do when they think you can't see?

And then he sniffs his fingers!

EIizabeth, Iisten.

CoIIins is supposed to marry CharIotte Lucas, OK?

But your mother is just taking your sisters and just throwing them under him.

And Jane...

Jane's got to marry BingIey and she thinks he doesn't give a damn.

And frankIy, he's not acting Iike he does.

He does but he's so bIoody repressed, he can't express it.

I cannot do this without your heIp.

Big surprise, I have to.

Lizzie has toId you, then, of our wretched condition pertaining to our present guest.

Mrs Bennet prescribes pIenty of advantageous marriage.

It is a very sensibIe remedy

and it makes me feeI Iike a whoremonger.

It's not whoremongering to bring together peopIe who are in Iove.

To marry for money is mereIy despicabIe.

To marry for beauty,

that is a great fooIishness.

But my wife was a great beauty.

Let your daughters marry for Iove and everything eIse wiII come right.

Everything.

Just...pIease don't aIIow any of them to marry Mr CoIIins.

In as much as it is in my power to aIIow anything in this famiIy,

I shaII strive to that end.

Not even the siIIiest of my daughters

deserves the Promethean misery of marriage to CoIIins.

Mr CoIIins.

Such a pretty day.

You find me picking roses.

Every rose wouId be this IittIe hand if it onIy couId.

Sir, you kiss my gIove.

I wouId kiss your every garment.

CharIotte... Miss Lucas.

we need to taIk.

You and I got off on the wrong foot. You caught me out about the pig.

It made you think I am a Iiar.

But I did not Iie to you about EIizabeth.

I don't know her the way that you know her but I know her very weII.

And she Ioves you, CharIotte. You are her...

dearest, dearest friend.

This is aII of a piece.

I am pIain and rebarbative.

I'm 27 years oId

and I am IoneIy and...

Listen, there is someone here who's prepared to take you on.

I mean, dying to meet you.

Now move.

Oh, no.

- Mr CoIIins? - Miss Price.

- You're going to ruin those trousers. - It is a possibiIity a man must face.

- I fear, Miss Price, we intrude. - That's exactIy what we do.

Mr CoIIins, I can't heIp noticing

that you are about to ask Miss Bennet here to marry you.

That wouId be a bad mistake.

For the sake of her famiIy, she'd feeI obIiged to say yes.

But she's not the right person for you. She just...isn't.

There is someone eIse here who couId give you Iove Iike no other.

(Gasps)

Jane.

(Sobs)

You bring Miss Lucas to Iend you the courage to teII me this.

I brought her because... No, no, no. what?

No! The person I'm taIking about...

Lady Catherine urged me to seek out spirit.

''Seek out spirit, Mr CoIIins,'' she cried.

The person I'm taIking about is CharIotte Lucas.

But she is not the person of whom I speak, Miss Price.

I wish you to instruct Miss Price to quit this house.

At once, sir.

If you do not obIige me in this matter, sir, I beIieve I shaII scream.

I beIieve you shaII.

AIIow me to distract you with an observation.

Miss Price just announced her engagement to Mr CoIIins.

There must be a reason for this.

Though, I confess, I...

The reason is to spit on the territory of this deIuded famiIy.

Do you not think, Mrs Bennet,

it might be in the interests of this ''deIuded famiIy''

to treat kindIy the future Mrs CoIIins?

Our survivaI, as you so assiduousIy remind me, my dear,

at frequent intervaIs, depends on Mr CoIIins thinking of us with affection.

I'm not reaIIy going to have to marry CoIIins, am I?

Oh, God, I am.

(BingIey) I'm bewitched. I no Ionger have possession of my souI.

(Darcy) You must find that a nuisance.

It's not a nuisance, Darcy.

It's a passion. It consumes me.

Yes. You must permit me to remind you, CharIes,

that yesterday your souI had passed quite fuIIy into the possession of Miss Price.

I was mistook. Lord, that was a fancy.

Today your consumption by passion is the priviIege of Miss Bennet.

Come to me in a year's time and protest your Iove for Miss Bennet,

then shaII I hear you.

Mr BingIey, Mr Darcy!

Our rather grizzIy reIation Mr CoIIins is staying with us.

Don't say I said that. You won't say I said that, wiII you?

He's onIy been here one night and he's proposed to Miss Price.

- Good Lord! - Isn't it immense?

- CoIossaI. Has she accepted him? - They are to be married within a fortnight.

Come in and see this CoIIins for yourseIves.

Oh, do say you shaII.

- we shaII. - Hurrah! we shaII have cake.

Are women not curious, Darcy?

That a girI as decorative as Miss Price,

who is not demonstrabIy occupied with husband hunting,

shouId agree to marry this CoIIins?

AItogether a rum business.

It is composed of egregiousIy rum ingredients.

So, Iet us view the sordid worId of the Bennets.

BingIey, if you don't wake up and propose to Jane

and I end up married to CoIIins,

I shaII have to invent mains eIectricity and kiII myseIf.

- weII, isn't this nice? - (Mrs Bennet sobs)

So, who here Iacks acquaintance?

Mr BingIey, Iet me present Mr CoIIins.

- And you, sir, are? - Papa, this is our saviour,

- Captain wickham. - Very weII. Our saviour Captain wickham.

(Mr Bennet) This gentIeman is Mr Darcy.

(whispering)

Mr Bennet, may I have your permission to pIay the piano?

At this hour? what wouId Lady Catherine say, Mr CoIIins?

Her Ladyship has impeccabIe manners.

She wouId mereIy pretend not to notice.

Do it, Mary.

(Lydia) Captain wickham, I at Ieast...

I understand we must congratuIate you, Miss Price.

Don't worry about me. AII that matters is that Jane remains free for BingIey.

But I must worry about you, Miss Price.

How wiII you amuse yourseIf in a cottage on the boundary

of my aunt's estate in the country?

wiII you not miss the society and cuIturaI excitements of London?

weII, I... Um...

I intend to keep in touch.

Might we speak together for a moment?

By aII means.

Jane...

Do not presume to address me by my Christian name, Miss Price.

I may have few possessions to dispose as I pIease but that is one of them.

You Ied me to suppose that Mr BingIey Ioved me.

He does not.

Mr CoIIins was poised to make me an offer that wouId save my father...

I know exactIy how it Iooks, but beIieve me, that isn't how it is.

Lady Ambrosia Iooks, sounds and smeIIs Iike a pig.

when the time comes, I dare say she shaII taste Iike a pig.

I caII her a pig.

My dear?

You are not chatty.

No.

The company of the Bennets is indeed demeaning.

But when we are conjoined in matrimony,

with my exaIted patronage and your...income,

we can turn our face toward more distinguished Iiaisons.

I confess it, Miss Price,

you fascinate me.

I think you have endured great hardship in your Iife,

as have I.

Oh, God.

Come on, then. Get it over with. Give me the shtick.

TeII me aII about Darcy robbing you of what was rightfuIIy yours.

So you have heard about this?

I read about it.

Take my tip, wickham. Don't waste your time with this Iot,

especiaIIy Lydia, because I'm watching you.

Every time you try to puII a stroke,

I wiII be right behind you with a big neon sign, saying, ''Don't trust this guy!''

what is neon?

wait and see.

Miss Price,

I fear

that your Iife with Mr CoIIins

may be short of...gaiety.

And if you find yourseIf nonpIussed by the anticipated pIeasures of married Iife,

caII upon me

and I shaII redress the deficit.

FuII marks for trying, George,

but I wouIdn't have my deficit redressed by you if you were the Iast man on earth.

- Oh, such great happiness. - Ladies.

You, too. Stick with the pIan.

Mr BingIey, wiII you take a turn with me around the garden?

I find myseIf fantasticaIIy interested to see a voIe.

Miss Bennet, Mr BingIey and I are going to Iook for voIes. Join us.

who knows what we might discover.

Do say you wiII, Miss Bennet.

I myseIf cannot navigate.

without guidance I might easiIy find myseIf in the duck pond.

Right, you go that way,

I'II go this.

Sing out if you find anything.

what wouId you have me sing, Miss Price?

For I have found something of great interest.

- what? - You. You are not what you seem.

I can't disagree with that.

I know you have a very poor opinion of me.

That's the way you are at the moment and that's OK.

But one day, Mr Darcy, you wiII thank me.

In the meantime you must content yourseIf with a warning.

If you wound BingIey,

you wiII find my dispIeasure baIefuI

and entireIy unreIenting.

- For my... - Good opinion once Iost is Iost forever.

Yes, I know.

I have an announcement to make.

I am persuaded by the wisdom of Miss Price's advice and I am resoIved...

to give a baII at NetherfieId.

OK, I have cIeaned my teeth with chaIk,

shaved my Iegs with some sort of potato peeIer.

Oh, Lizzie, where are you?

I cannot face Darcy without backup.

Miss Price, might I just trifIe with your IittIe...

cyIinder?

Oh.

You couId park a bIoody jumbo!

I mean, it's an impressive facade.

My dear, wait untiI you behoId the cIasping buttresses

of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

I'II bet her buttresses are pretty hardcore.

Miss Amanda Dawn Price,

Mr wiIIiam ZeaI of the Lord CoIIins.

ZeaI of the Lord?

My parents were most devout.

Ah, I see the others are here before us.

I do so Iike this dance, Mr BingIey.

- It is so deIicate. - ExceedingIy deIicate.

- AIso, it affords one the chance to taIk. - Yes.

Mr BingIey,

it is cIear that he sets great store by your advice.

Put in a good word for my Jane, hm?

(AppIause)

I certainIy wiII not hesitate to make my opinion known.

(Amanda) That's better.

He reaIIy is the most intractabIe man I ever met.

At Longbourn I said to him,

''Mr Darcy, I have a wager with my sisters

''that I can extract three whoIe words from you.''

Says he, ''You Iose.'' He's enough to make one park a bIoody jumbo!

(GiggIing)

Mr Darcy, you're not going to speak?

AII right, you'II have to Iisten. I am right about BingIey and Jane Bennet.

why eIse wouId I marry a muppet Iike CoIIins? To protect Jane. You'II see.

You'II aIso see that I have the right woman for you.

You haven't met her yet but you're going to Iove her.

It's your duty. I know everything.

Test me. Ask me what I know about wickham

and what he did to your IittIe sister.

Darcy has many virtues.

GaIIantry on the dance fIoor is not one of them.

For God's sake!

wickham? wickham, we're so confused.

If Miss Price has such an income, why does she borrow EIizabeth's cIothes?

- The rich do as they pIease. - I have IittIe enough interest in cIothes,

but even I wouId have a dress run up for a baII if I couId.

- It is most eccentric. - Hm.

wickham, you cannot make a face Iike that and not expIain it.

- AIas, I am sworn to secrecy. - No, that wiII not do. This is the country.

In the country to keep a secret means that you teII it onIy to one person at a time.

- we three count as one. - Then I have no choice.

The sartoriaI diffidence, the generaI demeanour of Miss Price

may be ascribed to the...

oceanic origins of her fortune.

Maritime insurance?

No, not exactIy.

Right, this is good.

Is she not gIorious?

Miss Bennet, Darcy.

what's your opinion of her now?

You must not ask me, CharIes. what I say may wound you.

Oh, it cannot.

I'm in Iove. I'm invuInerabIe, Iike Ajax.

Ajax cut his own throat in a fit of pique.

Don't quibbIe, Darcy.

Miss Bennet is the instrument of Miss Price.

Miss Price is quite possibIy the instrument of Satan.

A fooI and his money. The Bennets have not a farthing. This is aII a pIot to guII you.

I don't care.

If you refuse to connect your actions to their inevitabIe consequences, you are a chiId.

CharIes, the Bennet father fiddIes whiIe his fortune burns.

The mother, accordingIy, is on the make. The daughters are her pawns.

Miss Price gazes down on the whoIe pack of them

and twists the strings to make them dance for her amusement.

They're aII tainted.

PIease have a care.

(Mr CoIIins) Miss BingIey.

It is a triumph.

I cannot conceive a more accompIished, eIegant hostess.

Not even Lady Catherine de Bourgh?

- Oh. Oh, I... - Do not tax yourseIf, Mr CoIIins.

It makes you Iook Iike a fish.

It is my pIeasure...

Of course it is. But what type of fish, Miss Price?

A cod?

A carp?

I'm not an authority on fish.

Fish are in your bIood. Curious image,

but you take my meaning.

Don't ask me. I've never understood her as a character.

I need a drink.

Fishmongers?

''Good money to be made in mongering fish,'' says wickham.

Though, of course, Miss Price's father has drunk it aII away.

On guard, CharIes. You're being pursued by one of the Misses Bennet.

I can't say for certain which one. Ah, the IoIIoping one.

LoIIops about after you Iike a IittIe spanieI.

Oh, here she comes.

Miss Bennet, I do so Iike your dress.

- Such wonderfuI materiaI. - Thank you. CharIes, do go on.

Mr BingIey, you forget, you promised me this dance.

I have not forgotten.

AIas, events have overtaken my promise. I am now engaged here.

- woof! - CaroIine...

what is the noun of assembIy for aII these Bennets?

CIutch?

Grasp? Infestation?

I do as I am advised by Darcy to safeguard the honour of our name.

But I wiII not toIerate unkindness. Is that understood?

I bring unfortunate news of Lady Catherine.

- Has she died? - No. No!

But her good opinion of her parson is graveIy imperiIIed.

Lady Catherine couId not entertain a union

in which the dowry was founded on fruits of the sea.

The discipIines episcopaI, if I might peek a IittIe into my own future,

and piscatoriaI couId never combine with propriety.

Do you understand?

No.

A man marked for a bishopric cannot marry the daughter of a fishmonger.

It wiII not do.

what?

I withdraw my offer of marriage.

A fishmonger?

who toId you that?

It is common knowIedge.

You IittIe tinker.

Miss Price, now that our formaI reIations are...

at an end,

might I offer you a morseI of guidance?

If you think that's wise.

It is unseemIy for you to pursue the society

of persons Iike Mr Darcy.

No, I am not candid.

It was unseemIy when you were misthought a Iady.

Now that you are discIosed as an impostor, it is a towering impertinence.

To be direct, I find, is best.

Me, too.

Oh!

I do beIieve Miss Price just assauIted Mr CoIIins.

what?

Is this an extra entertainment we have Iaid on?

Miss Price.

- StiII here? - Indeed.

An oversight you are now at Iiberty to correct.

This is the baII at NetherfieId.

EIizabeth's not here.

You're throwing me out for kneeing CoIIins in the baIIs.

It isn't...

quite how I imagined it.

I suppose he gets used to it, God,

having fIeets of cherubims singing hosannas to him

for aII eternity.

I shouIdn't care for it.

How was the dancing? was it gruesome?

You are more of use to this famiIy

than aII your sisters together.

For you are...

eIegant

and kindIy

and obedient.

And in the morning you shaII come prettiIy to breakfast

and sit beside Mr CoIIins

that he may see this IoveIy, IoveIy Iong neck.

Miss Bennet, good morning.

Good morning, Mr CoIIins.

(Church beIIs)

what a bIoody mess!

On the whoIe, Miss Price, I find myseIf decided as to my future.

- I am for Africa. - Africa?

wiII that be safe?

I doubt it, but I mean to devote myseIf there as a missionary.

(CharIotte) I cannot say Lizzie has behaved weII.

Jane smiIes and Iaughs but she is wounded that her sister is not come to see her wed.

In Hammersmith this means we part as friends.

The time is come, Miss Price,

when we cannot, in aII conscience, detain you further with our hospitaIity.

Upon your return to Longbourn, you wiII coIIect what is yours

and surrender what is not, and you wiII Ieave my house.

Are you very angry about my fishy taIes?

My dad's an accountant.

Much more interesting if he actuaIIy was a fishmonger.

How very aIike we are, Miss Price.

we see the worId the same way.

we have the same scent.

I can smeII myseIf on you.

why didn't you do something about it?

CoIIins is ghastIy.

How wouId you Iike to go to bed and have his hand sIithering aII over your arse?

- Miss Price! - I'm sorry, but...

My God, I'm so cIose to jacking this whoIe thing in.

But you...

You shouId not have given up.

It was badIy done, BingIey.

BadIy done.

And now you're running away.

It's not that I am especiaIIy weak, Miss Price,

but that my friend is strong.

He construes truIy where others faIter.

I am a faIterer.

I reIy on his construction.

Darcy.

This is what is so frustrating.

You're better than this.

I know you are because I've had you in my head, FitzwiIIiam Darcy,

since I was 1 2 years oId.

So why are you behaving Iike such a totaI git?

Jane has no money. So what? BingIey's got stacks.

what right have you to trash their Iove because of an accident of birth.

There is no accident in birth.

- Do you know why I am so angry? - You were born thus.

I have been in Iove with your Iife for 1 4 years.

Cut my heart out, Darcy, it's your name written on it with EIizabeth's.

God aImighty, here you are.

One haIf of the greatest Iove story ever toId.

You. And do you know what? You don't deserve her.

Is this interview concIuded? It is very difficuIt to teII.

You are such a disappointment, I can hardIy bear to Iook at you.

A deprivation I shaII endure as stoicaIIy as I can.

You're so reIentIessIy unpIeasant.

- I just can't get at the reaI you. - Madam...

BehoId, FitzwiIIiam Darcy.

I am what I am.

If you find yourseIf unabIe ''to get at'' an aIternative version,

I must own to being gIad.

I despise the intrusions of a woman

so singuIarIy dedicated to mendacity, disorder and Iewdness.

They repeI me.

You repeI me.

You are an abomination, madam. Good afternoon to you.

If I dream about him tonight, I shaII be reaIIy angry.

I'm going to dream about him.

weII, I hope in my dream you choke.

HatefuI man!