Original subtitles

Dr. Roberts: [Distant] Welcome, Patient 56. I'm Dr. Roberts.

That being, is there a parent or guardian present?

His father's in the waiting room.

You're trembling. Maybe some vertigo.

May I just set you back? Mhm.

[Distant] Just ignore the day residue.

[Beeping]

That's perfect.

We'll get this kleptomaniacy cleared up in no time.

Don't you worry about it. T.E.R.R.Y., thank you.

- T.E.R.R.Y.: Yes, Dr. Roberts. - Ahmed, sedation, please.

[Whirring]

Intruder! [Groans]

Got him!

2x07 - Guys and Dads

Patient with the impulse to pickpocket or pilfer

is a right of passage for a young person.

So, how long does puberty take? Like a week?

My apologies, Mr. Simzer. We've been on high alert lately.

Please accept this complementary popcorn.

Yeah, I am so sorry. I-I really got you there.

- Meat pop? - No. No. Thank you.

Am I allowed to be watching this?

Absolutely. It's healthy for men in your age group

to be concerned with their sons' subconscious.

Yeah, it's okay.

Doctor, I'm not a klepto. My dad just doesn't understand me.

Look, 56, I remember what it's like to be a teenager.

It's an exciting, anxious time.

Maybe you're out on your first date,

cruising the family car. Suzy Lennox looking so... very pretty.

And then he just runs right out in the road.

Right in front of the car! Pfft, I'm 16.

What do I know about appropriate medical attention?

[Sighs] How much longer do I need to be in here?

Well, take as much time as you need.

Honestly, I feel like nobody's listening to me.

Right out into the goddamn road.

[Scoffs] No one could've stopped.

[Music]

Huh? 56?

Randy!

[Gasps]

Oh. Hungry.

Doctor, 56 hides his identity in his dreams?

This case of kleptomania exists just as a defense.

He simply seeks the attention of an authority figure,

- paternal or otherwise. - Mhm. We should talk to his father.

How many friends do you have?

I should go back to the waiting room.

Hello. I'm Dr. Roberts.

How would you describe your relationship with your son?

First thing that comes to your mind. Don't think! Shh!

He's a good kid, I know he is.

Just the stealing, the crazy hair, singing, and dancing.

- Down. - I just don't know what to do with him anymore.

- I've tried everything. - Have you tried this cheeseburger?

- What's in it? - Cheeseburger.

Those things are pretty tasty.

T.E.R.R.Y., get this man a hot cheeseburger, please.

- You were saying? - [Sighs] I don't understand him.

Me and my dad, we did everything together.

- Me and my dad work together. - I just feel like ...

T.E.R.R.Y.: He hasn't raised my allowance in like a year.

I feel like we have nothing in common.

All you need to do is talk to him every once in a while

about why he's into the things he's into.

Has anyone seen my lighter?

Take interest, ask questions, and just listen.

Dr. Roberts: Well said, Nurse Ahmed.

But I would only mention one thing that you failed to illustrate,

and that is it is very important to listen.

- You think he hates me? - I think he thinks he hates you.

- Put on this gown, Patient. - Patient? No, no, no, no.

What better way to understand your son

than to get inside of his subconscious?

Or... you could do nothing.

I'm not wearing that gown.

I told him to wear the gown.

You were once a skeptic of the gown, 88.

- You learn to wear the gown. - [Chuckles] Well said, 88.

- Choose to wear the gown. - Not what I said.

You really are making great strides in your development.

I'm happy to see you doing so well.

- Randy! - All right, Doc!

[Zap noise]

[Gags, hiccups]

Uh.

[Groaning]

Doctor, I don't feel so good.

A-Are you sure we should be in here?

Perfectly normal reaction, 43.

You're in your son's subconscious.

It might just take a moment to adjust.

You just have to adele dazeem.

Adele dazeem.

I guess I am doing pretty good.

Adele Dazeem.

[Retching violently]

[Music]

- Wicked. - Damn it!

Hey, I'm going home early!

And I'm probably gonna call in sick tomorrow.

- Are you okay? - [Sighs] Yeah.

Let's see what we can learn.

What's behind that door?

This could be the secret to unlock your son's trust, 43.

Open the door. I'm right here.

Dad, no!

[Rock music]

Aah! Dad, no!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! No!

- Aah! - Ohh!

[Music continues]

Aah, no!

- [Sighs] I miss my dad. - Dr. Roberts: Randy, pull me out.

Ohh! Mm!

[Breathing heavily, chuckles]

That was my bad.

Sock on the door. Sock on the door.

Doesn't look like that's gonna end any time soon, eh?

Can you imagine walking in on your father

and he's just there, snapping the old carrot,

then your dad catches you charming the trouser snake,

cleaning your rifle, making the bald man cry?

- Humping the hoagie. - Playing the skin flute.

- Chasing the pig. - Flogging the hog.

- Masturbating. - Hey-o.

- Who's H.R. today? - Randy, turn your monitor off.

Aah! No!

I need to think.

[Snoring]

Doctor!

[Clears throat]

Doctor, our patients have never fully communicated

how they feel about each other.

We need to give them a common language.

[Snoring]

- Doctor! - That's it.

The two most primal languages of all.

Song and dance.

- Randy, find me a venue. - You got it, Doc.

[Music]

[Zap noise]

[Crying] No, no. Make it stop.

Thank you, God.

Woman on P.A.: Attention, passengers.

? Son, where are we, and why am I singing? ?

[Distorted voice] I'd like to take this opportunity to offer you

[Normal voice] our platinum prime membership.

If you are at all interested,

please let one of our lovely staff know at the end of your session,

and experience your next dream commercial free.

[Click, music stops]

[Music]

It's gonna be a good day, Randy. Good job.

Should've let me audition for the musical when I asked.

? Karma, karma, karma ?

? Is it my fault that he steals? ?

? I never can tell how he feels ?

? I can't understand it, what motivates his actions? ?

? Somebody please take the wheel ?

? I do not yet know who I am ?

? Or what I am supposed to do ?

? You're the one who raised me who showed me and shaped me ?

? So, really, I can only blame you ?

? If he'd only listen ?

? If he'd only listen ?

Together: ? If he'd stop and look, he'd see I lost my guard ?

? Is it his mission to keep his true self locked insiiii... ?

[All moaning off-key]

? ...iiiiide ?

No. No. No! It's all wrong.

You are using this.

[Distorted cacophony]

When you should be using this.

[Heart beating]

You two need to be one unit moving together,

breathing together as one unit.

All right, let's try it again, shall we?

5... 6... 7... curtain.

[Grunts]

Dad! Dad!

[Train horn blaring]

Aaaaah!

Aah!!

[Flatlining] [Gasps]

Where is he?! Dad! Dad! [Flatlining]

Just breathe! Breathe. Breathe.

Randy, can we hurry it up, please?!

I'm trying. I got them on the line.

T.E.R.R.Y., what's the ETA on the train?

T.E.R.R.Y.: I'm working on it! How do you use the microfiche?!

[Train horn blares]

[Echoing] Doctor!

Doctor! Doctor!

Just let it go, Patient. Adele dazeem.

Let it go.

- Dad! Dad, no! - Come on!

Aah!!

[Breathing heavily]

- Dad! You okay?! - I'm okay. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm ... I'm okay.

[Squeak!] Whoa!

- I love you, son. - I love you, Dad.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

[Flatlining]

[Groaning]

I did it! You okay in there, Doc?

No, I'm not.

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