Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Unable to make an exact duplicate of Iron Man

without additional measurements,

Modok arranges for industrial sabotage

at one of Tony Stark's factories to draw Iron Man to the scene.

Then, with the duplicate Iron Man complete

except for a missing shoulder component,

which Modok patches into place,

The Mandarin uses him to steal the only known supply of antidote

for dreaded Dark Water Fever

and make the world think the real Iron Man was the culprit.

At the same time,

The Mandarin's forces take over a Peruvian farm village,

where they convert the local corn crop to supply them with a new strain

of the long-eradicated fever fungus, a deadly toxin

with which the duplicate Iron Man threatens to infect the world

unless an enormous ransom is paid before midnight.

Meanwhile, Tony Stark is missing, and there are those who wonder

if he's behind the Iron Man blackmail scheme

to raise the money he needs to save his troubled company.

To prove he means business,

the duplicate Iron Man demonstrates the power of the fever fungus

and reiterates his threat.

And now, on to the second part of "Iron Man to the Second Power."

Midnight. $ 100 million or die!

I do not believe this. I will not.

The cards speak of disaster,

and yet what you see is not always what you get.

(LAUGHS) You just described my ex-husband, the dork.

Look, none of us know where Tony is right now,

but that was Iron Man on the tube, so it's just possible that he's...

That The Mandarin's got him and is somehow playing with his mind.

Tony's in trouble. We've got a job to do.

Looks like it's time for War Machine to armor up.

We've got to find Tony, people. It's the only way we'll learn the truth.

Century, where do we start looking?

I shall seek him out in the Universal Identity Matrix.

Strange.

I see him in transit somewhere far from here

and again, far nearer. A double image. Most confusing.

I'm afraid I cannot determine Tony Stark's whereabouts this day.

Then we'll have to find him the old-fashioned way,

by looking everywhere until we get lucky.

Egress portal! We're out of here.

SCARLET WITCH: Happy hunting, my angels.

My thoughts are with you, but I must remain here.

The Mandarin's timing is superb.

But mine is not. However, I should get a few points for sincerity.

I am mad about you.

- Release her, Dreadknight! - DREADKNIGHT: Back off, wimp whip!

The lady and I are having a private conversation.

Knightwing!

(NEIGHING)

(LAUGHING)

DREADKNIGHT: You need a little iron in your diet.

And you need a spelling lesson.

B-O-Z-O spells Dreadknight.

(BLACKLASH LAUGHING)

You dare to call me a B-O... Bozo?

Give me a break.

DREADKNIGHT: Die, dimwit.

(HYPNOTIA YELLS)

Cool it.

Look.

Here comes the duplicate Iron Man now.

Let's rerun this soap opera some other time, boys.

We have work to do.

(GASPING)

What a revolting way to travel.

But speed was of the essence.

The Mandarin wanted the Living Laser to cauterize the corn crop immediately.

LIVING LASER: When I sear the fungus on the contaminated harvest,

it will set the Dark Water Fever toxin.

I suggest you take an antidote tablet

just in case.

I'd take more than one if I were you. They're actually quite tasty.

HYPNOTIA: Way to go, laser boy.

Give us the poison and nothing can stop us.

(HYPNOTIA LAUGHING)

- SPIDER WOMAN: Any luck, Jim? - Nada so far, Julia!

If Tony was at his Pacific Heights townhouse,

I'm not picking up any readings.

No frequency surge from Iron Man's battery pack, either.

Then check the closets, man!

Like, if Tony's skis are gone, he might be at his lodge in Aspen.

My sensors aren't quite that sharp, Clint, but the lodge is worth a shot.

Reprogram navigation for Colorado.

(BUZZING)

Good luck, gang, but I just had another idea.

We'll be in touch.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

SCARLET WITCH: Computer, hear me.

Where is Tony Stark?

Lead me to him.

What? Julia?

Lucky for you I got back when I did.

You were about to be digitized into the Armory database.

- But I've got to find Tony! - We'll find him together.

SCARLET WITCH: But Julia, my pumpkin,

the only thing we do together is compete for Tony's affection.

SPIDER WOMAN: Then stand by for a refreshing change of pace.

Look, Hawkeye said if Tony's skis were missing, he probably went skiing.

SCARLET WITCH: Skis? I do not understand this.

If we find out what special armor components he took,

we'll know where he went.

I need your hex power to convince Hall security I'm one of the good guys.

- Hurry! - ARMOR: Identify.

You know me, my precious.

You will grant us access to find Tony Stark.

ARMOR: (SIGHS) I know you. What do you wish?

Inventory. What special armor components did Tony Stark take?

ARMOR: Deep sea capability configuration M-11

and support equipment X-9-9, the elemental sieve.

Bingo.

We couldn't find Tony anywhere. Why did we have to find him here?

Then you assume him to be Iron Man.

No, he's Mr. Rogers and he lost his neighborhood.

Tony is Iron Man, and it looks like he's gone bad.

And we've gotta take him out.

No! The slightest mistake could puncture the spray tank

and spread the fever fungus.

We'll wait until the gold ransom arrives and he's distracted.

(THE MANDARIN LAUGHING)

Iron Man's own loyal lackeys now yearn to destroy him.

How satisfying.

And our forces await only your signal to eliminate the lot of them.

And when the gold is ours

and we remove the Dark Water Fever threat,

what revels we shall have!

Alas, that will not be.

I shall have the duplicate Iron Man spread the fever

whether or not the ransom is paid.

What?

The terror that will cause shall destroy all resistance

when I take over the world.

Gold is immaterial. Only power reigns supreme!

My power! Mine!

(LAUGHING)

(RUMBLING)

What? Julia! Wanda!

Tony, my dearest, we knew we'd find you here.

It was my idea, actually, but Wanda did help.

You must leave immediately. This environment is highly unstable.

SPIDER WOMAN: I figured you'd gone someplace dangerous to find money.

That's why you said nothing.

You didn't want any of us to share in your risk.

SCARLET WITCH: So we checked the Hall of Armor, my gallant boy,

and that's how we knew where to look.

The Mandarin also knew where to look, Iron Man.

Welcome to your watery grave.

(LAUGHING)

IRON MAN: Julia! Wanda!

SPIDER WOMAN: The sieve and the gold, they're floating away,

and so are we.

No! Must get to them.

(IRON MAN GRUNTING)

Hang on! I'm on the way.

SCARLET WITCH: No! Save the gold! SPIDER WOMAN: Are you bananas?

SCARLET WITCH: No, cupcake, I just thought it was the right thing to say.

Surprise, Iron Man.

(RUMBLING)

(GROANS)

LIVING LASER: I think I have a crush on you!

(LIVING LASER LAUGHING)

Wanda and Julia, slipping into the abyss.

Release negative charge, back Armor configuration!

Release negative charge, front!

Opposites attract, therefore things are finally looking up.

SPIDER WOMAN: Hurry, Tony! The pressure is building! Can't breathe.

Smile, Wanda. This elevator is going up.

Now, to what do I owe the pleasure of your extremely unexpected visit?

- The Mandarin! - The Mandarin!

WOMAN: Iron Man, the gold shipment has been delayed

by bad weather in the east.

Repeat, shipment delayed. Please acknowledge.

The fools. Time is not their enemy. I am!

I... What?

The real Iron Man! Living Laser failed to finish him off!

Iron Man east? Iron Man west?

Jim! Clint! Century! Mandarin's friends are hiding across the street.

Plug the nozzle of the fever toxin spray. Now!

Iron Man's back in town.

Well, what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?

(EXCLAIMS)

WAR MACHINE: Great! Wall-to-wall dorks!

CENTURY: Your day is done.

(BLACKLASH SCREAMING)

Knightwing, come back!

Back, you interloping clods! Slide and be tagged out!

Go away! I am here.

Quickly, Modok.

The duplicate Iron Man must release the fever toxin before all is lost!

The contagion! Spray it now, now, now. No!

Not that beach boy archer again! This is nauseating.

- MODOK: He blocked the nozzle! - No. I do not accept this.

It's time we got acquainted.

CENTURY: The fever toxin!

- Palm laser, please. - I thought you'd never ask.

MODOK: The duplicate is falling! Fight back, you metallic meatball!

IRON MAN: I hate to say this, but there isn't room in this town for both of us!

BOTH: Two Iron Men?

Gee, I don't know who to root for.

The one that didn't try and kill us, dumbo.

Dumbo is my favorite animal picture.

(GIGGLES) Gosh, Iron Man versus Iron Man!

I wonder who's going to emerge victorious.

That means win.

MODOK: Clobber that tin can cuckoo bird!

Give him a left, a right, a foot,

a head butt, a butt in the head! Do something!

So, Michael Bolton gives me this cool Rolls and says to me,

"Thanks, babe, you're the greatest producer in the music business."

And if I'm conning you, may lightning strike me dead!

(RUMBLING)

Who said to take me seriously? Did I say that?

(BLIZZARD LAUGHING)

Look, you're outnumbered, heroes. Look.

Yes, look into my eyes.

Sorry, beautiful. I won't like what I see.

HYPNOTIA: No!

- Hypnotia! - Blacklash, I...

DREADKNIGHT: Thanks, but we really must be going.

Stop, coward! We are in battle! What?

Maybe you are, but we're out of here!

Wait for me!

MODOK: Stand and fight, you dogs!

If only I were there. I would teach them the meaning of courage.

And you would teach me the meaning of comedy relief.

This is the only combat that matters, Iron Man versus himself.

A classical mano a mano!

HAWKEYE: Get him, Tone. Come on. SPIDER WOMAN: Tony, come on!

- Put the bum away! - Come on, Tony. You can do it!

- Clobber the creep! - Go, my angel! Go! Nail him!

HAWKEYE: Come on, that's it! That's it! SCARLET WITCH: Yes, Tony! Tony!

WAR MACHINE: Nail him, Tone.

MODOK: I don't like the way this is going, Mandarin.

What if our Iron Man can't beat the real Iron Man in a fair fight?

A fair fight?

Fair? Did you get your head caught in a revolving door?

I make the rules.

If the battle ceases to go our way,

I have an ace in the hole ready to tip the balance in my favor!

And when the real Iron Man has been turned to stone,

I shall give you a sledge hammer and the first at bat.

(CHUCKLES) Batter up! Batter...

(SCREAMING)

Don't move!

(IRON MAN GRUNTS)

(MODOK GROANS)

MODOK: Iron Man gave our guy a hot foot!

Now, Gargoyle! Turn him into king-sized paperweight. What?

Stone creep, creeping up.

I hear you.

This transformer should make an impression, Gargoyle.

Oh, boy. Not my favorite day.

(GROANING)

Ace in the hole, my clavicle!

(MUMBLING NERVOUSLY)

Sorry. Wrong. Bad Modok. Mistake! Mistake! Mistake! Bad boy!

IRON MAN: Jim, there's something familiar about this yo-yo.

Familiar? He's Iron Man. You're Iron Man. It's a draw.

Then I'd better stop being myself and do something I'd never do.

Anomaly in program. Malfunction.

No, you dolt! He's confusing you! Attack him while his back is turned.

Iron Man would never do that.

You're not Iron Man, you scrap metal moron!

You're my creation. Mine!

(MODOK SCREAMS)

I always enjoyed being on the town, and now it looks like I really am.

Mission accomplished. Thrusters up!