Original subtitles

No touching. No touching. No touching.

- Morning, Patient. I'm Dr. Rob ... - Aah!

Sensory processing disorder ... SPD.

Human skin on human skin feels like fire.

- Fascinating. - Any other sensitivities?

- Sensitive to light. - Truth Paste comin' in.

- Say "ahhh." - Ahhh.

What is that? That is delicious.

Both: Truth Paste.

- May I have more? - Sure.

- That's weird. - I wouldn't go too heavy with that.

- Mmm. - When's the last time you were touched?

- College. - Where?

- Boobs. Hands. Jimmy Stevenston. - Mm.

- Have you every been in love? - Love? No.

- I've never even been on a date. - Oh.

I hit a Golden Retriever with my dad's car...

I faked my own kidnapping when I was an exchange student...

Nobody caught me. Ransom money. Host family.

- You've never been on a date? - SPD is ruining my life.

I don't want to be alone anymore.

Well, you've come to the right place.

You'll never be alone here.

[Music]

[Door opens]

- Uh... - What's the plan, Doctor?

The patient says she's never been on a date.

- Why don't we send her on one? - A date?

She can't shake someone's hand. That's impossible.

No, impossible in the real world... not in her subconscious.

66 can overcome her fear of human touch

and gain some valuable life experience by going on a date...

in her dreams.

Dream date. Brilliant.

Who's so desperate, lonely, and pathetic

that at a moment's notice they jump into a stranger's

- subconscious for a first date? - Yes!

[Clattering]

Oh. Sure. 88. Yeah, this'll definitely work.

2x12 - Can't Touch This

Thank you so much for doing this, Doctor.

Oh. Right. It's all part of the job...

as a doctor.

[Clears throat] [Music]

Ahmed.

This is gonna be very helpful for you, Patient 66.

[Machine whirring]

This is not gonna be helpful for her, Doctor.

- I am terrible at dates. - 88, the situation is ideal.

- The situation is unideal. - 88 can't even get it up.

I, on the other hand, have no such problem.

- T.E.R.R.Y. - I am so nervous for you, 88.

Why would you even be concerned? You're in her subconscious, 88.

It's gonna be a great confidence builder.

Ahmed. Have her home early.

You're gonna have fun.

I'm definitely staying for this.

Doctor, as I've confessed to you in the past,

um, my knowledge of romantic encounters

may be insufficient for this session.

If I may, what can one expect on a date?

A date is a social event where

two people repeatedly lie to each other to procure a mate.

It's fun... and sad.

I'm gonna have to do more research on the subject.

- Thank you. - Every day is an opportunity.

This is gonna be good.

Yeah, if by good you mean "painfully embarrassing,"

then, yeah, it should be really good.

- I brought popcorn. - Thank you, Ahmed.

[Laughs]

[Music]

Oh. This is an excellent start.

The presence of Northern Lights symbolizing an awakening,

guiding the patient through adversity.

And, as we all know, figure skating is the gateway to sexuality.

She needs to make contact with 88.

- Where is he hiding? - Can't hide from the Randman.

[Device beeps]

Aah!

Hi... Ugh! [Grunts]

88, go on now. Go for it. Couples skate.

- Couples skate. - Okay.

Whoa.

Hi. Hi.

May I?

Aah, it burns. It burns.

- It's okay. - Aah, aah! Aah, it burns.

Aah! Aah! Big fall! Aah!

Doctor? Doctor? Doctor? Doctor?!

Stop!

[Machine beeping]

Building trust is about taking risks.

Get out of your comfort zone, 88! Confidence!

Aah!

Jump!

Aah!

- What is he doing there? - Burning alive.

88 really knows how to woo someone on a first date.

Aah!

- Ohh. - Aah.

- Are you okay? - Yeah. Totally.

Is this your house?

In high school, yeah. We moved a lot.

- It's cool. It's very nice. - Hmm. Thanks.

I'm sorry about that.

Oh, you woke him up. Oh-ohh. You woke him up.

- Woke who up? - Ohh.

- What the hell is this? - Dad!

I'm gonna rip your dick off. [Music]

[Grunts] Listen up, bitch.

Whatever you do to her, I'm gonna do to you.

Fish.

Run!

[Music]

No wonder she's developed these coping mechanisms.

T.E.R.R.Y.: There's no way 88 can handle her.

I mean, she needs to date someone stronger, a real man,

someone made of injection-molded high-density polyethylene,

with a classy, foreign accent.

I'm talking about the robot who is so hot.

- Give me a T-E-R-R-Y! - Not now, T. E. R. R. Y.

Come on, 88. Make a move.

Don't let this moment pass you by.

You know, if this is moving too fast for you,

I totally understand, because it's moving way too fast for me.

No. No. I-I think this is nice.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah. This is nice. [Music]

[Thunder crashes]

Oh, uh, here. Come on.

- Gentleman. - Yeah.

[Horns blaring]

[Music] [Laughs]

Jesus Christ, 88! Kiss her.

- Slink her the T. - We need to move this along.

I could put ecstasy in their IVs.

- No, not necessary. - Uh...

Love stim '84 is a powerful aphrodisiac

I developed one summer when I was a very lonely man.

It's a love serum for the mind.

- It's very, very potent. Ready? - Copy that, Doc.

- So, no ecstasy? - No. One can have too much love.

Okay.

Do you think I'm weird 'cause I can't have anyone touch my skin?

Uh, no. I-I mean, a little, but I-I think it's cool.

I-I'm not that comfortable in my skin, at all.

You want to kiss?

- Uh... - Hit it!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are stimming the love.

- How about now? - Uh, yeah.

? Forever ?

? Forever ?

[Music]

[Bell tolling]

[Camera shutter clicks]

? I would do anything to be the one with you ?

? I would do anything to be the one with you ?

Hey, stop that! You're being ridiculous!

So damn dramatic!

- Get out! - I'm goin' to work!

? Anything ?

? Do it now ?

[Gunfire]

? Forever ?

Aah!

Aah!

16...

Six

? All night ?

[Music]

? All night ?

- That escalated quickly. - That's the way love goes.

Doctor, heart rate is elevated,

core temperature is climbing and core fitness is low.

I told you you should have sent in a real man.

So much love. Randy, get 'em out of there.

- Copy that, Doc. - Ohh!

Oh, my God!

Good job, people. Are you okay?

- Ahh. Incredible. You? - [Laughs] Yes.

- Doctor, human touch! - I did it.

That was incredible.

- At your convenience. - Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Let me. Yeah, yeah. Not a problem.

No worries. Here.

Thank you, Bea. That was amazing.

I mean, I've never felt this way about anybody,

ever, in my entire life.

- Um, do you want to be my girlfriend? - We need to talk.

What is this? Careful.

I just ... we shared so much...

- Yeah. - ...love, and we shouldn't

commit ourselves to touching one person

for the rest of our lives,

when the possibilities for intimate touching are infinite.

Thank you for being my first,

but I think we shouldn't be friends.

- You mean we should just be friends? - No.

'Cause you're my doctor.

- 88, this card was declined. - Bea.

[Smooth jazz plays]

[Smooth jazz continues playing]

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